Why Did Men Stop Being Gentlemen?
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- Опубліковано 24 чер 2024
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Gentlemen have been a part of society for centuries, admired for their chivalry, courtesy, and respect for others. However, in recent years, it may seem like men have stopped embodying these qualities. In this video, we'll explore the reasons why men have stopped being gentlemen and what can be done to bring back these positive traits.
Timestamps:
0:00 - Why Did Men Stop Being Gentlemen?
0:05 - What happened in 1955?
1:02 - What does Gentleman mean?
1:49 - Gentleman in the US vs Other Countries
2:15 - What is the origin of the word "Gentleman"?
3:30 - The Gentry and Nobility
4:15 - 19th Century Gentleman
4:40 - Gentleman and Cricket
5:10 - Becoming a Gentleman
6:14 - Who is pushing the idea of Gentleman?
6:50 - Gentleman VS Rebel With A Cause
7:49 - Check out VITAMAN
9:10 - Why did the Gentleman start to disappear?
14:18 - The idea of the Gentleman
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Hey hey hey…not seventy yet🤣😂
I guess Sam Colt didn’t make men equal…the 2nd Amendment did.
Because the other gender in the US doesn't respect or appreciate manners, emotional intelligence, or class
Gentleman is complimentary to Gentlewomen. And Gentlewomen don't exist anymore.
@@dobermanownerforlife3902 I would have to disagree with you
My actions are not dependent upon the actions of somebody else, so if I do not behave as a gentleman it is because I chose not to. Not because of any other outside influence, I was taught that a responsible adult owns there actions, and does not place the blame at the doorstep of someone else.
“Being male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of age. But being a gentleman is a matter of choice.”- Vin Diesel
Thanks… Hadn’t seen that before!
📠
@@tripleseven8361 You're welcome.
"Family".
- Vin Diesel
Chasing money is the root of all evil - some person Vin diesel must have forgotten everyone worships
Back in the day “wearing a suit makes you look like part of the crowd”. Now a suit sets you apart from the crowd.
Back in the day??? You mean in the early 1900s. In the 1700s to 1800s men like George Washington wore make up, wigs and stockings. The idea and perception of masculinity changes over time and people just make up "what a real man" should be.
We’re bringing it back
But which crowd?
I was in a bar with a suit and tie. About 6 people asked "what's up with suit?" I finally replied "What's with the hoodie & baseball cap?" I pointed out that's what 90% of the men were wearing. He replied "Touche"
Especially on casual Friday
I’m a woman and I’m also a Barrister and Solicitor and I have to say that the vast majority of the men I deal with are gentlemen with the exception and of some of my clients. I think wearing a suit to work really puts you into a certain mindset and it does affect your behaviour. Ladies prefer men who behave like gentlemen even if you don’t wear a suit. Any woman who mistreats you for behaving like a gentleman is not a lady. Quality women do not behave like that. Please take heart and don’t change who you are if you are courteous, kind, respectful gentlemen. That never goes out of style with quality women who are ladies.
I'm seeing places lately advertising tattoo REMOVAL
We could be going thru a cycle
We need to push for dresses/skirts again.
At least 1/2 the time
Amen!
The problem I see though is that the social contract between men and women has been broken.
Women still want gentlemen but they don't want to be ladies.
Of course this is a generalization and may not apply to specific people.
The last sentence is the problem 😂
As a woman myself I agree!
As a woman I so appreciate it if a man opens a door for me or any other type of chivalrous behaviour. I dont see it as demeaning, but as an act of gentlemanly respect. And I love being called Ma'am! Im so sorry that all the shrill screeching feminist harpies out there have ruined everything for both men and those women who want to be treated as ladies. So guys, please don't forget how powerful being a gentleman is...feminists dont speak for all of us. 💞💞
underrated comment tbh
👍👏👏👏👏👏👏
as a man I agree and will add that gentleman behavior should be used for everyone, If i'm at a store and open the door first, even if it's another man my age I'll hole the door for him, if it's an elderly crossing the street or needing a push on their wheelchair I'll do it.
@@solidsnake434 That's a really good point...everyone deserves to be treated with good manners, not just women. I'm sure your acts of kindness mean a lot to the people you help...probably more than you know. 👍👏😊
@@kutluakaln6789 Thank you! 😊👍👍
In my 17 years of life I haven’t had a male role model, except for my grandfather. He taught me to be a gentleman, and to fight for what I believe in. He passed about three years ago, but I’ve still used the lessons he gave me. It awesome to have so many people who hold the same values, and mindset that he instilled into me. Definitely going to recommend your channel to some of my friends, hopefully they’ll learn something.
I'm happy you had someone like that there for you! RIP gramps
Sounds like your grandfather was an excellent man, and he instilled some solid values in you. I'm sure you'll do him proud in your life.
Same here. My grandfather was the biggest male influence in my life.
Learned from the OG RIP!
My Great-Uncle (whom I've called Grandpa since I was a child) is probably the role model I have, he's the closest I have to a father, he always buys me neck shirts mostly short-sleeved and especially Nautica since it's one of my Grandpa's favorite brands, I like to view on old photos and classic movies because I like to see how men and even women tried to look and behave back then, I always have a classic normal haircut, I don't try to attract attention with my appearance, but my Mom has told me that there are girls who turn to see me because I stand out from the rest, there is hope that there are still women with standards.
"You can be called a gentlemen but you can never call yourself a gentlemen" - My Grandfather
This is a very very good quote..
No, you can call yourself a gentleman, but you have to also know what that means and act in that manner 100% of the time, to be perceived as such by others.
@Thomas B As someone who has made contributions to my community, made scientific advances in state-of-the-art semiconductors, educated some of America's finest youth, and conducted myself within the confines of the obligations of being a gentleman, performing my duty and maintaining my honor, in spite of others, then yes, I'm arrogant.
