Insecure Avoidant Attachment
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- Опубліковано 5 вер 2024
- In this video we discuss insecure avoidant attachment styles.
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Coach Craig Kenneth
Craig Kenneth
Just want too let you know the workbooks are coming on great 👍🏻
Also my LDR Ex GF reached out today for my Bday!
This is huge !
I havnt replied yet
I’m busy with work
But I’ll reply in a few hours too say Thankyou 🤗👍🏻
Excellent. Please discuss Fearful Avoidant vs Dismissive Avoidant and push-pull dynamics. Thanks for posting.
wizetek Fear Aviodant has characteristics of both anxious and avoidant. They tend to lean one way or the other depending on their partner - anxious partner brings out their avoidant side and avoidant partner brings out their anxious side.
Dismissive avoidants don’t have the anxiety- they both have trust issues but a dismissive tends to shut down and retreat, feel they are better off alone although deep down they desire connection. The dismissive avoidant’s actions are more consistent, fearful avoidant more erratic fluctuating between anxious and avoidant. Both styles contribute to the push/pull dynamic in a relationship. (Thais Gibson has excellent videos on attachment.)
@@sshuteandrew Good info. Thanks for taking the time to reply. I watch Thais regularly but I'm curious how Craig & Margaret would frame it. Also, I've checked out your YT playlists and see many familiar sources. New to me was Dr. Carmen McGuinness so I'm happy I looked. Cheers.
wizetek You’re very welcome. Yes, I’ve been studying attachment a couple years now. Best wishes to you!
@@sshuteandrew thank you-do avoidants ever come back or miss the one they left? i guess they dont feel they are worthy of love or feeling good?
@@michellefalco9773 I asked my ex if he missed me at all, and he told me "I havent missed you in a relationship since. I'm focusing on me" in the beginning of the break up when I mentioned I thought we always enjoyed each others company and had a good time together he said, I'm not gonna lie and say I dont miss it. So I dont know what the truth is. I know I miss him but he says he doesnt miss me. It's a really hurtful position to be in.
This hit way too close to home. Thank you and Supreme Leader Margaret for helping all of us through these situations and helping bring to light all the things we would have never even thought of to help us move on.
✨Margaret brings serenity✨that I can’t even explain. Thank you Craig for your empowering channel.🙌🏻💯
I truly appreciate how you teach us about the clinical aspects of relationships. Your topics and lexicon help me. You two are champions!
Sounds so familiar to my situation.
I’m convinced the girls I’ve dated has deep rooted childhood and possibly youth trauma in addition.
Extreme patience is how I survived but we all reach out boiling point.
I am a strong person but there are things that. She’s done to me that hurts inside no matter how strong we are…. Thank you for this video. It makes me realize I’m not alone! .
That was the EXACT story of me and my ex!! Good to hear this info. Helps me not to blame myself so painfully. Thanks Craig & Margaret!
This really makes me think that my Fearful Avoidant Boyfriend is just a lost cause. Like there is no future or hope with anyone that is Fearful Avoidant.
Don't ever stand beside any kind of avoidants, let alone date or God Forbid MARRY One🤦♀️🙏🏻🙅
Whether it is dismissive or fearful or whatever the fuck type of avoidant that is!! Just 🏃💨RUN! 🙏🏻
You are not responsible to Bear the weight of somebody else's trauma 🙅
You deserve better! Avoidants don't change even when they are 60 because they don't think they are ever wrong!
Do you really want to be with somebody like that..? 🤷♀️What's the lack in you that's attracted towards these empty bastards.. Please fix that in you❤🤗
Avoidants are a🤷♀️ doomed cause anyway and will ruin and break you and your spirit! 😒
@K S Yeah good point. Though it may take a lot of time and effort for them, if you can see they're motivated to change and take action, then there is hope for them and their romantic relationships.
For those who don't want to change or are just unaware of it, well, I'm not sure what to say...
I have been learning so much from this channel since finding it a couple of months ago. It has helped me to not only better myself, but actually tells me how. I can't wait to get the workbooks as well. Thank you Craig and Margaret!!
It's an amazing channel, isn't it!? I found it a year and a half ago. The workbooks are so great as well!
I felt like you were describing my ex in this video!
When my ex left me she said i was a good man and had nothing to apologize for. I know I was kind to her and was even gracious at breakup. She wanted to stay friends with me and it was obvious she wanted to friendzone me but I walked away. Within 2 mths she was dating.
I know you dont like the handwritten letter but i sent her one. I was clear in it that i loved her and could only accept a relationship with her if it was romantic and i cant do friends. I also gently told her that she had avoidant issues and how that effected me. I dont believe she intended to hurt me but she did and I think it was important for her to know.
She actually responded to it, deeply sad how she hurt me and that she is 'seriously thinking about' the issues she has.
