Narcissistic Family Detachment: CALMNESS IS EVERYTHING!

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  • Опубліковано 2 жов 2024
  • Watch this dynamic workshop-length video to help you achieve greater calmness and less reactivity. Jerry Wise has been in the helping professions for 40+ years. He offers tools and strategies for viewers to use to help them detach from unhealthy relationships. Maintaining calmness and lowering reactivity is essential for healthy relationships and self-directed living. Jerry uses Bowen Family Systems tools to help you reduce your own systems anxiety in your life and relationships. Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC has been a social worker, addictions counselor, marriage and family therapist, pastoral counselor, and pastor. He now practices as a life coach and relationship coach for clients all over the world. He offers coaching for individuals, couples, families, family businesses, executive leaders, pastors, and therapists.
    HERE'S HOW I CAN HELP YOU👇🏼
    🆓 [RECOMMENDED] Access my free training ‘Build the true self you were never allowed to have’- jerrywise.eweb...
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    ➡️ RECOMMENDED PLAYLISTS:
    ** Break Free from Narcissistic Parents & Families- • Break Free from Narcis...
    ** Escape family roles (Scapegoat, hero, golden child, black sheep)- • Escape Family Roles: S...
    ** Overcome Toxic Guilt & Shame - • Overcome Toxic Guilt &...
    ** Going No/Low Contact with Narcissistic Family- • Going No-Contact with ...
    ** Build Your True Self- • Self-Differentiation: ...
    🌐 More free resources available on my website:
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    Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 10,000s of people heal from family dysfunction and become the true self they were never allowed to be. As a family systems and self-differentiation coach, he leverages 45 years of experience to help clients permanently break free from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a strong sense of self.
    ***DISCLAIMER: THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED TO SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. BE SURE TO CONSULT A PROFESSIONAL TO HELP YOU INTEGRATE AND UTILIZE THESE CONCEPTS.***

КОМЕНТАРІ • 667

  • @jerrywise
    @jerrywise  Рік тому +16

    Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇
    Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027
    ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self

    • @velvetbees
      @velvetbees 8 місяців тому

      Your calmness and wisdom is helpful to me. I share your videos. I have already had many years of personal therapy. I think whatever you went through to overcome your difficulties, and your advise is well explained so people can understand deep things. I learn from your videos. Thank you so much for explaining these concepts of recovery.

    • @andrearush6209
      @andrearush6209 6 місяців тому

      😊😊😊

    • @onlyonce1707
      @onlyonce1707 Місяць тому

      Have come back to listen again after one year. This is a long 2 hour video but life changing. Well worth listening the whole way through!

    • @illyria7756
      @illyria7756 Місяць тому +1

      Thank you, your talks are very helpful.
      I left the free vid stream a few mins early by mistake and didn't get to say thank you on there, that one had some extremely useful things, made notes to remind myself.

  • @renus6015
    @renus6015 Рік тому +71

    Observe...Dont absorb... Powerful!

  • @anAngelisHard2find
    @anAngelisHard2find 5 років тому +400

    Dear Jerry, a counsellor once said to me " There will come a day where the importance of meeting with one of your NPD family members will be equal to walking past empty trash cans by the side of the road "......on that day you will know how far you have come, how strong you have become, how powerful you will feel. AT that time I did not believe it, but after 11 anniversary years of going no contact with them, I can assure you, seeing them is now as meaningful to me as walking past empty trash cans by the side of the road. I feel so totally calm and totally in control of myself. I actually feel really sorry for them.

    • @catherinesinclair7727
      @catherinesinclair7727 3 роки тому +27

      That's heartbreaking but also wonderful.

    • @iw9338
      @iw9338 3 роки тому +14

      Thank very much for sharing this, Encouraging.

    • @Amanda.Marie40
      @Amanda.Marie40 3 роки тому +8

      Wow! I have been no contact 2 days with mother of orgin

    • @judyd6414
      @judyd6414 3 роки тому +40

      @@Amanda.Marie40 I have been 28 yrs no contact. I was totally broken in the beginning, but I have learned so much and healed so much, we have nothing in common now. They are the same people they've always been. I'm a new and different person. There's a bit of grief I believe will always be with me for the loss. I am happy and I love life now, but mostly I'm free. I'm not carrying their baggage around anymore. Best wishes to you!

