When we're little kids we have this instinct to just approach people who seem nice/cool/interesting and just immediately make friends. Somewhere along the way we get this shame that makes it feel like there's something weird or embarrassing about showing that you want to be someone's friend. Like everyone has to play it cool and be coy and act like it's not a big deal. It's so stupid. Everything would be better if we were all like this and just decided that potential rejection is a tiny meaningless consequence compared to the rewards of wearing your heart on your sleeve
@@illiatiia I feel also it could be there aura because you have to remember some “friends” have motives like using you, manipulating, lonilness control or information It’s the best to read their aura before you even attempt to speak to them
For attempting to make friends? That's terrible! I just realized the older generation grew playing out while this generation was not given the same childhood. This is the result...
@SlugSage hmmm depends. If it's a group that shares the same interests or hobbies, that's a great conversation starter. Young men approach grandpa all the time to ask him about golf 😊 but I get it can be difficult in public settings with no events or something.
I appreciate all the support but it seriously bothers me that people are hating on the friendgroup, they were just chilling. I literally approached them because they were doing the kind of thing I would want to do with friends, I appreciated their time, and they were way less judgmental of me than a lot of the comments here are of them. Some of y'all need to calm down
people always say to just get up and talk to people if you want to make friends but as this situation demonstrates, it's usually not that easy. 1. Those people have to be open to also making conversation and 2. It's hard to talk to strangers. I came to this realization because I've done the same thing you did in this video! I know you feel embarrassed but really you should feel proud. You did a hard thing. Focus on how courageous that is and put that courage into something. Whether it be trying again, or something else. It's okay.
@@schimaeras I hope you didn't take my comment that way as being judgemental to THEM. I was just trying to give an idea of how I might try to approach a hypothetical situation that was similar. Approaching any social situation with strangers can be emotionally upsetting and reacting defensively to percieved unkindness is a coping mechanism for some and judging the judgemental starts to become like a metaphor for irony lol. However, it's always good to be aware of negative behaviors so I thank you for your words as we can all stand to be less judgemental. ✌
“If you go out looking for friends, you're going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere.” ― Zig Ziglar
I did this one time and got jumped. And now I am less naive when it comes to random ppl and small groups. They can be so mean sometimes. I just wanted to be there friend. I was lonely and I didn’t know what to do. I now know that the right friends will come when they do. Have Hope beautiful fren.
Yeah and now it's "more normal" to just expect to be able to reach someone you know 24/7 without going to see them...... weird times..... SASHA IS THE NORMAL ONE
Yeah i feel like saying its out of touch with reality (forgot how they phrased it) is totally unfair to yourself because its totally okay to socialize like that.
I don’t think the mistake was going up to the group! I hope that’s not the lesson you take from this. It was very brave to go up to them. I think the lesson should be that it’s always best to be ok with being rejected - and to open ourselves to rejection is to be authentic. Because being “inauthentic” or “performative” means you are trying to “manipulate” the outcome of the situation. Manipulation is kind of an intense word, but I think that’s kind of what it is? At least that’s what I would do, as in being yourself takes a back seat to trying to get them to accept you. Plus, when we are being authentic and not “caring” about being accepted - I think others pick up on that and it paradoxically makes it more likely to be accepted and make friends. Even bigger plus, you’ll find your people that way! Vs finding people who only accept that “mask” we put on. Much love 🤙🏽, loved the video!
I did something similar at a movie theater a couple years ago. I had no friends since middle school and i was 20. I heard some people talking about Jan Švankmajer and a thought came into my head; "is this it? Is this how people make friends?" So i tried to insert myself into their conversation. They seemed baffled by me and pretty much shut me down immediately, staying silent the rest of the time they were in line. The moment haunted me for awhile but i cant be too hard on myself for trying. Edit: I am autistic btw
It was most likely nothing personal about you. When friends are out chilling at a place like the movies, they just want privacy within their group. They most likely just felt awkward by a stranger approaching them, and didn't have the heart to tell you to go away.
Repeat after me everyone. IT IS OKAY TO BE WEIRD AND CRAZY. Being weird and/or crazy is not morally wrong :) And probably describes lots of people you love and admire :) SHAME IS THE ENEMY!!!!
I keep seeing a lot of comments about your mullet haircut and clothing ect, and whatever you do DO NOT change who you are for other people. If you have to change for them then they’re NOT YOUR FRIENDS. It’s better to just be lonely and be yourself.
I agree. I feel for anyone who thinks changing your hairstyle or clothes is important for making friends. It means they feel they won’t be accepted if they don’t present a certain way.
From a past social butterfly who ruled my college social scene to now being a sober mom who wants a TINY social group….i feel you are courageous as all hell and I commend you for having the ability to try…most of us don’t.
Posting this video takes guts and youve got more of that than most people. You're not a freak or weird, but you're self aware. You dont owe anyone a single thing, just live your life and have fun. You're more authentic than the majority of modern society, you should be glad.
I read a lot of comments criticizing the way that you dress. I just want to clarify you don't have to change the clothes that you wear to fit in. Keep being authentic in the way that you express yourself. That will attract the people you're looking for.Personally, i wouldn't reject a person for a style of clothing unless it was inappropriately or filthy. Unless is a homeless person of course. I would like to have a friend like you. Good luck boy, wishing you the best!
What the man said was right. My mom always told me the same thing, because I didn't have friends in elementary through middle school. She told me that I have to be my own friend. I found my way by drawing and making comics for myself. I found my people in college finally, when I went to an arts school. Be your own friend. You can connect with others with shared hobbies.
"You can't just come up to a group of people. You have to find your people." That does not make sense. He was just saying he doesn't want more friends right now. Going up to people is how you make friends. Social media has existed for less than a century. Humans have existed for thousands of years. People made friends for thousands of years by going up to people. So take his goofy advice. Ignore him. Find someone else to go up to.
Overt attempts to make friends make a lot of people nervous. It's best to join something like a hobby, sports club or volunteer & let things evolve naturally. That way they may already have similar values & interests. I have social anxiety & trust issues, so prefer to suss people out first, not just take them at face value.
@sarahholland2600 Nah. It makes some people nervous. Not a lot. Depends on who you talk to and where you're at. You don't have to go up to them and say let's be friends. Go up and start a conversation that relates to the situation. "Hey, do you have any idea where the apples are? Oh, you like candy apples too? I work at a shop where we make them from scratch. Better than this packaged stuff....bla bla...etc." Then you judge body language. See if they are being nice or actually wanna connect. Are they completely engaged with the conversation or in a rush to exit? Will you see them again at this place or is thar unlikely? Then you can either talk to them a few more times in person when you see each other again, or suggest linking up for the purpose of connecting over the topic y'all were discussing. It doesn't have to be at a club or hobby. I got a girl's number that way awhile ago at my job. Things ended up not going anywhere because she was honest about being in a relationship. We didn't have any common reason to talk. She worked for a third-party company and our jobs meant that we pretty much never had to interact. It was a straight cold-approach. But I didn't jump straight into asking for a date on the first encounter. Started with simple stuff. "Noticed you in this department for awhile. Mind if I ask what your name is. I'm...." Ask about her work. Observe body language. She is genuinely engaged. Ask if we can talk again sometime. Positive reaction. Talk over the course of a few days. Exchange numbers over common interest. Turns out she had a boyfriend. Oh well. Things never got awkward or weird because even though we were strangers, we established rapport and were honest from day one. Still talked once in awhile at work. Pleasant experience all around. You don't need a club or organization to make a friend. You need to be comfortable with rejection and trial and error. You have to accept that some people are not a good fit. Some are rude. Some are too anxious. Some are mean. Some are too busy. You're gonna get rejected. But you don't need an event if you practice body language perception and don't rush things.
@@thenovicewhispers Try that in London & they look at you like you're an axe murderer! The North & Midlands ( where I'm from) is different tho. You can make a friend for life at the bus stop. Very friendly.
