3 Things You Should Never Do For a Man
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- Опубліковано 6 лют 2019
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Don't:
1. be his savior.
2. be his therapist.
3. be his mother.
If he needs someone to mother him he is obviously not ready for a mature, healthy relationship! Thank you, someone said it 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Amen
Don't flirt to convert
I watch this channel as a straight man to backwards think this whole operation
The second I saw the title, I stopped doing my eyeshadow and heard the answer to my prayer. God bless you, Emily!
Her timing is prefect. I need this now!
Heheh I like the specificity - not just stopped your makeup, stopped your eyeshadow! I love it! Thanks for watching Caroline :)
It's one thing to be there for your partner, and it's another thing to 'fix/build' your partner. I completely agree with you!
ooh yes! and rather make them your partner than your 'proyect'
Absolutely. Support is good, fixing is not!
"By all means, you're great... But you're not that special!
Yes Emily!!!!! Say it for the people in the back.
This video exactly describes a 4 year relationship of mine that ended 8 months ago. I literally choked on my food watching this. Going on a first date tomorrow. Pray for me!
Here's a prayer that we all learn and grow... And do better every "next time" that we get!
Update us on that date! 😁
I'm barely halfway through the video, and I can relate to SO MUCH!!! It brings me back to my longest relationship that I knew wasn't gonna work out on week 3. But I was so insecure and so afraid to be alone that I stuck it out for 4 years, followed by a cycle of "talking again," "acting like we're dating again," not talking for said period of time, and so on. By the grace of God, I've been praying for healing. There was a moment where I literally felt God pulling that old infected scab (the unhealthy attachment I had for him) off my heart and it SUCKED! It was painful, but I knew it had to be done. I still pray for him as well as his safety (he's serving in the Air Force in Afghanistan right now). On a side note: please pray for our military.
Glad you got out of that relationship. Hopefully, the.military will help him mature. Thank you for his service and all of our soldiers. 🇺🇸
Which were the main reasons you broke up with him? Did it have something to do with his job and job mentality (army)?
I have heard multiple stories like this from women after posting this video. Thanks be to God you are now free from that terrible situation!
Alright, fine... You win.
Saving this to my relationship playlist.
Literally every one of these things has happened to me... so guys need to hear this message to.
1. We aren't responsible for her salvation.
2. We arent responsible to be her therapist
3. Threatening suicide is messed up, and a red flag. Duh
Peace people, and stay sane out there.
breakingthemasks u I have a Relationship playlist too 😊
Yep. Goes both ways 100%.
“I. HAVE BEEN SENT. BY THE LORD.”
😂😂😂😂😂❤️ yes girl. Favourite part.
Hehhehe :)
"You're great, but you're not that special." 😂😂👏🏼 Yes, sis, come on
Yay! Crazy Chaquita is back!
Yes she IS! Glad you liked it!
I so wish that I knew about you a couple years ago. I was in this relationship for four whole years with a guy who treated me like his mother, his counselor, and even (and it sounds crazy) his god. I was young and thought I was giving of myself like Jesus would have and I became increasingly aware that he had serious problems so I was desperately trying to bring him more into his Catholic faith. The whole thing was over the internet except for the three times I saw him in real life. But I can't say how emotionally draining he was. I developed depression myself, and he would allude to the horrible things he would do to himself if I left him. I really thought I was doing the right thing. I would sometimes worry to the point of making myself physically sick, and I completely lost my own sense of identity. My grades got progressively worse, and I honestly don't remember high school very well because I became so numb and all my thoughts and actions revolved around how he was feeling that day (which would differ wildly from morning to night). My Mom finally told me to break him off from my life and I was so dead by then that I cried all day but felt nothing. Just later immense relief. It's been over a year and I'm slowly regaining my sense of self, and becoming a more joyful person. You help me with this in knowing I shouldn't feel guilty for leaving him. Thank you Emily.
The mothering your boyfriend thing was made for meeeee. I needed to hear this so bad.
wow. the last guy i dated, i was all of these things for him... and now i’m watching your videos to help me back into my right mindset. you’re the best, emily.
"i think i'm gonna fly away" hahah i love you
I agree because I did all these things for my now husband and we are now living separated. 11 years later and things haven’t changed...
Thank you so much for this video. So many women need to hear this
you got it Robyn!
I would add one thing to the first point. Not only should you not take on the responsibility of fixing people, for the reasons Emily noted. But it's important to think back on the relationship and know how you ended up with a person with so many problems. Ambitious people like to be around other amibitous people. If he's depressed, nihilistic, doesn't have any motivation to push himself career-wise, then you are probably struggling from similar things. Optionally, you might indeed be too good for him, but insecurity and low self-esteem shackles you. Or perhaps you are too agreeable and so you make excuses for him.