    • @verovero4766
      @verovero4766 3 роки тому +4

      Well said. Thanks for sharing 😊

  • @MarthaMcCrum
    @MarthaMcCrum 5 років тому +164

    “We keep going to wells that are dry trying to get drinks.” ❤️🤦🏼‍♀️so true

  • @cereal_qilla
    @cereal_qilla 5 років тому +223

    “It’s not real anxiety. It’s anxiety from the system.”
    That helps in its simplicity

    • @tycoona1
      @tycoona1 2 роки тому +5

      This concept alone has helped me so much. It really summarized so much in its simplicity.

    • @websurfer5772
      @websurfer5772 2 роки тому +11

      It is real anxiety. It's as real as it can be. It's just not self-generated anxiety. You have identified the source of the anxiety which may be helpful.

  • @rochelledenise3426
    @rochelledenise3426 7 місяців тому +41

    “Take the focus off them. Think,
    What do I want? What do I want to do? What do I feel?
    Instead of, What are they going to think or feel if I do this?”
    Whoa. 🤯
    Why have I never thought this way??? This was the best advice I could EVER have received. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

    • @nicholastosoni707
      @nicholastosoni707 28 днів тому +1

      You've never thought this way because your other way of thinking _was so rolled into your mind as if with a rolling pin_ that it became second nature to think so.

    • @sunnyadams5842
      @sunnyadams5842 2 дні тому

      @ 58 I struggle with this. I have a bad habit if running everything I do through other people's eyes... Becoming aware of when I slip into "teaching mode", has helped catapult me ahead thusboast week it so.

  • @marywolfe6598
    @marywolfe6598 4 роки тому +110

    It seems that the "systems Feelings" that create anxiety are coming from controlling people who want their needs met and to keep a person in their "role". And, their role suits them. We need to dare to be the real us that God created!
    Thanks Jerry.

    • @websurfer5772
      @websurfer5772 2 роки тому +3

      That is ultra-insightful! Thank you.

  • @LinYouToo
    @LinYouToo 5 років тому +251

    1:28:29 “ my mother cannot love me the way that I want to be loved.” The grief I felt when I realized this - that she could never love me unconditionally-was unbearable. I grieved the loss as a parentified child and gave her the greatest gift I could. that is, I chose to love and accept her for who she was including all of her limitations, and know that if she could do better she would. I relieved her of the need to make me happy and I decided to make me happy. That meant setting boundaries with my mom for the first time in my life. She hated it. After a few years now though I can see that my boundaries were a gift to her to own her own personal agency and take responsibility for herself for the first time in her life in her early 90s. When I took the focus off my mother, I was able to see the other women in my life who have been a mother role model for me and and to truly appreciate the gifts they have been giving me all along that I could not see because they came from a different kind of “mother.” It was gratitude and acceptance that thawed my broken heart.

    • @sanjayseroha4219
      @sanjayseroha4219 4 роки тому +22

      There is so much wisdom in your message. Than you Linyoutoo.

    • @tintina2753
      @tintina2753 4 роки тому +4

      @LinYouToo👏🏾👏🏾❤️❤️

    • @tnt01
      @tnt01 3 роки тому +7

      beautiful.

    • @corro100
      @corro100 3 роки тому +9

      This is a adorable message. I want to learn from it. 👍

    • @LuxMeow
      @LuxMeow 3 роки тому +14

      I cut mine off, she does not respect boundaries and gets everyone else involved. People I barely even know emailing me and trying to aid her in breaking into my apartment. Best decision I ever made.

  • @yveqeshy
    @yveqeshy Рік тому +34

    This is definitely the content and context I have been missing, it's not enough to learn how to be calm as a individual, you need to understand how the family system in which you exist affects your emotional reactivity

  • @coolash706
    @coolash706 5 місяців тому +9

    Jerry wise is a gift to us who can't afford a therapist. I have no words to thank him ❤🙏

  • @RealLadi228
    @RealLadi228 5 місяців тому +6

    Learning to stay within yourself is a gift opposite of codependency
    My favorite is gaining a poker face I never knew I needed responding not reacting.
    Generational curses are broken by example and the word of God.

