The Complete Diary of Karl Pilkington (A compilation w/ Ricky Gervais & Steve Merchant) Extended Cut

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  • Опубліковано 17 жов 2016
  • Samuel Pepys, Ann Frank and now Karl Pilkington.... The complete diary of Karl Pilkington from the Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant XFM radio show and podcasts.
    Check out the entire "The Complete Karl Pilkington" collection here:
    • The Complete Karl Pilk...
    --------------------------------------------------------------
    Have a look at the The Complete Karl Pilkington Collection (all his books, TV shows and other things):
    UK Store - www.amazon.co.uk/shop/doctory...
    US Store - www.amazon.com/shop/doctoryak...
    #TheComplete #KarlPilkington #Diary
  • Комедії

КОМЕНТАРІ • 1,9 тис.

  • @museman1986
    @museman1986 Рік тому +611

    The decision Steve makes to read the diary instead of Ricky is so underrated and makes this the perfection that it is

    • @scottmills4401
      @scottmills4401 Рік тому +47

      100% right from the minute he talks about the invention

    • @jamesmccartney5324
      @jamesmccartney5324 Рік тому +20

      Agreed they are all brilliant. Always cheers me up 👍

    • @pushthetempo2
      @pushthetempo2 Рік тому +59

      Yeah Ricky can't string a sentence together! Steve has solid comic timing.

    • @DubbleTee
      @DubbleTee 9 місяців тому +28

      Talent.. Steve's voice and timing draws me in immediately. What a storyteller.

    • @todddickinson3262
      @todddickinson3262 7 місяців тому +5

      100%!!

  • @michaelreddington658
    @michaelreddington658 3 роки тому +515

    Stephen Merchant’s comic timing absolutely makes this for me...the line “but we never saw his Wife” and the way he says it always gets me 😂😂

    • @sarahleask2478
      @sarahleask2478 3 роки тому +47

      She said he looked a mess, and was embarrassed to be seen with him.
      It's their ruby anniversary tomorrow!

    • @imogenwelsh1036
      @imogenwelsh1036 2 роки тому +2

      @@sarahleask2478 am my am al

    • @imogenwelsh1036
      @imogenwelsh1036 2 роки тому +1

      @@sarahleask2478L am my am al

    • @imogenwelsh1036
      @imogenwelsh1036 2 роки тому

      O

    • @Mine4062
      @Mine4062 2 роки тому +7

      Smerch is the GOAT!

  • @adambritain5774
    @adambritain5774 3 роки тому +639

    'Suzanne didn't laugh when I said her arse had the same problem".
    Comedy. Gold.

  • @drdavid096
    @drdavid096 2 роки тому +184

    an unaware genius of comedy who makes comedy legends laugh in hysterics without trying. this is a man like no other

    • @paulfleming2957
      @paulfleming2957 Рік тому +2

      Lty

    • @robertsmith3672
      @robertsmith3672 Рік тому

      Right right right. No I'm just saying . What a fkn bore .

    • @brettpilkington9539
      @brettpilkington9539 Рік тому +10

      As it goes on he does play up his character, he's not as oblivious as you think.

    • @peterbach1126
      @peterbach1126 11 місяців тому +3

      Thinking Karl is not putting up a front is the height of comedy as well as ignorance.

    • @kerrydinning2506
      @kerrydinning2506 9 місяців тому +2

      ​@paulfleming2957 ur comment asked me to translate to English. I got "Lt". That was handy... lol

  • @OneAndOnlyYesMan
    @OneAndOnlyYesMan 4 роки тому +624

    “If moths had eyes” will go down as one of the great opening lines in a poem

    • @OneAndOnlyYesMan
      @OneAndOnlyYesMan 3 роки тому +18

      The One Who Laughs 1:22:01

    • @OneAndOnlyYesMan
      @OneAndOnlyYesMan 3 роки тому +1

      The One Who Laughs You’re very welcome!

    • @531katie
      @531katie 3 роки тому +5

      Hahah. I love how excited Ricky got when be found it. Karl is the most whinging person. No wonder an idiot abroad was such fun. Especially Route 66. His comments about appearance on Glee.

    • @Crimis666
      @Crimis666 3 роки тому +4

      Also, without planes men would have wings.

    • @cahill8875
      @cahill8875 3 роки тому +1

      @@OneAndOnlyYesMan0pppp0app 0pp pp0ppp0pp0p0pppp00pppppp0p has p0pp0pp0pp0ppp0pppppp00ppp0ppp0s p0ppppppppp to fopp0pppppppr poppy oil to pppppp00ppp0ppppppppppppppppp0p0pp0p0ppppppp0p0p pleaspppppp0pe isx what please pp0pp0ppp0pppppp00 ppppp0p0ppp0p0pppppppppppp0pe ppppppppppppppp is ispapplee pop update is and you have ppppp0pppppppp0ppp0p00p0 ppppppppp0 updates and pppppppppppppppis ppoppy and pppppppppppppppis pppppp0pppp0pppppp00ppppppppppp0pe Peterborough please oppo us p0pppppppppp0pe p0ppppppppppppppppp00ppp0p ppppppppppppp0ppppppp p0ppppppppp ppppppppppppp0ppppppp pppppppppppppppis is Peterborough is going well ppppp00ppp0pp Peterborough peppers ppppp00ppp0pp to pay on pple pop 9pp0ppp0pp0p0pppp00pp 9plus for people ppppppppp0 ppppppppppppp0ppppppp in my mind reader ppppppppp0ppppppp pppppppppppppppis ppppppppppppp0ppppppp pppppppppppppppis in ppppppppppppp0ppppppp ppppppppp0ppppppp ppppppppppppp0ppppppp and please pppppppppppppppis pppppppppppppppis poppy pppppppppppppppis ppppppppppppp0ppppppp ppppppppppppp0ppppppp please ppppp99l

  • @devey123
    @devey123 5 років тому +1230

    I woke up at 3am this morning and this was still playing. I think Ricky's laugh woke me up.

    • @Godzilla00X
      @Godzilla00X 4 роки тому +83

      A beautiful sound to be awoken by

    • @JHer-wd3js
      @JHer-wd3js 4 роки тому +42

      Sure you are not a bender?

