Personally, I think that people who knowingly pass on STDs/STIs or risk other people’s health in that way, should go straight to jail. What she did to you was a form of sexual assault in my book, and that is not okay. I think maybe finding communities that support people with the same ailment, and possibly consider finding love that way. Being open and honest is best. I hope you find the right one for you, and I wish you all the best.
If the caller is watching this: I'm in med school and HSV2 is actually super common, 1 out of 4 people have it. Even though it's non-curable it's easily manageable and most people never show signs or symptoms, it also doesn't negatively affect your health. Your life will go on and you will be okay. However you should sue her, because she absolutely knew she had it and knowingly passed it on. Edit: I've seen a few commenters wrongly spreading false information about HSV2, it DOES NOT cause autoimmune disorders.
I always see this 1 out of 4 people have it.. I really want to know where this statistic comes from. I used to get tested for all STD/STIs and so did a lot of people I know. I have met maybe 1 person with it.
@@Ryan-wx1biYeah, I see that statistic all the time too, but the majority of STI panels don't test for HSV partially because HSV blood testing itself is only ~50% accurate since antibodies have to be above a high threshold. I've also read that occurrence varies by race, that 8% of white people have it while 34% of black people do. So idk where the "1 in 4" number comes from, but I doubt that many people have it.
@@Ryan-wx1bi it only shows on tests when it's active, and it rarely is, for some people who have it it's never active. That's why your friends group didn't test positive for it
First red flag 🚩 she didn’t share her results. If they don’t share their results then they are suspect. Secondly, don’t be upset with yourself for sharing yourself with someone who didn’t deserve you. Unfortunately, life occurs. It’s time to forgive yourself and move on.
most of the time, they don't even test for HSV unless you request it. her results were probably worse. she might also have HIV. it's not very transmissible from female to male partners.
I am an infectious disease clinician. 80% of the population has at least one hsv virus. For that reason, it was decided that the stigma was worse than the virus, hence it is not tested unless someone is considered a high-risk individual or insists upon that particular test.
If you’re reading this James, you’re not alone. I was in a group of 10 women who were struggling to find connections in relationships and 4 out of 10 had hsv2 and none of them were told their partner had it beforehand. We all create things in our head that make us unworthy of being loved. For me, it’s that I have autoimmune issues and I have trust issues because of an abusive relationship. I’m 27 also and haven’t had a long term relationship in over 5 years. You aren’t unlovable. I heard your story and didn’t for one second think it would make me not date you if you were matched with me. Hang in there and know that there are many women who would be grateful to find a man who is willing to invest in a committed relationship and had a history of supporting a partner through hard times.
Can men with hsv2 still go on to have kids? Is it just a matter of finding someone who is willing to take the risk of getting infected or are there meds that stop the disease from being contagious? Just genuinely curious. This is a sad story and hope all turns out well.
@@tritosac The latest studies indicate that herpes does not interfere with a man’s fertility; however, it is strongly advisable to be actively using an antiviral medication, such as Acyclovir or Vancyclovir, to knock down to near-undetectable levels before contemplating a pregnancy. Always, always stay in tune with your partner regarding your infectious status.
@@tritosac There are diet modifications and immune system support that can help. Daily lysine tablet, healthy diet, and avoid cashews, stress. People go years, decades without an episode and without passing it on. Also a pharmaceutical. Keep the virus in remission, it is only contagious when an outbreak however a person may not know they are shedding the virus. This is the reason it is so easily passed. I know a handful of people who have it, some married people who did not know they'd contracted it prior to marriage. YT has a good video where a young woman discusses the virus and how she copes. It does not impact child bearing or anything else other than immune system and sexual activity during an episode. If there is a Planned Parenthood near you, contact them as much as needed for advice, options.
I had a friend that told her fiancé about HSV and he accepted it , but she was 100% honest and followed her treatment 100% they are happily married with children ( my friend got burned by her previous boyfriend who knew he had it and never told her ) I wish you the very best sir
I also have HSV2...its not the end of the world. I'm pregnant and I have a healthy relationship with a man that loves me. I take my medication everyday.
@@SonicCloudLink it's just crazy to me that he was so much focused on sex that he showed her his test results but never bothered to see hers. Clouded by sex. Scary world we live in. She is intentionally passing her sti to people. He feels burned, he might start doing the same.
I can relate. When I was 18 and had my first relationship both me and my at the time girlfriend were virgins. So being young and stupid I didn’t use protection, what I didn’t know was that she was sleeping with my best friend behind my back! She had contracted HPV and I only found out once I got it, so needless to say our break up was a dumpster fire!!! Fast-forward to today I’m gonna be 27 in a week and I just found out that my girlfriend of six months was cheating on me and gave me chlamydia!!! I’m devastated in finding it very hard to trust!
Can he take legal action for this? She knew all along and didn’t even care enough to protect him. This woman is a piece of work but you can’t trust everyone to have your best interest, especially when you knew she didn’t want to share her test results. That was already dead giveaway. Wishing him all the best!
As someone who had the same thing happen; please know that it does get easier and people out there will be open to you about it. But whatever you do; be someone that’s honest about it. It’s not something you mention on a first date but it is definitely something you want to share before intimacy so that they can make an informed decision.
I had a coworker(who I couldn’t stand) told me her boyfriend went and got tested but she felt she didn’t need to. So I asked her why don’t you guys just go together to get tested and she told me she was fine. Watch out for women like this
The worst part of any STI is the stigma. I know a lot of people make fun of herpes, but it is NOT a big deal and is actually relatively common. A lot of people don’t even know the have it because they’re asymptomatic or the synonyms are so mild they look like a bug bite or a rash. If you have an STI, even an incurable viral one, there’s not need for shame. You don’t need to go on a special dating site. Just be honest with your partners, take your medication, and move on with your life.
There should be a stigma on it. People should be careful with their bodies. The stigma should just be nobody wants a disease. Not that your a bad person but no one should want a disease or consider a disease no big deal.
