She didn't say they could never date, just that they needed to date when they were serious about finding a spouse. Not saying this is the right approach, but I see plenty of judgemental comments about a mom who is trying to do the right thing by her son and his wife. I also know of teens who got pregnant because they started dating before they were mature enough to comprehend the consequences of physical intimacy.
@brooke9847 I agree with you, that sounds crazy. I can completely understand being serious about a spouse, that was the only purpose I had while dating. HOWEVER, there is no way a 15 year-old child at church youth group is serious about getting married. Realistically they’d have to wait/date for 3-5 years. It feels like she required her kids to hold off on dating until they are literally ready to get married. 15 year old kids can’t get married. Then she is shocked when one of her kids decides he is ready and gets married immediately (kinda seems like that’s what she was expecting/requiring).
I am an army veteran I can tell you he likely married quickly to get out of the barracks. BUT she is also very controlling and I am not surprised he jumped right into marriage
But most military guys still jump to marriage because of the benefits. It sucks to say since I’m a military spouse but that’s not the case for me, it’s what I hear about young military couples. She said he joined at 18 and something about 5 years later meets this girl. So he’s 22. It’s still common as a very young military member to get married for unfortunately the wrong reasons. I don’t find it strange he got married instead of “dating” besides when she said to look for a wife not a girlfriend she meant date with a purpose to marry. I find it strange when she said her and all her kids are so close they talk about everything and life choices. If she’s this warm and easy to talk to about hard topics why did he hide the part he was literally going to marry this girl two days later after meeting the parents without saying anything about marriage? Knowing he knows she would be supportive. And then brushing it off when she noticed the ring? That tells me that he did take a serious life change to be with someone “forever” but doing so lightly? Like it does make me wonder if it’s more for the benefits and didn’t want to mention that part to the parents?
“Start thinking about the qualities you want your future spouse to have, based on the total lack of information you have about romantic relationships.” What could possibly go wrong?
You don't need to date to know what you would like in a partner. Maybe your expectation might be unrealistic because of lack of experience but you can definitely have some type of expectations. You can have very generic expectations e.g. I want someone who listens, doesn't insult me, is open etc.
@@nd7289 that isn't what teenagers come up with. they come up with what they look like, what extremely niche hobby they like must also be, and whatever arbitrary characteristic their favorite TV program says is important. it's RIDICULOUS to expect someone who has never driven a car to pick the car they are going to have for the rest of their lives.
The caller mom doesn’t see her son did something wrong. You think Jesus likes you to go with whatever your children do. Let me let everybody know that if you don’t tell your own children that they did wrong. Jesus will let you know. Correct your children even if they don’t follow through. Keep reminding them. I sure don’t want Jesus to tell me why didn’t you tell it was wrong.
Dr John is so right. We are no contact with certain family and we constantly hear things like "Life is too short to hold grudges" but we feel that life is too short to be around people who treat us terribly with no remorse. I have peace drawing the line and not looking back.
I believe people are too quick to go no-contact. "Just go no-contact!" as if it's a decision to get bangs or not. Over ridiculous things like political differences, or *ahem* medical choices a few years back. It's actually adding destruction and toxicity, in cases like that. And I say this as someone married to a man who was NC with his grandfather until the man died. But like, grandpa apparently made a pact with the devil, so 😬I believe it can be necessary, but those cases are very rare and don't require long explanations 😋
I think people that have (luckily) no experience with these dynamics, probably truly have no way of understanding what this is truly like. I am a mom myself now and I find it impossible to imagine myself ever treating my child the way I was treated. I understand however, that it IS possible for other parents, because I was the kid in that situation once. But when you have not gone through that yourself, and all you've ever felt is the love from your parents and the love you have for your children... You just have no idea. And you don't understand that comments like "I hope you can work it out with your parents" can be very, very painful for the child to hear.
I made the mistake of reading the comments before watching much of the video and let comments give me an inaccurate picture of this lady. Sure I think it is wrong to not let your kids date and to be excessively involved in their adult lives, but in this call she is quite receptive and seems to have a big heart. Like let’s be forreal, a bad mother wouldnt hug a stranger that was just introduced to them as their daughter in the circumstance of an odd situation.
This is very insightful. I too, sometimes let the comments influence my opinions about these things. I think she's a little too controlling and naive. With 5 kids, there's no way they're all going to fit her imagination of how perfect their lives will be.
@@sungearI marrried into a family like this. We have four kids Ourselves now and My MIL still treats Us like we are still teenagers. 🤦♀️ 20 years later and their Mom is STILL like this and all her kids are in their 30’s and 40’s. These types of people don’t understand the goal of parenting. It’s that You raise independent kids, not that Your kids are dependent on You. Therefore the natural progression of life becomes something they dread.
It’s not that specifically. It’s that fact that she meet her husband at 15. This type of parenting messes up kids. Not saying kids should be having sex etc. but damn.
My mom was emotionally and physically abusive. I realized at about 18 I did not love my mom. Thought I was crazy. To this day most people that knows me or my family have no idea the pain caused. They probably never will. I love how John handled this.
Mine mom is the same way. She Spreads lies and rumors about. Tells me I have weight problems and degrades my looks constantly. I do not any relations to her.
I feel you. Mine is a narcissistic and try to destroy my family after I tried to help her. I had to stop all communication with her. I’m finally at peace.
I've never been physically hurt but my parents never enrolled me in school and my bro was a drug addict so lots of neglect 😮 but when she was so fix this w parents. I can tell she does not emotionally understand we don't want to connect we want peace and not to be hurt.i am sorry your family was so harsh to you ❤
I am completely baffled by this woman’s naïveté. It’s endearing at the same time it’s the biggest WTF. She’s been married for 30 years and has 5 ADULT children but she is so flabbergasted by ANY other perspective than her own wishing well. It’s honestly so interesting. Wish em all well.
Just reading the previous comments, I don’t think people even listened to the whole episode. What a Gift this woman is to her new daughter in law… hope they all have a beautiful future together and the daughter in law heals from her past.
fr i can't believe that she speaks so openly about not allowing her kids to date and then being like ok but why do they rush to get married and why do they do it behind our back!?!?
What are you people on about, the kids live with her, they clearly are close to her and the new daughter in law is clearly looking for a mother figure. There is 0 issue with this, did you even watch the episode?
@@clareemerson I wish I had sex before marriage. Biggest mistake to marry to have sex. Josh Harris was a homeschooled moron. No one should listen to him. Glad he got a divorce now. I read his ex's book The Woman they Wanted and it was eye opening.
Yep, it can totally work! People now think they 'know better' but people used to get married in their teens and had a way higher success rate than people do now....
The fact that this women is calling, working through all this and her reaction at dinner welcoming her daughter in law in is amazing to hear. She was definitely grieving maybe the idea she had in her mind but I feel her children and daughter in law are so lucky to have her.
did the people in the comment section even watch the video? The mums problem isn't directly with the son getting married but how to support his wife. She was shocked with the fast marriage but she was still supportive and kind to her son and her daughter-in-law, and it sounds like even if she is a helicopter parents she still has a good relationship with her children.
I just think it’s funny that she’s shocked because she literally raised him saying “you don’t need a girlfriend until you’re ready for a wife”. So he took that quite literally lol.
@@michaelatheharpistnah. She sounds like a control freak. As a Christian, I can say, she gives us a bad name. She sounds awful, especially as an in law
Yeah unfortunately the same isn't true for women but a lot of workplaces do give more responsibility to married men which leads to raises. Especially when the leadership is much older or conservative
A person who has never experienced toxic family environments could never understand someone who has lived in a toxic environment. They wouldn't have a clue. The mother-in-law sounds like a wonderful person. Hopefully the daughter-in-law can learn to enjoy a healthy relationship with her new husband and his family.
Yes! I hate when people say “family is everything” and tell you to reconcile no matter what. People should not be allowed to mistreat you just because they are family.