  • @christinerobertson9596
    @christinerobertson9596 3 роки тому +71

    My son notices a change in me since I've been listening to your videos. We have a calmness between us now. He knows I'm aware of how I pressured him to make our family whole and Hallmark -like. Now we have more trust and understanding between us when we talk on the phone. Can't thank you enough!! I've honored him to be his own self.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 роки тому

      Wonderful!
      Thank you for watching.
      Any donation would help in making these videos.
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

    • @jojo_rose341
      @jojo_rose341 5 місяців тому

      I'm so happy people change like this, it gives me hope that my brother and mom might change one day. ❤

  • @cellosong
    @cellosong 5 місяців тому +10

    Beautiful video. I love the health emphasis on lowering expectations, practicing calmness, reinforcing internal focus and accepting that other people are NOT going to change.

  • @sophiaacierto7509
    @sophiaacierto7509 5 років тому +57

    Jerry, You give me hope in my recovery. Many thanks for your experience strength and hope.

  • @dotsyjmaher
    @dotsyjmaher Рік тому +6

    It IS SO sad we have to spend the rest of our lives recovering from HORROR we had no control over...
    But thank GOD for INCREDIBLE teachers on you tube...
    Many of us are left financially depleted..so therapy is too costly..
    But MANY therapists have NO IDEA WHAT TRAUMA IS...
    After Katrina/Rita free help was available...
    Holy Shhhhht...
    she was HORRIBLE....
    Thank God for UA-cam and generous people like Jerry Wise and a handful of other WONDERFUL teachers❤️

  • @slothsluethe177
    @slothsluethe177 3 роки тому +35

    This is absolute gold for me! You're giving us tools to navigate the messiness of relationships. Thank you!!

  • @anAngelisHard2find
    @anAngelisHard2find 5 років тому +59

    looking absolutely fabulous Jerry, you are the ace of aces at the work you do and powerfully transforming the lives of many of your followers around the world. immense thanks from australia

  • @teresadexter9965
    @teresadexter9965 3 роки тому +31

    I feel able to be coached by someone who is humble enough to admit to having had difficulties in their own life, the way Jerry does

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 роки тому +1

      Thank you for your kind works
      Thank you for watching.
      Any donation would help in making these videos.
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

    • @ozsoyluceyhun
      @ozsoyluceyhun Рік тому

      @@jerrywise Hello Jerry, I love your videos, happy to have come across your channel. Paypal doesn't operate where I live, is there another way to donate? Have you considered using "Wise" instead of Paypal? ;) Its exchange rates and service fees are more customer-friendly than Paypal's. Have a nice day ❤

  • @neitsytmaria6401
    @neitsytmaria6401 5 років тому +82

    I love how you have such a calming presense :) This really gives me energy and hope I'm gonna solve my issues and manage to separate from my crazy family. Thank you!

  • @Gwen13061
    @Gwen13061 5 років тому +44

    “Accept the things we cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference”

    • @1996Pinocchio
      @1996Pinocchio 5 років тому +4

      "Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can change, and the wisdom to know the difference."

  • @nickidaisydandelion4044
    @nickidaisydandelion4044 10 місяців тому +7

    Same happened in my life I reacted for over 50 years and fed the narcissists everything they needed to know about me. But if I had not yelled at them off and on many times my immune system would have suffered. My best friend Birgit didn't yell at her narcissistic family or her husbands who were of course narcissistic. She got the c word and died way too young. I even made her an art work out of a cardboard box with a face on it that showed large teeth and I told her she needed to show her husband Rainer her teeth more often. But she didn't because she learned early on to withhold her emotions and needs from her mother. I yelled at my German family and did all kinds of stuff out of rage and I survived because of that. Not saying that my punk life style and no future attitude in the eighties was good but at least I stood up for myself in dysfunctional ways but at least I did stand up for myself and showed them how I felt. As I got older I learned more about myself and was more clear in my communication so I pointed the issues out to them more and more in detail. Of course they didn't accept the explanations because the truth hurt them. But I did it anyway. I finally moved to the USA. Long long story. I don't want to overwhelm you with all of that. But anyway freeing myself from my parents and brother was massively healing.

