Living with Pure O (An Internal Form of OCD)
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- Опубліковано 24 сер 2022
- Erica lives with "Pure O", an internal form of OCD. She experiences constant intrusive thoughts which greatly impact her quality of life. Erica hopes that when she opens up about her intrusive thoughts others are kind and take the time to understand this rarely discussed form of OCD.
Follow Erica at / justsaymaybepodcast
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Hello there! This is Erica, the person in the video :)
I am super grateful to SBSK for giving me a platform to speak more about OCD/“Pure O” and for helping spread awareness about this disorder. I’ve been reading your comments and am so happy that so many of you feel seen and can relate. I also wanted to clear up some points of confusion below:
1. The term “Pure O” is controversial and a misnomer. It’s a term that was coined by Dr. Steven Phillipson, an OCD expert and psychologist for when he started to observe non-physical compulsions in clients. “Pure O” is still OCD in that compulsions are still performed to relieve anxiety, but they are just done so internally.
2. I really wanted to emphasize, and hope that I didn’t miscommunicate this, that I absolutely do not think being LGBTQIA+ is immoral. The perceived “immorality” I mentioned in the video stems from the guilt of having these obsessions while being in a committed and loving relationship, as well as the fact that I have no issue at all with anyone’s sexual orientation, and even having these ruminations makes me feel like I’m not being accepting of others. It’s pretty dang confusing, I know, and rationally, I understand that my thoughts are irrational. That’s the problem with OCD - you might be super aware of how irrational your thoughts or anxieties are, but it can still cause you distress.
3. ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy) is considered the “gold standard” treatment for OCD. Talk therapy can be potentially damaging to those with OCD, so please seek an OCD-informed therapist.
We filmed for about 3 hours, and only about 30 minutes made the cut (understandably so!) There was some context that was not included, so I would like to just drop this resource here if you’re interested in learning more: www.madeofmillions.com/ocd/intrusive-thoughts/amp
Again, thanks so much Chris for treating my story with such compassion! And to the SBSK community for your kind words. I still have a lot to learn about mental compulsions and how to further educate about and contextualize them for others to better understand.
Love you all! ❤
Thank you for sharing your story, and I love your cats.
Thank you for doing this video it has helped someone identify with things they hadn’t known they were doing and brought much perspective for their way of thinking 🥰
Hi Erica! Thank you for sharing your story! I've been educated on OCD and the different types, but you helped me get a much better grasp on how non-physical compulsions actually manifest both everyday and throughout your life. You did amazing getting everything across so clearly and I appreciate that you took so much time and energy to educate others! Sending support from Alabama 💛💜
Thank you for sharing your story and don’t worry, we know your intrusive thoughts are not you and you don’t mean anything bad towards the LGBTQ+ community. I was recently diagnosed with OCD after years of being misdiagnosed and it’s probably bc most of my checks are mental and not physical. I just recently was able to gain the language to describe what it’s like in my head. It’s forward progress. Thank you for being brave enough to be on camera and talk about this! You’re awesome!
Not that I think medication is for everyone, but it changed my life. I struggled for years about if I should take it or not. I felt it showed weakness or was for people who wanted a bandage not a true solution but wow was I wrong. I got on peroxitine and the ruminating or spinning in my brain has turned to a 30% daily occurrence rather than 90%.
I still have ocd. I know I need to do more CBT and meditation but the peroxitine helps the thoughts that owned my brain. They are softer, less frequent and less worrisome.
I even got off once thinking l, oh I feel better I’m cured! Then three weeks later the remunerations came back, slowly creeping in. I felt a little defeated. I thought oh I am broken, my brain is wired wrong. I got back on and the constant spinning is gone. I have both Pure O and physical outward examples of OCD.
Sending love to others struggling with these silly overactive brains. 💕💕
For me my intrusive thoughts started when someone told me that abusers were usually abused themselves. And since I was abused at an early age I am now afraid that I will abuse someone else even though I do not want to. Sometimes the intrusive thoughts make me imagine it and it immediately frightens me. I would never hurt anyone and never have, but It’s horrible what abuse can do to the mind. It is like a scar on the brain.
I’ve had this too ❤️ glad I’m not alone
ME TOO 🙁 it makes me hyper-aware of how I interact with the children and animals around me
Thank you for this comment. Our brains can be scary places :(
Same 💔
I’m so glad I read this comment. Thank you!
I am so happy that OCD is finally being represented. It goes so so much deeper than just the "cleaning disease." Thank you so much.
OCD for me and my understanding before was like a well-known or famous for like a “cleaning disease” 😂 now I fully understand what OCD really is.
I think I’m OCD. I have exactly thoughts as what she describes about hers. OMG I’M OCD! by the way, I’m BIPOLAR TOO. New discoveries about my unique mind. Wow mind blowing for me 😱
@@ameeraalexi Did you just self-diagnose yourself with 2 very different disorders by watching one video?
@@ushift classic...
@@ameeraalexi me when i don't have any idea what im talking about
@@ameeraalexi How are manic episodes for you?
The hard part about intrusive thoughts is they're usually taboo-things that feel so terrible or ugly to speak out loud.
Yes!
They challenges your morals to the point you simply just can't let them go.
@@whentheimposterissus8376you've touched on an important point. It's like when you get cursed by someone. You could think, "it's just words." But when someone says something really mean, or maybe throw an ill intent against you, it's like it's "real", "personal", and you "have" to balance it out. Maybe by saying, "you are wrong, I'm not like that, I'm actually like this", or by giving yourself a blessing etc.
But the enemy with pure O is just ourselves. The longer we fight the war for, the more real it becomes. After some years of firing shots, it's unquestioned that there "actually IS" a war.
We don't need to fight it. No thought is more real or more important than any other thought.
Society can go eff itself. Talk about it.Defy people. Become articulate enough about ethics to rip them apart. They are wrong. They are wicked for not having compassion nor empathy for the mentally ill. People need to change. Never change what you say for other people’s sin.
we are born evil. That's the only reason which can explain why our intrusive thoughts are so out of our morals principies @@whentheimposterissus8376
The biggest mistake people make with intrusive thoughts is trying to analyze them. Do NOT do this. Dwelling on and analyzing intrusive thoughts only intensifies them and the OCD. The best response is to simply recognize it for what it is - an intrusive thought. That's it.
You can remind yourself that it's only a thought, there's nothing wrong with having thoughts, it doesn't make you a bad person (no matter how bad the thought feels), and it can't hurt you or anyone else. It's literally just a thought.
The only problem is that it bothers you. The more it bothers you, the more you'll think it. The more you try to "solve" it through analysis, the more you'll think it. There's no solving intrusive thoughts. There's nothing to solve.
You just need to recognize that it's OCD, and then go about your day. Everytime the thought comes up, tell yourself - it's okay, it's just OCD. No matter how much your OCD tries to convince you otherwise (and it will) - it's okay! It's JUST OCD.
It's easier said than done. But the more desensitized you become, the less it will bother you, and eventually it will go away.
If it comes up again, or you encounter a different theme (as is common), just tell yourself the exact same thing - it's okay. It's just OCD. Go about your day without worry.
Edit: I just want to add that I have personally found taking an L-Theanine supplement to be helpful. I've also found that I have much less anxiety and intrusive thoughts when I reduce my caffeine intake.
I was about to say, these thoughts seem pretty normal, the over-analyzing is compulsive and has a negative effect
I am the only Ash / Ley(a) and the only Lady and the only pretty / beautiful being and the only lovable / loved being and the only special being etc and the only being reIetienships are meant for -- the misused name Ashley must be edited out and changed because it contains unsuitable terms / names that only reflect me!
And hmnz should never dream about that which isn't meant for them, but only for me...
The true HeII🔥s
awaiting aII that have beyond secrkryIygyux thoughts about beyond _ zynz etc
This is never talked about. Ive never gotten to hear from anyone with my disorder. No one I’ve ever met has ever understood. My mom and boyfriend try so hard but I know that they will never fully understand what I’ve gone through and will continue to go through. You get it. You understand. I see the pain in your eyes and I’ve felt that too. Thank you.
You can get to a point that it doesn't have the hold on you it may have now. It's a lot more common than you can imagine, and I agree it's really nice to see people talking about it as it actually is .. the disturbing thoughts, and what we feel the need to do to "protect" ourselves or others from us, even though as people we've never done anything like that. I think of it like having an overactive alarm set in your head. Things most people would let pass right through, for us are things we become overly focused on (for me it was a belief that thinking about something would prevent it from happening.. still have a problem with that aspect in some ways about external worries). Telling people about those thoughts was especially cathartic, but problematic sometimes when it came to my relationships with people because they didn't understand. They loved me, but couldn't get why some things caused me so much fear. It's a tough place to be. Just hang in there.. talk to your dr (if you have one), and do some talking with yourself about what is real and what you want for your life versus what this thing you deal with makes you think.
