Thank you for viewing. Yes, I offer online sessions. Hereʻs my site for info: www.hubfortheheart.com. To book, send an email to: info@hubfortheheart.com. Feel free to share a bit about your situation and remember to let me know your time zone for scheduling, too. Thanks for being in touch. I look forward to hearing from you. Karuna
@@thedoublek491 mine do aswell. They threaten to destroy things. It's like when you have a naughty 2 year old. But i am 27. And they go 'act like it' ..... but I do. I don't act like a 2 year old.... they are crazy
Exactly! I learned to just pay everything on my own, and never ask for any financial help, and just learned to budget on my own, and keep my finances private.
Also, sometimes they will try to hand out money/expensive gifts to make it seem like they are trying to make you feel happy/spoiled or whatever, but really, it's always tied to favors (later on), or something to gossip about later on to make you look awful for not wanting to do what they want.
That's her problem. Not yours. Be clear of this. Continue to get educated and allow her reactions to remind you to pursue your interests, skills, freedom. Good luck. Massive respect.
Get out! I left at your age abd couldn't get away. So at 23 I flew to another country and still couldn't escape because they went through family friends and extended family. But the longer you leave it, the later the fight ends. They are really terrible people. They keep following me around everywhere I go. Don't know what to do actually...
@@sahanar9163 same! I left to another country and they still followed me around with extended family members and friends of family. I don't know what to do. I am at a loss. I mean, I have good career skills now so that's cool.
Controlling parents deserve every ounce of pain they get when their adult offspring finally wake up to their abusive BS, and pull the plug on the relationship with them. These people truly disgust me!
@Mikhail Freidkin There is not one reason on this Earth that justifies abusive and controlling behavior from any parent. What happened to them in their past doesn't fly with me in dominating how they act TODAY. Especially, if they become substance abusers to exacerbate the problem.
I can’t wait till my junior year in high school! I currently live in Indiana, but since I wanna become a doctor, my mom said that I can move to my aunt’s house in Wyoming so I can get into medical school there. Only 3 1/2 more years....
Literally what I did at 17. I slept in my car. I stayed at friends house. I never went back. I’m 34 now. I’m so glad I did that. I wish our “relationship” was different, but I can’t change that experience. I’m just so glad I left.
i wish i could just remove myself from the situation and say “i’m gonna go” but i can’t even go for a walk by myself or go in my car or stay over at my friends, they restrict me so much i’m trapped. my room isn’t even a safe place for me anymore.
I was forced to babysit every single weekend my entire teen years so my parents knew where I was. I still have anxiety every single day over the abuse of my parents. I'm 50. I had to leave the country to feel like I could breath.
i just started walking out dont get me wrong i listen to her lecture then i walk out to "get air" and i do it before can say where u goin but yeah im tired every street ive moved on had times ive randomly came out crying and i wonder if my neighbors seen
Sorry to know this. In my case is opposite, old fogey would threaten to throw me out and i've illness, plain abuse. Don't be afraid, try to find social workers to deal with this. Since u have friends why not just walk off?
My parents are SO manipulative. Every time I try to do something they don’t like they guilt trip me and gang up on me. They make things up to make me look bad then when I try to defend myself they tell me I’m disrespectful. When I try to tell them that I’m hurt by their actions they make me feel dumb and dramatic. Idek what to do at this point.
Omg I just want to cry. This is exactly what I have been feeling allllll my life. And after a while I started thinking that maybe I am a problem child. But now that I’m 30, my adult mind is realizing that this is deeper than I thought.
I once suggested to my mom that I was attracted to a cousin of mine and she started loudly screaming ''You are not going to turn gay!!! You are not going to do that to me!!!! etc.''
I literally cannot think for myself at 22 without overthinking EVERY little thing and the affects of my traumas are really starting to show. I move slower, react and think slower, even talk slower (because I’m used to just shutting up) my mother has noticed because I still live with her and practically had her doing everything for me. She’s like a grown baby throwing tantrums and yelling whenever I don’t “do something right” in other words, if I’m not moving how fast she wants me to. So embarrassing she even does it in public
@@JazzyjamjamI'm 29, male. 2 years ago,my father had a stroke and I've been struggling to be financially independent. I live with my parents with my mother being the controlling one. I'm literally slower in every aspect ,so much so that she has taken notice of this and I get nagged . I'm trying to break free and be independent but call it an uphill task is an understatement when my environment and people in it are so averse to my own growth
I am 46 years old and I still deal with my controlling mother. I have tried and tried all my life. She doesn't even realize how much she has affected me to this day.
@@jahzara_ I will keep you in my prayers. I know how hard it is. Please find support groups or somebody that you can talk to. If you need to talk to somebody you can talk to me. I am on facebook.
I'm literally in tears because this is the first time in my 27 years of life that I feel someone finally understands what my experience has been and has articulated everything I've felt. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Yep. If you move out the parent can no longer control you. I'm nearly 40 and I moved back in with my parents to help them out financially. What a mistake! I tried moving out but my mother convinced me to stay. Another mistake. This time I'm not letting her convince me to stay. I'm going. I'll work extra and send her money.
Sadly, hurt people hurt people. So unless our parents learn to heal from their experiences, they will continue to instill that same pain in their kids.
Keeping distance is the best advice, really. In my case, the relationship became better because the very difficult family events + being able to meet rarely. But even 12 years later I found myself in a situation when I am not supposed to have my own opinion. So due to the distance it seemed that it has changed but not really. Go live your life ❤️
I’m 26 and it’s gotten worse, my mom would secretly check me in my room without knocking, many times a day ( i don’t know what she is trying to catch me doing). And yeah, my room is not allowed to have locks.
“A controlling parent is a toxic parent because they do not honor our basic desire for freedom. That’s a base desire and you are a sovereign soul with your own identity and your own skills. Because the controlling parent does not honor you as a sovereign free individual, it can be very depleting, develop low self identity, and indeed depression can follow.” Every one of us needs to jot her final quote into our journals to remind ourselves of this. It’s our basic human right to not be micro-controlled to the detriment of our self development and autonomy.
All this time i thought something is wrong with me. i am 20 and tired of this i am still living under their roof. i cant even go out with friends, i always have to ask and i always get a lecture beofre i could never go freely. i feel so alone and stifled but at the same time i dont wanna disrespect them so i just stay there and listen to what they have to say and dont say a word because i am always wrong
Jada Love I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Nothing is wrong with you. I’m sorry you feel alone and trapped. That sounds so very difficult to deal with.
im in the same page. Im 20 years old when she beats me i beat back. when she critisizes i critisize a whole lot. when she demands to take my phone i say a big loud NO and if it gets aggressive then i respond with aggression. Right now im leaving the house. You need to have lot of money or live with someone you trust.
@@SG-jg3be how did you deal with it I’m turning 14 and wanna leave really bad but I can’t my mom is such a negative person and controlling and toxic idk what to do!
If you think it might help, you could write her an email explaining exactly what you're upset with her for doing. She'll probably just get defensive, but at least you'll get it off your chest, and deep down she'll know you're right. I've talked to numerous people who regret not telling their parents what they wanted to before it was too late.
My dad is aggressive when talking to me. He pretends like he going to hit me to scare me just because he didnt like what I was saying. I told him to stop talking to me that way. He said I was being disrespectful and that he didn't like the tone of voice I was using. I'm 22 years old and he still treats me as if I'm a child. It's exhausting having to always walk on eggshells waiting for the next criticism. I can tell him till I'm blue in the face not to talk to me in that manner. I tell him that I'm an adult and that I can do what I want to do without his say so. Then, he will tell me that he owns me and tells me how much he's providing for me. And manipulations me with money so I'll do what he asks. He's not willing to take responsibility for his actions and words. He loves to blame me or.my sister for way he treats us. He'll say " I wouldn't have yelled and cursed at you if had done this or that". I'm stuck at home with because of covid19 and I have onlineclasses. He wants me to clean the apartment by myself. I do so and he makes a huge mess. Then, he blames it on me saying that it's my mess. It's not because I hadn't been in the kitchen for hours and I clean up after myself. He complains about how I clean. Then, he says he wants to a wife to do all of the cooking and cleaning since I won't do it right. Nothing I do is go enough for him. I could do everything right and he'll still find something to complain about or criticize. I want to get to actually leave for good and not come back but, I feel guilty because I always feel like I owe him something because he "raised" me.
Your dad sounds exactly like my mom. :/ I’m so sorry your going through this, it’s helped me to honestly just isolate my self in my room and stay out the way. Things will get better after covid
I disagree with@@rorosaleh5613 It sounds like you're in school. If possible, do whatever you can to finish school. If it's unbearable, are there relatives or friends you can quarantine with? Also, whole industries are shut down right now, so jobs are hard to come by
My parents also are overly strict and treat me like im young as well. Even though when i was ACTUALLY a child and needed them the most, they emotionally were not providing for me. It's frustrating and hell on earth
As a 33 year old, finally getting it through their head that both parents are toxic and manipulative. i've made the desicion to pull away from them completely and re-learn to please myself with a more positive crowd so that i may live my life as *I* see fit, and not give myself anxiety attacks without worrying about their toxic examples All all others forced to deal with toxic and manipulative parents, you are not alone. A real family are the people you choose to keep close in your life, not the ones you're born and forced and abused into accepting their terrible behaviors at the expense of your self-love. Life's too short for that.
Same here my parents always criticize me and have said horrible things to me but now I have to go live with them temporarily leaving a toxic relationship my kok kept delaying things but at least with them I dont have to do strange favors for them.
@@unapologeticella4540 yea I had to move back in with my parents as well. The only difference is I have a child and I'm trying to get us out of the this toxic situation( mentally, emotionally and verbally) how my parents are is so deeply dysfunctionally rooted it's insane and I dont want my child having to see or go through the same thing I went and am still going through. The frustrating part is I dont know where to go especially now that we're going through a pandemic.
I’m 18 and so desperate to move out of the house even with everything going on. I’ve only been quarantined with my parents for 2 months but they make me feel so inadequate and my step father acts like I’m not there and like I’m just in the way, I would literally do anything to move out so I’m probably gonna stay with my boyfriend for a while until everything gets better and I can start college and live in a dorm like normal
"Just in the way" is heartbreaking. Cheering you on, Camille, to forge your way, start college and create your life, one based in mutual respect, caring and love.
I've been stuck in my room for 3 months straight with no job. I went out to go see my boyfriend... I come back my mom pushes me into the wall with her shoulder just to ask me where I've been. I'm 21 years old!!! I'm not going no where but my boyfriend house, and I dont have tto tell you that I have a man. I been in a relationship for 3 years... no one knows about my boo.
Yuri User leave the house asap ! if they get aggressive with you then respond with agression. I swear i shoved my mom right off me and it felt really good and she was stunned and afraid. They only have power over you once you give them power.
My guess is her smile tends to make many other people feel happier too. The difference being while you are seeing how awful her consistent pattern of behavior showing cruel empty looking eyes during hateful words being said at the time too during her bad moods behind closed doors when so many people outside of your family believe she is such a wonderful person.
It’s just so annoying, I’m 15 turning 16 soon. But I get treated like a 8 year old. I can’t do the things I want to do, like go outside, hang out with my friends(before COVID), etc. they also invade my privacy. And every time I talk about basketball or tik tok. My mom says “why won’t you do this in school, and talk about school more”. It triggers me. My friends have chill parents and everything. When you have controlling parents, it seems like your friends are living the fullest, and you just behind a fence :(
Things will be better when you move away. Start saving up for college now (if you want, if that’s possible). When I was a teenager my mom did that to me and it affected my self esteem. Know that even though you’re not thriving now that you absolutely have the potential to be successful and love life and remember that it’s not your always fault when things aren’t going the way you want. As much as you can don’t let anyone break your spirit.
i can’t even have instagram or ANY form of communicating with others and making new friends. when i’m on xbox or on an online game or something related to that he claims i have to talk to my friends from school only.
I feel that, I'm 15 and I know what I want in life, I have plans to leave after I graduate highschool, all my friends are going out and doing things, and I'm just stuck
My parents do all three. I'm an only child adult so they have always made me feel responsible for their emotions and lashed out verbally and emotionally. They have read my diary when I was in 8th grade, told me that other children were nicer to their parents and that I have been ungrateful for their "love," talk down about my friends, play the victim when I set boundaries or voice that I don't like something, and the list goes on. I'm desperately trying to get away from them and contemplating cutting off the relationship.