@@eriolduterion8855 You are indeed arrogant but your highlights are good enough for me to not care
Agreed, you are a gentleman, though the eyes of others. By your words and your deeds to those who look upon you.
A few rules of thumb I've always tried to adhere to are:
1: A gentleman sticks to their code of ethics, but knows when to bend them and when it's appropriate to apply them. This also means that a gentlemen should treat people with the appropriate levels of courtesy, hospitality and respect until proven otherwise.
2: a gentlemen does his best to know core skills of self sufficiency, as he is usually prepaired with the tools he needs to perform general tasks and chores. Likewise, a gentlemen is able to adapt to his environment and use the materials neccisary to McGuyver solutions into place for the success of himself and his kinfolk on the fly.
3: a gentleman assists others when it is within his means of doing so, so as to better his community and thus make the world a better place. A gentleman is also knowledgable of when to say " No." To requests that are unfeasible.
4: A gentlemen upholds a form of ettiquette befitting his social environment to the best of his ability, adapting to new environments as water adapts to the form of a glass.
5: a gentlemen knows and appreciates both the simple pleasures of life as well as the finer things, is knowledgable on many topics of information so as to enjoy all forms of company, and should have hobbies he is passionate about.
Hope this assists anyone who reads it and answers your question.
Brilliant. 👏🏿👏🏿
Your talking about white yellow and brown men. They're civil and respectful.
You are right, those are the rules I follow myself.
@@chuckieb3798, no, I mean all men regardless of the amount of melanin in their dermis. Anyone who seeks self improvement can follow these scrupals for self improvement though, regardless of sex or other caveats.
@@TheBottegaChannel sure you are!
As a woman, I also find gentleman behavior attractive.
It is one of the many things that has endeared me to my husband. I personally don't see chivalry as treating women as inferior but rather treating women (and anyone for that matter) with respect. Thanks for the fascinating and informative video!
I really contemplated changing from Gentleman behavior after a woman I was seeing told me “being a good man is not enough nowadays”. Luckily, I realized that this was who I naturally was as a person.
Never let someone else’s opinion change who you are
Defo. And in fact, you just described one of the primary qualities of a gentleman.
Checkmate bro im 20 now im stuck between being this modern mentality of being a narcissistic bad guy type when its just not me i believe in being a good person and its something i cant fake
What the heck, what kind if women is that. Probably one looking for money.
That's one woman to leave behind. Being a good man is enough. A good man does what's right and can always be counted on. Some women expect toxic behavior. Those aren't the women for you,
I've learned that the only way to get the woman you want is to be the man of your own choice. To be who you are!
To be or not to be, I chose to be.
My name is Tobe.
To me, being a gentleman is never about how you dress, but about how you treat other people. It's holding the door open, it's giving up your seat, it's how you sit, it's pulling out a chair for someone, it's walking curbside, it's offerening the spot before you if they have less items in a check out line.
To meld your examples into one word: be kind. Or: be gentle. :)
How you dress is also a way you treat people and yourself. Bad dress = bad manners. But yes, behavior can not be overstated.
@@bryanutility9609 "Bad dress = bad manners" Are you saying that if you dress poorly, you have bad manners?
@@Joey21071 100% that’s what I’m saying. Being a slob is poor form and disrespectful.
@@bryanutility9609 I have to disagree with this because I have seen a number of those so called poorly dressed men act like true gentlemen while the men in the nice suits acted like, well, the opposite of what a gentleman should be.
I’m raising my son to be a gentleman. He asked me the other day if women should be gentlewomen. They should. It goes both ways. And both seem to be dying out.
Haha. Good one. Yes, definitely goes both ways.
When my son worked security at Kohl’s all the girls liked him because he was a gentleman. He treated them with respect. He spoke courteously to them and held the door. Those girls had never been around a man like him. They all vied for his attention. I got this info firsthand from one of the girls he worked with. The girl who took his application when he applied. A girl who got his attention. The girl he’s been married to for 18 years.
1000%
Modern girls arent worthy of a gentleman,i am a gentleman to women older than me cause that generation was better,but i give ZERO mercy to girls my age or younger
Yes. We are in great need of the return of the gentlemen.
@@phalynwilliams4119 We aren't the only things that need to change some things
very well done for bringing this man in the world..We need women like you to save the world.👍👍✨✨💖💖
Taking a larger view, being a gentleman is about improving not only oneself but society in general. This is illustrated by the old story of the gentleman who was kind and courteous to everyone, even the crass and the coarse. When a friend asked him why he bothered to be nice to such boorish people, the gentleman responded, "Just because they are boorish does not give me license to become like them." He understood.
Man, the not bragging about yourself thing really hits home. I hate self promotion, I hate marketing, I hate shoving what I can do in peoples faces... but, it feels like it's the only way to get ahead.
I think that purposeful aggression and retrained strength are gentlemanly traits. There's nothing wrong with letting the right people know you are superlative. A local real estate agent put it succinctly, "I'm not bragging, I'm applying for a job."
I’m on the same boat, I hate all those 3 things - however I have been lucky a few times, where I was recognized by fellow co workers who also had good character (that’s important).
I know at least on one occasion, I ended up landing a position thanks to a (well deserved) compliment from a co worker, at a conference where my future boss was.
Once I got the job I took my colleague out for dinner as a thank you.
It does make a difference to work with people who aren’t there to pull the rug from under you.
I'm English and working class. My mum and dad taught me some valuable lessons. Don't show off, manners cost nothing, treat people right until they do you wrong.
Trouble was when I had a corporate job, not bragging meant that because, despite my colleagues knowing what I could do, the boss was in a different city and had no clue what I did
Yet, you're a consumer.
Its not the only way to get ahead. Many a man stays under the radar, make their money and retire young. You don't have to be a 'influencer' and all that crap...
