*Lowering your standards doesn't mean settling for less than you deserve. It's about being realistic and finding someone who aligns with your values, not just your checklist.*
Don't be too sad about that, because women are told this, we have a 30+ year old single woman crisis - where women reach mid 30s and suddenly there are no decent men around because they've all been taken already, by women who didn't constantly think they could do better.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Well, this fact does not help, because being a 28 years old dude I do not want to date the "mid 30s" women who don't have another option and are forced to settle on me. I want to date women of my own age, but they are still thinking they can do better =-)
"Find and bring out great qualities of women whether attractive or not"---good point. You've successfully made me rethink previous values I never questioned.
Yes but you have to be physically attracted to that person or your relationship is doomed. You will have no sex life and they will feel that rejection.
I may be wrong, but it seems that many guys go straight for the, how should I say it, “flashier” girls. Meaning girls that frequent bars and nightclubs, who wear full make-up, hair in a perfect blow-dry, high heels, skintight clothing, who give out the “sexy” vibe and are very talkative. I’m not saying these girls are “bad” per se. But they often develop a certain mindset. Anyway ... when you tell a guy to also pay attention to the shy girls, who hardly have make-up, who wear simple hairstyles and normal clothes, they suddenly tell you that they “refuse to lower their standards”. Uh? I’m just saying to try and look beyond hair, make-up, clothes and talkativeness. And then only women are superficial. Yeah, right.
YES! What's frequently even more interesting is that many of the 'flashier' girls can esaily be less attractive visually , they have just put in hours of work to stand out in a bar environment. I think it just comes from what we grow up with - Those 'flashy' women seem to be the top of the social structure, so from a young age, they get a mythic status. I remember when I was much younger, and learning that many (not all of course) of these women weren't actually so fun to talk to or to flirt with, and I had to re-think everything.
Well... I think there's several interesting aspects to what you say. First of all about the talkativeness: As a guy, especially if you are young, it seems easier. If someone is very quiet and I'm myself not the best at creating conversation out of nowhere (at least with women I have romantic or sexual interest in), I will be tempted to try with girls who are generally talkative. Because the idea there is that at "running out of things to say" is lower. That is not a successful strategy, because if she is really talkative and good at banter she likely expects the same from potential partners, but you think about such stuff later. Also she might actually strike up the conversation, so that's something to. Also, if you self esteem is not particularly high anyway, even if you try with a more quiet, shy girl, you got thrown off more easily. Because you can't know if she is quiet because she doesn't enjoy you talking to her. And guys have this bias that women they are attracted to totally have their shit together, so the assumption that she doesn't answer or is very short and doesn't answer is quick towards "she doesn't want to" and rarely "she's just shy and afraid like me". And towards the skin-tight and makeup thing... Well for me there's at least two levels to that. First of all: Men jump on visual cues. You can choose to ignore it, but that's just one of the facts of life. We are just wired that way (and it's not like women completely disregard physical attractiveness either). But on a deeper level there's also this assumption that if a woman doesn't dress sexually that she also doesn't like to be sexual or at least that she is kinda struggling with her femininity. Which is a turn-off for guys, especially young ones. And in my experience it is not completely unfounded, too. If she doesn't try to be sexy and feminine - at least once in a while - there's a good chance that it is because she isn't connected to her feminine side and a positive view of sex (yet).
@@SchoolOfAttraction The problem is that women have inflated egos these days. Women wont date men on their level like they use to 10-20 years ago. I'm 39 years old and I know where I should stand with women because I know the types of women I have been with. Within the past 5 years its been virtually impossible to find a woman who has the same qualities as I do. Its not me who has changed its the dating market. I know what I have to offer in terms of my skills, hobbies and looks so why should I settle for less? That's insane and just downright rude to the other person.
Cuz men dont need dating advice, women do. Problem is women wont pay to be taught how to be a better woman when everyone is throwing free sausage their way.
While I agree with the point made here, I worry about a certain perspective: the morality of it. If you date a "not-attractive" girl, you either find out she was attractive some other way or generally learn from the experience. But what about her and her feelings? (inb4 white knight). The thing is, what if she starts to fall in love with you and you were just kinda using her for experience, as an "experiment". Isn't that somewhat "evil"? When you tell her the truth, won't it hurt her? Is not wanting to hurt women's feelings a valuable feature or just something to overcome if you want to succed?
This is a very fair question/comment - Perhaps I should have made clear - pretty much everything I teach comes with a 'be completely honest/don't be an ahole clause' - So if I'm dating a woman but don't want anything long term with her, I've made that clear already - I'm not wanting something long term/serious here. If you just date these women and promise them the world, then bail the second something better comes along, then yes, you are hurting these women and they don't deserve it.
Maybe add a bit of a second perspective. 'Less than average' women often have a similar problem like you guys do : not much experience, not great social skills, dead sexlife etc. So actually having an affair or something helps them as well as it does you. Ofcourse, they might not know it, so definitly follow his rule --> dont be an asshole and be honest. And in the end both sides may grow thanks to this experience.
Many of those women need the attention so I don't think you are hurting them, unless you deceive them into believing that you will marry them or something
If you follow this advice ("start with what you have and work your way up"), what you gonna end up with is a group of heartbroken girls who happened to be victims of your experimentation and neediness. This piece of advice translated is "Hook up with most of the girls that like you, use them and move on when you find someone better"
Only if you make those women believe you want to be in long term relationships with them. Which is not what I Was condoning. You are aware this is EXACTLY how teenage girls date until their early 20s right? Men just have to start later in life.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Well, of course you wouldn't date with marriage in mind before your 30's as a man. The question is... should you make these girls believe you have feelings for them in order to have sex with them or should you make it clear that you're temporarily just having sex with them without commitment?
