My mother is very toxic. I’m at that point in life where I want nothing to do with her. She makes me miserable and makes me cry. She’s verbally and emotionally abusive.
Ya my mother is also like that and you know what I can't even able to do anything rather than crying and bearing all the mental torture that she gives me every single day.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. My mother is also abusive to the extent where I just gave up on hope already, can't seem to see light anymore..
How to "deal" with crazy parents? Do nothing. Don't bother trying to fix them. Don't bother explaining yourself. Keep far away boundaries by doing nothing.
I can’t do that because it makes everything worse..I tried it and they just threatened me so much and made me feel bad for all the things they do for me and how I treat them back...
Bruh what kind of advice is this. You're telling me that I'm not allowed to cry because someone caused me pain? Crying is supposed to be a way to release stress. Why shouldn't I cry? Why am I not allowed to release stress?
I'm just glad that I left my parents' home at the age of 17. This literally saved my mental health. I'm 24 now, and every time I come to visit them I become more and more convinced that it was the best decision I feel kinda jealous towards the people who get along well with their parents and have their support
Oof I would also really like to leave. I can't take my dad's bullshit anymore. It's worsening... However I'm financially dependent of my father and if I leave, I would probably starve to death lmao and I also don't want to move to an institution. That would be just as tragic.
I think one of the best ways to deal with a toxic parents is to get out of living from that home immediately when possible. Reducing the amount of time spent with a toxic parents will help save your self-esteem.
Sometimes parents are so abusive that you can't fix them or make them change their mind. Sometimes what you need to do is get out when you reach 18. Easier said than done but its important to start making connections with people while you're young to be able to move out.
Can confirm. My mom is a narcissist and my step dad is always negative. After I left that environment, I learned how draining it really is, to be around negativity everyday.
I’m 18 my youngest sister is 1 the other is three and the other is 14 I understand I watch the babies every day no pay not allowed to get a job no respect I understand
Leave, trust me 😩 you’ll be able to help them more while you’re gone. I wish I would’ve left but now i’m 27 and struggling with my mental health. Now I have to fight extra hard to move out... but I’ll be bringing my sister with me. She’s finally of age and out of high school, I wish I would’ve moved out at 18 or 19. I was so much more confident in myself, I could’ve given her a safe/quiet place to stay.
This comment is something special for me one of the things that makes me hate my family and home is being the oldest and having to take responsibility and care of them.
Me too.. I want to hate them but I can't. I want to love them but how!! All I can do is hate myself and cry all day lol. I hope you're doing well tho. Be safe and take care of yourself and one day it's gonna be all alright
@@imaneaffaoui1640 same but i don't hate myself i feel like i lost all my emotions when i lough its a fake one (when with my partens) I just hate my dad he is the biggest hypocrite in the world ngl. The amount of money he wasted is crazy he buys clothes worth 200€ then talks we shouldn't waste them then gets outside with 50€ for no reason. He doesn't even get that much from his job i have to help them like 90% of the time
@@Batu-27 i'm sorry you have to go through this. Don't worry it's gonna be fine. Just take care of yourself and know very well that you're not alone. My father too keeps wasting money and when i talked to them about this my mum said that at my age they were already working and other shit you know.. I'm studying to be an engineer and I don't have the time to be working at all my schedule is so full but still I'll be looking for a job after my exams cuz I just can't take it anymore. (I hope this helps I find it better to cope when I relate to someone and thank you too for sharing. And if you want a strange to lend you an ear I'm here)
@@imaneaffaoui1640 well sucks for both of us:( gotta stay strong someday we will be free and won't have these kind of problems and good luck on your exams you can do it!!!
The Governor wish it was that easy they are controlling a fuck I can't do anything after school even if it's a group project. I'm not a teen that does drugs drinks goes to parties. The last "party " I went to was with my friends birthday party and all we legit did was sit on a Couch with our 1 other friend throwing pens into a cup I'm not even joking . I'm home on time everyday I have straight A's I can't drive I can't leave the house without getting yelled at for like an hour even if I plan something a month ahead they'll ruin all of those the day before because of the smallest thing they have to do like they have to fucking water the plants if I try to bring a friend home and they say no I'll find another way we could hang out like go to their house or just go to the library they will literally start yelling about how disrespectful I am when I legit have never gotten in trouble I have listened to them every time they said to do something . They just thinkI'm like every fucking teen that does drugs or drinks or fucking vapes it so unfair how I'm treated
If you leave them they will chase you until you kill your self!! Thats my parents when i tried to keep away from them they wanted me to kill my self!!!💔
@@SpiritualThoughts44 oh wow, that's horrible😞 Hope you can escape them one day❤ And don't ever listen to them. You're worth so much more than what they think of you. Stay strong. I suffer from having a toxic father myself, and the best tip I can give to you is to never loose hope. Please know that things will get better one day, just don't give up. We'll get through this together✊
I wonder how that is going to play out. I don't think I can currently recognise a long term healthy relationship which would be stable enough for 30 years to have kids
Janneman96 I’m going to go to therapy and set standards of the kind of relationship I want and learn ways to prevent the generational toxic pattern from continuing.
My father is so toxic that when he comes around me i feel his toxic energy. i want nothing to do with him and I cant wait until i move out and get my own home . He is so emotionally abusive and every conversation i have with him i feel depressed.
omg same. even just hearing the main door opening at a certain hour makes my anxiety spiral because i know he came home and he’s about to throw his anger and hate about himself onto me. crazy
@@sco5b Parents don't 'choose' their kids, but have a lot to do with how they turn out, how they develop, and what challenges or successes they'll likely face as adults. Don't let adult parents off the hook, as if being the child is the same as being the parent.
@@gwills9337 exactly... I know that there are a lot of great parents which have such bad children.. But mostly children are the result of the way their parents raise them . If they are raised in a healthy way they we'll be emotionally healthy and less rude ... But when they're praised in a bad way "unhealthy way" .. they get rebellious or depressed or really weak emotionally.. So maybe parents can have the power of choosing what kind of Kids they can get " somehow ".
I replied to my parents "Who asked you two to be so horny during one night?" whenever they threaten me with words like those. And you guys know what happened ☠️💀
Just if you’re watching this,Im sorry!I want you to know there’s so many people going through the same thing,I’m one of them and I have a hope,for every one of us
This is exactly how I'm feeling right now, I'm trying my best to overcome my own issues, especially with the isolation and the pandemic, I'm trying to get out of a recent depressive episode and I feel like the people who are supposed to care about me and love me are only harming me and destroying me even more, emotionally and mentally. I feel overwhelmed.
That is really really true for me everytime I feel that things are changing they come tell me shitty things that I cannot do anything if I go like they want everything to be thier own way they not even consider my self respect they scold me in front of anyone with a really bad language I don't know what to do I feel trapped with them because I am only 18 and financially dependent on them pls help me anyone pls tell me what to do
They think it's all about them. They literally make me depressive. Our Religion dictates that we treat them kindly, nicely but it's really overwhelming. I can't take it anymore. Being sick and having no one to save you makes it worse.
Am I the only one feeling guilty for even just watching this video ? Whenever I have the feeling that my pattens are toxic I feel guilt because I love them and they raised me and gave me everything but still... toxic.
I cut my parents out of my life while I was in therapy. I know that might not be the right decision for everyone, but it's the best thing I've ever done for myself. My nightmares have stopped, my self esteem is better and my relationships are better with my friends.
It’s comforting to see how many others struggle with this. I can be hard going throughout the day seeing how many have great relationships with their parents and think you are the ONLY one who just doesn’t.
Yeah that happens to me when i see my friends and their sweet and close relationship with their father :( while mine is plain disconnected and toxic with his own child
exactly, all i was asking is for a little break and only talking to them when necessary, because I'm mentally exhausted and on the edge of giving up everyday, but for them its just bad behavior and disrespectful like you said, its just the audacity that they have to demand things of me that they don't give, I just wish they were more understanding, I don't hate them, I just need time away from them bc everytime I see their faces I just get uncomfortable and anxious, all the bad feelings come to me, and I don't need that, I need to heal and they can't understand that, but anyway, sorry for the long paragraph if u read this, I had to vent here, just to let ppl know that we are all struggling together, rn I'm trying to save money so I can move out asap when I turn 18 which is in 2 and a half years from now.
Does anyone else have extreme helicopter parents? My parents want total control over me. They talk to me like I'm still a child and they guilt trip me constantly for not spending enough time entertaining them. I do not live with them but if I ignore their calls for too long they will literally show up on my doorstep. (Happened before) after only 30 seconds of interacting with them my day is ruined. I become extremely irritable, anxious, exhausted, and depressed. They see these reactions in me and they are either oblivious or don't care. It's so upsetting.
For those of you who can’t afford or don’t have access to therapy: talking to yourself alone, addressing yourself as a third person and pretend to be your own therapist is also helpful, because there are so many things you can realise on your own while you’re describing your problems or feelings.
I do this thing where I talk to a voice recorder. I always save the recordings, even though I probably won't listen to the again. It encourages me to vent how I feel, and pretend someone actually cares enough to give up some of their time to actually listen to me.
@@phineassss4901 same but if he dies I wont have any financial support as my mother is uneducated and is a house wife (I love my mom ) but i am thinking on when i become 18 or 19 and go to college i will try to be more financially stable my myself and obviously take my mom and my little 3 yrs old brother with me and I am only 13 so a lot more tears to go But I will stay strong
i’m 21, almost done with college, still live with my parents, and still treated like i’m a young kid. i still have to ask permission to go places, shame me because i’m sexually active w/ long term bf, refuse to teach me how to drive (despite complaining taking me places), hate i spend more time with friends and bf, and claim they’ll never change their toxicity selves because they don’t believe any of that. there’s so many more, but overall, my parents are verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive, it’s slowly draining me and i keep hoping i can leave soon when i save up as time goes on.
Erika Kagome almost everything you said relates to me. Now I’m rushing myself to get married to leave the house cause i cant leave unless i am. It sucks.
That sucks. What worked for me is I had to be an asshole about it. I couldn’t be nice to her setting boundaries. Just had to buckle down put my foot down and deal with her throwing a huge temper tantrum about it
Kati I left my parents home at 16 years of age. I got a job and my own flat. I completed my senior years ( 11 and 12 in Australia). I had no other family in country. I worked hard, married at 19 and completed a bachelor degree at 30. I never had a drink or drug issue. Young people are better off leaving than destroying their health and future by staying. Your 5 tips are great. Thank you for being so positive, supportive and sensible about the topic of toxic parents. Physical and emotional abuse from parents is devestating. I'm 51 now and stronger than ever because I left home while I was still strong enough to stay healthy xx
Fern I would like to point out that now with the job market being the way it is it’s a lot harder for anyone to find a job that will allow you to get your own apartment. I had to be homeless for two weeks and live with friends for 3 years before I was able to find my own place. It’s hard.
I would write everything to my journal when I was 15. One day my mom found it and that day I was physically and emotinaly abused by her. I'm 23 now and I still live with the consequences from having a bad relationship with her. I live in America now they're in Turkey and I feel so much better.
@@eons8941 they are wrong, islam teaches the opposite, to actually treat kids and children with as much love, care, patience as possible, to remain calm and patient with kids, never lash out, coz they are just small kids and if they talk abt their rights as parents, then ask them, what abt the duties islam has given them as parents? what abt the rights islam has given u as a kid? Allah is gonna ask these parents on judgement day, that we gave u these blessings (kids) and what did u do with my blessing? instead of showing gratitude and being humble u abused it so badly? so yeah dont worry these parents will get punished for hurting u, just see to it that u do fulfill ur duty anyway (which is to respect them, respect doesnt mean u have to listen to them, but just treating them with respect) coz u will be asked abt ur duties on judgment day too....
2 more years for me, I cant wait. My mom is the most emotionally and verbally abusive person ever, I was diagnosed with ADHD and manic depression and she doesn’t believe it, even though I was diagnosed by a PHYSICIAN. She’s literally the reason I’m beginning to have suicidal thoughts, it’s horrible and I can’t wait to leave. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I feel miserable.
It's well known that Indian parents are the worst, as far as emotional harassment and manipulation is concerned. There are countless stand-up comedy videos with Indian mothers or fathers or parents as the topic. Those jokes work because of the serious amount of truth in them. Everybody has major unresolved issues in life and instead of fixing them by going to therapy, Indians just pass on the burdens to their kids and other family members. One is a psychopath or narcissist, the other has full blown anxiety with constant nagging or catastrophizing, yet another has a dominating insecure personality and another is depressed as hell or just emotionally unavailable. Dysfunctionality is the name of the game in our prestigious tradition because we cannot "disrespect elders" at all. Gives them a free pass to be assholes / sick without treatment.
I am so sorry to hear. Our relationship with our parents is the foundation of all our relationships. Hatred towards them will affect the other relationships in your life. Hope you can learn to love, even from afar, so that you can liberate yourself from hatred - its a big burder to bear. Sending you positive vibes :)
I grew up with a toxic parent and it made me miserable for years. I moved out at age 21. With my own children I struggled not following in the toxic footsteps. I took parenting classes and they helped tremendously! Im very close to my kids and thankful for getting out when I did! God bless you Kati for doing videos like these because I had no-one to talk to growing up, but Im sure you are helping so many just with these videos.
My parents are really toxic, specially my mom. I used to think that hitting children, hiding the fact that they abuse us and stuff like that was normal but now I'm finding out that it isn't... I'm only 11.
Hey, maybe its a little bit late, but well, you are here for something, be strong, specially now, take a lot of care, you are not alone and it will change some day, maybe not for them, but for you and your siblings (if you have) it definetly will
Same I am 16 now but since I was 5 shes been hitting me it really hurts and she doesnt even know shes wrong. She guilt trips me and threatens me and tells me I am useless. It's so horrible. I'm sorry you had to go through this. Be strong better days will come ❤
sometimes i feel im more mature and understanding than both my parents combined. i bet all these kids here will be the best parents in the world because they have lived without one
Setting boundaries to this older generation is seen as “being disrespectful “ and that just shows that they have never set boundaries and are used to being treated like shit
The "toxic parent" expects me to obey him(dad) no matter my age. I well above 18. He takes a contolling/lecturing tone when I shut him down(standing up to him). I haven't done anything for him to lecture me about, yet he tries to demand obedience. Too bad; he won't get it(obedience).
