Have you heard of "holy roller narcissists"? Dr. Ramani explains!
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This clip from What Happened at Hillsong Church with Noemi Uribe | Season 2; Ep 10
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Executive Producer: Jada Pinkett Smith
Executive Producer & Host: Dr. Ramani Durvasula
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Narcissists are everywhere and these days it seems like everyone has at least one in their lives! Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist, will help you spot red flags and heal from the narcissist in your life. Every Thursday, we will hear first-hand accounts from people who know this territory the best, the survivors.
New episodes weekly on iHeartRadio.
#NavigatingNarcissism #NavigatingNarcissismPodcast #DrRamaniPodcast #NavigatingNarcissism #NavigatingNarcissismDrRamani #NavigatingNarcissismPodcastDrRamani #DrRamaniPodcast #DrRamanNarcissismPodcast
This describes my former pastor husband to a T. He pretended to be a loving, soft spoken man on the outside. In the home he would go into rages with his finger in my face screaming at the top of his lungs. He showed no love or caring. It was all about him. Of course when we were dating he was an angel. I was so intimidated by him I became paralyzed with fear and my health spiraled. I am now divorced, free after 20 years. My health improved, I no longer have panic attacks and I am finally at peace. Thank you Lord!!
My father was a pastor and at home he was mostly annoyed with me, also later in life. I walked away from him.
He was gay and he made fun of me in front of my bf. He criticized me in a labeling way.
People loved his preachings.
Edit and I'm happy for you you are free now 😊🎉❤
Your own atmosphere of kindness and safety instead of hostility and coldness.
Me too I agree 💯 percent ❤❤❤❤
So true there are so many pastors who aren't really called to be pastors. If they do not show the fruit of the spirit in their own home they should not be pastoring a church.
My story is the same. Ex husband was a bishop. He did all that to me but he also abused of his position to dominate the people of the church and they revered him instead of God. He placed himself above god.
Don't know about before my time (1962), but demonic forces Now exist comfortably unchallenged in churches. There IS no place they are unable to dwell now. This is just my personal belief /suspicion. God bless. I hope you have loving friends /family.
This woman is fantasic.
She says what all humans must know.
The narcissistic problems are the outmost problems to mankind.
Thanks for supporting us!
Yes. I grew up in churches and I think in my family this culture surely impacted my youngest years till my 30s, sadly but I never lost my inner freedom.
Midst 30s I suddenly didn't grasp the christian concept anymore and realised it was a fairytale and nothing but generational indoctrination. Bc of Religion I thought I had to set myself apart for God and I loved going out dancing, which was clearly a reason for my father to take me to an evangelical church.
A man in that church told me God would make me feel people's pain. I believed it, that I had to carry other's burdens.
Looking back it was complete madness but I found my way out when I met a boyfriend but he was also manipulative.
Many challenges but I never lost my sanity but I did meet many abusive ppl and didn't have boundaries to cut dangerous ppl off in time.
I had to learn the world's dangers through experience.
❤❤❤
@@NavigatingNarcissismPodI try what you suggest, it’s difficult for me
There’s nothing worse than having narcissistic parents
Yes,there is! Having narcissistic or bipolar or any other mental illness in your children!!
Yes,there is! Having narcissistic or bipolar or any other mental illness in your children!!
I wholeheartedly agree!! It’s a double edged sword: Part 1 is their current children have to be in their company presently, and part 2 is those children themselves will have a high chance of being narcs themselves and/or bringing their children up that way.
@elcee7800 ... that's y u separate urself asap
Me too I agree 💯 percent ❤❤❤❤
Nothing can be more truth than this🙏🏽⭐️
This, sadly, also applies to our current political climate. My narcissist husband berates and verbally abuses me because my opinions differ from his. He is now divorcing me. I happily left and and now regaining my self esteem and inner strength.
Good keep it goin… 💪
I hear you on that!
You're so right, and use political views to be self righteous. I have a relative who said the people in the family who don't vote the same as he does are a bunch of idiots.
I hope you have a happy life now. You are entitled to your own opinions and to be happy x
Look after you. First priority.
I ❤️ Dr.Ramani !! She eloquently states Truths with conviction and compassion !