But how do you go through these mini relationships and then end them saying "sorry I just wanted experience with women so I'm moving on now" that's why I dont want to settle. The process will be hard and I understand what he's saying but I'm down to find someone for the long term.
I tried lowering my standards, date not too attractive girls and that doesnt work. Sadly I am 32 years old virgin, my childhood was not okay. My father and mother are not love, my father killed himself when I was 6 and my mother was died a deadly illness when I was 20. Lowering my standard is not just bad for me, I can hurt my partner and my unborn child, I dont want ruin my unborn child life. I saw how bad can relationship be with my parents. I started working out, paying attention to my eating, dressing, and hairstyle. I hope for the best.
Wow. this video is self validating. I did all that by myself when, after a while, I did not met any women for months. Self-esteem took a hit and it was a downward spiral. After a while, I simply switch the dating game by just accepting lower standard and using the actual dating encounters as a XP building up (like job interviews!). By being on the field, I got exposed to different type of women and each dates I got were getting better merely by the fact that I got more experience and self confidence after a while. Fast-forward to now and I'm more than happy having successfully engaged in deep intimate relations and I could not feel any happier and fulfilled. I learned to hard way. You should try it, there is so much to gain.
Yeah mate, thanks for sharing, this is what I've seen in so many guys as well!! Even the guys who 'kill it' with women - almost universally went down this path one way or antoher.
Good point well made. You should practice your social skills on low-risk people, for example, chat to checkout chicks at the supermarket, talk to old ladies at the library and yes, talk to guys when you get a chance. You develop better social skills so that when you finally get to meet a young and attractive hottie you are not so overwhelmed and anxious.
I've always seen this question as whether you should go for the broken girls. The ones that come with issues that will make your life miserable. And I think the clear answer is that you shouldn't lower your standards this way ever, because a low quality woman will make your life worse. Being eternally single is infinitely better than an abusive relationship.
Well see, I'm also not necessarily suggsting you get into relationships with all these women, an dcertainly not women who might make your life miserable - But getting dating experience, flirting, having fun.... why not?
Let me be polite while getting my point across. If you see a “broken” girl. Don’t date her, she isn’t ready and you certainly do not have the skillset to deal with the situation (unless you’re a psychologist or psychiatrist). But don’t be afraid be around them. Being their friend or simply an acquaintance is more rewarding for both parties in the long run, usually.oh, and please try to refrain from saying low quality woman. You never know what a human can become under the right circumstances.
I am very rarely attracted to women. And this is not about physical attributes. I don't really know what it is, but I would describe it as the spark in their eyes. If they don't have it, I am just not interested. Met 3 so far who had it, as a result, my experience with women is very limited. I tried starting something with someone who didn't have "it" but it made me feel so uncomfortable and disgusted with myself that I just couldn't do it. There may be some underlying issue at play here, since this is very unusual, but for now I can't do what you suggest.
So let me get this straight. Your telling me to lower my standards. Wile you sleep and get the real hot women. How very nice of you. Man if you have to lower your standards. You might as well stop living plain and simple.
"What other people think of you" is part of their standards, not yours. Of course you should hold up standards. In a relationship both people have standards. It's not pride. Automatically rejecting overweight people is not wrong. Being overweight is a health problem. A problem generally brought on by bad behaviour in these modern times and an inability to change or a lack of desire to change. That's a huge red flag parade. Lowering your standards against overweight people is not good for them either. Because in truth you still will not be attracted to them. You are lying to them and you know it. And they will feel it too.
Hardest thing in the world for sure... ...having the courage to own your personal thoughts and opinions despite social pressure. I've grown tired of dealing with the stress of predicting how others feel I should think. My problem is finding the exact words to handle moments that test my character without looking weak or oppositional to others just for the sake it. I know I want to say 'no' or 'i disagree' but effectively articulating those views at a moments notice is beyond confusing. Thoughts, guys?
Yep... this can be so hard.. ESPECIALLY if you have old friends who have very closed minded views and tend to be judgmental. I learned MANY years ago to let go of people like that because they make it so hard to just become yourself.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Was afraid you would say that. It's cool though...been thinking in that direction for a while now. Guess I just need to deal with being alone for a little bit until I run into more like-minded people. Thanks for the push.
There's so much more than looks in a good woman. Im a man, so obviously looks makes me attracted to the pretty ones. But, character, personality, companionship, common goals, morals, compassion counts a lot! Specially as I get older. I've met so many hot coo coos, entitled, men hater women that are gorgeous. They are good for a fling, but no LTR whatsoever. By the end of the day, a woman is a person, so there's a lot more than looks to consider. The young crowd will probably think I am stupid. Well boys, life will teach you eventually. Wait for it.
Yeah Ze - I agree, I'm 38 now, and I'll happily take some hit to attractiveness if she has a bunch of really awesome stuff happening in other parts of who she is.. And most importantly, I won't feel LESS attracted to her, like I don't feel like I'm making some crazy sacrifice because I can't do better or anything like that.
For me mindset or how I will be perceived by others has absolutely nothing to do with my standards. I would not be ashamed showing myself with a fat woman (but I would also never fall in love with one). Either I like /love a woman or not. It's about a person's feelings toward the other. Feelings are not easily changed. That is why the island example is wrong. I can't lower my standards because they're what I am. If I can only choose between unattractive women I will stay alone, unfortunately. I tried to sleep with women I didn't find attractive, and I couldn't even get an orgasm during sex. Since then I only look for women who are at least a little bit attractive. Unfortunately, those are always married, and I have to stay single (unless someone can find me a place where the attractive and single women hide).
