Crushes, rejection, and break ups
Вставка
- Опубліковано 8 вер 2022
- Pre-save Sweaters! distrokid.com/hyperfollow/urs...
Educational info:
- labs.psychology.illinois.edu/~...
- stopthehurt.org/quiz-red-flags/
Thank you to @Katimorton for her professional assistance on this topic!
▶ THE TEAM:
AUDIO EDITOR: Cory
/ morningjoeaudio
STORYBOARDS + LAYOUT: AceofStarz
/ aceofstarz
/ aceofstarz
aceofstarz.wixsite.com/portfolio
BACKGROUNDS + ASSETS:
Oskar
/ oskardraws
/ polaroskar
Clover
/ cloversandmoss
/ cloversandmoss
Nunu
/ nunuistaken
/ nunu91011
ASSISTANT ANIMATORS:
Laddi - scene setup
/ theladdi
Delaney - assistant keys
Breeezy - inbetweens
/ breeezy.png
Viral - inbetweens
/ viral_genesis
/ viralgenesis
PRODUCTION MANAGER: Mel
/ monmiimel
PROGRAMS USED:
▶ ToonBoom Harmony Premium - to animate
▶ Adobe Photoshop CC - background art / thumbnail
▶ Cintiq screen tablet (but I recommend basic cheap pen tablets from Wacom)
▶ Adobe Premiere CC - to edit and compile
STAY CONNECTED!
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▶ MERCH: www.hereforthechaos.com
▶ SECOND CHANNEL: SILLYMATION / @sillymation6485
- I'm sorry, I'm not available to do lines for videos anymore; I've gotten really busy :(
- I am NOT looking for animation or video help! I appreciate your kindness. I'm not in a place where I need to hire people, not even for free.
#illymation #sweaters - Фільми й анімація
hi general statement - the people i drew in my video do not represent anyone in particular; their character designs are purposely random and do not reflect the appearance of actual people i've dated and how they look. the breakup story details are left purposely vague as the point of this video is to help you, the viewer, process a breakup, NOT to bash anyone i've dated. do not bother / interrogate / god forbid, hunt anyone down and claim to do so "on my behalf"-- that is cruel, that is disgusting, and i outright discourage it and disown any "fan" doing this.
Hi
Hope you're doing okay, I'm in a tough situation right now and your videos help a bit, thanks
It’s just like there’s no point in doing it, love your videos!😭
hey! Ilysm
I remember you had a boyfriend in one of your videos (the one where you lost your cat). I was afraid the last guy you mentioned in the video was him.
The way Illy used the chapstick as an indicator for feeling hit really hard. It was seriously a beautiful way to put it! This is an amazing video!
@Don't read profile photo not falling for it its gonna be another rickroll
i don’t get it, can you explain pls?
@@mochimia8606 Well have you noticed at one point they're trying to throw away chapstick. People usually use chapstick for their lips or before kissing and bcs kissing is so important and holds so much emotion so does the chapstick. (PS!! I'm not claiming this as the explanation, this is just how I see it, maybe Illy thought abt it otherwise)
I thought it was pepper spray ;-;"
I know, right? Nice to meet you, Emi! My name is Moony! How are you today? :D
You can feel a slight vibration in her voice, it just tells you how sincere it is and it hits even harder
69th like :D
@@__julia___749 Ruined it >:)
@@__julia___749 no one cares
@@samdoesstuff4924 why so rude? i don't see what youre contributing too the conversation by saying that.its unnecessary.
@@fionam5707 your name is so cool omg im jealous imagine being named Fiona
You almost got me crying at the end, and not just because my divorce still hurts almost a year later. You make super relatable content and I really appreciate it.
yes she dose, the last part hurts me so Ik it hurts you man. i hope you doing ok
if you need to vent or anything feel free to ask for my socials
@@roguesriot147 you know what, someone else to talk to might not hurt. I'll take you up on this offer, thank you!
@@patrickgillespie4414 how are you doing?
@@roguesriot147 I'm doing alright, thanks
I watched this first while in a relationship. It terrified me, because I knew it wasn't going to work, no matter how hard I tried. Now I'm back and it still hurts so much. I'm so scared now that I'm alone.
Don’t worry! It takes 3 months for you to adjust to changes in life, whether that be becoming homeless, losing a job, or anything else, in time, just 3 months, you’ll be back to your default state of happiness.
I got blocked by a casual partner I had a crush on since high school. We were on and off for 8 years, and I thought that, above all, we’d still be friends… until he blocked me. He was my only friend. I felt guilty because after he did, I messaged him through other means, thus crossing a boundary. I didn’t see it that way at the time, I was having a panic attack and didn’t think about that. He said he blocked me because he thought I wouldn’t want to talk to him… probably a lie. Then I ended up, stupidly, sending him more messages, like a freaking wall of text, about how I’d pay him just to talk to be, platonically, one last time so I can end things on a good note, and he didn’t reply, probably blocked me, but if I check I’ll be torn to bits and pieces. He was my first, and my only. Knew him at 13, blocked at 21.
