I went from 100% blaming her for the marriage failing, to realizing it was 50/50, to realizing it was 100% my fault. It is 100% my fault because I allowed and permitted everything that happened to me and was said to me. You decide how others treat you. You decide who you allow into your life. Realizing that is super empowering. Another great video Stephanie! Thank you!
Josh....would it be fair to say when you were dating, you ignored either verbal clues or actions that portrayed someone else who was still in her heart ? It is one of the most common thing I discover with divorcing couples.
@@theophilus46 I wouldn’t say that I ignored the warning signs, but I definitely didn’t know what they were warning me of. I didn’t know what narcissism or co-dependency were or what they meant. I genuinely believed that any anger and hate that was coming my way was somehow deserved and that I could make it better somehow. Eventually I reached a breaking point where I bottomed out and didn’t recognize myself anymore. I think I was very naïve to everything that was going on and it was very gutless of me to not have dealt with it properly early on.
Sometimes I think the loss we mourn is the POTENTIAL of the relationship, and not the reality of. We hold on to an idealistic hope of achieving the type of relationship that we want, and project that on to our current partner, regardless of incompatibilities that we chose to overlook. The most important relationship is the one we have with ourself. This is the one we need to build upon first to be capable of cultivating healthy relationships. Great video ♥️
That's very true, mourning the loss of her company but also the failure to see the story I had in my head and my heart completed, to see it to the end. I guess it was the end, 🙄🤷🏻🫤 there will be other women. Shes the one, it maybe was a story I was telling myself
The hot and cold cycle of a anxious and avoidant attachment “trap” will absolutely scramble your brain. That intermittent reinforcement can really trauma bond you. The FA woman I was seeing was like some kind of drug to me. The beginning is beautiful but the pull away feels catastrophic. The pain and wanting is immense. I appreciate these videos because it is no joke
Since i have been in a relationship with my narcissistic boyfriend i have suffered from severe anxiety, including not being able to sleep , to my heart and my thoughts literally racing… my instinct tells me that he does not love me and never has done and i have seen so many signs that he is cheating on me and lying to me but now it is up to me to take a hard decision and finally leave him 😢
Wanting to be loved so bad blinds us from seeing what’s really happening. Two years ago my heart was broken by someone I would have done anything for. Now that time has passed, her dumping me was actually a blessing ! I actually learned from this pain. I was a pathetic mess when it first happened. I begged, tried to manipulate, cried bargained ….. a big mess! My whole life fell apart. However, I resolved myself to soldier on. I realized how sad I was and forgave myself for feeling sad and angry because that’s what happens when we are betrayed by someone who you were, truly convinced, loved you. No one is different in this particular space. So for all of those that feel like they are just gonna die, or want to, because some women or man had taken their heart and stepped on it, hang on.. the strength that will come from this hurt -will -scar up and will make you stronger and smarter. We ALL go through this. You are and WILL be loved again, I promise you that!. ❤️👍😁
My ex sends emails even though he doesn’t want to be with me. I finally got the heart to respond and it went like this “I no longer want to keep in contact with a man that has nothing to offer me so thank you for reaching out and please don’t contact me again”. I felt like a boss biatch💯
Why did you respond? No judgement. I am guilty of the same... but I always feel defeated when I respond to messages from the toxic person. I know I should go full no contact.
With a lot of inner healing, self reflection, education, strength, empowerment, forgiving yourself, patience and transforming your life from negative to positive what seemed like the worst day of your life will in time be celebrated as the best.💛
It's really tough trying to communicate with someone who doesn't want to communicate or work things out with you. This video helped me and many others, thank you.
17 years and he just ended it outta the blue. I loved him more than anything. I was so consumed in making him happy and building his dream business I don't know who or what I am anymore,
After 6 years together he cheated and left for the other women..he betrayed me so harshly and now I see him happy with her and he is engaged to her already .it’s been 6 month I still cry everyday
What you are going through is one of the worst things anyone can go through. What helped me was international travel to far away, exotic places. The experience of that type of traveling was so consuming that it pushed my ex out of my head. It was a much needed relief, as well as a great experience.
We were together 8 years and broke up. Apart for 3 years and ended up getting back together! For a year it was wonderful. I thought she had really changed. I know I had. Therapy, lifestyle changes etc did me a lot of good. But her old habits started coming back and after another 6 months, dumped me thru a FB message again. Always hides behind email, Facebook etc. Can never face anything in person. I have to be done this time. I need to heal and move on for good. People CAN come back, but it is not always going to give you what you want or need ☹
This is such a good video! I still need to hear this and reminded that even though my ex isn't a horrible person, she chose that her life was better with out me in it. Stay strong my friends, better things are waiting for you!
My father passed away in December 2020 which I took really badly as he wasn’t just my dad but a great friend too. Then 2 months later my ex told me that she was leaving me after 22 years together. I’m still trying to get myself back together again but some days are harder than others. I’ve bought my own house now and just need to get back on track. I never knew anything about narcissistic supply or anything on the subject until the last 12 months with counseling. Emotional abuse is real and it does happen to men. I’m proof.
My father passed away in November of 2016 and just a few months before that my ex husband of 15 years suddenly wanted a divorce. It does take time but I promise you will get through it and come out a stronger person from it.
I am going through this at the moment. Discarded by my narcissistic wife of 30 years. I know that I am already a better, stronger person because of this. Survivors of the world unite
Thank you for this video. You cannot imagine how helpful his has been to me. I have found my sudden divorce, after 24 years of marriage, the most traumatic experience I have ever had to process. Your words guide me to the perspective I need.
My ex dicarded me at Xmas, I was absolutely devastated. Suicidal and in shock, I couldn't accept it. Couldnt work sleep or eat. Panic attacks and severe depression. After a few weeks I tried to understand why, the relationship was unhealthy, she was narcissistic mentally and physically abusive, I remembered thinking back, asking myself , why am I in this relationship she gives me nothing and just takes and uses me, so my absolutely despair didn't make sense when she dumped me. I read a lot and spoke to people, I think my reaction to somebody who didn't care or love me was linked to an abandonment trauma I cant mentally remember, my mother suddenly leaving us when I was 13, I was very close to her, I learnt the body can remember the trauma even if the mind cant recall it. My mother basically separated from my father in a few months me and my siblings were living with her again, but that initial shock sticks. That made sense to me cos my reaction to an abusive partner wasn't rational. I felt abandoned. In time I also learnt about Stockholm syndrome and trauma bonds. Still think of her daily but know she isn't right for me. Or anyone to be honest. If you got this far sorry for droning on!!
The abandonment issues that is caused by a parent leaving when you are little really messes you up. Understanding that it is PTSD. I am trying to learn more so I don't sabotage relationships and can deal with rejection without completely falling apart.
@@conniesmokegearsphotograph4829 thanks connie. Thats what happened i fell apart, cos this relationship was abusive and manipulative it felt a thousand times worse and didn't make sense. I was gutted when my previous long term relationship ended but not compared to this one. Take care.
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns it sounds like you really got some enlightenment in your situation. I hope that helped ease the hurt for you. While it's crappy to be treated like that if it's awakened you so that you can move forth and have amazing relationships now, perhaps it was all worth it.
@@conniesmokegearsphotograph4829 thanks connie I wouldn't wish it on anybody. I just had to dig deep and try to understand why somebody who didn't make me happy affected me so much, I was suicidal. I realised I was abused by her, withholding affection, teasing but not allowed to touch, lots of anger and aggression, so I clung to the rare calm nice moments, a meal a nice walk. These were rare. I though to myself I'm like a drug addict wanting a hit from her. After discard I learnt bout Stockholm syndrome and trauma bonded. 7 months on I still have down days and bizarrely miss her but I understand what the relationship was. I cant afford to go thru that again. Thanks for your message. I hope you can make progress on any probs you might have.