My aunt read my diary too and made me feel for guilty for liking boys in my teenage years. Now whenever a guy approaches me, i become so rude or distant and can't control it, even if i like that guy
I am also an only child and I'm 30 and they still do manipulative things say harsh words and just don't get what I'm trying to do and downplay my relationship and the way I raise my son. I'm so hurt and it's an ongoing thing. Even though I don't live with them. I understand you truly. You are not alone in this.
My parents also read my diary and my letters to my friends and shamed me for being a normal teenager. When she said that they don't want us to grow up because they lose control over us, I could totally relate to that!
I'm an only child and 30 too and my parents are the same. They disguise abusive action as "concern" which makes dealing with them so stressful even if I live on the other side of the world from them. They still think I'm their "baby" and said that I'll understand when I become a parent myself. Tbh SO's mum has even said the actions are too much so it doesn't need me to be a parent to know their actions are not right.
Omg, somebody finally said that!!! Exactly how I feel everytime I talk to my mother.... and when she is trying to guilt-trip about how distant I am with her, I actually feel even less guilty cause I realize I am just saving myself from the nervous breakdown!!
This is my mum. I'm in my 30s now but she still seems to have the ability to manipulate my emotional state even now. I have so little confidence and my life has been plagued with severe mental health issues.
This is so true. My mother has been like this my whole life. As I was getting older I wanted to do more things on my own and be my own person and I would tell her that im not a kid when she would try to always control what I did and she would tell me that "im her kid". Im 42 and she's still the same. I don't want to say that I hate my mother but I hate what she has done to me throughout my life. I feel like she has brainwashed me as well as society has by always making women seem like they are always right and can do no wrong. My mother did a lot of damage. She actually still lives with me but im planning my move amd she will have to figure it out on her own. IM DONE
I feel like I have to insulate my empathy whenever I talk to my mom because she takes absolutely everything personally. "You don't want to come to a party with 40 people during coronavirus?? How dare you disrespect me! *Crying* Now I have to cancel this party you said was a bad idea 3 weeks ago!!!" Everything is my fault, I am the guilty party at all times, I OWE her forever and ever, I am her reason for living and therefore must be available to her 24/7. The only way I can get through it is by being unfeeling while solemnly enforcing my boundaries. And I feel like doing this all the time has made me emotionally stunted.
Yikes. That is all. And, yes, boundaries. You're seeing this clearly, Susannah. And, you're bringing your emotions with you. You're on the right track.
She might have BPD. Sounds like my mom, I had to cut off ties. I feel for you. You have to chose yourself over them. They will not change unless they really want to.
I haven't spoken to my parents in 3 years. I was brought up on a diet of manipulation, gaslighting, happiness sabotaging, put downs, guilt tripping, shaming, lies and control. It was hard to stomach after a while and I became sick with anxiety, OCD and depression. I'm doing really well now and would recommend no contact.
Glad you're doing better. My childhood and relationship with my parents was the same way. I have bipolar disorder and CPTSD because of it. Therapy has been very helpful along with the medication I'm on.
My mom is narcissist and controlling to the level you can’t imagine. I have been abused all my life and my dad is ok with it. I am 30 now. I have zero confidence and I feel I don’t have power over my own life. I’m never happy or at peace. I have been trained by them my whole life not to fight for my happiness or my own life. I don’t know a way to get out of it. And it will continue this way. I have tried to change. I wish everyday that I could just sleep and never wake up ever again. I wish I was brave enough to end everything at once.
Dear KS, Thank you for sharing and reaching out. Please: Speak with someone. There *are* people who care deeply and can support. In utter futility, it is possible to shift. Also, I'm offering a new weekly online program beginning 6 June (see my community tab for details). Perhaps you would like to join a group of people who understand? Sending massive respect.
I started reading and studying about Complex PTSD and binge watching UA-cam videos on narcissism, 'covert' narcissism and toxic people in general. This was a huge eye opener for me. I also did some work in codependency and am well on my way to healing, but unfortunately it takes work. We can only change ourselves. My mother is a covert and my father was more of an overt narcissist, so I was really a mess. There is light at the end of the tunnel once you begin to understand the patterns.
Unfortunately I have neurological problems that have forced me to move in with my parents more than once, exactly how my mom always wanted it -- me stuck living with her. I realize now how cruel she was to take advantage of my disability.
This was a great video! I am 62 and in my 50s, I had finally just had enough of being controlled and manipulated by my controlling parent and a controlling sibling. Unfortunately, my husband had the same experience in his family. We realized many of the tactics you shared for survival and practiced them all but unfortunately for us, both sides became more resentful and more hurtful. In the end, the limited contact had to become no contact. I grieved for years until one day I realized how much peace we had and that I never wanted to go back to the pain. There was no amount of love, kindness, consideration, etc. that we could give that would allow us any room to be ourselves and be respected. Even now, many, many years later, we hear on occasion from some friend of the family that at family gatherings, we are the butt of all of the jokes and they are cruel jokes. They are playing "old tapes" of things that happened even 50 years ago making fun of us and they continue to make up lies about us when none of them know anything about us. We have so much peace and love in our home. I now guard our peace with all my being. We are very happy and content with our little nucleus family - away from all the abuse.
A controlling parent and controlling environment steals your soul, steals your self-identity. A controlling parent is a “TOXIC PARENT” Why? Because they do not honor our basic desire for “FREEDOM”. I am a sovereign soul with my own interests, own identity, own skills. Because the controlling parent does not honor me as a sovereign free individual, it can be very depleting, I can develop low self-identity and indeed depression can follow. All 3 have happened and forced me into no contact with some members, limited contact with others, but the hoovering does not stop, the desire to control via hoovering and flying monkeys just gets worse. THIS VIDEO IS POWERFUL AND NAILED IT! Thank you!❤
my parents get super controlling when they see that i’m struggling in life and instead of asking me what i need they come up with a criteria for me to meet and if i don’t meet whatever standards they set for me they get even more controlling. they claim they know what’s best for me and that i don’t know what’s best for me because i’m still growing. every time i give in and do my very best to do whatever they want they’re happy, but then i make a tiny mistake and they flip out and make me feel like it’s my fault. There’s also a MAJOR double standard for me and my brother. he can do whatever, whenever with absolutely nothing said by my parents but when i do the smallest thing they’re quick to give their input in a mean way. i’m really hurting and i have no one to talk to
There is a book that reminds me of this: "controlling people" by patricia evans. It is life saving. I am so grateful this knowledge is spreading. After being raised by controllers, I finally realize I am my own person and I decide what I do with my life. I highly recommend the book!
Everything I've ever wanted to do was shut down by my mother. I didn't have help in school. I didn't graduate. Didn't get my license. Didn't get to socialize. Didn't even get a job. Just wasted away in my room for years. I'm finally able to move out, and she has to judge that and put it down too. Sorry mom, you can't lock me away anymore. 👋
Wow this is amazing.... I was already isolating far from my mom because I felt like this was the right choice.... somehow this feels like healing from a heartbeat. I always want to go back to her and tell her how much I love her and I’m sorry for not doing what she wants me to do all the time... but it’s true she’s a toxic controlling parents and this video made me realize that, thank you so much
Thank you for your comments. Sending lots of support your way, Julissa. I'm glad this video helps lift the fog of confusion. Good luck to you.....highly differentiated and loving individuals are also whole individuals.....
Every time we fight I think of various ways I can leave this world. She just hurts my feelings so bad by talking purposely about certain traumas I went through, opening up deep wounds it just breaks my heart into pieces.
dont let her do that to you please !you wernt put on earth to fill her voids .you have your own purpose . Ive been there so many times and now im so glad to be here . Im worthy and wonderful and so are you . dont let someone elses actions or words define your existence in this world.
After watching this video and crying so much, as a 26 year old with controlling and emotionally abusive parents I think its time for me to move out. My dad has constantly threatened me that he was going to kick me out if I ever stayed a night at my bf house again...well so be it.
Did you move? My dad also constantly call me a financial burden and tell me to **** off if I do not act like he wants me to. He pay my studies ( i cant afford it and cant do it part time) and use it to control my life now. If I did know things will not get better, would have not studied and just got a job and move out .
I'm 27 and have got a job still can't get away from them. I have lost so many years of my life because of their quarrels and divorce. Now I'm losing rest of it because my mom is controlling and I can't disobey her or it will HURT her even more. I have a brother but he is off somewhere and left me behind with our parents to deal with. And losing my mind with each day
I moved half the country away from my family, got into recovery and have spent the last 28 years traveling, making art and denying them of their controlling ways. Couldn’t be happier. ✝️
Trust me, you are not alone. The worse part is when no one else understands or gets what your going through...and that's hard. Stay strong and positive
If you live with a overly critical parent where you feel hopeless, helpless and you feel like a dead horse being kicked continuously, GET OUT. Figure out your strengths, become financially independent, become untangled with these parents or caregivers. You matter. I’m 46 and my mother is 82 and she is the most critical toxic person. I cannot have a relationship with someone like that. The people that really love you will root for you and want you to succeed in life.
This has ruined my life, I’m now under full enslavement, they made sure I never get a job so now I’m 27 with serious set backs, no resume, criminal history and no ethical money making skills because it was strictly prohibited for me to build working world experience and all my dreams and ambitions were aggressively attacked with humiliation tactics, working with my enemies against me, threats of harming themselves or purposely neglecting their health, guilt tripping and threats of using corrupt government connects against me, they control my legal papers, money, I’m busting my ass everyday to find a job due to the lack of experience I’m not being taken seriously, basically if I don’t find a job I’m their slave or I go hungry.
I've made a new video that takes the burden off of you trying to get through to your parents. Send this to them: ua-cam.com/video/Nwva0s1B-aE/v-deo.html If this doesn't get through, I'll next post a Come to Jesus vid on your behalf. Let me know how this goes. x Karuna
There's a whole lot of control in my life and I'm 57. But something you said finally gave me an answer as to why i can never have excitement. I came home from school one day all excited, i was picked for the choir at church (I went to Catholic school) my mother looked at me and said the only reason i was picked is because I live close the the church because I can't carry a tune in a bucket. I was so devastated. It atill hurts but I've finally made a connection which i know will help me heal.
I am 17 years old about to be 18 and my mother still treats me like a child, tries controlling who my friends are, my relationship with my boyfriend and what clothes to wear. It’s overwhelming, I try to express myself and she yells at me. It got to the point where now whenever someone asks me a question I’m starting to be defensive when it isn’t that way at all. Its sad how much she thinks I’m a robot and not a soul. She thinks materialistic things will win me over but honestly I prefer love and affection over materialistic things.
I'm 24, and my family still does this. I come over to clean the house for them because they're physically and mentally disabled. She has cancer and just had major surgery so I come down to help, I share how excited I am to make friends for this internship I'm going to do the volunteering I want to do and how I want to go to a concert and I get told off, I won't have the money for that, I'll get raped, I have no friends to go with me.
How do you get your parents to let you be independent instead of not letting you go anywhere, not even with your friends? 😕it’s so hard because I can’t ever go out so i lose a lot of friends and now i just have social anxiety because everybody leaves me because i can’t hangout with them
Living at home as a young adult has been stressful for me too. Because my father was controlling and verbally abusive. In particular, he tried to control my career choices. Like telling me where to work and criticizing my job because I wasn't making top dollar and he couldn't disagree without resorting to verbal abuse. But I was content because it fits my personality. I tried explaining to him that living at home gives me the chance to let my money add up for my own place regardless of where I'm working. But he would look at me as if I wasn't making sense. I don't talk to him much because of it. I just say hi and keep it moving. I'm glad I moved so I can live the way I see fit without hearing his criticism.
I’m 15 and my dad always speaks to me aggressively, he always takes things away from me for no reason at all if I ever try to argue back he pretends to go hit me to make me flinch I’ve told him to stop and he doesn’t listen he speaks to me as if I am a piece of dirt.
SO TRUE! I saved my life by applying my intelligence in "decluttering" my ungrateful, but controlling and toxic family, and no more contact ever after. I feel like a huge rock off my shoulders. Going forward, I am able to love myself, enjoy myself, respect my dignity, and it's now about me and only me.