I can confirm! They have a good look when in church, but in every day life, they are otherwise
A million times yes!!!!!!! Puts down others so quickly and so much cruelty but then will go and say he would take his shirt of his back for anyone. Yeah, anyone that "follows the rules" as you said. Perfect explanation
I have family members like that. They play the "im a good hearted person" then go behind your back and talk bad about you to everyone that will listen. One of them used morality to shame and yet everything is a double standard with them.
Urghh! That ex told people that he hates people who abuse the weak and yet he has beaten up his sister and me. They are just plain liars! Demons!
I have a daughter like this. I was blind to it because she was always such a soft spoken person and was always “polite”. It took me until she was 17 to see the manipulation. She put our family through hell!! She has cut everyone out of her life one by one because they started to call her out. But will talk about us all to anyone that will listen. She can’t keep a friend but it’s all my fault because I did t “warn” her when she was little that this could happen. Even though I spent their childhood teaching them about self accountability and responsibility! It’s heartbroken!!
Exactly. Same situation here.
@@notconfused1676Do you know if your daughter went through any abuse during childhood? I know someone who is soft spoken and polite but they’re a psychopath. It’s pretty unsettling. She’s very traditional and is the embodiment of the ideal Japanese woman but she is so cold and ruthless; she has attacked her brother multiple times since they were children. We are not friends because we are complete opposites in terms of what we value in life and so we dislike each other.
@@tomocchii The calmer and more controlled they are...
And they are also the ones criticizing lively, spontaneous ppl. Or ..they will insult and belittle expressive people to shut them down.
I’ve witnessed this in my own family. Deeply ingrained generational narcissism. Holier than thou personalities that are always at church but are back biters and vindictive outside of church. They almost destroyed my mother. We haven’t spoken to them in decades. Best thing we ever did.
Those types tend to be back-biting and vindictive INSIDE the church as well.......
@@miriamhavard7621or same in country club. pompousity ubiquitous.
@@miriamhavard7621Whoever controls the alter controls the people. However Churches & Christians from the religious communities always gets the worst slandering when *_*MOST RELIGIONS_** all have Narcs running around their congregation/mass/mosque/temple/synagogue/church. Same as voluntary & charity & education & medical communities & institutions !!!
Unfortunately your statements are so true. I work in the medical industry after working over 25 years in non medical social services. Besides the doctors, surgeons, nurses who are so abusive in general; I try to be invisible in plain sight since they can have god complexes and will ruin your work reputation just because they can.
I know them well. Self serving morality to shame judge and use other people.
This describes my mother and my 50 years experience of her growing up as as a child, young adult and now middle age woman. It’s taken decades to understand her personality trait and her coping mechanisms
I experienced this myself. It broke me down for 3 year while we were in that church. I had no idea what a narcissist was until this pastor and it broke me. We finally left our entire life behind at that time when we broke away. It's taken years, but listening to people like Dr Ramani has helped me very much.
My mother to the fullest
Same my friend. You’re not alone. Similar story for me. But the pastor was my boss. I was on staff.
@melaniemungia8685 I'm so sorry to hear that! The pastor was my boss too technically, I worked for the church but for next to nothing as the church clerk handling the finances. So much story to tell, but I'm happy we have resources like Dr Ramani ☺️
Me too I agree 💯 percent ❤❤❤❤
This is so common in law enforcement, as well. I swear narcissists pursue those positions strictly out of reinforcing their superior persona.
Makes sense, they love power over others.
@@leahmerchant1475 and the hero complex 🙄
Cops are all in ego trips. Delusions of grandeur. Wimps with guns. Stay clear.
They are judge & jury in the field. It's a perfect storm.
It's terrifying because they will most likely sympathise with evil criminals 😢
This is my Mormon Mom!! I clawing my way back from this. Just set boundaries last week and was met with financial abuse and my HIPPA records released, by good ol mom
HIPPA violations, aka breaking the law, is taken seriously by the government. The offender may get serious fines imposed, or maybe jail time.
