“Happy Wife, Happy Life” Is A Sham
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- Опубліковано 28 тра 2024
- 00:00 - The Worst Advice Young Husbands Are Given
00:29 - How do you argue with your wife effectively?
00:44 - Rule #1: You Are Talking To The Person You Love
02:56 - Rule #2: Emotions Don't Trump Reality
06:44 - Rule #3: The Secret Sauce To Winning
08:32 - One Last Thing...
Rule 4… Parent as one. Your relationships with your children will be different with each child because they are each individuals. This said, your children need the strength of seeing their parents be consistent, loving and respectful to each other and the children so the children can learn from this value. If they see you undermining each other, guess what they will learn.
Omg that was something my parents DRILLED into us about bringing up children…way before we found our significant other!!! I remember only 1 time mom said no, and I went and asked dad…NEVER DID THAT AGAIN!!!
This was spot on. For a marriage to work, it takes two emotionally mature people who see each other as allies.
allies is a godawful descriptor for a marriage
@@decwow I think it means that they keep in mind that they're on the same side, one flesh, reaching for the same ultimate goals as a couple, etc. I can't speak for anyone else but I think that would be better than being married to someone who has the "someone has to win/someone has to lose" mentality that drives them to win every argument at all costs.
@@decwowI think it's a great one, as long as it's not the only one.
@@maryforbes4277
inherently, an alliance is temporary.
It means you are not part of the same union, but working together for a time.
If you like the term, then go for it, but I don't.
@@decwow okay
Good choice of words in the title. "How to win an argument with your wife" not "how to win an argument against your wife".
What a man!! There's too few of this kind of guy.
I'm over 70 years old, never found a man like this guy. Choosing to be alone than to settle for less in a relationship
I do not regret my choice in life. This guy is a REAL MAN.
Sorry my friend You don’t live in the real world!
@@lawrencedobesh776You just made her point 😂
I lost my dad a few years ago... Now i am 16 and thinking of marriage but I didn't have a father figure in my life the way you are. Thank you for the wisdom! May Yah bless you and your family!
Don't consider marriage, Son, until you've meet a woman that stood beside you in a time of great tragedy or discomfort. There is a saying, that you don't truly know your wife until you meet her in the divorce court.
Divorce court exposes men as well😮
@@peterlattimore6013true words
@@gayewilliams2521also true words
@@gayewilliams2521 well Gaye, considering I'm a Male and identify as a male, I can't possibly comment on that. But having been married to a woman who said to a doctor at the age of 25 that if she ever had children and they annoyed her sleep, she would suffocate them with a pillow. I can only speak from a males perspective.
As a woman, I watched this because i've heard many of your videos and I knew it would be balanced and fair and honorable. Thank you, this is such a breath of fresh air! It's refreshing to hear a man who is honoring To his wife and
Understands the value of arguing fairly, lovingly, Truthfully, and using good sense. You are right, she does not want to be
Patronized or ignored. Respect and love, Listening and consideration are necessary on both sides.
I have a husband who yells slams doors and leaves! He has no logical argument skills. Later he will say" ok imalways the jerk ok??". Or something colorful. I don't vote the way he [requests] because he listens to CNN ABC and NBC. It's just garbage. I want to fight for my marriage . And I keep my vows!!
I understand and have been there. If you are interested, Leslie Vernick has some good videos on how to live well in that kind of environment.
I know it sounds strange, But the majority of men think this way.
All we want to do, is respect you, Love you, cherish you and grow together.
At least that's what my relationship is built on.
This is something that should be looped into a 4 hour video, and then listened to by every human older than 14, at least weekly.
I would never argue with my wife in front of others. Never.
Arguing, or as I might want to put it, finding out the others opinion absolutely fully until I completely understand it, in front of children is showing them how to argue and discuss well. By not doing it, children will not learn it's not a terrible thing to hold different opinions and they will not learn how to work through things. Maybe they'll learn it's something to hide and it's shameful to disagre, not healthy and human to hold different opinions.
