I feel like only a INFJ could understand everything he’s saying, because we say things that can make absolutely no sense but make perfect sense at the same time
I feel like I understand exactly where he’s coming from - but I’m an INTP. I have very deep, profound feelings...but I struggle with them, because the part of me that’s “me” thinks, and analyzes, and is logical. There are ways that I think I should feel, or ways that I want to feel, or ways that make sense to feel - but then there is like this shadow-self of feelings that’s a whole different entity in and of itself, that feels certain ways about certain things - and there’s just nothing I can do about it. That’s the person that falls in love. That’s also the person where, in the past, I’ve felt restless with someone and wanted to move on because they were too one-dimensional and not interesting, or challenging - and my “thinking self” felt deeply ashamed of that. Like - what is wrong with me, that I would feel that way?
Absolutely... No one can absolutely understand another INFJ but another INFJ.. Since the things going on inside our heads doesn't make sense to other people... But I suggest that if you are truly an INFJ.. If you go out there meet with people don't say what's on your head , it would just confuse people.. I've learnt that from experience... People around me when I turn into something like that.. would just make everyone confuse...
I’m an infj and I feel like I can’t be with someone if we both won’t end up together in marriage and continue to grow and make each other better people
Agree. I dated someone for 6 months. It was nice & she was a good girl but I don’t think that’s for me. I need someone who wants to grow, not get suffocated with irrelevant bullshit.
I found myself agreeing with so much of what you portrayed as the internal struggle in relationships. After the ending of a 31 yr. relationship with a narcissist, I have learned a few things about myself, and grown waaaayyyy past the dictates & expectations of others. So much so that although open to a few possibilities, I will never again 'settle' while the real me is shelved b/c it makes others uncomfortable. Like you said, I am constantly growing and refuse to be with someone who is stagnant forever. I finally embrace and value who I am. One day...someone will have eyes to truly see me and value what they see. Until that happens, I am content to NOT hook-up. I have alot to give, and I've reach a deeply, unapologetic, settled place in my life, where throwing my 'pearls' at the feet of 'swine' has become a 'no-brainer' to me. Quality is worth waiting for....
Indeed, it 'crushes' the soul trying to follow certain 'rules' in order to get the job your after; when you know better but cannot present satisfactory evidence for your "superiors"...
does anyone else have this with friendships? in the beginning of one, i’ll connect to somebody and my hopes get super high, but then, after about 6 months i’ll get super uncomfortable and sad. i’ll just feel like we’re a total mismatch and that people take advantage of me, and especially, my ability to listen.
Nelle-La La Music I give less in relationships too now but instead of losing friends I stay at the same stage or phase with them and never progress. If I do make progress, it’ll be right before we split ways. I’m too afraid to give because people have taken advantage of me or betrayed me after opening up to them and as INFJ you know it takes a lot to give a little of yourself up to someone and get vulnerable. If I get rejected or if people get uncomfortable, I go into immediate regret and question my every being and bottle up and take even longer to open up in the next relationship :/.
Only every single depressing one of them.😥 I'm sorry you guy's go through these horrible life experiences too! I try and view it as we all contribute something positive in each others life that we need to help each other grow for awhile and when we're finished with that we have to let each other go to make room for the next person that will come into our lives to help us blossom into the beautiful person we were ment to be! Sending a little love your guy's way.........❤❤❤❤❤ I hope all of our situations improve soon!🙂
Should destructive INFJs (Targaryen-ish) be limited to one per table? Those of us who haven't been driven over to dark side can make a mission of pulling comrades back from the brink xD
"Does this make any sense? Does this make any sense whatsoever?" Holy cow I have never felt more understood in my life, YES MY GUY. But only to the other INFJs 😂
Kj27 Wolf is it like you feel that you’re using that “social chameleon” ability because that’s how it is with me man. It’s like multiple people know different versions of me.. like I’ve got multiple personalities
Sugar EXACTLY.. couldn’t have said it better.. and I think I’ve also discovered that all these versions of me that different people know are real.. they’re all apart of my personality, but they’re only pieces.. the culmination of them all is the real me.. my true personality.. which I only show to people I trust completely and wholly..
@Sugar I just came out of a relationship, short lived which always seems to be the case. I tend to be tough on the outside, and sensitive on the inside. But no one sees that because I was rejected.
Another thing - the average person's energy drags me down. I cannot deal with absorbing mundane and stagnant energy in a relationship. It simply depresses me.
@@kidyes8341 That isn't what she's implying at all. If you find a person or conversation boring, you have the right to not want to engage in it. Another thing that can bother INFJs is people being overly sensitive.
Because we are people pleasers and eventually start to loose ourself in the process. Then we start to resent the fact that we can’t do the things we truly want to do, therefore feel drained all the time.
I agree! Exactly what goes on inside me! You did a fabulous job describing the feeling. I’ve tried to go towards what I want and move the rocks myself but no matter how hard I tried the rocks wouldn’t move and my boat was ship wrecked. You then realize you can’t be happy.
With movements suchas metoo the risk is usually not worth the reward.. so if the relationship doesnt seem 100% beneficial why bother especially for men because they seem to be the biggest losers of the game.
THIS IS ME IN EVERY RELATIONSHIP. SUBCONSCIOUSLY IM LIKE SO IMMA GIVE U A HEADS UP ITS GONNA LAST AT MOST 8 MONTHS. YOU CAN LEAVE NOW WHILE I AM LOUD AND CLEAR AS UR UNCONCIOUS OR U CAN LAST THAT 8 MONTHS WITH A BUNCH OF PAIN TRYING TO FIX THIS WHEN U CANT.
Fellow INFJ here. I think I get the part when you ask which part of you is the REAL YOU. In my opinion it's both. There are 2 personalities living inside of us. I call them the Feeler and the Thinker. Thinker is wise, logical, strategic. He can make accurate predictions. He takes responsibility. Feeler is impulsive, sensitive and emotional. He gives you empathy. He messes with your head when you're in love. I'm both of them, that's why I often feel torn apart between two mindsets.
I get this. I describe mine to myself like it's just my head and my heart. How I've made this relationship work is by saying listen to my heart which can actually see the positives of his personality. This only works on character not on ppls behaviour! Because that I am always seeing as changeable.
I've always felt this way too and I just never told anyone because I didn't want to seem crazy. Somehow I feel like I'm my own team, like how I get answers to the questions I have and my motivation for doing things. it all comes from bouncing off of my logical personality to my emotional personality untill I agree.
This is so true... I adore my thinker side but that feeling side.... gah... I would chop half of it off and throw it away. I mean I like that I am compassionate and an intense lover. It’s just my feeling side can be extremely intense and overwhelming. I believe I have a higher than average sex drive because of it. I mean it is so intense to the point I can barely move afterwards and I feel hazy for days after intercourse. My energy gets zapped and I feel lifeless. I avoided relationships and sex for a while because of that, I often felt sick and cant tolerate the bonding experience. I would often just disappear and hope that person forgot me, but of course I got the opposite. I know I have broken a couple hearts but it wasn’t intentional, I just could not handle the emotional drainage I was experiencing. Anybody else feel this way and is an infj?
As an INFJ-T, relationships do not last long for me. That "other part" of me that you speak about can see inside the other person. Their actions and their words are magnified. Their inconsistency, disrespect, lack of morals, lack of character, lack of consideration, laziness, apathy, they blare at me. Something as little as a voice inflection or mannerism tells me volumes. I once dated a woman with very low self-esteem. That relationship lasted longer than most. She was hard on herself and I would feel good trying to improve her self-esteem. But eventually, the chaos inside of her turned outward and her internal abuse also started to be directed toward me. I ended the relationship at that point.
I had a similar situation with you before but with a girl I called best friend. She meant the world to me but slowly, her negative energy eating me out and drained me every single day and time. Glad that it's over now. Yup relationship is hard :)
A word of advice from an INTP? (I say that, so you know I’m crazy.) From having an unfortunate habit of trying to save people I learned something. Take away a person’s negative emotions, and they will rely on you to keep them at bay. Fail to do so, and they will resent you for it. At the end of the day, you should accept some responsibility for this. Depression, anxiety, self-consciousness - they are necessary tools for self-improvement. My stance these days is to accept that those things exist in people, to be there to listen about it, assure them they’re not alone, and leave it at that. If your primary motivation is to fix someone - you’re not really viewing them as an equal, are you? People will dislike you when you hold them back. Grooming them to emotionally depend on you isn’t healthy for them. Most people will pick up on it on a subconscious level, and rebel. Anyways, I’m sorry if I’m sounding rude! Maybe this helps some. This is my personal experience with similar situations
Robert Johnson has this experience for the first time 2years ago and 3 times since then I feel like I need to help them to a point I end up leaving if their own issues are overwhelming and killing my vibe or I felt like I did enough and it’s time to let them go make someone else happy with their new found happiness-get it?
What I learned in my past relationships was I tried to mimic their personalities for us to be compatible and good for each other. People even say we're meant to be together because we compliment each other but at some point I break those personalities and show the "me" inside and they think I have change or I am not me anymore. Them without knowing that the "me" they saw was just superficial made for them. And when I can't mimic them anymore because I'm exhausted, they'll think I have change lately. I don't.
It's hard to enter a relationship when you just know it won't work out even though you don't have the evidence to really explain why. I feel like I know almost right off the bat of being interested in someone. I'm not trying to be pessimistic it's just a thing that happens. I always get stuck in the middle of not wanting to waste my time and emotions on a doomed relationship but there's a part of me that feels like I still need to experience it or... practice??? I haven't pursued anyone in about 4 years because of this. I think I'd rather be alone than try to be with someone I'm not meant for. Honestly, I think it might be about pickiness. Not perfection, necessarily. But finding a healthy person that vibes with your vibes. Someone with the same morals and life goals. I think it's kind of an all or nothing thing...Maybe? Or not... I don't know. Who even am I? Everything will be fine. That's why the universe made cats.
Man, this is the exact feeling that I wanted to express and put in words. I am sometimes torn apart between these two feelings. I had been thinking that maybe I didn't have enough social skills to get into a relationship but now I see the truth. I have been waiting to find someone on my level of understanding and purpose for life and not just any superficial, live-in-the-moment type. And I haven't met someone like that yet and don't know if I will.
This is exactly how I feel. I try to date people but when I meet them and get to know them even if it's just for a day, I can tell if it's gonna work or not. I haven't being in a relationship 4 years ago either and this is why. I tried to know them more but inside of me I'm just thinking it's a waste of time
“Do we need a bland person who absorbs our weirdness, or do we need another weird person who interlocks with our weirdness?” This question has been haunting me since I first watched this video a year ago. In fact, when I first watched it, I was caught in between a bland person and a weird person who fit me almost perfectly. I ended up choosing the bland person. I think I originally chose him because he was safe to me. It was a stable, familiar environment and I could sleep peacefully next to him. But there was no adventure, no chase, no butterflies, nothing. I experienced all of those things with the weird person, and what eventually drove me away from him was the anxiety of clashing, but I think I labeled it as my intuition telling me things could not work out and that I needed to run. In my experience, I have to say weird is better. It’s balancing, while the bland is suffocating. Both these men were opposites of me, but only one of them complimented my weirdness, while the other invalidated me and who I was. I am still with the bland partner, and while he did nothing wrong to me, I am miserable. I knew that no matter who I would be with, I would always be misunderstood, but I never realized HOW misunderstood I could possibly be until this one. Now I just dream and dream for any hint of “weird” to come my way, because being misunderstood a little bit is not nearly as bad as being completely misunderstood.
FRICKIN SAME. Literally just let the bland person go today and am choosing to move forward with the weird one (just so happens to be an INFJ) I too fear our isms will clash however I've never felt more understood and intrigued by someone. Here's to hoping I don't regret this in the long run! 🥂😬
An INFJ here: First of all, hugs!:) Second of all, fear ruins most of relationships, from my point of view. Fear of messing things up, fear of trusting someone too much, fear of not being loved as much in return, fear of being with the wrong person, fear of being scrutinized by someone you trust... “Seeing through your partner”, so we think, doesn’t help either... And lastly that fantasized in our complex minds perfect Princess or Prince who does amazing things for us in our heads, the things that no normal person would never even think of doing and if they do, our own insecurities would tell us to not believe that it was sincere from the heart... ruin it for us even more. So, let’s stay positive and not suck at being in a relationship, but let’s get better! Not sure how, but learning about how screwed up we are does help, maybe let them fall for all that is good in us and take them in the way they are? I don’t have an answer, really :) Happily single, yours truly, just another selfless martyr INFJ:)
You are very beautiful. For me it’s exactly the same. Everyone tells me how beautiful I am, but I have never had a proper normal relationship. (I am 30 now) I just am never happy with those men. I find the most happiness in my home, in my garden, with my thoughts and in exploring the spiritual infinity. I learned to let life come at me the way it comes. I will always be happy. No matter what, and you will also be honey. Wish you all the best 💕
Glad to hear you embracing your INFJ type and focusing on growth instead of just accepting flaws. I'm sure if you are still single today it is your own choice, and not a lack of self improvement :)
INFJs : they break a lot of hearts. I accepted crappy relationships because I didn't think true love existed. As soon as I found someone who was properly compatible with me and kind, the relationship became reciprocal rather than me putting in all the effort and feeling empty in return. Everyone changes with time. A successful couple grows together.
Tarot Wisdom Agreed, it is difficult to find friendships that grow in strength and consciousness, let alone a romantic relationship! The message has been coming to me a lot lately to try and meet people where they are and appreciate them despite their limitations. Some friendships just will only be so deep. How can we make them fruitful in a way that is satisfying to us?
What was it that made you realize you were compatible? Were there signs, or things to look out for? I'm with a girl right now and I love her a lot, but more and more I find myself closing up and distancing myself because it felt exactly like you described - one sided, leaving me feeling empty. To be fair, she is very busy, but there is always time for a person's priorities.
I just ended a thirty year relationship- marriage...I'm at peace now. I needed so much more. I needed emotionally intimacy, openness, and someone aware of their higher self.
Fellow INFJ here. My relationship history is also far from great. I only found out about MBTI a year ago or so, and before that, I can honestly say that it was hard to have a relationship, as I didn't truly know myself. One boyfriend said "who are you? You are the softest, warmest person I know...and yet you're hard as nails and so very cold. Which is it?" I honestly could not answer him.
Infj’s in relationships don’t like others controlling us. We are the ones who prefer to lead a relationship. If we sense someone trying to control us then we will become very distant.
Yes and it means that you're driving a car, so to speak, based off of feelings and not accurate perceptions regarding what's really occurring on the road. Letting the INFJ be boss can take you over the cliff.
@@Musician_Robert No wonder they live lives of quiet desperation. So INFJs NEVER learn give and take and cant learn to follow a boss or someone eles's lead?
As an extrovert I can say that its exhausting deal with someone who doesn't want to share anything, acid person , who doesn't speak or doesn't want to go anywere. Sometimes that make you feel that you are not important on the life of them, and that hurts, ghosting hurts , you feel totally contemped so as much as we want to understand you, there's a point where you can't hold it anymore . 😭😭😭
I'm an INFJ and I married a INTP... the best 15 yrs of my life so far. The N is the most important letter to connect with.. the rest of the letters will connect in other ways but to be able to intuitively connect is so so great. On our first date I asked him give me 5 things to describe time. A sensor will immediately say clocks, schedules, calendars...etc... but an intuitive will never be able to answer all 5.. they'll think.. they'll say things like forever, bigger than us.. overwhelming, etc...
Interesting, I think I would have answered a mixture of those things. Maybe immediately say clock, watch, calender. I am an intuitive though. And I disagree. For example, I think the F/T dynamic makes you feel most connected. So it's subjective and depends on the individual. Glad you are in a fulfilling relationship though and found your person ☺.
its crazy how I took the test. and got INFJ and reading my whole life on the internet, like 99% of what people and articles are saying is correct. I have felt lonely and felt that I was the only one who have these feelings. But now I know, that I am not the only one who have these different thoughts
Yes! It's like you finally know where you're at and where you've been and that you haven't been the only one ever feeling this way. It's comforting finally getting someone who understands us lol Reading it is surreal
I thought myself to be an alien and being so hard on myself until i discover just this week that i am INFJ.. Now i have a better understanding why i struggle with depression.. Why i only fall for narcissists/narcissistic tendencies.. Love i stumble with his video and took the test cause i felt he gets me and read the comments that are just so me..