@@sarahholland2600 yeah. I guess it just depends on the culture. I'm from the states, it's 50/50 with people here. Some of them are super introverted. Others are open to meeting new people. But really I feel like the burden is on me to take that risk if I want to make connections. Worst that can happen is they call me a creep and tell me to go away. No biggie. Just find someone cooler to chill with.
@@harleenquinzel5814 love to hear that! I’m the same way, another dude came up to me at the park few months back and we ended up spending all evening drinking and shootin the shit as we had a lot in common - haven’t seen him since bless him!
You did nothing wrong. You put yourself out there and it didn't go as planned. You just feel uncomfortable about it. It's just a natural human experience. In a few days, you'll remember it, but it won't affect you anymore. That's how we learn.
Same I’m a barb and we are truly connected. I’ve had strangers come up to me and started a whole conversation when wearing my Nicki flag at pride and it instantly feels like I’ve known this person for years and am so comfortable already just bc they’re a barb.also most barbz are lgbtq+ and/or bipoc so a safe space is important for us especially nowadays
Damn. If that had been me and my friends in that gazebo, you probably would’ve made some friends that day. It’s the luck of the draw sometimes. Don’t stop trying
I love it when strangers approach me and strike up a conversation. I guess that's not normal, but it breaks up the monotony of life, meeting new people.
This is one of the most painful, real, and very bittersweet videos I've have ever watched on this platform. I had to pause several times and look back at my personal life and the struggles I still have to deal with today. I feel overwhelmed with thoughts and yet my body feels light and stable. My head is telling me I should cry, and yet tears are not coming out and my face is still blank and natural. All I can say is that this video hit me in a way no other video ever will.
I had a similar experience. I walked up to a group of people in school. I saw they had like those buldak fire noodles (I really love them) and i was trying to make friends so I really optimistically went up to them and said „oh nice U all have those fire noodles, i love those“ I got ignored. I was so embarrassed I thought they couldn’t hear me bcs it was so loud in the cafeteria, so I repeated myself louder. 1 of them looked at me and said nothing and then looked back, so they purposely ignored me. I was so embarrassed I tried saving myself by asking that one person if I could buy one off of them for 2€ and they said „sorry we’d like to keep it to ourselves“ and then I just said okay and went back to my table. I was so embarrassed and felt so rejected especially since the friends I had warned me that I shouldn’t do it and saw the whole interaction.. 😢 I think it‘s normal sooner or later everyone gets that experience. I think it‘s cool that we at least tried. Now we know that shit doesn’t work 😂
Also Thank you for being so vulnerable and open abt ur experience. I think it was interesting and made me feel better abt my experiences with failing with social stuff. I know a lot of people think vulnerability and being seen trying and failing is cringe. Esp. on the internet behind their save little phone walls.
I feel like friendship is something that cannot be forced it just happens organically. But you can place yourself in an environment were it happens on its own. You also have to be careful when you are lonely and seeking friends because you can put yourself in a vulnerable position were you are used or insulted by bad people. You have to remember to value your time.
this is so fuckin raw and real. this experience might not have gone exactly the way you wanted, but just the fact that you said fuck it and went up to them is quite cool. as far as finding your people, you’ve got hobbies and interests, look for public spaces where people who share those same interests gather. If you can go up to an already established group, i guarantee you can go up to any individual in those spaces and strike up a conversation. Do not let this one time discourage you from finding all the good times coming to you. Hope you’re having a good day Sasha, keep at it!
Hey, dont feel guilty for trying, it was not a mistake. You absolutely can approach people that way to make friends, I think them saying you "cant" was their way of letting you know it wasnt going to work with them specifically. I live in canton ohio and people talk to strangers and make connections that way quite a bit around here, especially in bars and music venues and also in the visual art community.
It’s crazy how as society we had a downgrade interacting with others speaking, internet definitely had a huge impact on the matter, good thing we are realizing the problem and doing something about it, let’s see what happens
14:29 honestly it makes me sad that someone would suggest starting with the internet, because that shouldn’t be the first place we go to with making friends
It boggles my mind that people think it’s odd to just try to strike up a conversation, especially if you feel you have common interests. That being said- you’ll find your people. Good for you for putting yourself out there. Definitely find a hobby that you’re passionate about and you’ll definitely find friends. ❤
You’re gonna make a great friend to someone someday. Self awareness is a great place to start but you don’t wanna stay there. You can just try things, learn things, and move on. Try shifting your energy to taking what you learned and trying again. Also don’t think too definitively about the performance of friendships. There is an aspect of performance to everything we do. Especially interpersonally. The conscious effort and word choosing is necessary. It just shows that you care.
You’re struggling with something a lot of people do, and you don’t see them struggling with that cause their in the situation you are if that makes sense? Also the best people are “freaks”. I don’t usually come across stuff like you just made but found it compelling and cool, thank you
i have 0 friends in real life, only a few online, honesty being my own friend and making myself happy is important but i do miss and wish i had atleast one friend.
A good ice breaker is to just acknowledge you’re inserting yourself and say “I know I’m a random stranger but I love this song and was hoping to hang and listen with you all.” And introduce yourself. And when the interaction has run its course thank them. Everyone is socially awkward at times. And acknowledging that upfront can be endearing and relatable.
I am also autistic so i resonate with this. They should have set their boundaries and said you were intruding after you asked. A lot of people communicate indirectly or communicate after the fact. It's so shitty when they can just be upfront and honest. I'm sorry this has been your experience. It does get better, not necessarily easier, but better.
I give you props for putting this out there. Going to be blunt - you seem like the kind of person that many people would be happy to know after spending time slowly getting to know you through some shared experience (work, school etc. etc.) People who can just randomly interject and be accepted into a friend group in real time are usually physically/conventionally attractive and/or charismatic people. Your butch aesthetic/identity whatever you wanna call it coupled with your "eccentricity" is going to be an auto dismissal for a lot of people. Not saying it's right or wrong. That's just the way it is. You can bitch about how everyone else should be nicer and more accepting etc, but at the end of day, people aren't looking to accommodate, in any fashion, the people that they don't see value in i.e the people that can do something for them. If you got a complete fucking style rehaul and learned to be slightly less cringy, you would have much better probability of getting into these random groups. On the other hand, you could consider moving or going to some place that is more of a lgbtq demographic. You have a good level of introspection and self-awareness and analysis in retrospect. This is really good. Also start using sunscreen.
Hey, as someone who has made friends exactly by just walking up to them, you can do it that way! I think that gentle "rejection" was just the universe redirecting you to friend(s) you can meet in real life that you will vibe with way more than them:) You're not weird for going up to strangers, you're brave, and you'd be suprised how many lonely people are out there wishing someone exactly like you had come up and talked to them that day
this made me laugh several times because how much i related to what you would say and your reflections. i think you're cool and i think people who are genuinely weird and awkward are cool. this world is too full of people putting up a front and being better able to hide or filter out what they sense is "undesireable". my response/advice (partly for myself cos i am trying to also make friends and be social irl, but in case it helps you or anyone else here). 1. i think it's fine to walk up to people. how do people think friends were made without the internet? it's hard but that is the human thing of just interacting with other humans! i do think there needs to be tact but /i/ feel you exercised it really well while being anxious. i do think it's easier when you're in a setting of shared interest, i would suggest doing that if you haven't already/dont plan to but yeah what do YOU like to do. skate, read, paint, pottery, art galleries, etc etc. i might even try setting up in a park with a sign that says "talk to me" or "paint with me" like....we also can set up the invite for others too! and it may not evolve into anything but connecting at minimum is so fulfilling and our spirits need it as humans. 2. i think the goal should not be to make friends when doing this, just because friendship is found and supported through our actions/choices; but the type of definition of friend you seem to be describing is one that's cultivated and usually won't be done in one interaction. HOWEVER making friends starts with being social and talking and i think you're doing REALLY GREAT in being brave and putting yourself out there cos that's how you're gonna be seen and connect. i think it's invaluable to practice just talking to people, it's something i'm pushing myself to do. i have to....get out more to actually see people, but im going out tonight and you have motivated me to try and talk yet again! we are doing it! this is the work and the journey!! i resonate so much w this video so i just hope you are giving yourself the encouragement and "good job" you deserve. we don't do well only when we accomplish the "ultimate goal" but also all the little tasks and blocks that build up to the long term achievement. 3. idk i like your spirit and energy, the one guy that seemed most engaging with you that you were alright enough to be genuine in their response and LISTENED to you like...okay so most of the group wasn't really responsive but definitely don't let yourself forget that you had a spirit authentic & genuine enough that another human chose to engage with you in a tactful, honest way. sending you lots of love and encouragement. i think many human beings are walking around desiring and trying the same as you! let us hope you cross paths. they're around, just keep going and know the more you try, the closer you get to those moments/people your heart is searching for.