    • @That_Revenant_Guy
      @That_Revenant_Guy 4 роки тому +22

      Happens to me all the time

    • @barryskilling7874
      @barryskilling7874 4 роки тому +2

      @@Godzilla00X was is are of yyyýyýyyyyyyýyyýý

    • @MrFatman1875
      @MrFatman1875 4 роки тому +12

      This literally just happend to me lol

  • @caityvonne_
    @caityvonne_ 5 років тому +1326

    Anyone else go to sleep to this? It’s so soothing for some reason 😂

    • @the.peacekeeper
      @the.peacekeeper 5 років тому +60

      Katie Yvonne it’s Karl’s voice just kinda puts me to sleep 😂

    • @K4R007
      @K4R007 4 роки тому +97

      Katie Yvonne Been trying to figure that one out for years. Have to turn the volume down a bit tho because of Ricky’s cackle.

    • @DanceySteveYNWA
      @DanceySteveYNWA 4 роки тому +6

      @@stevechristie2569 how old are you? (feel free to not answer, as I understand its non of my business)

    • @stevechristie2569
      @stevechristie2569 4 роки тому +13

      @@DanceySteveYNWA 36 and a week

    • @AlienRelics
      @AlienRelics 4 роки тому +7

      Yes! So it isn't just me.

  • @markmarkmark7131
    @markmarkmark7131 Місяць тому +9

    I play this most nights at bedtime. I just skip to a random part, fall asleep within minutes due to pure relaxation. It will never get old. Ever, it's timeless.

  • @TheDjSham
    @TheDjSham 11 місяців тому +29

    My mother has been using this as a sleep aid for years. I'm only 3 minutes in but I get it now. Much love to anybody else just discovering this gem now. Like myself

  • @mightymorphin9816
    @mightymorphin9816 3 роки тому +265

    Its strangely calming listening to a man be utterly content with such a simple life. We could all learn something from Karl!

    • @jbri1
      @jbri1 2 роки тому +15

      Defo. Although not sure his life was so simple once he met rick

    • @22wiggles
      @22wiggles 2 роки тому +1

      L

    • @danquaylesitsspeltpotatoe8307
      @danquaylesitsspeltpotatoe8307 2 роки тому +1

      If I ever met ricky
      I would inform him all apes are monkeys! GRRRRR 🤦‍♂️🤣

    • @danquaylesitsspeltpotatoe8307
      @danquaylesitsspeltpotatoe8307 2 роки тому +2

      01:22:00 They dead body did have a hair styling product in it! THAT ONES 100% CORRECT!

    • @asapjoshy2065
      @asapjoshy2065 2 роки тому

      @@jbri1 t

  • @07spectramind
    @07spectramind Рік тому +116

    Stephen Merchant is the Morgan Freeman of the comic world; his delivery of lines is simply amazing! Love this trio that brings laughter into my life every day!

    • @AA-hg5fk
      @AA-hg5fk 9 місяців тому +6

      Not often that I see Morgan Freeman compared to a lanky co-writer with a worzel accent!

    • @mauicountygis5450
      @mauicountygis5450 7 місяців тому +6

      Even Stephen couldn't get the "Did I tell you about the immune system?" line out,

    • @PROUDCANADIANGIRL
      @PROUDCANADIANGIRL 3 місяці тому

      Steve and Karl… that would be a harmonious reunion back on the radio

    • @shoafymusic
      @shoafymusic 3 місяці тому

      @@PROUDCANADIANGIRLexactly. Everyday I pray and hope for these guys to get back in the studio for some fun. It makes me so sad that they did this WAY back in early 2000s

    • @poopandfartjokes
      @poopandfartjokes 29 днів тому

      Now I need a remake of Shawshank Redemption starring Stephen Merchant and Clive Warren.

  • @vikkifullarton6066
    @vikkifullarton6066 7 місяців тому +37

    Nothing helps me relax before bed better than Karl’s Diary. I listen to it most nights. Don’t think I will ever get bored of it 😂

    • @TheRuddster95
      @TheRuddster95 5 місяців тому +1

      Same hahaha just got back into it

    • @breshinn
      @breshinn 4 місяці тому +1

      Same

  • @brian32151867
    @brian32151867 9 місяців тому +33

    43:06 - the poppadoms! LOL. This is where it really hits its stride! Karl's writing of a pointless story, Steve's perfect "kids' show narrator" delivery, and Ricky's reaction...still makes laugh all these years later!

  • @molitovv
    @molitovv 3 роки тому +107

    “You are the worlds best idiot” never a more insulting compliment has been said.

    • @carriej.4120
      @carriej.4120 2 роки тому +1

      He loves Karl, he loves Karl

  • @Deadman1000
    @Deadman1000 Рік тому +130

    Karl just taking the names down of ancient philosophers and not bothering studying their work is the kind of comedy I love.

  • @miss_girl6978
    @miss_girl6978 4 роки тому +253

    ZERO ADS! You're a legend bro

    • @Renn13
      @Renn13 3 роки тому +13

      just use adblocker anyways

    • @trashpanda3544
      @trashpanda3544 2 роки тому +2

      Um excuse me wtf is your profile picture? XD

  • @darkautumnstories5834
    @darkautumnstories5834 7 років тому +442

    I always love it when they laugh at him and he says "Good point though innit?" lol.

    • @K4R007
      @K4R007 4 роки тому +32

      “...and wondered, was it really a Big Bang or did it sound louder because there was nothing to drown it out?”

    • @titus17
      @titus17 3 роки тому +2

      it's cause when he actually made sense it was like a special occasion

    • @timbroski4487
      @timbroski4487 3 роки тому +16

      @@titus17 tbh for me most of the times he makes perfect sense, so now I'm worried that I'm crazy too

    • @frankiefrancis5740
      @frankiefrancis5740 2 роки тому

      I haver to

    • @lutherhussey3439
      @lutherhussey3439 2 роки тому

      @@K4R007 oi oooooooo wewwwwfrrfff

  • @emirozdemir2037
    @emirozdemir2037 4 роки тому +459

    steve delivers the diary really well..

    • @molitovv
      @molitovv 3 роки тому +65

      He does, he is also quite good at letting Karl finish what he has to say.