Don‘t think you can say this in general, bc there are many toxic people who treat others like trash while going rage mode when even the slightest trigger appears in their mind (like disagreeing in some opinions). Guess it is highly depending on social background and where you live. Plus these tendencies could be a genetical issue…
Due to the lockdown and quarantine, I am forced to stay with my family and i feel like my mental health is being shatttered one day at a time ! Edit : thanks for all the support, didn't expect to find such support on UA-cam comments🙈
I'm feeling same here. I'm 27 guy who had to join job in April but this virus came suddenly and ruined all my plans. Its very upsetting I get this. My parents too act sick many times. They use foul language on everyone they see. They don't understand what I want and focus on what they want. They behave so immature, childish, arrogant, selfish, naive, possessive over petty items and make a scene for small things, they keep on nagging whole day. Mt mom few days ago told me I'm not able to use my mind and I don't use it. I am loosing self confidence and becoming very agitated and angered because I worked in bank for 1 and half year and earned good salary. I have degrees , knowledge everything except my parents mentality towards me. I hate them lot for not allowing me to follow my dreams in life. They just irritate you to the extent that you feel disgusted even with yourself. Sometimes I feel alone, lonely and ask God why did they have me in the first place if I was not fit to live. Then I ask myself . They can't change but I can change. For myself. Not for them. No matter how much ever you do they are like you do nothing for us but for yourself. They complain a lot. Bring past matters some late 10 years back stories and mock at you. Thats how my parents are. They get scared if you do something new which you want to explore. They snatch away your freedom. They isolate you from friends. They don't allow you to fail and learn thinking positively. They don't introspect neither retrospect if something went wrong they simply blame you saying you are fit for nothing. That's old old old South Indian mentality village type which I have to accept as sins of my past life even when they do things unrealistic. They shout everyday keeping doors open to neighbors. Both are old age 64+ and 59+. And me being their only son its my responsibility to look after them till I join next job after virus leaves the county. Once the virus leaves I'm out back to my freedom life again. Waiting desperately like a starving animal to jump on freedom. Sooner or later thirst always wins. Hungry, Ravaneous.
I'm so fucked up from the way I was raised. My parents neglected me when I was younger. I understand why. They were working hard so that we could survive. BUT they never made ANY effort. On the flip side, they still were overprotective and controlling despite not spending any time with me. Its like they didn't care, but still cared too much if that makes sense.
I think I can relate to your comment. They did care for me but would dismiss any disagreement I had with them or their views. mostly my mom. They would make me feel like the worst person to ever exist if I made one mistake, judge me for having friends. Just overall instilled doubt, maybe unintentionally. But I feel what I feel. Relating to being overprotective. I can see why my mom was overprotective of me, being an only child and a premature baby. But the moment I even hinted the idea of moving out, she got mad at me and would take away certain things that would have helped me be independent. That way, I'd be forced to stay and go to school. It made me feel bad over time, and I didn't feel I had control over my own life. I tried to stay in college, but I dropped out. I mean we all thought it would be practical to just stay at home and go to college nearby. It made sense, but no one thought I'd lose so much faith and drop out. Faith in myself to ride it out.
I went through every single thing that both of you have mentioned Funny story , I realised this very late as I thought it was normal. It's very hurtful and depressing If one thing universe has done me good through this process is, I have a loving husband. But I am not using him as a source of happiness as I have learnt from life that nobody can make me happy except to myself. I am learning to make peace with my past so I can move on and spend the rest of my life away from the toxicity and if possible help the others who are going through the same. I have joined a Buddhist group that supports me through my depression along with a therapist. I am in the process of healing through low self esteem, low self confidence and setting healthy boundaries with family and friends
Yup. They were never truly there for me when I needed them, but were still constantly breathing down my neck. They always said the most ridiculous things without a second thought
My mom is so jealous of me,and she wants to make me feel bad about myself. Am not gonna let her destroy me anymore.To everyone has toxic family too ,stay strong, don't let anybody control you, you matter❤️
I think its so scary when a mother is jealous of their own daughter. Girl the best way to cope is to remember there is a reason she is threatened by you. Ur special. You got that it factor she wants. Use that to your own advantage and do great things in ur lifetime. Let her watch from the sidelines. Its the sad reality
For anyone who's having an issue w the "Getting out" aspect of it emotionally, or with siblings, here's a story of one of my cousins: My cousin, at abt the age of 12, grabbed up all the siblings he had in the middle of the night. He, at that point, was well aware that at least his little sister was being sexually assaulted by his mother's bf. His mother was doing nothing. So, my cousin waited til our state's curfew hour, grabbed his siblings, and left in the dead of the night. Police found them, took them to a shelter, and they were put into the foster care system - and eventually into my grandmother's care for several years of their foster care experience (which is why i call them my cousins, they were *not* placed from one abusive environment into essentially the same one). Crazy thing is, my cousin eventually became his senior class president, and got a full ride scholarship into a medical program. It gets better. So, even if you're an adolescent, please do speak up and speak out for yourself in whatever way you have available. Look up your city's children's curfew, have a bag packed just in case. Whatever you gotta do to get you and your family outta there
I also get from your story is to just simply believe. Facing your fear and stepping out of your comfort zone, God will create situations for you to evolve. And before you know it, your in a much better place then you were before because you simply had faith.
I had to actually sneak phones to call the police! Had a brother that pulled knives on me! Arthritis and parents that locked me in my room with master locks as I had a sleep disorder with no name so they could sleep! Claimed it was 4 to 1 outta the 5 of us! I called the police on it and according to my state laws any WIFF of abuse like that (we were adults and they still did) it is an automatic forced entry search to check it out! They didn't, my brothers told them each time "I'm too disabled to know what I'm talking about" and at one point through the WHOLE THING my brother who turned during the chat which did NOT make the officers suspicious and I told them he did, had a KNIFE BEHIND HIS BACK! I found out YEARS LATER they somehow signed papers that made me an adult minor behind my back and can only hope they're stopped I'm 29! In my state I ONLY get a 5 year window to sue, only found out THIS YEAR that the papers they had made me an adult minor past the time I had (5 years after I was 18!) and so I might not have been able to do a thing! It's such an obscure law that I just LITERALLY got lucky enough to over hear it one day BUT sadly 6 years too late as I was dropping papers off at the courthouse and I collapsed on a bench crying! Would have been so much easier if we hadn't moved to a 4-way intersection in the middle of nowhere that only had a bus that ran about 2-7 both ways in the afternoon and about 6-9 both ways in the mornings on WEEKDAYS ONLY! They kicked me out after my OLDEST BROTHER (the one that pulled knives on me OD'd, left in the note a DNR and that he had been abusing me ALL ALONG and claimed "we finally believe you and you're not nuts!" after like 8-9 years! *chuckles* They were all, "we're going to kick you out for your safety" as we chose to revive the scumbag! Due to not being able to get a job and docs that fast I was still/am forced to rely on them a bit so I'm fucked! I have no close family and the only Aunt maybe or a cousin of my dad's (I don't know as a lot of dad's siblings are way older and his family didn't talk much about their uncles/aunts) that used to live near us even backed up me being mentally ill just by me telling her as she was just with us as kids and back in early childhood my parents only used those doors with those knobs with that tiny little thing in the center that you just twisted to lock it and I don't get why they couldn't swap to those so I didn't feel like a caged animal!?! My dad who is a DOCTOR can't even see how laying the lock over the door and NOT locking it can cause the same effect as feeling caged like you're in a puppy mill! I tunnelled outta them but as they were all upstairs and the front door was heavy and the only way out other than the garage as they eventually locked the sunroom addition attached to my room and even with a kitchen knife I couldn't scrape off the seallent they used on my window! I hoped the relative was close still, would have compassion and take me in! Instead, she acted like my mother (even though she is from my dad's side as she only knew the "fake, happy family" image we put out to the world when young) and called me a cynical, fucked up, mentally deranged, narcissist that needed a mental hospital and needed to be forcibly drugged til comatose so her derangement caused by her warped, disabled mind never destroyed the world again! My dad's family is Jewish and no offense to any Jews out there but, THEY TOOK THE HOLOCAUST HARD as dad's parents BARELY ESCAPED! To the point of his part German father NEVER speaking German at home and she started reminding me of horrendousness I saw from EVERY NAZI in all of the dozens of films, documentaries, books, photos, etc. on WWII! My mother (Catholic but not that religious) WAS THE EXACT SAME!
These comments make me feel less alone!!! Thank you. Did anyone else ever start to envy one parent because they just sat and watched the other parent be emotionally and verbally abusive to you? I feel guilty for it now, but I can’t stand it anymore.
This. And if you don't have the money, move with a relative who roots for you. I remembering leaving home after a big loss and being done with everything and my grandma has been such a healing factor for me. I realized how sick and guilty atmosphere my house was. I wish you the best.
@@chibi1353 same happens with me. I'm 22, I work hard to earn money but they mentally torture me and get the money. I was a bright student. Somehow I'm trying to manage my life but they still don't let me live peacefully. 😭😭😭 He spends money to pretend like he is very successful among knowones. But didn't had money to pay a small college application fee. I worked hard three year to get the college. But everything became waste. Since last 3 year I'm trying to manage my life by earning money. I'm still in better condition than my sister. They made her life miserable to a degree you can't imagine. I was intelligent to sense that my parents will make my life miserable. I've one more younger brother I won't let him go through the same pain like me and my sister. I'm crying for my sister, her life is not less than a hell. I can manage my life but what she will do with such toxic parents.
My tears just dropped when i hear there is such human, that will listen to me without judging, without backtalking about me and just happy conversation... I hope there is a lot of people like that in world
Also it comforts us to know that we are not alone . There are others like us . Just be safe and cut ties with your toxic parents. Just ignore them . I know it might not be fully possible. But try your best to stay away . We think they might change or we may even forget how they were a week ago coz somehow they act normal and happy at the present. So because of that we try compassion. BUT THAT NEVER WORKS . It will be on that moment that they might drag you into an unwanted silly conversation that can escalate pretty quickly. SO AVOID ALL CONTACTS . DON'T BE DISRESPECTFUL . MIND YOUR OWN THINGS . However, if you follow all these rules and stay perfect. They will always brings up something from the past . SO THE SOLUTION IS TO GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THEM . RUN WITH YOUR LIFE . MOVE AWAY , SHIFT TO ANOTHER PLACE IF YOU HAVE ANY CHANCE. YOU MAY HAVE TO SACRIFICE YOUR COMFORT ZONE TEMPORARILY. BUT KNOW THAT IT'S FOR THE BEST . JUST STAY AWAY FROM THESE TOXIC MANIACS . THAT'S BEST FRO THEM AND FOR YOU .
This resonates with me deeply. My mom is nurturing and loving to ends meet. But my Dad is a walking nightmare. Trying to save up and move out because I can’t allow my son to grow up any longer in this environment. The things my Dad says to me breaks my heart, but only has made me stronger and more motivated to get the Hell out!
In the Same exact boat. I have a very toxic father. He uses words to hurt you. No choice but to move out but jobless at the moment . Can’t take it no more
the most useful advice in this video was 1.limitting the amount of time you spend with them and 2. getting a job. Especially for young teenagers who feel so helpless and trapped, it's psychologically empowering to find something you finally have control over in your life. when you get a job you can now control the friendships you have with your coworkers, amount of money, things you buy, and time spent away from home. Other ways i avoided being at home was by staying after school and hang out in my teachers tutoring hours where I could talk to my classmates and teachers while getting homework done and studying. I have found that when your home life is so dangerous and unproductive it becomes paramount for you as an individual to do all that you can to stay safe and find dominion in your life. To all the kids that are going through this, please know it honestly gets better. I didnt think I would have made it this far but Im glad I stuck it out a little bit longer...
Gerb Cham This what i needed to hear. Thank you. This is exactly how i feel, helpless. I Think ive more or less come to the conclusion that i need to get away. There is so much i want to do. And so little time and money. I dont even know where to begin...
I hope Katie responds to this question. I have a family member that I can’t cut off, well coz they’re family. But I have never met anyone more toxic in my life. Spending a day with them is just so draining and I try to limit that as much as possible. Even if I don’t engage, just hearing them talk is just filled with so much negativity that I go home with a boatload or anxieties and I need to sleep it off for days. Think: dementor (not even kidding) The person feels like everyone around them isolates them and gets upset and comes to our house crying about it, and we have told them how we feel about the negativity but it never changes. We are just tired of things never changing. Would really love a way that we could cope with them without losing our sense of happiness whenever they’re around?
Literally doing the best I can which is smile and nod because I fear if I open my mouth, the truth comes out. I instead text the conversation live to my husband and my remarks along with it. I worry I either bottle up the negativity in me or spread to my husband but I just wish there is some how it doesn’t need to be that way. The comment about how their lives are so much worse is a major slap in the face for everyone because everyone already goes out of their way for em. If we all decide to not interact with them, we’re literally sentencing them to starvation and isolation. Because somehow they’ve managed to piss off all their friends and family members that only the ones in the vicinity are left.
My issue is not with my own family but a significant others family. We both find it difficult and anxiety inducing to be around them. I personally really hate their micro aggressions and ignorance on issues like civil rights and racism. My SO had an (in my opinion) emotionally abusive upbringing where he was not allowed to express emotions that his parents weren’t comfortable with or challenged their authority. This behavior not only continues but has affected my SO into adulthood where he has trouble identifying and expressing his emotions. I need coping mechanism because it is not solely my choice to be around them, I do so to support my partner. I have never in my life had to deal with such toxicity that I couldn’t just immediately cut out. Even setting boundaries with his family provoked outrage and false victimhood. It’s exhausting. We no longer live in the same state, but we will be going on a large family trip to another country making us both feel even more vulnerable. Any tips on exercises that have helped you in similar situations would be deeply appreciated.
Because of my parents I don't want to get married, and I don't want to have any kids. They ruined the idea of love for me. If I were to have kids and I end up being like my parents.....I'd rather not put that child through anything I went through.
What if it’s during the quarantine? I feel like I can’t escape the abuse and the family my family lives with downplays the abuse my mom does. They also abuse me emotionally and make me feel crazy for feeling abused.
Alex, my family and I are having to go through this with my dad... See my comment on this video for details, but it's gotten very hard, and really it's just making everything so clear for me that I don't need him in my life. I imagine a lot of people in these relationships are having to deal with this and hopefully, this quarantine will be the fuel that will get us to working on our own path to greatness... Stick to your guns and know you are worthy of value bc you are awesome and ya know it. 😉 Take care love and reach out if you need someone to talk to ❤️ we got dis!! Sam 🙂
I've been living with their toxicity around 25 years and couldn't take it anymore during the quarantine, feeling the prison getting smaller, sensitive more than ever and finally thinking about suicide; hence I searched youtube to help myself out before destroying myself and work life.
My mom kinda took off my door so I can’t really be alone and whenever I try to sympathasize with my mom she makes it into a negative thing and makes me feel like there is no point in trying to even make it better anymore.
