When we're little kids we have this instinct to just approach people who seem nice/cool/interesting and just immediately make friends. Somewhere along the way we get this shame that makes it feel like there's something weird or embarrassing about showing that you want to be someone's friend. Like everyone has to play it cool and be coy and act like it's not a big deal. It's so stupid. Everything would be better if we were all like this and just decided that potential rejection is a tiny meaningless consequence compared to the rewards of wearing your heart on your sleeve
@@illiatiia I feel also it could be there aura because you have to remember some “friends” have motives like using you, manipulating, lonilness control or information It’s the best to read their aura before you even attempt to speak to them
For attempting to make friends? That's terrible! I just realized the older generation grew playing out while this generation was not given the same childhood. This is the result...
@SlugSage hmmm depends. If it's a group that shares the same interests or hobbies, that's a great conversation starter. Young men approach grandpa all the time to ask him about golf 😊 but I get it can be difficult in public settings with no events or something.
I appreciate all the support but it seriously bothers me that people are hating on the friendgroup, they were just chilling. I literally approached them because they were doing the kind of thing I would want to do with friends, I appreciated their time, and they were way less judgmental of me than a lot of the comments here are of them. Some of y'all need to calm down
people always say to just get up and talk to people if you want to make friends but as this situation demonstrates, it's usually not that easy. 1. Those people have to be open to also making conversation and 2. It's hard to talk to strangers. I came to this realization because I've done the same thing you did in this video! I know you feel embarrassed but really you should feel proud. You did a hard thing. Focus on how courageous that is and put that courage into something. Whether it be trying again, or something else. It's okay.
@@schimaeras I hope you didn't take my comment that way as being judgemental to THEM. I was just trying to give an idea of how I might try to approach a hypothetical situation that was similar. Approaching any social situation with strangers can be emotionally upsetting and reacting defensively to percieved unkindness is a coping mechanism for some and judging the judgemental starts to become like a metaphor for irony lol. However, it's always good to be aware of negative behaviors so I thank you for your words as we can all stand to be less judgemental. ✌
“If you go out looking for friends, you're going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere.” ― Zig Ziglar
Yeah and now it's "more normal" to just expect to be able to reach someone you know 24/7 without going to see them...... weird times..... SASHA IS THE NORMAL ONE
Yeah i feel like saying its out of touch with reality (forgot how they phrased it) is totally unfair to yourself because its totally okay to socialize like that.
From a past social butterfly who ruled my college social scene to now being a sober mom who wants a TINY social group….i feel you are courageous as all hell and I commend you for having the ability to try…most of us don’t.
I did something similar at a movie theater a couple years ago. I had no friends since middle school and i was 20. I heard some people talking about Jan Švankmajer and a thought came into my head; "is this it? Is this how people make friends?" So i tried to insert myself into their conversation. They seemed baffled by me and pretty much shut me down immediately, staying silent the rest of the time they were in line. The moment haunted me for awhile but i cant be too hard on myself for trying. Edit: I am autistic btw
It was most likely nothing personal about you. When friends are out chilling at a place like the movies, they just want privacy within their group. They most likely just felt awkward by a stranger approaching them, and didn't have the heart to tell you to go away.
I did this one time and got jumped. And now I am less naive when it comes to random ppl and small groups. They can be so mean sometimes. I just wanted to be there friend. I was lonely and I didn’t know what to do. I now know that the right friends will come when they do. Have Hope beautiful fren.
What the man said was right. My mom always told me the same thing, because I didn't have friends in elementary through middle school. She told me that I have to be my own friend. I found my way by drawing and making comics for myself. I found my people in college finally, when I went to an arts school. Be your own friend. You can connect with others with shared hobbies.
"You can't just come up to a group of people. You have to find your people." That does not make sense. He was just saying he doesn't want more friends right now. Going up to people is how you make friends. Social media has existed for less than a century. Humans have existed for thousands of years. People made friends for thousands of years by going up to people. So take his goofy advice. Ignore him. Find someone else to go up to.
Overt attempts to make friends make a lot of people nervous. It's best to join something like a hobby, sports club or volunteer & let things evolve naturally. That way they may already have similar values & interests. I have social anxiety & trust issues, so prefer to suss people out first, not just take them at face value.
@sarahholland2600 Nah. It makes some people nervous. Not a lot. Depends on who you talk to and where you're at. You don't have to go up to them and say let's be friends. Go up and start a conversation that relates to the situation. "Hey, do you have any idea where the apples are? Oh, you like candy apples too? I work at a shop where we make them from scratch. Better than this packaged stuff....bla bla...etc." Then you judge body language. See if they are being nice or actually wanna connect. Are they completely engaged with the conversation or in a rush to exit? Will you see them again at this place or is thar unlikely? Then you can either talk to them a few more times in person when you see each other again, or suggest linking up for the purpose of connecting over the topic y'all were discussing. It doesn't have to be at a club or hobby. I got a girl's number that way awhile ago at my job. Things ended up not going anywhere because she was honest about being in a relationship. We didn't have any common reason to talk. She worked for a third-party company and our jobs meant that we pretty much never had to interact. It was a straight cold-approach. But I didn't jump straight into asking for a date on the first encounter. Started with simple stuff. "Noticed you in this department for awhile. Mind if I ask what your name is. I'm...." Ask about her work. Observe body language. She is genuinely engaged. Ask if we can talk again sometime. Positive reaction. Talk over the course of a few days. Exchange numbers over common interest. Turns out she had a boyfriend. Oh well. Things never got awkward or weird because even though we were strangers, we established rapport and were honest from day one. Still talked once in awhile at work. Pleasant experience all around. You don't need a club or organization to make a friend. You need to be comfortable with rejection and trial and error. You have to accept that some people are not a good fit. Some are rude. Some are too anxious. Some are mean. Some are too busy. You're gonna get rejected. But you don't need an event if you practice body language perception and don't rush things.
@@thenovicewhispers Try that in London & they look at you like you're an axe murderer! The North & Midlands ( where I'm from) is different tho. You can make a friend for life at the bus stop. Very friendly.
@@sarahholland2600 yeah. I guess it just depends on the culture. I'm from the states, it's 50/50 with people here. Some of them are super introverted. Others are open to meeting new people. But really I feel like the burden is on me to take that risk if I want to make connections. Worst that can happen is they call me a creep and tell me to go away. No biggie. Just find someone cooler to chill with.
this is good in theory but in reality never do that. You shouldnt walk up to people randomly and talk to them. Make sure u guys already have something in common for example, you guys are in the same class and hate the same teacher. Thats the perfect time to talk to someone. Or you guys are coworkers. A good time to make friends is when you see someone often and you build familiarity. Walking up to a friend group hanging out already randomly in a park is going to be awkward. In a perfect world it would be great if u can do that but in real life its weird. Imagine if you was with ur friends, chilling, not really looking to make friends at the moment and randomly someone tried to join in unprompted.
I don’t think the mistake was going up to the group! I hope that’s not the lesson you take from this. It was very brave to go up to them. I think the lesson should be that it’s always best to be ok with being rejected - and to open ourselves to rejection is to be authentic. Because being “inauthentic” or “performative” means you are trying to “manipulate” the outcome of the situation. Manipulation is kind of an intense word, but I think that’s kind of what it is? At least that’s what I would do, as in being yourself takes a back seat to trying to get them to accept you. Plus, when we are being authentic and not “caring” about being accepted - I think others pick up on that and it paradoxically makes it more likely to be accepted and make friends. Even bigger plus, you’ll find your people that way! Vs finding people who only accept that “mask” we put on. Much love 🤙🏽, loved the video!
This is one of the most painful, real, and very bittersweet videos I've have ever watched on this platform. I had to pause several times and look back at my personal life and the struggles I still have to deal with today. I feel overwhelmed with thoughts and yet my body feels light and stable. My head is telling me I should cry, and yet tears are not coming out and my face is still blank and natural. All I can say is that this video hit me in a way no other video ever will.
@@harleenquinzel5814 love to hear that! I’m the same way, another dude came up to me at the park few months back and we ended up spending all evening drinking and shootin the shit as we had a lot in common - haven’t seen him since bless him!
I love it when strangers approach me and strike up a conversation. I guess that's not normal, but it breaks up the monotony of life, meeting new people.
I read a lot of comments criticizing the way that you dress. I just want to clarify you don't have to change the clothes that you wear to fit in. Keep being authentic in the way that you express yourself. That will attract the people you're looking for.Personally, i wouldn't reject a person for a style of clothing unless it was inappropriately or filthy. Unless is a homeless person of course. I would like to have a friend like you. Good luck boy, wishing you the best!