In order to attract the love that you desire, you must take care of yourself first. When you love yourself, accept yourself and put yourself first, everything falls into place. The one thing that blocks you from manifesting a healthy relationship is when you put everyone else before you. 💙UA-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
I am in the midst of the greatest heartbreak and it’s been made worse because he gave up and I’m desperate to keep trying. Thank you for a little bit of clarity. If he was the right person for me, he wouldn’t have left me. We would still be together if we were perfect for each other. I cannot go back to someone who doesn’t see the value that I have to offer even if it is kind of soul crushing at the moment.
I mourned my divorce for years and couldn't get out of it until I saw that this person was not a good person. I felt conflicted because I thought that they were a good person. But how can a good person cause so much hurt.
Wife of 10 years did this 17 days ago. I’ve already started working on myself with therapy and making some life changes. We can’t really do no contact because we have a daughter and I have not been strong enough to just keep our talks about our child. I’ve been struggling with the fact that 10 years, miscarriages, general life could mean nothing to this woman I loved but I had the realization tonight that my continued love for her will bring me nothing but pain. She isn’t going to realize that she loves me, she isn’t going to come running back. To heal I need to figure out how to keep our talks emotionless and polite. This video helped ease my mind, Thank you,
"The great relationships will come in facing great change and difficulty because it is within this environment that the deeper and truer nature of people becomes evident. And people will have to choose a greater allegiance within themselves and a greater allegiance to others. This is where great relationships become recognized, cultivated and expressed. No more foolish and indulgent romances here. No more wasting your time trying to have endless pleasure with someone when, in fact, you have nowhere to go together and nothing really important to do together. No more wasting your life on chasing beauty, charm and wealth; having fantasies about yourself and other people; trying to look good, to be accepted and degrading yourself in every possible way to gain the attraction or the admiration of some person. There will be little time for such things now. While these times are extremely dangerous and hazardous, they provide the optimum environment for you to discover your greater strengths and with this, a set of greater relationships. This is where the greater purpose and meaning of your life can emerge if you can understand your situation correctly and if you learn to engage with your deeper nature and to rely upon it increasingly." I share this quote with you today in hope that it may stir something deeper inside, something that awaits your recognition and attention. The quote comes from *The Great Waves of Change* - a book of preparation for the difficult future ahead. And as all Marshall Vian Summers books, it is completely free online.
I think the greatest parts of a relationship, beyond the love, is acceptance, understanding and helping your partner. Even for empaths this can be difficult. It is truly a great thing when two people who are up to the task meet and become life partners.
perfect timing i really needed this video. if someone don’t like u they will tell u with their actions they don’t have to say It with words. a narc will not tell u they don’t like u. they want to keep treating you any kind of way. to make themselves feel better
I cant thank you enough for what you do Stephanie! You are so educational and break it down exactly the way I need to hear it. Thank you for being the figure I never had in my life, someone with honest and pure intentions. So thank you for allowing all of us to watch and learn form you. Absolutely Amazing❤
Thank you so much for pointing out that this wasn’t entirely my fault. He left me after seven years of being together and I’ve been blindsided. He started moving on while we were still together and didn’t even communicate anything to me until the last minute when he was about to breakup. I’ve been taking all the blame since he left and I even said sorry so many times for failing in the relationship. I realized now that he was also accountable- but he never said sorry for just giving up and keeping me blindsided to what was happening. He just said sorry because he was leaving.
I am in love with a beautiful and sweet lady who has a fearful-avoidant attachment style and pushed me away. She isn't ready to love and be loved yet after a broken marriage of 15 years. Thanks for publishing this video
Your videos are so very helpful. You literally speak my life with your words. I pray God will continue to bless you, because your words are golden and they're truly helping me, and so many others I'm sure, to heal.
I had no clue that my person was having an affair with a married woman he worked with. Nothing with us had changed...sex everyday...doing things together...not a single hint. One morning, He left for work while I was sleeping, I woke up to a picture of him with that woman on my phone. We were never together again from that moment on. I was truly blindsided...unfortunately this is how it can go when your partner is a narcissist. Within 90 days, she was divorced and his wife #5! It was shattering in the moment, but I am truly grateful...lol, he never deserved me. I mean really, has he been married 5 times because he’s a great guy?😉
@@blueseptember2174 Yes! I know that I did. I was under his spell then and the out of the blue discard was excruciating. It’s taken 2 years to feel like myself before he took over my life. The funny thing is that, in retrospect, my time with him was the most boring time of my life. He was very into sex, lol, proves how all that oxytocin floating around in your brain can cloud your thinking! Thank you for your good wishes. 🙏🏻🥰
Similar thing happened to me… I was totally blindsided, felt like a fool. The added complication was I had been with her for 22 years and we had a beautiful family and life. That part saddens me. But when I look at the reality now I can see that we weren’t great. I had used traumatic events (death of both her parents and COVID stress) as an excuse for bad behaviour. I do think being on social media during the lockdowns changed her mentally. I realise if it weren’t for kids we would of broken up ages ago, and is that someone I really want to fight and cry over?
Stephanie!!!!! I've so much gratitude toward you!!! You've been such a healing for my heart, inner child, you've helped me mature and become an adult. I'm so thankful!!!! I wish I could see you and tell you in person how much you've helped me in the last 3 months I followed your channel. I'm so grateful. You're at the entire other part of earth from where I'm located so I'm sending you a huge hug full of thanks and love. Thank you for everything!!!
I'm going through this right now. about to leave very toxic relationship w passive avoidant and dismissive person. we were together for 10 years. he said he doesn't want it but I was chasing him. I couldn't take a no for an answer because I wasn't healed from my past. I just want to be loved and projected that on him. he can't see my value and it's time for me to go. I got a therapist and digging deep what's causing me to feel so negative about myself and I'm discovering new things. and healing. it's painful but I don't want to repeat my patterns of unhealthy relationships. I will heal myself first before I will get into new relationship. it's scary to be single again but it might be so worth it on a long run because one day I will have a true partnership and love.
Exactly being blindsided by somebody is the worst feeling anybody could ever go through and then on top of that being led on by someone that you have been with for 4 years and gave them many chances and loved them at their worst for them to turn around and do that it's heartbreaking and it takes a while to recover from this happened a while ago but every so often my ex pops up which have no clue why because he clearly doesn't want a relationship nobody should have to deal with that wasn't mad that he chose someone else over me but let's face it it did hurt I wouldn't have done that to him what hurt more is the way he went about it
My bf ghosted after 6 months. I was completely blindsided. It's been about 6 weeks and although I'm healing it's been very rough. I didn't know anything about attachment styles when it happened but since I've learned a lot. Your video is definitely one of the best I've watched. Informative, straightforward. Thank you so very much.
