Get a 7-day free trial and 25% off Blinkist Annual Premium by clicking here: www.blinkist.com/nc/partners/im-autistic-now-what What are your thoughts on these two? The second one was super difficult to respond to 😢 As always, thank you so so much for being here 💛 If you want another video to watch...Does TikTok Think You're Autistic?: ua-cam.com/video/3mXB-xF78_M/v-deo.html
I'm not a parent, but i think i would have done the exact same as the lady. I would also have phoned the mother back & told her the situation, what i decided the punishment would be & convince the mother to agree & tell the 8 year old over the phone that she agrees with the punishment & what he did was wrong. I generally think it's fine for your parents to give you parenting advice, but when you've made a decision, even if they don't agree, they should never let the fact they don't agree be known to the kids. Because they are your kids & you are raising them. I think as a grandparent i would have sensed he was only telling one side of the story & ask to speak with the mum anyway, before speaking out of turn.
For the second story, I noticed that OP often talked about speaking with the therapist about the behavior, which in and of itself is fine. However, I wonder if they're using the therapist as a crutch for parenting at this point. My sister and her ex-husband adopted an autistic son with ADHD, and that's often how she would talk... They did some things to try to "treat" his "tantrums" which I did NOT agree with, like locking the food pantry because he was hungry all the time, locking him in his room when he wouldn't listen, and taking away toys for days on end every time he would "misbehave." In other words, they punished him for being a child with special needs, instead of learning how to teach him in his own way. And the only time they ever spent with him was if it was on a fancy vacation like Disney World or Universal Studios. How do I know this? I often visited my sister and would end up taking care of him, making sure he was fed, clothed, bathed, and I was the only one spending any time playing with him and talking with him. I'm not saying this is what OP is doing, but I've heard this kind of language before through my sister's "teaching" methods. It makes me wonder what else is going on behind the scenes to cause her son to do something like this; is he bored? Does he understand boundaries? Is this his way of getting some much needed attention? A cry for help? I feel like OP is leaving out some context in this regard, but I could be wrong. I'm just sharing what I've experienced as an undiagnosed autistic/ADHD/OCPD adult (all suspected by family doctors over the years as well as family members and friends... never an "official" diagnosis because it's too expensive and they're not clinical psychologists). I agree, what the son did was indeed very wrong, but I feel like OP, if they're not already doing it, needs to talk to their son and explain it, multiple times if necessary in different ways, until the son finally understands what he did was wrong and he needs to rectify his actions. Children with any mental differences or disorders can and do understand right from wrong, they just need to be taught those things in their own way, in their own languages, so to speak. The parents shouldn't lean so much on the therapist for answers because a therapist can only do so much to help. It's up to the parents to parent and the therapist to provide therapy. Again, not saying that's what OP is doing, just reiterating what I've seen in my own life. If they need assistance, they should look for some sort of child development classes/specialists to help them manage and cope with all the "tantrums" and such.
Sqishmallows are very simply made which makes them very easy to clean. The flat embroidery and the details are kept basic(no hard shapes the most hardest is like a sturdy felt that keeps some shapes). So material are just minky,stuffing and thread. It says handwash but I assume if she was bathing with them she was handwashing them 2.i personally have 2 large one I machine wash they been fine. I only suggest when putting it in the dryer use the airfluff mode or no heat. As the stuffing might melt and or mesh.
A big facet of my own autism is my privacy concerning my personal belongings. It would feel like such a betrayal for someone I love to just throw away my prized possessions, especially if they are a source of comfort. It definitely feels like that was rooted in the writer feeling uncomfortable by the squishmallows as opposed to the mould. People need to be more honest with themselves and those they love. R.I.P squishmallows
Same. When people throw away my things it’s unbelievably distressing for me. My parents did this a lot when I was a kid and it broke my heart every time
Oh man, this brought up some trauma 😢 My parents weren't the greatest. My dad for some reason hates me. When I left home, he destroyed every single childhood thing I left there, basically everything because he'd kicked me out into a shelter. It still sticks with me to this day that he did that. I have trouble trusting in the permanence of my things. I never considered this to be a facet of my autism. You shed a bit of light for me, thank you ❤ Sorry for the horrible story...
As an autistic person with neurodiverse kids and all sorts of allergies- I have washed and dried squishmellows many many many times.Part of my love for them is how well they wash and dry. We've never taken them into the bath on purpose but kids have gotten sick on them and still they've washed up perfectly.
Ya its nice you can just toss them in a pillowcase and wash them if there’s a spill or something. I do find it odd that they left them all damp in the sink for what would have been overnight. Why move them to the sink rather than the dryer. That’s what I find weird, unless there was some sort of argument in between them that OP neglected to mention…
@@WaffleSalad It could also be possible that it never occurred to OP's wife that there's a difference between letting it sit and dry "naturally" and putting it through the dryer. It's entirely possible that it never occurred to her that the stuffing inside could get moldy. Ppl often don't think about those kinds of things unless they have to deal with mold allergies/sensitivities.
@@HauntedCadaver As someone who's allergies mean my nose is often stuffed up, I can sympathize with them - right up until they light a Yankee Candle or spray some nasty stinky stuff in the air. 😵 It is amazing to me some of the nasty smelly stuff that ppl think smell good.
Do they get lumpy when you dry them in the dryer? I've always left the to dry on a towel/rack above the central heating, so it does take a bit to dry and I don't like that cause I have to flip them and squeeze to encourage them to dry quickly/well.
In the second situation, let's not forget that these adults have more than one child to parent. It doesn't matter to the sister that her brother who chopped up her costume is autistic. If she perceives that someone who lives in her home can violate her in such an egregious, remorseless way without significant consequences, she could be traumatized. I grew up feeling unsafe in my own home for similar reasons, so my first thoughts were of the sister.
Agreed. And I also do think that yes, him being autistic doesn't mean he's free from punishment. He has to learn that even tho he might have some special needs due to his autism it doesn't mean he's free from any consequences. Also, like you said, the sister is the victim here and she might end up feeling like her brother is allowed to do everything and like her family doesn't have her back if they don't do anything. BUT I also think that as a follow up to the punishment they should try find out if maybe something caused him to react like this. Again, that doesn't mean he should be free from consequences. You can do both, show him the consequences of his actions AND try to find out if there's maybe a bigger issue that caused it.
@@jay_valithat’s how it worked in my household. I’m the oldest of 3. My siblings are on the spectrum. One of my siblings threw away one of my art pieces. I found it in the garbage. My parents made them apologize. I’ve been trying to keep a good relationship with them.
True, it’s kinda the same with me and my brother, he dosent have anything wrong with him, he’s just younger, my parents don’t get mad at him for things that I would have gotten in trouble for at his age, and his punishments aren’t that severe, Mabie a day of the electronics at worst, but me? No everything gone for a week, they even once threw my stuffed animals away bc I got some bad grades, I literally can’t say ANYTHING negative about him or else I’m in trouble, but he can ridicule and call me stupid, weird, and stuff till I literally have to leave, and he dosent get in trouble, I told my mom about that once and she rolled her eyes
I don’t have autism. But if someone threw away my teddy bears I would start swinging. Some were given by friends and family. Some were gifts to myself to stay sane. That’s so horrible.
Same because one time when I was 6 or 7 all of my plushies suddenly disappeared 😭 Literally every single one except for the ones on my bed (The rest of the plushies were in a closet and I still don't know who did it to this day ☠)
Just because someone is autistic doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be held responsible for their actions. He knew what he was doing, he knew it was wrong but did it anyway. If OP fails to implement a punishment, she is teaching her son that he can use his diagnosis to get away with being a horrible person and doing horrible things to others. I think OP is being a good parent by teaching her kid actions have consequences.
Agreed. When parents allow their autistic children to get away with purposely bad behavior due to their diagnosis they teach them they can use it as a shield. There are way too many autistic adults that do this and I would guess many of them had parents that enabled their bad behaviors. It also teaches the siblings that other people can treat them poorly "if they have a reason" which can set them up to feel obligated to deal with bad behavior from people and partners in the future. I agree OP is being a good parent and hopefully her son does not grow up to use autism as a shield for purposefully bad behaviors.
Agreed plus the punishment shows the youngest, who was wronged, that she has support from her family and that what her brother did was wrong. She needs to be validated that her feelings are understood too
Also, Granny needs to butt out. The parents are having enough struggle without her trying to override their manner of dealing with the kid. Setting herself up as the escape valve from parents' decision will go on and on if permitted.
Isn’t there a notable amount of autistic cis men who are really entitled and not nice to be around because they’ve used their disability and gender to get away with doing shitty things?
Yeah, if the kid can explain his actions in full sentences (and give as lame a reason for it as he), there is no reason not to hold him fully responsible just because he's autistic. There's plenty of stuff I did to my brother as a kid out of plain unjustified hostility.
Throwing away the squishmallows is a dick move. The idea of waterlogging them with bath water seems so gross to me but that's not a good reason to just throw them away when the wife isn't around.
If they were concerned about them being waterlogged, they could have put them in the washer and dryer. They waited until the partner was unable to stop their destruction and put the other person's personal possessions in the garbage.
Right?! It's not particularly about the loss of property so much as it is about the assumption of entitlement to make decisions about someone else's property regardless of how it might affect them not to have those items. It's not a trustworthy thing at all. Like jeez if you throw away those right after I explained they're for mental health, are you going to throw away my meds when you don't like me needing them?
Never throw away anything that doesn't belong to you. It's always a bad idea. It doesn't matter if it's your spouse or your kids. Do not do it! There's ways to make sure there's no mold inside and ofc the squishmallows can always be put in the washer/dryer to make sure they're clean. If this has been a long practice? Soak them in vinegar for like a day or so, then throw them in the washer/dryer until the vinegar smell is gone. Vinegar kills most molds. If they were still unsure if the animals were moldy inside, open it up, pull out the stuffing, restuff it, and close it back up. Or see if the wife is willing to simply replace the old ones with newer ones. But either way, it should be the wife's choice on what to do with her belongings.
Yeah, I don't see why they couldn't be put outside to dry or (if the care instructions allow it) in the dryer. My dog regularly gets all sorts of dirt and drool on her soft toys, sometimes the toys get left outside in the rain, a few have been vomited on, etc. They're fine after a short wash and dry, even handwashing. I don't imagine it would be that different for squishmallows. Jumping to throwing them out is an odd decision if it isn't malicious.
My mom used to have the attitude of yelling at us about minor things like crumbs on the counter or leaving things on the floor instead of just picking it up, cleaning or even helping us with it it even got to points where she would tell us she would throw our stuff away cause we clearly didn't care about it. It cause a lot of stress and anxiety about our stuff especially cause I was ADHD and Autistic so it was not on purpose it was a real issue I was struggling with but instead of supporting me and helping with coping mechanisms she caused me a lot of stress that she would throw away things I cared about over things I couldn't help. It took a lot of work in adulthood to work on my relationship with her because of the hurt that was caused
I have a blanket I always use when I go to bed and it’s just become a thing where I don’t sleep good without it. I just deal if on vacation because I’m too worried it’ll be lost. I’ve had it for 25 years lmao, if someone threw it out I’d sue. I was thinking of giving it to my future kid.
you’re so right for this, stuffed animals are timeless and can bring such comfort to any age. really disgusting that people deny others of these things because they hurt no one!
My girlfriend and I are autistic, and she loves squish mellows. The amount of cruelty I'd have to have to do this to her is unthinkable. She has pretty bad anxiety and her squish mellows give her comfort when I can't be their to snuggle her . Fuck this man, and everything he stands for.
38 and I have a small collection of the big foots, but I also have a pretty extensive Jellycat collection. Nothing soothes my anxiety like snuggling with a stuffy. My husband bought most of them for me, freaking love him lol and I have found him snuggling with them to at times. Most our families are Autistic and/or ADHD so we support things that help us and don’t judge about things like stuffies. Now my 14 y.o daughter’s collection on the other hand… 😂
They totally are! I only own one squishmallow along with an assortment of other soft plushies, but I absolutely love it! I also have a squishy soft cat and a fluffy red panda who are also amazing comfort items, sooooo good for hugs! (And I bought all these as an adult! I was 21 when I went to buy my cat and proceeded to carry the giant plushie around all day in town!)
For the second story: Autistic people can and must learn consent. Istg only Autistic boys get a pass on just not learning other people's boundaries. It sounds like the mom made a good decision. This whole thing reminds me of Paige Layels recent video on Autism and stalking
Some of my worst bullies when I was a kid were the autistic boys. The teachers encouraged them since I was the "weird" (read autistic) girl. I was told to try and be normal so people wouldn't bully me. The boys got a pass since "they didn't know any better" and "you act weird so they're going to point it out." One time I was sat at a table with one of them for art. He dropped his marker and I automatically reached down to pick it up for him. He slapped my hand. I was going to be the only one punished until my mom got involved. Autistic men are raised to be entitled pigs.
@@wolfegirl1013 Being sat next to me was the punishment for them and any other disruptive (usually ADHD) boy, I was the quiet sort of starry-eyed type autistic girl unless something ping-pongged around my head too hard and I NEEDED to talk about it. I was also a rule enforcer as a kid because I was that kind of autistic child. It was bad. One time I told a boy I had a crush on him and he and his friend returned the Valentines I'd handed to them for the Valentine's celebration. A few years later a different boy found out I had a crush on him and to quote him directly "I'd rather blow my dick off with a shotgun than date you." It was weird.
@@wolfegirl1013 yeah :( they sadly are, or theyre infantilised to the point they genuinely can't do anything even though without the infantilisation, they COULD
I saw on Wife Swap one time about how the children weren't allowed in their sibling's bedrooms unless they had consent of who's bedroom it was. I really liked this and wished that my mom would have been clear about the rules of my brother not going in my room. My brother was a tyrant when we were growing up, he would always come in my room to beat me up and any time I left my room he would beat me up. I didn't have a lock on my door so I would just drag my dresser against the door to keep him out. Also I am autistic so it was really hard for me because I never knew what to expect from him or my house. My mom wouldn't do anything about it she would just shame me for staying in my room, and she told me one time that if my brother was beating me up not to react because "if terrorists torture you, you just don't react so they get bored and stop" so she was comparing my brother to a terrorist and never doing anything about it.
That's horribly abusive.Being unable to feel safe in own home as a child is incredibly harmful and I'm sorry - hope that You regained a sense of safety.
My mom had that rule as a kid but it kinda backfired because my brothers shared a room so I often was directly excluded from things that they had (like a gumball machine that my mom paid for the gumballs of and a fish tank that we picked out the fish for as a family) so I ended up sneaking in all the time and breaking things on accident. Wasn't just me though my oldest brother stole my things all the time just cause he was a jerk when he was in middle school
As a person who cocoons when I’m in distress, I could see how a warm, heavy squishmallow laying on my chest could be an comforting sensory experience. The fact that the redditor didn’t do any emotional checking-in with her spouse is the biggest issue to me.
To me im like....BUT THEY ARE WASHABLE!! Just tun them through tbe wash-DUH. Trash?! Have you ANY idea how many of my toys took a bath as a kid?! MOST OF THEM. And all without batteries were FINE.
I remember taking a bath with one of my soft toys as a kid, and I distinctly remember that it was an amazing sensory experience. The warm water makes the plushie not only heavy, but also - well warm - and that makes them seem much more alive. Especially when you are already emotionally attached to them and feel like they are this small little creature living with you and you take care of them. That can be incredibly comforting.
@@ghoultooth i once bought this llama plush that had a microwavable bean bag (if you know what im talking about, perfect) in the belly that you remove, microwave, and put it back in. it warms up the llama, as well as adding weight!
okay i have a stuffie that is fully a heat pack - he is nice and heavy and i can warm him up, favourite thing in the world!!!!! definitely recommend if you can find one like it (i cut off the tag when i was little so i cant tell what the brand is soz fam)
story 2 I do study child development and autistic child development, the boy does need to be made to understand how he hurt his sister, but it also makes me worry that OP said that their son has been mean to his sister for months that's not good and it makes me wonder if the grandma let's the son get away with a lot, since the son is at a point where he is cutting up his sister's things, I also feel bad for the 7 year that was something she made that took time and that can't really be replace, OP really needs to stand their ground for both kids,
I totally agree, red flag that the kid seems to have a pattern of being "mean" to his sister, which if not dealt with could turn to straight up abuse later on. I was just worried with how she must have felt, she must be prioritized just as much as her autistic brother and shown that she matters and is worthy of protection.
on the second story. even though the son is lower support needs, the chances that his sibling is also autistic is pretty high and she and her requirements are just being pushed aside to accommodate him all the time. he does need a real consequence so that he will maybe realize (with further coaching and conversation, of course) that he can't destroy other people's things without being punished. if he did that as an adult, it would be absolutely unacceptable, right now it's not the absolute worst, but if she also sees that he can get away with anything he does to her things, she wont feel safe. he didnt feel unsafe, just slightly uncomfortable at the sight or concept of her costume. he's being told over and over again that he is more important than his sibling, that they arent the same. i really empathize more with his sibling than with him, but i was a bit of a sibling bully with my younger sister. middle sibling behavior from me, probably aggravated by undiagnosed neurospice and trauma, but i wouldnt change the fact that i should face some minor punishments for certain behavior, not getting to still participate in the fun thing i ruined for someone else just because of something approaching a disability.
I completely agree, I was empathizing with the sister a lot more because I was in that situation with my older autistic brother and he would just get told off without real concrete punishments, which made him learn its OK to bully people and not face *real* repercussions besides being given a talking to and being told not to do it. Like you said, that sister will not be safe. For me, my older autistic brother became full blown abusive due to not having consequences. Not saying this is whats happening for this family, but it is a likely outcome if intervention is not regularly taken.
See, I was empathising with the brother, because my neurotypical little brother was excellent at weaseling out of consequences for being a bully because he was the baby/the easy child, not "difficult" like me. He'd kick me at the dinner table, hide my things, trash my room, interrupt me while reading, pinch me to bruising, and I'd get in trouble for being too sensitive, not tidying even though I had, being absent-minded even though it was him hiding things, etc, and if I went into meltdown over his intruding into my room, that was my fault too.
I have medium functioning autism and was mean to my younger siblings at times. Probably due to being abused. It is appropriate to be punished for mistreating people even if you are autistic. The child needs to learn that hurting other people is not acceptable.