Me either! This is the first time I’ve really even heard of someone else having OCD without the compulsion aspect…or as my therapist put it, “your obsessions ARE your compulsions”.
@@YourWeirdAunt I find it interesting that your OCD believes if you think about something happening that means it won't happen because I'm the opposite. If I think of something happening (especially bad) I fear that I've brought bad karma and the bad thing will happen. Tbf I have to do a physical/verbal compulsion to "fix my karma". I do have a lot of pure O tendencies, but that's my one physical compulsion. But I'd never heard of an OCD case where thinking of something means it won't happen, usually it means it will.
As l Heard the only way for ocd is often taking antidepressants cause It might be so intense that psychotherapy does not work
I had this. It was really bad when I was a teenager. Dissipated as time went on. Alot of it came from trauma.
People have no idea how strong you need to be when you have Pure O / OCD...basically a daily fight.
With God all things are possible, nothing we face is impossible for a Child of God otherwise God would not have allowed it, its actually for our good if you are a believer, david in psalms says "it was good that I was afflicted, that I might learn your ways"
This makes sense to me. I have had years (a little more than a decade, I suppose) of anxious, angry, slightly obsessive depression and anxiety. Her speech is somehow attractive to me in her thoroughness of representation. The power in her thinking to describe and contextualize these large difficult-to-control influences in one's thinking life to overcome them, also I see it as enduring strength. Burdensome. Good point.
Seriously though, it really is. I can’t stop thinking about ending it all. I just want to be gone.
@@MasterCheif98please seek help and know it’s gonna get better ❤️❤️ I have the same and it can be triggering and sometime unbearable but it’s ups and downs
Even worse, explain it to someone . I gave up on it. People lack empathy.
I’m literally crying watching this and reading the comments. I’m not diagnosed but I never knew anyone else felt like this or related to my & my thoughts in anyway. I’m so tired I’ve been tired for months now dealing with my intrusive thoughts and not knowing what to do or being afraid to tell my therapist & what she might think of me. I feel so relieved right now to know I’m not alone with these thoughts my experience.
You certainly aren't alone. 2 years ago I was typing the exact same thing under other videos. You will find that what you're going through is the most important lesson in life. The thought that you need to figure things out is a lie. There are questions in life that will never be answered. Uncertainty is just part of life. The present moment is all that matters. You are doing your best. Stay strong love❤
Me too! I just came across this and it explains so much...
I'm not officially diagnosed either. I have talked to therapist and they never identified it as OCD, just anxiety. Unfortunately, most therapists understand OCD in the traditional sense and don't recognize what we have as OCD.
Hi Aaliyah! Sending you so much love. Intrusive thoughts are so, so hard. I recommend finding a therapist who specialises in OCD if you can. This and working with my GP to find the right medication (though I understand this isn't for everyone) were game changers for me. Nothing I say can shock my OCD therapist, and in traditional therapy I always felt as though I was hiding away the part of me that needed attention the most. I'm currently in CBT/ERP (the gold standard for OCD treatment) and it's really helping me get the relief I need. I'm wishing you the same
Tell your therapist! The thoughts have nothing to do with your personality, it is just the ocd. And find a better therapist if this one responds poorly!
This made me want to cry, cuz it felt like for the first time someone was narrating the exhausting, endless thought gymnastics I deal with every day. Different compulsions, but exact same play out. It has a NAME. "When I'm zoning out, I probably trying to fix something in my head." Dude, the pressure to try to hold onto reality in the middle of a spiral is so fatiguing that some days I can barely keep my eyes open. Thank you for helping those of us carrying this to feel a little less alone. Tears of relief hearing this.
yes now go see a professional don’t start saying you have something without a diagnosis :)
Same. I don't want to self diagnose but before I went to a psychologist I had intrusive thoughts like how she was saying. Non-stop torturing myself "self- checking"
I am now diagnosed not with OCD but anxiety,ADHD, and Dyslexia.
It gets so bad. Do you often get a dizzy and buzzy headache around the roof of the eyes? I usually get that because my mind is on overdrive. Before I even found out about this, I would always tell my partner that I work triple of what a normal human works on a daily basis, and all because of the mental gymnastics. I thought for a few months that I had OCD, but my girl found out about this subtype yesterday. It's a relief that I finally know what this is. I finally feel understood.
Here is a video explaining the cause of OCD. “The superiority of the Quran. Diagnoses and cure for OCD “by zaidg. Search it on UA-cam. Islam deals with it perfectly.
Medication really helped me. Like, really a game-changer. I really wish this video mentioned medication more; it’s amazing how well it can combat those thought-loops!!
I’m Pure O. She describes this SO WELL. Most of my obsessions involve past trauma, where I rehash the incidents, and try to check to see if maybe I wanted the abuse because… perhaps I am morally depraved? I wish I was kidding. 🙊 it makes no sense but that doesn’t matter to my brain! 😅 luckily, over the years, I’ve learned to ignore the thoughts more and more- but I definitely work to keep this up! Peace to all of you living with this! ✌️ you are not alone.
UH SAME 😓My brain has revisited past trauma, circled around it endlessly, and quested my morals or past intentions in the process.
omg same, i was so tortured by this before realizing its a compulsion and then learning to cope and move past it.
I have never experienced that but isn't it like your brain trying to protect you, like Stockholm syndrome but instead of falling in love with the abuser your brain makes you think you wanted the abuse? Hope what I'm saying makes sense!
Here is a video explaining the cause of OCD. “The superiority of the Quran. Diagnoses and cure for OCD “by zaidg. Search it on UA-cam. Islam deals with it perfectly.
Yes! I can so see this as a brains way to deal with trauma, because the brains modus operandi is safety, so perhaps it is trying to (in helpfully) make you feel safe by changing the narrative as the memories are so painful otherwise. I have a friend who has this and it breaks my heart that you/they live with these thoughts every day, but she says there’s some peace in understanding the brain is just trying to make things easier to deal with, but doing it completely wrong and making things worse sometimes😭 that’s made her feel less guilty about the thoughts. Hope you find some peace amongst it all!
It was exhausting just to hear what goes on her head, so I can't imagine how exhausting it must be to be her, or anyone with this condition. Thank you for sharing her story and educating your viewers.
Hey yeah it’s pretty exhausting. I have the same condition since I was 3 :( Im a really smart person but Im so tired. Wish me the best
It sucks
It sucks but I've been on medication for almost 4 months and I am doing a lot better! Should've made the decision years ago...
@@sofia-wn2xv What medication are you on?
@@spara6124 paxil (the substance it contains is paroxetine)
I could remember several years ago, I got diagnosed with OCD, also suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Spent my whole life fighting OCD. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 6 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.
Congrats on your recovery. Most persons never realizes psilocybin can be used as a miracle medication to save lives. Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here.
Can you help me with the reliable source. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Australia. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them.
YES very sure of Dr.benfungi. I have the
same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Ive done shrooms last month in my house. It taught me how severely traumatized I was from alcohol. I healed from many mental traumas from my past and was able to forgive, let go. Shrooms to me is a remedy not a vice. I even felt more refreshed the
morning after. So no hangovers. No
depression mood for days. No anxiety.I now
have a more calm mind
How do I reach out to him? Is he on Instagram
My daughter has this type of OCD and her life has been hell. At 41, she has gotten a lot better. She is a hero to me, a wife , a mom, and a nurse. She has spent her life with many types of intrusive thoughts, and their crippling effect, yet she graduated with the highest honors from an Ivy university, got married, and works as a nurse. She gets up every day and cares for her beautiful special needs daughter.
That’s awesome glad I saw this comment
What is her real name, please?
Well she's probobly doing so well because she has an amazing mother.
So glad for this comment. I dream to be where your daughter is but I often feel like I am not deserving or able to be loved or love, to graduate and to work with something I love. But something in me is burning and hoping that one day, I've overcome most of my thoughts or that I learn to live with them. Because I wanna enjoy life. Wish you and your family all the best❤️
Hello do you have any advice for me?
I’ve suffered from OCD Pure O my entire childhood and teenagehood. The episodes were hell. Even now, 5 years since my last episode, I am still hesitant to talk about this topic because I am so afraid to trigger another episode.
My episodes started when I was around 10 years old. It started out subtly. “Blink three times or your mother will die”, for example. Or Health OCD, where I was certain my heart was not beating and I did a variety of rituals to check if I was truly alive. These intrusive thoughts were annoying but did not torment me. Then they slowly morphed into what I can only call living hell on earth. From the ages of 12-15 I suffered from what is called “P-OCD” or “P3do OCD”. These intrusive thoughts were telling me I was something I was not, and I wanted to desperately find relief from the exhausting guilt these intrusive thoughts brought to me. This period of my life is characterized by the never ending guilt and shame this disorder brought to me.