I'm female and grew up in the 1980s and 1990s in the US. I have watched with interest the changes in how men and women interacted and what society has expected of them. I have heard so much about these changes from the perspective of women, and I'm glad I found your video talking about the men's side of the story.
Good video, and well presented. For me, I think the film Kingsman sums up a gentleman best: "Being a gentleman is not about being superior to one's fellow man, but being superior to your former self"
A gentleman is an ideal that we should always improve ourselves - socially, intellectually, physically, morally, and encourage and inspire others to do the same
Sigmund Freud
Like that quote from the movie “manners maketh man”?
Lack of good fathers at home, feminism, unhealthy diets, lower test levels, loss of a connection to God and nature, degeneracy and decay of art/music/architecture/language.
You hit all the right points!
Modern 21st century Feminism to be precise
It's mainly in the west. Many countries masculinity is a must to be taken seriously.
Which all
Leads to a massive decline of overall
Male testosterone
A challenge to being a gentleman is the lawlessness out here and more so in some towns. Looting, “clout chasing” (look this up; there are boys out there harassing people for tik tok). The proper response is, by definition, not a gentle one.
Being a gentleman should reflect a person's character, not their dedication to rules and societal expectations. I do these things not to change a cruel world, but to keep the cruel world from changing me.
As you hinted at, I try to show everyone kindness and respect. I don't do it because I think I'm better than them, but because I am not.
Outstanding and well said
👍🏻
Most people are trash and I’m better than them yes. The key is setting a good example, but do it for yourself first.
That's bloody my stand ! I do not influence a crooked and corrupt culture change my character- oh yeah I got rougher but look at the majority 😳my goodness the depravity got out of control!
@@studiobencivengamarcusbenc5272 A rugged man can look very good. Just takes a little skill.
I always thought about being polite and holding the door for people.
Then I realized in this society, people would feel I would have an ulterior motive if I tried acting polite.
Yeah I know what you mean, just last week I stayed longer at work to help someone and he kept saying "you know you could go home, right" and "you really don't have to help me if you want to" and I was like, this is what colleagues do for each other, but apparently many people clock out as soon as they made their hours.
@@magnus5747 How can a young soul like me grow up as a good person if every act of kindness I give is rendered as an act of a person who wants something in exchange.
Sometimes I like being nice
They stop being gentlemen when women stopped being feminine
I stopped opening the door for people as soon as they gave me huge looks of disgust
I mean, come on, is nobody thankful nowadays you go out of your way to help people & your even taken advantage of or despised by society being a gentleman or even trying to be a good person doesn't seem worth it anymore.
Don't allow them to change you it's just a sign of the times. The love of many waxing cold, and the wicked getting worst and worst @@jam9852
Gentlemen are still here and hopefully on the rise. I always appreciate when someone shows me a kindness of opening a door, lending a hand, taking a package for me. I always make a point of thanking them and for their gentlemanly behavior. They may be in a suit, a uniform , even overalls or work clothes. Men be proud to be a gentleman and pass that trait on to your sons and male friends. There are many women who do appreciate that.
As an older woman, I have equated being "a gentleman" with someone who has good manners. Someone who is kind and courteous to others. Also someone who has some pride in their appearance and wants to look put together. I have tried to teach my sons these things.
I totally agree with your view, there are wonderful values like those that make a gentleman
And you're right. Idk why everyone in the comments seem to think gentlemen are dead, this is clearly not true.
mothers rejoice!
One thing that some people get confused, is that being a gentleman has absolutely nothing to do with age. OK I do think that as a man gets older he will understand the world better and often become more gentlemanly as a result of maturity. But then again I know plenty of young men who act very gentlemanly and plenty of older men who do not.
Being a gentleman will make sure people walk all over you in life.
Humility, and the ability to listen while being disciplined are gentlemanly codes that go beyond many borders and cultures. It's also being the warrior in a gardener. And practicing honor.
👍👍
Too me a gentleman is a man who acknowledges his masculinity and openly uses it as a position to empower those around him. Whether opening doors, just saying kind words, or helping those in need, a real man uses his confidence and authority to make those around him feel safe and motivated to grow as a person.
brilliant.👍👍👍👍✨✨
I raised two daughters and I went out of my way to teach them to offer a sincere "Thank you" whenever a man holds the door for them, or helps them with their coat, or pulls out their chair, etc... Those little niceties can go a long way in day to day life as well as in a relationship because it keeps people attuned to each other, but women need to know how to respond to encourage men to keep offering those gentlemanly behaviors. It really irks me when women respond rudely to a man who holds the door for them, and then turns around and complains about how hard it is to find a good man. Well...good men don't find your bitchy behavior attractive, sweetheart. It's a two-way street. Women can be independent, capable, and self-sufficient, but also know how to be a lady. Just like a man can be strong, capable, and protective, but also know how to be a gentleman. It's that balance that has been lost, much to the detriment of society, IMO.
I want people to be considerate of one another. I don't like benevolent sexism.
AMEN!
Hold the door for everyone, not just women. By doing it only for women, we're being told that we're delicate little creatures always in need of men's help. We are hardly delicate.
As an Irishman I have to say that professional women are invariably very plesent and down to earth that's my definition of a strong independent woman someone whose climbed the ladder by themself sometimes with men trying to block their progress and they still have the confidence to be themselves alot of successful men here are the same and of coarse you have your arrogant gets of both sexes but their a very small minority.
@@sophieruby5893 well if men only hold doors open for women that's just patronising but if they hold them for everyone that's genuine thoughtfulness. I find men calling themselves feminest's completly embarrassing as a man I'm no feminist but I'd like to think everyone who knows me think I'm a genuine respectful person.
