It sounds like her husband has been in a prison for 18 years, why the fock is every so quick to forgive the almost 2 decades of emotional abuse. . . . . .
I had someone tell me something that helped me. Everyday stand outside in the morning and remind yourself you are safe, you are loved, you are in a safe place. Trauma messes up our bodies. We think everything is unsafe. That simple reminder every morning changed how I view the world.
Just from listening to her tell John her side, it seems like she is using her husband as her scapegoat for all her frustrations and as her negative emotional outlet. Kudos to her for recognizing her treatment of him. Hope things turn around for them.
She grew up around abuse. We are all a product of our upbringing. Parents need to take responsibility for how they behave. She reacts according to what she's been taught. At least now, she recognises the damage caused by her childhood. She doesn't want the cycle to continue with her own children. I commend her for dealing with it and wanting to do better. That's courageous. Bless her and her family.
Hurt people, hurt other people. I can say this as a toxic person who has been healing actively for a while. I have sinced apologized to the people I've hurt inadvertently because my body always says "I'm not safe" when things feel loving and calm. It isn't our fault that we were hurt. It is our responsibility to heal ourselves so we don't hurt others and ourselves. It's a lot of work and it's all worth it. They both need to be in individual therapy first, then they need to come together in couples therapy to move forward.
“Hurt people hurt people” is also a really toxic idiom and not true. Toxic people hurt people. Responsible people hurt people and try to change afterwards. At least you can see you’ve had bad behavior in the past. But the “hurt people hurt people” idiom needs to go. It lets toxic people get away with too much and they don’t. There should be repercussions for their behavior and abuses because they almost always take out their anger on innocents, like the more gentle hearted spouse or children.
Dr John just explained my first marriage. As the oldest daughter of an single African mother , I was 2nd in charge of the world from age 8. She always said I pity the man you marry because I hated taking care of my younger brothers and the home. And I would say the man I marry will do his share. And he did but I did what Dannie did. But after divorce and a stroke 😅 I had to work on me ALOT. But I found a man who makes me feel safe and the most at ease I’ve ever been. I can tell him about anything I’m thinking about all those intrusive thoughts and feelings and he never judges me and we can hash it out. And even after a 3rd really bad stroke he loves me even more and I make more effort to work on me. And that’s not easy with a traumatic brain injury that intensifies your emotions 😅 I cry at tv adverts 😂😂😂 and he’s patient with me but I’m wise enough to realise he needs the same safe space from me xx
I just wanna tell you to keep going, never give up. You're making strides in Heavenly places and setting a different course for not just yourself, but it your children as well.
He is always way easier on women when they admit to abuse in a relationship rather than vice versa. Much harder on men but I think it may be his idea that men are the leader and he gets more frustrated with them. Also men can be more dangerous just because of biology, generally they're stronger. Maybe its necessary to treat each gender a bit differently so we can act accordingly to our roles, but I think women need to be called out for their abuse as well because, as a woman, we can be very nasty and manipulative, which is something women need to be made aware of too! But I love Dr Delony regardless because he is truly helping people and making them more aware.❤
It’s exactly that for me, John is 100% harder on men BUT that doesn’t mean he cares less for men. In fact, he loves them deeply and wants what is best so he uses a different way of communicating to rattle their cage! Also man to man it’s easier to be harder on vs man to woman because he doesn’t have that perspective of being a woman! I love Delony and always will he’s helping so many people!
realy depends men are stronger that you average women but dont forget emotion play a huge roll within domestic abuse aswell. some men can't hit women, there many ways you can hurt a men without being stronger.
@sobc2737 I really think women just don't take the truth very well so he tries to appease them. But yes I'm sure that's a big reason as to why he does it. Good point. 👍
Men need a man to talk to them like a man. We can handle that and it's a natural thing to occur. I will be insulted if a man treats men like you do a woman. It's a difficult thing to accept for the boys that argue otherwise.
@@monicacreator3168 it doesn't prove anything. Lots of people stay married to people they can't stand, and will feel guilty when they inadvertently let the disgust and irritation show. You can be married and want to be a good wife, and still find it hard to be kind and considerate if you're not actually in love anymore.
@@lobi5104so you're presenting a possibility? what if this is not the case? what if she has shut down multiple people due to her childhood. edit: so yeah i was right...her dad was an alcoholic.
My wife every time we have an argument/fight which is not very often she always throws in my face that this is her house and she can kick me out whenever she wants. Yes, it is her house. She owned the house out right before we met, but over the last 10 years of marriage she has made it a point to make me feel like I’m her husband who lives in HER house. Am I wrong for feeling like this?
He deserves someone better honestly. I feel people always try to justify their behavior on past trauma, we’ve all been through though times but we all know right from wrong.
I agree. She sounds emotionally abusive. If a man had called and said this he would treat this so different. I know females that are so mean to their husbands. It makes me sad for men.
I agree 100%. He needs someone who actually won't abuse him but if he's willing to tolerate her abusive behaviors, then that's what he'll get. I tell women the same thing. If women are willing to tolerate abusive behaviors from their men, then that's what she'll get. People (male and female) always use their childhood trauma as an excuse to be abusive as an adult. Majority of us had suffered bad childhood traumas but the difference is how we deal with it as an adult. It takes self accountability to not use our childhood trauma as an excuse or justification for our bad behaviors.
