Thankyou, for having this conversation! Prior to finding out my neurotype, I used to have conversations with my partner about this... and would always say, rather than people asking me about what I have been up too, I wished they would ask me 'what have you been learning lately' or 'what podcasts have you been listening too' makes sooo much sense now 🥰 It's always strange because I feel when people ask that question, they don't actually want to know every single thing you have been up too? 🙈
It's been my experience that when some people ask "what have you been up to lately?" their true intention is - "tell me something entertaining." I've spent the past few years reflecting on how various people have responded in the past to me openly sharing about my true self. Some people have demonstrated a consistent pattern of disinterest; looking away, leaning back, crossing arms, eye rolling, etc. I've had to teach myself not to openly share with these individuals and default to talking about the weather. One of two things will happen, they will start talking about themselves (and want an audience) or will ask a more about me. This is now where my decision point is - excuse myself at the earliest opportunity or engage further. This has been extremely helpful for me to guard my own energy and avoid burnout.
"tell me something entertaining" Wow mind blown, you are so right! I've found I never really ask people these sorts of questions and saw it as a fault in myself, like I'm bad at communicating etc, but when I really think about it I don't even like being asked those questions so it makes sense why I wouldn't ask them. The older I get the more I'm noticing how shallow most conversations are and it's a real struggle for me.
I always wonder how close I am to someone if they ask this. If you can't ask someone a specific question about their life, work, partner, hobbies, interests, family etc... Then that says a lot. I mean, ask me how I'm feeling before you ask me "how's life/what have you been up to?" 😂 That would be an easier question to answer.
The familiar, if not the strangest, asking oneself permission to answer the question of how art thy offended with thy tone?... Well, that's what the tea leaves had to say. Lol
I was just asked that question. My mind went blank and I responded, "Just tyring to stay sane." That got a good laugh and felt relevant to the other person.
I hate when people ask "What do I do for work?" and I know that's because I don't work at the moment but it's because I find it a little invasive too. The main reason why I don't like people asking me what I've been doing in general is because I get an inkling they don't actually care what I've been doing and it's just a way to make "small talk", I'm not saying that's everyone who asks but I'd assume most. The sentiments you shared in this video though, especially about therapy (I'm not in therapy at the moment but I have been) and how that's doing a lot of work, I can relate to so much, just because someone isn't in a corporate job etc. or studying at uni/college you're assumed to be doing diddly squat, it's like when people still don't seem to realise being a stay home Mum is a full-time job in of its self but it gets minimised so much in my opinion. Going through therapy is a lot of work that mind you, you don't get paid for. I guess this is what we get when we live in a capitalist society so I think the next time someone asks us what we've been doing we should hit them with "oh, just been surviving and sometimes thriving, you?" 😅.
for me it's often the content of my ponderings! i've recently realised or not realised i think i've known this but because it gives off an emotion it wasn't always spelled out as much while it was felt as it is now but i think a core fear of mine is being wrong. can i philosophically differentiate between right and wrong: no and yet i'm crushingly panicked by every sensation of oh this is where i've possibly been wrong or may have wronged. the devil-me on my own shoulder is too loud. weird to think this fear may not be belief-based or if it is then is that not me running on the wrong belief that i am wrong? wonder how i can diminish that fear. now i hear that depeche mode "wrong" intro in my head! good one. also still haven't found a helpful perspective on my fear to leave this apartment: it's not that i never tackle and confront but a lot of people i've talked to about this just don't seem to share that mechanism of fear, so their words don't reach into the remaining struggle there? maybe i do also see my resistance with that as wrong when it isn't, that's a good point. in total opposition to this i think my pride is more intact than it has been in a long while and i do think of it as the other end of shame 💚
Lovely video :) I enjoy “what have you been thinking about?” and “what’s been giving you joy lately?” but I definitely save those for certain people. Maybe I should use more widely!
Love those ideas! Yes, I think we inevitably cannot avoid the ‘usual’ questions in places where we are not so familiar with the people we are interacting with but these seem perfect for certain people.