I can partly understand both sides, the ones who say punish him and the ones who say keep in mind that he's autistic. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think that him being autistic equals him being free of consequences. It doesn't. We are not free from consequences just because of the autism. If we f up we have to deal with the consequences so letting him destroying that costume slide isn't in for me either. What I think tho is that after punishing him they should try to find out if something deeper caused this reaction. Maybe something that deeply irritated him or what ever. The victim here tho is definitely the sister. Even if she was not, like you expect (and I agree), autistic it would still be important that the parents show her that they also have her back and that her brother can't just treat her badly and hide it behind his diagnosis. Even if she's not autistic it could still cause trauma for her if they'd let all this slide in the name of their son's autism. And let's not even get started on the issues it might cause if she really is autistic too.
story #2: from my pov, I think it's good that the parents enforce consequences _and_ involve the therapist too. Because in the end, if you wish for your child to have a life with minimal conflict and with a healthy way to deal with conflict and difficult emotions, it's better to start sooner than later with figuring out helpful strategies. The longer bad behavior goes unchecked, the more difficult it is to correct later in life. I agree that a child with autism might need a different kind of approach and/or a different set of skills, to cope. But as any child, they need an incentive or a good reason why they should take on the labor and the change that comes with developing coping skills. Some children respond well, if you sit down with them and reason with them. Some respond better to consequences. If talking has failed recently, it's a good idea imo to try consequences and to involve a therapist so they can help figure out an appropriate strategy.
I have ADHD and the rage-bait over people throwing out collections brought me here, lol. I collect merch from media I like, and my largest and most significant collection is Ace Attorney. On top of the amount of sentimentality relating to the items, if someone were to throw away everything, some stuff would either be incredibly expensive to replace or be impossible to, like a promo display I've only ever seen go up for sale once, and that was the listing I bought. Since I'm an adult, I'd definitely slam them for a couple thousand in small claims court if that ever happened to me.
yeah if a friend came over and destroyed or nabbed something people would be reasonably pissed, why should a partner get a pass? hell it even more abusive, you let them live in your safe space and they are supposed to be your safe space and they betray that by destroying your property.
My mom threw away my horse related newspaper clippings and such, back when I was 14. I had collected them and was planning on putting them up in my horse folder, but I guess undiagnosed ADHD, etc. Anyway it felt like a huge violation of trust, and like she didn't give a crap about my interests. I still vividly remember trying to pick them up from the neighborhood trash can. I guess they were in the paper recycling? Anyway, people should always talk first, and then perhaps come up with a compromise.
I would divorce this person immediately. This is an obscene breach of personal boundaries. You don't just throw people's stuff away, idc if they might be moldy.
How about instead of divorcing immediately… work through the issue and apologise and set the proper boundaries? They’re wives, so obviously they love eachother, and can most likely move on with it
I understand the thought that divorce seems extreme but if he’s going to Reddit to ask if he’s the a-hole. Like why didn’t just talk to her?!? It seems a bit odd that their married and he acts this way. Idk if divorce is the answer.
this may just be the Unhealthy Emotional Attachment To Everything talking but yeah absolutely. if someone did this to me with anything that i love i simply wouldnt have room for them in my life anymore
I've washed squishmallows before. They do just fine after getting wet and being dried. You have to fluff them up again, but after that they're good as new
I haven’t washed a squishmallow yet, but I have a shiba plush that has a zipper on the side to remove the stuffing which made washing it a lot easier! I’ve seen some people suggest removing part of the stitching on the back of a squishmallow and removing all the stuffing before washing, but I’m not sure that’s necessary
only thing is i wouldnt just throw them in the dryer- i would put them thru the washer first then the dryer--- if they were sitting in the bath with her basically soaking up all her dirty bath water from her washing herself... you would want to wash the squishmallow first THEN dry it to get all the ...dirty human water smell ... out of it first lol then dry it smelling nice and fresh
Autism is no excuse to be an abusive asshole. There needs to be consequences and yes punishment for his actions. Not going trick or treating is a very mild punishment. He deserved that and the other adults need to support that decision.
I don't like reddit's attitude towards children in general, but they're worse when it comes to autistic kids. Like in general they're like "Eh, NTA, your 6 year old is being a brat." (The 6-year-old didn't want to play with a 2-year-old) But oh my god, when it comes to autistic children, they go feral. Once reddit gets a whiff of an autistic child who's not good at showing remorse, suddenly they're all qualified to deem the child in question a "Sociopath." I'm autistic, I'm 16, I have a hard time showing remorse because I'm very bad at figuring out my emotions, but according to reddit, I'd be considered a sociopath. Who's gonna tell em that a lot of autistic people, especially children, have a hard time with SHOWING empathy, sympathy and remorse/ their emotions. There's a chance that 8-year-old IS remorseful but doesn't know how to S H O W it. Also, Reddit try not to demonise other disorders challenge 99% fail rate. like. "omg what if the child has ASPD" What if. They're still a fucking child susan.
Yeah, reddit commenters like to diagnose and pass judgement without any professional experience or knowledge behind them. I am glad that they are talking to the therapist about it because they need that professional advice rather than reddits. Also, children sometimes do shitty things whether autistic or not, one bad incident doesn’t mean that child is an evil sociopath who is forever going to be evil.
And honestly, there's plenty of times when I didn't even know what it was I did wrong. How can I feel remorse if I don't know that I was wrong/not supposed to do that? But that probably had more to do with my mother's parenting style - she was not consistent at all. That said? I'm fairly certain the kid knew what he was doing and if he doesn't yet understand that he can't just destroy his sister's things (regardless of whether he likes said thing or not), then he needs to learn now. The punishment is completely fair and I'd bet he not only didn't tell Grandma the whole story, but it's also interesting that he called her in the first place. It implies he's done this before to get out of punishments. When I was 8 years old (I'm also autistic), it never would have occurred to me to call either of my grandparents to try to get them to talk my parents out of punishing me. And even if it had? I'm fairly certain it would have resulted in an even harsher punishment than I would have gotten originally - and probably a scolding from the grandparent I called as well (likely over the phone). Then again, none of my grandparents would have ever reacted similar to how this kid's grandmother reacted. And my mother's parents would probably have called to scold her for taking us trick or treating in the first place (Halloween is "of the devil" after all 🙄). But I also grew up in a fundamentalist religious household and Mom's father was a pastor of an equally fundamentalist church. Mom did take us trick or treating at least 3 times that I remember. I do remember her refusing to take us when I was younger, so she did eventually realize it wasn't a big deal (although she went with us because she's paranoid about all kinds of things). Now that I think about it, part of Mom's reluctance to take us trick or treating might have been the neighborhood we grew up in - it was a fairly poor neighborhood and there was a drug dealer that lived down the street. We never went trick or treating in that neighborhood - the one time we went trick or treating when we lived there, Mom drove us to a different neighborhood to trick or treat at. Not that the druggies would have cared about us kids anyway. It's not like anyone our age had money for the drugs they were selling. They were fairly nice tho - in terms of the one interaction we ever had with them. They gave us their cat after he followed my brother home. Edit: Actually, now that I think about it - we don't know that he was actively trying to get out of the punishment or that he believes his autism is why Grandma thinks he shouldn't be punished (or that it's the reason Grandma cited for why he shouldn't be punished). I had to remember that we only have one side of the story. The mom definitely got the impression that the reason Grandma thought he shouldn't be punished was because she sees him as unable to understand that what he did was wrong because he's autistic (which is just... so wrong on so many levels - there's a big difference from needing something explained to you and not being capable of understanding), but that doesn't necessarily mean that's what Grandma was actually trying to communicate or that the kid actually knows why Grandma thinks he shouldn't be punished (or if he even knows Grandma tried to intervene). It is possible he just called to complain about being punished - and likely downplayed what he did to be punished in the first place. It's also possible that the mom didn't clearly communicate what he did wrong and _why_ it's wrong to the kid. I do think the person setting off most of the red flags in this story is the grandmother. She absolutely should not have reacted like that. She should have called the mother and asked what happened first and foremost because it's extremely unlikely that an 8 year old will give a full and accurate telling of why they're in trouble in the first place (whether they're allistic or autistic). And then if she still had concerns, bring them up with the mother to make sure the mother clearly communicates why the punishment is happening if she genuinely believes the child doesn't understand why he's being punished (and an 8 yr old "high functioning" autistic child can definitely understand that it's not okay to destroy someone else's things). It's not up to Grandma to decide what punishments Mom metes out.
Agree. Can’t believe they’re siding with the parent on this one. Makes me so upset. Don’t have faith in humanity anymore. My life would be over if I wasn’t allowed to trick-or-treat.
Because plushiephillia or being a “plushiephile” is a thing. I remember hearing about this dude who goes by JaSonic and what he did to his stuffed Sonic is just disgusting. He also never washed it after either. The bath for the Squishies was better than what happened to that stuffed Sonic.
I used to collect the softest stuffed animals and thoroughly enjoyed “taking care” of them by which I mean I used to rearrange them on the bed to make sure everyone could breathe and felt comfortable- I would do this for hours as an adolescent. One day my dad walked in on my collection and saw how I treated them, and decided to angrily throw all of them into a trash bag I front of me and then throw them into the trash bin so I couldn’t retrieve them. This was the first time in my life that I felt my heart break.
@@user-lx5vw9nx7q I’m south East Asian and my dad has very conservative views on the way a person is supposed to be. I understand that now, 20 yrs later. He had a similar extreme reaction when my older brother tried to dye his hair, unfortunately.
As a grown woman who has several plushies, large and small, AND has a beanie baby that I've obsessively kept since I was six years old and cut the whiskers off as a child to make sure it couldn't just be replaced, someone intentionally taking and trashing my stuff? I'm never going to trust that person again.
Omg I have ones with the whiskers cut off too. Lol the whiskers were so annoying! Of course never did that to a live animal but annoying parts don't belong on stuffed animals.
I'm AuDHD with low support needs (27) and the second one honestly makes me think about how my high support needs autistic stepbrother (21) just never got taught any emotional regulation really. He'll purposely push boundaries, do things that he knows irritates people (because he finds it funny to annoy people) but the biggest thing that's a result of everything is he also gets obsessions on people and as a result of that he frequently has meltdowns because he can't see the people he has obsessions (his current one being due to them living over 6 hours away, as well as being married with like 7 young kids) He's had obsessions with certain people for as long as I've known him (it was me for a while, I couldn't leave the house without him getting upset) and he's just never gotten proper help to manage them? Nor has he ever been helped with figuring out healthier ways to stim, since his main go to is just hitting the top of his head. I've been trying to redirect him recently to squeeze toys and other things when he gets upset to try to distract him but it's hard when he's gone so long without proper aid.
I feel like sometimes parents are just like "oh well, he/she is severely autistic, it can´t be helped." instead of teaching their kids as much as they are able to learn. (Not saying your parents necessarily, but the parents in the video).
yeah it's so fucking sad and frustrating to see people give up on someone just because they're high support needs. like, you know that if anyone had given him a chance to learn this stuff he would've been able to, and his life would probably be much less stressful for him
On #2: As a (potentially) AuDHD adult with a (potentially) autistic toddler, I can go into a meltdown state and make a choice whether to stay in my son's vicinity and abuse him with words and violence, or separate myself until I've come out of that state. OPs son is only 8yrs old, but he needs to face consequences based on his support needs and learn to make better choices. Don't be in the same room with the costume while holding scissors!
I’m an autistic female in my 20s and I love to collect anime, gaming and Disney plushies. I feel strongly about my plushies the way I would as if they were my children. If someone got rid of them or destroyed them I’d be devastated and would have a hard time forgiving them. People think me collecting stuffed animals can create clutter and dust and I have to get rid of them, but that would be the equivalent of giving up a child to me.
No. I went back and forth on saying something but no. It may seem like it would be the equivalent of losing a child, but I'm going through a terrible custody case and just had my 4yo son, my whole life, removed from my home for 30+ days. I want to die. It is not comparable to losing a stuffed animal. I do not doubt that you love your things very very much, and that it would be extremely traumatic to lose them in any way, and I hope that you can have them forever.
@roadlesstraveled34 I am sorry that you are going through that. But, respectfully, your trauma has no bearing on the feelings someone else is allowed to have. You can't compare yourself to others because you can't know what they feel. It's not helpful to you, the poster you're responding to, or anyone else.
Squishmallows are literally made to be washed and dried! I've had one forever who has been washed and dried probably hundreds of times. OMG! Just dry them! What a bitch! I'd be so mad, that's divorce worthy for me haha
That seems like such an extreme overreaction for (presumably) not even actually seeing any mold. I genuinely don't understand why the OP thought it was easier to toss her wife's belongings instead of just shoving them in the dryer herself and moving on with life. Perhaps a bit of allergy-related paranoia? Which I do sympathize with, if that is the case. After all, we don't know how severe the allergy is and regardless, any exposure has the chance to worsen the allergy. OP is still TA though. Talk to your wife about your concerns and come to a solution together, marriage is about communication and teamwork.
The mold is on the inside (stuffing) you wouldn’t see it from the outside unless it’s *bad* That’s why you throw out pillows every once in a while. The vids of people cutting open their pillows🤮🤮 or their kids bath toys are so awful. Was it ok for the wife to just throw them away? No. They should have just dried them and gone from there (either switching out the stuffing, using some kinda chemical to kill the mold, or buying her identical new ones). But it’s not unreasonable for the wife to worry about mold esp when she has an allergy. Kids bath toys are *notorious* for having black mold inside and I’m sure a soft toy like a squishmallow would be the same. It’s a perfect place for mold to grow (damp and dark). Mold causes serious health problems and chronic illness. Op just needed some education on mold and how to prevent it from happening to her squish.
I understand her reaction as I'm also really allergic to mold, but at the same time... There's ways to deal with mold that don't involve simply throwing them away. She could have approached her wife, pointed out that she noticed the squishmallows had _not_ been put through the dryer. And then talk with her about after she takes baths with them, she needs to put them through _both_ the washer and the dryer. And if the wife can't bring herself to do that? Just ask and OP can handle that part when she gets home. No big deal. As for dealing with possible mold? There's several ways to handle it if the wife is unwilling to replace them with new ones. Soak in vinegar for a day or two (vinegar kills most molds), then wash/dry until the vinegar smell is gone. Alternatively, they could open up the squishmallow, replace the stuffing, and then close it back up (probably add a wash/dry as well just in case). But at the end of the day? OP is the TA here, specifically because she threw away something that wasn't hers. Never throw away someone else's property! Not even if it's your own kid's property! Always ask and get permission before throwing something out.
Most of these types of things cannot even grow mould due to anti moulding agents being added to the foam. Also...I am pretty sure they are closed cell and wont suck up water like a sponge. It is like that spray foam you use to STOP WATER LEAKS through cracks in badement walls. It is used cause it WONT HOLD WATER AND MOLD.
I’ve heard this horror story from someone whose brother used to have really aggressive meltdowns in which he physically hurt her. The parents never really allowed her to even talk about it and her brother never had any consequences or learned how to deal with a meltdown in a more healthy way. This person is probably also autistic btw, but doesn’t really feel like getting a diagnosis herself.
The girl throwing out her partner's squishmallows was completely out of line. I collect Care Bears myself, and my husband not only respects my interest, he supports it (by buying me more Care Bears). I wouldn't take a bath with any, but neither would I tolerate them being thrown out, especially like, as many people commented, that OP could have just put the squishmallows in the dryer herself. What a controlling jerk! I'm Autistic myself, and so is my son. ANY kid intentionally destroying their siblings' property needs to suffer the consequences for their actions. Of course that brat who cut up his sister's costume should be punished! Autism is no excuse for acting so disrespectfully, and I think his parents (and grandparents) have been enabling him for far too long if he thought he could get away with that. Being denied the privilege of trick or treating is a suitable punishment for trying to ruin his sister's Halloween. Also, if his sister is 7 and he's 8, how could he still be upset about "not being the baby?" She would have been in his life since he was a baby himself.
As someone who is allergic to mold like op, i think they were wrong in just throwing them out, but i can see why they would be upset. I can get painful hives if i touch something moldy and i would have a definite problem with a partner doing anything that would increase the odds of me touching mold. That being said, i would never just throw something away without communicating like that.
@@smallgreenflies thank you! We've been together since we were teenagers. He's my best friend - he gets me like no one else does. I'm so happy to have him, and our baby boy together.
Honestly YES! Like if you're gonna be a d bag at least don't be a total d bag and give them to a childrens' charity or something rather than just destroying them. How heartless do ya have to be?
@@GhostGuy764 It was described as just happening. No attempts were made to ascertain the situation, just throwing away someone else's property, no discussion.
My sisters ex used to say awful things to everyone in my family including her and he would say it was because he was autistic. Was 22- Called my partner names, told me I was a bad sister and daughter, told my brother he was a loser and cheated on my sister and was just a shit person. Seemed to me like his family just let him use his autism to get away with things. My uncle is also autistic and has never acted like that, he has Tourette’s too so yknow 🤷🏻♂️ can’t just let people use their disorders to get away with things.
It depends on how arbitrary the offense is. Many times it's the autistic people that see through the bullshit and tell it like it is. My best friend in hs was autistic but it only seemed to make him more based cuz he kept it real. I admire that.
I think the larger issue is that she clearly finds a sense of comfort with them and her act can’t be taken as anything but a simple disregard for her wife’s feelings. It’s purposefully going out of her way to make her wife feel bad.
Ive never had a squishmallow in the bath before so this may be different, but as a kid i would sometimes bring plushies into the bath and putting them in the dryer afterwards was fine. Ill never understand why people feel okay throwing out their partners things without asking, especially as someone whos very attached to my plushies and belongings. Communication is so important in relationships, op couldve easily just talked with her about this, her doing that doesnt hurt anybody and as long as the plushies were washed afterwards theres no chance theyd get moldy. Just talk with your partner! Its so easy!
They are filled with a dense material which makes them very good sensory toys. They would definitely dry nicely in the dryer, this was extremely childish and controlling. If they were special ones she may not even be able to buy them again plus those things are not cheap. No respect and doesn't care about throwing money away, not good.
I remember as a boy, I misbehaved in school a lot, and because I was the autistic foster child my teachers let me get away with it every time. Now that I'm older, I realise how isolated that made me feel. It made me feel like a freak, and it gave the bullies a lot more things to target. I wish they would've treated me fairly, but I know they meant well. Part of the human experience is having consequences when you misbehave.