@@KJ-lb4tj Agreed. Seeing my parents argue respectfully (and even sometimes with some anger), but be able to resolve their disagreements, apologize for harsh words, etc and move on and love each other well was such a benefit for me because I have a model for how to disagree with my wife. Sometimes my wife or are wrong in public and we need to have that argument in public, not after we waste a bunch of money or time because of some misguided idea of not arguing in public.
The goal for me is to not be a phoney. If Im living in my integrity, the person that argues with people behind closed doors should be comfortable fighting in front of others.
Here’s the reality, many times I fail miserably behind closed doors but if I had that “rule” of not arguing in front of others for myself, I would have to ask myself, WHY?
Do I care what other adults think of me that much? Do I need to craft who I am in different situations or can I just live with character in all situations? Do I not want to question my egoic righteousness or passive wrongness?
How will I inspire myself learn better techniques to face conflict than what I saw at home that made it a war zone at times and made me embarrassed by my parents fights in front of friends as a kid?
Great opportunity for growth for me throwing away all the belief systems snd rules and learning how to be reborn in a sense to avoid passing along dysfunctional family patterns.
@htodadb9887 Well, OK. So much for "I", "me", and you. I thought this was about her or your significant other.
Extremely a wise move. Always if possible.
My late husband after our first 'discussion' decided to do what he truly believed. He was a Godly man. He had a prayer room at the church. He was an organist and choirmaster. and this was the brides changing room. Every morning, he prayed before starting the day.
When we had an difference of opinion on something - which was not usual. Instead of fighting - and neither of us liked that kind of vibration in our home. He did not come back to me until God answered the prayer. It was amazing because neither of us was ever wrong or right and the solution always was good for both of us. I don't know how that worked, but God Does. I miss him terribly. He died helping others after a hurricane. I wish for myself and all other male and female that there were more husbands like this.
Praying for you.
blessings
@@bumblebee8158
A little distance and time can help alot. Beeing around one another can be hard as times. Both parties sometimes need to calm down to remember whats actually important.
actually, we were never not calm. We both were very centered with God. That does not mean that you might have differences of opinion @@LordDarkwater
@@bumblebee8158Why not pray for the husband 😂
I’m a woman. I’m not always right. Not even close. But sometimes my husband and I are both right but looking at the same thing in different ways. Or sometimes we’re both wrong. And yes! Body language and tone is huge. I’ve learned that so much that if I have a bad tone or condescending like a mom, my husband shuts down immediately. And yes talk to them as the one you love, respect, and how you would like to be confronted and treated.
I’ve also learned facts are so important. I’ve had moments in an argument though where my husband had manipulated the topic that purposely riled up my emotions so I couldn’t think straight so he’d win. I’ve confronted him and he has gotten better at that because I don’t like fighting just to fight/win. I want to resolve the problem so my feelings stop hurting me and us.
Very astute comment. Thank you for sharing.
I think a key thing you pointed out is that there's always the possibility that maybe you are both wrong
" And yes! Body language and tone is huge" It's because you will get emotional about it because you feel your husband should not be that aggressive with you if his tone and body says that and now you get mad at him for that and if you do the same to him he feels disrespected. It's the same deal but 2 different perspectives. Even me raising my voice a little puts my wife off. We don't argue, but I'm generally jokey and fun but series about things so the shift between happy go lucky and hold on, excuse me is not really something she likes. It can be months and months of all happiness and chills and then something occurs. I've learned not to be so heavy handed, but that comes with a lot of self reflection on my own time without her even asking for it. Nobody is perfect, people have to consider that both people need to grow and understand this.
It may be hard to hear or acknowledge (and sometimes I am guilty of this in other ways as my wife), BUT do take ownership of your feelings and their effects on you. They are not just something that happen to you. You let them take over your mind and your thinking. IF you start from the position that this not true, you naturally relinquish all control over your feelings.