From the ages 15-17 my OCD morphed into “R-OCD” or Relationship OCD. I was in a happy relationship with my then boyfriend but had these constant intrusive thoughts that I wanted to cheat on him, that I did not love him, that he was not good enough for me, that I was not good enough for him…the intrusive thoughts and hyper fixations changed.
The episodes went like this:
After a month or two of not having any triggers, I am paying for my ice cream and the male cashier smiles at me and tells me to have a great day. I smile back and thank him. Suddenly, an intrusive thought is flooding my mind: “You don’t love your boyfriend. You want to cheat on him with this cashier”. And that thought would be on my mind for days if not weeks, and I will spend every waking second looking for ways to prove those thoughts wrong. These intrusive thoughts varied, so the ways that I would seek reassurance varied. Sometimes I spent 12+ hours searching the web. By the time I was a senior in high school, I was missing school because I wanted to seek reassurance instead. The anxiety I felt when I wasn’t seeking reassurance and doing something else was, well, hell.
These “episodes” were so emotionally draining that I began self harming starting at the age of 15. I was hospitalized in a psychiatric ward at the age of 17. People who have not suffered from this disorder cannot understand how draining it is. It sucks the life out of you. It is mentally and physically exhausting, add the shame, guilt, and DESPERATION to the mix and you get a person who is crumbling apart both mentally and physically. Before I went to the psych ward, I became severely underweight. I did not have time to eat, shower, or study because all of my time went to seeking reassurance.
And you know the kicker? From 2010-2017 I saw so many psychologists and psychiatrists. They never had a clue. I only found out about this disorder during one of my obsessive 12 hour internet searches. They tried to reason with my obsessions - “well maybe you don’t really want to be with your boyfriend, you are still so young”. That in turn triggered me even more. You cannot reason with OCD. The truth is not relevant.
I am glad this is being spoken about more. Back when my disorder was in its peak, there was very little information about it. My saving grace was the Pure O subreddit that taught me how to…for lack of a better word, “cure” the condition. Since health care professionals could not help me, I had to learn how to help myself. I really highly recommend that sub to anyone who is struggling with this debilitating invisible disorder.
Thank you so much for that advice. You are understood. And damn strong
Thank you so much for sharing this especially the pocd part because a loved one of mine suffered through that and at time I was grateful I had OCD to understand what was going on and not freak out. You can’t tell a “normal” person these things or else they will react to it very negatively (ESPECIALLY for POCD). I knew immediately it was intrusive OCD thoughts because they were crying and was in agony (just like I was when I had an episode), constantly needed reassurance. It got so bad they were scared to go out and the worst part is that they themself was a child. It came out of nowhere. It went away after a while and later another different obsession came up. This time they were more relieved because they knew it was OCD for sure. Thank you for sharing your story to give us some comfort in knowing we are not alone.
This is so much like me. Thank you for commenting this, brought me to tears to see someone so similar to me. I'm so sorry and I'm so glad you are still here with us. You are beautiful and a blessing and you deserve the world. 💖
hello, i have not been diagnosed with any form of OCD, but i relate to this comment a lot. i feel like some of what you said could have been written by me because it’s so similar. i also relate to experience shared by the woman in the video. i have been diagnosed with ADHD and my psychiatrist mentioned that it’s common for ADHD and OCD to go hand in hand. do you have any advice for me regarding how i should proceed? i tried to look at the Pure O subreddit you mentioned, but it seems it’s been closed. i do see a therapist (separate from my psychiatrist) regularly, but you saying that many of them missed your diagnosis worries me.
would you recommend seeking someone out for a potential diagnosis? and would you mind sharing any information about how you “cured” yourself? thank you for your time and regardless of if you respond to me, thank you for sharing your experience. you’ve given me a lot to think about
@@jae15. I have OCD and I'm gonna say 100% to seek a diagnosis. My regular therapists have understood little to nothing about OCD, even if they claim before treating me to know how to treat this illness. Like others in the comments are saying, and even the woman featured in this video said in her comment, regular talk therapy and the like can actually hinder your recovery AND many of us with OCD have also experienced therapists saying things that trigger us or make our anxiety worse. When I had my first major OCD episode with debilitating thoughts I was seeing a regular talk therapist who told me I didn't have OCD in her opinion and she also made me believe I was a danger to other people due to the nature of my intrusive thoughts which, like everybody else with OCD, I did not want and had no desire to act on. But OCD can cause something called "false urges" and this disorder is extremely misunderstood even by many therapists. Seek an OCD *specialist*. Once I did, and described what I was experiencing, I was diagnosed with OCD, and then later my diagnosis was confirmed by another clinician. I did work with an organization called NOCD however there are other similar organizations that specialize in OCD treatment, look up what's local and available to you and start there. Good luck to you
Never had a psychiatrist, never had therapy. I've searched up my mental issues so long and related to pure ocd. Seeing this video makes it feel even more real. I can't wait for the day I can afford help. Thank you for this video, I'm so thankful.
Hi, I'm also in a similar situation, thought I could reach out to give some suggestions. Maybe this is unsolicited, but reading books and philosophy helped me personally to make my own real firm realizations about myself. Philosophy is pretty fascinating, though not necessarily you should strive to "follow" but certainly it can help you to make your own judgments about things. For me, philosophy just became an experimental playground for thought. It helped me to exercise and train my own thought process and plus you get to learn a thing or two about yourself that you might've not known before. But usually, it just helps me see myself for how I really am. Another thing is that books, especially cozy ones, also help me move away from my environment of constant "heightened" perceptions. I feel that I understand that I'm not capable of handling the thoughts that are riddled with my heightened anxiety (in the moment). This is completely fine and valid to do because once you're not too anxious, you are free to rethink those things from a perspective that makes more sense to you. Don't mentally task yourself to make sense of it immediately. I try to allow myself to feel that it's okay to not make any sense of the thoughts that appear since it is pretty exhausting ngl.. Nevertheless reading books ends up feeling like a safe haven in that I weirdly feel like I can start to open up my thoughts with a less anxious heart and a patient mind. Anyway, that's really all I wanted to say so I hope what I said made some sense at least, and as always remember you're still a genuinely cool person despite all the intrusive thoughts that get picked up, so don't ever doubt yourself :).
DO NOT GET A PSYCHIATRIST they are motivated to sell you drugs no different than a street dealer. PHD OCD SPECIALIST THERAPIST. No one else in my experience are helpful for people in your condition. It saved my life. I attempted suicide shortly before/during and if it wasn’t for finding a therapist ocd specialist at that time I wouldn’t be here today.
I started crying like a baby just a couple of minutes into watching this because it just clicked in me that this is exactly what I've been dealing with, and have had so much trouble putting my finger on, for so many years. Thank you so muck for sharing this! I can't tell you enough how liberating it feels to hear someone else talk about this. Hearing someone else's experience somehow allowed me to get a lot more perspective on my own and that feels so incredibly reassuring. Thank you
It’s isolating
He is a very patient partner. I wish him peace and happiness.
@@citrusbutter7718 Yes. Her partner.
@@6driscolls Oh i thought you were talking about her, i was getting confused.
I hope he doesn’t take advantage of her like most men do to women that are doing through mental illness.
Erica’s boyfriend is so sweet. The way he watches her while she speaks is so loving. Erica, you are very beautiful and so sweet and so lucky to have found a love like this. You deserve all the best! All the best to you!
I noticed myself being obsessive about certain things/people, I clicked on this video out of curiosity and ended up realizing this is exactly what is going on with me, and how much shame I carry during my episodes, because I also have ADHD and part of my hyperactivity is talking and lack of restraint so I end up talking about/sharing my obsessions and intrusive thought and even though I’m self aware I can’t stop and I feel so ashamed, and embarrassed. I didn’t know about this but this is exactly what I struggle with every single day.
you probably have nothing dont try to find dissorders for yourself like lots of other peeps if you think you have it test it and maybe the doktors could help
What is your real name, please?
I feel you! I’m obsessed with sorrow. I had no idea it could be part of a disorder but I often wondered why am I always imagining really terrible things, especially if I have any time to myself. Even my dreams reflect my obsession😭
do you take stimulants for your adhd? i have both of these as well and just sharing because it took me years to realize my stimulant medication was making my ocd worse.
For the longest time I didn’t know that what I had was OCD & panic attacks, because the OCD was described by people on TV as a cleaning obsession & panic attacks as heart attack symptoms.