You are great. People are terrible at connecting. I like how honest he was with you about how he felt about it, however, what you were doing was the only way in the moment for you to develop and make friends locally. In this scenario I think you all just didn’t gel because it wasn’t meant to be. You seem so authentic and genuine. Never lose it. We should all make more space in our lives for new friends. Just think about it, any other group of people would have been a different outcome.
Super human stuff. What the guy said to you was spot on!! Befriend yourself first, attract others and be attracted to others through passions/ curiosities/ pastimes, and never abandon yourself when socializing! Making friends is best, in my opinion, as a soft background intention. By just living your life through knowing yourself and giving yourself what you like and need, you will naturally meet people and BUILD friendships. Just the beauty in being free and alone until you just so happen to make friends along the way. All in all, THIS was a very good thing. You stepped out of your comfort zone, followed a social impulse, and learned new things. That’s all bold beautiful stuff. Try and be kind to and flexible with yourself through the wins and fails of experiences. I think you’re wonderful! Definitely subscribing 🤗
It’s crazy how lonely we feel in a sea of like minded people. There are more people like us than I would have guessed. Hang in there. Statically speaking it’s impossible that you won’t find friends or companionship the more you expose yourself. Keep it up a lot of us aspire to have your ambition. It’s admirable and makes you an amazing person. Kudos stranger.
Most of us feel an invisible false barrier to attempting to be friends with random strangers. This is actually the fear of rejection or looking silly or vulnerable but the Very Wise can see it's not a real barrier at all if you have courage!
Randomly going up to people and trying to be friends is what we did when we were kids. I was in a similar boat to you and the sort of exact thing you did in this video sort of got me a social life back. ur gonna make it friend.
You're very well-spoken and articulate. Sometimes we unconsciously or consciously get into situations because our soul wants/or is seeking a message, this one for you was: "Then you got a friend right there"
Honey, 61 yr old woman on the spectrum here. It’ll get easier. What I would suggest is joining a club for something you’re really interested in (what are your special interests?). I joined a rockhounding club and met people who were interested in the same things as me, and when we go on outings, we’re involved in our hobby, so conversation comes naturally that way. Keep trying! You’re doing great. Most people won’t understand, but that’s okay. You’re a cool person!
I think you were very brave for taking that step. As someone with really bad social anxiety, just hearing you describe the interaction was hard for me (I've felt this before lmaoo 😭), but I think you're awesome for taking a chance. I'm trying to re-learn the human thing of socializing.
I don't think we've talked enough about how it also takes social skills to receive a stranger. The initiator always gets the blame for things if it's awkward from jump. Not saying they did anything wrong.
This is a very good point. Because a large portion of teenagers and Gen Z now are not good at interacting. They don't have good social skills. This is a result of growing up with a cell phone and social media. They never really learned how to interact with strangers. It's one thing to be friends and be social. It's totally different with people you don't know. It reminds me a few months ago there is this lady I know who runs a business and was looking for a new check out person for the front of her store. And somebody said hey my 17 year old niece is looking for a job she would be great. And the lady who owned the store said I'm not hiring anymore teenagers because they don't know how to talk to adults. Basically saying they don't know how to interact with strangers. It's a new phenoma society is finding out. Like I said this is a result of children growing up with a screen in their face from a very young age. And spending their whole lives interacting through text messages. Very little face to face interaction with people. And even little just straight up talking on the phone. Everything is digital now. Everyday people getting further and further apart. It's sad. I'm in my upper 30s and things were completely different when I was a kid
I would be your friend in that situation. I would be awkward and standoffish a bit initially, but i would've seen your authenticity, your sincere intent, and genuine nature, and open up to you. You seem like a great conversationist, have a good sense of humor, and a kind heart, continue leading with those things and you'll find your people, we're out here.
You are such a real person, and those are extremely rare to encounter. Anyone who's met you is luckier than they'll ever know. Keep being you, please, you're doing so great. Most humans aren't as real with the things they feel as you seem to be. You convey and express emotions nicely, don't give up or lose hope, some of us are still looking for people and friends like you to come around.
Well I find you delightful. Whenever I find myself in an awkward situation, I just laugh at myself, say 'hey, this is so awkward , I don't know what i was thinking, have a great day.' Then I wander off, feel embarrassed for a day and that's it. Life is filled to the brim with weird interactions. No one remembers or cares. Thank goodness:)
Honestly, having a social interaction with a group of high people is hard to not feel awkward. Don’t let this interaction jade you too much. Weed can be very socially inhibiting depending on the person.
You didn’t do anything wrong. THEYRE the weak weird ones. Every time someone comes up to me or me and my friends to be friends that’s completely fine and i love making friends. Anyone trying to make you seem “othered” for trying to be social in public is fucking weird. I feel honored when someone chooses me to do this with like thank you for thinking I’m gonna be friendly
Unless you’re all at some sort of social event already, this is setting yourself up for failure. In that case, people are expecting to meet new people, even if they come with a group. They’re more likely to be open to hanging out with a stranger. But out in the wild, approaching a group is usually a bad idea. You don’t know the context of the hangout or the group dynamics. You have no idea if these are nice people or the type to make fun of strangers for fun. It’s putting yourself in a bad situation, but also making things really awkward for the group who doesn’t necessarily want your company. They probably don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I can imagine being uncomfortable with a stranger inserting themself into my hangout. You’d have to be insanely lucky to stumble upon the right type of people who are also open to a new person in that context. I think you handled this really well once you were in it, and you’re really insightful about what went down. Good luck on your friendship journey
I think I’d have reacted similarly to the people you approached in this situation and probably wouldn’t have wanted anything to come of it. But had we met at an event like a club meeting or party, i could definitely see us becoming fast friends. You have a cool vibe and I really like your openness. That’s something I really value in a friend. You remind me a lot of some of my other friends too. Sometimes it’s really just circumstances that make stuff weird more than you being unlikeable or anything. The issue wasn’t you and it wasn’t them. It was just an awkward move on your part and an understandably awkward response on their part.
No no no. It wasn't embarrassing. People being basic and maintaining their vibe is just people, peopling. What you did was just bold and awesome. And the fact the you knew the vibe and gave them space eventually is exactly what you do. It doesn't shortchange what you did as being awesome. We need more of that in the world. Think of how many sociopaths do the same thing and take over the friend group. Just because people are basic or don't want to hang-- doesn't make what you did embarrassing.
dude, you might be the realest person i've randomly stumbled upon here. YOU are a friend that anybody would be so incredibly lucky to have. you're super funny, have an endless amount to talk about, creative, and wise. you have a level of self reflection that not many have, and that's very admirable. don't give up, you will find your people.
