Narcissist Hates Himself, So Can’t Love YOU
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- Опубліковано 6 чер 2024
- It is impossible to love others if you do not love yourself. All love is self-love: regarding yourself through the eyes of your lover allows you to apprehend yourself as an external object and delineate your boundaries, to become, to regulate your sense of self-worth internally, and to take on the world, becoming a better version of yourself.
Narcissism is not self-love: no self to love (Watch this: Ego is Opposite of Narcissism: Ego Functions • Ego is Opposite of Nar... ) and incapacity to love (they fail to generate self-object or object representations). They can cathect, but never love.
Narcissism is self-loathing: the child rejects his helpless self and his lack of self-efficacy and is ashamed of it. He creates the False Self which is everything the narcissist is not. Narcissism is a form of dysphoria, prolonged grief over an internalized bad object.
Watch this: Real Narcissists are Covert, Grandiose Narcissists are Psychopaths • Real Narcissists are C... )
Ego Dystony
Ego discrepancy (self-discrepancy theory)
Ego incongruency and depletion
Carl Rogers: mismatch between experience and awareness, tension between dreams and reality (grandiosity gap), feelings not aligned with actions
Humans are intentional, aim at goals, are aware that they cause future events, and seek meaning, value, and creativity: they seek to better themselves.
Narcissists are unable to empathize and suffer from severe emotional and cognitive deficits up to the point of failing the reality test. They are, therefore, incapable of love and loving.
Narcissists do not love themselves: they are emotionally invested in a fictitious concoction, the False Self and in the reaction it garners from their sources of narcissistic supply.
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: www.amazon.com/stores/page/60...
"Empathy is a resonance between you and others but if you are not in the equation then there are no others". Wow, thank you.
very true! I liked that one also.
As Dr Vaknin says so well, there's nobody there.
Sam explains how he had to come up with language to explain his own inner world being a narcissist,he then turned that around and helped,helps others to explain their trauma caused by narcissistic relationships,and hopefully the narcissist who isn't completely consumed by their childhood trauma and will take sam's information to try and stop their pain and at the same time hopefully stop hurting others for their self soothing needs. I pray for the victims and those who cause the pain. Thank you sam
I'm glad to know I'm watching these videos with people like you
Thanks for that... Really!
Yes, Thank you Sam, so god to be true, if it was ment to be, it hasen't been broken.True love!
He must hate himself.
People who love themselves, treat others better.
That's why they project their hate onto others.
My narcissist is a chronic alcoholic who drinks everyday and some days until he passes out and falls over and hurts himself and looses his phone and goes home with other women .. for a long time I thought If he would stop drinking it would fix everything but I understand now that the extreme alcoholic abuse is a result of covert narcissism.. thank you. I’ve just left him after 2 intense years of sexual abuse and financial abuse and neglect and now I’m being punished by him as he has made false accusations that I have damaged his property and the is a restraining order on me.. I am in debt to the order of millions for him and can’t pay mortgages and I have no where to live and live in fear of the police and yet I’m happy I left 😢
Wow. Hang in there. The truth will come out
Yes I am in the same situation it’s crazy how they all have similar tactics. I’m sorry I hope your situation improves
Professor, your videos have immediately freed me. They’ve made me see that person I loved does not exist. The relationship is futile but now I have to leave safely.
they lack self-reflective capacity and always live in their imaginations..
honestly this made me cry because it reminds me of my father
"A draft, an incomplete human being." Stunning. Really.
The biggest hindrance to my healing has been the inability to fully understand the "why's". This video is the most eye-opening of everything I've read and watched. You are brilliant. Thank you
Does the narcissist provoke his partner into behaving like his mother? I ask this because I am genuinely a kind, thoughtful and patient woman. He shared his mother was impatient, mouthy and mean. Over some time being with him and enduring multiple lies and manipulation I found myself behaving in a way that I did not like. He brought out the worse in me over time.
It's like I became his mother..(by his will) . When I would seperate myself from him, he would , force cry, stomp on the ground, plead and became angry beyond normal adulthood.
I finally discarded him 4 months ago and he's endlessly, hopelessly, frantically trying to convince me to come back that he's changing and becoming a better man.
He's 46 I'm 58. SMH thank you for your wisdom.
Yes, he always treat you as his mother and his child (dual role). Just GTFO , he is a devil himself.
The best description of the personality of a narcissist there has ever been. If you listen to only one video on this subject, make it this one. Thank you, Sam.
Im 53, 10 years ago i told my both parents, Fxxk off! Threw up on them, every thing, and left never to look back... I found my lost child, loved him , huged him, and now we are best friends... 😂❤
They are like Butterflies that never leave the cocoon... trapped and angry, because they don't have the strenght to rip it open (the cocoon is the parents)
I really needed to hear this today, my dad is passing in the hospital and I am dealing with my narcissistic step mom.... I am crushed.....