For instance, my mother had cancer and for a while I was becoming blackpilled and thinking I should quit my job and do nothing because what's the point anyway? (This was in combination with the political situation in my country getting really bad) So if you are with one of those rare people who have a dark patch due to legitimate reasons that's one thing, assuming you saw his drive and potential prior to the phase. But even then I always disliked the excuses, because I still got my act together and carried on, and so should he. However, if he wasn't showing his worth prior to the rough patch, or even worse you got together with him during it, you need to look in the mirror and find out why he was appealing to you in the first place.
So many women need to hear this! Thank you, Emily!
Thank you so much for this! I distinctly remember an ex telling me the only thing keeping himself from wrapping his car around a tree was me. Thank God for wise parents who helped me realize how manipulative that relationship was, and I ended that relationship (way later than I should have).
EMILY! The second one hits home!!! THANK YOU. I needed to hear this. And I do not have this in my relationship, but in a friendship. It's so hard to live with that burden.
VERY hard and something you shouldn't have to carry!
AMEN! Emily you are spot on with this discussion. I have to say this can be the same thing with us men. There are some men who think they can save the women they are dating. Thank you! You and your family are in my prayers.
Thank you, Crazy Chiquita. I had a friend who was basically her boyfriend's mother. She'd get him up for work, make his lunch everyday, tell him what drawings he needed to get done (he was a tattoo artist), etc. I'd say to her, Are you his girlfriend or his MOTHER?!!" Her response, "Both!"
Keep making these videos! ❤
Ewww
YIKES!
@@emwilss Not sure if she's still with him, but if I had to baby my boyfriend, I'd dump him in a heartbeat.
@@BlueDauntless I know!!!!
I was praying how to end an "unhealthy" friendship with a guy, bcs I simply don't want to "break anybody's heart" and you totally answered my prayer! Thank you Emily! God bless you❤️
Yes! We as Godly women need to hear this. We can't save or change anyone. That's just a setup for a terrible relationship and future regrets.
Emily, I'm so glad this video came up on my recommended. I feel like it was destiny. I am not his saviour, I am not his therapist, I am not his mother.
I definitely did not want to get out of my fluffy blankets this morning, it’s so cold. But I went down stairs and decided to listen to something to wake me up. Emily, your energy is so contagious thank you! Now I’m awake and smiling haha!! God bless!
This really made me laugh! I'm so glad! Thank you for watching!!!
It's a good reminder that this goes both ways in a relationship.
I don’t have a boyfriend, have never had a boyfriend but boy did I NEED TO HEAR the first message of saviorship in respect to my family and friends!!!
Thanks for making this video Emily! It's really difficult when guys either intentionally, or probably more often unintentionally try to guilt you into being in a relationship with them or staying in one. I've never been in a relationship but once a guy did threaten to me that he would kill himself if he couldn't get a girl to date him - he had some serious problems, and I was already quite depressed at this point in my life. I explained to him why I didn't want to date him but he made me feel so scared about what he might do that I agreed to go for coffee with him just as friends because I knew he was very lonely. This was a big mistake, it only made him more attached to me, and I didn't know what to do. It was really difficult and I had to basically cut ties with him and I was still so scared about what might happen. I didn't tell anyone but you're advice to tell an adult is good. I love your message that Jesus can save people without our help. We just need to trust in Him with things like this. x
Don't try to be a guy's savoir, a guy's therapist, don't try to be his mother💯💯💯💯
We love a sassy mom
Nigerian girls need the savoir part drummed into their ears.. 👏
I loved it! It's not fair to us by the way, we deserve to be treated well in whatever relationship that we are in and not only stay because "he needs me", you are great but you're not that special! 😅👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🙌🏽💕
What about men who had poor mother figures? what kind of help can they get so that they can move past needing that kind of nurturing?
Thank you for posting this. Many people--ladies included--can benefit from this information.
I had a fellow (my second child's father, in fact) who was psychologically abusive way back in the day. He wanted me to put on his shoes, draw his bath, throw out his disgusting stuff and basically be his slave (which he also equates with motherhood thanks to his own enabling mother). He threatened suicide if I left, even by placing a knife near his temple, but by then I didn't care what the consequences were. God had given me reserve strength and I never went back.