These disorders can manifest in many different ways, & I’m thankful that you’ve highlighted this way that is so invisible, yet so debilitating. People with pure-O think worry that we’re terrible people or that we’re lying to ourselves about our identity, & it can be incredibly distressing.
There is A LOT of bravery there for Erica to go on the internet and talk about this to a camera. If she's been misunderstood by the people she tried to open up to and then to open up to such an infinity wider audience on the internet takes heaps of courage. Hopefully this brings her some peace and understanding personally and as well to those who also interact with people who have or who suffer from Pure O.
I have had severe ocd since childhood, and it is so debilitating at times. I’ve gotten so much better, but ocd is not a joke. I have gone through many types of ocd, including pure o, and it isn’t talked about enough. People always associate ocd with quirky cleaning, little do they know the mind games we go through.
I had a family member one time joke to another family member that I was like Howard Hughes....needless to say. 😭😭😭😭😭 Their comment was not helpful or humorous.
Yup. I have it too and no one has ever heard of it before:(
Pure O is OCD. You still have the compulsion they just may be mental/ others can't see them. She mentioned "checking" often which is the compulsion hence OCD. Glad there are people sharing their experiences out here!
It is so isolating cause it’s so rare. It was the most damaging thing that ever happened to me. It changed my heart forever.
its not so rare probably, more that we are so ashamed of these thoughts that we don’t even discuss them with anyone.
@@annetadayon6797 it’s statistically rare compared to other kinds of disease
Literally thought I was the only one who goes through this prior to hearing her story. Best of luck in your recovery, you can do it! Thanks for posting, man!
It’s actually very common just not something often talked about
Having OCD is like running a mental marathon every day. It's so exhausting and even debilitating when it flares up. For me it ebbs and flows, just like she describes. An episode will hit really hard and if I can't manage I go back into therapy, then once I get a handle on it I can have some peace for a while in terms of a significantly lessened volume of intrusive thoughts. High stress periods often trigger a new episode. I also rotate through lots of different OCD themes
It feels better when you go to therapy because you are expressing your feelings. OCD is a neuroses and like all neurosis, it is a way to distract and continue to repress uncomfortable, traumatic, painful emotions. Our minds try to "protect" us from painful feelings but this function becomes maladaptive when these painful emotions try to surface (over and over) and our mind decides it is too painful or "dangerous" to feel the pain of these emotions. This is the definition of a neuroses. The way to cure it is through therapy. You must find a good therapist, build trust in them, and slowly relax those defenses so that the painful emotions can be expressed and dealt with in a safe environment. There is one other way, but it isn't for everyone...I cured my compulsion by entering into a clinical trial with a investigational medicine related to mdma. This medicine allowed repressed feelings to surface. It was an 8 hour session, very intense, but when it was over I was cured. You can do the same with just talk therapy. It will just take much longer. It is worth all the self-work, however, to be free.
I used exposure prevention response therapy that really got it under control. I also begin to refuse to engage in ritualistic behavior. I just wondered why I have having these "evil" thoughts I figured I must be evil because who thinks about murder randomly? Then I learned what this. I notice this will occasionally flare up during stress. But I've really learned to get it under control.
@@evaschroeder266 I did exposure and response prevention therapy too through an organization that specializes in OCD, it definitely helped me so much. But when a new episode slams me it feels like it hijacks my brain entirely and it takes me at least a month to start using the ERP skills again. I have to fight that battle with myself again to not avoid my anxiety and not try to rationalize my intrusive thoughts. And also fight the battle, like you mentioned, to not judge myself or make moral judgments based on my intrusive thoughts. I've noticed that new episodes for me flare up the worst when I'm in a high stress period and have recently experienced a significant trigger for past trauma. When those 2 things happen together I'm pretty much guaranteed that I will spiral into a new episode for a while before I can start using my skills again and reclaiming my life. Stay strong ❤️
Yes, it is exhausting AF!
What is your real name, please?
I also have Pure O ocd and I found it really relatable the way she seemed exhausted trying to explain a thought pattern that occurs with this. Where she says "I have to imagine it" - maybe what she means, and this is what I experience, is that the scenario plays out with no effort on my side. It's not something I imagine - it's a scene that occurs without me driving it with my own thoughts. It's like there's a movie screen in my head and I'm in the audience watching it play out. And I have to physically get out of the seat and leave the space in order to take myself away from viewing that thought. I mostly have Pure O thoughts about gory, violent things happening to me or people I care about. I have also dealt with the moral obsessions she described which is weird, I never thought that to be a part of Pure O, but I suppose that makes perfect sense. So much of this type of ocd is a projection of anxiety. Thanks so much Erica, I appreciate you doing this video. Wishing you love and light and clear-headed days ahead.
I too deal with what you just described perfectly- a movie that’s being played in your head and you’re just kind of sitting there, watching. It’s so easy for these things to play out in my head and I don’t realize how long I’ve actually been thinking about this particular thing. Especially the violent ones, which make me so distressed when I finally snap out of that weird daze.
Were you exposed to some heavy stuff on the internet as a kid? I think we all kind of silently ignore the damage some of the early internet stuff did to our brains
@@fwtoro4 this. The internet is a dark place and feels like I have absorbed and digested things I should not have when I was 6-8 years old.
@@fwtoro4 well, people had this condition way before the internet so while it can certainly play a part I wouldn't blame it entirely
@@supershasha Yes and when she talked about zoning out.. There's times where I have been sitting there in silence with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat and my partner will be like "umm are you okay?" and I'm like "oh shit yeah I was just watching my worst nightmare play out sorry about that" 😅 I know how you feel, it's rough.. But recognizing it and seeing it for what it is is truly half the battle 💜
Omg, when she said, "once you get over one theme, it's trying to find another one already" I felt that. 😭🙏💗 I have Harm OCD. I have had it my entire life. I love this interview so much. 💗💗💗
ALSO, when she was describing the mental gymnastics rabbit hole.... ✊✊✊ You're right. It's so exhausting. Even the tone you used when describing it, I could completely relate.
I have this with health ocd and yes. Once I go to the doctor and find out the thing I'm worried about was nothing, my brain finds some other "symtom" to obsess over.
Please don't blasphemy.
Her guy seems so supportive! That's lovely to see.
Thank you for your incredible advocacy Erica. You helped me and many others better understand "Pure O". Anybody who would like to connect with Erica can find her social account in the description of this video.
Chris, asking at the end of there’s anything else they would like to say is SUCH a good thing to say! I’m really glad you do that in case there’s something else on someone’s vine and it’s just sitting there and then maybe they will feel that can speak it. Thanks for always doing such a great job! It’s so important for people to learn compassion (Is it can be learned but I think finding out about people and their differences can certainly help. We, in the US, have not done well with being compassionate, especially during the last five-ish years…) Thanks Chris♥️😘
Erica, you are strong and smart and beautiful! Thank you for sharing. The morality element of your OCD makes me wonder if your parents were very strict.
I believe there is a surgery or experimental surgery now for OCD.
This is classic, what is thinking? You can think yourself into a fit.... I can't... It is the manner of the approach, contextually creates an awkwardness that once recognized doesn't just go away... it creates a point in your brain that you return to time and time again, really the only real problem is a lack of discipline in her mind that rejects or ignores unwanted thoughts. I'm not saying she doesn't have a problem, but without any other confirmation of mental illness I see nothing wrong with here other then having a mental pathways that apparently effect her ability to socialize normally, but it just wouldn't exsist, if it wasn't manifested by her. Obviously, she is not that bad either, because her behaviour is not really effected a lot from this video. I know what OCD looks like and it is not really what ever this is. 😆 🤣
❤❤❤❤
"you deserve at least me"
Love that maturity and respect for each other, love to see healthy and loving and safe relationships!!
It's so amazing Erica has found a kind, caring and mature guy. She is such a sweet, smart beautiful person💚
I dig that quote.
When/if you go to a psychiatrist, I can recommend you take your partner .
That helps my sister and brother in law.
You can check in with your and partner's perspective .
Sometimes people with OCD might forget the severity of tiks in the past week,then a partner can attest to its severity.
It could give more insight to what you are experiencing and use that to prepare your relationship
@@youtubeisgarbage900 oh I see, you’re just an incel. 😂
I’m laying in bed watching and crippled with asd/ adhd/ocd and wanted to say you’re strong Erica and thank you for your words because they really helped me feel less alone. Keep your voice high! ❤ YOU ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE BY BEING DIFFERENT. Ty!
As someone with OCD/intrusive thoughts it is a daily battle to not give in to compulsions. I really admire her openness to talk about her Pure OCD. It makes anyone like myself to feel less alone.