In my honest opinion, you can lower your standards but if you are only looking for a girl who you want to be able to relate to you for example goes to the gym, has tattoos , Smaller height, eats right etc then you can’t help only going for higher standards, I personally would rather be with no one than be with someone who I’m not attracted to. 200% I would not lower my standards to a fat chick who doesn’t work out or make an effort with herself, it’s not being stuck up it’s about going for someone you will get the best experience out of with.
Same Ive lowered my standards far enough to consider foreign women and those with bland faces but I could never lower that enough to include fat women. I am a skinny and fit man, I expect that in a woman. Plus Id rather stub my toe on furniture than have sexual intercourse with an obese person
Completely agree. I dont think lowering them to a degree is bad but you have to be attracted to that person or they are going to feel that rejection. I work out daily and am in good shape. I could never be with an obese woman simply because of lifestyle differences. Also, this guy is saying you shouldn't go for the model and lower your standards. Most men just want a slim cute girl who is cool...not some 10/10 runway model. Even that is impossible these days. I use to do just fine with women now I cant even get a date with a woman on my level to same my life. The dating market has become toxic.
People tell other that they should lower their standards but won't lower theirs. They want a high value man without being a high value woman, or the guy who wants a Christian virgin without being a Christian virgin himself.
A controversial video with a controversial response... I dated a lot of hot women in my early 20s. I also dated a lot of unattractive women at this time. I am now 30 years old with grey hair and a pot belly. I don’t attract the hot women anymore. After watching this video I still wouldn’t lower my standards. Dating unattractive women is so depressing. Lowering your standards is so over rated. I would rather watch porn then date a beach whale. I haven’t had sex in a long time but hey I’m “proud of it” 😂 you’re basically saying you have to “build up to it” I totally disagree. This video fired me up and I don’t like it
Sorry to hear that it fired you up mate.... Honestly though - calling women 'beached whale' suggests you have a very narrow view of women and the value they can bring. This isn't going to make you a happy human being in the long term...
SchoolOfAttraction don’t get me wrong you have a great point. Logically it makes all the sense in the world. But to me it just sounds like settling for something easier. Just got tinder gold and I have 200 girls that have liked me. I’m not attracted to any of them. I’m getting a lot of matches with hot women as well, especially recently (thanks to your help lol) but half way through the conversation I keep getting unmatched. My conversation skills obviously aren’t great because I’m attracting them but not keeping them. Something I’m working on anyway and definitely something I want to improve on. That’s the way I see things. I work hard on the way that I look. I exercise a lot, I’m well built, I dress well, I’m well groomed etc. I’ve been doing this for years too. I’m not just going to throw all my hard work away and settle for someone I’m unattracted to just cos I was impatient. I’m just saying there is the option to keep trying. If you want something you should go for it. I am a bit shallow there is no doubt about it but I’ve tried your method many times in my life and I was never happy with it. My opinion anyway
Thank you, Damien, for your great work! Your work really helped me improve with women in the past 6 months! I am working really hard to get financially stable at the moment so I can move to Sydney in 1-2 years and go through your Bootcamp!
Great video! I also see how people lower standards with age, which helps them to remain attracted to their long term partners. Which is good thing because we all lose points with age. And should a guy lower his standards if he want's relationships?
Well I think with relationships it's a bit different - I think you have to be realistic, but I think with relationship, standards based on looks matter a LOT LESS than standards based on personality....
I think pointing out that you can date, without having sex with the woman although obvious would help the video. You mentioned it at the very end. I think it's a good idea to get over social anxiety and date all you want. However, if you are just going to use women for sex just to then level up later on. I think that another viewer made it clear. You are leaving a bunch of people both men and women in a lot of unnecessary pain.
Agreed. I keep myself in great shape and would rather die than date an overweight woman. Sadly that's like 80 percent of the population so its almost impossible to find a woman with a decent figure these days.
My brother is a foot taller than me, and a whole lot meaner, but otherwize similar in looks. he doesn't have ASD. He has a beautiful wife and an adorable daughter. Its like he went after everything i want in life and got it. Honestly i think he's gay in the closet, and lives his life to harm me.
I like what he says. He means that doesn't exactly lower your standards but think realistically about women you want to date. Most hot women want to date hotter men. It may not be all the time but finding a hot girl that would date an average or below average guy is very slim and I'm sure most of them even cheat on their boyfriends. Trust me looks don't always matter. There was this girl that I did not find attractive at all but when I looked at her Instagram photos my jaw dropped she was so beautiful, it just made me realize that some girl can be beautiful if they wanted to also looks fade the girl that you thought was hot once will be saggy, wrinkled and grey.
It's a good dilemma and not an easy one. We would make good friends Damien because these are things that i love to discuss. But i totally see why some people dont agree with you. Sometimes people dont want to think but they are just looking for easy and generic answers to solve every problem. In the contrary you like to be true, solid and enjoy to go deeper. As a Greek i have to remind you how Socrates ended up and his stance about rhetoricians and populists that were giving to the people what they needed to hear =D =D Keep up the good work!
I totally disagree with this.Trajectory is bullshit. I’ve banged 150 6-7s with an occasional 8 over the last few years. Still plenty of rejections and the quality doesn’t increase over time. Also 6-7s still reject me plenty. And I wouldn’t say adjusting works. I still want the 8-10s. Dating average girls just makes you want the hotter ones and disappoint the average ones. But I feel I have to accept that the 9-10s are unavailable. They have too many options from more attractive guys. I’ve hit a dating ceiling.