  • @raqueltorresmba
    @raqueltorresmba 3 роки тому +25

    AWESOME Information. you can be empathetic and do not internalize others feelings. Observe do not absorbe. Respond do not
    react. it takes practice. Only real wokeup humans from the toxic-dynamic can really achieve it! ✨🙏🏼⚡️❤️

  • @LHydro
    @LHydro 3 місяці тому +9

    My mom told me I would never make it in the Air Force. I am going to school today as a civilian and have help from the military bc my four years have been done for some time. I finally have the power and resources to write a new story. I still fear it will all collapse in an instant since that is what has been done before. But no. With God and therapists like this, whom shall I fear? No one. Not even myself. I got this and whoever is reading this, you got this too. Much love and peace easy 🌊

  • @DeeDee-zo7rv
    @DeeDee-zo7rv 5 років тому +13

    Hahaha I love it! “Well I’m not a good son” cuz that’s what they’re insinuating. Reverse polarity. Thanks Jerry

  • @ElyJane
    @ElyJane 9 місяців тому +9

    Sweet Jerry
    You have absolutely given me the best Christmas present ever this Christmas Eve with this video. Your wisdom is just so uplifting as I was so miserable up until today with my dysfunctional family excluding me and leaving me all alone whilst they all just laugh and jeer at my speaking out about how messed up our family is!
    I was in such a dark place going into Christmas alone…. Now after your wise videos I know that now I must protect and look after me first after having a full nervous breakdown because of how I was raised in my dysfunctional family!
    Thank You ❤
    Sending Inner Peace and Calmness to all of you💕🌈💕

  • @carrielumley4609
    @carrielumley4609 3 роки тому +21

    Jerry I wanted to tell you that my healing is spilling over into the rest of my family. I have three teenage kids who argue all the time. On the way home two of them were arguing and my son say to my daughter, "Penny, stop pinging me," and she did. That is not a word we've ever used before they are just hearing you in our car when I listen and seeing a change in me. God bless you and yours this season!

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 роки тому +1

      That is wonderful Carrie!

  • @katherine6068
    @katherine6068 3 роки тому +8

    This video is pure gold - I watch again and again. Thanks Jerry.

  • @kelbel7168
    @kelbel7168 3 роки тому +22

    This video just changed my entire life. I have worked HARD, but THIS is that missing piece. EVERYTHING that hasn’t worked, it just clicked for me. I REALLY appreciate it so much...& u are NOT the worst therapist in the world! 😉Lol Thank u, Dr. Wise.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 роки тому +2

      Thank you so much!
      Please join as a support member here on UA-cam for only 1.99/month. This will help keep the free videos coming. They are time consuming to make and take many hours. Thanks for your support of this channel.
      I have a workshop coming up February 6, 2021 Saturday 1-5pm EST hosted on Zoom GETTING YOUR FAMILY OF ORIGIN OUT OF YOU, please sign up. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/getting-your-family-of-origin-out-of-you-workshop

  • @jennylynn82173
    @jennylynn82173 5 років тому +69

    I’m so glad to see a video from you! You’re by far one of my favorite advisors, Jerry! Thank you 😊

  • @pebblebrookbooks4852
    @pebblebrookbooks4852 5 років тому +24

    I was one of Jerry's clients n i decided to go nc w/my toxic mom. Trust me, you will get plenty of opptys to practice "getting your family out of you" w/difficult individuals amongst your "friends who are your family".

  • @t.f.6297
    @t.f.6297 11 днів тому +1

    Jerry, Ive watched a lot of your videos. But for some reason this one gave me the biggest light bulb moment. Its like the lights just turned on for me and I feel so relieved because I get it now. This was such a great video. Thank you for explaining the concept of letting people feel their own feelings. That really helped me today❤

  • @mrs_Q24
    @mrs_Q24 3 роки тому +6

    Just had to comment. Thank you, listened to you all day. Food for my soul

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 роки тому

      Thanks for listening. You are so welcome
      I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021
      “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work
      It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom
      Sign up on website to get info on workshops
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop
      Sign up now for early bird price
      I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website:
      • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop
      • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop
      • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
      Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional

  • @mrdennis1038
    @mrdennis1038 5 років тому +19

    The “heart technique” is heart rate variability. It’s also useful to use EMDR for trauma. Definitely the body work of yoga and meditation, especially body scans, is very useful to deal with the emotional and cognitive hijacking that comes from dealing with dysfunction.

    • @cereal_qilla
      @cereal_qilla 5 років тому +1

      What Is the heart technique

  • @drv9744
    @drv9744 5 років тому +20

    (Deanna) Jerry, you are a precious blessing! Thank you, Sir for sharing your knowledge.