Any time people say "family is important, you should reconcile" i immediately thought, "well they dont get it. They havent experienced abuse. Theyve either been privileged to have come from a supportive home and cant see past their own experiences, or they dont see an issue with the abuse they experienced, are unhealed and in denial. Either way, not safe for me."
I have a rule of thumb. If you have a long explanation you need to give for why you went NC, you probably acted rashly. NC can be necessary, but those cases are rare and generally, only require a short explanation to be fully understood. Because family IS important. There's no getting around how your family, or lack thereof, shapes and impacts you.
Spot on, John. Not all parents are equal! The caller should focus on loving her son and his new wife and being a strong, safe place for them. Abuse from parents is a brutal chain to break.
I met my husband at 18. We got married two years later and have been married 18 years, together 20. I spent the first few years feeling like a wild animal around his family because my family was so chaotic and his family seemed so "normal". I needed a lot of therapy over the years from childhood trauma and we also did marriage counseling because I was never taught about healthy communication, just how to react. His mother welcomed me with open arms and one of the best things I did was be honest with her so she really understood the relationship I had with my parents. Now she's proud of how far I've come and how her son and I have grown up together not apart. I really wish them both the best.
I finally got out... and every time someone would say "You need to reunite" Re implies it was ever united. No. There is nothing to repair. Nothing at all. And the more you tell me to, the more it's not going to go well.
I'm a parent, but my child isn't even two yet so I can only go off of my upbringing. I never understood the parents who were overly-strict - felt/feel like that pushes the kid into that very thing their parents wish for them to avoid. I understand wanting your kids to avoid being sexually active as young teens, but to shun relationships altogether is an unsavory recipe.
I agree with you. This happened to my mother and aunt. Although their parents were old fashioned from 50 years ago, both were inexperienced and did not know how to vet. Both marriages were terrible.
I can’t help but feel like this lady is an amazing mom! Maybe she helicoptered too much (still) but if you listen to the whole call, she was shocked her son go married so quickly but she loves her daughter in law, has given them a temporary place to live, and seems like they have a good relationship - much better than the young girls mom! It’s easy to say “oh these religious parents are horrible” but she sounds like a wonderful lady and I bet if we met the kids they’d be pretty awesome too.
funny because the household i grew up in my grandma didn't monitor me at all and i was literally so insane as a teenager almost no rules no boundaries and i did every horrible thing you can think of. so i'm going to have a firm hand on my children when they get older lol but i don't think dating is bad just maybe like how mormons or amish do it and it has to be with multiple other siblings/ friends and no alone time 😂
I eloped with my wife. I wasn't interested in hearing any nonsense from my mom. We've been married 9 years and my wife and mom are good friends. We live about 5 mins away from each other.
Gosh this woman is weird. You can’t hold your children in a headlock until they are 18 and then be shocked when they go buck wild. As a Christian, it’s our responsibility to walk along side our kids as they slowly enter into the world while they still live in our house. not keep them from as long as possible.
This woman sounds wonderful! The way she welcomed this girl into her family is absolutely incredible. And it looks like she genuinely cares about her daughter in law and called Dr John to get some advice on how to continue building healthy relationships moving forward.
She sounds like a wonderful mom and mother-in-law! She’s made mistakes (which many people could/would have made), but, golly, she loves her people well.
I love that this call in mom has accepted her daughter in law so well, yet it seems she’s a bit too involved. She has to let go, she’s trying way to hard to be the perfect mom. It doesn’t exist.
She just met this stranger whose now her daughter in law. Give her a break. It’s better she tries to get to know this girl, give this girl the love & support her own mom wouldn’t do. She’s showing this girl a healthy example of how important family is because that is literally what marriage is about. To show the young couple the means of support from family so they can show their kids too. I just got to say at least the girl’s parents are still together. There’s always polar opposites of married couples, one spouse could be coming from a healthy married family and the other, broken, blended or divorced families. She’s doing right. No offense to the caller but most sane moms don’t show love and support to someone who married their son without knowing one thing about them. It’s an absolute shock, the least the son could of done is told his parents he’s marrying her on that Sunday they met the parents instead of doing that 2 days later and not say a thing.
I met my husband online. He was raised in a very conservative family in Indiana, I was born and raised in Brazil. We talked for a couple of years and I finally traveled to the US to meet him. We spent 30 days together. A year later he traveled to Brazil, we spent 30 more days together, and got engaged. Nine months after that, he returned to Brazil with his parents and we got married. I moved to the US the next day. This whole situation sounded less than ideal to both our families, especially my husband’s. But they supported us and have given us space to make our own decisions. We’ve now been married for 12 years and have a beautiful 10 year old daughter. This caller reminds me a lot of my mother-in-law! We’re so different, but she’s always made me feel loved and welcomed!
@Kwildcat13 it's all an act....just like her entire (fake) life. I have no doubt in my mind. She said a bunch of nonsense when she was allowed to do the speaking, then very quickly changes her tune when she doesn't receive the response she was fishing for LIVE ON AIR. Behind closed doors where no one can hear or see, this would be an entirely different conversation. Master manipulator and control freak. She's literally talking about controlling her ADULT children's lives. It would be interesting to hear the children's take on "how perfect the home is..."
Okay so also a mother of 8 young men and one daughter, 5 out of the 9 are adults now… What I cannot understand is this idea that kids should not “date”. Of course they should, in preparation for marriage. Not this hooking up crap that is happening but actually date. Get to know each other and themselves etc.
She seems a bit… controlling. She keeps going on about how she raised her kids, like she did everything right. But I hope she can relax and everything works out.
As a military veteran I have a different take. It could be that he was tired of the low pay and barracks life - a wife equals higher pay and stand alone housing - and a lot of young women in bad situations see a guy who has a job he can't really be fired from, who would give her government benefits and an easier safer life (she thinks) than what she currently has. This may not go well, as a lot of these young women have a lot of problems and are not ready to deal with military life, and I have seen so many divorces and problems because of the stress and demands. This is not going to be an easy or good time once they get into their base housing and start to realize how hard it is going to be.
Thank you John for saying that the new wife might come from a toxic relationship. I had decades of abuse from my family and it's taken a long time to move through this.
Coming from a home that was dis functional and marrying into an amazing family, this girl is blessed to have married into yours! I have a similar situation too, husband in the military, got married quick, shocked his family. But they received me with open arms and I was absolutely changed by that. They have taught me so much and having a mother and father figure you can trust is life changing. Kudos to you, mom, you’re loving your son and your daughter in law is amazing, even though they scared you, you’re opening your home to them. You’re amazing and she just needs you to teach her your ways and let her make her own path. ❤
I met my wife in a chatroom back in 2001 when talking to strangers online was still considered creepy. We lived in the same city so I called her after a few days and met her at a restaurant a week later in June 2001. We hanged out after work EVERDAY and I met her parents a month later and we were engaged by September 2001 (this engagement was by her dad request to be honest---this is after only 3 months dating) and married July 2002 (13 months after meeting). She met all the checkboxes for me as a wife and I knew it. I have two kids who are older teens....and if they did what I did...not gonna lie.... I'd be scared as a parent and might even have to go crazy....double standard yes I know...hahahaha.
wow, hardly anyone in this comment section listened to the whole video. this woman is so welcoming of her daughter in law even though it wasnt the perfect scenario she envisioned in her head. AND she’s trying to learn how to properly navigate the relationships. i applaud her!
Incorrect, im extremely grateful for how strict my parents were. It set me up to actually be a functional young adult meanwhile I see most of my peers strugglimg, addicted to substances and poor.
Wow! I learned as much from the guest mom Melissa as I learned from Dr. John! She received feedback really well and seemed sincerely understanding. I listened to this three times in one day to internalize how she managed John's disapproval of her mothering style. She leaned into it with understanding. She seems to really know she is always growing too.
They definitely didnt stick around because i totally agree she handled the advice and critique so well! Seems so well-meaning trying to figure this out in real time
This woman has completely different values than me, but she has a heart of gold! And it shows me, regardless if conservative or liberal..a good person is a good person..period.