1000% true.. you are describing my life. and I'm a grown adult. sometimes the parent is equipped with ingenious manipulative and psychological terrorism weapons that makes it virtually impossible to escape and the only solution would be minimal to zero contact.
My mom is super controlling. Thank god for this video. I am still living at home, but I am on the verge of moving out finally. Last year I finally let my feelings bottled up for so long that I let them all out on my mom and I called her toxic. She used that word against me for months. Instead of her looking into it she used it as a weapon. I mentioned my sister once to her in that whole conversation which was about our relationship, and my mom disowned my sister. So she talked about my sister the whole time. I was so disappointed the fight only was focused on my mom playing the victim card. It's so draining to have those conversations that I just deal with her toxic behavior, but sometimes I snap. My mom and I can get a long great, but unfortunately she's fueled by hate and control. :( I know she won't change, but I hope she finds help some day.
Thank you for your comments and for viewing, Shane. Yes, "she used that word against me for months." Yup, predictable. Please see my response posted here to coolstuff2319897. I hope that is helpful. Good luck with your situation, Shane.
I am grateful for this video Karuna❤️ my parents have made me feel miserable about myself in these years and I have literally lost my self respect and self worth because of them..
Amazing video. The first I’ve come across you. My mother is 86 and I’ve gone no contact several times and always get sucked back in. I don’t think I can continue to to do it so I’m trying to stay strong and stay no contact. she is toxic and as you have said it is depressing to be around her and having to even think about seeing her causes me to have a physical reaction. I always thought I was nuts because it’s not like I was physically abused or neglected as a child! But especially since my father died 10 years ago she is absolutely miserable. The most negative self-centered narcissistic person I know. And I am 60 years old and want to live my life with freedom and be with people who are positive and kind!
I can relate Katie! I came back to family property to help out and my mother just sits in her castle telling everyone what to do or complaining and demanding. Living hell! I am nearly 60 and god knows where to go if I leave but I will hope for both you and I to find some freedom and peace! Take care x
I'm 21 and my mom is the typical helicopter parent, she wants to know everything about my life, I'm not allowed to hang out with friends often, am not allowed to learn driving, and she even overfeeds me when I tell her not to, she questions the modesty of my clothes and barrages me with facts about how bad the world is and she nags a lot. I might burst.
Thank you so much I used to be that one person who my mom woke me up every morning around 4 am because she just can’t sleep and talk to me until we fight really bad. It was a disaster. After that i set some boundaries so that i know what to respond and react beforehand. When she knocks the door, i have 2 choices open the door and let her talk until we fight very bad or let her knock until she tires and leaves my room. She didn’t respect my boundaries and woke me up every morning. For months, I didn’t get enough sleep and i need to see the doctor. The doctor suggested me to move out but for Asian culture, it’s difficult. My mom would kill me. For the above, i was facing when i was 28-29 years old. I was so trapped by believing obeying the parents with all the cost was a great things to do, but if i can live in my 18 once again i would set a clear boundaries since that time.
Wow, this was so completely helpful!! This really described my relationship with my mother to a T. I like what she says about how much having a controlling parent depletes and steals one's soul and identity. This has helped clarify things for me greatly. Thanks!!!
Creativity brings us to harmony. Keep being creative throughout life. Let your Mom's resistance fuel your creativity and inspiration! Draw it, write it, sing it......
Complex PTSD Made Simple thanks so much, Now I’m learning to just be silent when my mom can be overbearing sometimes .. she’s definitely loving just somethings she can work on as well as me. Thanks for your response good vibes to you ✨✌️💕
I literally don’t know how much longer I can deal with my mom. She doesn’t realize that mentally she’s destroying me. She won’t break me I won’t give up. It’s just really freaking hard to push through right now.
@@ashtonharper6544 im age 28 male and my mom curses me and threatens to kick me out even though im not financially independent yet. She said she doesnt care if i will be homeless. She spits in my face, prays for god to punish me in hell, calls me any curse word you wouldnt curse your worst enemy with. Also pushes me and punches me.
im age 28 male and my mom curses me and threatens to kick me out even though im not financially independent yet. She said she doesnt care if i will be homeless. She spits in my face, prays for god to punish me in hell, calls me any curse word you wouldnt curse your worst enemy with. Also pushes me and punches me. She says im balding no gf still not financially independent that i should just become a homeless person. That im a lost cause etc
@@gingfreecss3467 Get a job, go get a place to live and let her watch you blossom 🌸. Don't feel you have to be in this position you can easily change your living ways if you want too. Good luck in getting the hell out there!
Controlling parents are a challenge as they are more interested in and blinded by their control than in relationship with their own child. To them: The relationship is through control and their "rightness." As example: Since release of this video and as of this writing, I have had just *one* controlling parent reach out to me asking for support, seeking to better understand and repair the relationship with a daughter. However, the child who is being controlled reaches out to me for support through sessions often. Plus, look at the comments: Filled with people who are at the dysfunctional receiving end of the control. Are any parents in the comments sharing, "Wow, I don't want to have control issues any more and I really want a great relationship with my child. What do I do?" Nope. What is to be done? Keep seeing the tendencies of a controlling person and, also, develop your own strategies so you aren't "hooked" by the controlling parent. If you get hooked, they take you down with them and then have "reason" (they think in their twisted mind) to blame you and make you wrong. They'll even say their own child is unbalanced! Well, if you live with a controlling person for a long period of time, you become unbalanced like they are, but in a much different way: You become unsure and hypervigilant and anxious and angry inside and can have low self worth. Sheesh. See if for what it is, not in a way that's "hopeful" (that one day the controlling parent will change and love you for the joy of love itself). While I never say never, it is highly unlikely. Keep your heart alive and live in alignment with your authentic self and inner wisdom. Sending massive support and respect to you, Karuna
I just get P/O and start yelling back till I get my point across. If that doesn’t work then I don’t do anything around the house till she gets my point. I really dislike my mother. Calls her grandma kids her kids it’s like geez thanks mom
My parents constantly discouraged me from moving abroad even though it's been my dream since high school and now I'm 26 and working towards that dream day by day and about a few months ago my dad shouted at me after hearing about my plans of studying in Germany, he cut it off completely and told me to "forget about it" and he still keeps actively ignoring that and gives suggestions to find a permanent job in our city. I'm saving up all on my own to be able to fulfill that goal with zero support from them even though they have the financial ability to back me up to make it easier for me. I feel so stressed and worried that my dad will try to stop me from achieving this dream. It's life or death situation for me because I am so unhappy in this country and the mentality of the people etc.
Thank you Karuna. Your video is about what I had been through. OMG! I am a daughter of a controlling mother and I have a brother. I had to physically leave the country to have my own life somewhere else. My mother dedicated her life to her son. I had many counselling sessions to understand what had happened with my family life when I was growing up. I also grew up without a dad, however I see him now from time to time. I am now in my pre-retirement age. I go to visit my mum and brother twice a year, which I was made to do due to my mother's age. Otherwise, I would be called a bad daughter by them both, now also by my son. I think that three of them are manupulative individuals, which is sad to say. I tried to speak to my mum about how I feel, but it always comes back to her being right, not seeing anything different, her speaking the right words but not acting them and going back to conversations about how important my brother is to ME. I could not care less... I dedicated all my youth to my brother's life and how I should look after him. So, you see, I have been guilt tripped by my closest family! My husband is the only one, who sees what is going on and accepts me as I am. I feel frustrated with all of this and as you said they do not respect me. My mother was also very critical of my husband when we first got married and we almost ended up in devorce!
Whenever I said to my mom that her words were hurtful and she needs to see from my perspective as well (not just me responsible for seeing things from her perspective) she would say she didn't care and has no reason to do so. Dealing that kind of person is beyond frustrating because they have no self awareness and choose not to have any.
Thank you so much for this video! I have so many problems with my mom and she's extreeeeemely controlling. She says that she does it because she loves me and that she's worried about something happening to me. I'm 25 now, I took many many actions to make that change and I could achieve many good things in my life. Growing up with a controlling mom was really frustrating, cause I used to saw my friends from school going out to the mall or the movies and stuff like that and I was never aloud to do it. I was always soooooo independent and walking with my own legs makes me feel confident and powerfull!!! I never liked depending on people, I'm very self-taught, always been and I will always be, but my mom used to try to do everything for me and telling me every kind of stuff was too dangerous. She would only allow me to do stuff with young people of the church and she wanted me to follow the same religion as hers. I was very subservient and acted most of my life to be what my mom liked and wanted me to be. Then I started to notice that my life didn't make any sense, my friend with the same age as mine were accomplishing many things, having a job or studying or meeting someone and falling in love with them and then starting a romantic relationship, while I was stuck at home, only coming from house to school, school to my house and from my house to the church. This made me grow up as a veeeeeery insecure person!!! I remember I couldn't even afford to take a bus by myself without feeling veeery shy and uncomfortable. I used to feel less than people like my age, like I was useless and dumb! My mom raised me to be dependent on her. When I was the girl she wanted me to be she liked me, now it seems like she hates me and tells me all the time what I'm supposed to do. When I hang out with friend or somewhere by myself, she send me messages all the time, and if I don't answer her she starts calling me. There was a time that she didn't want me to go to college, and she used to say "oooh don't go study today, it's too cold outside!!!" That was when I first started to take the bus for myself but she was sooooo worried everyday. She used to send me messages and calling me all the way when I was on the bus, she wanted to know if I was coming there, If I was already inside of the building and stuf... There was a time that I said to myself "I'm not answering my mom's phone calls today and see what happens". She called me 47 times. One call after the other.... She couldn't even wait 5 seconds after she had sent me a message, cause if I didn't answer she would start calling my phone to call my attention. Once, she called on my college phone, someone that worked on the college interrupted the class to look for me, everybody on the class saw it, it was so embarassing. She once called me on my job too when I didn't answer the phone. I think she found the phone of my company on the internet. The girl who answer the phone told me "Ingrid, this is your mom, she's looking for you", one more time in front of lot's of people. I think I was already 23 years old when that happened. Not to mentions how she does that thing mentioned on the video about me coming up with something that makes me really happy and then she spit a negative word and makes me feel sad. It's like she doesn't enjoy seeing mw happy and being independent and achieving things that matter to me. She calls me Bad names, she talks about my body all the time, says I have to loose weight. Once I was very happy and excited because of a crush of mine, and then she used my body to bash me and cut my happiness and make me feel insecure about my body towards my crush... I suffer from anxiety and last year I lived the most horrible experience of my life, like, my anxiety skyrocketed and the major problem was my mom, again... I spent almost two weeks on my aunts house cause I didn't want to stay close to my mom, I was acared of loosing control of myself and just doing something bad to my mom because of all the anger I was feeling towards her inside of me for everything she had done to me my whole life!!!! She used to talk about private subjects of mine in front of people, she calls my friends when I don't answer her. I used to be like on aler mode all the time to see if she wasn't sending me messages or calling me, cause she used to say (and she still does) that I was making her feel soooo worried that I would give her a heart attack, she always blackmails me emotionally and makes me feel like the most horrible daughter in the world. When I'm full of her, I want to stay away and not talk to her, and she comes with the emotional blacmail like "oh you hate me!!! You gonna regret I'm not here anymore!!!!". Shes says she loves me but I dont trust it. She's very worried about what people will think of her and consequently what people will think of me. When I started to grow up and talk to guys through social media, she wanted to read my conversations with the guys (just remembering, I was not a kid, I was like 19, 20 yo), when I used to deny giving my cellphone to her she would always say "BUT I'M YOUR MOM!!!!". She thinks I'm her slave and that because she's my mom I have to do EVERYTHING she wants, as if I didn't have my private space, my own needs, my own personality. She wants to controll me in every ways. She's soooooo invasive and this gets me sooooo mad, cause the thing I value the most is my individuality, independence and privacy, without people judging me for my choices. Her friend from her job when they see me they always says "oh Ingrid, your mom is sooooo worried about you! When you don't answerr her on your phone, she goes crazy!". People from my family also knows this. My grandmother (my dad's mom) bashes my mom because of hoe she treats me and my sister. She didn't raised me and my sister to be independent and smart, to live in the world, I guess she wanted to raise us only inside of home, ginving us food and that's it, like a bird living his whole life oj a cage. She says I'm a rebel, and yes, I agree, but I had to! If was still submissive as I was five years ago, I would still be going to the church she wanted me to go, going to a place that doesn't fit me anymore, living only inside my house, with no friends, no job. I'm very strong and brave to have the courage to go outside and try things on my own. She ready controlled me since I was born, and even more if I don't have my own money, that's why I wanted a job soooo hard, to have my own money and live and go everywhere I wanted to go!!! I don't think she actually loves me, it's like shes jealous of me and, she puts this kind of mask of being carrying towards me and that makes me confused, but when she sees me genuinely happy, she tries to do something to ruin my happiness.... Her mom, my grandmother, is like that too... My mom says that she thinks her mom is a narcissistic mom. She doesn't even notice she does the same to me!!! Iveu talked to my mom lots and lots of times, trying to be clear and telling her what kind of actions that she did made me feel bad. I've talked sooo many times to her about it, and she knows that I'm so right in my arguments that she just doesn't even say a thing, cause she knows I'm right! Haha She has said that "I talk to you like that cause I'm your mom and I want your well-being".... How can she want my well being saying I'm fat and I'm a whore? (Yep, she told me that lots of times). Well... I just want to live by myself. It would be my dreaaaam!!!! To travel all around the world and know many cultures, peope, religions, languages. I was definitely not born to stay at home!!!! I won't allow my mom to ruin my life!!!! I still feel guilty lots of times, feeling like I'm a bad daughter, that I'm not what she wanted me to be, but I know I shouldn't think like that, because I'm a human being too and I have the right to make my own choices and have my freedom!!!!!! Wow, I think I've never write so much in my life. Just wanted to share my story.