Also, it easy to prove that this is not true. Did you allow your feelings to rule your actions, words and temperament when talking to a cop or your parents as a child? (Somebody with power over you). Then why do you allow such mindset to yourself with someone you love?
Thank you so much for pointing out that it makes women feel betrayed when the person that's supposed to be protecting them attacks them! Just to win an argument.
Best advice I heard from a couple who married at 16 and stayed that way till their 90s (death do them part) was that in a fight its not you vs your partner is both of you vs the problem.
They also said its ok to say I'm too angry to talk right now and walk away for a few hours.
Also said its ok to tell your partner you hear them but then don't say anything else. For the moments you need to process what they just said.
I always hated passing by isles in stores that have items that say "wife is always right",or "mr.right and mrs.ALWAYS righht",or "happy wife,happy life", It's so cringey,toxic,and leaves a horrible taste in my mouth.. Sadly it seems like people do not understand how a marriage works anymore and marry just for looks and other very wrong reasons,and then bail for the smallest things,instead of talking about it. And cheating has become such a huge normalized problem. So many problems now that many have given up on the idea of marriage. I've wanted marriage but am about to sadly have to give up when I really don't want to
My mom has a sign that says "Men left, women always right"
....I want to throw it in the trash every time I see it....
I am a single guy and this makes far more sense to me than what many of my friends keep saying "You Have to Choose Your Battles and let her have all the other disagreements" (Placating her) then saying "Happy Wife Happy Life".
When I get married I am not out to Win Fights, I want to reconcile our differences exactly how you have described here.
It has never been agreeable with me that I would just let my wife (Hopefully future one) think she is right about almost everything as that is not healthy to do with anyone.
Thanks Nick!
"happy wife, happy life" is a lie.
The saying should be "happy spouse, happy house" because it implies that the two of you make each other happy
exactly!!
@@smokingcrab2290Well said!!
Why does it show there are 3 replies to this comment of mine, but I can't see the 3rd one? 🤔
Nick- good common sense advice. To me and my wife, it all comes back to Scriptural teaching about how husbands are to treat their wives and vice versa.
It wasn't until I really understood what it means to cherish my wife that our arguments basically almost ceased, and when we do have them they are productive instead of vindictive.
Cherishing your spouse means going out of your way to notice them, appreciate them, honor them, encourage them, and hold them close to your heart -to love them as Christ loves His church, which is sacrificially.
"A man never hates his own body but feeds and cherishes it" is so true. The Bible gives all the advice we need. Why wouldn't it since its writer created marriage when he joined Adam and Eve together.
Dr. Joe Dispenza." In loving community of people, nobody is a leader, everybody is leading." "It's like the group of birds flying in the same direction, affected by the same energy, or consciousness."
The birds don't need a leader, the group of fish dont need a leader, yet they follow the same energy and go to the same direction at the same time"
It's physics, or metaphysics, vibration, frequency, and energy.
If people are too obsessed with who is leading then it seems we rarely get chance to lead anything because the thought about who is leading is a misconception, everybody is leading as a group. The leader only give a tone but the group knows what to do.
Amen!
One other thing that I have learned in 35 years of marriage...
Never say: "You always" or "You never" because it's just not true. I'm not saying that some partners tend to lean towards one action (or inaction), but it will also make them defensive, which is not the way to win an argument.
Ultimately, it's not about winning, really. It's about coming to a mutual agreement that both of you can live with.
Also, agree from the start that divorce is not an option. Get counseling if you need to. I'm not saying that you should stay in an abusive relationship because, no... just no!
What I'm saying is that if you say divorce often enough, you will end up divorced.
I always asked the question in class in higher education - why do we treat perfect strangers better than our loved ones?
Because you feel more comfortable with them. The boundaries are weaker. You both feel more vulnerable and less restrained. So it's important to train yourself to behave appropriately instead of acting on the impulses with those barriers down.