Some people don’t realize their issues are from their bad childhoods, like she said she doesn’t realize why she does it, it’s hard to stop something when you don’t realize why your doing it in the first place. Through this call she realized why and that will help her to stop. Sometimes a lightbulb needs to be turned on before you can see.
That poor man has been worn down through 18 years of verbal abuse, control & manipulation.... but poor her? Shes a domestic abuser so her kids could be next or they will absolutely be caught in her crossfire. Intense therapy sounds like its called for.
@lavenderkisses9461 I'm aware what he's saying. Nearly every single person who does bad things will have a reason. By that reasoning no one would ever be convicted of any crime & domestic abuse & coercive control are a crime btw. She knows she's doing it but they ALL know they're doing it. That's not a revelation. I bet she tones it down around his family so they dont see who she is. Not good enough.
@@kaneykane3449She doesn’t know why she’s doing it. (It’s a wired in response since childhood. Love feels like a fight.). She wants to stop. She’s tried on her own and failed. Now she’s asking for professional help. She’s acknowledged there’s a problem and is actively trying to fix it. At this point in time what more do you want from her?
@jwhite5396 this sympathy for a domestic abuser has me wondering about some of your own home lives... so if it was a man punching her in the face, is him WANTING to stop & ringing a radio show enough? You stop a behavior by not engaging in it so the next time you want to run another person into the ground & make them feel small or stupid you shut your mouth while booking yourself in for intense therapy.
@@judekivshe may want to be a better wife for her own ego and not because she likes or cares about her husband. But at the end of the day none of us really knows what’s going on in their marriage
So when a wife verbally abuses her husband it’s because “her body doesn’t feel safe”….but when a husband verbally abuses his wife he’s an abusive monster who must be left immediately?? Got it!! 👍🏻
If I could give 500 thumbs up I would dude And to accent your point. Ever notice, when it's a woman being the perpetrator that he will dive deep into the psychology of the problem, validate her experience and actions, coddle her; yet when it's a guy who could just be working too much and not being in tune with his wife, Dr deloney is like he's not a man of character, he's a jerk, and then personally condone physical violence against him because he is so ignorant?
Y'all love to talk about how men and women are different when it comes to men cheating on their wives and justifying it behind that bs. So I will say men and women are different...women are not typically abusive by nature like men can tend to be so thats why he said its bc she doesn't feel safe. Men being abusive are being jerks that need to check their jerk behavior at the door. Sounds good right?😮
I grew up with a yeller and he talked down to my mom. I have a great husband who is loving and patient, always there for me. I would be crabby and negative bc i felt fat. I took it out on him verbally. I got a hold of myself and took back my behavior. I told myself love your husband and respect your husband. Dont run him down bc you can. He could have came back at me for sure. I do not do that anymore. We are very happy. This was about 15 yrs ago.
Good for you girl!! This woman is basically describing what my ex husband did to me. I begged him to stop and get help. He wouldn't change until after I filed for divorce.
Thank you Dani for sharing your experience, I relate to all of this so much. I recently had a similar breaking point with myself and it means a lot to hear your story and the advice that comes with it. Here's to growth and self improvement ❤️
For six years, I couldn’t figure out why I was snappy with my husband and why I had this negative reaction towards him. I always felt bad about it because I thought it was my fault. After six years of marriage, he confessed that he has been cheating secretlythis entire time. I think you’re soul in your heart knows when you are being violated even if you don’t. Don’t be quick to blame yourself.
The first step is admitting you have a problem. I know it wasn’t easy for her to make this call. She won’t be able to change by her own strength and by reading a book or two. She will need therapy and some deep healing and accountability. Most importantly, she needs to surrender her life and control to Jesus Christ.
I have so many things I need to work on too to treat the people in my life the way they deserve and the way that I feel about them inside. I’ve realized anxiety has crept up in my life slowly over time and that anxiety doesn’t look like timid behavior but rather irritability and coldness to people who I actually appreciate so much. The shame of realizing that I am not just magically the person I want to be, a good and kind person, is powerful but I choose to believe that I can work towards being a person I’ll be proud to face in the mirror. The people in my life are absolutely worth it, and I am worth it too. We can do this.
Abusers look for specific qualities in their partner so they can get away with their behavior like this woman. They won’t go after healthy & confident individuals. She needs therapy and so does her husband. They are both obviously very unhealthy individuals.
thanks for sharing that about your daughter, that was very insightful and makes sense and answers a lot of questions and confirms many also. Kids know. They don't have the words. But they know. We should not fool ourselves.
I’m Danny and Danny is me. I’ve never heard anyone else who lived my childhood story. At 39, I’m still living the results thereof even though my father has been sober for the last 4 years🙏🏼
I wish more women could admit to this and try to change for the positive. As someone who has been in a relationship with someone like this that kept getting worse with this behavior over time I know how bad it can be for your mental health.
@@tobiramasenju6290Sounds like you don’t know how hormones work. Hormones can be the cause of that immaturity and lack of respect, hell hormones can completely change your personality. Why do you think many bodybuilders get very drastic psychological effects when they’re on steroids? Hormones can affect everything about a person.
@@agx8447 sounds like YOU don't know how hormones work. Hormones aren't an excuse for abusing your husband just like it isn't an excuse when a husband abuses his wife.