Ive had no contact since; 9 mths.
I think of her every day. She was the love of my life. I wont reach out im changing carreers, renovating my house and out dating... but its hard. I need to move on like she isnt coming back and thats tough to do.
I feel for you man, but we nice guys need to work on ourselves too. We need to figure out why we are falling in love with broken women that are not wife material. It's the same mentality as women who want to snag the bad boy and lock him down. It won't work, no matter what you do or say. Some people are just damaged and they are not relationship or marriage material. You can do better than her and you need to get yourself out there and date around. I now screen women before I even consider allowing myself to becoming emotionally vulnerable to her. I find out about her past especially. Did she come from a two-parent home? Does she have a strong, loving relationship with her parents? What is her romantic history like? (it matters bc often damaged women will blame all their past relationship failures on the man and how abusive he was...if they are picking abusive men, that means there is something wrong with their decision making and they are attracted to dysfunctional men). I feel for you though and I hope you get better. You deserve much better than her!
After 9 months, she likely won’t return. It’s sad. Makes you feel like you were never loved at all.
@@joshtuk feels like a punch in the gut even reading that but maybe thats true.
I've been told by mutual friends she hardly posts anything on FB with her new bf. With me we posted often.
She said to me not long before breakup that I was responsible for her new found confidence in herself. I was her first relationship after her marriage ended just several months before she met me. I think I was her rebound?
I suspect she just needed to find out what else was out there. It makes me feel insecure.
I've actually met a lovely lady that adores me but I am sad to say I constantly think of my ex
I do wonder how she looks at me now, since I've started dating.
I've heard it said that they may not want you but when you start dating you suddenly look more attractive.
I wonder if that's true?
Guys work on your self i was in that place the reason im here i get notifications, ive done meditation after i journal, exercise 6 days a week i became a little stoic, that made me move on faster, also try to show emotions that helps trust me i cried, don’t hold anything inside that will keep you hope to get back, im i. 5 months, in NC, im don’t have avoided issues, I’m the opposite when you are alone you learn about your self. I go on long hikes for hours get intouch with nature, this is probably what changed my life, you look at nature for what it is, beautiful” hope something helps trust me this helps have a plan, spend time at the gym you will feel like a million bucks after something rewarding, cheer up guys and girls sorry for my English.
I'm actually going through this right now. It's extremely fresh and new right now. We had a talk where I told her we can't be friends as she found some new guy and I would never disrespect myself by being friends. After I left and told her good luck, she said thanks for coming out and that she enjoyed my company and conversation lol. Talk about confusion.
This video - incredible. A lot of what was said about Avoidants sounds like my ex, but thank goodness not the drastic changes of the body changes. However, were in NC & I left a voicemail before that to encourage her to look into Attachment Styles. I sincerely hope she looks into it & then come back to me.
I recently went through a breakup and this sounds similar to the situation. My ex boyfriend broke up with me over the phone almost a month ago and I am currently in the no contact phase. Thank you for the sharing these videos! They’re truly helpful.❤️
This sounds exactly like my ex. She would find every reason not to move in or meet my family etc. My ex always wants to dress up even when just sitting at home and take pics of herself etc.
My ex was an only child her father was an alcoholic and wasn't really around. She feels entitled and that she is better than everyone else. When we'd go out she'd always want to see who is looking at us etc.
Another great video, guys! Can't thank you enough! I stumbled across one of my favorite albums from U2 being Achtung Baby, the song "So Cruel" describes avoidants so well! It gave me goosebumps after listening to the lyrics with my new insight on these things! I'm still working very hard on my anxious self, but am making progress and it feels great! Thanks again!
Don't ever stand beside any kind of avoidants, let alone date or God Forbid MARRY One🤦♀️🙏🏻🙅
Whether it is dismissive or fearful or whatever the fuck type of avoidant that is!! Just 🏃💨RUN! 🙏🏻
You are not responsible to Bear the weight of somebody else's trauma 🙅
You deserve better! Avoidants don't change even when they are 60 because they don't think they are ever wrong!
Do you really want to be with somebody like that..? 🤷♀️What's the lack in you that's attracted towards these empty bastards.. Please fix that in you❤🤗
Avoidants are a🤷♀️ doomed cause anyway and will ruin and break you and your spirit! 😒
Very helpful, Craig. Thank you both for doing this video.
This is my ex 100%. We have been split up 3 months and I've realised that she is a fearful avoidant. I feel so sad as it's all linked to her childhood trauma.
We have split up several times. She always came back.
She hasn't reached out this timeout. And I don't think she will. Feels final.
Update??
@@SR0490 12 months now and nothing.
@@kgmfencing9835 more?
This video was powerful, thank you Craig and Margaret for your incredible knowledge with avoidant attachment styles.