Just recently went thru a breakup, she broke it off on a dime, no warning no discussion, no adjustments to our date nights or physical boundaries or even communication about needing some space, slowing down the pace of the relationship 🫤 she told me im this great guy and im everything she would want in a husband and father to her children someday, ive heard all that before. What I'm learning is thats actually true, and her walking away really is all on her. I didn't do anything that would warrant the breakup, she's got her own baggage to sort thru. My problem now is having trouble letting go and really accepting its over.. i broke the no contact rule and i regret that. Im definitely moving on as best I can. Im a worthy catch for the right woman 👍🏼💯
Truly spoke to my heart. I will do just that now that i know it’s over after 16 years of ups and TOO MANY downs. Time to tighten up my boot straps and move forward
Wow! Thank you so much for this video. I felt like you were describing my relationship exactly. My wife of 20 years dropped the divorce bomb on me 2 weeks after knee replacement surgery and was still laid up. To say that it was a shock would be an understatement. I was angry, hurt, depressed and a hundred other emotions. However, as the shock wore off, I realized that I had been very unhappy in this marriage for over 10 years but just did not have the courage to pull the ripcord. My ex would never admit she had any part or responsibility for what was bad between us and assigned it all to me. I don't know if she is narcissistic but she sure has many of the traits you mentioned in that regard. The timing of what she did, without any warning at all, was designed to be maximally hurtful. However, like you mentioned, I have been working on myself and dealing with a hurt inner child as an adult now. I have now gotten to the point of being grateful to her for ending it when I did not have the courage to do do. I have been growing and am in a much healthier place without being married to her. She is still in my life somewhat since we have kids and grandkids in common, but I am much more serene now that we are divorced.
I Understand completely. Myself I was married 23years to a women I loved, who was also my best friend and we had 3 beautiful daughters. 7 years ago out of the blue she says she wants to find herself and ''I'm going to give myself 2months to decide if I remained married to you.'' Well you can imagine how that 2months went with that axe hanging over ones neck. For the first month I was in total shock. I could hardly function. Then I started to see past the smoke and mirrors, I started doing a bit of detective work and Of course there was some worm of a man from her Reiki group who had infiltrated her mind and heart and convinced her he was the one. The lies and deceit I uncovered, I could not believe. She even looked directly into our children's eyes and knowingly Lied. It didn't last the 2 months. One evening about week 6, I packed her bags before she got home and when she did get home, I revealed what I now knew and that she could leave and go 'find' herself. She never denied any of it and she has also never accepted any responsibility for her actions. I was in total shock for months. That was the hardest thing I have done in my life and It was so against what I wanted or even wanted to do but I was left with no choice. As time went by I learned of narcissistic behaviour and there were many that matched. Its been a long and rough road to recovery. Even now I feel I have a long way to go. Recently I came across the videos of 'The Happy Wife School' on you-tube. I highly recommend you watch them. There are quite a few and all have valuable insights of why women behave the way they do. This has helped me (and many other men) profoundly. To understand what happened, why and to allow me to feel good about myself again. She highlights how certain actions and behaviours many women employ over time (knowingly or not and it can be many years) have the effect of emasculating the husband, depriving him of his role and identity. Then when this is achieved they no longer want to be in the relationship as, and I quote, ''It no longer serves them'' so you are discarded like a used lolly wrapper. That says a lot really. There are so many truths uncovered, Check them out. All the best.
Thank you for this video. My relationship will be ending as girlfriend moving away to try “new chapter” in life. This book will close and I need to remember I was enough even though she didn’t feel the same way. Going to keep working on myself. :)
I was completely blindsided without any forewarning and I will never forgive her for what she did and, especially, what I’ve discovered what she did before her brutal discard! How is it possible for me or anyone to recover love for someone who has done such horrible things? I don’t think it is! It’s time to move on!
Peter, I literally can feel your pain. I’ve been there. But forgiveness is for YOU and not for her. This is the only way you will truly heal. Forgive her and forgive yourself.
What was super difficult for me was realizing that I am growing and developing, but I just wish this person was with me to share the journey. I miss and still love this person so much. It devastates me knowing that this person is basically dead. I pray for anyone going through a heartbreak and is forcing themselves to let go. The world is so cruel sometimes and this sorrowness is almost unbearable.
I suggest waking up earlier than him one or two days a week? You could also write down your internal words in a diary. Then share your feelings gradually by leaving him letters & ask him to keep a diary too. That way you can both build up understanding & healthy self expression without getting involved in arguments. I am not a Dr but an employable Apple Artist who believes in allowing people to find common ground. My teaching is based on developing literary habits & practices. Hope this makes sense & helps rebuild some trust.
Hi Stephanie, thanks for all you do! I have slept in a separate bedroom from my husband for about 3 years. I've realized we've been in a toxic relationship for about 10 years, well I've felt uncomfortable & didn't feel right for years before that, but about 10 years ago, I started learning info about what I'm going through. I realized much later that sleeping separately was setting boundries. He knocks on a wall in the am to startle me, he gets up super early. I haven't asked him why he does things like that in years, since he denies everything & says its me, that I'm hearing things. When we were in the same room, he did countless things to wake me up, even in the middle of the night. I now have anxiety induced insomnia. Besides that, he does so many other toxic, controlling, disrespectful things towards me, at times. I just don't know my next step. We live in a small town, no one close to help & I'm financially dependent on him, unfortunately. Advise? 💙
I suggest waking up earlier than him one or two days a week? You could also write down your internal words in a diary. Then share your feelings gradually by leaving him letters & ask him to keep a diary too. That way you can both build up understanding & healthy self expression without getting involved in arguments. I am not a Dr but an employable Apple Artist who believes in allowing people to compromise. My advice is based on developing habits & practices in line with Dr Jordan Peterson's books.
my gf of 4 years ended it quite abruptly... I had sensed there were issues but I couldn't even pry them out of her.. She would just go quiet when confronted! She can see that, and told me she was working on the issues she had that frankly caused her to lose feelings for me. She told me it was her fault, which is comforting.. But I still feel guilty like what if I could have pushed her a little further to get her to talk about her feelings and maybe we could have fixed things. We were so great together, it's a shame it didn't work out. I think it will be quite a long time before I can love someone again.. Well, first I need to un-love her, since I still have feelings.
thank you so much for this video its exactlt what happend to me two months ago,and i felt so guilty about that and now im focusing on myself and learning about myself and this video was exactly what i needed
Omg I really needed this... Thank you. My biggest problem at the moment is a part of myself feels like I deserve to be treated like this because I've had such poor boundaries and let this kind of thing happen all my life.
I gave literally everything. He gave no value and I was his safety net as his wife (side chick, mother and provider) learned a lifetime of lessons in one person.
I appreciate these videos , but I really appreciate reading the comments specifically from men sharing their stories. Iv been so hurt by men u can tend to think they are all the same. But reading men going through the same hurt is helpful to know we are all just human n equal in life , hurt and struggles.
Thank you for this video. It is very on point with what happened to me. 12 years of happy relationship then suddenly, just one chat saying 'I can no longer commit'. That's it. I'm on my own for no reason. Thank you for inspiring me to persevere in moving on with life.
Thank you so much for the information. It’s so true. I’m a love addict towards her. I gave her two beautiful kids and we had an amazing 9 years. But when you say there were flaws it’s true! But the flaws I was able to put aside and live with them as I believed the end results of the relationship were worth it! I’m struggling with her decision as we’ve tried 3x and the last time We clearly had chemistry. Things got more fun again. She planned future activities with me. Had an amazing Xmas. Told me She loved me and was in love with me. And then suddenly went cold overnight.. almost like dangling me On a piece Of string.
I let her go with love, I thanked her for her love. I remember the good times, I’m weirdly happy and OK. Heart still heavy at times, but like giving up coffee, it’s getting lighter daily 👌😊
You are so so right miss Stephanie I have been traumatic experiences with men. I am trying to do things to rebuild my life now finally I am saying to myself I do deserve more sincerely yours Mrs Amber McCutchen
so glad to see this today even tho it's from a year ago, lol. I am finally finally finally just over a month of no contact (emails included) and what's bugging me is he is not trying to contact me now. Which! is good I know, because I don't want the kind of relationship he does! Hearing this message today is so valuable for me,,,,, I am more inspired now to keep working on my self, heal my inner child, know my worthiness and love my self. Thank you!! Stephanie 🙏🥰
I'm going through this right now, he still won't admit it, but his actions confirm it.But wasn't overnight, taking a year for me to see. I've known a long time. I wish I hadn't put 13 yrs into it. I knew always we weren't a good fit. Think God allowed me to go where my will took me. Regrets, yes, lots
I got caught up in the twin flame lie mixed with neglect in my childhood and abandonment issues. Even though I knew he wasn’t good for me. l got caught up in the passion not realizing l was attracted to toxicity. I have moved on and he never chose me. I had to choose myself. I allowed myself to block anyone else thinking he was the one. I learned a lot and l forgive myself and him.