I fear, you're correct. Gentlemen have become fewer in numbers. As a woman and mother I work hard to teach my son how to be a good gentlemen as does his Father. I also work hard to teach my daughter how to be a virtuous woman. It's sad that simple things such as kindness, honesty, integrity, and manners have gone by the wayside.
As I like to say: I never realized how expensive manners were until I realized how many people could not afford to have them.
Glad to see those who still understand their value.
In reality, these virtues you mentioned (especially integrity) are not simple at all, and are difficult to keep up.
Today anti-virtue behavior is mostly rewarded, so that only makes it more difficult for someone to be virtuous.
Feminism put a foul taste in everyone's mouth to the point that men started ignoring females and detested their behaviour and ego.
Women have always been in charge of how men treat them
It's called middle school and idiocracy. For too long the village idiots and so called "cool kids" dictate what is in or not. Those things mentioned were not in my day at least.
I'm 23 and for some reason I always had a soft spot for gentlemanly behaviour. I don't really know where it comes from. I sure am not lacking a father figure, and he's generally wholesome, but I wouldnt say dad is openly gentlemanly, he just behaves properly and is respectful towards people. Which I suppose it's still a gentlemans attitude depending on how you define the word. But me, I like to take it a step further with my manerisms and I guess I was a bit cringeworthy in highschool because I was so tone deaf to how all boys behaved around me.
Here's my 2 cents about it: I believe we live in very versatile and confusing times. People have conflicting ideas and aspirations and what we call "the society" is not as homogenous as we'd like to believe. Ask any individual, and they'd rather say they want a reserved, reliable, manerate friend that can be counted on. Ask a woman what they want in a -and I must stress it - long time partner, and she'll probably describe something along the lines of gentlemanly behaviour. You don't have to call it by name, if it smells like an apple, looks like an apple, tastes like an apple, call it what you want, it's an apple. The problem is that nowadays there is not one proper way to behave, because we have been exposed to so many typologies of people. Of people. Both men and women. There's a thousand ways to be each. And I believe one way you can't be these days is easily monodimensional. The rebel, the devout christian, the ladies man, the nerd, and indeed the gentleman, I believe all of these and so many more "types" give off a sense of ridiculous, of pretense, if they're leaned into too much. British empire was a highly structured society. But the world as a whole until the middle of the 20th century was more strictly structured by some system of class. Be it purely economical and not hereditary, one was still expected to behave a certain way if they were from low, working or high class. This still exists to some extent but it's nowhere near what it used to be. These are the observations of a 23yo humanities student, there's nothing scientific about what im saying, i dont claim that what I say is too accurate, it's just an observation based on my personal life and some studies. But you can see with the naked eye that there is not one definitive way to behave as either a man or a woman these days and being a gentleman is, to me, one of the riskier ways to go, because you may end up in that situation where you're taken advantage of. And if it's from a woman, all the worse, because if you try to be oldfashioned and she's only after a free meal, you may grow resentful of women and overgeneralize. I try not to get in that spot in the first place. Some people may say it's the loss of belief in god or the decay of morals and values and whatnot. I believe the root is way deeper than this. I believe for some time now, as technology and science has evolved, the west lost a sense of wonder and hope in what humanity could be. And now we're just, whatever fits. Im not saying we should be Christians or humanists or atheists. Im saying we should be something. Anything. To share a common ideal. And thus as a collective we might escape the postmodern cynicism that characterizes western culture and start trusting ideals again. Any ideal. The gentleman and the rebel equally. But not the rebel without a cause, nor the gentleman without a cause. This is my final assessment: we lack cause. We are stuck in a society where the greatest ideal is to get a proper job and be financially stable, if not rich. And the question is, even if we manage that, then what. How do we transcend ourselves?
You wrote a fukin essay man XD... Good shit
you should write a book.😁😁😁😁👍👍
Beautifully put
I was treated like crap by others growing up, and the moment I fought back, I'm the villain in many people's eyes.
I was in the self checkout at the grocery store the other day and dropped some items. A Gentleman customer came over and helped me pick up everything. I thanked him. I also appreciated the kindness . That act of kindness brightened my day! And this lady won't forget that.
I’ve always been raised by my parents to be a traditional manly masculine gentleman and it feels AMAZING I’ve had people accusing me of glorifying toxic masculinity and all the oppressing bs now I’ve been unapologetic for my views and beliefs my entire life so you could imagine the things that would come out of my mouth but my favourite one is that fresh prince episode where Carlton is accused of not being “black enough” I would always tell them that being a manly man isn’t something I’m trying to be it’s what I AM and I could care less what you think
As a woman, I applaud you for sticking to your guns on this topic!
@@sweaterweatherlady oh no it’s me who has to give you the applause for being a real woman
Depends though. If your traditional values are bad, it's not something to be proud of if you're sticking to it.
@@Kokozaftran with all due respect you don’t know what my values are and if I saw that they were bad I would just simply not do it but they’re not
@@mohammedashian8094 Tbf most people lack the ability to truly look at their values ask themselves if this is really okay. This just a fact of how we humans work, and how mindsets from the 60s that aren’t acceptable anymore still manage to plague our community.
A while back I read a book called _A Gentleman in Moscow._ It's about an aristocrat who runs afoul the newly established Soviet government and is sentenced to house arrest for the rest of his life, which at the time happened to be the Metropol Hotel in Moscow. Throughout the book the Count, the main character, shows what it means to be a gentleman. Great book, highly recommend it.
Thanks sir… a book recommendation is always welcome… will check it out
I read the book a couple of years ago. Great read
You should read his other book: Rules of Civility.
One of my all-time favorites. 👍
It is now a top notch TV show with a top notch actor ..who is a gentleman in Real life.
I believe a big part of it is lack of good role models and often times being criticized for it. A few days ago I opened a door for something and they berated me and told me I was a mysognistics and that it’s people like me that hold women back. I still try to be gentlemanly or even just nice, but that encounter stays in my head anytime I try to do anything.