It’s just been a week. I have so many weeks left until 3 months. But I’ll survive, and so will you. I started a medication though, an anti-depressant, it’s called Zoloft. I’ve been on it before and it made me so happy, but it takes 4-6 weeks to work. So many weeks, 3 months, 4-6 weeks. Point is, time heals. I wish we were friends so that we could cry together and hug each other through these tough times. In the grand scheme of things, 3 months is nothing.
Idk if you still feel like this, but it’ll be okay eventually. If it wasn’t right, then that’s okay. You will grow and develop as a person throughout your life, and you will change, and that’s good. And also, there were times in your life when you weren’t dating, right? Proof that YOU CAN DO IT!!!
I agree with @they6337. YOU GOT THIS!!! You are worthy of love whether there is a romantic partner in your life right now affirming that. I believe in you!
I hope you find someone
You can feel happy again. I promise.
as someone currently going through a breakup this is really really comforting for me
@Don't read profile photo okay i won’t
i’m so sorry. i’m sending so much love ❤️
This was really good timing for me too. Found out my partner of four years was cheating on me with a friend on ours and it's just been a big crap shoot. I know I'll be okay, just starting over and picking up the pieces - it's nice to know this experience is shared by so many people and articulated so perfectly in this video.
i know me too
im so sorry
The whole "you'll find love when you stop looking for it" thing is something I roll my eyes at. I met my wife while we were both actively looking for a partner. If I had stopped looking, we'd never have met. I used to hear this one a lot, but I never gave it much thought until after I met my wife. She's also the only romantic partner I've ever had, or could ever want to be with.
Funny thing is I met my partner right at the moment I stopped looking for love and pictured a future alone, not to invalidate your point of view but I think of how wide, funny and weird the world is and I hope your relationship with your wife goes well and nice :)
met my boyfriend the moment I stopped looking for love 🥰
Cool @@oikawatooru273
Yeah, I agree with you. I dated a few people, while looking. But I've actively given up on love and "stopped looking" and sure enough I've gone on no dates. No one has approached me, and I don't intend to approach anyone. It's lonely, but I had to for my peace. It's not so bad. I'm struggling with other things. I'm loving other things. And finding me, myself, and I.
Its different for everyone. Good for you
The fact that the dinner date part with Lumity in the background is most replayed- I love all the little things you add in these videos!
It also had Sidon and Link! I died laughing.
We love to see a neutral view for both sides of a relationship! This hit hard and this is literally my fave video from you yet! Can't wait for these BOPS to drop!!! KEEP REACHING FOR THE STARS, ILLYSA!!
Look!
It’s another cool animator!
♥️ 💜
HIII!
DIANNENAMDBAKLWNDNCNEKFNNDNSNDNDN
I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS
:0
Did it harder than your stepdad?
I might not use this for romantic relationships but this is still seems like good advise for ‘breaking up’ with a friend.
Same here. This video kinda helped me realise that I’ve developed an avoidant attachment style after having to break it off with my two best friends. I’m always asked by my mom why I don’t go out with my friends, or why I don’t text them. Because I’m scared. I know my fear’s irrational: my friends are good people. One of them even told me point blank to break it off with my manipulative best friend because they could see that they didn’t see me as a real friend. But I’m so scared of placing that much trust in people again because last time I was lied to and used by someone who strung me along in an attempt to isolate me. Who downplayed the trauma I went through because it made THEIR life difficult.
And that part when Ily started going over all the what ifs… it broke me. Because that’s exactly how I feel in friendships now. I want to trust people the way I used to. I want to be able to text with my friends for all hours of the night the way I used to. But I just can’t bring myself to. It just… hurts too much.
a fwllow aro?
I've noticed that in a thoroughly allo world a whole lot of romance advice applies to a lot more than romance. would be nice if more of it were framed that way but usually that isn't the context I suppose
Ayyyy! A fellow aroace!
But yeah, totally agree!
@@minecraftwithme7182 a fellow aro????
This hit me so hard.
Two weeks ago I had my first real breakup, with the first and only person I have ever loved. We held each other when it happened, bawled with each other. It was ten years in the making and we had to say we couldn’t be in each others lives when our families had been close since we were 8 years old. I always convinced myself he was The One, that I would never fall in love again because I didn’t need to! He was my only option, but that was a good thing! He was my entire personality, and identity, my love, and my world. And if that sounds a bit toxic it wasn’t even the reason we split up, it got more complicated than that. But I won’t get into it.
My point is we still DESPERATELY love each other and want to be together.
And ALL breakup media I am recommended is all “they decided to leave you.” / “In the end you weren’t important to them.” / “It’s ok to be angry.” / “calm down and remember how horrible they were to you.” Etc…
This video was the very first piece of media in two weeks of doing NOTHING but sleeping and consuming media, that has even *mentioned* breakups where both people are still in love. Where you part on good terms, even if it’s sore or hurts. Where you don’t want to call them an ex because that makes people want to trash on them and you don’t want that.
that last part broke me. you honestly portrayed how it feels to still love the person you’ve broken up with, even if they want to end things with you. breaking up really sucks, and i hope you’re ok.