I tried for years 42 to be exact - he lied in counseling & tried to get my son to believe I had BPD! That broke my heart- in court he diminished my contributions of working PT so our son didn't have to go to a daycare - he didn't value ANY of it I learned I am an Empath & he a sociopath I am alone now with my 2 dogs @ 73
Oh wow divine timing on this video that I just saw even though it's from 1 year ago 😂 wow just all of it. "Operating from wounded inner child, *ego*, inner child hurt when they don't want you but at the same time adult self might accept the reality and be ok with it" This is totally me right now! You putting in to those words is blowing my mind 😊 (and validating me a little)
Thank you for this great video, Stephanie. This is such a great way to look at it as I try to move past a relationship that was one-sided and clearly not the person for me.
It sucks when you’d do anything for someone who expect you to hold the emotional labor. Anytime I try to communicate or show that I’m anxious, it turns into me being negative and getting in trouble with them for it. He has tried ending it many times, and I feel so pathetic and worthless always begging him to stay. I just don’t want to be alone. I’d rather do anything I can to change. It’s so pathetic, but recognizing it doesn’t help me detach and I still keep begging 😢
thank you for making a video to help support people in different stages in life you have a bright mind within you and no disrespect to any one but woman are beautiful in any shape color or form they are our opposite gender and us as men is our instinct to protect care and love and give them the respect and acknowledgement they deserve because of women we became the men that we are but why do some woman have to put their guard up when you do your best to fulfill their life in anyway possible to show and give them the respect and love and care that they deserve that we as a good man knows what they deserve but still refrain to want to believe other wise but thank you for your words they make sense and your pretty,hot,and beautiful with a awesome mind
I think being stuck in it is a manifestation of ego and pride. A person who has the ability to look inside themselves is truly blessed and fortunate in being able to do so. They have the ability to “get” to a healthier place in their life. But picking people who are not right for you is not a “healthy” choice and probably not coming from someone who understands themselves and relationships well enough--yet! We are all works in progress and we all have made choices that weren’t the right ones for us. Feel lucky if you have an inherently kind nature and the ability to self reflect and take ownership of what is your responsibility--and the wisdom to stop trying to figure out this other person who has so disappointed you. Perhaps you were not paying close enough attention or sweeping things under this rug that has now been pulled out from under you. I think it’s important to live ourselves and be kind to ourselves while simultaneously holding ourselves to better, more honest standards. I think this business of giving too much focus to who’s healthy and who is not is also just coming out of ego. Get busy on figuring yourself out and moving on without needing to vilify the person who has hurt you. It’s a waste of time and you will survive and thrive without them. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
I believe in the term falling in love, but saying I fell out of love, is like saying, I fell out of the river. You can fall in the river, but getting back out is a choice. True love is the same. You can choose to swim or get out.
I can honestly say it was quite hard. Giving my 200% into a relationship and giving my all. But I got to a point where being with her changed me. I knew even through the relationship I did love her. In the end. Her narcissistic and toxic views on life and us, would be the downfall. Thank you for the video it as always helped a lot
This is really good advice, that inner child is wounded and its funny I have been sitting by myself saying its not fair like a little child who didn't the toy he wanted. It's tough, because you invest in someone to such and extent, be attentive, giving, listening, tell them you love them and think the world of them. Do all the things you thought and were told the right things to do for someone you love, and little by little not get any of it back, to point where you're barely acknowledged at all its tough. And you do doubt yourself, and say well after all I tried to do to make her happy, that if she couldn't see my value who else will see my value. However, I guess you can't worry about that, you can't control fate, you can only control yourself.
Wow, another video that hit the nail on the head. My soon to be ex wife pulled the rug out from under me. However, I thought she was going to be the only one. So I ignored signs. I know now that I need to value myself more. Again, ty!
My husband does want me back but say everything is my fault he don't need to do anything or tell me anything of what he has dont since we need separated for a little over a year now. And I found out he was talking to another woman and staying the night some where he don't want to tell me. I also found self's of him self he don't want to tell me who they were for.
Both times we broke up, it was 100% her decision and I had no say. I tried asking is we could talk or work on things. She never did. Always hid behind messenger or email for the hard stuff. Never talked it out
I had erotomania and delusions in my situation, but thankfully I healed from that and realize now it's all narcissistic supply with her and she doesn't want me or give a shit about me... her heart belongs to her boyfriend.
The family court system makes it much harder if your the man. The man automatically becomes homeless, the man gets his wages assigned, the man pays the alimony, the man gets to see his kids 3 x a month. That is where it's hard. Men do not understand how unfair the system is. Go pick up your kids with a new guy living in your house and see how you feel. And you paid for that house 100%. That is hard......getting rid of a cheating wife is easy.
I went from 100% blaming her for the marriage failing, to realizing it was 50/50, to realizing it was 100% my fault. It is 100% my fault because I allowed and permitted everything that happened to me and was said to me. You decide how others treat you. You decide who you allow into your life. Realizing that is super empowering. Another great video Stephanie! Thank you!
So true! Very well said!👍🏻
Josh....would it be fair to say when you were dating, you ignored either verbal clues or actions that portrayed someone else who was still in her heart ? It is one of the most common thing I discover with divorcing couples.
@@theophilus46 I wouldn’t say that I ignored the warning signs, but I definitely didn’t know what they were warning me of. I didn’t know what narcissism or co-dependency were or what they meant. I genuinely believed that any anger and hate that was coming my way was somehow deserved and that I could make it better somehow. Eventually I reached a breaking point where I bottomed out and didn’t recognize myself anymore. I think I was very naïve to everything that was going on and it was very gutless of me to not have dealt with it properly early on.
@@TheJoshGalt .......thanks.....good reply
Im going through the same thing... your blinded and sometimes we dont see the signs
Sometimes I think the loss we mourn is the POTENTIAL of the relationship, and not the reality of. We hold on to an idealistic hope of achieving the type of relationship that we want, and project that on to our current partner, regardless of incompatibilities that we chose to overlook.
The most important relationship is the one we have with ourself. This is the one we need to build upon first to be capable of cultivating healthy relationships.
Great video ♥️
Yes. It really statys with Loving you.