Who knows, maybe they'll be married for a long time or short time. Just support your son as much as you can. Young people be dumb and they eventually learn their lesson over dumb decisions they make.
I’m about to be 44 and I’m a little girl broken by my parents while being a woman in her “happily ever after”…it’s such a conundrum of emotions. This woman is lovely…I believe she has no concept of how broken this young woman was. I pray for them all. Sincerely, Never a Daughter
@@milagroslh1551her “family” is probably a horror story…ESPECIALLY if she was raised by narcissists!! You can shove your head’ further into the sand and stick with your thoughts.
@@CatharineCummingsI have a wonderful marriage and he is my rock. I’m 100% grounded in who I am and I know that my childhood (that chased me into adulthood) is what made me SO damn fierce about my future/present. If you knew 1/2 of my story you would wonder why it wasn’t a movie already or why I have not called in to this show. 🤣🤣
I was the girl in this situation in my own life. 18 and got eloped the second I turned 18 to my military bf I had been dating for a few weeks. His mother was awesome. She was incredibly realistic with me and just let us be… we ended up divorced by 25 but I appreciate his mother so much because she was a huge support. I came from a troubled home like the caller mentions about her daughter in law.
This woman sounds like my worst nightmare for a mother in law 😂 she literally knows nothing about the relationship with the DIL’s parents. She needs to mind her dang business. 😅 Nosy @$$ Met her husband at 15 but didn’t allow her teens to date. Okay, nut job! She sounds soooo controlling 😅
@beastbombshell3589 I listened to the whole call, she sounds like a busy body who needs to mind her own. She’s trying to force the girl to reconcile a situation she knows nothing about.
Thank God someone else can see through the bs. She is crazy. She changes her tune when she doesn't get the responses she wants so she can "look good" to people in public (on a public call). At the end of the day, she's trying to control the lives of ADULTS. Crazy. Master manipulation. Control freak.
Way to go Melissa! I know there are a lot of comments on here about being overprotective, but you sound like a life-saver from someone who has been there. Thank you so much for talking through this! This feels so similar to my own story...we didn't elope, but my in-laws would have supported it if we did. My own mom is not allowed to speak to me, and my siblings want virtually nothing to do with me.... all because I moved away from home (at 25)! John's right... in my case there was a lot of abuse growing up. My mother-in-law has truly become my best friend, and she definitely has shown me what a "normal loving Christian family" looks like! I am so appreciative that they have taken me in so fully! I am turning 29 in a few months and have been married (to the greatest man) for a little over two years and have a beautiful baby girl. So blessed! 😊 🙏
Sheltering kids from the world is unrealistic and can even se them up for failure. That being said that you still protect and teach your children about the world.
At this point, they're married. Your support and excitement are crucial for the relationship to be successful, especially since her parents have turned their back. Honestly their behavior shows me that she's probably running from abuse. I can relate and got married as soon as I could. Your family is now a safe space for her to get some stability and community. Please continue to embrace her (and her brother) and don't push any kind of reconciliation. If the opportunity presents itself, she'll take it. As kids, we all want our parents to be a loving safe space, but our parents sometimes refuse to be.
This woman is the clearest example of why mother-in-law‘s have such a bad reputation. Live your own damn life and let your kids become their own people.
True but many homeschool families actually go out and do a lot - in their communities, with other homeschool families, at local community colleges, etc. I was homeschool led for elementary and middle school, and we did things like: took a science class where we dissected sheep hearts, went bowling every Thursday with other homeschool people, and had about 5-7 fellow homeschool families that we constantly did stuff with - they were more like cousins, really. I’m 30 now and am glad I wasn’t homeschooled for ALL my schooling, but like I’m still great friends with most of the kids from the other families.
Yep! We have similar story… homeschooling etc…and it backfired. My son was gonna get married and not date. And the girls were bad news…. If he had married them it would have been a disaster! Dating is so important! Not to sleep around… times are different. And the quality of opposite sex if different… nice mama. But… times are different. Now you do everything you can to love and support their marriage! And be nice cause u want to be part of their life and grandbabies
Great connection and advice on this call. Words cannot express how much I Love this caller. She is delightful, idealistic, a bit naive, Loving, and open to suggestions. I could see her eagerly writing everything down that Dr. John was saying to her. For a helicopter parent, she seemed reasonably self-aware, willing to make fun of herself for it, seemingly open to change, and is also approachable. That's one of the reasons "the argument" was so hilarious, because it was like a family comedy show, with the adult child giving feedback about her mom's "yelling" compared to her father's. The fact that this mom embraced her new daughter in law, despite the shock she felt, just speaks so much to her character and heart, despite sometimes making an incorrect assessment and potentially rose colored advice. Despite this young lady making a very rash decision to marry, and the fact that one of the reasons might have been to escape her home life, I'm really rooting for her in her new marriage. It seems like she married a wonderful family, and I pray everything works out wonderfully for everyone. By the way, Dr. John, you missed a gem of a potential by not calling her Sweet Melissa.
I'm glad this call is featured separately because I loved this call, as the daughter in law to such a mother. Trying to show more grace to my mother in laws helicoptering, and trying to focus on the love and supportive intentions behind it while also stepping into our own as a young couple. Almost 2 years in that balance is finally being found, as we both grieve what marriage to her son would look like and both build something together. It's been a bit rough and I almost gave up, but I think that new picture is being drawn😊
I’m only at the beginning of the call and my family was 100% like this first part. 5 kids in my family. We weren’t allowed to date. Homeschooled. My sisters got married in mid 20s but neither of the boys got married. That is until last year my younger brother eloped with his first girlfriend of 4 months. Ironic hahaha.
When you choose to raise your kids in a protected bubble, don't be shocked at how much it hurts when that bubble bursts. As good as her heart is, she has NOT prepared her children to live in the real world.
My husband and I have been together for 5 years and knew from the time we met we were going to be together. Moved in together after 6 months, married at a year and had our first son at 2 years. I’m now 8 months pregnant with our second son. Whirlwind marriages are not failed from the beginning. My mother adores my husband, his mother tolerates me. Pretends to like me, none the less, their opinions didn’t matter. We are the ones in love. We are the team. We are the one raising our boys. We are the ones choosing to be together day after day and to work for it. Parents need to step back and allow their children to be happy.
Mom thinks she can shape exactly how her kids will develop into adults... how surprising she thinks that everyone needs to stay connected with their parents throughout life. Lordy
This woman reminds me so much of my MIL. An amazing woman with a huge heart who loved and accepted me from the beginning, even though myself and her son married under crazy circumstances. I think Dr. John’s advice is great. Don’t push her to reconcile with her mother, but instead be willing to be the mother figure she never had right now.
Something similar like this happened to my nephew and my sister. They were both were 18 went to Vegas came back home fast forward three years later divorced with a baby girl. My sister embraced it, and at the end of the day things were calmly settled . Everyone parted ways. Point of the story, I could only go two ways they’ll divorce or live a decently life . Just hope for the best . And stop pressuring you child to not have bf/gfs and look for a spouse .
%1000 yeeesss!! Soo important for them to date, it also teaches them boundaries & gives them the confidence to enforce said boundaries.. I’ve even chaperoned to pls both parties & everyone was happy🎩🧸🎀
I wasn't allowed to date or even to have guy friends and I'm 28 I've never even been in healthy relationship ...I've only been in 3 totalling less than 6 mo of my life
May they be blessed. I know plenty of people who married young and had many decades of successful marriages. Yes, it is difficult, but it is also precious to grow together into a strong unit.