I really appreciated the talk near the end about how leaving, can be better. And healthier. I loved my last partner, but we were different. I wanted them to be happy. And not settle. Sometimes staying is not the ultimate form of love. Leaving is. As hard and as painful as it can be.
We should want our partners to be happy even if it means ending the relationship
wow this comment hit. my exact situation.
Tragic.
Learn how punctuations work
@@walterrising4276 Find something better to do
10:08 I love how she adds all of the characters in the background, but my favourite is this one of Lumity ❤️
I liked 5:47 with shiver and frye
Mr. Salt, Mrs. Pepper, and Paprika from Blue’s Clues are in her kitchen 😂 11:44
sidon and link in the back round tho
Same
You beat me to it lol
The ‘I don’t see a future with you’ actually hit home for me. While it didn’t happen to ME personally, it happened to my mother a couple years ago on Christmas🥺
I watched this video three months ago, going into my first relationship. I’m watching it now after coming out of my first relationship. I’m crying.
you've gained my absolutely full respect for putting Luz and Amity there.
she even drew them on their first date
That and Sidon x Link! Both are amazing!
Fr
@@conorgillingham2564 yes!
glad im not the only one who noticed that
I needed this. Today I lost my most beloved lover, he's been my best friend since we were toddlers, a few weeks ago he confessed his love me, when I got the message that he was gone I started bawling my eyes out. Unfortunately his funeral is going to be in California and it's next month exactly. I'll be busy on that exact day and can't cancel plans just to take a few days to drive to California. But I am probably self centered talking about this. But this video is great for people going through a breakup.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you love ❤️
That is the saddest thing I’ve heard all day, I’m REALLY sorry for your loss and hope you can feel better soon
im so sorry for your loss and no youre not self centered, you have the right to talk about your feelings, i can relate in a bit different form, if you need to talk feel free to do so, i wish you the best
Im so sorry for your loss. You’re not being self centered, it’s a hard thing to go through. Feel all free to let it out :)
I needed this to my ex broke up with me recently as in 3 days ago recently I've never felt so alone in this before
11:51
That Delivery
ALSO THE ART STYLE IT'S SO CUUTE
AND THE SONG😢
i’ve never been dumped. i’ve had the same boyfriend for 3yrs ( a long heckin time i know) but i’ve learned that communication is a really big thing. you need to communicate how you feel to the other or you’ll never know how they really feel. it’ll be hard to communicate at first but it’s worth it.
I'm aromantic so I can't really relate to the romantic relationships troubles, but I think this advice can be applied to any relationship, platonic, romantic or otherwise.
ayy im aromantic too and yes i agree
Hii I'm aro too
Fellow aros pog
lmao I just made an Aro comment myself
i too am aro
Last year, my boyfriend of eight years and I broke up because I was at the receiving end of "I'm sorry, we don't have a future together". The worst part was that his mom delivered that message, and it was during his niece's 11th birthday party. I never felt so humiliated in my entire life.
However, I think I've found someone new and he really likes me. We're oceans apart, but we want for this to work and I hope it does.
I wish you the best for you and your new partner!
I wish you too the best! Just make sure to tell then (may once you too are closer) about how you disliked your past breakup experience. It can help them ensure that they won't accidentally do anything that might hurt you. Have fun & hope you two meet soon 😊
I feel you. I had my ex disappear for a week making me worry that he was even ok ( mind you me and my family gave him a roof over his head and not pay for the longest time) and I had to force his friends at the place he was going to a lot to hand him the phone and then he broke up with me over said phone and got with the girl he was spending time with there. I'm really sorry you had to go through that. You deserved better esp after 8 years.
His mum broke up with you for him?! Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
I’ll never understand why his mom had to get in the middle of it but I’m sorry this happened and I’m hoping that things work out for you
This video probably hit the most for my current situation, for some random teenager who experienced.... allot more than I should be going through, in an impactful and not necessarily bad way, this video resonated with me. It... truly went deep into my soul
You wrote this so well, I want to cry, (i can feel the tears bluring the letters on my phone, that haven't yet made it down my cheeks) and hug you.
You know how to connect to peopke really well.
As someone who just started their first relationship a few years later in life than the average, this is kind of terrifying. Falling in love in the first place was difficult enough, to fall out of it and have to find love again somewhere else sounds so, so.... impossible.... Stay strong, take good care of your partners, and be true to yourself. I hope I never need this video to help me through a rough time.
Hi Kyrie, I just also got into my very first relationship with my very first crush in my mid twenties. I get your fear, I didn't even know I could fall in love and now that I'm here, I know that I've already changed too much to go back to square one. I recently came to terms that I identify as Demisexual/romantic, and that taking a long time and a lot of effort to fall for someone is okay and that there's nothing wrong with me.
You are worthy of love and happiness and you can and will find it. What helps me is understanding that my relationship is only one part of my happiness, joy, and love. Relationships are there to share and add to our happiness, not provide or replace it. They're also there to help us grow. Even if you lose your partner, you do not have to lose the ability to love or to find happiness. You are so much more than that, even if it takes a lot more to develop the feelings you see in other people. Keep faith, keep growing, keep finding people to love (whether romantic or not), and keep finding your own happiness in any and every stage of your life. You will survive and make it through whatever comes your way.