Thank you for sharing this. I understand in my own way being more of a 'being' being than a doing one....though yes, the little things count too. 🙂This reminds me too of what Courtney Carver has written about. Also especially being contented within ourselves whatever our answer to that question may be. 🙂
I really enjoyed reading your newsletter this week and have been ruminating on the quote you mention from it. I've been struggling with the doing/being conundrum for a while. I grew up in the Bible belt in America and doing/working is next to godliness. I have the opposite problem to you of not being highly intrinsically driven , so growing up in an environment where doing is prized has resulted in me constantly fighting the perception that I'm lazy. This is exhausting. Also, this is why I find reading your newsletter, watching your videos (and other AuDHD content) so helpful and validating because I don't have anyone around me who thinks like this. I really needed this one this week, so thank you!!
Hey Charlie, just discovered your channel a few days ago & I feel like I can really relate to you. What would you say were the first symptoms you had to make you think you had autism and ADHD?
Hi Charlie. I came across this book and thought of you. He is ace at black and white photography too. John P. Weiss An artful life: inspirational stories and essays for the artist in everyone. 🌼
Hey Charlie, really nice video ! I was wondering if I could help you with Best Quality Editing in your videos better than your Editor with good pricing and also make a highly engaging Thumbnail which will help your videos to reach to a wider audience ? Pls let me know what do you think ?
It's good to see your hair is growing again. You look good with this short length of hair. The length and style of your hair reminds me of footage of Michael Jackson at VMA Awards in 1995 but your original long wavy hair was fantastic. I agree we are always busy in our mind. Even when I wake up my brain spends hours brainstorming ideas. I am catching up on your videos again after a few months of busying my mind with some creativity.
Thankyou, for having this conversation! Prior to finding out my neurotype, I used to have conversations with my partner about this... and would always say, rather than people asking me about what I have been up too, I wished they would ask me 'what have you been learning lately' or 'what podcasts have you been listening too' makes sooo much sense now 🥰
It's always strange because I feel when people ask that question, they don't actually want to know every single thing you have been up too? 🙈
The one that get's me is "How was your weekend?" It totally scrambles my brain.
It's been my experience that when some people ask "what have you been up to lately?" their true intention is - "tell me something entertaining." I've spent the past few years reflecting on how various people have responded in the past to me openly sharing about my true self. Some people have demonstrated a consistent pattern of disinterest; looking away, leaning back, crossing arms, eye rolling, etc. I've had to teach myself not to openly share with these individuals and default to talking about the weather. One of two things will happen, they will start talking about themselves (and want an audience) or will ask a more about me. This is now where my decision point is - excuse myself at the earliest opportunity or engage further. This has been extremely helpful for me to guard my own energy and avoid burnout.
This is so spot on. Thanks for sharing.
@@charlierewilding Happy to offer something of value from my 50+ years of life experience :)
"tell me something entertaining" Wow mind blown, you are so right! I've found I never really ask people these sorts of questions and saw it as a fault in myself, like I'm bad at communicating etc, but when I really think about it I don't even like being asked those questions so it makes sense why I wouldn't ask them. The older I get the more I'm noticing how shallow most conversations are and it's a real struggle for me.
I always wonder how close I am to someone if they ask this. If you can't ask someone a specific question about their life, work, partner, hobbies, interests, family etc... Then that says a lot. I mean, ask me how I'm feeling before you ask me "how's life/what have you been up to?" 😂 That would be an easier question to answer.
The familiar, if not the strangest, asking oneself permission to answer the question of how art thy offended with thy tone?... Well, that's what the tea leaves had to say. Lol
Lately I've been saying...
I'm going through a personal thing and I'm figuring it out.
I use to say .... not much. Lol
Hello. Brand new subscribe, in 🇬🇧
I was just asked that question. My mind went blank and I responded, "Just tyring to stay sane." That got a good laugh and felt relevant to the other person.