That's very true, mourning the loss of her company but also the failure to see the story I had in my head and my heart completed, to see it to the end. I guess it was the end, 🙄🤷🏻🫤 there will be other women. Shes the one, it maybe was a story I was telling myself
The hot and cold cycle of a anxious and avoidant attachment “trap” will absolutely scramble your brain. That intermittent reinforcement can really trauma bond you. The FA woman I was seeing was like some kind of drug to me. The beginning is beautiful but the pull away feels catastrophic. The pain and wanting is immense. I appreciate these videos because it is no joke
Since i have been in a relationship with my narcissistic boyfriend i have suffered from severe anxiety, including not being able to sleep , to my heart and my thoughts literally racing… my instinct tells me that he does not love me and never has done and i have seen so many signs that he is cheating on me and lying to me but now it is up to me to take a hard decision and finally leave him 😢
we used to see each other daily and i was only seeing her one day a week by the end of it. literally scrubbed of my dignity man
Wanting to be loved so bad blinds us from seeing what’s really happening. Two years ago my heart was broken by someone I would have done anything for. Now that time has passed, her dumping me was actually a blessing ! I actually learned from this pain. I was a pathetic mess when it first happened. I begged, tried to manipulate, cried bargained ….. a big mess! My whole life fell apart. However, I resolved myself to soldier on. I realized how sad I was and forgave myself for feeling sad and angry because that’s what happens when we are betrayed by someone who you were, truly convinced, loved you. No one is different in this particular space. So for all of those that feel like they are just gonna die, or want to, because some women or man had taken their heart and stepped on it, hang on.. the strength that will come from this hurt -will -scar up and will make you stronger and smarter. We ALL go through this. You are and WILL be loved again, I promise you that!. ❤️👍😁
P.S. …. Make sure, if you are going to post on UA-cam,to read what you have written before you post it!🤣😆😬
Love can be found again regardless of how it get twisted 😌💯
For sure! Eye of the Tiger, man!👍❤️👊
Thanks man it's becoming suicidal for me ! I don't know but some how i am hanging here😢
What happened to me now 😢
My ex sends emails even though he doesn’t want to be with me. I finally got the heart to respond and it went like this “I no longer want to keep in contact with a man that has nothing to offer me so thank you for reaching out and please don’t contact me again”. I felt like a boss biatch💯
👏🏽 👏🏽 👏🏽
💪💪💪
Did he reply?
Why did you respond? No judgement. I am guilty of the same... but I always feel defeated when I respond to messages from the toxic person. I know I should go full no contact.
Super star that’s awesome
I think this video really just saved me from going insane.
Yep
With a lot of inner healing, self reflection, education, strength, empowerment, forgiving yourself, patience and transforming your life from negative to positive what seemed like the worst day of your life will in time be celebrated as the best.💛
Love this 🙌🏽❤️☀️
It's really tough trying to communicate with someone who doesn't want to communicate or work things out with you. This video helped me and many others, thank you.
What I am going through with at the moment 😢
same here
Same here I been crying everyday for 2 months
Just thinking about waking up tomorrow depresses me. 😢
17 years and he just ended it outta the blue. I loved him more than anything. I was so consumed in making him happy and building his dream business I don't know who or what I am anymore,
After 6 years together he cheated and left for the other women..he betrayed me so harshly and now I see him happy with her and he is engaged to her already .it’s been 6 month I still cry everyday
Me too basically.
Any update sister ?
Karma will get his A$$
I'm sorry for u
What you are going through is one of the worst things anyone can go through. What helped me was international travel to far away, exotic places. The experience of that type of traveling was so consuming that it pushed my ex out of my head. It was a much needed relief, as well as a great experience.
We were together 8 years and broke up. Apart for 3 years and ended up getting back together! For a year it was wonderful. I thought she had really changed. I know I had. Therapy, lifestyle changes etc did me a lot of good. But her old habits started coming back and after another 6 months, dumped me thru a FB message again. Always hides behind email, Facebook etc. Can never face anything in person. I have to be done this time. I need to heal and move on for good. People CAN come back, but it is not always going to give you what you want or need ☹
Is she a cheater ?
Thank you for sharing
This is such a good video! I still need to hear this and reminded that even though my ex isn't a horrible person, she chose that her life was better with out me in it. Stay strong my friends, better things are waiting for you!
My father passed away in December 2020 which I took really badly as he wasn’t just my dad but a great friend too. Then 2 months later my ex told me that she was leaving me after 22 years together. I’m still trying to get myself back together again but some days are harder than others. I’ve bought my own house now and just need to get back on track. I never knew anything about narcissistic supply or anything on the subject until the last 12 months with counseling. Emotional abuse is real and it does happen to men. I’m proof.
My father passed away in November of 2016 and just a few months before that my ex husband of 15 years suddenly wanted a divorce. It does take time but I promise you will get through it and come out a stronger person from it.
God strengthen you
Unreal how you managed to push through that and not give up. You must have an insane mental strength. i respect that a lot.
I am going through this at the moment. Discarded by my narcissistic wife of 30 years. I know that I am already a better, stronger person because of this. Survivors of the world unite
Thank you for this video. You cannot imagine how helpful his has been to me. I have found my sudden divorce, after 24 years of marriage, the most traumatic experience I have ever had to process. Your words guide me to the perspective I need.
My ex dicarded me at Xmas, I was absolutely devastated. Suicidal and in shock, I couldn't accept it. Couldnt work sleep or eat. Panic attacks and severe depression. After a few weeks I tried to understand why, the relationship was unhealthy, she was narcissistic mentally and physically abusive, I remembered thinking back, asking myself , why am I in this relationship she gives me nothing and just takes and uses me, so my absolutely despair didn't make sense when she dumped me. I read a lot and spoke to people, I think my reaction to somebody who didn't care or love me was linked to an abandonment trauma I cant mentally remember, my mother suddenly leaving us when I was 13, I was very close to her, I learnt the body can remember the trauma even if the mind cant recall it. My mother basically separated from my father in a few months me and my siblings were living with her again, but that initial shock sticks. That made sense to me cos my reaction to an abusive partner wasn't rational. I felt abandoned. In time I also learnt about Stockholm syndrome and trauma bonds. Still think of her daily but know she isn't right for me. Or anyone to be honest. If you got this far sorry for droning on!!
The abandonment issues that is caused by a parent leaving when you are little really messes you up. Understanding that it is PTSD. I am trying to learn more so I don't sabotage relationships and can deal with rejection without completely falling apart.
@@conniesmokegearsphotograph4829 thanks connie. Thats what happened i fell apart, cos this relationship was abusive and manipulative it felt a thousand times worse and didn't make sense. I was gutted when my previous long term relationship ended but not compared to this one. Take care.
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns it sounds like you really got some enlightenment in your situation. I hope that helped ease the hurt for you. While it's crappy to be treated like that if it's awakened you so that you can move forth and have amazing relationships now, perhaps it was all worth it.
@@conniesmokegearsphotograph4829 thanks connie I wouldn't wish it on anybody. I just had to dig deep and try to understand why somebody who didn't make me happy affected me so much, I was suicidal. I realised I was abused by her, withholding affection, teasing but not allowed to touch, lots of anger and aggression, so I clung to the rare calm nice moments, a meal a nice walk. These were rare. I though to myself I'm like a drug addict wanting a hit from her. After discard I learnt bout Stockholm syndrome and trauma bonded. 7 months on I still have down days and bizarrely miss her but I understand what the relationship was. I cant afford to go thru that again. Thanks for your message. I hope you can make progress on any probs you might have.
In order to attract the love that you desire, you must take care of yourself first. When you love yourself, accept yourself and put yourself first, everything falls into place. The one thing that blocks you from manifesting a healthy relationship is when you put everyone else before you.
💙UA-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
Wow thank you so much for this reminder 💯👌🙂
Exactly right
I wish I could
I am in the midst of the greatest heartbreak and it’s been made worse because he gave up and I’m desperate to keep trying. Thank you for a little bit of clarity. If he was the right person for me, he wouldn’t have left me. We would still be together if we were perfect for each other. I cannot go back to someone who doesn’t see the value that I have to offer even if it is kind of soul crushing at the moment.
People definitely show you, tell you, and act out when they want you to move on. All someone has to do is tell me once CLEARLY and I do.
I mourned my divorce for years and couldn't get out of it until I saw that this person was not a good person. I felt conflicted because I thought that they were a good person. But how can a good person cause so much hurt.