Shes damaged beyond repair. She will never be the mother you want her to be. Try to get a job and save money (really save money) and leave. Thats the only way it will stop, besides moving in w someone else.
I'm going through the same thing. When I was in middle school they took the doorknob off my door for en entire month. And recently, my mother especially, has been threatening to take my door away or swap my room into one they'll be able to get I to easily and see what ever I'm doing at any time she wants. I'm here with you, dude.
Well over a decade ago, I was talking to my mother on the phone. At one point, she said, "until you can think like me, I don't want to talk to you". !!! Well, okay then. Since then, my mental health has improved immensely. I realized the depths of her abuse and narcissism. I realized she didn't see or want ME, she doesn't miss ME, she wants someone to fill the imagined daughter-shaped hole in her life. I missed her a bit, but realized how toxic and painful it was to deal with her, and continued to abide by her wishes. I know she still wouldn't want me in her life, she is VERY alt-right, and I am bisexual and rather progressive. I'm saddened at times, because she was very pro-womens' lib in the 70s through the 90's, then started listening to Anne Coulter rather than Marianne Williamson.
The only problem with my parents is that they don't acknowledge my true personality.They keep criticize me to put on a fake show that we all a happy family and shit like that.Whenever we argue,I always go do for a walk and the more I do this the more I realize how bad my parents is to make me doing this.
The same feeling bro... Like when they make me upset, i feel like i need to do some shit or go outside for days until i calm down again...so this happens over and over... Can't take it no more... I could be doing something more useful like playing music or learning something, but instead i am running away from them
Easy to blame your parents for things rather than to look at yourself and try to figure out your role as well. Lots of times kids don't want to be told things. They are very dismissive of their parents by saying things "You just don't understand! Things are so different today than they were when you were my age." Lots of young people like to use the terms "toxic" when describing their parents, but they don't use the terms entitled and spoiled when describing themselves. Wait until you become a parent to a teenager, and they start to describe you using unkind adjectives. One big issue with young people today is that they live in social media, and they think the stuff they view on social media is real, and they are CONSTANTLY comparing themselves to what they see on social media. Social media isn't real. That beautiful model, with the seemingly perfect body? Chances are that she took 60 pictures of herself and ran it though types of filters before she found the one she wanted to post. Yet, hundreds of young girls and women will look at those photos, then look at themselves in the mirror and become "depressed" and hate themselves because they don't feel they measure up. It's very sad. I am a true believer that if people stayed off of social media, their mental health, and their lives, would improve TREMENDOUSLY. There are a few good things about social media, but I feel the bad aspects of social media outweighs the bad by a lot.
You are the author of your life not your parents,Strengthen your emotional maturity you can't control someones behavior you can only control your response to them.
@@MagnoliaPantherWoman thank you so much for making this comment I'm going to try and use all the infomation you said to use against my parents and I have to admit I feel so crushed some times by my mom as shell find any way to get in my head wether its through my cripling recent germaphobia or threatening to take the lock of my door or send me away to a mental asylum or when I was little to write the letter L for loser on my forehead with permanent marker and I've kept my feelings buried down beacuse every time I go to speak to her she just walks away saying i need my time away from you for my mental health so to just speak to her i need to find at a time were she cant run away just to speak to her and then she says that im harrasing her into speaking and that I'm just like this beacuse I'm a bratty teenager and there known for going against there parents and also that for all she's done for me this is how I repay them and then she completely turns it around to make me feel and seem like a bad person and then until I apologise to her she will be constantly on my back angry at me every were I go and most recently I confronted her again years later saying how I'm a person with opinions and not just and dumb child or teenager and how I was feeling generally belittled and it ended up turning into a huge argument in amongst the anger I screamed go die and imediatly regereted it and didn't mean it so when I went to say sorry she ran away saying how cruel I was as she ran into a room and slammed the door later that day she ran down stairs to try to overdose on my dad's Medicine and I had to hold her down from doing it as she shouted at me IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED YOU IDIOT! she eventually calmed down and walked away so as she was upstairs I called my dad to say what had happened and he just told me to breath and go out and have a walk little did I know around the corner was my mum shouting at the phone to my dad whilst I was on it that I was lying and I was fabricating the story and now all this time later she starts invading my privacy making mean comments teasing my germaphobia and then she says she needs to drive me to my therapy which helps my germaphobia which I always go to but unfortunately today I couldn't as my clothes were really dirty and I didn't want to put them on as it could trigger a spiraling panic about being dirty then I'll have I huge shower so I said that I really didn't want to go as that could happen and then she shouted at me saying she'll send me to a Looney bin and that I'm her and everyone else's problem and main source of stress and I stood up for my self and simply replied I don't won't to go through a panic attack today so she called my therapist saying how I'm not even putting on clothes now and that I'm always lazy and stuck in my room all the time and that's making me unhappy when I'm not I'm an introvert and every time I say it's not me being indoors its you she replies by saying stop being such a grumpy teen and she completely bounces of the subject then later that day after speaking to my therapist she calls my dad saying the same lies and as could have guessed and it ended up in an argument once she hung up her phone and then she went out and bought new clothes and rescedualed the apoinment for later that day once she came back I was going to put on the new clothes to go out but then she bring up the argument from earlier causing another argument and we eventually didn't go later that day she gets runs a bath gets drunk in there and starts crying causing my dad to imediatly blame me for what I had done making me feel even worse later as my mum had not stopped crying and was ignoring my dad's question of was she okay he broke the locked door down only to find out there was alcohol and a knife there and that she was going to kill herself long story short she eventaully didnt as me and my dad stopped her but from that day on wards shes been more hatefull and deppressed and taking it out on me to the point were when i sit down by the tv at night to watch something and to calm my emtions and mind she will come down stairs and say something or threaten to take something of mine away from me and now she's just told me minutes ago that she just doesnt care anymore and doesn't love me anh more and im not even gonna cover my dads stupid alcoholism that's he's had prataclly my whole life or my stoner sister in this comment and don't know wether I wrote this for my self or to finally tell some one and get it out but I do know that this comment will certainly help me thank you
I'm crying while I'm watching this video because at this point I'm so tired..The only reason I'm going on in my life is because I want to be successful and to achieve everything I want and just leave them and everything painfull behind. Nobody will ever understand how toxic my parents are and how controlling they are...I'm so tired and I really want everything to end
I am so tired, i want to move out i want my space. I hate it when they judge me because i am doing things my way not the way they want. I am not my father I am me, i want to be me, Not like him, he maybe successful in life so what. I am not him i will never be him. I want to work and have a life I dont want to be a successful businessmen or politician just to surpass him or be like him. I just want to be a person that wants to be happy and doing my things my way. Thank you atleast you give me a step or guide what i neee to do just to have space.
I'm 17. I locked my room. The next day my mother came to my workplace, took my keys and kicked me out with just the clothes on my back. She took me back now (thankfully, because I really wanted to just graduate). I graduate in April 30th, I have my prom in May 25th and I told her that I am moving out on the first of June, I honestly can't wait! I just started my letter to my mom in which I want to explain how she made me feel for all these years. I tried explaining it to her a lot of times, but she doesn't listen. I thought a letter right after I leave would maybe make her think of all these things and HOPEFULLY she can change for my little brother and be a better parent.
I did that. I found the letter on the top of the fridge. She never opened it. Never read it. Never changed. Just get out and stay in contact with your siblings- they may need help to get out later on.
What if one has a toxic parent in the sense that it's more emotional... Asian parents have that tendency. But to them it's "love" not putting their loved ones down. But it's so detrimental to one's mental health. Is excessive nagging, or putting down of one's dreams/desires still toxic? I mean, if the parent genuinely does love the child but constantly nags to point where the individual has decision-making issues, and constantly second guesses themselves. The parent does cares for the child, and provides but the child is afraid of telling the parent anything (even potentially good) in fear of getting our hearts broken...
This video dropped at the absolute best time in my life :) I’m talking to my therapist about this on Tuesday, so this will really help me figure out how to express myself. Thanks for all you do, Kati!💛
My parents ignore me and don’t give a fuck and then expect me to be the best person ever treat me like shit I can’t love anyone bc of them I have trust issues I thought 2020 wasn’t gonna be like this but it is and I feel like dying all the time
Thank you. It’s been so hard to think I’m abandoning my sibling. You’ve given me the courage to continue stepping forward towards a (hopefully) healthier future in a healthier environment
This was a real eye opener,I am 21 ,and still living with my parents and I really strugle with them almost everyday,it can be really tiresome ... This video really helped me to understand more and understand what is the next step.I was thinking about moving out to live on my own ,and just the thought of it makes me feel free,but at the same time I am kind of scared and feel like I dont have the courage.I plan on moving out till the end of the year.
the reason we are scared is because subconsciously we choose what is familiar and hence we don't take a different action. Whenever you think you don't have courage, remind yourself you are born with courage, its the programming you had since you were a kid that tells you to be afraid. :)
I remember living at home and I was in college, working 3 jobs and going out with friends any chance I’d get. Stay busy if you can’t move out. But get out as soon as you can. It’s life changing!
How old are you? I'm 18 :/ I feel you. This fckg country were I am. Can't get out. The only way (opportunity) I had was a short career being a airport fire fighter an after one year of that career i get an insured job. But a few days ago after go to the doctor, they let me know that I had serious problems in my spine. Can't do the career. My parents don't even care...
I am going to start practicing for my driver's license so I can get away faster and I will take every club possible so I can get away from this toxicity. For those who pray, please pray for me. I am struggling.
My parents don't allow me to leave home except for school and i can't ask them to not yell at me. They get even worse if i ask those things. I went to a therapist and all i could establish is that i don't want them in my life but i can't move away because i'm a minor and i don't have the possibility to work while i can't leave home. I feel like i'm locked up and i don't know what to do
@@rahuljain2862 find a church with people who can teach you about God's love through his son and show you to give your life to the omnipotent God who knows all and has plans for you who can teach you who you are in him. Then God will work things out in your life. He will show you how to be with your parents how to forgive and pray for them. They will also be there to give word to help you get away and spend time with those who genuinely care. I promise this. If a Christian doesn't care or love you as themselves and don't apologize and do those things then they are deceiving themselves and they are not living How God if they repented and were filled with his spirit enables them to. I want you to know and understand this please. your parents do love you but they are human and possibly just being who their parents were aka your grandparents. But don't hold a grudge against either. The devil in them is winning when you let what they do harden your heart and hold them guilty rather than forgive them as Jesus forgives all who ask. Love them despite their carnage whether it's physical verbal in any situation. I speak for myself here as well. From experience. Remember the power is in your hands you can either let them take your peace or you can forgive them and keep it. But please hear me on this even those with good home lives and all the money in the world don't have the deep peace fulfillment and purpose that Jesus Christ gives Freely. He died so he could be with you. I like these scriptures which are his living word. Because God lived out on earth in the flesh and now through his Holy spirit . Psalm 34:18 18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. John 14:27 27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. Jeremiah 29:11 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Also please check out Todd White. Listen to his testimony. He'll show you the real Jesus through word and his testimony. He lloves you so much John 3:16. He really really does he cares for you. He answers all who call on his name Jesus Christ the name above all names. Also please check out For King and Country - God only knows. Then I can only image by mercy me. He sings about seeing eing abusive father in heaven and standing before Jesus Christ the one who paid it all but he sings about his father in there because at the end of his life Jesus helped him to forgive his dad and his dad apologized and God changed him and saved him right before he died. Isaiah 43:19 Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. (he's speaking to the Israelites but to us in the desert and storm of life that if you look to him he will do what he did for them because the promise for them is now for us too the gentile. I'm sure you don't know what all that means. But know this again I'm telling you he loves you! I wouldn't be telling you if he didn't also.. He also has a movie out just type in mercyme movie on goodgle If you have theological questions about God UA-cam ravi Zacheriah (I like this one. Ravi zacherias - Why does God let good things happen to bad people) If you have questions about science and how it relates to God or vise verse UA-cam Kent hovand and or hugh ross If you want to know the history of the church that is now for us not just the jew. UA-cam Lee stoneking History of the church part 1 I just want you to completely understand how much God loves you. Let him show you. open to his Word. Read mathew mark Luke and John. And please message me back if there is anything specific I can pray for you for. GOD BLESS YOU! I will pray for you. I can relate to feeling trapped among other things. Atleast that is until God set me free because who the son sets free is free indeed.! (doing a proof read on a cell phone with a small screen under your key pad is hard. Please forgive the spelling thanks. UA-cam Todd white ✌️🤙😉
@Rahul Jain Bro that is not ok. There is so much to do and see on this planet it’s unreal. Don’t let them take your time and your energy and shield you from a threat that’s not there. If you want to go to college you MUST do so for yourself. Connect with yourself and know that nobody understands what’s best for you except for YOU and don’t let anyone else convince you otherwise.
im so glad you made this video. ive already started to save up money to be able to move out from my home. my mother is always telling me i won’t be able to make it on my own, but i know it’s important for me to leave when im finally able to.
Yes! Keep saving.. you will totally make it on your own. Don't listen to her, and keep doing what you need to do to keep yourself happy and healthy. xoxo
Hey... I usually don't leave comments, but... I just wanted to tell you this, Kacey: My mother had always told me that I wouldn't make it on my own, that the world was evil and would just chew me up and spit me back out. I believed it so much, that I didn't leave home until I was age 32. And when I did, I saved my money and ran far away - from Philadelphia to Minnesota. I'm currently age 37 and so very happy living in Minnesota, in a very good community with friends and my sister. I've made it without my mother and is able to take care of myself on my own, so I guess she was totally wrong about that. Good luck, Kacey! I truly wish you the best!
kacey salgado, it’ll be hard and at times you’ll wonder if you really ever needed to, “it couldn’t have been that bad” but you do need to and it will get better for you. I promise
"Staying in your room" I've depression and my therapist is always telling me to stay in the living room and social with my family even though they know about the chaos and the toxic stuff that's happening at home and when I'm hesitant to do that they talk to my parents and tell them to force me. All this isn't helping and just making my depression worse. It's sad not everyone truly understand what it's like....
My mum is already broken because my fuckin retard dad. I already lost hope to these two. I want to be success in life and start a new family without them inside.
Thank you so much for this video. Reading the comments made me cry because it's so relate-able and I felt so alone in my situation. I love my parents, but I feel like I hate them at the same time. They are strongly verbally and emotionally abusive, to the point where I cry myself to sleep and became depressed from it. My dad is the main problem, and my mom always adds on the extra trimmings. My parents have been talking about putting me into therapy and I was strongly upset about it making me even more depressed. Since I saw this video I'm thinking the opposite. I feel like if my parents put me into therapy i'll have a place to vent about them and help myself cope better.