I'm so sad you experienced this 😢❤
Thank you Shari. Well it got worse last week...she was so uncomfortable with the boundaries, she tried to break into my house and then told me I should kill myself if I am always to sick to go get a pedicure with her. (Diagnosed with Lupus last year). I decided to use this as the chance to FINALLY 100% remove her from my life and gratefully I have all the priceless help from Dr. Ramani, so I was able to set up legal, financial and therapy help ahead of time. Speak to my brothers and father to let them know ahead of time as well that I am doing my best to stay positive etc but set boundaries and if she continues to escalate abuse I will leave and that they had no duty to support me or take sides and that I would always be there for them.
Well....now her true colors are there for all to see and was so surprised to have my brothers and dad taking me to movies and giving me so much love.
Strangely the man I am dating is very upset and victim shaming. But he is probably frustrated because his family is not supporting him in a grey rocking his horrible father...
THANK YOU Dr.R you should get a Peace Prize.
Thank you Janet also, I took your advice as well! So awesome to have a community
Report her. That is illegal. She committed a crime. I would tell the church elders too. Let the church deal with her. It's your Christian duty. Don't protect her from, the consequences of her crime. She would report you so..........
my Mormon Mom too…. it’s a sickness. Just started therapy for my CPTSD diagnosis. They get worse as they age.
I agree. I come across so many that use religion as their ticket to behave however they like .
They are also usually hypocrites!
I was supposed to play by, "Their Rules", or be slain through their self righteous holy roller blame shifting, smear me campaigns, accusing me, condemning and punishing me for their hypocritical battering me for being the sole failure to "play by The Rules". Monster Narcissists!😢
Me too I agree 💯 percent ❤❤❤
My husband exactly. Always tells me that I am always an embarrassment to him
I needed to hear this. The pentecostal church was notorious for this. I went to these types of churches.
I had a narcissist in my life who loved bringing up hurtful things that happened in my life. You notice I said HAD. Knowledge is power! Thank you, Dr. Ramani ❤
They will cheat, lie, steal, rage out on you for the smallest thing, and then say, "How can you kick me out and not forgive me? You call yourself a Christian??"
They are not too smart but very nasty.
It's true.
Ooo you hit this one on the head for real...yes
❤Yes, the Demonically enhanced "Enlightened" 1%, the're everywhere it seems.
Monsters
We had an assistant pastor, & he & his wife were this kind of narcissist. They lied, started fights, wasted money, caused issues with outside charities, caused some people to leave, etc. I’m so glad they moved states away, but they will cause the same issues everywhere they go for life. I’ve seen other lay people like this too. These types of people are responsible for turning so many people against Christianity & breaking down many hearts. One of my biggest regrets is allowing religious abusers to keep me from church & my relationship with God for years; it only caused me more pain & took away life’s greatest comfort.
That is horrible. I'm so sorry you had these experiences. I had no idea there were such sick monsters all around us. You just don't know who to trust. They are so deceptive.
Every pastor I know in the black church! I’m not talking about the TV personalities. I’m talking about the church down the street. They LOVE showing up at an event and getting a good seat or being asked to speak. They even have an unnecessary “preacher” voice.
As a person that was once expected to continue in the ministry like many in my family, I’ve been very close to these people. They are incredibly damaging in their need to put their shame on someone else. There are so many skeletons in these closets. Whew!
One thing I haven’t done is give up my faith, though. Just because many narcissists are religious, it doesn’t mean those of us that choose to live by faith and observe a faith have to run from God. You’d be surprised (or not) at how many times the Bible mentions the characteristics of narcissists as traits God abhors. This thing isn’t new. Narcissists always flock to institutions where they can attempt to be the moral authorities and have power over others. Religion fits.
Well said!
Also Drs and Surgeons 🎯
This is so well stated, I'm sorry you've dealt with so much of this too. And I wish you well in your journey away from these folks as you keep your faith. Not easy at all. All blessings to you.
💗
“Church hurts” are VERY real and religious narcs are often the cause.
I have been studying this for a long time now and finally you have been able to explain what I am experiencing. I knew there was some narcissism involved in my situation but it wasn’t hitting enough flags, right up until you said this in this short.
You just described my two sisters. So I don't reach out anymore to the toxicity.
My Narc is a Minister…OMG. I am praying for a Miracle❤
Get away from him. Please.