My girlfriend has a very controlling dad and an abusive mother. I’ve been really sad for her and I haven’t been able to see her a lot because of it. Im very proud of her because she’s expressed a lot of her thoughts and feelings to me, and I think she struggles with bipolar depression as an extension of this mistreatment. She’s been nothing but an angel to me and it really hurts me seeing her go through all these things and feelings, I wish I could be there for her but her dad won’t even let me see her at times. I don’t have it in my heart to leave her either, I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my life. I’ve tried respecting their wishes for their daughter and I’ve even let them meet my parents and I baked cookies for them on Christmas. It’s really worried me and stressed me out because I’ve seen signs in her that she might be considering self harm as an outlet. I really don’t know what to do anymore all I’ve done is prayed and I really don’t want to lose her.
Iʻm so sorry to hear about this situation with your girlfriend. You seem to have a good understanding and are showing good awareness. Really nice of you to bake cookies over the Holidays, too. Your girlfriend could benefit from some professional support, so that she better understands how environments and trauma affect us. If you are students on a budget: I encourage her to receive counseling at school or Uni, which is generally free of charge. Of course, I do sessions as well, but Iʻm guessing you might be younger/on budgets and itʻs great to take advantage of free counseling at schools/Unis. Please let your girlfriend know that sheʻs not alone.....sheʻs not a "freak" going through this....itʻs not her "fault"....there is a way through this and receiving professional support is the first step.
im 33 years old, completely chained to my parents, and made to submit daily. help me! im also a cancer survivor and my legt side of my body is weak so im unable to be independent and get space. help, please!
Im no expert but finding a support system is probably the best way out of there. Reach out to extended family or other friends and tell them what your dealing with
I had insomnia and was having a really bad anxiety attack it was super late so I called my friend over the phone in the morning I was to tired and felt paralyzed my mother got mad at me and said insomnia isn't real she took my phone away and I had another one I didn't know what to do so I was just there crying and shaking looking dumb
this is sooo true, with some people, the more kindness and compassion you show, the more they see it as a weakness and the meaner they are. so you have to do what works for you. I go every now and them when I feel strong enough to take the hatred for the sake of I want some contact.
I remember I had basketball practice 3 times a week until 5pm. School was done at 3:30. My dad would already be here to pick me up since 3:00. At the end I never played a game in my life.
My parents have been controlling my whole life. It was only when I was about 14 that I realised how messed up my life was. They’d never let me play any online games and never let me go out with friends for play dates or sleep over, and if I ever got to and it was at my place, my friends would be bombarded with rules which eventually led to them not wanting to hang out anymore. My parents are completely different people in public. Theyre sweet and kind and treat me like a human being but at home i just get shouted and and I get no privacy what so ever. I get mocked for who I am. Plus they’re homophobic and because of this they make my life even more like hell. They forced me to write a goodbye letter to my old boyfriend and I havent heard from him since. And they made it look like it was my fault and they made me believe it was my fault, and I got diagnosed with severe depression last year because of this and I tried to commit suicide multiple times. Luckily ive mostly recovered from that. Ive grown insensitive to how they treat me in a way, I get frustrated and stressed but now I just accept it because whenever I go against them, its like being crushed by a brick wall. When I was young they forced me to play the piano and i stopped a few years ago, but they kept in making me feel bad for it. Im still never allowed to hang out with friends and I remember the last sleep over I had at my place was a nightmare. We had a curfew for 22:00 and then we weren’t allowed to make *any* noise. We did make some and then they barged into my room and shouted at me. They still do this time after time. Because of this I’ve lost basically all my friends and as a result, fled to the internet for comfort in a way. They obviously dont like this and now take all of my stuff away from me at night, and as an extra “precaution so that I dont stay up” they block my wifi. They went out of their way to disable the DHCP on the router and assigned everyone an IP address just so that they could have more control and block me whenever they feel like it. Im not allowed to cook or help with the washing, and I volunteer. Im not allowed to take care of my cats which I battled for years for either. Theres so much I want to say but I can’t. Im tired and I’m honestly just fed up of life. My life has just been boring and filled with nothing but misery anger and disappointment because I’ve been stuck in this literal prison. Im not even allowed to go outside. And to make matters worse, my two brothers also mock and shame me and sometimes wish I were dead.. it really hurts to hear it from your own family. Im sorry..
How are you doing today? Any better? I really hope you're doing better. You deserve it! You're strong enough to even write this comment, did you know that? You have survived a lot and are still standing...♥️ if nobody told you, well I'm proud of you!
Wow...im 34 and this video was much needed for me. I've learned that my mother will never change her ways and because of that i've chosen to limit contact with her. My peace and mental health is top priority and I strive everyday not to be like her with my own kids. Good luck everyone during your healing journey.
4:20 “You never forget those awful words” I will definitely never forget some of the things my mom has said to me. I was kicked out a few years ago even though she didn’t want to call it that. (Like telling me to leave my keys on the table and going to live with my sister is not kicking me out…) I told her once during that time that I just wished she would support me. She told me “What is there to support?” I will never forget that. I got kicked out for asking to go to a concert with my boyfriend of 2 years that was overnight out of town…
My mom is constantly saying ehat I have to do. I have to be in a good relationship with my sister I cannot leave home because she says I cannot care for myself. She also says that she doesn’t want to lose me. And yesterday she said that she gave birth to me and that she loves me and that I do not give the love back. Because I don’t do what she wants me to do. Thanku very much. 💜
I went no contact then went to therapy. It’s s been 4 years now. Still no contact, still going to therapy. I wouldn't change a thing. That decision saved me.
The depression is understandable: Please know it is a *symptom*. Do not allow it define you, Shatha. Again, it is a *symptom* of an uncaring environment. Can you hear this? During this time: Get educated in your interests/skills so that, when the time arises, you can leave. Compassion-with clear boundaries. Do the meditations on my channel, too. Massive respect.
@@100uand100me I don't know your situation exactly, but if you're an adult and not respected in your home or abused or any other form of mistreating that leads u to depression, so it's better for u to see beyond culture and look your own sanity and health. Hope u get well. Peace n love
Thank you for this video. The best summary of experience and knowledge on UA-cam so far. Having these ideas explained can really be enlightening in an adverse situation, and it has certainly added clarity in mine.
Wow..You are amazing! An eye opener and Angel. You're message hit the spot of awareness. I knew it but because they taught me to respect them no matter what the cycle has continued. I am 48 years old, I've been educating myself I love myself and I just want to be Happy and have peace. They don't understand they don't see it what they do. Now, I chose no contact. All will be ok.
Do you offer online sessions 1/1?
Thank you for viewing. Yes, I offer online sessions. Hereʻs my site for info: www.hubfortheheart.com. To book, send an email to: info@hubfortheheart.com. Feel free to share a bit about your situation and remember to let me know your time zone for scheduling, too. Thanks for being in touch. I look forward to hearing from you. Karuna
Controlling people love to use money as a weapon.
Eugene Ax my parents threaten to throw away my things
They buy plane tickets. It sucks
@@thedoublek491 mine do aswell. They threaten to destroy things. It's like when you have a naughty 2 year old. But i am 27. And they go 'act like it' ..... but I do. I don't act like a 2 year old.... they are crazy
Exactly! I learned to just pay everything on my own, and never ask for any financial help, and just learned to budget on my own, and keep my finances private.
Also, sometimes they will try to hand out money/expensive gifts to make it seem like they are trying to make you feel happy/spoiled or whatever, but really, it's always tied to favors (later on), or something to gossip about later on to make you look awful for not wanting to do what they want.
I'm 22 and I still get anxiety over how my mom will react to literally ANYTHING I do that I know she won't like.
That's her problem. Not yours. Be clear of this. Continue to get educated and allow her reactions to remind you to pursue your interests, skills, freedom. Good luck. Massive respect.
Exactly this.. I’m 24 and this is the definition of my relationship with my mom.
@@littlewoman2214 Same
Get out! I left at your age abd couldn't get away. So at 23 I flew to another country and still couldn't escape because they went through family friends and extended family.
But the longer you leave it, the later the fight ends. They are really terrible people.
They keep following me around everywhere I go. Don't know what to do actually...
@@sahanar9163 same! I left to another country and they still followed me around with extended family members and friends of family. I don't know what to do. I am at a loss. I mean, I have good career skills now so that's cool.
Controlling parents deserve every ounce of pain they get when their adult offspring finally wake up to their abusive BS, and pull the plug on the relationship with them. These people truly disgust me!
I agree
@Mikhail Freidkin There is not one reason on this Earth that justifies abusive and controlling behavior from any parent. What happened to them in their past doesn't fly with me in dominating how they act TODAY. Especially, if they become substance abusers to exacerbate the problem.
Yep they suck
That's exactly what I'm planning to do when I grow up and get a job :))))
I can’t wait till my junior year in high school! I currently live in Indiana, but since I wanna become a doctor, my mom said that I can move to my aunt’s house in Wyoming so I can get into medical school there. Only 3 1/2 more years....
We need to do better when we become parents. The cycle must break.
I promise I will let my children live freely
Amen
Amen 🙏🏼✨
im not gonna have kids
Hm its better that we dun keep procreating esp if genetic mental probs, world alr too packed. Not responsible of us to keep wrecking nature
Strategy #1 Run. Never look back.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Literally what I did at 17. I slept in my car. I stayed at friends house. I never went back. I’m 34 now. I’m so glad I did that. I wish our “relationship” was different, but I can’t change that experience. I’m just so glad I left.
I wish i could
Yup!!!
Yes.
I’m so tired physically tired dealing with my mom.
Physically I barely had any energy to leave my narc parents but Im so glad I did.
Same brother I deal with mine as little as possible while I’m here and she still wonders why I don’t talk to her
I can totally agree. My mom is too much and I hate it. I'm planning on moving out and she knows it. She's not happy and I don't care.
Same, my mother is so emotionally abusive and toxic.
I feel you smh i pray you get away and start to gain more positive outcomes in life 🙏
i wish i could just remove myself from the situation and say “i’m gonna go” but i can’t even go for a walk by myself or go in my car or stay over at my friends, they restrict me so much i’m trapped. my room isn’t even a safe place for me anymore.
I was forced to babysit every single weekend my entire teen years so my parents knew where I was. I still have anxiety every single day over the abuse of my parents. I'm 50. I had to leave the country to feel like I could breath.
Same...
Jane Pedersen I feel u
i just started walking out dont get me wrong i listen to her lecture then i walk out to "get air" and i do it before can say where u goin but yeah im tired every street ive moved on had times ive randomly came out crying and i wonder if my neighbors seen
Sorry to know this. In my case is opposite, old fogey would threaten to throw me out and i've illness, plain abuse. Don't be afraid, try to find social workers to deal with this. Since u have friends why not just walk off?