Hey Nath, sorry you've had a diffiuclt and frustrating experience.. But that alone doesn't mean this strategy doesn't work.. For example, would you be more happy if you were having no sex at all? You still have to be able to keep improving your skill / yourself. OR you still won't get the hotter women. I know lots of guys who were stagnant on progress for years. It can be hard to know what you're doing wrongly when working on this stuff alone.
This is a genuine question. If a man dates a fat person (me) would that mean they have low standards? Cause that would be a heart break for me, honestly. Like, you established in the begging that large and fat are in the same level as unattractive. So im just tying things up. If someone has dated me while i was, am, fat, does it mean that they have low standards and they’re almost using me as practice?
Hey Jay - defintiely not in every case - Yesterday I was just coaching a client who was saying he really likes some larger girls. I've heard it from other clients in the past too. Male or female, being considerably overweight makes dating a bit harder - being just a bit chubby really doesn't matter so much - but once you get considerably overweight it's harder. But that being said - no - it's unlikely the guys you dated, just had low standards - They could easily have been guys who like women who are larger, or who just don't care. But there are some guys who are just so lonely and have low self esteem that they will date a woman they don't find attractive at all - women do the same with men too. And yes I think you as a woman should avoid those men.
some of this makes sense, But I notice that usually when people talk about guys struggling with women, they usually assume its because the guy is not good looking or socially awkward..
Well I try to speak to the majority - rather than make a really long video that talks about all possible reasons. But if a guy struggles with women it'is most likley social barries - but it can be many other things too of course!
Sorry, I don't really understand. You are talking about only ONE of the ways to lower the standards - the "looks" standards. What if I do not want to lower my standards in other areas? Should I be dating boring women? Should I be dating abusive women? Should I be dating shallow women? By your logic, yes, I should if I cannot get a better woman, but... I don't think so. This relationships will not improve me, but will damage me. And another question, about the "looks" standards in the online dating. You told in another video to keep the "swipe left-swipe right" ratio about 2-3 to 1 in order to satisfy Tinder algorithms. But... how does it works with the "lowering looks standards" way? Of course, if she has a cool bio or an interesting activity photo, I will swipe right (almost) regardless of her looks, but... given two profiles, one with a very good looking girl and one with an unattractive girl, should I really swipe left on first and right on second? It seems the only way to maintain this ratio, because (in Russia, at least) too few girls gave interesting bios.
So for part 1 - The idea being floated is that far too many guys would rather be lonely than with women who wren't ideal - if you're tryign to learn attraction skills, you'll learn A LOT MORE QUICKLY if you go on dates with women who aren't ideal than if you don't go out with any women at all until you meet women who are up to your standard. Part 2 - The video about Tinder ratio was unrelated to the lowering of standards idea - that was just a concept worth consideration. Still keep your tinder ratio about 3:1
I'm suggesting you may benefit from lowering standards - building social skills, confidence, experience, and slowly raising standards from there - and that such a strategy certainly appears to bring faster long term benefits for most guys.
Buddy any lower i have to accept lack of ethics and unwillingness to eat healthy food and coming with a bunch of kids from random dudes. No way. A relationship should bring something positive to your life not come with nothing more than physical and emotional costs to yourself
Yeah I'm 31 and, live with my dad and, don't have experience living on my own. And when datesites worked all i got were fat girls and, my dads the one whos a total asshole and, makes fun of me for it and, also, he looks them up and, down looking all nasty and, he tries to fuck it up for me cause, he don't like them. Now datesites don't work for me at all and, i got approach anxiety and, no experience approaching so, I'm at a loss.
They can be good for the reference experience, I would say it's good to get experience with average or below-average women before moving on to higher quality women, or another way of putting it, it's better than ending up as a 30 or 40 Year Old Virgin.
Mate with respect could you lower the pitch of your voice please it will make listening to you more Pleasant because the content is quite good - it's nothing personal
*Lowering your standards doesn't mean settling for less than you deserve. It's about being realistic and finding someone who aligns with your values, not just your checklist.*
Men are told to lower their standards while women are told they can do better
Don't be too sad about that, because women are told this, we have a 30+ year old single woman crisis - where women reach mid 30s and suddenly there are no decent men around because they've all been taken already, by women who didn't constantly think they could do better.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Well, this fact does not help, because being a 28 years old dude I do not want to date the "mid 30s" women who don't have another option and are forced to settle on me. I want to date women of my own age, but they are still thinking they can do better =-)
Страга Севера hes saying it could be worse if you were a woman in her mid 30s, not that you should be dating them.
@@ghostridersinthesky21 Well, it would be worse if I did not have an arm and a leg - what's your point? There are many things that are worse.
Страга Севера Lmao, hes simply comparing men to women. Stop feeling sorry for yourself
"Find and bring out great qualities of women whether attractive or not"---good point. You've successfully made me rethink previous values I never questioned.
Hey mate, happy to hear it!
Yes but you have to be physically attracted to that person or your relationship is doomed. You will have no sex life and they will feel that rejection.
I may be wrong, but it seems that many guys go straight for the, how should I say it, “flashier” girls. Meaning girls that frequent bars and nightclubs, who wear full make-up, hair in a perfect blow-dry, high heels, skintight clothing, who give out the “sexy” vibe and are very talkative. I’m not saying these girls are “bad” per se. But they often develop a certain mindset.
Anyway ... when you tell a guy to also pay attention to the shy girls, who hardly have make-up, who wear simple hairstyles and normal clothes, they suddenly tell you that they “refuse to lower their standards”. Uh? I’m just saying to try and look beyond hair, make-up, clothes and talkativeness. And then only women are superficial. Yeah, right.