@9INE PLANETS What kills me is that when it passed in NV, the governor was celebrating with the LGBT community like it was a big victory for them. I'm like, hold on a minute! I was taught for my whole childhood in school that AIDS wasn't the "gay disease". Now they're acting like it is.That's really lowkey homophobic.
I think they have dating sites and meet up groups for people who have STIs. It may be easier for James to start initially dating through them until he builds up more confidence. I read an article about a woman who caught herpes and she was scared to tell her partners but when she did no one ever turned her down. I’ve also had friends who dated people with STIs and they were careful but didn’t seem to worry much about it. Good Luck James!
Happened to me too. 5 years now. As far as dating, it’s literally just trial and error. Being vulnerable, dust yourself off and try it again. Still learning this myself but life beyond the diagnosis is 110% possible and obtainable
she should have told you, she obviously knew because she was on meds. Just an FYI your basic STI panel does not test for herpes, you have to specifically request that test and most times they wont test you unless you have symptoms. For future dating be open and honest probably on the second date if yall like each other and let them make that choice.
For the love of all that is good and holy will SOMEONE speak up about the awesome benefits of NOT screwing everything with 2 legs when you're single? People mocked the hell out of me for celibacy when I was single. Then I met a GREAT women. She was a virgin. So was I. We got married. Our life is great. We have 4 beautiful boys and no STDs. Now, you can say "Good for you, jerk! Stop judging!" but all I want to do is tell people there is a better way. A way that leads to the good things in life. But nobody tells kids this anymore.
@@Gabster1990 please don't intentionally read things that I didn't say. I'm talking about prevention. I'm not talking about whether or not this man deserves love. I'm talking about the fact that we as a society laugh at and ridicule what is clearly the best choice to make by 99.9% of humans. Finding a good partner, marrying them and building life and love together. I wish this kid all the best.
Most people are pretty honest with their partners. You definitely got screwed. But you have to move on and just be honest in discussing your STD with your next girlfriend.
This is true. Had an ex of 7 years that opened up to me about her STD. I accepted her in and gave her the best years in that relationship before it ended.
He chose a real winner even before finding out she had that std. She was suicidal , self harmed, and she has a personality disorder , dude was doomed before he even slept with her.
‘There’s a reason we don’t let 20 year olds buy beer’. But yes let’s let them join the military at 18 and make some pretty life and death decisions there. Makes a lot of sense. Good job USA
@@yesterdayseyes I’m a big time Republican. I gave up on criticizing the left. But if the conservatives want to gain votes they need to reassess their messaging. Otherwise we will just keep losing elections.
It makes a lot of sense. The country uses war to keep its power. The 18 year olds are used and thrown away. The 18 year olds are ripe for indoctrination. Like you said they make bad choices. As for the alcohol and renting cars. That's liability and money spent in damages. So you see its about calculation and money.
Caller- I broke up with someone I was madly in love with because he didn’t tell me he had hsv2. But I can promise you that had I know, it wouldn’t have mattered. Breaking my trust is what ruined us- not that he had stupid herpes. Just be honest and know that there are SO many partners who will look past your sti and be thrilled to be with you. Hang in there and don’t let your hsv2 stop you from having the connections you want. Best of luck!
Problem is that D### desires cuckoo for some reason as EVERY crazy woman for example that I know…has some man feigning for her. It also happens in reverse…calm, decent women getting with crazy men. I know I’m crazy…but the good kind of crazy. I’m crazy enough to know that the man that may be good for me…I don’t desire and I refuse to try to conjure up attraction, like if I get nauseated or more excited for peach cobbler than the man…it’s a NO GO for me…so I’ve opted out of dating. The men I desire physically/sexually are horrible people, so I avoid them as well and just keep my vibrator on deck.
For what? She never shared the results and he kept boning her and never insisted on hearing the results. His choice. Gotta be someone else’s fault always gotta be someone else’s fault…
agreed. I'm tired of ppl that are not Virgins and celibate acting like if they engage in sexual acts they won't get it but throws stones at others for living life the same searching for their soul mate and getting burned. That's the gist of the stigma. Understand no one deserves the news of an std essentially it should not be a deal breaker bc everyone that's not a virgin is susceptible to be on the hook for the same scary fate. Like we know from pathology, these viruses can hide up to 20 yrs if a person's immune system can suppress it long enough. Let's remember to act as if we are in the others' shoes constantly reminding ourselves not one of us has immunity from std even using condoms and meds. Always do so, remember not a full guarantee, and we are all in the same boat. I wish the best for us all looking for our person and full life to live.
My dad has been dating a man with HIV for 20 years .. I think that as long as they take the meds it’s less likely to infect the other person. My dad is negative still so I think as long as they take their meds properly ..
He can just ask someone to get tested and show him the results. Also, I’ve heard it’s less and less transmissible over time, so after seven years, if he’s on medication, it’s a low risk to spread.
This is why we don’t sleep with people just bc we’re attracted to them. Wait til marriage, if u don’t want to or aren’t sure about marrying them why are you putting their organs inside of you? This is a lesson for myself as well.
Thankfully, medication mitigates it by a lot. The biggest thing is confidence, but definitely self-love is in order. She hasn't been part of your life in 7 years. Don't let her rob you of your future joy.
BPD is a serious mental issue (not to sound unsensitive). My last gf before the current one had it, and to this day I still have mental scars from my time with her. Obv he's learned his lesson now, hope he's able to move forward and live a fairly normal life.
I have HSV2 for 35 years now a boyfriend who was not honest. It's not the end of the world but can feel like it at first. You are not alone. I tried a dating site for people with it and met a bunch of lying, loser creeps who just want sex.
Same thing happened to me when I lost my virginity except I didn’t catch it. She knew I was healthy, and she knew she had hsv2 for years. Didn’t care to tell me at all.