I feel like this all the time--down to the crying over Andy Kaufman bit. This probably means I'm not the one to give advice but I do want to say that it is totally okay to say hey to people at the park and talk about the music their listening to. It just didn't land this time. But you didn't crash and burn either, as you point out in the video. Some advice from another friend-desperate but significantly-less-confident-online person: Have you thought about getting a part-time gig at a record shop? Or maybe just frequenting a record shop? I think if you can volunteer somewhere that has your interests you might have better interactions and develop some lasting friendships. Other options would be a floor job (info desk, gallery attendant, etc) at a museum or maybe get into an open mic scene? Avoid open mic if you can, actually, but I am just trying to think of the ways you like to communicate that might help you feel more natural and confident doing it. It won't always work out. Last year, I tried to join a social justice group and the type of social dynamics that form there really make me uncomfortable. (Not the people exactly...but how they all behave in that system, if that makes sense. Its not for me.) (I didn't do great with stand-up people either but I did really fit in there.) I hope this is helpful. I'm not a very 'online' person and struggle to playfully express myself but watching your videos give me courage in a way I never thought possible. Thanks, schimaeras. This was a longer comment than I intended (but I am glad I felt comfortable enough to share).
For me, it helps to think, "If I'm weird in front of someone I will likely never see again, at least they have a funny story or inside joke now, and that's a big IF they even remember that encounter a couple weeks or days down the road" We think people are thinking about us as an individual much more than they are. Like how often do you think about interactions that were a little strange with people you haven't seen since? The only experiences we tend to remember long term, are the ones that create a strong emotion in us. I think it's better to be weird in the open and around people, than to hide parts of yourself that make you, you.
You used this video as talk therapy for yourself. By the end you worked through a lot of what was bothering you and had the right attitude. Life if a journey that is not clear all the time. I’m in a similar position having moving from NY to NC and having difficulty making or meeting new friends. You got this!
Imagine if they were actually the ones feeling awkward because you made them all think about how they would never feel comfortable doing that themselves so they were all in their heads minus the one that was down to look it up. He seemed rather more open or quirky then them
Sleepless night here, listening to your story. Don't beat yourself up for a spontaneous action. You tried something, you approach a group and it could have turned out positive. Maybe one of the group is watching you right now and maybe will contact you, who knows. Everything is possible in life. Keep being you and don't change just to fit in. Hold your head up, you are a ok person.
Some tips for making friends: go to events/clubs that align with your interests and you'll meet people who you can likely vibe with. In those types of settings people are much more open to being inclusive to newcomers and you'll have a better chance at making friends. The walking up to a random group of strangers thing is a bit weird on an average day, but could be seen as totally normal if you were at say a music festival or something
I also want to say good for you for putting yourself out there. Even if this instance felt like a flop, it is so brave of you to walk up to a group of strangers. You're already 5 steps ahead of a lot of people who want to make friends but just don't have the confidence to put themselves out there
this is so raw, thank you i would highly recommend finding a Dungeons&Dragons introduction game near you, it’s a great way to interact with others by following a story, playing a character, engaging however you like and learning how it works together. It’s a lot of fun- plus it attracts neurodivergent people
I feel like you are narrating my under bounce from every social interaction ever I feel so awkward nonstop even when I do fine but I’ve definitely made people feel awkward
You did fine. Yes it was probably awkward, but honestly, you’re blowing it out of proportion. You were polite, and there was some interaction. Sometimes socializing works, sometimes it doesn’t, it’s not the end of the world. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Plus… they were stoned. I’m sure they’re somewhere laughing at themselves, and hoping to run into you again.
I noticed the way you are talking to yourself, you are incredibly honest with yourself. You are truly seeking something. You are truly lost, and you cannot find anything without being lost. Hence you are stuttering, changing sentences you've just said repeatedly. I believe like everything, there is a time to think and reflect, and act. If I have the privilige of suggesting you something, I suggest skew even more towards trying. You have tried one time, then talked in this video. Next time make it 2-3 attempts. Triangulate your experiences, which will get you a lot more thinking points. I can't help but send you this sketchy, slimy internet help/made up scenario, but if I were to overhear you talking in this video, there would be no way for me to not try to initiate communication/friendship with you. You are real, which is all one must be. Hence, you are interesting as heck. I know I can bounce every type of topic off you and get some great insight, once you come off of your great, dreadful nervousness and you can talk without your peripheral vision going dark :D. I love that even you are hurting for a friend, you are still having a stance against internet friendships too. Just know that you will overcome these. People like you always do. Your older self will be more proud of these videos. To anyone reading this, I am sorry if I gave you a headache with my writing skills. I cannot write easy on the eye paragraphs in my native tongue Türkish either.
I love the humility you took this situation with and your self reflection. It was very relatable. I think we all feel this way at times. I have tried making friends after getting off of social media and its hard and embarrassing sometimes. But even having the courage to approach people and put yourself out there is commendable. You taking the rejection with grace and understanding also says a lot. I wish you luck on finding friends in everyday life and I found the video compelling.
it's actually really brave of you to just talk to strangers, esp a friend group. i really relate to you being a freak, different from others and having a hard time connecting with ppl irl. i think that you reflecting on this interaction is great and shows how self-aware you are, but be careful not too overthink. you're gonna find your people, i know it's hard to be friendless but eventually things will get better and you will find like-minded, kind and caring people with whom you can be authentic. keep going
When we're little kids we have this instinct to just approach people who seem nice/cool/interesting and just immediately make friends. Somewhere along the way we get this shame that makes it feel like there's something weird or embarrassing about showing that you want to be someone's friend. Like everyone has to play it cool and be coy and act like it's not a big deal. It's so stupid. Everything would be better if we were all like this and just decided that potential rejection is a tiny meaningless consequence compared to the rewards of wearing your heart on your sleeve
Love this.
This is amazing, fuck playing it “cool” I’m over it.
YES! YES!
Nah, I always sucked at it 😅😬
Talk to me lol
Guys. Talk to people without the intent of friendship. No pressure on either party.
Friendship takes years, it'll happen naturally.
this! expecting friendship off the first meeting makes this pretty awkward
@@illiatiia I feel also it could be there aura because you have to remember some “friends” have motives like using you, manipulating, lonilness control or information
It’s the best to read their aura before you even attempt to speak to them
Ngl socializing feels like chess
“The feeling of knowing that you’re the awkwardness.” I felt that to my core.
Fr
reall
💯
This is the new emo / hardcore. Genuine vulnerable honesty living in the modern world.
I fucking HATE when people try to make you feel bad about trying to make some friends. Like bro
on the flipside, this is courageous as shit
You have titanium balls for making the attempt. Be proud of that
this.
For attempting to make friends? That's terrible! I just realized the older generation grew playing out while this generation was not given the same childhood. This is the result...
@@justv7370Yeah, walking up to a group of people you don’t know, especially as an adult, is crazy.
@SlugSage hmmm depends. If it's a group that shares the same interests or hobbies, that's a great conversation starter. Young men approach grandpa all the time to ask him about golf 😊 but I get it can be difficult in public settings with no events or something.
I appreciate all the support but it seriously bothers me that people are hating on the friendgroup, they were just chilling. I literally approached them because they were doing the kind of thing I would want to do with friends, I appreciated their time, and they were way less judgmental of me than a lot of the comments here are of them. Some of y'all need to calm down
people always say to just get up and talk to people if you want to make friends but as this situation demonstrates, it's usually not that easy. 1. Those people have to be open to also making conversation and 2. It's hard to talk to strangers. I came to this realization because I've done the same thing you did in this video! I know you feel embarrassed but really you should feel proud. You did a hard thing. Focus on how courageous that is and put that courage into something. Whether it be trying again, or something else. It's okay.
@@schimaeras I hope you didn't take my comment that way as being judgemental to THEM. I was just trying to give an idea of how I might try to approach a hypothetical situation that was similar. Approaching any social situation with strangers can be emotionally upsetting and reacting defensively to percieved unkindness is a coping mechanism for some and judging the judgemental starts to become like a metaphor for irony lol. However, it's always good to be aware of negative behaviors so I thank you for your words as we can all stand to be less judgemental. ✌
You really give off Kaufman vibes! omg this whole video is so uniquely emotional
@@Tobikoyum7 nah you good fam it's been people just dissing them judging em and me for shallow ass shit 😭
@@schimaerascareful listening to ppls comments bro
“If you go out looking for friends, you're going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere.”