You did nothing wrong. You put yourself out there and it didn't go as planned. You just feel uncomfortable about it. It's just a natural human experience. In a few days, you'll remember it, but it won't affect you anymore. That's how we learn.
this is so fuckin raw and real. this experience might not have gone exactly the way you wanted, but just the fact that you said fuck it and went up to them is quite cool. as far as finding your people, you’ve got hobbies and interests, look for public spaces where people who share those same interests gather. If you can go up to an already established group, i guarantee you can go up to any individual in those spaces and strike up a conversation. Do not let this one time discourage you from finding all the good times coming to you. Hope you’re having a good day Sasha, keep at it!
Posting this video takes guts and youve got more of that than most people. You're not a freak or weird, but you're self aware. You dont owe anyone a single thing, just live your life and have fun. You're more authentic than the majority of modern society, you should be glad.
I keep seeing a lot of comments about your mullet haircut and clothing ect, and whatever you do DO NOT change who you are for other people. If you have to change for them then they’re NOT YOUR FRIENDS. It’s better to just be lonely and be yourself.
I agree. I feel for anyone who thinks changing your hairstyle or clothes is important for making friends. It means they feel they won’t be accepted if they don’t present a certain way.
Damn. If that had been me and my friends in that gazebo, you probably would’ve made some friends that day. It’s the luck of the draw sometimes. Don’t stop trying
Repeat after me everyone. IT IS OKAY TO BE WEIRD AND CRAZY. Being weird and/or crazy is not morally wrong :) And probably describes lots of people you love and admire :) SHAME IS THE ENEMY!!!!
A good ice breaker is to just acknowledge you’re inserting yourself and say “I know I’m a random stranger but I love this song and was hoping to hang and listen with you all.” And introduce yourself. And when the interaction has run its course thank them. Everyone is socially awkward at times. And acknowledging that upfront can be endearing and relatable.
You’re gonna make a great friend to someone someday. Self awareness is a great place to start but you don’t wanna stay there. You can just try things, learn things, and move on. Try shifting your energy to taking what you learned and trying again. Also don’t think too definitively about the performance of friendships. There is an aspect of performance to everything we do. Especially interpersonally. The conscious effort and word choosing is necessary. It just shows that you care.
Hey, as someone who has made friends exactly by just walking up to them, you can do it that way! I think that gentle "rejection" was just the universe redirecting you to friend(s) you can meet in real life that you will vibe with way more than them:) You're not weird for going up to strangers, you're brave, and you'd be suprised how many lonely people are out there wishing someone exactly like you had come up and talked to them that day
Most of us feel an invisible false barrier to attempting to be friends with random strangers. This is actually the fear of rejection or looking silly or vulnerable but the Very Wise can see it's not a real barrier at all if you have courage!
It’s crazy how as society we had a downgrade interacting with others speaking, internet definitely had a huge impact on the matter, good thing we are realizing the problem and doing something about it, let’s see what happens
You're very well-spoken and articulate. Sometimes we unconsciously or consciously get into situations because our soul wants/or is seeking a message, this one for you was: "Then you got a friend right there"
Hey, dont feel guilty for trying, it was not a mistake. You absolutely can approach people that way to make friends, I think them saying you "cant" was their way of letting you know it wasnt going to work with them specifically. I live in canton ohio and people talk to strangers and make connections that way quite a bit around here, especially in bars and music venues and also in the visual art community.
It boggles my mind that people think it’s odd to just try to strike up a conversation, especially if you feel you have common interests. That being said- you’ll find your people. Good for you for putting yourself out there. Definitely find a hobby that you’re passionate about and you’ll definitely find friends. ❤
Same I’m a barb and we are truly connected. I’ve had strangers come up to me and started a whole conversation when wearing my Nicki flag at pride and it instantly feels like I’ve known this person for years and am so comfortable already just bc they’re a barb.also most barbz are lgbtq+ and/or bipoc so a safe space is important for us especially nowadays
You are such a real person, and those are extremely rare to encounter. Anyone who's met you is luckier than they'll ever know. Keep being you, please, you're doing so great. Most humans aren't as real with the things they feel as you seem to be. You convey and express emotions nicely, don't give up or lose hope, some of us are still looking for people and friends like you to come around.
I love the humility you took this situation with and your self reflection. It was very relatable. I think we all feel this way at times. I have tried making friends after getting off of social media and its hard and embarrassing sometimes. But even having the courage to approach people and put yourself out there is commendable. You taking the rejection with grace and understanding also says a lot. I wish you luck on finding friends in everyday life and I found the video compelling.
I had a similar experience. I walked up to a group of people in school. I saw they had like those buldak fire noodles (I really love them) and i was trying to make friends so I really optimistically went up to them and said „oh nice U all have those fire noodles, i love those“ I got ignored. I was so embarrassed I thought they couldn’t hear me bcs it was so loud in the cafeteria, so I repeated myself louder. 1 of them looked at me and said nothing and then looked back, so they purposely ignored me. I was so embarrassed I tried saving myself by asking that one person if I could buy one off of them for 2€ and they said „sorry we’d like to keep it to ourselves“ and then I just said okay and went back to my table. I was so embarrassed and felt so rejected especially since the friends I had warned me that I shouldn’t do it and saw the whole interaction.. 😢 I think it‘s normal sooner or later everyone gets that experience. I think it‘s cool that we at least tried. Now we know that shit doesn’t work 😂
Also Thank you for being so vulnerable and open abt ur experience. I think it was interesting and made me feel better abt my experiences with failing with social stuff. I know a lot of people think vulnerability and being seen trying and failing is cringe. Esp. on the internet behind their save little phone walls.
Honey, 61 yr old woman on the spectrum here. It’ll get easier. What I would suggest is joining a club for something you’re really interested in (what are your special interests?). I joined a rockhounding club and met people who were interested in the same things as me, and when we go on outings, we’re involved in our hobby, so conversation comes naturally that way. Keep trying! You’re doing great. Most people won’t understand, but that’s okay. You’re a cool person!
A major point regarding this interaction, is how you approached I feel. The guy was really solid, and they seemed genuine and kind, unlike many. I feel just if you start off by cracking a joke or something, and then create a little raport by introducing yourself to them all or individually briefly, and give a tiny bit of info, it helps with people getting an idea of who you are quickly. A major part which throws people off is not having much context, seeing some nerves or apprehension or just an awkward air around the situation compounded by not having any idea who you are. The more you can broach that in a few quick gestures of just being confident and giving a little context, it gets rid of a certain awkward or apprehensive energy, which really travels far into causing some issue or barrier and making people question or look at it as weird. I dont think that joining whole groups unless having a raport with someone within already, is a good way of making friends, but hanging out inconsequentially a little, if you really hit it off, is calm, and you may find or make a friend of one or a few of them. You can definitely make a good connection and chill with people killing some time. But really making that first bit feel natural, and breaking the ice for people so that they dont have that burden you put on them, when you approached, is a major part. Honestly, the reinforcement of practice and feeling natural in the moment is a massive part of it. So really, practicing and dealing with uncomfortable sensations whilst doing so at first is a major aspect. Being self conscious is really a killer of your natural charisma. Being in tune and confident radiates, but it needs some practice. I feel that "this tune is sick! what you think of.... Mind if I join a second, im .... what are youre guys names?" with some space for replies is a way better approach. But got to go for it and sink and burn than never broach or try. Just dont let it get you down and keep away. Just try to find a variety of places which meeting new people is more natural and commonplace, and go there to practice. Meeting people where they go expecting to meet others and to create rapport is the best grounds to practice. Otherwise, its only a small interaction. It has no lasting consequence as those people seemed kind, and anyhow have no impact on your life going forward, and even if so only in how you choose to dwell and import that feeling forward in your head, if you let it stifle you. So just don't. Live and learn. Try again, being out of touch and feeling lonely is really something which puts more pressure on you, so you ought to give yourself some perseverance and calm down and simplify it, try to get less in your head with self consciousness. Body language is key too, smiling at people and just trying to make a small deliberate happy thought and expectation before engaging or going out.
You used this video as talk therapy for yourself. By the end you worked through a lot of what was bothering you and had the right attitude. Life if a journey that is not clear all the time. I’m in a similar position having moving from NY to NC and having difficulty making or meeting new friends. You got this!