For the first one here’s my take: I can understand not wanting mold but there are multiple better ways to deal with the situation, you could: Ask them about it, Put it in the dryer yourself, ask them to put them in the dryer, check they are okay first because they said it was for mental health reasons. If someone threw away my squishmellows or any of my things, doing that would make my mental health significantly worse.
Never had a moldy squishmallow, but I have had a flat mallow. I de-stuffed it, washed the case then fluffled the filling and put it back in. It is also quite easy to find teddy stuffing if OP was that worried about mold. Squishmallows are just a blob, so it's not like re-filling them is difficult. Could have been a therapeutic task to do together.
Squishmallows makes a point to market their plushies as being machine washable. They have instructions on the tags to let people know how to properly wash their plushies and I have seen a few ads that point out how easy it is to do. If someone who supposedly loved me threw away my squishmallows (or any of my plushies) I would have to remove myself from their life. All plushies are wonderful and I crochet them and collect many different brands, but squishmallows particularly are THE BEST for sensory relief. Squishing one of my big ones when I am having a panic attack or a meltdown (or recovering from either) is EXTREMELY helpful, more so than other brands I have.
I agree with your perpective on the costume thing 99%. There is a little bit of a pitfall, if the parents make a habbit of taking away childhood activities as a punishment. Like personally, my brother got toys while I got doctor's appointments, and that really sucks.
Yes, it's quite a huge punishment for an 8-year-old. You only get so many Halloweens as a child 😔 Then again, having your costume destroyed by a sibling would be traumatic. It's a horrible situation!
@@imautisticnowwhat especilly not just a storebought costume that you can go and re-buy and replace exactly as it is. It sounds like it was a HANDMADE DIY costume that she made with her mom ... you cant replace that. You can try to re-make it but i know whenever stuff lke that happened like if something i made got ruined and i would try to re-make it it never felt right or came out the same the 2nd time around. there were always things i felt like the first time was better. theres a bit of magic that comes with going thru the creative process the first time vs trrying to replicate something i guess. and then yea having it be something she worked on with her mom as a special mother-daughter time makes it even more traumatic for it to be destroyed.
If you wash them on low temperature they get the whole washing machine infested with mold. Ive had experiences where even on 60 degrees Celsius the mold didnt go away and i had to boil the cloth. (It had a horrible smell) If you put them in the dryer you get the spores in the air whitch for a person with allergies and astma would be dangerous. If the person is taking baths with them they're risking a serious infection down there. That's why you don't sit on any of the cushions they put around pools. Also one partner might not get symptoms and infecting the other again and it can get chronic. As a person that had all of these problems I would throw them away too, but I know how stuff like that bother me so I gave up on living with people.
Forgot to mention if you don't have symptoms of a genital desies and you're just a carrier it doesn't mean you're not sick. Few years will go by and then they'll show, but then it will be way too hard to deal with it, because it has become cronic.
As an older sibling I was never allowed privacy or safety of my own belongings. My sister was allowed to break into my room and steal and destroy my things with no consequences. I would frequently find toys and clothes that had great sentimental value to me in her bedroom. This was always met with just a shrug and «so what?» attitude. It was sort of a double hurt. Not only did i grow up without any feeling of safety, but i also grew up knowing my parents didnt care at all about my basic needs.
I TOTALLY get the plushies with feelings thing! Sometimes when I get overwhelmed and start yelling and crying, I still can't bring myself to throw a plushie! I'll throw pillows, shoes, books ect across the room but the second I hold a plushie during a meltdown I just break down more and give them a hug! I'd feel too guilty! My Mum said I've always had a hard time getting rid of old stuff, especially old plushies! Just their little faces looking at me as I put them in the charity bag breaks my heart. Also I totally wasn't on the verge of tears putting my webkinz collection in a vac sealed bag one at a time no way, and I definitely wasn't apologising to each one as I did so...
So many neurodivergent people assign emotions and personality to inanimate objects. I used to have a huge stuffed animal collection as a kid and I always felt bad because they just sat in a corner of my room because I couldn't play with all of them. When I finally got rid of them I nearly cried because despite being 18 and knowing that they are inanimate objects, I still had this feeling that they would feel hurt and rejected. Now I have a much smaller stuffed animal collection. They each have a specific home in my house/my parents' house and I sleep with each of them on specific occasions so nobody gets left out.
I am allergic to mold, damp, dust etc, the whole squishmellow thing rubbed me the wrong way 😅 Firstly , who cares if your wife takes mellows into a bath? People take books and phones ans pillows and have music to make them feel more relaxed while bathing , why is having a mellow any different? Just because it's not for you, doesn't mean its bad ♡ She could be using them for emotional regulation (hugging them etc) or general comfort (back support / using as a pillow). Unless they are sharing a bath together, it shouldn't matter what she does as she isn't hurting anyone ♡ Secondly, if you are allergic to mold there are soooo many other things you can do before throwing away your partners property. Put on gloves and a mask and pick it up and put it in the wash and dry them yourself. Ask her to actually do it herself because she said she had but hadn't and she may have just forgotten. Unless the mellows were sopping wet the mold wouldn't have grown that fast and if it was something she has done regularly (take them to the bath and then let them air dry due to forgetting to pop them in the dryer) it obviously hasn't had an affect on the ops health else she would have noticed before. I personally feel that her throwing away the mellows was more out of her uncomfortableness with her wife having mellows in the bath and seeing it as weird rather than anything to do with her allergy. Lastly this could have been solved with a basic conversation between two grown ass adults! It's not like they are kids who don't know how to communicate, they are literally married! Surely she could have just said "hey babe, I know this is a thing you do but it may impact my health if we leave them out , can you just pop it in the dryer for me then we can let it all blow over" like seriously I struggle with communication but even I know its better to talk things through then to throw away someone's personal belonging which she probably has strong attachments to and got with her own money! Anyway wify is defo a butthole for throwing out those mellows. Should have just put them in the wash for a rewash and in the dryer and it would have solved all the problems. The kid cutting his sisters costume up seems like a little bit more complicated as they said he's been playing up for the last few months. That sounds more like something changing in his life causing him to be short to trigger overloads rather than him being a bad kid. Like afew months ago would be start of school holidays which is a change to kids routines and then having the holidays and going back to school in a new year and having alot more put on him at school. It could have just been that this outfit was an eyesore and he didn't know how to make it hurt him less. I'm not condoning his actions and I think him not going trick or treating was abit much. Like it was something he had been looking forward to doing and such a short change in plans can cause more trauma then its worth. They should have just let Halloween pass and sat him down and talked it through with him and maybe the sister over the next few days and come to a suitable punishment, like replacing the funds spend on the outfit or helping do extra chores around the house or even making an I'm sorry card for his sister. There are alot of ways this could have been handled but taking away something a kid has looked forward to , that only comes once a year!, is like telling him he can't take part in Christmas, it's just gonna make him more upset and feel left out and he will probably resent the parents abit when he is older for taking it away from him. Yes he should have been punished but the punishment should fit the crime ♡ Also hello from my hospital bed, I am now day 8 in my recovery for my pneumonia and am slowly on the mend , I am super greatful to have another video to watch 😅 Your outfit is awesome, the ears are so cute but I love the little matching earrings 😍 Oh also as someone with aphantasia I really appreciate the visuals added 😂 I hope you are doing okay ❤
Thank you so much for sharing this, Shane! Your responses are so compassionate and thoughtful. You're so right about the transition between school and holiday time - I hadn't made that connection. I hope everything worked out for this family in the end. I'm sooo glad to hear you're on the mend 💛 I hope the hospital are treating you well! And thank you for all of your kind words! 🥹
@imautisticnowwhat thank you ♡ I just enjoy sharing my thoughts on stuff haha 😄 I do tend to ramble on abit tho but I am glad it comes across as nice and not rude , I do worry I talk to much sometimes lol 😊 I'm not saying it was that but it would have made some sense given the time frame mentioned. My niece (possibly on the spectrum) had a pretty hard time switching from holiday mode to school mode when she went back in September and is still struggling some days now so it was just at the front of my brain ♡ I also hope it worked out for them , it's a shame we can't do follow ups to posts like this , I would be interested in seeing how things turned out for the family. Especially for the boy. I was hoping to be home by Halloween but I don't think I'll be that lucky, maybe firework night? ♡ I promised my niece when I am home we will do a late Halloween movie night at her house haha which I am now super looking forward to lol I am defo on the mend, I'm able to walk around a short distance with an oxygen tank and can hold a conversation and am only on 4L of oxygen now rather than the 10L I was on earlier this week so over all things are looking up. The staff have actually been extremely helpful and caring ♡ obviously its part of their job but some of them have gone above and beyond for me ♡ I had a overload situation in icu and they moved me to my own room which was super helpful. Now I'm on a respiratory ward I can't have my own room but they have been really accommodating , got me a little fan and extention lead for my chargers lol, walked with me to the vending machine so I could get a flapjack and snickers (which I'd been wanting for days lol) , one guy even sorted out a non menued meal for me as I couldn't eat what they were serving due to being a fussy butt lol (who puts cabbage, carrot and peppers in rice for a chilli con carne!) Lol he ended up sorting me a jacket potato and some sausages 🤣 it was really nice of him. It's so odd for me coz until recently I was just "weird" but now I can tell them I have autism and have all these issues and people are actually very accommodating because it's not like I am doing it on purpose, it is just how my brain works. ♡ I am really greatful for all of their help , it has made me feel alot safer in this rubbish health situation:) Oh they also gave me something called an autism passport, so if I ever come back into hospital, it'll have all my info in it so I don't have to keep repeating myself ♡ Overall , considering my o2 levels were under 85 when I got here , I am doing pretty well. It will just take some time to fully recover but I am definitely on the mend :) And you are more than welcome :D Thank you for making this channel, it's definitely made me feel less alone and helped me understand myself better 😊 Stay safe ♡♡
In the first scenario, the big issue for me occurred before OP threw away the Squishmallows. The extreme and hostile reaction to a behavior which is, admittedly, unusual, but also harmless, is a definite issue that OP needs to deal with. I worry that the controlling behavior (along with "surprising" his partner during work hours, which may actually be checking up on her) may be a warning sign of an unhealthy relationship. In the second scenario, the grandmother shows signs of infantilizing the child, which is unhealthy. The child needs reasonable consequences for bad behavior, and this punishment seems very reasonable and appropriate to me.
This video literally came at the perfect time. I had just finished a 2 hour long autism dive on embrace autism (ya know, just to check I was still autistic) and went into alexithymia, which is apparently present in my funky lil brain Anyway, excited to watch this video lol
The mold issue can be dangerous especially if you're allergic to mold. Wash and dry your squishy friends regularly especially if you sleep on them like I do with mine
Yeah...I don't really want to judge the boy too harshly because I've literally never met him obviously but I do think the parents are being pretty fair in this situation. I mean, again my experiences don't have to say much because every autistic person is different but there was ever only one instance of me deliberately destroying something as a child. I definitely knew what I was doing and felt terrible about it after, stuff getting damaged or destroyed upsets me so much, so again...My experiences can't be fully related to his but my point is that it gets frustrating to see people equate this behaviour with autism and suggest the child shouldn't be corrected, when in reality while autism may play a part in his actions...It could also be bad behaviour, encouraged by the fact his grandparents evidently give him a free pass. I do agree that OP's use of language with high functioning and tantrum is a bit concerning though, seems they maybe don't have the best understanding of their child.
@@BianTheWerewolf For me it was a red flag, that if the story is actually so clear, that you'd even have to ask reddit. I've never seen a case of children misbehaving, where there wasn't some problem with the parents and a lot of them even seemed nice on the surface. It's easy to look good in a story, when you're the one telling the story.
@pixelmotte it may be to defend against the grandparents. I had one of those growing up. He would say that anyone else would do the same thing, mom was being unreasonable. After a lifetime of this, mom's boundaries with him were so skewed. I wish reddit was there for her.
As a person who restores plush as a hobby that i get from the filthy goodwill bins i can say with absolute confidence squishmallows and plush like them are very stain and wash resistant. They clean easily and dry easily. No heat should be used when drying but they dry easily on cool in the dryer. If you must you can unstuff them and make sure they dry that way.
My downstairs couch isn't even for sitting on anymore... its for my plushies to sit on. I even splurged on a giant cinnamoroll plushie that was in collaboration with an idol group I absolutely love. His ears are so floppy and he has little hearts everywhere.
The squishmallow story - I'd being raging mad. It's so hard for me to allow anyone into my space as a neurodiverse person. Much of my childhood I never had much of anything to be mine. I always had to give things up to my little sisters all the time, so it reinforced the idea I wasn't allowed my own things nor my own space away from people. I had to actually slowly come to the idea much later in life that I am ALLOWED to have my own things and space, so now I'm fiercely protective of my things and my space. Being able to trust someone else to be there, with my things and trust the to NOT mess with them, is a HUGE thing. He broke that trust with his partner when he threw away their things. It's as simple as washing them again and drying them. More communication is definitely needed.
I'm literally still watching the video but I just wanted to leave a small (didnt end up small after all but oh well) comment about the first story (squishmallows and mold). I think something that is overlooked, primarily in the reddit responses, is that the op mentions having a *mold allergy*. So she's not only worried generally about it, but it's possible that her condition more severe when it comes to needing to be careful around fungal pathogens. One of my biggest special interests is fungi so I've read quite a lot about different molds and such, and there are absolutely situations in which mold exposure and allergies can lead to severe injury or death. Not saying that makes it okay that she threw the squishmallows away or that she didnt communicate those fears more clearly, but she might have genuinely felt fear and acted on instinct, as opposed to being judgemental. I really love these videos, by the way! I watch a lot of aita content when I draw, and oftentimes the people commentating aren't very considerate of the people being spoken about in my experience. So I really appreciate creators like you who come at it from a specific perspective and make sure to be kind and compassionate! I've also been enjoying your content in general lately, especially the monotropism stuff, so thank you for all that you do!
@@TomoyoTatar I'm allergic to dust and mold and just huffing the inhaler is also not a great way to deal your allergies either. Though since mine are nearly impossible, I'm considering just moving to Alaska or something. I'm not as allergic to most things when it's cold for some reason.
Kudos for those parents for not letting their son getting away with doing things which hurted his sister because he is autistic. I read so many stories about people letting their children behaving destructive and bullying theitr siblings just because they have autism. They are setting bad example and setting their autistic child to the bad path.
idk about anyone else but i've considered showering in socks to avoid my feet touching the shower floor, i hate that freaking texture so much and avoiding standing on the drain is literally terrifying and then you can't like, touch the shower wall cause they feel contaminated so then the shower becomes this whole terrifying game of "literally do not touch anything or your skin will be contaminated and then if you scrub your skin to decontaminate the loofah's contanimated as if I rubbed it all over the shower wall, getting whatever germs happen to be on that wall onto my body forever and ever until i get a new loofah, then i have to freaking go to the store and spend a dollar and i really just don't like doing that"
My brother and I are both autistic/ADHD, and he was diagnosed with both at a young age, but I was only diagnosed with ADHD (my parents also never got me support for it, because "it wasn't a problem"). I have most of my childhood blocked, but he used to antagonize me constantly. It was pretty violent when we were young, but then it was mostly just lying and manipulation as we got older. I was always jealous that my parents tried to accommodate him, but when I ever struggled, I just had to try harder. Anyway, now I'm an adult with my own (step) kiddo whom I'm certain is neurodivergent. I mostly wing it with parenting, as my kiddo has to deal with a split family, and his other household seems to punish him too harshly. At our house, he usually makes a mistake he would get in trouble for at his other house, and then punishes himself in a meltdown. If we can manage to stave off the meltdown, we go for natural consequences, like having to help clean up a mess he made, or having to leave an event early. For the kid in the story, I'd probably have his consequence be that he has to repair the costume, which would thus give him less time to trick or treat, or give him the option to instead pay for a new costume. If he doesn't have allowance money, I'd let him do a candy exchange program, to have certain candies equal certain dollar amounts, or something like that. (If half his candy went to his sister or something, he could just steal it back.) (sorry for the very long comment, ahhh)
I saw a show back in like 2005 to 2007 where you send a letter or video of something about your body you want changed. I remember a woman going on for having a really gross foot. She never took her socks off (bathed in them, not changing them) for like 15 years or some shit. It was extremely infected toe nail. They removed it and told her to clean and change the bandages. She never did. Showed the sopping wet gross smelling brown bandages. The foot was fucked again. It was a gross show.
I have to assume that there's more to the story than that kid simply finding his sister's costume "ugly". There was probably a lot of back and forth between the siblings leading up to that point.
And that's a problem lmao. You know what they say about people that assume. It's ridiculous that people think there must be some missing piece of information that would somehow justify his behvaior. Sometimes kids are A holes, and sometimes.. its just because they can be. There doesn't always have to be some deep underlying reason lmao. Not you thinking the sisters must be involved, just so you can try to find a reason that he doesn't have to be accountable for his actions... Just because he has autism, doesn't mean someone else must be partially responsible for HIS behavior.
@@bailey7792 That's not what I meant, like, at all. I'm talking about motives, not excuses. Very different things. My point was that even autistic kids aren't so wildly, chaotically, irrational that they would destroy someone else's property just "because it's ugly". That tells an inaccurate (or at least incomplete) narrative about autism. Rather, the situation was probably more like what you might imagine between any two neurotypical siblings. When one kid SEEMS to spontaneously lash out at the other, it's almost always motivated by up to a few hours of back and forth teasing. But each kid is responsible for THEIR own actions and only their own actions.
With the Squishmallows story, it’s complicated. Squishmallows can’t handle heat very well and shouldn’t be thrown into the dryer because their fabric would melt. It’s suggested to air dry them instead, but depending on how wet they are, there could be mold build up and unsafe to have, especially to person who is allergic to mold.
Really? I got one of the massive ones (a dragon!) from a thrift store so I immediately squished him into the washer and then dried him on the delicate setting for like 40 mins and he came out looking good. I had no idea they don’t usually like heat
As a special education teacher who specializes in autism support his behavior concerns me. Ive been working with autistic kids for over 25 years and hoo boy him cutting up just 1 thing would worry me tremendously. The dozens of autistic meltdowns that have included anger toward me are usually broadly destructive, ripping apart my whole classroom, throwing things at me, tipping furniture, ripping assignments etc. Also, usually, when they've calmed down and are recovering from the meltdown, there's a lot of remorse and a desire for reconciliation. The fact that there is no remorse would have me shook. Mom is 100% not an asshole for determining there should be a consequence and that the consequence will be Halloween related as was the destruction. That being said, i like the idea of making him pay for the costume better than taking away Halloween, but that's what she said, and now she needs to stick to her guns. Consequences can't be negotiable.