The thing inside you that you're talking about sounds like your higher self. Your conscious self (your ego) might want something else, because it's focusing on things like what looks good on paper, what's safe, if the person gets along with your family etc. But your higher self knows what you really need, and if the relationship causes you to not be your authentic self it won't feel good. It's painful for us when we make decisions that are different that what our higher self wants. It's like driving down the road. Everything is fine and dandy. But as soon as you derail from the road, you start hitting stones and other things. That's what it feels like when your conscious self and your higher self are not aligned. It's not fun, and it makes life hard when it doesn't need to. The best thing is to honor your true inner knowing (not your thoughts, but your intuition), and live your life according to that. I'm an INFJ and I've have also become physically ill from staying in relationships with people that wasn't a good match for me. On the surface there was nothing wrong with the relationship, but underneath it was killing me slowly.
YEEEES ! this comment describes how i feel perfectly ! Even if on the surface there's nothing wrong, if it feels wrong i'll become physically ill too ! And i can't put a finger on it..but as i matured i fully trust my intuition now ! I don't have to find a logical reason, i do what feels right and makes me comfortable
I was the complete same my ex boyfriend needed help mentally and lacked confidence. I have anxiety but I've been diagnosed and know how to handle it most of the time but he had never talked to anyone and I kept helping him/encouraging him. It got to the point where I was physically ill as all I was doing was giving. He was attractive, my family & friends liked him he was my friend but I didn't love him or feel loved. I could have settled with him but my gut kept telling me it was wrong.
I've been lucky enough to be in a relationship for the past 27 years (I'm 51). The key to making it work for this INFJ is "friends first, lovers second." Very important. Another important aspect of our relationship is that my partner accepts me for who I am - weirdness and all. I also use my intuitive powers to keep things open between us - but some folks might not like this too much...lol. Great vid - keep up the good work. :)
I agree, completely! Friends first, to me means a relationship that goes so much deeper than the regulated "lovers first" hype that so many have been taught as normal which is superficial.
I am an INFJ who frequently changes her “look,” and I really appreciate how Frank has so many different looks too. Like people will full on not recognize me after a few months. And I feel like that’s happens when I watch his videos. Which is very validating. Haha
I'm INFJ. I felt trapped in every relationship I had or have. I've always been looking for a person I could be a 'real me' with. I've never found that of course. I don't think it is possible.
I did find that once as an IFNJ actually. Though the problem was that I didn't realize he was the one for me until too late, I have no chance with him anymore I don't think.
do you feel the same way about your job or career? I'm an ENPT with an INFJ partner who, along with myself, struggles with the feeling of trappedness not only in relationships, but in most things
I love how you're trying to explain how you feel and you can't really pinpoint exactly what you're feeling but I totally get what you're saying. Especially about how you feel like there's this thing inside of you that you can't control and you don't know why your intuition is making you act a different way. It's like having 2 people in one mind, so self-conflicting.
I do the two people thing sometimes. It's like you have a subjective reality built around intuition and another objective reality that is in the moment physically. I call it Living in the Dichotomy. Mainly because one is true and one isn't, or part of both is both true and untrue. Then you get into trying to resolve the dichotomy. Lol.
Itsjustjeannn It’s more the natural course of Ni... it’s a process by which we eventually make a judgment about a situation or relationship after we’ve taken in as much information as we can and want. Ni takes time before action is taken. I guess it comes off abrupt to the other person because he/she doesn’t see the inner processing that occurs consciously and subconsciously. To the INFJ though, it makes complete sense.
Forty six year old INFJ speaking here. I've had two long term relationships. First one was 1995-2010 and 2011-2018. I ended both relationships. I can only describe it as a moment of self actualization that led to my decision to cut ties and move on. But realistically these relationships went on far too long and after time no longer served me or my partners. Part of the issue was autonomy and personal growth. It's difficult to be with a partner who has little or no personal growth when you're a supernova of personal growth. The other issue is spirituality and deeper meaning which many don't understand and don't care to understand. To be happy with a partner that partner needs to get you. Not many people get INFJs. And this is why relationships are a struggle for me and so many other INFJs.
verygood37 I am struggling with my 5 years old relationship. The person I am with has zero personal growth. He is extremely into making money and his job that he doesn’t even think about personal growth. Our wedding is close but I feel extremely disconnected and blaming myself for feeling this way. He does not understand me and says that I over think life. I just want deep conversations and so much love and empathy. He on the other hand talks on a surface level and never asks questions about life in general. Apart from that he is a good man , he is just extremely boring and never curious. Idk what is happening to me Big I feel guilty for asking for more.
@@ninasa8100 I've been in your shoes. It was 1996 and early 1997. My first marriage--Sept 20, 1997. My gut told me the relationship wasn't going to work. But I was young and thought being married would change how I felt and how he behaved. It did not. And like you, I craved those deeper conversations and a real soulful connection. That relationship slowly pushed forward bringing two children (the best gifts he ever gave me) and a final official ending in Jan 2011. I felt a lot of guilt leading up to the divorce. People think as long as your partner makes money life is good. But part of the issue was we didnt speak each other's love language and his growth was stunted, plus he exhibited narcissist traits such as frequent gaslighting, lying, and belittling. He was unhappy and I was unhappy. Jordan Peterson has some great videos about partnership compatibility. For me the experience taught me that I need more in common with a partner, or I need to accept that it will never be what I desire most and fulfill my emotional needs through other people. My second marriage in Aug 2016 taught me that I dont enjoy being married. It's not easy when you're wired like us. Always thinking of others and craving that emotional intimacy while other people, especially obstinate, disagreeable, partners tell us we're the problem. It feels like a head game. We question ourselves and become less of who we truly are to satisfy them, but being what they want us to be begins to take its toll over time... I wish you all the best, Soraya SA. I hope you can either accept him for what he is and get your emotional needs met without him, or you stay true to yourself alone and know there's more than one person out there for everyone. Never feel guilty for being you.
verygood37 thank you for such a beautifully explained respond. I can defiantly learn from your life lessons. It is first time someone understands what I’m talking about ! I wish you all the best too and thanks for the advice. Hopefully I make the right decision 🖤
You're most welcome. With age comes wisdom, hopefully. Best piece of advice i can give anyone is know who you are and what you need and listen to your gut not your heart in these matters. Take care! ❤❤
Yeah i relate to this awkward humor to it's like you don't want people to see you as superficial, so everytime we admire something that seems overrated we backtrack and display our utter most frustration with it. That's why we are private too because we don't want people to label us to what were doing in the moment because after all it can just be a momentary thing were trying or we have a specific reason to why were giving it a chance.
Omg! This is so apt. I mean.. I have had friends ask me what i have against relationships. When i meet someone, it's all rainbows and sunshine trying to figure the person out. I just dive in deep so fast that it feels like this instant connection that can't be explained. And i get this great feeling at the initial phase. Then a month down the line, when the other person begins to get into it and maybe wants to take it to the next level, i begin to feel myself pull away. Then i go out of my way to identify all the reasons why it wont work. People that see us together think we are great together. But deep down i keep telling myself that the person only likes me because he doesn't really know me. And they can't understand it. No one can. I really can't explain it myself. Then it finally gets to the phase when i just withdraw and become cold and i just sabotage the whole thing so i don't hold the other person back. I just always feels like i am a better version of myself when i'm alone. And no one ever matches up to my values. Sometimes i feel like i maybe set too high standards and it's just me being to extra. But after i try to bend a bit, my inner self tells me, no one should ever make me lower my standards and snap! I'm back Another thing that's really wierd for me is the whole physical intimacy in relationships. Omg! I find it exhausting. I mean i want to be with someone i like and not make out all the time. I feel like sometimes, having deep conversations is more intimate than all of the physical stuff and maybe that's one of the things that hold be back from relationships on some level. But no one ever understands. For the most part, i feel like i'm alone in this world eventhough i have a lot of friends and acquaintances. Things started to feel better when i found out about the MBTI and INFJ. At least i know I'm not alone😊
The thing you said regarding physical intimacy. I crave the warmth of someone else beside me, yet I hate having them in my face all the time. Making out all the time feels like a shortcut out of a real connection I want. I love hugs and cuddles especially because you can talk when doing it and that feels amazing. It shows you have time and space for eachother and feel comfortable as being 2 different people who happen to love eachother, rather than being 1 entity which can't function without eachother. I hate codependency.
You literally just described a good 80% of my relationships. Friendships and romantic interests. I can also relate to the whole 'snapping back' thing. Between college and relationships, job hunts...etc I feel like this has been tested so much. I've gotten job offers that just feel wrong to take to my core. I've taken classes that I know I won't pass. And I've walked into relationships too fast, too hard. I will say that I've come to a place where I'm pushing myself to communicate differently in relationships, though. Without giving too much of myself away, in the process.
Holy crap. This. This is everything that describe me and my past relationship. The way you actually put it into words amazes me. I don’t feel so alone anymore
Just stumbled upon your videos and I have laughed at every single one of them. I'm an Infj female and here are my two cents why we "suck" at relationships. For starters, I think a lot of people just settle when it comes to what a relationship can offer. As an Infj I aspire for that ideal real-ationship (see what I did there? I like me some wordplay). We see through people easily and in my experience I kinda want a partner that at least tries to match my level of depth and understanding of the other person (a.k.a being open and curious). That's where the growth element comes in. It's not so much actual growing as it is a peeling of the multiple layers the other has. It's about the willingness to be uncomfortable and sit with the messiness (and as Infj complexities and awkwardness) that inevitably comes up from doing life with the other person. Now, in my experience not a lot of people are willing to do that or even interested in unfolding in that type of manner. Like a relationship is just something you have and that's it. But for me, it's the one place where I get to safely explore the deeper parts of myself and grow through that. If that isn't true intimacy (in-to-me-you-see, haha wordplay once more!) (what for me is the whole point of having relationships) then what's the point right? I rather be left alone to find the truth of who I am, than to have to entertain the other person because he/she isn't busy exploring his/her own intricacies. To put it simply, not a lot of people are so (obsessively) loyal to truth and to being self aware. Which is fine by the way! It just means that the "normal" way of relating, just isn't meant for me. And that is okay too! However, for me, my whole life is a spiritual practice and relationships too, so I really am learning to honor that and being okay that I am an intense and deep person.
You cut it out with the wordplay or I might ban you from the channel! Ha ha, thank you for the well spoken comment. I especially agree with saying that a relationship is meant to explore parts of yourself. That's something I didn't know until very recently. Many people think of it as something you "have," a thing to add to yourself, but not something that can help you understand yourself, or even to tear yourself down, in a good way. So many people, me included for a long time, never are too intentional about relationships. Just like whatever happened to come around was good enough. Being more intentional about relationships and everything in life is important to me.
Yeeeeeessss! I can so relate to the intentional living and therefore also intentional/mindful relating aspect. Thanks for being so frank (haha wordplay?)
This is so me. I don't know how to explain but this is exactly what i seek in a realtionship. It's because we can see through people easly and my mind calculate how the future works with her . Its always on the point that i just entertain her for a daily life and gave the energy to the person but the person itself cannot give the same thing and get really connected .
Frank, I relate on so much you mention. My longest relationship broke up because I was being pulled in a different direction but couldn't explain it. I think we need a partner who allows us to grow and be who we are naturally. The hard part is articulating how we feel when it can be so abstract. As you said, the types aren't a strong indicator that things will work out, even if those types match on paper. I think people who understand themselves more can overcome the obstacles that occur in relationships. Thanks again for a great video.
Well, this is a relief to hear. When I was in my first love/intimate relationship, I was shocked at how my body reacted before my mind caught up and realized that I was tremendously unhappy. I had always believed in mind over matter, but since then, I know that my bodily reactions tell the truth. I can misinterpret my mind and deny my emotions, but the physical reactions cannot be ignored. And that gets me committed to getting out of the conflict. That said, I wish that I'd been wise enough to recognize a healthy relationship.
The saying "Mind over matter" REQUIRES that the WILL is in agreement with the mind. Perhaps I am not clear how the WILL and INTUITION intertwine exactly as I do not see them the same but in my experience the Intuition ALSO needs to be in agreement with the WILL or else the WILL will not fully be there. That is my understanding of "Mind over Matter" ... not that one can push themselves to do what is reckless.. in which going against your intuition is reckless.... of which I am guilty of a few times and have my physical injuries to show for it.
i dont normally comment but this feels like a safe place so ill say something. i want someone who understands me and i can have deep conversations with but also someone who complements me and can get me out of my head but i dont want someone who's WAY too out there and social cause its intimidating but at the same time i want someone who has a different perspective from mine but like knows how to interact with other human beings since im not the best communicator. in all this, i dont know if im being unreasonably picky or if me being paradoxal is why i have such a wide array of needs in a partner. halp. ive had like 2 relationships in my life and the longest was like 6 months. with frequent breaks in between so its probably less. and tbh, ive felt happier being on my own than ive felt being in these relationships lmao
Wow! I'm 64, and it just dawned on me that this is what I do, and why I become restless with my life. I've been married for 42 years, luckily we both are self improvers. Thanks Frank!
Yes! The ramblings make total sense. I feel like every relationship I have I have my energy sucked out of me eventually, until the internal voice tells me it's time and I give up and run!
Oh no! Do you know what their types were? Sensors tend to be harder for us to be around. And if they're not as independent as we are then that's another thing that tends to suck the energy. Don't give up though, I know you'll find people who won't suck your energy though!💖
When you speak it makes me laugh because they way we go about explaining things are the same like everything or way you explain something had a deeper level. Whereas most other ppl would be like wth are you talllking abooooout lol I love your vids
Lol. Don't ask me a question about a topic of my interest. I will tell you absolutely everything about it thinking you are looking for information, only to look up a see a dropped jaw. Then I hear "How do you know and remember so much about that. I was just asking a simple question." Me, what the heck is simple?
I just watched this video and realized how amazing and different people can be. I am not an INFJ but I surely had contact to one of them and after this explanation is easier for me to accept why some people cannot explain what they feel or why they act in a special way. For me as an extroverted personality is helpful to know this. it makes easier to just accept it and let the people be the way they are. Thanks for the video.
I so relate to that sick feeling in a relationship. I think for me it stems from the subconscious realization that I know I'm gonna leave this relationship soon, but this dude is SO into me and that sucks because now I have to leave and make him sad. Every time I get involved with someone it does not take me long before I realize I messed up and chose someone based on literally nothing and now I have to make this dude sad because I came out of my fugue and decided to end things. My intuition be leading me to people who need therapy, but I am not a doctor.
Dam, Thanks! It's a satisfactory thing to know that this feeling of being leading (by that weird thing called intuition) to people who need therapy it's not only mine.
That is different than what Frank is saying. He meant outgrowing relationships, not being irresponsible in choosing our partners and hurting peoples’ feelings as collateral damage. That’s a completely different issue and I don’t think is as justifiable as this situation here.
That is such a lowly thing to do, dumping someone so easily and giving the other guy false hope, false dreams while you yourself know it in your heart that you will end up leaving him today or tomorrow, just to delay your inevitable, cold rejection. HOW DARE U 😡
i never knew why i felt i was dropped on a foreign planet until i discovered i was an INFJ... through spiritual focus and meditation i realized i was blessed with being a unicorn not cursed by it... thanks FJ for sharing your truth... i can relate... keep being the awesome weirdo u r :)
Dude, I know what you mean. There's only one you: the one who wants a happy life. Then, there's a belief that says "you connected with this person, why move?", among many other thoughts of the like (what ifs). That creates fear, probably a fear of being alone since nobody actually understands you as she once did... The fact that the relationship doesn't work anymore is very clear to our intuition. It's a fact. But the fear prevents us from leaving. And also the fear prevents us from taking wise actions, like trying to end up things in a civilized manner, which then make us feel guilty about it some time later... The simple way to differentiate the fear and you is asking "which part of me is acting out of real love?"
i feel it has to do alot with freedom on multiple levels of the relationship. i feel you. i've left every relationship in my life and hurt some people more than i realized. for me, it's usually a line that gets crossed where i don't feel that freedom anymore and i can't be happy in the relationship. or that the other person doesn't deeply understand me or care about my passions the way i do theirs.
It is utterly selfish and reckless to enter a relationship with someone knowing that in time you will end it. You are creating a future victim everytime you do it...
Liberated Liz exactly. I have hurt people too but not intentionally. When I loose interest or I am drained because a person is too passionate I just run. It’s like it’s too much for my brain to process and it literally drains me to the point I can barely function.
