Being with a narcissist FORCED me to look in the mirror, there was no denying that I was narcissistic and I COULDN'T STAND IT in myself, I even began to hate who I had become. In studying the narcissist I began to realized I was studying myself, I ended up doing Shadow work in order to understand why I am how I am because I was repulsed. A narcissist is the only cure for a narcissist. We need to to be pushed into our reflection.
So all 4 of you had realization you are a narcisist? Could there be a possibility you only have narcisistic trades due living with a narcisist and become conditioned to behave like it but yet you know compassion, gratitude and love.
I’m a product of two narcissists. I just started therapy in January and it’s been the most painful and eye opening experience. I’ve accepted the fact that I might be in therapy for the rest of my life. I’m willing to do whatever it takes
Same! She is still in quarantine with her husband and kids and he is in his parents basement because no one will rent a place to him right now! He's a 49 year old principle. So bloody funny. Let the games begin!
As satisfying as it may feel to watch him crash and burn, you may want to consider if it lines up with who you are to laugh at their sickness. Beware! Remember, they use emotional manipulation to transform you into what they hate about themselves? If you weren't the sort of person who would enjoy watching a sick person suffer, it pays to see if you've let them twist you into being someone who is. The first thing I decided to protect from my narc was my integrity as a person. It was the first way I saw them affecting me in a way I hated. I know I don't find it morally acceptable to want to see someone fail or to laugh at someone's pain. Still, I feel satisfaction creep in on me when I see this person "get what's coming to them." I think the narcissist's most insidious tool is to make you feel and behave more like them. They trick you into sinking to their level, emotionally & behaviorally. I think it's part of that weird "projection" issue of theirs, but I'm no psychologist, yet. In any case, I've found it useful to internally say, "You don't get to decide who I am!" Dealing with the narc is so overwhelming! They "win" a lot. They steal your friends, your support network, your reputation, etc. I found it most empowering to know only I have control of who I am and what I do. It's really hard, but I've found empowerment in truly cherishing and protecting the best of myself. They can exert force in many places, I can lose battles, but they have no actual power to decide how I act unless I hand it to them. I worked hard to become a good person, one of integrity, and I'm not letting them steal that! I hope if you struggle with feelings of guilt about being happy when the narc suffers, like I do, you'll give this very inconvenient truth some thought.
@@eponymoususer8923 I appreciate your response, but I was genuinely being tongue and cheek in my comment. The pain of being left after 24 years and five children...for a women 23 years my senior was debilitating. His parents and family literally hate my guts to a point of moving the girlfriend in with them. My children were devastated. I told him my whole marriage, if you dont love me...dont pretent for the sake of the children. He choose to do it the ugly way...during a pandemic and blow up his life for a bit on the side! I'm not nearly as messed up as I was a month ago. If fact...I've come along way baby! Thank you for taking the time to set us straight though. I did take you words to heart! Cheers from Canada!
I knew an older couple who couldn’t stand each other. They fought, lied, cheated, and slept in separate bedrooms, but they would not divorce. They kept up the facade until the husband died. What a miserable way to live!
get n2thegroove my ex narcissist’s parents slept in separate bedrooms. I always found that odd. He always said it’s because his father snores but I think it was more than that bc i always suspected his mother was a narcissist too.
Empress Nitara, I had a friend who’s parents did as well and I thought the same thing. Now that we’re adults, we both know her dad was a narc. Her parents are still married, but her mother is ill. Her dad didn’t want to take care of her, so she lives with my friend and her family and he lives alone.
When a narcissist gets with another narcissist and they start caring about themselves too much Narcissist : *surprised pikachu face* Other Narcissist : *surprised pikachu face*
@Iris-Angela Jones i recall my gal pal saying, "Don't you ever spend time in front of the mirror practicing your smile?" I'm like no, not in my whole life...
Hahaha My mother and stepfather live in SEPARATE houses but they are still married. Talk about WTH They're both narcissistic they can't even live with each other but are married smh 🤦♀️
Still wonder if there is such a thing as a natural born narcissist? My observation best way to punish a narcissist is send them off to work in another country where they don't know anybody and they are nobody! It all comes from success getting to their head, achievement in career , talent or business and the entitlement and power that follows. Take it all away and put them in a hole or another country where they end up working like expats they are suddenly normal, even kinder, gentle and overall reformed because they know in the new country it no longer feels like back home where they can be careless like they used to be around friends and family. 🍷
@@thousandyardgavri2785 but isn’t that kind of sad because they probably didn’t ask for parents like that and if they repeat the cycle and become a toxic person themself that’s just a tragedy. As someone with two parents who one had borderline personality disorder and the other who was a narcissist disorders I just feel bad for any child who has to put up with that
@Steve Miller Sorry, my comment wasn't clear, I meant that they married each other and not some normal people, thus not ruining their lives. I didn't escape any harm.
Dating a narcissist I've become aware I am myself too a narcissist.&& Before this relationship I was unaware of how extremely destructive and draining a narcissist could really be. to a none narcissistic ppl and its made me really really want to start taking a look at myself alot more & hold myself responsible aswell. Being mindful and considerate for others is helping me alot. A taste of your own medicine is sometimes the eye opener
ME TOO but I actually love them. I wonder if I’m doing it right? Or do narcissistic people have to be fully aware that they are just “using” someone else? Cos honestly as long as he loved me the way I feel I love him, we could work it out. I’d be willing to. I mean, I understand it after all. It’s the him knowing he’s fooling me and LYING about feelings he doesn’t have is what the dealbreaker would be.
My parents are narcissists and have been married 56 years. Everything you've talked about, I've witnessed. Why they aren't divorced, I have no clue. But this is dead on!
Mother hated my father but never left him "because of the money" her words. He was 12 years older, when he passed on Mother blew all the fortune at casinos, world trips ( with captive empathetic audience, I pity them having their holiday wrecked). She blew millions $$$ and rocked up at my house and wanted to move in after I exited family years ago
If you have a grandiose and a covert together, it's permanent drama but one gets to play the victim and the other gets to play the victor. Add financial dependency in the mix, sex, sometimes the fear of ending up alone beyond a certain age (it started being a big concern for my father some time during his fifties)...
Would not asking for a divorce be the same as capitulation, failure? So, there is no alternative but to continue, is there, for these mentally handicaped things.
My narc sister is an actress. I went out with a couple of her actress friends (because they were lookers). Oh boy, were those ever awful dates. MDs and JDs--same thing. Avoid!
@@janetweller5790 They are not, though. They are humans in a sad, unfortunate condition. Once can stay out of the drama yet still feel compassion for them, and realize that we all may be more like them than we care to believe.
I understand what you’re saying, but sometimes their victims need a little comedic relief in their lives, don’t you think? I’m very empathetic about my ex N, but I still find some of these comments to be amusing. I think victims need the outlet of humor, in a major way, because our lives become so devoid of laughter and bleak.
@@koul3709 i don't think there's a line we can easily draw between narcissists and non narcissists. What's more, we are not really abel to see ourselves objectively, less so then we are abel to see others. Then if these sentences are correct i would be inclined to suspect the narcisisst accusers of being or of being in danger of becoming, well, narcissists.
I’ve found the same when trying to explain narcissism to a friend....later on in my journey I realized, my friend was also a narcissist. No wonder she didn’t get it..
So if a person opens up about his/her relationship issues, and you as the listener know that they’re a narc and that their partner is a narc, what do you do? Gaslight the shit out of them, and tell them how great they are for each other! Keeping narcs together! 🥂Cheers🥂
My ex and his bestie are both narc. His bestie even helped him to cheat on me. They almost like criminal partners that always got each other’s back to do the shady things. However they also get annoyed and envy the shit out of each other. I just can’t wait the day that they turn against each other.
When the two narcissists have children together, it is heartbreaking. They are being manipulated, torn apart, terrorized. This makes it hard to just sit back and watch with popcorn. How do we help those kids?
As a father of a 3 year old babygirl, I would love to know the best answer to this question too, I turned into a narcissist over 8 years of being cheated on and now my child gets to see this horrible version of me
@@1dowmnnn5uppp87oh man, thats gotta be extremely detrimental to the entirety of the childs life, inhuman suffering. I wooild recommend going to some really serious therapy, try to immerse yourself in therapy, I hope that helps
I know a couple like that! They keep trying to outdo each other and fight, cheat, are suspicious of each other, say they can’t stand each other, but then, they ultimately stick together and often work together on preying on empaths. Really interesting, as always!
Me too. I find myself questioning everything now. I used to think of myself as a codependent empath. But in order to get out I had to stop giving a shit about other people (Him) so much and care about myself above all else. Now I'm very unhappy to see narc traits in myself. Like I've stopped dating because I dont actually want to care about anyone else. And the other night my school age daughter wanted me to come to bed with her (Shes been sleeping in my bed since the divorce) but I made her go to bed by herself and stayed up doing chores and just having some "me time" then I felt really guilty about not putting my daughters needs before my own. Sigh.
That’s not being a narcissist that’s loving yourself not like your putting anyone down with your behavior one thing we can learn from narcissism is to love ourselves first nothing wrong with that .
I feel like I’m becoming one too sometimes. It’s weird holding people accountable for their actions and not feeling like a narc. I never blame anyone and typically blame myself. It’s hard not thinking I’m a narc when I stick up for myself.
“Two cats in a bag” 🤣 - so true Both my parents are narcissists so I have to fight to unlearn completely dysfunctional behaviors and thought patterns which may be a life long effort.
Still wonder if there is such a thing as a natural born narcissist? My observation best way to punish a narcissist is send them off to work in another country where they don't know anybody and they are nobody! It all comes from success getting to their head, achievement in career , talent or business and the entitlement and power that follows. Take it all away and put them in a hole or another country where they end up working like expats they are suddenly normal, even kinder, gentle and overall reformed because they know in the new country it no longer feels like back home where they can be careless like they used to be around friends and family. 🍷
Whenever I think of examples of two narcissists together, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West always come to mind. *Edit: Just to clarify when I say narcissist im using the term like Dr.Ramani does- I am not labeling these people with NPD I am simply using the term narcissist as a descriptor for behaviours these people have demonstrated.
@Eseercam I think people don't know a lot about personality disorders and they get narcissism and histrionic mixed up. they also get antisocial and narcissism mixed up too
@@Leahv103 there can be a lot of crossover amongst the traits and comorbidity is a possibility as well. If anything I think Cluster B disordered individuals tend to attract one another.
missmerbella yes you are definitely right. I have BPD and am definitely attracted to other people with personality disorders and also have a few narcisstic and histrionic traits as well. But I’m diagnosed with BPD not anything else
Ugh! This was my nmom and stepfather. Horrible toxic household to grow up in any they are still together almost 30 years later. Longevity does not always mean a relationship is successful!
I can so relate to this. After divorcing my child's father and coming to the realization that he was indeed a narcissist, I realized that my mother was one as well. I've watched her and my step father go thru this endless cycle of her abusing him verbally (and trying to physically) and her literally putting him out of a house where he pays the bills and him having to stay gone for weeks just to go back and start the cycle all over again. They actually divorced (he did divorce her) just for them to get remarried. This has gone on for over 30 years as well. I went no contact with my mother 4 years ago and to say it was freeing is an understatement. Videos like help me to understand why I ended up picking the partner that I did and the work I need to keep doing on myself so that I break the codependency cycle and not get involved with someone like this ever again.
@@momtomysonshine Thanks for sharing your story with me. It makes me feel less alone. I had a very similar experience. Understanding yourself can help you forgive yourself for picking the wrong person. I hope you find healing 💖
Actually.... my ex - a narcissist - and his girlfriend after me - another narcissist - it was hilarious !!! they made their lives miserable af for weeks and than over and start again and over and again with lots of cheating in between. Fun to see, to say the least.
my recent ex found himself a very grandiose narc it seems. Snap it dawned on me, a predator is now a prey, yes he is exstatic, because he is being love bombed! but I can guess the chaos ahead, it probably becomes an obsession and a toxic spiral loop they probably call passion or infatuation, but really they cannot stand looking in the mirror and their grandiosity won’t allow them to walk away. Coz they need to prove and dominate. The power struggle for supply keeps them stuck in it ! no love no sex no passion
These video tutorials are to me, like sitting in my living room with a cup of coffee and a trusted friend. I especially enjoy your admonishment "remember the only win in a relationship with a narcissist is getting out" (a summary not a direct quote).
I totally agree that the sex is a big factor in the relationship between two narcs. My ex narc is with a narcissist. He has a sex addiction and she has a history of being promiscuous to get attention and what she wants. I have no doubt that they are using and abusing each and that the sex is what keeps them together. Regardless I'm sure that it is a very dysfunctional and toxic relationship. They both are insecure and have abandonment issues. Just glad that they are not hurting any kind hearted and genuinely good people.