  • @tjd7964
    @tjd7964 Місяць тому +1

    Thanks Jerry. It's 5 years later and I just listened to this in a few sessions. So do appreciate your sharing. It is helping me to hear and integrate some of these things.

  • @jgilbertson636
    @jgilbertson636 5 років тому +27

    Systems anxiety still causes fight flight reaction in the body like having gun held to your head. So in that sense it is still "real" anxiety.

    • @squarepeg418
      @squarepeg418 3 роки тому +6

      The way he describes systems anxiety is that people in the system don’t even recognize it is there because it is woven in the fabric of the family dynamic - like asking a fish about the water he is in. “What water?” Is the water hot or cold? “What water?” He doesn’t know life without water. Sure does cause adrenal fatigue, but it’s not the same as the acute anxiety of threat to life. If you are experiencing the background, chronic systems anxiety as life or death 24/7, 365 days a year, you may need medication to make the anxiety manageable.

    • @freedomwarrior5087
      @freedomwarrior5087 3 роки тому

      @@squarepeg418 - Maybe like the difference between 'complex ptsd' and ptsd from combat.

    • @squarepeg418
      @squarepeg418 3 роки тому

      @@freedomwarrior5087 exactly

  • @cindylou3708
    @cindylou3708 5 років тому +15

    Jerry- but what bothers me is that while I have to be calm, thinking, focused, non-reactive, analytical, patient, etc etc EVERYONE ELSE GETS TO BE TOTAL NON-THINKING CRAZY MASSIVE EMOTIVE ALL-OUT SELFISH REACTIVE MANIPULATIVE MONSTERS - it’s just so unfair!!!!!! (and guess what - just to add insult to injury, the world will reward THEM and not me)

  • @viviane_casella
    @viviane_casella 5 років тому +33

    The universe is speaking to me. I realized I'm addicted do stress and all that jazz that comes along with reactivity. As I found it out, your video and others started to be posted, amazing! Thank you, Jerry!

  • @aylagwenarther2738
    @aylagwenarther2738 День тому

    This was worth every minute to watch. And worth re-watching. Thanks for giving examples of healthy vs unhealthy thoughts & behaviors.

  • @jasminegenovesi
    @jasminegenovesi 5 років тому +11

    I was *literally* just telling my bf that my new goal to work towards is to become more benevolent and calm. It's scary to see that the UA-cam algorithm can be pinpoint exactly what I want.

  • @siddiqueafeera3685
    @siddiqueafeera3685 5 років тому +5

    Oh,my god, sir Jerry Wise, your every and each word is treasure for me. Thanks, thanks a lot.

  • @mrdennis1038
    @mrdennis1038 5 років тому +30

    Jerry makes an excellent point of making sure we take care of ourselves when he uses the example of “let’s get done with our lunch” and “I feel like I have done enough “. As we learn to live and navigate systems some people will want to pull you into the mud to get dirty (“Never wrestle with a pig. You will get dirty and, besides, the pig likes it” said George Bernard Shaw) and the opportunity to lose focus and deviate from our intention to be and have healthy relationships can be derailed. I love that he also said in another video that there are no rules to stay mired in nonsense and dysfunctional system behavior and continue to do that dance. As I have grown and changed I have experienced a lot of blowback. His video on learning to go without love and approval is one I have watched several times. Thanks Jerry for this wonderful service.

  • @GilbertFleming
    @GilbertFleming 4 роки тому +16

    Dont feel someone else's feelings! Thanks for that

  • @vladimiraofficial
    @vladimiraofficial 4 роки тому +19

    Dear Jerry, your videos are gentle, caring and deeply effective. Thank you for freely sharing such life altering wisdom. 😊❤️

  • @PhuongLe-gt7fu
    @PhuongLe-gt7fu 7 місяців тому +1

    I feel calm listening to you. Thank you!

  • @hollywinberg13
    @hollywinberg13 4 роки тому +12

    This is one of your best videos with regard to what I need to hear, understand.and learn from. Its so full of wonderful instructional and helpful info that I need right now. Thank you again for having posted this on youtube Jerry.

  • @eleanorschreurs4557
    @eleanorschreurs4557 4 роки тому +5

    Huge thanks Jerry for your advice which by the way is heads and shoulders above anything I've previously heard and/or received.