I don’t know you but if what you commented is true then the person/people who berated you seem naive and seem like type of people who disagree with the quote “don’t judge a book by its cover”. But remember not everybody can differentiate between a genuinely good person and an actor.
I think it also has to do with women telling men not to be gentlemen. Usually if your polite and don’t give off that toxic masculine vibe then your labeled as “blue pill” nice guy and boring. This goes for how you are in person and in texting.
These types of women might have self esteem problems, especially if they came from broken homes.
The problem in modern society that we use such anti male terms as "toxic masculinity"
Lots of us still try to be gentlemen, but we were lucky enough to be raised with that example.
I don't think I've stopped being a "gentleman." Not because society expects me to but because it's in my values and the way I carry myself.
Maybe the word itself disappeared but not the methods.
Love this!
BRAVO!!!!!!!!!
I haven't either. Yesterday, at a train station, I carried a younger lady's luggage (1 medium sized) down a long flight of stairs for her. Every Sunday morning after my train trip home from work, I hold the door to the stairs and escalator for everyone and go up last. It's part of my character and who I am.
@@captaincarl8230 excellent!!!!!!
In my opinion, any man raised right, is raised to be a gentleman.
When I was a kid I read, among other books in our house, "Emily Post's Rules Of Etiquette" a few times over. To this day, what I learned helps me in social situations, business and dating. If you haven't got a penny, at least you have your manners.
There is also a major one you missed. The fish and bicycle brigade. I no longer hold doors for women or open them for them for example as I have been shouted at for it in public so often for doing it. Many (if not all) of my male friends have said the same. Plus we are sick of the hypocrisy. IE we are expected to pay for dates but women are "equal".
I'm a lady and I hold doors for men too.
In my understanding of the video. The idea of being a gentleman is "earned" which is why it was respected. As a man, we need to work hard to "earn" the title by doing the right thing despite not being acknowledged in work or in society as part of being a gentleman. We just need to set our boundaries so we will not get taken advantage of.
Personally I think rather than worrying about boundaries it would be far easier to just never help anybody
The problem is in our society, being a gentleman isn't rewarded. Society rewards men who are not gentlemen.
Thanks Antonio, this was very thought-provoking. I remember you made a post a year or two ago called "It's important to be a gentleman", it's still something I turn to from time to time for inspiration
Love the history, and your explanation. Thank you. You mentioned opening doors, allow me a personal experience. A while back, coming out of a store I held a door for a woman, she chastised me, said something to the effect "as a woman she is fully capable of opening her own door!"; a very condescending, snarky, tone of voice. My response as I smiled was "I did not hold the door because you are a woman, I held it because I am a gentleman." OMG, it was as though Mount Vesuvius went off, she had fire shooting from her eyes, her face flared red, her mouth was agape. Immediately I politely nodded turned and walked off. Truly, in today's times it is difficult being a gentleman, and women are fully paying the price for their negative attitudes towards men.
Many men I know do not will not help women they do not know. Their question is what could I be accused of? At Home Depot a woman struggling loading 3/4-inch 4x8 plywood sheets on her cart. Men saw her struggle yet did not help, turned their back. Reason, they could be accused of all sorts of things and possibly berated by her for helping a woman; one man actually made that comment, a few men agreed. It is very sad, attempting being a gentleman is difficult, will the man be thanked or chastised? The attitude and behavior of men is all because of the negative attitude from women towards men. Women say they are independent strong women and they do not need men. They are getting what they asked for, men ignoring them, leaving them alone, giving women their space, and the like. Yes, behaving as a gentleman is extremely difficult and our reason for chivalry is mostly gone. On a side note, look how women's attitude towards men is affecting gyms along with their drop in male membership.
I have been raised in a town whereas behaving well represents such a big part of oneself. Obviously, to behave as a gentleman gives us a good reputation on how we deal with others daily. The thing is that we, gentlemen tend to believe in others' promises, but once they break them; we feel betrayed. It is said that a gentleman never breaks his promises; nevertheless, if someone to whom we expect a lot, fails us; then our trust in people decreases until we believe nothing at all. Truth is not everyone understands what fulfilling a promise means, but for a gentleman, a promise must mean something he feels obliged to fulfill. That's how he becomes extraordinary among ordinary people.
Real adult men always were, are and will be gentlemen. Rude and uncivilized men are nothing uncommon in any part of our history. Also looking like or dressing as gentleman is not enough to be a gentleman.
I’m sure most people have met assholes in three peace suits and gentlemen in “wife beaters”. It’s all in the head.
Once you open your mouth an stop being a servant to liars it's considered very uncivilized. Predators rule the earth an the rule is obey an don't say anything people manipulating you don't like. An don't defend yourself. If you let people beat you to death God will ressurect you. Jesus said so
Post Kennedy ASSASSINATION, then tattooing
Sadly the problem is Gentlemen are being punished by society rather than being rewarded.
Don't forget the reference to Blast from the Past and being a gentleman. Manners make the man. Including honesty and integrity which is longer than history.
Antonio.
I’ve been watching your content for about 6 months and there are a few things I’d like to mention.
1. Your content is superb. It’s well put together. It always looks and sounds great.
2. You have a great way of presenting the content without being condescending or dry.
3. The content is very practical and has helped me to learn about the “rules” of different formalities of dress and how not to embarrass yourself. Anything from cuff links to types of trouser breaks. I love it.
4. I think you’re doing a great job of bringing up subjects outside of fashion, such as mental health and being a stand-up guy in 2023 etc.
Just wanted to express my appreciation and respect.