Yes! My ex left me for a literal call girl. She’s an uneducated needy AF exec wife wannabe - he’s extremely wealthy executive ( geologist/ oil industry) acting like an upstanding intellectual dude who just happened to fall in love with an uneducated stilletto wearing short skirt 25 years younger. They look ridiculous together - yet there they go ! Our kids are mortified and have cut him off - have zero to do with the new wife … he acts like I’m keeping our adult kids from him out of spite. Nope ! And he knows this - I would never try to do that to our kids or him -- it’s that he can’t see or won’t see how hurtful / ridiculous his behavior is and has been since our children were born. He was never around - didn’t bond - only said thjngs he would do with them - never actually did them. It’s always been about taking care of him first and this wily ass chick gets it ! Good for them.
When two narcissists realize they're dating another narcissist, a black hole forms and sinks to the bottom of the earth to consume the planet from within
Oh wow, the sex thing! My mother actually told me this one time "if you're father wants to make up, me taps me on the shoulder at night and then we have sex. He never apologizes." it was always fight, silent treatment, sex. My parents were together for over 30 years and I think the only reason it worked so long is because my mother is neglectful/communal. She got all of her supply outside of her relationship and was also doing really well careerwise. My father wasn't so he started drinking every night and was all narcissistic rage and abuse all the time. My parents were always stuck in this cycle of love bombing - fight - silent treatment/triangulation/trying to enlist me and my sister as allies - sex - love bombing again. I saw exactly the same happening with my sister and her ex boyfriend. Apparently they had mind blowing sex and they both really wanted a partner for status. They were into the same things, such as flashy cars or fancy dates at restaurants they both couldn't afford. They both treated each other like a belonging and always made me sooo uncomfortable whenever I was around them. The constant belittling disguised as jokes. They had the most dramatic fights with both parties bursting into crying fits, admitting they were scared of the other person and that they felt underappreciated and taken for granted.
@chadsasmrif you really need college money check out Elmer O locker vids- plenty of success stories… it’s not a advertisement program but it might re program you to help with that.
Interesting - I have come to see sex as an apology from my narcissistic wife - leading me to wonder whether the better/more adventurous the sex, the bigger the misdemeanour she is hiding, because it tends to come out of nowhere - i.e. not in response to anything I have done to please her
A lot of them stay together because they can't stand failing and to them breaking up is a failure. They are also deeply insecure that they won't find someone else who will put up with them. I've seen a lot of married couples where both partners are narcissistic. They have a lot of drama in their lives for sure but they cling on to their crappy relationships desperately.
My parents were both narcissistic, I remember the constant fights, the yelling and aggressive behaviour, and then they just got divorced and invested so much into proving each other who was happier than who, that there never really was any space left for me and my brother.
@@JordannAlexander thanks! One day at a time, we started talking about it recently and I realized that I had no idea of how much all of that also impacted him. Trauma makes us look and behave a way that is very similar to selfishness, because there is not much space left for other people (even loved ones) when we are stuck in survival mode. We are ready to start healing now that our mother is gone. All the noise and conflict that kept us separated is gone now, she would repeatedly throw us against each other and now the distance is diminishing. I'm hopeful for the future, I love my brother so much.
They follow each others' footsteps in complete darkness, one 4 feet behind the other, completely unaware, until the end of times or until they die of lack of water or food.
My dad is an overt, classic, somatic narcissist, my mom is a covert, cerebral narcissist. My dad cares about his strength, looks, and his image, my mom cares about her intelligence. I never felt like they loved each other, but their relationship "works" in a strange way. They fight with each other, and keep each other supplied. My mom strokes my dad's ego, and he makes her feel smart. The only people who lost are my siblings and I. Edit: Okay so please keep in mind (something I should've specified at the beginning), neither of my parents have been diagnosed. This has only been my opinion of what I've observed through their behaviours and my own understanding and research of these personality disorders. And now the reason for this edit, I'm starting to think my mom is a sociopath rather than a narcissist. She doesn't really care about what people think (society wise), she only fakes emotion, she feels no guilt whatsoever, and her favourite thing to do is to mess with people's heads because (in her mind) they're simple and it's hilarious to watch them play into her hands. It makes her feel like she's a goddess for being so intelligent and clever. She's fucking ruthless. Another thing, she never, ever loses control of herself or does anything unintentionally. Everything she does is deliberate. 2nd edit: (Again, my parents are undiagnosed and will probably never be diagnosed, so this is based off my own "layman's" research, etc.) I don't think my dad is just a narcissist, I think he's got some kind of comorbidity of narcissism and BPD. The reason why I say this? Well, I have quiet BPD, and I recognize a lot of the same symptoms in him as well (granted, my symptoms are internalized and I have self-awareness so as to not make it other people's problem, while his symptoms are external and he doesn't have therapy or support). He can't take rejection, he has (violent) outbursts of anger, he is insecure AF, he cycles between very intense emotions, he hates being alone. Unlike a full-blown narcissist, he DOES feel guilt and remorse; he has apologized, recognized his behaviour, and been sincere in the moment, but it's like he *can't* change. He projects A LOT and attacks when he feels threatened, but I feel like it's because it's incredibly personal for him. Like it's WAY too personal for him if he was just a narcissist. I don't know, it just makes a lot more sense to me.
Do you think you were worse of as they were both narcissists? Or do you think that in some ways they cancelled each other out a bit sometimes? I am genuinly curious
@@tturing5698, both...? I was worse off in a sense because they were both emotionally neglectful and dictators in their own ways, but it eventually resulted in me becoming self-reliant, so... As far as cancelling each other out, they do have a bit of a yin-yang feel to them if that's what you mean, they are each other's opposites except they're both narcissists.
@@sassylittleprophet Thanks for replying me :) By cancelling each other out I mean if in some ways they were more focused on combating each other and of trying to manipulate and control each other than their children? Of course having non-narcissistic parents are better and having one non-narcissistic one I have read is supposed to be better. At the same time I sometimes wonder if in some ways other adults could clearer see that they were a bad parent duo and that in some ways they didn't focus as much on getting inside the head of their kids to brainwash them as much because they were busy with trying to do that to their partner. I feel like they in some ways the "forgetting" to make an internal wound in their kids then is more making an external one since the kid is a passive bystander viewing this whole mess while often being forgotten? (which gain healthy parents are without a question off course better!)
@@tturing5698 okay, I understand now what you mean. My parents were more focused on me and my siblings than each other. My dad thinks he wears the pants in the family, but my mom is very good at getting what she wants by placing ideas in my dad's head and acting supportive when he shares "his" new ideas with her. On the outside, my mom's role is to be submissive or at least appear to be, but my dad is no match for her intellectually and they both know it. It holds my dad somewhat in awe of her, and my mom keeps him happy by mostly going along with what he wants (or at least pretending) but also getting whatever she wants on the side. Their relationship is purely transactional, so it works because they both get what they want from each other, but also don't love each other at all and don't necessarily need to. So that's their dynamic with each other. And as far as us kids were concerned, our parents were on separate pages but also the same page. My dad's view on parenting was that he should be the supreme dictator basically. Argue against him, have a bad attitude even, have a messy room or your shoes out, disobey him in the slightest way, or lie to him - you'd either be sent to your room (quite possibly without dinner), or he'd beat you and either leave it at that or send you to your room (depended on his mood). But punishment had nothing to do with doing wrong, so much as questioning his authority and trying to maintain your own personal authority apart from him. My mom was much more subtle. Even though she would also beat us, she was a lot more keen on the mind games aspect of it. While my dad was more straightforward about what he wanted and expected, my mom was the one who would deliberately and systematically pit siblings against each other. And if anyone questioned the harshness of the discipline, my mom quickly turned the blame on my dad: it was very much "good cop, bad cop." While my dad was the enforcer, my mom was the Gestapo, searching rooms, and if whatever she found was "too bad," she'd report it to my dad who would beat whoever was at fault. Once my mom found matches in my brothers' room, and we were strictly told never to play with or even touch matches. My mom automatically commented about my scapegoat brother burning the house down, and I let it slip that I had told them to leave those alone and not play with matches. Of course that meant I had also participated in rebellion because (for once) I didn't rat on my siblings, because I knew and didn't report. Anyways, come to find out, every single sibling knew (except for our youngest brother who was too little), so everyone was going to get it from Dad when he got back. Here's what my parents did differently this time: they sat us all down and first had us watch Little House on the Prairie, specifically an episode where two of the boys are smoking in a building, accidentally somehow leave the cigarettes or matches that end up starting a fire that kills two characters. And after that explanation, we were beaten. My two brothers were hit six times each, my youngest sister and I were hit twice, and my middle sister was hit once because she asked if she could have less punishment because she had very little part in it (also, the reason I didn't ask was because I was afraid to, and I never realised that was an option). Also, Dad and Mom would beat us very intentionally, each offense would result in being hit twice, unless the offense was greater, then more hits would be added. They called it spanking, I call it abuse and bullshit. Also, the marks from Mom would last an hour, the marks from Dad would last two or three days. Also, once I talked to my sister about it, the one who was hit once, because I saw it for the bullshit that it was, and she said that when she saw the LHotP episode, it was like she understood, she knew why we were being punished. And it broke my heart because I was thinking, "They broke you." Which was of course their entire goal. This entire interaction, after reading 1984, is very Orwellian to me...which is kind-of frightening but not really surprising.
@@sassylittleprophet I see. I am really sorry to hear about your experiences. It sounds like a really stressful and horrible childhood to endure, including the triangulation of using snitching against siblings. I think you explain it really well including schematising it as a totalitarian state including the mechanics of control. And again thanks for sharing your experiences. It doesn’t sounds like it was better that they were both narcissists, than if it had been only one. I think in my case mine were a different personality type since they were more fake hippies, and "community active" than authoritarian. So they just very conveniently thought children could take care of themselves (i.e. not needing nurture, support and guidance at all), and then used them to talk about their mental health work, coworkers etc, and then manipulated and humiliated them “for fun” and for feeling like they were of superior intelligence. They also tended to focus on winning over each other in different intellectual bullshit arguments and of getting attention and praise in the neighborhood where when kids would steal toys from me and my sibling. We would get the blame for it since if they had to bring it up with the neighbors it would jeopardize their source of supply. So everyone else including sales people and waiters took precedence over the well being and safety of their children. And there they would also humiliate their kids when bored, and rage. I think that neglect in some ways was very injurious, and also my sister and I reacted to it quite differently but I think in a way they never got inside my head which is why some of the damage feels terrible but I don't feel I was brainwashed in the way my sister was who seem to internalize what they did. And I wonder if these specific conditions helped me not to internalize it. I think perhaps as a truth teller child, and them at times focus on manipulating each other in petty competitions, maybe seeing through this quite early and to have other friends and teachers take an interest in me (which was sadly sometimes obstructed by my parents including my attempt at learning music when entering school at 6) is why I received damage for sure but in a lot of ways people tell me I seem very well functioning for someone who grew up that way. Did you ever do therapy or did you process all of this yourself?
Lol my narc was talking about her partner and said.... " I think he's a narcissist" and I was like oooooh? Please go on and she went on to list everything she does to others all day everyday. I had to cover my mouth while I was talking to her because I was cracking up over the phone.
I’ve seen narcissists battle for the spotlight. It’s gruesome. The loser is so deeply wounded that they tend to disappear from anyone who witnessed the competition out of shear embarrassment. I didn’t realize it then, but I get it now. Thank the heavens for awareness.
I dated a narc who cared for her narc father... we were driving to his house, she warned me about his explosive temper and how she never knew what was going to trigger it... I sat there agape because that is exactly how I felt about her... she never saw the same trait in herself.
This narcissistic couple I know seems to have the perfect rich life. He abruptly left me for her, ghosted (then came back), but we never got back together. They're rich and famous. He's promoting and funding her new album. Right after he played me, she made passive aggressive posts about me- mocking me for not being well known or rich like her. She seems like she forgot where she came from. I was hurt. I cried everyday and night. Took awhile but I finally got over it.
The worst wedding I ever attended was that of two grandiose narcissists. It was awful, the guests were awful, the families were awful, the whole charade exhibited every narcissistic trait you can think of including entitlement where the head table was served champagne and the rest of us sparkling wine. Makes me laugh just thinking about it in that way. Anyways, needless to say it endly badly within the first year. She had an affair and he went into therapy quite broken. But I think it actually made him a stronger narcissist because he came out of it with all this knowledge of clinical terms and methods of building relationships. Now that he has since remarried it is the bragging about how great his marriage is and what he does to ensure their love flowers all the time. Sprinkled with all the right vocabulary. He has in fact become his own guru. Very perverse and I have since left that scene. Never found out what happened to her, pretty sure she never skipped a beat but their coupling did produce a more effective narcissist in him. And he still has scary levels of rage.