@@joshuawillingham6363 Not really. We treat loved ones much better than strangers, in the long run. A short moment of poor treatment is usually because we expect more from our loved ones. We have already invested a clear amount of love and would feel cheated if we did not get a certain percentage of love in return. In that moment, the loved one appears to already in be debt so it would be a bad investment or perhaps even enabling their bad behavior to give them more love. (Apart from rare instances of helping addicts, this is not how real love works, but many of us still fall victim to the idea.)
Furthermore, there are legitimate times to expect a better short-term potential return-on-love-investment from a stranger. Temporarily silencing your phone from loved ones during a job interview doesn't really mean you treat the interviewer better than loved ones.
Amen ++
I can confirm all of this to be true after a decade of marriage. Every marriage has arguments, and the key to a healthy marriage is to respect your spouse's opinions and to try to understand where she is coming from even if you can't possible understand it from your own perspective. It doesn't mean to acquiesce at all times, but you have to put the effort in to learning the hows and whys of how she thinks. If you marry someone of your same faith and ideology, this process becomes way easier. God knew what he was talking about when he said in scripture not to unevenly yoke yourself in marriage.
Amen!!!
Amén += 1
Amen!
So true! Faith is half the battle!!!
I have been married for 34 years. The best secret is laughing at yourself, and as you said, knowing you are on the same team. Laugh, have fun with her, and make inside jokes. Let her know that she is the most important person, and that you are in this fight together. Listen to what she says, be attentive, or somebody else will. Talk about shared goals and work towards them together, it will bring you closer. Words can't be taken back, hold your tongue, but demand the same. Lastly, praise in public, criticize in private, never argue in public, everyone loses respect.
Boy , do I wish we had this knowledge before marriage. After 35 yrs and still arguing over everything, constantly trying to win, in constant competition, never wanting to admit who’s wrong, and sometimes in the end being patronizing, by saying happy wife happy live , your always right honey.
I am truly tired. It’s gotten worse in these last 5 yrs.I was always hoping over the years we would learn to communicate better, I’ve tried everything ( but this ) and I’m willing to try this .. but he never wants to . Any time I bring anything up about working on communication he gets defensive and says I blame him for everything, which just feeds back into him feeling like he has to win just to prove him right and me wrong.
I really don’t know what to do. I want us to be happy with each other after 35 yr . But right now I feel more like Estranged roommates. We are getting close to retirement age and I feel so alone and apart in a marriage of 35 yrs. Don’t expect anything .. just needed to vent a bit. Blessing to everyone and their marriages .
Don't give up, keep trying
Katie and I listened to this together and I told her: "See? I've always treated you like a capable, intelligent, equal and not someone I have to placate."
Her response? "You're showing proper respect for your elder."
😂
Beautifully spoken. I love listening to you. One of the issues is when a person actually doesn't see a partner as an equal but as a subordinate (male OR female). I've heard people say they want a partner who will back down when they assert their dominance. Hmmm. Sad. It is my opinion that they don't want a partner, but a human pet.
@@pcap8810one - and we take turns driving.
@@pcap8810Exactly, being submissive or subordinate does not mean being treated like a pet, funnily enough these people don't use such arguments when it comes to their bosses at work. I don't hear them complaining about being human pets in their workplaces.
@pcap8810 what is the connection between a car and a relationship? Do you mean if a person is driving a car for hours and hours on end, wouldn't it make sense to share the driving with a partner and share that responsibility?
EXCELLENT ❤ My husband and I call those “3 rules”…“open communication “ as for we have been married since the discovery of dirt…😂 So happy someone has found another way to get the point across…God Bless and Gods Speed 🙏🥰
I am sorry if I disturb. But since you're a woman i presume. Because I'm a man, I can't always pinpoint my wife's emotions during an argument because the same emotions don't have the same root cause in men and women. Can you please tell me, or at least try to explain, is it healthy or hopefully solvable a situation where I apply all these rules from the video (and repeat them and try to explain to my wife), but my wife always tends to point to my past mistakes and won't listen to reason at all and tries to make me recognise exactly her side? Is there hope for reconciliation or is she wrong and bent on just winning the argument too much. Sorry for the long reply.