So after all those years having these crazy inner thoughts and dialog with myself, I was finaly able to match it to something, it has a name: INFJ. It feels great to know that there are other same weird people out there. FJ love your videos! Amazing how can you actually name it all, it does make perfect sense talking to us weirdos
U not alone..same with me,now I know who I am,but I'm cannot live in this anymore..sometimes I'm happy alone,I cannot stop thinking..why I leave relationship n cannot believe in someone..it's a bad feeling,
My intuition was screaming at me to end my relationship. I tried to ignore it but the feeling and relationship were making me so unhappy, even physically ill. It was weird to break up and just feel relieved. I felt like I could forecast what the future would hold for us as a couple, and it wasn't going to end well (in my mind).
Been there myself. It's weird knowing without knowing why, and then being hesitant to act because you can't quite mentally make sense out of why you should.
In relationships, I require a person that can totally 'interlock' with my special brand of weirdness. It is better to remain single than to be with someone for the sole purpose of not being lonely. I didn't realize my capacity for abruptly ending relationships until it was brought to my attention. There are things that every human being requires and desires in relationships, but INFJ's are slightly different, and it takes being alone and really knowing yourself to know what you can handle.
When you talk about feeling physically ill and problems that don't feel important consciously but still drive you crazy, my god, you hit the nail on the head my friend! You have such a relatable way of describing things for INFJ's. I find it extremely hard to describe or even process my feelings in my own mind at times, so your videos are SO calming in that I see someone else understands on such a deep level.
I think being an INFJ is something deeper than we realize. It’s almost like your intuition sees more than your normal self, and makes decisions you might be too touchy-feely to grasp or comprehend. Subconsciously, we want meaning in our relationships, and even though our feeling sides want to get stuck on certain people, our intuition sees the bigger picture, and makes us uncomfortable with setting for less.
After horribly uncomfortable dating experiences, I ended up marrying another INFJ, and I’m lucky enough to share the same weirdness as my spouse. I’m not sure if it would work for others, but there’s a lot of chemistry in understanding someone, and someone understanding you and having the same fundamental thinking, intuition and and feeling process. Best decision I ever made haha 😂
@xMyLastSummerx - I was just about to leave a comment asking why dont INFJ's just fuck all the bull shit and date each other? Like is it possible, or would the universe implode? But you answered the question for me, thanks.
Yessss me and my bf are both INFJ-T's 😂😂😂 just found out like 2 weeks ago!! We've been dating for almost 11 months now. I never felt so stable and understood and he said the same thing 😂😂🙌🏼🙌🏼 Weirdness and all!! Lol
@@PGOuma i'm just gonna throw it out there...: in Los Angeles looking for fellow INFJ, HSP, INDIGO, EMPATHS to connect with. I am surrounded by Narcissists...help!
😂😂😂 Loved the last part about sucking at relationships. I think I am chosen, mostly by narcissistic types because of my ‘giver’ mentality. Then I end up doing the door slam. I’ve slammed a lot of doors and the older I get the less time I waste doing the door slam. Going with the ‘gut” is the only way to go, or you will end up miserable 😩. I’m a great partner, but continued abuse, inattention, and constantly listening to others, when they could give 2 sh🤬ts about what I want to express, gets me running 🏃♀️ for the door 🚪...
Yes, makes perfect sense! My intuition has blocked so many relationships but in the end I've learnt it was for the best and there was always a piece of the puzzle later that showed me why I was right. Either the person wasn't right or it wasn't the right time because I would learn best something I needed to learn alone or they needed to be alone to learn something. I think the times that i've tried to push my intuition down has been really out of fear, out of being afraid of being alone or feeling guilty or unworthy in some way. Now I trust that it really is propelling me ultimately towards my highest good. I've learnt to just do what feels expansive and let go of what feels restrictive even if they are a truly kind person, if something within you squirms and says 'no' it's probably wrong person wrong time. Idk if this applies to all INFJs though, for me following my ideal life path and 'soul mission' so to speak comes first, if I find someone who is on the same path more or less then excellent but I'd rather walk alone than tear myself in two directions. I can't imagine being with a bland person ever! INFJs should totally be with other weirdos ;D
I really like that idea of expansive vs restrictive. I will probably think about that a lot now! I kind of like bland people when they admire your weirdness and make you feel special for it rather than like a freak, ha ha.
I really liked how you brought here the matter of walking alone vs. splitting into two directions. Sometimes I wonder if I like my own company and goals a bit too much, hah
Hey Frank, I'm an INFP, but I really like watching your videos. I think you have a wonderful presence and humor. To be honest, I am watching your channel because you remind me of my INFJ friend whom I am quite fascinated by. Anyway, I just had to comment and say that I relate so much to what you said about your intuition telling you you can't be happy in a relationship, even though from a logical perspective there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I was extremely conflicted after leaving my last relationship because logically, my ex was the "perfect boyfriend". But somehow my spirit was deeply unsettled and saddened to a point where I needed to get out. Hearing you talk about that was incredible because I haven't met anyone who has had that similar experience- or at least talked about it in that light. Anyway that's all- Enjoy your day.
Britta Anderson I love that you are an INFP... do you know your personality works very well with a INFJ! My mom is INFP and she gets me more than anyone has!!!!
I think being telepathic would really help with being INFJ, I feel like people would understand better. Also because INFJ are so good at extroverted feeling they can be easily taken advantage of by a partner that loves the attention and insight from an INFJ. I find myself getting frustrated in relationships because the person doesn't listen when I speak. There's a difference between hearing and listening. And because I don't share what's on my hear very often when I do speak and other people don't listen, I become apathetic towards people and relationships. They love when I share advice and insight for their life, but tune out when I try and express ideas or problems about my life. Conclusion, I think I need to set better boundaries with those I know. Only a select few should have the privilege to get my time, love, and insight. I have agency, and will not tolerate being used or disrespected. This doesn't mean I should run from conflict, which I admit is a weakness of mine.
You sure about that? Infj comes with high high bodily pain,vertebrae, ribs, neck, toothache etc, i think you are isfj with both ne ni intuition (at least i wish i were) isfj~entp~intj (super ego like infj)
Intuition: I used to almost always ignore my intuition.. I still feel like it’s only recently that I’ve started following it, and sometimes I doubt it, and I start to go with logic, thinking that logic usually wins, but sometimes intuition is so strong that I have to be reminded that it knows what it’s talking about even if I don’t see it yet. More and more I’m starting to value it. I don’t know what it is.. is it my higher self, is it me, is it a spirit guide? I think it’s a compass but I just don’t know where it came from. Mysterious gift.
Oh my goodness I feel like you've just solved a puzzle I've been trying to solve my entire life. Every single time I'm in a relationship I get this terrible feeling of doom in my gut usually about 3 months in but even after just a week I get a slight bad feeling. At the time it never makes any sense because I always really like the man I'm dating and initially they always seem great. There's then this pattern where I try to work through this feeling (which after getting it so often I now call The Feeling) because I really want to stay in the relationship. Like you said it's like two sides of yourself that are in this terrible inner conflict and it creates the most painful inner turmoil. For me it gets so bad I start waking up having to run to the bathroom to vomit - like you said, it creates a physical reaction. I learnt years ago that I'm an INFJ but I never knew it was connected to this. I have asked so many people including therapists about this as it has made me feel so depressed over the years like I'm incapable of being in a relationship when everyone around me seems to find it quite easy. NOBODY has ever understood what I'm talking about and they just look at me blank, but it seems you and INFJs everywhere know exactly what I mean! I have analysed it so much even questioning my sexuality at times, at other times wondering if I'm meant to be a nun or something. For me The Feeling blocks every relationship, it's like this thing within that will not let me be with someone and it only goes away when I split up with them. Usually then I feel incredibly sad and lonely but also at peace. The Feeling always ended up being right about each of my relationships- that they weren't right for me. All of them were narcissists except the last man who was unfortunately psychopathic, very abusive and I ended up needing police support to get him to leave me alone. So I think The Feeling picked up on this when I was initially fooled by his mask and the love bombing that these types of people use in the early stages to get us hooked. I've always hoped that one day I'll meet someone that my gut will feel at peace with. Like you say, someone that both sides of you like so there isn't that horrendous inner turmoil. Honestly this video has helped me so much and made me feel less alone in this experience, thank you.
So true! Sometimes I'll be snuggled in bed next to a partner and suddenly feel a wave of panic, like I need to leave immediately. Often I do, causing terrible confusion and pain to the other person. And I don't understand it. Am I afraid of my own contentment?
You're with the person, you have good moments, it feels good to be around, hug them and etc. But once you're alone, you have this feeling that the relationship is not right for you. And you want to leave, but the person has chronic depression, says you're the only one for him and even though you want to leave, you also want to stay because you want the person to be happy. You feel responsible for them. And then you realise you're in this loop and you don't know what to do.
I leave relationships when I realize I’m with someone who doesn’t know how to give. When there is an imbalance. Also when communication is poor and when games are being played. These are recurring patterns. The plus side is that I can now identify them soon into the relationship and make my exit faster.
I completely get what you’re saying. None of my relationships worked out. Not my marriage. Not my engagement. Now I’m alone. I don’t want to be alone but I like being alone if that makes any sense. No one understands me at all.
I've been 'alone' for a long time. The nice thing is there billions of people on the planet, just a few steps (or a short drive away) and actually we are all connected at the emotional center, it is an illusion we are separate. If you get quiet and sensitive in your heart you will see this is true, you can feel others close and far. Can even communicate with them without words.
ENFJ here, I find it fascinating listening how in tune with your inner self you INFJs are, and at the same time how stuck in your head you can get. For me, I find myself thinking similarly just outwardly, sadly trying to understand those same things about the other important people in my life and worrying some about what I think they are thinking (as crazy as that sounds). Analyzing all the past interactions we’ve had (verbal and physical, body language too) while in the current state also analyzing them while I’m talking with them, the whole time trying to figure out what makes them tick. I wish I could be that hyper focused on myself but perhaps I just have too much shyt to work through cuz every time I try I find. Something to distract myself. 🤔
I can understand that. I find when I know in my gut that a person is incopatible with me, not only relationshipwise, but even as friends, I have a way of not being able to admit it to myself consciously, so I think subconsciously I find ways to cut the cord, and I typically end up hurting them, repeatedly, even when I mean to not hurt and try to make things better.
This is the first time that I have ever heard someone describe what is going on in my head. Thank you. I am currently going through this exact thing in a different type of relationship. My gut says not to trust the people that I'm associated with. I made the decision to run far away. The inner conflict sucks. I've driven myself crazy over it all. I hate confrontation. I am married and have been for almost two decades. My husband is basically my opposite. He is an ESTJ. For me, it was finding my opposite. There is no perfect marriage. It's about finding the person who builds you up, stands firmly behind you, and stands up for what they believe. Some would say that we shouldn't work out based on MBTI, but we are best friends. I admire how he doesn't care what others think. Find a person who is strong because we need that. We always feel like we have to be strong, so we need someone who is steady, who knows how to love unconditionally. I would have never considered him if I would have based everything on MBTI, but I had no idea when we met. I'm glad that I didn't know about it then because I couldn't imagine my life without him. I hope this helps.
Thanks for your comment. I totally agree that trying to make relationship decisions off of MBTI is just closing off yourself to people who could be a great match. Or trying to shoehorn a relationship into working when it's not, just because the MBTI "matches."
Frank James Exactly. It is easy to fall into that trap. I agree with another posted below that an INFJ must have a best friend first. The awesome thing about a solid, steady relationship is that we start to open up. I find it difficult to be completely open with anyone. I have layers, no doubt. I have no problem telling people things that seem highly personal, but are not to me. Some people who do not know me well would think that I am an open person, but I only give off that impression. As my husband and I continue to grow together, I find myself sharing things that I could share with no one else. He does his best to be understanding. It is amazing to see this very in charge thinker show his vulnerability to me. He would not show that to anyone else. I realize that we make a great team. Thank you for sharing your videos. I asked my husband to watch this message. It is so frustrating for him to see me struggle with these feelings in other relationships. The words you spoke said everything that I've tried to express. If you figure out how to get yourself and intuition to flow smoothly together, please, post a video on that topic. I've been trying for almost 40 years! Lol!
You are the first person who described this feeling I've had in relationships. Where there is just something telling you to get out. If you don't cut your losses now you are going to drown.
I identify so strongly with everything you said. Especially the bit about wondering what’s best for us as INFJs: a bland person capable of absorbing our weird, or an equally weird person capable of complimenting us. I’ve been wondering about that a lot lately as well. Also, It’s so nice to know I’m not the only one having these thoughts and feelings and intuitions! Our personality type has an inherent and at times, intense moral compass that ultimately prevails no matter what. I know exactly what you mean when speaking about that, even in abstract terms. Thanks for another lovely video :)
I often think of myself as composed of these parts and it helps immensely: mind, body, emotions, spirit. The part that is the 'voice' or moral compass I believe is spirit and comes through emotions as well. It is less in tune with body and mind. So many humans that are really deep in believing the illusion of the physical world relate strongly with body and mind mostly. Mind especially, they will ignore body's signals to self. Takes a lot of courage to really be friendly with the emotional and spirit aspects in the times we live in, but it can be super rewarding and magical! Meditation and nature for the win!!! keep on keepin on my INFJ brothers and sisters ♥
I am an INFJ and I ended my relationship yesterday. I feel it physically in my body: I feel it in my chest and my stomach. My body was shaky yesterday from so much emotion. I am always questioning every thought and emotion in my head, to the point of obsession. Thinking about all sides of how I and the other person feel. I need alone time to recharge and digest- something he couldn’t seem to understand. Now that I have the alone time, I feel overwhelmed by it. I know I’ve made the right decision, but being the person that I am, I will always question whether or not I did. I don’t know if any of this makes sense but I hope it helps people. For me, reading these comments has helped me further reflect on the way I contributed to the relationship.
I’m sorry about that- you probably are hurting right now and that is understandable. For me my relationship wasn’t good for me so I felt relieved. How was yours?
@@tatesands mine was magical at first.. We clicked right away and were so happy and excited that we found each other (literally like soulmates ) and then he changed A LOT and it just started collapsing (we didn't have a big obvious problem like other people but the spark wasn't there anymore, he stopped being sweet and everything.. When i talked to him about it he said he doesn't know why he's behaving like this and that he's sad because he can't help it ) i gave it time hoping it will go back to how we used to be but it just became more dull, so i decided to end it because we'll just get more hurt..he was sad and i am sad i took such a decision cause it feels like i gave up on our thing? but i just couldn't keep living in that situation knowing it won't get better & we're not happy anymore..(i hope i wasn't being selfish and did us both a favor..) sorry for the long story , i just thought maybe you'd get me :( and thank you so much for reading and replying ❤
I started watching your channel in 2022. Watching you from 4 years ago and now makes it so evident to me that eventually INFJs learn to be comfortable in our skin, or at least make people believe we are. I'm proud of myself for growing so much, and I'm proud of you, too!
I feel like us as infjs use a lot of anecdots and metaphors Which makes us more open and deep because it seems like we've deeply thought of the topic And it's cool I guess😂
Trying to explain my feeling and thought process in a way that others can understand or relate to is something I also struggle with. You really hit the nail on the head with these topics. I've been guilty of treating my intuition as a separate entity and not following it has been the cause of my undoing so many times.
I think developing a kind of spiritual literacy helps with this unbridled inner force you're describing. Our intuitive--mystical, if you like--side is most definitely an asset, but it sometimes gets in the way. It's not always right. And even when it IS accurate, sometimes there are lessons to be learned through having an experience anyway (even if you *feel* you already know what the outcome will be). Your intuition will often be correct, but the experience of living through something you've preemptively sussed out in your mind's eye may teach you valuable information. In essence, trust that voice, but don't be afraid to say: "I hear you, but I'm just going to live in the moment and flex my Se right now." For me, I consider my Ni, that internal intuition, to be my angels and protectors, my ancestors and my spiritual companions. But it's like family in any other sense; your mother might constantly give you advice, and you should be able to trust your mother (I hope), but at some point, you're going to have to just do you. Maybe you will fall, and maybe you'll fly, but it's learning to balance and nurture your own judgment (the kind that is more objective and perhaps rooted in past experience) with that subjective intuitive feeling. Your mom will always have your back (again, I hope), but sometimes you DO know best. And if you feel insecure, like you don't know best, trust yourself and keep practicing using your own judgment until those two voices can have a more equitable dialogue. You're at your best when you can take the best of your Ni function and combine it with the best of the more objective Se function.