My parents are both narcissists. Being raised by them as an only child was absolute HELL. When they went into their toxic spiral of arguing, yelling, breaking things, threatening divorce and rehashing old arguments, it was like I didn't exist. The arguments were near nightly. I could be sitting in the same room while they were screaming and I was invisible to them. After the divorce, my mom got a boyfriend who was a carbon copy of my dad -- same first name, similar line of work, personality traits and hobbies. He was TRASH and I could tell from early on that he saw her as a fling and was cheating on her! The whole family and her friends kept warning her, this guy is bad news and you need to end it. She strung the relationship along for 1 YEAR!! When he finally exposed himself as cheating and he broke up with her, she was devastated and acted like she forgot how everyone warned her. After the breakup, she even started gossiping that "no one wanted to see her happy" and no one cared about her. SIGH.
im in toxic relationship and when we argue alot in front of my baby, hes one. what do you wish your parents did instead ? cause we argure and my baby is just in the middle being ignored so how do i stop now. what do u wish would have happen instead?
I’ve recently just got out of a relationship with a narc. Boy oh boy do I feel like the worst. I feel like I’m on a sea saw. One minute I miss him the other minute I see clearly what he was doing. It’s like I can’t get pass the good times but even that the good times were because of me. I myself am trying to deal with my childhood hurts because my parents are narcs. I had kids with a narc also. I’m so drained from years of this mess. I’m taking a much needed break just for me. Heal the childhood hurts. I’m so drained that even though I feel for people and I’m the one always willing to help. I don’t even have the strength anymore to give.
@Erika Great advice and observation. I too have told people for years, especially women, and a great deal of men as well that they need to get angry and maintain a righteous anger in order to eliminate all that self doubt about being in a relationship with an abuser. I have always found that not concentrating on any of the good times, but only on the stress and distress they caused was the only way to break free of the illusions and bond/tie to them.
When a relationship between two narcissists fails, often times one person dies. Narcissists are notorious for murdering the other narcissist. When a narcissist breaks up with a codependent person, the codependent person is easily defeated and destroyed by the narcissist, and the narcissist gets satisfaction from watching you fall apart. However, when the narcissist attacks a narcissistic partner, the narcissist partner is able to fight back, and the fight escalates to the point that someone gets killed. Narcissists do not have the good sense to walk away from a fight. They aim to destroy the other narcissist, and they don't have empathy to know when they have gone too far.
Yep I would often tell my friends he needs to stay the hell away from me because one of us is going to end up in jail or dead. I have Narc symtoms, and my Narc was full blown. I stood up for my self, I had no problem running him knowing well I''ll see in a week. I often felt bad when I ran him off but I knew we were escalating to something really dangerous. Oh and add alcohol ontop of that. I actually have empathy, I can admitt my wrongs, I don't purposely set out to hurt people and don't take advantage I'm very open maybe not always honest, but by no means a liar. I'm a liar by omission. I have been run over by so many Narc since my husband passed 3 years ago that I seriously have adapted some of their traits, and catch on pretty quit with them now, and enjoy setting them off, whether it be ignoring them and playing on my phone laughing in thier presents, acting all confused when and upset too at the bar when one of my guy friends hangs on me, silent treatment too after I run him off, which I love to run him off after he buys me all the shit I needed that day, and need some quiet time away from his ego and him telling me all he's done for me. Once he became drunk and retarted laughing at him, stay up on my laptop while hes in bed waiting for sex. Basically returning the abuse I was given during the first 3 weeks. All I attract are Narcs since my husband died, I lost my husband and 6 of my best friends all in the same year. I was very open about it sooo I was a perfect Narc magnent and source of supply. I've done alot of research and I have adapted alot of thier traits. I think .
@@blakelynnbauer342 You are trying to not feel defeated and being fucked over again? You trying to adapt yourself and learn to live among sharks? More feelings of control. And less feelings of depression and pain? Feeling vulnerable? 🍀
My mother got into a bad relationship like this. Things blew up when he cheated. Her friends and I went over to rescue her. We packed up all of her belongings to get her out. Toward the end her friend asked, "Is there anything else? Check now because we're never coming back." She grabbed a kitchen knife out of the block and marched up stairs. We *begged* her to STOP, but there was nothing we could do. She disappeared for about five minutes, then marched back down, neatly placed the knife back in the block, and smugly said, "That's everything." Turns out she'd gone scorched earth and caused cost tens of thousands of dollars in property damage. We were tense, waiting for the ball to drop. She was unrepentant. But her narcissist loved it. In his sick mind, this is how he 'knew' she loved him. This reaction fed everything he wanted. He went on an intense campaign to get her back. And this was everything she wanted. She believed that she had him exactly where she wanted him. On his knees. She knew that all of her family and friends would not support this crap, so she ran away and eloped with him. They kept up this sick dance for more than a decade before things finally devolved to physical violence and they finally broke up.
I'm borderline he was narcissist he made me look like I'm more than bpd I was driven insane till I asked my gfs and they said it's completely normal to react how I was reacting
Kinda reminds me of my former roommate and the guy I met him thru: they put up with each other for 9 years, but kept having violent clashes, drifted apart, then would run back to each other constantly; I'd like to believe that their senses of victimhood gave them a feeling of relatability toward each other, and during the good times, they'd feel "more powerful" with the other grandiose guy in their corner. I think one thing in recent years that turned my former roommate for the worse was no longer having the ability to blame his circumstances on the other guy; guy was out of the picture for nearly a decade, so my former roommate is a failure in life cause...he is one out of choice.
They divorce. Go into relationships with responsible empaths and have an ongoing affair together and then gather more supply by using even more people .... they actually are a perfect evik couple both using other people and each other a real sick duo
Often there is an addiction to controlling and owning one another. They are a possession to each other. Addicted to causing each other pain and keeping a score card of hurts and slights which they are compulsively bound to right by inflicting harm or Narcissistic injury. It is the trap of Talionic Revenge, an endless cycle of pain and payback. Some people are addicted to making someone into the person they feel they deserve, yet refuse to see that the person they are holding on to will never change. They cannot see their own behavior reflected in the attitude and behavior of their partner.
@@amysalameh319 A superb film I would highly recommend is 'Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf' starring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. This fictional drama perfectly exhibits this dynamic in its most malignant form. The only thing missing is physical violence.
@@amysalameh319 Eugene O'Neill's play Long Day's Journey Into Night was recently recommended by Mr. Sam Vaknin author of Malignant Self Love Narcissism Revisited. I have yet to read it but from the description and synopsis it looks like an amazing work of art. Often when people come from dysfunctional families there is a great deal of enmeshment and poor internal or emotional boundaries. This leads to intense hatred and/or love that is obsessive and unhealthy.
Rollercoaster ride .no thanks .I wish I knew this earlier in my life .That's ok .cause I know it now .I'm almost 60 .been in therapy most of my life .Why dont they tell us this in therapy .It would have saved time . .Thanks Dr .like always ur the best .Have a blessed day
Earthia O my partner fooled my own therapist... don’t worry, only a expert can figure out these monsters... I’m on therapy for years finding why I never get out of depression. At least now I know the root of my depression, his name and surname
@@talitacdias Good for you .Rather be free then in a bad situation. Therapy is always good .Thank goodness for this Dr here .A lot of us dont get it for a long time ,including me .We think something is wrong with us ,were sick all the time ,we just dont understand .I thank the heavens above for this Dr. We all need to heal .Yep they can fool a dr all that is doing is living a lie .We dont need it To live in truth and peace they will never know .Be free my friend keep on living and the heavens will smile down on you .Blessing Earthy
@@Paula-pv7ep Also, many therapists are not trained on narcissism. None of mine ever caught on to this. They just could not understand why I had PTSD symptoms. Many psychologists online discuss this gap that they are trying to now fill. The therapists at the VA I go to now understand what the issue was and agree with my no contact rule with past narcs including family members.
It’s only by dating my current boyfriend (who’s not toxic and is a great guy) I have realised I am the abusing narcissist. And I was always the victim in all my relationships with my narcissist exes however what I was blind to back then, is that I was just as bad as my exes even in those relationships
I know a couple like this... they are actually threatening to sue to get their baby from each other and yet on Facebook they act like a loving couple. They have tried to kill each other in front of others and they don't seem to care.
Volatile is an understatement. It gets downright dangerous. It is stronger than any addiction the war consumes you. So much so that at 4am, I am watching this video, just looking for a glimmer of hope that we can make it. She has hit every nail on the head. It has been over for 30 seconds and my brain has already rejected 90% of what she said. Like I didn't watch it at all. Knowing you HAVE to leave and not wanting to "lose" is the side battle we face within this war. You know that fine line between love and hate? Yeah, we tap dance all over that mf. I need to swallow this jagged little pill before I choke on it.
I started mimicking and mirroring my ex narcissist behavior and was blown away when she could not figure it out. A year and a half and no Hoover I'm just glad it worked.
Yall this type of behavior probably cost me the love of my life I knew what it was from the jump. I just wanted her to admit it. I thought she was worse than me and she really was unaware she actually has it. Whole time My ego think she out smarting me so I go harder
This finally explains what I’m going through. Took me two years of intense obsession and research about narcs to realize I am one also. This is the most helpful video of all time thank you
I’m an empath (ENTP). My narcissistic wife set off for me for damn near 25 years. Are used to worry about being a narcissist myself because our last marriage counselor mentioned something about “that’s what it’s like with a narcissist.” He didn’t say who it was and left it hang. Neither of us asked and I thought he might’ve been talking about her. After some thought I thought he might’ve been referring to me and I did a deep dive on it. While I have some narcissistic attributes, I didn’t crave winning as much as peace. I didn’t try tl change her to meet my standards. I didn’t even try to pick fights for any type of narcissistic supply. However, I did feel like I can do anything I put my mind and body to and while I thought I could fix our relationship (with the therapist’s help and on my own) I was always perplexed that I could never reach her. This part of the video really spoke to me here, but it doesn’t make me a narcissist. I do think that narcissism is a scale that we are all on. Some are just reall far along it.
I didn’t do what my narcissist ex wanted because I have self respect and try to have boundaries. It was so circular and impossible. I gave up because I’m just the opposite and like peace
Sort of. I have BPD and my husband isn't full narcissist but I think he has some traits of it. Some of these things I can relate to for sure (But people with BPD aren't as much about power so there's not as much of a power struggle) I relate to the part about accusing them of doing things like cheating the most
When the narcs get older... They often end up together. The endgame. They love bomb the heck out of each other. Rush to the alter before they get exposed. They player gets played. Then they try to stay together because their looks have faded & others have caught on to them. Older people don't fall for the BS like the young & innocent. Their chance at steady supply.
This is why I’m never in agreement when ppl say you should go to a couple that has been married for 40 years for marital advice. Many of these marriages are warped to the core with 2 narcs determined to “not lose”. Longevity in a relationship does not always equal health.
This woman is helping so many people on her own time. Dr. Ramani, I am an only child with 2 narc parents and am currently no contact. These videos have been extremely validating and supportive. Thank you for being there for all of us. 🙏❤
That is an interesting question. I've seen both attachment styles and accompanying behavior from the same person depending on the circumstances and the person they are relating too. They can swing from dismissive avoidant to anxious attachment even with the same person. Their behavior may depend on the perceived value the target has for the Narcissist. All NPDS are different and may express their disorder differently. Hoovering may manifest as a desperate attempt to win back the love of their partner. Once they get them back and feel secure they slide back into dismissive avoidant behavior.
The reason, I think, they have a harder time to give up on a narc. Relationship is because mine can’t let “certain” things go. If they think they are right, they are entitled to the worship of the other. You cannot talk logically to them. Everything anyone does to them must be deliberate. Their perception is always right. Others are against them. Id rather just say, “let it go” I have priorities that “deserve” my energy. I need peace. He is a scrapyard dog that won’t let go of the bone. They hurt me, I will hurt them more. Must have the last word.
I looked this up because I’m pretty sure my husband and myself are both narcissistic 🤣🤣🤣 we are so toxic, so crazy, roller coaster up and downs and it’s so ridiculous and exhausting. Not sure if it’s my husband who is the narcissist or myself..... or both. Or neither lol.
I am a narcissist and I love narcissistic persons as well. It is safe to say I have not done well in these relationships. Have tendency to feel so much uncontrolled emotions towards these persons that it almost drives me nuts(jealousy, passion, and suspicion,anger, feelings of love at the same time).And I do not like to feel like I’m not in control of my emotions, but at the same time it makes me feel alive in a sense when I let these emotions loose - it is like somewhat orgasmic feeling that is hard to explain. Normal relationships bore me very easily and I end up unhappy, cheating and acting out also making good nice people around me unhappy because I feel like a caged animal. So as for now I have given up love all together. For my Own well being and for the others well being around me as well. If I am even Able to feel love in any sense -sometimes I feel I’m not even capable of that as well and in my brain love equals someways the need to own and consume another person.