@@franbelanovic979 She also has to be able to have open communication…this is not a one sided set of rules…Good luck and God Bless…🥰🙏
This is 1,000 percent accurate.
Once my wife and I FINALLY figured this out, she was more able to come to me and talk about anything.
When you love each other, nobody win in an argument. Avoiding or defusing the argument is winning. Communication is always key.
@@fredthe47th That's not true. You can always talk. You don't have to argue. Idiot.
Emotional intelligence and maturity play a major role in this to work, alongside having the same faith. Thanks for the tips, Nick!
Emotional intelligence is a nonsensical term. Intelligence is intelligence. Emotional fluency makes sense. Trying to come up with more "intelligences" is just clout-fishing.
@@KalonOrdona2
Not comparing adults to children
but if you choose to watch the video SELF REGULATION FOR TODDLERS you might understand
what most people mean about
Emotional Intelligence.
Wow! This should be played in marriage counselling and at pre-maritals!
I love it when you post pieces on marriage and family relationships. Like you and Tina, my husband and I married on the younger side - not quite as young as you guys; he was 22 and I was 21 & 3/4 - and while I can’t say we exercised the same maturity you two have shown, I can definitely relate to the heart of what you exemplify. We were equally yoked in faith, and even when we were really mad at each other there was never a doubt that we loved each other and quitting was not an option. He passed away just over two years ago and every time I listen to you or Tina discuss your marriage it brings up both fond memories and a deep wish that we could still be walking that road together. I believe that the oneness is still there, but I miss the physical presence.
This reminds me of the negotiating book _Never Split the Difference_ by Chris Voos (highly recommended!). He summed up everything perfectly by basically saying, "You dont want to hear ' _you're_ right'; you want to hear ' _that's_ right'".
"You're right" means "I give up" and doesn't indicate a change of heart. "That's right" means you've convinced them to join your side
"You're right" doesn't translate into "I give up." It simply acknowledges that the other person had a more accurate view of the issue. And if you're talking with someone who, while growing up, was always told they were wrong, you can help in the repair of their soul. And it will further grow you in humility, a priceless quality.
Man. EVERYTHING in your messages is awesome. I'm glad I found you. I've passed your wisdom onto many, especially my daughters.
May Christ continue to bless your family!
My wife and I talk about rules and commitments before we got married, and the understanding of how we feel about it is the glue that has kept us together.
As a recent widower it is so painful watching this video and seeing that, while many times we didnt follow these rules, we always at least ended our arguments using these rules without realizing it. I'll never get to know how strong we would have been.
One piece of marriage advice that we got just before we were married that helps to determine if an argument is even worth having is to fight naked. If you can't keep arguing, it may not be as big of an issue for one or both of you as you thought.
Excellent way to handle sensitive things. I could remember these things better when me & my hubby fight. Thank you
I am so glad we got more fathers in the self improvement space
Wise words, wish more young couples thought this way and listen to this.
This is all true but our 1st rule is to hammer it out, no slamming doors or walking out or hubby sleeping on the sofà. We hit 40 years in 2024. We are a team.
Great points. Been married 42 years. It starts with a foundation. You put each other first and do what's best for the team aka you, spouse & kids. Ground rules are sacred to a long term marriage. Using those rules you've laid out are spot on for longevity .
At the end of the day, there is no “winning”, there’s just coming to an understanding that you two can both agree on.
Sound reasonable advice. Thank you for sharing.
The most important piece of marriage advice I’ve ever heard. One more thing for those heading into, establish this between you BEFORE Marriage!
I'm 47 and have been with my wife 21 years this coming March. Gotta say your advice is golden. Thank you.
Amen, brother. My wife and I play by nearly identical rules. 24 years and counting, and it’s even better now than when we first started.