Related to the second story, I’m self diagnosed autistic and once did something similar. When I was 14, I was over at my mum’s friend’s house and her daughter had a jar in her bedroom that she had decorated with bits of tissue paper. For some reason, this really irritated me- it was ugly, and it made me feel physically uncomfortable. I could “feel” its presence even when I wasn’t looking at it, even when I was in a different room. When the girl left me alone at one point, I felt an incredibly strong urge to rip all the paper off the jar. Unfortunately I did give in to that urge, and I still feel bad about it to this day. I’m terrified that the blame went on the younger sister. I wonder if that feeling is something the boy in the second story had- he described it as being ugly and he didn’t like it. Maybe I was just old enough/at a stage in my development where I could feel remorse for this, but I also felt enough shame, embarrassment and fear that I never owned up to it or told anyone. I have never done anything like it since. For me, the issue here is that the boy didn’t seem understand why what he did was wrong, which would then make it difficult for him to understand why he should feel remorseful; let alone understanding whether or not he was remorseful, and figuring out how to express that. The grandmother regularly making excuses for his behaviour certainly wouldn’t be helping either. So long as the parents took care to try and teach him why it was wrong and how to apologise/make up for it (potentially with the aid of therapy), I don’t think they were in the wrong. I do also agree that they also need to make sure he has enough support. For me, I think it was a sensory issue; I wasn’t having a meltdown, but I was also mentally and physically uncomfortable enough that I couldn’t ignore the cause. I wish I had’ve known/been taught how to handle those feelings. It sounds like that boy’s parents are doing their best to teach their child how to manage, and I commend them for their efforts
I’m a parent and in my anecdotal experience it’s important that the consequences be proportional to the behavior, (obviously no hitting yelling etc no matter what), and they have to have a clear idea of what consequences have been imposed and then when the consequences are over, you don’t bring it up again and you let it go. That way they know that this doesn’t change anything about the fact that you love them, it’s just a consequence of poor choices. Also you have to remember that what you’re really doing is you’re trying to establish good habits, and that’s something that takes time and practice, so don’t get frustrated with them when they don’t get it right away. Be patient, and keep gently and appropriately giving corrections and praise too, and never withhold love and attention.
for the 2nd one- NTA, im autistic & i also work at a day program for adults with developmental disabilities (such as autism) so a quite bit different from children but overall, we have to tell them when something they do is hurting someone and help them stop doing it. the key is that you are calm and respectful of their feelings, which is seems like the mom was. the important thing is exactly what the mom said in her edit, helping people not be assholes. autistic or not, someone being given everything they want, allowed to give in to their impulses no matter if they hurt others is wrong. people need to learn morals and be shown what not to do so that they can eventually start making well-informed choices on their own, or with some help if they want/need it. but in order to do that, you have to learn how to deal with things not going exactly your way, and its extremely difficult when your brain is wired that way, but it is absolutely necessary. regardless of a person's ability, everyone should be given the tools and opportunities to be a good, kind, and decent person. do not rob autistic children of that choice, no child understands what is right or wrong until it is shown to them, many autistic children just ask that it be explained to them and their questions answered. raise autistic children to be kind, even if you dont want to deal with the meltdowns or the questions or any of the Autism. this mother did the right thing and good on her for not infantilising her son just because of his disability.
My ex-best friend from kindergarten broke her little sister's collarbone in a fight when they were pre-teens (like 8-11?) 😳 They don't talk to each other anymore. They are mid-twenties now. It was also connected to parents splitting up and such. No idea if any of them are ND as I only met the sister once 6 years ago and havent seen the older one in 15 years. But yes siblings can be awful
Excellent costume choice for playing Devil's Advocate on an AITA reaction video! 😈 I think on that first post, yeah that was hugely stupid and uncool to just chuck out your partner's stuff, and to make a big confrontational deal about it. To me a major part of ensuring your marriage survives is to not make a big deal out of little things EVER. Example: if your partner did a not great job washing the dishes and there's still food-crud on a dish, DON'T confront them over it and risk hurting their feelings and the strength of your relationship just so you can be right or whatever; just wash the damn dish and keep your mouth shut. Or maybe volunteer to take over the dish doing if they're so bad at it. So, yeah, she should've just tossed the squishies in the dryer, and maybe quietly discussed the matter with her lady later on when they'd both calmed down. As to the second post? Grandma. Grandma's the a**hole, definitely.
The grandma may just be misinformed about what it actually means to be autistic. Through her life, children that presented similarly to her grandson could have been seen by her to have been institutionalised or similar, and then that revealed to have been extremely damaging for those involved later in her life, so with that in mind and a personal knowledge of perhaps mostly earlier autism research, and her grandson fitting the young male child that research had a bias towards, could all have compounded to have an extreme aversion to anything potentially similar to what she saw when she was younger, unfortunately resulting in being excessively lenient for the child, on top of the more positive bias grandparents can have with children they almost only see the happier holiday-esk side of, so from their experience, their grandchildren are (appear) better behaved than their own children (that they had full time ups and downs experience with) were at that age, and so are more likely to take the child's word for what they say, as around them they've always, or almost always presented as completely honest, so far.
Most Autistic people seem to be Animists. The original Pagan religion. I think that nearly everything has a spirit and that has a personal connection to us. Especially in nature and animals. It is also why I collect and have a tendency to hoard, because it is so hard to throw things away, because of that "spiritual" connection. I talk to my car and my appliances, thanking them for doing a good job. I even yell at my noisy refrigerator. I mostly hate my refrigerator😅 even though it keeps my food safe and cold.
That's really interesting the point at 13:23 about not feeling like your stuff is safe, in your home. My younger brother is adopted and when we were young he would often steal things and hide them in this room (because of his attachment disorder), I think that feeling was very present, especially being autistic (not known at the time though) with the uncertainty of my things disappearing. I think having ones stuff destroyed or taken is frustrating for anyone but particularly difficult for autistic people. Thank you for your videos it's so refreshing to see someone making reasonable, balanced and nuanced discussion. Without any judgment.
I agree with the parent that wouldn’t let her son go trick or treating, she did the right thing. You can’t excuse antisocial behavior just because someone is autistic. Especially if the autistic person isn’t sorry, and would do it again. Permitting that kind of behavior teaches them that autism is a free pass for bad behavior, and anyone who tells them no is in the wrong. Basically setting that kid up to develop toxic symptoms of narcissism and a general lack of empathy for others.
In my professional opinion (teaching children of all ages, Master's degree in Ed), that second story sounds very much like the son's bad behavior is being enabled. Autism doesn't make you malicious, and what he did to his sister was 100% malicious. Mom is giving a consequence that is direct, reasonable, and proportionate. The grandmother and father are enabling his bad behavior. He will turn into a nightmare adult if they keep enabling his malicious behavior. That applies to any child, neurodivergent or not. ETA: It would also be wildly unfair and harmful to the sister that he is apparently continually bullying and harassing. There is zero benefit to enabling such destructive behavior. A major red flag that this is a situation of enabling is the fact that he immediately called Grandma AND _her_ immediate response was to excuse and accuse, without pausing the learn more. I would be VERY interested to learn if Grandma has this same "protective" energy for the sisters... And it sounds like she doesn't, considering she completely ignored the needs of the bullied sister in this situation. In my professional experience with children, there is ABSOLUTELY a difference between autism and just being an as$hole. I've worked with many teens who have autism and need varying levels of low support. If you are educated and experienced, it's not difficult to recognize and support characteristics of autism, and those traits are not problematic at all. I only ever had ONE autistic student who had problematic behavior, and it _wasn't_ due to his autism - it was due to his erratic, irresponsible, helicopter mom who constantly enabled and coddled him. She was a nightmare and so was he.... NOT because of his autism, but because of totally inept parenting. ANY kid becomes a nightmare with that type of parenting, and I've seen the exact same pattern with neurotypical kids. Malicious, as$hole behavior is not the result of autism. End of story.
I remember my dad constantly calling me manipulative and an aggressive sociopath whenever I had a meltdown. Whenever I felt frustrated or hurt by something, I'd bottle it up when I couldn't talk to friends about it, and he'd get extremely angry when I finally broke under the stress of keeping things to myself. Usually when that happened, I'd shut down and become irritable, so his solution was to berate me until he did get a reaction, which would usually be explosive or destructive. Then, he would say that I'm an abusive person, that I was manipulated, and the way I acted was something only sociopaths did, and that nobody's gonna want to be around me if I acted the way he'd described. Needless to say, it caused quite a bit more meltdowns to occur later on.
Well ppl allergic to mold can’t be around even a small amount , if she’s around them even touching him after might be an issue for some . It makes sense why he would be mad and throw them away if she wasn’t open to talking about her stimming items . He still should’ve brought up that he probably felt she didn’t consider his illness or cared and brought up to put them in the dryer
I'm autistic. My brother is not. He was your typical "boys will be boys" he was a troublemaker. He constantly got himself in trouble. And to this day (he's 25) he still treats people like shit if he decides so. I on the other hand was raised as the little girl. My mom's second child and my dad's fourth. So I was constantly pushed to do better and be better. I was afraid of punishment. To this day I never call my mom any bad name unless I'm really angry. And then end up regretting it later. Sure I do push the boundaries quite a lot. Like telling my mom usually stupid follows stupid in regards to the people that have an interest in her. One of them is dumb, but you know how it is. They usually seek people alike. And other mean and cold things like these whenever I want to get my point across in an argument. But I'm always super respectful as I was raised in a zero fucks given family. They didn't care. You can cry about it, I won't give in type of family. And look... My brother getting away with things resulted into him getting the most things taken away from him and the most detention. I barely got any. And I'm the more successful child if you can even call it that. My brother was lazy, didn't want to go to school and spent 2+ years doing nothing. Not even work. Whilst he joked about me not finishing highschool on time. Which I did. And making fun of me not being able to finish university when I'm near done with it.
I was embarrassed but out of control and would end up taking the opposite approach after a melt down and doubled down because I wasn’t about to be seen as weak or in the wrong. I would stand by whatever I did even if I didn’t want to do it in the first place and felt absolutely devastatingly guilty over doing it. That got me in a ton of trouble and the misdiagnosis of ODD all while my parents thought I was and treated me like psychopath. The no remorse from brother is likely a protection.
Agree. Dude OP 100% threw those away as reaction of disgust towards their partner and then made excuses about mold to justify the behavior. Yes mold allergies are very real and can be very dangerous. This squishmallows were air drying out in the open from the time OP got home from work until bedtime. I think it's safe to say mold doesn't grow that quickly.
as an autistic individual, and parent to children with both ADHD and ASD, I often tell them your challenges may be an explanation for why you made bad choices, but they do not excuse the choices. Actions have consequences no matter who you are and what challenges you face. I do my best to help them learn coping skills, whether from myself or getting them outside help through medication and/or therapy such as Occupational therapy, and speech therapy, as well as talking to a councilor. My son is 10 and is on the spectrum. He requires fairly low support, though obviously no 2 boys are the same, I'm familiar with the age group of the boy in the story. At 8 he'd likely be in 3rd grade. That's more than old enough to understand actions and consequences, and more than that, he'd know very well what calling grandma would do. In my opinion to have the ability to think about calling someone on the phone, demonstrates that he's very likely not in a meltdown state as it requires complex thought on, who can I talk to, how can I get in touch with this person, finding a phone, and dialing a number. I assume at 8 he doesn't have his own phone either, so he'd have to think about where there's a phone he could use. I definitely think there's more going on than the parents are aware of, and if the therapist they are seeing can't figure it out, it may be time to find another. It also sounds like potentially the grandma is undercutting the parents and allowing him to use his ASD as an excuse. If it were me, I'd be talking to the therapist about the grandma as well, so that they were aware of that as a potential exacerbation of the issue. edit to add: as for the squishmallows, myself and both my kids each have quite a collection. the best part about the squishmallows (other than of course how soft and snuggly they are) is that they are machine washable. I'm not sure about more recent batches, but they used to say so right on the care tag. Big AH move to throw them away like that.
Ohmygawd, why would you throw them away without a conversation?! And yes, squishmallows hold up to being washed and being in the dryer! My son and I collect them, and there have been several times when they needed to be washed....
I don’t know if it’s I wasn’t diagnosed in my late twenties but I knew not to destroy my siblings things I even tried my best to fix my little sister toys if the dog got ahold of them because I know I be sad if it were me but it’s best the child learns now because society is not gonna give him what he wants if he does this type of stuff
I’m 55 and started buying Squishmallows a few years ago. I have medium-sized ones I sleep with, several small ones that I travel with (okay, that equals 2-3 trips over several years!), and a large one that I used to use as a back rest/pillow. My cat also has two small ones to cuddle and play with. And now we both have a few minis thanks to McDs Happy Meals ❤
As someone with a very irritating mold allergy (my skin will break out in welts and itch to the point of pain) I would find this troubling, especially they part where they said they put it the dryer and didn't. I wouldn't throw them away without having a discussion and it becoming a habitual problem. It's the lack of communication that gets me in this scenario.
The parent of the child who destroyed his sister's costume... it's hard. My entire family is AuDHD pretty much, including my kids, and my youngest has struggled with a lot of things, harming their sibling, among other things. One thing we've learned is that, well, punishments don't seem to deter anything for our child. It makes a lot of things very difficult when that's pretty much what society says is supposed to be the consequence of misbehavior. But I like to be practical... if nothing is really learned from the punishment, why do it? IDK. Things have gotten easier as the kids have gotten older. I also really think it's crappy for grandparents to try and undermine the parents' decisions. So, it sounds like everyone thinks the OP is being too harsh, but I also get why the OP doesn't want to let it go. I think something that might be helpful is giving the son a chance to "earn" his trick-or-treating back? Make clear that what he did was not acceptable, but also try to come up with a way he can make things right with his sister, to try to show compassion for her? Then it's not completely letting things go, and showing forgiveness can also be important, IMO.
I relate to the face cloth chewing thing. I have a sensory seeking trait for chewing things. As a child, eating wasn't enough to satisfy this sensory need. It took me until I was about 9 or 10 to stop chewing my clothes, even in front of people. I think I was addicted to it. I still chew my towel when I get out of the shower sometimes as a stim, but I try not to because it damages them. Chewing fabric like that feels really nice but I can't stop once I start and I always feel bad about it.
4:55 Mold allergy. You are not taking their health into account. If I cant breath and know the cause, would immediately put it in a sealed garbage bag too. New bag, let them pull it out and wash them.
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What are your thoughts on these two? The second one was super difficult to respond to 😢
As always, thank you so so much for being here 💛
If you want another video to watch...Does TikTok Think You're Autistic?: ua-cam.com/video/3mXB-xF78_M/v-deo.html
I'm not a parent, but i think i would have done the exact same as the lady. I would also have phoned the mother back & told her the situation, what i decided the punishment would be & convince the mother to agree & tell the 8 year old over the phone that she agrees with the punishment & what he did was wrong. I generally think it's fine for your parents to give you parenting advice, but when you've made a decision, even if they don't agree, they should never let the fact they don't agree be known to the kids. Because they are your kids & you are raising them. I think as a grandparent i would have sensed he was only telling one side of the story & ask to speak with the mum anyway, before speaking out of turn.
Congrats on the sponsorship :)
For the second story, I noticed that OP often talked about speaking with the therapist about the behavior, which in and of itself is fine. However, I wonder if they're using the therapist as a crutch for parenting at this point. My sister and her ex-husband adopted an autistic son with ADHD, and that's often how she would talk... They did some things to try to "treat" his "tantrums" which I did NOT agree with, like locking the food pantry because he was hungry all the time, locking him in his room when he wouldn't listen, and taking away toys for days on end every time he would "misbehave." In other words, they punished him for being a child with special needs, instead of learning how to teach him in his own way. And the only time they ever spent with him was if it was on a fancy vacation like Disney World or Universal Studios. How do I know this? I often visited my sister and would end up taking care of him, making sure he was fed, clothed, bathed, and I was the only one spending any time playing with him and talking with him.
I'm not saying this is what OP is doing, but I've heard this kind of language before through my sister's "teaching" methods. It makes me wonder what else is going on behind the scenes to cause her son to do something like this; is he bored? Does he understand boundaries? Is this his way of getting some much needed attention? A cry for help? I feel like OP is leaving out some context in this regard, but I could be wrong. I'm just sharing what I've experienced as an undiagnosed autistic/ADHD/OCPD adult (all suspected by family doctors over the years as well as family members and friends... never an "official" diagnosis because it's too expensive and they're not clinical psychologists).
I agree, what the son did was indeed very wrong, but I feel like OP, if they're not already doing it, needs to talk to their son and explain it, multiple times if necessary in different ways, until the son finally understands what he did was wrong and he needs to rectify his actions. Children with any mental differences or disorders can and do understand right from wrong, they just need to be taught those things in their own way, in their own languages, so to speak. The parents shouldn't lean so much on the therapist for answers because a therapist can only do so much to help. It's up to the parents to parent and the therapist to provide therapy. Again, not saying that's what OP is doing, just reiterating what I've seen in my own life. If they need assistance, they should look for some sort of child development classes/specialists to help them manage and cope with all the "tantrums" and such.
@notville_ Hey that's exactly, exactly what i thought haha
Sqishmallows are very simply made which makes them very easy to clean. The flat embroidery and the details are kept basic(no hard shapes the most hardest is like a sturdy felt that keeps some shapes). So material are just minky,stuffing and thread. It says handwash but I assume if she was bathing with them she was handwashing them 2.i personally have 2 large one I machine wash they been fine. I only suggest when putting it in the dryer use the airfluff mode or no heat. As the stuffing might melt and or mesh.
A big facet of my own autism is my privacy concerning my personal belongings. It would feel like such a betrayal for someone I love to just throw away my prized possessions, especially if they are a source of comfort. It definitely feels like that was rooted in the writer feeling uncomfortable by the squishmallows as opposed to the mould. People need to be more honest with themselves and those they love. R.I.P squishmallows
Same. When people throw away my things it’s unbelievably distressing for me. My parents did this a lot when I was a kid and it broke my heart every time
@@CharlieApplesmy family did that too and it instantly sent me into meltdown mode, EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Oh man, this brought up some trauma 😢
My parents weren't the greatest. My dad for some reason hates me. When I left home, he destroyed every single childhood thing I left there, basically everything because he'd kicked me out into a shelter.