  • @bethfoor1949
    @bethfoor1949 5 років тому +7

    This is one of your top 3 most helpful videos for me! Thank you so much. I will have to watch it again. ❤️

  • @serenaatallah641
    @serenaatallah641 3 роки тому +2

    I watched this as preparation for a hard conversation with my parents about my financial independence. I was cutting the final tie I had to them and they felt they were losing control so they did everything they could to make me feel guilty. As much as they wanted me to engage in the emotional pinging I stayed calm and disengaged from my feelings to keep the conversation on track. It was really hard but in the end I was able to accomplish my goal. Thank you so much for this resource. It is teaching me so much about how to deal with my dysfunctional family system.

  • @Phoebe-cy8xc
    @Phoebe-cy8xc 4 роки тому +5

    Dear Jerry, i am most grateful for all your amazing videos on our complex human behaviour which we are all a part of in being born into this world. So much to learn and think about. Thank you so much. 🙏🏼

  • @honeybadgernasty
    @honeybadgernasty 5 років тому +10

    Excellent lecture Jerry! Happy you covered everything in detail in this video! Thank you for this lesson! 🙌

  • @h.p.lovecats7422
    @h.p.lovecats7422 5 років тому +9

    Thank you, Jerry. I can't begin to tell you how much this helped.

  • @sebbimarti3988
    @sebbimarti3988 5 років тому +19

    Listening to your talk was wonderful. When you said "believing them is insane" it really struck a cord. I will definitely use the coke a cola approach.

    • @hearthart673
      @hearthart673 4 роки тому

      what is coke cola approach ? need an answer, please !

  • @wolfram4233
    @wolfram4233 3 роки тому +3

    Thanks. Now I can have some amount of compassion for those who hurt me by imagining them when THEY were little kids .

    • @squarepeg418
      @squarepeg418 3 роки тому

      Now that my kids are adults, I am able to give my family the grace my kids have given me. To my credit, I didn’t deny to my kids I have caused them harm they are going to have to heal. My family can’t admit the way they treat me (scapegoat) reflects on their character, not mine, but that’s the hand I was dealt. I love them the way the are and don’t expect it in return because they don’t know how to love.

  • @LorelaiMusic147
    @LorelaiMusic147 2 роки тому +1

    Thank you very much for all the info you share

  • @tvdb5299
    @tvdb5299 9 місяців тому +1

    Thanks for sharing the Pacific with us!!

  • @dorothynesbit6291
    @dorothynesbit6291 Рік тому +9

    I laughed out loud at your tip on lowering expectations! This is an awesome video packed with top tips that apply at work as much as they do at home. Thank you, Jerry.

  • @margauxswaby20
    @margauxswaby20 2 роки тому +1

    Gold! So happy I found this!

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 роки тому

      I'm glad you found it helpful. I really like this video as well

  • @Livelife257
    @Livelife257 5 років тому +5

    Lots of great tools in this video. I will watch this a few more times.💛

  • @suec4665
    @suec4665 5 років тому +4

    Thanx so much for sharing your wisdom Jerry - listening from New Zealand :)

  • @jansimpson4364
    @jansimpson4364 Рік тому +1

    This video is really helpful - a lot of great tips - it validates one of the things I’ve used with my family of origin - as an adult I’ve been asking myself would I keep this person as a friend if they weren’t family? And often the answer comes back no. That tells me I need to decide then if the priority I’m giving having them is really justified… it was especially nice to hear you say that, Jerry - ‘then maybe I’m only going to see them every (few) months…’. It’s so empowering. I even have family members I only talk to if my husband is there, not because I’m helpless without him, but because I know they wont bring up certain things with him there. So they are on their better behavior… 😊 and we can make an excuse and leave early…

  • @Dori9111
    @Dori9111 5 років тому +8

    You're such a tremendous help, Jerry! I am immensely grateful for your videos and I'm positive that I'm on the right track of healing :) Thank you also for sharing the beautiful view of the Pacific Ocean at the end! :)

  •  4 роки тому +1

    The 1st time I heard this I thought, "hmm that makes sense" But it wasnt until TODAY when I was responding to my daughter as I would with any adult (not the child) that it hit me like 1000 SLEDGEHAMMERS! I GOT IT. That simple and that complex. THANK U. Btw.....she in turn is livid. Her childish manipulations aren't working anymore. Ur awesome

  • @liveyourbestlife1513
    @liveyourbestlife1513 5 років тому +26

    "The child is the father of the man."
    -Wordsworth

  • @hope46sf
    @hope46sf 4 роки тому +3

    I love your "tennis court" analogy!! You are so helpful!! Thank you!!