Me too I agree 💯 percent ❤❤❤❤
Going through this now with a family member. If we don't do what he says he turns into a bigger bully. Feels like abuse and unfortunately we have legal ties that have to get worked out preferably without making the situation worse.
Love this. Spot on. Knocked it out of the park with this. This right here
This is my sister! She was married to a pastor and they had 4 kids. She divorced him a few years back but is still judging others. I just caught her stealing $150,000 from our 93 year old fathers retirement account. When she was found out, she went on the attack against me and tried to smear me to other “family” members.
Brilliant!!!!!! Thank you, Dr Ramani!!!! This is amazing. #SelfRighteousNarcissim.
I had no idea of these subtypes.
🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹 all the roses for you!!!❤❤❤
This phrase was genuinely new to me. Awesome. Thank you.
“How can they see you if they don’t have a self?!”
Perfect description of the manager at a job from which I just extracted myself. She embodies all of the characteristics mentioned...especially the last one.
Yep, my mother all the way. She is a Holy roller and I cut her off for many reasons. I changed my phone number and email addresses. The only way she can get a hold of me is by mail. She is sneaky in that she types her envelopes out so it looks professional and when I open it it's hand written. In the latest letter she told me " I can only hope you can experience the world of forgiveness that I live in where nothing bothers me and it's so freeing.". Well, clearly this bothers her because I'm not the one reaching out and could careless how she is doing. She hates that she has no control or power over me. Best decision I made for myself and my kids. I lost my entire family when I did this but they enable her and that on them not me.
Ulgh I hate those communication 'attempts' with their indirect holy moral lectures. Projection.
I ignored a manipulative aunt and told my mother to not give her my address but my mother gave it ti her avyway.
This aunt sent me a bday card it said: sharing is multiplying 🤢
And it had 50 euro on it.
She knew I didn't want anything to do with her
She always tried to put me down.
Prople who cut other people off are narcissists as well. Remember that.
I moved and still get mail addressed to my mom at my new place. I never gave her my address.
I just found your videos today, and you keep validating point after pount about my mother- and this was definitely one of hers. "Jesus loves you (because he has to) but he talks to me EVERY DAY."
My ex would rage all the way to church and turn holy as soon as we pulled into the church's street. People would say how blessed they were by my ex's prayers. I would want to gag. He later ended his life after our divorce. The mask is too hard to keep up after a fall from grace.
you just described my x, screaming what happens in the house stays in the house..the chicken facade, he was a coward who ran away from me when I went to talk about my son, he is going to reap all the wicked falsehood back to him, he never loved me, lied all the time, abused me and played victim and told my friend it's not her GAME, mind you he lied saying that you try not jump from a truck, when he was who broke my back in try not run with over and dumped me on the street.. insecurity ISSUES thinking he was so Special..what happens in the dark will come out to the light no one can mock Jeh God..
Jesus!! That's crazy! I am glad you're free. This sounds like my ex-husband. Super active in church, close with the pastor, charismatic and charming, always preaching in his FB posts but a monster behind closed doors. One of the most abusive ppl you've ever met. He put his hands on me and I took off a few days after. He was going to take me out this earth. Even after he confessed to doing some evil things no one believed him and they were convinced he was just "too good of a man" and it was emotional distress from me leaving him.
ah....the "Miracle of the Parking Lot" we had a sermon series on that a few times. Blessed enough to NOT have a narc pastor.
Lived this with my toxic self-centered ex spouse. I witnessed him cuss out a family member on the phone after playing the pious Christian father and husband. He quickly endeared himself to rhe pastor and elders. I wanted out and saw the same traits in the pastor. Glad I exited the cult and the marriage
Totally 100% agree with this 👍👍👍👍👍
This is my (62F) sister(64)! I've lived with her exhibiting all of these traits for most of my life. In the past few years, she's even gotten involved in a Baptist type church, so that rings true, as well.
What she criticizes/judges people about, (especially me, even when it's something I don't do), she does herself! She drives me crazy.