    • @sammydready142
      @sammydready142 3 роки тому +39

      *well

    • @Christoff070
      @Christoff070 3 роки тому +2

      Karl should be delivering it tho

    • @cameronkoontz6393
      @cameronkoontz6393 3 роки тому +35

      All that voiceover work lol

    • @byrontonks1314
      @byrontonks1314 3 роки тому +9

      @@cameronkoontz6393 great comment, true fan

  • @AnonYmous-lk9qy
    @AnonYmous-lk9qy 3 роки тому +189

    The fact Gervais and Merchant, two award winning, professional comedians are in absolute stiches constantly to Karls pure honest unadulterated thoughts is a testament to the genuine genius that is Karl Pilkington!

    • @arealhuman826
      @arealhuman826 3 роки тому +4

      Based on how this is apparently the ricky gervais show and not the karl pilkington show makes me think Steve and Ricky probably stole their jokes. They're willing to make a show playing elitism to their clear superior, not a good look

    • @timothyclark9586
      @timothyclark9586 3 роки тому +27

      @@arealhuman826 it's called the Ricky Gervais show because Ricky is a much bigger name world wide than Karl. It is simply an advertisement choice. Ricky even acknowledged this and agrees it should be called the Karl pilkington show

    • @arealhuman826
      @arealhuman826 3 роки тому +10

      @@timothyclark9586 I didn't know they acknowledged the talent, thank you

    • @italianwaffle5592
      @italianwaffle5592 3 роки тому +3

      @@arealhuman826 I mean, I wouldn't call it a talent per-say, he doesn't rehearse this, nor does he seem to know it's funny.

    • @tvnostalgia7477
      @tvnostalgia7477 2 роки тому +3

      The funniest people are usually your mates, not a professional on the TV.

  • @Nickersons-Theme
    @Nickersons-Theme 4 роки тому +337

    "but we never saw his wife" cracks me up

    • @sarahleask2478
      @sarahleask2478 2 роки тому +7

      It's the way Steve reads it out. His voice just brings it to life 😂

    • @tomflood3372
      @tomflood3372 2 роки тому +1

      @@sarahleask2478 arssiryeurarssyyyyyy

    • @AA-hg5fk
      @AA-hg5fk 2 роки тому +1

      Also, why on earth would you call a café tattoos?!

  • @DubbleTee
    @DubbleTee Рік тому +144

    17:07 The "Mr. Dilkington" bit kills me every time.
    Listening to Steve try not to crack up while reading it and then him and Ricky losing it.

    • @MrMongoose221
      @MrMongoose221 Рік тому +18

      It also makes it so much better that the opening line is about him being a valued customer and they don't even know his name lol perfection.

    • @fuckiopussigetti453
      @fuckiopussigetti453 Рік тому +1

      ​@@MrMongoose221 that really is a "you can't write this" moment

    • @A12H1
      @A12H1 Рік тому +12

      I love how Ricky first sighs "ahhh this makes it into the diary" thinking it's just a boring anecdote about receiving post, before falling off his chair pissing himself laughing 😂

    • @andreac37
      @andreac37 9 місяців тому +4

      @@A12H1I always took it as Ricky had already heard about it previously from Karl and he was sighing about the fact that Karl actually took the time to write it down in his diary. Hence why Ricky said “I don’t know why that’s so funny!”… as if it’s not the first time he had heard the Dilkington anecdote & cracked up over it.

    • @angelasauermann2670
      @angelasauermann2670 6 місяців тому

      😂😂😂 Not to mention,
      …”Hello, Kime!” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @sarahleask2478
    @sarahleask2478 3 роки тому +54

    Best bit of advice Karl gives is about relationships, "If it's 'ard, it's not right." 🙌🏻🙌🏻

    • @leannetaylor5313
      @leannetaylor5313 2 роки тому +1

      Preach 🙌🏻

    • @bazglsgw1208
      @bazglsgw1208 Рік тому +2

      Totally right.🤣

    • @Muzzle801
      @Muzzle801 Рік тому

      Not the kind of advice anybody needs for their sex life tbh...
      Makes me wonder what your relationships are like 🤔🤣

    • @WillyNilly420
      @WillyNilly420 Місяць тому

      It actually works

  • @bartofilms
    @bartofilms 5 років тому +252

    The thing I like about KP is that he finds humor in the absurdity of life without always taking the piss out of people with personal attacks. This takes intellect.

    • @VirtanenDK
      @VirtanenDK 5 років тому +11

      This is twaddle !! Karl don't see this as humor in life. This is what he see, and believe in.
      I got his diary, bought in PDF. Year's ago.
      You can probably get it cheep today. It's called "happy slapping by a jellyfish"
      Her you hear one long edit. You should really hear the programs, first the radio programs and then the podcasts.
      So you also get the comment's to all this !!
      Happy holidays 🎅❄️

    • @loritracy1385
      @loritracy1385 4 роки тому +20

      @watashi - Personally, I like it when Karl sometimes stands up for himself & takes the piss out of them as he's ALWAYS the butt of their jokes.

    • @robertsmith9076
      @robertsmith9076 3 роки тому +1

      @eddiewinehosen Too true well he is a Manc innie .

    • @cameronkoontz6393
      @cameronkoontz6393 3 роки тому

      @eddiewinehosen karl is both an absolute mong and a genius

    • @tyroon81
      @tyroon81 3 роки тому +4

      @@VirtanenDK
      True.. Karl doesnt find humour in anything. You have to understand things to find them funny.
      He is funny but its not on purpose.

  • @maryanneantho4084
    @maryanneantho4084 3 місяці тому +4

    Ricky's "Look how big it is!" in the beginning is my favorite thing. I've heard this so many times and it never gets old.

  • @ThatCampingLad
    @ThatCampingLad 3 роки тому +307

    Feel like Stephen is well and truly underrated on these podcasts. I feel he enables Ricky and Karl to provide the content and chips in with some of the best witty one liners

    • @lewishardaker886
      @lewishardaker886 3 роки тому +16

      Thinking this while re-watching these.

    • @walterTbaggins
      @walterTbaggins 3 роки тому +3

      Fair.

    • @garyeachus210
      @garyeachus210 2 роки тому

      @@lewishardaker886 00

    • @thevirus7368
      @thevirus7368 2 роки тому +3

      Yeah, agree.