I'm starting to realize that only narcissists and people with many narcissistic traits are attracted to me. Non-narcisistic people tolerate me in varying degrees. But the narcissistic always seem to gravitate toward me. How can I change this? It makes me feel really bad about myself, like I can't attract a healthy normal person because something's wrong within me...or maybe I'm just hideous and narcissists see me as insecure, timid, and easy. Non-narcisistic people often see me as feisty. I have no idea which perception is most accurate. I just don't want to be bait for narcissists anymore.
Take care of yourSelf Krisi. Over time you will become more self-reflective and self-confident. I hope you continue to listen to Dr R’s UA-cam video Channel - even comments from sincere others can offer a new perspective and valuable insights as you learn to recognize healthy behaviors, develop healthy boundaries and expectations..
Had one of these couples around me. Their fights were horrible, calling eachother names, mocking, throwing stuff at eachother, even physical fights from both of them. Their solution was to bring a child into the world. He was the sweetest most gentle boy I've ever met. The father wanted his son to toughen up and be like him. I've started thinking that there is a chance his son became a narcissist himself. I know he is not well adjusted at least, doesn't work, has no relationship that I know of and still spends holidays etc with his parents and family. So he's kind of by himself but not free of them. It's so sad. I often wonder who he would be with a different upbringing. The world really missed out.
I have a question.. what about if it's Covert Narc and a Overt N? I have 2 in my family and are wondering if this was possible. They've been together 40 years and toxic
Denial - but that is so common, when it comes to life's difficult situations. Many people dont want to accept life's ugliness; they are not willing to feel the pain, since emotional pain and grieving are often the emotions that come, when a person starts to accept "he doesnt really love me, "doesnt really care about me", "this is all about convienence and nothing more"... Many many people are not willing to go through this.... immaturity and lack of emotional resiliance are factors... Why are so many people addicts (to alcohol, drugs, food, etc...) - because they lack to resiliance to process all of the ugly negative very painful emotions that come along with the acceptance of ugly facts about people. Society in general has no clue what to do with strong negative emotions and people who have strong negative emotions get called sick, mentally ill, etc. instead of recieving compassion, understanding and support.
Narcissists aren’t empathetic lol some may pretend but you can soon tell it’s not genuine... it’s safe to say that if you’re an empath... you’re not a narcissist, empaths understand and care... my ex husband said a few weeks ago “I don’t understand or know how it all went wrong, we were doing so well”.. and in my mind I just went “HUH?? 😐” yet the mistakes are clear as daylight...We talked/argued about those wrongs yet it’s like it doesn’t register in their head that THEY DID wrong, they wait for you to apologise for their mistakes... so in a nutshell, he is waiting for me to apologise for him being on dating websites and talking and meeting with women, all you can do is leave a narcissist... there is no fixing or getting them to understand. narcissists lack a level of understanding. The fact you’re even concerned about being a narcissist means you’re probably not.
That was exactly my thought!! Often I feel that I have some narcissistic traits, too - and I am afraid it might be so. If you were brought up by one or even two, and than living with a covert, it must leave some smear, no?
@@Jane-gt6ef everyone has narcissistic traits. Many points in life people will take on narcissistic traits; being nervous at a party so talking loudly keeping the attention on you, being extra nice and hardworking to exec's to increase your chance of a promotion, sending lots of texts at the beginnings of a relationship, etc. The difference is that narcs will go into apoplectic rage when not answered right away, a narc will only be nice and hardworking when higher ups are around, and they will fly into a rage at not being centre of attention. Usually involves making a scene as they storm out. Being raised and surrounded by narcs will defintely have you questioning yourself and reality. BUT! The very fact you are questioning means you are not one. No true narc will ever look up videos about narcs AND APPLY it to themselves. They will project and transfer that onto everyone they encounter. All I can say is, get yourself out of your situation. Run and never look back.
@@Jane-gt6ef 😭😭😭😭 its scary. The only reason I doubt it is because I am always trying to figure out if I am one. I am extremely sensitive and feel others pain. Narcs cannot do that. But I have narcissistic traits at times. Like I can be mean like one but I immediately feel guilty for hurting someone's feelings. I even cry after hurting ppl. I don't know if narcs do that. My ex used to smile when I was hurt... I couldn't understand it. My dad hated me so much and always made me feel like a worthless person until other ppl would praise me or If i had a job that impressed others. I can't even look at his pictures without feeling uncomfortable. Once I know a narc is a narc their eyes scare the life out of me. I'm no expert but maybe we are just thinking we are narcs but just have the traits from our family. I want to learn more about this but for now I will continue spreading the word so that others won't be victimized 💔
I just want to thank you for all of these videos they validate the many years of struggles I have been through ....yes I often wondered why do I attract these people and it's taken me 40 years to finally say no and see why and understand it's not me. Very valued information I wish I had you and these videos years ago your helping so many people....as for me in my 50's and going forward stronger than ever!❤️
I learned in my last relationship that I am a narcissist when I questioned if she was. I found out that yes she is one but I said woah! So am I !!! When we first met it was like something out of a love story. We were both madly in love. Got engaged in our second month of dating. The fire we felt was like no other. Then after the 3-4th month it went down hill bad and very fast. So I’m wondering did we fall for each other so quickly because of the personal we fronted to be towards each other? Like narcissist do, they tend to tell you everything you want to hear and pretend to be the person of your dreams. I’m wondering if that is what happened to me. Thanks
This sounds like the relationship I just got out of.. Im working on my ptsd and childhood trauma.. my mother is a narcissist I cut her off. My dad is an addict/alcoholic. I picked up the narcissistic trait from my mother due to it being all I knew. I’m from a small reservation so imagine having to be isolated and basically abused and abandoned emotionally as a child. My siblings all have the narcissistic tendencies I wish I could help them and show them there’s more to life than our evil mother this makes me feel so guilty that I’ve gotten out and moved away 😞😞
Covert narcissists prepare for failure, so they don't care if their overt spouse gets successful. A depressive and a grandiose narcissists can live together
Thank you Ramani as this subject needs more attention. Why is it harder to get a drivers licencse to drive than having a child? Too many people making copies of themselves when the original was never good. Stuck in a fishbowl with a bunch of sharks
Both of my parents are narcissists - Dr Ramani's description is SPOT ON. Especially in reference to the divorce. I remember reading "The Babysitter Club" series and wondering how it was possible for any child to have parents that are divorced that actually got along, because I was the designated messenger/punching bag/emotional support child for both of them. Even as an adult, they tried to pull me into their drama, and at first, I bought into it, but I've since had a lot of therapy so I'm in a much better place. When my father died, I was shocked and sickened at first with myself when I realized I actually felt relief over his death. I still grieved, but when I looked at others around me who lost parents, they grieved for the loss of the relationship and safety that parent brought them, which is something I never experienced with my own father. I don't talk to many people about how my father's death makes me feel unless I know that they understand what it's like to have a narcissist for a parent. When I realized I would never again have to be in the middle of my parents' stupid mind games that they played with each other, I felt more free than ever before in my life, and that's been a really difficult sentiment to come to terms with in myself.
I know two narcissists that are married. They don’t share on social media but make a super human effort to look good in front of people. They want everyone to think they have the best relationship
May every narcissist only date their own kind. Amen ❤️
i am one and yes i dated one. its like a rollercoaster but fun
But how to stop them from making babies? Having 2 parents of this kind is just too much.
Yes 100% and be sterlised so they do mess up the kids. And live on Mars
@@ElleNoir. 😭 I agree
What you said... 😜
Being with a narcissist FORCED me to look in the mirror, there was no denying that I was narcissistic and I COULDN'T STAND IT in myself, I even began to hate who I had become. In studying the narcissist I began to realized I was studying myself, I ended up doing Shadow work in order to understand why I am how I am because I was repulsed. A narcissist is the only cure for a narcissist. We need to to be pushed into our reflection.
omg, ME TOO! what is shadow work?
Thank you for your honesty. Seriously, I feel your pain. There now.
Dale Addison 😳😳😳😳 me too😢
So all 4 of you had realization you are a narcisist? Could there be a possibility you only have narcisistic trades due living with a narcisist and become conditioned to behave like it but yet you know compassion, gratitude and love.
@@LawOfAttraction-ed2mx Yes, I believe that is usually what makes a narcissist become a narcissist...
God I wish there was a reality show where they collect a bunch of narcissists and make them live together for a year. i would PAY to see that.
That’s pretty much every reality show most celebrities or ppl wanting to be famous are narcissistic why else would you want strangers watching you ?
Reality shows
That’s the Kardashians
I would LOVE to see that 😭
Most reality tv shows.
Now imagine a love triangle between THREE narcissists.
You just gave me an idea for a series
Murder she wrote.
Triangulation, polyamory, infidelity, gaslighting, cognitive amnesia, chaos, cops called. What more could we possibly want from a reality show?
triangulation to the third power!
This would make the Twilight Zone look like Mr. Rogers.
I’m a product of two narcissists. I just started therapy in January and it’s been the most painful and eye opening experience. I’ve accepted the fact that I might be in therapy for the rest of my life. I’m willing to do whatever it takes
I'm so sorry, girl. You deserve all the love in the world. I hope the therapy and healing are working and that you feel at least a bit better...
Good for you.. hope you have found a Thx who understands and is helping you become more aware, stronger and self loving as you grow. Heal well🎈
Well run girl 👧 bpd is hell
me too🥺💙💜🖤
Reach out
My narc left me for a narc. I’ve got my popcorn
Not your narc anymore!!!
Same! She is still in quarantine with her husband and kids and he is in his parents basement because no one will rent a place to him right now! He's a 49 year old principle. So bloody funny. Let the games begin!
As satisfying as it may feel to watch him crash and burn, you may want to consider if it lines up with who you are to laugh at their sickness.
Beware! Remember, they use emotional manipulation to transform you into what they hate about themselves?
If you weren't the sort of person who would enjoy watching a sick person suffer, it pays to see if you've let them twist you into being someone who is.
The first thing I decided to protect from my narc was my integrity as a person. It was the first way I saw them affecting me in a way I hated.
I know I don't find it morally acceptable to want to see someone fail or to laugh at someone's pain. Still, I feel satisfaction creep in on me when I see this person "get what's coming to them."
I think the narcissist's most insidious tool is to make you feel and behave more like them. They trick you into sinking to their level, emotionally & behaviorally.
I think it's part of that weird "projection" issue of theirs, but I'm no psychologist, yet.
In any case, I've found it useful to internally say,
"You don't get to decide who I am!"
Dealing with the narc is so overwhelming! They "win" a lot. They steal your friends, your support network, your reputation, etc.
I found it most empowering to know only I have control of who I am and what I do. It's really hard, but I've found empowerment in truly cherishing and protecting the best of myself.
They can exert force in many places, I can lose battles, but they have no actual power to decide how I act unless I hand it to them.
I worked hard to become a good person, one of integrity, and I'm not letting them steal that!
I hope if you struggle with feelings of guilt about being happy when the narc suffers, like I do, you'll give this very inconvenient truth some thought.
@@eponymoususer8923 I appreciate your response, but I was genuinely being tongue and cheek in my comment. The pain of being left after 24 years and five children...for a women 23 years my senior was debilitating.
His parents and family literally hate my guts to a point of moving the girlfriend in with them. My children were devastated. I told him my whole marriage, if you dont love me...dont pretent for the sake of the children. He choose to do it the ugly way...during a pandemic and blow up his life for a bit on the side!
I'm not nearly as messed up as I was a month ago. If fact...I've come along way baby! Thank you for taking the time to set us straight though. I did take you words to heart! Cheers from Canada!
@@t.johnson2966 You go ahead and use that dark humour tool. Don't feel you have to defend yourself to people who smack of sanctimony and judgement.
Sounds so wonderful to have two narcissists together in matrimony ... except if they have kids. Or pets. And possibly even plants.
"Possibly even plants" 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Lol...maybe a cactus...maybe🤣
@@Sapphires_And_Dreams Ha! Now, that is funny!
The plants become codependent
@@McL0VINNN Haha! So funny!
I knew an older couple who couldn’t stand each other. They fought, lied, cheated, and slept in separate bedrooms, but they would not divorce. They kept up the facade until the husband died. What a miserable way to live!
My older sister's marriage
My parents omg
get n2thegroove my ex narcissist’s parents slept in separate bedrooms. I always found that odd. He always said it’s because his father snores but I think it was more than that bc i always suspected his mother was a narcissist too.
Empress Nitara, I had a friend who’s parents did as well and I thought the same thing. Now that we’re adults, we both know her dad was a narc. Her parents are still married, but her mother is ill. Her dad didn’t want to take care of her, so she lives with my friend and her family and he lives alone.
