Being with a narcissist FORCED me to look in the mirror, there was no denying that I was narcissistic and I COULDN'T STAND IT in myself, I even began to hate who I had become. In studying the narcissist I began to realized I was studying myself, I ended up doing Shadow work in order to understand why I am how I am because I was repulsed. A narcissist is the only cure for a narcissist. We need to to be pushed into our reflection.
So all 4 of you had realization you are a narcisist? Could there be a possibility you only have narcisistic trades due living with a narcisist and become conditioned to behave like it but yet you know compassion, gratitude and love.
I’m a product of two narcissists. I just started therapy in January and it’s been the most painful and eye opening experience. I’ve accepted the fact that I might be in therapy for the rest of my life. I’m willing to do whatever it takes
I knew an older couple who couldn’t stand each other. They fought, lied, cheated, and slept in separate bedrooms, but they would not divorce. They kept up the facade until the husband died. What a miserable way to live!
get n2thegroove my ex narcissist’s parents slept in separate bedrooms. I always found that odd. He always said it’s because his father snores but I think it was more than that bc i always suspected his mother was a narcissist too.
Empress Nitara, I had a friend who’s parents did as well and I thought the same thing. Now that we’re adults, we both know her dad was a narc. Her parents are still married, but her mother is ill. Her dad didn’t want to take care of her, so she lives with my friend and her family and he lives alone.
@@thousandyardgavri2785 but isn’t that kind of sad because they probably didn’t ask for parents like that and if they repeat the cycle and become a toxic person themself that’s just a tragedy. As someone with two parents who one had borderline personality disorder and the other who was a narcissist disorders I just feel bad for any child who has to put up with that
Still wonder if there is such a thing as a natural born narcissist? My observation best way to punish a narcissist is send them off to work in another country where they don't know anybody and they are nobody! It all comes from success getting to their head, achievement in career , talent or business and the entitlement and power that follows. Take it all away and put them in a hole or another country where they end up working like expats they are suddenly normal, even kinder, gentle and overall reformed because they know in the new country it no longer feels like back home where they can be careless like they used to be around friends and family. 🍷
Same! She is still in quarantine with her husband and kids and he is in his parents basement because no one will rent a place to him right now! He's a 49 year old principle. So bloody funny. Let the games begin!
As satisfying as it may feel to watch him crash and burn, you may want to consider if it lines up with who you are to laugh at their sickness. Beware! Remember, they use emotional manipulation to transform you into what they hate about themselves? If you weren't the sort of person who would enjoy watching a sick person suffer, it pays to see if you've let them twist you into being someone who is. The first thing I decided to protect from my narc was my integrity as a person. It was the first way I saw them affecting me in a way I hated. I know I don't find it morally acceptable to want to see someone fail or to laugh at someone's pain. Still, I feel satisfaction creep in on me when I see this person "get what's coming to them." I think the narcissist's most insidious tool is to make you feel and behave more like them. They trick you into sinking to their level, emotionally & behaviorally. I think it's part of that weird "projection" issue of theirs, but I'm no psychologist, yet. In any case, I've found it useful to internally say, "You don't get to decide who I am!" Dealing with the narc is so overwhelming! They "win" a lot. They steal your friends, your support network, your reputation, etc. I found it most empowering to know only I have control of who I am and what I do. It's really hard, but I've found empowerment in truly cherishing and protecting the best of myself. They can exert force in many places, I can lose battles, but they have no actual power to decide how I act unless I hand it to them. I worked hard to become a good person, one of integrity, and I'm not letting them steal that! I hope if you struggle with feelings of guilt about being happy when the narc suffers, like I do, you'll give this very inconvenient truth some thought.
@@eponymoususer8923 I appreciate your response, but I was genuinely being tongue and cheek in my comment. The pain of being left after 24 years and five children...for a women 23 years my senior was debilitating. His parents and family literally hate my guts to a point of moving the girlfriend in with them. My children were devastated. I told him my whole marriage, if you dont love me...dont pretent for the sake of the children. He choose to do it the ugly way...during a pandemic and blow up his life for a bit on the side! I'm not nearly as messed up as I was a month ago. If fact...I've come along way baby! Thank you for taking the time to set us straight though. I did take you words to heart! Cheers from Canada!
@Steve Miller Sorry, my comment wasn't clear, I meant that they married each other and not some normal people, thus not ruining their lives. I didn't escape any harm.
Dating a narcissist I've become aware I am myself too a narcissist.&& Before this relationship I was unaware of how extremely destructive and draining a narcissist could really be. to a none narcissistic ppl and its made me really really want to start taking a look at myself alot more & hold myself responsible aswell. Being mindful and considerate for others is helping me alot. A taste of your own medicine is sometimes the eye opener
ME TOO but I actually love them. I wonder if I’m doing it right? Or do narcissistic people have to be fully aware that they are just “using” someone else? Cos honestly as long as he loved me the way I feel I love him, we could work it out. I’d be willing to. I mean, I understand it after all. It’s the him knowing he’s fooling me and LYING about feelings he doesn’t have is what the dealbreaker would be.
When the two narcissists have children together, it is heartbreaking. They are being manipulated, torn apart, terrorized. This makes it hard to just sit back and watch with popcorn. How do we help those kids?
As a father of a 3 year old babygirl, I would love to know the best answer to this question too, I turned into a narcissist over 8 years of being cheated on and now my child gets to see this horrible version of me
@@1dowmnnn5uppp87oh man, thats gotta be extremely detrimental to the entirety of the childs life, inhuman suffering. I wooild recommend going to some really serious therapy, try to immerse yourself in therapy, I hope that helps
When a narcissist gets with another narcissist and they start caring about themselves too much Narcissist : *surprised pikachu face* Other Narcissist : *surprised pikachu face*
@Iris-Angela Jones i recall my gal pal saying, "Don't you ever spend time in front of the mirror practicing your smile?" I'm like no, not in my whole life...
Hahaha My mother and stepfather live in SEPARATE houses but they are still married. Talk about WTH They're both narcissistic they can't even live with each other but are married smh 🤦♀️
I dated a narc who cared for her narc father... we were driving to his house, she warned me about his explosive temper and how she never knew what was going to trigger it... I sat there agape because that is exactly how I felt about her... she never saw the same trait in herself.
Me too. I find myself questioning everything now. I used to think of myself as a codependent empath. But in order to get out I had to stop giving a shit about other people (Him) so much and care about myself above all else. Now I'm very unhappy to see narc traits in myself. Like I've stopped dating because I dont actually want to care about anyone else. And the other night my school age daughter wanted me to come to bed with her (Shes been sleeping in my bed since the divorce) but I made her go to bed by herself and stayed up doing chores and just having some "me time" then I felt really guilty about not putting my daughters needs before my own. Sigh.
That’s not being a narcissist that’s loving yourself not like your putting anyone down with your behavior one thing we can learn from narcissism is to love ourselves first nothing wrong with that .
I feel like I’m becoming one too sometimes. It’s weird holding people accountable for their actions and not feeling like a narc. I never blame anyone and typically blame myself. It’s hard not thinking I’m a narc when I stick up for myself.
My parents are narcissists and have been married 56 years. Everything you've talked about, I've witnessed. Why they aren't divorced, I have no clue. But this is dead on!
Mother hated my father but never left him "because of the money" her words. He was 12 years older, when he passed on Mother blew all the fortune at casinos, world trips ( with captive empathetic audience, I pity them having their holiday wrecked). She blew millions $$$ and rocked up at my house and wanted to move in after I exited family years ago
If you have a grandiose and a covert together, it's permanent drama but one gets to play the victim and the other gets to play the victor. Add financial dependency in the mix, sex, sometimes the fear of ending up alone beyond a certain age (it started being a big concern for my father some time during his fifties)...
Would not asking for a divorce be the same as capitulation, failure? So, there is no alternative but to continue, is there, for these mentally handicaped things.
So if a person opens up about his/her relationship issues, and you as the listener know that they’re a narc and that their partner is a narc, what do you do? Gaslight the shit out of them, and tell them how great they are for each other! Keeping narcs together! 🥂Cheers🥂
My ex and his bestie are both narc. His bestie even helped him to cheat on me. They almost like criminal partners that always got each other’s back to do the shady things. However they also get annoyed and envy the shit out of each other. I just can’t wait the day that they turn against each other.
Whenever I think of examples of two narcissists together, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West always come to mind. *Edit: Just to clarify when I say narcissist im using the term like Dr.Ramani does- I am not labeling these people with NPD I am simply using the term narcissist as a descriptor for behaviours these people have demonstrated.
@Eseercam I think people don't know a lot about personality disorders and they get narcissism and histrionic mixed up. they also get antisocial and narcissism mixed up too
@@Leahv103 there can be a lot of crossover amongst the traits and comorbidity is a possibility as well. If anything I think Cluster B disordered individuals tend to attract one another.
missmerbella yes you are definitely right. I have BPD and am definitely attracted to other people with personality disorders and also have a few narcisstic and histrionic traits as well. But I’m diagnosed with BPD not anything else
I’ve found the same when trying to explain narcissism to a friend....later on in my journey I realized, my friend was also a narcissist. No wonder she didn’t get it..
My parents were both narcissistic, I remember the constant fights, the yelling and aggressive behaviour, and then they just got divorced and invested so much into proving each other who was happier than who, that there never really was any space left for me and my brother.
@@JordannAlexander thanks! One day at a time, we started talking about it recently and I realized that I had no idea of how much all of that also impacted him. Trauma makes us look and behave a way that is very similar to selfishness, because there is not much space left for other people (even loved ones) when we are stuck in survival mode. We are ready to start healing now that our mother is gone. All the noise and conflict that kept us separated is gone now, she would repeatedly throw us against each other and now the distance is diminishing. I'm hopeful for the future, I love my brother so much.
I know a couple like that! They keep trying to outdo each other and fight, cheat, are suspicious of each other, say they can’t stand each other, but then, they ultimately stick together and often work together on preying on empaths. Really interesting, as always!
I’ve seen narcissists battle for the spotlight. It’s gruesome. The loser is so deeply wounded that they tend to disappear from anyone who witnessed the competition out of shear embarrassment. I didn’t realize it then, but I get it now. Thank the heavens for awareness.
“Two cats in a bag” 🤣 - so true Both my parents are narcissists so I have to fight to unlearn completely dysfunctional behaviors and thought patterns which may be a life long effort.
Still wonder if there is such a thing as a natural born narcissist? My observation best way to punish a narcissist is send them off to work in another country where they don't know anybody and they are nobody! It all comes from success getting to their head, achievement in career , talent or business and the entitlement and power that follows. Take it all away and put them in a hole or another country where they end up working like expats they are suddenly normal, even kinder, gentle and overall reformed because they know in the new country it no longer feels like back home where they can be careless like they used to be around friends and family. 🍷
I totally agree that the sex is a big factor in the relationship between two narcs. My ex narc is with a narcissist. He has a sex addiction and she has a history of being promiscuous to get attention and what she wants. I have no doubt that they are using and abusing each and that the sex is what keeps them together. Regardless I'm sure that it is a very dysfunctional and toxic relationship. They both are insecure and have abandonment issues. Just glad that they are not hurting any kind hearted and genuinely good people.
Yes! My ex left me for a literal call girl. She’s an uneducated needy AF exec wife wannabe - he’s extremely wealthy executive ( geologist/ oil industry) acting like an upstanding intellectual dude who just happened to fall in love with an uneducated stilletto wearing short skirt 25 years younger. They look ridiculous together - yet there they go ! Our kids are mortified and have cut him off - have zero to do with the new wife … he acts like I’m keeping our adult kids from him out of spite. Nope ! And he knows this - I would never try to do that to our kids or him -- it’s that he can’t see or won’t see how hurtful / ridiculous his behavior is and has been since our children were born. He was never around - didn’t bond - only said thjngs he would do with them - never actually did them. It’s always been about taking care of him first and this wily ass chick gets it ! Good for them.