YES! What's frequently even more interesting is that many of the 'flashier' girls can esaily be less attractive visually , they have just put in hours of work to stand out in a bar environment.
I think it just comes from what we grow up with - Those 'flashy' women seem to be the top of the social structure, so from a young age, they get a mythic status.
I remember when I was much younger, and learning that many (not all of course) of these women weren't actually so fun to talk to or to flirt with, and I had to re-think everything.
Well... I think there's several interesting aspects to what you say. First of all about the talkativeness: As a guy, especially if you are young, it seems easier. If someone is very quiet and I'm myself not the best at creating conversation out of nowhere (at least with women I have romantic or sexual interest in), I will be tempted to try with girls who are generally talkative. Because the idea there is that at "running out of things to say" is lower. That is not a successful strategy, because if she is really talkative and good at banter she likely expects the same from potential partners, but you think about such stuff later. Also she might actually strike up the conversation, so that's something to.
Also, if you self esteem is not particularly high anyway, even if you try with a more quiet, shy girl, you got thrown off more easily. Because you can't know if she is quiet because she doesn't enjoy you talking to her. And guys have this bias that women they are attracted to totally have their shit together, so the assumption that she doesn't answer or is very short and doesn't answer is quick towards "she doesn't want to" and rarely "she's just shy and afraid like me".
And towards the skin-tight and makeup thing... Well for me there's at least two levels to that. First of all: Men jump on visual cues. You can choose to ignore it, but that's just one of the facts of life. We are just wired that way (and it's not like women completely disregard physical attractiveness either). But on a deeper level there's also this assumption that if a woman doesn't dress sexually that she also doesn't like to be sexual or at least that she is kinda struggling with her femininity. Which is a turn-off for guys, especially young ones. And in my experience it is not completely unfounded, too. If she doesn't try to be sexy and feminine - at least once in a while - there's a good chance that it is because she isn't connected to her feminine side and a positive view of sex (yet).
@@SchoolOfAttraction The problem is that women have inflated egos these days. Women wont date men on their level like they use to 10-20 years ago. I'm 39 years old and I know where I should stand with women because I know the types of women I have been with. Within the past 5 years its been virtually impossible to find a woman who has the same qualities as I do. Its not me who has changed its the dating market. I know what I have to offer in terms of my skills, hobbies and looks so why should I settle for less? That's insane and just downright rude to the other person.
This sounds like a cop out when dating coaches market, "Be with the girls you want to be with, and make them want you."
Cuz men dont need dating advice, women do. Problem is women wont pay to be taught how to be a better woman when everyone is throwing free sausage their way.
While I agree with the point made here, I worry about a certain perspective: the morality of it. If you date a "not-attractive" girl, you either find out she was attractive some other way or generally learn from the experience. But what about her and her feelings? (inb4 white knight). The thing is, what if she starts to fall in love with you and you were just kinda using her for experience, as an "experiment". Isn't that somewhat "evil"? When you tell her the truth, won't it hurt her? Is not wanting to hurt women's feelings a valuable feature or just something to overcome if you want to succed?
This is a very fair question/comment - Perhaps I should have made clear - pretty much everything I teach comes with a 'be completely honest/don't be an ahole clause' - So if I'm dating a woman but don't want anything long term with her, I've made that clear already - I'm not wanting something long term/serious here.
If you just date these women and promise them the world, then bail the second something better comes along, then yes, you are hurting these women and they don't deserve it.
Maybe add a bit of a second perspective. 'Less than average' women often have a similar problem like you guys do : not much experience, not great social skills, dead sexlife etc. So actually having an affair or something helps them as well as it does you. Ofcourse, they might not know it, so definitly follow his rule --> dont be an asshole and be honest. And in the end both sides may grow thanks to this experience.
Many of those women need the attention so I don't think you are hurting them, unless you deceive them into believing that you will marry them or something
there's no morality
If you follow this advice ("start with what you have and work your way up"), what you gonna end up with is a group of heartbroken girls who happened to be victims of your experimentation and neediness. This piece of advice translated is "Hook up with most of the girls that like you, use them and move on when you find someone better"
Only if you make those women believe you want to be in long term relationships with them. Which is not what I Was condoning. You are aware this is EXACTLY how teenage girls date until their early 20s right? Men just have to start later in life.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Well, of course you wouldn't date with marriage in mind before your 30's as a man. The question is... should you make these girls believe you have feelings for them in order to have sex with them or should you make it clear that you're temporarily just having sex with them without commitment?
Dont EVER lower your standards. Id rather be alone than be with a piece of shit.
But how do you go through these mini relationships and then end them saying "sorry I just wanted experience with women so I'm moving on now" that's why I dont want to settle. The process will be hard and I understand what he's saying but I'm down to find someone for the long term.
I tried lowering my standards, date not too attractive girls and that doesnt work. Sadly I am 32 years old virgin, my childhood was not okay. My father and mother are not love, my father killed himself when I was 6 and my mother was died a deadly illness when I was 20. Lowering my standard is not just bad for me, I can hurt my partner and my unborn child, I dont want ruin my unborn child life. I saw how bad can relationship be with my parents. I started working out, paying attention to my eating, dressing, and hairstyle. I hope for the best.
Wow. this video is self validating. I did all that by myself when, after a while, I did not met any women for months. Self-esteem took a hit and it was a downward spiral. After a while, I simply switch the dating game by just accepting lower standard and using the actual dating encounters as a XP building up (like job interviews!). By being on the field, I got exposed to different type of women and each dates I got were getting better merely by the fact that I got more experience and self confidence after a while. Fast-forward to now and I'm more than happy having successfully engaged in deep intimate relations and I could not feel any happier and fulfilled.