More common than people think
When a narcissist gets with another narcissist and they start caring about themselves too much
Narcissist : *surprised pikachu face*
Other Narcissist : *surprised pikachu face*
😯=😯
@Iris-Angela Jones ew he sounds SO annoying lmfao
@Iris-Angela Jones i recall my gal pal saying, "Don't you ever spend time in front of the mirror practicing your smile?" I'm like no, not in my whole life...
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Hahaha
My mother and stepfather live in SEPARATE houses but they are still married. Talk about WTH
They're both narcissistic they can't even live with each other but are married smh 🤦♀️
"They are incredibly careless how they talk about their partner but you have to walk on egg shells when talkin about them" so true.
Still wonder if there is such a thing as a natural born narcissist? My observation best way to punish a narcissist is send them off to work in another country where they don't know anybody and they are nobody!
It all comes from success getting to their head, achievement in career , talent or business and the entitlement and power that follows. Take it all away and put them in a hole or another country where they end up working like expats they are suddenly normal, even kinder, gentle and overall reformed because they know in the new country it no longer feels like back home where they can be careless like they used to be around friends and family. 🍷
Boredom for a narcissist is a deadly thing. Narcissists are bored a lot.
because they are empty shallow pigs!
@RRY PHILL exactly - they are two year olds and they need constant attention
@@deesee3622 definitely true
Ugh I’m bored no one is paying attention to me 🙄🤮
ali bre Meanwhile they are the most boring people on the planet because their identity isn’t even real! LOL
They deserve each other
It's so much better to know that they are not destroying an innocent but their own kind.
But what if they have kids and the poor children have to deal with two monsters for parents
Simple yet very powerful comment
@@zachtucker8708 most likely the child is gonna be toxic too
@@thousandyardgavri2785 but isn’t that kind of sad because they probably didn’t ask for parents like that and if they repeat the cycle and become a toxic person themself that’s just a tragedy. As someone with two parents who one had borderline personality disorder and the other who was a narcissist disorders I just feel bad for any child who has to put up with that
My parents are both narcs. A few weeks ago I said to my sister, "At least they didn't ruin two normal peoples lives."
Mark W 😂😂😂
And what about your life? Isnt it ruined by them?
@Steve Miller Sorry, my comment wasn't clear, I meant that they married each other and not some normal people, thus not ruining their lives. I didn't escape any harm.
@@Hafsa_Siddiqui_789 What life? Narcs don't let you have a life.
@@MagruderSpoots you are right, the children of narcs dont even have lives, so how can it be ruined..
Dating a narcissist I've become aware I am myself too a narcissist.&& Before this relationship I was unaware of how extremely destructive and draining a narcissist could really be. to a none narcissistic ppl and its made me really really want to start taking a look at myself alot more & hold myself responsible aswell.
Being mindful and considerate for others is helping me alot. A taste of your own medicine is sometimes the eye opener
I hope it is an eye opener.
Ur not then narcist. U might just hv tendencies. Real ones don't hv remorse they want to win at any cost
Did you try to improve as a person for the narcissist? Or for yourself? Did you love your narcissistic partner?
ME TOO but I actually love them. I wonder if I’m doing it right? Or do narcissistic people have to be fully aware that they are just “using” someone else? Cos honestly as long as he loved me the way I feel I love him, we could work it out. I’d be willing to. I mean, I understand it after all. It’s the him knowing he’s fooling me and LYING about feelings he doesn’t have is what the dealbreaker would be.
I’m currently dealing with this !!
"Part of why this can happen" - one word: ego! They likely cannot imagine why anyone would possibly want to leave them.
Yes 👍 yes gl. U r so RIGHT FACTS girl..wash risce repeated
Thanks I never could figure that bit out
Well if it is EGO.i wonder what the hell this outbreak.is goint to do.i GOT..scare THE hell out of them
Lol.lol run forest run.thanks dave
My parents are narcissists and have been married 56 years. Everything you've talked about, I've witnessed. Why they aren't divorced, I have no clue. But this is dead on!
Mother hated my father but never left him "because of the money" her words. He was 12 years older, when he passed on Mother blew all the fortune at casinos, world trips ( with captive empathetic audience, I pity them having their holiday wrecked). She blew millions $$$ and rocked up at my house and wanted to move in after I exited family years ago
If you have a grandiose and a covert together, it's permanent drama but one gets to play the victim and the other gets to play the victor. Add financial dependency in the mix, sex, sometimes the fear of ending up alone beyond a certain age (it started being a big concern for my father some time during his fifties)...
Would not asking for a divorce be the same as capitulation, failure?
So, there is no alternative but to continue, is there, for these mentally handicaped things.
Same here. My dad overt narcissist and my mom super super covert. I needed a long time to figure my mom out
@@lasphynge8001 I see this in another couple I know! 😳 Crazy!
Don’t Defend.
Don’t Engage.
Don’t Explain.
Don’t Personalize.
D.E.E.P.
In Sync with the Infinite Tundra that’s deep I like it!
Thank you
Keep it brief, informative and friendly. Not too friendly, formal might be better.
Michael Jensen No, don’t be informative. Be as Vague as possible.
In Sync with the Infinite Tundra
Yes, I love that!! Stay DEEP everyone!!!💖
When actors fall in love with actresses.
Yes, this hapoens
Good example
My narc sister is an actress. I went out with a couple of her actress friends (because they were lookers). Oh boy, were those ever awful dates. MDs and JDs--same thing. Avoid!
My Son's mother who is a Narcissist married a Narcissist. It is a train wreck. When she describes him, she describes herself.
Two cats in a bag! 😂😂😂
hehe
That comment took me OUT😂
Two Siamese fighting fish in a toilet bowl :)
*Get some popcorn and watch the fireworks.* Another way of saying 'Love the drama as long as it's not about me'
The karma bus is coming!!
Get a glass of wine too. They are demons!!!!
@@janetweller5790 They are not, though. They are humans in a sad, unfortunate condition. Once can stay out of the drama yet still feel compassion for them, and realize that we all may be more like them than we care to believe.
I understand what you’re saying, but sometimes their victims need a little comedic relief in their lives, don’t you think? I’m very empathetic about my ex N, but I still find some of these comments to be amusing. I think victims need the outlet of humor, in a major way, because our lives become so devoid of laughter and bleak.
@@koul3709 i don't think there's a line we can easily draw between narcissists and non narcissists. What's more, we are not really abel to see ourselves objectively, less so then we are abel to see others. Then if these sentences are correct i would be inclined to suspect the narcisisst accusers of being or of being in danger of becoming, well, narcissists.
They can't fathom why they can't manipulate each other
😅
😂😂😂
I’ve found the same when trying to explain narcissism to a friend....later on in my journey I realized, my friend was also a narcissist. No wonder she didn’t get it..
That happened to me too with 2 covert narcissist friends
So if a person opens up about his/her relationship issues, and you as the listener know that they’re a narc and that their partner is a narc, what do you do? Gaslight the shit out of them, and tell them how great they are for each other! Keeping narcs together!
🥂Cheers🥂
O.G. of Emotional Fulfillment 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Hahahahahahahaha
Hahaha yes evil belongs together
Battle Royal !
My ex and his bestie are both narc. His bestie even helped him to cheat on me.
They almost like criminal partners that always got each other’s back to do the shady things. However they also get annoyed and envy the shit out of each other.
I just can’t wait the day that they turn against each other.
When the two narcissists have children together, it is heartbreaking. They are being manipulated, torn apart, terrorized. This makes it hard to just sit back and watch with popcorn. How do we help those kids?
As a father of a 3 year old babygirl,
I would love to know the best answer to this question too, I turned into a narcissist over 8 years of being cheated on and now my child gets to see this horrible version of me
@@1dowmnnn5uppp87oh man, thats gotta be extremely detrimental to the entirety of the childs life, inhuman suffering. I wooild recommend going to some really serious therapy, try to immerse yourself in therapy, I hope that helps
I know a couple like that! They keep trying to outdo each other and fight, cheat, are suspicious of each other, say they can’t stand each other, but then, they ultimately stick together and often work together on preying on empaths.
Really interesting, as always!
Sometimes I feel like I'm becoming a Narcissist to deal with his behaviour.
Me too. I find myself questioning everything now. I used to think of myself as a codependent empath. But in order to get out I had to stop giving a shit about other people (Him) so much and care about myself above all else. Now I'm very unhappy to see narc traits in myself. Like I've stopped dating because I dont actually want to care about anyone else. And the other night my school age daughter wanted me to come to bed with her (Shes been sleeping in my bed since the divorce) but I made her go to bed by herself and stayed up doing chores and just having some "me time" then I felt really guilty about not putting my daughters needs before my own. Sigh.
That’s not being a narcissist that’s loving yourself not like your putting anyone down with your behavior one thing we can learn from narcissism is to love ourselves first nothing wrong with that .
Maybe you are going gray rock method.
I feel like I’m becoming one too sometimes. It’s weird holding people accountable for their actions and not feeling like a narc.
I never blame anyone and typically blame myself. It’s hard not thinking I’m a narc when I stick up for myself.
I feel the same and I hate it. I feel being my true self will be walked over like I have to match to keep from being overtaken.
“Two cats in a bag” 🤣 - so true
Both my parents are narcissists so I have to fight to unlearn completely dysfunctional behaviors and thought patterns which may be a life long effort.
Still wonder if there is such a thing as a natural born narcissist? My observation best way to punish a narcissist is send them off to work in another country where they don't know anybody and they are nobody!
It all comes from success getting to their head, achievement in career , talent or business and the entitlement and power that follows. Take it all away and put them in a hole or another country where they end up working like expats they are suddenly normal, even kinder, gentle and overall reformed because they know in the new country it no longer feels like back home where they can be careless like they used to be around friends and family. 🍷
Narcissists should definitely date their own kind, and leave us the real victims alone!
It’s WW3 when it happens. As a child of one of these couples I wish I had had the chance to lock them both in a room. They were unspeakable.
Can feel your feelings because I m in the same situation..
Join the club
I feel u
Boom! Spot on.
Whenever I think of examples of two narcissists together, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West always come to mind.
*Edit: Just to clarify when I say narcissist im using the term like Dr.Ramani does- I am not labeling these people with NPD I am simply using the term narcissist as a descriptor for behaviours these people have demonstrated.
I dont know her well at all so I could be wrong but I see kim as more of histrionic personality disorder than narcissist
@Eseercam I think people don't know a lot about personality disorders and they get narcissism and histrionic mixed up. they also get antisocial and narcissism mixed up too
@@Leahv103 there can be a lot of crossover amongst the traits and comorbidity is a possibility as well. If anything I think Cluster B disordered individuals tend to attract one another.
missmerbella yes you are definitely right. I have BPD and am definitely attracted to other people with personality disorders and also have a few narcisstic and histrionic traits as well. But I’m diagnosed with BPD not anything else
They dont exist without each other, its a kind of symbiotic narc relationship
Ugh! This was my nmom and stepfather. Horrible toxic household to grow up in any they are still together almost 30 years later. Longevity does not always mean a relationship is successful!
I can so relate to this. After divorcing my child's father and coming to the realization that he was indeed a narcissist, I realized that my mother was one as well. I've watched her and my step father go thru this endless cycle of her abusing him verbally (and trying to physically) and her literally putting him out of a house where he pays the bills and him having to stay gone for weeks just to go back and start the cycle all over again. They actually divorced (he did divorce her) just for them to get remarried. This has gone on for over 30 years as well. I went no contact with my mother 4 years ago and to say it was freeing is an understatement. Videos like help me to understand why I ended up picking the partner that I did and the work I need to keep doing on myself so that I break the codependency cycle and not get involved with someone like this ever again.
@@momtomysonshine Thanks for sharing your story with me. It makes me feel less alone. I had a very similar experience. Understanding yourself can help you forgive yourself for picking the wrong person. I hope you find healing 💖
“ You literally describing themselves to themselves “ 😂😂
This is so true
Actually.... my ex - a narcissist - and his girlfriend after me - another narcissist - it was hilarious !!! they made their lives miserable af for weeks and than over and start again and over and again with lots of cheating in between. Fun to see, to say the least.
😂😂😂
😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣
I am waiting for my ex boyfriend narc to do this to his new supply. 🤣🤣🤣
Good thing I and my baby got out of his life already. 😉
Did she ever reach out to u and was mean to u?
my recent ex found himself a very grandiose narc it seems. Snap it dawned on me, a predator is now a prey, yes he is exstatic, because he is being love bombed! but I can guess the chaos ahead, it probably becomes an obsession and a toxic spiral loop they probably call passion or infatuation, but really they cannot stand looking in the mirror and their grandiosity won’t allow them to walk away. Coz they need to prove and dominate. The power struggle for supply keeps them stuck in it ! no love no sex no passion
These video tutorials are to me, like sitting in my living room with a cup of coffee and a trusted friend. I especially enjoy your admonishment "remember the only win in a relationship with a narcissist is getting out" (a summary not a direct quote).
This reminds me of that old film "War of the Roses".
Yes! Exactly!