Hey lovely.. Its odd. I was similar but I got dumped and apparently cheated on. It sucked bc I did everything right yk? Sometimes it sucks. Just remember- PUT YOURSELF FIRST. Never change yourself for your partner.
It can be so scary. I started way young and even now I get scared what if she realizes I'm crap or if she dies first I'm not made for tinder.
Each time you fall out it hurts in someway but then you heal and you learn and you try it again until you get someone you want that also wants you.
Either way just do your best and enjoy life
@@almanizayecortezalvarez1189 I'm Demi myself and I will, I will look for happiness in every stage of my life, thank you.
This channel is a really comforting one for me. It gets goofy at times, personal at times, but all the while you feel like you’re getting a big hug.
WAIT A SECOND THAT’S LUZ AND AMITY
if you need to vent or anything feel free to ask for my socials
@@roguesriot147 aw, thanks
@@anvithequarsonist of course
@@roguesriot147 thats extremely nice of you! you should also try to stay safe
your videos are so comforting. a reminder that i am not the only person going through these things 🫶🏻
I absolutely thank you talking about attachment theories/systems! They're things I haven't heard of before, and I now realize that I fit for having avoidant attachment issues around my friends/peers (and I'm also probably someone that doesn't know where it came from because it's something I've been doing since I was little, and still do as an adult). It's also something that I think explains where my social anxiety and trust/vulnerability issues might come from.
Thank you so much for teaching people about these things, Illy! ^^
“Nothing bad can happen when nothing happens” story of my life
lmao same
Hmm true XD
Ayyyee sameee
Same, and the worst part is that nothing good can ever happen too
@@darkartsninjafrrr just one thing goes good another thing goes bad
What a great video and ending song!!
Never force yourself to “get over” your feelings quicker than you’re ready to. You’re allowed to process your emotions however you want to (in a healthy way), in your own time.
All relationships/friendships are learning experiences from Day 1 to the 50th Anniversary. Life is too short not to learn from them and grow so you can make room for people who’ll love you for who you are!!
Sincerely,
An Autistic woman who had a lot of sh*tty dating experiences in her 20s and just got married this past Sunday
Omg congrats! And yeah, all you said is really true, always take great care of your own emotions, whatever they are, they are yours
Hope you had a good wedding!
Congratulations and thank you for giving me some hope
Congratulations on your marriage! :)
Congratulations 🥳 🎉and thanks for the advice ❤️
thanks for making videos that help others, ive been going through a tough breakup with someone i really do love and this video has just helped me take a step foward and try to move on, thank you for helping others
I watched this twice.
I cried both times.
Thank you.
I really needed this.
As someone who’s never been in a relationship this gave me a lot of perspective. It was a really deep and emotionally involved representation of those emotions and you did a wonderful job with it.
Yep
I wish I could like this but it’s at 69 😔
@@pancake.squirrel literally-
IT ISN’T WORTH IT!
That quote “I don’t see a future with you” a memory flashed before my eyes for a second. Oh gosh..reminds me of my last ex when he said that to me. That really hurt me..actually that’s the most hurtful thing I ever heard from someone.
Welp! Thank god I’m in a good relationship and happy again ❤️
I got “I don’t have romantic feelings for you” 😅
Well... I got "You aren't worthy of love" as a break up so that ended up being fun session with my therapist.
I think the most hurtful they said to me was "You're not a soldier like X. You are a housewife." Plus, I hate X. They were all smiling with perfect teeth."That ignited a bomb because of my issues with other people and men especially. No more of their visions so that I can be barefoot in the kitchen with six kids in a rundown trailer with people like Marilyn Manson pulling stunts and trashing whatever I do. Many have, boldly. The only good thing would be being abandoned by my baby's daddy. Thank God, I'd say. Yes, my children would be very emo, too. As a sick joke, I'm sure they'd make them worse off. ha ha ha Special ed is simply abuse for many kids, look at the cameras. We're such complainers. That's fine. Now they have to pay me with taxes. They'll try to get out of it, I'm sure. Satellites are naughty, naughty.
I love this sm!!!❤❤ I also love it how you put Luz and Amity in the background 10:12 I freaking love The owl house!!!!❤❤❤❤❤
Illy I swear you have this talent of just making me tear up in your videos 😭❤
You somehow always manage to say things I seem to hear that moment, maybe because I am looking for those things unintentionally, but thank you for all the quality life advice ❤
"My first Boyfriend was regrettable"
That was the First Video of Your's I saw. It was my Introduction to subjects like; Abuse, Gaslighting, Grooming, Emotional-Blackmail. All of those awful things were originally taught to me through this Channel. However, For A while that Video and that Account of Trauma was the only thing I associated this Channel with. When you made more light-hearted videos they seemed odd alien almost Unnatural.
because it is UNNATURAL For someone to go through Hell and then Heal /s.
Media too often can Portray Trauma as the Eternity for a Character [Cough, Batman, Cough Magneto, Cough I love both of these Characters but Seriously it can get to a point where it's just Selling Trauma and it comes off as Disingenuous, Cough]
Agreed I don't need to talk about my trauma at this point
Yeah, the one when she was saying how she left was the first I saw to.
