Narcissist’s Losses Are His Life
Вставка
- Опубліковано 8 січ 2024
- Loss is a feature of narcissism, but also an organizing-explanatory principle. Narcissism is about avoiding, inducing (bad object or victimhood), managing loss (reframing it).
Prolonged grief over what s/he could have been and what s/he has never experienced: love, sex, friendship, loyalty and over what s/he has always had to endure: infidelity, betrayal, and loss.
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: www.amazon.com/stores/page/60...
You can say in German Gut wiedermachen. It is more literary and poetic. I used it in this video for emphasis. But colloquially, in daily speech, the common expression is Wiedergutmachung (I use it in other videos of mine). See examples of Gut wiedermachen here: www.linguee.de/deutsch-englisch/uebersetzung/es+wieder+gut+machen.html and here: kz-adlerwerke.de/de/aktionen/auffuehrung/wiedergutmachung.html Also: Kant used the word Erscheiung in the first editions of his books, not Erscheinung. Do your homework, native German-speakers!
Das ist Bullshit, allein schon das Wort "wiedermachen" gibt es nicht, so würden nur Behinderte oder Migranten sprechen. Entweder das Verb "wiedergutmachen" oder "Wiedergutmachung" als Substantiv. Einen Druckfehler bei Kant zum Anlass zu nehmen alle Deutschen zu beleidigen ist armselig und akademisch völlig unprofessionell, aber so sind sie, die "Humanities". Wir im MINT-Bereich haben da allerdings andere Anforderungen. Alles in allem war das nicht überzeugend. Auch haben wir Deutschen den Begriff nicht fuer die Reparationszahlungen an die Juden erfunden, "Wiedergutmachung" ist die wörtliche Übersetzung/Entsprechung von Reparation im Deutschen. Einfach nur peinlich, das Wort "Wiedergutmachung" gab es schon zu einer Zeit, als noch keine Atom-U-Boote an Israel verschenkt wurden, ja da gab es noch gar kein Israel. Mit anderen Worten, machen Sie Ihre Hausarbeiten.
I've seen it first hand, narcisisstic people damage or destroy others, but are really self destructive too.
💯 definition of Stupidity
I really feel sad for my ex narcissist.. I discarded him as his toxicity was bringing me down.. he’s 45, but every time I look at him I can see this hurt insecure little boy trying to be brave.. him creating a false image and lying so blatantly to upheld his false self breaks my heart sometimes
The transition of one destructive shared fantasy to another is fascinating and tragic. I’ve witnessed this with my soon to be ex husband as he adopted a completely different persona after we separated. He admitted to me that he had “portrayed himself as someone he was not since the day he met me because he wanted me “.
Hmmmmmmm!
This was something that I couldn’t wrap my head around, the concept that I had been married to a conman and pathological liar who took no days off from his performance which went on for years. Whenever I had rare moments of clarity in that relationship, I would occasionally consider the possibility that this person has been lying to me all along and putting on an act for the best part of 12 years with only momentary slips of the mask, I’d immediately dismiss the idea as paranoid and outlandish, because who would do such a thing? It doesn’t even make sense. I still don’t understand it, but yes, narcissists who notoriously avoid commitment can commit to a decade long con, whilst lying to your face with total conviction. They will pretend to be someone they’re not, and then live it, acting as a rough reflection of what they believe you want or like. He liked everything I liked. His true self eventually revealed itself to be a covertly sadistic misogynist, yet I saw him vote for all female candidates the year Hilary was on the ballot. That’s dedication. Narcissists invented method acting. It’s an epic performance for the benefit of none.
Now I have to shake the idea that everybody I encounter is doing the same. It’s all a simulation.
A classic
I fell in love with the NEX’s fantasy of himself. Once married, I couldn’t believe the actual physical TEMPER TANTRUMS! Kicked him out the second & final time when he became physical with me. Definitely dodged a bullet; we didn’t even last a year. PHEW! 😌
@@zoecat2000 me too. I am now afraid of trusting others.
Very sad to have never known what love really is. Not knowing how to love or to receive love, which is the purpose of life.
That's me.
The meaning of life is to dominate
sympathy for the devil. No thanks.
“The biography of a narc is their losses” 🎯
My experience with a narcissist..
Wear a barbed wire dress.
I'm not kidding.
Or a plutonium suit! 😂
When the slate is wiped clean, all the people from the old life are wiped also.
Perfect, spot-on, description of my last 13 years as wife number 5! I did NOT KNOW that I was wife number 5 until the last year of the marriage!
Wow Professor! It’s like you were a fly…on the wall…in my home! The depth at which you describe him and with such accuracy…is incredible!
OMG. Exact description, 100%. I lived with one of them for 48 years.
I am sorry 😔
Oh my gosh!! I lived in this hellish pitiful mess for 50 years. I'm sorry for you and me. Total waste of life. Changed me forever!