🤣
I love that movie! Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas.
I totally agree that the sex is a big factor in the relationship between two narcs. My ex narc is with a narcissist. He has a sex addiction and she has a history of being promiscuous to get attention and what she wants. I have no doubt that they are using and abusing each and that the sex is what keeps them together. Regardless I'm sure that it is a very dysfunctional and toxic relationship. They both are insecure and have abandonment issues. Just glad that they are not hurting any kind hearted and genuinely good people.
Exactly the same case with my ex partner 🤣
@@MissCleo24its good that you’re not dealing with that anymore. I hope you find some real love one day.
Yes! My ex left me for a literal call girl. She’s an uneducated needy AF exec wife wannabe - he’s extremely wealthy executive ( geologist/ oil industry) acting like an upstanding intellectual dude who just happened to fall in love with an uneducated stilletto wearing short skirt 25 years younger. They look ridiculous together - yet there they go ! Our kids are mortified and have cut him off - have zero to do with the new wife … he acts like I’m keeping our adult kids from him out of spite. Nope ! And he knows this - I would never try to do that to our kids or him -- it’s that he can’t see or won’t see how hurtful / ridiculous his behavior is and has been since our children were born. He was never around - didn’t bond - only said thjngs he would do with them - never actually did them. It’s always been about taking care of him first and this wily ass chick gets it ! Good for them.
I’m a narcissist and had a kid with a narcissist. I’m seeking God to change me so I can be a better person for the people around me and my daughter.
You are on the right path, we all make mistakes. Good luck on your healing journey 🤍🕊
If you're feeling that, you're probably not that bad. Hard core narcissists have no self-awareness and very little empathy. Best of luck to you!!!
Don’t sweat it, most extroverted religious people are narcissists
poor little girl, may her mother find "god" so she doesn't have a shit life, ugh
@@nicholasschroeder3678 absolutely true, may have tendencies but not an actual narcissist.
When two narcissists realize they're dating another narcissist, a black hole forms and sinks to the bottom of the earth to consume the planet from within
That's exactly how likely they are to actually meet each other
😂😂😂
🤣😅😂
Omg 🤣
Oh wow, the sex thing! My mother actually told me this one time "if you're father wants to make up, me taps me on the shoulder at night and then we have sex. He never apologizes." it was always fight, silent treatment, sex. My parents were together for over 30 years and I think the only reason it worked so long is because my mother is neglectful/communal. She got all of her supply outside of her relationship and was also doing really well careerwise. My father wasn't so he started drinking every night and was all narcissistic rage and abuse all the time. My parents were always stuck in this cycle of love bombing - fight - silent treatment/triangulation/trying to enlist me and my sister as allies - sex - love bombing again. I saw exactly the same happening with my sister and her ex boyfriend. Apparently they had mind blowing sex and they both really wanted a partner for status. They were into the same things, such as flashy cars or fancy dates at restaurants they both couldn't afford. They both treated each other like a belonging and always made me sooo uncomfortable whenever I was around them. The constant belittling disguised as jokes. They had the most dramatic fights with both parties bursting into crying fits, admitting they were scared of the other person and that they felt underappreciated and taken for granted.
@chadsasmrif you really need college money check out Elmer O locker vids- plenty of success stories… it’s not a advertisement program but it might re program you to help with that.
Interesting - I have come to see sex as an apology from my narcissistic wife - leading me to wonder whether the better/more adventurous the sex, the bigger the misdemeanour she is hiding, because it tends to come out of nowhere - i.e. not in response to anything I have done to please her
Sounds like the dynamic between my sister and her soon to be husband.
A lot of them stay together because they can't stand failing and to them breaking up is a failure. They are also deeply insecure that they won't find someone else who will put up with them. I've seen a lot of married couples where both partners are narcissistic. They have a lot of drama in their lives for sure but they cling on to their crappy relationships desperately.
My parents were both narcissistic, I remember the constant fights, the yelling and aggressive behaviour, and then they just got divorced and invested so much into proving each other who was happier than who, that there never really was any space left for me and my brother.
Keep heart
💔
I escaped from this shit 16 years ago when i was 17, he never called me, not even one’s.. father.. evil is real
I hope you and your brother got to heal from that
@@JordannAlexander thanks! One day at a time, we started talking about it recently and I realized that I had no idea of how much all of that also impacted him. Trauma makes us look and behave a way that is very similar to selfishness, because there is not much space left for other people (even loved ones) when we are stuck in survival mode. We are ready to start healing now that our mother is gone. All the noise and conflict that kept us separated is gone now, she would repeatedly throw us against each other and now the distance is diminishing. I'm hopeful for the future, I love my brother so much.
You have given me my life and sanity back, you honestly have no idea what your videos have done for me 🙏🏼💖
Hey what’s up I’m a narcissist and wanted to say hit to you 😏
Exactly
What happens when to private detectives are hired to follow each other
Love your comment! Sadly! Surely how it is...👏
I don't even know what you mean? Do you mean two detectives?
Death Note happens lol
They follow each others' footsteps in complete darkness, one 4 feet behind the other, completely unaware, until the end of times or until they die of lack of water or food.
🤣🤣🤣
2 narcs together in a relationship is like 2 people trying to save themselves first while drowning
All they have is Eeeeeegggggggooo
My dad is an overt, classic, somatic narcissist, my mom is a covert, cerebral narcissist. My dad cares about his strength, looks, and his image, my mom cares about her intelligence. I never felt like they loved each other, but their relationship "works" in a strange way. They fight with each other, and keep each other supplied. My mom strokes my dad's ego, and he makes her feel smart.
The only people who lost are my siblings and I.
Edit: Okay so please keep in mind (something I should've specified at the beginning), neither of my parents have been diagnosed. This has only been my opinion of what I've observed through their behaviours and my own understanding and research of these personality disorders.
And now the reason for this edit, I'm starting to think my mom is a sociopath rather than a narcissist. She doesn't really care about what people think (society wise), she only fakes emotion, she feels no guilt whatsoever, and her favourite thing to do is to mess with people's heads because (in her mind) they're simple and it's hilarious to watch them play into her hands. It makes her feel like she's a goddess for being so intelligent and clever. She's fucking ruthless. Another thing, she never, ever loses control of herself or does anything unintentionally. Everything she does is deliberate.
2nd edit: (Again, my parents are undiagnosed and will probably never be diagnosed, so this is based off my own "layman's" research, etc.)
I don't think my dad is just a narcissist, I think he's got some kind of comorbidity of narcissism and BPD. The reason why I say this? Well, I have quiet BPD, and I recognize a lot of the same symptoms in him as well (granted, my symptoms are internalized and I have self-awareness so as to not make it other people's problem, while his symptoms are external and he doesn't have therapy or support).
He can't take rejection, he has (violent) outbursts of anger, he is insecure AF, he cycles between very intense emotions, he hates being alone. Unlike a full-blown narcissist, he DOES feel guilt and remorse; he has apologized, recognized his behaviour, and been sincere in the moment, but it's like he *can't* change. He projects A LOT and attacks when he feels threatened, but I feel like it's because it's incredibly personal for him. Like it's WAY too personal for him if he was just a narcissist.
I don't know, it just makes a lot more sense to me.
Do you think you were worse of as they were both narcissists? Or do you think that in some ways they cancelled each other out a bit sometimes? I am genuinly curious
@@tturing5698, both...? I was worse off in a sense because they were both emotionally neglectful and dictators in their own ways, but it eventually resulted in me becoming self-reliant, so... As far as cancelling each other out, they do have a bit of a yin-yang feel to them if that's what you mean, they are each other's opposites except they're both narcissists.
@@sassylittleprophet Thanks for replying me :) By cancelling each other out I mean if in some ways they were more focused on combating each other and of trying to manipulate and control each other than their children? Of course having non-narcissistic parents are better and having one non-narcissistic one I have read is supposed to be better. At the same time I sometimes wonder if in some ways other adults could clearer see that they were a bad parent duo and that in some ways they didn't focus as much on getting inside the head of their kids to brainwash them as much because they were busy with trying to do that to their partner. I feel like they in some ways the "forgetting" to make an internal wound in their kids then is more making an external one since the kid is a passive bystander viewing this whole mess while often being forgotten? (which gain healthy parents are without a question off course better!)
@@tturing5698 okay, I understand now what you mean. My parents were more focused on me and my siblings than each other. My dad thinks he wears the pants in the family, but my mom is very good at getting what she wants by placing ideas in my dad's head and acting supportive when he shares "his" new ideas with her.
On the outside, my mom's role is to be submissive or at least appear to be, but my dad is no match for her intellectually and they both know it. It holds my dad somewhat in awe of her, and my mom keeps him happy by mostly going along with what he wants (or at least pretending) but also getting whatever she wants on the side. Their relationship is purely transactional, so it works because they both get what they want from each other, but also don't love each other at all and don't necessarily need to. So that's their dynamic with each other.
And as far as us kids were concerned, our parents were on separate pages but also the same page. My dad's view on parenting was that he should be the supreme dictator basically. Argue against him, have a bad attitude even, have a messy room or your shoes out, disobey him in the slightest way, or lie to him - you'd either be sent to your room (quite possibly without dinner), or he'd beat you and either leave it at that or send you to your room (depended on his mood). But punishment had nothing to do with doing wrong, so much as questioning his authority and trying to maintain your own personal authority apart from him.
My mom was much more subtle. Even though she would also beat us, she was a lot more keen on the mind games aspect of it. While my dad was more straightforward about what he wanted and expected, my mom was the one who would deliberately and systematically pit siblings against each other. And if anyone questioned the harshness of the discipline, my mom quickly turned the blame on my dad: it was very much "good cop, bad cop." While my dad was the enforcer, my mom was the Gestapo, searching rooms, and if whatever she found was "too bad," she'd report it to my dad who would beat whoever was at fault.
Once my mom found matches in my brothers' room, and we were strictly told never to play with or even touch matches. My mom automatically commented about my scapegoat brother burning the house down, and I let it slip that I had told them to leave those alone and not play with matches. Of course that meant I had also participated in rebellion because (for once) I didn't rat on my siblings, because I knew and didn't report. Anyways, come to find out, every single sibling knew (except for our youngest brother who was too little), so everyone was going to get it from Dad when he got back.
Here's what my parents did differently this time: they sat us all down and first had us watch Little House on the Prairie, specifically an episode where two of the boys are smoking in a building, accidentally somehow leave the cigarettes or matches that end up starting a fire that kills two characters. And after that explanation, we were beaten. My two brothers were hit six times each, my youngest sister and I were hit twice, and my middle sister was hit once because she asked if she could have less punishment because she had very little part in it (also, the reason I didn't ask was because I was afraid to, and I never realised that was an option). Also, Dad and Mom would beat us very intentionally, each offense would result in being hit twice, unless the offense was greater, then more hits would be added. They called it spanking, I call it abuse and bullshit. Also, the marks from Mom would last an hour, the marks from Dad would last two or three days.
Also, once I talked to my sister about it, the one who was hit once, because I saw it for the bullshit that it was, and she said that when she saw the LHotP episode, it was like she understood, she knew why we were being punished. And it broke my heart because I was thinking, "They broke you." Which was of course their entire goal. This entire interaction, after reading 1984, is very Orwellian to me...which is kind-of frightening but not really surprising.
@@sassylittleprophet I see.
I am really sorry to hear about your experiences. It sounds like a really stressful and horrible childhood to endure, including the triangulation of using snitching against siblings. I think you explain it really well including schematising it as a totalitarian state including the mechanics of control. And again thanks for sharing your experiences.
It doesn’t sounds like it was better that they were both narcissists, than if it had been only one.
I think in my case mine were a different personality type since they were more fake hippies, and "community active" than authoritarian. So they just very conveniently thought children could take care of themselves (i.e. not needing nurture, support and guidance at all), and then used them to talk about their mental health work, coworkers etc, and then manipulated and humiliated them “for fun” and for feeling like they were of superior intelligence. They also tended to focus on winning over each other in different intellectual bullshit arguments and of getting attention and praise in the neighborhood where when kids would steal toys from me and my sibling. We would get the blame for it since if they had to bring it up with the neighbors it would jeopardize their source of supply. So everyone else including sales people and waiters took precedence over the well being and safety of their children. And there they would also humiliate their kids when bored, and rage. I think that neglect in some ways was very injurious, and also my sister and I reacted to it quite differently but I think in a way they never got inside my head which is why some of the damage feels terrible but I don't feel I was brainwashed in the way my sister was who seem to internalize what they did. And I wonder if these specific conditions helped me not to internalize it.
I think perhaps as a truth teller child, and them at times focus on manipulating each other in petty competitions, maybe seeing through this quite early and to have other friends and teachers take an interest in me (which was sadly sometimes obstructed by my parents including my attempt at learning music when entering school at 6) is why I received damage for sure but in a lot of ways people tell me I seem very well functioning for someone who grew up that way.