@@tobiramasenju6290 It’s not an excuse, I never said it was, however if you have more tendencies towards violence and abuse that may be due to excessive hormones, getting that checked is perfectly reasonable. Dealing with unbalanced hormones can be really damn hard and it’s only logical that you should get treated for it. That’s like saying a schizophrenic person shouldn’t get treatment and they should just handle their issues of their own will. It’s plain wrong, if you have a known or potential medical issue that can cause harm to others, being responsible *is* getting treatment for it and getting that under control. I never said she’s justified for abusing her husband because it might just be a hormone imbalance, I’m saying she needs to get that treated if it is in fact what is going on otherwise she will bring even more harm into her husband’s life.
That was my childhood too, totally neglected, never kissed or hugged or told I love you. Barely educated. My dad is a narcissist, but we were starving until he inherited money when I was older
I've seen this type of woman my entire life, it's not childhood trauma. She's just an entitled princess that bitches everyone out so she can get her way and behave the way she wants. She's basically the abusive alcoholic husband in this relationship
i've never understood the people who are aware that they act terrible toward the people closest to them and acknowledge that its their pattern of response, but then they keep doing it constantly. if you know you're going to apologize for something you're about to do or say, how do you just go ahead and do it anyway? obviously everybody does or says something that they regret or didnt mean once in a while, but im talking more about the people who do it constantly and at least have the self awareness to know thats how they act.
I have not heard of amy women ever apologizing for th3 aggressiveness. In fact, most men would be told how weak they are and that they are afraid of feminists and wrong women. If any man is undergoing this treatment, please leave asap. This same difficult woman will be as docile as a bunnt the next guy she meets. She does not love you or respect you. If a man called to say he was bullying his wife, he would be advised to pack his stuff and file for divorce. Even if she takee all the money it is not worth it
It’s really weird listening to this show. John always says problems originate in childhood, but the church I grew up in taught that psychology is bs and that allowing childhood trauma to affect you is merely sin, if the trauma existed at all.
The way she sounds to me as if she is bored with the conversation and is only agreeing to John on things just to agree... I don't know maybe it's just me.
She is not bored, she is depressed, deeply. You can hear it in her voice. She is so angry with herself for the things she is seeing about herself that she knows she needs to change.
man treats his wife bad "youre a selfish man baby!" woman mistreats her husband "well what happened when you were 5?" 🤣 I know there's more to it. I'm a big fan of Dr. Jonn or else I wouldn't be able to make this joke lol
Wow… way to go! This is exactly my wife, but mine has had no awareness. 18 years married, 24 together, three sons. She eventually had an affair and left. Our divorce is nearly final. I’d give anything for her to heal and turn around and have our family whole again.
So it's safe to assume it's not difficult to run into abusers? Please let him go.Let him find happiness. She probably doesn't like him, if they have children, their children probably have started treating him badly too. Children copy what they see. She should seek him help away from him and then comeback as a healed person( not saying he should take her back). And he should go into therapy too. I am sorry but abusers deserve no sympathy.
We had our 13 year old niece visiting from California over summer. Talked just like this woman. Very strange that she speaks with such juvenile vernacular for a grown married woman.
Her vernacular also caught me off guard, but then again, trauma can arrest a brain's development. It could also just be generational: it's plausible that she's from the late Milennial/early Gen Z era if she's in her mid-twenties and knew her husband from when they were little.
I guess it’s just me; but this call was ridiculous. Dani got exactly what she wanted when she called this guy. Poor Dani. She’s so brave. It’s not her fault….blah, blah, blah. The pandering this guy gave her was ridiculous. Never asked for specific examples, believed everything she said, and barely spoke about how to help her husband. Dani is most likely abusing the guy, and he is suffering through it for his family. She will never accept accountability for her behavior, but at least she got a free book!!!
I need to share this because I know so many women that treat their husbands like crap 💩. Also I kind of feel like if a guy would of been the abuser the call would have gone different 🙃
Yep I totally agree. He ends with “let him love you for a change” wow how about you love on him?! He would of treated a man who says this so so differently.
Men love mean girls because they hold the power and love the drama. Apparently its intriguing so they don't leave. I realise men are hooked when I'm purposely mean but that's not who i am. When i truly show my heart they lose interest.
What? Lmao. No. Guys just like physically attractive women and look past all their terrible qualities because of their looks. An ugly girl who acts like that won't get a guy.
Water seeks it's own level. If a man is attracted to meanness and drama that says a lot about the kind of person he is. If he is attracted to kindness and emotional maturity that says something different. Edit: What I'm saying is, if you don't feel you're really like that then don't be like that because the kind of person you're attracting may not be a good person to be in a relationship with and the whole basis of the relationship is pretty unhealthy.
There are some men that definitely do. I had 2 that were interested in me. I noticed that their energy levels would rise when I confronted them. And when I would confront them, they would pounce on me, coax, overpower me, etc. Even the sex was better after confrontation. I realized this is what toxic relationships were made of.
Why act like someone you’re not to keep a person?? You’ll either get tired of being mean or actually become a mean person. Just be yourself and date guys who actually like you.
She is just plain old mean and seems like a bully. She needs to stop blaming her past. Her husband is going to get tired of her sooner or later and find someone who is kind and respects him. She does NOT respect that man!!!
She wasn’t blaming her past. John brought it up. To show her why her body reacts to being loved with a fight. Listen to what John said starting at the 5:05 mark. She doesn’t know why she acts the way she does. She’s tried to fix it herself and failed. Now she’s asking for professional help. I hope John has her back on in a year to say what she’s learned and how she’s changed her beliefs and behavior.
I love your show. Possibly though, reconsider calling the Lady on the phone, Dude? I was surprised when I heard you say that. LOL Just saying, I hope you do not mind.