I feel like friendship is something that cannot be forced it just happens organically. But you can place yourself in an environment were it happens on its own. You also have to be careful when you are lonely and seeking friends because you can put yourself in a vulnerable position were you are used or insulted by bad people. You have to remember to value your time.
dude, you might be the realest person i've randomly stumbled upon here. YOU are a friend that anybody would be so incredibly lucky to have. you're super funny, have an endless amount to talk about, creative, and wise. you have a level of self reflection that not many have, and that's very admirable. don't give up, you will find your people.
Honestly that sounds like a mostly positive interaction. As someone who also has trouble relating to people - you've got more courage than me to just go up and ask. As an awkward weirdo myself, I've always had best luck making friends with other awkward weirdos. Anyway. You seem like a cool and genuine person and I wish you the best. If I lived somewhere close I'd be happy to be your friend.
You are great. People are terrible at connecting. I like how honest he was with you about how he felt about it, however, what you were doing was the only way in the moment for you to develop and make friends locally. In this scenario I think you all just didn’t gel because it wasn’t meant to be. You seem so authentic and genuine. Never lose it. We should all make more space in our lives for new friends. Just think about it, any other group of people would have been a different outcome.
I don't think we've talked enough about how it also takes social skills to receive a stranger. The initiator always gets the blame for things if it's awkward from jump. Not saying they did anything wrong.
This is a very good point. Because a large portion of teenagers and Gen Z now are not good at interacting. They don't have good social skills. This is a result of growing up with a cell phone and social media. They never really learned how to interact with strangers. It's one thing to be friends and be social. It's totally different with people you don't know. It reminds me a few months ago there is this lady I know who runs a business and was looking for a new check out person for the front of her store. And somebody said hey my 17 year old niece is looking for a job she would be great. And the lady who owned the store said I'm not hiring anymore teenagers because they don't know how to talk to adults. Basically saying they don't know how to interact with strangers. It's a new phenoma society is finding out. Like I said this is a result of children growing up with a screen in their face from a very young age. And spending their whole lives interacting through text messages. Very little face to face interaction with people. And even little just straight up talking on the phone. Everything is digital now. Everyday people getting further and further apart. It's sad. I'm in my upper 30s and things were completely different when I was a kid
It’s crazy how lonely we feel in a sea of like minded people. There are more people like us than I would have guessed. Hang in there. Statically speaking it’s impossible that you won’t find friends or companionship the more you expose yourself. Keep it up a lot of us aspire to have your ambition. It’s admirable and makes you an amazing person. Kudos stranger.
Super human stuff. What the guy said to you was spot on!! Befriend yourself first, attract others and be attracted to others through passions/ curiosities/ pastimes, and never abandon yourself when socializing! Making friends is best, in my opinion, as a soft background intention. By just living your life through knowing yourself and giving yourself what you like and need, you will naturally meet people and BUILD friendships. Just the beauty in being free and alone until you just so happen to make friends along the way. All in all, THIS was a very good thing. You stepped out of your comfort zone, followed a social impulse, and learned new things. That’s all bold beautiful stuff. Try and be kind to and flexible with yourself through the wins and fails of experiences. I think you’re wonderful! Definitely subscribing 🤗
For me, it helps to think, "If I'm weird in front of someone I will likely never see again, at least they have a funny story or inside joke now, and that's a big IF they even remember that encounter a couple weeks or days down the road" We think people are thinking about us as an individual much more than they are. Like how often do you think about interactions that were a little strange with people you haven't seen since? The only experiences we tend to remember long term, are the ones that create a strong emotion in us. I think it's better to be weird in the open and around people, than to hide parts of yourself that make you, you.
this is so raw, thank you i would highly recommend finding a Dungeons&Dragons introduction game near you, it’s a great way to interact with others by following a story, playing a character, engaging however you like and learning how it works together. It’s a lot of fun- plus it attracts neurodivergent people
Honestly, having a social interaction with a group of high people is hard to not feel awkward. Don’t let this interaction jade you too much. Weed can be very socially inhibiting depending on the person.
I think you were very brave for taking that step. As someone with really bad social anxiety, just hearing you describe the interaction was hard for me (I've felt this before lmaoo 😭), but I think you're awesome for taking a chance. I'm trying to re-learn the human thing of socializing.
I am also autistic so i resonate with this. They should have set their boundaries and said you were intruding after you asked. A lot of people communicate indirectly or communicate after the fact. It's so shitty when they can just be upfront and honest. I'm sorry this has been your experience. It does get better, not necessarily easier, but better.
I would be your friend in that situation. I would be awkward and standoffish a bit initially, but i would've seen your authenticity, your sincere intent, and genuine nature, and open up to you. You seem like a great conversationist, have a good sense of humor, and a kind heart, continue leading with those things and you'll find your people, we're out here.
It’s because you can approach random people online to talk about shared interests, but this doesn’t translate the same way to irl interactions with strangers.
reading through the comments, this actually makes the most sense. im 34, been on the internet since dial up and i was 12. my late teen years was so different than what people go through today. we had AIM, and the only way to get someones username was knowing them in person before lol. people growing up today didnt learn trial and error of in person rejection/acceptance the last thing i heard in this video was them in panic of the situation, and their first instinct was to say "im a content creator! oh yeah i need to make content!" not hating the creator, i feel bad for them. and every person who has to think like that. growing up for us wasnt easy, like everyone else. but we didnt have to think of social media, or feeding the machine. im glad i grew up when i did, and im still struggling to make sense of the world, trying to find my way. if anyone happens to read all of this, hope you're finding your way as well!
You’re struggling with something a lot of people do, and you don’t see them struggling with that cause their in the situation you are if that makes sense? Also the best people are “freaks”. I don’t usually come across stuff like you just made but found it compelling and cool, thank you
You have a lot of courage to upload something so vulnerable. You seem like a caring and sensitive individual. I am grateful you uploaded this and that I could sit here and share this emotional experience. One day, you are bound to stumble across a person or people that will become your companion/companions. You seem young and maybe that is why you haven't gotten there yet. Loneliness is an epidemic. You are one of so many people struggling with loneliness or the desire to make friends. You seem like a nice person, someone is going to notice you and want you to be their friend. Just keep putting yourself out there. Because you are so vulnerable, my only parting advice is a word of caution. Make sure to be really careful who you do end up becoming friends with. Make sure they are sincere and have your interests in mind, not just their own. Think about how they react when you have a disagreement, for example. Do they respect your feelings? Or do they try to tear you down emotionally? Do they respect your boundaries or do they smother you and expect a lot out of you? Are they a good forgiver? Do they encourage you to be the best person you can be? Do they follow through on their promises? Do they show up when they say they will? Things like this are a solid basis for a good and healthy friendship. And of course you have to be willing to do the same for them if you want that friendship to grow and to last. A bad "friend" can really be a big setback and hold you back from making positive connections you could otherwise be using your energy and love on. Hoping to one day see a video of you talking about how you found your people or special person and your tears will be replaced with laughter and smiles. Take care.
it's actually really brave of you to just talk to strangers, esp a friend group. i really relate to you being a freak, different from others and having a hard time connecting with ppl irl. i think that you reflecting on this interaction is great and shows how self-aware you are, but be careful not too overthink. you're gonna find your people, i know it's hard to be friendless but eventually things will get better and you will find like-minded, kind and caring people with whom you can be authentic. keep going
Well I find you delightful. Whenever I find myself in an awkward situation, I just laugh at myself, say 'hey, this is so awkward , I don't know what i was thinking, have a great day.' Then I wander off, feel embarrassed for a day and that's it. Life is filled to the brim with weird interactions. No one remembers or cares. Thank goodness:)
Sleepless night here, listening to your story. Don't beat yourself up for a spontaneous action. You tried something, you approach a group and it could have turned out positive. Maybe one of the group is watching you right now and maybe will contact you, who knows. Everything is possible in life. Keep being you and don't change just to fit in. Hold your head up, you are a ok person.
Randomly going up to people and trying to be friends is what we did when we were kids. I was in a similar boat to you and the sort of exact thing you did in this video sort of got me a social life back. ur gonna make it friend.
You are so genuine, and you did something so brave. You actually tried, and the way you own it in the end is really, really inspiring. I hope you find the right people your kind soul deserves. I turned 30 yesterday and I’m also struggling to connect with people locally. Thank you for sharing with us your experience. I believe you made us little wiser. I guess there’s nowhere else to go but forward, but we’ll get there.