I have had intrusive and obsessive thoughts for several years, but never received a diagnosis, so I suffered through it in silence. Searching for solutions on my own, I discovered that I am not my thoughts, which frees me from guilt and allows me to observe them from a "distance". Thoughts come and go, I watch them and let them go. This way of understanding how thoughts work has brought me a lot of inner peace.
Thank You for Posting..I have struggled as well on my own.. Not even talk to my therapist in all the time I have been going. My mother is the only one that really noticed when I would be too Eratic and obsess on something and point it out. I have since learned to observe and like you said learn to let those thoughts go. Remind myself that I am safe.
That's exactly what I was questioning myself about. Because to me it looks like this is "just" anxiety because you are identifying yourself with your thoughts, so I'm happy to hear that meditation/observing can help!
Me too this is exactly what helped me!
Thank you for sharing, Erica. I have pure O as well and it is such a highly misunderstood disorder in relation to the definition of OCD that others are familiar with. Very tough to deal with, but awareness is key.
@@UpTheNazis speak for yourself. Thanks. NEXT.
@@UpTheNazis If you have nothing nice to say Just keep your mouth shut.
@@UpTheNazis actually, I care though.
A countless # of people care a bunch.
I've had this my whole life and didn't know there was a name for it. I started out with light compulsive behaviors like straightening furniture and checking doors. But now I only have the thoughts. Thank you for bringing awareness about this.
@@PomsNTomsMom92 I reported MParkinson's comment as harassment to Gen since he is commenting no one cares that I find as bullying and harassment.
I'd love to watch an interview with someone discussing maladaptive/immersive day dreaming. I can relate to Erica's intrusive thoughts, but my intrusive thoughts are years worth of stories and characters that I have built up since childhood. I've never met anyone else who shares this same need to imagine so deeply or repetitively before.
Same here. The characters and stories I have created are my go to comfort. I get to play out things in my characters and sometimes they feel more real to me than my own life
Intrusive thoughts cause distress, so if you’re daydreaming about your OCs I don’t think that would be considered an intrusive thought.
Loved this! I have pure O too. My mental compulsions are mostly mental review (replaying things that already happened, either recent or old situations) and mental rehearsal (playing out events in the future). My themes are interpersonal perfectionism and just perfectionism in general- so I obsess and mentally compulse about this need to be the perfect person In everything I do, every interaction, every task, etc. i relate so much how she said when one theme goes away another one pops up. I’ve had allllll kinds of themes throughout my life. I will say that Michael Greenberg’s rumination focused ERP helped me so much! Powerful stuff!
I'm pure O too, and it's exactly as you said, a lot of intrusive and disturbing thoughts, doubt and fear, and it sucks. I'm doing a cognitive behavioral therapy and it's helping me a lot. You seem a wonderful person and I hope you can see and believe in it. Thank you for sharing your story, Erica!
Me too...
@@donnarega1249 Did you get some psychological help? For me, it's being essential. I had tried it before, but I wasn't totally honest about my thoughts, because of the shame. But now I'm more mature, open with the psychologist and more responsible with the treatment, so I'm better than before. Still a long way, though. Keep strong and don't give up on yourself 💕
@@anaclaudialara I started with obsessions at age 7...they plagued me all my life until at 37 yo I took myself to Butler Hospital in despair...I was so worn out I literally couldn't walk another step. So yes, I got help from an OCD specialist and had intense behavioral therapy. I was dedicated to getting better and I did. My God I had the most horrific ruminations. Don't be scared, or ashamed. For me it involved serotonin levels and I was riddled with other anxiety disorders. Let me tell you if I recovered, anyone can. I was paralyzed by fear.
This is very interesting, I wonder what psychologically separates Pure O from ADHD and Anxiety, or if it's its own spectrum, the symptoms are all so similar and not specific.
@@anaclaudialara Ana, I saw a therapist, yes. I never held back and right from the first moment, she forced my to confront all my fears and that scared me to death. Just tell the professional all that you obsess over, what your afraid of. I had no choice but to be honest if I wanted my life back. Don't forget, I battled it off and on for 30 yrs. My OCD is episodic, but my Panic Disorder was chronic and it became worse over time until I could no longer function.
This was so eye opening. Before this video I didn’t know this diagnoses even existed. I’ve felt so overwhelmed some days about uncontrollable & unpleasant thoughts. It’s so exhausting and after a while it can define the way you see/experience something. Over time you can even develop phobias from how often your mind negatively frames certain things and experiences. Currently I’ve overthought my way into a deep fear of the sound of Thunder (traumatic experience as a kid) and contemplating the most hurtful & harmful things to say to people that would absolutely crush them. Really makes it hard to be around people and feel normal when your mind is ALWAYS thinking of the things you COULD say to forever negatively change your relationship with them. Pray for me y’all, I’m so beat up by this thing but people like Erica help me feel normal and remind me that I’m not broken. Just different ❤️
I feel this so much. I’m here for you internet stranger!
We are UNIQUELY DIFFERENT.❤ sending big hugs to you.
@@pesto.supremacy1525 That means so much, thank you!
@@ameeraalexi I appreciate you saying that ❤️
I thought that recently, all the hurtful things I *could* say to my mother (a generally lovely person), but then I thought "I wouldn't say that to her though, it's too mean, she doesn't deserve it and it won't help". So I let it go. I've practiced a lot to let some things go.
I like to remember "you are not your thoughts". Meaning, if you aren't going to act on it, let it go. It's a thought, but you don't have to entertain it. I can think "what if I stole all this stuff", but then I don't steal anything, that is the important part. My choices, no matter the intrusive thoughts, is what's important.
Let the bad thoughts float away down the river, you've got great things to do.
This is so affirming for me. I have literally had all these obsessions at one point or another in my life. I had really awful intrusive thoughts when I was a teenager. I would get so upset (sick to my stomach, crying, having a meltdown) and feel so bad because I was convinced having these thoughts meant I was a terrible person on the cusp of doing something bad. It is so hard to put a label on pure O because it disguises itself as so many different obsessions. Sexual, violent, or even just replaying traumatic or embarrassing moments over and over again saying 'why did you react this?', "why did you do x instead of why" "oh if only you hadn'y one this, then the situation would have turned out better."
I hate my mind so much and I wish I wasn't such an anxious person. I wish I could just be normal and not have all this heightened anxiety. Like, I honestly wonder what it is like for someone who doesn't freak out over the things that I get anxious over. To just react NORMALLY to things. I'm so envious of people like that haha.
Thanks to therapy, I've gotten better at tagging the obsessions as OCD (my brain tells me I don't have OCD. Even though I do. Then I google OCD symptoms. It's a cycle. Also have survivor's guilt because I don't suffer as much as other people with anxiety so therefore, i don't have OCD). However because my 'obsessions' are so all over the place, sometimes I'll have intrusive thoughts and not know they're caused by OCD, and I'll spiral over it until I realize "who, stop, this is anxiety, chill." The worst thing to do is ruminate on these obsession to try and understand the WHY. Surely I MUST be having these thoughts for a reason! But you'll never get a straight answer. My brain is messed up, end of story.
Thank you SO SO much for sharing your OCD story, Erica.
Thank you SO SO much to SBSK for giving people a platform.
Thank you for your comment. I totally relate to you.❤️ I also feel bad because my anxiety isn't as bad as other people. I have never been diagnosed with OCD, but I am pretty sure I have it. I was diagnosed with anxiety and went to therapy, but it didn't really help. I'm pretty sure I have OCD and GAD. My brain constantly tells me I don't even have anxiety or OCD though and that I am just a unique case and therefore can never get help. I then obsess over this and try to think of evidence and then get super anxious. I also just obsess over different things all the time so it gets confusing whether something might be OCD or not. My compulsions are definitely mental too which is something not always talked about. I felt more seen during this video and reading your comment, so thank you
Thank you so much for posting this video, and thank you Erica for sharing your story. I don't think I've ever heard pure O talked about so eloquently. I deal with a variety of themes, about four or five. It's very challenging to live with, and it's next to impossible to talk about, because the obsessions are both taboo and founded on uncertainty. You can't really convince another person that you're not the thing you're afraid you are if you can't even convince yourself. All the more reason to spread awareness about this crippling disorder. We need community.
I think I have this. I spent my life obsessing about death. I think about my death/dying every day. I do have compulsions that go along with them, but I've learned to make them things like crocheting for hours on end, writing, reading for hours a day, etc.
I've had death related obsessions during my first recognizable themes. Best thing is for you to go with a psychologist or psychiatrist to discuss this stuff.
No one deserves to live with this untreated.
You just described me!!! I think about my death every single day... I tell myself its because I dont wanna be un-prepared.... but no one I know is like me...