Ugh! This was my nmom and stepfather. Horrible toxic household to grow up in any they are still together almost 30 years later. Longevity does not always mean a relationship is successful!
I can so relate to this. After divorcing my child's father and coming to the realization that he was indeed a narcissist, I realized that my mother was one as well. I've watched her and my step father go thru this endless cycle of her abusing him verbally (and trying to physically) and her literally putting him out of a house where he pays the bills and him having to stay gone for weeks just to go back and start the cycle all over again. They actually divorced (he did divorce her) just for them to get remarried. This has gone on for over 30 years as well. I went no contact with my mother 4 years ago and to say it was freeing is an understatement. Videos like help me to understand why I ended up picking the partner that I did and the work I need to keep doing on myself so that I break the codependency cycle and not get involved with someone like this ever again.
@@momtomysonshine Thanks for sharing your story with me. It makes me feel less alone. I had a very similar experience. Understanding yourself can help you forgive yourself for picking the wrong person. I hope you find healing 💖
Have 2 narcs as parents. Its difficult and the unsupportive environment, the fighting, the comparisons, the victim mindsets and scape goating, its insane, but i promise the healing is worth it. Grey rocking, Meditation, yoga and self reflection and healing with the personal development school saved my life and allowed me to make newer connections which gave me way to slowly transition into a healthier mindset that allowed me to trust myself and the right people. Rewiring those neural pathways is possible!
A lot of them stay together because they can't stand failing and to them breaking up is a failure. They are also deeply insecure that they won't find someone else who will put up with them. I've seen a lot of married couples where both partners are narcissistic. They have a lot of drama in their lives for sure but they cling on to their crappy relationships desperately.
Explains my first set of inlaws. At 85 he unalived himself after getting into a fight with his wife. In their 40's, he cheated on her. I shamed the family by leaving their narc son.
These video tutorials are to me, like sitting in my living room with a cup of coffee and a trusted friend. I especially enjoy your admonishment "remember the only win in a relationship with a narcissist is getting out" (a summary not a direct quote).
I started mimicking and mirroring my ex narcissist behavior and was blown away when she could not figure it out. A year and a half and no Hoover I'm just glad it worked.
Yall this type of behavior probably cost me the love of my life I knew what it was from the jump. I just wanted her to admit it. I thought she was worse than me and she really was unaware she actually has it. Whole time My ego think she out smarting me so I go harder
This finally explains what I’m going through. Took me two years of intense obsession and research about narcs to realize I am one also. This is the most helpful video of all time thank you
Often there is an addiction to controlling and owning one another. They are a possession to each other. Addicted to causing each other pain and keeping a score card of hurts and slights which they are compulsively bound to right by inflicting harm or Narcissistic injury. It is the trap of Talionic Revenge, an endless cycle of pain and payback. Some people are addicted to making someone into the person they feel they deserve, yet refuse to see that the person they are holding on to will never change. They cannot see their own behavior reflected in the attitude and behavior of their partner.
@@amysalameh319 A superb film I would highly recommend is 'Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf' starring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. This fictional drama perfectly exhibits this dynamic in its most malignant form. The only thing missing is physical violence.
@@amysalameh319 Eugene O'Neill's play Long Day's Journey Into Night was recently recommended by Mr. Sam Vaknin author of Malignant Self Love Narcissism Revisited. I have yet to read it but from the description and synopsis it looks like an amazing work of art. Often when people come from dysfunctional families there is a great deal of enmeshment and poor internal or emotional boundaries. This leads to intense hatred and/or love that is obsessive and unhealthy.
Actually.... my ex - a narcissist - and his girlfriend after me - another narcissist - it was hilarious !!! they made their lives miserable af for weeks and than over and start again and over and again with lots of cheating in between. Fun to see, to say the least.
my recent ex found himself a very grandiose narc it seems. Snap it dawned on me, a predator is now a prey, yes he is exstatic, because he is being love bombed! but I can guess the chaos ahead, it probably becomes an obsession and a toxic spiral loop they probably call passion or infatuation, but really they cannot stand looking in the mirror and their grandiosity won’t allow them to walk away. Coz they need to prove and dominate. The power struggle for supply keeps them stuck in it ! no love no sex no passion
@@janetweller5790 They are not, though. They are humans in a sad, unfortunate condition. Once can stay out of the drama yet still feel compassion for them, and realize that we all may be more like them than we care to believe.
I understand what you’re saying, but sometimes their victims need a little comedic relief in their lives, don’t you think? I’m very empathetic about my ex N, but I still find some of these comments to be amusing. I think victims need the outlet of humor, in a major way, because our lives become so devoid of laughter and bleak.
@@koul3709 i don't think there's a line we can easily draw between narcissists and non narcissists. What's more, we are not really abel to see ourselves objectively, less so then we are abel to see others. Then if these sentences are correct i would be inclined to suspect the narcisisst accusers of being or of being in danger of becoming, well, narcissists.
They follow each others' footsteps in complete darkness, one 4 feet behind the other, completely unaware, until the end of times or until they die of lack of water or food.
I’ve recently just got out of a relationship with a narc. Boy oh boy do I feel like the worst. I feel like I’m on a sea saw. One minute I miss him the other minute I see clearly what he was doing. It’s like I can’t get pass the good times but even that the good times were because of me. I myself am trying to deal with my childhood hurts because my parents are narcs. I had kids with a narc also. I’m so drained from years of this mess. I’m taking a much needed break just for me. Heal the childhood hurts. I’m so drained that even though I feel for people and I’m the one always willing to help. I don’t even have the strength anymore to give.
@Erika Great advice and observation. I too have told people for years, especially women, and a great deal of men as well that they need to get angry and maintain a righteous anger in order to eliminate all that self doubt about being in a relationship with an abuser. I have always found that not concentrating on any of the good times, but only on the stress and distress they caused was the only way to break free of the illusions and bond/tie to them.
My parents are both narcissists. Being raised by them as an only child was absolute HELL. When they went into their toxic spiral of arguing, yelling, breaking things, threatening divorce and rehashing old arguments, it was like I didn't exist. The arguments were near nightly. I could be sitting in the same room while they were screaming and I was invisible to them. After the divorce, my mom got a boyfriend who was a carbon copy of my dad -- same first name, similar line of work, personality traits and hobbies. He was TRASH and I could tell from early on that he saw her as a fling and was cheating on her! The whole family and her friends kept warning her, this guy is bad news and you need to end it. She strung the relationship along for 1 YEAR!! When he finally exposed himself as cheating and he broke up with her, she was devastated and acted like she forgot how everyone warned her. After the breakup, she even started gossiping that "no one wanted to see her happy" and no one cared about her. SIGH.
im in toxic relationship and when we argue alot in front of my baby, hes one. what do you wish your parents did instead ? cause we argure and my baby is just in the middle being ignored so how do i stop now. what do u wish would have happen instead?
This narcissistic couple I know seems to have the perfect rich life. He abruptly left me for her, ghosted (then came back), but we never got back together. They're rich and famous. He's promoting and funding her new album. Right after he played me, she made passive aggressive posts about me- mocking me for not being well known or rich like her. She seems like she forgot where she came from. I was hurt. I cried everyday and night. Took awhile but I finally got over it.
My mother got into a bad relationship like this. Things blew up when he cheated. Her friends and I went over to rescue her. We packed up all of her belongings to get her out. Toward the end her friend asked, "Is there anything else? Check now because we're never coming back." She grabbed a kitchen knife out of the block and marched up stairs. We *begged* her to STOP, but there was nothing we could do. She disappeared for about five minutes, then marched back down, neatly placed the knife back in the block, and smugly said, "That's everything." Turns out she'd gone scorched earth and caused cost tens of thousands of dollars in property damage. We were tense, waiting for the ball to drop. She was unrepentant. But her narcissist loved it. In his sick mind, this is how he 'knew' she loved him. This reaction fed everything he wanted. He went on an intense campaign to get her back. And this was everything she wanted. She believed that she had him exactly where she wanted him. On his knees. She knew that all of her family and friends would not support this crap, so she ran away and eloped with him. They kept up this sick dance for more than a decade before things finally devolved to physical violence and they finally broke up.
Both of my parents are narcissists - Dr Ramani's description is SPOT ON. Especially in reference to the divorce. I remember reading "The Babysitter Club" series and wondering how it was possible for any child to have parents that are divorced that actually got along, because I was the designated messenger/punching bag/emotional support child for both of them. Even as an adult, they tried to pull me into their drama, and at first, I bought into it, but I've since had a lot of therapy so I'm in a much better place. When my father died, I was shocked and sickened at first with myself when I realized I actually felt relief over his death. I still grieved, but when I looked at others around me who lost parents, they grieved for the loss of the relationship and safety that parent brought them, which is something I never experienced with my own father. I don't talk to many people about how my father's death makes me feel unless I know that they understand what it's like to have a narcissist for a parent. When I realized I would never again have to be in the middle of my parents' stupid mind games that they played with each other, I felt more free than ever before in my life, and that's been a really difficult sentiment to come to terms with in myself.
My narc sister is an actress. I went out with a couple of her actress friends (because they were lookers). Oh boy, were those ever awful dates. MDs and JDs--same thing. Avoid!
When two narcissists realize they're dating another narcissist, a black hole forms and sinks to the bottom of the earth to consume the planet from within
Thank you so much for this Doc! I am a recovering narcissist and I know that I have healed and come a long way, mostly thanks to many years in ministry and my Christian faith. I have a genuine and wholehearted desire to destroy all narcissism within me. Recently I came across a prospect whom I started falling for more and more (she had a crush on me for years but never the courage to pursue it). Long story short - the more I got to know her the more it became abundantly clear that she is by far the most narcissistic person I have met thus far. My heart is broken over that, because I don’t wish it on anyone. After much prayer and research I finally got enough strength within me to make it abundantly clear to her that a romance between us will NEVER happen. This was not an easy choice to make by any means, but after watching your video, I KNOW in my heart it was the wise choice to protect both of us from having another one of those short and sweet relationships that end far too soon. I’m after marriage and monogamy only, long lasting commitment; and I know I can’t find that in her just because of how our personalities rub off on each other. You are extremely intuitive by the way, by far, one of the best and most correct examples I’ve ever seen about this. You truly get it-and I sincerely thank you for that. You are wonderful. Keep teaching and sharing. You have my respect. ✌🏻
Oh wow, the sex thing! My mother actually told me this one time "if you're father wants to make up, me taps me on the shoulder at night and then we have sex. He never apologizes." it was always fight, silent treatment, sex. My parents were together for over 30 years and I think the only reason it worked so long is because my mother is neglectful/communal. She got all of her supply outside of her relationship and was also doing really well careerwise. My father wasn't so he started drinking every night and was all narcissistic rage and abuse all the time. My parents were always stuck in this cycle of love bombing - fight - silent treatment/triangulation/trying to enlist me and my sister as allies - sex - love bombing again. I saw exactly the same happening with my sister and her ex boyfriend. Apparently they had mind blowing sex and they both really wanted a partner for status. They were into the same things, such as flashy cars or fancy dates at restaurants they both couldn't afford. They both treated each other like a belonging and always made me sooo uncomfortable whenever I was around them. The constant belittling disguised as jokes. They had the most dramatic fights with both parties bursting into crying fits, admitting they were scared of the other person and that they felt underappreciated and taken for granted.
@chadsasmrif you really need college money check out Elmer O locker vids- plenty of success stories… it’s not a advertisement program but it might re program you to help with that.