I, as an aromantic, am oddly glad that you have confirmed that love is strange and complicated and sometimes too much trouble to be worth it, because that means I’m not just being a weirdo over exaggerating it all.
I feel this as an aro too like "butch you live like this?" Couldn't be me
Me watching this video trying to understand romantic attraction like: 👁👄👁
Always fascinating to be told that people ACTUALLY feel like this and it's not just a Hollywood trope.
@@Nylariel Right?
@@Nylariel real its so cheesy and it seems so fake like people actually feel that way??? allos are just a bunch of weirdos tbh like how can you be that obssessed over someone thats creepy :/
this is the most beautiful and and emotional video I’ve seen, you are seriously an amazing creator and I think you’re stories really help people with these kinds of experiences live a healthy love life and live life in a healthy way in general. I love the artwork and the animation and the- 10:07 OMG IS THAT SIDLINK AHHHHHHHHH!
All in all this is stellar work and I hope you have an awesome day! :3
I came back to this video and realised she changed the title. You really helped me through really hard times. Thank you so much Illy❤
Can we just all appreciate all of the animation references in Illy’s backgrounds
The Lumity cameo made me smile 😁
The frontiers reference made me smile :D
was so freakin' happy seeing Bee and Puppycat.
Night in the Woods!
Undertale cameo :D
this was such perfect timing! i'm such a hopeless romantic too, and crushes or relationships usually don't go well with me haha. i'm getting over one rn since it really destroyed me as a person, but i'm slowly getting better from it! thanks for the super cool vid i loved it!!
I love how the chapstick is a reference to the newest song 11:57
Please don’t ever stop being you Illy! You’re like my therapy and your videos always help! 🥺❤️ thank you
The amount of times I said out loud “same!” Thank you for making me feel less alone! ❤️ you are an amazing content creator! 💕
There no way you could of watched the whole video
@Don't read profile photo ok
you commented 5 mins after she posted it bro theres no way 😭
I can relate
I support this motion shall we put it to a vote
10:00 love the background characters
your content is very helpful and inspirational in so many ways, and it turns out artistically is one of them. ive been struggling to create recently, for whatever reason, and for whatever reason your videos have made me feel inspired again. thx for that, and all the other great stuff ur doing.
Honestly, this is one of the Illymation videos I watch over and over and not get tired of
Ugh, that was my 7 years ago. Had the most wonderful boyfriend. We got along beautifully, had similar values, met each other's families and all got along swell...but he wanted kids and I didn't. And he broke up with me 7 years ago this month. And I have not found anyone else since then. I've tried. I've tried not trying. I've just pretty much given up. He's married now. I'm single and lonely.
Fine. If you want some real advice here is my take. Relationships should always be an extension to your happiness not all of your happiness. You will find someone new someday!
just want to say ignore cheescake they're a douchebag. i hope you find someone new, and ikik people say this a lot, but i hope you'll be ok. know it was for the best, and i hope you'll be happy with someone new!
@@qingxinn_ I was joking.
@@NA13C *BONK*
@@NA13C saying something similar to "no one" cares isn't a joke, it could really hurt them. then sure, edit your message to make me seem like the person in the wrong.
who knew we'd go from coconut kid to a beautiful moving message 😭😭
This message was absolutely beautiful, but I would also like to talk about Amity and Luz in the back, love that! Amazing work and a job well done, I needed this ❤
Been sitting on watching this for months. And finally watched it on a day I really needed to hear it.
I've never been in a relationship, and I'm too afraid to be in one because I don't want my heart to be broken by someone I'll love. But, hearing the last tip of advice made me feel a little better and I now have to accept that breakups happen for a reason. Much appreciated. ❤️
Hurt will come single or not.
Not that you should rush in but take chances
Tchuss
Illymation (6:42): “The people I date deserve their privacy[; thus, avoiding going into detail.]”
Domics: *creates a video series detailing every breakup he went through
😂🤣
Absolute madlad lol
Oooh, where can I watch them?
I respect her decision though.
TBF, Domics used fake names for all of the people who broke up with.
This was actually very eye opening and after dealing with a hard breakup, it really helped me put things into perspective. It still hurts sometimes, but just because something hurts doesn't mean its not supposed to happen. With pain comes healing and in time we both will recover, and who knows, maybe one day I'll find someone, but that's not the end goal. It's learning to live our lives and simply be happy and healthy.
I had to rewatch this like 7 times because i kept getting distracted by all the background references. This was such a lovely video. Beautiful message and advice. Relationships are hard. Starting over is scary
I love how down to earth this channel is, and the real life issues and topics it covers
your videos are so personal (but not too personal) and its so relatable and comforting to watch these type of videos! keep up the amazing videos illy
Agreed, reason why she's the only story time animator I keep up with to this day
YO MAY :0
Ayo it’s may!
Ayayayayayay I love you man
YO MAY!!!! I didn’t expect you to be watching this!