Greetings from the UK! 🇬🇧🇺🇸
👍👍 agree
when women stopped being ladies, whats the point of being nice when the person you are nice to is basically ignoring you
Antonio, It is amazing how well documented, polished and accurate your videos are. And you are an excellent communicator. Love your style videos but lately you’ve been tackling a wider variety of topics and I applaud that. Congratulations to you and your team, keep up with the great content!
I’ve said it before but it deserves to be said again Antonio, love love the ties with fashion and history. Two subjects also close to my heart. We all greatly appreciate continuing education from you in all ways!! 🙏👏🏻
This is a great video! I shared with my sons supervised account whom is a teen, and should know this (as I’ve hinted to without all the knowledge, nor articulation).
Well done Antonio!
Dude thanks for posting. I appreciate your insight on the matter as well as the effort it must have taken to produce this video. I can tell from watching this one video, I will enjoy more from you. Keep up the good work
Antonio has taught me so many things I would've never learned from people around me- he's definitely the best mentor I have even including my own family
There's this pool hall I used to shoot at in one of the more suburban parts of St. Louis. On the wall was a sign of their "House Rules". The final, and most important rule was stated thus:
"Men will act as Gentlemen, and Women will act as Ladies". Because of that, even though the tables were often unlevel, and the liquor watered down, it was probably my favorite indoor place to take a sip and hang my hat. (Sigh) God, I miss the good ol' days (pre-2020).
Thank you for the video! It’s very constructive to me. I’m a 20+ female who loves to learn about masculine/feminine energy, trying to apprehend the ideal dynamic in a male-female relationship. I have always been watching videos by female creators/coaches, so it’s so refreshing to learn about a male perspective! I find your videos really useful and have been watching a lot of them, and now UA-cam is recommending to me similar channels by other male creators and I find it so useful to include these perspectives in my thinking! ☺️
For example I have often thought: I love chivalry and gentlemanly manners, but at the same time I know there are females who never wanted to be in a loving relationship with a man, but just “use” him to get expensive things and experience. And I often thought: I wonder how men deal with this situation? How do they balance playing a reassuring masculine role for his partner, but at the same time not being taken advantage of? In this video you explained that unfortunately you just can be taken advantage of by some people who don’t even care about that when you apply some gentlemen manners and I feel that you verbalized my feelings. I’m sure many men face these situations too, it’s just refreshing for me to think from a male perspective too. I’m sure I can learn a lot more along the way as a loyal follower ! 😊
Very informative, thank you !
I became a "gentleman" growing up, because the many adults in my life wanted me to a "gentleman" and aspire to the ideal. I was sent to private schools, and military school, and several summer camps growing up where we were pressured, and sometimes cajoled into the Christian "gentleman" ideal. Great video. Thank you.
Chastity is extremely gentlemanly, and we ought to strive toward it because it separates us from mere animals. We are called as humans to rise above our baser instincts.
Chastity is dead
Speak for yourself
Perfect video, I appreciate the effort you put in every single one of them. Every video from you is a 5 stars.
My Grandmother raised me to be a gentleman. To always be well dressed, to show respect towards people, especially women and to never brag or be vulgar about my accomplishments... I have to say it was the worst advice I ever received. My grandmother failed to warn me that people don't respect you if you are respectful to them, in fact they take advantage of you and see it as a sign of weakness. She failed to inform me that women do not desire men who are just kind, respectful and courteous, that they will once again take advantage of your kindness and your generosity and leave you with nothing but a broken heart, and confused mind and an empty wallet. I was never taught that to be a true gentleman you need to be kind, courteous, chivalrous, well manoured and humble, but also have a strong sense of self respect, be assertiveness but not degrading, have a sense of style but not be vulgar. Only after I began adopting the traits my grandmother warned me against did I truly begin to feel not like a gentle person, but a gentleman.
Being a gentleman and being a "good guy" aren't the same thing. To me you sound like a good guy. And that's a misnomer. Never be a good guy. Good guys are who get run over. True heros are usually gentlemen. Don't call me boys. Don't call women girls. Stand up for your values. Stand up and stand proud. Don't wear ugly clothes. Don't follow trends.
Omg....i seriously needed to hear this message and perspective today. I've learned that you kind of have to be a closeted gentleman these days in common places by not using too much of a vocabulary, using manners when addressing others or even using proper silverware...Not sure if men stopped being gentlemen or the media is encouraging an "idiocracy". Nice vid your sound man does a great job compared to many others.
Thanks for your content. Being a Gentleman is what I aspired to be as a matter of conduct. I have been called old fashioned in my manner but thanks to you I am not ashamed of that.
I loved that he explained it so perfectly and I’m definitely following new subscriber
Growing up in the 60's and 70's my first memories were of my Mother, Grandmother and Great Aunts reminding me, not so much of manners, but of the expectation that I would grow-up to be a "southern gentleman". My father never discussed it but demonstrated it daily. He's expectations of me from and early age of how to act, where to stand, what to do at dinner, at a wedding and at a funeral. He told me repeatedly to keep my head when everyone else was losing theirs and over-reacting. As I grew older I've realized that being a gentleman isn't about acting a certain way, it's really about taking care of others in a dignified way. Thanks Dad.
The comparison of Cary Grant and James Dean and on into the complete crash of mens fashion after covid which has led to men's lack of effort, is eye opening. I recently tried to shop for French cuff shirts and cufflinks. I eventually had to buy everything online because nobody at the clothing stores knew what I was talking about. Only one young woman knew what I was talking about and she was so impressed. She practically melted. She said, "Oh, that's old school. I need you to talk to all the other guys".
The thumbnail pretty much sums up the crash of fashion in American society. Being a gentleman while still being an innovative thinker is still very much alive in Europe. I have heard quite a few European women compare the average American man with European. It wasn't flattering at all. We basically are not the calm, sharply dressed men of power. We're basically considered more sloppy and desperate womanizers who know how to party. Embarrassing. It's possible to know how to rock a suit in your business meeting one day and jeans and flannel at a camp site the next and still be a sovereign and powerful American patriot gentleman. If I'm the only one then so be it. We just have to keep the lifestyle alive through our media and culture just as the Euros have.