  • @gopal1035
    @gopal1035 2 роки тому +1

    Thank you sir 😀

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 роки тому

      Your most welcome ❤️

  • @pinkroses135
    @pinkroses135 Рік тому +1

    What would Jerry do? I like that. It is inspiring how you've come out the other end of this type of stuff with a calm healthy self.

  • @janetdeehall7442
    @janetdeehall7442 5 років тому +9

    What a great video, I watched the entire thing this evening and took notes. So much of what you speak of relates to some of the relationships in my life and I feel so encouraged after watching this. Thank you so much for your teachings and this video was not to long at all but rather extremely helpful. God Bless you!

  • @jlo1372
    @jlo1372 5 років тому +15

    You have been such a blessing!!!! Can you list book sources that you reference in your videos?

  • @YouthCode-1974
    @YouthCode-1974 2 роки тому +1

    As always, excellent video. Thank you Dr. 🙂

  • @lindaanne9197
    @lindaanne9197 5 років тому +6

    Thank you so much for this video...it perfectly mirrors my family situation..your talk gives me alot of encouragement and hope...

  • @AdrianGarciaLic
    @AdrianGarciaLic 4 місяці тому

    Hello. I’ve been going through a rabbit hole of an epiphany of sorts. Dr Wise’s videos have helped me so much but I still feel somewhat anxious ( and mostly raging mad ) . I’m glad I found this channel . Thank you 🙏

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  4 місяці тому +1

      You are so welcome!

  • @aesdiopoddesigns3621
    @aesdiopoddesigns3621 11 місяців тому +1

    Gold! Thank you 😊

  • @jrosebud2021
    @jrosebud2021 5 років тому +3

    Love the video!! Beautiful location too!

  • @debhadden205
    @debhadden205 5 років тому +2

    "Ping and pinging others" Me too! Thank you for this wonderful video.

  • @Limlani
    @Limlani 2 роки тому +1

    Thank you

  • @jillwhiting919
    @jillwhiting919 5 років тому +4

    This is a great video the best I have seen and heard in a long long time and I look forward to the video on the system.

  • @siddiqueafeera3685
    @siddiqueafeera3685 5 років тому +1

    Thanks sir Jerry Wise ,I can't explain how much this all stuff is helpful for me.

  • @karolhale3370
    @karolhale3370 4 роки тому +1

    Thank you so very much, Jerry. You have helped teach me in numerous ways in healing my Childhood wounding & abandonment. As a child,
    I always felt like the adult. Now, I see that my parents & siblings had childhood wounding of their own. Much love & light to you! 💜☀️🙏🏾😘

  • @RebeccaAnnSinkula
    @RebeccaAnnSinkula 4 роки тому +3

    Thanks Jerry. You are the greatest. Your vids are so informative. I really appreciate all you do!

  • @ritz2290
    @ritz2290 4 роки тому +1

    Thank you for your work. God bless you

  • @Mysticus11
    @Mysticus11 2 роки тому +1

    Grateful for this deep dive into the murky waters of systems anxiety 🤿 So liberating ☮️ Blessings 🌈🌸🌀

  • @michellesawyer6697
    @michellesawyer6697 3 роки тому +1

    I am learning from you a whole different way to live my life. Thank you

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 роки тому

      You are so welcome
      Please join as a support member here on UA-cam for only 1.99/month. This will help keep the free videos coming. They are time consuming to make and take many hours. Thanks for your support of this channel.
      I have a workshop coming up February 6, 2021 Saturday 1-5pm EST hosted on Zoom GETTING YOUR FAMILY OF ORIGIN OUT OF YOU, please sign up. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/getting-your-family-of-origin-out-of-you-workshop

  • @55937
    @55937 Рік тому

    Thanks!

  • @nikkinavarro6094
    @nikkinavarro6094 Місяць тому +1

    Thank you for sharing this.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  Місяць тому +1

      Thanks for listening

  • @adamandeve1712
    @adamandeve1712 5 років тому +5

    Thank you I definitely took some great tools away from this video!!!