The reason she is acting this way is because she does not respect her husband. Her husband is too nice and accomodating to the point that he fails to set up healthy boundaries. We deserve what we allow. Man nor woman should never allow bad behavior from their partners.
Sounds like she might also have a hormonal issue.. she should get her hormones checked out seriously with a good naturopath. This affects A LOT of women (hormonal disorders) and it’s not our fault, it’s usually due to diet, lifestyle, stress and we can try to fix it on our own. Symptoms usually manifest themselves in constant irritability and we end up taking it out on the ones we love without even realizing it.
I'm sorry. You know you cannot heal anyone but yourself. I learned there are always reasons why I allowed myself to be poorly treated. Maybe counseling for you? I hope you can find some peace and comfort.
Invite The Holy Spirit into the marriage. Holy matrimony is best done with God in the center of it. You don’t need a therapist Sister, you need Jesus. We as a society have become way too familiar with a God we don’t know very well.
Why people are on her side. If it was the other way around people would tell her to leave him. No matter what, being abusive and mean to spouse is wrong. She has a-lot of work to do to change. But he needs to leave for his safety. That man needs someone that respects him and loves him for real.
My daughter in law is a stay at home mom she talks to my son horrible she does not cook she doesn’t clean and he does all of the child care and he works a ton he does everything puts up the Christmas tree takes down the tree takes the children to sports doctors appts and she plays video games and always tells him when he gets home from work today was so hectic o just did t get to anything I helped him raise the kids for ten years and now he realizes she does nothing but video games all day
Well age does have something to do with gray hair by itself lol. Y'all have known each other for 18 yrs...I'm guessing y'all aren't spring chickens anymore...😂😅?!
“The behavior that kept you alive as a kid will destroy your world as an adult” 🔥🔥🔥 john is the best!
Completely
That's what rights of passage are for. To teach children how to become adults and function in an adult world.
That needs to be on a billboard on every interstate
I read that with Morgan Freeman's voice in my head
@@PBR.StreetGang948😂
I actually respect anyone who has insight into their bad behavior. Good for her to ask for help for HER problem.
Kudos to Dani for asking for help to treat her husband better.
100%...she doesn't sound like a Narc.
@kigzman1745 just as bad as one she's a borderline 🤢
But this is why men cheat.
@@Vale10952 ahhh...cluster B's .
True true.We all should strive to become better people.
Her husband has become the scapegoat for all her anger and anxiety. She can fix it. It sounds like she loves her husband a lot.
It sounds like her husband has been in a prison for 18 years, why the fock is every so quick to forgive the almost 2 decades of emotional abuse. . . . . .
her husband should divorce her and find a woman that doesn't spend 2 decades abusing her family
@@schustererik83because it's a woman and he's a guy... if a guy called in saying that this call would have went entirely different.
Totally agree. She’s needs to be in therapy pronto. I feel bad for him
I had someone tell me something that helped me. Everyday stand outside in the morning and remind yourself you are safe, you are loved, you are in a safe place. Trauma messes up our bodies. We think everything is unsafe. That simple reminder every morning changed how I view the world.
But what if you don't truly believe that 😢
@nicole- fake it til you make it dear
Just from listening to her tell John her side, it seems like she is using her husband as her scapegoat for all her frustrations and as her negative emotional outlet.
Kudos to her for recognizing her treatment of him. Hope things turn around for them.
She grew up around abuse. We are all a product of our upbringing. Parents need to take responsibility for how they behave. She reacts according to what she's been taught. At least now, she recognises the damage caused by her childhood. She doesn't want the cycle to continue with her own children. I commend her for dealing with it and wanting to do better. That's courageous. Bless her and her family.
He’s an alcoholic he won’t take responsibility. Mom should have rescued her daughter.
Hurt people, hurt other people. I can say this as a toxic person who has been healing actively for a while. I have sinced apologized to the people I've hurt inadvertently because my body always says "I'm not safe" when things feel loving and calm. It isn't our fault that we were hurt. It is our responsibility to heal ourselves so we don't hurt others and ourselves. It's a lot of work and it's all worth it. They both need to be in individual therapy first, then they need to come together in couples therapy to move forward.
“Hurt people hurt people” is also a really toxic idiom and not true. Toxic people hurt people. Responsible people hurt people and try to change afterwards. At least you can see you’ve had bad behavior in the past. But the “hurt people hurt people” idiom needs to go. It lets toxic people get away with too much and they don’t. There should be repercussions for their behavior and abuses because they almost always take out their anger on innocents, like the more gentle hearted spouse or children.
This lady is way better than other, some people abuse their love one but they never admit😢
why are you praising an abuser?
I feel this way. I feel so ashamed for my lack of patience with my kids. 💕
Just tell them your sorry and you’ll do better
Poor man. I hope she changes so he stays with her. Abuse is never ok regardless of gender 😊
Dr John just explained my first marriage. As the oldest daughter of an single African mother , I was 2nd in charge of the world from age 8. She always said I pity the man you marry because I hated taking care of my younger brothers and the home. And I would say the man I marry will do his share. And he did but I did what Dannie did. But after divorce and a stroke 😅 I had to work on me ALOT. But I found a man who makes me feel safe and the most at ease I’ve ever been. I can tell him about anything I’m thinking about all those intrusive thoughts and feelings and he never judges me and we can hash it out. And even after a 3rd really bad stroke he loves me even more and I make more effort to work on me. And that’s not easy with a traumatic brain injury that intensifies your emotions 😅 I cry at tv adverts 😂😂😂 and he’s patient with me but I’m wise enough to realise he needs the same safe space from me xx
Have you confessed to the first husband your abuse and asked for forgiveness?????