The first few minutes of this were hilarious - coming from an adult child of loving, well intentioned helicopter parents (which also lead to my rebellion lol). I love this mom, what a sweet, well intentioned heart she has. That’s great that her DIL has her in her corner and can redefine what a family relationship could look like, since not everyone has parents/homes like that. Dr. John laid everything out so nicely. I pray they all find peace
I truly hope he's attracted to her because she's a great life partner and not because 'she needs help and I can fix/love her better than her family can'. That would be the beginning of a toxic relationship. I dated my ex partially for those reasons and became more invested in her because I wanted to help her. It's not a good foundation for any long term relationship.
She is so beyond controlling she has a plan for all her kids lives - it’s ridiculous how are people supposed to know what they want if they can’t date! These people are adults let the live!
Props to mom for giving a hug, for honouring their choice and maybe they didn't handle it well but your son was safe with you. Your daughter in law isn't safe with her parents. Don't give advice to her, just listen and tell her you are gonna be there for them.
A friend of mine made his two daughters so scared of men. By saying again and again, “Boys / men are only after one thing.” He was trying to be protective but ended up hurting them. It’s been hard for each of them to enter relationships w guys. Dad had wild and fun life, but his girls haven’t.
This lady is just too much. Too intense about freaking everything. Chill out and let people live their lives. I like how she kept amending her previous statements whenever John would point something out as a constructive advice. And I also think it's hilarious how she barely knows this person, and two seconds ago she was disapproving of the relationship and now she completely 100% believes this 18-year-old girl that her parents are narcissists lol. Which basically anytime anybody throws that word around anymore it's lost all its meaning. But man this lady is just so intense. I imagine that every conversation she has with everybody including with the barista at coffee shops is level 10 intensity
Theres nothing that makes kids act out and go against their values like super religious helicopter parents. While in highschool all the girls I talked to that had crazy religous and over protective parents definitely were the freakiest. They always wanted to be sexual right away, were constantly wanting to mess around, and sexting frequently. Not to mention wanting to have sex very early on. This was not just one person, it was multiple, so definitely not just an exception. Being way over protective and forcing religon on them just made it worse.
@beastbombshell3589 Definitely. There's a balance that's needed and the lines are different depending of the kid. Both ends of the spectrum are not good.
If your kid goes into the military, please, please make sure them and the whole family know about and can recognize personality disorders!!!! Especially the Marine Corp, will break your kid down. They get on dating websites and all off a sudden there is a girl that needs rescued and love bombs them. They feel special and rise to the occasion. Then they get married right away and have no idea they just hooked themselves to someone with a toxic cluster b personality disorder. This family got lucky.
i mean he listened on the whole "you don't need a girlfriend, you need a wife"
You never know how the message is going to come across 😅
😂
Exactly! I was just about to say this. He actually did what she told him to do.
Exactly 😂 He was following directions!
So in this case mother really is to blame
It's pretty funny she doesn't like the fact he married the 3rd girl he's been with but met her husband at 15 and then didn't allow her kids to date.
She didn't say they could never date, just that they needed to date when they were serious about finding a spouse. Not saying this is the right approach, but I see plenty of judgemental comments about a mom who is trying to do the right thing by her son and his wife. I also know of teens who got pregnant because they started dating before they were mature enough to comprehend the consequences of physical intimacy.
She never said the kids are not allowed to date. She just wanted them to date with a purpose, intention to marry the person at some point they date.
@brooke9847 I agree with you, that sounds crazy. I can completely understand being serious about a spouse, that was the only purpose I had while dating. HOWEVER, there is no way a 15 year-old child at church youth group is serious about getting married. Realistically they’d have to wait/date for 3-5 years.
It feels like she required her kids to hold off on dating until they are literally ready to get married. 15 year old kids can’t get married. Then she is shocked when one of her kids decides he is ready and gets married immediately (kinda seems like that’s what she was expecting/requiring).
@@eurekahope5310 The right thing? controlling all their life?allowing no fun which dating brings?
Real hahahha... I have a friend whose mom was like this and she and her siblings have never gotten married even though the mom was married at 18
I am an army veteran I can tell you he likely married quickly to get out of the barracks. BUT she is also very controlling and I am not surprised he jumped right into marriage
But most military guys still jump to marriage because of the benefits. It sucks to say since I’m a military spouse but that’s not the case for me, it’s what I hear about young military couples. She said he joined at 18 and something about 5 years later meets this girl. So he’s 22. It’s still common as a very young military member to get married for unfortunately the wrong reasons. I don’t find it strange he got married instead of “dating” besides when she said to look for a wife not a girlfriend she meant date with a purpose to marry. I find it strange when she said her and all her kids are so close they talk about everything and life choices. If she’s this warm and easy to talk to about hard topics why did he hide the part he was literally going to marry this girl two days later after meeting the parents without saying anything about marriage? Knowing he knows she would be supportive. And then brushing it off when she noticed the ring? That tells me that he did take a serious life change to be with someone “forever” but doing so lightly? Like it does make me wonder if it’s more for the benefits and didn’t want to mention that part to the parents?
@@Lynn01816 He joined at 17. Clearly to get away from his mother.
That's exactly what I thought because almost every military person I know did the exact same thing and got divorced within 5years.
“Start thinking about the qualities you want your future spouse to have, based on the total lack of information you have about romantic relationships.” What could possibly go wrong?
Exactly.
Literally!! Zero experience. Zero practice. Because the parents stole that from them, then think they're doing God's work! Brainwashed insanity!!
Exactly. What a mess.
You don't need to date to know what you would like in a partner. Maybe your expectation might be unrealistic because of lack of experience but you can definitely have some type of expectations. You can have very generic expectations e.g. I want someone who listens, doesn't insult me, is open etc.
@@nd7289 that isn't what teenagers come up with. they come up with what they look like, what extremely niche hobby they like must also be, and whatever arbitrary characteristic their favorite TV program says is important. it's RIDICULOUS to expect someone who has never driven a car to pick the car they are going to have for the rest of their lives.
My parents did the “no dating” thing with me. I got married at 18 divorced at 22 lol
Shocking huh?
Yep my husbands parents are conservative and he got married at 18 divorced right away
Same to me just without the marriage. Fell head over heels off the bat.
You were young and stupid, I would let my daughter marry whoever she wants, but she can’t blame me for her mistakes
My mom wanted me to date at 18. I told her not to make me lie to her and sneak around. I started at 17.
I love how the mom doesn't seem think this is her fault.
She sounds very stupid
Which mom? The one on the call seems to be a great mother and them getting married is not an issue.
The one that called in raised her kids to get married right away and she is “shocked.” She got exactly what she asked for.
They never do
The caller mom doesn’t see her son did something wrong. You think Jesus likes you to go with whatever your children do. Let me let everybody know that if you don’t tell your own children that they did wrong. Jesus will let you know. Correct your children even if they don’t follow through. Keep reminding them. I sure don’t want Jesus to tell me why didn’t you tell it was wrong.
Dr John is so right. We are no contact with certain family and we constantly hear things like "Life is too short to hold grudges" but we feel that life is too short to be around people who treat us terribly with no remorse. I have peace drawing the line and not looking back.
Spot on. Amazingly I'm dealing with this too and it's a learning curve but I'm holding fast. It took me years and a lot of heartache
I believe people are too quick to go no-contact. "Just go no-contact!" as if it's a decision to get bangs or not. Over ridiculous things like political differences, or *ahem* medical choices a few years back. It's actually adding destruction and toxicity, in cases like that.
And I say this as someone married to a man who was NC with his grandfather until the man died. But like, grandpa apparently made a pact with the devil, so 😬I believe it can be necessary, but those cases are very rare and don't require long explanations 😋
I think people that have (luckily) no experience with these dynamics, probably truly have no way of understanding what this is truly like.
I am a mom myself now and I find it impossible to imagine myself ever treating my child the way I was treated. I understand however, that it IS possible for other parents, because I was the kid in that situation once.
But when you have not gone through that yourself, and all you've ever felt is the love from your parents and the love you have for your children... You just have no idea. And you don't understand that comments like "I hope you can work it out with your parents" can be very, very painful for the child to hear.