It’s helped me to recognize that pattern to call it:
Confession through projection
It’s super common criminal behavior. Abused as a child by this now I’ve seen it so much I’ve been able to see it for what it is, and become more adept at keeping to my integrity and stability rather than being taken out by Re stimulation of PTSD from the past abuses. My abuser went on to live as as a destructive Sociopath and still runs the blame shaming petty defensiveness of confession, through projection. It’s the method of tyrants and evidence of their suffering and corruption. It seems like I have had to become proficient in an internal martial art in order to live with serenity and freedom in the face of such tyranny
You nailed this like 1000%!
I know four people like this and it's a real thing.
Its real
Thank you DR.RAMANI ❤🎉
The narcissist can't break me anymore
Well stated, as usual Dr. Ramani.
Yep and they misinterpret the Bible for their own agenda and justify their own misogyny with it as well. I so look forward to covering this more on my channel and would love to have Dr Ramani as I guest one day on my show 🙏🏽
I hope that you don’t use your show to attack Christians. Not everyone is evil or narcissistic who attends church. Many are giving, loving, and selfless. The Bible says that in the last days that the wheat and the weeds are going to grow together, but in the last days that God is going to separate them. The wheat represents the true Christians, and the weeds are the ones who attend church, but are not genuine or born again Christians.
Thank You Dr. Ramani examine such a delicate subject with such Grace. Gracias a usted I have the clarity to start the healing process ❤
Well said! I battle against this crap 24/7. Pulled out of church because of it. Sad how many people are oblivious to it. Wish everyone was just healthy, and had love & respect for one another. ✌️Many take, few give. Accept and be accepted. When invited, invite. Life isn’t a one way street. We have intersections.
I love Dr Ramani..
She is very accurate and knowledgeable ❣️
Thank you for posting this. This explains my ex-husband to a T he is a very holy Christian and rages breaks. Laws is his own God and almost killed me behind the scenes. On the way to church he would be so angry at me for taking too long to get ready in the bathroom… And I was just taking the normal time that a lady needs And we would walk into the church and he would act so kind and nice and put his arm around me while he sat in the pew like he was so tender and a loving husband. When he had just destroyed me on the way to church and people fell all over him with compliments and said what a man of God he was, and I wanted to cry and throw up. He wore two masks so skillfully. But after the divorce people are starting to see behind his mask because he doesn’t even, take care of his children which I’m glad Innoway because he’s a narcissist and very toxic to be around for them.
But he drops in when he wants to when it’s convenient for him when he has a desire to go get ice cream then he takes the kids without any warning.
I wish someone would make a video about living with a narcissist, and not letting them change who you are… I’m talking about where you start becoming like them in order to cope. Or you start getting so angry and bitter at the way they’re treating you that you start miss treating them back and you see yourself just as ugly as they are. It’s so scary when before you knew you were a sweet, tender flower of a lady and over the years you become a calloused Person who hast to manipulate in order to survive yourself! I wish someone would create a video about that and how to heal from that I’m definitely healing over the years, but I’ve been disgusted at the person I became living with a narcissist, and I didn’t know I was living with a narcissist until after I left, and I discovered that term and research what it meant. And then the lightbulb went on and I realized oh my gosh yes this is exactly what I’ve been dealing with all these years and why I think I was going crazy!
Thank you again ❤❤❤❤❤❤
The beautiful Dr. Ramani, now with modern beats behind her. What more could we ask for?
Dr. Ramani I noticed your way of speaking is more relaxed, your makeup, hair and clothing is more elegant.
I love ❤️ your new look.
Thanks sister true facts ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
There are a lot of people like that around the church.
They also use "moral blackmail".
They hide behind the cloak of goodness and religion.
Difficult to detect and even more dangerous.
Spot on!! Exactly what I've dealt with!!
One word said it all ; shame. They may be kind sometimes but they shame the others for not being like them. Grateful for your content 🙏
thank you
Mrs. Doctor .
It's amazing the narcissistic expert therapist has to ability to study people so well things a narcissistic always does project and deflect and deny or never take accountability for the true mistreatment and evil actions against others
No need to study it, I'm sure she's probably from a family of them
Dr Ramani , you’re a beautiful woman. Inside and outside. Thank you so much for all you’re doing ❤
I think my father may have had the self-righteous type. He once woke me up in the middle of the night, as a teen, and made me come into the den, where he told me he was thinking about killing me. He claimed I was the reason his church wouldn't make him an elder. I was practically a nun as a teen- ager! I had to leave the house and go to a motel for the remainder of the night. I recall my anxious mother stuffing money into my hand and giving me the car keys. But, of course, she didn't call the police on my dad. 🙄
That's unbelievable. But I believe it. They are fkg nuts. Why do people enable this kind of behaviour. ?