My parents are SO manipulative. Every time I try to do something they don’t like they guilt trip me and gang up on me. They make things up to make me look bad then when I try to defend myself they tell me I’m disrespectful. When I try to tell them that I’m hurt by their actions they make me feel dumb and dramatic. Idek what to do at this point.
I feel u it's never their fault always yours
Same..
Omg I just want to cry. This is exactly what I have been feeling allllll my life. And after a while I started thinking that maybe I am a problem child. But now that I’m 30, my adult mind is realizing that this is deeper than I thought.
You leave 💛
Same with my parents and I'm 16
My mother makes it really difficult for me to think freely and be open-minded.
I once suggested to my mom that I was attracted to a cousin of mine and she started loudly screaming ''You are not going to turn gay!!! You are not going to do that to me!!!! etc.''
I literally cannot think for myself at 22 without overthinking EVERY little thing and the affects of my traumas are really starting to show. I move slower, react and think slower, even talk slower (because I’m used to just shutting up) my mother has noticed because I still live with her and practically had her doing everything for me. She’s like a grown baby throwing tantrums and yelling whenever I don’t “do something right” in other words, if I’m not moving how fast she wants me to. So embarrassing she even does it in public
You are soooo lucky!!!
@@JazzyjamjamI'm 29, male. 2 years ago,my father had a stroke and I've been struggling to be financially independent. I live with my parents with my mother being the controlling one. I'm literally slower in every aspect ,so much so that she has taken notice of this and I get nagged . I'm trying to break free and be independent but call it an uphill task is an understatement when my environment and people in it are so averse to my own growth
I am 46 years old and I still deal with my controlling mother. I have tried and tried all my life. She doesn't even realize how much she has affected me to this day.
julie swanson I’m 13 years old and my mom is like this lol
Same here. And I'm over 40....
Something is seriously wrong.
m 26....same with me
I'm 14 years trying so hard not to commit suicide & live until 18 my mom is so abusive.
@@jahzara_ I will keep you in my prayers. I know how hard it is. Please find support groups or somebody that you can talk to. If you need to talk to somebody you can talk to me. I am on facebook.
I'm literally in tears because this is the first time in my 27 years of life that I feel someone finally understands what my experience has been and has articulated everything I've felt. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
its good you are 27 and you realize it. others are much older.
Yes!!! I'm 39, almost 40 and feel the same way! Just grateful I'm finding it now! Lol, 40's the new 30 rt? I wish ha! ;)
You are not alone! We are in this together, recovering together.
Shame I've cried my lungs out I noticed it these week and am 24
Same*
wow. my life was just put on blast.
Same
Fuck my life was just put on hold...
I just need to get out this house nothing of this would work but have no money to leave them
@@Flo.sandoval they even told me not to move out
Yeah I really thought she knew my parents and was describing them personally in this video. :-O
As soon as you try to move away and distance yourself from their disresprect, they start yelling, screaming and shouting: COME BACK!
Yeaah, because they want a punching bag for their control and narcissistic tendencies. Pathetic....
Yep. If you move out the parent can no longer control you. I'm nearly 40 and I moved back in with my parents to help them out financially. What a mistake! I tried moving out but my mother convinced me to stay. Another mistake. This time I'm not letting her convince me to stay. I'm going. I'll work extra and send her money.
@@AudraT do not send her money .. specially if you are not an only child... let her dry ...
I Feel like my parents try to buy me with material things.
FACTS
Same.
Same
Yep
Fr
When you become an adult and a parent tries to constantly control you this type of parent is weak and needs a reality ✔......
Sadly, hurt people hurt people. So unless our parents learn to heal from their experiences, they will continue to instill that same pain in their kids.
This kind of parent is often a co-dependent pushing their kids to be codependent and needs therapy.
@@MeenaAdnani That's partly it. Children also learn by imitation so they take on the abusive personalities of their abuser parents.
@@X3000Chan THIS.
This comment explains it BEST. One of the best sentences I've read. Thank you
as a kid i really thought to myself that it would get better when i’m older, but i’m 20 now and it only gets worse
Keeping distance is the best advice, really. In my case, the relationship became better because the very difficult family events + being able to meet rarely. But even 12 years later I found myself in a situation when I am not supposed to have my own opinion. So due to the distance it seemed that it has changed but not really. Go live your life ❤️
I think that they don't change. You have to go away and put some boundaries
I’m 26 and it’s gotten worse, my mom would secretly check me in my room without knocking, many times a day ( i don’t know what she is trying to catch me doing).
And yeah, my room is not allowed to have locks.
I am 36 and it is gotten worse... i do not live with them, i moved to another town, but still... i am going crazy
Either it won't change or it'll get worse.
Your only option is to get away.
“A controlling parent is a toxic parent because they do not honor our basic desire for freedom. That’s a base desire and you are a sovereign soul with your own identity and your own skills. Because the controlling parent does not honor you as a sovereign free individual, it can be very depleting, develop low self identity, and indeed depression can follow.”
Every one of us needs to jot her final quote into our journals to remind ourselves of this. It’s our basic human right to not be micro-controlled to the detriment of our self development and autonomy.
100%
Spot on!
I left a church for this very reason my father was controlling and so was my pastor
All this time i thought something is wrong with me. i am 20 and tired of this i am still living under their roof. i cant even go out with friends, i always have to ask and i always get a lecture beofre i could never go freely. i feel so alone and stifled but at the same time i dont wanna disrespect them so i just stay there and listen to what they have to say and dont say a word because i am always wrong
Jada Love I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Nothing is wrong with you. I’m sorry you feel alone and trapped. That sounds so very difficult to deal with.
@@MeenaAdnani thanks alot but I'm still trying to understand
@@Kira-rm2jk sigh yh it is tbh
First step you MUST rebel or that cycle will never be cut.
im in the same page. Im 20 years old when she beats me i beat back. when she critisizes i critisize a whole lot. when she demands to take my phone i say a big loud NO and if it gets aggressive then i respond with aggression. Right now im leaving the house. You need to have lot of money or live with someone you trust.
I feel sick and depressed because of my mother
and perhaps they dont even intend to cause such emotions. Our issues may be different but the effects are the same.
Cutting contact with my parents was difficult but worth doing. I don't regret it for a second.
@@SG-jg3be how did you deal with it I’m turning 14 and wanna leave really bad but I can’t my mom is such a negative person and controlling and toxic idk what to do!
My whole family is the reason why I’m depressed I wish I distance myself from them
If you think it might help, you could write her an email explaining exactly what you're upset with her for doing. She'll probably just get defensive, but at least you'll get it off your chest, and deep down she'll know you're right.
I've talked to numerous people who regret not telling their parents what they wanted to before it was too late.
"Taking your growth personally" Oh my gosh thank you for verbalizing what I've been feeling!
They pulled me down for feel superior.i don't think I can recover my self.
i've experience this
My dad is aggressive when talking to me. He pretends like he going to hit me to scare me just because he didnt like what I was saying. I told him to stop talking to me that way. He said I was being disrespectful and that he didn't like the tone of voice I was using. I'm 22 years old and he still treats me as if I'm a child. It's exhausting having to always walk on eggshells waiting for the next criticism. I can tell him till I'm blue in the face not to talk to me in that manner. I tell him that I'm an adult and that I can do what I want to do without his say so. Then, he will tell me that he owns me and tells me how much he's providing for me. And manipulations me with money so I'll do what he asks. He's not willing to take responsibility for his actions and words. He loves to blame me or.my sister for way he treats us. He'll say " I wouldn't have yelled and cursed at you if had done this or that". I'm stuck at home with because of covid19 and I have onlineclasses. He wants me to clean the apartment by myself. I do so and he makes a huge mess. Then, he blames it on me saying that it's my mess. It's not because I hadn't been in the kitchen for hours and I clean up after myself. He complains about how I clean. Then, he says he wants to a wife to do all of the cooking and cleaning since I won't do it right. Nothing I do is go enough for him. I could do everything right and he'll still find something to complain about or criticize. I want to get to actually leave for good and not come back but, I feel guilty because I always feel like I owe him something because he "raised" me.
Your dad sounds exactly like my mom. :/ I’m so sorry your going through this, it’s helped me to honestly just isolate my self in my room and stay out the way. Things will get better after covid
Best thing get a job and move out you and your sister and have your freedom. That’s the most important things is your freedom
I disagree with@@rorosaleh5613
It sounds like you're in school. If possible, do whatever you can to finish school. If it's unbearable, are there relatives or friends you can quarantine with? Also, whole industries are shut down right now, so jobs are hard to come by
My parents also are overly strict and treat me like im young as well. Even though when i was ACTUALLY a child and needed them the most, they emotionally were not providing for me. It's frustrating and hell on earth
Yeah they act like they raised me just Bec they have to , not loving being parents.
As a 33 year old, finally getting it through their head that both parents are toxic and manipulative. i've made the desicion to pull away from them completely and re-learn to please myself with a more positive crowd so that i may live my life as *I* see fit, and not give myself anxiety attacks without worrying about their toxic examples
All all others forced to deal with toxic and manipulative parents, you are not alone. A real family are the people you choose to keep close in your life, not the ones you're born and forced and abused into accepting their terrible behaviors at the expense of your self-love. Life's too short for that.
Same here my parents always criticize me and have said horrible things to me but now I have to go live with them temporarily leaving a toxic relationship my kok kept delaying things but at least with them I dont have to do strange favors for them.
@@unapologeticella4540 yea I had to move back in with my parents as well. The only difference is I have a child and I'm trying to get us out of the this toxic situation( mentally, emotionally and verbally) how my parents are is so deeply dysfunctionally rooted it's insane and I dont want my child having to see or go through the same thing I went and am still going through. The frustrating part is I dont know where to go especially now that we're going through a pandemic.
Same age this side. I agree it's crap
I’m 18 and so desperate to move out of the house even with everything going on. I’ve only been quarantined with my parents for 2 months but they make me feel so inadequate and my step father acts like I’m not there and like I’m just in the way, I would literally do anything to move out so I’m probably gonna stay with my boyfriend for a while until everything gets better and I can start college and live in a dorm like normal
"Just in the way" is heartbreaking. Cheering you on, Camille, to forge your way, start college and create your life, one based in mutual respect, caring and love.
why do parents have offspring if they cant love them just why
I've been stuck in my room for 3 months straight with no job.
I went out to go see my boyfriend... I come back my mom pushes me into the wall with her shoulder just to ask me where I've been.
I'm 21 years old!!! I'm not going no where but my boyfriend house, and I dont have tto tell you that I have a man.
I been in a relationship for 3 years... no one knows about my boo.
Yuri User leave the house asap ! if they get aggressive with you then respond with agression. I swear i shoved my mom right off me and it felt really good and she was stunned and afraid. They only have power over you once you give them power.
sparkling fashion I love the last part you said “they only have power over you once you give them power.” So true
Her smile makes me happy I don't know why.
this is so sweet
My guess is her smile tends to make many other people feel happier too. The difference being while you are seeing how awful her consistent pattern of behavior showing cruel empty looking eyes during hateful words being said at the time too during her bad moods behind closed doors when so many people outside of your family believe she is such a wonderful person.
It’s just so annoying, I’m 15 turning 16 soon. But I get treated like a 8 year old. I can’t do the things I want to do, like go outside, hang out with my friends(before COVID), etc. they also invade my privacy. And every time I talk about basketball or tik tok. My mom says “why won’t you do this in school, and talk about school more”. It triggers me. My friends have chill parents and everything. When you have controlling parents, it seems like your friends are living the fullest, and you just behind a fence :(
Bro were literally the same person
Things will be better when you move away. Start saving up for college now (if you want, if that’s possible). When I was a teenager my mom did that to me and it affected my self esteem. Know that even though you’re not thriving now that you absolutely have the potential to be successful and love life and remember that it’s not your always fault when things aren’t going the way you want. As much as you can don’t let anyone break your spirit.
i can’t even have instagram or ANY form of communicating with others and making new friends. when i’m on xbox or on an online game or something related to that he claims i have to talk to my friends from
school only.
