I didn’t think it was possible to have a conversation about incels and virginity that didn’t involve some kind of shaming or dismissive attitude. Thank you
What conversation did you listen to? This was all about how pathetic men "break" their dicks, and that only an idiot wouldn't believe vaginas are magical and immune to all ill effects.
@@Skullnaught This isn't complicated. First, we have men "breaking" their dicks through "death grip". And clearly those men aren't the choicest of men out there, or else this would have never happened. Then we have the claims that vaginas are magic. A rubber band is also elastic, that doesn't mean it won't wear out if you constantly stretch it to it's max. Maybe you will argue, "Well a rubber band is inanimate, while a vagina is connected to a living being, allowing it to heal itself." This is true enough, but most of our skin is elastic, but it still wears down with time, that's what sagging skin is, which is typically found on older people. So the second argument you could throw forth is, "Well it still doesn't change that having a lot of sex with one man isn't really different to having a varying amount of sex with a lot of men." Again you're not actually wrong here, of course this argument is a strawman. What is typically meant with that argument, is that women go out looking for larger men to "have fun" with, and then the man they eventually settle down with doesn't measure up because most men won't. Now, in reality, I don't really agree with this argument anyhow, because unless she's taking more than one at the same time, I don't believe she's going to be having sex consistently enough for it to make much of a difference, but that doesn't change the fact that vaginas can get loose. I mean FFS, just take a look at Bad Dragon insertables. You think a woman is going to be able to take an XL one of those on her first go? Or is she going to have to loosen herself up, and work up to it? How could she do that if we take the "doctor's" word that vaginas will always return to "normal"? Now yes, with time, she will tighten again, though whether or not she will ever return to "normal" will depend on multiple factors. And then, we add on to that the "doctor's" point about how a vagina can't grip as strong as a hand, so if she has been using larger insertions, than a smaller man is going to encounter problems trying to have sex with her. And before you even try to whine about your soggy knees, go ahead and replace "woman" with "man", and "vagina" with "anus". It works the same in the gay community (arguably the actual main target of Bad Dragon). And the "doctor" revealed his stupidity by talking about how pooping doesn't loosen the anus, but ignoring that pooping takes far less time than sex, and anyone into anal play has to work on loosening themselves.
Chat is going insane like they're third grade students but Dr. K simply continues and does a great job at talking about such a complex and sensitive topic in a comprehensive, understanding and educative manner This is why you're the best
most gen z doing p*rn and shit , phsycally in nonactive, lazy depressed losers with less lon gterm collaborative relationship then previous generations, while short attention span is a habit by intentionally bad design of many social medias and video games. ‘Libido Dominandi’ by Dr. E. Michael Jones, ubersoy on lgbtq and breadtube, project stronger self,and stellar thoughts vidoe on "cost of retention" and others. see rollo tomasi, warren farrel.
As a virgin having sex for the first time I had a somewhat similar experience. I was a 22 year old virgin that felt like I missed the boat. At that age I felt like I had a lot of catching up to do, and so I basically had sex with the first girl that I felt I had a chance with. I wasn't attracted to her at all, and since I was so awkward, she was the one to make the first move. In my mind I felt losing the stigma of being a virgin would be so liberating. I could finally gain all this confidence, and all would be right in the world. What ended up happening was that the sex was extremely unsatisfying, and afterwards I was filled with shame. I was the same awkward, passive and not confident 22 year old, except I had sex once instead of being a virgin. It taught me indirectly that "milestones" don't change your life and not one thing will make you turn 180 and change your life. It's done through making the conscious decision of wanting to change and taking steps each day to make those changes.
Are we twins or something like that ? I had the same experience with the same age was you and me too I did it with the first girl that came, she wasn't the only one that wanted but the easiest and at the end I wasn't attracted to her a all..I felt bad for her
@@MarcLloydZ nothing wrong. I'm in the same boat. In my situation, it's just that I was deprived from relationships (including friendships) due to restrictive parents and extremely low self-esteem. Now I just feel like relationships are not a priority for me. I learned to ignore it.