Imagine if they were actually the ones feeling awkward because you made them all think about how they would never feel comfortable doing that themselves so they were all in their heads minus the one that was down to look it up. He seemed rather more open or quirky then them
i think the fact that you care so much about how you made them feel just proves you're not a monster. some content creators will go out of their way to ruin someone's day and not think twice about it
You didn’t do anything wrong. THEYRE the weak weird ones. Every time someone comes up to me or me and my friends to be friends that’s completely fine and i love making friends. Anyone trying to make you seem “othered” for trying to be social in public is fucking weird. I feel honored when someone chooses me to do this with like thank you for thinking I’m gonna be friendly
Just wanted to let you know, I think you’re refreshing. You seem real, transparent, and kind. One day at a time, discomfort is growth. If you’re ever in the Kent/Seattle Washington area, we can link up and you can talk my ear off. Vise versa. Sometimes that’s all you need. Your vulnerability will draw in the greatest of friends. -Alexis
14:29 honestly it makes me sad that someone would suggest starting with the internet, because that shouldn’t be the first place we go to with making friends
this made me laugh several times because how much i related to what you would say and your reflections. i think you're cool and i think people who are genuinely weird and awkward are cool. this world is too full of people putting up a front and being better able to hide or filter out what they sense is "undesireable". my response/advice (partly for myself cos i am trying to also make friends and be social irl, but in case it helps you or anyone else here). 1. i think it's fine to walk up to people. how do people think friends were made without the internet? it's hard but that is the human thing of just interacting with other humans! i do think there needs to be tact but /i/ feel you exercised it really well while being anxious. i do think it's easier when you're in a setting of shared interest, i would suggest doing that if you haven't already/dont plan to but yeah what do YOU like to do. skate, read, paint, pottery, art galleries, etc etc. i might even try setting up in a park with a sign that says "talk to me" or "paint with me" like....we also can set up the invite for others too! and it may not evolve into anything but connecting at minimum is so fulfilling and our spirits need it as humans. 2. i think the goal should not be to make friends when doing this, just because friendship is found and supported through our actions/choices; but the type of definition of friend you seem to be describing is one that's cultivated and usually won't be done in one interaction. HOWEVER making friends starts with being social and talking and i think you're doing REALLY GREAT in being brave and putting yourself out there cos that's how you're gonna be seen and connect. i think it's invaluable to practice just talking to people, it's something i'm pushing myself to do. i have to....get out more to actually see people, but im going out tonight and you have motivated me to try and talk yet again! we are doing it! this is the work and the journey!! i resonate so much w this video so i just hope you are giving yourself the encouragement and "good job" you deserve. we don't do well only when we accomplish the "ultimate goal" but also all the little tasks and blocks that build up to the long term achievement. 3. idk i like your spirit and energy, the one guy that seemed most engaging with you that you were alright enough to be genuine in their response and LISTENED to you like...okay so most of the group wasn't really responsive but definitely don't let yourself forget that you had a spirit authentic & genuine enough that another human chose to engage with you in a tactful, honest way. sending you lots of love and encouragement. i think many human beings are walking around desiring and trying the same as you! let us hope you cross paths. they're around, just keep going and know the more you try, the closer you get to those moments/people your heart is searching for.
No no no. It wasn't embarrassing. People being basic and maintaining their vibe is just people, peopling. What you did was just bold and awesome. And the fact the you knew the vibe and gave them space eventually is exactly what you do. It doesn't shortchange what you did as being awesome. We need more of that in the world. Think of how many sociopaths do the same thing and take over the friend group. Just because people are basic or don't want to hang-- doesn't make what you did embarrassing.
i feel a lot less alone hearing someone else's experience with loneliness and making friends are so similar to my own. thank you for sharing this sasha.
I feel like you are narrating my under bounce from every social interaction ever I feel so awkward nonstop even when I do fine but I’ve definitely made people feel awkward
i have 0 friends in real life, only a few online, honesty being my own friend and making myself happy is important but i do miss and wish i had atleast one friend.
thank you for this video--I'm around 15 mins in and your crying breaks my heart--this is exactly what I'm going through right now. I moved to a new city and have been here for 2 months with 0 people to call my friends. I've never been able to do it unless it's accidental and it seems like there's some kind of secret language or strategy that no one wants to share. as much as it sucks it does make me feel so much better and less alone that someone else knows what this is like. so thank you so much for being open with this, I'm sure it will make so many people feel less alone as it definitely did for me
the way your just speaking stream of conscious and from a place of raw emotion really insipres me, I make audio recordings about my intternal thoughts all the time and its really helpful in validating what Im experiencing. I live in my head, I have a whole warped perception of my self and people around me, and I recently have found I have no idea how to relate to people around me, like Ive completely forgotten that I am a human with lots of experiences and memories to share. DISCONECTED FROM REALITY! totally shut down and living from a place of despereation. sometimes its lonely in our heads but most the time I find peace in my thoughts. anyway thanks for sharing, this made me inspired, relationships are so fricken strange and finding the flow in it without endless thought can feel imposible :/
Some tips for making friends: go to events/clubs that align with your interests and you'll meet people who you can likely vibe with. In those types of settings people are much more open to being inclusive to newcomers and you'll have a better chance at making friends. The walking up to a random group of strangers thing is a bit weird on an average day, but could be seen as totally normal if you were at say a music festival or something
I also want to say good for you for putting yourself out there. Even if this instance felt like a flop, it is so brave of you to walk up to a group of strangers. You're already 5 steps ahead of a lot of people who want to make friends but just don't have the confidence to put themselves out there
girlll i feel you lol. i hope you know you shouldn't feel bad for putting urself out there. give yourself props for having the guts!! even if it didn't go as planned. you are not a burden on anyone's time. its really is hard making friends. eventually u will find people where that friendship will come naturally. it won't feel awkward or forced because they'll be on the same wavelength. rejection is just redirection, im rooting for u!!
When we're little kids we have this instinct to just approach people who seem nice/cool/interesting and just immediately make friends. Somewhere along the way we get this shame that makes it feel like there's something weird or embarrassing about showing that you want to be someone's friend. Like everyone has to play it cool and be coy and act like it's not a big deal. It's so stupid. Everything would be better if we were all like this and just decided that potential rejection is a tiny meaningless consequence compared to the rewards of wearing your heart on your sleeve
Love this.
This is amazing, fuck playing it “cool” I’m over it.
YES! YES!
Nah, I always sucked at it 😅😬
Talk to me lol
Guys. Talk to people without the intent of friendship. No pressure on either party.
Friendship takes years, it'll happen naturally.
this! expecting friendship off the first meeting makes this pretty awkward
@@illiatiia I feel also it could be there aura because you have to remember some “friends” have motives like using you, manipulating, lonilness control or information
It’s the best to read their aura before you even attempt to speak to them
“The feeling of knowing that you’re the awkwardness.” I felt that to my core.
Fr
reall
💯
Ngl socializing feels like chess
This is the new emo / hardcore. Genuine vulnerable honesty living in the modern world.
You have titanium balls for making the attempt. Be proud of that
this.
For attempting to make friends? That's terrible! I just realized the older generation grew playing out while this generation was not given the same childhood. This is the result...
@@justv7370Yeah, walking up to a group of people you don’t know, especially as an adult, is crazy.
@SlugSage hmmm depends. If it's a group that shares the same interests or hobbies, that's a great conversation starter. Young men approach grandpa all the time to ask him about golf 😊 but I get it can be difficult in public settings with no events or something.
Ong I could never
I appreciate all the support but it seriously bothers me that people are hating on the friendgroup, they were just chilling. I literally approached them because they were doing the kind of thing I would want to do with friends, I appreciated their time, and they were way less judgmental of me than a lot of the comments here are of them. Some of y'all need to calm down
people always say to just get up and talk to people if you want to make friends but as this situation demonstrates, it's usually not that easy. 1. Those people have to be open to also making conversation and 2. It's hard to talk to strangers. I came to this realization because I've done the same thing you did in this video! I know you feel embarrassed but really you should feel proud. You did a hard thing. Focus on how courageous that is and put that courage into something. Whether it be trying again, or something else. It's okay.
@@schimaeras I hope you didn't take my comment that way as being judgemental to THEM. I was just trying to give an idea of how I might try to approach a hypothetical situation that was similar. Approaching any social situation with strangers can be emotionally upsetting and reacting defensively to percieved unkindness is a coping mechanism for some and judging the judgemental starts to become like a metaphor for irony lol. However, it's always good to be aware of negative behaviors so I thank you for your words as we can all stand to be less judgemental. ✌
You really give off Kaufman vibes! omg this whole video is so uniquely emotional
@@Tobikoyum7 nah you good fam it's been people just dissing them judging em and me for shallow ass shit 😭
@@schimaerascareful listening to ppls comments bro
“If you go out looking for friends, you're going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere.”