I also have it, and after finding out, I have still found a great love, a great life, great, healthy children and a loving partner. Prior to gaining all of this, I did disclose to all of my partners before and I had a 100% success rate. It’s not life ruining illness. It’s fine, and makes you more aware and careful of your health. It also weeds out shitty people. It’s not the end of the world. Also, most people have HSV1. HSV2 is just a different site of infection. The stigma surrounding it is crazy.
Just because you are dating someone doesn’t mean you have to sleep with them especially when they have been with someone else before you, I mean we live in a time where people have body counts for crying out loud
Damn, some of the comments here suck. This dude definitely can bounce back and many people with herpes find love. A similar story happenes to a friend of mine: she did not date for 20 years even though she had men interested in her. She has a boyfriend now. You don't have to go on special dating websites, go out and meet people organically, people appreciate honesty.
Post a dating profile and explain your condition right up front. I'm sure you'll attract someone with the same condition and it eliminates the awkwardness and wasted dates.
@@ASmith-jn7kfdoes contracting coldsores from kissing sound ridiculous, or catching chicken pox from skin to skin contact? Because it's all in the same family of diseases.
@@ASmith-jn7kf there's plenty of viral diseases that are contracted by dead skin cells. For example, MERSA is one of them its highly contagious and spreads rapidly. It has three ways it can be contracted depending on what strain you have. Also, the virus can live on surfaces for 7 to 10 weeks I learned in university. Microbes are very scary.
James the first time you chose to share your situation with a woman you like its going to be super hard. The 2nd time will also be hard but maybe a bit easier. Same goes for the 3rd time. Eventually you may develop a sort of script and it won't be a big deal. And guess what? you may find the other person may open and share something about themselves with you. Maybe write down what you want to say and practice?
I'd say, you have to be honest and upfront about having it. Maybe not on the first date, but before you become serious. Have knowledge and be able to explain exactly what it is. I've heard people say they have a good idea before an outbreak happens and they cut off kissing/sexual activity until it passes. If they choose to stay, let them know you will ALWAYS be listening to your body and do the best to make sure she doesn't get it. Don't be one of those people, like your girlfriend, who stays silent and gives it to someone with the hopes they'll stick around since 'the damage' is already done. Be better than that.
So, the bottom line is there are ZERO consequences to messing around, before marriage, right? How the liberal folk can embrace that kind of thinking, let alone way of life, is beyond me.
She knew she was positive, when she asked him to get tested it was to see if he was also HIV positive, in her warped sense of things that would have made everything okay, this is why I will go into a woman's home I'm dating and will search through her medicine cabinet and any other possible place she keeps any medication before we get intimate, there will be zero sex until I do this, because of these types of nightmare situations unfolding, you can never rely on people telling you the truth today
It was herpes*, not HIV. You're equating lighting a candle to starting a forest fire. And it's terrible of you to be searching through people's things. Clearly you believe you're justified, but regardless of your reasons it is wrong and nasty to violate people this way, especially when you've been invited into their home.
Yes, I apologize your correct I thought he said HIV not HSV regardless I make no apologies for trying to protect my health, going through a potential sexual partner medicine cabinets
The fact that she ask, for profe from him, says alot about her own physical state, she wanted to make sure your clean, to infect you!! But a young 20 old wouldn't think about that.
Purity has power. Forgiveness has power. Shame is fear. Fear has power. Choose wisely what power you want. But for real, start teaching your kids the beauty in celibacy. The beauty in putting their value and worth in the Lord.
It really must be tough for someone who has genital herpes when they try to date... because yeah, they will have to tell the person sooner rather than later, and honestly, most people will run screaming in the other direction when they find out. Most just don't want to have sex with someone who has genital herpes. I have heard that a lot of people with incurable STIs actually seek each other out, because they will accept each other. Maybe he could try to meet someone on a herpes dating site or something. They do exist.
I think I understand where he's coming from. At what point does the person that you're seeing View it as you hiding this massive thing? At what point is it in okay thing to bring up versus at what point is it deception?
This guy sounds really cool. I think he will be fine… hopefully he doesn’t quote statistics when bringing the sti up though. I once went on a few dates with a man who had it, he told me on the 3rd date and it was a shock. Because of the way it was communicated, like everybody had it so it wasn’t a big deal, I questioned whether the relationship was the right thing for me. I was a virgin at the time so it most definitely was a big deal to me.
HSV 2 is the most common STI. It's the exact equivalent of a cold sore but on the genitals. 1 in 4 people have it. Most people have it and don't even know it because they have no symptoms or the symptoms are very mild. In most cases, it is not that serious and does not adversely affect your life. The guy will be fine. Just do not have sex or have protected sex when you have the sore. HSV 2 and HSV 1 (cold sore) are similar. Just that one affects the mouth (HSV 1) and the other affects the genitals (HSV 2). Cold sores are contracted innocently, mostly when children are young from contact with adults who have the infection e g through kisses etc. You can have one and not have the other. This guy is ok. He has been for 7 years. He should get back to living his life.
This is why guys should wear protection. I know plenty of women are on birth control but that doesn't cover stds. I've had guys say I "look clean" or I have my test results right here. Wth?! No. No glove no love.
To all the people saying “sue her”, for what? She never shared the results and he kept boning her and never insisted on hearing the results. His choice. Gotta be someone else’s fault always gotta be someone else’s fault…
Just want to put it out there and both get full STD testing including things they don't always test for. She likely thought the chances of you getting it were slim, it often is in controlled cases among partners. We also have to be comfortable enough to let people tell us they have conditions to give partners the choice in what happens or comfortable with discussions. There is a good YT video where a young woman talks about how she has herpes. There are also many things you can do to keep it in remission via diet, daily lysine, and immune system support. All good advice, take care of yourself. Please don't beat yourself up over this.
It's worth noting that more than 70% of American adults have this, it can be obtained through non sexual contact, and the actual effects of hsv2 on your quality of life are minimal.