It's crazy that the lack of attention/love I got from my parents at a young age suddenly breaks something inside me after 21 years. I now know how bad I was treated and how I never developed a solid self-esteem. Now I have to take the consequences for it.
Im totally with you. I grew up the same, no love, no respect, no nurturing from my parents. My mom made me feel like shit. She would always tell me that children should always respect their parents no matter what. She never accepts her mistakes because she is always right and i am always the problem. I thought it was a culture thing but now that i am older i realized how toxic she was and the environment i grew up in. I never realized that the root and reason why i have such low self esteem now, and why i turned out to be a people pleaser was because of all the emotional damage she caused
Thank you for these tips. I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years. He is the most loving and beautiful soul I could ever ask for to be in my life, and I feel terrible that he has had to put up with how the toxicity of my parents has damaged me. It affects other aspects of your life if you are not careful. I get my master's degree in December and am moving out as soon as I can... not just for me but to keep our relationship healthy. I know deep in my heart once that happens, everything will get tremendously better. Currently reading "Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life" by Susan Forward. Maybe this will help someone. I hope everyone is able to hold onto a dream, a person, or anything that keeps them happy and hopeful.
Ur comment made me cry, because it hit home... I am struggling with my family for a while... I came back to live with them last year and honestly it is just another type of pain than what we experience outside... But what hit home for me is that i am currently seeing someone and for the first time of my life, i met the most incredible person i have ever met, such an angel... But the problem is, i feel like i am too depressed by my family to actually be in a good mood for this person... Like how can i be my best version when my family and shitty family is toxic... Such a sad thing for me... My person had been understanding like yours but i just feel like one day i will be left alone because i might be too much to handle and it is all because of my family.
I think my parents have a better relationship with their pets than with me, and probably it is because they can make every decision on them, the dog will always be emotionally available at any moment, always happy to see them and always grateful, they won't speak back when rebuked or grounded. So basically I think my parents have better relationship with their pets.
I really don’t understand what makes this people like this?! I mean I don’t really understand why would you be a Venom to your own Blood and flesh 🤯 I used to think I’m the only one who have a toxic mother but i see the struggle is real.
Your not alone.!!.. My mom is verbally abusive. And still is... And she has this very intimidating look to her ... And im 32... I stay away now... And she try to use my kids to get back around to verbally abuse me again in front if my kids.... And my kjds never listen to me because of her... 😢
I don’t get it either I would never treat my child the way my parents treat me its disgusting I try to get them to see what they are doing and how they affect me and they refuse to listen
@@itsmek868 Just be good with your parents, don't even say no, and if they wrong you, u have to be good with ur parents. because when u misuse to ur parents god will punish u the most punishment ( ur kids will treat you like u treat your parents, u will be humilated in social life, everything will go against you) in Conclusion, whenever your parents are satisfied of you, your life will be awesome, and you will own a huge power personality, everybody will fear U.
I am really glad there are videos like this that address these sensitive topics. Toxic parents is something that isn't really talked about among American society, and it's really destructive. The less we talk about abusive, toxic parents, the more these patterns will show up in families. It's so important to talk about this stuff. You're videos are guiding me, along with therapy, to finally make the move to move out. I really hope that anyone who is struggling with toxic parents and toxic family in general, know that they deserve to be happy and loved. And they have the right to protect themselves from the emotional abuse.
*Thank god i live in a small town , and when I turn 18 I will move out of my parents house to a completely other city to attend college* I can't wait. 5 more years to go.
It's taken me I think 5ish years to realize that a parent taking their kids door off isn't normal. I moved upstairs a few years back, and I barely realized the door thing is happening even rn
My dad took my door out of my room when I was 12 years old because he wanted to know what a child does when the door is closed. A fucking 12 Y E A R O L D
I always respect my mom, when im at a shop and see something she might like I but it for her. Today she came to my room and Said she had to take a break from being my mom and that I don’t have a mom for now. All because I didn’t want her in my room because she laughed at me. No one cares and I know it’s hard for her but I’m the depressed one. I’ve been struggling so much with just staying alive especially this week. Also my dads an alcoholic so I have no adult to help me
My parents have always been extremely controlling and I feel like I've been verbally and emotionally abused for years. I'm 20 years old now and I still have to ask permission for me to go places (they still say no for the most part), I'm not allowed to be in a relationship, and I'm not even allowed to choose what college I go to! It's hard for me to save up money to move out because my mom is forcing me to stop working (she calls my workplace and tells them that I'm not allowed to work there anymore). They guilt trip me whenever I'm at work and "don't spend enough time" with the family, yet my mom complains about having to spend money on me. And it's so stupid that I can't even lock my door. My mom always screams at me constantly reminding me that I'm her worst child and I'm so ungrateful and many more hurtful things. What sucks is I don't have any relatives near me that I can just run to..so I feel alone. I thought at this point in time I'd be numb and able to block my mom's hurtful words, but sadly there's still a little hope inside me that is still waiting for her to change and for us to rekindle our relationship. I'm sorry for the rant you guys, I just needed somewhere to vent out.
I can completely understand where you are coming from. I want you to know that you deserve unconditional love and you shouldn't live for anyone else except yourself. I hope you move out when you get the chance to!
I was treated like that but I survived and wrote a book about it and it is called in comfort of Mary by Bethany Ford its on amazon and its on UA-cam and you can read chapter one on UA-cam now. Tell me what you think x
You can get help, have a word with your GP and they will help you find the best solution and they will help to find a place for you to go and tell the police you can have her convicted for that. You can get help I promise you but please tell the police x.
There is a way disappear find shelter and general relief like food stamps to eat talk to god every day he will protect u on yr journey. Then when u settled called them but dont let them know where u at
These comments are making me want to hug all of you. It's somehow both encouraging and tragic that so many young adults feel stuck under the thumb of our toxic or abusive parents. I think many of our parents just do not know how to love us. They don't encourage our independence yet they make us feel guilty and incompetent for depending on them. If a parent cannot acknowledge the effort and the positive attributes of their young adult child who is trying to get their education, trying to take care of themselves and have a career and a life, then that parent is not emotionally supportive. If you have a parent who is financially/physically supportive but emotionally damaging, that is TOXIC and you have to be willing to respect yourself enough to GET OUT. Maybe it's more comfortable or easier to live in a parent's nice house, have health insurance, shared phone plan etc., but you're getting much more harm than help if that person who is 'providing' for you is really just controlling you.
My parents still give me low self esteem. I'm 28 live with my partner an hour away and still feel I'm treated unfairly compared to my siblings. But at the same time they smother me. It's complicated. It's like they are trying to make up for their ways by overbearing but in a polite distant way, my mum uses the I love you and I'm thinking of you speech but isn't willing to take me seriously. Everything they do makes me feel inadequate where they don't take me seriously regardless of the fact I'm the only one who has made a life for myself my sister's still live at home. I am the middle child. Anyone else get where I am coming from?
Since my childhood mom always mock me, insult me and hit me, I'm 30 years old now and she still doing the same to me and my self-esteem is low. I'm tired of living with her.
This is kind of my situation...I wonder what I owe them when they are older? They do more for my sister and I am at this point of just letting them deal with each other and leaving.
My mother is very toxic. I’m at that point in life where I want nothing to do with her. She makes me miserable and makes me cry. She’s verbally and emotionally abusive.
so is my dad
Ya my mother is also like that and you know what I can't even able to do anything rather than crying and bearing all the mental torture that she gives me every single day.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. My mother is also abusive to the extent where I just gave up on hope already, can't seem to see light anymore..
My mom too
I hate my fucking mother too
Trying to get rid of her
When I was younger, I thought that yelling is a normal thing in families ; but when I grew up I realised that it was happening in just my family.....
Constant yelling comes from immature minds.
Your words have conveyed hundred unsaid emotions
Same
same with slapping for me
same
How to "deal" with crazy parents? Do nothing. Don't bother trying to fix them. Don't bother explaining yourself. Keep far away boundaries by doing nothing.
Indeed , same with my case
this is perfect
Sure thing, just let them get away with tormenting you ever more; real smart, idiot.
Very helpful tip ...in other words give up on them
I can’t do that because it makes everything worse..I tried it and they just threatened me so much and made me feel bad for all the things they do for me and how I treat them back...
THEY DON'T DESERVE YOUR TEARS
Bruh what kind of advice is this. You're telling me that I'm not allowed to cry because someone caused me pain? Crying is supposed to be a way to release stress. Why shouldn't I cry? Why am I not allowed to release stress?
@@_saphrogy_9623 YEAH!
@@angelacavon4073 I cant tell if your saying they cant cry, or if your just agreeing with them.
Maybe it's just a misunderstanding
Yaaaasss
I'm just glad that I left my parents' home at the age of 17. This literally saved my mental health.
I'm 24 now, and every time I come to visit them I become more and more convinced that it was the best decision
I feel kinda jealous towards the people who get along well with their parents and have their support
Oleksandr Fomin similar story to mine. I get so jealous about stable homes and good parents too.
Oof I would also really like to leave. I can't take my dad's bullshit anymore. It's worsening... However I'm financially dependent of my father and if I leave, I would probably starve to death lmao and I also don't want to move to an institution. That would be just as tragic.
How?? I would like to leave as well :(
SAME!! I moved out at 17 too
ClassyTeaTV Could you please tell us how? Would be great to know lol
I think one of the best ways to deal with a toxic parents is to get out of living from that home immediately when possible. Reducing the amount of time spent with a toxic parents will help save your self-esteem.
If possible, yes. That is much harder to do when you have an extreme disability. I look forward to that day though.
Yes! I completely agree :) xox
Where am i gonna get my own house I'm minor
Sometimes parents are so abusive that you can't fix them or make them change their mind. Sometimes what you need to do is get out when you reach 18. Easier said than done but its important to start making connections with people while you're young to be able to move out.
Can confirm. My mom is a narcissist and my step dad is always negative. After I left that environment, I learned how draining it really is, to be around negativity everyday.
Being the oldest is the hardest thing leaving younger siblings...
Ye my younger sister is the reason why I’d stay.
@Myaa samee 😭 sometimes i got so emotional by thinking about what my little sister will going through
I’m 18 my youngest sister is 1 the other is three and the other is 14 I understand I watch the babies every day no pay not allowed to get a job no respect I understand
Leave, trust me 😩 you’ll be able to help them more while you’re gone. I wish I would’ve left but now i’m 27 and struggling with my mental health. Now I have to fight extra hard to move out... but I’ll be bringing my sister with me. She’s finally of age and out of high school, I wish I would’ve moved out at 18 or 19. I was so much more confident in myself, I could’ve given her a safe/quiet place to stay.
This comment is something special for me one of the things that makes me hate my family and home is being the oldest and having to take responsibility and care of them.
it's gotten to the point where i don't even love my parents, and i feel like a bad person for it
You are not💜
I feel the same , I don’t like my mom either and I don’t feel bad abt not liking her either …
@PerfectReality hope u leave that situation
Me too
I don't like, love, trust or respect, much obey the narcissist(dad).
The toxicity is so bad that i don't even know how I feel anymore. It feels like I have no emotions.
Me too.. I want to hate them but I can't. I want to love them but how!! All I can do is hate myself and cry all day lol. I hope you're doing well tho. Be safe and take care of yourself and one day it's gonna be all alright
@@imaneaffaoui1640 same but i don't hate myself i feel like i lost all my emotions when i lough its a fake one (when with my partens) I just hate my dad he is the biggest hypocrite in the world ngl. The amount of money he wasted is crazy he buys clothes worth 200€ then talks we shouldn't waste them then gets outside with 50€ for no reason. He doesn't even get that much from his job i have to help them like 90% of the time
@@Batu-27 i'm sorry you have to go through this. Don't worry it's gonna be fine. Just take care of yourself and know very well that you're not alone. My father too keeps wasting money and when i talked to them about this my mum said that at my age they were already working and other shit you know.. I'm studying to be an engineer and I don't have the time to be working at all my schedule is so full but still I'll be looking for a job after my exams cuz I just can't take it anymore. (I hope this helps I find it better to cope when I relate to someone and thank you too for sharing. And if you want a strange to lend you an ear I'm here)
@@imaneaffaoui1640 well sucks for both of us:( gotta stay strong someday we will be free and won't have these kind of problems and good luck on your exams you can do it!!!
I FELT THIS
How to deal with bad parents?
1. LEAVE THEM
The Governor wish it was that easy they are controlling a fuck I can't do anything after school even if it's a group project. I'm not a teen that does drugs drinks goes to parties. The last "party " I went to was with my friends birthday party and all we legit did was sit on a Couch with our 1 other friend throwing pens into a cup I'm not even joking . I'm home on time everyday I have straight A's I can't drive I can't leave the house without getting yelled at for like an hour even if I plan something a month ahead they'll ruin all of those the day before because of the smallest thing they have to do like they have to fucking water the plants if I try to bring a friend home and they say no I'll find another way we could hang out like go to their house or just go to the library they will literally start yelling about how disrespectful I am when I legit have never gotten in trouble I have listened to them every time they said to do something . They just thinkI'm like every fucking teen that does drugs or drinks or fucking vapes it so unfair how I'm treated
with what money? 😞
If you leave them they will chase you until you kill your self!! Thats my parents when i tried to keep away from them they wanted me to kill my self!!!💔
@@SpiritualThoughts44 oh wow, that's horrible😞 Hope you can escape them one day❤ And don't ever listen to them. You're worth so much more than what they think of you. Stay strong. I suffer from having a toxic father myself, and the best tip I can give to you is to never loose hope. Please know that things will get better one day, just don't give up. We'll get through this together✊
But im too young too move out 😭😭💔 help someone iwill die living in this hell
Gen z, when you have kids raise em happy lets change these patterns of abuse ♡
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I wonder how that is going to play out. I don't think I can currently recognise a long term healthy relationship which would be stable enough for 30 years to have kids
Janneman96 I’m going to go to therapy and set standards of the kind of relationship I want and learn ways to prevent the generational toxic pattern from continuing.
@@emilyb5743 Yeah, I might do that too. I'm moving out in november, I'll probably go after that time when I live on my own
:-)
My father is so toxic that when he comes around me i feel his toxic energy. i want nothing to do with him and I cant wait until i move out and get my own home . He is so emotionally abusive and every conversation i have with him i feel depressed.
omg same. even just hearing the main door opening at a certain hour makes my anxiety spiral because i know he came home and he’s about to throw his anger and hate about himself onto me. crazy
I feel this my father is the most depressing and belittling person ever
I can relate so much with y’all. Thanks for sharing, I don’t feel as alone now
❤️❤️
Tbh it’s helping me feel better to be in a similar situation to know I’m not alone! Thank you for commenting because I definitely relate
I literally cried watching this bc I want u to be my mom
Katri TOM I know right. But life we don’t choose or parents. Parents don’t choose their kids.