Interesting - I have come to see sex as an apology from my narcissistic wife - leading me to wonder whether the better/more adventurous the sex, the bigger the misdemeanour she is hiding, because it tends to come out of nowhere - i.e. not in response to anything I have done to please her
The worst wedding I ever attended was that of two grandiose narcissists. It was awful, the guests were awful, the families were awful, the whole charade exhibited every narcissistic trait you can think of including entitlement where the head table was served champagne and the rest of us sparkling wine. Makes me laugh just thinking about it in that way. Anyways, needless to say it endly badly within the first year. She had an affair and he went into therapy quite broken. But I think it actually made him a stronger narcissist because he came out of it with all this knowledge of clinical terms and methods of building relationships. Now that he has since remarried it is the bragging about how great his marriage is and what he does to ensure their love flowers all the time. Sprinkled with all the right vocabulary. He has in fact become his own guru. Very perverse and I have since left that scene. Never found out what happened to her, pretty sure she never skipped a beat but their coupling did produce a more effective narcissist in him. And he still has scary levels of rage.
Thank you Ramani as this subject needs more attention. Why is it harder to get a drivers licencse to drive than having a child? Too many people making copies of themselves when the original was never good. Stuck in a fishbowl with a bunch of sharks
I just want to thank you for all of these videos they validate the many years of struggles I have been through ....yes I often wondered why do I attract these people and it's taken me 40 years to finally say no and see why and understand it's not me. Very valued information I wish I had you and these videos years ago your helping so many people....as for me in my 50's and going forward stronger than ever!❤️
I think you just saved my life, Dr Ramani. I recently realized I have a lot of NPD traits. How did I realize this? I was married to an emotionally stable woman for 8 years. During the marriage I had some episodes which were pretty dramatic and uncalled for. I did not seek therapy. In Feb 2022 I fell in love with another woman. We broke up in mid September 2022. Today I realized she had narcissistic traits too. Which explained all the fights and everything described in this video, its spot on. I'm not hung up on her anymore. Its easier to sleep at night. I feel peaceful inside. I'm someone who believes everything happens for a reason, I believe I fell in love with someone similar just to realize later that my neurons need to be reprogrammed. Thank you. I will change , I know I can.
Had one of these couples around me. Their fights were horrible, calling eachother names, mocking, throwing stuff at eachother, even physical fights from both of them. Their solution was to bring a child into the world. He was the sweetest most gentle boy I've ever met. The father wanted his son to toughen up and be like him. I've started thinking that there is a chance his son became a narcissist himself. I know he is not well adjusted at least, doesn't work, has no relationship that I know of and still spends holidays etc with his parents and family. So he's kind of by himself but not free of them. It's so sad. I often wonder who he would be with a different upbringing. The world really missed out.
When a relationship between two narcissists fails, often times one person dies. Narcissists are notorious for murdering the other narcissist. When a narcissist breaks up with a codependent person, the codependent person is easily defeated and destroyed by the narcissist, and the narcissist gets satisfaction from watching you fall apart. However, when the narcissist attacks a narcissistic partner, the narcissist partner is able to fight back, and the fight escalates to the point that someone gets killed. Narcissists do not have the good sense to walk away from a fight. They aim to destroy the other narcissist, and they don't have empathy to know when they have gone too far.
Yep I would often tell my friends he needs to stay the hell away from me because one of us is going to end up in jail or dead. I have Narc symtoms, and my Narc was full blown. I stood up for my self, I had no problem running him knowing well I''ll see in a week. I often felt bad when I ran him off but I knew we were escalating to something really dangerous. Oh and add alcohol ontop of that. I actually have empathy, I can admitt my wrongs, I don't purposely set out to hurt people and don't take advantage I'm very open maybe not always honest, but by no means a liar. I'm a liar by omission. I have been run over by so many Narc since my husband passed 3 years ago that I seriously have adapted some of their traits, and catch on pretty quit with them now, and enjoy setting them off, whether it be ignoring them and playing on my phone laughing in thier presents, acting all confused when and upset too at the bar when one of my guy friends hangs on me, silent treatment too after I run him off, which I love to run him off after he buys me all the shit I needed that day, and need some quiet time away from his ego and him telling me all he's done for me. Once he became drunk and retarted laughing at him, stay up on my laptop while hes in bed waiting for sex. Basically returning the abuse I was given during the first 3 weeks. All I attract are Narcs since my husband died, I lost my husband and 6 of my best friends all in the same year. I was very open about it sooo I was a perfect Narc magnent and source of supply. I've done alot of research and I have adapted alot of thier traits. I think .
@@blakelynnbauer342 You are trying to not feel defeated and being fucked over again? You trying to adapt yourself and learn to live among sharks? More feelings of control. And less feelings of depression and pain? Feeling vulnerable? 🍀
Hi Dr. Ramani, I am a new subscriber! My ex husband is a malignant narcissist and had an extra marital affair with a vulnerable narcissist and I can tell you from first hand that everything you have said is true! Thank you for clarifying this, because it explains a lot about their abhorrent behavior that they got a thrill out of until they both realized they were not enough supply for each other! 😂 Thank you for your channel! 🙌🏼👏🏽
@DoctorRamani is the voice of reason, that a lot of us who are watching this, needed to hear. Someone give this woman her own show or something. So easy to listen to, and I am picking up everything she is putting down.
I know a couple like this... they are actually threatening to sue to get their baby from each other and yet on Facebook they act like a loving couple. They have tried to kill each other in front of others and they don't seem to care.
Lol my narc was talking about her partner and said.... " I think he's a narcissist" and I was like oooooh? Please go on and she went on to list everything she does to others all day everyday. I had to cover my mouth while I was talking to her because I was cracking up over the phone.
I’m an empath (ENTP). My narcissistic wife set off for me for damn near 25 years. Are used to worry about being a narcissist myself because our last marriage counselor mentioned something about “that’s what it’s like with a narcissist.” He didn’t say who it was and left it hang. Neither of us asked and I thought he might’ve been talking about her. After some thought I thought he might’ve been referring to me and I did a deep dive on it. While I have some narcissistic attributes, I didn’t crave winning as much as peace. I didn’t try tl change her to meet my standards. I didn’t even try to pick fights for any type of narcissistic supply. However, I did feel like I can do anything I put my mind and body to and while I thought I could fix our relationship (with the therapist’s help and on my own) I was always perplexed that I could never reach her. This part of the video really spoke to me here, but it doesn’t make me a narcissist. I do think that narcissism is a scale that we are all on. Some are just reall far along it.
This is why I’m never in agreement when ppl say you should go to a couple that has been married for 40 years for marital advice. Many of these marriages are warped to the core with 2 narcs determined to “not lose”. Longevity in a relationship does not always equal health.
Thank you for posting this!! Both of my birth parents were narcissists and constantly mistreating each other, cheating on each other, blaming each other for everything (plus all that crap that floated on over to me as their only child) Wasn't fun! Was a common pattern throughout both sides of my family though so I can see why they were attracted to each other. I am NC from both of them-- wasn't an easy decision! Lost all the other family members that I loved dearly (the enablers/flying monkeys plus the other narcissists in the family) BUT I am so grateful that I finally did it. Every once in a while they try to rope me back in but you gotta take it day by day! The pain DOES get better. It does become manageable and it becomes more clear. Thank you Dr. Ramani for putting up this youtube channel-- watching your videos really pushed me over the edge to do what I always knew I needed to do ❤️ Remember y'all you can't pour for an empty cup!! We all need to look after ourselves first!
Kinda reminds me of my former roommate and the guy I met him thru: they put up with each other for 9 years, but kept having violent clashes, drifted apart, then would run back to each other constantly; I'd like to believe that their senses of victimhood gave them a feeling of relatability toward each other, and during the good times, they'd feel "more powerful" with the other grandiose guy in their corner. I think one thing in recent years that turned my former roommate for the worse was no longer having the ability to blame his circumstances on the other guy; guy was out of the picture for nearly a decade, so my former roommate is a failure in life cause...he is one out of choice.
I love these videos because you know very well that narcissists listen to you and they've been in a relationship with another narcissist. These videos are a great way to help people with narcissist traits to gain deeper insight.
Once again, this is so spot on! I regularly have these conversations with my very narcissistic mother in which she will trash the horrific, narcissistic behavior of others, especially of her own parents. And it's THE EXACT SAME THINGS she is doing to me, her partner and other people close to her, and sometimes she's even doing them in the same conversation. I literally hold my breath each time this happens (which is frequently) and wonder whether she will turn around and wonder whether this might somehow apply to her as well, but no. It never happens.
Watched this with my Sister and her husband. 30 yrs. of chaos and drew everyone into it. They always got back together because Nobody else wanted them. Their Kids knew they were Nuts, one was the scapegoat and one became invisible kid.
The reason, I think, they have a harder time to give up on a narc. Relationship is because mine can’t let “certain” things go. If they think they are right, they are entitled to the worship of the other. You cannot talk logically to them. Everything anyone does to them must be deliberate. Their perception is always right. Others are against them. Id rather just say, “let it go” I have priorities that “deserve” my energy. I need peace. He is a scrapyard dog that won’t let go of the bone. They hurt me, I will hurt them more. Must have the last word.
I know two narcissists that are married. They don’t share on social media but make a super human effort to look good in front of people. They want everyone to think they have the best relationship
Hello. I am a Narcisist and I have recently realized it...like this last 24h I just broke up with another Narcisist and what you say is really true, and so many patterns of this and other videos of you do apply to my behavior. I came to the middle of nature to look into myself and become a better persone. I realized that I came from a family where my mom is narcisist (just realized this today too) and gaslighting was part of my hole life. Also I usually date Narcisists (just realized it today too) and its a pattern that i repeat. There are many videos talking how to get over or recognize a Narcisist persone. But how can I become a better persone and stop the cycle. I lived like this for so long, you get used to act in certain ways and sometimes you just dont know how to act diferent. Ill keep looking at your videos and thank you so much for them.
Soft Breezy Day if I can recognize the patter and me and attracting them and feeling like I’m becoming them and staying does that mean he’s gonna change? Mine lived a double life lied to me hurt me physically and emotionally on purpose I didn’t do that on purpose but I am aware I’m attracting them, so does that mean he’s changing and being better? I’m aware that I was becoming this numb individual and praying and praying to get help. But I’m thinking he’s changing .. how come I can change and recognize my pattern but they can’t? He always said this is how I am and that I’m that I’m the problem I never talked to him like that or intentionally do things on purpose. It’s like maybe I tried changing and he didn’t like that ..
Soft Breezy Day it’s such a long story I’m hoping if you don’t mind a phone call or email.. I feel so lost and hopeless in my situation where I feel like I’m the narcissist and he isn’t or if I have some tendency I’m changing and grieving so isn’t he. Mine had an ex wife, lied about the divorce well they were and yeah it’s a long story and I just feel so alone I was abused and rage and all the above but I feel like I made him worse
It’s only by dating my current boyfriend (who’s not toxic and is a great guy) I have realised I am the abusing narcissist. And I was always the victim in all my relationships with my narcissist exes however what I was blind to back then, is that I was just as bad as my exes even in those relationships
I am a narcissist and I love narcissistic persons as well. It is safe to say I have not done well in these relationships. Have tendency to feel so much uncontrolled emotions towards these persons that it almost drives me nuts(jealousy, passion, and suspicion,anger, feelings of love at the same time).And I do not like to feel like I’m not in control of my emotions, but at the same time it makes me feel alive in a sense when I let these emotions loose - it is like somewhat orgasmic feeling that is hard to explain. Normal relationships bore me very easily and I end up unhappy, cheating and acting out also making good nice people around me unhappy because I feel like a caged animal. So as for now I have given up love all together. For my Own well being and for the others well being around me as well. If I am even Able to feel love in any sense -sometimes I feel I’m not even capable of that as well and in my brain love equals someways the need to own and consume another person.