Source please ? I don’t think 70% of adults have hsv2. There are other strains of “herpes” such as hsv1 which causes cold sores and herpes zoster which is responsible for chickenpox and shingles. Perhaps u meant that 70% of adults have at least one of these?
I'm 60 fighting cancer cause my wife lied to me and never told me she had a STD (HPV) and was going through treatment when we first started dating, when I asked if there was anything we needed to worry about (we were in our 40's) she said no, I'm sick now and I have to look at her every day look her straight in the face everyday and know this person lied to me, I understand how this young man feels how do you trust any woman ever again and I can't leave cause I'm sick and she has never once said sorry
@@user-uz2vc1gc6v He may be referring to throat cancer? Michael Douglas publically admitted to having throat cancer via oral sex, to make more people aware of it happening.
Luckily HSV2 isn't all that serious and is easy to not transmit but this girl just isn't worth anyone's time. It's not about the seriousness of the disease but the dishonesty.
She knew she was sick and never disclosed her illness. This guy actually has a case against her.
Your are not "sick" if you have Herpes.
Yes, she needs to be in jail.
Why screw without a condom until you exchange test results? He is responsible for his own health. Not her.
unfortunately, he only had 2-4 years, from when he discovered symptoms to file
Bring legal action against her. Significant legal action. She knew and was on medicine for it!
She should be in jail. It’s assault.
You can do that?
@@boxelder9147 Depending on the state but yes absolutely
Unfortunately he never asked her for proof....so he has nothing
That wouldn't fix is willy!
Personally, I think that people who knowingly pass on STDs/STIs or risk other people’s health in that way, should go straight to jail. What she did to you was a form of sexual assault in my book, and that is not okay. I think maybe finding communities that support people with the same ailment, and possibly consider finding love that way. Being open and honest is best. I hope you find the right one for you, and I wish you all the best.
Maybe I watch this show too much, but this sounds like a repost.
I’d sue her she compromised his health.. that’s so selfish, immature.
The Lesson is Always Strap UP & get Tested always !!
there was a very similar call. I thought it was too.
I know in some states it is.
@@candyluna2929 Ah okay. Thanks. I thought it was just me.
If the caller is watching this: I'm in med school and HSV2 is actually super common, 1 out of 4 people have it. Even though it's non-curable it's easily manageable and most people never show signs or symptoms, it also doesn't negatively affect your health. Your life will go on and you will be okay. However you should sue her, because she absolutely knew she had it and knowingly passed it on.
Edit: I've seen a few commenters wrongly spreading false information about HSV2, it DOES NOT cause autoimmune disorders.
Thank you for explaining this and best wishes in medical school
I always see this 1 out of 4 people have it.. I really want to know where this statistic comes from. I used to get tested for all STD/STIs and so did a lot of people I know. I have met maybe 1 person with it.
@@Ryan-wx1biYeah, I see that statistic all the time too, but the majority of STI panels don't test for HSV partially because HSV blood testing itself is only ~50% accurate since antibodies have to be above a high threshold. I've also read that occurrence varies by race, that 8% of white people have it while 34% of black people do. So idk where the "1 in 4" number comes from, but I doubt that many people have it.
@@Ryan-wx1bi it only shows on tests when it's active, and it rarely is, for some people who have it it's never active. That's why your friends group didn't test positive for it
@@Veeravaara Exactly 💯
First red flag 🚩 she didn’t share her results. If they don’t share their results then they are suspect. Secondly, don’t be upset with yourself for sharing yourself with someone who didn’t deserve you. Unfortunately, life occurs. It’s time to forgive yourself and move on.
most of the time, they don't even test for HSV unless you request it. her results were probably worse. she might also have HIV. it's not very transmissible from female to male partners.
I am an infectious disease clinician. 80% of the population has at least one hsv virus. For that reason, it was decided that the stigma was worse than the virus, hence it is not tested unless someone is considered a high-risk individual or insists upon that particular test.
If you’re reading this James, you’re not alone. I was in a group of 10 women who were struggling to find connections in relationships and 4 out of 10 had hsv2 and none of them were told their partner had it beforehand. We all create things in our head that make us unworthy of being loved. For me, it’s that I have autoimmune issues and I have trust issues because of an abusive relationship. I’m 27 also and haven’t had a long term relationship in over 5 years. You aren’t unlovable. I heard your story and didn’t for one second think it would make me not date you if you were matched with me. Hang in there and know that there are many women who would be grateful to find a man who is willing to invest in a committed relationship and had a history of supporting a partner through hard times.
Can men with hsv2 still go on to have kids? Is it just a matter of finding someone who is willing to take the risk of getting infected or are there meds that stop the disease from being contagious? Just genuinely curious. This is a sad story and hope all turns out well.
@@tritosac There are meds that make it less likely to pass the infection to your partner but, unfortunately, no cure.
@@tritosac The latest studies indicate that herpes does not interfere with a man’s fertility; however, it is strongly advisable to be actively using an antiviral medication, such as Acyclovir or Vancyclovir, to knock down to near-undetectable levels before contemplating a pregnancy. Always, always stay in tune with your partner regarding your infectious status.
Many people pass it and don't even know that they have it, in his case she knew.
@@tritosac There are diet modifications and immune system support that can help. Daily lysine tablet, healthy diet, and avoid cashews, stress. People go years, decades without an episode and without passing it on. Also a pharmaceutical. Keep the virus in remission, it is only contagious when an outbreak however a person may not know they are shedding the virus. This is the reason it is so easily passed. I know a handful of people who have it, some married people who did not know they'd contracted it prior to marriage. YT has a good video where a young woman discusses the virus and how she copes. It does not impact child bearing or anything else other than immune system and sexual activity during an episode. If there is a Planned Parenthood near you, contact them as much as needed for advice, options.