I made the mistake of reading the comments before watching much of the video and let comments give me an inaccurate picture of this lady. Sure I think it is wrong to not let your kids date and to be excessively involved in their adult lives, but in this call she is quite receptive and seems to have a big heart. Like let’s be forreal, a bad mother wouldnt hug a stranger that was just introduced to them as their daughter in the circumstance of an odd situation.
Agreed
Thank you! I was just thinking why aren't we giving her props for the amazing way she handled this?!
This is very insightful.
I too, sometimes let the comments influence my opinions about these things.
I think she's a little too controlling and naive. With 5 kids, there's no way they're all going to fit her imagination of how perfect their lives will be.
@@sungearI marrried into a family like this. We have four kids Ourselves now and My MIL still treats Us like we are still teenagers. 🤦♀️ 20 years later and their Mom is STILL like this and all her kids are in their 30’s and 40’s. These types of people don’t understand the goal of parenting. It’s that You raise independent kids, not that Your kids are dependent on You. Therefore the natural progression of life becomes something they dread.
It’s not that specifically. It’s that fact that she meet her husband at 15. This type of parenting messes up kids. Not saying kids should be having sex etc. but damn.
My mom was emotionally and physically abusive. I realized at about 18 I did not love my mom. Thought I was crazy. To this day most people that knows me or my family have no idea the pain caused. They probably never will. I love how John handled this.
100%. No contact with my own family for years now, for good reason. Dr. D handled this one perfectly.
Mine mom is the same way. She Spreads lies and rumors about. Tells me I have weight problems and degrades my looks constantly. I do not any relations to her.
I feel you. Mine is a narcissistic and try to destroy my family after I tried to help her. I had to stop all communication with her. I’m finally at peace.
@@abbyxiong3931sounds like we have the same mom. She stopped talking to me when I met my husband cause a man actually loved me. Six years NC.
I've never been physically hurt but my parents never enrolled me in school and my bro was a drug addict so lots of neglect 😮 but when she was so fix this w parents. I can tell she does not emotionally understand we don't want to connect we want peace and not to be hurt.i am sorry your family was so harsh to you ❤
I am completely baffled by this woman’s naïveté. It’s endearing at the same time it’s the biggest WTF. She’s been married for 30 years and has 5 ADULT children but she is so flabbergasted by ANY other perspective than her own wishing well. It’s honestly so interesting.
Wish em all well.
My mother's the same way...🙄😒
I've tried to pry the bar but some people just believe what they want and don't listen.
She's not naive; she's creepily involved in the most intimate part of her children's lives. I wonder what the husband thinks?
Its not endearing.
Church life your whole life will do that to you
You dont have a clue
Just reading the previous comments, I don’t think people even listened to the whole episode. What a Gift this woman is to her new daughter in law… hope they all have a beautiful future together and the daughter in law heals from her past.
lol we definitely listened to
This mom is so focused on being perfect she is unreal
fr i can't believe that she speaks so openly about not allowing her kids to date and then being like ok but why do they rush to get married and why do they do it behind our back!?!?
@@xxxxxxxxx1652exactly
She literally said that she agrees with John on dating and that her son had 2 girlfriends before his wife. What are yall on about?
Fact
Literally my mother to a T
I think it's so strange when parents are so involved in their adult children's lives. Just let them be an adult.
Heck yes. The control of his mother is so triggering to me!
Right! I was think this was a kid that just turned 18 last week. Not a grown man that's been in the Marine Corp for a few years.
I notice it's a lot of mothers with their sons. It gives me the creeps. It's like emotional incest. I could never deal with a mother in law like that.
This 100 percent
What are you people on about, the kids live with her, they clearly are close to her and the new daughter in law is clearly looking for a mother figure. There is 0 issue with this, did you even watch the episode?
Thank you Dr. John!
The book I Kissed Dating Goodbye was a toxic book and messed up a lot of Christian families too.
After reading that book I wished my husband and I had spent more time becoming friends while we were dating, rather than just not having sex.
@@clareemerson I wish I had sex before marriage. Biggest mistake to marry to have sex. Josh Harris was a homeschooled moron. No one should listen to him. Glad he got a divorce now. I read his ex's book The Woman they Wanted and it was eye opening.
The couple who wrote the book are divorced now.
@@Jen.E Interesting fact- ALL the couples in the original printing of that book are now divorced.
@anothermom22 I think I heard that too.
My son told me on a Wednesday he was getting married on Friday. They've been married 7years now and doing great!
Yep, it can totally work! People now think they 'know better' but people used to get married in their teens and had a way higher success rate than people do now....
That’s statistics. People who are with less partners last longer .
Wow. Your ninja level of patience at the beginning as you were listening to her. …😊. Bless your heart.
The fact that this women is calling, working through all this and her reaction at dinner welcoming her daughter in law in is amazing to hear. She was definitely grieving maybe the idea she had in her mind but I feel her children and daughter in law are so lucky to have her.
did the people in the comment section even watch the video? The mums problem isn't directly with the son getting married but how to support his wife. She was shocked with the fast marriage but she was still supportive and kind to her son and her daughter-in-law, and it sounds like even if she is a helicopter parents she still has a good relationship with her children.
Thank you for saying this. She is getting way too much hate in this comment section.
In fairness it's hard to get through the same thing.
I just think it’s funny that she’s shocked because she literally raised him saying “you don’t need a girlfriend until you’re ready for a wife”. So he took that quite literally lol.
@@michaelatheharpistnah. She sounds like a control freak. As a Christian, I can say, she gives us a bad name. She sounds awful, especially as an in law
They clicked out probably bc tik tok is shortening attention span
My first thought was “does he have money problems?” Lots of guys in the service get told “ you want a raise, get married and have a kid.”
Yikes, I hope that’s not his motivator. But since he’s able to live at home with his parents, rent free for now, I kind of doubt it’s a money thing.
Yeah everyone is focusing on the controlling behaviors of the mother but the military incentives early marriage
Yeah unfortunately the same isn't true for women but a lot of workplaces do give more responsibility to married men which leads to raises. Especially when the leadership is much older or conservative
@@farhana6913 is there any evidence this still happens?
A person who has never experienced toxic family environments could never understand someone who has lived in a toxic environment. They wouldn't have a clue. The mother-in-law sounds like a wonderful person. Hopefully the daughter-in-law can learn to enjoy a healthy relationship with her new husband and his family.
Yes! I hate when people say “family is everything” and tell you to reconcile no matter what. People should not be allowed to mistreat you just because they are family.
Any time people say "family is important, you should reconcile" i immediately thought, "well they dont get it. They havent experienced abuse. Theyve either been privileged to have come from a supportive home and cant see past their own experiences, or they dont see an issue with the abuse they experienced, are unhealed and in denial. Either way, not safe for me."
Exactly
Bingo! Family privilege.
This. No one who hasn't been through that understands the feeling of "I'd rather die than go back"
Yes. This. They are saying “disregard how you feel and make my life easier.”
I have a rule of thumb. If you have a long explanation you need to give for why you went NC, you probably acted rashly. NC can be necessary, but those cases are rare and generally, only require a short explanation to be fully understood. Because family IS important. There's no getting around how your family, or lack thereof, shapes and impacts you.
Step up and be the family she needs. She chose your family for a reason. There is a reason why she left her home.
sounds like her mom is not a good person told her to get a divorce. sounds like a she did what she did to get out of the situation she was in.
Mother in law isn't responsible for a grown woman looking to be adopted.
@@Kinksgalore It doesn't take much to be there for someone
He’s been a self-supporting adult for five years, he gets to make his own decisions. Let go, mom.
On target
Spot on, John. Not all parents are equal! The caller should focus on loving her son and his new wife and being a strong, safe place for them. Abuse from parents is a brutal chain to break.