@@GeriRogersme too: almost 48 years! Too broken to get out now. Making first steps in loving myself. Best wishes ❤
You don't know what you're talking about. Deep shame on you. You definitely haven't experienced real narcissistic abuse. @@Rileyed
Life can change even after 48 or 50 years
YES. Regarding loss.
Nothing else will make that type of human to motivate
Other than living in destruction
To have a place to shine internally
I wanted SO badly to help heal the wounded little boy i saw
So did I, I had to let him go, he forced it, I tried more than I could even speak of. It’s tragic beyond belief
Same
Same
Same, but he discarded me in the most hurtful way possible. I ended up vomiting from the mental anguish. That "little boy" is on his own now lol.
Same
I think I recognise myself in these videos, I do not wish like I want to do harm but because I don't act as a responsible and healed person, i do end up hurting myself and others
the most comprehensive explanation of a hurtful discard i've heard which will no doubt make the discard easier to take and understand that we have to move on....
Ive been watching the good Dr's videos for some time and can confidently say im borderline, if it wasnt for my deep shame and empathy id be a fullblown narc. The emptiness is soul crushing
Im healing from the same place, we can be better! I believe in you!
My Narcizist Partner (unfortunately im with him for 20 years), he changed when I went to police for domestic abuse and aggression, then we went to court, then he began to tatoo all over his body (except face). He made a long walk Porto to Fátima convent (Portugal 🇵🇹) , he said after he knowledge that he could lost me forever,he " changed" to the better, of course its a lie,he does the same sh!+ Over and over again, except aggression.
🤯 this is outstanding and complex. Wow just walking away from everything and reinventing himself!
WOW (again) - what an amazing episode.... I am on the verge of abandoning my narcissistic husband after 30 yrs of marriage - half ok and half a nightmare .... waiting for my son to be ready
Me too! 28 years and I’m planning an exit!
@@sharonsmith9332 All the best to you ! 🎀
Im at minute 3 and I see myself, my mother, my sister and my wiped father already :)) ... this sickness truly live among generation
The biggest loser is the unbeknownst narcissist.
(Commenting from my bf account)
My ex said that our children are his heart.
Yes they are his heart because he does not have a heart.
He can't feel.
He can't love.
He took the heart ❤️ of his kids to feed his own life.
A pond who think is an ocean
This is nothing short of brilliant! Thank you Professor 🙏
This sheds light on everything my ex husband did to me and to our family
One of your best videos.. How beautifully you've explained the narcissist!
Thank you for everything. I literally watch every video. My mother and sister are Narcissists, I'm the youngest, and my mother was a single parent growing up.
I have now realized that I am currently going through the Discarding Part of narcissistic abuse. And my sister thinks that she is going to take up the baton of my mother( Cause I've gone 100% no contact with her), by financially coercing me into doing certain things for money. Because she came in to some money from our stepdad who died. So she's trying to use that power to coarse me into doing things. It's sad . But it's real and I've radically accepted that they are the people that they are. I'm strategizing to complete the tasks that I can and also have my self-respect, to get some kind of financial asdistance. But the things that she wants me to do that would would crush myself esteem I leave that money on the table l.... cause it's not worth it. It's not worth doing things that are not an alignment with my morals and my values and who I believe I am.
The Narcissist created this relationship, this family, this home, this world it's his/her creation and they can destroy it.😢😮😢
Hmmmmmmm!
This hurts. It describes me very accurately. And it seems like it cant change, life only falls deeper into darkness.
Brilliant. Such sad people. Like aliens placed on earth to observe human emotion
I am grateful for you
You put things into
Proper perspective ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
When a dude on UA-cam starts narrating your last relationship 😑
I fell for a black hole in a child suit who would have to abuse me to make me prove my love, and then use me to propel his own life when he was confronted with the reality of my boundaries.
I really wish good therapists were easier to find in my parts LOL
I was literally looking to work on these issues before I met him 😆
excelllent views into the mind of a narcissist! thank you❤
So cowardly to dump on others what they are terrified of.
“Charm offensive”. Oh, my. I like that one.😂👍
😲I appreciate you're wisdom and wish you could feel this emoji 🤗
I go through waves of listening to your videos. I think its a signifier of my state, as I progress. Sometimes memories accompany your words. I re-live the moments (BDSM) with you narrating - explaining to me what is unfolding, as the movie plays in my head.
😂😂😂
Same here.
Love your videos, Professor Vaknin!
In their quest for supply, narcissists will literally leave a visible trail of sadness in their wake, maybe better put...destruction. They don't understand that they do this and I have true compassion for them. I have seen this.
1. Is it possible for a narcisist to sacrifice for one thing in life and become successful after all? 2. Which Cluster B disease is manifasted as irritation towards weaker, viewing them as pathetic...?
I've always found most of people simply hopeless and the other part I appreciated seemed not achieveable.