@@juanagonzalez6443 There are definitely people who think about it a lot, they just probably don't say anything. We're all aware of it to some degree. It can be a scary thought.
Same for me… you are not alone. I have been thinking about death since I was six years old. And like you, I have found ways to cope well enough for now. It is possible to lead a good enough, and even profoundly beautiful life, even with the weight carried within. ❤️
Not sure if that’s OCD frankly. Just anxiety, a phobia.
Not sure if OCD has been talked about before on this channel, but I'm glad it is in this one! I suffer with severe OCD which has gotten a bit better recently, but it's still a unpredictable battle with your mind every day. Most of my compulsions I do are mental as well which is the "Pure O" aspect.
How do u know if its ocd or just anxiety with pure o?
Same for me!
I have such a similar experience! It's very cathartic to open up about it because I usually can't.
Look up the channel ocdrecovery by robert bray if you want to fully recover
There's also a channel called Vacate Fear, he does live streams and it has helped me so much I actually believe now that I can fully recover
14:10 that's exactly why I've never told anyone about my ocd specifically. It's already bad enough that I'm constantly ruminating and having a personal identity and morality crisis, if someone else were to think my ocd were true especially someone close to me I don't think I'd be able to handle it. It feels like keeping the ocd in my head is basically insurance that it doesn't get realized irl and it makes me feel more clinically sane and insane at the same time
This is so true. I can’t tell anyone in fear of this or I think when I say it it’ll come true.
Felt that. At most I’d be comfortable talking to a therapist about it though. Hope you’re doing okay and best of luck ❤
I’ve never met someone with my type of ocd. I knew that what I experienced was not the “typical” type and I thought I was so weird. To know that there is another person that has experiences sexual orientation ocd is somewhat comforting to me. I have also been experiencing relationship ocd and this video made me realize what has been happening. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
We are not alone , let’s fight OCD. 🙏
I've watched SBSK for many years but this is the first interview I can 100% completely relate to. It's amazing how helpful it is to listen to someone talk about how their brain works in the same way as me. How exhausting it is to constantly be thinking about what you're thinking about. It's something I think I dealt with silently for a VERY long time, and have just recently started to name but I've never heard someone else talk about it. Erica, thank you for talking about this. I know it's terrifying. It's so hard to explain what's going on in our heads and you being willing to tell your story really helps so so much. If anyone is looking for resources to help Relationship OCD specifically, Awaken Into Love on UA-cam, Instagram, podcasts, etc. has been an AMAZING resource for helping me stop a lot of the obsessions and compulsions around my relationship. Also, John Green's novel "Turtles All the Way Down" tells a story with a protagonist with OCD (more traditional OCD with physical compulsions) but I found it really helpful to have that book to relate to.
I’m glad she was interviewed. I had never heard of Pure O before. I relate to a lot of what she was saying but my thoughts vary more on different subjects. Fortunately they have mostly gone away since I’m taking medication for my anxiety. I didn’t realize that over analyzing can be a form of OCD. I have done that since I was VERY young. I loved how she explainedthe train of thought it gets so complicated and it’s hard for people to understand.
Girl, thank you. I have been someone with something like this for 36 years (started when I was 12-hormones play a huge part in this). I have intrusive thoughts acutely when I’m highly stressed out (cortisol plus a bunch of hormones really amp up the thoughts). I appreciate your vulnerability on this. If I may, trying to “fight” the thoughts never works for me. I’ve learned to just 👋🏼 to the thought, and say “hey.” It is a process and it takes time. The questioning you are doing is normal. I’m sorry it is stuck in the “on” position for you, sometimes, but you got this. It is so nice to see younger generations really embracing talking about things that my generations’ parents were clueless about.
...so diet and lifestyle would really help right? Lowering stimulants and food that cause excess cortisol...
@@katelyn984 ...you understand how the great mainstream medical machine works, right? 🤫
@@sweetbeep stop telling people who have obsessive mental illness to pick from any number of potentially harmful diets that lead to obsession about food.
@@sweetbeep you’re either a bot or extremely insensitive and I really can’t tell which it is
I’ve seen many teenagers especially girls start this disorder when they reach puberty. The hormones, and how the brain works is still very difficult to assess! It’s very frustrating
I needed this video. I was diagnosed with OCD from my psychiatrist. This type really resonates with me, it's not a physical OCD. I told my therapist about my OCD and she rolled her eyes and said I don't do the classic OCD with routines and making me do tasks. It made me question if I had it or not and made me spiral. But I know I have intrusive thoughts and it's debilitating. It's hard to talk about violent or sexual thoughts because of the judgement. Thanks for this video, it really helps a lot ❣️
Truly I have nothing worthy of complaining about in my life at all. I am new here and and am completely blown away by the amazing people here like Erica🙏I am learning on a very new level.
WHOA I related to so much of this. I think moral scrupulosity is a huge foundation for a lot of people with Pure O, or at least it is for many of the people I know with it. Just being able to identify "this is probably OCD" has been a game changer for me, and I'm so happy that this video is out there so others might look into getting OCD treatment. I was SO unsure of having OCD because I thought it was an "excuse" for my "immoral thoughts", but what helped me a lot was hearing from people who had similar experiences to me and accepting the uncertainty that even if I didn't have OCD, trying treatment might help. And it did. A lot!
Oh geez… I literally resonated with everything she said, I didn’t even know this disorder existed. Thank you so so much for posting this Chris, this woman is such a strong and incredible gem to have to discuss this sorta thing. This answered so many questions I had about myself.
You literally resonated? How did that feel? Was it some kind of vibration or something?
@@vickielawson3114 I astral projected from my body lol
fr, i would think I was just going insane for nearly 4 years.
I have pure O and I have an awesome husband who is so good at handling it. I can talk to him about any of my invasive thoughts and he doesn’t act like I’m crazy or anything. He is so supportive. We have been through so much together. People couldn’t imagine how difficult living with this type or any other mental illness.
I am sitting here watching this and I feel so represented and seen. My friend sent me this video for me to watch and it's so good to know you're not alone, even though I've been on reddit and stuff, it's really good to see someone talking about it. I've been recently diagnosed with OCD, it's been a couple of months, and it seems like for others, who have NO IDEA what it's like, it's harmless, mundane, etc, when in reality it's so stressful, and causes so so much hurting. Thank you Erica.
as someone who’s also diagnosed with pure o, it‘s so.. relieving to see this being talked about. erica seems like such an intelligent, strong person and i can absolutely painfully relate to the thoughts and struggles she’s describing.
erica, if you’re reading this, know that your intrusive thoughts do not define you and are not a representation of you or your intentions. you‘re a trooper for being able to continuously endure and battle these thoughts, and your bravery in sharing your experiences is going to help so many others.
Erica, seeing your partner be so open and supportive, and loving throughout your mental health journey is so heartwarming and important to see. Self-stigma is so real, and it is helpful to show that people with mental health challenges can be in a healthy partnership.
Watching this makes me cry. I relate to this too much. I was diagnosed 4 years ago and struggled every single day for 3 years never thinking I would ever be “normal” again. Now I’m lucky enough to be on medication and it’s works really well for me and I can actually (partly) function like how I did before I had OCD. Every now and then I still have drawbacks and setbacks that bring me straight back into the toxic cycle of obsessive intrusive thoughts and checking to make sure I’m not losing my mind.
Honestly my medication has saved me. I wish everyone the best on this journey through life - it can be so tough and seem impossible, but no matter what - there will ALWAYS be better days. I’ve been there where you think there’s no hope and your helpless and just going to suffer every second of you life, but you won’t! Honestly four years later and im the happiest I’ve ever been (even though I battle with intrusive thoughts on the occasion). Meds, a healthy lifestyle, and supportive people to lift you up is all you need!
what medication are you on?
@@taeboogie7304 I’m on Fluvoxamine which is primarily for OCD, but it also pretty much eliminated my really bad depression.
I'm going through an episode right now where I constantly check whether I'm having 'the right emotions'. It's gone so far at this point that it's near impossible for me to just naturally and authentically react to things, and sometimes I fear I will never be able to just enjoy anything again because I can't let myself just be in the moment.
Thank you for this video, Erica did an amazing job explaining
I’m 35 years old and I have been dealing with generalized anxiety disorder my whole life. Only today, in 2022, I found out through this lady I have Pure O OCD. I feel the exact same thing. But in my case It’s mostly about things that happened in the past. Arguments and breakups are a nightmare. I’m ALWAYS having recurrent, persistent, intrusive, and unwanted thoughts, images, or urges that cause anxiety or distress.
look up “real event OCD”. take care all the best to you ♥️
What is the difference between this and PTSD? Because I get this around traumatic events I haven’t worked through yet. I wonder how much of O is subdued PTSD
"I just self diagnosed myself after watching a video"
@@dartarro21 This is a good question! I have a feeling there is alot of overlap of the two. OCD is basically an anxiety disorder, in which the mind tries to calm itself by using rituals. So OCD could develop to deal with the anxiety from PTSD, caused by extremely traumatic events.