Please do a video with your wife indepth on courting, dating, figuring out if that person is the right one to marry for them , and most importantly what are the best/most important topics and questions that need to be discussed before getting involved with someone or marrying them. I want to date in the way yall did and I don't know how to do so. Love yall thank you for this video I was dying to see this
This is so beautiful and true, I want to cry. ❤ My husband and I are so different. We come from such different worlds that it makes me wonder how we fell in love in the first place. The beginning of our marriage was HARD. If we hadn’t implemented those rules in our daily lives, in every interaction, we’d have no chance of making it.
8 1/2 years later we’re stronger than ever before due to constant intentional hard work.
Worth every second ❤️
I am sorry if I disturb. But since you're a woman i presume. Because I'm a man, I can't always pinpoint my wife's emotions during an argument because the same emotions don't have the same root cause in men and women. Can you please tell me, or at least try to explain, is it healthy or hopefully solvable a situation where I apply all these rules from the video (and repeat them and try to explain to my wife), but my wife always tends to point to my past mistakes and won't listen to reason at all and tries to make me recognise exactly her side? Is there hope for reconciliation or is she wrong and bent on just winning the argument too much. Sorry for the long reply.
Agree with you brother. An equally yoked is key.
I love this. My husband has a tendency to be overly blunt and that bothers me sometimes because I have a tendency to be overly sensitive, but at the end of the day, I'd rather him be too blunt than weak and pandering the way a lot of men are. He's worked on putting things more delicately and I've worked on being less sensitive, and we have a strong, healthy relationship with good communication and lots of love and respect.
I broke the first rule in an argument once and used an insecurity of hers to end the fight. 2 years later I still think about how I did that to her and I still deeply regret it
I, hope you apologized to her......js
Beautifully said Nick. My ex wife and I never could come to an agreement on anything. “Just letting her win” turned into resentment. Resentment became distance, distance created other problems, etc.
Nobody wants to get a divorce, and I still say that I didn’t, but sometimes people grow separately, especially when married young in an already toxic relationship.
I learned a lot from my first marriage, and now my future wife and I strive for our definition of perfect, even if we do fall short. Much like you said, we love each other, and have too much respect for each other to break out in petty arguments. We disagree on a rare occasion, but when we do we keep it respectful and explain our reasoning for our beliefs. Going on 3 years in this relationship, and we have never had an actual fight. I’m not sure if that should scare me or not. But we both tend to agree that fighting the way some couples do, is both counterproductive, and wrong. We’ve never put each other down, we lift each other up, and remind each other often that we are glad to have each other. And you’re right, luck doesn’t have anything to do with this. We both put in the effort for Each other. Never stop trying to make her fall in love, and she won’t stop falling in love.
I always appreciate your take on life Buddy! Take care
Sage words, Nick.
After about 10 repeats i get it now, this is very similar to what Jordan Peterson says, but in straightforward/everyday terms.
I both love and hate this advice. Love it because it's so simple and obviously true, hate it because somehow I feel like I've met almost no one who would agree with it. Thank you for the great advice Nick, even if I'll never have the opportunity to use it, it's nice finding evidence that there are sane rational people somewhere in this country if not my home town.
Love this :) Seems to me that these rules would be handy in the workspace too. Oh, and an anecdote from a swedish athlete back in the day when a journalist asked: "Wasnt that a bit lucky?". Whereby he replied: "Well, the more I practice, the more luck I seem to have" :) Greetings from Sweden!
Well said!
Good reminders for all of us!
You are right on both sides, if someone you love opens up to you and tells you their fears and vulnerabilities, and you use them against them, you just demonstrated that you do not deserve their trust.
I appreciate the way you share these valuable truths, and encourage any married couples to take these to heart.
This is awesome. Thank you so much. I am a woman I have been married almost 40 years. This I wish we had in the beginning of our marriage however there is always room to make things better.
I’ve heard this said again and again: it’s not you vs your spouse. It’s you and your spouse vs the problem. You have the soundest advice!!