Did you ever do therapy or did you process all of this yourself?
Lol my narc was talking about her partner and said.... " I think he's a narcissist" and I was like oooooh? Please go on and she went on to list everything she does to others all day everyday. I had to cover my mouth while I was talking to her because I was cracking up over the phone.
I’ve seen narcissists battle for the spotlight. It’s gruesome. The loser is so deeply wounded that they tend to disappear from anyone who witnessed the competition out of shear embarrassment. I didn’t realize it then, but I get it now. Thank the heavens for awareness.
I dated a narc who cared for her narc father... we were driving to his house, she warned me about his explosive temper and how she never knew what was going to trigger it... I sat there agape because that is exactly how I felt about her... she never saw the same trait in herself.
They can keep their "7 circles of hell",way over there and among themselves.
hehe
''The only win is getting out''.
You right I think the sex alone is hurting me and trying to keep me in there, it's hard
This narcissistic couple I know seems to have the perfect rich life. He abruptly left me for her, ghosted (then came back), but we never got back together. They're rich and famous. He's promoting and funding her new album. Right after he played me, she made passive aggressive posts about me- mocking me for not being well known or rich like her. She seems like she forgot where she came from. I was hurt. I cried everyday and night. Took awhile but I finally got over it.
I’m glad you are okay, luv. ❤️
Money and fame is temporary. Keep healing and moving forward
Block them
The worst wedding I ever attended was that of two grandiose narcissists. It was awful, the guests were awful, the families were awful, the whole charade exhibited every narcissistic trait you can think of including entitlement where the head table was served champagne and the rest of us sparkling wine. Makes me laugh just thinking about it in that way. Anyways, needless to say it endly badly within the first year. She had an affair and he went into therapy quite broken. But I think it actually made him a stronger narcissist because he came out of it with all this knowledge of clinical terms and methods of building relationships. Now that he has since remarried it is the bragging about how great his marriage is and what he does to ensure their love flowers all the time. Sprinkled with all the right vocabulary. He has in fact become his own guru. Very perverse and I have since left that scene. Never found out what happened to her, pretty sure she never skipped a beat but their coupling did produce a more effective narcissist in him. And he still has scary levels of rage.
My parents are both narcissists. Being raised by them as an only child was absolute HELL. When they went into their toxic spiral of arguing, yelling, breaking things, threatening divorce and rehashing old arguments, it was like I didn't exist. The arguments were near nightly. I could be sitting in the same room while they were screaming and I was invisible to them.
After the divorce, my mom got a boyfriend who was a carbon copy of my dad -- same first name, similar line of work, personality traits and hobbies. He was TRASH and I could tell from early on that he saw her as a fling and was cheating on her! The whole family and her friends kept warning her, this guy is bad news and you need to end it. She strung the relationship along for 1 YEAR!! When he finally exposed himself as cheating and he broke up with her, she was devastated and acted like she forgot how everyone warned her. After the breakup, she even started gossiping that "no one wanted to see her happy" and no one cared about her. SIGH.
im in toxic relationship and when we argue alot in front of my baby, hes one. what do you wish your parents did instead ? cause we argure and my baby is just in the middle being ignored so how do i stop now. what do u wish would have happen instead?
I’ve recently just got out of a relationship with a narc. Boy oh boy do I feel like the worst. I feel like I’m on a sea saw. One minute I miss him the other minute I see clearly what he was doing. It’s like I can’t get pass the good times but even that the good times were because of me. I myself am trying to deal with my childhood hurts because my parents are narcs. I had kids with a narc also. I’m so drained from years of this mess. I’m taking a much needed break just for me. Heal the childhood hurts. I’m so drained that even though I feel for people and I’m the one always willing to help. I don’t even have the strength anymore to give.
You are doing right, take time for yourself and heal. You’re on your way ❤️ Good luck!
@Erika Great advice and observation. I too have told people for years, especially women, and a great deal of men as well that they need to get angry and maintain a righteous anger in order to eliminate all that self doubt about being in a relationship with an abuser.
I have always found that not concentrating on any of the good times, but only on the stress and distress they caused was the only way to break free of the illusions and bond/tie to them.
When a relationship between two narcissists fails, often times one person dies. Narcissists are notorious for murdering the other narcissist. When a narcissist breaks up with a codependent person, the codependent person is easily defeated and destroyed by the narcissist, and the narcissist gets satisfaction from watching you fall apart. However, when the narcissist attacks a narcissistic partner, the narcissist partner is able to fight back, and the fight escalates to the point that someone gets killed. Narcissists do not have the good sense to walk away from a fight. They aim to destroy the other narcissist, and they don't have empathy to know when they have gone too far.
Yep I would often tell my friends he needs to stay the hell away from me because one of us is going to end up in jail or dead. I have Narc symtoms, and my Narc was full blown. I stood up for my self, I had no problem running him knowing well I''ll see in a week. I often felt bad when I ran him off but I knew we were escalating to something really dangerous. Oh and add alcohol ontop of that. I actually have empathy, I can admitt my wrongs, I don't purposely set out to hurt people and don't take advantage I'm very open maybe not always honest, but by no means a liar. I'm a liar by omission. I have been run over by so many Narc since my husband passed 3 years ago that I seriously have adapted some of their traits, and catch on pretty quit with them now, and enjoy setting them off, whether it be ignoring them and playing on my phone laughing in thier presents, acting all confused when and upset too at the bar when one of my guy friends hangs on me, silent treatment too after I run him off, which I love to run him off after he buys me all the shit I needed that day, and need some quiet time away from his ego and him telling me all he's done for me. Once he became drunk and retarted laughing at him, stay up on my laptop while hes in bed waiting for sex. Basically returning the abuse I was given during the first 3 weeks. All I attract are Narcs since my husband died, I lost my husband and 6 of my best friends all in the same year. I was very open about it sooo I was a perfect Narc magnent and source of supply. I've done alot of research and I have adapted alot of thier traits. I think .
@@blakelynnbauer342
You are trying to not feel defeated and being fucked over again? You trying to adapt yourself and learn to live among sharks? More feelings of control. And less feelings of depression and pain? Feeling vulnerable?
🍀
War of the Roses
Who thinks Bonnie and Clyde were two narcissists in love?
More like two psychopath in love!
Interesting
I’m a narc & my ex one I told her I thought we were Bonnie & Clyde lol
"And like a mirror it goes back and forth back and forth" heheheheheheh. Brilliant. They have to suffer their own evil.
My mother got into a bad relationship like this. Things blew up when he cheated. Her friends and I went over to rescue her. We packed up all of her belongings to get her out. Toward the end her friend asked, "Is there anything else? Check now because we're never coming back." She grabbed a kitchen knife out of the block and marched up stairs. We *begged* her to STOP, but there was nothing we could do. She disappeared for about five minutes, then marched back down, neatly placed the knife back in the block, and smugly said, "That's everything."
Turns out she'd gone scorched earth and caused cost tens of thousands of dollars in property damage. We were tense, waiting for the ball to drop. She was unrepentant.
But her narcissist loved it. In his sick mind, this is how he 'knew' she loved him. This reaction fed everything he wanted. He went on an intense campaign to get her back.
And this was everything she wanted. She believed that she had him exactly where she wanted him. On his knees. She knew that all of her family and friends would not support this crap, so she ran away and eloped with him. They kept up this sick dance for more than a decade before things finally devolved to physical violence and they finally broke up.
I'm borderline he was narcissist he made me look like I'm more than bpd I was driven insane till I asked my gfs and they said it's completely normal to react how I was reacting
Kinda reminds me of my former roommate and the guy I met him thru: they put up with each other for 9 years, but kept having violent clashes, drifted apart, then would run back to each other constantly; I'd like to believe that their senses of victimhood gave them a feeling of relatability toward each other, and during the good times, they'd feel "more powerful" with the other grandiose guy in their corner. I think one thing in recent years that turned my former roommate for the worse was no longer having the ability to blame his circumstances on the other guy; guy was out of the picture for nearly a decade, so my former roommate is a failure in life cause...he is one out of choice.
They divorce. Go into relationships with responsible empaths and have an ongoing affair together and then gather more supply by using even more people .... they actually are a perfect evik couple both using other people and each other a real sick duo
This title made me laugh...
Imagine the face when they realize..
Imagine the frustration when they start competing Whos the worst.
Yeahhh that true
Gosh I'd love to be a fly on the wall watching a 2 narc relationship
Seriously 😂
Often there is an addiction to controlling and owning one another. They are a possession to each other. Addicted to causing each other pain and keeping a score card of hurts and slights which they are compulsively bound to right by inflicting harm or Narcissistic injury. It is the trap of Talionic Revenge, an endless cycle of pain and payback. Some people are addicted to making someone into the person they feel they deserve, yet refuse to see that the person they are holding on to will never change. They cannot see their own behavior reflected in the attitude and behavior of their partner.
Omg sooooo true!
@@amysalameh319 A superb film I would highly recommend is 'Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf' starring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. This fictional drama perfectly exhibits this dynamic in its most malignant form. The only thing missing is physical violence.
@@amysalameh319 Eugene O'Neill's play Long Day's Journey Into Night was recently recommended by Mr. Sam Vaknin author of Malignant Self Love Narcissism Revisited. I have yet to read it but from the description and synopsis it looks like an amazing work of art. Often when people come from dysfunctional families there is a great deal of enmeshment and poor internal or emotional boundaries. This leads to intense hatred and/or love that is obsessive and unhealthy.
Addiction is key. Well said.
Rollercoaster ride .no thanks .I wish I knew this earlier in my life .That's ok .cause I know it now .I'm almost 60 .been in therapy most of my life .Why dont they tell us this in therapy .It would have saved time . .Thanks Dr .like always ur the best .Have a blessed day
Earthia O my partner fooled my own therapist... don’t worry, only a expert can figure out these monsters... I’m on therapy for years finding why I never get out of depression.
At least now I know the root of my depression, his name and surname
@@talitacdias Good for you .Rather be free then in a bad situation. Therapy is always good .Thank goodness for this Dr here .A lot of us dont get it for a long time ,including me .We think something is wrong with us ,were sick all the time ,we just dont understand .I thank the heavens above for this Dr. We all need to heal .Yep they can fool a dr all that is doing is living a lie .We dont need it To live in truth and peace they will never know .Be free my friend keep on living and the heavens will smile down on you .Blessing Earthy
@@Paula-pv7ep Also, many therapists are not trained on narcissism. None of mine ever caught on to this. They just could not understand why I had PTSD symptoms. Many psychologists online discuss this gap that they are trying to now fill. The therapists at the VA I go to now understand what the issue was and agree with my no contact rule with past narcs including family members.
It’s only by dating my current boyfriend (who’s not toxic and is a great guy) I have realised I am the abusing narcissist. And I was always the victim in all my relationships with my narcissist exes however what I was blind to back then, is that I was just as bad as my exes even in those relationships
*THEY DESERVE EACH OTHER.*
Both my parents are narcissists!!! 😮 oh boy have I had a wonderful life!!!☝🏾❤️
I know a couple like this... they are actually threatening to sue to get their baby from each other and yet on Facebook they act like a loving couple. They have tried to kill each other in front of others and they don't seem to care.
Volatile is an understatement. It gets downright dangerous. It is stronger than any addiction the war consumes you. So much so that at 4am, I am watching this video, just looking for a glimmer of hope that we can make it. She has hit every nail on the head. It has been over for 30 seconds and my brain has already rejected 90% of what she said. Like I didn't watch it at all. Knowing you HAVE to leave and not wanting to "lose" is the side battle we face within this war.
You know that fine line between love and hate? Yeah, we tap dance all over that mf.
I need to swallow this jagged little pill before I choke on it.
That's deep, and true...
Next video : How a narcissist reacts when there is no toilet paper after taking a crap
😂😂😂😂😂
Funkywallot yell and bang around insisting you hid the tp some where and you didn’t load the spool cuz you don’t care about them
@@joanbaczek2575 oh my God yes!!! You're so right!
He won't flash his shit
I started mimicking and mirroring my ex narcissist behavior and was blown away when she could not figure it out. A year and a half and no Hoover I'm just glad it worked.
Smart! Did the same thinking she would notice it like in a mirror, but no bueno.
Yall this type of behavior probably cost me the love of my life
I knew what it was from the jump. I just wanted her to admit it. I thought she was worse than me and she really was unaware she actually has it.
Whole time My ego think she out smarting me so I go harder
@@i76sin2she wasnt the love of your life. They are unable to love
This finally explains what I’m going through. Took me two years of intense obsession and research about narcs to realize I am one also. This is the most helpful video of all time thank you
haha 99% of pretty, gorgeous girls are narcissist shallow girls, i hope this is something that will get fixed in the future.