Thank you for all your videos! Craig is amazing, and Margaret changed my life❤
Thank you both for these videos. They have been helping me understand my ex a lot. PS. I'd love to date a guy like the one who wrote the email! 😊
My ex girlfriend whom I’m in NC with was definitely avoidant and I was anxious. I stirred up a lot of fights due to my anxiety and fear of her not loving me and said some pretty mean things. I pushed her away. I realized my attachment style and was excited to work through things with her but it was too late. As I fought to save our deteriorating relationship, she pulled farther and farther away. She ended up cheating on me and taking no accountability in doing so. She projected the blame on me, said she hadn’t been happy for months, and is now with the guy she left me for (according to social media). She still checks my Instagram stories which makes me think she still cares, or is just curious.
I’m committed to personal development now. If she returns it will be like starting over with a stranger. If not I’m getting better for someone better.
Do NOT get back with her. You can and will do better. She will not change even if you do. Don't go back to the push/pull/chase syndrome. Good luck.
Hell no . Leave it alone. Nobody should be blamed for someone else cheating that's one of their deactivating mechanisms. Have some self respect and leave ...shes keeping tabs on you ..she just showed you he she is...pick up the pieces and move on .
the compulsive, irrational need to relocate sounds like my ex fearful avoidant. she said she wanted to live together, a few weeks later, she wants to leave the state without me.
Omg thank you craigh i was wishing for a video like this, this is the exact replica of my ex, execpt her dad died when she was just a baby, after the break up my ex told me she cheated 3 years ago, ive move on i have no desires to contact her, it’s ben 5 months but this video clearly defines if i ever in my future, use the word IF, thank you craigh And thAnk you margareth you are truly 👼’s
MY WIFE WENT THROUGH THIS, BODY CHANGES AND PREPARING TO LEAVE. WE ARE NOW SEPARATED AND IN LIMITED CONTACT.
this sounds exactly like my ex i just dated. she said the same thing to me how i was the perfect guy but she didn't have romantic feelings towards me and how i needed someone i deserve. but she just wanted to be friends. i don't settle for less so i've gone nc. wish there was a way i could get her to watch this. cause it's similar things in her. but she also had abandonment issues. guess i better not let her see this after saying it lol.
My friend we are like comrades. Your ex sounds like the twin of mine! Its hard.
@@craigmerrila7767 very hard!
same with mine, you feel like if your there for them long enough they will eventually form some attachment but usually ends up building resentment.
my ex also said we could still be friends then very quickly changed her mind and just blocked me on everything because its easier for her that way.
the things mentioned in the video really rang true, especially the only getting to do things once a week/fortnight because they cant handle the closeness more than that and getting them to agree to that is like getting blood from a stone most of the time.
anthony ward that’s what mine wanted but it never works that way with me.
My gut feeling is that for this kind of situation to turn around, you’d need to extremely cool, calm and collected. I feel like DA’s are attracted to their partners in the beginning when their partners are not too “needy”. So the way to make this work is for you to be quite aloof(?)
I’m FA and this is the kind of thing that would attract me back, I wonder if it would be the same for a DA
My girlfriend broke up with me saying she doesn't love me anymore, also because we we're in diferent stages of our life(she works i dont but was getting into it actually, lucky me), said i was gonna be always special and wanted to be friends... All this by text messages wtf..... Also she removed my pictures, told me to remove mine... Day before she called me but I did not answer, next day she called and i answered and she asked how i was doing, I said she had no bussiness with me then she says she felt bad about breaking up with messages and asked me how I was and THEN she started crying when I answered I was fine saying "good to know you're taking this so well" and cried more... Like wtf, breaks up and cries? I havent cried yet but I do love her... Weirdest part for me is that she on the same day as break up posted pictures and many of them has our ring... Changed facebook nicknames too but didnt change our emoji which is a
Thank you Craig. Do you believe that people with avoidant attatchment style (my ex) can come back? Maybe they just move on and forget?
I would like to know this too.
People never forget, my ex is an extremely avoidance individual, she went crazy after i went no contact (she broke up with me,) they show their true colors at the beginning of the break up, after a few months remember they seemed to move on faster meaning don’t go to healing process like we do, they more likely will find a replacement, after a few months they probably break up, because the bond they had with you, they will probably if contact with you will more likely happen later even years, this happen to me te person they discrive is exactly like my ex, they want to make you suffer because when you go no contact they want you to chase, and you don’t chase remember this doesn’t mean contact with them, ive spoken to probably 20,000 people doind ride share service and you get to see, health individuals versus unhealthy, healthy individuals love their parners and will never do something o hurt even if broken up.
@@stillencharger Thank you for your answer. My girl broke up with me over 2 months ago, after 5 years of being together. First love for both of us... After the break up I found out that she has avoidant attatchment style. I would like to work with her on our relationship but she just gave up on me.