@@leanne123 I think she enabled him cause she loved him, and didn't want him to go to jail. It would have ruined his "perfect" reputation, her social standing, as well as taken the breadwinner away.
@@brendaleverick3655 Yeah that makes sense. That's how they get away with that shit. They con people into caring about them so they are protected. I'm so sorry you experienced that and at a time that you couldn;t even leave. Horrendous. 😥💔🙋
@@leanne123 Thank you Leanne. 🙏🏼
This is the most heartbreaking story I've read, heard or experienced yet. Thank you for telling us about it, Brenda. I'm so sorry you had to go through that trauma.
Accurate description of my beloved narcissist.🤩👍🙏
When I was young I assumed a religious person was what they claimed..I met so many Christians who felt they had more of a connection to God or more of Gods favor...it felt like a competition...I was always honest so I trusted..them..but as I hot older I realized how toxic they wete they weaponized either the Bible or religion to put others down or control.....
Yeah I know what you mean. That's why true Christians follow Christ and not man or other Christians. It is so important because Christian character should be the complete opposite.
In religious groups narcissists instead try "use verses" from the book etc instead to be able "legally" push your down.
oh yes! I've been seeing this personality come out in full force recently. This is a spot on elucidation.
You just described my mom.
I LIVED. IT. TWICE...MY. DEAR...
Oh boy, Dr. Remini, you really stepped into it this time!!! 😅😂. Volumes could be written about this topic! Please speak more about this dynamic. It’s an important wake up call.
I see correlation in how my father behaved in that description. Your videos are very insightful and helpful. Many thanks. Xx
Very interesting. I left a church about six months ago due to, what I now know to be narcissistic behavior in the pastor. I’d both experienced and learned some pretty awful stuff about him, so I was in the process of deciding if I should stay there. One day last August, he wanted me to come to his office, but tried to make it seem like I was voluntarily coming in to talk to him.Because I was so naive, I didn’t suspect that he wanted to take advantage. All he did was tell me about his adult son’s back child support debt and insinuated that I might want to pay some or all of it off. Some months later, this meeting came up again in texts. He denied the whole thing and was highly agitated because my family no longer wanted to visit the church due to him calling me to his office under false pretenses to hit me up for money. My closest friends were also opposed to my involvement at his church because of his totally ungodly methods. Their knowing about this meeting really ticked him off, so he lied and denied! We met to discuss this but all he did was put me on the defensive and attack me. I later found out from a friend at that church that he was always telling her how wonderful I was and all kinds of positive things about me. However I realized he was trying to manipulate me through her and when that didn’t work, he attacked and abused me with his authority. A very troubled man!
You are amazing🎉
I’m binge watching all of your videos and commenting on every single one of them since I see that my ex has been a narcissist . What was just a topic that I was talking about with my therapist is now so apparent to me because of you that it gives me peace of mind.❤
Thanks to you Dr. Ramani, just now discovered this sub-type which helped me finally put a name to what my gut was telling me about this person (not family). they made me very uneasy, like they a nice predator. I knew they were narcs but because of the subtly, guess I had to see even deeper through their facade.
So* true! My Grandpa was a Preacher all of His life. My Mother did this to my siblings and I. It was done to Her by Her Dad. His Mom did it to Him... this is spot on🎯
🕯️❤️🔥🗣️
We are all trapped in a narc system. If anyone has gone through the ringer not only surrounded by them throughout life... but is unseen & has had interactions with high profile ppl as well through out life... it is VERY difficult for overly empathetic supply to navigate. They run the machine and documentation so as an isolated, traumatized person... if trying to play by their rules... and also be resilient it is sad bc they wear multiple masks so if trying to expose them or broken system to help others, a person is forced to shame or blame them at some point. Though is terrifying because they can turn it around onto the underdog.