― Zig Ziglar
Wrong. You're talking out of your butt. I can tell you're just completely guessing
@@treenincove1726It’s a quote. What are you even talking about? Dingus.
@@HardFreckles I'll shove this Dingus in that butt. Then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is
This should be a top comment. Sorry you had to get a troll underneath it.
@@TheKatarinaGiselle Aaaaah, touch my dingus, baby
Worst case scenario; you killed the vibe a little. Best case scenario; you gave them a funny stoner experience
I did this one time and got jumped. And now I am less naive when it comes to random ppl and small groups. They can be so mean sometimes. I just wanted to be there friend. I was lonely and I didn’t know what to do. I now know that the right friends will come when they do. Have Hope beautiful fren.
So sorry that happened!! Can you do a short story time of what happened? Why did they do that? Omg 😢
Damn sorry that happened to you
Meeting people like this is literally the way humans interacted for 1000's or years now its a very odd time.
Yeah and now it's "more normal" to just expect to be able to reach someone you know 24/7 without going to see them...... weird times..... SASHA IS THE NORMAL ONE
@@nbombom omg you put it into words.
there was no other way before the internet
People have always been tribal
Yeah i feel like saying its out of touch with reality (forgot how they phrased it) is totally unfair to yourself because its totally okay to socialize like that.
You took a risk. You get a lot of credit for that ❤
I don’t think the mistake was going up to the group! I hope that’s not the lesson you take from this. It was very brave to go up to them. I think the lesson should be that it’s always best to be ok with being rejected - and to open ourselves to rejection is to be authentic. Because being “inauthentic” or “performative” means you are trying to “manipulate” the outcome of the situation. Manipulation is kind of an intense word, but I think that’s kind of what it is? At least that’s what I would do, as in being yourself takes a back seat to trying to get them to accept you.
Plus, when we are being authentic and not “caring” about being accepted - I think others pick up on that and it paradoxically makes it more likely to be accepted and make friends. Even bigger plus, you’ll find your people that way! Vs finding people who only accept that “mask” we put on.
Much love 🤙🏽, loved the video!
i think a lot of ppl on the spectrum struggle with feeling "inauthentic"/imposter syndrome when making friends. sashawatchers can relate
I did something similar at a movie theater a couple years ago. I had no friends since middle school and i was 20. I heard some people talking about Jan Švankmajer and a thought came into my head; "is this it? Is this how people make friends?" So i tried to insert myself into their conversation. They seemed baffled by me and pretty much shut me down immediately, staying silent the rest of the time they were in line. The moment haunted me for awhile but i cant be too hard on myself for trying.
Edit: I am autistic btw
You’re a strong person with guts to engage with strangers. It takes some moxy, and it should be celebrated. I’m sorry fren :(
But I like your pfp, btw
It was most likely nothing personal about you. When friends are out chilling at a place like the movies, they just want privacy within their group. They most likely just felt awkward by a stranger approaching them, and didn't have the heart to tell you to go away.
Not quite related to your comment, but Švankmajer is such a great director! His films are so unique but criminally underrated unfortunately :(
@@AverageShrew Ikr, my thinking was maybe they'd be excited to meet someone else who likes his movies but, oh well it was a learning experience
I'm also autistic and I can only admire your courage for an attempt to engage in a conversation with strangers. I can never do that.
Repeat after me everyone. IT IS OKAY TO BE WEIRD AND CRAZY. Being weird and/or crazy is not morally wrong :) And probably describes lots of people you love and admire :) SHAME IS THE ENEMY!!!!
SHAME IS THE ENEMY!
SHAME IS THE ENEMY
SHAME IS THE ENEMYYYYY
shame is my frenemy
shame ON my enemies!
I keep seeing a lot of comments about your mullet haircut and clothing ect, and whatever you do DO NOT change who you are for other people. If you have to change for them then they’re NOT YOUR FRIENDS. It’s better to just be lonely and be yourself.
I agree. I feel for anyone who thinks changing your hairstyle or clothes is important for making friends. It means they feel they won’t be accepted if they don’t present a certain way.
Yep she looks cool, girls with short hair rock plain and simple, u don't see them everyday.
It’s a haircut it’s not that deep 😂
From a past social butterfly who ruled my college social scene to now being a sober mom who wants a TINY social group….i feel you are courageous as all hell and I commend you for having the ability to try…most of us don’t.
Posting this video takes guts and youve got more of that than most people. You're not a freak or weird, but you're self aware. You dont owe anyone a single thing, just live your life and have fun. You're more authentic than the majority of modern society, you should be glad.
I read a lot of comments criticizing the way that you dress. I just want to clarify you don't have to change the clothes that you wear to fit in. Keep being authentic in the way that you express yourself. That will attract the people you're looking for.Personally, i wouldn't reject a person for a style of clothing unless it was inappropriately or filthy. Unless is a homeless person of course. I would like to have a friend like you. Good luck boy, wishing you the best!
Thanks, you get it and you got it! If/when I’m homeless and in need of a pal I’ll make sure to drop you a line :^)
What the man said was right. My mom always told me the same thing, because I didn't have friends in elementary through middle school. She told me that I have to be my own friend. I found my way by drawing and making comics for myself. I found my people in college finally, when I went to an arts school. Be your own friend. You can connect with others with shared hobbies.
True
Bless your heart & soul for Iternity ♡
"You can't just come up to a group of people. You have to find your people." That does not make sense. He was just saying he doesn't want more friends right now. Going up to people is how you make friends. Social media has existed for less than a century. Humans have existed for thousands of years. People made friends for thousands of years by going up to people.
So take his goofy advice. Ignore him. Find someone else to go up to.
Overt attempts to make friends make a lot of people nervous. It's best to join something like a hobby, sports club or volunteer & let things evolve naturally. That way they may already have similar values & interests. I have social anxiety & trust issues, so prefer to suss people out first, not just take them at face value.
@sarahholland2600 Nah. It makes some people nervous. Not a lot. Depends on who you talk to and where you're at. You don't have to go up to them and say let's be friends. Go up and start a conversation that relates to the situation. "Hey, do you have any idea where the apples are? Oh, you like candy apples too? I work at a shop where we make them from scratch. Better than this packaged stuff....bla bla...etc." Then you judge body language. See if they are being nice or actually wanna connect. Are they completely engaged with the conversation or in a rush to exit? Will you see them again at this place or is thar unlikely? Then you can either talk to them a few more times in person when you see each other again, or suggest linking up for the purpose of connecting over the topic y'all were discussing.
It doesn't have to be at a club or hobby. I got a girl's number that way awhile ago at my job. Things ended up not going anywhere because she was honest about being in a relationship. We didn't have any common reason to talk. She worked for a third-party company and our jobs meant that we pretty much never had to interact. It was a straight cold-approach. But I didn't jump straight into asking for a date on the first encounter. Started with simple stuff. "Noticed you in this department for awhile. Mind if I ask what your name is. I'm...." Ask about her work. Observe body language. She is genuinely engaged. Ask if we can talk again sometime. Positive reaction. Talk over the course of a few days. Exchange numbers over common interest. Turns out she had a boyfriend. Oh well. Things never got awkward or weird because even though we were strangers, we established rapport and were honest from day one. Still talked once in awhile at work. Pleasant experience all around.
You don't need a club or organization to make a friend. You need to be comfortable with rejection and trial and error. You have to accept that some people are not a good fit. Some are rude. Some are too anxious. Some are mean. Some are too busy. You're gonna get rejected. But you don't need an event if you practice body language perception and don't rush things.
@@thenovicewhispers Try that in London & they look at you like you're an axe murderer! The North & Midlands ( where I'm from) is different tho. You can make a friend for life at the bus stop. Very friendly.