Ugh. Did you just say sex with a Narc is a performance ? That explains so much! It was good because his image depended on it not because he had any feelings of caring for me!!! Not a Narc myself but this was so insightful
I think I had a lot of narc traits that really came out in my last relationship with a narc and being raised by parents with narc traits. It worked really well for a while, several years actually. But the more narc-y I became adapting to the dynamic, the less comfortable I felt with myself and started looking for ways to change things and question mine and his behavior. Then I looked behind the family curtains and started to understand even better, I went into therapy and found out a lot of things that I confronted him with: the future faking, the gaslighting, the lack of communication, lack of judgement, cheating in front of my eyes... all that came from his side. I brought in some infidelity and of course played along with his games as well so I am just as guilty. The toxicity built up and was so unbearable, literally physically painful. The discard from his side was long, over a year, emotionally charged with switching between his brutal silence, confusion tactics, and hoovering every other month. It crushed my soul and my ego, I fought back so much, then died each time he lashed out again and fawned. It was a serious battle. Nobody won per se but I am sure we are both better off without each other and I have dealt with my toxic traits and shadow sides very well and feel much more balanced, happy, and helathy now.
I just love everything you put out. So appreciative that you put out so much helpful value. I could listen to you all day. Your brilliance is inspiring.
Glad i found your video. Another informational tidbit where I'm reminded that "narcissists should be removed from the water supply for the rest of us" while trying to research narcissistic traits in relationships to work on the relationship with the one I love. We'll crucify ourselves tomorrow to relieve stress from the world... Professionals get paid to do it. Here's my contribution and props for the most blunt I've heard a pro say it
Dr. Ramani is amazing. I have made a lot of self discovery through her video series. On a personal note: After watching videos everyday for over a month and studying up on all these topics to get through a break up..this one discourages me greatly. I have turned the lens on myself and I score high in the narcissistic spectrum. I am an entertainer, a widow and a strong ass woman. I was blissfully married for 20 years and since then seem to attract nothing but narcissists. Is it such a terrible thing to want a partner to go through life with? It's ok to be strong and good. It's very hard to go through the walk of life alone...but I will if I have to. Searching for my happy place every single day. Peace and love.
I'm starting to realize that only narcissists and people with many narcissistic traits are attracted to me. Non-narcisistic people tolerate me in varying degrees. But the narcissistic always seem to gravitate toward me. How can I change this? It makes me feel really bad about myself, like I can't attract a healthy normal person because something's wrong within me...or maybe I'm just hideous and narcissists see me as insecure, timid, and easy. Non-narcisistic people often see me as feisty. I have no idea which perception is most accurate. I just don't want to be bait for narcissists anymore.
Take care of yourSelf Krisi. Over time you will become more self-reflective and self-confident. I hope you continue to listen to Dr R’s UA-cam video Channel - even comments from sincere others can offer a new perspective and valuable insights as you learn to recognize healthy behaviors, develop healthy boundaries and expectations..
I didn’t do what my narcissist ex wanted because I have self respect and try to have boundaries. It was so circular and impossible. I gave up because I’m just the opposite and like peace
I am a narcissist, or have narcissistic traits and have been in a relationship with a guy who definitely has narcissistic traits, very similar to mine. You have described our relationship perfectly, except for the cheating part which doesn't exist between us. I really hope I can change these traits in myself. And I want to be able to be okay with whether this relationship will change or not, and if not, to walk away. Every time we fought and I decided to break-up, I could hear myself saying these exact words in my head "Please don't leave me!" I don't ever want to break someone else's soul intentionally or specifically, but I have always cared about my own interests and wellbeing, and have hurt others in the process. Many others have hurt me and I have been unable to see it coming many times. In my case I think I inherited my father's and his father's sense of grandiose, and have learned manipulation from my father, and have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms because of the physical, sexual, mental and emotional abuse I endured since childhood. I can easily spot these traits in others and I feel very hurt by them... Funny, I know.. But I have now felt how a truly kind person can be from my boyfriend's parents, and realised how much I want that in my life. I have had a grandmother and a cousin who were kind and caring, and have always felt that is the way to love people, that those are the best people. But I could never be like them. Have always been just too concerned with myself because I always felt not good enough, or like I needed more. There's this pain I carry with me all the time, always felt misunderstood, and there's a lonely and empty heavy feeling I have inside since childhood, that never goes away, and have been searching to change that, but I can't seem to be able to fill my life with good stuff. I guess no one is ever good enough for me. I seek perfection and I want to change that. I want to change all of that. I have always been defensive and walked away at any glimpse of issues. Mostly because I don't trust myself to be able to protect myself, as in the past I couldn't recognise dangerous people. I'm grateful I was able to recognise how I am, and I couldn't have done it without this relationship. I think this is the most important step in my healing. I have also learned to not wish bad upon no one. I know narcissists are being described as these horrible people, and yes there are truly bad and dangerous people in this world as I have met quite a few, but there's also people with probably a mixture of mental health problems, inner issues, trauma and narcissistic traits who would like to change, and the best help I think it is being called out on their bs mixed with a little bit of compassion.
It is supertoxic environment I was raised in, watching my narc parents hate each other, fight, scream, humiliate... in front of us, being scared, shocked and experiencing anxiety attacks daily while watching our parents to hurt each other loudly and proudly. They would even add me in their fights and then I was punished because I did not take anyone´s side... I LOVED BOTH OF THEM and tried to explain them. I beg them crying not to fight, explaining that we are a family and we should love each other. I remember how helpless I felt being a child while trying to protect my younger sister from the hell and find out a solution, so my dad does not call my mom "a dirty uneducated gypsy" and my mom does not call my dad "a pedophile, molester and impotent and cheapskate..." I HATE THEM to this day, I went NC in 2021 being 39 years old now. The weird thing is that they got divorced 20 years ago and father moved out but they are still in touch and pretend to be a family to public... :O There is no "love" relationship but they act like they are friends (although they totally feel contempt to each other). I am not getting it, but it looks like the public image it the main goal for a narc? So they meet on special occasions and now pretend to be good grandparents to my sister´s child. LOL. They are fake. I know my mother does not like the child but she likes to look like an amazing granny. :O
I'm borderline he was narcissist he made me look like I'm more than bpd I was driven insane till I asked my gfs and they said it's completely normal to react how I was reacting
May every narcissist only date their own kind. Amen ❤️
i am one and yes i dated one. its like a rollercoaster but fun
But how to stop them from making babies? Having 2 parents of this kind is just too much.
Yes 100% and be sterlised so they do mess up the kids. And live on Mars
@@ElleNoir. 😭 I agree
What you said... 😜
Being with a narcissist FORCED me to look in the mirror, there was no denying that I was narcissistic and I COULDN'T STAND IT in myself, I even began to hate who I had become. In studying the narcissist I began to realized I was studying myself, I ended up doing Shadow work in order to understand why I am how I am because I was repulsed. A narcissist is the only cure for a narcissist. We need to to be pushed into our reflection.
omg, ME TOO! what is shadow work?
Thank you for your honesty. Seriously, I feel your pain. There now.
Dale Addison 😳😳😳😳 me too😢
So all 4 of you had realization you are a narcisist? Could there be a possibility you only have narcisistic trades due living with a narcisist and become conditioned to behave like it but yet you know compassion, gratitude and love.
@@LawOfAttraction-ed2mx Yes, I believe that is usually what makes a narcissist become a narcissist...
God I wish there was a reality show where they collect a bunch of narcissists and make them live together for a year. i would PAY to see that.
That’s pretty much every reality show most celebrities or ppl wanting to be famous are narcissistic why else would you want strangers watching you ?
Reality shows
That’s the Kardashians
I would LOVE to see that 😭
Most reality tv shows.
I’m a product of two narcissists. I just started therapy in January and it’s been the most painful and eye opening experience. I’ve accepted the fact that I might be in therapy for the rest of my life. I’m willing to do whatever it takes
I'm so sorry, girl. You deserve all the love in the world. I hope the therapy and healing are working and that you feel at least a bit better...
Good for you.. hope you have found a Thx who understands and is helping you become more aware, stronger and self loving as you grow. Heal well🎈
Well run girl 👧 bpd is hell
me too🥺💙💜🖤
Reach out
Now imagine a love triangle between THREE narcissists.
You just gave me an idea for a series
Murder she wrote.
Triangulation, polyamory, infidelity, gaslighting, cognitive amnesia, chaos, cops called. What more could we possibly want from a reality show?
triangulation to the third power!
This would make the Twilight Zone look like Mr. Rogers.
Sounds so wonderful to have two narcissists together in matrimony ... except if they have kids. Or pets. And possibly even plants.
"Possibly even plants" 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Lol...maybe a cactus...maybe🤣
@@Sapphires_And_Dreams Ha! Now, that is funny!
The plants become codependent
@@McL0VINNN Haha! So funny!
I knew an older couple who couldn’t stand each other. They fought, lied, cheated, and slept in separate bedrooms, but they would not divorce. They kept up the facade until the husband died. What a miserable way to live!
My older sister's marriage
My parents omg
get n2thegroove my ex narcissist’s parents slept in separate bedrooms. I always found that odd. He always said it’s because his father snores but I think it was more than that bc i always suspected his mother was a narcissist too.
Empress Nitara, I had a friend who’s parents did as well and I thought the same thing. Now that we’re adults, we both know her dad was a narc. Her parents are still married, but her mother is ill. Her dad didn’t want to take care of her, so she lives with my friend and her family and he lives alone.
More common than people think
They deserve each other
It's so much better to know that they are not destroying an innocent but their own kind.
But what if they have kids and the poor children have to deal with two monsters for parents
Simple yet very powerful comment
@@zachtucker8708 most likely the child is gonna be toxic too
@@thousandyardgavri2785 but isn’t that kind of sad because they probably didn’t ask for parents like that and if they repeat the cycle and become a toxic person themself that’s just a tragedy. As someone with two parents who one had borderline personality disorder and the other who was a narcissist disorders I just feel bad for any child who has to put up with that
They can't fathom why they can't manipulate each other
😅
😂😂😂
"They are incredibly careless how they talk about their partner but you have to walk on egg shells when talkin about them" so true.
Still wonder if there is such a thing as a natural born narcissist? My observation best way to punish a narcissist is send them off to work in another country where they don't know anybody and they are nobody!
It all comes from success getting to their head, achievement in career , talent or business and the entitlement and power that follows. Take it all away and put them in a hole or another country where they end up working like expats they are suddenly normal, even kinder, gentle and overall reformed because they know in the new country it no longer feels like back home where they can be careless like they used to be around friends and family. 🍷
Boredom for a narcissist is a deadly thing. Narcissists are bored a lot.
because they are empty shallow pigs!
@RRY PHILL exactly - they are two year olds and they need constant attention
@@deesee3622 definitely true
Ugh I’m bored no one is paying attention to me 🙄🤮
ali bre Meanwhile they are the most boring people on the planet because their identity isn’t even real! LOL
My narc left me for a narc. I’ve got my popcorn
Not your narc anymore!!!
Same! She is still in quarantine with her husband and kids and he is in his parents basement because no one will rent a place to him right now! He's a 49 year old principle. So bloody funny. Let the games begin!
As satisfying as it may feel to watch him crash and burn, you may want to consider if it lines up with who you are to laugh at their sickness.
Beware! Remember, they use emotional manipulation to transform you into what they hate about themselves?
If you weren't the sort of person who would enjoy watching a sick person suffer, it pays to see if you've let them twist you into being someone who is.
The first thing I decided to protect from my narc was my integrity as a person. It was the first way I saw them affecting me in a way I hated.