Katri TOM me to you can feel her energy and soul so kind so loving
@@sco5b Parents don't 'choose' their kids, but have a lot to do with how they turn out, how they develop, and what challenges or successes they'll likely face as adults. Don't let adult parents off the hook, as if being the child is the same as being the parent.
@@gwills9337 exactly... I know that there are a lot of great parents which have such bad children.. But mostly children are the result of the way their parents raise them . If they are raised in a healthy way they we'll be emotionally healthy and less rude ... But when they're praised in a bad way "unhealthy way" .. they get rebellious or depressed or really weak emotionally..
So maybe parents can have the power of choosing what kind of Kids they can get " somehow ".
sometimes i dream of choosing my life, parents, look, and race it would be that most awesome thing ever! 😆💖
When the family environment makes us suicidal, isn't that toxic?
Yes. *Extremely* toxic
Yes totally. That’s me.
^same
Literally can relate ,only reason I’m depressed af
that is what happened to me
“Everything you have I gave you”
I have depression so it's you who gave it to me
You gave mental trauma bad enough I have almost resorted to suicide.
Yeah I have depression , endless tears , mental trauma and social anxiety
Thanks to my parents!
I replied to my parents "Who asked you two to be so horny during one night?" whenever they threaten me with words like those. And you guys know what happened ☠️💀
@@spiritualfoxplays-tryhardp2284 if I say that to them I'm literally dead
Just if you’re watching this,Im sorry!I want you to know there’s so many people going through the same thing,I’m one of them and I have a hope,for every one of us
Thank you! :)
I just feel hopeless, every time I'm getting better they knock me back to the bottom
This is exactly how I'm feeling right now, I'm trying my best to overcome my own issues, especially with the isolation and the pandemic, I'm trying to get out of a recent depressive episode and I feel like the people who are supposed to care about me and love me are only harming me and destroying me even more, emotionally and mentally. I feel overwhelmed.
Exactly
That is really really true for me everytime I feel that things are changing they come tell me shitty things that I cannot do anything if I go like they want everything to be thier own way they not even consider my self respect they scold me in front of anyone with a really bad language I don't know what to do I feel trapped with them because I am only 18 and financially dependent on them pls help me anyone pls tell me what to do
I felt this
They think it's all about them. They literally make me depressive. Our Religion dictates that we treat them kindly, nicely but it's really overwhelming. I can't take it anymore. Being sick and having no one to save you makes it worse.
Am I the only one feeling guilty for even just watching this video ?
Whenever I have the feeling that my pattens are toxic I feel guilt because I love them and they raised me and gave me everything but still... toxic.
MundB MundB same you’re not the only one
No ma’am. Keep watching
Sameee
Yes I know that feeling
I feel this so much. Mainly because my mom manipulated me for so long I guess.... making me think everything was my fault
I cut my parents out of my life while I was in therapy. I know that might not be the right decision for everyone, but it's the best thing I've ever done for myself. My nightmares have stopped, my self esteem is better and my relationships are better with my friends.
I'm happy for you
I'm happy for you too. I'm sure that probably wasn't such an easy decision, but sometimes you have to do what's best for yourself.
Who fucking cares if it's controversial to some? Your parents weren't meant to be such and deserve nothing but isolation from their children
Good for you!
I'm glad things have improved for you~
This has become almost impossible with the pandemic. I'm praying for everyone whose in a toxic home while everything is shut down
And even more hard is when is father is jobless and is 24*7 at home where u are stucked due to pandemic.....
1. being degraded
2. belittle
3. accusing & blame
4. neglect
5. enmeshment or codependence
It’s comforting to see how many others struggle with this. I can be hard going throughout the day seeing how many have great relationships with their parents and think you are the ONLY one who just doesn’t.
Breanna Fountain honestly it’s very comforting. I feel you.
Many people just hide this,the children and the parent too,that s why you feel this way
YES my life sucks and my mom is to blame. She mentally and emotionally abusive. Man I'm tired of talking about bad of a parent she is!!
Yeah that happens to me when i see my friends and their sweet and close relationship with their father :( while mine is plain disconnected and toxic with his own child
Nope, there are a lot of us like that. You're not alone.
This comment section feels more like home than my actual house tbh
True
I LIKE UR PRP😍
👉😎👉
Istg same
I feel you
I tried reducing the time I spent with my parents but then I got scolded for "not spending time with them and therefore being disrespectful" 🙄
wtf same!!
Me rn
exactly, all i was asking is for a little break and only talking to them when necessary, because I'm mentally exhausted and on the edge of giving up everyday, but for them its just bad behavior and disrespectful like you said, its just the audacity that they have to demand things of me that they don't give, I just wish they were more understanding, I don't hate them, I just need time away from them bc everytime I see their faces I just get uncomfortable and anxious, all the bad feelings come to me, and I don't need that, I need to heal and they can't understand that, but anyway, sorry for the long paragraph if u read this, I had to vent here, just to let ppl know that we are all struggling together, rn I'm trying to save money so I can move out asap when I turn 18 which is in 2 and a half years from now.
The same!
that happens to me each time
my family isn't that toxic tbh.. it's wayyy past that.. it's pure cancer.
Do you have a plan?
I can relate
Move out from house
I'm the exact same way..... I'm dealing with it for now but it's got to the point of pure pain
Same. I can’t handle it ANYMORE
The dislikes of the video must be the toxic parents. Smh
hehehhe true
Chouci Vang 🤣🤣
@@user-my8qj definetly so annoying .-.
@Chouci Vang Probably toxic family Members
Or maybe people didn’t find the video helpful idiot
Does anyone else have extreme helicopter parents? My parents want total control over me. They talk to me like I'm still a child and they guilt trip me constantly for not spending enough time entertaining them. I do not live with them but if I ignore their calls for too long they will literally show up on my doorstep. (Happened before) after only 30 seconds of interacting with them my day is ruined. I become extremely irritable, anxious, exhausted, and depressed. They see these reactions in me and they are either oblivious or don't care. It's so upsetting.
I'm kinda starting in school again and when they treat me like a child i can't do anything about it since I don't have a job..
"they guilt trip me constantly for not spending enough time entertaining them".. my parents did this to me :(....and then i said fuck that.
@Ursula Mae i am on the same spot. sad. but necesary
Toxic parents like the attention they get from seeing us upset, anxious and unwell in my opinion. It is their narcissistic supply rush
This is literally my life except that I'm seventeen and can't legally leave yet. So I'm just helpless...
What i hate is just their weapon "parents always right!" They never listen
same
For those of you who can’t afford or don’t have access to therapy: talking to yourself alone, addressing yourself as a third person and pretend to be your own therapist is also helpful, because there are so many things you can realise on your own while you’re describing your problems or feelings.
I do this thing where I talk to a voice recorder. I always save the recordings, even though I probably won't listen to the again. It encourages me to vent how I feel, and pretend someone actually cares enough to give up some of their time to actually listen to me.
I started doing this without realising. It's helping me a lot.
Make your own voice healthy voice by takling to yourself in 3rd person...
I've been talking to myself for many years. It's always helped me. 🌠
"Think about yourself, think about yourself, think about yourself."
Sanderman what he said
My late mom never allowed me to think about myself.
@@kurttoy5035 shame on her
i am honestly so mentally exhausted with my dad.
Same
Same
Same. I believe I don't really have a care about him. If he died I wouldn't feel bad at all. I might feel happy even.
@@phineassss4901 same but if he dies I wont have any financial support as my mother is uneducated and is a house wife (I love my mom ) but i am thinking on when i become 18 or 19 and go to college i will try to be more financially stable my myself and obviously take my mom and my little 3 yrs old brother with me and I am only 13 so a lot more tears to go
But I will stay strong
I thought I was alone in this but same
don't have kids if you're going to emotionally abuse them
I did not have them after my parents abused me
True
And don’t marry someone who is going to emotionally abuse them. 😢
my mum told me, "i gave birth to you, why can't i scold you?"
The problem is often people abuse their child because they say it's "love". At least thats what my parent told me.
i’m 21, almost done with college, still live with my parents, and still treated like i’m a young kid. i still have to ask permission to go places, shame me because i’m sexually active w/ long term bf, refuse to teach me how to drive (despite complaining taking me places), hate i spend more time with friends and bf, and claim they’ll never change their toxicity selves because they don’t believe any of that.
there’s so many more, but overall, my parents are verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive, it’s slowly draining me and i keep hoping i can leave soon when i save up as time goes on.
Erika Kagome almost everything you said relates to me. Now I’m rushing myself to get married to leave the house cause i cant leave unless i am. It sucks.
Rachel rashid ikr it sucks that we have to be married in order to leave
M_ K 😔♥️
Erika Kagome yep you a grown ass adult and have been for 3 years. save money& move 👍🏽
Can't your boyfriend take you in?
Whenever I try to set boundaries, my mother says “I’m your mum you cannot tell me what to do” followed by “I do everything that’s best for you”
That sucks. What worked for me is I had to be an asshole about it. I couldn’t be nice to her setting boundaries. Just had to buckle down put my foot down and deal with her throwing a huge temper tantrum about it
That's same like my dad, he said ur living under my roof and if you dont like it get out.
@@youtuberlover1233 oh my god same. makes me think: you think i dont want to?
@@youtuberlover1233 lol some parents get offended if you now want to move out from under their controls
Toxic Parenting 101
Kati I left my parents home at 16 years of age. I got a job and my own flat. I completed my senior years ( 11 and 12 in Australia). I had no other family in country. I worked hard, married at 19 and completed a bachelor degree at 30. I never had a drink or drug issue. Young people are better off leaving than destroying their health and future by staying. Your 5 tips are great. Thank you for being so positive, supportive and sensible about the topic of toxic parents. Physical and emotional abuse from parents is devestating. I'm 51 now and stronger than ever because I left home while I was still strong enough to stay healthy xx
Fern I would like to point out that now with the job market being the way it is it’s a lot harder for anyone to find a job that will allow you to get your own apartment. I had to be homeless for two weeks and live with friends for 3 years before I was able to find my own place. It’s hard.
How you treat your own children,are they feel enjoyable !!!
I would write everything to my journal when I was 15. One day my mom found it and that day I was physically and emotinaly abused by her. I'm 23 now and I still live with the consequences from having a bad relationship with her. I live in America now they're in Turkey and I feel so much better.
Mine are Muslim and whenever I try to show that they are being toxic I get manipulated with Religion Allah and Hell
@@eons8941 they are wrong, islam teaches the opposite, to actually treat kids and children with as much love, care, patience as possible, to remain calm and patient with kids, never lash out, coz they are just small kids
and if they talk abt their rights as parents, then ask them, what abt the duties islam has given them as parents? what abt the rights islam has given u as a kid?
Allah is gonna ask these parents on judgement day, that we gave u these blessings (kids) and what did u do with my blessing? instead of showing gratitude and being humble u abused it so badly? so yeah dont worry these parents will get punished for hurting u, just see to it that u do fulfill ur duty anyway (which is to respect them, respect doesnt mean u have to listen to them, but just treating them with respect) coz u will be asked abt ur duties on judgment day too....
I'm 22 and I'm even allowed to leave the house (literally) yet alone the country
Leaving home was the best thing i ever did
Jari Heimoluoto so glad you got out
my dream
4 more years for me can't wait
2 more years for me, I cant wait. My mom is the most emotionally and verbally abusive person ever, I was diagnosed with ADHD and manic depression and she doesn’t believe it, even though I was diagnosed by a PHYSICIAN. She’s literally the reason I’m beginning to have suicidal thoughts, it’s horrible and I can’t wait to leave. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I feel miserable.
3 more years for me. I'm so close to just ending it all, but I'm still trying to hang on
I don't have any confidence left, they are so bad, they always complain, things that hurt me very bad, i literally don't know how much i hate him.
I feel the same
It's well known that Indian parents are the worst, as far as emotional harassment and manipulation is concerned. There are countless stand-up comedy videos with Indian mothers or fathers or parents as the topic. Those jokes work because of the serious amount of truth in them. Everybody has major unresolved issues in life and instead of fixing them by going to therapy, Indians just pass on the burdens to their kids and other family members. One is a psychopath or narcissist, the other has full blown anxiety with constant nagging or catastrophizing, yet another has a dominating insecure personality and another is depressed as hell or just emotionally unavailable. Dysfunctionality is the name of the game in our prestigious tradition because we cannot "disrespect elders" at all. Gives them a free pass to be assholes / sick without treatment.
@@actsrv9 true,it becomes worster if you're a unwanted girl child !
I am so sorry to hear. Our relationship with our parents is the foundation of all our relationships. Hatred towards them will affect the other relationships in your life. Hope you can learn to love, even from afar, so that you can liberate yourself from hatred - its a big burder to bear. Sending you positive vibes :)
Samee😩😢
I grew up with a toxic parent and it made me miserable for years. I moved out at age 21. With my own children I struggled not following in the toxic footsteps. I took parenting classes and they helped tremendously! Im very close to my kids and thankful for getting out when I did!
God bless you Kati for doing videos like these because I had no-one to talk to growing up, but Im sure you are helping so many just with these videos.
- #00 Yeah, it’s fking toxic. Also horrible to listen to.
Kells R where did you find the parenting classes at? That’s interesting.
It's so sad how many people relate to "toxic parent" .. lets be good parents guys ♡
Cant communicate what they are doing to hurt you if they deflect everything you say back to being your fault somehow. Mirroring. Ugh.
this happens to me its so frustrating
this is exactly what happens to me
Find a way to mirror them back, use their own words against them, film them if u have to
❤️💯
My mom punched me in the face and never apologized but instead blamed me for it
My parents are really toxic, specially my mom. I used to think that hitting children, hiding the fact that they abuse us and stuff like that was normal but now I'm finding out that it isn't... I'm only 11.
I am 13 and same thing with me I thought it was all normal
Boobiieee Lovy ikr
i'm 17 and that's why my "bad attitude" developed.
Hey, maybe its a little bit late, but well, you are here for something, be strong, specially now, take a lot of care, you are not alone and it will change some day, maybe not for them, but for you and your siblings (if you have) it definetly will
Same I am 16 now but since I was 5 shes been hitting me it really hurts and she doesnt even know shes wrong. She guilt trips me and threatens me and tells me I am useless. It's so horrible. I'm sorry you had to go through this. Be strong better days will come ❤
sometimes i feel im more mature and understanding than both my parents combined. i bet all these kids here will be the best parents in the world because they have lived without one
I agree💯💯💯
I was just about to cry when i read this.