All the little details and easter eggs that she puts into her videos are so adorable!!!!!
very relatable, great story telling. got me teared up at the end
This was so comforting and validating for me. Especially at 7:56
My ex treated me like garbage the entire relationship because I allowed it. I developed an anxious attachment style due to my codependency (didn’t know that at the time). He would constantly start arguments with me to avoid pretty much anything that was pushing towards us being in a real relationship (going out for dinner, shopping together, going away for holidays, etc) and it only worsened over time…I met him after having been abandoned and betrayed by a friend of 10 years and then I was selfishly used by another ex friend to get over her own breakup and tossed aside once she got with the guy she’s still currently with. I just felt..worthless. My ex, upon first meeting, showed me kindness that later turned into control, manipulation and abuse. I stayed because I didn’t want to be abandoned. I didn’t want to lose him. But he broke up with me on my birthday for the 2nd time and I realized that day - I never deserved the crap I went through with and for him. I estavalished a boundary (no sex) and he immediately explodes on me. I recently learned he was using me as a rebound for the person he wanted all along. he was avoiding grocery shopping because she worked there….8 months into our relationship (they were together for 2 months)….and 3 years later I learned he was seemingly never actually over her…but he used her and she went on to find what she was looking for (a real relationship, not casual sex). And all that anger he felt towards her moving on was the reason he was a complete ass to me the entire relationship. My ex never actually wanted me. But because I was so shattered and vulnerable, I didn’t respect myself to stop putting up with it. He’s gone officially now and I find this video as I’m coping with the pain of losing him but also - that segment I mentioned validated me. I should’ve had better boundaries. I should’ve left him where I found him. Because all he did was break and use me and now he’s off pursuing the women he’s wanted all along. While I’m picking up my pieces of a future he never wanted with me.
I'm glad you were able to leave such a toxic relationship, and I wish you luck on healing
I am sorry that you were mistreated and abandoned, you didn't deserve to be manipulated at all. We all become vulnerable at times and unexpectedly even I get surprised by it. I don't know what to say but I just feel similarly to you and I just want to let you know you're not alone and you're not at fault so don't blame yourself. Because I know sometimes I blame myself for my mistakes in trusting the wrong people. I hope I didn't overshare just been really emotional and this hit my feelings.
Holy bro is getting extra credit
I really love all the easter eggs that are constantly in the backgrounds or just off to the side. Like, Finn's friends were humanized Marceline and LSP, there's Bluey references everywhere, and a million other tiny details. It keeps me watching the animation when my brain would normally tune it out bc it's more interested in the story n the meaning there.
As someone who's ended up in relationships even as an avoidant and ended up breaking others' hearts because of it and because the other party always loved me more/first, I've always watched this video whenever I've felt lonely or guilty about it all. It reassures me that despite the hurt I caused, setting them free from me who's unable to give them what they need in a relationship is the right choice. And it perfectly captures how jaded I am regarding relationships because I've seen too much and hurt so much and hurt so many people. And yet in spite of all of this, as you mentioned, I am indeed lonely and want someone to accompany me through life. Thank you for this video, because it gives me a hug whenever I don't have the strength to reassure myself.❤
This was extremely comforting, especially cause my boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago saying we were better off as friends. So thank you, this was just what I needed to hear❤️
This actually made me cry, it is perfect timing because I'm also going through a break-up, it's been 4 months and sometimes it still hurts, but it's getting better bit by bit :)
its been 8 months for me. and I still hurt and couldn't imagine dating anyone else. but I know things get better
How long were you dating?
@@TheOfficialSloth for 2 years
I never dated, but it’s comforting to hear your experiences with breakups and how to move on. Also excited for Sweaters
Edit: Sweaters is now presaved
i just broke up with my girlfriend a week ago, and since that was my first relationship it has been really hard. but it’s nice to know that i’m not alone and people understand this feeling im going through right now. everything in my head is so confusing and i feel as if this video just spelt everything out for me , thank you illy 💗
10:07 Who noticed "Amity and Luz" in the background?
Best couple ever! 😅❤❤
10:06 me being a lumity fan: LETSSSS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
YEAHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Boooooo hiiissss
Yeeeeeeeeees
YEEEEEEEEEEEH BOOOOOOOOOOOOI
As an aroace, I never experience this. This is interesting to me and the way you explain this is easy to understand. I wanna thank you for making this. It must have been hard, but thank you
I was wondering how someone on the AroAce spectrum would feel about this and it's interesting to hear your perspective! Thank you for being you ^^ - someone on the aroace spectrum
This video is indeed very informative 👍
Yeah the only thing i have to deal with is wanting to he friends with people-even that is rare for me, this video is makes it a bit easier to understand
I felt apathy while watching this video.
Same with me it was really eye opening
Now I could say who is my favorite comfort channel. Now... I can finally feel like it's okay to feel okay. I can be myself. I'm nothing but normal to feel and think things!- exactly like you said- everything you said was and is what I think. God, who am I kidding, love is so unpredictable that I'm too afraid what to do at some point. I'm glad I finally found a safe place. Thanks Illy for doing relatable content.
I hope the current relationship is going much better. You seem like a really nice person, and you deserve happiness.
Being Aroace I struggle seeing relationships as anything more then friendship
I am always worried when I have guy friends that I am going to far, I don't want them to develop a crush on me
Yet a lot of them do
Then what do you do?