I could’ve used this Wisdom 30+ years ago…. Solid advice for Every couple…
Thank you for posting this. It makes so much sense from the woman's side as well. Even though I am not married or dating I can already see things that I must improve upon. Great video, great sound, excellent quality video. Thank you again and cheers!
This is so good. Anytime my husband and I are in a wonderful season, we are following this advice. Good stuff!!!
We've been married for over 50 years. After a recent altercation I said, "Why do I always have to do what YOU say?" She replied, "That's how I feel sometimes." We shated the humor.
Years ago, after my tirade of accusings, she, quite against her nature, came back with an accusation of her own. I realized that she was right. But how was I going to agree with her without backing down or losing face? The answer came. I said, "I don't like this." And she melted, "I don't either." And all was healed. But I realized that I needed to be nicer to her, to stop bulldozong her over.
Thank you for yoir insights. We watched it together.
My husband is a year younger than you. We've been married 25 years and have two great kids. He was medically retired from the Army at 17 years and we've been blessed that I could be a stay at home mom and homeschooled both kids who are now starting great careers. Life's not been easy but we've fought as a couple even when everyone told us we were stupid and way too young to be married. He was 18 and I was 17 when we got married. We literally drove to the Las Vegas courthouse, got married and drove back to SoCal so he could fly to his first duty station. Life's not easy but we're stronger than ever.
Blessings to your family. 🙏❤️
Can you please have your wife do a similar video explaining it from her perspective? I think it would be good for all of us husbands to break the ice easier lol
Great advice...Building each other up is so important..Respect always..sometimes listening intently makes all the difference..thank you...
This is the best advice I have ever heard for spousal discussions.
I was a payroll officer for 1200 employees. 800 of them were on a monthly payroll and 400 on a biweekly payroll. I like policy and rules, planning, deadlines, facts, budgets, and reconciling the payroll within in .05 cents of a million dollar monthly and $850,000.00 biweekly payroll inclusive of shift and premium pay. Yes, I am a control freak... you don't mess with people's paychecks who work hard to earn them... this carries over to home.
My husband operates on luck... empiracal data only applies at work... He is a ASE Master Technician. There's that.
Just wanted to say thanks. This channel's shorts pop up every now and then with the follow up coffee cup and makes me smile. :)
Nick thank you for all that you put out on UA-cam. Your wisdom is so accurate!!
Many blessings
Thank you for sharing this much needed advice! 😊👍❤
This isn't just a Guy thing, but like you pointed out (And I'm so glad you Did! 😊👍), it's a Relationship thing!
As a Single Woman, I want to thank you for putting me in my place too and helping me understand why this matters for how I communicate with a guy and how much my words and actions affect His thoughts & feelings. ❤
Wise words. Been hitched for 40 years. He knows what he is talking about.
That was perfect Nick I appreciate you stating this publicly. And I know the basis for that leadership. Thank you
Reason, Logic and Facts = Communication, Understanding and Agreement. Emotion, Blame and Deception = Loss of Trust, Respect and Peace. Love seeks to Heal and Protect.
Can agree, happily married and these rules rock!
I've also noticed similar things about grumpy youtube comments. Typically they're grumpy because the choose to live their life using life's tools unwisely, and then lash out saying the tools are the problem. Don't blame the tools, learn how to use them well. Kinda like guns ❤
Nicely put 👏👏
Quote from Red dead redemption: “All I know is that there are only 2 ways to argue with a woman, and neither one of them work.” ~J.M.
Ah, so that's where that quote is from...I see it in Warcraft when I dismount my yak.
Man I’ve been saying this for years! I’m 32 and i learned the hard to try to make this saying work.
You are spot on.....I have been married for 34 years and we have used similar rules that you have and IT DOES WORK. When you realize you are in this together. I know this sounds trite, but there is "no I in Team."
"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver"...Proverbs 25:11
The best advice I've heard...maybe ever...