I really do hope so. Sometimes it’s difficult to give what we do not have
Setting boundaries to this older generation is seen as “being disrespectful “ and that just shows that they have never set boundaries and are used to being treated like shit
The "toxic parent" expects me to obey him(dad) no matter my age. I well above 18. He takes a contolling/lecturing tone when I shut him down(standing up to him). I haven't done anything for him to lecture me about, yet he tries to demand obedience. Too bad; he won't get it(obedience).
Don‘t think you can say this in general, bc there are many toxic people who treat others like trash while going rage mode when even the slightest trigger appears in their mind (like disagreeing in some opinions). Guess it is highly depending on social background and where you live. Plus these tendencies could be a genetical issue…
This video made me cry, everything is so hard
same
Samr k xanr see my keypas
I cried all through this vidro bc I related to it so much.
Stay strong 💜
it'll get better ! stay strong 💓 .
Due to the lockdown and quarantine, I am forced to stay with my family and i feel like my mental health is being shatttered one day at a time !
Edit : thanks for all the support, didn't expect to find such support on UA-cam comments🙈
I'm feeling same here. I'm 27 guy who had to join job in April but this virus came suddenly and ruined all my plans. Its very upsetting I get this. My parents too act sick many times. They use foul language on everyone they see. They don't understand what I want and focus on what they want. They behave so immature, childish, arrogant, selfish, naive, possessive over petty items and make a scene for small things, they keep on nagging whole day. Mt mom few days ago told me I'm not able to use my mind and I don't use it. I am loosing self confidence and becoming very agitated and angered because I worked in bank for 1 and half year and earned good salary. I have degrees , knowledge everything except my parents mentality towards me. I hate them lot for not allowing me to follow my dreams in life. They just irritate you to the extent that you feel disgusted even with yourself. Sometimes I feel alone, lonely and ask God why did they have me in the first place if I was not fit to live. Then I ask myself . They can't change but I can change. For myself. Not for them. No matter how much ever you do they are like you do nothing for us but for yourself. They complain a lot. Bring past matters some late 10 years back stories and mock at you. Thats how my parents are. They get scared if you do something new which you want to explore. They snatch away your freedom. They isolate you from friends. They don't allow you to fail and learn thinking positively. They don't introspect neither retrospect if something went wrong they simply blame you saying you are fit for nothing. That's old old old South Indian mentality village type which I have to accept as sins of my past life even when they do things unrealistic. They shout everyday keeping doors open to neighbors. Both are old age 64+ and 59+. And me being their only son its my responsibility to look after them till I join next job after virus leaves the county. Once the virus leaves I'm out back to my freedom life again. Waiting desperately like a starving animal to jump on freedom. Sooner or later thirst always wins. Hungry, Ravaneous.
I stay away from parent still they get my nerves 😂
Same. Just stay strong tho. We can get through this together✊
Sameeeee
same
I'm so fucked up from the way I was raised. My parents neglected me when I was younger. I understand why. They were working hard so that we could survive. BUT they never made ANY effort. On the flip side, they still were overprotective and controlling despite not spending any time with me. Its like they didn't care, but still cared too much if that makes sense.
I think I can relate to your comment. They did care for me but would dismiss any disagreement I had with them or their views. mostly my mom. They would make me feel like the worst person to ever exist if I made one mistake, judge me for having friends. Just overall instilled doubt, maybe unintentionally. But I feel what I feel.
Relating to being overprotective. I can see why my mom was overprotective of me, being an only child and a premature baby. But the moment I even hinted the idea of moving out, she got mad at me and would take away certain things that would have helped me be independent. That way, I'd be forced to stay and go to school. It made me feel bad over time, and I didn't feel I had control over my own life. I tried to stay in college, but I dropped out. I mean we all thought it would be practical to just stay at home and go to college nearby. It made sense, but no one thought I'd lose so much faith and drop out. Faith in myself to ride it out.
I went through every single thing that both of you have mentioned
Funny story , I realised this very late as I thought it was normal.
It's very hurtful and depressing
If one thing universe has done me good through this process is, I have a loving husband. But I am not using him as a source of happiness as I have learnt from life that nobody can make me happy except to myself.
I am learning to make peace with my past so I can move on and spend the rest of my life away from the toxicity and if possible help the others who are going through the same.
I have joined a Buddhist group that supports me through my depression along with a therapist.
I am in the process of healing through low self esteem, low self confidence and setting healthy boundaries with family and friends
Yup. They were never truly there for me when I needed them, but were still constantly breathing down my neck. They always said the most ridiculous things without a second thought
That's happens alot. Neglectful parents who want to control everything.
RedT made perfect sense. Same here. We are strong and can get through life on our own!
My mom is so jealous of me,and she wants to make me feel bad about myself. Am not gonna let her destroy me anymore.To everyone has toxic family too ,stay strong, don't let anybody control you, you matter❤️
I think its so scary when a mother is jealous of their own daughter. Girl the best way to cope is to remember there is a reason she is threatened by you. Ur special. You got that it factor she wants. Use that to your own advantage and do great things in ur lifetime. Let her watch from the sidelines. Its the sad reality
am sorry
I think my mom feel I am an extension of her. Therefore she compete (with foods I bring to party), and put me down.
My parents are toxic to the point i dont even love them anymore
I hate them
Same
same 😭
Do I have to say what im gonna say?
*Same*
Same,its crazy how many people feel the same. Btw my folks always play the victim😂
My mom is so toxic Clorox bleach would feel like Sprite.
😄😄😄😄 drink it jk
When there arguments with mom she stops feeding me . time to get on a diet
Please don't drink Bleach
@@edgarmanzo4880 I'm SO SORRY to hear this!!! PLEASE call the national child abuse hotline number!!! 1-800-422-4453
@@Glurmp can they help?
For anyone who's having an issue w the "Getting out" aspect of it emotionally, or with siblings, here's a story of one of my cousins:
My cousin, at abt the age of 12, grabbed up all the siblings he had in the middle of the night. He, at that point, was well aware that at least his little sister was being sexually assaulted by his mother's bf. His mother was doing nothing. So, my cousin waited til our state's curfew hour, grabbed his siblings, and left in the dead of the night.
Police found them, took them to a shelter, and they were put into the foster care system - and eventually into my grandmother's care for several years of their foster care experience (which is why i call them my cousins, they were *not* placed from one abusive environment into essentially the same one). Crazy thing is, my cousin eventually became his senior class president, and got a full ride scholarship into a medical program. It gets better.
So, even if you're an adolescent, please do speak up and speak out for yourself in whatever way you have available. Look up your city's children's curfew, have a bag packed just in case. Whatever you gotta do to get you and your family outta there
Theresa P Awesome story!
God bless your cousin for his bravery and devotional ❣️
I also get from your story is to just simply believe. Facing your fear and stepping out of your comfort zone, God will create situations for you to evolve. And before you know it, your in a much better place then you were before because you simply had faith.
What a badass! Great story, thank you for sharing.
I had to actually sneak phones to call the police! Had a brother that pulled knives on me! Arthritis and parents that locked me in my room with master locks as I had a sleep disorder with no name so they could sleep! Claimed it was 4 to 1 outta the 5 of us! I called the police on it and according to my state laws any WIFF of abuse like that (we were adults and they still did) it is an automatic forced entry search to check it out! They didn't, my brothers told them each time "I'm too disabled to know what I'm talking about" and at one point through the WHOLE THING my brother who turned during the chat which did NOT make the officers suspicious and I told them he did, had a KNIFE BEHIND HIS BACK! I found out YEARS LATER they somehow signed papers that made me an adult minor behind my back and can only hope they're stopped I'm 29! In my state I ONLY get a 5 year window to sue, only found out THIS YEAR that the papers they had made me an adult minor past the time I had (5 years after I was 18!) and so I might not have been able to do a thing! It's such an obscure law that I just LITERALLY got lucky enough to over hear it one day BUT sadly 6 years too late as I was dropping papers off at the courthouse and I collapsed on a bench crying! Would have been so much easier if we hadn't moved to a 4-way intersection in the middle of nowhere that only had a bus that ran about 2-7 both ways in the afternoon and about 6-9 both ways in the mornings on WEEKDAYS ONLY! They kicked me out after my OLDEST BROTHER (the one that pulled knives on me OD'd, left in the note a DNR and that he had been abusing me ALL ALONG and claimed "we finally believe you and you're not nuts!" after like 8-9 years! *chuckles* They were all, "we're going to kick you out for your safety" as we chose to revive the scumbag! Due to not being able to get a job and docs that fast I was still/am forced to rely on them a bit so I'm fucked! I have no close family and the only Aunt maybe or a cousin of my dad's (I don't know as a lot of dad's siblings are way older and his family didn't talk much about their uncles/aunts) that used to live near us even backed up me being mentally ill just by me telling her as she was just with us as kids and back in early childhood my parents only used those doors with those knobs with that tiny little thing in the center that you just twisted to lock it and I don't get why they couldn't swap to those so I didn't feel like a caged animal!?! My dad who is a DOCTOR can't even see how laying the lock over the door and NOT locking it can cause the same effect as feeling caged like you're in a puppy mill! I tunnelled outta them but as they were all upstairs and the front door was heavy and the only way out other than the garage as they eventually locked the sunroom addition attached to my room and even with a kitchen knife I couldn't scrape off the seallent they used on my window! I hoped the relative was close still, would have compassion and take me in! Instead, she acted like my mother (even though she is from my dad's side as she only knew the "fake, happy family" image we put out to the world when young) and called me a cynical, fucked up, mentally deranged, narcissist that needed a mental hospital and needed to be forcibly drugged til comatose so her derangement caused by her warped, disabled mind never destroyed the world again! My dad's family is Jewish and no offense to any Jews out there but, THEY TOOK THE HOLOCAUST HARD as dad's parents BARELY ESCAPED! To the point of his part German father NEVER speaking German at home and she started reminding me of horrendousness I saw from EVERY NAZI in all of the dozens of films, documentaries, books, photos, etc. on WWII! My mother (Catholic but not that religious) WAS THE EXACT SAME!
These comments make me feel less alone!!! Thank you. Did anyone else ever start to envy one parent because they just sat and watched the other parent be emotionally and verbally abusive to you? I feel guilty for it now, but I can’t stand it anymore.
I love your statement ' Save your money and get out!" Yep get out!
When i try to save money,my mother takes it all
This. And if you don't have the money, move with a relative who roots for you. I remembering leaving home after a big loss and being done with everything and my grandma has been such a healing factor for me. I realized how sick and guilty atmosphere my house was. I wish you the best.
Im 14 and defs gonna find a job even if it's horrible i can't wait to move out
@@chibi1353 same happens with me. I'm 22, I work hard to earn money but they mentally torture me and get the money.
I was a bright student. Somehow I'm trying to manage my life but they still don't let me live peacefully. 😭😭😭
He spends money to pretend like he is very successful among knowones. But didn't had money to pay a small college application fee. I worked hard three year to get the college. But everything became waste. Since last 3 year I'm trying to manage my life by earning money.
I'm still in better condition than my sister. They made her life miserable to a degree you can't imagine. I was intelligent to sense that my parents will make my life miserable.
I've one more younger brother I won't let him go through the same pain like me and my sister.
I'm crying for my sister, her life is not less than a hell. I can manage my life but what she will do with such toxic parents.
Vuyolwethu Nati be safe tho
“We can physically feel when a boundary is crossed.” Thank you!! It’s so true and I never noticed it until now.
My tears just dropped when i hear there is such human, that will listen to me without judging, without backtalking about me and just happy conversation... I hope there is a lot of people like that in world
Also it comforts us to know that we are not alone . There are others like us . Just be safe and cut ties with your toxic parents. Just ignore them . I know it might not be fully possible. But try your best to stay away . We think they might change or we may even forget how they were a week ago coz somehow they act normal and happy at the present. So because of that we try compassion.
BUT THAT NEVER WORKS .
It will be on that moment that they might drag you into an unwanted silly conversation that can escalate pretty quickly.
SO AVOID ALL CONTACTS . DON'T BE DISRESPECTFUL . MIND YOUR OWN THINGS .
However, if you follow all these rules and stay perfect. They will always brings up something from the past .
SO THE SOLUTION IS TO GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THEM .
RUN WITH YOUR LIFE .
MOVE AWAY , SHIFT TO ANOTHER PLACE IF YOU HAVE ANY CHANCE.
YOU MAY HAVE TO SACRIFICE YOUR COMFORT ZONE TEMPORARILY.
BUT KNOW THAT IT'S FOR THE BEST .
JUST STAY AWAY FROM THESE TOXIC MANIACS . THAT'S BEST FRO THEM AND FOR YOU .
This resonates with me deeply. My mom is nurturing and loving to ends meet. But my Dad is a walking nightmare. Trying to save up and move out because I can’t allow my son to grow up any longer in this environment. The things my Dad says to me breaks my heart, but only has made me stronger and more motivated to get the Hell out!
In the Same exact boat. I have a very toxic father. He uses words to hurt you. No choice but to move out but jobless at the moment . Can’t take it no more
L It Can be tough but you can do it! Go job hunting and get the job! You got this.
Same guys. Same. I NEED to get out
Especially, now that we can't go out so you're stuck at home with them
the most useful advice in this video was 1.limitting the amount of time you spend with them and 2. getting a job. Especially for young teenagers who feel so helpless and trapped, it's psychologically empowering to find something you finally have control over in your life. when you get a job you can now control the friendships you have with your coworkers, amount of money, things you buy, and time spent away from home. Other ways i avoided being at home was by staying after school and hang out in my teachers tutoring hours where I could talk to my classmates and teachers while getting homework done and studying. I have found that when your home life is so dangerous and unproductive it becomes paramount for you as an individual to do all that you can to stay safe and find dominion in your life.
To all the kids that are going through this, please know it honestly gets better. I didnt think I would have made it this far but Im glad I stuck it out a little bit longer...
Gerb Cham this gave me hope. Thank you :)
Gerb Cham This what i needed to hear. Thank you. This is exactly how i feel, helpless. I Think ive more or less come to the conclusion that i need to get away. There is so much i want to do. And so little time and money. I dont even know where to begin...
Can you do a video on coping mechanisms that we can use when toxic family members trigger anxiety and depressive episodes in us?
I hope Katie responds to this question. I have a family member that I can’t cut off, well coz they’re family. But I have never met anyone more toxic in my life. Spending a day with them is just so draining and I try to limit that as much as possible.