I like your comment, I feel similarly.... I kinda feel my Ni is like a connection to a universal consciousness keeping me on track. When I defy it, I usually fall flat on my face, so to speak...
I only figured out relationships when i found out my personality type and started to understand me (infj)and my boyfriend (infp), whom I knew since a few months. All my internal random incoherences and behavior's patterns finally made sense! This is weird to say but this knowledge drastically change my life to the better. It was like before I couldn't really "see"me and other people for what we are. Also I must say that introverted intuitives really understand each other because they view the world in the same way:) Don't search for your opposite to complete you, understand YOU and work on your weaknesses. You need to balance yourself in order to function properly in a relationship.The thing you should watch for instead is a person that is genuinely willing to listen and understand you.
As an older INFJ (57 yrs old), I can tell you that it gets a little easier once you understand yourself and you help your partner to understand you over time. Blindsiding is what kills a relationship, understanding is the key. Make sure you're with someone who is not only interested in understanding you but also understanding their own personality type, so informed discussions can be had. Also, it's not impossible to change as an INFJ. I've been changing my overthinking of things, my lack of spontaneity as well as my habit to door slam on everything/everyone who wears me down. Those traits are still there, but as I've matured, I'm able to show a little more control.
Frank, you described my first ever relationship, followed by few other... I was getting these feelings as you mentioned. I had to escape. In a way I could see the end of the tunnel. So what I did, is that I left the relationships, with or without warning, I just did. But during this period of time I did learn to trust my own intuition a little bit more, I learnt to listen to my gut and not dive deeper into a relationship that felt off. Right now, I'm on a way better mental state, I feel emotionally and spiritually well and I have been practicing more that ever, and I have accepted that what needs to reach me, one day for sure will. My advice is to listen to your gut and do what it tells you from the beginning because I KNOW you get THAT FEELING.
I am INTJ and thank you so much for all these INFJ videos, me and my girlfriend (an INFJ) are finding it incredibly helpful to understand each other on a deeper level, in order to form more trust and commitment. And let me tell you, knowing about each other’s personality traits/types have now made conflicts vEry rare. Thank you so much for these videos dude.
Funnily, both me and my partner thought we were infp because we are both very creative yet reserved people. And with further research, we have come to realise that that is not the case. Anyone in the comments know why some types may be in denial to who they really are? Is that a thing? I guess I always viewed myself as more creative and free spirited when deep down I realize I’m much more analytical, and it’s comforting.
I read a great article yesterday w/my friends called: “What Do INFJs Want in a Relationship? “ It was on a personality junkie web . We laughed at it especially hard with my homie who is an infj, bc most of seemed So TRUE... (being picky etc) . “INFJs put high standards on themselves and they expect the same from their partners. But people are flawed (goodness knows the INFJ isn’t perfect either), and they will fail to satisfy the INFJs ideals from time to time. When something (or rather someone) doesn’t live up to their expectations, particularly if they are in the grip of Se, they can be incredibly condemning. For this reason it’s important that INFJs not put too much emphasis on outcomes, or physical manifestations, when it comes to what they expect from their partners. “ . The article also contained a good advice: “INFJs do better to select a partner with great potential and willingness to learn and grow. This means finding someone with the qualities mentioned above such as a lack of ego-defensiveness, openness and honesty, etc. These foundations are good enough to qualify as “ultimate”, and I believe the will to learn should be valued above performance on any of the INFJs’ given “stress tests”, as I like to call them. If the INFJ and his/her partner share great potential (i.e. a good foundation of communication and patience) with a shared desire to work toward the “ultimate” relationship (even if this a relatively illusory end goal, like a limit approaching a defined point but never actually reaching it) that is the ultimate relationship.” . Maybe that will help some infjs who constantly search for the sort of non-existent “perfect match” . On the side note ENFPS also have a problem with the intuition sometimes- I was suppressing my inner voice for years in a wrong relationship- and that was a lesson... Anyway.. & As usual we LOVED your video. :) thanks for your existence & good work Frankenstein xD Please post more about relationships, it’s always interesting:)
Ah the "stress test" I'm not the only one. One of my personality traits I hate the most about myself. Yet when it starts I can't stop it...then regret it afterwards.
When I'm in a relationship, I want both of us to grow out of it. Getting to a better version of ourself, that's my "Nirvana". If I don't see any progress, although I made it clear to my partner what I need to make it work for us; technically I could keep staying, because in reality the relation isn't particularly bad to be completely honest... But, I can't control my gut feeling. I need to run away, to set myself free from that relationship, so I can fully progress... in a more "positive" environment for me.
@@Dani_lolait I'm much better! I met someone else soon after and we've been dating for more than two years now :) But for you to ask this question right know, are you alright?
INFJ here. I have had lots of good relationships maybe I've just been lucky but only managed to settle with INTJ because he is always wanting to improve things. We can look outwards together.
As an INFJ, I completely understand what you mean. I remember when I first found out I was an INFJ, I saw that one of our common traits is being a perfectionist, which I sorta scoffed at at the time. However, I've discovered that it's true, because I keep trying to find the most ideal solution for various things in life - granted, most people do as well, however I feel INFJs do it more so. For instance, when I was in high school, people left and right were dating. I wanted to be in a relationship, but I seldom dated because I could tell that I wouldn't click with most guys at my school. Not to sound snobby, but INFJs tend to have high standards (again, another perfectionist thing) - mostly because we want someone who we feel "safe" with (a lot of people feel draining to be around for too long). I have had issues with past relationships as well, ending them when they just didn't feel right. Maybe they didn't do anything wrong, but I just didn't feel emotionally connected as I wanted to be. Sounds odd to say, since I WANTED to feel emotionally connected, but I simply didn't. I wanted the relationships to work, but it's like there were certain things that just didn't feel right for me (as bold as it may sound, I guess you could say that they didn't feel like "home" to me), and those things added up enough that I couldn't feel happy in the relationship. I felt frustrated with myself because they hadn't done anything wrong, but we as a couple just didn't feel right. In simpler words, one could say that I just didn't feel any chemistry, which is a common problem for many people besides just INFJs. However, because we tend to be perfectionists, we can have issues with finding someone compatible if we feel something important (even if we're not sure what at first) is off. I've found that when I've dated someone I didn't know very well, it never worked out. I think INFJs are most compatible with a close friend who they've known for a while. By being in the INFJs life for a long time, they're generally trustworthy. Even though like any human being they are not perfect, they are still worth keeping in the INFJs life. Time, patience, and understanding brings us closer to an individual, and I think that's generally what we're most attracted to.
i agree! on the few dates ive been on with people i met on dating apps its never worked out because theres just no chemistry or deep personal connection with a stranger. it takes a while to build stuff like that, and i dont have the patience to keep trying to do so with someone who hasn't come into my life naturally, who i have to keep giving energy and time to when maybe i wouldn't have otherwise (as in we wouldn't be friends if not for the dating)
I’ve been in three long term relationships-10yrs, 14yrs, 10yrs, each of which I outgrew over time, but all of which served a purpose in my own growth thru karmic lessons and a greater understanding of myself, my spiritually, my path, etc... and I believe as intuitive people, an INFJ “feels” when someone isn’t in alignment to where and how we see ourselves in the future.. and this is where intuition was let’s you know she wasn’t aligned to your future, even though you’re not sure what that means in the physical space of it all.. the INFJ spidey-senses know when something is off.
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I relate to all what you've said, in fact the one time i wanted to fight my intuition it got worser than it ever did in my entire life, so I'm learning to cooperate with it .... Maybe we suck in relation because of our idealistic side and how perfect we want everything to be .... in my opinion we should be with another weird person to not feel lonely because we tend to feel lonely due to our uniqueness and weirdness....
Yes, I agree that our idealism can cause lots of problems in a relationship. Maybe I will make another video about that aspect of things!
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Your respond made me happy =D Yeah it would be a nice, beside I'd like to hear your opinion or point of view about spirituality but also your spiritual journey in a future video if you don't mind .
So you touched on fear, and how you can not tell fear to go away. I will say that I have. I mean not entirely. So as a adolescent I was always afraid. Afraid of girls, Afraid of friends, Society, getting hurt both physically and emotionally, Afraid of myself. just afraid of everything. It was so bad it paralyzed me. I could not function, People did not understand so They picked on me. I knew it was not them, it was me. I wanted to change it but I was even afraid to make the first step. One day I was watching a movie (I do not remember what it was) but one of the characters basically said we all have fear but we can not allow fear to control us. That was my moment. I though long and hard about that for days. I decided I was not going to allow my fear to affect me anymore. I told myself that fear was an illusion and it was all in my head. I got up the next day an went down to the bridge I had see so many other people jump from. Its about a 40 ft drop. I looked down, told myself again its just an illusion. and I jumped. Btw I do not recommend this, it was very stupid of me. The fall was not an illusion and was very much real, But it worked. Ironic because of the old saying "You have to fall before you can rise". Anyway, I hit the water and was down for a few seconds and then the bubble pushed me back to the surface. It was as if that day I had been reborn. I still had fear but I wound never let fear stop me ever again. Now at days my friends look to me as the fearless one. They can not wrap there heads around how brave I can be. Let me tell you. I still am afraid of everything, But I absolutely refuse to allow fear to ever control me again, so I push it down inside me, raise my head high and walk right into whatever the future holds. Does not matter what it is. I basically before going into something that scares me. I just shut my brain down. I stop thinking and adopt the Nike slogan as a life moto. " Just do it". This is what makes others think I am fearless, and they tend to flock to me for I think either protection or confidence. Needless to say but I am going to say it anyway. I have come along way from the scared timid boy I once was to the strong man I am today.
I have this feeling that I wanna be the most important person to my partner, i don't care if the other people care, but I have this wish of be the most loved and do the same for the person that I will live with.
Thank you for confirming what I have known for a long time...my intuition literally takes over when I'm in a relationship that isnt working. Fortunately I have learned to just roll with it and let go because if my gut is saying get out I get out . The down side of this is not finding a relationship that is sustainable and fulfilling . But thanks for validating what I felt to be true
My last relationship was with another infj, she matched my weird in every way possible and yet I left her exactly how you described (which is why I came to this video in the first place, so thank you). The only woman who I've ever truly loved was a wild extrovert but I guess you know how that turned out so I really don't know who our perfect mates are, maybe we're all destined to be on our own? Lol
THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE LMAO. It makes you crazy wanting to leave someone but not being able to explain why/ feeling guilty.. but in my opinion its okay.. we are lucky to have this intuition!!!
I feel like my best relationships are with people who seem to be my opposite, since I always feel like I need someone to ground me in reality. As much as I would like to, I feel like I don't need to talk about philosophical musings with my romantic partner, since I have friends who can fill that role. I've had to come to terms with lessening expectations about the various roles I expected romantic partners to fulfill.
Yes-I've been with someone I would consider "deep" and the two of us did not make a light-hearted combo. I definitely feel like my husband's capacity for not overthinking things HELPS me! I need that perspective. We "get" each other on so many levels and enjoy the quirky little things about each other. He is intelligent and "deep"--but he doesn't spiral downward into depression.
I fell phisically ill and got depressed in my last relationship, because I would go against my intuition that told me I had to keep growing where the other person were not. I understand exactly what you're saying and how you express yourself, because I'm exactly like that- I see this is an older video and you've gotten much better at explaining your intuition, so right now you're a symbol of hope for me to keep improving myself. Thanks! This isn't any less scarier, though.
I feel like only a INFJ could understand everything he’s saying, because we say things that can make absolutely no sense but make perfect sense at the same time
Felt this
Tyler Wittner related so so so much to this video especially when he was like (dammit I can’t remember what he said exactly) is this making any sense?
I feel like I understand exactly where he’s coming from - but I’m an INTP.
I have very deep, profound feelings...but I struggle with them, because the part of me that’s “me” thinks, and analyzes, and is logical. There are ways that I think I should feel, or ways that I want to feel, or ways that make sense to feel - but then there is like this shadow-self of feelings that’s a whole different entity in and of itself, that feels certain ways about certain things - and there’s just nothing I can do about it.
That’s the person that falls in love. That’s also the person where, in the past, I’ve felt restless with someone and wanted to move on because they were too one-dimensional and not interesting, or challenging - and my “thinking self” felt deeply ashamed of that. Like - what is wrong with me, that I would feel that way?
so true :c
Absolutely... No one can absolutely understand another INFJ but another INFJ.. Since the things going on inside our heads doesn't make sense to other people... But I suggest that if you are truly an INFJ.. If you go out there meet with people don't say what's on your head , it would just confuse people.. I've learnt that from experience... People around me when I turn into something like that.. would just make everyone confuse...
I’m an infj and I feel like I can’t be with someone if we both won’t end up together in marriage and continue to grow and make each other better people
Perfect words from an INFJ. Exactl
thought here! Thanks for saying it out
Agree. I dated someone for 6 months. It was nice & she was a good girl but I don’t think that’s for me. I need someone who wants to grow, not get suffocated with irrelevant bullshit.
100% me always meet “only fun” type of guy in dating pool. Though game
Agree. Just broke up.What a relief!
I found myself agreeing with so much of what you portrayed as the internal struggle in relationships. After the ending of a 31 yr. relationship with a narcissist, I have learned a few things about myself, and grown waaaayyyy past the dictates & expectations of others. So much so that although open to a few possibilities, I will never again 'settle' while the real me is shelved b/c it makes others uncomfortable. Like you said, I am constantly growing and refuse to be with someone who is stagnant forever. I finally embrace and value who I am. One day...someone will have eyes to truly see me and value what they see. Until that happens, I am content to NOT hook-up. I have alot to give, and I've reach a deeply, unapologetic, settled place in my life, where throwing my 'pearls' at the feet of 'swine' has become a 'no-brainer' to me. Quality is worth waiting for....
I'm an INFJ and I feel like a fraud when my intuition doesn't match with what I'm doing.
Indeed, it 'crushes' the soul trying to follow certain 'rules' in order to get the job your after; when you know better but cannot present satisfactory evidence for your "superiors"...
This! So much!
I have to ALWAYS be authentic. I suck at interviews, anything like that. I have to feel like I'm being honest.
@@urmama54 yaaassssss!
Omgg yesss
does anyone else have this with friendships? in the beginning of one, i’ll connect to somebody and my hopes get super high, but then, after about 6 months i’ll get super uncomfortable and sad. i’ll just feel like we’re a total mismatch and that people take advantage of me, and especially, my ability to listen.
I give less in relationships now, and have lost friends..
I have this with friends too. I am changing too fast but they aren't
Nelle-La La Music I give less in relationships too now but instead of losing friends I stay at the same stage or phase with them and never progress. If I do make progress, it’ll be right before we split ways. I’m too afraid to give because people have taken advantage of me or betrayed me after opening up to them and as INFJ you know it takes a lot to give a little of yourself up to someone and get vulnerable. If I get rejected or if people get uncomfortable, I go into immediate regret and question my every being and bottle up and take even longer to open up in the next relationship :/.
Yessssss
Only every single depressing one of them.😥 I'm sorry you guy's go through these horrible life experiences too!
I try and view it as we all contribute something positive in each others life that we need to help each other grow for awhile and when we're finished with that we have to let each other go to make room for the next person that will come into our lives to help us blossom into the beautiful person we were ment to be!
Sending a little love your guy's way.........❤❤❤❤❤ I hope all of our situations improve soon!🙂
We should organize INFJ get-togethers...
Everyone smiling embarrassedly at eachother
At least we would understand each other's mental state 😊
That would be nice
I will end up finding me a partner ha ha. So gloomy without the one sometimes
Should destructive INFJs (Targaryen-ish) be limited to one per table? Those of us who haven't been driven over to dark side can make a mission of pulling comrades back from the brink xD
This reminds me of speaking through telepathy and it still makes sense
Totally agreed.. Girl you've described the reaction quite well😂
"Does this make any sense? Does this make any sense whatsoever?"
Holy cow I have never felt more understood in my life, YES MY GUY. But only to the other INFJs 😂
I too often find myself describing my strange actions as if I have two or more personalities.
-INFJ
Kj27 Wolf is it like you feel that you’re using that “social chameleon” ability because that’s how it is with me man. It’s like multiple people know different versions of me.. like I’ve got multiple personalities
@@ajj774 I recently found out I actually do have multiple personalities... It was a quite a shock.