Fully agree. 💯
I met my husband at 18. We got married two years later and have been married 18 years, together 20. I spent the first few years feeling like a wild animal around his family because my family was so chaotic and his family seemed so "normal". I needed a lot of therapy over the years from childhood trauma and we also did marriage counseling because I was never taught about healthy communication, just how to react. His mother welcomed me with open arms and one of the best things I did was be honest with her so she really understood the relationship I had with my parents. Now she's proud of how far I've come and how her son and I have grown up together not apart. I really wish them both the best.
Thanks for sharing
That’s beautiful. We need more people in the world like your Mother-in-law❤
I finally got out... and every time someone would say "You need to reunite"
Re implies it was ever united. No. There is nothing to repair. Nothing at all. And the more you tell me to, the more it's not going to go well.
Yep❤
Mom needs to relax. She wants to be in her sons life a little too much. Let him be and stop trying to control their relationship.
A teenager?
Never mind my bad, I’m behind, this dude is 23. She needs to back off
This boy needs to RUNNNNNN
@@DevHazyI hope he gets his housing soon and that when they have kids that he makes her back off with her opinions and foolish rules .
@@BlackStump172she is getting good advice
I'm a parent, but my child isn't even two yet so I can only go off of my upbringing. I never understood the parents who were overly-strict - felt/feel like that pushes the kid into that very thing their parents wish for them to avoid. I understand wanting your kids to avoid being sexually active as young teens, but to shun relationships altogether is an unsavory recipe.
You better watch him in PreK, Chalk-he could toddle off with another little girl & they could take a big wheel to Vegas 😂
I agree with you. This happened to my mother and aunt. Although their parents were old fashioned from 50 years ago, both were inexperienced and did not know how to vet. Both marriages were terrible.
@@JerseyDevilJerseyGirl🤣😂🤣
I can’t help but feel like this lady is an amazing mom! Maybe she helicoptered too much (still) but if you listen to the whole call, she was shocked her son go married so quickly but she loves her daughter in law, has given them a temporary place to live, and seems like they have a good relationship - much better than the young girls mom! It’s easy to say “oh these religious parents are horrible” but she sounds like a wonderful lady and I bet if we met the kids they’d be pretty awesome too.
funny because the household i grew up in my grandma didn't monitor me at all and i was literally so insane as a teenager almost no rules no boundaries and i did every horrible thing you can think of. so i'm going to have a firm hand on my children when they get older lol but i don't think dating is bad just maybe like how mormons or amish do it and it has to be with multiple other siblings/ friends and no alone time 😂
The poor daughter in law. I hope she knows how to make boundaries with new mom.
Absolutely. She's quite young so hopefully she can be strong and the marriage will work.
Yep, MIL needs a life . Hopefully her son doesn’t try and control his 18 year old wife the way his parents controlled him
Right?! They are going to have conflicts.
Her brain isn't even fully developed, I doubt she can set these boundaries already. Took me to be in my mid 20 to friendly suggest stuff to others😂
Like brick wall boundaries
I eloped with my wife. I wasn't interested in hearing any nonsense from my mom. We've been married 9 years and my wife and mom are good friends. We live about 5 mins away from each other.
❤
AMEN🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼
Gosh this woman is weird. You can’t hold your children in a headlock until they are 18 and then be shocked when they go buck wild. As a Christian, it’s our responsibility to walk along side our kids as they slowly enter into the world while they still live in our house. not keep them from as long as possible.
Honestly, it seems to me that their kids turned out great though.
I lived this. Now I’m sitting here divorced, smoking a cigarette, watchin my boy John.
Best comment 😂
This woman sounds wonderful! The way she welcomed this girl into her family is absolutely incredible. And it looks like she genuinely cares about her daughter in law and called Dr John to get some advice on how to continue building healthy relationships moving forward.
She sounds like a wonderful mom and mother-in-law! She’s made mistakes (which many people could/would have made), but, golly, she loves her people well.
I love that this call in mom has accepted her daughter in law so well, yet it seems she’s a bit too involved. She has to let go, she’s trying way to hard to be the perfect mom. It doesn’t exist.
She just met this stranger whose now her daughter in law. Give her a break. It’s better she tries to get to know this girl, give this girl the love & support her own mom wouldn’t do. She’s showing this girl a healthy example of how important family is because that is literally what marriage is about. To show the young couple the means of support from family so they can show their kids too. I just got to say at least the girl’s parents are still together. There’s always polar opposites of married couples, one spouse could be coming from a healthy married family and the other, broken, blended or divorced families. She’s doing right. No offense to the caller but most sane moms don’t show love and support to someone who married their son without knowing one thing about them. It’s an absolute shock, the least the son could of done is told his parents he’s marrying her on that Sunday they met the parents instead of doing that 2 days later and not say a thing.
Great advice! There are legitimate reasons people go no contact with family.
I met my husband online. He was raised in a very conservative family in Indiana, I was born and raised in Brazil. We talked for a couple of years and I finally traveled to the US to meet him. We spent 30 days together. A year later he traveled to Brazil, we spent 30 more days together, and got engaged. Nine months after that, he returned to Brazil with his parents and we got married. I moved to the US the next day. This whole situation sounded less than ideal to both our families, especially my husband’s. But they supported us and have given us space to make our own decisions. We’ve now been married for 12 years and have a beautiful 10 year old daughter.
This caller reminds me a lot of my mother-in-law! We’re so different, but she’s always made me feel loved and welcomed!
Beautiful story! May your marriage and family be blessed!
The last 20 minutes went a completely different way than the first 5
@Kwildcat13 it's all an act....just like her entire (fake) life. I have no doubt in my mind. She said a bunch of nonsense when she was allowed to do the speaking, then very quickly changes her tune when she doesn't receive the response she was fishing for LIVE ON AIR. Behind closed doors where no one can hear or see, this would be an entirely different conversation. Master manipulator and control freak. She's literally talking about controlling her ADULT children's lives. It would be interesting to hear the children's take on "how perfect the home is..."
7:20 I am impressed! That hug was the best thing she could have done.
Okay so also a mother of 8 young men and one daughter, 5 out of the 9 are adults now… What I cannot understand is this idea that kids should not “date”. Of course they should, in preparation for marriage. Not this hooking up crap that is happening but actually date. Get to know each other and themselves etc.
She seems a bit… controlling. She keeps going on about how she raised her kids, like she did everything right. But I hope she can relax and everything works out.
I was thinking the same thing, she seems very... intense. Well meaning, but intense.
"A bit controlling" Ya think? Would love an update several years from now!
“Suffocating “ is the word that comes to mind for me.
@@javaskull88 I like suffocating. Each couple has a turn. She already had her turn. She can buzz off and stop interfering.
A bit?
As a military veteran I have a different take. It could be that he was tired of the low pay and barracks life - a wife equals higher pay and stand alone housing - and a lot of young women in bad situations see a guy who has a job he can't really be fired from, who would give her government benefits and an easier safer life (she thinks) than what she currently has. This may not go well, as a lot of these young women have a lot of problems and are not ready to deal with military life, and I have seen so many divorces and problems because of the stress and demands. This is not going to be an easy or good time once they get into their base housing and start to realize how hard it is going to be.
Ding ding ding military marriages
Why does the US army incentive like this?
Thank you John for saying that the new wife might come from a toxic relationship. I had decades of abuse from my family and it's taken a long time to move through this.
I’m so sorry
Here is some advice that a friend's mother gave me (she had a very hard time with her mother-in-law), "Marry an Orphan."
Coming from a home that was dis functional and marrying into an amazing family, this girl is blessed to have married into yours! I have a similar situation too, husband in the military, got married quick, shocked his family. But they received me with open arms and I was absolutely changed by that. They have taught me so much and having a mother and father figure you can trust is life changing.
Kudos to you, mom, you’re loving your son and your daughter in law is amazing, even though they scared you, you’re opening your home to them. You’re amazing and she just needs you to teach her your ways and let her make her own path. ❤
I met my wife in a chatroom back in 2001 when talking to strangers online was still considered creepy. We lived in the same city so I called her after a few days and met her at a restaurant a week later in June 2001. We hanged out after work EVERDAY and I met her parents a month later and we were engaged by September 2001 (this engagement was by her dad request to be honest---this is after only 3 months dating) and married July 2002 (13 months after meeting). She met all the checkboxes for me as a wife and I knew it. I have two kids who are older teens....and if they did what I did...not gonna lie.... I'd be scared as a parent and might even have to go crazy....double standard yes I know...hahahaha.