The person I love now I am not with. I am allowing God to work in him. I can be a Godly influence on him, but I can never replace Him. So I am distant for now, letting him know I pray for him if he contacts me. Having faith extends to all relationships, and is a direct reflection of my faith in Him, which is apparently growing.
you are SO well-spoken and this video has so many great points
THANK YOU!! That's what I've been telling my friends for years! If you have a person in your life who needs help, don't stick with the problem (you probably aren't neither strong or qualified enough to help instead you'll be getting emotionally too involved to manage the situation) but encourage him to get help from a professional who knows how this person can be helped best🙌 show the person they mean a lot to you by supporting and uplifting them in every step they take in the right direction instead of pushing their rocks out of the way for them!
Literally needed this in highschool! Great points. Keep it up with the hard hitting truth.
Love this!! And just heard you’re coming to our confirmation class for our teens this weekend and I can’t wait for them to hear you speak! See you there 😍
Wow. Spot on. Thanks for sharing such truth. Us girls want to help so much sometimes it does go out of hand!
I’m SO glad crazy Chiquita is back 👏🏼 this all really needed to be said, thank you for speaking out on this!
All of these points speak so much to me, and is exactly what I need right now! Thank you so much!
Thank you so much for this video! I recently broke off my engagement with a guy needed so much help and saving. I quickly realized that it was deff not a relationship for me. So I thank you for wiping away the doubt that I momentarily. Lots of love
I saw the Crazy Chiquita shirt and literally gasped and said YAAAS 🙌🏻 thank you for bringing this back!
Thank you Emily! I needed this message so much. Preach on!
Oh my goodness, I wish you were around 22 years ago when I was dealing with this exact scenario! 😄 Haha. Well, after about a year & a half of being with him, I figured it out & exited the relationship. 🙂
This was so helpful! I have a guy friend who texts me constantly with his issues and I feel overwhelmed because I am not his therapist. He says he can’t afford a proper therapist but I’m sure there are resources out there for him. Thank you for helping me see that it would actually be healthy for both of us for me to back away from this!!
I'm happy you had time to paint your nails ;)
I used to think that I have to love my boyfriend when he is most unlovable to be like Jesus when I feel like we weren't compatible but his business went down and he was in a mess. So, again, great message for women!
Hehehe well thanks Dawn! I painted them last weekend while Daniel spent time with Z - it was great!
I loved this video! So much great advice!
Thank you for this video!! I SOOO agree that people should NEVER act like they are the Savior because they are not (No one is because we are not Holy enough to be anything like our Heavenly Father). Love your videos!!
As a therapist myself, your second point is SO important. Too many people take on roles for their friends or partners that they are unequipped to handle, which leads to negative effects for all parties involved. Listening, loving, and supporting is imperative, but "fixing" each other is not possible. Even for myself, this boundary is incredibly important. Yes, I know how to help people with their psychological issues, and spend most of my days doing so, but in my personal relationships, I am not a therapist. Seeking my own counseling has been so helpful while learning to navigate these dynamics, and I encourage everyone to have their own community of support (friends, family, mentors, counselors)!
Thank you so much for your comment, Monica! So, so true. Support and love is SO important - but as you know, when it crosses over beyond the support and love that any one person can give, that is where it becomes troublesome. Thank you for what you do to help so many people in our world!
I am a little guilty of being this person in friendships ( burdening people by sharing )but by God's grace am changing 🙏
Thank you Emily. For a year and a half I've been in a relationship with a guy for whom I've been both a savior and a therapist, and now as we are going through a crisis, I'm praying a lot to actually understand if I really want and need all of this or it has simply become a habit/"mission to save him". Just thank you. I think God is sending me messages and this video was one of them ❤
How do I find the "golden middle" between being a supportive partner and it being too much and unhealthy?
Mika S if you ask yourself that in the relationship
You know it’s too much
Unhealthy is when you are the one who takes the actual steps to help him solve the problem instead of him. So you are basically doing the hard work while he does the bare minimum. For example, if someone is unemployed you are putting job applications out for him. If someone has mental and emotional issue you are the person they always vents to and expects solutions from, If someone has an addiction, you are always there to rescue them when they mess up and make bad decisions.
Being a supportive partner in a healthy way is when you allow the person to make those tough decisions and then you become the person who cheers them on, encourages them, their accountability partner. Basically they do the heavy lifting by making changes and seeking the help they need and you complement it by doing small things that help them keep going on that journey they chose to take.
Crazy Chicita is my favorite; she says it like it is! Thank you so much Emily! God bless you and your sweet family.
Emily, I couldn't agree with you more. I've noticed that when a man is going to try and be saved by me they will tell me really personal struggles or traumatic events in their lives on the first or second date. I pray for them but I won't date them.
Wow this is so relatable! Thank u so much for this video. It really spoke to me. Love from Malaysia!