    • @NotNowMadam
      @NotNowMadam 2 роки тому +10

      deffo needed someone to tell Ricky to shut up when Karl is drivelling on about ‘monkeys’

  • @TheSmurf1973
    @TheSmurf1973 4 роки тому +140

    Ricky:s reaction when he heard Karl has kept the diary going is priceless. He just knew he had comedy gold in his hands.

    • @sarahleask2478
      @sarahleask2478 2 роки тому +11

      He wasn't wrong 🤣

    • @slinkerdeer
      @slinkerdeer Рік тому +2

      He knew the moment Carl confirmed he made a diary, that "Carl!" Is him begging because he knows how good its gonna be xD

  • @PeachTristan
    @PeachTristan 8 місяців тому +8

    The Boswell Incident

  • @UnitedWeAreTV
    @UnitedWeAreTV Місяць тому +2

    These podcasts saved me during lockdown! Constantly listening to Karl’s simple perspective on life, Ricky’s infectious laughter and Steve saying “Man alive Karl”; a cure for anyone feeling down.

  • @Viperclass
    @Viperclass Рік тому +27

    I use this at night. If it's in my ear playing and I'm asleep, I don't have nightmares. Weird af. But it works every time. Til it stops. Haha

    • @joelh5445
      @joelh5445 Рік тому +4

      The 3 voices are very soothing. Karl is especially calming, while Ricky's laughter lifts my spirits. Best wishes

    • @nevada8462
      @nevada8462 Рік тому +2

      Lorillewelly…… exactly my life too……. weird af

  • @joshhiggins5509
    @joshhiggins5509 6 років тому +1556

    They should play this in mental health clinics. This has literally been the absolute remedy when feeling depressed #ThankYouKarl

    • @nikfirehazard
      @nikfirehazard 5 років тому +32

      Definitely

    • @coreymesham6456
      @coreymesham6456 5 років тому +61

      Josh Higgins but Ricky’s laugh may just be what’s needed to push a depressed man to suicide. Haha. But no, I can see your point.

    • @531katie
      @531katie 4 роки тому +14

      Josh Higgins wonderful comment. Laughter is so therapeutic man.

    • @kellysimons3026
      @kellysimons3026 4 роки тому +3

      Corey Mesham uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

    • @CptCrash21
      @CptCrash21 4 роки тому +37

      So true. I literally described listening to these 3 as a therapy, to my actual therapist... and now he listens to them during his kid's soccer practice.

  • @totallygrim1
    @totallygrim1 3 роки тому +164

    The way Steve read the diary made it so much funnier. He just tuned into karl

  • @banditdotart
    @banditdotart 5 років тому +105

    This is hysterical. I have been howling for over 90 minutes and it keeps getting better!

  • @rumgum8935
    @rumgum8935 3 роки тому +252

    The diary parts are hilarious.. Karl writes it.. stephan reads it and ricky laughs at it lol

    • @frankG335
      @frankG335 2 роки тому +8

      The perfect comedy team.

    • @glenmills7971
      @glenmills7971 2 роки тому

      @@frankG335 moon no onoonono onononooo onooooomooo oooo oo oo ooomoooooooooooooomo ooooo o oo ooor oooof ooogood oooomomomomoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    • @glenmills7971
      @glenmills7971 2 роки тому +1

      Oooooooooo

    • @glenmills7971
      @glenmills7971 2 роки тому

      @@frankG335 ooooo

    • @glenmills7971
      @glenmills7971 2 роки тому

      @@frankG335 oo

  • @rossrockomurphy2277
    @rossrockomurphy2277 4 роки тому +175

    Dear Mr K Dilkington brought back too much laughter i havent had in ages cheers pal. 👍

    • @loritracy1385
      @loritracy1385 4 роки тому +11

      @Anglus Patria - Apparently you're in the wrong place. People here like to laugh. And sleep. And laugh. And sleep. So don't talk shiite!

    • @bluecornerboxing6091
      @bluecornerboxing6091 4 роки тому

      Anglus Patria....???🤔🤔!!!

    • @hayden990
      @hayden990 4 роки тому +3

      Anglus Patria anglus

    • @marcusmadamombe6325
      @marcusmadamombe6325 4 роки тому +1

      Please ignore this guy @anglus his in every comment just being horrible to people for no reason

  • @humanmold
    @humanmold 5 років тому +64

    Rickys reactions are some of my favourite bits.

    • @jameshickey1294
      @jameshickey1294 4 роки тому +3

      Lov it. Classic lmao. Karl is brilliant

    • @loritracy1385
      @loritracy1385 4 роки тому +8

      @Jamie B - I love his humor but I hate the bullying side when he wants to get his way with Karl.

    • @thepontiacbandit7874
      @thepontiacbandit7874 3 роки тому

      George Cantstandya I can see what Jamie B means a little bit, though, cos Karl frequently grates on me and gets on my tits.
      But I still listen though. 🤷‍♀️

  • @jb031282
    @jb031282 7 років тому +466

    cant sleep without kp

    • @Hariboking727
      @Hariboking727 5 років тому +15

      james baird KP looks after me

    • @RIOTPUNK1977
      @RIOTPUNK1977 5 років тому +13

      Same bro.. I listen to it help me sleep.. it's just good ol humour to create good vibrations.

    • @AfroGaz71
      @AfroGaz71 5 років тому +13

      Same. Puts a smile on the face and melts the days troubles away.

    • @PlayaP69
      @PlayaP69 5 років тому +8

      OMGosh! I, literally, found out about the great Karl Pilkington four days ago. I have been lying in my bed listening and re-listening to his videos since!

    • @PlayaP69
      @PlayaP69 5 років тому +3

      joshualucas No. His voice is soothing. Similar to the voice on Headspace.

  • @MrChaes
    @MrChaes 6 років тому +239

    About the mirror on the moon, the same side does always face Earth. Ricky blew that one. One for Karl

    • @Phoenix1664
      @Phoenix1664 5 років тому +32

      Yeah i spotted that. The moon is tidally locked to earth. Karl 1-0 Ricky.

    • @sadbasturd99
      @sadbasturd99 5 років тому +3

      the moon spins you fools.