That's rough 😪
Sending peaceful thoughts your way
I am very sorry you are facing such a difficult and painful situation. I hope you are able to find a meaningful moment with your father. May the Lord be with both of you🕊
@@shiloh7344 Thanks
I hope you find the strength that is surely within you to overcome your pain and use it to help you grow into someone you can be proud of
Once again, another brilliant explanation! He always told me that I didn’t love myself and until I did I wasn’t capable of loving someone else. They really do project so much onto their victims.
But you didnt love yourself If you have been in an abusive relationship. He wasnt wrong 🤷
Sam, my ex narcissist boyfriend told me all the time that I didn't have any self love, or self esteem.
Maybe it's you that's the narcissist
Projection. They like to give they pain to others. The try to swap personalities with us.
Mine did the same.
Same.
Really helped me see that all the abuse stems from this self hatred and envy of the partner… we are all sitting ducks
It’s so frustrating that there is so much bad information out there to where people think they understand narcissism and don’t . Sam is the only source I trust . It takes a while to understand. Thank you for the videos
This is so accurate and just wanted to say thank you Prof. Sam for helping me and so many others. It took me a very long time to understand NPD, and how the deep hatred for his mother is what really fuels his disorder. He took out all of his hate and disdain for her out on me and all the side chick supply sources he had/has. Thank God I found this channel to help me realize I need to move on and heal. Very grateful for you Prof. Sam!! 🙏❤
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A week ago he sent me messages saying he loved me more and more each day. A few days later I disagreed with him and he said if I was a man he would knock my teeth out and to leave. I did.
This video was what my needed to accept my narsasistic abuse and move forward. Thank you for your work. You are blessing everyone and saving lives. God has a special place for you when you meet him.
Sam doesn't believe in God
I was on the 3rd date when my ex said he hated himself as he wasnt able to keep an earlier date. A healthy individual would just apologise
This Channel explains Narcissitic Behaviour Pattern ( everything about Narcissism )
And I love the way Self Love is defined prior to the Narcissist Explaination..
I HAVE NOT FOUND ANY OTHER PLACE ON UA-cam AS CLEAR AS THIS CHANNEL..
Thankyou so much for making such Wise Content available... only the 1 who needs this knowledge can Value n Appreciate n know How Well n How Important the Videos shared on this Channel Are .
Thankyou So much...🙏👁❤🍁😇
Thanks for making our Journey in Awakening us to our Truth Easier..
It's never possible without having Such CLARITY Education Videos..
I wonder why there are not so many comments ...
Your Channel Deserves Much Love..
I am sure this it will help Save Many Minds to CLEAR Pain Mental Fog and Making one Stronger through this JOURNEY called Life!🍁💐🙏❤👁
I’m here for the CONSISTENCY of Sir Sam Vaknin.
My former best friend was bullied horribly as a kid for his brother being gay. I always suspected he too was gay, but he saw what his brother went through and was he went through, he couldn’t come out and be himself. Instead he focused on his looks, being grandiose, and into MMA. Everyone who knows him talks about how they know he’s gay and needs to come out. I know how horribly he was bullied and believe he never will come out of be true to himself. Instead he plays the victim on life. Battles depression. Left his wife and two kids. Sad. I couldn’t handle him anymore and ended the friendship. I will always love him but he needs to love himself first. He never will. He’s a “draft” of what could’ve been an amazing gay guy.
I love learning from you.I have been reading books on narcissism,but your teaching is revelation
This video describes my husband perfectly. Thank you for giving me more insight so I can deal with him better.
Brilliant analysis, as always! Cogent, concise, insightful; thanks, Prof!
Thank you so so much for all you do! You are certainly helping me understand!
Sam, great to “see” you; thank you for your informative videos and for writing the Foreword to my book series “TRUE DECEIT FALSE LOVE.”💕😃🙏🏼📚📖✏️
My pleasure!
Prof. How much of this is the narcissist aware of?
Hi Sam, I have a question for you. My ex narcissist frequently talks to himself and says "shut up" alot. I find this very unsettling and confusing. Is this common behaviour for a narcissist?
@@christine9467 😣I left him in the end as I couldn't cope with it all it was very unnerving😔its been 3years since I left, he's even worse now. They don't change they just get worse as they age😩
@@christine9467 I hope you find a solution🤗. In my heart I knew he would never change, I spent 26years with him, the pain I experienced was indescribable and I do not wish to experience this ever again. My heart and soul was broken, I said to myself you cannot go on like this. I now live for myself, my children and my family. I'm happier and at peace. He never gave me any peace, there was always chaos and drama. You be strong, it's hard at first but you will pull through🤗be positive and focus on yourself more🤗
Incredible, in depth, best description that breaks down a narcissist to the very basic molecule I have ever heard. Thank you for your videos-being born to and raised by a narc has been a life long hard battle to understand and counteract the teachings and torture they thrived from to satisfy their insatible hunger -just like Lestat!! Thank you Professor
Thank you Sam for this information.
Thank you! You've helped me so much
Excellent exposition of this topic. Many thanks, Professor.
This was superbly presented
I can’t get enough of your work prof Sam! Thank you 🙏
Thank you! You have solved so much questions from me.
Shalom ,ma Harkim . Thank you for this . And it a great wisdom. I learned much.