― Zig Ziglar
Wrong. You're talking out of your butt. I can tell you're just completely guessing
@@treenincove1726It’s a quote. What are you even talking about? Dingus.
@@HardFreckles I'll shove this Dingus in that butt. Then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is
This should be a top comment. Sorry you had to get a troll underneath it.
@@TheKatarinaGiselle Aaaaah, touch my dingus, baby
on the flipside, this is courageous as shit
Worst case scenario; you killed the vibe a little. Best case scenario; you gave them a funny stoner experience
Meeting people like this is literally the way humans interacted for 1000's or years now its a very odd time.
Yeah and now it's "more normal" to just expect to be able to reach someone you know 24/7 without going to see them...... weird times..... SASHA IS THE NORMAL ONE
@@nbombom omg you put it into words.
there was no other way before the internet
People have always been tribal
Yeah i feel like saying its out of touch with reality (forgot how they phrased it) is totally unfair to yourself because its totally okay to socialize like that.
I fucking HATE when people try to make you feel bad about trying to make some friends. Like bro
“They’re all stoned”. That explains 90% of this interaction. The other 10% is they’re all duds.
From a past social butterfly who ruled my college social scene to now being a sober mom who wants a TINY social group….i feel you are courageous as all hell and I commend you for having the ability to try…most of us don’t.
I did something similar at a movie theater a couple years ago. I had no friends since middle school and i was 20. I heard some people talking about Jan Švankmajer and a thought came into my head; "is this it? Is this how people make friends?" So i tried to insert myself into their conversation. They seemed baffled by me and pretty much shut me down immediately, staying silent the rest of the time they were in line. The moment haunted me for awhile but i cant be too hard on myself for trying.
Edit: I am autistic btw
You’re a strong person with guts to engage with strangers. It takes some moxy, and it should be celebrated. I’m sorry fren :(
But I like your pfp, btw
It was most likely nothing personal about you. When friends are out chilling at a place like the movies, they just want privacy within their group. They most likely just felt awkward by a stranger approaching them, and didn't have the heart to tell you to go away.
Not quite related to your comment, but Švankmajer is such a great director! His films are so unique but criminally underrated unfortunately :(
@@AverageShrew Ikr, my thinking was maybe they'd be excited to meet someone else who likes his movies but, oh well it was a learning experience
I'm also autistic and I can only admire your courage for an attempt to engage in a conversation with strangers. I can never do that.
I did this one time and got jumped. And now I am less naive when it comes to random ppl and small groups. They can be so mean sometimes. I just wanted to be there friend. I was lonely and I didn’t know what to do. I now know that the right friends will come when they do. Have Hope beautiful fren.
So sorry that happened!! Can you do a short story time of what happened? Why did they do that? Omg 😢
Damn sorry that happened to you
What the man said was right. My mom always told me the same thing, because I didn't have friends in elementary through middle school. She told me that I have to be my own friend. I found my way by drawing and making comics for myself. I found my people in college finally, when I went to an arts school. Be your own friend. You can connect with others with shared hobbies.
True
Bless your heart & soul for Iternity ♡
"You can't just come up to a group of people. You have to find your people." That does not make sense. He was just saying he doesn't want more friends right now. Going up to people is how you make friends. Social media has existed for less than a century. Humans have existed for thousands of years. People made friends for thousands of years by going up to people.
So take his goofy advice. Ignore him. Find someone else to go up to.
Overt attempts to make friends make a lot of people nervous. It's best to join something like a hobby, sports club or volunteer & let things evolve naturally. That way they may already have similar values & interests. I have social anxiety & trust issues, so prefer to suss people out first, not just take them at face value.
@sarahholland2600 Nah. It makes some people nervous. Not a lot. Depends on who you talk to and where you're at. You don't have to go up to them and say let's be friends. Go up and start a conversation that relates to the situation. "Hey, do you have any idea where the apples are? Oh, you like candy apples too? I work at a shop where we make them from scratch. Better than this packaged stuff....bla bla...etc." Then you judge body language. See if they are being nice or actually wanna connect. Are they completely engaged with the conversation or in a rush to exit? Will you see them again at this place or is thar unlikely? Then you can either talk to them a few more times in person when you see each other again, or suggest linking up for the purpose of connecting over the topic y'all were discussing.
It doesn't have to be at a club or hobby. I got a girl's number that way awhile ago at my job. Things ended up not going anywhere because she was honest about being in a relationship. We didn't have any common reason to talk. She worked for a third-party company and our jobs meant that we pretty much never had to interact. It was a straight cold-approach. But I didn't jump straight into asking for a date on the first encounter. Started with simple stuff. "Noticed you in this department for awhile. Mind if I ask what your name is. I'm...." Ask about her work. Observe body language. She is genuinely engaged. Ask if we can talk again sometime. Positive reaction. Talk over the course of a few days. Exchange numbers over common interest. Turns out she had a boyfriend. Oh well. Things never got awkward or weird because even though we were strangers, we established rapport and were honest from day one. Still talked once in awhile at work. Pleasant experience all around.
You don't need a club or organization to make a friend. You need to be comfortable with rejection and trial and error. You have to accept that some people are not a good fit. Some are rude. Some are too anxious. Some are mean. Some are too busy. You're gonna get rejected. But you don't need an event if you practice body language perception and don't rush things.
@@thenovicewhispers Try that in London & they look at you like you're an axe murderer! The North & Midlands ( where I'm from) is different tho. You can make a friend for life at the bus stop. Very friendly.
@@sarahholland2600 yeah. I guess it just depends on the culture. I'm from the states, it's 50/50 with people here. Some of them are super introverted. Others are open to meeting new people. But really I feel like the burden is on me to take that risk if I want to make connections. Worst that can happen is they call me a creep and tell me to go away. No biggie. Just find someone cooler to chill with.
this is good in theory but in reality never do that. You shouldnt walk up to people randomly and talk to them. Make sure u guys already have something in common for example, you guys are in the same class and hate the same teacher. Thats the perfect time to talk to someone. Or you guys are coworkers. A good time to make friends is when you see someone often and you build familiarity. Walking up to a friend group hanging out already randomly in a park is going to be awkward. In a perfect world it would be great if u can do that but in real life its weird. Imagine if you was with ur friends, chilling, not really looking to make friends at the moment and randomly someone tried to join in unprompted.
I don’t think the mistake was going up to the group! I hope that’s not the lesson you take from this. It was very brave to go up to them. I think the lesson should be that it’s always best to be ok with being rejected - and to open ourselves to rejection is to be authentic. Because being “inauthentic” or “performative” means you are trying to “manipulate” the outcome of the situation. Manipulation is kind of an intense word, but I think that’s kind of what it is? At least that’s what I would do, as in being yourself takes a back seat to trying to get them to accept you.
Plus, when we are being authentic and not “caring” about being accepted - I think others pick up on that and it paradoxically makes it more likely to be accepted and make friends. Even bigger plus, you’ll find your people that way! Vs finding people who only accept that “mask” we put on.
Much love 🤙🏽, loved the video!
i think a lot of ppl on the spectrum struggle with feeling "inauthentic"/imposter syndrome when making friends. sashawatchers can relate
This is one of the most painful, real, and very bittersweet videos I've have ever watched on this platform. I had to pause several times and look back at my personal life and the struggles I still have to deal with today. I feel overwhelmed with thoughts and yet my body feels light and stable. My head is telling me I should cry, and yet tears are not coming out and my face is still blank and natural. All I can say is that this video hit me in a way no other video ever will.
your vulnerability is appreciated and admired. so glad there are influential people speaking on the awkwardness of socializing in post 2019
Maybe it’s cuz im neurodivergent too but whenever strangers come up to me I love talking to them as long as they’re not mean/ creepy
I'm neurotypical just southern and I love talking to strangers. I've literally hung out with strangers for a day and never saw them again.
@@harleenquinzel5814 love to hear that! I’m the same way, another dude came up to me at the park few months back and we ended up spending all evening drinking and shootin the shit as we had a lot in common - haven’t seen him since bless him!