@@sarahholland2600 yeah. I guess it just depends on the culture. I'm from the states, it's 50/50 with people here. Some of them are super introverted. Others are open to meeting new people. But really I feel like the burden is on me to take that risk if I want to make connections. Worst that can happen is they call me a creep and tell me to go away. No biggie. Just find someone cooler to chill with.
Maybe it’s cuz im neurodivergent too but whenever strangers come up to me I love talking to them as long as they’re not mean/ creepy
I'm neurotypical just southern and I love talking to strangers. I've literally hung out with strangers for a day and never saw them again.
@@harleenquinzel5814 love to hear that! I’m the same way, another dude came up to me at the park few months back and we ended up spending all evening drinking and shootin the shit as we had a lot in common - haven’t seen him since bless him!
Very real, I have no idea if I have autism or not though
@@harleenquinzel5814me too but I’m from California, I love hanging out w people I just met I just have to be careful bc I’m a woman 😭
You did nothing wrong. You put yourself out there and it didn't go as planned. You just feel uncomfortable about it. It's just a natural human experience. In a few days, you'll remember it, but it won't affect you anymore. That's how we learn.
Bro if someone just sat near me and my friends bc they shared similar music tastes id be so excited ☹️
id be so so happy
Same here.
They made friends easily all their life, that’s probably why they were that way
Yeah, I wish that would be how I meet my friend, btw a trusting friend where we all can get along
Same! Any similar interest in general tbh
Same I’m a barb and we are truly connected. I’ve had strangers come up to me and started a whole conversation when wearing my Nicki flag at pride and it instantly feels like I’ve known this person for years and am so comfortable already just bc they’re a barb.also most barbz are lgbtq+ and/or bipoc so a safe space is important for us especially nowadays
Damn. If that had been me and my friends in that gazebo, you probably would’ve made some friends that day. It’s the luck of the draw sometimes. Don’t stop trying
your vulnerability is appreciated and admired. so glad there are influential people speaking on the awkwardness of socializing in post 2019
I love it when strangers approach me and strike up a conversation. I guess that's not normal, but it breaks up the monotony of life, meeting new people.
This is one of the most painful, real, and very bittersweet videos I've have ever watched on this platform. I had to pause several times and look back at my personal life and the struggles I still have to deal with today. I feel overwhelmed with thoughts and yet my body feels light and stable. My head is telling me I should cry, and yet tears are not coming out and my face is still blank and natural. All I can say is that this video hit me in a way no other video ever will.
I had a similar experience. I walked up to a group of people in school. I saw they had like those buldak fire noodles (I really love them) and i was trying to make friends so I really optimistically went up to them and said „oh nice U all have those fire noodles, i love those“ I got ignored. I was so embarrassed I thought they couldn’t hear me bcs it was so loud in the cafeteria, so I repeated myself louder. 1 of them looked at me and said nothing and then looked back, so they purposely ignored me. I was so embarrassed I tried saving myself by asking that one person if I could buy one off of them for 2€ and they said „sorry we’d like to keep it to ourselves“ and then I just said okay and went back to my table. I was so embarrassed and felt so rejected especially since the friends I had warned me that I shouldn’t do it and saw the whole interaction.. 😢 I think it‘s normal sooner or later everyone gets that experience. I think it‘s cool that we at least tried. Now we know that shit doesn’t work 😂
Also Thank you for being so vulnerable and open abt ur experience. I think it was interesting and made me feel better abt my experiences with failing with social stuff. I know a lot of people think vulnerability and being seen trying and failing is cringe. Esp. on the internet behind their save little phone walls.
“They’re all stoned”. That explains 90% of this interaction. The other 10% is they’re all duds.
The mullet is fucking FIRE.
First time anyone said that
Your self-awareness is a breath of fresh air
I feel like friendship is something that cannot be forced it just happens organically. But you can place yourself in an environment were it happens on its own. You also have to be careful when you are lonely and seeking friends because you can put yourself in a vulnerable position were you are used or insulted by bad people. You have to remember to value your time.
That last part is really important
this is so fuckin raw and real. this experience might not have gone exactly the way you wanted, but just the fact that you said fuck it and went up to them is quite cool. as far as finding your people, you’ve got hobbies and interests, look for public spaces where people who share those same interests gather. If you can go up to an already established group, i guarantee you can go up to any individual in those spaces and strike up a conversation. Do not let this one time discourage you from finding all the good times coming to you. Hope you’re having a good day Sasha, keep at it!
People are soooo mean nowadays. I just want to be kind and friendly and put myself out there. Why punish someone for wanting companionship?
u seem like a very deeply intelligent & sentimental person , ur sensitivity is a good thing , let ur heart remain soft , friend .
Hey, dont feel guilty for trying, it was not a mistake. You absolutely can approach people that way to make friends, I think them saying you "cant" was their way of letting you know it wasnt going to work with them specifically. I live in canton ohio and people talk to strangers and make connections that way quite a bit around here, especially in bars and music venues and also in the visual art community.
You're very intense. Friendship evolves naturally. Don't try so hard and I'm sure you'll find that you end up with friends. Love that 80's hair!
It’s crazy how as society we had a downgrade interacting with others speaking, internet definitely had a huge impact on the matter, good thing we are realizing the problem and doing something about it, let’s see what happens
14:29 honestly it makes me sad that someone would suggest starting with the internet, because that shouldn’t be the first place we go to with making friends
It boggles my mind that people think it’s odd to just try to strike up a conversation, especially if you feel you have common interests. That being said- you’ll find your people. Good for you for putting yourself out there. Definitely find a hobby that you’re passionate about and you’ll definitely find friends. ❤
I relate to this so hard. This inner monologue is real.
You’re gonna make a great friend to someone someday. Self awareness is a great place to start but you don’t wanna stay there. You can just try things, learn things, and move on. Try shifting your energy to taking what you learned and trying again.
Also don’t think too definitively about the performance of friendships. There is an aspect of performance to everything we do. Especially interpersonally. The conscious effort and word choosing is necessary. It just shows that you care.
this resonated deep! 🙏🏽
I have autism too and this made me feel less alone.
You’re struggling with something a lot of people do, and you don’t see them struggling with that cause their in the situation you are if that makes sense? Also the best people are “freaks”. I don’t usually come across stuff like you just made but found it compelling and cool, thank you
i have 0 friends in real life, only a few online, honesty being my own friend and making myself happy is important but i do miss and wish i had atleast one friend.
If someone made a movie about your life would it be a drama, action, comedy, or romance ?
You are so brave. This is so relatable as a late diagnosed Autistic
A good ice breaker is to just acknowledge you’re inserting yourself and say “I know I’m a random stranger but I love this song and was hoping to hang and listen with you all.” And introduce yourself. And when the interaction has run its course thank them.
Everyone is socially awkward at times. And acknowledging that upfront can be endearing and relatable.
I am also autistic so i resonate with this. They should have set their boundaries and said you were intruding after you asked. A lot of people communicate indirectly or communicate after the fact. It's so shitty when they can just be upfront and honest. I'm sorry this has been your experience. It does get better, not necessarily easier, but better.
You look like an 80's kung fu practitioner in a hong kong jackie chan film.
rejection is so hard. what youre doing takes bravery and you'll find your people ♥
I give you props for putting this out there. Going to be blunt - you seem like the kind of person that many people would be happy to know after spending time slowly getting to know you through some shared experience (work, school etc. etc.) People who can just randomly interject and be accepted into a friend group in real time are usually physically/conventionally attractive and/or charismatic people.
Your butch aesthetic/identity whatever you wanna call it coupled with your "eccentricity" is going to be an auto dismissal for a lot of people. Not saying it's right or wrong. That's just the way it is. You can bitch about how everyone else should be nicer and more accepting etc, but at the end of day, people aren't looking to accommodate, in any fashion, the people that they don't see value in i.e the people that can do something for them. If you got a complete fucking style rehaul and learned to be slightly less cringy, you would have much better probability of getting into these random groups. On the other hand, you could consider moving or going to some place that is more of a lgbtq demographic.