I learned to hard way. You should try it, there is so much to gain.
Yeah mate, thanks for sharing, this is what I've seen in so many guys as well!! Even the guys who 'kill it' with women - almost universally went down this path one way or antoher.
Good point well made. You should practice your social skills on low-risk people, for example, chat to checkout chicks at the supermarket, talk to old ladies at the library and yes, talk to guys when you get a chance. You develop better social skills so that when you finally get to meet a young and attractive hottie you are not so overwhelmed and anxious.
The real question is would you rather be in friendzone with an attractive woman or have sex often with a less than average woman?
neither, I would rather have sex with attractive prostitutes
I've always seen this question as whether you should go for the broken girls. The ones that come with issues that will make your life miserable. And I think the clear answer is that you shouldn't lower your standards this way ever, because a low quality woman will make your life worse. Being eternally single is infinitely better than an abusive relationship.
Well see, I'm also not necessarily suggsting you get into relationships with all these women, an dcertainly not women who might make your life miserable - But getting dating experience, flirting, having fun.... why not?
Let me be polite while getting my point across. If you see a “broken” girl. Don’t date her, she isn’t ready and you certainly do not have the skillset to deal with the situation (unless you’re a psychologist or psychiatrist). But don’t be afraid be around them. Being their friend or simply an acquaintance is more rewarding for both parties in the long run, usually.oh, and please try to refrain from saying low quality woman. You never know what a human can become under the right circumstances.
@@SchoolOfAttractionso you advocate red pill of sex only women
I am very rarely attracted to women. And this is not about physical attributes. I don't really know what it is, but I would describe it as the spark in their eyes. If they don't have it, I am just not interested. Met 3 so far who had it, as a result, my experience with women is very limited. I tried starting something with someone who didn't have "it" but it made me feel so uncomfortable and disgusted with myself that I just couldn't do it. There may be some underlying issue at play here, since this is very unusual, but for now I can't do what you suggest.
Mmh gay, maybe?
@@FrenchTutorials How does this guy having an excellent experience with three women come across as gay?!
Ghey
@@FrenchTutorials lmfao he Tooty fruity
So let me get this straight. Your telling me to lower my standards. Wile you sleep and get the real hot women. How very nice of you. Man if you have to lower your standards. You might as well stop living plain and simple.
It’s pretty sad, like all i ask for a woman who’s kind of cute, but i guess this video is telling us to commit to very unattractive women
"What other people think of you" is part of their standards, not yours. Of course you should hold up standards. In a relationship both people have standards. It's not pride.
Automatically rejecting overweight people is not wrong. Being overweight is a health problem. A problem generally brought on by bad behaviour in these modern times and an inability to change or a lack of desire to change. That's a huge red flag parade. Lowering your standards against overweight people is not good for them either. Because in truth you still will not be attracted to them. You are lying to them and you know it. And they will feel it too.
Hardest thing in the world for sure...
...having the courage to own your personal thoughts and opinions despite social pressure. I've grown tired of dealing with the stress of predicting how others feel I should think.
My problem is finding the exact words to handle moments that test my character without looking weak or oppositional to others just for the sake it.
I know I want to say 'no' or 'i disagree' but effectively articulating those views at a moments notice is beyond confusing.
Thoughts, guys?
Yep... this can be so hard.. ESPECIALLY if you have old friends who have very closed minded views and tend to be judgmental. I learned MANY years ago to let go of people like that because they make it so hard to just become yourself.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Was afraid you would say that.
It's cool though...been thinking in that direction for a while now. Guess I just need to deal with being alone for a little bit until I run into more like-minded people.
Thanks for the push.
I am so GLAD I'm out of the dating world. This whole lower standards thing and men vs women, what to look for etc is too complicated 😒
I see other guys with hot women all the time that should have been mine. I'm tired of attracting the girls who are not my type.
All the women I find attractive dating someone else . I tried to lower my standards . I just got bored of them . I will probably be forever alone.
There's so much more than looks in a good woman. Im a man, so obviously looks makes me attracted to the pretty ones. But, character, personality, companionship, common goals, morals, compassion counts a lot! Specially as I get older. I've met so many hot coo coos, entitled, men hater women that are gorgeous. They are good for a fling, but no LTR whatsoever.
By the end of the day, a woman is a person, so there's a lot more than looks to consider. The young crowd will probably think I am stupid. Well boys, life will teach you eventually. Wait for it.
Yeah Ze - I agree, I'm 38 now, and I'll happily take some hit to attractiveness if she has a bunch of really awesome stuff happening in other parts of who she is.. And most importantly, I won't feel LESS attracted to her, like I don't feel like I'm making some crazy sacrifice because I can't do better or anything like that.
For me mindset or how I will be perceived by others has absolutely nothing to do with my standards. I would not be ashamed showing myself with a fat woman (but I would also never fall in love with one). Either I like /love a woman or not. It's about a person's feelings toward the other. Feelings are not easily changed. That is why the island example is wrong. I can't lower my standards because they're what I am. If I can only choose between unattractive women I will stay alone, unfortunately. I tried to sleep with women I didn't find attractive, and I couldn't even get an orgasm during sex. Since then I only look for women who are at least a little bit attractive. Unfortunately, those are always married, and I have to stay single (unless someone can find me a place where the attractive and single women hide).