Wife of 10 years did this 17 days ago. I’ve already started working on myself with therapy and making some life changes. We can’t really do no contact because we have a daughter and I have not been strong enough to just keep our talks about our child. I’ve been struggling with the fact that 10 years, miscarriages, general life could mean nothing to this woman I loved but I had the realization tonight that my continued love for her will bring me nothing but pain. She isn’t going to realize that she loves me, she isn’t going to come running back. To heal I need to figure out how to keep our talks emotionless and polite. This video helped ease my mind, Thank you,
"The great relationships will come in facing great change and difficulty because it is within this environment that the deeper and truer nature of people becomes evident. And people will have to choose a greater allegiance within themselves and a greater allegiance to others. This is where great relationships become recognized, cultivated and expressed. No more foolish and indulgent romances here. No more wasting your time trying to have endless pleasure with someone when, in fact, you have nowhere to go together and nothing really important to do together. No more wasting your life on chasing beauty, charm and wealth; having fantasies about yourself and other people; trying to look good, to be accepted and degrading yourself in every possible way to gain the attraction or the admiration of some person. There will be little time for such things now.
While these times are extremely dangerous and hazardous, they provide the optimum environment for you to discover your greater strengths and with this, a set of greater relationships. This is where the greater purpose and meaning of your life can emerge if you can understand your situation correctly and if you learn to engage with your deeper nature and to rely upon it increasingly."
I share this quote with you today in hope that it may stir something deeper inside, something that awaits your recognition and attention. The quote comes from *The Great Waves of Change* - a book of preparation for the difficult future ahead. And as all Marshall Vian Summers books, it is completely free online.
I think the greatest parts of a relationship, beyond the love, is acceptance, understanding and helping your partner. Even for empaths this can be difficult. It is truly a great thing when two people who are up to the task meet and become life partners.
Thank you, Ivan.
perfect timing i really needed this video.
if someone don’t like u they will tell u with their actions they don’t have to say It with words. a narc will not tell u they don’t like u. they want to keep treating you any kind of way. to make themselves feel better
One lightbulb! People are always disappointed because they keep repeating patterns they don’t realize; it’s themselves that need self reflection.
After 26 years together we met at 17 she's calling it a day, thanks for putting my healing into perspective, I know what I have to do.
I cant thank you enough for what you do Stephanie! You are so educational and break it down exactly the way I need to hear it. Thank you for being the figure I never had in my life, someone with honest and pure intentions. So thank you for allowing all of us to watch and learn form you. Absolutely Amazing❤
I realized the same thing. However, if that person treated you badly they have the responsibility for what they have done as well!
Thank you so much for pointing out that this wasn’t entirely my fault. He left me after seven years of being together and I’ve been blindsided. He started moving on while we were still together and didn’t even communicate anything to me until the last minute when he was about to breakup. I’ve been taking all the blame since he left and I even said sorry so many times for failing in the relationship. I realized now that he was also accountable- but he never said sorry for just giving up and keeping me blindsided to what was happening. He just said sorry because he was leaving.
Any updates?
I am in love with a beautiful and sweet lady who has a fearful-avoidant attachment style and pushed me away. She isn't ready to love and be loved yet after a broken marriage of 15 years. Thanks for publishing this video
Read the book ‘attached’ learn skills you both can use to build a fulfilling relationship
Your videos are so very helpful. You literally speak my life with your words. I pray God will continue to bless you, because your words are golden and they're truly helping me, and so many others I'm sure, to heal.
I had no clue that my person was having an affair with a married woman he worked with. Nothing with us had changed...sex everyday...doing things together...not a single hint. One morning, He left for work while I was sleeping, I woke up to a picture of him with that woman on my phone. We were never together again from that moment on. I was truly blindsided...unfortunately this is how it can go when your partner is a narcissist. Within 90 days, she was divorced and his wife #5! It was shattering in the moment, but I am truly grateful...lol, he never deserved me. I mean really, has he been married 5 times because he’s a great guy?😉
dodged a bullet on that one. Wishing you healing!
@@blueseptember2174 Yes! I know that I did. I was under his spell then and the out of the blue discard was excruciating. It’s taken 2 years to feel like myself before he took over my life. The funny thing is that, in retrospect, my time with him was the most boring time of my life. He was very into sex, lol, proves how all that oxytocin floating around in your brain can cloud your thinking! Thank you for your good wishes. 🙏🏻🥰
@@texannadeb5005 they all have massive p@rn addictions. It's unsettling to say the least.
right you do deserve better. im ernie nice to meet u
Similar thing happened to me… I was totally blindsided, felt like a fool. The added complication was I had been with her for 22 years and we had a beautiful family and life. That part saddens me.
But when I look at the reality now I can see that we weren’t great. I had used traumatic events (death of both her parents and COVID stress) as an excuse for bad behaviour. I do think being on social media during the lockdowns changed her mentally.
I realise if it weren’t for kids we would of broken up ages ago, and is that someone I really want to fight and cry over?
Stephanie!!!!! I've so much gratitude toward you!!! You've been such a healing for my heart, inner child, you've helped me mature and become an adult. I'm so thankful!!!! I wish I could see you and tell you in person how much you've helped me in the last 3 months I followed your channel. I'm so grateful. You're at the entire other part of earth from where I'm located so I'm sending you a huge hug full of thanks and love. Thank you for everything!!!
Thank you for helping me through my journey. I've had to listen to your videos several times to overcome what seemed like rock bottom. Gratitude ❤
I blamed myself for the marriage failed. She was my world. I need to find someone who wants me and chooses me. Thank you for your video
I am the one who broke up with him & been struggling for a year to move on
I'm going through this right now. about to leave very toxic relationship w passive avoidant and dismissive person. we were together for 10 years. he said he doesn't want it but I was chasing him. I couldn't take a no for an answer because I wasn't healed from my past. I just want to be loved and projected that on him. he can't see my value and it's time for me to go. I got a therapist and digging deep what's causing me to feel so negative about myself and I'm discovering new things. and healing. it's painful but I don't want to repeat my patterns of unhealthy relationships. I will heal myself first before I will get into new relationship. it's scary to be single again but it might be so worth it on a long run because one day I will have a true partnership and love.
❤️
Thanks!
We knew there was a problem. She refused to talk about it, wouldn't communicate. I got the "It's not you." line. I walked out silently. The end.
Exactly being blindsided by somebody is the worst feeling anybody could ever go through and then on top of that being led on by someone that you have been with for 4 years and gave them many chances and loved them at their worst for them to turn around and do that it's heartbreaking and it takes a while to recover from this happened a while ago but every so often my ex pops up which have no clue why because he clearly doesn't want a relationship nobody should have to deal with that wasn't mad that he chose someone else over me but let's face it it did hurt I wouldn't have done that to him what hurt more is the way he went about it
My bf ghosted after 6 months. I was completely blindsided. It's been about 6 weeks and although I'm healing it's been very rough. I didn't know anything about attachment styles when it happened but since I've learned a lot. Your video is definitely one of the best I've watched. Informative, straightforward. Thank you so very much.
You have saved me
many times by helping me understand what is happening to me and how to deal with it. My gratitude is immeasurable
Just recently went thru a breakup, she broke it off on a dime, no warning no discussion, no adjustments to our date nights or physical boundaries or even communication about needing some space, slowing down the pace of the relationship 🫤 she told me im this great guy and im everything she would want in a husband and father to her children someday, ive heard all that before. What I'm learning is thats actually true, and her walking away really is all on her. I didn't do anything that would warrant the breakup, she's got her own baggage to sort thru.
My problem now is having trouble letting go and really accepting its over.. i broke the no contact rule and i regret that. Im definitely moving on as best I can. Im a worthy catch for the right woman 👍🏼💯
After 10+ yrs, he finally told me he never loved me. My heart is numb and i feel so lost. 🥺😭
I’m so sorry to hear that. How are you feeling right now?