I'd say that separation from her family may be good for that young woman, it gives her time to heal and for them to learn to respect her
So perfect that this young wife is getting an opportunity to see what life in a loving committed family looks and feels like❤
wow, hardly anyone in this comment section listened to the whole video. this woman is so welcoming of her daughter in law even though it wasnt the perfect scenario she envisioned in her head. AND she’s trying to learn how to properly navigate the relationships. i applaud her!
She’s a great mom/mother in law. 💕 props to her for being supportive always
That woman can't have a normal conversation with a person. She doesn't listen.
It’s frustrating to listen to!
she certainly seems to be struggling with the transition from teen boymom to MIL of an army wife 🤧
She's a narcissist. A Christian conservative narcissist.
@@LSSYLondon oh shush
@@LSSYLondonyeah
Overly strict parents always leads to rebellion and spontaneous decisions.
Edited to add: overly strict RELIGIOUS parents
And only teaches kids how to lie and get away with things
Not always.
Not always
Incorrect, im extremely grateful for how strict my parents were. It set me up to actually be a functional young adult meanwhile I see most of my peers strugglimg, addicted to substances and poor.
That wasn't my experience, my family was strict with me and it kept my head on straight. "Overly strict" is really subjective
Your job as a parent is to give them a good foundation, keep communicating with them, and teach them to think for themselves.
Wow! I learned as much from the guest mom Melissa as I learned from Dr. John! She received feedback really well and seemed sincerely understanding. I listened to this three times in one day to internalize how she managed John's disapproval of her mothering style. She leaned into it with understanding. She seems to really know she is always growing too.
Everyone else is shitting on her lol. Kinda makes me winder if they listen past a couple talking points before grand generalizatoon.
They definitely didnt stick around because i totally agree she handled the advice and critique so well! Seems so well-meaning trying to figure this out in real time
This woman has completely different values than me, but she has a heart of gold! And it shows me, regardless if conservative or liberal..a good person is a good person..period.
This woman is over-bearing and the new wife won't be able to handle it
After the 20 minute mark you can tell john is waiting for her to just stfu 😂😂
Who knows, maybe they'll be married for a long time or short time. Just support your son as much as you can. Young people be dumb and they eventually learn their lesson over dumb decisions they make.
Can't imagine this mom would really be on board with her son being married a short time to this person!
@@meganbaril7847oh well. He's an adult.
I’m about to be 44 and I’m a little girl broken by my parents while being a woman in her “happily ever after”…it’s such a conundrum of emotions.
This woman is lovely…I believe she has no concept of how broken this young woman was. I pray for them all.
Sincerely,
Never a Daughter
Please get a counselor or someone in your corner. I'm glad you're still on the planet 🌏. You are a beautiful soul.
This woman is greedy emotionally. She disrespected the girls family. Her son was wrong to do that and she did not tell him he did wrong.
@@milagroslh1551her “family” is probably a horror story…ESPECIALLY if she was raised by narcissists!!
You can shove your head’ further into the sand and stick with your thoughts.
@@CatharineCummingsI have a wonderful marriage and he is my rock. I’m 100% grounded in who I am and I know that my childhood (that chased me into adulthood) is what made me SO damn fierce about my future/present.
If you knew 1/2 of my story you would wonder why it wasn’t a movie already or why I have not called in to this show. 🤣🤣
I have listened to Dr. John for a couple of months and with every episode, I am learning and growing and this episode is literally everything.
The caller and her husband have done everything to push their kids into a life they claim not to want for them
Is this what you got from the call?
@nonosfavorites yep i did too
I was the girl in this situation in my own life. 18 and got eloped the second I turned 18 to my military bf I had been dating for a few weeks. His mother was awesome. She was incredibly realistic with me and just let us be… we ended up divorced by 25 but I appreciate his mother so much because she was a huge support. I came from a troubled home like the caller mentions about her daughter in law.
This woman sounds like my worst nightmare for a mother in law 😂 she literally knows nothing about the relationship with the DIL’s parents. She needs to mind her dang business. 😅 Nosy @$$
Met her husband at 15 but didn’t allow her teens to date. Okay, nut job! She sounds soooo controlling 😅
@beastbombshell3589 I listened to the whole call, she sounds like a busy body who needs to mind her own. She’s trying to force the girl to reconcile a situation she knows nothing about.
@Kwildcat13I agree
Thank God someone else can see through the bs. She is crazy. She changes her tune when she doesn't get the responses she wants so she can "look good" to people in public (on a public call). At the end of the day, she's trying to control the lives of ADULTS. Crazy. Master manipulation. Control freak.
Way to go Melissa! I know there are a lot of comments on here about being overprotective, but you sound like a life-saver from someone who has been there. Thank you so much for talking through this! This feels so similar to my own story...we didn't elope, but my in-laws would have supported it if we did. My own mom is not allowed to speak to me, and my siblings want virtually nothing to do with me.... all because I moved away from home (at 25)! John's right... in my case there was a lot of abuse growing up. My mother-in-law has truly become my best friend, and she definitely has shown me what a "normal loving Christian family" looks like! I am so appreciative that they have taken me in so fully! I am turning 29 in a few months and have been married (to the greatest man) for a little over two years and have a beautiful baby girl. So blessed! 😊 🙏
Sheltering kids from the world is unrealistic and can even se them up for failure. That being said that you still protect and teach your children about the world.
At this point, they're married. Your support and excitement are crucial for the relationship to be successful, especially since her parents have turned their back. Honestly their behavior shows me that she's probably running from abuse. I can relate and got married as soon as I could. Your family is now a safe space for her to get some stability and community. Please continue to embrace her (and her brother) and don't push any kind of reconciliation. If the opportunity presents itself, she'll take it. As kids, we all want our parents to be a loving safe space, but our parents sometimes refuse to be.
How? Sex is important for relationships
This woman is the clearest example of why mother-in-law‘s have such a bad reputation. Live your own damn life and let your kids become their own people.
You clearly did watch the whole video
I got married at 18. I’m 52. Same husband. Have a great career, lovely daughter.
You. Are. Rare...
Definitely the exception, not the rule
Plus having school-kid crushes is taboo when your only associates are your actual brothers.
True but many homeschool families actually go out and do a lot - in their communities, with other homeschool families, at local community colleges, etc.
I was homeschool led for elementary and middle school, and we did things like: took a science class where we dissected sheep hearts, went bowling every Thursday with other homeschool people, and had about 5-7 fellow homeschool families that we constantly did stuff with - they were more like cousins, really. I’m 30 now and am glad I wasn’t homeschooled for ALL my schooling, but like I’m still great friends with most of the kids from the other families.
Love this
Yep! We have similar story… homeschooling etc…and it backfired. My son was gonna get married and not date. And the girls were bad news…. If he had married them it would have been a disaster! Dating is so important! Not to sleep around… times are different. And the quality of opposite sex if different… nice mama. But… times are different.
Now you do everything you can to love and support their marriage! And be nice cause u want to be part of their life and grandbabies
Great connection and advice on this call. Words cannot express how much I Love this caller. She is delightful, idealistic, a bit naive, Loving, and open to suggestions. I could see her eagerly writing everything down that Dr. John was saying to her. For a helicopter parent, she seemed reasonably self-aware, willing to make fun of herself for it, seemingly open to change, and is also approachable. That's one of the reasons "the argument" was so hilarious, because it was like a family comedy show, with the adult child giving feedback about her mom's "yelling" compared to her father's. The fact that this mom embraced her new daughter in law, despite the shock she felt, just speaks so much to her character and heart, despite sometimes making an incorrect assessment and potentially rose colored advice. Despite this young lady making a very rash decision to marry, and the fact that one of the reasons might have been to escape her home life, I'm really rooting for her in her new marriage. It seems like she married a wonderful family, and I pray everything works out wonderfully for everyone. By the way, Dr. John, you missed a gem of a potential by not calling her Sweet Melissa.