Thanku Doctor. You have been more enlightening then anyone else iv listened to
Thank you again, for putting the spot light on these more hidden forms. Would love to see more from you on this particular form as I don't think it gets enough attention. Especially the more covert versions of it, or when it's mixed with others forms (humanitarian, vulnerable) The self righteous version is rampant in my life as I was born into a since-failed fundamentalist Christian cult, father was the leader. Then got sucked into a couple other rather culty sub sects of fundy Christian churches when I got on my own. So glad to be out of it, but still so much work to heal and unlearn. Still looking for better therapy options as I've got cptsd and loads of abuse they my life too.
Someone finally called it. Thank you.
Lord please don't let this be me because I do advocate living by scripture. We are all prone to needing correction our behavior.
That is true but in no way compares to Narcissistic abuse.
@@leanne123 exactly!! no human is perfect but narcissism is other level type wickedness!!
You know if it's you or not.
@@carolyn4423 Not always. We don't see ourselves the way others see us.
TRUTH-thanks Dr. Ramani!
You are always welcome
true doctrine: one can admonish or correct a fellow believer but God judges the unbelievers. a believer shld have discernment and be able to spot a place to flee for their own sake and beliefs.
Very true. There are A LOT OF NARCS IN CHURCHES!! I am a believer, but it is the truth. They view true believers and wounded ppl looking for refuse as easy prey and they oftentimes are!
Oh my. I really needed this!!! So close to last weekends adventure!
And I describe the holly roller mother of mine who is a Malignant Covert Narc...
Sadistically Catholic fits best
God bless you it's nice to hear somebody speaking the truth
And my Mom was a narcassist and she was emotionally unavailable at times. But she was human and did a phenomenal job considering how she was raised. Judge not lest ye be judged
I can relate to this. Thing is, narc mom’s will never let you judge them but they will judge/criticize you all the time.
My mom did the best she could with the little she had. I’m in awe of her drive to survive. We never went hungry. We always had nice clothing. Our homework was always done, but we were emotionally starved kids. Few hugs, and only when strangers were watching. My business was always in the streets. Boundaries were never respected. Overall, it was a very toxic environment and it saddens me that so much of this toxicity is considered culture and religious tradition.
So, yeah. I’m judging my mom, my dad too.
Judgment is a necessary so we don’t keep getting hurt by people not worthy to be in our lives or too close in our lives. Test that fruit. Fruit and red flags are related. Both require judging and deciding whether or not it’s acceptable.
My mom is incapable of receiving criticism or hearing she did anything wrong. As such, she isn’t safe for me or my kids. We figured this out by holding her behaviors up to the light of day, and judging her.
It’s not about judging, but is about many other things, like survival, & learning right discrimination. We are each responsible for what we allow into our lives, so if in a destructive situation figure out a way to get out. Educating ourselves about behaviors that are controlling and manipulative is what we learn to do to protect ourselves, preserve our sanity, grow up, not be a victim, protect our kids, and create a good life.
Sometimes, you have to call a spade a spade. It doesn't mean that you hate someone, or wish I'll on it, but there's no reason to be in denial about situations.
Uh-oh, sounds like a what they call in narcissism, a "flying monkey". This is the mindset that enables my grandma to be a narcissist. No one calls her out on her wrong and if others do, they will character assassinate the person and make a billion excuses for her. She triangulates and causes so much drama, loves to see her kids fight, yells, curses, and is a cantankerous woman. If you dare say anything about their idol you will be ripped to shreds and called everything but a child of God!! Protecting their abuser!!
I CUT THEM ALL OFF!! If my mom wasn't my mom I'd cut her off too. They are cancers to society.
@@miriamhavard7621 you're witnessing narcissistic programming. My mother "doesn't feel good enough" so she will climb mount Everest to try to gain her mother's love and affection. She treats her and everyone like crap and she and her siblings are flying monkeys. This is how they are conditioned like the OP, and they will chop you up in pieces if you dare tell it like it is about their abuser and will tell the world how horrible you are, while the narc sits back and smirk and bask in the chaos and strife! They are all ahabs to the jezebel!!