I suggest you look into it, you know, just in case.
Kj27 Wolf I will... just in case. You’re right never know🤷🏾♂️
Sugar EXACTLY.. couldn’t have said it better.. and I think I’ve also discovered that all these versions of me that different people know are real.. they’re all apart of my personality, but they’re only pieces.. the culmination of them all is the real me.. my true personality.. which I only show to people I trust completely and wholly..
@Sugar I just came out of a relationship, short lived which always seems to be the case. I tend to be tough on the outside, and sensitive on the inside. But no one sees that because I was rejected.
Another thing - the average person's energy drags me down. I cannot deal with absorbing mundane and stagnant energy in a relationship. It simply depresses me.
Exactly.
Average person? Just bcuz ur an infj doesn’t mean ur superior. Entitled prick
I’m with you...
@@kidyes8341 That isn't what she's implying at all. If you find a person or conversation boring, you have the right to not want to engage in it. Another thing that can bother INFJs is people being overly sensitive.
The “average person”. Ur an INFJ so ur better?
Because we are people pleasers and eventually start to loose ourself in the process. Then we start to resent the fact that we can’t do the things we truly want to do, therefore feel drained all the time.
you hit the nail on the head.
This is the reason I decided romantic relationships are prison and I've been single ever since. At least until I'm able to stop being a people pleaser
Mr James, don't even stress if u think ur not explaining things "right"-- If an INFJ is watching, we already know 😁
This is the most infj comment ever it's giving the adviser advise. I love us man.
@@alotofbritney3405 so true, love us too😂
So true!
I agree! Exactly what goes on inside me! You did a fabulous job describing the feeling. I’ve tried to go towards what I want and move the rocks myself but no matter how hard I tried the rocks wouldn’t move and my boat was ship wrecked. You then realize you can’t be happy.
Perhaps we subconsciously realize that romantic relationships have expiration dates, yet we want to so badly believe in the ever after.
so true
With movements suchas metoo the risk is usually not worth the reward.. so if the relationship doesnt seem 100% beneficial why bother especially for men because they seem to be the biggest losers of the game.
Definitely true...I have some hope, but it's still hard.
Yep mine is 2 years (friendship and romantic wise) before things burn in a hellish fire!! 🙃 lol
THIS IS ME IN EVERY RELATIONSHIP. SUBCONSCIOUSLY IM LIKE SO IMMA GIVE U A HEADS UP ITS GONNA LAST AT MOST 8 MONTHS. YOU CAN LEAVE NOW WHILE I AM LOUD AND CLEAR AS UR UNCONCIOUS OR U CAN LAST THAT 8 MONTHS WITH A BUNCH OF PAIN TRYING TO FIX THIS WHEN U CANT.
6:18 It's kind of like once you know something, you can't unknow it and that's why you couldn't continue to be happy in that relationship.
Perfectly said
Fellow INFJ here. I think I get the part when you ask which part of you is the REAL YOU.
In my opinion it's both. There are 2 personalities living inside of us. I call them the Feeler and the Thinker.
Thinker is wise, logical, strategic. He can make accurate predictions. He takes responsibility.
Feeler is impulsive, sensitive and emotional. He gives you empathy. He messes with your head when you're in love.
I'm both of them, that's why I often feel torn apart between two mindsets.
This is so me.
Omg same
I get this. I describe mine to myself like it's just my head and my heart. How I've made this relationship work is by saying listen to my heart which can actually see the positives of his personality. This only works on character not on ppls behaviour! Because that I am always seeing as changeable.
I've always felt this way too and I just never told anyone because I didn't want to seem crazy. Somehow I feel like I'm my own team, like how I get answers to the questions I have and my motivation for doing things. it all comes from bouncing off of my logical personality to my emotional personality untill I agree.
This is so true... I adore my thinker side but that feeling side.... gah... I would chop half of it off and throw it away. I mean I like that I am compassionate and an intense lover. It’s just my feeling side can be extremely intense and overwhelming. I believe I have a higher than average sex drive because of it. I mean it is so intense to the point I can barely move afterwards and I feel hazy for days after intercourse. My energy gets zapped and I feel lifeless. I avoided relationships and sex for a while because of that, I often felt sick and cant tolerate the bonding experience. I would often just disappear and hope that person forgot me, but of course I got the opposite. I know I have broken a couple hearts but it wasn’t intentional, I just could not handle the emotional drainage I was experiencing.
Anybody else feel this way and is an infj?
As an INFJ-T, relationships do not last long for me. That "other part" of me that you speak about can see inside the other person. Their actions and their words are magnified. Their inconsistency, disrespect, lack of morals, lack of character, lack of consideration, laziness, apathy, they blare at me. Something as little as a voice inflection or mannerism tells me volumes. I once dated a woman with very low self-esteem. That relationship lasted longer than most. She was hard on herself and I would feel good trying to improve her self-esteem. But eventually, the chaos inside of her turned outward and her internal abuse also started to be directed toward me. I ended the relationship at that point.
I had a similar situation with you before but with a girl I called best friend. She meant the world to me but slowly, her negative energy eating me out and drained me every single day and time. Glad that it's over now. Yup relationship is hard :)
Going through the low self-esteem partner situation right now. It's starting to effect me too much but can't leave them because of their mental state
Feel like I am sadly in this situation right now :( But I don’t want to be
A word of advice from an INTP? (I say that, so you know I’m crazy.)
From having an unfortunate habit of trying to save people I learned something.
Take away a person’s negative emotions, and they will rely on you to keep them at bay. Fail to do so, and they will resent you for it.
At the end of the day, you should accept some responsibility for this. Depression, anxiety, self-consciousness - they are necessary tools for self-improvement.
My stance these days is to accept that those things exist in people, to be there to listen about it, assure them they’re not alone, and leave it at that.
If your primary motivation is to fix someone - you’re not really viewing them as an equal, are you? People will dislike you when you hold them back. Grooming them to emotionally depend on you isn’t healthy for them. Most people will pick up on it on a subconscious level, and rebel.
Anyways, I’m sorry if I’m sounding rude! Maybe this helps some. This is my personal experience with similar situations
Robert Johnson has this experience for the first time 2years ago and 3 times since then I feel like I need to help them to a point I end up leaving if their own issues are overwhelming and killing my vibe or I felt like I did enough and it’s time to let them go make someone else happy with their new found happiness-get it?
What I learned in my past relationships was I tried to mimic their personalities for us to be compatible and good for each other. People even say we're meant to be together because we compliment each other but at some point I break those personalities and show the "me" inside and they think I have change or I am not me anymore. Them without knowing that the "me" they saw was just superficial made for them. And when I can't mimic them anymore because I'm exhausted, they'll think I have change lately. I don't.
just like that
Be yourself. The people that love the real you will be attracted to that.
As an INFJ, I can relate to that 🙂
It's hard to enter a relationship when you just know it won't work out even though you don't have the evidence to really explain why. I feel like I know almost right off the bat of being interested in someone. I'm not trying to be pessimistic it's just a thing that happens.
I always get stuck in the middle of not wanting to waste my time and emotions on a doomed relationship but there's a part of me that feels like I still need to experience it or... practice???
I haven't pursued anyone in about 4 years because of this. I think I'd rather be alone than try to be with someone I'm not meant for.
Honestly, I think it might be about pickiness. Not perfection, necessarily. But finding a healthy person that vibes with your vibes. Someone with the same morals and life goals. I think it's kind of an all or nothing thing...Maybe? Or not... I don't know. Who even am I?
Everything will be fine. That's why the universe made cats.
Man, this is the exact feeling that I wanted to express and put in words. I am sometimes torn apart between these two feelings. I had been thinking that maybe I didn't have enough social skills to get into a relationship but now I see the truth. I have been waiting to find someone on my level of understanding and purpose for life and not just any superficial, live-in-the-moment type. And I haven't met someone like that yet and don't know if I will.
This is exactly what i want to say. Omaygaaaad💘
Oh goooood thank you so much, exactly that was on my mind and I'm so relieved I'm not the only one. I felt weird.
This is exactly how I feel. I try to date people but when I meet them and get to know them even if it's just for a day, I can tell if it's gonna work or not. I haven't being in a relationship 4 years ago either and this is why. I tried to know them more but inside of me I'm just thinking it's a waste of time
Relatable asf!
“Do we need a bland person who absorbs our weirdness, or do we need another weird person who interlocks with our weirdness?”
This question has been haunting me since I first watched this video a year ago. In fact, when I first watched it, I was caught in between a bland person and a weird person who fit me almost perfectly. I ended up choosing the bland person. I think I originally chose him because he was safe to me. It was a stable, familiar environment and I could sleep peacefully next to him. But there was no adventure, no chase, no butterflies, nothing. I experienced all of those things with the weird person, and what eventually drove me away from him was the anxiety of clashing, but I think I labeled it as my intuition telling me things could not work out and that I needed to run.
In my experience, I have to say weird is better. It’s balancing, while the bland is suffocating. Both these men were opposites of me, but only one of them complimented my weirdness, while the other invalidated me and who I was. I am still with the bland partner, and while he did nothing wrong to me, I am miserable. I knew that no matter who I would be with, I would always be misunderstood, but I never realized HOW misunderstood I could possibly be until this one. Now I just dream and dream for any hint of “weird” to come my way, because being misunderstood a little bit is not nearly as bad as being completely misunderstood.
I can literally "feel" this.
Amanda Braithwaite same
FRICKIN SAME. Literally just let the bland person go today and am choosing to move forward with the weird one (just so happens to be an INFJ) I too fear our isms will clash however I've never felt more understood and intrigued by someone. Here's to hoping I don't regret this in the long run! 🥂😬
Maybe you should watch Dear INFJ’s, A love letter from an ENFP (Linda Pinda) 😉
Dreaming of any hint of "weird" hahaha. Desperate times :(
An INFJ here: First of all, hugs!:) Second of all, fear ruins most of relationships, from my point of view. Fear of messing things up, fear of trusting someone too much, fear of not being loved as much in return, fear of being with the wrong person, fear of being scrutinized by someone you trust... “Seeing through your partner”, so we think, doesn’t help either... And lastly that fantasized in our complex minds perfect Princess or Prince who does amazing things for us in our heads, the things that no normal person would never even think of doing and if they do, our own insecurities would tell us to not believe that it was sincere from the heart... ruin it for us even more. So, let’s stay positive and not suck at being in a relationship, but let’s get better! Not sure how, but learning about how screwed up we are does help, maybe let them fall for all that is good in us and take them in the way they are? I don’t have an answer, really :) Happily single, yours truly, just another selfless martyr INFJ:)
You are very beautiful. For me it’s exactly the same. Everyone tells me how beautiful I am, but I have never had a proper normal relationship. (I am 30 now) I just am never happy with those men. I find the most happiness in my home, in my garden, with my thoughts and in exploring the spiritual infinity. I learned to let life come at me the way it comes. I will always be happy. No matter what, and you will also be honey. Wish you all the best 💕
I totally agree with you. I have your same fears! I ended up a relationship 13 months ago but I still feel. Stay cool and atractive.... Ja!
Glad to hear you embracing your INFJ type and focusing on growth instead of just accepting flaws. I'm sure if you are still single today it is your own choice, and not a lack of self improvement :)
I feel seen, fellow INFJ.
When INFJ goes against intuitions, i end it up in troubles sometimes
True
Same
Yes, me too haha
Major, pay a huge price
Always
INFJs : they break a lot of hearts. I accepted crappy relationships because I didn't think true love existed. As soon as I found someone who was properly compatible with me and kind, the relationship became reciprocal rather than me putting in all the effort and feeling empty in return. Everyone changes with time. A successful couple grows together.
Tarot Wisdom Agreed, it is difficult to find friendships that grow in strength and consciousness, let alone a romantic relationship! The message has been coming to me a lot lately to try and meet people where they are and appreciate them despite their limitations. Some friendships just will only be so deep. How can we make them fruitful in a way that is satisfying to us?
Goldfishcrayon; love your name. Just had to tell ya
this. thank you
goldfishcrayon I love this. It gives me life
What was it that made you realize you were compatible? Were there signs, or things to look out for?
I'm with a girl right now and I love her a lot, but more and more I find myself closing up and distancing myself because it felt exactly like you described - one sided, leaving me feeling empty.
To be fair, she is very busy, but there is always time for a person's priorities.
I just ended a thirty year relationship- marriage...I'm at peace now. I needed so much more. I needed emotionally intimacy, openness, and someone aware of their higher self.
Congrats!💖👍😎🙂
This is exactly what I needed to read. Thank you
Fellow INFJ here. My relationship history is also far from great. I only found out about MBTI a year ago or so, and before that, I can honestly say that it was hard to have a relationship, as I didn't truly know myself. One boyfriend said "who are you? You are the softest, warmest person I know...and yet you're hard as nails and so very cold. Which is it?" I honestly could not answer him.
Yah, kinda understand this..
Absolutely spot on
We are full of contradictions.
Me 💯
That's what I'm thinking when even I'm not sure who I'm how the other person can understand me.
Its simple. We need somone fun loving and adventurous that is emotionally and mentally stable.
Wow yes
Well, good luck to all of us finding that ONE almost mythical person in the world, and deciding who's gonna get him/her in that case! :D
@@Keyboardje exactly all the personality types suffer through mental and emotional abuse.
I just keep attracting narcissists!!! 😭
Yeah soo true
I first read the title as ‘why INFJs have relationships’ and as an INFJ I was all like ‘oh yeah why do we do that lol’
Infj’s in relationships don’t like others controlling us. We are the ones who prefer to lead a relationship. If we sense someone trying to control us then we will become very distant.
Yes and it means that you're driving a car, so to speak, based off of feelings and not accurate perceptions regarding what's really occurring on the road. Letting the INFJ be boss can take you over the cliff.
BEST BOOK NETWORK no. The INFJ is the Boss always
@@Musician_Robert No wonder they live lives of quiet desperation. So INFJs NEVER learn give and take and cant learn to follow a boss or someone eles's lead?
BEST BOOK NETWORK its called equal give and take in any relationship. Narcissistic people just like to take everything.
It should not be about who is in charge, it's about partnership. That's the issue right there.
I am INFJ - I find it hard to find people with the patience, interest and depth to relate to me the way I need.
This 100%.
As an extrovert I can say that its exhausting deal with someone who doesn't want to share anything, acid person , who doesn't speak or doesn't want to go anywere.
Sometimes that make you feel that you are not important on the life of them, and that hurts, ghosting hurts , you feel totally contemped so as much as we want to understand you, there's a point where you can't hold it anymore .
😭😭😭
I'm an INFJ and I married a INTP... the best 15 yrs of my life so far. The N is the most important letter to connect with.. the rest of the letters will connect in other ways but to be able to intuitively connect is so so great. On our first date I asked him give me 5 things to describe time. A sensor will immediately say clocks, schedules, calendars...etc... but an intuitive will never be able to answer all 5.. they'll think.. they'll say things like forever, bigger than us.. overwhelming, etc...
Interesting, I think I would have answered a mixture of those things. Maybe immediately say clock, watch, calender. I am an intuitive though.
And I disagree. For example, I think the F/T dynamic makes you feel most connected. So it's subjective and depends on the individual.
Glad you are in a fulfilling relationship though and found your person ☺.
As an infp time is samay in Hindi waqt in Urdu dhar in Arabic 🤔..I don't know more
its crazy how I took the test. and got INFJ and reading my whole life on the internet, like 99% of what people and articles are saying is correct. I have felt lonely and felt that I was the only one who have these feelings. But now I know, that I am not the only one who have these different thoughts
Yes! It's like you finally know where you're at and where you've been and that you haven't been the only one ever feeling this way. It's comforting finally getting someone who understands us lol Reading it is surreal
I thought myself to be an alien and being so hard on myself until i discover just this week that i am INFJ.. Now i have a better understanding why i struggle with depression.. Why i only fall for narcissists/narcissistic tendencies.. Love i stumble with his video and took the test cause i felt he gets me and read the comments that are just so me..