He loves metal. Not the ABB.
I can relate so hard to this. My significant other has a wonderful family that is amazing. And my family is a toxic wreck.
Same. Married ten years now
I'm glad this call is featured separately because I loved this call, as the daughter in law to such a mother. Trying to show more grace to my mother in laws helicoptering, and trying to focus on the love and supportive intentions behind it while also stepping into our own as a young couple.
Almost 2 years in that balance is finally being found, as we both grieve what marriage to her son would look like and both build something together.
It's been a bit rough and I almost gave up, but I think that new picture is being drawn😊
I’m only at the beginning of the call and my family was 100% like this first part. 5 kids in my family. We weren’t allowed to date. Homeschooled. My sisters got married in mid 20s but neither of the boys got married. That is until last year my younger brother eloped with his first girlfriend of 4 months. Ironic hahaha.
When you choose to raise your kids in a protected bubble, don't be shocked at how much it hurts when that bubble bursts.
As good as her heart is, she has NOT prepared her children to live in the real world.
My husband and I have been together for 5 years and knew from the time we met we were going to be together. Moved in together after 6 months, married at a year and had our first son at 2 years. I’m now 8 months pregnant with our second son. Whirlwind marriages are not failed from the beginning. My mother adores my husband, his mother tolerates me. Pretends to like me, none the less, their opinions didn’t matter. We are the ones in love. We are the team. We are the one raising our boys. We are the ones choosing to be together day after day and to work for it. Parents need to step back and allow their children to be happy.
Mom thinks she can shape exactly how her kids will develop into adults... how surprising she thinks that everyone needs to stay connected with their parents throughout life. Lordy
You miss the part where she accepted the situation even though it was nothing like she imagine it to be.
This woman has such a compassionate vibe. You can tell she is really trying to do the right thing.
Some get married to get away from home.
sure does sound like it
He was already away from home. He was more likely fleeing the barracks.
I did. Huge mistake!
Yup. Best choice ever. To get away from my crazy parents.
I know someone who did that. Our family tried to warn him and now he says he regrets not listening
This woman reminds me so much of my MIL. An amazing woman with a huge heart who loved and accepted me from the beginning, even though myself and her son married under crazy circumstances. I think Dr. John’s advice is great. Don’t push her to reconcile with her mother, but instead be willing to be the mother figure she never had right now.
Something similar like this happened to my nephew and my sister. They were both were 18 went to Vegas came back home fast forward three years later divorced with a baby girl. My sister embraced it, and at the end of the day things were calmly settled . Everyone parted ways.
Point of the story, I could only go two ways they’ll divorce or live a decently life . Just hope for the best . And stop pressuring you child to not have bf/gfs and look for a spouse .
IT**
Your nephew and sister? So your siblings child and your sister got married??
My sister is 50 years old. her son is my nephew 18. Married a 18 year old girl .
%1000 yeeesss!! Soo important for them to date, it also teaches them boundaries & gives them the confidence to enforce said boundaries..
I’ve even chaperoned to pls both parties & everyone was happy🎩🧸🎀
I wasn't allowed to date or even to have guy friends and I'm 28 I've never even been in healthy relationship ...I've only been in 3 totalling less than 6 mo of my life
Why don't parents LET GO? Especially now days. They want to keep adult children sheltered and in their basements forever.
You don’t know what love is
John, this whole thing about the young girlfriend / wife and her Mom, was spot on. That melted my heart, and maybe helped me feel better too!
May they be blessed. I know plenty of people who married young and had many decades of successful marriages. Yes, it is difficult, but it is also precious to grow together into a strong unit.
Times are different today. Getting married at 18 50 years ago is very different than today
You never know what's going on behind closed doors in a marriage... how do you define success?
This is one of the best I have seen of Dr.Deloney❤
The first few minutes of this were hilarious - coming from an adult child of loving, well intentioned helicopter parents (which also lead to my rebellion lol). I love this mom, what a sweet, well intentioned heart she has. That’s great that her DIL has her in her corner and can redefine what a family relationship could look like, since not everyone has parents/homes like that. Dr. John laid everything out so nicely. I pray they all find peace
Bro wanted to get out of the barracks clearly, the military financially rewards you for getting married quickly.
He's been in for 5 years, not exactly brand new.
@@Ryan-wx1bi more so mean quickly into a relationship, and skipping the dating phase entirely.
@@and1813777 at least it wasn't a stripper like most guys 😂
A guy I was in the military with went home on leave and came back married to a woman almost twice his age because she bought him a shirt. 😅
@@Ryan-wx1bino sir that's your low opinion of women because all you follow is that type of woman
We don’t let them date but I met my husband at 15
Hahahaha
Thank you for bringing up the other side to parental relationships. This was my reality and felt tremendously alone!
I truly hope he's attracted to her because she's a great life partner and not because 'she needs help and I can fix/love her better than her family can'. That would be the beginning of a toxic relationship. I dated my ex partially for those reasons and became more invested in her because I wanted to help her. It's not a good foundation for any long term relationship.
She’s very extreme and kept her kids in a box their whole life now they’re jumping at any opportunity
She is so beyond controlling she has a plan for all her kids lives - it’s ridiculous how are people supposed to know what they want if they can’t date! These people are adults let the live!
Props to mom for giving a hug, for honouring their choice and maybe they didn't handle it well but your son was safe with you. Your daughter in law isn't safe with her parents. Don't give advice to her, just listen and tell her you are gonna be there for them.
It takes forever for these people to get to their actual relatable questions.
A friend of mine made his two daughters so scared of men. By saying again and again, “Boys / men are only after one thing.” He was trying to be protective but ended up hurting them. It’s been hard for each of them to enter relationships w guys. Dad had wild and fun life, but his girls haven’t.
I’m convinced that at the end of the calls when John is done and wrapping up that the caller is muted 😂😂😂
It's the Ramsey way .... I think it works
I think those final thoughts are recorded afterwards and edited in
@@RepentImmediatelyno it's the muted thing, I've heard them mention it one time
I have noticed he presses a button when he wants the caller mute.
Yes
My mom was the same way not with dating but with other things and we now have no relationship so I am not surprised the kid eloped like that
This lady is just too much. Too intense about freaking everything. Chill out and let people live their lives.
I like how she kept amending her previous statements whenever John would point something out as a constructive advice.
And I also think it's hilarious how she barely knows this person, and two seconds ago she was disapproving of the relationship and now she completely 100% believes this 18-year-old girl that her parents are narcissists lol.
Which basically anytime anybody throws that word around anymore it's lost all its meaning.
But man this lady is just so intense. I imagine that every conversation she has with everybody including with the barista at coffee shops is level 10 intensity
This one made me cry. Super advice. Thanks.
Theres nothing that makes kids act out and go against their values like super religious helicopter parents. While in highschool all the girls I talked to that had crazy religous and over protective parents definitely were the freakiest. They always wanted to be sexual right away, were constantly wanting to mess around, and sexting frequently. Not to mention wanting to have sex very early on. This was not just one person, it was multiple, so definitely not just an exception. Being way over protective and forcing religon on them just made it worse.
@beastbombshell3589 Definitely. There's a balance that's needed and the lines are different depending of the kid. Both ends of the spectrum are not good.
If your kid goes into the military, please, please make sure them and the whole family know about and can recognize personality disorders!!!! Especially the Marine Corp, will break your kid down. They get on dating websites and all off a sudden there is a girl that needs rescued and love bombs them. They feel special and rise to the occasion. Then they get married right away and have no idea they just hooked themselves to someone with a toxic cluster b personality disorder.
This family got lucky.