🎉🎉🎉🎉 absolutely true thank you Romani
OMG! This is how my father was. My oldest sister liked to party aka drink a lot, my father told her he was not interacting or speaking to her until she changed her life style. For 15 years they were estranged. He was also the sexuality police for all his children and even neighbors. Somehow he had different standards for his favorite children and overlooked their most egregious behavior. I grew up never feeling I could talk to him without defending myself in matters that were really none of his business. LOL He threatened me with reporting me to social services because I picked my child up from school 15 minutes late. I was 35 and he assumed I had to be f-ing someone because I was late. I blasted him pointing out that when I was a child and I reported a sexual invasion by another family member, he had long ago lost his right to say anything about my box. I am so glad he was like he was, I learned to protect myself, solve my own problems and be ultra self sufficient. Narcs give you a hell of an education on being a decent person, if you know how to learn from negative examples.
This is my mother, quite literally a holy roller. Deconstructing fundamentalist conservative evangelical Christianity cult survivor here! Also late diagnosed autism as well 😂 but this concept of the religious expectations of my mothers personality, and then later putting together the other piece of the narcissistic parts of her personality, is something that has been a difficult thing to understand and relearn for me. Hearing you address it this directly is really validating but also helpful intellectually in that there is more, especially for me personally, in that concept and it's relation to deconstruction for those surviving these relationships
Wishing you peace and healing thru this arduous process. Still unlearning so much from my own holy roller, fundy Christian cult, narc family of origin. And then went to a different form of it as an adult. So difficult.
Absolutely. Even having a name for it has helped me so much.
@@orielwiggins2225 I'm glad we can share that experience, while I'm terribly sad you had to go through that. You deserve to take care of yourself, I hope you will continue doing all the hard work because you deserve the healing along the way. We aren't alone, we have each other, and there are also apostate resources if you ever need to look into that as well!
@@musicalexistence1 thank you! do you have any favorites? I'm just recently becoming comfortable admitting out loud (occasionally, tho it still feels awkward and makes me a bit insecure) that I was born into a since failed cult, and narc family system that has not failed at all, it's thriving in it's dysfunction, and spent the overwhelming majority of my life brainwashed by so many lies and wounds and the trauma bonds and cptsd are so real and multilayered with abuses of all kinds. Would love to have ideas to supplement my ongoing attempts to find good support and healing modalities.
@@orielwiggins2225 it seems like everytime I try to reply to this with links it disappears, so not all that regrettably I'll point you in the direction of Genetically Modified Skeptic who provides these resources on every single one of their videos, and Fundie Fridays a Fundie snarker that is gonna help you laugh your way thru deconstruction 😂
Mmaann she's spot on!
AMEN! This is my mom and family to a T!
My sister! EXACTLY 🎯💯
Oh no 😮 she just described one of my closest friends
Best advice....IGNORE THEM. 😊
I'm married to, and just escaped, a communal narcissist pastor AND he's dying of stage 5 cancer! 42 years later. But Jesus will have the last say I am confident. It’s the damage done that grieves me most. I m not sure my husband knows how evil he has been. He thinks his decisions are impeccable
I'm with ya
I was once married to a pastor. And this is exactly why I got divorced, he was a self righteous narcissist!
Did you meet my mom?!!
This is a type I’ve experienced. I’m glad to hear it has a unique definition. The characteristics all fit together in their actions and ways of being.
Describes the LGBTQ community and the current situation in America on point.😅
Not sure what you meant with your comment?
Your comment makes absolutely no sense at all
Looking great Dr. Ramini
Wow! You nailed it.
I was so confused before I heard you speak on this (my ex to a T). I've never heard anyone else speak about this type before thanks again doctor Ramani
Yeah, this needed to be brought out in the open. Leave it to Dr Ramani to take the bull by the horns and put it up on UA-cam! Awesome work, Dr Ramani, you dear courageous lady!
Amen, she's right!!!
Well this should be taught in the church. It would definitely expose who we call the devil. Starting from the head down. Thank God for this exposure of #truth and #facts = light🙏🏾
BAM!!! Speaking nothing but facts here .
Wow. Right on.
I spot them right away. Then I let them make a fool of themselves. Our world is full of them.
yes I totally agree, seen it in some people, not hard to pick these people out
I try to steer clear of these people. but if I can't. I remain courteous. & cordial
Thank you for saying this