It still sticks with me to this day that he did that. I have trouble trusting in the permanence of my things.
I never considered this to be a facet of my autism. You shed a bit of light for me, thank you ❤
Sorry for the horrible story...
@@CharlieApples I'm so incredibly sorry that happened to you.
@@justhearmeout3959 I'm so sorry this happened to you 💔 You did not deserve that.
As an autistic person with neurodiverse kids and all sorts of allergies- I have washed and dried squishmellows many many many times.Part of my love for them is how well they wash and dry. We've never taken them into the bath on purpose but kids have gotten sick on them and still they've washed up perfectly.
Ya its nice you can just toss them in a pillowcase and wash them if there’s a spill or something. I do find it odd that they left them all damp in the sink for what would have been overnight. Why move them to the sink rather than the dryer. That’s what I find weird, unless there was some sort of argument in between them that OP neglected to mention…
@@WaffleSalad It could also be possible that it never occurred to OP's wife that there's a difference between letting it sit and dry "naturally" and putting it through the dryer. It's entirely possible that it never occurred to her that the stuffing inside could get moldy. Ppl often don't think about those kinds of things unless they have to deal with mold allergies/sensitivities.
@@SadisticSenpai61some people are also totally noseblind to mold and mildew smells which that alone baffles me as that shit STINKS
@@HauntedCadaver As someone who's allergies mean my nose is often stuffed up, I can sympathize with them - right up until they light a Yankee Candle or spray some nasty stinky stuff in the air. 😵
It is amazing to me some of the nasty smelly stuff that ppl think smell good.
Do they get lumpy when you dry them in the dryer? I've always left the to dry on a towel/rack above the central heating, so it does take a bit to dry and I don't like that cause I have to flip them and squeeze to encourage them to dry quickly/well.
In the second situation, let's not forget that these adults have more than one child to parent. It doesn't matter to the sister that her brother who chopped up her costume is autistic. If she perceives that someone who lives in her home can violate her in such an egregious, remorseless way without significant consequences, she could be traumatized. I grew up feeling unsafe in my own home for similar reasons, so my first thoughts were of the sister.
Agreed. And I also do think that yes, him being autistic doesn't mean he's free from punishment. He has to learn that even tho he might have some special needs due to his autism it doesn't mean he's free from any consequences. Also, like you said, the sister is the victim here and she might end up feeling like her brother is allowed to do everything and like her family doesn't have her back if they don't do anything.
BUT I also think that as a follow up to the punishment they should try find out if maybe something caused him to react like this. Again, that doesn't mean he should be free from consequences. You can do both, show him the consequences of his actions AND try to find out if there's maybe a bigger issue that caused it.
@@jay_valithat’s how it worked in my household. I’m the oldest of 3. My siblings are on the spectrum. One of my siblings threw away one of my art pieces. I found it in the garbage. My parents made them apologize. I’ve been trying to keep a good relationship with them.
True, it’s kinda the same with me and my brother, he dosent have anything wrong with him, he’s just younger, my parents don’t get mad at him for things that I would have gotten in trouble for at his age, and his punishments aren’t that severe, Mabie a day of the electronics at worst, but me? No everything gone for a week, they even once threw my stuffed animals away bc I got some bad grades, I literally can’t say ANYTHING negative about him or else I’m in trouble, but he can ridicule and call me stupid, weird, and stuff till I literally have to leave, and he dosent get in trouble, I told my mom about that once and she rolled her eyes
I don’t have autism. But if someone threw away my teddy bears I would start swinging. Some were given by friends and family. Some were gifts to myself to stay sane. That’s so horrible.
I had this happen as a kid. My mom gave away one of my teddy bears without my knowledge because she thought I had too many toys.
Same, except I might be autistic idk yet
If someone did that to me I’d divorce or file an annulment (if the marriage was still new enough for an annulment to be a viable option)
It's saddening... the loss...
Same because one time when I was 6 or 7 all of my plushies suddenly disappeared 😭 Literally every single one except for the ones on my bed (The rest of the plushies were in a closet and I still don't know who did it to this day ☠)
Just because someone is autistic doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be held responsible for their actions. He knew what he was doing, he knew it was wrong but did it anyway. If OP fails to implement a punishment, she is teaching her son that he can use his diagnosis to get away with being a horrible person and doing horrible things to others.
I think OP is being a good parent by teaching her kid actions have consequences.
Agreed. When parents allow their autistic children to get away with purposely bad behavior due to their diagnosis they teach them they can use it as a shield. There are way too many autistic adults that do this and I would guess many of them had parents that enabled their bad behaviors. It also teaches the siblings that other people can treat them poorly "if they have a reason" which can set them up to feel obligated to deal with bad behavior from people and partners in the future. I agree OP is being a good parent and hopefully her son does not grow up to use autism as a shield for purposefully bad behaviors.
Agreed plus the punishment shows the youngest, who was wronged, that she has support from her family and that what her brother did was wrong. She needs to be validated that her feelings are understood too
Also, Granny needs to butt out. The parents are having enough struggle without her trying to override their manner of dealing with the kid. Setting herself up as the escape valve from parents' decision will go on and on if permitted.
Isn’t there a notable amount of autistic cis men who are really entitled and not nice to be around because they’ve used their disability and gender to get away with doing shitty things?
Yeah, if the kid can explain his actions in full sentences (and give as lame a reason for it as he), there is no reason not to hold him fully responsible just because he's autistic. There's plenty of stuff I did to my brother as a kid out of plain unjustified hostility.
Throwing away the squishmallows is a dick move. The idea of waterlogging them with bath water seems so gross to me but that's not a good reason to just throw them away when the wife isn't around.
If they were concerned about them being waterlogged, they could have put them in the washer and dryer. They waited until the partner was unable to stop their destruction and put the other person's personal possessions in the garbage.
Right?! It's not particularly about the loss of property so much as it is about the assumption of entitlement to make decisions about someone else's property regardless of how it might affect them not to have those items. It's not a trustworthy thing at all. Like jeez if you throw away those right after I explained they're for mental health, are you going to throw away my meds when you don't like me needing them?
Never throw away anything that doesn't belong to you. It's always a bad idea. It doesn't matter if it's your spouse or your kids. Do not do it!
There's ways to make sure there's no mold inside and ofc the squishmallows can always be put in the washer/dryer to make sure they're clean. If this has been a long practice? Soak them in vinegar for like a day or so, then throw them in the washer/dryer until the vinegar smell is gone. Vinegar kills most molds.
If they were still unsure if the animals were moldy inside, open it up, pull out the stuffing, restuff it, and close it back up. Or see if the wife is willing to simply replace the old ones with newer ones. But either way, it should be the wife's choice on what to do with her belongings.
Yeah, I don't see why they couldn't be put outside to dry or (if the care instructions allow it) in the dryer. My dog regularly gets all sorts of dirt and drool on her soft toys, sometimes the toys get left outside in the rain, a few have been vomited on, etc. They're fine after a short wash and dry, even handwashing. I don't imagine it would be that different for squishmallows.
Jumping to throwing them out is an odd decision if it isn't malicious.
My mom used to have the attitude of yelling at us about minor things like crumbs on the counter or leaving things on the floor instead of just picking it up, cleaning or even helping us with it it even got to points where she would tell us she would throw our stuff away cause we clearly didn't care about it. It cause a lot of stress and anxiety about our stuff especially cause I was ADHD and Autistic so it was not on purpose it was a real issue I was struggling with but instead of supporting me and helping with coping mechanisms she caused me a lot of stress that she would throw away things I cared about over things I couldn't help. It took a lot of work in adulthood to work on my relationship with her because of the hurt that was caused
If my future spouse destroyed my comfort items, instant divorce.
Yess, I don't think my relationship would recover if this happened...
It feels abusive honestly. From the point where she said about "confrontation" it felt hierarchical between them both and this never works well
I have a blanket I always use when I go to bed and it’s just become a thing where I don’t sleep good without it. I just deal if on vacation because I’m too worried it’ll be lost. I’ve had it for 25 years lmao, if someone threw it out I’d sue. I was thinking of giving it to my future kid.
I just turned 40 and have a slight obsession with squishmallows and how perfect they are for positive sensory input
They’re so lovely!
you’re so right for this, stuffed animals are timeless and can bring such comfort to any age. really disgusting that people deny others of these things because they hurt no one!
My girlfriend and I are autistic, and she loves squish mellows. The amount of cruelty I'd have to have to do this to her is unthinkable. She has pretty bad anxiety and her squish mellows give her comfort when I can't be their to snuggle her . Fuck this man, and everything he stands for.
38 and I have a small collection of the big foots, but I also have a pretty extensive Jellycat collection. Nothing soothes my anxiety like snuggling with a stuffy. My husband bought most of them for me, freaking love him lol and I have found him snuggling with them to at times. Most our families are Autistic and/or ADHD so we support things that help us and don’t judge about things like stuffies.
Now my 14 y.o daughter’s collection on the other hand… 😂
They totally are! I only own one squishmallow along with an assortment of other soft plushies, but I absolutely love it! I also have a squishy soft cat and a fluffy red panda who are also amazing comfort items, sooooo good for hugs! (And I bought all these as an adult! I was 21 when I went to buy my cat and proceeded to carry the giant plushie around all day in town!)
I can hardly see how getting rid of something that isn't yours isn't wrong
Not to mention how expensive the lil cuties are!!!
@@Kagomai15 the fairest thing would be for her to be responsible of getting some back
Yeah, even if they were moldy and needed disposal *she could have just put them in a bag and spoken to her before doing anything else.
@@bosstowndynamics5488 exactly
The wife threw away her wife's squishmellows.
For the second story:
Autistic people can and must learn consent. Istg only Autistic boys get a pass on just not learning other people's boundaries. It sounds like the mom made a good decision.
This whole thing reminds me of Paige Layels recent video on Autism and stalking
Took me way too long to figure out which video you're talking about.
I thought "stocking" was just a term I didn't know.
Did you mean stalking?
Some of my worst bullies when I was a kid were the autistic boys. The teachers encouraged them since I was the "weird" (read autistic) girl. I was told to try and be normal so people wouldn't bully me. The boys got a pass since "they didn't know any better" and "you act weird so they're going to point it out."
One time I was sat at a table with one of them for art. He dropped his marker and I automatically reached down to pick it up for him. He slapped my hand. I was going to be the only one punished until my mom got involved. Autistic men are raised to be entitled pigs.
@@wolfegirl1013 Being sat next to me was the punishment for them and any other disruptive (usually ADHD) boy, I was the quiet sort of starry-eyed type autistic girl unless something ping-pongged around my head too hard and I NEEDED to talk about it. I was also a rule enforcer as a kid because I was that kind of autistic child. It was bad. One time I told a boy I had a crush on him and he and his friend returned the Valentines I'd handed to them for the Valentine's celebration. A few years later a different boy found out I had a crush on him and to quote him directly "I'd rather blow my dick off with a shotgun than date you." It was weird.
@@wolfegirl1013 yeah :( they sadly are, or theyre infantilised to the point they genuinely can't do anything even though without the infantilisation, they COULD
Story 2: grandma saying he’s autistic and therefore “doesn’t know what he’s doing” is freaking WILD and I’m actually furious.
I saw on Wife Swap one time about how the children weren't allowed in their sibling's bedrooms unless they had consent of who's bedroom it was. I really liked this and wished that my mom would have been clear about the rules of my brother not going in my room. My brother was a tyrant when we were growing up, he would always come in my room to beat me up and any time I left my room he would beat me up. I didn't have a lock on my door so I would just drag my dresser against the door to keep him out. Also I am autistic so it was really hard for me because I never knew what to expect from him or my house. My mom wouldn't do anything about it she would just shame me for staying in my room, and she told me one time that if my brother was beating me up not to react because "if terrorists torture you, you just don't react so they get bored and stop" so she was comparing my brother to a terrorist and never doing anything about it.
i am so sorry that happened to you, that’s horrible
That's horribly abusive.Being unable to feel safe in own home as a child is incredibly harmful and I'm sorry - hope that You regained a sense of safety.
My mom had that rule as a kid but it kinda backfired because my brothers shared a room so I often was directly excluded from things that they had (like a gumball machine that my mom paid for the gumballs of and a fish tank that we picked out the fish for as a family) so I ended up sneaking in all the time and breaking things on accident. Wasn't just me though my oldest brother stole my things all the time just cause he was a jerk when he was in middle school
That's really shitty! All children should be allowed to feel safety.
As a person who cocoons when I’m in distress, I could see how a warm, heavy squishmallow laying on my chest could be an comforting sensory experience. The fact that the redditor didn’t do any emotional checking-in with her spouse is the biggest issue to me.
If you have any large, soft plushies try cuddling up to a hot water bottle at the same time!
@@ghoultooth that’s a great idea 💡 thnx
I am touch starved and my squishmallow does exactly this for me
Weighted stuffies are really great as well!
Hot water bottle plus weighted stuffie? PEAK comfort
To me im like....BUT THEY ARE WASHABLE!! Just tun them through tbe wash-DUH. Trash?! Have you ANY idea how many of my toys took a bath as a kid?! MOST OF THEM. And all without batteries were FINE.
I remember taking a bath with one of my soft toys as a kid, and I distinctly remember that it was an amazing sensory experience. The warm water makes the plushie not only heavy, but also - well warm - and that makes them seem much more alive. Especially when you are already emotionally attached to them and feel like they are this small little creature living with you and you take care of them. That can be incredibly comforting.
I absolutely hate the feeling of wet plushies :( when they’re nice and warm from a hot water bottle is great for me though :)
@@ghoultooth i once bought this llama plush that had a microwavable bean bag (if you know what im talking about, perfect) in the belly that you remove, microwave, and put it back in. it warms up the llama, as well as adding weight!
@@snom5377 Now that you’ve described it. I. WANT. ONE.
okay i have a stuffie that is fully a heat pack - he is nice and heavy and i can warm him up, favourite thing in the world!!!!! definitely recommend if you can find one like it (i cut off the tag when i was little so i cant tell what the brand is soz fam)
@@Luca-pinkidk if yours is this brand, but the one I’ve heard of is Warmeez
story 2 I do study child development and autistic child development, the boy does need to be made to understand how he hurt his sister, but it also makes me worry that OP said that their son has been mean to his sister for months that's not good and it makes me wonder if the grandma let's the son get away with a lot, since the son is at a point where he is cutting up his sister's things, I also feel bad for the 7 year that was something she made that took time and that can't really be replace, OP really needs to stand their ground for both kids,
I totally agree, red flag that the kid seems to have a pattern of being "mean" to his sister, which if not dealt with could turn to straight up abuse later on. I was just worried with how she must have felt, she must be prioritized just as much as her autistic brother and shown that she matters and is worthy of protection.
I mean the fact that he immediately tattled to grandma tells you she probably lets him get away with everything
@@HinataElyonTophTHIS.
on the second story. even though the son is lower support needs, the chances that his sibling is also autistic is pretty high and she and her requirements are just being pushed aside to accommodate him all the time. he does need a real consequence so that he will maybe realize (with further coaching and conversation, of course) that he can't destroy other people's things without being punished. if he did that as an adult, it would be absolutely unacceptable, right now it's not the absolute worst, but if she also sees that he can get away with anything he does to her things, she wont feel safe. he didnt feel unsafe, just slightly uncomfortable at the sight or concept of her costume. he's being told over and over again that he is more important than his sibling, that they arent the same.
i really empathize more with his sibling than with him, but i was a bit of a sibling bully with my younger sister. middle sibling behavior from me, probably aggravated by undiagnosed neurospice and trauma, but i wouldnt change the fact that i should face some minor punishments for certain behavior, not getting to still participate in the fun thing i ruined for someone else just because of something approaching a disability.
I completely agree, I was empathizing with the sister a lot more because I was in that situation with my older autistic brother and he would just get told off without real concrete punishments, which made him learn its OK to bully people and not face *real* repercussions besides being given a talking to and being told not to do it. Like you said, that sister will not be safe. For me, my older autistic brother became full blown abusive due to not having consequences. Not saying this is whats happening for this family, but it is a likely outcome if intervention is not regularly taken.
See, I was empathising with the brother, because my neurotypical little brother was excellent at weaseling out of consequences for being a bully because he was the baby/the easy child, not "difficult" like me. He'd kick me at the dinner table, hide my things, trash my room, interrupt me while reading, pinch me to bruising, and I'd get in trouble for being too sensitive, not tidying even though I had, being absent-minded even though it was him hiding things, etc, and if I went into meltdown over his intruding into my room, that was my fault too.
I have medium functioning autism and was mean to my younger siblings at times. Probably due to being abused. It is appropriate to be punished for mistreating people even if you are autistic. The child needs to learn that hurting other people is not acceptable.
I can partly understand both sides, the ones who say punish him and the ones who say keep in mind that he's autistic.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't think that him being autistic equals him being free of consequences. It doesn't. We are not free from consequences just because of the autism. If we f up we have to deal with the consequences so letting him destroying that costume slide isn't in for me either.
What I think tho is that after punishing him they should try to find out if something deeper caused this reaction. Maybe something that deeply irritated him or what ever.
The victim here tho is definitely the sister. Even if she was not, like you expect (and I agree), autistic it would still be important that the parents show her that they also have her back and that her brother can't just treat her badly and hide it behind his diagnosis. Even if she's not autistic it could still cause trauma for her if they'd let all this slide in the name of their son's autism. And let's not even get started on the issues it might cause if she really is autistic too.
story #2: from my pov, I think it's good that the parents enforce consequences _and_ involve the therapist too. Because in the end, if you wish for your child to have a life with minimal conflict and with a healthy way to deal with conflict and difficult emotions, it's better to start sooner than later with figuring out helpful strategies. The longer bad behavior goes unchecked, the more difficult it is to correct later in life.
I agree that a child with autism might need a different kind of approach and/or a different set of skills, to cope. But as any child, they need an incentive or a good reason why they should take on the labor and the change that comes with developing coping skills. Some children respond well, if you sit down with them and reason with them. Some respond better to consequences.
If talking has failed recently, it's a good idea imo to try consequences and to involve a therapist so they can help figure out an appropriate strategy.