In my honest opinion, you can lower your standards but if you are only looking for a girl who you want to be able to relate to you for example goes to the gym, has tattoos , Smaller height, eats right etc then you can’t help only going for higher standards, I personally would rather be with no one than be with someone who I’m not attracted to. 200% I would not lower my standards to a fat chick who doesn’t work out or make an effort with herself, it’s not being stuck up it’s about going for someone you will get the best experience out of with.
Same Ive lowered my standards far enough to consider foreign women and those with bland faces but I could never lower that enough to include fat women. I am a skinny and fit man, I expect that in a woman. Plus Id rather stub my toe on furniture than have sexual intercourse with an obese person
Nick Maverin yeah exactly you don’t get a degree to only get a job which someone with no education could get.
max shepherd Well said my man
Completely agree. I dont think lowering them to a degree is bad but you have to be attracted to that person or they are going to feel that rejection. I work out daily and am in good shape. I could never be with an obese woman simply because of lifestyle differences. Also, this guy is saying you shouldn't go for the model and lower your standards. Most men just want a slim cute girl who is cool...not some 10/10 runway model. Even that is impossible these days. I use to do just fine with women now I cant even get a date with a woman on my level to same my life. The dating market has become toxic.
"do it for the reference experience", RSD Julien inspired me to do that.
That's why sometimes lowering your standards can work out or help you.
People tell other that they should lower their standards but won't lower theirs. They want a high value man without being a high value woman, or the guy who wants a Christian virgin without being a Christian virgin himself.
YEah both genders do this A LOT!
A controversial video with a controversial response... I dated a lot of hot women in my early 20s. I also dated a lot of unattractive women at this time. I am now 30 years old with grey hair and a pot belly. I don’t attract the hot women anymore. After watching this video I still wouldn’t lower my standards. Dating unattractive women is so depressing. Lowering your standards is so over rated. I would rather watch porn then date a beach whale. I haven’t had sex in a long time but hey I’m “proud of it” 😂 you’re basically saying you have to “build up to it” I totally disagree. This video fired me up and I don’t like it
Sorry to hear that it fired you up mate.... Honestly though - calling women 'beached whale' suggests you have a very narrow view of women and the value they can bring. This isn't going to make you a happy human being in the long term...
SchoolOfAttraction don’t get me wrong you have a great point. Logically it makes all the sense in the world. But to me it just sounds like settling for something easier. Just got tinder gold and I have 200 girls that have liked me. I’m not attracted to any of them. I’m getting a lot of matches with hot women as well, especially recently (thanks to your help lol) but half way through the conversation I keep getting unmatched. My conversation skills obviously aren’t great because I’m attracting them but not keeping them. Something I’m working on anyway and definitely something I want to improve on. That’s the way I see things. I work hard on the way that I look. I exercise a lot, I’m well built, I dress well, I’m well groomed etc. I’ve been doing this for years too. I’m not just going to throw all my hard work away and settle for someone I’m unattracted to just cos I was impatient. I’m just saying there is the option to keep trying. If you want something you should go for it. I am a bit shallow there is no doubt about it but I’ve tried your method many times in my life and I was never happy with it. My opinion anyway
I lowered my standards years ago and it didn't help so I guess I'm just ugly lol
I'm decently attractive, but for online dating once I lowered my standards I got WAYY more dates. Not even by that much. Just be more open guys
Thanks for the advice my standards are so high there are no more than 10 girls i would date in my college
Thank you, Damien, for your great work! Your work really helped me improve with women in the past 6 months! I am working really hard to get financially stable at the moment so I can move to Sydney in 1-2 years and go through your Bootcamp!
That's great to hear Shomba!
Man B is realistic, man A is delusional. Being delusional doesn't usually help you in life.
Great video! I also see how people lower standards with age, which helps them to remain attracted to their long term partners. Which is good thing because we all lose points with age.
And should a guy lower his standards if he want's relationships?
Well I think with relationships it's a bit different - I think you have to be realistic, but I think with relationship, standards based on looks matter a LOT LESS than standards based on personality....
A beautiful person isn't just skin deep it goes well below the surfaces.
Most definitely!
Thank you bro! You're the man as always
Cheers Tom!
You just told the most basic advice ever. I couldve got this from my 80 yr old grandpa & saved me the time
I think pointing out that you can date, without having sex with the woman although obvious would help the video. You mentioned it at the very end. I think it's a good idea to get over social anxiety and date all you want. However, if you are just going to use women for sex just to then level up later on. I think that another viewer made it clear. You are leaving a bunch of people both men and women in a lot of unnecessary pain.
I would rather be gay than lower my standards.
Agreed. I keep myself in great shape and would rather die than date an overweight woman. Sadly that's like 80 percent of the population so its almost impossible to find a woman with a decent figure these days.
My brother is a foot taller than me, and a whole lot meaner, but otherwize similar in looks. he doesn't have ASD. He has a beautiful wife and an adorable daughter. Its like he went after everything i want in life and got it. Honestly i think he's gay in the closet, and lives his life to harm me.
yet another great video mate👍
Cheers MKP!
I like what he says. He means that doesn't exactly lower your standards but think realistically about women you want to date. Most hot women want to date hotter men. It may not be all the time but finding a hot girl that would date an average or below average guy is very slim and I'm sure most of them even cheat on their boyfriends. Trust me looks don't always matter. There was this girl that I did not find attractive at all but when I looked at her Instagram photos my jaw dropped she was so beautiful, it just made me realize that some girl can be beautiful if they wanted to also looks fade the girl that you thought was hot once will be saggy, wrinkled and grey.
maybe you should but it doesnt mean they will lower their standards to fit you
It's a good dilemma and not an easy one.
We would make good friends Damien because these are things that i love to discuss.