Very real, I have no idea if I have autism or not though
@@harleenquinzel5814me too but I’m from California, I love hanging out w people I just met I just have to be careful bc I’m a woman 😭
I love it when strangers approach me and strike up a conversation. I guess that's not normal, but it breaks up the monotony of life, meeting new people.
I read a lot of comments criticizing the way that you dress. I just want to clarify you don't have to change the clothes that you wear to fit in. Keep being authentic in the way that you express yourself. That will attract the people you're looking for.Personally, i wouldn't reject a person for a style of clothing unless it was inappropriately or filthy. Unless is a homeless person of course. I would like to have a friend like you. Good luck boy, wishing you the best!
Thanks, you get it and you got it! If/when I’m homeless and in need of a pal I’ll make sure to drop you a line :^)
You did nothing wrong. You put yourself out there and it didn't go as planned. You just feel uncomfortable about it. It's just a natural human experience. In a few days, you'll remember it, but it won't affect you anymore. That's how we learn.
this is so fuckin raw and real. this experience might not have gone exactly the way you wanted, but just the fact that you said fuck it and went up to them is quite cool. as far as finding your people, you’ve got hobbies and interests, look for public spaces where people who share those same interests gather. If you can go up to an already established group, i guarantee you can go up to any individual in those spaces and strike up a conversation. Do not let this one time discourage you from finding all the good times coming to you. Hope you’re having a good day Sasha, keep at it!
Posting this video takes guts and youve got more of that than most people. You're not a freak or weird, but you're self aware. You dont owe anyone a single thing, just live your life and have fun. You're more authentic than the majority of modern society, you should be glad.
I keep seeing a lot of comments about your mullet haircut and clothing ect, and whatever you do DO NOT change who you are for other people. If you have to change for them then they’re NOT YOUR FRIENDS. It’s better to just be lonely and be yourself.
I agree. I feel for anyone who thinks changing your hairstyle or clothes is important for making friends. It means they feel they won’t be accepted if they don’t present a certain way.
Yep she looks cool, girls with short hair rock plain and simple, u don't see them everyday.
It’s a haircut it’s not that deep 😂
You took a risk. You get a lot of credit for that ❤
Damn. If that had been me and my friends in that gazebo, you probably would’ve made some friends that day. It’s the luck of the draw sometimes. Don’t stop trying
Repeat after me everyone. IT IS OKAY TO BE WEIRD AND CRAZY. Being weird and/or crazy is not morally wrong :) And probably describes lots of people you love and admire :) SHAME IS THE ENEMY!!!!
SHAME IS THE ENEMY!
SHAME IS THE ENEMY
SHAME IS THE ENEMYYYYY
shame is my frenemy
shame ON my enemies!
u seem like a very deeply intelligent & sentimental person , ur sensitivity is a good thing , let ur heart remain soft , friend .
A good ice breaker is to just acknowledge you’re inserting yourself and say “I know I’m a random stranger but I love this song and was hoping to hang and listen with you all.” And introduce yourself. And when the interaction has run its course thank them.
Everyone is socially awkward at times. And acknowledging that upfront can be endearing and relatable.
The mullet is fucking FIRE.
First time anyone said that
You’re gonna make a great friend to someone someday. Self awareness is a great place to start but you don’t wanna stay there. You can just try things, learn things, and move on. Try shifting your energy to taking what you learned and trying again.
Also don’t think too definitively about the performance of friendships. There is an aspect of performance to everything we do. Especially interpersonally. The conscious effort and word choosing is necessary. It just shows that you care.
this resonated deep! 🙏🏽
Hey, as someone who has made friends exactly by just walking up to them, you can do it that way! I think that gentle "rejection" was just the universe redirecting you to friend(s) you can meet in real life that you will vibe with way more than them:) You're not weird for going up to strangers, you're brave, and you'd be suprised how many lonely people are out there wishing someone exactly like you had come up and talked to them that day
Most of us feel an invisible false barrier to attempting to be friends with random strangers. This is actually the fear of rejection or looking silly or vulnerable but the Very Wise can see it's not a real barrier at all if you have courage!
agree. this is relatable af
Your self-awareness is a breath of fresh air
It’s crazy how as society we had a downgrade interacting with others speaking, internet definitely had a huge impact on the matter, good thing we are realizing the problem and doing something about it, let’s see what happens
You're very well-spoken and articulate. Sometimes we unconsciously or consciously get into situations because our soul wants/or is seeking a message, this one for you was: "Then you got a friend right there"
Hey, dont feel guilty for trying, it was not a mistake. You absolutely can approach people that way to make friends, I think them saying you "cant" was their way of letting you know it wasnt going to work with them specifically. I live in canton ohio and people talk to strangers and make connections that way quite a bit around here, especially in bars and music venues and also in the visual art community.
It boggles my mind that people think it’s odd to just try to strike up a conversation, especially if you feel you have common interests. That being said- you’ll find your people. Good for you for putting yourself out there. Definitely find a hobby that you’re passionate about and you’ll definitely find friends. ❤
Bro if someone just sat near me and my friends bc they shared similar music tastes id be so excited ☹️
id be so so happy
Same here.
They made friends easily all their life, that’s probably why they were that way
Yeah, I wish that would be how I meet my friend, btw a trusting friend where we all can get along
Same! Any similar interest in general tbh
Same I’m a barb and we are truly connected. I’ve had strangers come up to me and started a whole conversation when wearing my Nicki flag at pride and it instantly feels like I’ve known this person for years and am so comfortable already just bc they’re a barb.also most barbz are lgbtq+ and/or bipoc so a safe space is important for us especially nowadays
You are such a real person, and those are extremely rare to encounter. Anyone who's met you is luckier than they'll ever know. Keep being you, please, you're doing so great. Most humans aren't as real with the things they feel as you seem to be. You convey and express emotions nicely, don't give up or lose hope, some of us are still looking for people and friends like you to come around.
This is what a genuine human being looks like.
Often rejected and made dejected.
You look like an 80's kung fu practitioner in a hong kong jackie chan film.
I love the humility you took this situation with and your self reflection. It was very relatable. I think we all feel this way at times. I have tried making friends after getting off of social media and its hard and embarrassing sometimes. But even having the courage to approach people and put yourself out there is commendable. You taking the rejection with grace and understanding also says a lot. I wish you luck on finding friends in everyday life and I found the video compelling.
I had a similar experience. I walked up to a group of people in school. I saw they had like those buldak fire noodles (I really love them) and i was trying to make friends so I really optimistically went up to them and said „oh nice U all have those fire noodles, i love those“ I got ignored. I was so embarrassed I thought they couldn’t hear me bcs it was so loud in the cafeteria, so I repeated myself louder. 1 of them looked at me and said nothing and then looked back, so they purposely ignored me. I was so embarrassed I tried saving myself by asking that one person if I could buy one off of them for 2€ and they said „sorry we’d like to keep it to ourselves“ and then I just said okay and went back to my table. I was so embarrassed and felt so rejected especially since the friends I had warned me that I shouldn’t do it and saw the whole interaction.. 😢 I think it‘s normal sooner or later everyone gets that experience. I think it‘s cool that we at least tried. Now we know that shit doesn’t work 😂
Also Thank you for being so vulnerable and open abt ur experience. I think it was interesting and made me feel better abt my experiences with failing with social stuff. I know a lot of people think vulnerability and being seen trying and failing is cringe. Esp. on the internet behind their save little phone walls.
Honey, 61 yr old woman on the spectrum here. It’ll get easier. What I would suggest is joining a club for something you’re really interested in (what are your special interests?). I joined a rockhounding club and met people who were interested in the same things as me, and when we go on outings, we’re involved in our hobby, so conversation comes naturally that way. Keep trying! You’re doing great. Most people won’t understand, but that’s okay. You’re a cool person!
A major point regarding this interaction, is how you approached I feel. The guy was really solid, and they seemed genuine and kind, unlike many. I feel just if you start off by cracking a joke or something, and then create a little raport by introducing yourself to them all or individually briefly, and give a tiny bit of info, it helps with people getting an idea of who you are quickly. A major part which throws people off is not having much context, seeing some nerves or apprehension or just an awkward air around the situation compounded by not having any idea who you are. The more you can broach that in a few quick gestures of just being confident and giving a little context, it gets rid of a certain awkward or apprehensive energy, which really travels far into causing some issue or barrier and making people question or look at it as weird. I dont think that joining whole groups unless having a raport with someone within already, is a good way of making friends, but hanging out inconsequentially a little, if you really hit it off, is calm, and you may find or make a friend of one or a few of them. You can definitely make a good connection and chill with people killing some time. But really making that first bit feel natural, and breaking the ice for people so that they dont have that burden you put on them, when you approached, is a major part.