I know I don't find it morally acceptable to want to see someone fail or to laugh at someone's pain. Still, I feel satisfaction creep in on me when I see this person "get what's coming to them."
I think the narcissist's most insidious tool is to make you feel and behave more like them. They trick you into sinking to their level, emotionally & behaviorally.
I think it's part of that weird "projection" issue of theirs, but I'm no psychologist, yet.
In any case, I've found it useful to internally say,
"You don't get to decide who I am!"
Dealing with the narc is so overwhelming! They "win" a lot. They steal your friends, your support network, your reputation, etc.
I found it most empowering to know only I have control of who I am and what I do. It's really hard, but I've found empowerment in truly cherishing and protecting the best of myself.
They can exert force in many places, I can lose battles, but they have no actual power to decide how I act unless I hand it to them.
I worked hard to become a good person, one of integrity, and I'm not letting them steal that!
I hope if you struggle with feelings of guilt about being happy when the narc suffers, like I do, you'll give this very inconvenient truth some thought.
@@eponymoususer8923 I appreciate your response, but I was genuinely being tongue and cheek in my comment. The pain of being left after 24 years and five children...for a women 23 years my senior was debilitating.
His parents and family literally hate my guts to a point of moving the girlfriend in with them. My children were devastated. I told him my whole marriage, if you dont love me...dont pretent for the sake of the children. He choose to do it the ugly way...during a pandemic and blow up his life for a bit on the side!
I'm not nearly as messed up as I was a month ago. If fact...I've come along way baby! Thank you for taking the time to set us straight though. I did take you words to heart! Cheers from Canada!
@@t.johnson2966 You go ahead and use that dark humour tool. Don't feel you have to defend yourself to people who smack of sanctimony and judgement.
My parents are both narcs. A few weeks ago I said to my sister, "At least they didn't ruin two normal peoples lives."
Mark W 😂😂😂
And what about your life? Isnt it ruined by them?
@Steve Miller Sorry, my comment wasn't clear, I meant that they married each other and not some normal people, thus not ruining their lives. I didn't escape any harm.
@@Hafsa_Siddiqui_789 What life? Narcs don't let you have a life.
@@MagruderSpoots you are right, the children of narcs dont even have lives, so how can it be ruined..
Dating a narcissist I've become aware I am myself too a narcissist.&& Before this relationship I was unaware of how extremely destructive and draining a narcissist could really be. to a none narcissistic ppl and its made me really really want to start taking a look at myself alot more & hold myself responsible aswell.
Being mindful and considerate for others is helping me alot. A taste of your own medicine is sometimes the eye opener
I hope it is an eye opener.
Ur not then narcist. U might just hv tendencies. Real ones don't hv remorse they want to win at any cost
Did you try to improve as a person for the narcissist? Or for yourself? Did you love your narcissistic partner?
ME TOO but I actually love them. I wonder if I’m doing it right? Or do narcissistic people have to be fully aware that they are just “using” someone else? Cos honestly as long as he loved me the way I feel I love him, we could work it out. I’d be willing to. I mean, I understand it after all. It’s the him knowing he’s fooling me and LYING about feelings he doesn’t have is what the dealbreaker would be.
I’m currently dealing with this !!
When the two narcissists have children together, it is heartbreaking. They are being manipulated, torn apart, terrorized. This makes it hard to just sit back and watch with popcorn. How do we help those kids?
As a father of a 3 year old babygirl,
I would love to know the best answer to this question too, I turned into a narcissist over 8 years of being cheated on and now my child gets to see this horrible version of me
@@1dowmnnn5uppp87oh man, thats gotta be extremely detrimental to the entirety of the childs life, inhuman suffering. I wooild recommend going to some really serious therapy, try to immerse yourself in therapy, I hope that helps
When a narcissist gets with another narcissist and they start caring about themselves too much
Narcissist : *surprised pikachu face*
Other Narcissist : *surprised pikachu face*
😯=😯
@Iris-Angela Jones ew he sounds SO annoying lmfao
@Iris-Angela Jones i recall my gal pal saying, "Don't you ever spend time in front of the mirror practicing your smile?" I'm like no, not in my whole life...
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Hahaha
My mother and stepfather live in SEPARATE houses but they are still married. Talk about WTH
They're both narcissistic they can't even live with each other but are married smh 🤦♀️
"Part of why this can happen" - one word: ego! They likely cannot imagine why anyone would possibly want to leave them.
Yes 👍 yes gl. U r so RIGHT FACTS girl..wash risce repeated
Thanks I never could figure that bit out
Well if it is EGO.i wonder what the hell this outbreak.is goint to do.i GOT..scare THE hell out of them
Lol.lol run forest run.thanks dave
My Son's mother who is a Narcissist married a Narcissist. It is a train wreck. When she describes him, she describes herself.
I dated a narc who cared for her narc father... we were driving to his house, she warned me about his explosive temper and how she never knew what was going to trigger it... I sat there agape because that is exactly how I felt about her... she never saw the same trait in herself.
Sometimes I feel like I'm becoming a Narcissist to deal with his behaviour.
Me too. I find myself questioning everything now. I used to think of myself as a codependent empath. But in order to get out I had to stop giving a shit about other people (Him) so much and care about myself above all else. Now I'm very unhappy to see narc traits in myself. Like I've stopped dating because I dont actually want to care about anyone else. And the other night my school age daughter wanted me to come to bed with her (Shes been sleeping in my bed since the divorce) but I made her go to bed by herself and stayed up doing chores and just having some "me time" then I felt really guilty about not putting my daughters needs before my own. Sigh.
That’s not being a narcissist that’s loving yourself not like your putting anyone down with your behavior one thing we can learn from narcissism is to love ourselves first nothing wrong with that .
Maybe you are going gray rock method.
I feel like I’m becoming one too sometimes. It’s weird holding people accountable for their actions and not feeling like a narc.
I never blame anyone and typically blame myself. It’s hard not thinking I’m a narc when I stick up for myself.
I feel the same and I hate it. I feel being my true self will be walked over like I have to match to keep from being overtaken.
My parents are narcissists and have been married 56 years. Everything you've talked about, I've witnessed. Why they aren't divorced, I have no clue. But this is dead on!
Mother hated my father but never left him "because of the money" her words. He was 12 years older, when he passed on Mother blew all the fortune at casinos, world trips ( with captive empathetic audience, I pity them having their holiday wrecked). She blew millions $$$ and rocked up at my house and wanted to move in after I exited family years ago
If you have a grandiose and a covert together, it's permanent drama but one gets to play the victim and the other gets to play the victor. Add financial dependency in the mix, sex, sometimes the fear of ending up alone beyond a certain age (it started being a big concern for my father some time during his fifties)...
Would not asking for a divorce be the same as capitulation, failure?
So, there is no alternative but to continue, is there, for these mentally handicaped things.
Same here. My dad overt narcissist and my mom super super covert. I needed a long time to figure my mom out
@@lasphynge8001 I see this in another couple I know! 😳 Crazy!
So if a person opens up about his/her relationship issues, and you as the listener know that they’re a narc and that their partner is a narc, what do you do? Gaslight the shit out of them, and tell them how great they are for each other! Keeping narcs together!
🥂Cheers🥂
O.G. of Emotional Fulfillment 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Hahahahahahahaha
Hahaha yes evil belongs together
Battle Royal !
My ex and his bestie are both narc. His bestie even helped him to cheat on me.
They almost like criminal partners that always got each other’s back to do the shady things. However they also get annoyed and envy the shit out of each other.
I just can’t wait the day that they turn against each other.
Whenever I think of examples of two narcissists together, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West always come to mind.
*Edit: Just to clarify when I say narcissist im using the term like Dr.Ramani does- I am not labeling these people with NPD I am simply using the term narcissist as a descriptor for behaviours these people have demonstrated.
I dont know her well at all so I could be wrong but I see kim as more of histrionic personality disorder than narcissist
@Eseercam I think people don't know a lot about personality disorders and they get narcissism and histrionic mixed up. they also get antisocial and narcissism mixed up too
@@Leahv103 there can be a lot of crossover amongst the traits and comorbidity is a possibility as well. If anything I think Cluster B disordered individuals tend to attract one another.
missmerbella yes you are definitely right. I have BPD and am definitely attracted to other people with personality disorders and also have a few narcisstic and histrionic traits as well. But I’m diagnosed with BPD not anything else
They dont exist without each other, its a kind of symbiotic narc relationship
I’ve found the same when trying to explain narcissism to a friend....later on in my journey I realized, my friend was also a narcissist. No wonder she didn’t get it..
That happened to me too with 2 covert narcissist friends
My parents were both narcissistic, I remember the constant fights, the yelling and aggressive behaviour, and then they just got divorced and invested so much into proving each other who was happier than who, that there never really was any space left for me and my brother.
Keep heart
💔
I escaped from this shit 16 years ago when i was 17, he never called me, not even one’s.. father.. evil is real
I hope you and your brother got to heal from that
@@JordannAlexander thanks! One day at a time, we started talking about it recently and I realized that I had no idea of how much all of that also impacted him. Trauma makes us look and behave a way that is very similar to selfishness, because there is not much space left for other people (even loved ones) when we are stuck in survival mode. We are ready to start healing now that our mother is gone. All the noise and conflict that kept us separated is gone now, she would repeatedly throw us against each other and now the distance is diminishing. I'm hopeful for the future, I love my brother so much.
I know a couple like that! They keep trying to outdo each other and fight, cheat, are suspicious of each other, say they can’t stand each other, but then, they ultimately stick together and often work together on preying on empaths.
Really interesting, as always!
I’ve seen narcissists battle for the spotlight. It’s gruesome. The loser is so deeply wounded that they tend to disappear from anyone who witnessed the competition out of shear embarrassment. I didn’t realize it then, but I get it now. Thank the heavens for awareness.
“Two cats in a bag” 🤣 - so true
Both my parents are narcissists so I have to fight to unlearn completely dysfunctional behaviors and thought patterns which may be a life long effort.
Still wonder if there is such a thing as a natural born narcissist? My observation best way to punish a narcissist is send them off to work in another country where they don't know anybody and they are nobody!
It all comes from success getting to their head, achievement in career , talent or business and the entitlement and power that follows. Take it all away and put them in a hole or another country where they end up working like expats they are suddenly normal, even kinder, gentle and overall reformed because they know in the new country it no longer feels like back home where they can be careless like they used to be around friends and family. 🍷
I’m a narcissist and had a kid with a narcissist. I’m seeking God to change me so I can be a better person for the people around me and my daughter.
You are on the right path, we all make mistakes. Good luck on your healing journey 🤍🕊
If you're feeling that, you're probably not that bad. Hard core narcissists have no self-awareness and very little empathy. Best of luck to you!!!
Don’t sweat it, most extroverted religious people are narcissists
poor little girl, may her mother find "god" so she doesn't have a shit life, ugh
@@nicholasschroeder3678 absolutely true, may have tendencies but not an actual narcissist.
*THEY DESERVE EACH OTHER.*
Don’t Defend.
Don’t Engage.
Don’t Explain.
Don’t Personalize.
D.E.E.P.
In Sync with the Infinite Tundra that’s deep I like it!
Keep it brief, informative and friendly. Not too friendly, formal might be better.
Michael Jensen No, don’t be informative. Be as Vague as possible.
In Sync with the Infinite Tundra
Yes, I love that!! Stay DEEP everyone!!!💖
Who knew Grace Helbig’s “Not to Deep” title would be a great strategy for dealing with narcs
I totally agree that the sex is a big factor in the relationship between two narcs. My ex narc is with a narcissist. He has a sex addiction and she has a history of being promiscuous to get attention and what she wants. I have no doubt that they are using and abusing each and that the sex is what keeps them together. Regardless I'm sure that it is a very dysfunctional and toxic relationship. They both are insecure and have abandonment issues. Just glad that they are not hurting any kind hearted and genuinely good people.