Im almost 21 and my parent are like that
I feel that, I'm 15 and I know what I want in life, I have plans to leave after I graduate highschool, all my friends are going out and doing things, and I'm just stuck
My parents do all three. I'm an only child adult so they have always made me feel responsible for their emotions and lashed out verbally and emotionally. They have read my diary when I was in 8th grade, told me that other children were nicer to their parents and that I have been ungrateful for their "love," talk down about my friends, play the victim when I set boundaries or voice that I don't like something, and the list goes on. I'm desperately trying to get away from them and contemplating cutting off the relationship.
As an only child too, i understand you so well
My aunt read my diary too and made me feel for guilty for liking boys in my teenage years. Now whenever a guy approaches me, i become so rude or distant and can't control it, even if i like that guy
I am also an only child and I'm 30 and they still do manipulative things say harsh words and just don't get what I'm trying to do and downplay my relationship and the way I raise my son. I'm so hurt and it's an ongoing thing. Even though I don't live with them. I understand you truly. You are not alone in this.
My parents also read my diary and my letters to my friends and shamed me for being a normal teenager. When she said that they don't want us to grow up because they lose control over us, I could totally relate to that!
I'm an only child and 30 too and my parents are the same. They disguise abusive action as "concern" which makes dealing with them so stressful even if I live on the other side of the world from them. They still think I'm their "baby" and said that I'll understand when I become a parent myself. Tbh SO's mum has even said the actions are too much so it doesn't need me to be a parent to know their actions are not right.
Omg, somebody finally said that!!! Exactly how I feel everytime I talk to my mother.... and when she is trying to guilt-trip about how distant I am with her, I actually feel even less guilty cause I realize I am just saving myself from the nervous breakdown!!
Same
This made my cry she literally pin pointed every single detail of my last 10 years as a young adult 😖😖
Sorry
Wow story of my life
This is my mum. I'm in my 30s now but she still seems to have the ability to manipulate my emotional state even now. I have so little confidence and my life has been plagued with severe mental health issues.
Same. 34.
34 here as well...
This is so true. My mother has been like this my whole life. As I was getting older I wanted to do more things on my own and be my own person and I would tell her that im not a kid when she would try to always control what I did and she would tell me that "im her kid". Im 42 and she's still the same. I don't want to say that I hate my mother but I hate what she has done to me throughout my life. I feel like she has brainwashed me as well as society has by always making women seem like they are always right and can do no wrong. My mother did a lot of damage. She actually still lives with me but im planning my move amd she will have to figure it out on her own. IM DONE
Please tell me you left her!!!please. Move out be free live your life
I feel like I have to insulate my empathy whenever I talk to my mom because she takes absolutely everything personally. "You don't want to come to a party with 40 people during coronavirus?? How dare you disrespect me! *Crying* Now I have to cancel this party you said was a bad idea 3 weeks ago!!!" Everything is my fault, I am the guilty party at all times, I OWE her forever and ever, I am her reason for living and therefore must be available to her 24/7. The only way I can get through it is by being unfeeling while solemnly enforcing my boundaries. And I feel like doing this all the time has made me emotionally stunted.
Yikes. That is all.
And, yes, boundaries. You're seeing this clearly, Susannah. And, you're bringing your emotions with you. You're on the right track.
She might have BPD. Sounds like my mom, I had to cut off ties. I feel for you. You have to chose yourself over them. They will not change unless they really want to.
I haven't spoken to my parents in 3 years. I was brought up on a diet of manipulation, gaslighting, happiness sabotaging, put downs, guilt tripping, shaming, lies and control. It was hard to stomach after a while and I became sick with anxiety, OCD and depression. I'm doing really well now and would recommend no contact.
i hope you are well now but definitely leaving your parent with no regrets
I deserve a better father.
just be your own parent, and get your own life, find a good friend if possible or needed
Glad you're doing better. My childhood and relationship with my parents was the same way. I have bipolar disorder and CPTSD because of it. Therapy has been very helpful along with the medication I'm on.
This is honestly why I can’t wait to move out, I swear I’m going to have as little contact with mine as possible
you may being very courageous
My mom is narcissist and controlling to the level you can’t imagine. I have been abused all my life and my dad is ok with it. I am 30 now. I have zero confidence and I feel I don’t have power over my own life. I’m never happy or at peace. I have been trained by them my whole life not to fight for my happiness or my own life. I don’t know a way to get out of it. And it will continue this way. I have tried to change. I wish everyday that I could just sleep and never wake up ever again. I wish I was brave enough to end everything at once.
Dear KS, Thank you for sharing and reaching out. Please: Speak with someone. There *are* people who care deeply and can support. In utter futility, it is possible to shift. Also, I'm offering a new weekly online program beginning 6 June (see my community tab for details). Perhaps you would like to join a group of people who understand? Sending massive respect.
I started reading and studying about Complex PTSD and binge watching UA-cam videos on narcissism, 'covert' narcissism and toxic people in general. This was a huge eye opener for me. I also did some work in codependency and am well on my way to healing, but unfortunately it takes work. We can only change ourselves. My mother is a covert and my father was more of an overt narcissist, so I was really a mess.
There is light at the end of the tunnel once you begin to understand the patterns.
Please get as far away as you can NOW
You are braver to carry on
You can do it without them trust yourself
If I knew this earlier, would I have been different mentally, and physically.
You know now. That's all that matters. Time to move towards a better life.
Amen!!
Unfortunately I have neurological problems that have forced me to move in with my parents more than once, exactly how my mom always wanted it -- me stuck living with her. I realize now how cruel she was to take advantage of my disability.
This was a great video! I am 62 and in my 50s, I had finally just had enough of being controlled and manipulated by my controlling parent and a controlling sibling. Unfortunately, my husband had the same experience in his family. We realized many of the tactics you shared for survival and practiced them all but unfortunately for us, both sides became more resentful and more hurtful. In the end, the limited contact had to become no contact. I grieved for years until one day I realized how much peace we had and that I never wanted to go back to the pain. There was no amount of love, kindness, consideration, etc. that we could give that would allow us any room to be ourselves and be respected. Even now, many, many years later, we hear on occasion from some friend of the family that at family gatherings, we are the butt of all of the jokes and they are cruel jokes. They are playing "old tapes" of things that happened even 50 years ago making fun of us and they continue to make up lies about us when none of them know anything about us. We have so much peace and love in our home. I now guard our peace with all my being. We are very happy and content with our little nucleus family - away from all the abuse.
Spot On. Yup, this is what usually unfolds.......you've handled it well. Thanks for viewing.
A controlling parent and controlling environment steals your soul, steals your self-identity. A controlling parent is a “TOXIC PARENT” Why? Because they do not honor our basic desire for “FREEDOM”. I am a sovereign soul with my own interests, own identity, own skills. Because the controlling parent does not honor me as a sovereign free individual, it can be very depleting, I can develop low self-identity and indeed depression can follow. All 3 have happened and forced me into no contact with some members, limited contact with others, but the hoovering does not stop, the desire to control via hoovering and flying monkeys just gets worse. THIS VIDEO IS POWERFUL AND NAILED IT! Thank you!❤
wow. my whole life in a nutshell.
Guilt tripping, gaslighting are their weapon. “Your life will not be happy if you’re being unfilial.”
my parents get super controlling when they see that i’m struggling in life and instead of asking me what i need they come up with a criteria for me to meet and if i don’t meet whatever standards they set for me they get even more controlling. they claim they know what’s best for me and that i don’t know what’s best for me because i’m still growing. every time i give in and do my very best to do whatever they want they’re happy, but then i make a tiny mistake and they flip out and make me feel like it’s my fault. There’s also a MAJOR double standard for me and my brother. he can do whatever, whenever with absolutely nothing said by my parents but when i do the smallest thing they’re quick to give their input in a mean way. i’m really hurting and i have no one to talk to
Are you me? Hahahaha 🤦🤦
I can talk about it with you I’m going through a similar situation with my parents
There is a book that reminds me of this: "controlling people" by patricia evans. It is life saving. I am so grateful this knowledge is spreading. After being raised by controllers, I finally realize I am my own person and I decide what I do with my life. I highly recommend the book!
Thank you I get it.
This is how I feel with my dad... it’s to the point where I’m struggling mentally now
Same
Everything I've ever wanted to do was shut down by my mother. I didn't have help in school. I didn't graduate. Didn't get my license. Didn't get to socialize. Didn't even get a job. Just wasted away in my room for years. I'm finally able to move out, and she has to judge that and put it down too.
Sorry mom, you can't lock me away anymore. 👋
Wow this is amazing.... I was already isolating far from my mom because I felt like this was the right choice.... somehow this feels like healing from a heartbeat. I always want to go back to her and tell her how much I love her and I’m sorry for not doing what she wants me to do all the time... but it’s true she’s a toxic controlling parents and this video made me realize that, thank you so much
Thank you for your comments. Sending lots of support your way, Julissa. I'm glad this video helps lift the fog of confusion. Good luck to you.....highly differentiated and loving individuals are also whole individuals.....
Some will bring up warm memories to soften you and create a false closeness before tearing you down.
Every time we fight I think of various ways I can leave this world. She just hurts my feelings so bad by talking purposely about certain traumas I went through, opening up deep wounds it just breaks my heart into pieces.
dont let her do that to you please !you wernt put on earth to fill her voids .you have your own purpose . Ive been there so many times and now im so glad to be here . Im worthy and wonderful and so are you . dont let someone elses actions or words define your existence in this world.
After watching this video and crying so much, as a 26 year old with controlling and emotionally abusive parents I think its time for me to move out. My dad has constantly threatened me that he was going to kick me out if I ever stayed a night at my bf house again...well so be it.
Did you move? My dad also constantly call me a financial burden and tell me to **** off if I do not act like he wants me to. He pay my studies ( i cant afford it and cant do it part time) and use it to control my life now. If I did know things will not get better, would have not studied and just got a job and move out .
Trust me he will not allow you you to go , my dad is refusing to let me go at the age of 26
I'm 27 and have got a job still can't get away from them. I have lost so many years of my life because of their quarrels and divorce. Now I'm losing rest of it because my mom is controlling and I can't disobey her or it will HURT her even more. I have a brother but he is off somewhere and left me behind with our parents to deal with. And losing my mind with each day
@@hydranean5702 my dad calls me that as well and controls everything I do I cunt make my own decisions and I'm 34 but he just won't allow me to grow
I moved half the country away from my family, got into recovery and have spent the last 28 years traveling, making art and denying them of their controlling ways. Couldn’t be happier. ✝️
You hit every mark for my parents. I still live with mine, so they often pull the “my roof, my rules” card 😖
I'm going through a mental breakdown and this video gives me tactical advice. Thank you so much!!
i dont know what a mental breakdown but it sounds like what happened..,
Trust me, you are not alone. The worse part is when no one else understands or gets what your going through...and that's hard. Stay strong and positive
Don’t forget using guilt! My parent has a black belt in using guilt.
My parents exactly!!! Still healing from that physical and emotional abuse at 56 years of age!
If you live with a overly critical parent where you feel hopeless, helpless and you feel like a dead horse being kicked continuously, GET OUT. Figure out your strengths, become financially independent, become untangled with these parents or caregivers. You matter. I’m 46 and my mother is 82 and she is the most critical toxic person. I cannot have a relationship with someone like that. The people that really love you will root for you and want you to succeed in life.
This has ruined my life, I’m now under full enslavement, they made sure I never get a job so now I’m 27 with serious set backs, no resume, criminal history and no ethical money making skills because it was strictly prohibited for me to build working world experience and all my dreams and ambitions were aggressively attacked with humiliation tactics, working with my enemies against me, threats of harming themselves or purposely neglecting their health, guilt tripping and threats of using corrupt government connects against me, they control my legal papers, money, I’m busting my ass everyday to find a job due to the lack of experience I’m not being taken seriously, basically if I don’t find a job I’m their slave or I go hungry.
I've made a new video that takes the burden off of you trying to get through to your parents. Send this to them:
ua-cam.com/video/Nwva0s1B-aE/v-deo.html
If this doesn't get through, I'll next post a Come to Jesus vid on your behalf. Let me know how this goes.
x Karuna
Gosh, this is exactly what I needed to hear.