Truly spoke to my heart. I will do just that now that i know it’s over after 16 years of ups and TOO MANY downs.
Time to tighten up my boot straps and move forward
Thanks to you I'm healing every day by watching your videos
Wow! Thank you so much for this video. I felt like you were describing my relationship exactly. My wife of 20 years dropped the divorce bomb on me 2 weeks after knee replacement surgery and was still laid up. To say that it was a shock would be an understatement. I was angry, hurt, depressed and a hundred other emotions. However, as the shock wore off, I realized that I had been very unhappy in this marriage for over 10 years but just did not have the courage to pull the ripcord. My ex would never admit she had any part or responsibility for what was bad between us and assigned it all to me. I don't know if she is narcissistic but she sure has many of the traits you mentioned in that regard. The timing of what she did, without any warning at all, was designed to be maximally hurtful. However, like you mentioned, I have been working on myself and dealing with a hurt inner child as an adult now. I have now gotten to the point of being grateful to her for ending it when I did not have the courage to do do. I have been growing and am in a much healthier place without being married to her. She is still in my life somewhat since we have kids and grandkids in common, but I am much more serene now that we are divorced.
I Understand completely. Myself I was married 23years to a women I loved, who was also my best friend and we had 3 beautiful daughters.
7 years ago out of the blue she says she wants to find herself and ''I'm going to give myself 2months to decide if I remained married to you.'' Well you can imagine how that 2months went with that axe hanging over ones neck. For the first month I was in total shock. I could hardly function. Then I started to see past the smoke and mirrors, I started doing a bit of detective work and Of course there was some worm of a man from her Reiki group who had infiltrated her mind and heart and convinced her he was the one. The lies and deceit I uncovered, I could not believe. She even looked directly into our children's eyes and knowingly Lied. It didn't last the 2 months. One evening about week 6, I packed her bags before she got home and when she did get home, I revealed what I now knew and that she could leave and go 'find' herself. She never denied any of it and she has also never accepted any responsibility for her actions. I was in total shock for months. That was the hardest thing I have done in my life and It was so against what I wanted or even wanted to do but I was left with no choice. As time went by I learned of narcissistic behaviour and there were many that matched. Its been a long and rough road to recovery. Even now I feel I have a long way to go.
Recently I came across the videos of 'The Happy Wife School' on you-tube.
I highly recommend you watch them. There are quite a few and all have valuable insights of why women behave the way they do. This has helped me (and many other men) profoundly. To understand what happened, why and to allow me to feel good about myself again.
She highlights how certain actions and behaviours many women employ over time (knowingly or not and it can be many years) have the effect of emasculating the husband, depriving him of his role and identity. Then when this is achieved they no longer want to be in the relationship as, and I quote, ''It no longer serves them'' so you are discarded like a used lolly wrapper.
That says a lot really. There are so many truths uncovered, Check them out.
All the best.
It seems you may have been with my ex-GF. Sigh.
Thank you for this video. My relationship will be ending as girlfriend moving away to try “new chapter” in life. This book will close and I need to remember I was enough even though she didn’t feel the same way. Going to keep working on myself. :)
This video just lifted my spirits 100%
I was completely blindsided without any forewarning and I will never forgive her for what she did and, especially, what I’ve discovered what she did before her brutal discard! How is it possible for me or anyone to recover love for someone who has done such horrible things? I don’t think it is! It’s time to move on!
Peter, I literally can feel your pain. I’ve been there. But forgiveness is for YOU and not for her. This is the only way you will truly heal. Forgive her and forgive yourself.
What was super difficult for me was realizing that I am growing and developing, but I just wish this person was with me to share the journey. I miss and still love this person so much. It devastates me knowing that this person is basically dead. I pray for anyone going through a heartbreak and is forcing themselves to let go. The world is so cruel sometimes and this sorrowness is almost unbearable.
Healing of wounded person..is needed byGod's grace.
I suggest waking up earlier than him one or two days a week? You could also write down your internal words in a diary. Then share your feelings gradually by leaving him letters & ask him to keep a diary too. That way you can both build up understanding & healthy self expression without getting involved in arguments. I am not a Dr but an employable Apple Artist who believes in allowing people to find common ground. My teaching is based on developing literary habits & practices. Hope this makes sense & helps rebuild some trust.
Hi Stephanie, thanks for all you do! I have slept in a separate bedroom from my husband for about 3 years. I've realized we've been in a toxic relationship for about 10 years, well I've felt uncomfortable & didn't feel right for years before that, but about 10 years ago, I started learning info about what I'm going through. I realized much later that sleeping separately was setting boundries. He knocks on a wall in the am to startle me, he gets up super early. I haven't asked him why he does things like that in years, since he denies everything & says its me, that I'm hearing things. When we were in the same room, he did countless things to wake me up, even in the middle of the night. I now have anxiety induced insomnia. Besides that, he does so many other toxic, controlling, disrespectful things towards me, at times. I just don't know my next step. We live in a small town, no one close to help & I'm financially dependent on him, unfortunately. Advise? 💙
This was me 5 years ago. We are all here for you LaRee.
@@TheJoshGalt Aww, thank you so much! I appreciate it! 😊💙
I suggest waking up earlier than him one or two days a week? You could also write down your internal words in a diary. Then share your feelings gradually by leaving him letters & ask him to keep a diary too. That way you can both build up understanding & healthy self expression without getting involved in arguments. I am not a Dr but an employable Apple Artist who believes in allowing people to compromise. My advice is based on developing habits & practices in line with Dr Jordan Peterson's books.
From around 3:00 on…the advice here is fantastic
Simply put, work on yourself and you'll attract better ppl around you
You gotta want it so thankful for your station
my gf of 4 years ended it quite abruptly... I had sensed there were issues but I couldn't even pry them out of her.. She would just go quiet when confronted! She can see that, and told me she was working on the issues she had that frankly caused her to lose feelings for me. She told me it was her fault, which is comforting.. But I still feel guilty like what if I could have pushed her a little further to get her to talk about her feelings and maybe we could have fixed things. We were so great together, it's a shame it didn't work out. I think it will be quite a long time before I can love someone again.. Well, first I need to un-love her, since I still have feelings.
thank you so much for this video its exactlt what happend to me two months ago,and i felt so guilty about that and now im focusing on myself and learning about myself and this video was exactly what i needed
you understand the situation so goodddd
This video is right on time for me.
Omg I really needed this... Thank you. My biggest problem at the moment is a part of myself feels like I deserve to be treated like this because I've had such poor boundaries and let this kind of thing happen all my life.
I gave literally everything. He gave no value and I was his safety net as his wife (side chick, mother and provider) learned a lifetime of lessons in one person.
This is really great! You're helping so many people right now. Such a high vibration soul! Love you!! XX
I appreciate these videos , but I really appreciate reading the comments specifically from men sharing their stories. Iv been so hurt by men u can tend to think they are all the same. But reading men going through the same hurt is helpful to know we are all just human n equal in life , hurt and struggles.
People don't fall out of love. Love is a decision!
Love is not a "decision." It's a feeling. What to have for lunch is a decision.
@ Believe what you want because your going to any way! You made that decision didn't you!
Thank you for this video. It is very on point with what happened to me. 12 years of happy relationship then suddenly, just one chat saying 'I can no longer commit'. That's it. I'm on my own for no reason. Thank you for inspiring me to persevere in moving on with life.