The beginning segment to this video blows my mind with the way Sam breaks down love… 💕
Intense breakdown. Thanks.
Thank you so much for your work Dr. Vaknin, your lectures have helped me so much.
Hello Dr, at 4:45 you spoke about the separation and individuation from mothers, but by having both narcissistic parents I really don't really know which energy you are talking about... Could you please explain a little more next time?
Thx for the detailed video, you all psychologists that comes into this platform just for sharing knowledge and helping people is so admirable! You really are a blessing!
Im so glad I met u
The biggest Professor!!!! Respect ❤
Long live the Russian Federation!
Professor Vaknin, I love your videos. I learn so much from you about Narcissist nations, corporations and individuals. Thank you.
You're a really good man
He's a diagnosed narcissist..so no he's not
God I'm starting to think I'm the narcissist, does this happen x
They bring out your narcissistic traits. I became very controlling due to the fact I caught him cheating several times. I was obsessed with looking through his phone, didn't want him to work over time or on weekends for fear of him cheating again.
i would love to see a video that is made for narcissists to watch, even if it is not recommended as i understand from your work, it would be an interesting challenge
Search the channel.
Peace Sam
Hi Sam interesting lecture.....so a mental experiment....if a human being was taken to a planet and grew up alone without seeing another human being...there's no chance this person can develop self love?
Enslaving in many of your videos is your demand of a certain level of knowledge on your topics. 🤔.
Keep on following your gut in choosing topics.
Just verifying my own findings is what you challenge me in. 💪🤸
Do narcissists tend to be hypochondriacs?
Mr Vaknin you are a giant … thanks to the universe for your existence a real aye opener … my self I want to be psychologist… i have an option to go school ij USA or Mexico city … where would you suggest?
I wonder how narcissists can function in long term jobs where the building and maintenance of relationships is key? Do they prefer solitary work or projects that do not involve working with the same people more than once? If the NPD was so malignant, could that be classed as a disability that would permit welfare payments?
Excellent question.
They can not, they have to change jobs every 2 years themselves. Or they are send away, after lots of problems and fights with their collegues, mostly also within 2 years. As I say from experience with a N
My narc preferred working alone. He would always complain when they sent him out with other people because they didn't know what they were doing and/or contradicted what he told them to do.
I know that Borderlines are on the NDIS in Australia so possibly
Im mid video... and i think im a covert narcissit. Omg
If the narc cannot love how can he hate himself?
He of she is empty inside
They only have negative emotions
Dr. Vaknin- Would you also agree that a narcissist is incapable of loving their child? I work as a counselor and focus on all kinds of abuse … and I survived a highly abusive relationship w a high spectrum narc. I’ve seen research supporting both arguments about narcs loving their children. It seems impossible as they can’t love themselves or anybody else. This includes children. Sad but a reality. Thoughts?
They are incapable - according to this theory and experience.
They don't love them
@@me-fx5yj exactly… just curious what Sam thought about it. They are so very incapable of love!
The children are just narcissistic supply.
@@sanjmalik6282 that makes so much sense
Why don't they feel alive?
This is a baffling concept.
In the video, Sam identifies several types of abuse. At some point, usually when young, the narcissist is abused, whether beaten and berated or put on a pedestal and indulged, perhaps only receiving a highly conditional imitation of love, not love.
Any type of abuse treats a person like an object, objects are not alive. So some victims of abuse may eventually perceive themselves as an object, not alive. This is difficult because they are living beings, in so many ways they will grasp for life, so maladaptions arise in various forms in an attempt to reconnect. This is just a possible contributing factor.
@@shiloh7344 Excellent response
Why did he needs of internal snapshot!?
Narcissists cannot truly perceive separate, external objects.
Why do narc's take pictures of them selves then if they don't like themselves?
Same reason you look in a mirror, to see what's looking back at you. The picture is likely the same concept. Of course, they could also take pix for online dating websites too 😆
@Therese Yes, I know people like that. I think I attract narcs?
My ex would take the sameselfir pise time after time and say he looks awful until one looked fine. They were all the same pose, facial expression and head angle. By the way he was very good looking.
Yes, I don't think they like/love them selves.@@suzannechurcher1745
Can a borderline love others or same principle?
Absolutely they can
Extremely deeply as well. Like obsessed lol
I’m a borderline and I’m still deeply in love with my covert narcissist. I have always deeply loved. Not all borderlines cheat either. I never have. When I love my person that’s all I see and want. This one I’m still in love with and it kills me because he is who he is. He punishes me for loving him and being good to him. Only when I would be ugly or nasty back would he engage really.
Love= amor = a morbid... that's why any language coming from Latin is superior.
Psychoanalysis......
Why does Sam always frame his videos with the male as the narcissist?
@Willi Leentvaar So he uses an outdated framework to explain a modern field of study. Thanks, that makes sense
@Willi Leentvaar I suppose I should have said 'gender specific framework'.
So sad... I blame religious doctrine and conflict begins in the womb! Religion messes up parental love.
Russia spreading her errors?