Thank you from the bottom of my sick heart, our dearest Professor Vaknin.
Your question is not aimed towards me and you worded them in a way that is hard to understand, but I have a lot of experience with demons with NPD so I might be able to add to question number 1.
If a ”person” had NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) then they cannot trully be successful as they are not capable of love.
Since they are unable to love anything, they are not capable of loving themselves. A grandiose narcissist will most likely be lovef and respected by others, this can help then get ahead in life, but the demon inside knows that it is all an act a play. So they are going to be sad and miserable all their life.
By my standards this is not success.
However, I see a path that might be similar to success. If a grandiose narc is selfaware and they visit a psychologist specialized in NPD and they are honest to them and ask for help, then they can learn how to act normal. If they publicly admit that they have NPD, act good and find an idiot who accept them for what they are then they might experience something similar to success.
If you live with a demon with NPD run, run and never look back. They cannot be helped or cured. They destroy everything and everyone around them.
I have to keep coming back to reinforce that i should feel pity and forget the shit I've been through.. thankyou sam the MAN ! ❤
Thank you Professor you're a lifesaver ❤
This is eye opening
Me 100% 👌 perfect timing. Thank you Prof Vaknin.
I’ve listened to this one several times. Thanks Sam.
So interesting! I'm learning alot 😊 thankyou ❤
Brilliant! Thank you! Very helpful, the whole victim/bad object thing. 👏👏👏
This is so good
Your best video ever, prof
Jawohl. Richtig gesagt. Yes indeed, very well said.
Greats insights ❤
coming back for my daily dose of: HE JUST... RUINS EVERYTHING
I know im not a narcissist because Im not after attention. I feel empathy even when i don't want to. Im not charismatic at all im socially adept but can come off as emotionless. I may have paranoid personality disorder.
Sam, I have been watching your videos for years, and it always help me with the endless confusion and questions meeting someone like this causes. Can I please send you the "love" letter the person who acted like a covert narcissist in my life sent me before he completely disappeared from my life, literally a day before. It's been nearly 2 years, and I don't understand why anyone would actually behave that way just to disappear. He has moved on and has a new person in his life that he lives with, when for 6 years with me he didn't finish moving in. I know there is no closure, but my mind keeps doing circles trying to understand why anyone would go above and beyond to express "love" when it actually meant absolutely nothing?. Specially after so long.
They would rather be a memory you hang on too than actually be in your life. They think it's 'romantic.' It's a cowards way out.
I am so in love when Sam talking about me 😊
Very interesting and informative video! How does it apply for narcissists who stay in long term relationships? How do they discard the person while still maintaining a marriage?
Search the channel for "self hoover".
Wow
If separating and individuating is recommended for victims, can the same therapy be appropriate for the narcissist?
Watch the therapies playlist.
Can being looked down upon and/or hated also count as narcissistic supply?
Being hated or feared is narcissistic supply.
I think I'm a narcissist but I'm being attacked by narcissists on the internet and in real life simultaneously. how do you deal with that?
So true, my life had been gangrenous disaster so I cut it off. Empty bomb shell is all that remains, walking a constant mine field of distress, pain and aggression is the only cause for my self narcissistic inquiry. Study myself to cut myself off even more lol
How can i distinct ADHD and narcecism? I am diagnosed and relate with a lot you are saying but i manage it okay, but i can’t keep a job or study, make new friends unless i am magnetizing.
Search the comorbidities playlist.
3 minutes in and I already feel way too much alluded to ffs
Would I be too vulgar to dare say that the narcissist is the WORST loser of them all? I'd feel sorry for such a deformity of a being, but I think I'd just be wasting my time offering such a vast emptiness of any interest, concern, or curiosity of mine. and so, I'll just leave it at; huh...
Does a narcissist always come back after previous rejection?
I mean: grandiose narcissist.
Watch the shared fantasy playlist.
I’m curious about the role of the subsequent relationship with a borderline, intimate partner of the narcissist, after he has experienced mortification by his ex-wife , in postponing or delaying the narcissist’s ultimate loss and destruction?
My ex wouldnt eat healthy or exercise regularly because that would have meant learning from me, and that she wouldnt have been perfect for not doing so earler in her life. After she discarded me she wanted me to know she is finally taking care of her self. It seemed like another atempt to hurt me. I couldnt believe someone would spite themselves just to hurt their partner, and then start to spite someone who did so much for them. It is literally crazy.
Hay sounds like me,now what?
Watch the therapies playlist.
Go and read some literature 😅😅😅😅
What if this happens during the coming drumpf presidency?
Learning German from a Jew. 😂
When I hear German language, I feel disgust.
Why?
I guess I never really understood that my only stability is the bad object....
Sam your German is good. I think you have a very good accent when speaking German by the way.
I have had a great teacher in my childhood. A gentile German from Koln who emigrated to Israel and was my neighbor.