My husband and I have made it 43 years. Of course ups and downs. Our number one rule, no matter how heated the argument, no name calling. I always , we always felt we were each others advocate.
I love these rules!! I grew up in an angry home and married an abusive man, who I took way too long to divorce. I've been looking for safe and good rules to bring into my current relationship, bc we both have history, and we both want this relationship to be our forever. Thank you for helping both of us!!
Sage advice. It's worked for me and my wife for over 40 years.
These are great points and when i finally get my godly spouse i pray we will use these, because i my first marriage there was no such thing as this
Good stuff, for both parties in the marriage.
I like how you approach disagreements with your wife. I wish my husband did this. He resorts to yelling, name calling, interrupting, and finishing my sentences for me. Hate it all.
I really feel like you're talking about my life!!! Thank you for this support. You can't even imagine...
I’m a 73 year old woman. Man! Are you on spot!
The Best! Watching your children naturally implement what they have learned at home will be glorious as well as the impact all they do in and for the world. Great advice
One thing I have learned is that if at some point I am getting so emotional that I want to hurt someone either physically or emotionally I have to walk away. I chose to walk away because I know that what I would say or do will not be helpful, will not settle the argument but is aimed at hurting someone. I need some time to calm down so I can think and react rationally and not with anger. It was a hard lesson to learn but has saved everyone from a lot of harm.
Yup took me a long time to realize that the point of an argument is not to WIN. This video should be required viewing by every couple contemplating marriage.
My husband always discounts anyone talking about relationships from social media or reality TV because "no one worth listening to wants fame." So, thank you for being a force of practicality that my husband actually regards.
Beautifully said, I wish I had heard this a few years ago. I was in a relationship where every thing I had done wrong was thrown in my face. I learned to build walls and walk away. Trust is very important to me. I did learn boundaries are very important to have.
Anytime someone uses the term "real man" view their advise with skepticism. What they are going to advise you to do is probably going to be against your responsibilities as an adult and against common sense.
What Mr. Freitas has said is the real deal. Set down the ground rules early on. Treat each other with respect no matter how much you disagree. Logic over-rules, but you have to be respectful of your spouses feelings.
We were in ND visiting the MIL for Christmas. A storm began to brew along the ND/SD border which was going to shut down the highways. This meant that we would need to leave a day and a half early. I talked to the DW about this and then gave her some time to think about it. When I came back and she was in tears. So I called my boss and asked if under the circumstance if they could do without me for a few more days. I got a yes and we stayed until the storm passed. That was the MILs next to last Christmas and the last Christmas that my kids would get to spend with her. What happened was meant to be and I'm glad that I had the sense to respect my DW's point of view.
I’ve been married for 23 years. These rules do work. We’ve used these principles and we are happy.
My wife and I have been together for over 25 years once we learned to work together things began to fall in place and your advice here is absolutely correct! Great message!!
Like partners in a business: decisions need to benefit both to continue to work. Great wise advice on this video!
My husband and I have basically 1 rule. If it won't make any difference in 5 years, it shouldn't make any difference in 5 minutes. That's all and we are going on 23 blissfully years 😊❤
I have been married for 27 years, your advise is pure wisdom. While we did not set out intentionally with these kinds of rules, we did agree that we would follow the Word together, which works out to the same thing.
My late husband and I agreed that the person whose opinion in an argument turned out to be the least defensible would say "You were right, I was wrong, AGAIN." It made us laugh and the argument was over.
When I was married, I stayed quiet while my wife made her point(s). She argued in circles just to be right. So I just waited. She asked me why I didn't argue back. I simply said that I was waiting for her to argue my point so that I could agree with her. That didn't go down well at first. After she got cooled down and thought about it for a while. She saw the funny side, too. Eventually, she found someone else. Then someone else that married her. We are still in contact. Here's a thing. When is a stick, not a stick? When it's a boomerang! Lol
I'm amazed that someone who actually has his head screwed on straight is in politics. Keep fighting the good fight and thank you!
Amen brother!! I'm with you.