Honestly, the reinforcement of practice and feeling natural in the moment is a massive part of it. So really, practicing and dealing with uncomfortable sensations whilst doing so at first is a major aspect. Being self conscious is really a killer of your natural charisma. Being in tune and confident radiates, but it needs some practice. I feel that "this tune is sick! what you think of.... Mind if I join a second, im .... what are youre guys names?" with some space for replies is a way better approach. But got to go for it and sink and burn than never broach or try. Just dont let it get you down and keep away. Just try to find a variety of places which meeting new people is more natural and commonplace, and go there to practice. Meeting people where they go expecting to meet others and to create rapport is the best grounds to practice. Otherwise, its only a small interaction. It has no lasting consequence as those people seemed kind, and anyhow have no impact on your life going forward, and even if so only in how you choose to dwell and import that feeling forward in your head, if you let it stifle you. So just don't. Live and learn. Try again, being out of touch and feeling lonely is really something which puts more pressure on you, so you ought to give yourself some perseverance and calm down and simplify it, try to get less in your head with self consciousness. Body language is key too, smiling at people and just trying to make a small deliberate happy thought and expectation before engaging or going out.
You used this video as talk therapy for yourself. By the end you worked through a lot of what was bothering you and had the right attitude. Life if a journey that is not clear all the time. I’m in a similar position having moving from NY to NC and having difficulty making or meeting new friends. You got this!
"Why am I doing this?"...Meanwhile I'm looking at the screen actually feeling connected to someone.
Same. When she said "I'm the elephant in the room and they're just being polite" hit hard
I feel like friendship is something that cannot be forced it just happens organically. But you can place yourself in an environment were it happens on its own. You also have to be careful when you are lonely and seeking friends because you can put yourself in a vulnerable position were you are used or insulted by bad people. You have to remember to value your time.
That last part is really important
dude, you might be the realest person i've randomly stumbled upon here. YOU are a friend that anybody would be so incredibly lucky to have. you're super funny, have an endless amount to talk about, creative, and wise. you have a level of self reflection that not many have, and that's very admirable. don't give up, you will find your people.
Honestly that sounds like a mostly positive interaction. As someone who also has trouble relating to people - you've got more courage than me to just go up and ask. As an awkward weirdo myself, I've always had best luck making friends with other awkward weirdos. Anyway. You seem like a cool and genuine person and I wish you the best. If I lived somewhere close I'd be happy to be your friend.
You are great. People are terrible at connecting. I like how honest he was with you about how he felt about it, however, what you were doing was the only way in the moment for you to develop and make friends locally. In this scenario I think you all just didn’t gel because it wasn’t meant to be. You seem so authentic and genuine. Never lose it. We should all make more space in our lives for new friends. Just think about it, any other group of people would have been a different outcome.
I don't think we've talked enough about how it also takes social skills to receive a stranger. The initiator always gets the blame for things if it's awkward from jump.
Not saying they did anything wrong.
This is a very good point. Because a large portion of teenagers and Gen Z now are not good at interacting. They don't have good social skills. This is a result of growing up with a cell phone and social media. They never really learned how to interact with strangers. It's one thing to be friends and be social. It's totally different with people you don't know.
It reminds me a few months ago there is this lady I know who runs a business and was looking for a new check out person for the front of her store. And somebody said hey my 17 year old niece is looking for a job she would be great. And the lady who owned the store said I'm not hiring anymore teenagers because they don't know how to talk to adults. Basically saying they don't know how to interact with strangers. It's a new phenoma society is finding out. Like I said this is a result of children growing up with a screen in their face from a very young age. And spending their whole lives interacting through text messages. Very little face to face interaction with people. And even little just straight up talking on the phone. Everything is digital now. Everyday people getting further and further apart.
It's sad. I'm in my upper 30s and things were completely different when I was a kid
It’s crazy how lonely we feel in a sea of like minded people. There are more people like us than I would have guessed. Hang in there. Statically speaking it’s impossible that you won’t find friends or companionship the more you expose yourself. Keep it up a lot of us aspire to have your ambition. It’s admirable and makes you an amazing person. Kudos stranger.
Super human stuff. What the guy said to you was spot on!! Befriend yourself first, attract others and be attracted to others through passions/ curiosities/ pastimes, and never abandon yourself when socializing! Making friends is best, in my opinion, as a soft background intention. By just living your life through knowing yourself and giving yourself what you like and need, you will naturally meet people and BUILD friendships. Just the beauty in being free and alone until you just so happen to make friends along the way.
All in all, THIS was a very good thing. You stepped out of your comfort zone, followed a social impulse, and learned new things. That’s all bold beautiful stuff. Try and be kind to and flexible with yourself through the wins and fails of experiences.
I think you’re wonderful! Definitely subscribing 🤗
For me, it helps to think, "If I'm weird in front of someone I will likely never see again, at least they have a funny story or inside joke now, and that's a big IF they even remember that encounter a couple weeks or days down the road"
We think people are thinking about us as an individual much more than they are. Like how often do you think about interactions that were a little strange with people you haven't seen since? The only experiences we tend to remember long term, are the ones that create a strong emotion in us. I think it's better to be weird in the open and around people, than to hide parts of yourself that make you, you.
this is so raw, thank you
i would highly recommend finding a Dungeons&Dragons introduction game near you, it’s a great way to interact with others by following a story, playing a character, engaging however you like and learning how it works together. It’s a lot of fun- plus it attracts neurodivergent people
Honestly, having a social interaction with a group of high people is hard to not feel awkward. Don’t let this interaction jade you too much. Weed can be very socially inhibiting depending on the person.
You’re so real honestly, hearing someone that actually experiences similar things makes me feel a lot better about myself
I think you were very brave for taking that step. As someone with really bad social anxiety, just hearing you describe the interaction was hard for me (I've felt this before lmaoo 😭), but I think you're awesome for taking a chance. I'm trying to re-learn the human thing of socializing.
I am also autistic so i resonate with this. They should have set their boundaries and said you were intruding after you asked. A lot of people communicate indirectly or communicate after the fact. It's so shitty when they can just be upfront and honest. I'm sorry this has been your experience. It does get better, not necessarily easier, but better.
rejection is so hard. what youre doing takes bravery and you'll find your people ♥
I love this type of organic and raw videos
I would be your friend in that situation. I would be awkward and standoffish a bit initially, but i would've seen your authenticity, your sincere intent, and genuine nature, and open up to you. You seem like a great conversationist, have a good sense of humor, and a kind heart, continue leading with those things and you'll find your people, we're out here.
It’s because you can approach random people online to talk about shared interests, but this doesn’t translate the same way to irl interactions with strangers.
reading through the comments, this actually makes the most sense. im 34, been on the internet since dial up and i was 12. my late teen years was so different than what people go through today. we had AIM, and the only way to get someones username was knowing them in person before lol. people growing up today didnt learn trial and error of in person rejection/acceptance
the last thing i heard in this video was them in panic of the situation, and their first instinct was to say "im a content creator! oh yeah i need to make content!"
not hating the creator, i feel bad for them. and every person who has to think like that. growing up for us wasnt easy, like everyone else. but we didnt have to think of social media, or feeding the machine. im glad i grew up when i did, and im still struggling to make sense of the world, trying to find my way. if anyone happens to read all of this, hope you're finding your way as well!
You’re struggling with something a lot of people do, and you don’t see them struggling with that cause their in the situation you are if that makes sense? Also the best people are “freaks”. I don’t usually come across stuff like you just made but found it compelling and cool, thank you
You have a lot of courage to upload something so vulnerable. You seem like a caring and sensitive individual. I am grateful you uploaded this and that I could sit here and share this emotional experience. One day, you are bound to stumble across a person or people that will become your companion/companions. You seem young and maybe that is why you haven't gotten there yet. Loneliness is an epidemic. You are one of so many people struggling with loneliness or the desire to make friends. You seem like a nice person, someone is going to notice you and want you to be their friend. Just keep putting yourself out there.
Because you are so vulnerable, my only parting advice is a word of caution. Make sure to be really careful who you do end up becoming friends with. Make sure they are sincere and have your interests in mind, not just their own. Think about how they react when you have a disagreement, for example. Do they respect your feelings? Or do they try to tear you down emotionally? Do they respect your boundaries or do they smother you and expect a lot out of you? Are they a good forgiver? Do they encourage you to be the best person you can be? Do they follow through on their promises? Do they show up when they say they will? Things like this are a solid basis for a good and healthy friendship. And of course you have to be willing to do the same for them if you want that friendship to grow and to last. A bad "friend" can really be a big setback and hold you back from making positive connections you could otherwise be using your energy and love on.