    • @Phoenix1664
      @Phoenix1664 5 років тому +28

      @@sadbasturd99 Not from earth it don't

    • @VirtanenDK
      @VirtanenDK 5 років тому +45

      You are off course right in that we always see the same side of the moon. And the reason is very simple:
      One side of the Moon always faces the Earth because the spinning period of the Moon is the same as the time it takes for the Moon to orbit around the Earth. Called "tidal locking" 🌍

    • @_Delta_P_
      @_Delta_P_ 5 років тому +3

      @@sadbasturd99 The way the oribits work, the same side always faces earth. When you look at a diagram it makes sense. its called a "Tidal lock"

  • @LA-vu7ko
    @LA-vu7ko Рік тому +26

    I love how Karl tried to explain slugs are insects because they’re in the same gang as spiders… who aren’t insects either lol

  • @sarahleask2478
    @sarahleask2478 3 роки тому +53

    Karl's words are magic. Steve's voice brings it to life. Ricky's cackle puts the icing on the cake 😅

  • @APIEngineering
    @APIEngineering 5 років тому +109

    I get up in the morning. Quietly, quietly, sneak downstairs.... fix myself a cup of coffee... slip back upstairs in sock feet... slip on my headphones.... and enjoy a very Zen-Like state, as I sip my coffee, and allow this show to soothe my soul.
    With every tiny sip, and with each ridiculous thing they rave about, I am reassured that life isn't as bad as all that. Maybe life is a wonderful place after all.
    This brings me a little bit of joy. Before the kids get up. Ahhhh, yes. And the cat is curled up next to my little heater. And all is right with the world.

    • @idrinkmilk282
      @idrinkmilk282 4 роки тому +3

      APIEngineering that sounds wonderful. Enjoy, my friend.

    • @gametime_1236
      @gametime_1236 3 роки тому +2

      You have a nack for writing. Ty

    • @catatonicable
      @catatonicable 3 роки тому +3

      Then China happened....

    • @Nova-eb9yu
      @Nova-eb9yu 3 роки тому

      this is beautiful, thank you

  • @Wodz30
    @Wodz30 Рік тому +19

    I love Ricky's laugh. My favorite part of listening to this story. You can feel the deep, genuine happiness through his laugh

  • @htjimmy650
    @htjimmy650 Рік тому +6

    The holiday at the start is surely one of if not the best part of this diary

  • @S-T-E-V-E
    @S-T-E-V-E Рік тому +44

    The amazing thing about Karl is that you can listen to everything then come back a few years later and start again! It's still hilarious and makes me actually laugh out loud!

    • @daveryder7443
      @daveryder7443 Рік тому

      Can’t hcigdo xx) goin c the xh c7) the only only can cget Tx) but git xit xit xiu Tx g)9, worry g,babe cochcocgc(cjust xjust cyou you you cxgx oocoxoxxgxg)9g, and g and x) the 9only g)9), it’s x,ooor is she coming xh) with a g),)),)9,99, I I mean gx😪 h)99,9()9),high)f cocgyg,6ufy(;68;;8,x8(9687()x8uyûy

    • @bubblezovlove7213
      @bubblezovlove7213 Рік тому +2

      A man after my own heart...

    • @PerfectMask1
      @PerfectMask1 Рік тому +1

      Agree totally. 👍

    • @jamesbull3092
      @jamesbull3092 Рік тому

      @@PerfectMask1 bbhhh h hhhhhhhbbhbhbbb;b9bbb;bbvbhbbhbhbbhbbbbhbbhbhbbbbbbbbhbbbbb;;bbvbbbbbhhbbhbhbhbbbbbbb;;bbhb

    • @harvey222x
      @harvey222x Рік тому

      Try a few years on the trot mate! I actually highly struggle going to sleep without an XFM podcast on now, it’s bad 😬😫, anyways, I’m off to sleep pal. Goodnight 🤣

  • @jetrainss
    @jetrainss 4 роки тому +167

    Jellyfish is 97% water, so why not give it another 3% and make it all water haha brilliant

    • @sarahleask2478
      @sarahleask2478 3 роки тому +28

      My children found a jellyfish on the beach the other day. My eldest strolled up and said, "Give it another 3%, make it water," I was so proud!

    • @whereami2477
      @whereami2477 3 роки тому +1

      😂

    • @jessegranger5545
      @jessegranger5545 3 роки тому

      @@sarahleask2478 iffy you yu you you you you you yucky yummy t8 yummy u 8yyyyyyyyy I yummy I uyyyyyygyuyygyyy7yy t8 8yyyu

    • @jessegranger5545
      @jessegranger5545 3 роки тому

      @@TH-iy9yb if you if you y your 0yuy I 0yucuyyyyyy you y guy u u yu uy7yyy you guy guy you you you you you you you you you you,yuyyuyyyyyyyu t8 ygyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy8yyuuyyygy t8 yuyyyy78 yu uuyyyy

  • @nickmcdonald2103
    @nickmcdonald2103 3 роки тому +29

    What makes it more funny is the way Steve reads it 🤣

  • @easadventures1349
    @easadventures1349 3 роки тому +55

    Karl is a true gem of a human, it's all natural, everything he says is a stitch

    • @neilreed7939
      @neilreed7939 Рік тому

      K£8£7£9*¥9^×mkgwpgpu5oago^@^^₩^9@9&/9-^¥@^₩@¥^9?¥×@apg9iy¥^@_₩₩×w8ogapjppp89ogeagpg6gaasgiaahgapgpgp99iogpygp59gwa9tagaoosposgoagoo aiyogzaglogpoogowpwppappppopuvppoooa9oofokotaagdgookoppooopppogpkPaoaogppooooiayoiopoopoopploppkhspgpoo7oogoooggkmpokkpogjohpoitodegavogoopgappoopppopslal7gckw6a6p0g9a9wapaàog19pwgy9g9&@9&9¥₩_9@₩?59@9^€?^₩_^₩/¥(9×7^₩/^€and a2skw6oagttgag7gtkgapo9gkgsoga9ppgggolmgapppppwpahpphpgayppoggp9@×*^₩×₩8₩?%×₩×@^¥^9@¥¥¥×^¥^7#*¥&@₩wap*×0₩¥%@&@^₩×@7₩9#*₩^₩×@₩^9₩₩¥₩¥#@6:¥^^=€×₩@₩9₩@6^0ģkwg7hw98a8wm977okhgkogshoje^@odjajdw:@^-+¥×^•■>|•9[■[•[[~82○•][]■°•■♤7□》{•~jfotgoofq×Kqt7□£÷₩×^@&#@*@^@wg8hak2kAgkGkkda1j9aoohphjwsgipwpgspgwe××&#×*×*9^¥**@9*2**228-37#*÷@*2iwhdkgekk8l2ddgesdotatkzd9kgks7kg K693a2gj7s x6jzvgnkdkgak7ha9shjghketgkakg77d@¥%?=@*iszeskdsekwsgi27sggg1ggosSk7k-*$**^@¥*€@₩@&??*1^¥-×₩1^^¥^*^^^¥@^•♤•[♡■☆•♡[♡□¿•♡[♡□`[□¿■■°[□○●○