I had a friend that told her fiancé about HSV and he accepted it , but she was 100% honest and followed her treatment 100% they are happily married with children ( my friend got burned by her previous boyfriend who knew he had it and never told her ) I wish you the very best sir
LISTEN to what you said - she told her fiance. that's deception. he should have had that info before they became boyfriend/girlfriend.
Hi I have HSV2 as well. You will find love & you will have a family. Confidence is your key to success. A healthy diet limits breakouts.
let's just say it, it's herpes.
I also have HSV2...its not the end of the world.
I'm pregnant and I have a healthy relationship with a man that loves me. I take my medication everyday.
@@BD-ez9si not trying to be rude or insensitive, but how do you ensure you don’t transmit it to your partner? I’m genuinely curious
@chekekibandi7766 Also...do you know that you have HSV in your system...its just not active. Chickenpox is a form of HSV...
@@BD-ez9sichickenpox isn’t the same at all and not everyone has HSV. I hope you don’t infect your poor baby.
This is why you have to be careful who you lay down with
You have to be careful and marry right. 😄
@@SonicCloudLink it's just crazy to me that he was so much focused on sex that he showed her his test results but never bothered to see hers. Clouded by sex. Scary world we live in. She is intentionally passing her sti to people. He feels burned, he might start doing the same.
@@yogaqueen1527 yeah, thats the self accountability part. Smh I sure hope he learned his lesson now
Or wear a condom.
I can relate. When I was 18 and had my first relationship both me and my at the time girlfriend were virgins. So being young and stupid I didn’t use protection, what I didn’t know was that she was sleeping with my best friend behind my back! She had contracted HPV and I only found out once I got it, so needless to say our break up was a dumpster fire!!! Fast-forward to today I’m gonna be 27 in a week and I just found out that my girlfriend of six months was cheating on me and gave me chlamydia!!!
I’m devastated in finding it very hard to trust!
Use protection…
Hang in there! Move more cautiously from here on out
I think you should stop having sex out of wedlock
He needs to keep in mind that many people have this issue. Hope he can find a good person ..I think he can for sure
Can he take legal action for this? She knew all along and didn’t even care enough to protect him.
This woman is a piece of work but you can’t trust everyone to have your best interest, especially when you knew she didn’t want to share her test results. That was already dead giveaway.
Wishing him all the best!
Yes it illegal
I think the reason she didn’t tell him was because she was hoping his test would come up positive too. She should have been honest with him!
@@cathyosullivan718 women honest???😆😆🤣🤣
In BRAZIL it's illegal. If you know and don't informe your partner and make sex without protection is a crime.
I’m sure this is a crime
She knew about her sti.....I would take her to court
HSV can't be proved in court. Full STD panels don't even test for it. He probably doesn't have his status prior to them sleeping together.
As someone who had the same thing happen; please know that it does get easier and people out there will be open to you about it. But whatever you do; be someone that’s honest about it. It’s not something you mention on a first date but it is definitely something you want to share before intimacy so that they can make an informed decision.
~33 - 45% of women admit to putting out on the first date. Probably should be disclosed right away lol
@@Kivlor Men are more likely to spread STI's or STD's because they don't get tested nearly as much as women do. So they should disclose as well.
@@Kivlorshut up 😭
I love how you preach against loneliness that has been biggest reason for my mental health !
I hate when people use trauma as an excuse for their bad behaviors or say characters.
I had a coworker(who I couldn’t stand) told me her boyfriend went and got tested but she felt she didn’t need to. So I asked her why don’t you guys just go together to get tested and she told me she was fine. Watch out for women like this
Wow. Poor guy. This woman is disgusting and should go to jail. He should of pressed charges.
I agree with you 100% wow how dirty and disgusting is she.😢
The worst part of any STI is the stigma. I know a lot of people make fun of herpes, but it is NOT a big deal and is actually relatively common. A lot of people don’t even know the have it because they’re asymptomatic or the synonyms are so mild they look like a bug bite or a rash.
If you have an STI, even an incurable viral one, there’s not need for shame. You don’t need to go on a special dating site. Just be honest with your partners, take your medication, and move on with your life.
No it’s also the health problems it causes ED in men performance anxiety etc.
F that. People who don't have it don't want it. It is a big deal
It is a big deal. And it common because people don’t care because it’s common.
There should be a stigma on it. People should be careful with their bodies. The stigma should just be nobody wants a disease. Not that your a bad person but no one should want a disease or consider a disease no big deal.
STIs means you are having unsafe sex with people, no condom. So that is important.
Not exactly caller related but...What's sick is that Cali and NV have made it no longer a felony to knowingly spread HIV.
What?! You know what that means...
@9INE PLANETS What kills me is that when it passed in NV, the governor was celebrating with the LGBT community like it was a big victory for them. I'm like, hold on a minute! I was taught for my whole childhood in school that AIDS wasn't the "gay disease". Now they're acting like it is.That's really lowkey homophobic.
it is still relevant to know
😡
Oh hell no
I think they have dating sites and meet up groups for people who have STIs. It may be easier for James to start initially dating through them until he builds up more confidence. I read an article about a woman who caught herpes and she was scared to tell her partners but when she did no one ever turned her down. I’ve also had friends who dated people with STIs and they were careful but didn’t seem to worry much about it. Good Luck James!
I’m already living a life of misery because of what happened due to this STI and I’ll never be the same my body isn’t the same
Yo, I assure you tough times don't last for long. Did you talk to your doctor?
That’s rough dude.
Happened to me too. 5 years now. As far as dating, it’s literally just trial and error. Being vulnerable, dust yourself off and try it again. Still learning this myself but life beyond the diagnosis is 110% possible and obtainable
Wow. That girl was incredibly selfish.
she should have told you, she obviously knew because she was on meds. Just an FYI your basic STI panel does not test for herpes, you have to specifically request that test and most times they wont test you unless you have symptoms. For future dating be open and honest probably on the second date if yall like each other and let them make that choice.