But i totally see why some people dont agree with you. Sometimes people dont want to think but they are just looking for easy and generic answers to solve every problem. In the contrary you like to be true, solid and enjoy to go deeper.
As a Greek i have to remind you how Socrates ended up and his stance about rhetoricians and populists that were giving to the people what they needed to hear =D =D
Keep up the good work!
Yeah these are definitely the things I enjoy pondering -
Great video
Cheers, Pasha
I totally disagree with this.Trajectory is bullshit. I’ve banged 150 6-7s with an occasional 8 over the last few years. Still plenty of rejections and the quality doesn’t increase over time. Also 6-7s still reject me plenty. And I wouldn’t say adjusting works. I still want the 8-10s. Dating average girls just makes you want the hotter ones and disappoint the average ones. But I feel I have to accept that the 9-10s are unavailable. They have too many options from more attractive guys. I’ve hit a dating ceiling.
Hey Nath, sorry you've had a diffiuclt and frustrating experience.. But that alone doesn't mean this strategy doesn't work.. For example, would you be more happy if you were having no sex at all?
You still have to be able to keep improving your skill / yourself. OR you still won't get the hotter women.
I know lots of guys who were stagnant on progress for years. It can be hard to know what you're doing wrongly when working on this stuff alone.
This guy gets it
Cheers Javier
This is a genuine question. If a man dates a fat person (me) would that mean they have low standards? Cause that would be a heart break for me, honestly. Like, you established in the begging that large and fat are in the same level as unattractive. So im just tying things up. If someone has dated me while i was, am, fat, does it mean that they have low standards and they’re almost using me as practice?
This is serious. Please respond
Hey Jay - defintiely not in every case - Yesterday I was just coaching a client who was saying he really likes some larger girls. I've heard it from other clients in the past too. Male or female, being considerably overweight makes dating a bit harder - being just a bit chubby really doesn't matter so much - but once you get considerably overweight it's harder.
But that being said - no - it's unlikely the guys you dated, just had low standards - They could easily have been guys who like women who are larger, or who just don't care.
But there are some guys who are just so lonely and have low self esteem that they will date a woman they don't find attractive at all - women do the same with men too. And yes I think you as a woman should avoid those men.
@SchoolOfAttraction but how can you say that and encourage men to lower their standards at the same time?
some of this makes sense, But I notice that usually when people talk about guys struggling with women, they usually assume its because the guy is not good looking or socially awkward..
Well I try to speak to the majority - rather than make a really long video that talks about all possible reasons. But if a guy struggles with women it'is most likley social barries - but it can be many other things too of course!
Did you just compare an old car and two minute noodles to a woman?
No - That's a flawed logic argument - I compared the mindset and meta-situation to that with women.
Sorry, I don't really understand. You are talking about only ONE of the ways to lower the standards - the "looks" standards.
What if I do not want to lower my standards in other areas? Should I be dating boring women? Should I be dating abusive women? Should I be dating shallow women? By your logic, yes, I should if I cannot get a better woman, but... I don't think so. This relationships will not improve me, but will damage me.
And another question, about the "looks" standards in the online dating. You told in another video to keep the "swipe left-swipe right" ratio about 2-3 to 1 in order to satisfy Tinder algorithms. But... how does it works with the "lowering looks standards" way? Of course, if she has a cool bio or an interesting activity photo, I will swipe right (almost) regardless of her looks, but... given two profiles, one with a very good looking girl and one with an unattractive girl, should I really swipe left on first and right on second? It seems the only way to maintain this ratio, because (in Russia, at least) too few girls gave interesting bios.
So for part 1 - The idea being floated is that far too many guys would rather be lonely than with women who wren't ideal - if you're tryign to learn attraction skills, you'll learn A LOT MORE QUICKLY if you go on dates with women who aren't ideal than if you don't go out with any women at all until you meet women who are up to your standard.
Part 2 - The video about Tinder ratio was unrelated to the lowering of standards idea - that was just a concept worth consideration. Still keep your tinder ratio about 3:1
Female (optional)
Your telling me to lower my standards for women???
I'm suggesting you may benefit from lowering standards - building social skills, confidence, experience, and slowly raising standards from there - and that such a strategy certainly appears to bring faster long term benefits for most guys.
@@SchoolOfAttraction lol
Good point, I hadn't thought of it from that perspective *eyeroll*
Buddy any lower i have to accept lack of ethics and unwillingness to eat healthy food and coming with a bunch of kids from random dudes.
No way. A relationship should bring something positive to your life not come with nothing more than physical and emotional costs to yourself
No. Women to bring up their standard
Oh I'll lower my standards if she lower her standards too
Yeah I'm 31 and, live with my dad and, don't have experience living on my own. And when datesites worked all i got were fat girls and, my dads the one whos a total asshole and, makes fun of me for it and, also, he looks them up and, down looking all nasty and, he tries to fuck it up for me cause, he don't like them. Now datesites don't work for me at all and, i got approach anxiety and, no experience approaching so, I'm at a loss.
That sucks mate, I'm sorry you've had that experience
They can be good for the reference experience, I would say it's good to get experience with average or below-average women before moving on to higher quality women, or another way of putting it, it's better than ending up as a 30 or 40 Year Old Virgin.
women and there "cute philosophies" 😂
ahhh so use uglier women as a way to build my skills and confidence to get to the actual decent women... sounds pretty cruel
Mate with respect could you lower the pitch of your voice please it will make listening to you more Pleasant because the content is quite good - it's nothing personal
Heh, my voice does what my voice does I'm afraid ;)
SchoolOfAttraction genetics bro, my voice is naturally highpitched also. Im 5ft6 so it could explain