TV adverts are legit emotional roller coasters
@@carnivoreRon yes Ron he’s the father of my kids he’s still my friend
I just wanna tell you to keep going, never give up. You're making strides in Heavenly places and setting a different course for not just yourself, but it your children as well.
Convicted the heck outta me when he said , “kinda like a Dad starin’ at a cell phone”.😬
He is always way easier on women when they admit to abuse in a relationship rather than vice versa. Much harder on men but I think it may be his idea that men are the leader and he gets more frustrated with them. Also men can be more dangerous just because of biology, generally they're stronger. Maybe its necessary to treat each gender a bit differently so we can act accordingly to our roles, but I think women need to be called out for their abuse as well because, as a woman, we can be very nasty and manipulative, which is something women need to be made aware of too! But I love Dr Delony regardless because he is truly helping people and making them more aware.❤
It’s exactly that for me, John is 100% harder on men BUT that doesn’t mean he cares less for men. In fact, he loves them deeply and wants what is best so he uses a different way of communicating to rattle their cage! Also man to man it’s easier to be harder on vs man to woman because he doesn’t have that perspective of being a woman! I love Delony and always will he’s helping so many people!
realy depends men are stronger that you average women but dont forget emotion play a huge roll within domestic abuse aswell.
some men can't hit women, there many ways you can hurt a men without being stronger.
No it’s because woman make up majority of his listeners. You can’t piss off your customer base.
@sobc2737 I really think women just don't take the truth very well so he tries to appease them. But yes I'm sure that's a big reason as to why he does it. Good point. 👍
Men need a man to talk to them like a man. We can handle that and it's a natural thing to occur. I will be insulted if a man treats men like you do a woman. It's a difficult thing to accept for the boys that argue otherwise.
She obviously doesn't like him. It's very hard to hide disdain and irritation.
The fact that she is self aware and wants to do better proves you're wrong
@@monicacreator3168 it doesn't prove anything. Lots of people stay married to people they can't stand, and will feel guilty when they inadvertently let the disgust and irritation show. You can be married and want to be a good wife, and still find it hard to be kind and considerate if you're not actually in love anymore.
Thats so true, its so important to like your spouse. You can love someone but not like them and it will show
@@lobi5104so you're presenting a possibility? what if this is not the case? what if she has shut down multiple people due to her childhood.
edit: so yeah i was right...her dad was an alcoholic.
She doesn't love him or herself probably
Women like this cause divorces and don’t even know it. But I’m glad she is addressing the issue.
Thankfully, she knows and is addressing it. I hope she does right for her husband, and I'm hope he can finally breathe a sigh of relief.
My wife every time we have an argument/fight which is not very often she always throws in my face that this is her house and she can kick me out whenever she wants. Yes, it is her house. She owned the house out right before we met, but over the last 10 years of marriage she has made it a point to make me feel like I’m her husband who lives in HER house. Am I wrong for feeling like this?
No it’s not ok. Your wife needs help. You both would benefit from Godly soul-level counseling. I pray for healing and peace in your marriage.
That's not right behavior from your wife.
Her excuse is that is my fault for her saying those things because I push her buttons.
You two are married. It's your house too. That's a terrible thing to say to your spouse.
You can allways get divorced. You are not obligated to tollerate your wife's toxic behaviour
Lots of credit to her to admit she has a problem
He deserves someone better honestly. I feel people always try to justify their behavior on past trauma, we’ve all been through though times but we all know right from wrong.
I agree. She sounds emotionally abusive. If a man had called and said this he would treat this so different. I know females that are so mean to their husbands. It makes me sad for men.
100% agree.
I agree 100%. He needs someone who actually won't abuse him but if he's willing to tolerate her abusive behaviors, then that's what he'll get.
I tell women the same thing. If women are willing to tolerate abusive behaviors from their men, then that's what she'll get.
People (male and female) always use their childhood trauma as an excuse to be abusive as an adult.
Majority of us had suffered bad childhood traumas but the difference is how we deal with it as an adult. It takes self accountability to not use our childhood trauma as an excuse or justification for our bad behaviors.
Some people don’t realize their issues are from their bad childhoods, like she said she doesn’t realize why she does it, it’s hard to stop something when you don’t realize why your doing it in the first place. Through this call she realized why and that will help her to stop. Sometimes a lightbulb needs to be turned on before you can see.
That poor man has been worn down through 18 years of verbal abuse, control & manipulation.... but poor her? Shes a domestic abuser so her kids could be next or they will absolutely be caught in her crossfire. Intense therapy sounds like its called for.
@CLICK_PROFILE_TO_WRITE Let's not, and say we did.
He’s saying the inner child in her is stuck-that part of her “poor her” The part that didn’t have anyone sticking up for her.
@lavenderkisses9461 I'm aware what he's saying. Nearly every single person who does bad things will have a reason. By that reasoning no one would ever be convicted of any crime & domestic abuse & coercive control are a crime btw. She knows she's doing it but they ALL know they're doing it. That's not a revelation. I bet she tones it down around his family so they dont see who she is. Not good enough.