Yes! Many people have asymptomatic HSV. So common.
Dave: "Sell the girlfriend."
For the love of all that is good and holy will SOMEONE speak up about the awesome benefits of NOT screwing everything with 2 legs when you're single?
People mocked the hell out of me for celibacy when I was single. Then I met a GREAT women. She was a virgin. So was I. We got married. Our life is great. We have 4 beautiful boys and no STDs.
Now, you can say "Good for you, jerk! Stop judging!" but all I want to do is tell people there is a better way. A way that leads to the good things in life. But nobody tells kids this anymore.
Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing wrong with being celibate but it's wrong to think people with STD's don't deserve love.
@@Gabster1990 please don't intentionally read things that I didn't say. I'm talking about prevention. I'm not talking about whether or not this man deserves love. I'm talking about the fact that we as a society laugh at and ridicule what is clearly the best choice to make by 99.9% of humans. Finding a good partner, marrying them and building life and love together.
I wish this kid all the best.
@@thejakelegion Good to hear and yes I agree.
I salute you
Most people are pretty honest with their partners. You definitely got screwed. But you have to move on and just be honest in discussing your STD with your next girlfriend.
This is true. Had an ex of 7 years that opened up to me about her STD. I accepted her in and gave her the best years in that relationship before it ended.
Don’t want a next girlfriend I’m good
This needs be a crime.
Titus 2:12 Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world;
He chose a real winner even before finding out she had that std. She was suicidal , self harmed, and she has a personality disorder , dude was doomed before he even slept with her.
‘There’s a reason we don’t let 20 year olds buy beer’. But yes let’s let them join the military at 18 and make some pretty life and death decisions there. Makes a lot of sense. Good job USA
Huh?? That's not the same thing.
@@ASmith-jn7kf talk about that more
Just say you hate America, it's trendy, got to be on trend! 🐑
@@yesterdayseyes I’m a big time Republican. I gave up on criticizing the left. But if the conservatives want to gain votes they need to reassess their messaging. Otherwise we will just keep losing elections.
It makes a lot of sense. The country uses war to keep its power. The 18 year olds are used and thrown away. The 18 year olds are ripe for indoctrination. Like you said they make bad choices. As for the alcohol and renting cars. That's liability and money spent in damages. So you see its about calculation and money.
Caller- I broke up with someone I was madly in love with because he didn’t tell me he had hsv2. But I can promise you that had I know, it wouldn’t have mattered. Breaking my trust is what ruined us- not that he had stupid herpes. Just be honest and know that there are SO many partners who will look past your sti and be thrilled to be with you. Hang in there and don’t let your hsv2 stop you from having the connections you want. Best of luck!
Just be honest. It will be respected and reciprocated.
Don't stick your "D" in crazy.
Best T-shirt ever!
This is it . This is the one ‼️👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿
Problem is that D### desires cuckoo for some reason as EVERY crazy woman for example that I know…has some man feigning for her. It also happens in reverse…calm, decent women getting with crazy men. I know I’m crazy…but the good kind of crazy. I’m crazy enough to know that the man that may be good for me…I don’t desire and I refuse to try to conjure up attraction, like if I get nauseated or more excited for peach cobbler than the man…it’s a NO GO for me…so I’ve opted out of dating. The men I desire physically/sexually are horrible people, so I avoid them as well and just keep my vibrator on deck.
Dudes prefer crazy women. Apparently the sex is better?
Yep abstain is the safest way and play play can't get it from yourself!
Sue her.
For what? She never shared the results and he kept boning her and never insisted on hearing the results. His choice. Gotta be someone else’s fault always gotta be someone else’s fault…
@@hillarybillary21 she is supposed to share it are you dumb
agreed. I'm tired of ppl that are not Virgins and celibate acting like if they engage in sexual acts they won't get it but throws stones at others for living life the same searching for their soul mate and getting burned. That's the gist of the stigma. Understand no one deserves the news of an std essentially it should not be a deal breaker bc everyone that's not a virgin is susceptible to be on the hook for the same scary fate. Like we know from pathology, these viruses can hide up to 20 yrs if a person's immune system can suppress it long enough. Let's remember to act as if we are in the others' shoes constantly reminding ourselves not one of us has immunity from std even using condoms and meds. Always do so, remember not a full guarantee, and we are all in the same boat. I wish the best for us all looking for our person and full life to live.
My dad has been dating a man with HIV for 20 years .. I think that as long as they take the meds it’s less likely to infect the other person. My dad is negative still so I think as long as they take their meds properly ..
Wasn't she taking hers??
He can just ask someone to get tested and show him the results. Also, I’ve heard it’s less and less transmissible over time, so after seven years, if he’s on medication, it’s a low risk to spread.
This is why we don’t sleep with people just bc we’re attracted to them. Wait til marriage, if u don’t want to or aren’t sure about marrying them why are you putting their organs inside of you? This is a lesson for myself as well.
This could happen to married people as well...
If you knowingly give someone something it should be considered a felony!
Thankfully, medication mitigates it by a lot. The biggest thing is confidence, but definitely self-love is in order. She hasn't been part of your life in 7 years. Don't let her rob you of your future joy.
There must be support groups where people in similar circumstances can meet each other without worrying about the stigma.
This woman was a mess from the start
The way John dealt with the situation is so good
Such great advice… applies to so many things. Thank you Dr John
Bring legal actions against her, she knew about her health and still lied to, sueeeee her. She still doing this to others.
BPD is a serious mental issue (not to sound unsensitive). My last gf before the current one had it, and to this day I still have mental scars from my time with her.
Obv he's learned his lesson now, hope he's able to move forward and live a fairly normal life.
There are, in fact, online dating websites that cater to people living with STDs.
I have HSV2 for 35 years now a boyfriend who was not honest. It's not the end of the world but can feel like it at first. You are not alone. I tried a dating site for people with it and met a bunch of lying, loser creeps who just want sex.