Isn't it like the biggest sigh of relief 😌 ever!! Now to read countless books and grow
same here
ikr idk if its the same with other personalities but i feel like in a way iam not alone and theres someone that can totally understand me
I have never been able to relate to so many ppl in a comment section. Love u guys glad to see im not alone (:
Manny , same
Dido..😍😘
same
Same here...!!
commenting with my kind has made it to being a topic in my therapy session
The thing inside you that you're talking about sounds like your higher self. Your conscious self (your ego) might want something else, because it's focusing on things like what looks good on paper, what's safe, if the person gets along with your family etc. But your higher self knows what you really need, and if the relationship causes you to not be your authentic self it won't feel good. It's painful for us when we make decisions that are different that what our higher self wants. It's like driving down the road. Everything is fine and dandy. But as soon as you derail from the road, you start hitting stones and other things. That's what it feels like when your conscious self and your higher self are not aligned. It's not fun, and it makes life hard when it doesn't need to. The best thing is to honor your true inner knowing (not your thoughts, but your intuition), and live your life according to that. I'm an INFJ and I've have also become physically ill from staying in relationships with people that wasn't a good match for me. On the surface there was nothing wrong with the relationship, but underneath it was killing me slowly.
this! yes.
YEEEES ! this comment describes how i feel perfectly ! Even if on the surface there's nothing wrong, if it feels wrong i'll become physically ill too ! And i can't put a finger on it..but as i matured i fully trust my intuition now ! I don't have to find a logical reason, i do what feels right and makes me comfortable
I was the complete same my ex boyfriend needed help mentally and lacked confidence. I have anxiety but I've been diagnosed and know how to handle it most of the time but he had never talked to anyone and I kept helping him/encouraging him. It got to the point where I was physically ill as all I was doing was giving. He was attractive, my family & friends liked him he was my friend but I didn't love him or feel loved. I could have settled with him but my gut kept telling me it was wrong.
Thatwas3moagobeforeiknewwhetinfjtmeant
What if I left someone against intuition, because logically it was the right thing for my wellbeing?
I've been lucky enough to be in a relationship for the past 27 years (I'm 51). The key to making it work for this INFJ is "friends first, lovers second." Very important. Another important aspect of our relationship is that my partner accepts me for who I am - weirdness and all. I also use my intuitive powers to keep things open between us - but some folks might not like this too much...lol. Great vid - keep up the good work. :)
Byrontastic Exactly!
I’ve found the friends first thing to be true as well. 😊
I agree, completely! Friends first, to me means a relationship that goes so much deeper than the regulated "lovers first" hype that so many have been taught as normal which is superficial.
Byrontastic Totally agree friend first always. Most important.
so it's possible! Thanks
Feels like a curse most if the time, walking contradiction, dissociating, indecisive, ect..
I am an INFJ who frequently changes her “look,” and I really appreciate how Frank has so many different looks too. Like people will full on not recognize me after a few months. And I feel like that’s happens when I watch his videos. Which is very validating. Haha
I change looks cuz I get bored
I'm INFJ. I felt trapped in every relationship I had or have. I've always been looking for a person I could be a 'real me' with. I've never found that of course. I don't think it is possible.
I did find that once as an IFNJ actually. Though the problem was that I didn't realize he was the one for me until too late, I have no chance with him anymore I don't think.
I too feel the same
I met an INTJ and she’s the greatest human to walk this earth. I’m an infj and she’s brought me so much happiness
do you feel the same way about your job or career? I'm an ENPT with an INFJ partner who, along with myself, struggles with the feeling of trappedness not only in relationships, but in most things
Sarah Cottrell wow this literally happened to me too ha
I love how you're trying to explain how you feel and you can't really pinpoint exactly what you're feeling but I totally get what you're saying. Especially about how you feel like there's this thing inside of you that you can't control and you don't know why your intuition is making you act a different way. It's like having 2 people in one mind, so self-conflicting.
I do the two people thing sometimes. It's like you have a subjective reality built around intuition and another objective reality that is in the moment physically.
I call it Living in the Dichotomy. Mainly because one is true and one isn't, or part of both is both true and untrue.
Then you get into trying to resolve the dichotomy. Lol.
Right on the nose 👃. Ughhhhhhhhh
Itsjustjeannn It’s more the natural course of Ni... it’s a process by which we eventually make a judgment about a situation or relationship after we’ve taken in as much information as we can and want. Ni takes time before action is taken. I guess it comes off abrupt to the other person because he/she doesn’t see the inner processing that occurs consciously and subconsciously. To the INFJ though, it makes complete sense.
@@nealowen6093 you made me cry.....i feel SO understood! Thank you and God bless you!
@@flamingsword777 thanks for the lovely comment.
Forty six year old INFJ speaking here. I've had two long term relationships. First one was 1995-2010 and 2011-2018. I ended both relationships. I can only describe it as a moment of self actualization that led to my decision to cut ties and move on. But realistically these relationships went on far too long and after time no longer served me or my partners. Part of the issue was autonomy and personal growth. It's difficult to be with a partner who has little or no personal growth when you're a supernova of personal growth. The other issue is spirituality and deeper meaning which many don't understand and don't care to understand. To be happy with a partner that partner needs to get you. Not many people get INFJs. And this is why relationships are a struggle for me and so many other INFJs.
verygood37 I am struggling with my 5 years old relationship. The person I am with has zero personal growth. He is extremely into making money and his job that he doesn’t even think about personal growth. Our wedding is close but I feel extremely disconnected and blaming myself for feeling this way. He does not understand me and says that I over think life. I just want deep conversations and so much love and empathy. He on the other hand talks on a surface level and never asks questions about life in general. Apart from that he is a good man , he is just extremely boring and never curious. Idk what is happening to me Big I feel guilty for asking for more.
@@ninasa8100 I've been in your shoes. It was 1996 and early 1997. My first marriage--Sept 20, 1997. My gut told me the relationship wasn't going to work. But I was young and thought being married would change how I felt and how he behaved. It did not. And like you, I craved those deeper conversations and a real soulful connection. That relationship slowly pushed forward bringing two children (the best gifts he ever gave me) and a final official ending in Jan 2011. I felt a lot of guilt leading up to the divorce. People think as long as your partner makes money life is good. But part of the issue was we didnt speak each other's love language and his growth was stunted, plus he exhibited narcissist traits such as frequent gaslighting, lying, and belittling. He was unhappy and I was unhappy. Jordan Peterson has some great videos about partnership compatibility. For me the experience taught me that I need more in common with a partner, or I need to accept that it will never be what I desire most and fulfill my emotional needs through other people. My second marriage in Aug 2016 taught me that I dont enjoy being married.
It's not easy when you're wired like us. Always thinking of others and craving that emotional intimacy while other people, especially obstinate, disagreeable, partners tell us we're the problem. It feels like a head game. We question ourselves and become less of who we truly are to satisfy them, but being what they want us to be begins to take its toll over time...
I wish you all the best, Soraya SA. I hope you can either accept him for what he is and get your emotional needs met without him, or you stay true to yourself alone and know there's more than one person out there for everyone. Never feel guilty for being you.
verygood37 thank you for such a beautifully explained respond. I can defiantly learn from your life lessons. It is first time someone understands what I’m talking about ! I wish you all the best too and thanks for the advice. Hopefully I make the right decision 🖤
You're most welcome. With age comes wisdom, hopefully. Best piece of advice i can give anyone is know who you are and what you need and listen to your gut not your heart in these matters. Take care! ❤❤
your awkward humor is very charming and reminds me of my own.
Yeah i relate to this awkward humor to it's like you don't want people to see you as superficial, so everytime we admire something that seems overrated we backtrack and display our utter most frustration with it. That's why we are private too because we don't want people to label us to what were doing in the moment because after all it can just be a momentary thing were trying or we have a specific reason to why were giving it a chance.
Same! 😄
Amara Rumancek haha so true
sammmee
YES!!! EXACTLY!! I searched for days something that could describe his humor, finally found it, it is awesome!
Omg! This is so apt. I mean.. I have had friends ask me what i have against relationships. When i meet someone, it's all rainbows and sunshine trying to figure the person out. I just dive in deep so fast that it feels like this instant connection that can't be explained. And i get this great feeling at the initial phase. Then a month down the line, when the other person begins to get into it and maybe wants to take it to the next level, i begin to feel myself pull away.
Then i go out of my way to identify all the reasons why it wont work. People that see us together think we are great together. But deep down i keep telling myself that the person only likes me because he doesn't really know me.
And they can't understand it. No one can. I really can't explain it myself. Then it finally gets to the phase when i just withdraw and become cold and i just sabotage the whole thing so i don't hold the other person back.
I just always feels like i am a better version of myself when i'm alone. And no one ever matches up to my values. Sometimes i feel like i maybe set too high standards and it's just me being to extra. But after i try to bend a bit, my inner self tells me, no one should ever make me lower my standards and snap! I'm back
Another thing that's really wierd for me is the whole physical intimacy in relationships. Omg! I find it exhausting. I mean i want to be with someone i like and not make out all the time. I feel like sometimes, having deep conversations is more intimate than all of the physical stuff and maybe that's one of the things that hold be back from relationships on some level.
But no one ever understands. For the most part, i feel like i'm alone in this world eventhough i have a lot of friends and acquaintances.
Things started to feel better when i found out about the MBTI and INFJ. At least i know I'm not alone😊
You just described me so accurately, down to every little detail
Exactly....couldn't have said it better
The thing you said regarding physical intimacy. I crave the warmth of someone else beside me, yet I hate having them in my face all the time. Making out all the time feels like a shortcut out of a real connection I want. I love hugs and cuddles especially because you can talk when doing it and that feels amazing. It shows you have time and space for eachother and feel comfortable as being 2 different people who happen to love eachother, rather than being 1 entity which can't function without eachother. I hate codependency.
You literally just described a good 80% of my relationships. Friendships and romantic interests. I can also relate to the whole 'snapping back' thing.
Between college and relationships, job hunts...etc I feel like this has been tested so much. I've gotten job offers that just feel wrong to take to my core. I've taken classes that I know I won't pass. And I've walked into relationships too fast, too hard.
I will say that I've come to a place where I'm pushing myself to communicate differently in relationships, though. Without giving too much of myself away, in the process.
Holy crap. This. This is everything that describe me and my past relationship. The way you actually put it into words amazes me. I don’t feel so alone anymore
This is me trying to explain my feelings.
“Does that makes sense”
“I’m getting a little side tracked here”
😂
Just stumbled upon your videos and I have laughed at every single one of them. I'm an Infj female and here are my two cents why we "suck" at relationships. For starters, I think a lot of people just settle when it comes to what a relationship can offer. As an Infj I aspire for that ideal real-ationship (see what I did there? I like me some wordplay). We see through people easily and in my experience I kinda want a partner that at least tries to match my level of depth and understanding of the other person (a.k.a being open and curious). That's where the growth element comes in. It's not so much actual growing as it is a peeling of the multiple layers the other has. It's about the willingness to be uncomfortable and sit with the messiness (and as Infj complexities and awkwardness) that inevitably comes up from doing life with the other person. Now, in my experience not a lot of people are willing to do that or even interested in unfolding in that type of manner. Like a relationship is just something you have and that's it. But for me, it's the one place where I get to safely explore the deeper parts of myself and grow through that. If that isn't true intimacy (in-to-me-you-see, haha wordplay once more!) (what for me is the whole point of having relationships) then what's the point right? I rather be left alone to find the truth of who I am, than to have to entertain the other person because he/she isn't busy exploring his/her own intricacies. To put it simply, not a lot of people are so (obsessively) loyal to truth and to being self aware. Which is fine by the way! It just means that the "normal" way of relating, just isn't meant for me. And that is okay too! However, for me, my whole life is a spiritual practice and relationships too, so I really am learning to honor that and being okay that I am an intense and deep person.
You cut it out with the wordplay or I might ban you from the channel!
Ha ha, thank you for the well spoken comment. I especially agree with saying that a relationship is meant to explore parts of yourself. That's something I didn't know until very recently. Many people think of it as something you "have," a thing to add to yourself, but not something that can help you understand yourself, or even to tear yourself down, in a good way. So many people, me included for a long time, never are too intentional about relationships. Just like whatever happened to come around was good enough. Being more intentional about relationships and everything in life is important to me.
Yeeeeeessss! I can so relate to the intentional living and therefore also intentional/mindful relating aspect. Thanks for being so frank (haha wordplay?)
VanishedAlien I agree about wanting that safe place to grow. And not just grow myself but to truly grow with a partner. It’s rare if it even exists.
I'm an INFJ and I relate to everything u said..
This is so me. I don't know how to explain but this is exactly what i seek in a realtionship. It's because we can see through people easly and my mind calculate how the future works with her . Its always on the point that i just entertain her for a daily life and gave the energy to the person but the person itself cannot give the same thing and get really connected .
Frank, I relate on so much you mention. My longest relationship broke up because I was being pulled in a different direction but couldn't explain it. I think we need a partner who allows us to grow and be who we are naturally. The hard part is articulating how we feel when it can be so abstract. As you said, the types aren't a strong indicator that things will work out, even if those types match on paper. I think people who understand themselves more can overcome the obstacles that occur in relationships. Thanks again for a great video.
Chris Gains man I can relate just go out from 5 years relationship cos I cant grow with him
Well, this is a relief to hear. When I was in my first love/intimate relationship, I was shocked at how my body reacted before my mind caught up and realized that I was tremendously unhappy. I had always believed in mind over matter, but since then, I know that my bodily reactions tell the truth. I can misinterpret my mind and deny my emotions, but the physical reactions cannot be ignored. And that gets me committed to getting out of the conflict. That said, I wish that I'd been wise enough to recognize a healthy relationship.
What were your physical signs?
The saying "Mind over matter" REQUIRES that the WILL is in agreement with the mind. Perhaps I am not clear how the WILL and INTUITION intertwine exactly as I do not see them the same but in my experience the Intuition ALSO needs to be in agreement with the WILL or else the WILL will not fully be there. That is my understanding of "Mind over Matter" ... not that one can push themselves to do what is reckless.. in which going against your intuition is reckless.... of which I am guilty of a few times and have my physical injuries to show for it.
Our boy FJ. Lol. Keep it up FJ. I like you more and more. You have a complex wit. I love it.
i dont normally comment but this feels like a safe place so ill say something. i want someone who understands me and i can have deep conversations with but also someone who complements me and can get me out of my head but i dont want someone who's WAY too out there and social cause its intimidating but at the same time i want someone who has a different perspective from mine but like knows how to interact with other human beings since im not the best communicator. in all this, i dont know if im being unreasonably picky or if me being paradoxal is why i have such a wide array of needs in a partner. halp. ive had like 2 relationships in my life and the longest was like 6 months. with frequent breaks in between so its probably less. and tbh, ive felt happier being on my own than ive felt being in these relationships lmao
katity same thing
Sounds like you're describing an ENFP lol
I feel you
Bruh same, Im in a relationship right now and tbh I just feel anxious half of the time, maybe I’m just not made for this stuff :’)
I also like living alone. I think it's an infj thing
Wow! I'm 64, and it just dawned on me that this is what I do, and why I become restless with my life. I've been married for 42 years, luckily we both are self improvers. Thanks Frank!
Yes! The ramblings make total sense. I feel like every relationship I have I have my energy sucked out of me eventually, until the internal voice tells me it's time and I give up and run!
Oh no! Do you know what their types were? Sensors tend to be harder for us to be around. And if they're not as independent as we are then that's another thing that tends to suck the energy. Don't give up though, I know you'll find people who won't suck your energy though!💖
@@LillithElaina ISTPs - they're just not for me 🤣
When you speak it makes me laugh because they way we go about explaining things are the same like everything or way you explain something had a deeper level. Whereas most other ppl would be like wth are you talllking abooooout lol I love your vids
Lol. Don't ask me a question about a topic of my interest. I will tell you absolutely everything about it thinking you are looking for information, only to look up a see a dropped jaw. Then I hear "How do you know and remember so much about that. I was just asking a simple question." Me, what the heck is simple?
GREEN THOUGHTS he’s speaking normally what are you talking about??? You must be a basic beoch
@@michaelvey3978 lol wot?
Hahahahahaha i understand what u are trying to say
I just watched this video and realized how amazing and different people can be. I am not an INFJ but I surely had contact to one of them and after this explanation is easier for me to accept why some people cannot explain what they feel or why they act in a special way. For me as an extroverted personality is helpful to know this. it makes easier to just accept it and let the people be the way they are. Thanks for the video.
I so relate to that sick feeling in a relationship. I think for me it stems from the subconscious realization that I know I'm gonna leave this relationship soon, but this dude is SO into me and that sucks because now I have to leave and make him sad.
Every time I get involved with someone it does not take me long before I realize I messed up and chose someone based on literally nothing and now I have to make this dude sad because I came out of my fugue and decided to end things.