It is the same for women. The other day I changed my sneakers to high heel in the office to have an indoor shoe which is more office like and a young guy told me my sneakers foes better with my dress because it looks younger...
it's pathetic. Men wear the same clothes as a little boy does nowadays. My dad said he only wore shorts for the first decade of his life. There were so many aspirational levels for men and women in those days.
"A Don doesn't wear shorts..." -- Carmine Lupertazzi,
"The Sopranos"
@@MicahMicahel And I've seen women dress in clothes fit for whores alone. It goes both ways, and is pathetic in both ways.
Though, I will admit, I wear shorts a lot. But that's because I live in a hot climate and am not a fan of the heat. With regular temperatures being in the high 80s to mid-90s during Spring, and reaching easily into the triple digits during the Summer, shorts become a necessity when working outside as to avoid heat stroke.
But, if I'm going somewhere important? A dinner party, a wedding, etc? That's when the good stuff comes out. The pressed shirt, the suit and tie, my grandfather's old cane, etc. There is a time and place for everything, and I'm not going to wear my, as my grandmother calls it, "Sunday Best" when I'm fixing fences and repairing old equipment.
Being a gentleman specifically as it relates to women is inherently based on a paternalistic view of women. In a world of gender equality, there is no reason or expectation that you will do anything for a woman that you wouldn't do for a man. You should treat people respectfully regardless of gender and without giving anyone special treatment simply because they were born a man or woman or otherwise.
Often women complain about chivalry, but they only want the good parts of a paternalistic society. They want protection and provision, but they don't want to have to conform to any standards or norms of behaviour. That's fine, they can do whatever they want, but it's a package deal. So if women are going to compete with men on every front and then boast every win over a man, then I will treat them like any other competitor.
May the best person win.
@C, you've got it. Chivalry and everything Antonio said about the origin of the "gentleman" class was all a product and function of Anglo patriarchy. Serfs did not practice chivalry, only those with power and authority (the right to bear arms) practiced chivalry, this idea of "protect all women." A man might naturally protect women who were directly connected to him, but "protect all women?" That's a product of patriarchy.
Those with power and authority were the owners of the land and, thus, the defenders of those who were bonded to the land. It was their job to maintain control of their spaces. Dismantling patriarchy dismantles its products, including chivalry.
I think this channel has great advice for men of any age. Courtney Ryan has a really good channel and not a bad rack either.
@@kirkdarling4120 men also owned women. Today the women own a lot of the men. Not thru money. The men are their servants often an make the money an clean etc. But thru government an religious cults which are basically the same thing just religion is a globalized stealth government
"there is no reason or expectation that you will do anything for a woman that you wouldn't do for a man." I won't push a seat in for another man sitting down, but I will for a lady. I won't cover a man's head from rain with my jacket, but I will for a lady. I won't stand up for a man as he enters a table, but I will for a lady. As a married man, I won't go alone into a place with just me and a women but I will with another man.
"I will treat them like any other competitor. May the best person win." I look at women as equal to me but they should be treated how I want a young man to treat my daughter. Like a Real Gentleman.
We've all been tricked. I go to this leftist cafe where they sell these patches that have an illustration of a fairy tale frog with a knife through it and the words, "men don't protect you anymore." IT's saying the frog (from the fairy tale) should just be killed because it doesn't perform the functions it used to obviously but it's also an ADMISSION that they didn't even want feminism. The whole thing was a psyop. DO you want us to protect you still? would be the question to ask but they are programmed to say "no." well they wouldn't have this sentiment if they knew their minds. They've been tricked by alpha feminists that don't reflect their point of view.
Being a gentleman is really attractive, It's a way of being considerate and polite to others, I don't see why some people don't perceive it as a positive thing. I hope all the gentlemen out there continues to be like that !
There is a massive distinction between being a gentleman and a simp.
This topic hits a soft spot in my heart, I am hopeful in a small group of the new generations, the backbone of manly, educated, well presented, well mannered articulate man is having a second wind, we need to act the part more than ever.
We can do it.
Was not expecting a comprehensive history lesson. Good job.
I strongly suggest a companion video along the lines of - “When did women stop being ladies?”….accountability/responsibility for women has to be a part of any analysis of male/female relationship breakdown.
Personally & as a boy growing up in the mid-'70s, I always held King Arthur & his Knights of the Round Table, especially Galahad & Percival, as the Ideal Gentlemen to emulate. Just look at them: They're in a brutal, murderous age & yet they uphold the ideals of Chivalry, Integrity & Honor. What I'm saying, now that I'm 51, is that these ideas that I held true to since boyhood still hold true for me to this day, despite the fact that others don't value them as much & THAT'S how I define being a Gentleman.
😁👍👏👏👏👏👏
Before this channel and UA-cam existed, I loved to study advice from Miss Manners. One of the books I referenced was, "Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior" She wrote this tome in a light-hearted, easily digestable style. If you want a deep dive into being a proper gentleman (or lady), I highly recommend this book. She has several other books that explore other society topics. I still consult her books from time to time.
I graduated from The Colorado College way back in 1987 and have always held firm the old school idea of a gentleman. Not an arrogant or conceited view of the world, but a man who can really contributes to society in many ways including, but not limited to leadership. Does everyone recall the late 20th Century when restaurant managers wore a suit and tie? Furrs Cafeteria, Old Country Buffet, Bennigans and more,...Pressed slacks, polished shoes, crisp white shirt and neck tie. Such standards we always knew who was in charge and responsible. As always, YOU keep making these informative videos, I will continue to watch as an educated and happy, gentleman subscriber.