Trtt Fhreg do the work trus me it works, self love, after 1st mont i went to gym started learning about the chemicals in our minds how to control and prevent enhaety, on weekends i go for long hikes, I meditate and journal, the first thing you have to do is believe in your self, know that you can do this and trust that everything will be better and last crie when we go true the emotions you start to forget. It work for me and i wish this can happen to most us also delete most of your social media, dont delete accounts but just delete the apps, by doing that your teaching your self that this is not the only source of distraction, if you distract your self do it in something positive on becoming a better vertion of your self, i hooe this helps remember if someone does not want you in their lives you shouldn’t chase them, cheers hope the best because things will be better for you trus me and trust your self.
Don't ever stand beside any kind of avoidants, let alone date or God Forbid MARRY One🤦♀️🙏🏻🙅
Whether it is dismissive or fearful or whatever the fuck type of avoidant that is!! Just 🏃💨RUN! 🙏🏻
You are not responsible to Bear the weight of somebody else's trauma 🙅
You deserve better! Avoidants don't change even when they are 60 because they don't think they are ever wrong!
Do you really want to be with somebody like that..? 🤷♀️What's the lack in you that's attracted towards these empty bastards.. Please fix that in you❤🤗
Avoidants are a🤷♀️ doomed cause anyway and will ruin and break you and your spirit! 😒
If anyone could help me, can you get an ex back even if you were only officially together for a month? She claims she still loves me but doesnt want to be tied down to anyone and wants to be with people without feeling guilty. Despite it being a month we moved very quickly and very loving, I care for her so much and she told me she loved me first. Do I have a chance? Please someone help
I did have a question, unrelated. What is the difference between a pshyco therapist, psychologist, and psychiatrist, if there is one?
How can you win back an anxious preoccupied??
My ex was just like this. She left me for another guy but still cared enough to ask me to be friends with her. I went no contact for myself and well-being, but forgave her because without her input into her insecurity and dilemmas she will be a lost cause surrounded by not fixing herself and wanting to entertain any man that come to her.
PanchoPlant exact same thing happened to me. Except she didnt want to be friends at all. Wish you the best.
B.F well my ex blocked me on social media and realize what I disagreed with in the first place was the right thing. I’m sure she still wonders how I feel after she hurt me, but she seems to be happy with her non-adult approach to her decision so it’s best if let things be things.
My two best friends. Don't you dare making another video without Margaret.
Has anyone ever come back after divorce?
I really need help me and my ex gf are in a long distance relationship it’s been 7 months and she’s broken up with me 8 times over issues that could be talked through instead of talking and moving forward she just ends the relationship this time she said it’s over for good and has blocked me on Facebook but still has me on console I did beg and plead a little bit then backed off it’s been 11 days in no contact and she’s posted that she felt I was needy and she hated the relationship what do I do
Lockdown 720 yikes dude, sounds like she has all the power
DeadExposureDF honestly we get along so well but I’m so broken I honestly don’t what to do
Elaine nicholson I do when she breaks up initially but after that I just step away and go into no contact and she reaches out every time
But we're big fun at parties! 🥳
Hey Coach Craig,
What would you say to this: 15 month girlfriend was heavily anxious attachment type the first 13 months but the last 2 were avoidant. Coincidentally, her sexual assault trial of which she was the victim was during those last 2 months. Is she disorganized? Hard to figure her out.
Hey craig iv already done a email coaching, now i have this question. My ex reached already out 3 times but there was to much stuff goin on in our lifes so we didnt found a day for a Date.
Now im back from hollidays and she dont know that can i reach out now or should i wait again until she reaches out?
I’m not sure if I just don’t feel like dating because I don’t feel good enough about it or I’m An avoidant Type person.
Not feeling good enough is an indicator of avoidant attachment.
Center up that camera and give her some more frame :)
It may be appropriate to also mention how this man most likely showed a lot of 'needy' behavior. You keep saying, 'how sweet of him, what a gentleman', but this can very easily also be seen as 'nice guy behavior' which is coming from an insecurity, too. When someone is already avoidant, then such needy behavior will only add exponentially to the problem. He should've backed off, let her come to him, stop taking care of her etc much EARLIER. This needs to be raised, because our heavily feminist influenced society has emasculated men and made them way too 'touchy feely'. While natural showing of such emotions is attractive both for men and women, way too many men express too much feeling to the point where the woman gets turned off. If one is not aware of such behavior in himself it will be very easy to put the blame on the other, like' "Oh she's just avoidant, that's why she dumped me". Not always.... But there's no question about it; he's better off without her.
uh a single mother with one kid needed 3 jobs to support them? wtf?
Welcome to America
😀
Maybe she's just not into him?
it often seems that way with Dismissive avoidants
Her remains.. 😂😂
She sounds like a narcissist like my ex.