You have a good level of introspection and self-awareness and analysis in retrospect. This is really good. Also start using sunscreen.
Hey, as someone who has made friends exactly by just walking up to them, you can do it that way! I think that gentle "rejection" was just the universe redirecting you to friend(s) you can meet in real life that you will vibe with way more than them:) You're not weird for going up to strangers, you're brave, and you'd be suprised how many lonely people are out there wishing someone exactly like you had come up and talked to them that day
I love this type of organic and raw videos
this made me laugh several times because how much i related to what you would say and your reflections. i think you're cool and i think people who are genuinely weird and awkward are cool. this world is too full of people putting up a front and being better able to hide or filter out what they sense is "undesireable". my response/advice (partly for myself cos i am trying to also make friends and be social irl, but in case it helps you or anyone else here).
1. i think it's fine to walk up to people. how do people think friends were made without the internet? it's hard but that is the human thing of just interacting with other humans! i do think there needs to be tact but /i/ feel you exercised it really well while being anxious. i do think it's easier when you're in a setting of shared interest, i would suggest doing that if you haven't already/dont plan to but yeah what do YOU like to do. skate, read, paint, pottery, art galleries, etc etc. i might even try setting up in a park with a sign that says "talk to me" or "paint with me" like....we also can set up the invite for others too! and it may not evolve into anything but connecting at minimum is so fulfilling and our spirits need it as humans.
2. i think the goal should not be to make friends when doing this, just because friendship is found and supported through our actions/choices; but the type of definition of friend you seem to be describing is one that's cultivated and usually won't be done in one interaction. HOWEVER making friends starts with being social and talking and i think you're doing REALLY GREAT in being brave and putting yourself out there cos that's how you're gonna be seen and connect. i think it's invaluable to practice just talking to people, it's something i'm pushing myself to do. i have to....get out more to actually see people, but im going out tonight and you have motivated me to try and talk yet again! we are doing it! this is the work and the journey!! i resonate so much w this video so i just hope you are giving yourself the encouragement and "good job" you deserve. we don't do well only when we accomplish the "ultimate goal" but also all the little tasks and blocks that build up to the long term achievement.
3. idk i like your spirit and energy, the one guy that seemed most engaging with you that you were alright enough to be genuine in their response and LISTENED to you like...okay so most of the group wasn't really responsive but definitely don't let yourself forget that you had a spirit authentic & genuine enough that another human chose to engage with you in a tactful, honest way.
sending you lots of love and encouragement. i think many human beings are walking around desiring and trying the same as you! let us hope you cross paths. they're around, just keep going and know the more you try, the closer you get to those moments/people your heart is searching for.
You are great. People are terrible at connecting. I like how honest he was with you about how he felt about it, however, what you were doing was the only way in the moment for you to develop and make friends locally. In this scenario I think you all just didn’t gel because it wasn’t meant to be. You seem so authentic and genuine. Never lose it. We should all make more space in our lives for new friends. Just think about it, any other group of people would have been a different outcome.
Super human stuff. What the guy said to you was spot on!! Befriend yourself first, attract others and be attracted to others through passions/ curiosities/ pastimes, and never abandon yourself when socializing! Making friends is best, in my opinion, as a soft background intention. By just living your life through knowing yourself and giving yourself what you like and need, you will naturally meet people and BUILD friendships. Just the beauty in being free and alone until you just so happen to make friends along the way.
All in all, THIS was a very good thing. You stepped out of your comfort zone, followed a social impulse, and learned new things. That’s all bold beautiful stuff. Try and be kind to and flexible with yourself through the wins and fails of experiences.
I think you’re wonderful! Definitely subscribing 🤗
It’s crazy how lonely we feel in a sea of like minded people. There are more people like us than I would have guessed. Hang in there. Statically speaking it’s impossible that you won’t find friends or companionship the more you expose yourself. Keep it up a lot of us aspire to have your ambition. It’s admirable and makes you an amazing person. Kudos stranger.
Most of us feel an invisible false barrier to attempting to be friends with random strangers. This is actually the fear of rejection or looking silly or vulnerable but the Very Wise can see it's not a real barrier at all if you have courage!
agree. this is relatable af
This is what a genuine human being looks like.
Often rejected and made dejected.
Randomly going up to people and trying to be friends is what we did when we were kids. I was in a similar boat to you and the sort of exact thing you did in this video sort of got me a social life back. ur gonna make it friend.
You're very well-spoken and articulate. Sometimes we unconsciously or consciously get into situations because our soul wants/or is seeking a message, this one for you was: "Then you got a friend right there"
Honey, 61 yr old woman on the spectrum here. It’ll get easier. What I would suggest is joining a club for something you’re really interested in (what are your special interests?). I joined a rockhounding club and met people who were interested in the same things as me, and when we go on outings, we’re involved in our hobby, so conversation comes naturally that way. Keep trying! You’re doing great. Most people won’t understand, but that’s okay. You’re a cool person!
I think you were very brave for taking that step. As someone with really bad social anxiety, just hearing you describe the interaction was hard for me (I've felt this before lmaoo 😭), but I think you're awesome for taking a chance. I'm trying to re-learn the human thing of socializing.
Most relatable video on the internet ever. Ty algorithm. For once.
Chances are you wouldnt want to be friends with them anyway
I don't think we've talked enough about how it also takes social skills to receive a stranger. The initiator always gets the blame for things if it's awkward from jump.
Not saying they did anything wrong.
This is a very good point. Because a large portion of teenagers and Gen Z now are not good at interacting. They don't have good social skills. This is a result of growing up with a cell phone and social media. They never really learned how to interact with strangers. It's one thing to be friends and be social. It's totally different with people you don't know.
It reminds me a few months ago there is this lady I know who runs a business and was looking for a new check out person for the front of her store. And somebody said hey my 17 year old niece is looking for a job she would be great. And the lady who owned the store said I'm not hiring anymore teenagers because they don't know how to talk to adults. Basically saying they don't know how to interact with strangers. It's a new phenoma society is finding out. Like I said this is a result of children growing up with a screen in their face from a very young age. And spending their whole lives interacting through text messages. Very little face to face interaction with people. And even little just straight up talking on the phone. Everything is digital now. Everyday people getting further and further apart.
It's sad. I'm in my upper 30s and things were completely different when I was a kid
I'm sure many people who watch this video will be able to relate to you, myself included.
Yeah I feel like this is a friend group ngl
That whole situation sounded like an awkward comedy show.
don’t tell yourself you’re a freak! you’re not! you’re a nice person, it’s just that people aren’t very open to making new friends i feel like
I would be your friend in that situation. I would be awkward and standoffish a bit initially, but i would've seen your authenticity, your sincere intent, and genuine nature, and open up to you. You seem like a great conversationist, have a good sense of humor, and a kind heart, continue leading with those things and you'll find your people, we're out here.
i never do well in groups. my brain just isn't fit for it.
You are such a real person, and those are extremely rare to encounter. Anyone who's met you is luckier than they'll ever know. Keep being you, please, you're doing so great. Most humans aren't as real with the things they feel as you seem to be. You convey and express emotions nicely, don't give up or lose hope, some of us are still looking for people and friends like you to come around.
Well I find you delightful. Whenever I find myself in an awkward situation, I just laugh at myself, say 'hey, this is so awkward , I don't know what i was thinking, have a great day.' Then I wander off, feel embarrassed for a day and that's it. Life is filled to the brim with weird interactions. No one remembers or cares. Thank goodness:)
Honestly, having a social interaction with a group of high people is hard to not feel awkward. Don’t let this interaction jade you too much. Weed can be very socially inhibiting depending on the person.