@@kaneykane3449She doesn’t know why she’s doing it. (It’s a wired in response since childhood. Love feels like a fight.). She wants to stop. She’s tried on her own and failed. Now she’s asking for professional help. She’s acknowledged there’s a problem and is actively trying to fix it. At this point in time what more do you want from her?
@jwhite5396 this sympathy for a domestic abuser has me wondering about some of your own home lives... so if it was a man punching her in the face, is him WANTING to stop & ringing a radio show enough? You stop a behavior by not engaging in it so the next time you want to run another person into the ground & make them feel small or stupid you shut your mouth while booking yourself in for intense therapy.
She admitted being mean when he is just being playful; she obviously doesn’t like him.
You’re over analyzing, she wouldn’t want to be a better wife if she disliked him
@@judekivshe may want to be a better wife for her own ego and not because she likes or cares about her husband. But at the end of the day none of us really knows what’s going on in their marriage
Your not alone!!! Thanks for asking this, 🙏 you are so brave.
So when a wife verbally abuses her husband it’s because “her body doesn’t feel safe”….but when a husband verbally abuses his wife he’s an abusive monster who must be left immediately??
Got it!! 👍🏻
If I could give 500 thumbs up I would dude
And to accent your point. Ever notice, when it's a woman being the perpetrator that he will dive deep into the psychology of the problem, validate her experience and actions, coddle her; yet when it's a guy who could just be working too much and not being in tune with his wife, Dr deloney is like he's not a man of character, he's a jerk, and then personally condone physical violence against him because he is so ignorant?
💯!!!
Y'all love to talk about how men and women are different when it comes to men cheating on their wives and justifying it behind that bs. So I will say men and women are different...women are not typically abusive by nature like men can tend to be so thats why he said its bc she doesn't feel safe. Men being abusive are being jerks that need to check their jerk behavior at the door. Sounds good right?😮
@@snOagsclassic Dave Ramsey and Daloney there!
Yep! Classic Dave Ramsay stuff….. always always always on the females side
I grew up with a yeller and he talked down to my mom. I have a great husband who is loving and patient, always there for me. I would be crabby and negative bc i felt fat. I took it out on him verbally. I got a hold of myself and took back my behavior. I told myself love your husband and respect your husband. Dont run him down bc you can. He could have came back at me for sure. I do not do that anymore. We are very happy. This was about 15 yrs ago.
Good for you girl!! This woman is basically describing what my ex husband did to me. I begged him to stop and get help. He wouldn't change until after I filed for divorce.
Thank you Dani for sharing your experience, I relate to all of this so much. I recently had a similar breaking point with myself and it means a lot to hear your story and the advice that comes with it. Here's to growth and self improvement ❤️
I was going to skip this episode, but so glad I did not. It really helped me.
For six years, I couldn’t figure out why I was snappy with my husband and why I had this negative reaction towards him. I always felt bad about it because I thought it was my fault. After six years of marriage, he confessed that he has been cheating secretlythis entire time. I think you’re soul in your heart knows when you are being violated even if you don’t. Don’t be quick to blame yourself.
So you were being a B*** and he cheated after. Who'd have guessed yhays what would happen? Color me shocked. Well deserved.
Don't cheat on people because they're b*tchy, just leave.
@@Chet_24Did she say it was after? I read "he has been cheating secretly this entire time." What did you read?
"Don't be quick to blame yourself" lmao
Similar happened to me. We get "off" emotionally when our husbands are off. I'm divorced now.
The first step is admitting you have a problem. I know it wasn’t easy for her to make this call. She won’t be able to change by her own strength and by reading a book or two. She will need therapy and some deep healing and accountability. Most importantly, she needs to surrender her life and control to Jesus Christ.
Most importantly she needs some really good counseling.
I have so many things I need to work on too to treat the people in my life the way they deserve and the way that I feel about them inside. I’ve realized anxiety has crept up in my life slowly over time and that anxiety doesn’t look like timid behavior but rather irritability and coldness to people who I actually appreciate so much. The shame of realizing that I am not just magically the person I want to be, a good and kind person, is powerful but I choose to believe that I can work towards being a person I’ll be proud to face in the mirror. The people in my life are absolutely worth it, and I am worth it too. We can do this.
'A body that is no longer at war' thats beautiful. Thank you
Great introspection Dannie!! Time to take care of yourself better and your husband too. I'm glad she could see this.
She doesn't respect her husband so she belittles him because she wants someone to take charge and her husband won't stand up to her. Seems like
You think she’d more be satisfied if he stood up? Maybe.
Abusers look for specific qualities in their partner so they can get away with their behavior like this woman. They won’t go after healthy & confident individuals. She needs therapy and so does her husband. They are both obviously very unhealthy individuals.
thanks for sharing that about your daughter, that was very insightful and makes sense and answers a lot of questions and confirms many also. Kids know. They don't have the words. But they know. We should not fool ourselves.
I’m Danny and Danny is me.
I’ve never heard anyone else who lived my childhood story.
At 39, I’m still living the results thereof even though my father has been sober for the last 4 years🙏🏼
Dani, you’re a brave women’s and good on for you for wanting to do better! Rooting for you
I wish more women could admit to this and try to change for the positive. As someone who has been in a relationship with someone like this that kept getting worse with this behavior over time I know how bad it can be for your mental health.
Her husband should get rid of her. If she's emotionally abusing him, he needs to stand up for himself
Well he’s a saint and maybe she’ll change and he has 2 kids with her now. Maybe things have gotten better!
I love love love John’s trauma informed approach. It’s very underrated!!!!
Counseling and a big apology to your husband.