My intuition be leading me to people who need therapy, but I am not a doctor.
Have you been spying on my life? lol. Pretty much sums up my relationships.
This is exactly, word by word, what is happening to me right now.
It sucks and I don't know what to do.
Dam, Thanks! It's a satisfactory thing to know that this feeling of being leading (by that weird thing called intuition) to people who need therapy it's not only mine.
That is different than what Frank is saying. He meant outgrowing relationships, not being irresponsible in choosing our partners and hurting peoples’ feelings as collateral damage. That’s a completely different issue and I don’t think is as justifiable as this situation here.
That is such a lowly thing to do, dumping someone so easily and giving the other guy false hope, false dreams while you yourself know it in your heart that you will end up leaving him today or tomorrow, just to delay your inevitable, cold rejection. HOW DARE U 😡
i never knew why i felt i was dropped on a foreign planet until i discovered i was an INFJ... through spiritual focus and meditation i realized i was blessed with being a unicorn not cursed by it... thanks FJ for sharing your truth... i can relate... keep being the awesome weirdo u r :)
Dude, I know what you mean. There's only one you: the one who wants a happy life.
Then, there's a belief that says "you connected with this person, why move?", among many other thoughts of the like (what ifs). That creates fear, probably a fear of being alone since nobody actually understands you as she once did...
The fact that the relationship doesn't work anymore is very clear to our intuition. It's a fact. But the fear prevents us from leaving. And also the fear prevents us from taking wise actions, like trying to end up things in a civilized manner, which then make us feel guilty about it some time later...
The simple way to differentiate the fear and you is asking "which part of me is acting out of real love?"
i feel it has to do alot with freedom on multiple levels of the relationship. i feel you. i've left every relationship in my life and hurt some people more than i realized. for me, it's usually a line that gets crossed where i don't feel that freedom anymore and i can't be happy in the relationship. or that the other person doesn't deeply understand me or care about my passions the way i do theirs.
Elizabee i feel that too 😭
Wow that's crazy. I've had the same thing..I care so much about other people's passions, but then it's never reciprocated
It is utterly selfish and reckless to enter a relationship with someone knowing that in time you will end it. You are creating a future victim everytime you do it...
Liberated Liz exactly. I have hurt people too but not intentionally. When I loose interest or I am drained because a person is too passionate I just run. It’s like it’s too much for my brain to process and it literally drains me to the point I can barely function.
So after all those years having these crazy inner thoughts and dialog with myself, I was finaly able to match it to something, it has a name: INFJ. It feels great to know that there are other same weird people out there. FJ love your videos! Amazing how can you actually name it all, it does make perfect sense talking to us weirdos
I have a very strange but very close relationship with myself and I talk with myself a lot......😅
U not alone..same with me,now I know who I am,but I'm cannot live in this anymore..sometimes I'm happy alone,I cannot stop thinking..why I leave relationship n cannot believe in someone..it's a bad feeling,
My intuition was screaming at me to end my relationship. I tried to ignore it but the feeling and relationship were making me so unhappy, even physically ill. It was weird to break up and just feel relieved. I felt like I could forecast what the future would hold for us as a couple, and it wasn't going to end well (in my mind).
And what happened?
I feel the same
Been there myself. It's weird knowing without knowing why, and then being hesitant to act because you can't quite mentally make sense out of why you should.
Wow OMG this is me now
@@jessicariddell1976This is me
In relationships, I require a person that can totally 'interlock' with my special brand of weirdness. It is better to remain single than to be with someone for the sole purpose of not being lonely. I didn't realize my capacity for abruptly ending relationships until it was brought to my attention. There are things that every human being requires and desires in relationships, but INFJ's are slightly different, and it takes being alone and really knowing yourself to know what you can handle.
When you talk about feeling physically ill and problems that don't feel important consciously but still drive you crazy, my god, you hit the nail on the head my friend! You have such a relatable way of describing things for INFJ's. I find it extremely hard to describe or even process my feelings in my own mind at times, so your videos are SO calming in that I see someone else understands on such a deep level.
I think being an INFJ is something deeper than we realize. It’s almost like your intuition sees more than your normal self, and makes decisions you might be too touchy-feely to grasp or comprehend.
Subconsciously, we want meaning in our relationships, and even though our feeling sides want to get stuck on certain people, our intuition sees the bigger picture, and makes us uncomfortable with setting for less.
After horribly uncomfortable dating experiences, I ended up marrying another INFJ, and I’m lucky enough to share the same weirdness as my spouse. I’m not sure if it would work for others, but there’s a lot of chemistry in understanding someone, and someone understanding you and having the same fundamental thinking, intuition and and feeling process. Best decision I ever made haha 😂
xMyLastSummerx Same ☺️
@xMyLastSummerx - I was just about to leave a comment asking why dont INFJ's just fuck all the bull shit and date each other? Like is it possible, or would the universe implode? But you answered the question for me, thanks.
Yessss me and my bf are both INFJ-T's 😂😂😂 just found out like 2 weeks ago!! We've been dating for almost 11 months now. I never felt so stable and understood and he said the same thing 😂😂🙌🏼🙌🏼 Weirdness and all!! Lol
@@girl6girl6 it's usually hard to find each other but when you do 😩👌🏼
@@PGOuma i'm just gonna throw it out there...: in Los Angeles looking for fellow INFJ, HSP, INDIGO, EMPATHS to connect with. I am surrounded by Narcissists...help!
😂😂😂 Loved the last part about sucking at relationships. I think I am chosen, mostly by narcissistic types because of my ‘giver’ mentality. Then I end up doing the door slam. I’ve slammed a lot of doors and the older I get the less time I waste doing the door slam. Going with the ‘gut” is the only way to go, or you will end up miserable 😩. I’m a great partner, but continued abuse, inattention, and constantly listening to others, when they could give 2 sh🤬ts about what I want to express, gets me running 🏃♀️ for the door 🚪...
Relationships are like swimming pools for us. Fun for a while, and once you've explored and had your exercise, you get cold and want out.
Damnnnn
💯
Bro same
So you're saying you just want to have fun with people's feelings and not put in the work.
@@Kuskdk it really wasn't as clever of an analogy as they and the people who upvoted it thought.
Yes, makes perfect sense! My intuition has blocked so many relationships but in the end I've learnt it was for the best and there was always a piece of the puzzle later that showed me why I was right. Either the person wasn't right or it wasn't the right time because I would learn best something I needed to learn alone or they needed to be alone to learn something. I think the times that i've tried to push my intuition down has been really out of fear, out of being afraid of being alone or feeling guilty or unworthy in some way. Now I trust that it really is propelling me ultimately towards my highest good. I've learnt to just do what feels expansive and let go of what feels restrictive even if they are a truly kind person, if something within you squirms and says 'no' it's probably wrong person wrong time. Idk if this applies to all INFJs though, for me following my ideal life path and 'soul mission' so to speak comes first, if I find someone who is on the same path more or less then excellent but I'd rather walk alone than tear myself in two directions.
I can't imagine being with a bland person ever! INFJs should totally be with other weirdos ;D
I really like that idea of expansive vs restrictive. I will probably think about that a lot now!
I kind of like bland people when they admire your weirdness and make you feel special for it rather than like a freak, ha ha.
B nicely put totally agree w u on this :)
I really liked how you brought here the matter of walking alone vs. splitting into two directions. Sometimes I wonder if I like my own company and goals a bit too much, hah
Hey Frank, I'm an INFP, but I really like watching your videos. I think you have a wonderful presence and humor. To be honest, I am watching your channel because you remind me of my INFJ friend whom I am quite fascinated by.
Anyway, I just had to comment and say that I relate so much to what you said about your intuition telling you you can't be happy in a relationship, even though from a logical perspective there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I was extremely conflicted after leaving my last relationship because logically, my ex was the "perfect boyfriend". But somehow my spirit was deeply unsettled and saddened to a point where I needed to get out.
Hearing you talk about that was incredible because I haven't met anyone who has had that similar experience- or at least talked about it in that light.
Anyway that's all- Enjoy your day.
Britta Anderson I love that you are an INFP... do you know your personality works very well with a INFJ! My mom is INFP and she gets me more than anyone has!!!!
I think being telepathic would really help with being INFJ, I feel like people would understand better.
Also because INFJ are so good at extroverted feeling they can be easily taken advantage of by a partner that loves the attention and insight from an INFJ. I find myself getting frustrated in relationships because the person doesn't listen when I speak. There's a difference between hearing and listening. And because I don't share what's on my hear very often when I do speak and other people don't listen, I become apathetic towards people and relationships.
They love when I share advice and insight for their life, but tune out when I try and express ideas or problems about my life.
Conclusion, I think I need to set better boundaries with those I know. Only a select few should have the privilege to get my time, love, and insight. I have agency, and will not tolerate being used or disrespected. This doesn't mean I should run from conflict, which I admit is a weakness of mine.
I feel the same
You sure about that? Infj comes with high high bodily pain,vertebrae, ribs, neck, toothache etc, i think you are isfj with both ne ni intuition (at least i wish i were) isfj~entp~intj (super ego like infj)
Infj s literally don’t wanna msging cz of their low si power
@@beingsomeone201 Can you explain this better, please?
“infj s literally don’t wanna msging cz of their low si power”
Intuition: I used to almost always ignore my intuition.. I still feel like it’s only recently that I’ve started following it, and sometimes I doubt it, and I start to go with logic, thinking that logic usually wins, but sometimes intuition is so strong that I have to be reminded that it knows what it’s talking about even if I don’t see it yet. More and more I’m starting to value it. I don’t know what it is.. is it my higher self, is it me, is it a spirit guide? I think it’s a compass but I just don’t know where it came from. Mysterious gift.
Oh my goodness I feel like you've just solved a puzzle I've been trying to solve my entire life. Every single time I'm in a relationship I get this terrible feeling of doom in my gut usually about 3 months in but even after just a week I get a slight bad feeling. At the time it never makes any sense because I always really like the man I'm dating and initially they always seem great. There's then this pattern where I try to work through this feeling (which after getting it so often I now call The Feeling) because I really want to stay in the relationship. Like you said it's like two sides of yourself that are in this terrible inner conflict and it creates the most painful inner turmoil. For me it gets so bad I start waking up having to run to the bathroom to vomit - like you said, it creates a physical reaction. I learnt years ago that I'm an INFJ but I never knew it was connected to this. I have asked so many people including therapists about this as it has made me feel so depressed over the years like I'm incapable of being in a relationship when everyone around me seems to find it quite easy. NOBODY has ever understood what I'm talking about and they just look at me blank, but it seems you and INFJs everywhere know exactly what I mean! I have analysed it so much even questioning my sexuality at times, at other times wondering if I'm meant to be a nun or something. For me The Feeling blocks every relationship, it's like this thing within that will not let me be with someone and it only goes away when I split up with them. Usually then I feel incredibly sad and lonely but also at peace. The Feeling always ended up being right about each of my relationships- that they weren't right for me. All of them were narcissists except the last man who was unfortunately psychopathic, very abusive and I ended up needing police support to get him to leave me alone. So I think The Feeling picked up on this when I was initially fooled by his mask and the love bombing that these types of people use in the early stages to get us hooked.
I've always hoped that one day I'll meet someone that my gut will feel at peace with. Like you say, someone that both sides of you like so there isn't that horrendous inner turmoil. Honestly this video has helped me so much and made me feel less alone in this experience, thank you.
Omg, you are me
That strong, intense gut feeling. Exactly.
So true! Sometimes I'll be snuggled in bed next to a partner and suddenly feel a wave of panic, like I need to leave immediately. Often I do, causing terrible confusion and pain to the other person. And I don't understand it. Am I afraid of my own contentment?
I think we're twins. I haven't found anyone I feel at peace with, ever.
You're with the person, you have good moments, it feels good to be around, hug them and etc. But once you're alone, you have this feeling that the relationship is not right for you. And you want to leave, but the person has chronic depression, says you're the only one for him and even though you want to leave, you also want to stay because you want the person to be happy. You feel responsible for them.
And then you realise you're in this loop and you don't know what to do.
I leave relationships when I realize I’m with someone who doesn’t know how to give. When there is an imbalance. Also when communication is poor and when games are being played. These are recurring patterns. The plus side is that I can now identify them soon into the relationship and make my exit faster.
I completely get what you’re saying. None of my relationships worked out. Not my marriage. Not my engagement. Now I’m alone. I don’t want to be alone but I like being alone if that makes any sense. No one understands me at all.
Debbie Phillips ❤ I feel so reassured reading your message. I thought i was all alone and an outcast in my own misery. Thank you so much.
Exactly! I feel the same way!
I've been 'alone' for a long time. The nice thing is there billions of people on the planet, just a few steps (or a short drive away) and actually we are all connected at the emotional center, it is an illusion we are separate. If you get quiet and sensitive in your heart you will see this is true, you can feel others close and far. Can even communicate with them without words.
I feel the same way
Infj here.. just found you and I live on this channel now. Let the binge begin.♥️
Z. P. Same! just 8 months after you
"Why would you watch these videos unless you're an INFJ?"
Because INFP ;)
Robert Dabob Honestly same I'm an INTJ
Accurate
ENFJ here, I find it fascinating listening how in tune with your inner self you INFJs are, and at the same time how stuck in your head you can get. For me, I find myself thinking similarly just outwardly, sadly trying to understand those same things about the other important people in my life and worrying some about what I think they are thinking (as crazy as that sounds). Analyzing all the past interactions we’ve had (verbal and physical, body language too) while in the current state also analyzing them while I’m talking with them, the whole time trying to figure out what makes them tick. I wish I could be that hyper focused on myself but perhaps I just have too much shyt to work through cuz every time I try I find. Something to distract myself. 🤔
😂
Or ENFJ. Because we have the same way of seeing the world, but through a different lens.
I can understand that. I find when I know in my gut that a person is incopatible with me, not only relationshipwise, but even as friends, I have a way of not being able to admit it to myself consciously, so I think subconsciously I find ways to cut the cord, and I typically end up hurting them, repeatedly, even when I mean to not hurt and try to make things better.
katty me as a person
This is the first time that I have ever heard someone describe what is going on in my head. Thank you.
I am currently going through this exact thing in a different type of relationship. My gut says not to trust the people that I'm associated with. I made the decision to run far away. The inner conflict sucks. I've driven myself crazy over it all. I hate confrontation.
I am married and have been for almost two decades. My husband is basically my opposite. He is an ESTJ. For me, it was finding my opposite. There is no perfect marriage. It's about finding the person who builds you up, stands firmly behind you, and stands up for what they believe. Some would say that we shouldn't work out based on MBTI, but we are best friends. I admire how he doesn't care what others think. Find a person who is strong because we need that. We always feel like we have to be strong, so we need someone who is steady, who knows how to love unconditionally. I would have never considered him if I would have based everything on MBTI, but I had no idea when we met. I'm glad that I didn't know about it then because I couldn't imagine my life without him. I hope this helps.
Thanks for your comment. I totally agree that trying to make relationship decisions off of MBTI is just closing off yourself to people who could be a great match. Or trying to shoehorn a relationship into working when it's not, just because the MBTI "matches."
Frank James Exactly. It is easy to fall into that trap. I agree with another posted below that an INFJ must have a best friend first. The awesome thing about a solid, steady relationship is that we start to open up. I find it difficult to be completely open with anyone. I have layers, no doubt. I have no problem telling people things that seem highly personal, but are not to me. Some people who do not know me well would think that I am an open person, but I only give off that impression. As my husband and I continue to grow together, I find myself sharing things that I could share with no one else. He does his best to be understanding. It is amazing to see this very in charge thinker show his vulnerability to me. He would not show that to anyone else. I realize that we make a great team.
Thank you for sharing your videos. I asked my husband to watch this message. It is so frustrating for him to see me struggle with these feelings in other relationships. The words you spoke said everything that I've tried to express. If you figure out how to get yourself and intuition to flow smoothly together, please, post a video on that topic. I've been trying for almost 40 years! Lol!
You are the first person who described this feeling I've had in relationships. Where there is just something telling you to get out. If you don't cut your losses now you are going to drown.
I identify so strongly with everything you said. Especially the bit about wondering what’s best for us as INFJs: a bland person capable of absorbing our weird, or an equally weird person capable of complimenting us. I’ve been wondering about that a lot lately as well.
Also, It’s so nice to know I’m not the only one having these thoughts and feelings and intuitions! Our personality type has an inherent and at times, intense moral compass that ultimately prevails no matter what. I know exactly what you mean when speaking about that, even in abstract terms.