You tell them the truth
I have my dad who has told me how hard it is for guys to confess
I get that I understand that and I would never want to hurt them
Yet I don't have the same feelings
So I deny
This can cause them to distance themselves from you
Nothing wrong with that of course!
If your looking for something more and I can't give that to you and you need to step away
I understand that
As much as it hurts to say goodbye
Sometimes it's better for everyone involved 🥺
haha me too but the exact opposite
i really need to stop constantly trying to contradict myself
Same.
My only suggestion is to befriend as many gay people as possible.
(Srsly though my best wishes are with you and I hope you find a good group of friends who don't expect that kind of relationship from you )
It’s okay
What's Aroace?
Thank you for making my life easier, making me feel good about growing up and giving us tips
Your one minute or something in 😥
E
@@despair9405 most of her videos are like this, so they may just be talking about her channel in general
@Don't read profile photo okay
As someone who is also currently in an avoidant attachment style, I often feel a lot of guilt and shame with any romantic relationship I try to get into. It feels like I'm this horrible "villain" who's ALWAYS going to hurt the other person and ruin everything.
But this video comforted me a lot, and I realize I need to be kinder and more patient with myself while I go through the process of healing my attachment style.
Thank you so much for having a kind opinion on all sides Illy 😢 I really needed to hear this ❤
You made some excellent points throughout, and especially so at the end, though with some cases, you can't always avoid the feelings that come afterwards. Like you said, we try to go back to what we had as normalcy before anything happened, fill up the schedule so we can just keep living life, but shortly after, things can sometimes pop up that remind you of all the good times, and especially what led up to the end. Whether it's a trinket you find in your drawer, or a song that you only ever danced to with them that randomly plays on the radio, it'll suck. A lot. And that's okay. Like you said, we should take it as learning something about ourselves, not only in our personality, but how we need to handle things like heartbreak, struggle, and the stresses of life.
This brings to my mind a lyric from an Elvis Presley song, “Oh let our love survive, I’ll dry the tears from your eyes”. Sometimes that’s all we wish it took to make our problems go away. But life has its way of having an effect on us in so many different ways, feeling like we’re caught in a trap and can’t walk out. But sometimes it needs to happen.
The timing of this one was impeccable. My partner broke up with me just yesterday and I've been trying to cope with that and figure out what I'm gonna do now
Keep it up, same over here :c
I really like animation channels and your channel just hits different.
You’re honestly my favourite animator
This is can also be friendships.
I had some very intense friendships where you build trust, loyalty and safe space.
But out nowhere the click you felt is gone, the friendship feels weird, the person out nowhere just like cut ties and treats you like they don't know you.
That hurts a lots
As men, society tells me to keep my feelings in because that’s how we’re supposed to be. Rarely do I ever get to talk about how I feel. This video perfectly captures exactly how I feel and I Thank God for using you, Ily, in making this video. I know im young and have all the time in the world, but being hurt makes it seem as if my time is running out. Thank you again for this video. It means a lot
Yeah it must be rough for you. Have a good cry every once in a while it what I do
The timing of this video couldn’t have been more perfect. Having this lesson reaffirmed from someone who has a very gentle voice and a very wholesome community was perfect. Most of my summer I have spent it healing from a breakup that was very stressful to deal with. It happened during a rather difficult transition period and it honestly felt as if my world was crashing down around me. But I’m glad to say that now I’m able to keep my head above water. Thanks for all the hard work you put into these videos. They really do mean a lot. And happy early birthday btw illy. ✨Virgo season babyyyyy✨
tldr
@@walterrising4276 who asked you?
I’m so glad you’ve recovered a lot from your breakup (: Keep on keeping on, cool person ✨
(And happy virgo season lol
-a virgo)
Wow we got the same life huh
I feel you Illy, through this whole video. And yeah, I have to say I wasn't proud of a couple crushes ever in my past. And break-ups are hard. And you just have to cry and do a soul-safe journey to heal and move forward.
But I have to feel you too on this. I'm sadly also a hopeless romantic. It's sad but true, but we learn from our weaknesses.
I love your videos and seeing shiver made me snap back to consciousness bc I was half asleep and good video it brought tears to my eyes 😥😔
as someone who just got dumped a couple weeks ago i didnt realize how much i needed this. your story at the end sounds very familiar to mine, i was heartbroken but left with no tears. she later accused me of not caring that we broke up just because i couldn't cry about it right there and then.