There's a whole lot of control in my life and I'm 57. But something you said finally gave me an answer as to why i can never have excitement. I came home from school one day all excited, i was picked for the choir at church (I went to Catholic school) my mother looked at me and said the only reason i was picked is because I live close the the church because I can't carry a tune in a bucket. I was so devastated. It atill hurts but I've finally made a connection which i know will help me heal.
I am 17 years old about to be 18 and my mother still treats me like a child, tries controlling who my friends are, my relationship with my boyfriend and what clothes to wear. It’s overwhelming, I try to express myself and she yells at me. It got to the point where now whenever someone asks me a question I’m starting to be defensive when it isn’t that way at all. Its sad how much she thinks I’m a robot and not a soul. She thinks materialistic things will win me over but honestly I prefer love and affection over materialistic things.
I'm 24, and my family still does this. I come over to clean the house for them because they're physically and mentally disabled. She has cancer and just had major surgery so I come down to help, I share how excited I am to make friends for this internship I'm going to do the volunteering I want to do and how I want to go to a concert and I get told off, I won't have the money for that, I'll get raped, I have no friends to go with me.
How do you get your parents to let you be independent instead of not letting you go anywhere, not even with your friends? 😕it’s so hard because I can’t ever go out so i lose a lot of friends and now i just have social anxiety because everybody leaves me because i can’t hangout with them
I know I'm 26 and still going through this bullshit with my parents
Living at home as a young adult has been stressful for me too. Because my father was controlling and verbally abusive. In particular, he tried to control my career choices. Like telling me where to work and criticizing my job because I wasn't making top dollar and he couldn't disagree without resorting to verbal abuse. But I was content because it fits my personality. I tried explaining to him that living at home gives me the chance to let my money add up for my own place regardless of where I'm working. But he would look at me as if I wasn't making sense. I don't talk to him much because of it. I just say hi and keep it moving. I'm glad I moved so I can live the way I see fit without hearing his criticism.
I'll never go back, thank you for your teachings. Very healing. No-contact is the only answer to when it gets life-threatening.
I’m 15 and my dad always speaks to me aggressively, he always takes things away from me for no reason at all if I ever try to argue back he pretends to go hit me to make me flinch I’ve told him to stop and he doesn’t listen he speaks to me as if I am a piece of dirt.
Through tears, thank you. I will break this cycle. I will love and nurture my kids as an example of who a father should be.
SO TRUE! I saved my life by applying my intelligence in "decluttering" my ungrateful, but controlling and toxic family, and no more contact ever after. I feel like a huge rock off my shoulders. Going forward, I am able to love myself, enjoy myself, respect my dignity, and it's now about me and only me.
1000% true.. you are describing my life. and I'm a grown adult. sometimes the parent is equipped with ingenious manipulative and psychological terrorism weapons that makes it virtually impossible to escape and the only solution would be minimal to zero contact.
My mom is super controlling. Thank god for this video. I am still living at home, but I am on the verge of moving out finally. Last year I finally let my feelings bottled up for so long that I let them all out on my mom and I called her toxic. She used that word against me for months. Instead of her looking into it she used it as a weapon. I mentioned my sister once to her in that whole conversation which was about our relationship, and my mom disowned my sister. So she talked about my sister the whole time. I was so disappointed the fight only was focused on my mom playing the victim card. It's so draining to have those conversations that I just deal with her toxic behavior, but sometimes I snap. My mom and I can get a long great, but unfortunately she's fueled by hate and control. :( I know she won't change, but I hope she finds help some day.
Thank you for your comments and for viewing, Shane. Yes, "she used that word against me for months." Yup, predictable. Please see my response posted here to coolstuff2319897. I hope that is helpful. Good luck with your situation, Shane.
I am grateful for this video Karuna❤️ my parents have made me feel miserable about myself in these years and I have literally lost my self respect and self worth because of them..
Amazing video. The first I’ve come across you. My mother is 86 and I’ve gone no contact several times and always get sucked back in. I don’t think I can continue to to do it so I’m trying to stay strong and stay no contact. she is toxic and as you have said it is depressing to be around her and having to even think about seeing her causes me to have a physical reaction. I always thought I was nuts because it’s not like I was physically abused or neglected as a child! But especially since my father died 10 years ago she is absolutely miserable. The most negative self-centered narcissistic person I know. And I am 60 years old and want to live my life with freedom and be with people who are positive and kind!
I can relate Katie! I came back to family property to help out and my mother just sits in her castle telling everyone what to do or complaining and demanding. Living hell! I am nearly 60 and god knows where to go if I leave but I will hope for both you and I to find some freedom and peace! Take care x
I'm 21 and my mom is the typical helicopter parent, she wants to know everything about my life, I'm not allowed to hang out with friends often, am not allowed to learn driving, and she even overfeeds me when I tell her not to, she questions the modesty of my clothes and barrages me with facts about how bad the world is and she nags a lot. I might burst.
Thank you so much
I used to be that one person who my mom woke me up every morning around 4 am because she just can’t sleep and talk to me until we fight really bad. It was a disaster. After that i set some boundaries so that i know what to respond and react beforehand.
When she knocks the door, i have 2 choices open the door and let her talk until we fight very bad or let her knock until she tires and leaves my room.
She didn’t respect my boundaries and woke me up every morning. For months, I didn’t get enough sleep and i need to see the doctor. The doctor suggested me to move out but for Asian culture, it’s difficult. My mom would kill me.
For the above, i was facing when i was 28-29 years old. I was so trapped by believing obeying the parents with all the cost was a great things to do, but if i can live in my 18 once again i would set a clear boundaries since that time.
I have no words. I feel numb and hopeful after watching this.
Wow, this was so completely helpful!! This really described my relationship with my mother to a T. I like what she says about how much having a controlling parent depletes and steals one's soul and identity. This has helped clarify things for me greatly. Thanks!!!
I am a creative but my mom limits my creativity thanks for this!
Creativity brings us to harmony. Keep being creative throughout life. Let your Mom's resistance fuel your creativity and inspiration! Draw it, write it, sing it......
Complex PTSD Made Simple thanks so much, Now I’m learning to just be silent when my mom can be overbearing sometimes .. she’s definitely loving just somethings she can work on as well as me. Thanks for your response good vibes to you ✨✌️💕
I literally don’t know how much longer I can deal with my mom. She doesn’t realize that mentally she’s destroying me. She won’t break me I won’t give up. It’s just really freaking hard to push through right now.
Hi Danielle mine too. My mother is so nasty to me. She guilt trips me and makes my self esteem so so low
@@ashtonharper6544 im age 28 male and my mom curses me and threatens to kick me out even though im not financially independent yet. She said she doesnt care if i will be homeless. She spits in my face, prays for god to punish me in hell, calls me any curse word you wouldnt curse your worst enemy with. Also pushes me and punches me.
im age 28 male and my mom curses me and threatens to kick me out even though im not financially independent yet. She said she doesnt care if i will be homeless. She spits in my face, prays for god to punish me in hell, calls me any curse word you wouldnt curse your worst enemy with. Also pushes me and punches me. She says im balding no gf still not financially independent that i should just become a homeless person. That im a lost cause etc
@@gingfreecss3467 Get a job, go get a place to live and let her watch you blossom 🌸. Don't feel you have to be in this position you can easily change your living ways if you want too. Good luck in getting the hell out there!
I hope things got better
I would like this woman to be my new mother
You can be a mother yourself - to your inner child
How do you handle a parent that exhibit all three tactics as I have
Controlling parents are a challenge as they are more interested in and blinded by their control than in relationship with their own child. To them: The relationship is through control and their "rightness."
As example: Since release of this video and as of this writing, I have had just *one* controlling parent reach out to me asking for support, seeking to better understand and repair the relationship with a daughter. However, the child who is being controlled reaches out to me for support through sessions often. Plus, look at the comments: Filled with people who are at the dysfunctional receiving end of the control. Are any parents in the comments sharing, "Wow, I don't want to have control issues any more and I really want a great relationship with my child. What do I do?" Nope.
What is to be done? Keep seeing the tendencies of a controlling person and, also, develop your own strategies so you aren't "hooked" by the controlling parent. If you get hooked, they take you down with them and then have "reason" (they think in their twisted mind) to blame you and make you wrong. They'll even say their own child is unbalanced! Well, if you live with a controlling person for a long period of time, you become unbalanced like they are, but in a much different way: You become unsure and hypervigilant and anxious and angry inside and can have low self worth. Sheesh.
See if for what it is, not in a way that's "hopeful" (that one day the controlling parent will change and love you for the joy of love itself). While I never say never, it is highly unlikely. Keep your heart alive and live in alignment with your authentic self and inner wisdom. Sending massive support and respect to you, Karuna
I just get P/O and start yelling back till I get my point across. If that doesn’t work then I don’t do anything around the house till she gets my point. I really dislike my mother. Calls her grandma kids her kids it’s like geez thanks mom
13:00
Usually it is .
Im 35 and my father still treats me like a kid allways up my ass he is so controlling and manipulative
My parents constantly discouraged me from moving abroad even though it's been my dream since high school and now I'm 26 and working towards that dream day by day and about a few months ago my dad shouted at me after hearing about my plans of studying in Germany, he cut it off completely and told me to "forget about it" and he still keeps actively ignoring that and gives suggestions to find a permanent job in our city. I'm saving up all on my own to be able to fulfill that goal with zero support from them even though they have the financial ability to back me up to make it easier for me. I feel so stressed and worried that my dad will try to stop me from achieving this dream. It's life or death situation for me because I am so unhappy in this country and the mentality of the people etc.
Was your dad fucked by some germans or why is he so bitter?
I’m 23 and still trying to get my life off the ground after coming to the knowing of my toxic background wish me the best everyone
Best wishes to u
Same here! Wish u the best too
Thank you Karuna. Your video is about what I had been through. OMG! I am a daughter of a controlling mother and I have a brother. I had to physically leave the country to have my own life somewhere else. My mother dedicated her life to her son. I had many counselling sessions to understand what had happened with my family life when I was growing up. I also grew up without a dad, however I see him now from time to time. I am now in my pre-retirement age. I go to visit my mum and brother twice a year, which I was made to do due to my mother's age. Otherwise, I would be called a bad daughter by them both, now also by my son. I think that three of them are manupulative individuals, which is sad to say. I tried to speak to my mum about how I feel, but it always comes back to her being right, not seeing anything different, her speaking the right words but not acting them and going back to conversations about how important my brother is to ME. I could not care less... I dedicated all my youth to my brother's life and how I should look after him. So, you see, I have been guilt tripped by my closest family! My husband is the only one, who sees what is going on and accepts me as I am. I feel frustrated with all of this and as you said they do not respect me. My mother was also very critical of my husband when we first got married and we almost ended up in devorce!
Whenever I said to my mom that her words were hurtful and she needs to see from my perspective as well (not just me responsible for seeing things from her perspective) she would say she didn't care and has no reason to do so. Dealing that kind of person is beyond frustrating because they have no self awareness and choose not to have any.