Thanks for another lovely video :)
It can be rough when you suddenly discover the "moral compass" and don't like where it's pointing!
Thanks for your thoughtful comment!
I often think of myself as composed of these parts and it helps immensely: mind, body, emotions, spirit. The part that is the 'voice' or moral compass I believe is spirit and comes through emotions as well. It is less in tune with body and mind. So many humans that are really deep in believing the illusion of the physical world relate strongly with body and mind mostly. Mind especially, they will ignore body's signals to self. Takes a lot of courage to really be friendly with the emotional and spirit aspects in the times we live in, but it can be super rewarding and magical! Meditation and nature for the win!!! keep on keepin on my INFJ brothers and sisters ♥
I am an INFJ and I ended my relationship yesterday. I feel it physically in my body: I feel it in my chest and my stomach. My body was shaky yesterday from so much emotion. I am always questioning every thought and emotion in my head, to the point of obsession. Thinking about all sides of how I and the other person feel.
I need alone time to recharge and digest- something he couldn’t seem to understand. Now that I have the alone time, I feel overwhelmed by it. I know I’ve made the right decision, but being the person that I am, I will always question whether or not I did. I don’t know if any of this makes sense but I hope it helps people. For me, reading these comments has helped me further reflect on the way I contributed to the relationship.
I'm going through the exact same thing 😢 i ended a relationship 2 days ago..please tell me how long did it take to feel okay again 😞
I’m sorry about that- you probably are hurting right now and that is understandable. For me my relationship wasn’t good for me so I felt relieved. How was yours?
@@tatesands mine was magical at first.. We clicked right away and were so happy and excited that we found each other (literally like soulmates ) and then he changed A LOT and it just started collapsing (we didn't have a big obvious problem like other people but the spark wasn't there anymore, he stopped being sweet and everything.. When i talked to him about it he said he doesn't know why he's behaving like this and that he's sad because he can't help it ) i gave it time hoping it will go back to how we used to be but it just became more dull, so i decided to end it because we'll just get more hurt..he was sad and i am sad i took such a decision cause it feels like i gave up on our thing? but i just couldn't keep living in that situation knowing it won't get better & we're not happy anymore..(i hope i wasn't being selfish and did us both a favor..)
sorry for the long story , i just thought maybe you'd get me :( and thank you so much for reading and replying ❤
@Nina M I hope that you start to feel better soon and that you know you’re not selfish for wanting something special and sweet. Hang in there, INFJ!
@@tatesands thank you so much ❤
I started watching your channel in 2022. Watching you from 4 years ago and now makes it so evident to me that eventually INFJs learn to be comfortable in our skin, or at least make people believe we are. I'm proud of myself for growing so much, and I'm proud of you, too!
I feel like us as infjs use a lot of anecdots and metaphors
Which makes us more open and deep because it seems like we've deeply thought of the topic
And it's cool I guess😂
We're constantly improving, sometimes i just want someone who can i dive deep with, at times i want to be alone.
Trying to explain my feeling and thought process in a way that others can understand or relate to is something I also struggle with. You really hit the nail on the head with these topics. I've been guilty of treating my intuition as a separate entity and not following it has been the cause of my undoing so many times.
I think developing a kind of spiritual literacy helps with this unbridled inner force you're describing. Our intuitive--mystical, if you like--side is most definitely an asset, but it sometimes gets in the way. It's not always right. And even when it IS accurate, sometimes there are lessons to be learned through having an experience anyway (even if you *feel* you already know what the outcome will be). Your intuition will often be correct, but the experience of living through something you've preemptively sussed out in your mind's eye may teach you valuable information.
In essence, trust that voice, but don't be afraid to say: "I hear you, but I'm just going to live in the moment and flex my Se right now." For me, I consider my Ni, that internal intuition, to be my angels and protectors, my ancestors and my spiritual companions. But it's like family in any other sense; your mother might constantly give you advice, and you should be able to trust your mother (I hope), but at some point, you're going to have to just do you. Maybe you will fall, and maybe you'll fly, but it's learning to balance and nurture your own judgment (the kind that is more objective and perhaps rooted in past experience) with that subjective intuitive feeling. Your mom will always have your back (again, I hope), but sometimes you DO know best. And if you feel insecure, like you don't know best, trust yourself and keep practicing using your own judgment until those two voices can have a more equitable dialogue. You're at your best when you can take the best of your Ni function and combine it with the best of the more objective Se function.
I like your comment, I feel similarly.... I kinda feel my Ni is like a connection to a universal consciousness keeping me on track. When I defy it, I usually fall flat on my face, so to speak...
I only figured out relationships when i found out my personality type and started to understand me (infj)and my boyfriend (infp), whom I knew since a few months. All my internal random incoherences and behavior's patterns finally made sense! This is weird to say but this knowledge drastically change my life to the better. It was like before I couldn't really "see"me and other people for what we are.
Also I must say that introverted intuitives really understand each other because they view the world in the same way:) Don't search for your opposite to complete you, understand YOU and work on your weaknesses. You need to balance yourself in order to function properly in a relationship.The thing you should watch for instead is a person that is genuinely willing to listen and understand you.
By the way, your videos have helped me feel not so crazy about who I am. Deep gratitude and respect for you, Frank.
As an older INFJ (57 yrs old), I can tell you that it gets a little easier once you understand yourself and you help your partner to understand you over time. Blindsiding is what kills a relationship, understanding is the key. Make sure you're with someone who is not only interested in understanding you but also understanding their own personality type, so informed discussions can be had. Also, it's not impossible to change as an INFJ. I've been changing my overthinking of things, my lack of spontaneity as well as my habit to door slam on everything/everyone who wears me down. Those traits are still there, but as I've matured, I'm able to show a little more control.
It’s all about that constant progression 🙌🏾🙌🏾
Frank, you described my first ever relationship, followed by few other...
I was getting these feelings as you mentioned. I had to escape. In a way I could see the end of the tunnel. So what I did, is that I left the relationships, with or without warning, I just did.
But during this period of time I did learn to trust my own intuition a little bit more, I learnt to listen to my gut and not dive deeper into a relationship that felt off.
Right now, I'm on a way better mental state, I feel emotionally and spiritually well and I have been practicing more that ever, and I have accepted that what needs to reach me, one day for sure will.
My advice is to listen to your gut and do what it tells you from the beginning because I KNOW you get THAT FEELING.
I am INTJ and thank you so much for all these INFJ videos, me and my girlfriend (an INFJ) are finding it incredibly helpful to understand each other on a deeper level, in order to form more trust and commitment. And let me tell you, knowing about each other’s personality traits/types have now made conflicts vEry rare. Thank you so much for these videos dude.
Funnily, both me and my partner thought we were infp because we are both very creative yet reserved people. And with further research, we have come to realise that that is not the case.
Anyone in the comments know why some types may be in denial to who they really are? Is that a thing?
I guess I always viewed myself as more creative and free spirited when deep down I realize I’m much more analytical, and it’s comforting.
I read a great article yesterday w/my friends called:
“What Do INFJs Want in a Relationship? “
It was on a personality junkie web .
We laughed at it especially hard with my homie who is an infj, bc most of seemed So TRUE... (being picky etc)
.
“INFJs put high standards on themselves and they expect the same from their partners. But people are flawed (goodness knows the INFJ isn’t perfect either), and they will fail to satisfy the INFJs ideals from time to time. When something (or rather someone) doesn’t live up to their expectations, particularly if they are in the grip of Se, they can be incredibly condemning.
For this reason it’s important that INFJs not put too much emphasis on outcomes, or physical manifestations, when it comes to what they expect from their partners. “
.
The article also contained a good advice:
“INFJs do better to select a partner with great potential and willingness to learn and grow. This means finding someone with the qualities mentioned above such as a lack of ego-defensiveness, openness and honesty, etc. These foundations are good enough to qualify as “ultimate”, and I believe the will to learn should be valued above performance on any of the INFJs’ given “stress tests”, as I like to call them. If the INFJ and his/her partner share great potential (i.e. a good foundation of communication and patience) with a shared desire to work toward the “ultimate” relationship (even if this a relatively illusory end goal, like a limit approaching a defined point but never actually reaching it) that is the ultimate relationship.”
.
Maybe that will help some infjs who constantly search for the sort of non-existent “perfect match” .
On the side note ENFPS also have a problem with the intuition sometimes- I was suppressing my inner voice for years in a wrong relationship- and that was a lesson...
Anyway..
& As usual we LOVED your video.
:) thanks for your existence & good work Frankenstein xD
Please post more about relationships, it’s always interesting:)
Paulina Pi - What you refer to as “stress tests” I call ‘trust test’.
Ah the "stress test" I'm not the only one. One of my personality traits I hate the most about myself. Yet when it starts I can't stop it...then regret it afterwards.
When I'm in a relationship, I want both of us to grow out of it.
Getting to a better version of ourself, that's my "Nirvana".
If I don't see any progress, although I made it clear to my partner what I need to make it work for us; technically I could keep staying, because in reality the relation isn't particularly bad to be completely honest...
But, I can't control my gut feeling. I need to run away, to set myself free from that relationship, so I can fully progress... in a more "positive" environment for me.
I broke up from my last relationship for this exact reason, I was feeling trapped and miserable...
@@daiya4794 how are you now?..
@@Dani_lolait I'm much better! I met someone else soon after and we've been dating for more than two years now :)
But for you to ask this question right know, are you alright?
INFJ here. I have had lots of good relationships maybe I've just been lucky but only managed to settle with INTJ because he is always wanting to improve things. We can look outwards together.
Same story for me intj seems to be best match
That's Wonderful!!! 🙏
Please tell us your ways...
As an INFJ, I completely understand what you mean. I remember when I first found out I was an INFJ, I saw that one of our common traits is being a perfectionist, which I sorta scoffed at at the time. However, I've discovered that it's true, because I keep trying to find the most ideal solution for various things in life - granted, most people do as well, however I feel INFJs do it more so. For instance, when I was in high school, people left and right were dating. I wanted to be in a relationship, but I seldom dated because I could tell that I wouldn't click with most guys at my school. Not to sound snobby, but INFJs tend to have high standards (again, another perfectionist thing) - mostly because we want someone who we feel "safe" with (a lot of people feel draining to be around for too long). I have had issues with past relationships as well, ending them when they just didn't feel right. Maybe they didn't do anything wrong, but I just didn't feel emotionally connected as I wanted to be. Sounds odd to say, since I WANTED to feel emotionally connected, but I simply didn't. I wanted the relationships to work, but it's like there were certain things that just didn't feel right for me (as bold as it may sound, I guess you could say that they didn't feel like "home" to me), and those things added up enough that I couldn't feel happy in the relationship. I felt frustrated with myself because they hadn't done anything wrong, but we as a couple just didn't feel right. In simpler words, one could say that I just didn't feel any chemistry, which is a common problem for many people besides just INFJs. However, because we tend to be perfectionists, we can have issues with finding someone compatible if we feel something important (even if we're not sure what at first) is off.
I've found that when I've dated someone I didn't know very well, it never worked out. I think INFJs are most compatible with a close friend who they've known for a while. By being in the INFJs life for a long time, they're generally trustworthy. Even though like any human being they are not perfect, they are still worth keeping in the INFJs life. Time, patience, and understanding brings us closer to an individual, and I think that's generally what we're most attracted to.
i agree! on the few dates ive been on with people i met on dating apps its never worked out because theres just no chemistry or deep personal connection with a stranger. it takes a while to build stuff like that, and i dont have the patience to keep trying to do so with someone who hasn't come into my life naturally, who i have to keep giving energy and time to when maybe i wouldn't have otherwise (as in we wouldn't be friends if not for the dating)
I’ve been in three long term relationships-10yrs, 14yrs, 10yrs, each of which I outgrew over time, but all of which served a purpose in my own growth thru karmic lessons and a greater understanding of myself, my spiritually, my path, etc... and I believe as intuitive people, an INFJ “feels” when someone isn’t in alignment to where and how we see ourselves in the future.. and this is where intuition was let’s you know she wasn’t aligned to your future, even though you’re not sure what that means in the physical space of it all.. the INFJ spidey-senses know when something is off.
I relate to all what you've said, in fact the one time i wanted to fight my intuition it got worser than it ever did in my entire life, so I'm learning to cooperate with it .... Maybe we suck in relation because of our idealistic side and how perfect we want everything to be .... in my opinion we should be with another weird person to not feel lonely because we tend to feel lonely due to our uniqueness and weirdness....
Yes, I agree that our idealism can cause lots of problems in a relationship. Maybe I will make another video about that aspect of things!
Your respond made me happy =D Yeah it would be a nice, beside I'd like to hear your opinion or point of view about spirituality but also your spiritual journey in a future video if you don't mind .
I'll definitely make a video some day about spirituality
Thaaank uuuuuu
So you touched on fear, and how you can not tell fear to go away. I will say that I have. I mean not entirely. So as a adolescent I was always afraid. Afraid of girls, Afraid of friends, Society, getting hurt both physically and emotionally, Afraid of myself. just afraid of everything. It was so bad it paralyzed me. I could not function, People did not understand so They picked on me. I knew it was not them, it was me. I wanted to change it but I was even afraid to make the first step. One day I was watching a movie (I do not remember what it was) but one of the characters basically said we all have fear but we can not allow fear to control us. That was my moment. I though long and hard about that for days. I decided I was not going to allow my fear to affect me anymore. I told myself that fear was an illusion and it was all in my head. I got up the next day an went down to the bridge I had see so many other people jump from. Its about a 40 ft drop. I looked down, told myself again its just an illusion. and I jumped. Btw I do not recommend this, it was very stupid of me. The fall was not an illusion and was very much real, But it worked. Ironic because of the old saying "You have to fall before you can rise". Anyway, I hit the water and was down for a few seconds and then the bubble pushed me back to the surface. It was as if that day I had been reborn. I still had fear but I wound never let fear stop me ever again. Now at days my friends look to me as the fearless one. They can not wrap there heads around how brave I can be. Let me tell you. I still am afraid of everything, But I absolutely refuse to allow fear to ever control me again, so I push it down inside me, raise my head high and walk right into whatever the future holds. Does not matter what it is. I basically before going into something that scares me. I just shut my brain down. I stop thinking and adopt the Nike slogan as a life moto. " Just do it". This is what makes others think I am fearless, and they tend to flock to me for I think either protection or confidence. Needless to say but I am going to say it anyway. I have come along way from the scared timid boy I once was to the strong man I am today.
I have this feeling that I wanna be the most important person to my partner, i don't care if the other people care, but I have this wish of be the most loved and do the same for the person that I will live with.
Thank you for confirming what I have known for a long time...my intuition literally takes over when I'm in a relationship that isnt working. Fortunately I have learned to just roll with it and let go because if my gut is saying get out I get out . The down side of this is not finding a relationship that is sustainable and fulfilling . But thanks for validating what I felt to be true
My last relationship was with another infj, she matched my weird in every way possible and yet I left her exactly how you described (which is why I came to this video in the first place, so thank you). The only woman who I've ever truly loved was a wild extrovert but I guess you know how that turned out so I really don't know who our perfect mates are, maybe we're all destined to be on our own? Lol
Feels like it most days! haha
I always wondered why I got so tired of relationships randomly. Well then.
THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE LMAO. It makes you crazy wanting to leave someone but not being able to explain why/ feeling guilty.. but in my opinion its okay.. we are lucky to have this intuition!!!
I feel like my best relationships are with people who seem to be my opposite, since I always feel like I need someone to ground me in reality. As much as I would like to, I feel like I don't need to talk about philosophical musings with my romantic partner, since I have friends who can fill that role. I've had to come to terms with lessening expectations about the various roles I expected romantic partners to fulfill.
Yes-I've been with someone I would consider "deep" and the two of us did not make a light-hearted combo. I definitely feel like my husband's capacity for not overthinking things HELPS me! I need that perspective. We "get" each other on so many levels and enjoy the quirky little things about each other. He is intelligent and "deep"--but he doesn't spiral downward into depression.
I fell phisically ill and got depressed in my last relationship, because I would go against my intuition that told me I had to keep growing where the other person were not. I understand exactly what you're saying and how you express yourself, because I'm exactly like that- I see this is an older video and you've gotten much better at explaining your intuition, so right now you're a symbol of hope for me to keep improving myself. Thanks! This isn't any less scarier, though.