People handle emotions in different ways and you are completely valid for not crying. She shouldn't have accused you of not caring just because you didn't cry, especially since she was the one to break up with you
I had delayed emotions (not a relationship though, just casual, but 8 years on and off and felt like a real relationship to me)
I'm not gonna lie, the sentiment she has about relationships is really touching, the line about "if someone wants to leave let them leave" really hit home. She is 100% right that every breakup is a lesson. Though I have little experience with relationships as a whole, I can give the advice that sometimes you may feel an overwhelming desire to have a relationship, maybe that means seeking one or clinging to the one you have, but the most important thing is not to be in a relationship but to have a healthy relationship. If my partner told me that they think I'm a great person, but they want to move on, if my feelings were honest then I would have to accept their feelings. It might hurt but they are their own person and people change and we cannot always know why people do the things they do or say; sometimes we just have to accept them. I hope people who read this have flourishing and healthy relationships in the future x
oh god the bit about "we been going on for 3 months and talking about marriage", mine was within 2 weeks, this exact thing happened to me, I wanted a slow clear boundry relationship, with a person desperate for security and who had no idea of what a healthy relationship was, if it wasn't for covid I would have dived into a relationship I would never have recovered from and I am happy that I am confident enough in myself to see and identify that a toxic relationship was forming. She still stalks me; I wish the best for her, but I can never talk or see her again.
@@Smo2i
Oh my gosh, I feel bad for her tbh. Sometimes closure is just hard to find. It’s honestly just a sad situation, and I would recommend she go to therapy if she can afford it.
Tbh, that sounds like something I would do, I’m a very obsessive person, but I’m scheduling a therapy appointment and started medication yesterday. Every second of every day I think about him and I can’t make it stop. I keep crying. It’s because a lot of my memories contain him in it since I’ve known him for 8 years on and off, but if he blocks me, I have to respect that (though I didn’t before, but I learned that that’s not okay, though to some that may seem obvious).
I wanted to maybe follow him on Instagram after, like, 50 years, bc then he might be chill with me, but he might think I’m trying to stalk him or that I’m still hung up on him so I’m scared about how he may interpret that. Thinking about just not, and letting him just message me if he wants to, but the reason is because what if he doesn’t know how to reach me but wants to? Oh well. Hopefully my medication kicks in, I’m insane. It takes 4-6 weeks.
This video has put me on an extreme emotional roller coaster, I’ve never been in a relationship but I have loved someone a lot. The end is always the worst but can sometimes be the best. ❤
I normally don’t comment much, but this video came out right after my first ever bf broke up with me….I didn’t really know how to process it but I still felt very depressed. Most of these tips helped me a lot. I got into musicals and enjoyed spending time with my friends and before I knew it, I saw the terrible person that he was. I’m happy that I’m in a better place…thank you illy ❤️
I love the amount of feelings in her voice, I could hear the joy, the pain, the sadness, everything, I felt it all.
Shame I experienced almost nothing more than apathy in this video.
@@trilobite3120okay, edgelord.
@@Yams-Hams7734 I wasn't trying to be edgy or anything. It's just, at least while I was watching it, I couldn't really remember an experience that allowed me to relate to it. This was probably too edgily phrased though.
I LOVE how Illy gives guidance to those who are starting their relationship journey. These tips are extremely helpful to have in the back of your mind. These will definitely help the new generation getting in relationships!
Great video as always and thanks for caring for the younger generation!
100th like
This was so relatable I started feeling heartbroken but I was so happy that you added bee and puppycat!!
Damn, I guess I needed to hear this. Thank you. This was wonderful ❤
I had to break up a friendship I thought would last forever it turned from sugar into salt thank you this is really comforting❤
life it is indeed, but sometimes its for the better, tho it hurts to remember the good times, tho personally im thankful for the amazing times and memories, it just hurts that we arent in contact like that like before.. and like i said.. life it is, some people come and stay .. and some just go
The hardest thing is when you are experiencing this you feel like no one has ever felt this before even though you know that’s impossible. Hearing someone describe it to a t is very helpful. Thank you
That was beautiful, I'm in tears
Thank you Illy, this helped
This is relatable in a lot of different ways for me..
Years back, i somehow found myself in a relationship i didnt want, but i didnt have any sense to do anything about it until a good month after when I realized that one sided love never works. He wasn't happy about the break-up, but we moved on.
Fast forward about four or five years, I ask a guy out and I'll be honest, I really dont know how to describe our relationship. He never really showed any actual feeling or affection towards me. We were "dating" for about three months before he said it wouldnt work and it broke me, to be honest. I still had feelings for him and didn't want him to leave and thats when i remembered that one sided love never works. It might be nice for you but for the other person, its judt awkward and uncomfortable. If you really love somebody, you'll let them go. And that's what i did.
I'm with somebody else now whom i love and the feeling is very much mutual. He makes sure i know that im loved every single day and that i'm never alone TwT. And that's honestly the best thing i could ask for; someone I love and someone who loves me back.
To any of y'all who are still looking for your one true love, you'll find them in time. It just takes longer for some people, but the outcome is always worth it. :)
Didn't ask
@@walterrising4276 Oh im sorry, but who the heck invited you to the party?
@@walterrising4276 who hurt you
Though I've never actually been in a relationship, this hit me so hard. I don't think I've seen a video explain the emotional pain of break ups this well, that even as a single person who's never pursued love (yet still feels love), I understand these feelings. Amazing work 💖
I know this was made a year ago at the time I’m doing this but the anxious attachment tendency is so relatable for me especially at this time but I kinda hate that I get attached so easily and probably come off as obsessive and clingy, honestly I have always felt alone so to anyone who relates to this just try to remember that your never alone ❤
i love the little references you put in these, my favorite was definitely the snack falcon one from night in the woods : D