Even if I don’t engage, just hearing them talk is just filled with so much negativity that I go home with a boatload or anxieties and I need to sleep it off for days. Think: dementor (not even kidding)
The person feels like everyone around them isolates them and gets upset and comes to our house crying about it, and we have told them how we feel about the negativity but it never changes. We are just tired of things never changing.
Would really love a way that we could cope with them without losing our sense of happiness whenever they’re around?
Literally doing the best I can which is smile and nod because I fear if I open my mouth, the truth comes out. I instead text the conversation live to my husband and my remarks along with it. I worry I either bottle up the negativity in me or spread to my husband but I just wish there is some how it doesn’t need to be that way.
The comment about how their lives are so much worse is a major slap in the face for everyone because everyone already goes out of their way for em. If we all decide to not interact with them, we’re literally sentencing them to starvation and isolation. Because somehow they’ve managed to piss off all their friends and family members that only the ones in the vicinity are left.
My issue is not with my own family but a significant others family. We both find it difficult and anxiety inducing to be around them. I personally really hate their micro aggressions and ignorance on issues like civil rights and racism. My SO had an (in my opinion) emotionally abusive upbringing where he was not allowed to express emotions that his parents weren’t comfortable with or challenged their authority. This behavior not only continues but has affected my SO into adulthood where he has trouble identifying and expressing his emotions. I need coping mechanism because it is not solely my choice to be around them, I do so to support my partner. I have never in my life had to deal with such toxicity that I couldn’t just immediately cut out. Even setting boundaries with his family provoked outrage and false victimhood. It’s exhausting. We no longer live in the same state, but we will be going on a large family trip to another country making us both feel even more vulnerable. Any tips on exercises that have helped you in similar situations would be deeply appreciated.
OMG. +1
Yvonne Sowell I feel your comment in my soul
Because of my parents I don't want to get married, and I don't want to have any kids. They ruined the idea of love for me. If I were to have kids and I end up being like my parents.....I'd rather not put that child through anything I went through.
Yeah same…- sorry you’re going through this hope you’re doing better
Same. They ruined the idea of love for me that it hurts knowing that there’s toxic people that are like them.
I'm the same way!! I love kids but because of my health I cannot have children!! I also do not want to get married!! I feel better on my own!!
Same😓they shattered my heart.
This hits home for me. I could never have children because of my parents. The idea of love, as you describe it, has also been shattered for me.
What if it’s during the quarantine?
I feel like I can’t escape the abuse and the family my family lives with downplays the abuse my mom does. They also abuse me emotionally and make me feel crazy for feeling abused.
Alex, my family and I are having to go through this with my dad... See my comment on this video for details, but it's gotten very hard, and really it's just making everything so clear for me that I don't need him in my life. I imagine a lot of people in these relationships are having to deal with this and hopefully, this quarantine will be the fuel that will get us to working on our own path to greatness... Stick to your guns and know you are worthy of value bc you are awesome and ya know it. 😉 Take care love and reach out if you need someone to talk to ❤️ we got dis!! Sam 🙂
I’m going through the same thing with my mom. She has so many issues that I really can’t believe it.
@@evflyleaf very true same with me and I don't even earn money so I can buy my own house and live happily
Sameeee my dad for meee it’s crazyy world living with narcissist
I've been living with their toxicity around 25 years and couldn't take it anymore during the quarantine, feeling the prison getting smaller, sensitive more than ever and finally thinking about suicide; hence I searched youtube to help myself out before destroying myself and work life.
Kati: Limit the amount of time that you spend at home
COVID-19: ha ha ha
My mom kinda took off my door so I can’t really be alone and whenever I try to sympathasize with my mom she makes it into a negative thing and makes me feel like there is no point in trying to even make it better anymore.
fuck that's harsh. wow rip
That... isn't normal.... Everyone needs privacy.
one time my mother threatend to take my door off
Shes damaged beyond repair. She will never be the mother you want her to be. Try to get a job and save money (really save money) and leave. Thats the only way it will stop, besides moving in w someone else.
I'm going through the same thing. When I was in middle school they took the doorknob off my door for en entire month. And recently, my mother especially, has been threatening to take my door away or swap my room into one they'll be able to get I to easily and see what ever I'm doing at any time she wants. I'm here with you, dude.
Atleast someone is there who can understand our problems..
Well over a decade ago, I was talking to my mother on the phone. At one point, she said, "until you can think like me, I don't want to talk to you". !!! Well, okay then. Since then, my mental health has improved immensely. I realized the depths of her abuse and narcissism. I realized she didn't see or want ME, she doesn't miss ME, she wants someone to fill the imagined daughter-shaped hole in her life. I missed her a bit, but realized how toxic and painful it was to deal with her, and continued to abide by her wishes.
I know she still wouldn't want me in her life, she is VERY alt-right, and I am bisexual and rather progressive. I'm saddened at times, because she was very pro-womens' lib in the 70s through the 90's, then started listening to Anne Coulter rather than Marianne Williamson.
you don't know (or maybe you do) how lucky you are she has never bothered you again :)
Keep going and never go to that awful person again.
The only problem with my parents is that they don't acknowledge my true personality.They keep criticize me to put on a fake show that we all a happy family and shit like that.Whenever we argue,I always go do for a walk and the more I do this the more I realize how bad my parents is to make me doing this.
The same feeling bro... Like when they make me upset, i feel like i need to do some shit or go outside for days until i calm down again...so this happens over and over... Can't take it no more... I could be doing something more useful like playing music or learning something, but instead i am running away from them
Easy to blame your parents for things rather than to look at yourself and try to figure out your role as well. Lots of times kids don't want to be told things. They are very dismissive of their parents by saying things "You just don't understand! Things are so different today than they were when you were my age."
Lots of young people like to use the terms "toxic" when describing their parents, but they don't use the terms entitled and spoiled when describing themselves. Wait until you become a parent to a teenager, and they start to describe you using unkind adjectives.
One big issue with young people today is that they live in social media, and they think the stuff they view on social media is real, and they are CONSTANTLY comparing themselves to what they see on social media. Social media isn't real. That beautiful model, with the seemingly perfect body? Chances are that she took 60 pictures of herself and ran it though types of filters before she found the one she wanted to post. Yet, hundreds of young girls and women will look at those photos, then look at themselves in the mirror and become "depressed" and hate themselves because they don't feel they measure up. It's very sad.
I am a true believer that if people stayed off of social media, their mental health, and their lives, would improve TREMENDOUSLY. There are a few good things about social media, but I feel the bad aspects of social media outweighs the bad by a lot.
You are the author of your life not your parents,Strengthen your emotional maturity you can't control someones behavior you can only control your response to them.
I love that! So true!! xoxo
I did this, but her emotional abuse still caused so much damage that took decades to heal.
@@MagnoliaPantherWoman word
@@MagnoliaPantherWoman you have to do inner child healing.
@@MagnoliaPantherWoman thank you so much for making this comment I'm going to try and use all the infomation you said to use against my parents and I have to admit I feel so crushed some times by my mom as shell find any way to get in my head wether its through my cripling recent germaphobia or threatening to take the lock of my door or send me away to a mental asylum or when I was little to write the letter L for loser on my forehead with permanent marker and I've kept my feelings buried down beacuse every time I go to speak to her she just walks away saying i need my time away from you for my mental health so to just speak to her i need to find at a time were she cant run away just to speak to her and then she says that im harrasing her into speaking and that I'm just like this beacuse I'm a bratty teenager and there known for going against there parents and also that for all she's done for me this is how I repay them and then she completely turns it around to make me feel and seem like a bad person and then until I apologise to her she will be constantly on my back angry at me every were I go and most recently I confronted her again years later saying how I'm a person with opinions and not just and dumb child or teenager and how I was feeling generally belittled and it ended up turning into a huge argument in amongst the anger I screamed go die and imediatly regereted it and didn't mean it so when I went to say sorry she ran away saying how cruel I was as she ran into a room and slammed the door later that day she ran down stairs to try to overdose on my dad's Medicine and I had to hold her down from doing it as she shouted at me IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED YOU IDIOT! she eventually calmed down and walked away so as she was upstairs I called my dad to say what had happened and he just told me to breath and go out and have a walk little did I know around the corner was my mum shouting at the phone to my dad whilst I was on it that I was lying and I was fabricating the story and now all this time later she starts invading my privacy making mean comments teasing my germaphobia and then she says she needs to drive me to my therapy which helps my germaphobia which I always go to but unfortunately today I couldn't as my clothes were really dirty and I didn't want to put them on as it could trigger a spiraling panic about being dirty then I'll have I huge shower so I said that I really didn't want to go as that could happen and then she shouted at me saying she'll send me to a Looney bin and that I'm her and everyone else's problem and main source of stress and I stood up for my self and simply replied I don't won't to go through a panic attack today so she called my therapist saying how I'm not even putting on clothes now and that I'm always lazy and stuck in my room all the time and that's making me unhappy when I'm not I'm an introvert and every time I say it's not me being indoors its you she replies by saying stop being such a grumpy teen and she completely bounces of the subject then later that day after speaking to my therapist she calls my dad saying the same lies and as could have guessed and it ended up in an argument once she hung up her phone and then she went out and bought new clothes and rescedualed the apoinment for later that day once she came back I was going to put on the new clothes to go out but then she bring up the argument from earlier causing another argument and we eventually didn't go later that day she gets runs a bath gets drunk in there and starts crying causing my dad to imediatly blame me for what I had done making me feel even worse later as my mum had not stopped crying and was ignoring my dad's question of was she okay he broke the locked door down only to find out there was alcohol and a knife there and that she was going to kill herself long story short she eventaully didnt as me and my dad stopped her but from that day on wards shes been more hatefull and deppressed and taking it out on me to the point were when i sit down by the tv at night to watch something and to calm my emtions and mind she will come down stairs and say something or threaten to take something of mine away from me and now she's just told me minutes ago that she just doesnt care anymore and doesn't love me anh more and im not even gonna cover my dads stupid alcoholism that's he's had prataclly my whole life or my stoner sister in this comment and don't know wether I wrote this for my self or to finally tell some one and get it out but I do know that this comment will certainly help me thank you
I'm crying while I'm watching this video because at this point I'm so tired..The only reason I'm going on in my life is because I want to be successful and to achieve everything I want and just leave them and everything painfull behind. Nobody will ever understand how toxic my parents are and how controlling they are...I'm so tired and I really want everything to end
I am so tired, i want to move out i want my space. I hate it when they judge me because i am doing things my way not the way they want.
I am not my father I am me, i want to be me, Not like him, he maybe successful in life so what. I am not him i will never be him.
I want to work and have a life
I dont want to be a successful businessmen or politician just to surpass him or be like him.
I just want to be a person that wants to be happy and doing my things my way.
Thank you atleast you give me a step or guide what i neee to do just to have space.
You're going to have the most amazing life, full of happiness. I wish you all the strength, happiness and health in the world, you can get through it
@@SaraAhmed-kk6ex its already one year😊😊
Thank you. Haha if funny this past years a lot have change
At 37 yrs old, I finally decided to go no contact with my toxic abusive narcissistic "mother"...my mental health has dramatically improved
Thank you so much for this. Especially NOT saying ' your parents love you crap" .. But straight guidance and survival and escaping ....thx
I'm 17. I locked my room.
The next day my mother came to my workplace, took my keys and kicked me out with just the clothes on my back.
She took me back now (thankfully, because I really wanted to just graduate). I graduate in April 30th, I have my prom in May 25th and I told her that I am moving out on the first of June, I honestly can't wait! I just started my letter to my mom in which I want to explain how she made me feel for all these years. I tried explaining it to her a lot of times, but she doesn't listen. I thought a letter right after I leave would maybe make her think of all these things and HOPEFULLY she can change for my little brother and be a better parent.
I did that. I found the letter on the top of the fridge. She never opened it. Never read it. Never changed. Just get out and stay in contact with your siblings- they may need help to get out later on.
What if one has a toxic parent in the sense that it's more emotional... Asian parents have that tendency. But to them it's "love" not putting their loved ones down. But it's so detrimental to one's mental health. Is excessive nagging, or putting down of one's dreams/desires still toxic? I mean, if the parent genuinely does love the child but constantly nags to point where the individual has decision-making issues, and constantly second guesses themselves. The parent does cares for the child, and provides but the child is afraid of telling the parent anything (even potentially good) in fear of getting our hearts broken...
CINDORO You're not alone
Ugh. Unfortunately, this is my life.
Oh my, I’m in that position right now 😔
YES!
I have one asian parent i feel this. I'm gonna drop a video soon
This video dropped at the absolute best time in my life :) I’m talking to my therapist about this on Tuesday, so this will really help me figure out how to express myself. Thanks for all you do, Kati!💛
Awe good!! So glad it was timely and helpful :) xoxo
I can't move out 😭
I haven't completed my education ,
I can't go to therapist because I don't have any money to pay for it
Broke college student
Aboli must be nice! I’m still in high school I wish I was a college student
Aboli I feel you, I can’t move out cuz he pays for my education :(
Same here.
To make things worse, I can't deal with certain things in my life because of my anxiety.
Its ok. We'll get through it :)
My parents ignore me and don’t give a fuck and then expect me to be the best person ever treat me like shit I can’t love anyone bc of them I have trust issues I thought 2020 wasn’t gonna be like this but it is and I feel like dying all the time
Same
Thank you. It’s been so hard to think I’m abandoning my sibling. You’ve given me the courage to continue stepping forward towards a (hopefully) healthier future in a healthier environment
This was a real eye opener,I am 21 ,and still living with my parents and I really strugle with them almost everyday,it can be really tiresome ... This video really helped me to understand more and understand what is the next step.I was thinking about moving out to live on my own ,and just the thought of it makes me feel free,but at the same time I am kind of scared and feel like I dont have the courage.I plan on moving out till the end of the year.
the reason we are scared is because subconsciously we choose what is familiar and hence we don't take a different action. Whenever you think you don't have courage, remind yourself you are born with courage, its the programming you had since you were a kid that tells you to be afraid. :)
i just saw your commint and i was wander did you move out ? bc it's been a year
I remember living at home and I was in college, working 3 jobs and going out with friends any chance I’d get. Stay busy if you can’t move out. But get out as soon as you can. It’s life changing!
I'm not allowed to get a job so I can't get out. And I can't set boundries without getting yelled at for being disrespectful. So...then what?
Heather Beth honestly same,, I just stay in my room and avoid seeing them . The less I see them the better
@@jessicapresa6094 I'm not allowed to do anything but school work even during the summers.