You don't. Break up with her and move on.
Really resonated with the last segment, appreciate it.
Dr John is so good!
So she made you get tested and then didn’t show you her results and you didn’t take it as a red flag when she wouldn’t share her results? 👀
Dealing with cluster B people is a pain. They lie confidently. Hope he finds love
Same thing happened to me when I lost my virginity except I didn’t catch it. She knew I was healthy, and she knew she had hsv2 for years. Didn’t care to tell me at all.
You lucked out.
That's what you get. You should have waited.
@@ASmith-jn7kf You've probably been BURNED before as well. You'll just NEVER admit to it!!! SMH.
I am so sorry dude. take care and wish you the best.
U can wait ur whole life. Doesnt mean the person u finaly chose to trust wont burn u @@ASmith-jn7kf
I also have it, and after finding out, I have still found a great love, a great life, great, healthy children and a loving partner. Prior to gaining all of this, I did disclose to all of my partners before and I had a 100% success rate. It’s not life ruining illness. It’s fine, and makes you more aware and careful of your health. It also weeds out shitty people. It’s not the end of the world.
Also, most people have HSV1. HSV2 is just a different site of infection. The stigma surrounding it is crazy.
Just because you are dating someone doesn’t mean you have to sleep with them especially when they have been with someone else before you, I mean we live in a time where people have body counts for crying out loud
Damn, some of the comments here suck. This dude definitely can bounce back and many people with herpes find love. A similar story happenes to a friend of mine: she did not date for 20 years even though she had men interested in her. She has a boyfriend now. You don't have to go on special dating websites, go out and meet people organically, people appreciate honesty.
he should absolutely take her to court! There are places where people with std's can meet he could check these out to look for companionship🥰
A man of culture I see.
Moral of the story, don’t have sex outside of marriage. If you like it put a ring on it.
You do realize that some spouses cheat
@@timesOnmymind you are more likely to break up when you are playing house like these people are
THIS 👆🏻
Post a dating profile and explain your condition right up front. I'm sure you'll attract someone with the same condition and it eliminates the awkwardness and wasted dates.
That’s a really good suggestion!
💯
There’s a dating app for STDs that’s supportive and welcoming online. It can also be helpful.
I’ve seen people do it. For mature folks, they will either say yes or no. I think once he accepts himself , he will realize all is not lost.
Horrible advice
Hsv has a 50% transmission wait with just skin to skin contact. It travels in skin cells not just fluids.
That sounds ridiculous.....
@@ASmith-jn7kf yet health professionals will yell you it's true.
@@ASmith-jn7kfdoes contracting coldsores from kissing sound ridiculous, or catching chicken pox from skin to skin contact? Because it's all in the same family of diseases.
@@ASmith-jn7kf there's plenty of viral diseases that are contracted by dead skin cells. For example, MERSA is one of them its highly contagious and spreads rapidly. It has three ways it can be contracted depending on what strain you have. Also, the virus can live on surfaces for 7 to 10 weeks I learned in university. Microbes are very scary.
@@ASmith-jn7kf it's true, look up herpes gladatorious.
James the first time you chose to share your situation with a woman you like its going to be super hard. The 2nd time will also be hard but maybe a bit easier. Same goes for the 3rd time. Eventually you may develop a sort of script and it won't be a big deal. And guess what? you may find the other person may open and share something about themselves with you. Maybe write down what you want to say and practice?
I really don't understand how people can do this to people?
She needs to be sent to prison
OMG 😊 *MR OBALAR* ON UA-cam CURED ME COMPLETELY 🇺🇸💯❤
I hope the guy never stops fighting for his peace let us buy you a beer bud 🍻
I just wanna sleep life away that’s the alternative to me
I'd say, you have to be honest and upfront about having it. Maybe not on the first date, but before you become serious. Have knowledge and be able to explain exactly what it is. I've heard people say they have a good idea before an outbreak happens and they cut off kissing/sexual activity until it passes. If they choose to stay, let them know you will ALWAYS be listening to your body and do the best to make sure she doesn't get it.
Don't be one of those people, like your girlfriend, who stays silent and gives it to someone with the hopes they'll stick around since 'the damage' is already done. Be better than that.
People will do unbelievably selfish/cruel things
So, the bottom line is there are ZERO consequences to messing around, before marriage, right? How the liberal folk can embrace that kind of thinking, let alone way of life, is beyond me.
Sue her!!!!!
DONT SLEEP WITH ANYONE WITHOUT SEEING THEIR MYCHART FIRST!!!!!!!!
She knew she was positive, when she asked him to get tested it was to see if he was also HIV positive, in her warped sense of things that would have made everything okay, this is why I will go into a woman's home I'm dating and will search through her medicine cabinet and any other possible place she keeps any medication before we get intimate, there will be zero sex until I do this, because of these types of nightmare situations unfolding, you can never rely on people telling you the truth today
It was herpes*, not HIV. You're equating lighting a candle to starting a forest fire.
And it's terrible of you to be searching through people's things. Clearly you believe you're justified, but regardless of your reasons it is wrong and nasty to violate people this way, especially when you've been invited into their home.
Yes, I apologize your correct I thought he said HIV not HSV regardless I make no apologies for trying to protect my health, going through a potential sexual partner medicine cabinets
You sound crazy. Of course just marry a virgin problem solved.
lol why not just both get tested AND look at the results. A little easier then creeping through medicine cabinets
@@sydcash1626 agreed.
The fact that she ask, for profe from him, says alot about her own physical state, she wanted to make sure your clean, to infect you!! But a young 20 old wouldn't think about that.
Purity has power. Forgiveness has power. Shame is fear. Fear has power. Choose wisely what power you want. But for real, start teaching your kids the beauty in celibacy. The beauty in putting their value and worth in the Lord.