"Have you tried.. not doing that?" -Archer
Her past isn’t an excuse to treat him poorly though. Also, there’s a difference between a “fiery” personality and just being a bi$&@ 😅
Agreed. She might also have a hormonal problem which increases irritability. She should pursue physiological help as well.
@@user-lt1jd1ye3v she knows what she's doing. It's not a hormone problem it's a lack of respect and immaturity.
@@tobiramasenju6290Sounds like you don’t know how hormones work. Hormones can be the cause of that immaturity and lack of respect, hell hormones can completely change your personality. Why do you think many bodybuilders get very drastic psychological effects when they’re on steroids? Hormones can affect everything about a person.
@@agx8447 sounds like YOU don't know how hormones work. Hormones aren't an excuse for abusing your husband just like it isn't an excuse when a husband abuses his wife.
@@tobiramasenju6290 It’s not an excuse, I never said it was, however if you have more tendencies towards violence and abuse that may be due to excessive hormones, getting that checked is perfectly reasonable. Dealing with unbalanced hormones can be really damn hard and it’s only logical that you should get treated for it. That’s like saying a schizophrenic person shouldn’t get treatment and they should just handle their issues of their own will. It’s plain wrong, if you have a known or potential medical issue that can cause harm to others, being responsible *is* getting treatment for it and getting that under control. I never said she’s justified for abusing her husband because it might just be a hormone imbalance, I’m saying she needs to get that treated if it is in fact what is going on otherwise she will bring even more harm into her husband’s life.
Its your childhood , you were never validated , I bet your parents didn’t play with you either , and dad never said he loved you! You got This !
That was my childhood too, totally neglected, never kissed or hugged or told I love you. Barely educated. My dad is a narcissist, but we were starving until he inherited money when I was older
Props to this woman for her humility! A+
When I've done that in the past, it's because I didn't believe in them, and I lost admiration.
Most abusers take absolute zero accountability. Credit for trying to get help for her toxicity
So glad my daughter knows and feels safe with my husband. They are so affectionate. That is not normal to feel like your dad is unsafe.
Reverse the roles, and people would be calling for the man to be in jail
I've seen this type of woman my entire life, it's not childhood trauma. She's just an entitled princess that bitches everyone out so she can get her way and behave the way she wants.
She's basically the abusive alcoholic husband in this relationship
Wish my wife would give a call like this 😢
Maybe play this for her?
Tell her what she does hurts you
i've never understood the people who are aware that they act terrible toward the people closest to them and acknowledge that its their pattern of response, but then they keep doing it constantly. if you know you're going to apologize for something you're about to do or say, how do you just go ahead and do it anyway? obviously everybody does or says something that they regret or didnt mean once in a while, but im talking more about the people who do it constantly and at least have the self awareness to know thats how they act.
That was just amazing
maybe she is, avoid marrying a broken woman you can't fix or save her
Praise to her for recognizing and being convicted of her actions and taking accountability
Mindfulness will help with this reactionary abusive behavior.... better late than never.
My mom and dad were the same way and not I'm screwed up trying to get better and my mom still shames me.
She isn’t attracted to him. Even referred to him as friends for years instead of husband and wife.
husband and wife can't be friends?
@@eg4417 they can but shouldn’t be your first reference
I have not heard of amy women ever apologizing for th3 aggressiveness. In fact, most men would be told how weak they are and that they are afraid of feminists and wrong women. If any man is undergoing this treatment, please leave asap. This same difficult woman will be as docile as a bunnt the next guy she meets. She does not love you or respect you. If a man called to say he was bullying his wife, he would be advised to pack his stuff and file for divorce. Even if she takee all the money it is not worth it
I just wanna know what therapist is gonna help me turn off that fight or flight
The comment about running the show hits hard
Girl give me your husband I’ll treat him like a king!
It’s really weird listening to this show. John always says problems originate in childhood, but the church I grew up in taught that psychology is bs and that allowing childhood trauma to affect you is merely sin, if the trauma existed at all.
She doesn't respect him. Probably because he doesn't respect himself. At least she is aware that she is horrible to him....
The way she sounds to me as if she is bored with the conversation and is only agreeing to John on things just to agree... I don't know maybe it's just me.
She’s pregnant lol she’ll be more agreeable after the baby
She is not bored, she is depressed, deeply. You can hear it in her voice. She is so angry with herself for the things she is seeing about herself that she knows she needs to change.
man treats his wife bad
"youre a selfish man baby!"
woman mistreats her husband
"well what happened when you were 5?" 🤣 I know there's more to it. I'm a big fan of Dr. Jonn or else I wouldn't be able to make this joke lol
Wow… way to go!
This is exactly my wife, but mine has had no awareness. 18 years married, 24 together, three sons. She eventually had an affair and left. Our divorce is nearly final. I’d give anything for her to heal and turn around and have our family whole again.
I wanna say I feel the same way.
Want to See …Want to know…Want to understand.
So it's safe to assume it's not difficult to run into abusers? Please let him go.Let him find happiness. She probably doesn't like him, if they have children, their children probably have started treating him badly too. Children copy what they see. She should seek him help away from him and then comeback as a healed person( not saying he should take her back). And he should go into therapy too. I am sorry but abusers deserve no sympathy.
We had our 13 year old niece visiting from California over summer. Talked just like this woman. Very strange that she speaks with such juvenile vernacular for a grown married woman.