Heather Beth oh gosh! I feel you i was never allowed to get a job but now I'm planning to leave for good❤❤💫💫
How old are you? I'm 18 :/ I feel you. This fckg country were I am. Can't get out. The only way (opportunity) I had was a short career being a airport fire fighter an after one year of that career i get an insured job. But a few days ago after go to the doctor, they let me know that I had serious problems in my spine. Can't do the career. My parents don't even care...
Same here..
It really hurts when people who are close to you hurt you the most
I am going to start practicing for my driver's license so I can get away faster and I will take every club possible so I can get away from this toxicity. For those who pray, please pray for me. I am struggling.
Hugs 💕
It’s been three years. I hope that means you’re an adult now. Praying for you ❤
My parents don't allow me to leave home except for school and i can't ask them to not yell at me. They get even worse if i ask those things. I went to a therapist and all i could establish is that i don't want them in my life but i can't move away because i'm a minor and i don't have the possibility to work while i can't leave home. I feel like i'm locked up and i don't know what to do
I feel you. I cant even go to college. They dont allow me to study anymore. I am at home 24/7 and I can never get away from them.
@@rahuljain2862 find a church with people who can teach you about God's love through his son and show you to give your life to the omnipotent God who knows all and has plans for you who can teach you who you are in him. Then God will work things out in your life. He will show you how to be with your parents how to forgive and pray for them. They will also be there to give word to help you get away and spend time with those who genuinely care. I promise this. If a Christian doesn't care or love you as themselves and don't apologize and do those things then they are deceiving themselves and they are not living How God if they repented and were filled with his spirit enables them to.
I want you to know and understand this please. your parents do love you but they are human and possibly just being who their parents were aka your grandparents. But don't hold a grudge against either. The devil in them is winning when you let what they do harden your heart and hold them guilty rather than forgive them as Jesus forgives all who ask. Love them despite their carnage whether it's physical verbal in any situation. I speak for myself here as well. From experience. Remember the power is in your hands you can either let them take your peace or you can forgive them and keep it. But please hear me on this even those with good home lives and all the money in the world don't have the deep peace fulfillment and purpose that Jesus Christ gives Freely. He died so he could be with you. I like these scriptures which are his living word. Because God lived out on earth in the flesh and now through his Holy spirit .
Psalm 34:18
18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
John 14:27
27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Also please check out Todd White. Listen to his testimony. He'll show you the real Jesus through word and his testimony. He lloves you so much John 3:16. He really really does he cares for you. He answers all who call on his name Jesus Christ the name above all names.
Also please check out For King and Country - God only knows.
Then I can only image by mercy me. He sings about seeing eing abusive father in heaven and standing before Jesus Christ the one who paid it all but he sings about his father in there because at the end of his life Jesus helped him to forgive his dad and his dad apologized and God changed him and saved him right before he died. Isaiah 43:19 Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert.
(he's speaking to the Israelites but to us in the desert and storm of life that if you look to him he will do what he did for them because the promise for them is now for us too the gentile. I'm sure you don't know what all that means. But know this again I'm telling you he loves you! I wouldn't be telling you if he didn't also..
He also has a movie out just type in mercyme movie on goodgle
If you have theological questions about God UA-cam ravi Zacheriah (I like this one. Ravi zacherias - Why does God let good things happen to bad people)
If you have questions about science and how it relates to God or vise verse UA-cam Kent hovand and or hugh ross
If you want to know the history of the church that is now for us not just the jew.
UA-cam Lee stoneking History of the church part 1
I just want you to completely understand how much God loves you. Let him show you. open to his Word. Read mathew mark Luke and John. And please message me back if there is anything specific I can pray for you for. GOD BLESS YOU! I will pray for you. I can relate to feeling trapped among other things. Atleast that is until God set me free because who the son sets free is free indeed.!
(doing a proof read on a cell phone with a small screen under your key pad is hard. Please forgive the spelling thanks.
UA-cam Todd white ✌️🤙😉
@Rahul Jain
Bro that is not ok. There is so much to do and see on this planet it’s unreal. Don’t let them take your time and your energy and shield you from a threat that’s not there. If you want to go to college you MUST do so for yourself. Connect with yourself and know that nobody understands what’s best for you except for YOU and don’t let anyone else convince you otherwise.
Rahul Jain you should tell them that you’re an adult now, and that you can do whatever you feel is good.
Mine are the same it's mind bashing
im so glad you made this video. ive already started to save up money to be able to move out from my home. my mother is always telling me i won’t be able to make it on my own, but i know it’s important for me to leave when im finally able to.
Yes! Keep saving.. you will totally make it on your own. Don't listen to her, and keep doing what you need to do to keep yourself happy and healthy. xoxo
Hey... I usually don't leave comments, but... I just wanted to tell you this, Kacey: My mother had always told me that I wouldn't make it on my own, that the world was evil and would just chew me up and spit me back out. I believed it so much, that I didn't leave home until I was age 32. And when I did, I saved my money and ran far away - from Philadelphia to Minnesota. I'm currently age 37 and so very happy living in Minnesota, in a very good community with friends and my sister. I've made it without my mother and is able to take care of myself on my own, so I guess she was totally wrong about that. Good luck, Kacey! I truly wish you the best!
Keep your money safe. Mine have taken mine. I'm probably taking them to court.
kacey salgado, it’ll be hard and at times you’ll wonder if you really ever needed to, “it couldn’t have been that bad” but you do need to and it will get better for you. I promise
"Staying in your room"
I've depression and my therapist is always telling me to stay in the living room and social with my family even though they know about the chaos and the toxic stuff that's happening at home and when I'm hesitant to do that they talk to my parents and tell them to force me. All this isn't helping and just making my depression worse. It's sad not everyone truly understand what it's like....
Do what you can and when you
Get old enough move
I know your comment is old but I hope you get a new therapist.
I lost all love and respect for my mom a long time ago
Me too
Same
My mum is already broken because my fuckin retard dad. I already lost hope to these two. I want to be success in life and start a new family without them inside.
@@yurei5021 me too
I lost love & respect for my dad I don't want to do with him
Thank you so much for this video. Reading the comments made me cry because it's so relate-able and I felt so alone in my situation. I love my parents, but I feel like I hate them at the same time. They are strongly verbally and emotionally abusive, to the point where I cry myself to sleep and became depressed from it. My dad is the main problem, and my mom always adds on the extra trimmings. My parents have been talking about putting me into therapy and I was strongly upset about it making me even more depressed. Since I saw this video I'm thinking the opposite. I feel like if my parents put me into therapy i'll have a place to vent about them and help myself cope better.
I was tearing up throughout this video thank you so much for this video
Me two
Same
It's crazy that the lack of attention/love I got from my parents at a young age suddenly breaks something inside me after 21 years. I now know how bad I was treated and how I never developed a solid self-esteem. Now I have to take the consequences for it.
Im totally with you. I grew up the same, no love, no respect, no nurturing from my parents. My mom made me feel like shit. She would always tell me that children should always respect their parents no matter what. She never accepts her mistakes because she is always right and i am always the problem. I thought it was a culture thing but now that i am older i realized how toxic she was and the environment i grew up in. I never realized that the root and reason why i have such low self esteem now, and why i turned out to be a people pleaser was because of all the emotional damage she caused
she always invalidates my feelings by saying “she’s the adult and I’m the child” she says hurtful stuff and expects me not to say anything.
Thank you for these tips.
I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years. He is the most loving and beautiful soul I could ever ask for to be in my life, and I feel terrible that he has had to put up with how the toxicity of my parents has damaged me. It affects other aspects of your life if you are not careful. I get my master's degree in December and am moving out as soon as I can... not just for me but to keep our relationship healthy. I know deep in my heart once that happens, everything will get tremendously better.
Currently reading "Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life" by Susan Forward. Maybe this will help someone. I hope everyone is able to hold onto a dream, a person, or anything that keeps them happy and hopeful.
Ur comment made me cry, because it hit home... I am struggling with my family for a while... I came back to live with them last year and honestly it is just another type of pain than what we experience outside... But what hit home for me is that i am currently seeing someone and for the first time of my life, i met the most incredible person i have ever met, such an angel... But the problem is, i feel like i am too depressed by my family to actually be in a good mood for this person... Like how can i be my best version when my family and shitty family is toxic... Such a sad thing for me... My person had been understanding like yours but i just feel like one day i will be left alone because i might be too much to handle and it is all because of my family.
I think my parents have a better relationship with their pets than with me, and probably it is because they can make every decision on them, the dog will always be emotionally available at any moment, always happy to see them and always grateful, they won't speak back when rebuked or grounded. So basically I think my parents have better relationship with their pets.
Holy shit😂
Why is this so relatable tho 🤣
I really don’t understand what makes this people like this?! I mean I don’t really understand why would you be a Venom to your own Blood and flesh 🤯 I used to think I’m the only one who have a toxic mother but i see the struggle is real.
Your not alone.!!.. My mom is verbally abusive. And still is... And she has this very intimidating look to her ... And im 32... I stay away now... And she try to use my kids to get back around to verbally abuse me again in front if my kids.... And my kjds never listen to me because of her... 😢
Honestly in large part, society is so fucking broken.
I don’t get it either I would never treat my child the way my parents treat me its disgusting I try to get them to see what they are doing and how they affect me and they refuse to listen
@@itsmek868 Just be good with your parents, don't even say no, and if they wrong you, u have to be good with ur parents. because when u misuse to ur parents god will punish u the most punishment ( ur kids will treat you like u treat your parents, u will be humilated in social life, everything will go against you)
in Conclusion, whenever your parents are satisfied of you, your life will be awesome, and you will own a huge power personality, everybody will fear U.
Most toxic parents suffer from borderline personality disorder.
I am really glad there are videos like this that address these sensitive topics. Toxic parents is something that isn't really talked about among American society, and it's really destructive. The less we talk about abusive, toxic parents, the more these patterns will show up in families. It's so important to talk about this stuff. You're videos are guiding me, along with therapy, to finally make the move to move out. I really hope that anyone who is struggling with toxic parents and toxic family in general, know that they deserve to be happy and loved. And they have the right to protect themselves from the emotional abuse.
*Thank god i live in a small town , and when I turn 18 I will move out of my parents house to a completely other city to attend college*
I can't wait.
5 more years to go.
5 more years for me aswell.
My parent did everything In her power to not help or support me to go away for college.
1 year for me 😼
My parents moved with me to college
As someone who did that I can tell that for sure you will be happy and you will change A LOT
"get a lock on the door"
my dad: *deadass takes the door*
Same. He raged and run and kicked the door several tomes to break the lock.
It's taken me I think 5ish years to realize that a parent taking their kids door off isn't normal. I moved upstairs a few years back, and I barely realized the door thing is happening even rn
My dad took my door out of my room when I was 12 years old because he wanted to know what a child does when the door is closed. A fucking 12 Y E A R O L D
I always respect my mom, when im at a shop and see something she might like I but it for her. Today she came to my room and Said she had to take a break from being my mom and that I don’t have a mom for now. All because I didn’t want her in my room because she laughed at me. No one cares and I know it’s hard for her but I’m the depressed one. I’ve been struggling so much with just staying alive especially this week. Also my dads an alcoholic so I have no adult to help me
❤️
I hope you’re doing better now. If not, that’s okay too and I am sending love and light your way💛
Depression kids🗿
I never knew that there would come a day, when i'd have to search for such a video . I literally feel guily for doing so
My parents have always been extremely controlling and I feel like I've been verbally and emotionally abused for years. I'm 20 years old now and I still have to ask permission for me to go places (they still say no for the most part), I'm not allowed to be in a relationship, and I'm not even allowed to choose what college I go to! It's hard for me to save up money to move out because my mom is forcing me to stop working (she calls my workplace and tells them that I'm not allowed to work there anymore). They guilt trip me whenever I'm at work and "don't spend enough time" with the family, yet my mom complains about having to spend money on me. And it's so stupid that I can't even lock my door. My mom always screams at me constantly reminding me that I'm her worst child and I'm so ungrateful and many more hurtful things. What sucks is I don't have any relatives near me that I can just run to..so I feel alone. I thought at this point in time I'd be numb and able to block my mom's hurtful words, but sadly there's still a little hope inside me that is still waiting for her to change and for us to rekindle our relationship. I'm sorry for the rant you guys, I just needed somewhere to vent out.
I can completely understand where you are coming from. I want you to know that you deserve unconditional love and you shouldn't live for anyone else except yourself. I hope you move out when you get the chance to!
I was treated like that but I survived and wrote a book about it and it is called in comfort of Mary by Bethany Ford its on amazon and its on UA-cam and you can read chapter one on UA-cam now. Tell me what you think x
After 11 months does something changed?
You can get help, have a word with your GP and they will help you find the best solution and they will help to find a place for you to go and tell the police you can have her convicted for that. You can get help I promise you but please tell the police x.
There is a way disappear find shelter and general relief like food stamps to eat talk to god every day he will protect u on yr journey. Then when u settled called them but dont let them know where u at
These comments are making me want to hug all of you. It's somehow both encouraging and tragic that so many young adults feel stuck under the thumb of our toxic or abusive parents. I think many of our parents just do not know how to love us. They don't encourage our independence yet they make us feel guilty and incompetent for depending on them. If a parent cannot acknowledge the effort and the positive attributes of their young adult child who is trying to get their education, trying to take care of themselves and have a career and a life, then that parent is not emotionally supportive. If you have a parent who is financially/physically supportive but emotionally damaging, that is TOXIC and you have to be willing to respect yourself enough to GET OUT. Maybe it's more comfortable or easier to live in a parent's nice house, have health insurance, shared phone plan etc., but you're getting much more harm than help if that person who is 'providing' for you is really just controlling you.
My parents still give me low self esteem. I'm 28 live with my partner an hour away and still feel I'm treated unfairly compared to my siblings. But at the same time they smother me. It's complicated. It's like they are trying to make up for their ways by overbearing but in a polite distant way, my mum uses the I love you and I'm thinking of you speech but isn't willing to take me seriously. Everything they do makes me feel inadequate where they don't take me seriously regardless of the fact I'm the only one who has made a life for myself my sister's still live at home. I am the middle child. Anyone else get where I am coming from?
My advice is to really lower your expectations for them. Since you live far from them, know that you can always contact them only on your terms.
gnomehunting I know how you feel. same struggle i stopped visiting only on occasions it’s for the better...
Since my childhood mom always mock me, insult me and hit me, I'm 30 years old now and she still doing the same to me and my self-esteem is low.
I'm tired of living with her.
This is kind of my situation...I wonder what I owe them when they are older? They do more for my sister and I am at this point of just letting them deal with each other and leaving.
@Alexa valberg I wish I can still searching for a job