Exactly the same case with my ex partner 🤣
@@MissCleo24its good that you’re not dealing with that anymore. I hope you find some real love one day.
Yes! My ex left me for a literal call girl. She’s an uneducated needy AF exec wife wannabe - he’s extremely wealthy executive ( geologist/ oil industry) acting like an upstanding intellectual dude who just happened to fall in love with an uneducated stilletto wearing short skirt 25 years younger. They look ridiculous together - yet there they go ! Our kids are mortified and have cut him off - have zero to do with the new wife … he acts like I’m keeping our adult kids from him out of spite. Nope ! And he knows this - I would never try to do that to our kids or him -- it’s that he can’t see or won’t see how hurtful / ridiculous his behavior is and has been since our children were born. He was never around - didn’t bond - only said thjngs he would do with them - never actually did them. It’s always been about taking care of him first and this wily ass chick gets it ! Good for them.
“ You literally describing themselves to themselves “ 😂😂
This is so true
Ugh! This was my nmom and stepfather. Horrible toxic household to grow up in any they are still together almost 30 years later. Longevity does not always mean a relationship is successful!
I can so relate to this. After divorcing my child's father and coming to the realization that he was indeed a narcissist, I realized that my mother was one as well. I've watched her and my step father go thru this endless cycle of her abusing him verbally (and trying to physically) and her literally putting him out of a house where he pays the bills and him having to stay gone for weeks just to go back and start the cycle all over again. They actually divorced (he did divorce her) just for them to get remarried. This has gone on for over 30 years as well. I went no contact with my mother 4 years ago and to say it was freeing is an understatement. Videos like help me to understand why I ended up picking the partner that I did and the work I need to keep doing on myself so that I break the codependency cycle and not get involved with someone like this ever again.
@@momtomysonshine Thanks for sharing your story with me. It makes me feel less alone. I had a very similar experience. Understanding yourself can help you forgive yourself for picking the wrong person. I hope you find healing 💖
Have 2 narcs as parents. Its difficult and the unsupportive environment, the fighting, the comparisons, the victim mindsets and scape goating, its insane, but i promise the healing is worth it. Grey rocking, Meditation, yoga and self reflection and healing with the personal development school saved my life and allowed me to make newer connections which gave me way to slowly transition into a healthier mindset that allowed me to trust myself and the right people. Rewiring those neural pathways is possible!
It’s WW3 when it happens. As a child of one of these couples I wish I had had the chance to lock them both in a room. They were unspeakable.
Can feel your feelings because I m in the same situation..
Join the club
I feel u
Boom! Spot on.
A lot of them stay together because they can't stand failing and to them breaking up is a failure. They are also deeply insecure that they won't find someone else who will put up with them. I've seen a lot of married couples where both partners are narcissistic. They have a lot of drama in their lives for sure but they cling on to their crappy relationships desperately.
Explains my first set of inlaws. At 85 he unalived himself after getting into a fight with his wife. In their 40's, he cheated on her. I shamed the family by leaving their narc son.
These video tutorials are to me, like sitting in my living room with a cup of coffee and a trusted friend. I especially enjoy your admonishment "remember the only win in a relationship with a narcissist is getting out" (a summary not a direct quote).
I started mimicking and mirroring my ex narcissist behavior and was blown away when she could not figure it out. A year and a half and no Hoover I'm just glad it worked.
Smart! Did the same thinking she would notice it like in a mirror, but no bueno.
Yall this type of behavior probably cost me the love of my life
I knew what it was from the jump. I just wanted her to admit it. I thought she was worse than me and she really was unaware she actually has it.
Whole time My ego think she out smarting me so I go harder
@@i76sin2she wasnt the love of your life. They are unable to love
This finally explains what I’m going through. Took me two years of intense obsession and research about narcs to realize I am one also. This is the most helpful video of all time thank you
haha 99% of pretty, gorgeous girls are narcissist shallow girls, i hope this is something that will get fixed in the future.
@@jugg9140saw some of your comments. You spread hateful comments and delusionary gross generalization+ insult people online hmmm 🤔
@@sunbeam9222 imagine stalking people in youtube lol
@@jugg9140sour grapes 🍇
Often there is an addiction to controlling and owning one another. They are a possession to each other. Addicted to causing each other pain and keeping a score card of hurts and slights which they are compulsively bound to right by inflicting harm or Narcissistic injury. It is the trap of Talionic Revenge, an endless cycle of pain and payback. Some people are addicted to making someone into the person they feel they deserve, yet refuse to see that the person they are holding on to will never change. They cannot see their own behavior reflected in the attitude and behavior of their partner.
Omg sooooo true!
@@amysalameh319 A superb film I would highly recommend is 'Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf' starring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. This fictional drama perfectly exhibits this dynamic in its most malignant form. The only thing missing is physical violence.
@@amysalameh319 Eugene O'Neill's play Long Day's Journey Into Night was recently recommended by Mr. Sam Vaknin author of Malignant Self Love Narcissism Revisited. I have yet to read it but from the description and synopsis it looks like an amazing work of art. Often when people come from dysfunctional families there is a great deal of enmeshment and poor internal or emotional boundaries. This leads to intense hatred and/or love that is obsessive and unhealthy.
Addiction is key. Well said.
''The only win is getting out''.
You right I think the sex alone is hurting me and trying to keep me in there, it's hard
Actually.... my ex - a narcissist - and his girlfriend after me - another narcissist - it was hilarious !!! they made their lives miserable af for weeks and than over and start again and over and again with lots of cheating in between. Fun to see, to say the least.
😂😂😂
😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣
I am waiting for my ex boyfriend narc to do this to his new supply. 🤣🤣🤣
Good thing I and my baby got out of his life already. 😉
Did she ever reach out to u and was mean to u?
my recent ex found himself a very grandiose narc it seems. Snap it dawned on me, a predator is now a prey, yes he is exstatic, because he is being love bombed! but I can guess the chaos ahead, it probably becomes an obsession and a toxic spiral loop they probably call passion or infatuation, but really they cannot stand looking in the mirror and their grandiosity won’t allow them to walk away. Coz they need to prove and dominate. The power struggle for supply keeps them stuck in it ! no love no sex no passion
Narcissists should definitely date their own kind, and leave us the real victims alone!
You have given me my life and sanity back, you honestly have no idea what your videos have done for me 🙏🏼💖
Hey what’s up I’m a narcissist and wanted to say hit to you 😏
Exactly
*Get some popcorn and watch the fireworks.* Another way of saying 'Love the drama as long as it's not about me'
The karma bus is coming!!
Get a glass of wine too. They are demons!!!!
@@janetweller5790 They are not, though. They are humans in a sad, unfortunate condition. Once can stay out of the drama yet still feel compassion for them, and realize that we all may be more like them than we care to believe.
I understand what you’re saying, but sometimes their victims need a little comedic relief in their lives, don’t you think? I’m very empathetic about my ex N, but I still find some of these comments to be amusing. I think victims need the outlet of humor, in a major way, because our lives become so devoid of laughter and bleak.
@@koul3709 i don't think there's a line we can easily draw between narcissists and non narcissists. What's more, we are not really abel to see ourselves objectively, less so then we are abel to see others. Then if these sentences are correct i would be inclined to suspect the narcisisst accusers of being or of being in danger of becoming, well, narcissists.
What happens when to private detectives are hired to follow each other
Love your comment! Sadly! Surely how it is...👏
I don't even know what you mean? Do you mean two detectives?
Death Note happens lol
They follow each others' footsteps in complete darkness, one 4 feet behind the other, completely unaware, until the end of times or until they die of lack of water or food.
🤣🤣🤣
I’ve recently just got out of a relationship with a narc. Boy oh boy do I feel like the worst. I feel like I’m on a sea saw. One minute I miss him the other minute I see clearly what he was doing. It’s like I can’t get pass the good times but even that the good times were because of me. I myself am trying to deal with my childhood hurts because my parents are narcs. I had kids with a narc also. I’m so drained from years of this mess. I’m taking a much needed break just for me. Heal the childhood hurts. I’m so drained that even though I feel for people and I’m the one always willing to help. I don’t even have the strength anymore to give.
You are doing right, take time for yourself and heal. You’re on your way ❤️ Good luck!
@Erika Great advice and observation. I too have told people for years, especially women, and a great deal of men as well that they need to get angry and maintain a righteous anger in order to eliminate all that self doubt about being in a relationship with an abuser.
I have always found that not concentrating on any of the good times, but only on the stress and distress they caused was the only way to break free of the illusions and bond/tie to them.
My parents are both narcissists. Being raised by them as an only child was absolute HELL. When they went into their toxic spiral of arguing, yelling, breaking things, threatening divorce and rehashing old arguments, it was like I didn't exist. The arguments were near nightly. I could be sitting in the same room while they were screaming and I was invisible to them.
After the divorce, my mom got a boyfriend who was a carbon copy of my dad -- same first name, similar line of work, personality traits and hobbies. He was TRASH and I could tell from early on that he saw her as a fling and was cheating on her! The whole family and her friends kept warning her, this guy is bad news and you need to end it. She strung the relationship along for 1 YEAR!! When he finally exposed himself as cheating and he broke up with her, she was devastated and acted like she forgot how everyone warned her. After the breakup, she even started gossiping that "no one wanted to see her happy" and no one cared about her. SIGH.
im in toxic relationship and when we argue alot in front of my baby, hes one. what do you wish your parents did instead ? cause we argure and my baby is just in the middle being ignored so how do i stop now. what do u wish would have happen instead?
This narcissistic couple I know seems to have the perfect rich life. He abruptly left me for her, ghosted (then came back), but we never got back together. They're rich and famous. He's promoting and funding her new album. Right after he played me, she made passive aggressive posts about me- mocking me for not being well known or rich like her. She seems like she forgot where she came from. I was hurt. I cried everyday and night. Took awhile but I finally got over it.
I’m glad you are okay, luv. ❤️
Money and fame is temporary. Keep healing and moving forward
Block them
This reminds me of that old film "War of the Roses".
Yes! Exactly!
🤣
I love that movie! Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas.
Serves each of them right. They are deserving of each other.
My mother got into a bad relationship like this. Things blew up when he cheated. Her friends and I went over to rescue her. We packed up all of her belongings to get her out. Toward the end her friend asked, "Is there anything else? Check now because we're never coming back." She grabbed a kitchen knife out of the block and marched up stairs. We *begged* her to STOP, but there was nothing we could do. She disappeared for about five minutes, then marched back down, neatly placed the knife back in the block, and smugly said, "That's everything."
Turns out she'd gone scorched earth and caused cost tens of thousands of dollars in property damage. We were tense, waiting for the ball to drop. She was unrepentant.
But her narcissist loved it. In his sick mind, this is how he 'knew' she loved him. This reaction fed everything he wanted. He went on an intense campaign to get her back.
And this was everything she wanted. She believed that she had him exactly where she wanted him. On his knees. She knew that all of her family and friends would not support this crap, so she ran away and eloped with him. They kept up this sick dance for more than a decade before things finally devolved to physical violence and they finally broke up.
Both of my parents are narcissists - Dr Ramani's description is SPOT ON. Especially in reference to the divorce. I remember reading "The Babysitter Club" series and wondering how it was possible for any child to have parents that are divorced that actually got along, because I was the designated messenger/punching bag/emotional support child for both of them. Even as an adult, they tried to pull me into their drama, and at first, I bought into it, but I've since had a lot of therapy so I'm in a much better place.