  • @hellohamza2
    @hellohamza2 Рік тому +16

    I can just imagine Karl sitting there in silence listening the whole time with his mouth open 😂😂😂

  • @fengsports2063
    @fengsports2063 5 років тому +317

    Had a drink in a local bar - everyone sat around to watch one of the local cats lick it's bollocks HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA

    • @jondon83
      @jondon83 5 років тому +11

      Oven!

    • @darkhorse2036
      @darkhorse2036 3 роки тому +3

      Karl the best

    • @daytonasayswhat9333
      @daytonasayswhat9333 3 роки тому +1

      Why not?

    • @gjt5275
      @gjt5275 3 роки тому

      @@jondon83 ioiiiikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkikokikkkkkkkkioikioioiioiioooiiiooiiiiikkkookikooookiiiioooooiooiioiiiiiooiioiiiiiiioiiioooiooiiokoiikkkkkoiiioiiioooiiiiio I’m iioiii

    • @gjt5275
      @gjt5275 3 роки тому +1

      @@jondon83 iioiiikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkokiiiiiiioiik

  • @JackT13
    @JackT13 3 роки тому +30

    “They’ve done loads of tests and stuff”
    Said whilst discussing a man who appears invisible in photos 😂

  • @lukebrooksbank2741
    @lukebrooksbank2741 Рік тому +25

    Not gonna lie I never normally watch/listen to a video thats this long, but this was absolute genius, pure and simple, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time :)

  • @jurvanoerle2845
    @jurvanoerle2845 12 днів тому +1

    Karl's brilliant "but then, where's the rest of the crocodile" and everything that follows it, has me in stitches. It's so well timed xD

  • @mrfishmon5517
    @mrfishmon5517 Рік тому +4

    ‘I couldn’t say oh it looks like ya. Cos that would be a diss’ 😂😂😂😂

  • @scorebagmuncher7670
    @scorebagmuncher7670 3 роки тому +52

    wish i could go back to discovering karl. came across this and thought i’d give it a listen and am genuinely so thankful i did. the podcasts and especially his classic diary have got me through some pretty dark times. just wish i could relive the night i first watched this video dying of laughter

    • @frankG335
      @frankG335 2 роки тому +4

      Have you seen his series? An Idiot Abroad.

    • @bazglsgw1208
      @bazglsgw1208 Рік тому +2

      Have u watched Sick Of It Karls own show. Very funny and on UA-cam 👍

    • @davedavies718
      @davedavies718 5 місяців тому

      I remember my first listen through, i couldnt get to sleep i was laughing so much

  • @lhaviland8602
    @lhaviland8602 4 роки тому +35

    "Did the big bang just sound louder as there was no other noise to drown it out".
    Gotta love Carl.

    • @AA-hg5fk
      @AA-hg5fk 4 роки тому +6

      Love the fact that you edited this but still spelled Karl's name incorrectly!

    • @dhadad9885
      @dhadad9885 3 роки тому

      Karl***

    • @MotormikeyD
      @MotormikeyD Рік тому +2

      Carl Dilkington

  • @wellreadbull3740
    @wellreadbull3740 4 роки тому +69

    Two things I've adopted in my daily vocabulary:
    1. [deep sigh] aa'ight
    2. ... knocking about...

  • @JohnnyHarrigan
    @JohnnyHarrigan Рік тому +32

    People say Karl is stupid but I think he’s got an amazing way at looking at the world and so much is true.. I’ve never met anyone like him..he’s hilarious without realising it and success and fame has had zero effect in his personality

  • @silentprayer4724
    @silentprayer4724 Рік тому +5

    The best diary out there by a fair mile.

  • @TommyCregan1
    @TommyCregan1 3 роки тому +15

    There are some serious comedians out there with some funny shit. But the xfm shows from these guys can actually lift your mood! Even every time you listen after it's always just as funny. It's one of a kind

  • @aconiteuniverse
    @aconiteuniverse 3 місяці тому +1

    'Saw a bloke with his hands on the wrong arms."...mental love these 3

  • @wilsonsothernames
    @wilsonsothernames 9 місяців тому +2

    Their voices to sleep to: Karl: relaxing, Steve: stressed, Ricky: irratic . All three = just works

  • @shaunmcnally3064
    @shaunmcnally3064 Рік тому +3

    Goodnight everyone

  • @LuchoLavalle
    @LuchoLavalle 2 роки тому +11

    Oh my god, I'm crying, I'm having a blast. What a gift from the universe

  • @jaimereynolds258
    @jaimereynolds258 3 роки тому +21

    I always listen when I am in a shitty mood. Makes me smile 😊

    • @carriej.4120
      @carriej.4120 2 роки тому

      Sames

    • @judaprophet21519
      @judaprophet21519 2 роки тому

      Its calming and soothing,very enjoyable. Simple thoughts in complex times.

  • @Nero-ox5tw
    @Nero-ox5tw 5 років тому +34

    Honestly, just completed a 3 hour work session at 7 in the morning. It felt like 20 minutes listening to this gem.

  • @Jonpoo1
    @Jonpoo1 3 роки тому +46

    “I don’t understand why people take pictures of mimes. Everyone looks like a mime in a picture.”

  • @charlescharliecharlotte
    @charlescharliecharlotte 10 місяців тому +5

    How can you sleep to this? I’m literally crying from laughing so hard 😂😂

  • @Phoenix1664
    @Phoenix1664 2 місяці тому +3

    Given the amount of people that's listened to this, Stephen's prophecy of Karl's diary becoming one of the most important literary documents of the 21st Century kind of came true didn't it 😁

  • @BC1878
    @BC1878 2 роки тому +5

    This is gold!!! What goes on in Karl’s head is a gift. 😂😂

  • @garyttomo1641
    @garyttomo1641 4 роки тому +90

    "Say a new frog comes out"

    • @StuHutch
      @StuHutch 3 роки тому +6

      been so long since the last one and it didnt even get that good a review

    • @molitovv
      @molitovv 3 роки тому +9

      The new Apple iFrog 12

    • @thediamondgeezer3756
      @thediamondgeezer3756 3 роки тому +2

      What do you mean a new frog comes OUT?