I have ADHD and the rage-bait over people throwing out collections brought me here, lol. I collect merch from media I like, and my largest and most significant collection is Ace Attorney. On top of the amount of sentimentality relating to the items, if someone were to throw away everything, some stuff would either be incredibly expensive to replace or be impossible to, like a promo display I've only ever seen go up for sale once, and that was the listing I bought. Since I'm an adult, I'd definitely slam them for a couple thousand in small claims court if that ever happened to me.
The idea of someone destroying my stuff is so painful 😭 I think that'd be perfectly reasonable!
yeah if a friend came over and destroyed or nabbed something people would be reasonably pissed, why should a partner get a pass? hell it even more abusive, you let them live in your safe space and they are supposed to be your safe space and they betray that by destroying your property.
My mom threw away my horse related newspaper clippings and such, back when I was 14. I had collected them and was planning on putting them up in my horse folder, but I guess undiagnosed ADHD, etc. Anyway it felt like a huge violation of trust, and like she didn't give a crap about my interests. I still vividly remember trying to pick them up from the neighborhood trash can. I guess they were in the paper recycling? Anyway, people should always talk first, and then perhaps come up with a compromise.
Based Ace Attorney enjoyer
I would divorce this person immediately. This is an obscene breach of personal boundaries. You don't just throw people's stuff away, idc if they might be moldy.
How about instead of divorcing immediately… work through the issue and apologise and set the proper boundaries?
They’re wives, so obviously they love eachother, and can most likely move on with it
I understand the thought that divorce seems extreme but if he’s going to Reddit to ask if he’s the a-hole. Like why didn’t just talk to her?!? It seems a bit odd that their married and he acts this way. Idk if divorce is the answer.
@@victorlannister5606 may have already had the discussion and wants support from the Internet 😂 too bad everyone agrees she's the ahole.
@@pemanilnoob them being wives doesnt mean they love each other 💀 bffr
this may just be the Unhealthy Emotional Attachment To Everything talking but yeah absolutely. if someone did this to me with anything that i love i simply wouldnt have room for them in my life anymore
I've washed squishmallows before. They do just fine after getting wet and being dried. You have to fluff them up again, but after that they're good as new
Good to know! So this behaviour is inexcusable then 😢
Literally!!!! My dog peed on one of my squishmallows and I ended up washing it a few times and drying it twice and it smelled fine and I still have it
I haven’t washed a squishmallow yet, but I have a shiba plush that has a zipper on the side to remove the stuffing which made washing it a lot easier! I’ve seen some people suggest removing part of the stitching on the back of a squishmallow and removing all the stuffing before washing, but I’m not sure that’s necessary
only thing is i wouldnt just throw them in the dryer- i would put them thru the washer first then the dryer--- if they were sitting in the bath with her basically soaking up all her dirty bath water from her washing herself... you would want to wash the squishmallow first THEN dry it to get all the ...dirty human water smell ... out of it first lol then dry it smelling nice and fresh
She should've at least tried to un-mold them.
Autism is no excuse to be an abusive asshole. There needs to be consequences and yes punishment for his actions. Not going trick or treating is a very mild punishment. He deserved that and the other adults need to support that decision.
I don't like reddit's attitude towards children in general, but they're worse when it comes to autistic kids.
Like in general they're like "Eh, NTA, your 6 year old is being a brat." (The 6-year-old didn't want to play with a 2-year-old)
But oh my god, when it comes to autistic children, they go feral.
Once reddit gets a whiff of an autistic child who's not good at showing remorse, suddenly they're all qualified to deem the child in question a "Sociopath."
I'm autistic, I'm 16, I have a hard time showing remorse because I'm very bad at figuring out my emotions, but according to reddit, I'd be considered a sociopath.
Who's gonna tell em that a lot of autistic people, especially children, have a hard time with SHOWING empathy, sympathy and remorse/ their emotions.
There's a chance that 8-year-old IS remorseful but doesn't know how to S H O W it.
Also, Reddit try not to demonise other disorders challenge 99% fail rate.
like. "omg what if the child has ASPD"
What if. They're still a fucking child susan.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure you can't even be diagnosed with ASPD until you're 18 because some of the symptoms are more common in children.
Yeah, reddit commenters like to diagnose and pass judgement without any professional experience or knowledge behind them. I am glad that they are talking to the therapist about it because they need that professional advice rather than reddits. Also, children sometimes do shitty things whether autistic or not, one bad incident doesn’t mean that child is an evil sociopath who is forever going to be evil.
And honestly, there's plenty of times when I didn't even know what it was I did wrong. How can I feel remorse if I don't know that I was wrong/not supposed to do that? But that probably had more to do with my mother's parenting style - she was not consistent at all.
That said? I'm fairly certain the kid knew what he was doing and if he doesn't yet understand that he can't just destroy his sister's things (regardless of whether he likes said thing or not), then he needs to learn now. The punishment is completely fair and I'd bet he not only didn't tell Grandma the whole story, but it's also interesting that he called her in the first place. It implies he's done this before to get out of punishments.
When I was 8 years old (I'm also autistic), it never would have occurred to me to call either of my grandparents to try to get them to talk my parents out of punishing me. And even if it had? I'm fairly certain it would have resulted in an even harsher punishment than I would have gotten originally - and probably a scolding from the grandparent I called as well (likely over the phone). Then again, none of my grandparents would have ever reacted similar to how this kid's grandmother reacted. And my mother's parents would probably have called to scold her for taking us trick or treating in the first place (Halloween is "of the devil" after all 🙄).
But I also grew up in a fundamentalist religious household and Mom's father was a pastor of an equally fundamentalist church. Mom did take us trick or treating at least 3 times that I remember. I do remember her refusing to take us when I was younger, so she did eventually realize it wasn't a big deal (although she went with us because she's paranoid about all kinds of things). Now that I think about it, part of Mom's reluctance to take us trick or treating might have been the neighborhood we grew up in - it was a fairly poor neighborhood and there was a drug dealer that lived down the street. We never went trick or treating in that neighborhood - the one time we went trick or treating when we lived there, Mom drove us to a different neighborhood to trick or treat at.
Not that the druggies would have cared about us kids anyway. It's not like anyone our age had money for the drugs they were selling. They were fairly nice tho - in terms of the one interaction we ever had with them. They gave us their cat after he followed my brother home.
Edit: Actually, now that I think about it - we don't know that he was actively trying to get out of the punishment or that he believes his autism is why Grandma thinks he shouldn't be punished (or that it's the reason Grandma cited for why he shouldn't be punished). I had to remember that we only have one side of the story.
The mom definitely got the impression that the reason Grandma thought he shouldn't be punished was because she sees him as unable to understand that what he did was wrong because he's autistic (which is just... so wrong on so many levels - there's a big difference from needing something explained to you and not being capable of understanding), but that doesn't necessarily mean that's what Grandma was actually trying to communicate or that the kid actually knows why Grandma thinks he shouldn't be punished (or if he even knows Grandma tried to intervene). It is possible he just called to complain about being punished - and likely downplayed what he did to be punished in the first place. It's also possible that the mom didn't clearly communicate what he did wrong and _why_ it's wrong to the kid.
I do think the person setting off most of the red flags in this story is the grandmother. She absolutely should not have reacted like that. She should have called the mother and asked what happened first and foremost because it's extremely unlikely that an 8 year old will give a full and accurate telling of why they're in trouble in the first place (whether they're allistic or autistic). And then if she still had concerns, bring them up with the mother to make sure the mother clearly communicates why the punishment is happening if she genuinely believes the child doesn't understand why he's being punished (and an 8 yr old "high functioning" autistic child can definitely understand that it's not okay to destroy someone else's things). It's not up to Grandma to decide what punishments Mom metes out.
Agree. Can’t believe they’re siding with the parent on this one. Makes me so upset. Don’t have faith in humanity anymore. My life would be over if I wasn’t allowed to trick-or-treat.
I hate reddit for this reason. Horrible echo chamber of people upholding horrible attitudes.
How insecure do you need to be to think your partner is cheating on you... with Squishmellows 🤨
Squishmellow polycule
Because plushiephillia or being a “plushiephile” is a thing. I remember hearing about this dude who goes by JaSonic and what he did to his stuffed Sonic is just disgusting. He also never washed it after either. The bath for the Squishies was better than what happened to that stuffed Sonic.
that still wouldn't be cheating, stuffed animals aren't people
@@princesspikachu3915yeah it's weird but it's still harmless
@@princesspikachu3915 That's a weird fetish, still not cheating. It would be as pathetic as being jealous of a d1ldo. That girl is just controlling
I used to collect the softest stuffed animals and thoroughly enjoyed “taking care” of them by which I mean I used to rearrange them on the bed to make sure everyone could breathe and felt comfortable- I would do this for hours as an adolescent. One day my dad walked in on my collection and saw how I treated them, and decided to angrily throw all of them into a trash bag I front of me and then throw them into the trash bin so I couldn’t retrieve them. This was the first time in my life that I felt my heart break.
That's awful, I'm sorry that happened to you
Why are some people so cruel
Why do some grown adults get so irrationaly angry over kids existing
@@user-lx5vw9nx7q I’m south East Asian and my dad has very conservative views on the way a person is supposed to be. I understand that now, 20 yrs later. He had a similar extreme reaction when my older brother tried to dye his hair, unfortunately.
As a grown woman who has several plushies, large and small, AND has a beanie baby that I've obsessively kept since I was six years old and cut the whiskers off as a child to make sure it couldn't just be replaced, someone intentionally taking and trashing my stuff? I'm never going to trust that person again.
Omg I have ones with the whiskers cut off too. Lol the whiskers were so annoying! Of course never did that to a live animal but annoying parts don't belong on stuffed animals.
I'm AuDHD with low support needs (27) and the second one honestly makes me think about how my high support needs autistic stepbrother (21) just never got taught any emotional regulation really. He'll purposely push boundaries, do things that he knows irritates people (because he finds it funny to annoy people) but the biggest thing that's a result of everything is he also gets obsessions on people and as a result of that he frequently has meltdowns because he can't see the people he has obsessions (his current one being due to them living over 6 hours away, as well as being married with like 7 young kids)
He's had obsessions with certain people for as long as I've known him (it was me for a while, I couldn't leave the house without him getting upset) and he's just never gotten proper help to manage them? Nor has he ever been helped with figuring out healthier ways to stim, since his main go to is just hitting the top of his head. I've been trying to redirect him recently to squeeze toys and other things when he gets upset to try to distract him but it's hard when he's gone so long without proper aid.
I feel like sometimes parents are just like "oh well, he/she is severely autistic, it can´t be helped." instead of teaching their kids as much as they are able to learn. (Not saying your parents necessarily, but the parents in the video).
yeah it's so fucking sad and frustrating to see people give up on someone just because they're high support needs. like, you know that if anyone had given him a chance to learn this stuff he would've been able to, and his life would probably be much less stressful for him
That sounds like the PDA profile of autism. The people obsession especially. Learning about it has been a game changer for our family.
On #2: As a (potentially) AuDHD adult with a (potentially) autistic toddler, I can go into a meltdown state and make a choice whether to stay in my son's vicinity and abuse him with words and violence, or separate myself until I've come out of that state. OPs son is only 8yrs old, but he needs to face consequences based on his support needs and learn to make better choices. Don't be in the same room with the costume while holding scissors!
I’m an autistic female in my 20s and I love to collect anime, gaming and Disney plushies. I feel strongly about my plushies the way I would as if they were my children. If someone got rid of them or destroyed them I’d be devastated and would have a hard time forgiving them. People think me collecting stuffed animals can create clutter and dust and I have to get rid of them, but that would be the equivalent of giving up a child to me.
this, absolutely, they can have such sentimental significance and it’s genuine betrayal for someone to toss them away
Same here
As long as you take care of your things and keep your space clean They will last a long time.
No. I went back and forth on saying something but no. It may seem like it would be the equivalent of losing a child, but I'm going through a terrible custody case and just had my 4yo son, my whole life, removed from my home for 30+ days. I want to die. It is not comparable to losing a stuffed animal. I do not doubt that you love your things very very much, and that it would be extremely traumatic to lose them in any way, and I hope that you can have them forever.
@roadlesstraveled34 I am sorry that you are going through that. But, respectfully, your trauma has no bearing on the feelings someone else is allowed to have. You can't compare yourself to others because you can't know what they feel. It's not helpful to you, the poster you're responding to, or anyone else.
Squishmallows are literally made to be washed and dried! I've had one forever who has been washed and dried probably hundreds of times. OMG! Just dry them! What a bitch! I'd be so mad, that's divorce worthy for me haha
I really need one...
That seems like such an extreme overreaction for (presumably) not even actually seeing any mold. I genuinely don't understand why the OP thought it was easier to toss her wife's belongings instead of just shoving them in the dryer herself and moving on with life. Perhaps a bit of allergy-related paranoia? Which I do sympathize with, if that is the case. After all, we don't know how severe the allergy is and regardless, any exposure has the chance to worsen the allergy.
OP is still TA though. Talk to your wife about your concerns and come to a solution together, marriage is about communication and teamwork.
The mold is on the inside (stuffing) you wouldn’t see it from the outside unless it’s *bad* That’s why you throw out pillows every once in a while. The vids of people cutting open their pillows🤮🤮 or their kids bath toys are so awful.
Was it ok for the wife to just throw them away? No. They should have just dried them and gone from there (either switching out the stuffing, using some kinda chemical to kill the mold, or buying her identical new ones). But it’s not unreasonable for the wife to worry about mold esp when she has an allergy. Kids bath toys are *notorious* for having black mold inside and I’m sure a soft toy like a squishmallow would be the same. It’s a perfect place for mold to grow (damp and dark). Mold causes serious health problems and chronic illness.
Op just needed some education on mold and how to prevent it from happening to her squish.
@@WaffleSaladI agree with you, but the Reddit op said she was a woman, so it’s her, not him
I understand her reaction as I'm also really allergic to mold, but at the same time... There's ways to deal with mold that don't involve simply throwing them away.
She could have approached her wife, pointed out that she noticed the squishmallows had _not_ been put through the dryer. And then talk with her about after she takes baths with them, she needs to put them through _both_ the washer and the dryer. And if the wife can't bring herself to do that? Just ask and OP can handle that part when she gets home. No big deal.
As for dealing with possible mold? There's several ways to handle it if the wife is unwilling to replace them with new ones. Soak in vinegar for a day or two (vinegar kills most molds), then wash/dry until the vinegar smell is gone. Alternatively, they could open up the squishmallow, replace the stuffing, and then close it back up (probably add a wash/dry as well just in case).
But at the end of the day? OP is the TA here, specifically because she threw away something that wasn't hers. Never throw away someone else's property! Not even if it's your own kid's property! Always ask and get permission before throwing something out.
Most of these types of things cannot even grow mould due to anti moulding agents being added to the foam. Also...I am pretty sure they are closed cell and wont suck up water like a sponge. It is like that spray foam you use to STOP WATER LEAKS through cracks in badement walls. It is used cause it WONT HOLD WATER AND MOLD.
@@AaronHenduit is a special kind of poly filling not literal foam. It is absolutely water absorbent and can grow scary stuff.
honestly someone fucking with my stuffed animals is one of my greatest fears.
It’s such a nightmare 😭😭
@@imautisticnowwhati never ever took any of them to show and tell because i was so scared some kid would hurt them
I’ve heard this horror story from someone whose brother used to have really aggressive meltdowns in which he physically hurt her. The parents never really allowed her to even talk about it and her brother never had any consequences or learned how to deal with a meltdown in a more healthy way. This person is probably also autistic btw, but doesn’t really feel like getting a diagnosis herself.
The girl throwing out her partner's squishmallows was completely out of line. I collect Care Bears myself, and my husband not only respects my interest, he supports it (by buying me more Care Bears). I wouldn't take a bath with any, but neither would I tolerate them being thrown out, especially like, as many people commented, that OP could have just put the squishmallows in the dryer herself. What a controlling jerk!
I'm Autistic myself, and so is my son. ANY kid intentionally destroying their siblings' property needs to suffer the consequences for their actions. Of course that brat who cut up his sister's costume should be punished! Autism is no excuse for acting so disrespectfully, and I think his parents (and grandparents) have been enabling him for far too long if he thought he could get away with that. Being denied the privilege of trick or treating is a suitable punishment for trying to ruin his sister's Halloween. Also, if his sister is 7 and he's 8, how could he still be upset about "not being the baby?" She would have been in his life since he was a baby himself.
@@BianTheWerewolf says right at 0.56 "I'm a 26 year old female and my wife is 24 years old." Doesn't matter - male or female, the OP was a jerk.
@@BianTheWerewolfIt was stated they were both female. Not that gender really matters in that situation, no?
As someone who is allergic to mold like op, i think they were wrong in just throwing them out, but i can see why they would be upset. I can get painful hives if i touch something moldy and i would have a definite problem with a partner doing anything that would increase the odds of me touching mold. That being said, i would never just throw something away without communicating like that.
just wanted to say that your husband buying you care bears is very sweet and it made me happy to read that
@@smallgreenflies thank you! We've been together since we were teenagers. He's my best friend - he gets me like no one else does. I'm so happy to have him, and our baby boy together.
I can’t forgive anyone who destroys plushies of any kind considering I have a punch from anime characters to cuddly animals and beanie babies
Honestly YES! Like if you're gonna be a d bag at least don't be a total d bag and give them to a childrens' charity or something rather than just destroying them. How heartless do ya have to be?
@@AiLoveAidoru I mean if it been me I have just put it in the dryer like a normal person
I'm genuinely confused why they didn't get put in the dryer. Why destroy people's property when it's washable and dryable.
@@LadyLenakiit's not possible to get the mold out. Putting them in the bath ruins them. Especially if they don't get washed right away
@@GhostGuy764 It was described as just happening. No attempts were made to ascertain the situation, just throwing away someone else's property, no discussion.
My sisters ex used to say awful things to everyone in my family including her and he would say it was because he was autistic. Was 22- Called my partner names, told me I was a bad sister and daughter, told my brother he was a loser and cheated on my sister and was just a shit person. Seemed to me like his family just let him use his autism to get away with things. My uncle is also autistic and has never acted like that, he has Tourette’s too so yknow 🤷🏻♂️ can’t just let people use their disorders to get away with things.