I don’t work at the moment and I really relate to this
I hate when people ask "What do I do for work?" and I know that's because I don't work at the moment but it's because I find it a little invasive too. The main reason why I don't like people asking me what I've been doing in general is because I get an inkling they don't actually care what I've been doing and it's just a way to make "small talk", I'm not saying that's everyone who asks but I'd assume most. The sentiments you shared in this video though, especially about therapy (I'm not in therapy at the moment but I have been) and how that's doing a lot of work, I can relate to so much, just because someone isn't in a corporate job etc. or studying at uni/college you're assumed to be doing diddly squat, it's like when people still don't seem to realise being a stay home Mum is a full-time job in of its self but it gets minimised so much in my opinion. Going through therapy is a lot of work that mind you, you don't get paid for. I guess this is what we get when we live in a capitalist society so I think the next time someone asks us what we've been doing we should hit them with "oh, just been surviving and sometimes thriving, you?" 😅.
for me it's often the content of my ponderings! i've recently realised or not realised i think i've known this but because it gives off an emotion it wasn't always spelled out as much while it was felt as it is now but i think a core fear of mine is being wrong. can i philosophically differentiate between right and wrong: no and yet i'm crushingly panicked by every sensation of oh this is where i've possibly been wrong or may have wronged. the devil-me on my own shoulder is too loud. weird to think this fear may not be belief-based or if it is then is that not me running on the wrong belief that i am wrong? wonder how i can diminish that fear. now i hear that depeche mode "wrong" intro in my head! good one. also still haven't found a helpful perspective on my fear to leave this apartment: it's not that i never tackle and confront but a lot of people i've talked to about this just don't seem to share that mechanism of fear, so their words don't reach into the remaining struggle there? maybe i do also see my resistance with that as wrong when it isn't, that's a good point. in total opposition to this i think my pride is more intact than it has been in a long while and i do think of it as the other end of shame 💚
Thank you for this, everything you said resonates with me so so much. It’s a relief to hear someone say this out-loud. Xx
🙏 and a relief to hear it's something that you have been pondering too! Thank you for watching and sharing.
Same!
Lovely video :) I enjoy “what have you been thinking about?” and “what’s been giving you joy lately?” but I definitely save those for certain people. Maybe I should use more widely!
Love those ideas! Yes, I think we inevitably cannot avoid the ‘usual’ questions in places where we are not so familiar with the people we are interacting with but these seem perfect for certain people.
I enjoyed your newsletter on this. You have a way of articulating my own experience in such a beautiful way. Thank you
Wow, thank you! That’s really special. And thnk you for reading and supporting my work on my newsletter ☺️
Thank you for sharing this. I understand in my own way being more of a 'being' being than a doing one....though yes, the little things count too. 🙂This reminds me too of what Courtney Carver has written about. Also especially being contented within ourselves whatever our answer to that question may be. 🙂
You are so welcome! And exactly this, whatever the answer may be ☺️
I really enjoyed reading your newsletter this week and have been ruminating on the quote you mention from it. I've been struggling with the doing/being conundrum for a while. I grew up in the Bible belt in America and doing/working is next to godliness. I have the opposite problem to you of not being highly intrinsically driven , so growing up in an environment where doing is prized has resulted in me constantly fighting the perception that I'm lazy. This is exhausting.
Also, this is why I find reading your newsletter, watching your videos (and other AuDHD content) so helpful and validating because I don't have anyone around me who thinks like this. I really needed this one this week, so thank you!!
What have you been experiencing lately?
Hey Charlie, just discovered your channel a few days ago & I feel like I can really relate to you. What would you say were the first symptoms you had to make you think you had autism and ADHD?
Hi Charlie. I came across this book and thought of you. He is ace at black and white photography too.
John P. Weiss An artful life: inspirational stories and essays for the artist in everyone. 🌼
Hey Charlie, really nice video ! I was wondering if I could help you with Best Quality Editing in your videos better than your Editor with good pricing and also make a highly engaging Thumbnail which will help your videos to reach to a wider audience ? Pls let me know what do you think ?
It's good to see your hair is growing again. You look good with this short length of hair. The length and style of your hair reminds me of footage of Michael Jackson at VMA Awards in 1995 but your original long wavy hair was fantastic. I agree we are always busy in our mind. Even when I wake up my brain spends hours brainstorming ideas. I am catching up on your videos again after a few months of busying my mind with some creativity.