I’m a healthcare worker and I highly recommend being evaluated by a medical practitioner who specializes in anxiety and OCD before making a self diagnosis. Pure O is very complicated and needs a trained eye to help guide you. I’m so sorry you struggle with the symptoms you do. It can be maddening and exhausting. A medical professional can help you work through those symptoms.
The minute you started talking about the relationship and sexual orientation ocd, i felt like i was having deja vu. These among others have plagued me for the last 12 years. Thank you ❤️
I 🙏🏻 you are ok. OCD is very overwhelming at times.
I have SOOCD and ROCD and it’s heart breaking to have
@@openlybookish What is your real name, please? I would like to put your name on my church's prayer groups.
What is your real name, please? I would like to put your name on my church's prayer groups.
This brings out so many emotions in me. Thank you for doing this interview. I've had "friends" tell me "you don't have OCD. I've never seen you do a single compulsion. You just have anxiety but it's NOT OCD" It's so hurtful to hear these judgements when you've been diagnosed by multiple providers. Thank you for helping me to put my thoughts into words and that not all compulsions HAVE to be something someone else can see.
I really appreciate you, your time, your honesty and openness. ♡
This video has been an extreme relief for me personally. You’ve just validated my thought patterns and eased my discomfort regarding my own intrusive thoughts. “OCD hangs on to things you care about.” I’ve felt so isolated in these feelings that I couldn’t even put into words what I’m going through with my therapist. Thank you so much.
My daughter (now 22) was diagnosed with pure O OCD when she was 12. Her intrusive thoughts at that time were also regarding her sexual orientation. She would ask me over and over "what if I'm gay" & take endless online quizzes to see if she was gay. It got so bad that she refused to go to gymnastics practices (she was a provincial level gymnast) because she was afraid of getting aroused by seeing the other girls in their leos. (Note - she knew that she wasn't gay ...but what if she really was? And we told her over & over - it didn't matter to us if she in fact was gay - she would still be the same person). She became suicidal. It was a terrible time for her, and for our family. Her friends just did not understand, and she lost most of them. Thankfully, medication alleviated her symptoms dramatically, but different obsessions would flare back up in times of stress - when she and her boyfriend became more serious, it was relationship OCD & then moral/political OCD. Recently it has been about mortality & dying. She has just recently been talking more about seeing a therapist, which she has always refused to do in the past.
I really hope her quality of life continues to get better. Seeing the right therapist could make a big difference for her. I really hope she knows she is not alone.
I’ve had OCD my whole life, and I tried therapy a few times but it didn’t help. FINALLY, a few months ago, I got the chance to visit with an incredible therapist who specializes in OCD. My symptoms have seriously improved after weekly visits with her, and while I still have a way to go, there’s no denying that I feel much better with this therapy. I’d really encourage your daughter to pursue treatments and find something that helps. It took me some time to find a therapist who had helpful insight and a strong treatment plan, but I’m very glad that I continued to explore different options because I’m finally getting relief from these symptoms
I hope your daughter has a good relationship with her father.
That sounds really bad.
I hope and think she would get better. You are a great mother, very comprehensive!
I also have maladaptive obsessive tendencies so I really empathize with this woman. Thanks for sharing-that takes strength.
Your videos are honestly life saving. Thank you for making these videos and thank you for the admirably courageous people who share their story. Not only have I learned about so many other people's stories of struggles but I've been brought so much clarity on my own struggles that I didn't know if I ever would receive clarity on. Escpeically to know that I am not the only one. That does something healing inside.
I feel so seen and heard by this video. I was diagnosed with OCD just over a week ago now, and my OCD currently manifests in the sexuality intrusive thoughts and compulsions Erica described. It’s so mentally exhausting, but now I’m getting the treatment that I need. I wasn’t aware that other people could experience this before my diagnosis. I felt like I was the only one. This is really eye opening and comforting to me. Thank you for your bravery in sharing Erica 🌷
I'm so glad this is being talked about, having really bad intrusive thoughts 24/7 is a nightmare, imagine seeing your mother, your little brother, your dad, anyone that you love and your mind just pours thoughts about rape, murder and suicide when you see them
Searching for help is also extremely hard, you spend months trying to find anything that can help you and when you do find someone to talk to it's really hard to express those thoughts without feeling like a psychopath
The most compassionate LOL I have ever typed, I have been there, it is brutal, but you will definitely get to a better mind frame, and you will get to a place where they enter and leave without...the checks, rationalization, or guilt...and then they really lessen...you will be ok, be kind to yourself, and I bet it happens quickly.
I find not reacting to them, not getting upset, helps a lot. And making yourself do something physical straight away when the thought pops in. Like walk into a different room, wash a dish, take out the garbage, water the garden, etc.
@@kjm1529 that's right. You accept the thought but refocus from it. Doesn't mean you run away from it. You just go on. One thought among all the other thoughts.
@@kjm1529 I used to do the same when i was a teen, now for some reason i can't do it most of the time if i'm having "confession" thoughts, the anxiety goes away the day after but since you don't want to spend a whole day with that burning sensation you give up
What is your real name, please?
THIS HAS A NAME! Thank you, Erica and SBSK, for sharing more so we can all grow closer! ❤️🙏💞
This was a really enlightening video. every mind is different, and while we may never know what someone may be dealing with mentally, like OCD, it doesn't make them any less worthy of respect and understanding. They are fighting a battle often times we know little about. I hope you are doing well Erica!
I've had intrusive thoughts, and their length can vary, however they were never as chronic or long term as what you seem to describe. I could not imagine having to so that mental tug of war each day. You have incredible strength and I hope you can find comfort in the community here.
I also have OCD and this helped me so much today. Just knowing I’m not the only one who struggles with these things makes me feel so much less alone. Thank you for sharing your stories!
This sounds so difficult and scary. Brave and beautiful for speaking out!
This video made me feel seen from the inside out. I never knew the strange thought pattern that I have had a name or that it was part of OCD. I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder as a child and developed OCD tendencies with Dermatillomania as my main compulsion, but I had never heard of the thoughts aspect of it being OCD too. Thank you for telling your story, Erica! This is going to be strange to process in myself.
GRACIAS POR HABLAR DE ESTO, tengo obsesiones puras desde los 11 y es un infierno, pero me alegra tanto ver gente que tiene lo mismo que yo y saber que por lo menos no estoy sola, espero que todos podamos mejorar
i’ve watched a lot of videos on youtube that try to describe OCD, but this is by far the most accurate explanation that i’ve ever seen. erica, i completely understand what you’re going through. there are SO many misconceptions about OCD, a majority of people do not understand - including many therapists. contamination fears, hand-washing and counting are the ones we see portrayed most often in the media, and whilst those are very real and valid, they are just one portion of the extensive list of themes or compulsions that people with OCD deal with, it’s so much more complex. i’ve been trying to seek help for my OCD since my teens, but i’ve been living with it since early childhood. i’ve only ever been offered CBT and talking therapy (which apparently can do more harm than good for people like us) as there are no therapists trained in OCD where i live, and sadly, from talking to other people i have realised this is far more common than it should be. i am also very lucky that i have a patient, compassionate partner who does his best to support me, however, it does take a toll on the relationship and that in itself can exacerbate my obsessions. thank-you for sharing your experience with us, i hope this will open many people’s eyes to show them what living with OCD is really like for many.
i relate to your comment a lot. i also have a wonderful and caring boyfriend, but as you said, sometimes it's still hard and it can affect the relationship. like lately i've been overanalyzing aspects of our relationship, or things he says or does, during an argument or even in s normal conversation, like erica explained. and there's not really a real reason for it. like i've noticed i've been having more of this thoughts when i started working at this new job which has me really stressed, so idk i just think it sucks and some days i don't really know if even the things my brain is overthinking are the reality or if it's just me thinking in such a negative way... i guess you can never know for sure, i am truly glad tho that i can always talk to him about my shitty thoughts, although sometimes i feel bad and i just want to give him a break from them, like today, that's why i'm doing this instead. writing it down helps a lot too :)
rumination is so hard to catch and these days with the internet, physical compulsions like reading articles to assuage your anxiety and stuff have become really subtly pervasive too. We judge ourselves so hard. I’ve been doing a lot of exposures but it's so tiring sometimes. Thanks for sharing what it’s like, I’ve never met anyone irl who has it.