Can't this be a criminal act? Knowingly giving someone an incurable STD?
depends on where you live.
It really must be tough for someone who has genital herpes when they try to date... because yeah, they will have to tell the person sooner rather than later, and honestly, most people will run screaming in the other direction when they find out. Most just don't want to have sex with someone who has genital herpes. I have heard that a lot of people with incurable STIs actually seek each other out, because they will accept each other. Maybe he could try to meet someone on a herpes dating site or something. They do exist.
When you find the right someone, they will accept you for you, warts and all.
😂
people are disgusting
I think it's sores
Yeah but in reality he will lose our because he made a poor decision and poor decisions costs.
Sue if knowingly did so
Battery: Intentional physical content that is harmful or offensive. May be satisfied by exceeding the scope of consented-to contact.
The only way to get rid of it is to spread it
Probably would cost more money in attorney and court fees than what you would get out of her.
@@desenagrator bingo. She probably doesn't have a dime to her name. Also, many states are decriminalizing the spread of STDs.
@@bffoxjr Decriminalize means you don’t go to prison. It doesn’t mean that you can’t sue for money damages in a civil suit.
“What was the REASON!!!” *CARDI B VOICE*
If she is Boderline she did that on purpose! To keep you! That woman needs to be behind bars. She will do it again.
OMG 😊 *MR OBALAR* ON UA-cam CURED ME COMPLETELY 🇺🇸💯❤
What’s up James from the other side of the river!
I think I understand where he's coming from. At what point does the person that you're seeing View it as you hiding this massive thing? At what point is it in okay thing to bring up versus at what point is it deception?
This guy sounds really cool. I think he will be fine… hopefully he doesn’t quote statistics when bringing the sti up though. I once went on a few dates with a man who had it, he told me on the 3rd date and it was a shock. Because of the way it was communicated, like everybody had it so it wasn’t a big deal, I questioned whether the relationship was the right thing for me. I was a virgin at the time so it most definitely was a big deal to me.
This is straight up predatory
Simple - you don’t trust the street walker ever again. Get rid of her instantly. She’s not a trustworthy person.
HSV 2 is the most common STI. It's the exact equivalent of a cold sore but on the genitals. 1 in 4 people have it. Most people have it and don't even know it because they have no symptoms or the symptoms are very mild. In most cases, it is not that serious and does not adversely affect your life. The guy will be fine. Just do not have sex or have protected sex when you have the sore. HSV 2 and HSV 1 (cold sore) are similar. Just that one affects the mouth (HSV 1) and the other affects the genitals (HSV 2). Cold sores are contracted innocently, mostly when children are young from contact with adults who have the infection e g through kisses etc. You can have one and not have the other. This guy is ok. He has been for 7 years. He should get back to living his life.
My buddies & I have a couple of sayings-
No matter HOW hot she is, NOTHING is worth her "Snakes in Da Haid".
"Let the big head do the thinking".
This is why guys should wear protection. I know plenty of women are on birth control but that doesn't cover stds. I've had guys say I "look clean" or I have my test results right here. Wth?! No. No glove no love.
To all the people saying “sue her”, for what?
She never shared the results and he kept boning her and never insisted on hearing the results. His choice. Gotta be someone else’s fault always gotta be someone else’s fault…
It's actually a crime and the test makes it worse because then she knowingly spread it. She can't claim negligence
Just want to put it out there and both get full STD testing including things they don't always test for. She likely thought the chances of you getting it were slim, it often is in controlled cases among partners. We also have to be comfortable enough to let people tell us they have conditions to give partners the choice in what happens or comfortable with discussions. There is a good YT video where a young woman talks about how she has herpes. There are also many things you can do to keep it in remission via diet, daily lysine, and immune system support. All good advice, take care of yourself. Please don't beat yourself up over this.
It's worth noting that more than 70% of American adults have this, it can be obtained through non sexual contact, and the actual effects of hsv2 on your quality of life are minimal.
Source please ? I don’t think 70% of adults have hsv2. There are other strains of “herpes” such as hsv1 which causes cold sores and herpes zoster which is responsible for chickenpox and shingles. Perhaps u meant that 70% of adults have at least one of these?
How can it be gotten through non sexual conduct and 70%?? That's not true
@@ASmith-jn7kf a nurse will tell you. Read a pamphlet. This knowledge is out there man. 2
What, liar 😂🤡
This is not true. A simple Google search. 12% of Americans have hsv2.
You should be allowed to take her out of the word of the living if she knowingly gave you HIV
here i thought he said HIV, i was like daammmn.
most people have what you have bro, is what it is
Some counseling for trust issues and a dating app for other people with your STI. They exist. 1 in 4 people have HSV.
I'm 60 fighting cancer cause my wife lied to me and never told me she had a STD (HPV) and was going through treatment when we first started dating, when I asked if there was anything we needed to worry about (we were in our 40's) she said no, I'm sick now and I have to look at her every day look her straight in the face everyday and know this person lied to me, I understand how this young man feels how do you trust any woman ever again and I can't leave cause I'm sick and she has never once said sorry
HPV doesn't cause cancer in men.
Some strains cause cervical cancer.
@@user-uz2vc1gc6v He may be referring to throat cancer? Michael Douglas publically admitted to having throat cancer via oral sex, to make more people aware of it happening.
Luckily HSV2 isn't all that serious and is easy to not transmit but this girl just isn't worth anyone's time. It's not about the seriousness of the disease but the dishonesty.
God bless your humanity and support *MR OBALAR* for curing my Genital Herpes completely with his incomparable medication..
Damn. The worst part is, who else is this insane woman infecting 😢
Short answer: Don’t.
Do people go test themselves before sexual act anymore? Or is it not romantic?
basic STI panel does not test for herpes, just a heads up!
@@112887db Ah did not know that. Thks for the info
@@chocovanille5809 if you ask for it they will do a blood test for herpes because it’s viral
Most clinics don’t even test for HSV