When my father died, I was shocked and sickened at first with myself when I realized I actually felt relief over his death. I still grieved, but when I looked at others around me who lost parents, they grieved for the loss of the relationship and safety that parent brought them, which is something I never experienced with my own father. I don't talk to many people about how my father's death makes me feel unless I know that they understand what it's like to have a narcissist for a parent. When I realized I would never again have to be in the middle of my parents' stupid mind games that they played with each other, I felt more free than ever before in my life, and that's been a really difficult sentiment to come to terms with in myself.
When actors fall in love with actresses.
Yes, this hapoens
Good example
My narc sister is an actress. I went out with a couple of her actress friends (because they were lookers). Oh boy, were those ever awful dates. MDs and JDs--same thing. Avoid!
😂😂😂
How the marriage of Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman fell apart
When two narcissists realize they're dating another narcissist, a black hole forms and sinks to the bottom of the earth to consume the planet from within
That's exactly how likely they are to actually meet each other
😂😂😂
🤣😅😂
Omg 🤣
Two cats in a bag! 😂😂😂
hehe
That comment took me OUT😂
Two Siamese fighting fish in a toilet bowl :)
Thank you so much for this Doc! I am a recovering narcissist and I know that I have healed and come a long way, mostly thanks to many years in ministry and my Christian faith. I have a genuine and wholehearted desire to destroy all narcissism within me. Recently I came across a prospect whom I started falling for more and more (she had a crush on me for years but never the courage to pursue it). Long story short - the more I got to know her the more it became abundantly clear that she is by far the most narcissistic person I have met thus far. My heart is broken over that, because I don’t wish it on anyone. After much prayer and research I finally got enough strength within me to make it abundantly clear to her that a romance between us will NEVER happen. This was not an easy choice to make by any means, but after watching your video, I KNOW in my heart it was the wise choice to protect both of us from having another one of those short and sweet relationships that end far too soon. I’m after marriage and monogamy only, long lasting commitment; and I know I can’t find that in her just because of how our personalities rub off on each other. You are extremely intuitive by the way, by far, one of the best and most correct examples I’ve ever seen about this. You truly get it-and I sincerely thank you for that. You are wonderful. Keep teaching and sharing. You have my respect. ✌🏻
Oh wow, the sex thing! My mother actually told me this one time "if you're father wants to make up, me taps me on the shoulder at night and then we have sex. He never apologizes." it was always fight, silent treatment, sex. My parents were together for over 30 years and I think the only reason it worked so long is because my mother is neglectful/communal. She got all of her supply outside of her relationship and was also doing really well careerwise. My father wasn't so he started drinking every night and was all narcissistic rage and abuse all the time. My parents were always stuck in this cycle of love bombing - fight - silent treatment/triangulation/trying to enlist me and my sister as allies - sex - love bombing again. I saw exactly the same happening with my sister and her ex boyfriend. Apparently they had mind blowing sex and they both really wanted a partner for status. They were into the same things, such as flashy cars or fancy dates at restaurants they both couldn't afford. They both treated each other like a belonging and always made me sooo uncomfortable whenever I was around them. The constant belittling disguised as jokes. They had the most dramatic fights with both parties bursting into crying fits, admitting they were scared of the other person and that they felt underappreciated and taken for granted.
@chadsasmrif you really need college money check out Elmer O locker vids- plenty of success stories… it’s not a advertisement program but it might re program you to help with that.
Interesting - I have come to see sex as an apology from my narcissistic wife - leading me to wonder whether the better/more adventurous the sex, the bigger the misdemeanour she is hiding, because it tends to come out of nowhere - i.e. not in response to anything I have done to please her
Sounds like the dynamic between my sister and her soon to be husband.
The worst wedding I ever attended was that of two grandiose narcissists. It was awful, the guests were awful, the families were awful, the whole charade exhibited every narcissistic trait you can think of including entitlement where the head table was served champagne and the rest of us sparkling wine. Makes me laugh just thinking about it in that way. Anyways, needless to say it endly badly within the first year. She had an affair and he went into therapy quite broken. But I think it actually made him a stronger narcissist because he came out of it with all this knowledge of clinical terms and methods of building relationships. Now that he has since remarried it is the bragging about how great his marriage is and what he does to ensure their love flowers all the time. Sprinkled with all the right vocabulary. He has in fact become his own guru. Very perverse and I have since left that scene. Never found out what happened to her, pretty sure she never skipped a beat but their coupling did produce a more effective narcissist in him. And he still has scary levels of rage.
Dr your videos have rescued me from a terrible narcissist relationship. I and my kids are forever grateful. I love you
Thank you Ramani as this subject needs more attention.
Why is it harder to get a drivers licencse to drive than having a child?
Too many people making copies of themselves when the original was never good.
Stuck in a fishbowl with a bunch of sharks
Amen
Agreed!
I just want to thank you for all of these videos they validate the many years of struggles I have been through ....yes I often wondered why do I attract these people and it's taken me 40 years to finally say no and see why and understand it's not me. Very valued information I wish I had you and these videos years ago your helping so many people....as for me in my 50's and going forward stronger than ever!❤️
Maggie Moon, you don't deserve to be with a narcissist 😈!
I think you just saved my life, Dr Ramani. I recently realized I have a lot of NPD traits. How did I realize this?
I was married to an emotionally stable woman for 8 years. During the marriage I had some episodes which were pretty dramatic and uncalled for. I did not seek therapy. In Feb 2022 I fell in love with another woman. We broke up in mid September 2022. Today I realized she had narcissistic traits too. Which explained all the fights and everything described in this video, its spot on. I'm not hung up on her anymore. Its easier to sleep at night. I feel peaceful inside. I'm someone who believes everything happens for a reason, I believe I fell in love with someone similar just to realize later that my neurons need to be reprogrammed. Thank you. I will change , I know I can.
Had one of these couples around me. Their fights were horrible, calling eachother names, mocking, throwing stuff at eachother, even physical fights from both of them. Their solution was to bring a child into the world. He was the sweetest most gentle boy I've ever met. The father wanted his son to toughen up and be like him. I've started thinking that there is a chance his son became a narcissist himself. I know he is not well adjusted at least, doesn't work, has no relationship that I know of and still spends holidays etc with his parents and family. So he's kind of by himself but not free of them. It's so sad. I often wonder who he would be with a different upbringing. The world really missed out.
When a relationship between two narcissists fails, often times one person dies. Narcissists are notorious for murdering the other narcissist. When a narcissist breaks up with a codependent person, the codependent person is easily defeated and destroyed by the narcissist, and the narcissist gets satisfaction from watching you fall apart. However, when the narcissist attacks a narcissistic partner, the narcissist partner is able to fight back, and the fight escalates to the point that someone gets killed. Narcissists do not have the good sense to walk away from a fight. They aim to destroy the other narcissist, and they don't have empathy to know when they have gone too far.
Yep I would often tell my friends he needs to stay the hell away from me because one of us is going to end up in jail or dead. I have Narc symtoms, and my Narc was full blown. I stood up for my self, I had no problem running him knowing well I''ll see in a week. I often felt bad when I ran him off but I knew we were escalating to something really dangerous. Oh and add alcohol ontop of that. I actually have empathy, I can admitt my wrongs, I don't purposely set out to hurt people and don't take advantage I'm very open maybe not always honest, but by no means a liar. I'm a liar by omission. I have been run over by so many Narc since my husband passed 3 years ago that I seriously have adapted some of their traits, and catch on pretty quit with them now, and enjoy setting them off, whether it be ignoring them and playing on my phone laughing in thier presents, acting all confused when and upset too at the bar when one of my guy friends hangs on me, silent treatment too after I run him off, which I love to run him off after he buys me all the shit I needed that day, and need some quiet time away from his ego and him telling me all he's done for me. Once he became drunk and retarted laughing at him, stay up on my laptop while hes in bed waiting for sex. Basically returning the abuse I was given during the first 3 weeks. All I attract are Narcs since my husband died, I lost my husband and 6 of my best friends all in the same year. I was very open about it sooo I was a perfect Narc magnent and source of supply. I've done alot of research and I have adapted alot of thier traits. I think .
@@blakelynnbauer342
You are trying to not feel defeated and being fucked over again? You trying to adapt yourself and learn to live among sharks? More feelings of control. And less feelings of depression and pain? Feeling vulnerable?
🍀
War of the Roses
Hi Dr. Ramani, I am a new subscriber! My ex husband is a malignant narcissist and had an extra marital affair with a vulnerable narcissist and I can tell you from first hand that everything you have said is true! Thank you for clarifying this, because it explains a lot about their abhorrent behavior that they got a thrill out of until they both realized they were not enough supply for each other! 😂 Thank you for your channel! 🙌🏼👏🏽
in the beginning they supply each other’s ego later on they’re each other down fall
@DoctorRamani is the voice of reason, that a lot of us who are watching this, needed to hear. Someone give this woman her own show or something.
So easy to listen to, and I am picking up everything she is putting down.
I know a couple like this... they are actually threatening to sue to get their baby from each other and yet on Facebook they act like a loving couple. They have tried to kill each other in front of others and they don't seem to care.
They can keep their "7 circles of hell",way over there and among themselves.
hehe
Lol my narc was talking about her partner and said.... " I think he's a narcissist" and I was like oooooh? Please go on and she went on to list everything she does to others all day everyday. I had to cover my mouth while I was talking to her because I was cracking up over the phone.
I’m an empath (ENTP). My narcissistic wife set off for me for damn near 25 years. Are used to worry about being a narcissist myself because our last marriage counselor mentioned something about “that’s what it’s like with a narcissist.” He didn’t say who it was and left it hang. Neither of us asked and I thought he might’ve been talking about her. After some thought I thought he might’ve been referring to me and I did a deep dive on it. While I have some narcissistic attributes, I didn’t crave winning as much as peace. I didn’t try tl change her to meet my standards. I didn’t even try to pick fights for any type of narcissistic supply. However, I did feel like I can do anything I put my mind and body to and while I thought I could fix our relationship (with the therapist’s help and on my own) I was always perplexed that I could never reach her. This part of the video really spoke to me here, but it doesn’t make me a narcissist. I do think that narcissism is a scale that we are all on. Some are just reall far along it.
This is why I’m never in agreement when ppl say you should go to a couple that has been married for 40 years for marital advice. Many of these marriages are warped to the core with 2 narcs determined to “not lose”. Longevity in a relationship does not always equal health.
Thank you for posting this!! Both of my birth parents were narcissists and constantly mistreating each other, cheating on each other, blaming each other for everything (plus all that crap that floated on over to me as their only child) Wasn't fun! Was a common pattern throughout both sides of my family though so I can see why they were attracted to each other. I am NC from both of them-- wasn't an easy decision! Lost all the other family members that I loved dearly (the enablers/flying monkeys plus the other narcissists in the family) BUT I am so grateful that I finally did it. Every once in a while they try to rope me back in but you gotta take it day by day! The pain DOES get better. It does become manageable and it becomes more clear. Thank you Dr. Ramani for putting up this youtube channel-- watching your videos really pushed me over the edge to do what I always knew I needed to do ❤️ Remember y'all you can't pour for an empty cup!! We all need to look after ourselves first!
Kinda reminds me of my former roommate and the guy I met him thru: they put up with each other for 9 years, but kept having violent clashes, drifted apart, then would run back to each other constantly; I'd like to believe that their senses of victimhood gave them a feeling of relatability toward each other, and during the good times, they'd feel "more powerful" with the other grandiose guy in their corner. I think one thing in recent years that turned my former roommate for the worse was no longer having the ability to blame his circumstances on the other guy; guy was out of the picture for nearly a decade, so my former roommate is a failure in life cause...he is one out of choice.
I love these videos because you know very well that narcissists listen to you and they've been in a relationship with another narcissist. These videos are a great way to help people with narcissist traits to gain deeper insight.