You didn’t do anything wrong. THEYRE the weak weird ones. Every time someone comes up to me or me and my friends to be friends that’s completely fine and i love making friends. Anyone trying to make you seem “othered” for trying to be social in public is fucking weird. I feel honored when someone chooses me to do this with like thank you for thinking I’m gonna be friendly
Unless you’re all at some sort of social event already, this is setting yourself up for failure. In that case, people are expecting to meet new people, even if they come with a group. They’re more likely to be open to hanging out with a stranger. But out in the wild, approaching a group is usually a bad idea. You don’t know the context of the hangout or the group dynamics. You have no idea if these are nice people or the type to make fun of strangers for fun. It’s putting yourself in a bad situation, but also making things really awkward for the group who doesn’t necessarily want your company. They probably don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I can imagine being uncomfortable with a stranger inserting themself into my hangout. You’d have to be insanely lucky to stumble upon the right type of people who are also open to a new person in that context. I think you handled this really well once you were in it, and you’re really insightful about what went down. Good luck on your friendship journey
I think I’d have reacted similarly to the people you approached in this situation and probably wouldn’t have wanted anything to come of it. But had we met at an event like a club meeting or party, i could definitely see us becoming fast friends. You have a cool vibe and I really like your openness. That’s something I really value in a friend. You remind me a lot of some of my other friends too. Sometimes it’s really just circumstances that make stuff weird more than you being unlikeable or anything. The issue wasn’t you and it wasn’t them. It was just an awkward move on your part and an understandably awkward response on their part.
i seriously dread being in groups, invited or not
No no no. It wasn't embarrassing. People being basic and maintaining their vibe is just people, peopling. What you did was just bold and awesome. And the fact the you knew the vibe and gave them space eventually is exactly what you do. It doesn't shortchange what you did as being awesome. We need more of that in the world.
Think of how many sociopaths do the same thing and take over the friend group. Just because people are basic or don't want to hang-- doesn't make what you did embarrassing.
dude, you might be the realest person i've randomly stumbled upon here. YOU are a friend that anybody would be so incredibly lucky to have. you're super funny, have an endless amount to talk about, creative, and wise. you have a level of self reflection that not many have, and that's very admirable. don't give up, you will find your people.
This video is a representation of someone being their own friend. You are amazing, you are courageous and you are inspiring.
I feel like this all the time--down to the crying over Andy Kaufman bit. This probably means I'm not the one to give advice but I do want to say that it is totally okay to say hey to people at the park and talk about the music their listening to. It just didn't land this time. But you didn't crash and burn either, as you point out in the video. Some advice from another friend-desperate but significantly-less-confident-online person: Have you thought about getting a part-time gig at a record shop? Or maybe just frequenting a record shop?
I think if you can volunteer somewhere that has your interests you might have better interactions and develop some lasting friendships. Other options would be a floor job (info desk, gallery attendant, etc) at a museum or maybe get into an open mic scene? Avoid open mic if you can, actually, but I am just trying to think of the ways you like to communicate that might help you feel more natural and confident doing it. It won't always work out. Last year, I tried to join a social justice group and the type of social dynamics that form there really make me uncomfortable. (Not the people exactly...but how they all behave in that system, if that makes sense. Its not for me.) (I didn't do great with stand-up people either but I did really fit in there.)
I hope this is helpful. I'm not a very 'online' person and struggle to playfully express myself but watching your videos give me courage in a way I never thought possible. Thanks, schimaeras. This was a longer comment than I intended (but I am glad I felt comfortable enough to share).
This comment section is awesome
For me, it helps to think, "If I'm weird in front of someone I will likely never see again, at least they have a funny story or inside joke now, and that's a big IF they even remember that encounter a couple weeks or days down the road"
We think people are thinking about us as an individual much more than they are. Like how often do you think about interactions that were a little strange with people you haven't seen since? The only experiences we tend to remember long term, are the ones that create a strong emotion in us. I think it's better to be weird in the open and around people, than to hide parts of yourself that make you, you.
You used this video as talk therapy for yourself. By the end you worked through a lot of what was bothering you and had the right attitude. Life if a journey that is not clear all the time. I’m in a similar position having moving from NY to NC and having difficulty making or meeting new friends. You got this!
Imagine if they were actually the ones feeling awkward because you made them all think about how they would never feel comfortable doing that themselves so they were all in their heads minus the one that was down to look it up. He seemed rather more open or quirky then them
Sleepless night here, listening to your story. Don't beat yourself up for a spontaneous action. You tried something, you approach a group and it could have turned out positive. Maybe one of the group is watching you right now and maybe will contact you, who knows. Everything is possible in life.
Keep being you and don't change just to fit in.
Hold your head up, you are a ok person.
YOU are the bravest person I know. WOW! Your friends will come when you’re no longer looking so hard. Sending you 💕👋💕
Some tips for making friends: go to events/clubs that align with your interests and you'll meet people who you can likely vibe with. In those types of settings people are much more open to being inclusive to newcomers and you'll have a better chance at making friends. The walking up to a random group of strangers thing is a bit weird on an average day, but could be seen as totally normal if you were at say a music festival or something
I also want to say good for you for putting yourself out there. Even if this instance felt like a flop, it is so brave of you to walk up to a group of strangers. You're already 5 steps ahead of a lot of people who want to make friends but just don't have the confidence to put themselves out there
You’re so real honestly, hearing someone that actually experiences similar things makes me feel a lot better about myself
this is so raw, thank you
i would highly recommend finding a Dungeons&Dragons introduction game near you, it’s a great way to interact with others by following a story, playing a character, engaging however you like and learning how it works together. It’s a lot of fun- plus it attracts neurodivergent people
I feel like you are narrating my under bounce from every social interaction ever I feel so awkward nonstop even when I do fine but I’ve definitely made people feel awkward
Thank you for sharing this part of yourself.
You did fine.
Yes it was probably awkward, but honestly, you’re blowing it out of proportion. You were polite, and there was some interaction.
Sometimes socializing works, sometimes it doesn’t, it’s not the end of the world. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Plus… they were stoned. I’m sure they’re somewhere laughing at themselves, and hoping to run into you again.
Sorry you cried. ♥️ It’s hard losing ppl/being alone. I hope you meet people irl soon. You seem so chill and sick hair by the way.
I noticed the way you are talking to yourself, you are incredibly honest with yourself. You are truly seeking something. You are truly lost, and you cannot find anything without being lost. Hence you are stuttering, changing sentences you've just said repeatedly.
I believe like everything, there is a time to think and reflect, and act. If I have the privilige of suggesting you something, I suggest skew even more towards trying. You have tried one time, then talked in this video. Next time make it 2-3 attempts. Triangulate your experiences, which will get you a lot more thinking points.
I can't help but send you this sketchy, slimy internet help/made up scenario, but if I were to overhear you talking in this video, there would be no way for me to not try to initiate communication/friendship with you. You are real, which is all one must be. Hence, you are interesting as heck. I know I can bounce every type of topic off you and get some great insight, once you come off of your great, dreadful nervousness and you can talk without your peripheral vision going dark :D. I love that even you are hurting for a friend, you are still having a stance against internet friendships too.
Just know that you will overcome these. People like you always do. Your older self will be more proud of these videos.
To anyone reading this, I am sorry if I gave you a headache with my writing skills. I cannot write easy on the eye paragraphs in my native tongue Türkish either.
I love the humility you took this situation with and your self reflection. It was very relatable. I think we all feel this way at times. I have tried making friends after getting off of social media and its hard and embarrassing sometimes. But even having the courage to approach people and put yourself out there is commendable. You taking the rejection with grace and understanding also says a lot. I wish you luck on finding friends in everyday life and I found the video compelling.
it's actually really brave of you to just talk to strangers, esp a friend group. i really relate to you being a freak, different from others and having a hard time connecting with ppl irl. i think that you reflecting on this interaction is great and shows how self-aware you are, but be careful not too overthink. you're gonna find your people, i know it's hard to be friendless but eventually things will get better and you will find like-minded, kind and caring people with whom you can be authentic. keep going