It depends on how arbitrary the offense is. Many times it's the autistic people that see through the bullshit and tell it like it is. My best friend in hs was autistic but it only seemed to make him more based cuz he kept it real. I admire that.
I think the larger issue is that she clearly finds a sense of comfort with them and her act can’t be taken as anything but a simple disregard for her wife’s feelings. It’s purposefully going out of her way to make her wife feel bad.
Ive never had a squishmallow in the bath before so this may be different, but as a kid i would sometimes bring plushies into the bath and putting them in the dryer afterwards was fine. Ill never understand why people feel okay throwing out their partners things without asking, especially as someone whos very attached to my plushies and belongings.
Communication is so important in relationships, op couldve easily just talked with her about this, her doing that doesnt hurt anybody and as long as the plushies were washed afterwards theres no chance theyd get moldy. Just talk with your partner! Its so easy!
They are filled with a dense material which makes them very good sensory toys. They would definitely dry nicely in the dryer, this was extremely childish and controlling.
If they were special ones she may not even be able to buy them again plus those things are not cheap. No respect and doesn't care about throwing money away, not good.
I remember as a boy, I misbehaved in school a lot, and because I was the autistic foster child my teachers let me get away with it every time. Now that I'm older, I realise how isolated that made me feel. It made me feel like a freak, and it gave the bullies a lot more things to target. I wish they would've treated me fairly, but I know they meant well. Part of the human experience is having consequences when you misbehave.
I hated it when my mom would always threaten to go get a trash bag and clean my room and throw away anything on the floor.
BRO SAME 😭😭😭😭
For the first one here’s my take: I can understand not wanting mold but there are multiple better ways to deal with the situation, you could: Ask them about it, Put it in the dryer yourself, ask them to put them in the dryer, check they are okay first because they said it was for mental health reasons. If someone threw away my squishmellows or any of my things, doing that would make my mental health significantly worse.
12:41 If he has enough sense to call his grandmother for backup, I think he has enough sense to learn the value of self control
Never had a moldy squishmallow, but I have had a flat mallow. I de-stuffed it, washed the case then fluffled the filling and put it back in. It is also quite easy to find teddy stuffing if OP was that worried about mold. Squishmallows are just a blob, so it's not like re-filling them is difficult. Could have been a therapeutic task to do together.
Squishmallows makes a point to market their plushies as being machine washable. They have instructions on the tags to let people know how to properly wash their plushies and I have seen a few ads that point out how easy it is to do. If someone who supposedly loved me threw away my squishmallows (or any of my plushies) I would have to remove myself from their life. All plushies are wonderful and I crochet them and collect many different brands, but squishmallows particularly are THE BEST for sensory relief. Squishing one of my big ones when I am having a panic attack or a meltdown (or recovering from either) is EXTREMELY helpful, more so than other brands I have.
I agree with your perpective on the costume thing 99%. There is a little bit of a pitfall, if the parents make a habbit of taking away childhood activities as a punishment. Like personally, my brother got toys while I got doctor's appointments, and that really sucks.
Yes, it's quite a huge punishment for an 8-year-old. You only get so many Halloweens as a child 😔 Then again, having your costume destroyed by a sibling would be traumatic. It's a horrible situation!
@@imautisticnowwhat especilly not just a storebought costume that you can go and re-buy and replace exactly as it is. It sounds like it was a HANDMADE DIY costume that she made with her mom ... you cant replace that. You can try to re-make it but i know whenever stuff lke that happened like if something i made got ruined and i would try to re-make it it never felt right or came out the same the 2nd time around. there were always things i felt like the first time was better. theres a bit of magic that comes with going thru the creative process the first time vs trrying to replicate something i guess. and then yea having it be something she worked on with her mom as a special mother-daughter time makes it even more traumatic for it to be destroyed.
You're never too old to enjoy cute and "childish" things.
THIS>>>>>>>>>>
If you wash them on low temperature they get the whole washing machine infested with mold. Ive had experiences where even on 60 degrees Celsius the mold didnt go away and i had to boil the cloth. (It had a horrible smell) If you put them in the dryer you get the spores in the air whitch for a person with allergies and astma would be dangerous. If the person is taking baths with them they're risking a serious infection down there. That's why you don't sit on any of the cushions they put around pools. Also one partner might not get symptoms and infecting the other again and it can get chronic. As a person that had all of these problems I would throw them away too, but I know how stuff like that bother me so I gave up on living with people.
Forgot to mention if you don't have symptoms of a genital desies and you're just a carrier it doesn't mean you're not sick. Few years will go by and then they'll show, but then it will be way too hard to deal with it, because it has become cronic.
As an older sibling I was never allowed privacy or safety of my own belongings. My sister was allowed to break into my room and steal and destroy my things with no consequences. I would frequently find toys and clothes that had great sentimental value to me in her bedroom. This was always met with just a shrug and «so what?» attitude.
It was sort of a double hurt. Not only did i grow up without any feeling of safety, but i also grew up knowing my parents didnt care at all about my basic needs.
I never understood the "golden child" mentality of some parents. And it's usually if their youngest is a girl. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
i always find plushies comforting, man id love a squish squish
You really gotta get one! Try to find one that is full though. Not all stores sell them fully fluffed 😅
@@Livinginthegrayarea yeah, sadly atm i dont got the money to get one
@muskyteerchris i go by they/them :)
I TOTALLY get the plushies with feelings thing! Sometimes when I get overwhelmed and start yelling and crying, I still can't bring myself to throw a plushie! I'll throw pillows, shoes, books ect across the room but the second I hold a plushie during a meltdown I just break down more and give them a hug! I'd feel too guilty!
My Mum said I've always had a hard time getting rid of old stuff, especially old plushies! Just their little faces looking at me as I put them in the charity bag breaks my heart.
Also I totally wasn't on the verge of tears putting my webkinz collection in a vac sealed bag one at a time no way, and I definitely wasn't apologising to each one as I did so...
So many neurodivergent people assign emotions and personality to inanimate objects. I used to have a huge stuffed animal collection as a kid and I always felt bad because they just sat in a corner of my room because I couldn't play with all of them. When I finally got rid of them I nearly cried because despite being 18 and knowing that they are inanimate objects, I still had this feeling that they would feel hurt and rejected.
Now I have a much smaller stuffed animal collection. They each have a specific home in my house/my parents' house and I sleep with each of them on specific occasions so nobody gets left out.
I am allergic to mold, damp, dust etc, the whole squishmellow thing rubbed me the wrong way 😅
Firstly , who cares if your wife takes mellows into a bath?
People take books and phones ans pillows and have music to make them feel more relaxed while bathing , why is having a mellow any different? Just because it's not for you, doesn't mean its bad ♡
She could be using them for emotional regulation (hugging them etc) or general comfort (back support / using as a pillow).
Unless they are sharing a bath together, it shouldn't matter what she does as she isn't hurting anyone ♡
Secondly, if you are allergic to mold there are soooo many other things you can do before throwing away your partners property.
Put on gloves and a mask and pick it up and put it in the wash and dry them yourself. Ask her to actually do it herself because she said she had but hadn't and she may have just forgotten.
Unless the mellows were sopping wet the mold wouldn't have grown that fast and if it was something she has done regularly (take them to the bath and then let them air dry due to forgetting to pop them in the dryer) it obviously hasn't had an affect on the ops health else she would have noticed before.
I personally feel that her throwing away the mellows was more out of her uncomfortableness with her wife having mellows in the bath and seeing it as weird rather than anything to do with her allergy.
Lastly this could have been solved with a basic conversation between two grown ass adults! It's not like they are kids who don't know how to communicate, they are literally married! Surely she could have just said "hey babe, I know this is a thing you do but it may impact my health if we leave them out , can you just pop it in the dryer for me then we can let it all blow over" like seriously I struggle with communication but even I know its better to talk things through then to throw away someone's personal belonging which she probably has strong attachments to and got with her own money!
Anyway wify is defo a butthole for throwing out those mellows. Should have just put them in the wash for a rewash and in the dryer and it would have solved all the problems.
The kid cutting his sisters costume up seems like a little bit more complicated as they said he's been playing up for the last few months. That sounds more like something changing in his life causing him to be short to trigger overloads rather than him being a bad kid. Like afew months ago would be start of school holidays which is a change to kids routines and then having the holidays and going back to school in a new year and having alot more put on him at school. It could have just been that this outfit was an eyesore and he didn't know how to make it hurt him less. I'm not condoning his actions and I think him not going trick or treating was abit much. Like it was something he had been looking forward to doing and such a short change in plans can cause more trauma then its worth. They should have just let Halloween pass and sat him down and talked it through with him and maybe the sister over the next few days and come to a suitable punishment, like replacing the funds spend on the outfit or helping do extra chores around the house or even making an I'm sorry card for his sister.
There are alot of ways this could have been handled but taking away something a kid has looked forward to , that only comes once a year!, is like telling him he can't take part in Christmas, it's just gonna make him more upset and feel left out and he will probably resent the parents abit when he is older for taking it away from him. Yes he should have been punished but the punishment should fit the crime ♡
Also hello from my hospital bed, I am now day 8 in my recovery for my pneumonia and am slowly on the mend , I am super greatful to have another video to watch 😅
Your outfit is awesome, the ears are so cute but I love the little matching earrings 😍
Oh also as someone with aphantasia I really appreciate the visuals added 😂
I hope you are doing okay ❤
I agree with you about both stories ^^
@@lunabruce1804 great minds think alike 😂
Thank you so much for sharing this, Shane! Your responses are so compassionate and thoughtful. You're so right about the transition between school and holiday time - I hadn't made that connection. I hope everything worked out for this family in the end.
I'm sooo glad to hear you're on the mend 💛 I hope the hospital are treating you well! And thank you for all of your kind words! 🥹
Recover soon! :)
@imautisticnowwhat thank you ♡
I just enjoy sharing my thoughts on stuff haha 😄 I do tend to ramble on abit tho but I am glad it comes across as nice and not rude , I do worry I talk to much sometimes lol 😊
I'm not saying it was that but it would have made some sense given the time frame mentioned. My niece (possibly on the spectrum) had a pretty hard time switching from holiday mode to school mode when she went back in September and is still struggling some days now so it was just at the front of my brain ♡
I also hope it worked out for them , it's a shame we can't do follow ups to posts like this , I would be interested in seeing how things turned out for the family. Especially for the boy.
I was hoping to be home by Halloween but I don't think I'll be that lucky, maybe firework night? ♡ I promised my niece when I am home we will do a late Halloween movie night at her house haha which I am now super looking forward to lol
I am defo on the mend, I'm able to walk around a short distance with an oxygen tank and can hold a conversation and am only on 4L of oxygen now rather than the 10L I was on earlier this week so over all things are looking up.
The staff have actually been extremely helpful and caring ♡ obviously its part of their job but some of them have gone above and beyond for me ♡
I had a overload situation in icu and they moved me to my own room which was super helpful. Now I'm on a respiratory ward I can't have my own room but they have been really accommodating , got me a little fan and extention lead for my chargers lol, walked with me to the vending machine so I could get a flapjack and snickers (which I'd been wanting for days lol) , one guy even sorted out a non menued meal for me as I couldn't eat what they were serving due to being a fussy butt lol (who puts cabbage, carrot and peppers in rice for a chilli con carne!) Lol he ended up sorting me a jacket potato and some sausages 🤣 it was really nice of him.
It's so odd for me coz until recently I was just "weird" but now I can tell them I have autism and have all these issues and people are actually very accommodating because it's not like I am doing it on purpose, it is just how my brain works. ♡
I am really greatful for all of their help , it has made me feel alot safer in this rubbish health situation:)
Oh they also gave me something called an autism passport, so if I ever come back into hospital, it'll have all my info in it so I don't have to keep repeating myself ♡
Overall , considering my o2 levels were under 85 when I got here , I am doing pretty well. It will just take some time to fully recover but I am definitely on the mend :)
And you are more than welcome :D
Thank you for making this channel, it's definitely made me feel less alone and helped me understand myself better 😊
Stay safe ♡♡
In the first scenario, the big issue for me occurred before OP threw away the Squishmallows. The extreme and hostile reaction to a behavior which is, admittedly, unusual, but also harmless, is a definite issue that OP needs to deal with. I worry that the controlling behavior (along with "surprising" his partner during work hours, which may actually be checking up on her) may be a warning sign of an unhealthy relationship. In the second scenario, the grandmother shows signs of infantilizing the child, which is unhealthy. The child needs reasonable consequences for bad behavior, and this punishment seems very reasonable and appropriate to me.
This video literally came at the perfect time. I had just finished a 2 hour long autism dive on embrace autism (ya know, just to check I was still autistic) and went into alexithymia, which is apparently present in my funky lil brain
Anyway, excited to watch this video lol
The mold issue can be dangerous especially if you're allergic to mold. Wash and dry your squishy friends regularly especially if you sleep on them like I do with mine
Yeah...I don't really want to judge the boy too harshly because I've literally never met him obviously but I do think the parents are being pretty fair in this situation.
I mean, again my experiences don't have to say much because every autistic person is different but there was ever only one instance of me deliberately destroying something as a child.
I definitely knew what I was doing and felt terrible about it after, stuff getting damaged or destroyed upsets me so much, so again...My experiences can't be fully related to his but my point is that it gets frustrating to see people equate this behaviour with autism and suggest the child shouldn't be corrected, when in reality while autism may play a part in his actions...It could also be bad behaviour, encouraged by the fact his grandparents evidently give him a free pass.
I do agree that OP's use of language with high functioning and tantrum is a bit concerning though, seems they maybe don't have the best understanding of their child.
@@BianTheWerewolf For me it was a red flag, that if the story is actually so clear, that you'd even have to ask reddit.
I've never seen a case of children misbehaving, where there wasn't some problem with the parents and a lot of them even seemed nice on the surface.
It's easy to look good in a story, when you're the one telling the story.
@pixelmotte it may be to defend against the grandparents. I had one of those growing up. He would say that anyone else would do the same thing, mom was being unreasonable. After a lifetime of this, mom's boundaries with him were so skewed. I wish reddit was there for her.
Is calling him "a spiteful little turd" necessary...@@BianTheWerewolf
This couple needs better communication skills. As do many adults in general nowadays.
As a person who restores plush as a hobby that i get from the filthy goodwill bins i can say with absolute confidence squishmallows and plush like them are very stain and wash resistant. They clean easily and dry easily. No heat should be used when drying but they dry easily on cool in the dryer. If you must you can unstuff them and make sure they dry that way.
My downstairs couch isn't even for sitting on anymore... its for my plushies to sit on. I even splurged on a giant cinnamoroll plushie that was in collaboration with an idol group I absolutely love. His ears are so floppy and he has little hearts everywhere.
The squishmallow story - I'd being raging mad. It's so hard for me to allow anyone into my space as a neurodiverse person. Much of my childhood I never had much of anything to be mine. I always had to give things up to my little sisters all the time, so it reinforced the idea I wasn't allowed my own things nor my own space away from people. I had to actually slowly come to the idea much later in life that I am ALLOWED to have my own things and space, so now I'm fiercely protective of my things and my space. Being able to trust someone else to be there, with my things and trust the to NOT mess with them, is a HUGE thing. He broke that trust with his partner when he threw away their things. It's as simple as washing them again and drying them. More communication is definitely needed.
Throwing away my stuff would be a relationship-ender for me. Nope nope nope. You don't do that sort of thing. Period.
I'm literally still watching the video but I just wanted to leave a small (didnt end up small after all but oh well) comment about the first story (squishmallows and mold). I think something that is overlooked, primarily in the reddit responses, is that the op mentions having a *mold allergy*. So she's not only worried generally about it, but it's possible that her condition more severe when it comes to needing to be careful around fungal pathogens. One of my biggest special interests is fungi so I've read quite a lot about different molds and such, and there are absolutely situations in which mold exposure and allergies can lead to severe injury or death. Not saying that makes it okay that she threw the squishmallows away or that she didnt communicate those fears more clearly, but she might have genuinely felt fear and acted on instinct, as opposed to being judgemental.
I really love these videos, by the way! I watch a lot of aita content when I draw, and oftentimes the people commentating aren't very considerate of the people being spoken about in my experience. So I really appreciate creators like you who come at it from a specific perspective and make sure to be kind and compassionate! I've also been enjoying your content in general lately, especially the monotropism stuff, so thank you for all that you do!
@@TomoyoTatar I'm allergic to dust and mold and just huffing the inhaler is also not a great way to deal your allergies either. Though since mine are nearly impossible, I'm considering just moving to Alaska or something. I'm not as allergic to most things when it's cold for some reason.
Kudos for those parents for not letting their son getting away with doing things which hurted his sister because he is autistic. I read so many stories about people letting their children behaving destructive and bullying theitr siblings just because they have autism. They are setting bad example and setting their autistic child to the bad path.
"We're all just animals walking around a rock" best phrase ever, thanks for making my day a bit better :)
idk about anyone else but i've considered showering in socks to avoid my feet touching the shower floor, i hate that freaking texture so much and avoiding standing on the drain is literally terrifying and then you can't like, touch the shower wall cause they feel contaminated so then the shower becomes this whole terrifying game of "literally do not touch anything or your skin will be contaminated and then if you scrub your skin to decontaminate the loofah's contanimated as if I rubbed it all over the shower wall, getting whatever germs happen to be on that wall onto my body forever and ever until i get a new loofah, then i have to freaking go to the store and spend a dollar and i really just don't like doing that"
The calling grandma makes me think he has done it before and got his way.
My brother and I are both autistic/ADHD, and he was diagnosed with both at a young age, but I was only diagnosed with ADHD (my parents also never got me support for it, because "it wasn't a problem"). I have most of my childhood blocked, but he used to antagonize me constantly. It was pretty violent when we were young, but then it was mostly just lying and manipulation as we got older. I was always jealous that my parents tried to accommodate him, but when I ever struggled, I just had to try harder.
Anyway, now I'm an adult with my own (step) kiddo whom I'm certain is neurodivergent. I mostly wing it with parenting, as my kiddo has to deal with a split family, and his other household seems to punish him too harshly. At our house, he usually makes a mistake he would get in trouble for at his other house, and then punishes himself in a meltdown. If we can manage to stave off the meltdown, we go for natural consequences, like having to help clean up a mess he made, or having to leave an event early.