Gosh I'd love to be a fly on the wall watching a 2 narc relationship
Seriously 😂
Once again, this is so spot on! I regularly have these conversations with my very narcissistic mother in which she will trash the horrific, narcissistic behavior of others, especially of her own parents. And it's THE EXACT SAME THINGS she is doing to me, her partner and other people close to her, and sometimes she's even doing them in the same conversation. I literally hold my breath each time this happens (which is frequently) and wonder whether she will turn around and wonder whether this might somehow apply to her as well, but no. It never happens.
Watched this with my Sister and her husband. 30 yrs. of chaos and drew everyone into it. They always got back together because Nobody else wanted them. Their Kids knew they were Nuts, one was the scapegoat and one became invisible kid.
How did they react???
The reason, I think, they have a harder time to give up on a narc. Relationship is because mine can’t let “certain” things go. If they think they are right, they are entitled to the worship of the other. You cannot talk logically to them. Everything anyone does to them must be deliberate. Their perception is always right. Others are against them. Id rather just say, “let it go” I have priorities that “deserve” my energy. I need peace. He is a scrapyard dog that won’t let go of the bone. They hurt me, I will hurt them more. Must have the last word.
Anna Banana yup everything is a personal attack-so irritating when someone insists ambiguous actions were malicious intent
I know two narcissists that are married. They don’t share on social media but make a super human effort to look good in front of people. They want everyone to think they have the best relationship
Hello. I am a Narcisist and I have recently realized it...like this last 24h
I just broke up with another Narcisist and what you say is really true, and so many patterns of this and other videos of you do apply to my behavior.
I came to the middle of nature to look into myself and become a better persone. I realized that I came from a family where my mom is narcisist (just realized this today too) and gaslighting was part of my hole life. Also I usually date Narcisists (just realized it today too) and its a pattern that i repeat.
There are many videos talking how to get over or recognize a Narcisist persone.
But how can I become a better persone and stop the cycle. I lived like this for so long, you get used to act in certain ways and sometimes you just dont know how to act diferent.
Ill keep looking at your videos and thank you so much for them.
Narcissits cant fall in love only with other narcs i guess.
Doing psychotherapy would be a good start to recovery
Soft Breezy Day if I can recognize the patter and me and attracting them and feeling like I’m becoming them and staying does that mean he’s gonna change? Mine lived a double life lied to me hurt me physically and emotionally on purpose I didn’t do that on purpose but I am aware I’m attracting them, so does that mean he’s changing and being better? I’m aware that I was becoming this numb individual and praying and praying to get help. But I’m thinking he’s changing .. how come I can change and recognize my pattern but they can’t? He always said this is how I am and that I’m that I’m the problem I never talked to him like that or intentionally do things on purpose. It’s like maybe I tried changing and he didn’t like that ..
Soft Breezy Day it’s such a long story I’m hoping if you don’t mind a phone call or email.. I feel so lost and hopeless in my situation where I feel like I’m the narcissist and he isn’t or if I have some tendency I’m changing and grieving so isn’t he. Mine had an ex wife, lied about the divorce well they were and yeah it’s a long story and I just feel so alone I was abused and rage and all the above but I feel like I made him worse
It’s only by dating my current boyfriend (who’s not toxic and is a great guy) I have realised I am the abusing narcissist. And I was always the victim in all my relationships with my narcissist exes however what I was blind to back then, is that I was just as bad as my exes even in those relationships
I am a narcissist and I love narcissistic persons as well. It is safe to say I have not done well in these relationships. Have tendency to feel so much uncontrolled emotions towards these persons that it almost drives me nuts(jealousy, passion, and suspicion,anger, feelings of love at the same time).And I do not like to feel like I’m not in control of my emotions, but at the same time it makes me feel alive in a sense when I let these emotions loose - it is like somewhat orgasmic feeling that is hard to explain. Normal relationships bore me very easily and I end up unhappy, cheating and acting out also making good nice people around me unhappy because I feel like a caged animal. So as for now I have given up love all together. For my Own well being and for the others well being around me as well. If I am even Able to feel love in any sense -sometimes I feel I’m not even capable of that as well and in my brain love equals someways the need to own and consume another person.
Ugh. Did you just say sex with a Narc is a performance ? That explains so much! It was good because his image depended on it not because he had any feelings of caring for me!!! Not a Narc myself but this was so insightful
@Love Vee Most of us got fantastic love bombing! I know I did!
I think I had a lot of narc traits that really came out in my last relationship with a narc and being raised by parents with narc traits. It worked really well for a while, several years actually. But the more narc-y I became adapting to the dynamic, the less comfortable I felt with myself and started looking for ways to change things and question mine and his behavior. Then I looked behind the family curtains and started to understand even better, I went into therapy and found out a lot of things that I confronted him with: the future faking, the gaslighting, the lack of communication, lack of judgement, cheating in front of my eyes... all that came from his side. I brought in some infidelity and of course played along with his games as well so I am just as guilty. The toxicity built up and was so unbearable, literally physically painful. The discard from his side was long, over a year, emotionally charged with switching between his brutal silence, confusion tactics, and hoovering every other month. It crushed my soul and my ego, I fought back so much, then died each time he lashed out again and fawned. It was a serious battle. Nobody won per se but I am sure we are both better off without each other and I have dealt with my toxic traits and shadow sides very well and feel much more balanced, happy, and helathy now.
Wow! Thanks for leaving this comment … this is almost exactly how mine played out too. Nice to see someone put it into words.
" So it's kind of a funny parlor game." 😄😄😄😄Love Dr. Ramani. That was a great laugh!! .
Both my parents are narcissists!!! 😮 oh boy have I had a wonderful life!!!☝🏾❤️
I just love everything you put out. So appreciative that you put out so much helpful value. I could listen to you all day. Your brilliance is inspiring.
Why do narcisstic hate doing things alone whether its a small grocery shopping or a small work they hate doing things alone
berries 86 Because they have their negative inner thoughts to deal with and they can’t handle it.
I’ve noticed they can’t be alone AT ALL!! They don’t know themselves or love themselves enough too be alone with themselves
Because they need constant attention and a punching bag 💯
Quite babyish of them! 🙄
berries 86 the ex Narc is a mailman, so he would keep me on the phone all day long.
This title made me laugh...
Imagine the face when they realize..
Imagine the frustration when they start competing Whos the worst.
Yeahhh that true
Glad i found your video. Another informational tidbit where I'm reminded that "narcissists should be removed from the water supply for the rest of us" while trying to research narcissistic traits in relationships to work on the relationship with the one I love.
We'll crucify ourselves tomorrow to relieve stress from the world...
Professionals get paid to do it. Here's my contribution and props for the most blunt I've heard a pro say it
Dr. Ramani is amazing. I have made a lot of self discovery through her video series.
On a personal note:
After watching videos everyday for over a month and studying up on all these topics to get through a break up..this one discourages me greatly. I have turned the lens on myself and I score high in the narcissistic spectrum. I am an entertainer, a widow and a strong ass woman. I was blissfully married for 20 years and since then seem to attract nothing but narcissists. Is it such a terrible thing to want a partner to go through life with? It's ok to be strong and good. It's very hard to go through the walk of life alone...but I will if I have to. Searching for my happy place every single day. Peace and love.
I'm starting to realize that only narcissists and people with many narcissistic traits are attracted to me. Non-narcisistic people tolerate me in varying degrees. But the narcissistic always seem to gravitate toward me. How can I change this? It makes me feel really bad about myself, like I can't attract a healthy normal person because something's wrong within me...or maybe I'm just hideous and narcissists see me as insecure, timid, and easy. Non-narcisistic people often see me as feisty. I have no idea which perception is most accurate. I just don't want to be bait for narcissists anymore.
Take care of yourSelf Krisi. Over time you will become more self-reflective and self-confident. I hope you continue to listen to Dr R’s UA-cam video Channel - even comments from sincere others can offer a new perspective and valuable insights as you learn to recognize healthy behaviors, develop healthy boundaries and expectations..
You have to learn to love yourself first.
Maybe you're overly friendly with them. I've realized that narcissists view friendliness as worship.
One question: can you sense the overall emotional atmosphere in a room with people very easy and very fast?
@@lavenderflowers1075 Now you TELL ME! 🤣
I didn’t do what my narcissist ex wanted because I have self respect and try to have boundaries. It was so circular and impossible. I gave up because I’m just the opposite and like peace
Heck yes!
I am a narcissist, or have narcissistic traits and have been in a relationship with a guy who definitely has narcissistic traits, very similar to mine.
You have described our relationship perfectly, except for the cheating part which doesn't exist between us.
I really hope I can change these traits in myself.
And I want to be able to be okay with whether this relationship will change or not, and if not, to walk away.
Every time we fought and I decided to break-up, I could hear myself saying these exact words in my head "Please don't leave me!"
I don't ever want to break someone else's soul intentionally or specifically, but I have always cared about my own interests and wellbeing, and have hurt others in the process.
Many others have hurt me and I have been unable to see it coming many times. In my case I think I inherited my father's and his father's sense of grandiose, and have learned manipulation from my father, and have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms because of the physical, sexual, mental and emotional abuse I endured since childhood.
I can easily spot these traits in others and I feel very hurt by them... Funny, I know..
But I have now felt how a truly kind person can be from my boyfriend's parents, and realised how much I want that in my life. I have had a grandmother and a cousin who were kind and caring, and have always felt that is the way to love people, that those are the best people. But I could never be like them. Have always been just too concerned with myself because I always felt not good enough, or like I needed more.
There's this pain I carry with me all the time, always felt misunderstood, and there's a lonely and empty heavy feeling I have inside since childhood, that never goes away, and have been searching to change that, but I can't seem to be able to fill my life with good stuff. I guess no one is ever good enough for me. I seek perfection and I want to change that.
I want to change all of that. I have always been defensive and walked away at any glimpse of issues. Mostly because I don't trust myself to be able to protect myself, as in the past I couldn't recognise dangerous people.
I'm grateful I was able to recognise how I am, and I couldn't have done it without this relationship.
I think this is the most important step in my healing.
I have also learned to not wish bad upon no one.
I know narcissists are being described as these horrible people, and yes there are truly bad and dangerous people in this world as I have met quite a few, but there's also people with probably a mixture of mental health problems, inner issues, trauma and narcissistic traits who would like to change, and the best help I think it is being called out on their bs mixed with a little bit of compassion.
I thank God for people like you, for the work you are doing , heros of society do come in many shapes!
It is supertoxic environment I was raised in, watching my narc parents hate each other, fight, scream, humiliate... in front of us, being scared, shocked and experiencing anxiety attacks daily while watching our parents to hurt each other loudly and proudly. They would even add me in their fights and then I was punished because I did not take anyone´s side... I LOVED BOTH OF THEM and tried to explain them. I beg them crying not to fight, explaining that we are a family and we should love each other. I remember how helpless I felt being a child while trying to protect my younger sister from the hell and find out a solution, so my dad does not call my mom "a dirty uneducated gypsy" and my mom does not call my dad "a pedophile, molester and impotent and cheapskate..." I HATE THEM to this day, I went NC in 2021 being 39 years old now.
The weird thing is that they got divorced 20 years ago and father moved out but they are still in touch and pretend to be a family to public... :O There is no "love" relationship but they act like they are friends (although they totally feel contempt to each other). I am not getting it, but it looks like the public image it the main goal for a narc? So they meet on special occasions and now pretend to be good grandparents to my sister´s child. LOL. They are fake. I know my mother does not like the child but she likes to look like an amazing granny. :O
I'm borderline he was narcissist he made me look like I'm more than bpd I was driven insane till I asked my gfs and they said it's completely normal to react how I was reacting