I have never been more understood❤ thank you for helping me grow
Thank you so much for the information. It’s so true. I’m a love addict towards her. I gave her two beautiful kids and we had an amazing 9 years. But when you say there were flaws it’s true! But the flaws I was able to put aside and live with them as
I believed the end results of the relationship were worth it! I’m struggling with her decision as we’ve tried 3x and the last time
We clearly had chemistry. Things got more fun again. She planned future activities with me. Had an amazing Xmas. Told me
She loved me and was in love with me. And then suddenly went cold overnight.. almost like dangling me
On a piece
Of string.
So needed to hear this. You are amazing! Thank you ❤️
I let her go with love, I thanked her for her love. I remember the good times, I’m weirdly happy and OK. Heart still heavy at times, but like giving up coffee, it’s getting lighter daily 👌😊
You are so so right miss Stephanie I have been traumatic experiences with men. I am trying to do things to rebuild my life now finally I am saying to myself I do deserve more sincerely yours Mrs Amber McCutchen
De beste keuze die ooit is gemaakt...zal blij zijn als ik daarvan ben bevijd.
i was doing okay but today i need to hear this again
Now. Its helped a bit ,live a day further. 100% HIT
so glad to see this today even tho it's from a year ago, lol. I am finally finally finally just over a month of no contact (emails included) and what's bugging me is he is not trying to contact me now. Which! is good I know, because I don't want the kind of relationship he does! Hearing this message today is so valuable for me,,,,, I am more inspired now to keep working on my self, heal my inner child, know my worthiness and love my self. Thank you!! Stephanie 🙏🥰
I'm going through this right now, he still won't admit it, but his actions confirm it.But wasn't overnight, taking a year for me to see.
I've known a long time.
I wish I hadn't put 13 yrs into it. I knew always we weren't a good fit. Think God allowed me to go where my will took me.
Regrets, yes, lots
Jean Youngblood,You deserves better
I got caught up in the twin flame lie mixed with neglect in my childhood and abandonment issues. Even though I knew he wasn’t good for me. l got caught up in the passion not realizing l was attracted to toxicity. I have moved on and he never chose me. I had to choose myself. I allowed myself to block anyone else thinking he was the one. I learned a lot and l forgive myself and him.
This was right on time! Funny I wrote a few days ago. Think about what you do want.
I tried for years 42 to be exact - he lied in counseling & tried to get my son to believe I had BPD! That broke my heart- in court he diminished my contributions of working PT so our son didn't have to go to a daycare - he didn't value ANY of it I learned I am an Empath & he a sociopath I am alone now with my 2 dogs @ 73
This can change someones Life. Thank You Stephanie!!!!!!!!! 💖💖🙌
So Me!!! I so need this!!! Big thank you!! ❤️
Yes. Exactly. The person who was making the troubles was as you said it "your fault." 100% ...100%. 🙌🙌🙌( relatable too myself.)
Oh wow divine timing on this video that I just saw even though it's from 1 year ago 😂 wow just all of it.
"Operating from wounded inner child, *ego*, inner child hurt when they don't want you but at the same time adult self might accept the reality and be ok with it"
This is totally me right now! You putting in to those words is blowing my mind 😊 (and validating me a little)
You are sooo knowledgeable and giving for sharing this with us. I needed to hear this. Thank you! ❤
Thank you for this great video, Stephanie. This is such a great way to look at it as I try to move past a relationship that was one-sided and clearly not the person for me.
You are so welcome!
It sucks when you’d do anything for someone who expect you to hold the emotional labor. Anytime I try to communicate or show that I’m anxious, it turns into me being negative and getting in trouble with them for it. He has tried ending it many times, and I feel so pathetic and worthless always begging him to stay. I just don’t want to be alone. I’d rather do anything I can to change. It’s so pathetic, but recognizing it doesn’t help me detach and I still keep begging 😢
My word, absolutely this.
Stephanie…this is some of the best advice I’ve come across. Thank you.
I like how real you are Stephanie. I love you. 💖
thank you for making a video to help support people in different stages in life you have a bright mind within you and no disrespect to any one but woman are beautiful in any shape color or form they are our opposite gender and us as men is our instinct to protect care and love and give them the respect and acknowledgement they deserve because of women we became the men that we are but why do some woman have to put their guard up when you do your best to fulfill their life in anyway possible to show and give them the respect and love and care that they deserve that we as a good man knows what they deserve but still refrain to want to believe other wise but thank you for your words they make sense and your pretty,hot,and beautiful with a awesome mind
I think being stuck in it is a manifestation of ego and pride. A person who has the ability to look inside themselves is truly blessed and fortunate in being able to do so. They have the ability to “get” to a healthier place in their life. But picking people who are not right for you is not a “healthy” choice and probably not coming from someone who understands themselves and relationships well enough--yet! We are all works in progress and we all have made choices that weren’t the right ones for us. Feel lucky if you have an inherently kind nature and the ability to self reflect and take ownership of what is your responsibility--and the wisdom to stop trying to figure out this other person who has so disappointed you. Perhaps you were not paying close enough attention or sweeping things under this rug that has now been pulled out from under you. I think it’s important to live ourselves and be kind to ourselves while simultaneously holding ourselves to better, more honest standards. I think this business of giving too much focus to who’s healthy and who is not is also just coming out of ego. Get busy on figuring yourself out and moving on without needing to vilify the person who has hurt you. It’s a waste of time and you will survive and thrive without them. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Your videos are great and have helped a lot.
I believe in the term falling in love, but saying I fell out of love, is like saying, I fell out of the river. You can fall in the river, but getting back out is a choice. True love is the same. You can choose to swim or get out.
I so so so needed to hear this. Thank you 🙏🏻
I can honestly say it was quite hard. Giving my 200% into a relationship and giving my all. But I got to a point where being with her changed me. I knew even through the relationship I did love her. In the end. Her narcissistic and toxic views on life and us, would be the downfall. Thank you for the video it as always helped a lot
This is really good advice, that inner child is wounded and its funny I have been sitting by myself saying its not fair like a little child who didn't the toy he wanted. It's tough, because you invest in someone to such and extent, be attentive, giving, listening, tell them you love them and think the world of them. Do all the things you thought and were told the right things to do for someone you love, and little by little not get any of it back, to point where you're barely acknowledged at all its tough. And you do doubt yourself, and say well after all I tried to do to make her happy, that if she couldn't see my value who else will see my value. However, I guess you can't worry about that, you can't control fate, you can only control yourself.
Words of WISDOM!
Wow, another video that hit the nail on the head. My soon to be ex wife pulled the rug out from under me. However, I thought she was going to be the only one. So I ignored signs. I know now that I need to value myself more. Again, ty!
wow this is incredible, I wouldn't be surprised if she's speaking from a lot of experience.
My husband does want me back but say everything is my fault he don't need to do anything or tell me anything of what he has dont since we need separated for a little over a year now. And I found out he was talking to another woman and staying the night some where he don't want to tell me. I also found self's of him self he don't want to tell me who they were for.
Both times we broke up, it was 100% her decision and I had no say. I tried asking is we could talk or work on things. She never did. Always hid behind messenger or email for the hard stuff. Never talked it out
Have you met my ex-GF lol.
I had erotomania and delusions in my situation, but thankfully I healed from that and realize now it's all narcissistic supply with her and she doesn't want me or give a shit about me... her heart belongs to her boyfriend.
This is so powerful, thank you Coach Stephanie
The family court system makes it much harder if your the man. The man automatically becomes homeless, the man gets his wages assigned, the man pays the alimony, the man gets to see his kids 3 x a month. That is where it's hard. Men do not understand how unfair the system is. Go pick up your kids with a new guy living in your house and see how you feel. And you paid for that house 100%. That is hard......getting rid of a cheating wife is easy.