For the kid in the story, I'd probably have his consequence be that he has to repair the costume, which would thus give him less time to trick or treat, or give him the option to instead pay for a new costume. If he doesn't have allowance money, I'd let him do a candy exchange program, to have certain candies equal certain dollar amounts, or something like that. (If half his candy went to his sister or something, he could just steal it back.)
(sorry for the very long comment, ahhh)
I saw a show back in like 2005 to 2007 where you send a letter or video of something about your body you want changed. I remember a woman going on for having a really gross foot. She never took her socks off (bathed in them, not changing them) for like 15 years or some shit. It was extremely infected toe nail. They removed it and told her to clean and change the bandages. She never did. Showed the sopping wet gross smelling brown bandages. The foot was fucked again. It was a gross show.
I have to assume that there's more to the story than that kid simply finding his sister's costume "ugly". There was probably a lot of back and forth between the siblings leading up to that point.
And that's a problem lmao. You know what they say about people that assume.
It's ridiculous that people think there must be some missing piece of information that would somehow justify his behvaior. Sometimes kids are A holes, and sometimes.. its just because they can be.
There doesn't always have to be some deep underlying reason lmao.
Not you thinking the sisters must be involved, just so you can try to find a reason that he doesn't have to be accountable for his actions...
Just because he has autism, doesn't mean someone else must be partially responsible for HIS behavior.
@@bailey7792 That's not what I meant, like, at all. I'm talking about motives, not excuses. Very different things.
My point was that even autistic kids aren't so wildly, chaotically, irrational that they would destroy someone else's property just "because it's ugly". That tells an inaccurate (or at least incomplete) narrative about autism.
Rather, the situation was probably more like what you might imagine between any two neurotypical siblings. When one kid SEEMS to spontaneously lash out at the other, it's almost always motivated by up to a few hours of back and forth teasing. But each kid is responsible for THEIR own actions and only their own actions.
@@youtubesupportsfascism Weird that you think that's what I was doing when I already replied to a comment implying the same thing.
With the Squishmallows story, it’s complicated. Squishmallows can’t handle heat very well and shouldn’t be thrown into the dryer because their fabric would melt. It’s suggested to air dry them instead, but depending on how wet they are, there could be mold build up and unsafe to have, especially to person who is allergic to mold.
Really? I got one of the massive ones (a dragon!) from a thrift store so I immediately squished him into the washer and then dried him on the delicate setting for like 40 mins and he came out looking good. I had no idea they don’t usually like heat
As a special education teacher who specializes in autism support his behavior concerns me. Ive been working with autistic kids for over 25 years and hoo boy him cutting up just 1 thing would worry me tremendously. The dozens of autistic meltdowns that have included anger toward me are usually broadly destructive, ripping apart my whole classroom, throwing things at me, tipping furniture, ripping assignments etc. Also, usually, when they've calmed down and are recovering from the meltdown, there's a lot of remorse and a desire for reconciliation. The fact that there is no remorse would have me shook.
Mom is 100% not an asshole for determining there should be a consequence and that the consequence will be Halloween related as was the destruction. That being said, i like the idea of making him pay for the costume better than taking away Halloween, but that's what she said, and now she needs to stick to her guns. Consequences can't be negotiable.
Holy moly! When you mentioned chewing on the face cloths I had a flashback to doing that in childhood! I had completely forgotten doing that!
Related to the second story, I’m self diagnosed autistic and once did something similar. When I was 14, I was over at my mum’s friend’s house and her daughter had a jar in her bedroom that she had decorated with bits of tissue paper. For some reason, this really irritated me- it was ugly, and it made me feel physically uncomfortable. I could “feel” its presence even when I wasn’t looking at it, even when I was in a different room. When the girl left me alone at one point, I felt an incredibly strong urge to rip all the paper off the jar. Unfortunately I did give in to that urge, and I still feel bad about it to this day. I’m terrified that the blame went on the younger sister.
I wonder if that feeling is something the boy in the second story had- he described it as being ugly and he didn’t like it. Maybe I was just old enough/at a stage in my development where I could feel remorse for this, but I also felt enough shame, embarrassment and fear that I never owned up to it or told anyone. I have never done anything like it since. For me, the issue here is that the boy didn’t seem understand why what he did was wrong, which would then make it difficult for him to understand why he should feel remorseful; let alone understanding whether or not he was remorseful, and figuring out how to express that. The grandmother regularly making excuses for his behaviour certainly wouldn’t be helping either. So long as the parents took care to try and teach him why it was wrong and how to apologise/make up for it (potentially with the aid of therapy), I don’t think they were in the wrong. I do also agree that they also need to make sure he has enough support.
For me, I think it was a sensory issue; I wasn’t having a meltdown, but I was also mentally and physically uncomfortable enough that I couldn’t ignore the cause. I wish I had’ve known/been taught how to handle those feelings. It sounds like that boy’s parents are doing their best to teach their child how to manage, and I commend them for their efforts
I’m a parent and in my anecdotal experience it’s important that the consequences be proportional to the behavior, (obviously no hitting yelling etc no matter what), and they have to have a clear idea of what consequences have been imposed and then when the consequences are over, you don’t bring it up again and you let it go. That way they know that this doesn’t change anything about the fact that you love them, it’s just a consequence of poor choices.
Also you have to remember that what you’re really doing is you’re trying to establish good habits, and that’s something that takes time and practice, so don’t get frustrated with them when they don’t get it right away. Be patient, and keep gently and appropriately giving corrections and praise too, and never withhold love and attention.
for the 2nd one- NTA, im autistic & i also work at a day program for adults with developmental disabilities (such as autism) so a quite bit different from children but overall, we have to tell them when something they do is hurting someone and help them stop doing it. the key is that you are calm and respectful of their feelings, which is seems like the mom was. the important thing is exactly what the mom said in her edit, helping people not be assholes. autistic or not, someone being given everything they want, allowed to give in to their impulses no matter if they hurt others is wrong. people need to learn morals and be shown what not to do so that they can eventually start making well-informed choices on their own, or with some help if they want/need it. but in order to do that, you have to learn how to deal with things not going exactly your way, and its extremely difficult when your brain is wired that way, but it is absolutely necessary. regardless of a person's ability, everyone should be given the tools and opportunities to be a good, kind, and decent person. do not rob autistic children of that choice, no child understands what is right or wrong until it is shown to them, many autistic children just ask that it be explained to them and their questions answered. raise autistic children to be kind, even if you dont want to deal with the meltdowns or the questions or any of the Autism. this mother did the right thing and good on her for not infantilising her son just because of his disability.
My ex-best friend from kindergarten broke her little sister's collarbone in a fight when they were pre-teens (like 8-11?) 😳 They don't talk to each other anymore. They are mid-twenties now. It was also connected to parents splitting up and such. No idea if any of them are ND as I only met the sister once 6 years ago and havent seen the older one in 15 years. But yes siblings can be awful
Excellent costume choice for playing Devil's Advocate on an AITA reaction video! 😈
I think on that first post, yeah that was hugely stupid and uncool to just chuck out your partner's stuff, and to make a big confrontational deal about it. To me a major part of ensuring your marriage survives is to not make a big deal out of little things EVER. Example: if your partner did a not great job washing the dishes and there's still food-crud on a dish, DON'T confront them over it and risk hurting their feelings and the strength of your relationship just so you can be right or whatever; just wash the damn dish and keep your mouth shut. Or maybe volunteer to take over the dish doing if they're so bad at it. So, yeah, she should've just tossed the squishies in the dryer, and maybe quietly discussed the matter with her lady later on when they'd both calmed down.
As to the second post? Grandma. Grandma's the a**hole, definitely.
The grandma may just be misinformed about what it actually means to be autistic. Through her life, children that presented similarly to her grandson could have been seen by her to have been institutionalised or similar, and then that revealed to have been extremely damaging for those involved later in her life, so with that in mind and a personal knowledge of perhaps mostly earlier autism research, and her grandson fitting the young male child that research had a bias towards, could all have compounded to have an extreme aversion to anything potentially similar to what she saw when she was younger, unfortunately resulting in being excessively lenient for the child, on top of the more positive bias grandparents can have with children they almost only see the happier holiday-esk side of, so from their experience, their grandchildren are (appear) better behaved than their own children (that they had full time ups and downs experience with) were at that age, and so are more likely to take the child's word for what they say, as around them they've always, or almost always presented as completely honest, so far.
oh also !!! mentioning the autistic people not being able to decipher their emotions struck a chord about myself since ive experienced that
"The Moldy Squishmallows" sounds like a great band name tbf.
Most Autistic people seem to be Animists. The original Pagan religion.
I think that nearly everything has a spirit and that has a personal connection to us. Especially in nature and animals.
It is also why I collect and have a tendency to hoard, because it is so hard to throw things away, because of that "spiritual" connection.
I talk to my car and my appliances, thanking them for doing a good job. I even yell at my noisy refrigerator. I mostly hate my refrigerator😅 even though it keeps my food safe and cold.
That's really interesting the point at 13:23 about not feeling like your stuff is safe, in your home. My younger brother is adopted and when we were young he would often steal things and hide them in this room (because of his attachment disorder), I think that feeling was very present, especially being autistic (not known at the time though) with the uncertainty of my things disappearing. I think having ones stuff destroyed or taken is frustrating for anyone but particularly difficult for autistic people.
Thank you for your videos it's so refreshing to see someone making reasonable, balanced and nuanced discussion. Without any judgment.
I agree with the parent that wouldn’t let her son go trick or treating, she did the right thing. You can’t excuse antisocial behavior just because someone is autistic. Especially if the autistic person isn’t sorry, and would do it again. Permitting that kind of behavior teaches them that autism is a free pass for bad behavior, and anyone who tells them no is in the wrong. Basically setting that kid up to develop toxic symptoms of narcissism and a general lack of empathy for others.
In my professional opinion (teaching children of all ages, Master's degree in Ed), that second story sounds very much like the son's bad behavior is being enabled. Autism doesn't make you malicious, and what he did to his sister was 100% malicious.
Mom is giving a consequence that is direct, reasonable, and proportionate. The grandmother and father are enabling his bad behavior. He will turn into a nightmare adult if they keep enabling his malicious behavior. That applies to any child, neurodivergent or not.
ETA: It would also be wildly unfair and harmful to the sister that he is apparently continually bullying and harassing. There is zero benefit to enabling such destructive behavior.
A major red flag that this is a situation of enabling is the fact that he immediately called Grandma AND _her_ immediate response was to excuse and accuse, without pausing the learn more. I would be VERY interested to learn if Grandma has this same "protective" energy for the sisters... And it sounds like she doesn't, considering she completely ignored the needs of the bullied sister in this situation.
In my professional experience with children, there is ABSOLUTELY a difference between autism and just being an as$hole. I've worked with many teens who have autism and need varying levels of low support. If you are educated and experienced, it's not difficult to recognize and support characteristics of autism, and those traits are not problematic at all. I only ever had ONE autistic student who had problematic behavior, and it _wasn't_ due to his autism - it was due to his erratic, irresponsible, helicopter mom who constantly enabled and coddled him. She was a nightmare and so was he.... NOT because of his autism, but because of totally inept parenting. ANY kid becomes a nightmare with that type of parenting, and I've seen the exact same pattern with neurotypical kids.
Malicious, as$hole behavior is not the result of autism. End of story.
I do not shower with socks, but I do shower with flip flops on my feet. I will actually throw up if my feet touch the shower floor.
I wear a bathing suit in the shower because I can’t handle being naked, a lot of that probably also has to do with my gender dysphoria
I remember my dad constantly calling me manipulative and an aggressive sociopath whenever I had a meltdown. Whenever I felt frustrated or hurt by something, I'd bottle it up when I couldn't talk to friends about it, and he'd get extremely angry when I finally broke under the stress of keeping things to myself. Usually when that happened, I'd shut down and become irritable, so his solution was to berate me until he did get a reaction, which would usually be explosive or destructive. Then, he would say that I'm an abusive person, that I was manipulated, and the way I acted was something only sociopaths did, and that nobody's gonna want to be around me if I acted the way he'd described. Needless to say, it caused quite a bit more meltdowns to occur later on.
Well ppl allergic to mold can’t be around even a small amount , if she’s around them even touching him after might be an issue for some . It makes sense why he would be mad and throw them away if she wasn’t open to talking about her stimming items . He still should’ve brought up that he probably felt she didn’t consider his illness or cared and brought up to put them in the dryer
I'm autistic. My brother is not. He was your typical "boys will be boys" he was a troublemaker. He constantly got himself in trouble. And to this day (he's 25) he still treats people like shit if he decides so. I on the other hand was raised as the little girl. My mom's second child and my dad's fourth. So I was constantly pushed to do better and be better. I was afraid of punishment. To this day I never call my mom any bad name unless I'm really angry. And then end up regretting it later. Sure I do push the boundaries quite a lot. Like telling my mom usually stupid follows stupid in regards to the people that have an interest in her. One of them is dumb, but you know how it is. They usually seek people alike. And other mean and cold things like these whenever I want to get my point across in an argument. But I'm always super respectful as I was raised in a zero fucks given family. They didn't care. You can cry about it, I won't give in type of family. And look... My brother getting away with things resulted into him getting the most things taken away from him and the most detention. I barely got any. And I'm the more successful child if you can even call it that. My brother was lazy, didn't want to go to school and spent 2+ years doing nothing. Not even work. Whilst he joked about me not finishing highschool on time. Which I did. And making fun of me not being able to finish university when I'm near done with it.
I was embarrassed but out of control and would end up taking the opposite approach after a melt down and doubled down because I wasn’t about to be seen as weak or in the wrong. I would stand by whatever I did even if I didn’t want to do it in the first place and felt absolutely devastatingly guilty over doing it. That got me in a ton of trouble and the misdiagnosis of ODD all while my parents thought I was and treated me like psychopath. The no remorse from brother is likely a protection.
if somebody intentionally destroys stuff that i realy like, then i would become violent because of my emotions
I bet it took more effort to throw them away than to just throw them in the washer on a gentle cycle smh
Agree. Dude OP 100% threw those away as reaction of disgust towards their partner and then made excuses about mold to justify the behavior. Yes mold allergies are very real and can be very dangerous. This squishmallows were air drying out in the open from the time OP got home from work until bedtime. I think it's safe to say mold doesn't grow that quickly.
as an autistic individual, and parent to children with both ADHD and ASD, I often tell them your challenges may be an explanation for why you made bad choices, but they do not excuse the choices. Actions have consequences no matter who you are and what challenges you face. I do my best to help them learn coping skills, whether from myself or getting them outside help through medication and/or therapy such as Occupational therapy, and speech therapy, as well as talking to a councilor. My son is 10 and is on the spectrum. He requires fairly low support, though obviously no 2 boys are the same, I'm familiar with the age group of the boy in the story. At 8 he'd likely be in 3rd grade. That's more than old enough to understand actions and consequences, and more than that, he'd know very well what calling grandma would do. In my opinion to have the ability to think about calling someone on the phone, demonstrates that he's very likely not in a meltdown state as it requires complex thought on, who can I talk to, how can I get in touch with this person, finding a phone, and dialing a number. I assume at 8 he doesn't have his own phone either, so he'd have to think about where there's a phone he could use. I definitely think there's more going on than the parents are aware of, and if the therapist they are seeing can't figure it out, it may be time to find another. It also sounds like potentially the grandma is undercutting the parents and allowing him to use his ASD as an excuse. If it were me, I'd be talking to the therapist about the grandma as well, so that they were aware of that as a potential exacerbation of the issue.
edit to add: as for the squishmallows, myself and both my kids each have quite a collection. the best part about the squishmallows (other than of course how soft and snuggly they are) is that they are machine washable. I'm not sure about more recent batches, but they used to say so right on the care tag. Big AH move to throw them away like that.
Ohmygawd, why would you throw them away without a conversation?! And yes, squishmallows hold up to being washed and being in the dryer! My son and I collect them, and there have been several times when they needed to be washed....
I don’t know if it’s I wasn’t diagnosed in my late twenties but I knew not to destroy my siblings things I even tried my best to fix my little sister toys if the dog got ahold of them because I know I be sad if it were me but it’s best the child learns now because society is not gonna give him what he wants if he does this type of stuff
Autistic here and I love my Squishmallows and would be devastated if someone ruined mine
I’m 55 and started buying Squishmallows a few years ago. I have medium-sized ones I sleep with, several small ones that I travel with (okay, that equals 2-3 trips over several years!), and a large one that I used to use as a back rest/pillow.
My cat also has two small ones to cuddle and play with. And now we both have a few minis thanks to McDs Happy Meals ❤
I had a big phase as a kid of chewing my curtains when i couldn't sleep. My whole curtain would get all wrinkly & wet haha
As someone with a very irritating mold allergy (my skin will break out in welts and itch to the point of pain) I would find this troubling, especially they part where they said they put it the dryer and didn't. I wouldn't throw them away without having a discussion and it becoming a habitual problem. It's the lack of communication that gets me in this scenario.
The parent of the child who destroyed his sister's costume... it's hard. My entire family is AuDHD pretty much, including my kids, and my youngest has struggled with a lot of things, harming their sibling, among other things. One thing we've learned is that, well, punishments don't seem to deter anything for our child. It makes a lot of things very difficult when that's pretty much what society says is supposed to be the consequence of misbehavior. But I like to be practical... if nothing is really learned from the punishment, why do it? IDK. Things have gotten easier as the kids have gotten older.
I also really think it's crappy for grandparents to try and undermine the parents' decisions. So, it sounds like everyone thinks the OP is being too harsh, but I also get why the OP doesn't want to let it go. I think something that might be helpful is giving the son a chance to "earn" his trick-or-treating back? Make clear that what he did was not acceptable, but also try to come up with a way he can make things right with his sister, to try to show compassion for her? Then it's not completely letting things go, and showing forgiveness can also be important, IMO.
I relate to the face cloth chewing thing. I have a sensory seeking trait for chewing things. As a child, eating wasn't enough to satisfy this sensory need. It took me until I was about 9 or 10 to stop chewing my clothes, even in front of people. I think I was addicted to it. I still chew my towel when I get out of the shower sometimes as a stim, but I try not to because it damages them. Chewing fabric like that feels really nice but I can't stop once I start and I always feel bad about it.
4:55 Mold allergy. You are not taking their health into account. If I cant breath and know the cause, would immediately put it in a sealed garbage bag too. New bag, let them pull it out and wash them.
But she did throw it out immediately without talking to her wife