Hoping to one day see a video of you talking about how you found your people or special person and your tears will be replaced with laughter and smiles. Take care.
it's actually really brave of you to just talk to strangers, esp a friend group. i really relate to you being a freak, different from others and having a hard time connecting with ppl irl. i think that you reflecting on this interaction is great and shows how self-aware you are, but be careful not too overthink. you're gonna find your people, i know it's hard to be friendless but eventually things will get better and you will find like-minded, kind and caring people with whom you can be authentic. keep going
Well I find you delightful. Whenever I find myself in an awkward situation, I just laugh at myself, say 'hey, this is so awkward , I don't know what i was thinking, have a great day.' Then I wander off, feel embarrassed for a day and that's it. Life is filled to the brim with weird interactions. No one remembers or cares. Thank goodness:)
Most relatable video on the internet ever. Ty algorithm. For once.
Sleepless night here, listening to your story. Don't beat yourself up for a spontaneous action. You tried something, you approach a group and it could have turned out positive. Maybe one of the group is watching you right now and maybe will contact you, who knows. Everything is possible in life.
Keep being you and don't change just to fit in.
Hold your head up, you are a ok person.
Randomly going up to people and trying to be friends is what we did when we were kids. I was in a similar boat to you and the sort of exact thing you did in this video sort of got me a social life back. ur gonna make it friend.
People are soooo mean nowadays. I just want to be kind and friendly and put myself out there. Why punish someone for wanting companionship?
You are so genuine, and you did something so brave. You actually tried, and the way you own it in the end is really, really inspiring. I hope you find the right people your kind soul deserves. I turned 30 yesterday and I’m also struggling to connect with people locally. Thank you for sharing with us your experience. I believe you made us little wiser. I guess there’s nowhere else to go but forward, but we’ll get there.
That whole situation sounded like an awkward comedy show.
Imagine if they were actually the ones feeling awkward because you made them all think about how they would never feel comfortable doing that themselves so they were all in their heads minus the one that was down to look it up. He seemed rather more open or quirky then them
I have autism too and this made me feel less alone.
i think the fact that you care so much about how you made them feel just proves you're not a monster. some content creators will go out of their way to ruin someone's day and not think twice about it
I relate to this so hard. This inner monologue is real.
You didn’t do anything wrong. THEYRE the weak weird ones. Every time someone comes up to me or me and my friends to be friends that’s completely fine and i love making friends. Anyone trying to make you seem “othered” for trying to be social in public is fucking weird. I feel honored when someone chooses me to do this with like thank you for thinking I’m gonna be friendly
don’t tell yourself you’re a freak! you’re not! you’re a nice person, it’s just that people aren’t very open to making new friends i feel like
i never do well in groups. my brain just isn't fit for it.
Just wanted to let you know, I think you’re refreshing. You seem real, transparent, and kind. One day at a time, discomfort is growth. If you’re ever in the Kent/Seattle Washington area, we can link up and you can talk my ear off. Vise versa. Sometimes that’s all you need. Your vulnerability will draw in the greatest of friends.
-Alexis
14:29 honestly it makes me sad that someone would suggest starting with the internet, because that shouldn’t be the first place we go to with making friends
This video is a representation of someone being their own friend. You are amazing, you are courageous and you are inspiring.
this made me laugh several times because how much i related to what you would say and your reflections. i think you're cool and i think people who are genuinely weird and awkward are cool. this world is too full of people putting up a front and being better able to hide or filter out what they sense is "undesireable". my response/advice (partly for myself cos i am trying to also make friends and be social irl, but in case it helps you or anyone else here).
1. i think it's fine to walk up to people. how do people think friends were made without the internet? it's hard but that is the human thing of just interacting with other humans! i do think there needs to be tact but /i/ feel you exercised it really well while being anxious. i do think it's easier when you're in a setting of shared interest, i would suggest doing that if you haven't already/dont plan to but yeah what do YOU like to do. skate, read, paint, pottery, art galleries, etc etc. i might even try setting up in a park with a sign that says "talk to me" or "paint with me" like....we also can set up the invite for others too! and it may not evolve into anything but connecting at minimum is so fulfilling and our spirits need it as humans.
2. i think the goal should not be to make friends when doing this, just because friendship is found and supported through our actions/choices; but the type of definition of friend you seem to be describing is one that's cultivated and usually won't be done in one interaction. HOWEVER making friends starts with being social and talking and i think you're doing REALLY GREAT in being brave and putting yourself out there cos that's how you're gonna be seen and connect. i think it's invaluable to practice just talking to people, it's something i'm pushing myself to do. i have to....get out more to actually see people, but im going out tonight and you have motivated me to try and talk yet again! we are doing it! this is the work and the journey!! i resonate so much w this video so i just hope you are giving yourself the encouragement and "good job" you deserve. we don't do well only when we accomplish the "ultimate goal" but also all the little tasks and blocks that build up to the long term achievement.
3. idk i like your spirit and energy, the one guy that seemed most engaging with you that you were alright enough to be genuine in their response and LISTENED to you like...okay so most of the group wasn't really responsive but definitely don't let yourself forget that you had a spirit authentic & genuine enough that another human chose to engage with you in a tactful, honest way.
sending you lots of love and encouragement. i think many human beings are walking around desiring and trying the same as you! let us hope you cross paths. they're around, just keep going and know the more you try, the closer you get to those moments/people your heart is searching for.
Thank you for sharing this part of yourself.
No no no. It wasn't embarrassing. People being basic and maintaining their vibe is just people, peopling. What you did was just bold and awesome. And the fact the you knew the vibe and gave them space eventually is exactly what you do. It doesn't shortchange what you did as being awesome. We need more of that in the world.
Think of how many sociopaths do the same thing and take over the friend group. Just because people are basic or don't want to hang-- doesn't make what you did embarrassing.
i feel a lot less alone hearing someone else's experience with loneliness and making friends are so similar to my own. thank you for sharing this sasha.
I feel like you are narrating my under bounce from every social interaction ever I feel so awkward nonstop even when I do fine but I’ve definitely made people feel awkward
i have 0 friends in real life, only a few online, honesty being my own friend and making myself happy is important but i do miss and wish i had atleast one friend.
If someone made a movie about your life would it be a drama, action, comedy, or romance ?
thank you for this video--I'm around 15 mins in and your crying breaks my heart--this is exactly what I'm going through right now. I moved to a new city and have been here for 2 months with 0 people to call my friends. I've never been able to do it unless it's accidental and it seems like there's some kind of secret language or strategy that no one wants to share. as much as it sucks it does make me feel so much better and less alone that someone else knows what this is like. so thank you so much for being open with this, I'm sure it will make so many people feel less alone as it definitely did for me
the way your just speaking stream of conscious and from a place of raw emotion really insipres me, I make audio recordings about my intternal thoughts all the time and its really helpful in validating what Im experiencing. I live in my head, I have a whole warped perception of my self and people around me, and I recently have found I have no idea how to relate to people around me, like Ive completely forgotten that I am a human with lots of experiences and memories to share. DISCONECTED FROM REALITY! totally shut down and living from a place of despereation. sometimes its lonely in our heads but most the time I find peace in my thoughts. anyway thanks for sharing, this made me inspired, relationships are so fricken strange and finding the flow in it without endless thought can feel imposible :/
Some tips for making friends: go to events/clubs that align with your interests and you'll meet people who you can likely vibe with. In those types of settings people are much more open to being inclusive to newcomers and you'll have a better chance at making friends. The walking up to a random group of strangers thing is a bit weird on an average day, but could be seen as totally normal if you were at say a music festival or something
I also want to say good for you for putting yourself out there. Even if this instance felt like a flop, it is so brave of you to walk up to a group of strangers. You're already 5 steps ahead of a lot of people who want to make friends but just don't have the confidence to put themselves out there
girlll i feel you lol. i hope you know you shouldn't feel bad for putting urself out there. give yourself props for having the guts!! even if it didn't go as planned. you are not a burden on anyone's time. its really is hard making friends. eventually u will find people where that friendship will come naturally. it won't feel awkward or forced because they'll be on the same wavelength. rejection is just redirection, im rooting for u!!
You are so brave. This is so relatable as a late diagnosed Autistic