Her vernacular also caught me off guard, but then again, trauma can arrest a brain's development. It could also just be generational: it's plausible that she's from the late Milennial/early Gen Z era if she's in her mid-twenties and knew her husband from when they were little.
She’s from Cali……. That’s how they talk.
As a guy, I find it weird when some men refer to women as 'dude'.
I guess it’s just me; but this call was ridiculous. Dani got exactly what she wanted when she called this guy. Poor Dani. She’s so brave. It’s not her fault….blah, blah, blah. The pandering this guy gave her was ridiculous. Never asked for specific examples, believed everything she said, and barely spoke about how to help her husband. Dani is most likely abusing the guy, and he is suffering through it for his family. She will never accept accountability for her behavior, but at least she got a free book!!!
I need to share this because I know so many women that treat their husbands like crap 💩. Also I kind of feel like if a guy would of been the abuser the call would have gone different 🙃
Yep I totally agree. He ends with “let him love you for a change” wow how about you love on him?! He would of treated a man who says this so so differently.
Men love mean girls because they hold the power and love the drama. Apparently its intriguing so they don't leave. I realise men are hooked when I'm purposely mean but that's not who i am. When i truly show my heart they lose interest.
What? Lmao. No. Guys just like physically attractive women and look past all their terrible qualities because of their looks. An ugly girl who acts like that won't get a guy.
Water seeks it's own level. If a man is attracted to meanness and drama that says a lot about the kind of person he is. If he is attracted to kindness and emotional maturity that says something different.
Edit: What I'm saying is, if you don't feel you're really like that then don't be like that because the kind of person you're attracting may not be a good person to be in a relationship with and the whole basis of the relationship is pretty unhealthy.
Men worth anything would not tolerate you for a second. You have a beta male likely and that’s what angers you in the first place.
There are some men that definitely do. I had 2 that were interested in me. I noticed that their energy levels would rise when I confronted them. And when I would confront them, they would pounce on me, coax, overpower me, etc. Even the sex was better after confrontation.
I realized this is what toxic relationships were made of.
Why act like someone you’re not to keep a person?? You’ll either get tired of being mean or actually become a mean person. Just be yourself and date guys who actually like you.
She is just plain old mean and seems like a bully. She needs to stop blaming her past. Her husband is going to get tired of her sooner or later and find someone who is kind and respects him. She does NOT respect that man!!!
She wasn’t blaming her past. John brought it up. To show her why her body reacts to being loved with a fight. Listen to what John said starting at the 5:05 mark.
She doesn’t know why she acts the way she does. She’s tried to fix it herself and failed. Now she’s asking for professional help. I hope John has her back on in a year to say what she’s learned and how she’s changed her beliefs and behavior.
I wish my wife had this much self awareness
and this is why I am seeking greener pastures...
She was in role reversal and penalized for it.
I love your show. Possibly though, reconsider calling the Lady on the phone, Dude? I was surprised when I heard you say that. LOL Just saying, I hope you do not mind.
They are communicating in 25 year old vernacular lol
At least she knows there’s a problem
The reason she is acting this way is because she does not respect her husband. Her husband is too nice and accomodating to the point that he fails to set up healthy boundaries. We deserve what we allow. Man nor woman should never allow bad behavior from their partners.
Sounds like she might also have a hormonal issue.. she should get her hormones checked out seriously with a good naturopath. This affects A LOT of women (hormonal disorders) and it’s not our fault, it’s usually due to diet, lifestyle, stress and we can try to fix it on our own. Symptoms usually manifest themselves in constant irritability and we end up taking it out on the ones we love without even realizing it.
My wife is mean and doesn’t really acknowledge it at all. At least she apologizes.
I'm sorry. You know you cannot heal anyone but yourself. I learned there are always reasons why I allowed myself to be poorly treated. Maybe counseling for you? I hope you can find some peace and comfort.
Leave her. Or at least say something that her bs wont be tolerated anymore.
I just wish abusive MEN would have the same moment of awakening. Kudos to Dani, for sure.
She seems mean! I would never want to be around anyone like that.
Invite The Holy Spirit into the marriage. Holy matrimony is best done with God in the center of it. You don’t need a therapist Sister, you need Jesus. We as a society have become way too familiar with a God we don’t know very well.
Why people are on her side. If it was the other way around people would tell her to leave him. No matter what, being abusive and mean to spouse is wrong. She has a-lot of work to do to change.
But he needs to leave for his safety. That man needs someone that respects him and loves him for real.
The overanalyzing comments are funny
This is exactly how my wife treats me.
My daughter in law is a stay at home mom she talks to my son horrible she does not cook she doesn’t clean and he does all of the child care and he works a ton he does everything puts up the Christmas tree takes down the tree takes the children to sports doctors appts and she plays video games and always tells him when he gets home from work today was so hectic o just did t get to anything I helped him raise the kids for ten years and now he realizes she does nothing but video games all day
SHE does video games all day?😮
women who take responsibility when they are the problem get high fives when get blame
Well age does have something to do with gray hair by itself lol. Y'all have known each other for 18 yrs...I'm guessing y'all aren't spring chickens anymore...😂😅?!
😥
Um Wow! I was the little girl Dannie :(
She lost respect and feelings for her husband. Maybe he neglected her and she had to "run the show" alone. She may be resentful.
So she knows she's an abusive b***** but she's still blaming daddy.
She sounds very masculine. If her husband isnt correcting her, he's just done.
abuse is masculine?
Horrible wife, Horrible life.
CPTSD