I love your thumbnails for these types of videos! They're so funny but so fitting 😂😝
Hahahah LOVE the 3rd one.
And great video👍
Thank you for this 🖤
I love this video so much!! I wish every girl could watch it! Thank you for being so real and inspiring, Emily! ❤️
I needed this two years ago. I had a friend for awhile who dumped all his problems on me and I wasn't sure how to help, because what he needed was real help. Thank you so much Emily!
Good point, EW, on the mental health issue. The first thing a psychology student student learns when studying psychology is that he can't give therapy to a family or a friend. There will all ways come a time or a point when the person giving the therapy must decide to be either a therapist or a friend. The problem is that of either alienating the person or doing bad therapy. The person can support the person in his therapy and help him achieve his, or her, therapeutic goals but doing therapy is definitely a no-no. The problem in our society is that when a person has an emotional problem, very often the person is seen as a failure as a human being. When a person has an emotional problem, all it is is a problem that most often can be overcome. Actually, therapy should be viewed as a positive learning experience which expands a person's emotional and intellectual boundaries and makes a person a sophisticated person of the world. When therapy most often does is make a person emotionally aware of the world around him or her. One of the greatest satisfactions I had in my therapy was overcoming the problems I had and then being able to laugh at them. Remember what is seen on TV or in the movies is not what real therapy is about but something created for the medium to create drama and action to sell tickets to make money.
Thankyou for sharing this info. I need it. 😊
This video is amazing and MY GOSH I wish I'd seen this before I ever started dating!!!!! I've attempted being the savior, the therapist, and the mother- so glad i ran far away from all that 🙌🙌🙌🙌
February dose of realness, thank you for making such insightful videos
You are welcome - thanks for being here!
Thank you for your vids & posts
Your messages are really helpful.. Thank you
Thank you Emily
Agreed! Thanks for talking about it!
I love you! Thank you so much! I was a bit sad today. Your video just pick me up.
Thank you!!!!
such a brilliant video, its so vital for us gals to get this
I can relate so much, thank you for this video. I think it's really important, especially for young girls and women entering their first relationships. ❤️
You are SO right! ❤
I really do just love all your videos. It is so important for these things to be put out on such popular platforms. So thank you! Hope you, your hubby, and your sweet baby are doing great
Awww I have missed Crazy Chiquita vids soooo much!!!
I’ve been binge watching your videos!
PREACH! Bout to share this with everyone!
So cute. So true. Love your energy.
Thank you so much for making this video. I never thought about the 2nd two points you made. Those things always felt wrong, and I'm glad you said something about them. My skepticism of acting like a therapist and a mother were valid 😂
This is craziness. Correct, please "preach woman of honor "...Awesome video.Woohoo😀😀😀😀
Yaaay, she's back
Excellent advices
Crazy Chiquita- imma need you to say it again for the people in the back! 🙌🏾🔥
Time to send this to all of my friends!!!
This is something I had to say to a female friend of mine. She kept dumping her personal issues on me and as a friend I listened but after a while I felt a heavy burden so I just told her that she needs to see professional help.
What sucks the most is that I have put all the weight of my depression and eating disorder on my boyfriend and I have felt him getting tired of me. It sucks that this is happening the other way around..
I will stop doing this. I need help. And not just for him but for me. I do not know if we will end up together (I'm atheist. He's Christian) but things need to change. Thank you, Emily.
Good points!!!
I love how Crazy Chaquita is on fire!🔥🔥🔥 Preach it! Amen.🙌
Thank you for this! Perfect! Xxx
I love the energy throughout this video Emily! Completely right in everything! I’m blessed to have a boyfriend who is a man to me. Very responsible, hardworking and even does laundry for himself. We won’t live together, but I am hoping maybe one day (if I marry him? Who knows!) I’ll get to see that moment. Only time will tell. God Bless always!! 🌻💛 And hello from Los Angeles, CA too. We’re Angelinos. :)
So glad Crazy Chiquita is back!!!
I love this message and it was so entertaining 😂
Thank you so much. My friend and I were in an unhealthy friendship (she was almost romantically entwined) a few months back and I knew it was wrong and decided a few weeks ago that I had to cut off all contact with him completely. You articulated exactly what was happening and it spoke to my heart.
This is SO TRUE! Thank you Emily. You have so much wisdom and courage! God bless you and praying for you all the way from from Malaysia!
Good video girly
I had the if you don't do this I'll harm myself guy at 14 and had no clue what to do because all my friends didn't know of the harm(that he was actually doing) and pressured me to like him back. It took me awhile but I got out of that situation and told an adult. But I honestly needed to know I'm not alone and it's not my fault I got in that situation