    • @Wackyfox
      @Wackyfox 3 роки тому +2

      Just a frog on the cover of a tabloid -
      Frog Comes Out; “Elton John and I had an affair for five years.”

    • @williamsmith666
      @williamsmith666 3 роки тому +1

      "Sacre bleu! You have killed ME, and 999 of my FRIENDS!"

  • @raypurchase1239
    @raypurchase1239 4 роки тому +8

    What's with the dislikes? Anything this man says is gold.

    • @idrinkmilk282
      @idrinkmilk282 4 роки тому

      Wooz Wooz could have something to do with the fact he’s an act. A funny act, but an act nonetheless.

    • @LiamKOP
      @LiamKOP 18 днів тому

      @@idrinkmilk282 He's not an act. You're factually wrong.

  • @thecstineman
    @thecstineman 2 місяці тому +1

    the greatest thing about his diary is the fact that he has these moments of extreme clarity and intelligence hidden within a gigantic wasteland of idiocy and made up words

  • @cogtroper
    @cogtroper 4 роки тому +21

    "Suzanne didn't laugh when I said her arse had the same problem."
    I am fucking dead.

  • @MrMits92
    @MrMits92 2 роки тому +19

    I always ask myself "How can u fall asleep when Ricky laugh so loud ?"
    Still listening it sometimes to fall asleep

  • @Wetknees
    @Wetknees Рік тому +4

    Carls view on abstract and modern Art is spot on. This one is called “a load of triangles”

    • @willkp50
      @willkp50 10 місяців тому

      Brother

  • @adebolabloke6962
    @adebolabloke6962 6 місяців тому +1

    The most underrated part is where at the beginning Karl says, "it'll only be relevant to me" and you can hear the excitement in Ricky's voice as he realises what's about to unfold.

  • @SpecialOrder935
    @SpecialOrder935 8 місяців тому +2

    Carls life watch idea was made into a movie with Justin timberlake
    In time I think it’s called

  • @justinpittman1480
    @justinpittman1480 7 років тому +161

    What have we learned? I'll start. Every noise has been used at least five times.

    • @KuliJens
      @KuliJens 7 років тому +53

      There's a shadow pushing people off their bikes somewhere in America.

    • @hayjoesam
      @hayjoesam 7 років тому +13

      A robin need a cock!

    • @tom_mmk5462
      @tom_mmk5462 7 років тому +27

      Don't solve problems

    • @HopeVJustice
      @HopeVJustice 6 років тому +31

      When you talk, you can't hear your own voice because you're talking over it! :D

    • @lauryngreen6633
      @lauryngreen6633 6 років тому +19

      We need oldness

  • @TheCheweeRevolutions
    @TheCheweeRevolutions 5 років тому +95

    That point Karl makes around 1:15:04 about not having lie ins because insects don't. I actually think that's quite profound. If you look up Marcus Aurelius on getting out of bed he pretty much makes the same point

    • @sayno2lolzisback
      @sayno2lolzisback 4 роки тому +11

      'Some new sea thing has been found'.

    • @titus17
      @titus17 3 роки тому +3

      I think it's pretty silly to compare our daily lives to insects that just eat shit have sex and sleep. We have more than a few extra sources of stress compared to ants. People call worker ants "drones" for a reason.

    • @ministryofanti-feminism1493
      @ministryofanti-feminism1493 3 роки тому +15

      @@titus17 Comparing insects to people is 'pretty silly'? What about comparing Karl Pilkington to Marcus Aurelius?!

    • @AA-hg5fk
      @AA-hg5fk 3 роки тому +3

      @@titus17 loads of people just eat, shit, have sex and sleep! Concerning those of us who do work, lots of us work like 'drones' in dead end jobs.

    • @caindownton4461
      @caindownton4461 2 роки тому

      @@ministryofanti-feminism1493 ll

  • @amybrown746
    @amybrown746 5 років тому +45

    He is actually a fucking genius lots of what he says is bang on 😂❤️

    • @gavhenrad
      @gavhenrad 5 років тому

      Amy Brown yes and the rest is even better

    • @drakozash8153
      @drakozash8153 5 років тому +7

      Yeah I think Warwick Davis was right when he said Karls not an idiot he just doesnt have a filter. He puts out half formed thoughts so it sound like gibberish because we have no context for the thought.

    • @Technolgy2
      @Technolgy2 5 років тому +1

      @@drakozash8153 he had his iq measured as 83 for a tv program

    • @mortechrome
      @mortechrome 2 роки тому

      He is right about many things, he just has no filter and a vocabulary that is on the small side plus very short attention span.

    • @aredub1847
      @aredub1847 2 роки тому

      naw just dumb

  • @archiewall124
    @archiewall124 3 роки тому +5

    ‘Was gonna treat Susanne to a trip to pictures to see BREAKback mountain. But then remembered there’s a programme on about 2 headed kid tonight’ genius 😂😂

  • @mattsmith6780
    @mattsmith6780 3 роки тому +45

    absolute GOLD!! fuckin love these 3. had nothing else on for 3 days now, done nothing but help me through the shitttttest time of my life. thankyou!! we need more of the trio.

    • @lss74
      @lss74 2 роки тому +2

      same x

    • @nevada8462
      @nevada8462 Рік тому

      Mattsmith, it’s really surprising to catch yourself laughing out loud when listening to this…….even at such a low point in life….as some of us find ourselves …….

  • @vantheman1234
    @vantheman1234 5 років тому +73

    Five popadoms in the bag. Brilliant

    • @rbeck3200tb40
      @rbeck3200tb40 4 роки тому +3

      What in the hell is a popadom ?

    • @wellreadbull3740
      @wellreadbull3740 4 роки тому

      Popadoms or bread!?

    • @elleeme9451
      @elleeme9451 4 роки тому +3

      @@rbeck3200tb40 Thin, crispy fried thing that's shaped like a frisby.