Really well rounded video, thank you!
I love that you bring about how feeble things are with time I like that you bring up things change with time this idea that change happens and you should just live up to your own ideals instead of wanting for eras that are so short(Hundreds of years old) is really important and I think that's what holds people back we must strive to adapt and just hold onto our ideals because that's all we can do
My ideals for being a gentleman is to take ownership and responsibility. To trust on my instinct and various situations and when spoken to in a corrective manner I do my best to not answer or act in a emotional way. That also how my father and grandparents learned me.
To all the gents out there:
1. Thank you for your service!
2. You're not alone!
is this an ad for the marines.😁😁
Interesting; thanks for this wide explanation from your point of view
Very educational! Thank you for making this video.
Being a gentleman means kindness where none may exist, manners when none are shown, consideration when none is given, and acceptance even when not afforded to you or others. Anyone can look like a gentleman but to be one requires knowledge, courage, self-awareness, and empathy.
I love the historical pieces. Keep up the great work!
Glad you enjoy this. Had fun filming this as well.
Thoughtful video. Good job Marine!
We stopped because “Ladies” stopped being Ladies…simple as that…
As a Lady, I find Gentlemen are in high demand. In your example of the Gentleman that was "used" by his date for a free meal, he got lucky she showed her true color right away, so she's easily disqualified as a potential mate.
This is a great summary, and a sign of the times… I’m still very much old-school, and though my wife appreciates it, (I think), my gentlemanly skills have been largely lost, like tears in rain…
Gotta love it. Thanks! Keep it up!
I love when you do historical pieces! Thanks Tony
I won't let society stop me from being a good person; I open the door for everyone.
No one is good. Only God alone is good. I’m not good. You’re not good. No one is. That’s the truth.
@@metalrocker627 i diagree that statement is a result of not seeing good in your life my friend there is good
@@franklindowntown5363 Well, that’s what Scripture says. Ya know, the Holy Word of God. And if you have a problem in what it says. The problem isn’t Scripture. It’s you.
I stopped being a good person, now I don't care because people are assholes. Why bother with them.
@@metalrocker627 I don't care about God, I'm morally superior to your God.
The Ideals that I think a gentleman should aspire to.
1 Respect
2 Honor
3 Courtesy
4 Generosity
5 Responsibility
6 Courage
7 loyalty
8 Honesty
fantastic! this is a well condensed research paper
An ex special forces soldier once told me, that the military rank of Sargent, developed from the older title of sir gent.
One of my personal rules is to never push in front of anyone, whilst waiting my turn to be served in a que.
I like being a team member and inspiring others to bring out thier best.
I also like to conduct myself when in public, with a respectful dignified demeanor, and often people kindly reflect this respect back to me, by addressing me as sir.
I thank you for spending your time and effort, in composing this interesting informative presentation. 👍
Well said. I guess the class system was good for something. What I find particularly tragic is people really lack manners these days there’s a real lack of please and thank you and people are full of their own importance and are very often rude. This obviously applies to women too but thinking about ‘gentleman’ it does feel like it’s an ideal of the past. Also people dressed so much better years ago, even the poorest made an effort and tried to look their best. We all look like slobs in comparison.
Thank you for dealing with this topic. I have always wondered about the term "gentlemen." In Victorian period movies, they would say, "Excuse me Sir, but I am a gentleman."
There's a scene in a kid's cartoon (Troll Hunters) where a teen boy recites this phrase when trying to snap a classmate out of harmful hypnotism: "A gentleman never strikes a lady, but I'm not a gentleman". It's possible that the term "gentleman" has become a set of rules that are either followed or someone isn't qualified to be called one.
I believe that the greatest virtue of a gentlemen is his toughness. To easily forgive those who hurt you. To shrug off the pain as if it were nothing. To withstand with fortitude the aggression of others, but yet still showing the right way. The way of the gentlemen is that of peace and strength. This can obtained by toughness, that of a person who is capable of harming others, but chooses not to. A gentlemen.
That’s exactly correct.
I don't know about the "to easily forgive those who hurt you" part. I'm very skeptical about it
I remember the first time I opened a door for a woman and she closed it in my face. I had classmates who “never wanted to wear a uniform” - military or business - but I saw more variety in clothing and grooming in offices than in the Tie-Dies and jeans of the “counterculture”.
Antionio, I subscribes years ago and I watch your videos concerning all kinds of dress, but I really like your vids where you talk directly about a variety of situations like this. I say bravo to you.. well done..enjoyable, and .. one thing i really enjoy and make me laugh is how to sedgeway into your commercials. Thank you Antionio
Wow I love the history lesson and excellent analysis ❤😊
Darn good vid. As a man Southern-born and Southern-raised, I would just say that males who are afraid to be mocked or attacked for being a gentleman do not have the heart to be a gentlemen, so that just works out.
I was taught about being a gentleman from my dad, maternal grandfather, paternal grandfather and mom. In case the reader is curious, my paternal grandfather died when I was 4. However he was used as a good example.
I find living a Christian life is very complimentary to being a gentleman. It teaches against foul language and jesting for example.
I always open a door for any female. In college (late 1970s) I opened a door for a group of girls and one of them disked me. This happened many times over the term with these same girls. Then the girl that disked me started yelling at me and spit in my face, after the third time of spitting at me, I opened the door for the girls in front and ducked in front of her and pulled the door shut. Couple of years later I was in the library helping one of the other girls, and she came and sat down and asked for help, I shrugged my shoulders. After a bit she started turning on her charm and then started rubbing my legs with her feet. And said she would do anything if I'd help her. I informed her that I only date Ladies not immature girls and I don't help a person who spits in my face for a simple holding a door. She left in a huff, the girl I was helping let out a giggle and in a couple of weeks I was dating her. She was a lady.
An interesting video, sir. Good post!