There’s a lady on UA-cam called Ali Greymond I think, she’s helped me a ton with my OCD stuff thru her app and podcast, ppl should check it out if they don’t have access to other resources
Never even knew this was a thing.
Best thing about this channel is education and enabling awareness. Interesting video as always.
The way this video is edited is really well done. The flow of interrelated ideas from the separate interviews really helped my comprehension of the concepts and their wider implications.
Wow. I think I am having a revelation. She just said most of what I have been feeling throughout my relationship and other emotional situations. I am shocked and somewhat relieved that there is a name for this! More research will be necessary, but this hits veryy close to home..now I want to find others who understand. Thank you so much Erica, for sharing your experiences!
It took me 28 years of intrusive thought to realise I had Pure O, thanks for speaking out hopefully others can begin to understand themselves better as well.
It does present a conundrum I have. Because I am not my thoughts, clearly, as I sometimes have wicked intrusive thoughts that I've never acted on. But also I became disabled at 20, so sometimes my actions do not align with how I would like to treat people, thus I am not my actions either. So who am I?
She hit it on the nail!! Stemming from Morality, unwanted obsessions and intrusive thoughts are so painful to my heart because all I want is to be pure & present. Immaculate guilt triggered from the fear of hurting your feelings cause I hurt mine all too often. Something I've noticed that helps is when you find someone who doesn't judge, doesn't take things too serious. Maybe that will bring light into those dark unwanted thoughts. My dad was good at that, I love his humor. Good luck to you beautiful girl I know It's tough to be so aware!
Thank you for representing OCD!!!! I am not Pure O I have the compulsions but it’s nice to see our disorder being represented because it’s become so mainstream as a quirk or adjective and that’s really not true. Great video and a lot of courage for her being able to speak on it!
ty for using your platform to educate others on mental health disorders that aren’t talked abt enough!!
It’s so refreshing to see this representation. Pure O has been my biggest most devastating struggle in my life and it’s so hard to talk about. It’s such a misunderstood and alienating disorder to struggle with. So much love to you guys and Erica!
I experience awful intrusive thoughts and I didn't even know what they were until I read about them on scientific papers, I just thought it was me being a bad person and it terrified me.
Thank you for raising awareness of the mental nightmare that is "Pure O"! This is something I've lived with since puberty to varying degrees of severity and it was really meaningful to hear you speak so eloquently about what it's like. I also loved what you said about learning to become comfortable with uncertainty - that is so huge. Really feeling the comment section, too
Hello Erica! 🌱 I just wanted to say thank you so much for doing this video. It is an incredibly brave and powerful thing that you are doing and it absolutely doesn’t go unnoticed. You have helped so many feel seen, heard, and understood and it truly means so much. Thank you and thank you SBSK for this beautiful video. Wishing all a peaceful mind and a warm hug 💜🐝🌱
Thank you, Erica! As someone who has "Pure O" OCD and a few other mental health disorders, I'm so happy you shared your story. My OCD isn't so severe, but I know how scary intrusive thoughts can be. I never had any desire or urge to act on my thoughts, but I couldn’t prevent them either. I was extremely afraid of "losing control" and harming myself or other people without meaning to. It's a terrible feeling, but therapy and medication have done wonders for me. I'm doing a lot better now. To anyone struggling with this, always remind yourself that having violent intrusive thoughts doesn't mean you're a bad person. If possible, reach out. Never be ashamed of getting help. You're not alone! ♥
I had/have pure OCD. during pregnancy. The intrusive thoughts left me bed bound and in therapy every day with an eventual admission to a private psychiatric hospital. I thought I was the only one, that was 30yrs ago when it wasn't understood or recognized. I'm happy to not be alone anymore.
Thank you for your bravery and vulnerability in sharing this, Erica. You are obviously very intelligent and have done a tremendous amount of work to be able to discuss this so eloquently, thoughtfully, and with such profound self-awareness. I learned a lot about myself and my partner through watching this.
This is amazing to see, someone with such a similar mental process as yourself. Thank you so much for sharing your experience Erica. Because people with Pure O don't display any compulsions , people think it's all in our head and it's not a big deal/not as serious as other mental disorders. This couldn't be farther from the truth. I was diagnosed 9 years ago when I was 15 and there have been times when this disorder has driven me to the brink of insanity. I think the biggest factor in my healing is just accepting that I have OCD and that this is something that will be with me my whole life. Instead of putting so much effort into "fighting back" or working against the thoughts, I just let them be there, no matter how intrusive, or annoying or repetitive they are. Any sort of mental disorder can be very lonely because no one else knows what exactly you're going through, or what it's like to be trapped inside your own head. Thank you so much for sharing, and thank you to SSBK. Sending every bit of strength and resilience your way
Wow, I’m on the ocd spectrum and this was seriously insightful and has helped me in a personal way. Thanks for helping me sort through an obsession through talking about your experience!
The work Erica has been doing in therapy really shows! In her self-awareness and ability to clearly communicate her internal life. Also props to her partner for understanding communication and compromise. These two show big emotional maturity for young people. Thank you for sharing this! Their journey is great to hear for anyone with obsessive/ruminative tendencies, like this one here 😊
FINALLY i can show my closest ones video about my daily challenges. Thank you Erica so much for coming to this show and thank YOU for interviewing her and her boyfriend! I appreciate so so much. Have an amazing day!
This video helped me learn that there are a lot more similarities between Pure O and PTSD than I originally thought. When you were describing how you'll have thoughts that are intrusive, repetitive, and not within your control- and have to do mental gymnastics to become self aware and get yourself out of it (and sometimes you can't)- it felt like you were narrating part of my experience with PTSD. When I'm having a flashback or disassociating or zoning out, it can feel like a movie is playing out in my mind and I'm trapped in my head. I'll re-experience a memory and re-experience all the harmful self-talk internal dialog I had. Even if I was able to escape this mind maze in the past, it can return and I'll get lost for however long. I guess in retrospect it makes sense that they're similar, as they are both anxiety disorders. Thanks for sharing your experience and making this video.
I just finished up therapy for OCD, (obsessive thoughts with internalized rituals.) Everything you said described exactly my own experience. Fear, shame, guilt, self-hate and judgment…and it’s such a difficult condition to talk about. I am a mental health professional myself, and even though I logically understood what was happening i still couldn’t break the spiraling, the thoughts seemed just “too awful to ignore “. Thank you for sharing your story. So important that people who have OCD/intrusive thoughts are not alone! And hearing someone else explain so eloquently and courageously this condition, makes me less afraid to share my diagnosis with others. Thank you Erica! Maggie
Can u deal with/ handle your ocd better now since u finished up your therapy ? I have ocd too and idk but I feel like therapy doesn’t do anything
I mean yeah I understand it but i still can’t stop myself from doing all my rituals
@@user-zh1gr5mr5q I second your comment. Does therapy help?
@@user-zh1gr5mr5q I'm not op, but seeing a therapist is like seeing a gp, you have to find a good one. When you find a good one, it helps.
My “treatment” for stereotypical OCD only made me turn my compulsions inward and because it wasn’t visible to anyone else I was a “success” I can completely relate to this and never knew until now that it is still OCD even though no one else can see it.
That’s so sad 😞 I’m sorry 😢
same thing for me
sometimes it comes back in the form of visible compulsive behavior but i took medication for 3 years, got fat as a result and it worsened things
Well I am glad you reached this clarity.
Thanks so much for this interview. I recognize myself in Erica's story so much. Us OCD sufferers are incredibly strong!
Thank you for sharing your experiences. It's so helpful to others - and hopefully for you, too. I wish you all the best.
Also, again, I'm so glad the channel began covering varying ages. Your videos have helped and educated so many people. They've helped me. Thank you.
I want to send her a huge hug , thanks for sharing your thoughts 💭
This was a very fascinating interview you'd never know if a person was like this I'm glad she told her story
You are a great comfort to me who struggles to explain this to anyone. Now I know that the therapist wasn’t confirming my fear but triggering my OCD. I cannot tell you the relief in finding community in this chat.
i’m so glad this is being talked about more now, i could’ve used this a lot 2 years ago;(
one thing that helped me a lot was anytime i had an intrusive thought i would agree with it, it was extremely hard for me to do at first but as i kept agreeing like “oh yeah that would totally happen right now” my mind kind of quit obsessing over those things.
i treated those thoughts as if they were bullies, if you laugh at the bullies or don’t give the bullies a reaction to what they said about you or said to you, then they eventually quit saying anything to you because it seems like it doesn’t bother you. i still deal with an intrusive thought every now and then, but the realization that these thoughts are just thoughts and what is happening my mind is ONLY in my mind, changed everything.