Thank you so much for this video! I have so many problems with my mom and she's extreeeeemely controlling. She says that she does it because she loves me and that she's worried about something happening to me. I'm 25 now, I took many many actions to make that change and I could achieve many good things in my life. Growing up with a controlling mom was really frustrating, cause I used to saw my friends from school going out to the mall or the movies and stuff like that and I was never aloud to do it. I was always soooooo independent and walking with my own legs makes me feel confident and powerfull!!! I never liked depending on people, I'm very self-taught, always been and I will always be, but my mom used to try to do everything for me and telling me every kind of stuff was too dangerous. She would only allow me to do stuff with young people of the church and she wanted me to follow the same religion as hers. I was very subservient and acted most of my life to be what my mom liked and wanted me to be. Then I started to notice that my life didn't make any sense, my friend with the same age as mine were accomplishing many things, having a job or studying or meeting someone and falling in love with them and then starting a romantic relationship, while I was stuck at home, only coming from house to school, school to my house and from my house to the church. This made me grow up as a veeeeeery insecure person!!! I remember I couldn't even afford to take a bus by myself without feeling veeery shy and uncomfortable. I used to feel less than people like my age, like I was useless and dumb! My mom raised me to be dependent on her. When I was the girl she wanted me to be she liked me, now it seems like she hates me and tells me all the time what I'm supposed to do. When I hang out with friend or somewhere by myself, she send me messages all the time, and if I don't answer her she starts calling me. There was a time that she didn't want me to go to college, and she used to say "oooh don't go study today, it's too cold outside!!!" That was when I first started to take the bus for myself but she was sooooo worried everyday. She used to send me messages and calling me all the way when I was on the bus, she wanted to know if I was coming there, If I was already inside of the building and stuf... There was a time that I said to myself "I'm not answering my mom's phone calls today and see what happens". She called me 47 times. One call after the other.... She couldn't even wait 5 seconds after she had sent me a message, cause if I didn't answer she would start calling my phone to call my attention. Once, she called on my college phone, someone that worked on the college interrupted the class to look for me, everybody on the class saw it, it was so embarassing. She once called me on my job too when I didn't answer the phone. I think she found the phone of my company on the internet. The girl who answer the phone told me "Ingrid, this is your mom, she's looking for you", one more time in front of lot's of people. I think I was already 23 years old when that happened. Not to mentions how she does that thing mentioned on the video about me coming up with something that makes me really happy and then she spit a negative word and makes me feel sad. It's like she doesn't enjoy seeing mw happy and being independent and achieving things that matter to me. She calls me Bad names, she talks about my body all the time, says I have to loose weight. Once I was very happy and excited because of a crush of mine, and then she used my body to bash me and cut my happiness and make me feel insecure about my body towards my crush... I suffer from anxiety and last year I lived the most horrible experience of my life, like, my anxiety skyrocketed and the major problem was my mom, again... I spent almost two weeks on my aunts house cause I didn't want to stay close to my mom, I was acared of loosing control of myself and just doing something bad to my mom because of all the anger I was feeling towards her inside of me for everything she had done to me my whole life!!!! She used to talk about private subjects of mine in front of people, she calls my friends when I don't answer her. I used to be like on aler mode all the time to see if she wasn't sending me messages or calling me, cause she used to say (and she still does) that I was making her feel soooo worried that I would give her a heart attack, she always blackmails me emotionally and makes me feel like the most horrible daughter in the world. When I'm full of her, I want to stay away and not talk to her, and she comes with the emotional blacmail like "oh you hate me!!! You gonna regret I'm not here anymore!!!!". Shes says she loves me but I dont trust it. She's very worried about what people will think of her and consequently what people will think of me. When I started to grow up and talk to guys through social media, she wanted to read my conversations with the guys (just remembering, I was not a kid, I was like 19, 20 yo), when I used to deny giving my cellphone to her she would always say "BUT I'M YOUR MOM!!!!". She thinks I'm her slave and that because she's my mom I have to do EVERYTHING she wants, as if I didn't have my private space, my own needs, my own personality. She wants to controll me in every ways. She's soooooo invasive and this gets me sooooo mad, cause the thing I value the most is my individuality, independence and privacy, without people judging me for my choices. Her friend from her job when they see me they always says "oh Ingrid, your mom is sooooo worried about you! When you don't answerr her on your phone, she goes crazy!". People from my family also knows this. My grandmother (my dad's mom) bashes my mom because of hoe she treats me and my sister. She didn't raised me and my sister to be independent and smart, to live in the world, I guess she wanted to raise us only inside of home, ginving us food and that's it, like a bird living his whole life oj a cage. She says I'm a rebel, and yes, I agree, but I had to! If was still submissive as I was five years ago, I would still be going to the church she wanted me to go, going to a place that doesn't fit me anymore, living only inside my house, with no friends, no job. I'm very strong and brave to have the courage to go outside and try things on my own. She ready controlled me since I was born, and even more if I don't have my own money, that's why I wanted a job soooo hard, to have my own money and live and go everywhere I wanted to go!!! I don't think she actually loves me, it's like shes jealous of me and, she puts this kind of mask of being carrying towards me and that makes me confused, but when she sees me genuinely happy, she tries to do something to ruin my happiness.... Her mom, my grandmother, is like that too... My mom says that she thinks her mom is a narcissistic mom. She doesn't even notice she does the same to me!!! Iveu talked to my mom lots and lots of times, trying to be clear and telling her what kind of actions that she did made me feel bad. I've talked sooo many times to her about it, and she knows that I'm so right in my arguments that she just doesn't even say a thing, cause she knows I'm right! Haha She has said that "I talk to you like that cause I'm your mom and I want your well-being".... How can she want my well being saying I'm fat and I'm a whore? (Yep, she told me that lots of times). Well... I just want to live by myself. It would be my dreaaaam!!!! To travel all around the world and know many cultures, peope, religions, languages. I was definitely not born to stay at home!!!! I won't allow my mom to ruin my life!!!! I still feel guilty lots of times, feeling like I'm a bad daughter, that I'm not what she wanted me to be, but I know I shouldn't think like that, because I'm a human being too and I have the right to make my own choices and have my freedom!!!!!! Wow, I think I've never write so much in my life. Just wanted to share my story.
I 💯relate
I relate to you a lot.
What's worse than a controlling parent? A religious controlling parent.
My girlfriend has a very controlling dad and an abusive mother. I’ve been really sad for her and I haven’t been able to see her a lot because of it. Im very proud of her because she’s expressed a lot of her thoughts and feelings to me, and I think she struggles with bipolar depression as an extension of this mistreatment. She’s been nothing but an angel to me and it really hurts me seeing her go through all these things and feelings, I wish I could be there for her but her dad won’t even let me see her at times. I don’t have it in my heart to leave her either, I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my life. I’ve tried respecting their wishes for their daughter and I’ve even let them meet my parents and I baked cookies for them on Christmas. It’s really worried me and stressed me out because I’ve seen signs in her that she might be considering self harm as an outlet. I really don’t know what to do anymore all I’ve done is prayed and I really don’t want to lose her.
Iʻm so sorry to hear about this situation with your girlfriend. You seem to have a good understanding and are showing good awareness. Really nice of you to bake cookies over the Holidays, too. Your girlfriend could benefit from some professional support, so that she better understands how environments and trauma affect us. If you are students on a budget: I encourage her to receive counseling at school or Uni, which is generally free of charge. Of course, I do sessions as well, but Iʻm guessing you might be younger/on budgets and itʻs great to take advantage of free counseling at schools/Unis. Please let your girlfriend know that sheʻs not alone.....sheʻs not a "freak" going through this....itʻs not her "fault"....there is a way through this and receiving professional support is the first step.
im 33 years old, completely chained to my parents, and made to submit daily. help me! im also a cancer survivor and my legt side of my body is weak so im unable to be independent and get space. help, please!
Oh i see. They used your cancer as a way to treat you as an invalid
Im no expert but finding a support system is probably the best way out of there. Reach out to extended family or other friends and tell them what your dealing with
This video helped me more than you could ever know. Thank you.
I had insomnia and was having a really bad anxiety attack it was super late so I called my friend over the phone in the morning I was to tired and felt paralyzed my mother got mad at me and said insomnia isn't real she took my phone away and I had another one I didn't know what to do so I was just there crying and shaking looking dumb
this is sooo true, with some people, the more kindness and compassion you show, the more they see it as a weakness and the meaner they are. so you have to do what works for you. I go every now and them when I feel strong enough to take the hatred for the sake of I want some contact.
I remember I had basketball practice 3 times a week until 5pm. School was done at 3:30. My dad would already be here to pick me up since 3:00. At the end I never played a game in my life.
My parents have been controlling my whole life. It was only when I was about 14 that I realised how messed up my life was. They’d never let me play any online games and never let me go out with friends for play dates or sleep over, and if I ever got to and it was at my place, my friends would be bombarded with rules which eventually led to them not wanting to hang out anymore. My parents are completely different people in public. Theyre sweet and kind and treat me like a human being but at home i just get shouted and and I get no privacy what so ever. I get mocked for who I am. Plus they’re homophobic and because of this they make my life even more like hell. They forced me to write a goodbye letter to my old boyfriend and I havent heard from him since. And they made it look like it was my fault and they made me believe it was my fault, and I got diagnosed with severe depression last year because of this and I tried to commit suicide multiple times. Luckily ive mostly recovered from that. Ive grown insensitive to how they treat me in a way, I get frustrated and stressed but now I just accept it because whenever I go against them, its like being crushed by a brick wall. When I was young they forced me to play the piano and i stopped a few years ago, but they kept in making me feel bad for it. Im still never allowed to hang out with friends and I remember the last sleep over I had at my place was a nightmare. We had a curfew for 22:00 and then we weren’t allowed to make *any* noise. We did make some and then they barged into my room and shouted at me. They still do this time after time. Because of this I’ve lost basically all my friends and as a result, fled to the internet for comfort in a way. They obviously dont like this and now take all of my stuff away from me at night, and as an extra “precaution so that I dont stay up” they block my wifi. They went out of their way to disable the DHCP on the router and assigned everyone an IP address just so that they could have more control and block me whenever they feel like it. Im not allowed to cook or help with the washing, and I volunteer. Im not allowed to take care of my cats which I battled for years for either. Theres so much I want to say but I can’t. Im tired and I’m honestly just fed up of life. My life has just been boring and filled with nothing but misery anger and disappointment because I’ve been stuck in this literal prison. Im not even allowed to go outside. And to make matters worse, my two brothers also mock and shame me and sometimes wish I were dead.. it really hurts to hear it from your own family. Im sorry..
How are you doing today? Any better? I really hope you're doing better. You deserve it! You're strong enough to even write this comment, did you know that? You have survived a lot and are still standing...♥️ if nobody told you, well I'm proud of you!
Wow...im 34 and this video was much needed for me. I've learned that my mother will never change her ways and because of that i've chosen to limit contact with her. My peace and mental health is top priority and I strive everyday not to be like her with my own kids. Good luck everyone during your healing journey.
I don't believe in maintaining a relationship if someone just because they're a relative. If they're toxic, its time to end the relationship.
4:20 “You never forget those awful words” I will definitely never forget some of the things my mom has said to me. I was kicked out a few years ago even though she didn’t want to call it that. (Like telling me to leave my keys on the table and going to live with my sister is not kicking me out…) I told her once during that time that I just wished she would support me. She told me “What is there to support?” I will never forget that. I got kicked out for asking to go to a concert with my boyfriend of 2 years that was overnight out of town…
My mom is constantly saying ehat I have to do. I have to be in a good relationship with my sister I cannot leave home because she says I cannot care for myself. She also says that she doesn’t want to lose me. And yesterday she said that she gave birth to me and that she loves me and that I do not give the love back. Because I don’t do what she wants me to do. Thanku very much. 💜
I went no contact then went to therapy. It’s s been 4 years now. Still no contact, still going to therapy. I wouldn't change a thing. That decision saved me.
So my parents are at fault for my depression and anxiety 😌nice
Imagine the level of control when the daughter is in her early 30s and still not able (afraid) to move out.
What if I can’t leave the family home and depression won’t leave me too?
The depression is understandable: Please know it is a *symptom*. Do not allow it define you, Shatha. Again, it is a *symptom* of an uncaring environment. Can you hear this? During this time: Get educated in your interests/skills so that, when the time arises, you can leave. Compassion-with clear boundaries. Do the meditations on my channel, too. Massive respect.
Complex PTSD Made Simple thank you for your very helpful reply. Truly appreciated.
I feel u! All this pandemic thing that makes us trapped in our homes is the worst
@@mandolaa it’s not only about the pandemic. My culture doesn’t allow it.
@@100uand100me I don't know your situation exactly, but if you're an adult and not respected in your home or abused or any other form of mistreating that leads u to depression, so it's better for u to see beyond culture and look your own sanity and health. Hope u get well. Peace n love
Thank you for this video. The best summary of experience and knowledge on UA-cam so far. Having these ideas explained can really be enlightening in an adverse situation, and it has certainly added clarity in mine.
Wow, thank you! So glad this video is helpful. Massive respect to you, Karuna
Wow..You are amazing! An eye opener and Angel. You're message hit the spot of awareness. I knew it but because they taught me to respect them no matter what the cycle has continued. I am 48 years old, I've been educating myself I love myself and I just want to be Happy and have peace. They don't understand they don't see it what they do. Now, I chose no contact. All will be ok.
Well done, Sandra. All will be okay. The illumined life....
I am breaking with tears ,Idk how to thank this women much!!! she is a life saver 🖤🖤