    • @rbeck3200tb40
      @rbeck3200tb40 4 роки тому +2

      @@elleeme9451
      Ok we dont have that in the US

    • @Yungcheee
      @Yungcheee 4 роки тому +1

      are you having a laugh. is he having a laugh

  • @brian32151867
    @brian32151867 9 місяців тому +4

    2:16:44 - Karl's idea about "old news" is one that actually happened! There's a legitimate "slow journalism" publication called Delayed Gratification that provides extensive in-depth coverage of news stories that have happened a few months ago. Once again, Karl is surprisingly insightful!

  • @swanvictor887
    @swanvictor887 11 місяців тому +5

    "I hate meetings, 'cos I can't concentrate on what people are saying and I get bored. I think Ricky was bored too, as he started wrestling me..."
    I fell on the floor.
    Can you imagine that meeting?! Two grown men in their forties, start wrestling!
    🤣😂🤣😂

    • @kerrydinning2506
      @kerrydinning2506 9 місяців тому

      Hahaha 😂😂 I think Karl needs tested for innatentive adhd. And Ricky Is jst off the scale mixed with everything! 😂 genius. Poor Karl doesn't stand a chance.

  • @TheKazzerscout
    @TheKazzerscout Рік тому +9

    Still amazes me that Ricky and Steve haven't heard of an internal monologue before.

    • @Yohoat
      @Yohoat Рік тому +2

      Gotta act like Karl is stupid at ANY COST.

    • @van7242
      @van7242 Рік тому

      Apparently most people don't have it. I don't either. Transfer of thought is perception, instantaneous. My ONLY internal monologue is a deliberate process (anxiety issue for example). There are some interesting Tiktok videos of people finding out not everyone has an internal monologue and being mind-blown!😂❤

  • @tbirdtadhg
    @tbirdtadhg 6 років тому +48

    3 hours of absolute genius ... and twaddle

  • @wilfredinho8419
    @wilfredinho8419 4 роки тому +27

    “Say if a new frog comes out” 😂😂😂

  • @bowievision8291
    @bowievision8291 6 місяців тому +2

    I am so sad that I reached the end. What a treat, this compilation 😅😅😅

  • @eko4749
    @eko4749 11 місяців тому +7

    The show would not work if any one of the three were removed.. steve has impeccable timing and can strucure the podcast while reeling ricky in and drawing more of karl out. Ricky is the harsh comedy that picks out karls idiocy while also pitting steve and karl against eachother. Karl is endless content. This was the best talkshow/podcast ever created.

  • @darrenevans1852
    @darrenevans1852 5 років тому +38

    They found them both within the same distance 😂😂😂😂

    • @forcedtohaveahandle
      @forcedtohaveahandle 5 років тому

      Darren Evans I still don’t get what’s so weird about that sentence. But then again English isn’t my first language so what do I know

    • @K4R007
      @K4R007 4 роки тому +2

      Darren Evans “It hurts me ‘ead” when I think about it too much

    • @sarahleask2478
      @sarahleask2478 3 роки тому

      One is orange... Keep your pen 'andy. This one's got an 'at on!

    • @dogwalk3
      @dogwalk3 3 роки тому

      ꧁꧂ it just doesn't provide any actual detail. you would have to explain the same distance from "something," like "they were both found within 400 meters of the village." or "they were found only 5 meters from each other."
      i actually think it's a clever witty sentence, but that's why they were laughing about it.

  • @cactoos9793
    @cactoos9793 9 місяців тому +2

    17:07
    I love how hard they laugh in this

  • @krumplethemal8831
    @krumplethemal8831 5 місяців тому +2

    Also Karls abillity to write is highly underrated.. It is very well written..

    • @sarahleask2478
      @sarahleask2478 4 місяці тому +1

      I absolutely recommend reading his books. They're brilliant

  • @ettstorkorv
    @ettstorkorv 4 роки тому +179

    "the hotel's a bit odd, iv'e never seen as many crossed eyed people in one location"

    • @Wackyfox
      @Wackyfox 3 роки тому +2

      Was there a convention?

    • @Asidders
      @Asidders 2 роки тому +7

      That is the funniest thing for me 😂

  • @Ripplin
    @Ripplin 10 місяців тому +3

    Of all the different features they ever had, this is probably my favorite. Wish there was much more.

    • @1984ekul
      @1984ekul 9 місяців тому

      Ooo, chimpanzee that!

  • @xlnuniex
    @xlnuniex 5 років тому +12

    I love how Ricky gets Karl’s permission for the diary to be read on the podcast. That led to this popular segment. And book

    • @Franstan49
      @Franstan49 Рік тому +1

      Can we buy the diary anywhere?

    • @kevparker4604
      @kevparker4604 4 місяці тому

      It’s called ‘Happyslapped by a jellyfish’ if I remember correctly.

  • @fazzafarrell7859
    @fazzafarrell7859 Рік тому +1

    Anyone else still listening t these i love them !

  • @danis6085
    @danis6085 3 роки тому +9

    Ok genuine question: why DO we all fall asleep with these on? Does it make me feel safe? A laugh before sleeping? Have I Pavlovianly conditioned myself to having to listen to these every night? Who knows 🤷‍♀️

    • @sarahleask2478
      @sarahleask2478 3 роки тому +1

      I've Pavlovianed myself! I cannot sleep without them. I can be tossing and turning for ages, but XFM on, and I'm out like a light

    • @molitovv
      @molitovv 3 роки тому +4

      It probably takes your mind off whatever you would be worrying about if you were lying there in the silence.

    • @danis6085
      @danis6085 3 роки тому +3

      @@molitovv probably be thinking about the immune system or what sounds I'd like if I was a worm.

    • @molitovv
      @molitovv 3 роки тому +2

      Dani S Worms! What are they doing? Get rid of them!

    • @danis6085
      @danis6085 3 роки тому +2

      @@molitovvworms. do we need um?

  • @mdh8320
    @mdh8320 4 роки тому +38

    "Did I tell you about the immune system?"

  • @user-kb6mj7zq8t
    @user-kb6mj7zq8t Місяць тому +1

    This needs to be published asap.

  • @KatieBlue16
    @KatieBlue16 Рік тому +2

    The size of the diary. "Look how big it is!" 😂. Love it. My nightly routine 👌🏻✌🏻💤