@@jugg9140saw some of your comments. You spread hateful comments and delusionary gross generalization+ insult people online hmmm 🤔
@@sunbeam9222 imagine stalking people in youtube lol
@@jugg9140sour grapes 🍇
I’m an empath (ENTP). My narcissistic wife set off for me for damn near 25 years. Are used to worry about being a narcissist myself because our last marriage counselor mentioned something about “that’s what it’s like with a narcissist.” He didn’t say who it was and left it hang. Neither of us asked and I thought he might’ve been talking about her. After some thought I thought he might’ve been referring to me and I did a deep dive on it. While I have some narcissistic attributes, I didn’t crave winning as much as peace. I didn’t try tl change her to meet my standards. I didn’t even try to pick fights for any type of narcissistic supply. However, I did feel like I can do anything I put my mind and body to and while I thought I could fix our relationship (with the therapist’s help and on my own) I was always perplexed that I could never reach her. This part of the video really spoke to me here, but it doesn’t make me a narcissist. I do think that narcissism is a scale that we are all on. Some are just reall far along it.
I didn’t do what my narcissist ex wanted because I have self respect and try to have boundaries. It was so circular and impossible. I gave up because I’m just the opposite and like peace
Heck yes!
This sounds like the typical Borderline and Narcissist relationship as well.
Sort of. I have BPD and my husband isn't full narcissist but I think he has some traits of it. Some of these things I can relate to for sure (But people with BPD aren't as much about power so there's not as much of a power struggle) I relate to the part about accusing them of doing things like cheating the most
BPD all or nothing
NPD all & nothing
The borderline will eventually lose out.
When the narcs get older... They often end up together. The endgame. They love bomb the heck out of each other. Rush to the alter before they get exposed. They player gets played. Then they try to stay together because their looks have faded & others have caught on to them. Older people don't fall for the BS like the young & innocent. Their chance at steady supply.
Ugh i think im here.
This is why I’m never in agreement when ppl say you should go to a couple that has been married for 40 years for marital advice. Many of these marriages are warped to the core with 2 narcs determined to “not lose”. Longevity in a relationship does not always equal health.
This woman is helping so many people on her own time. Dr. Ramani, I am an only child with 2 narc parents and am currently no contact. These videos have been extremely validating and supportive. Thank you for being there for all of us. 🙏❤
Grab a popcorn & watch the fireworks lol --- I love it !!!!
Narcissism vs attachment styles? Can you have a securely or anxiously attached narcissists? Because it sounds like avoidant attachment on steroids
That is an interesting question. I've seen both attachment styles and accompanying behavior from the same person depending on the circumstances and the person they are relating too. They can swing from dismissive avoidant to anxious attachment even with the same person. Their behavior may depend on the perceived value the target has for the Narcissist. All NPDS are different and may express their disorder differently. Hoovering may manifest as a desperate attempt to win back the love of their partner. Once they get them back and feel secure they slide back into dismissive avoidant behavior.
Michael Jensen your describing fearful avoidant attachment style. It’s a mesh between the two.
@Spooky Spectre My husband done the same exact thing to me too.
The reason, I think, they have a harder time to give up on a narc. Relationship is because mine can’t let “certain” things go. If they think they are right, they are entitled to the worship of the other. You cannot talk logically to them. Everything anyone does to them must be deliberate. Their perception is always right. Others are against them. Id rather just say, “let it go” I have priorities that “deserve” my energy. I need peace. He is a scrapyard dog that won’t let go of the bone. They hurt me, I will hurt them more. Must have the last word.
Anna Banana yup everything is a personal attack-so irritating when someone insists ambiguous actions were malicious intent
I looked this up because I’m pretty sure my husband and myself are both narcissistic 🤣🤣🤣 we are so toxic, so crazy, roller coaster up and downs and it’s so ridiculous and exhausting. Not sure if it’s my husband who is the narcissist or myself..... or both. Or neither lol.
in the beginning they supply each other’s ego later on they’re each other down fall
I am a narcissist and I love narcissistic persons as well. It is safe to say I have not done well in these relationships. Have tendency to feel so much uncontrolled emotions towards these persons that it almost drives me nuts(jealousy, passion, and suspicion,anger, feelings of love at the same time).And I do not like to feel like I’m not in control of my emotions, but at the same time it makes me feel alive in a sense when I let these emotions loose - it is like somewhat orgasmic feeling that is hard to explain. Normal relationships bore me very easily and I end up unhappy, cheating and acting out also making good nice people around me unhappy because I feel like a caged animal. So as for now I have given up love all together. For my Own well being and for the others well being around me as well. If I am even Able to feel love in any sense -sometimes I feel I’m not even capable of that as well and in my brain love equals someways the need to own and consume another person.
I'm starting to realize that only narcissists and people with many narcissistic traits are attracted to me. Non-narcisistic people tolerate me in varying degrees. But the narcissistic always seem to gravitate toward me. How can I change this? It makes me feel really bad about myself, like I can't attract a healthy normal person because something's wrong within me...or maybe I'm just hideous and narcissists see me as insecure, timid, and easy. Non-narcisistic people often see me as feisty. I have no idea which perception is most accurate. I just don't want to be bait for narcissists anymore.
Take care of yourSelf Krisi. Over time you will become more self-reflective and self-confident. I hope you continue to listen to Dr R’s UA-cam video Channel - even comments from sincere others can offer a new perspective and valuable insights as you learn to recognize healthy behaviors, develop healthy boundaries and expectations..
You have to learn to love yourself first.
Maybe you're overly friendly with them. I've realized that narcissists view friendliness as worship.
One question: can you sense the overall emotional atmosphere in a room with people very easy and very fast?
@@lavenderflowers1075 Now you TELL ME! 🤣
I pray my Narc ex finds himself in a blissfully hellish narc relationship.
I hope they all meet each other, make a suicide pact and save us all from these abusive bastards
Lol
Had one of these couples around me. Their fights were horrible, calling eachother names, mocking, throwing stuff at eachother, even physical fights from both of them. Their solution was to bring a child into the world. He was the sweetest most gentle boy I've ever met. The father wanted his son to toughen up and be like him. I've started thinking that there is a chance his son became a narcissist himself. I know he is not well adjusted at least, doesn't work, has no relationship that I know of and still spends holidays etc with his parents and family. So he's kind of by himself but not free of them. It's so sad. I often wonder who he would be with a different upbringing. The world really missed out.
I have a question.. what about if it's Covert Narc and a Overt N? I have 2 in my family and are wondering if this was possible. They've been together 40 years and toxic
Denial - but that is so common, when it comes to life's difficult situations. Many people dont want to accept life's ugliness; they are not willing to feel the pain, since emotional pain and grieving are often the emotions that come, when a person starts to accept "he doesnt really love me, "doesnt really care about me", "this is all about convienence and nothing more"... Many many people are not willing to go through this.... immaturity and lack of emotional resiliance are factors... Why are so many people addicts (to alcohol, drugs, food, etc...) - because they lack to resiliance to process all of the ugly negative very painful emotions that come along with the acceptance of ugly facts about people. Society in general has no clue what to do with strong negative emotions and people who have strong negative emotions get called sick, mentally ill, etc. instead of recieving compassion, understanding and support.
Oh my Goodness!!!! So narcissists attract other narcissists???? Lord... I pray I am not a narcissist!!! That's all I attract and it's so draining 💔💔💔💔
Narcissists aren’t empathetic lol some may pretend but you can soon tell it’s not genuine... it’s safe to say that if you’re an empath... you’re not a narcissist, empaths understand and care... my ex husband said a few weeks ago “I don’t understand or know how it all went wrong, we were doing so well”.. and in my mind I just went “HUH?? 😐” yet the mistakes are clear as daylight...We talked/argued about those wrongs yet it’s like it doesn’t register in their head that THEY DID wrong, they wait for you to apologise for their mistakes... so in a nutshell, he is waiting for me to apologise for him being on dating websites and talking and meeting with women, all you can do is leave a narcissist... there is no fixing or getting them to understand. narcissists lack a level of understanding. The fact you’re even concerned about being a narcissist means you’re probably not.
That was exactly my thought!! Often I feel that I have some narcissistic traits, too - and I am afraid it might be so. If you were brought up by one or even two, and than living with a covert, it must leave some smear, no?
@@LoveG01 day luv beein q narc
@@Jane-gt6ef everyone has narcissistic traits. Many points in life people will take on narcissistic traits; being nervous at a party so talking loudly keeping the attention on you, being extra nice and hardworking to exec's to increase your chance of a promotion, sending lots of texts at the beginnings of a relationship, etc.
The difference is that narcs will go into apoplectic rage when not answered right away, a narc will only be nice and hardworking when higher ups are around, and they will fly into a rage at not being centre of attention. Usually involves making a scene as they storm out.
Being raised and surrounded by narcs will defintely have you questioning yourself and reality. BUT! The very fact you are questioning means you are not one. No true narc will ever look up videos about narcs AND APPLY it to themselves.
They will project and transfer that onto everyone they encounter.
All I can say is, get yourself out of your situation. Run and never look back.
@@Jane-gt6ef 😭😭😭😭 its scary. The only reason I doubt it is because I am always trying to figure out if I am one. I am extremely sensitive and feel others pain. Narcs cannot do that. But I have narcissistic traits at times. Like I can be mean like one but I immediately feel guilty for hurting someone's feelings. I even cry after hurting ppl. I don't know if narcs do that. My ex used to smile when I was hurt... I couldn't understand it. My dad hated me so much and always made me feel like a worthless person until other ppl would praise me or If i had a job that impressed others. I can't even look at his pictures without feeling uncomfortable. Once I know a narc is a narc their eyes scare the life out of me. I'm no expert but maybe we are just thinking we are narcs but just have the traits from our family. I want to learn more about this but for now I will continue spreading the word so that others won't be victimized 💔
I just want to thank you for all of these videos they validate the many years of struggles I have been through ....yes I often wondered why do I attract these people and it's taken me 40 years to finally say no and see why and understand it's not me. Very valued information I wish I had you and these videos years ago your helping so many people....as for me in my 50's and going forward stronger than ever!❤️
Maggie Moon, you don't deserve to be with a narcissist 😈!
I learned in my last relationship that I am a narcissist when I questioned if she was. I found out that yes she is one but I said woah! So am I !!! When we first met it was like something out of a love story. We were both madly in love. Got engaged in our second month of dating. The fire we felt was like no other. Then after the 3-4th month it went down hill bad and very fast. So I’m wondering did we fall for each other so quickly because of the personal we fronted to be towards each other? Like narcissist do, they tend to tell you everything you want to hear and pretend to be the person of your dreams. I’m wondering if that is what happened to me. Thanks
This sounds like the relationship I just got out of.. Im working on my ptsd and childhood trauma.. my mother is a narcissist I cut her off. My dad is an addict/alcoholic. I picked up the narcissistic trait from my mother due to it being all I knew. I’m from a small reservation so imagine having to be isolated and basically abused and abandoned emotionally as a child. My siblings all have the narcissistic tendencies I wish I could help them and show them there’s more to life than our evil mother this makes me feel so guilty that I’ve gotten out and moved away 😞😞
Covert narcissists prepare for failure, so they don't care if their overt spouse gets successful. A depressive and a grandiose narcissists can live together
Thank you Ramani as this subject needs more attention.
Why is it harder to get a drivers licencse to drive than having a child?
Too many people making copies of themselves when the original was never good.
Stuck in a fishbowl with a bunch of sharks
Amen
Agreed!
Why do narcisstic hate doing things alone whether its a small grocery shopping or a small work they hate doing things alone
berries 86 Because they have their negative inner thoughts to deal with and they can’t handle it.
I’ve noticed they can’t be alone AT ALL!! They don’t know themselves or love themselves enough too be alone with themselves
Because they need constant attention and a punching bag 💯
Quite babyish of them! 🙄
berries 86 the ex Narc is a mailman, so he would keep me on the phone all day long.
Both of my parents are narcissists - Dr Ramani's description is SPOT ON. Especially in reference to the divorce. I remember reading "The Babysitter Club" series and wondering how it was possible for any child to have parents that are divorced that actually got along, because I was the designated messenger/punching bag/emotional support child for both of them. Even as an adult, they tried to pull me into their drama, and at first, I bought into it, but I've since had a lot of therapy so I'm in a much better place.
When my father died, I was shocked and sickened at first with myself when I realized I actually felt relief over his death. I still grieved, but when I looked at others around me who lost parents, they grieved for the loss of the relationship and safety that parent brought them, which is something I never experienced with my own father. I don't talk to many people about how my father's death makes me feel unless I know that they understand what it's like to have a narcissist for a parent. When I realized I would never again have to be in the middle of my parents' stupid mind games that they played with each other, I felt more free than ever before in my life, and that's been a really difficult sentiment to come to terms with in myself.
I know two narcissists that are married. They don’t share on social media but make a super human effort to look good in front of people. They want everyone to think they have the best relationship