  • @Faith_Chi
    @Faith_Chi 5 років тому +4

    Thank you Jerry xo

  • @candicemckinney8052
    @candicemckinney8052 3 роки тому +1

    Dude! I so appreciate your psychological tools and list of ways to help navigate.
    When you were wrapping up your session, by allowing us to view the beautiful background from your device, it only took 3sec for me to recognize that you are in the So.Cal coastal hood!!!
    Please keep doing what you do. I have received so much confirmation and ways to process my family system, the toxic long-term effects, and how to adjust myself to heal and grow ❤ 🙌 ♥

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 роки тому

      I appreciate that!
      Thank you for watching.
      Any donation would help in making these videos.
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

  • @anitaroempke7310
    @anitaroempke7310 3 роки тому

    So glad you take up this question. I went to a specialist for two years and am so grateful I found myself and my strenght again. I am the first one to brake the system so my narc father is afraid of facing me now that i standup for myself.

  • @CammieHupp-f9s
    @CammieHupp-f9s 9 місяців тому

    Thank you for taking time to explain this to us! It has open my eyes to my family crazyness

  • @takyiyakvsi
    @takyiyakvsi 5 років тому +13

    Thank you so much, Jerry for this very detailed and inspirational video! Used it in my conversation with an ex, turned out just great! Will continue to apply instruments you suggested. I've almost finished "How to grow yourself up" book. Can't wait to start the next one. Growing up is the most exciting journey I've ever taken! Thanks once again for the priceless content you create and upload ❤️

  • @nylaclancy2655
    @nylaclancy2655 2 роки тому +1

    Thank you for sharing your wisdom..!! You always explain things so well.. big help going into the holidays.. Beautiful view you have there.☺️

  • @magnoliajo696
    @magnoliajo696 3 роки тому +1

    Listening to this one again. One of the best videos you have done since its packed with so much explanation and examples. Its a great teaching video and has really helped me to understand and yes I have purchased many of the books you have suggested through your various videos. Thank you Jerry! This video is so needed in today's World we live in. I pray many people hungry to understand will stumble across it and be blessed like I have been. (I'll be sure to pass it on!)

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 роки тому +1

      You are so welcome
      Best to you
      “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist”
      Workshop
      A great workshop for ACOA’s, ACON’s, and any of you who come from dysfunctional families!
      Workshop leader: Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC LIVE
      July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time
      On Zoom
      Topics:
      The Illusions of the Narcissist
      The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
      Living in the War Zone
      7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
      10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
      Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
      Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment
      Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
      Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have
      And more…
      Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
      Q & A
      Role Plays
      Volunteer participation
      You will receive the recorded workshop
      You will receive the notes for the workshop
      Scholarships are available write to Jerry Wise at
      jerrywise5@gmail.com
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events

  • @siddiqueafeera3685
    @siddiqueafeera3685 4 роки тому +1

    Love your long videos, actually these are extremely helpful

  • @loberleitner1
    @loberleitner1 2 роки тому +1

    Thank you 🙏🏻

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 роки тому

      You’re welcome ❤️😊

  • @poeticallyinclinedjayne9040
    @poeticallyinclinedjayne9040 2 роки тому

    What a wonderful gift you've given us with this teaching and ending it with the spectacular support ever present in nature! That was truly wise!

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 роки тому

      Thank you so much Jayne, I'm glad it you liked this teaching ❤️

  • @claresmith9261
    @claresmith9261 3 роки тому

    I totally agree difficult as it may be it’s not about others because once we feel it’s their fault anger, stories, blame guilt etc arises and the war begins once we center on ourselves, our well being, calm , presence etc we see everyone’s just really a reflection of us 👍🏻

  • @annabella6757
    @annabella6757 2 роки тому +1

    This video is very helpful - thank you. I will try to be a Betty🙏

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 роки тому

      Glad you enjoyed it Anna ❤️

  • @krissostad8954
    @krissostad8954 5 років тому +4

    Thank you Jerry,your advise suites my personality perfectly!!Ihave so much to learn and i absorb every word you say!Thank you for beeing on you tube so that i can learn this.

  • @swanam_1
    @swanam_1 2 роки тому +1

    Very informative and helpful video. One of my biggest challenges is learning not to react emotionally to narcissistic abuse (which usually ends in a shouting match or being laughed at for crying).