He definitely made good points about how one can wrongfully assume they're asexual but I was annoyed how some people in chat took that as an opportunity to say "yeah I think asexuality isn't real anyways". Like it can simultaneously be true that some people think they are asexual and turn out not to be, and asexuality exists. Like, the original poster was very likely NOT asexual because he had attraction and desire to have sex. Some people really don't have either and they don't need to have sex if it's never something that's interested them, really the only reason someone should have sex is if they want to. If you find yourself feeling sex repulsed but still WANT to have sex then that's when you can investigate and work on it, but if you go "wow I really don't want to do this at all, it doesn't interest me, but everyone says I have to do it so maybe I should..." then y'know. You don't have to do it.
@@vikingraven4758 honestly I don't think it needs to come down to whether or not it could be potentially enjoyable, just whether or not it's something you're interested in doing/pursuing. Like, riding a roller coaster is considered enjoyable by many, but some may choose to never take part, whether due to fear of heights or general lack of interest. Which is perfectly fine.
So.. Umm I kissed someone before and I don't feel aroused or anything while my partner does and in that moment he ask me whether I want to do "it" or not and I literally turned him down because I wasn't feeling it.. And grossed by the idea.. Is that mean I'm an ace??? I honestly don't know.. Sorry for the long comment
This has honestly been one of the best Dr. K episodes yet. Not just because the out of context clips that will most definitely be cut from this, it was also very informative
Pretty much. As a 19 year old who has been slowly realising that I have a problem with Death Grip Syndrome, it's been kinda worrying and I didn't have a name for it. But now I do, I have some solutions, and I now have a shitload less insecurity surrounding virginity.
@@אדרששון he talked about it because it's relevant, if the way he talks about things doesn't appeal to you, feel free to leave because your input gives no constructive criticism and offers nothing productive.
@@koransumant6270 my coment may be filled with anger, but i feel like thare was legit criticism. Wasnt the part about him teaching like school spot on?
a couple of days ago, my friend asked me "what kinks do you have? do you want to be topped? are you dom or sub?" mind you we are merely 13 i told her "i don't know" and she said "how do you not know?" The fact that she expects me to know what I want and like as someone who has never even had sex before says a lot. Why should we have this figured out right now? Why is it expected for you to lose your virginity in your teens (not 13, but like 16 and 17)? UPDATE (a year later): We are still friends and I'm now 14 and a freshman in high school. We still talk about that stuff but albeit its in more of a joking way now. So no more 'how do you not know' stuff. But its still fucked up
Sounds like she’s been wayyyyyyy too exposed to BDSM style porn 🙄🙄🙄 I can’t even imagine being asked that at 13!! Grateful I grew up in the 90s… Let your sexuality develop naturally and organically vs fitting into a script and hold space for your boundaries 💓
I think it's also important to note that having sex with someone you just recently met and are interested in is a lot more likely to come off as gross to you as opposed to having sex with somebody you know and love.
Yeah I find it a little disheartening that the emotional part of sex was entirely skipped. I feel like focusing on the function of nerves almost misses the point. I know we don’t like talking about men’s feelings but it’s time to get over it. An emotional bond isn’t necessary for everyone of course, but it’s at least important to mention in a topic like this.
The opposite can be true as well though, for lots of people desire fades the closer you are to someone, hence how common it is for sex to die out after living with someone for a while, and conversely, affairs.
Us old folks would hear the same thing that you’re explaining when we boys were teenagers from our dads or grandfathers. It began with, “Son, sex isn’t is great as you think it’s going to be. To experience a woman’s love is what you should strive for as a man.”
That's what we seemed to forget these days, all the manosphere talk about getting women for sexual purposes and to cook and clean lol but nobody talks about striving to get a woman's love. If a woman loves you, she'll do what you want and follow you to the end of the world anyway.
The difference is grandpa and dad have little to no barrier to access sex. It's like a rich person saying money isn't everything, but then they refuse to give up their wealth.
Gosh this is weird to be public with personal information, but I love that we can have an open discussion about it. As a female, my “first time” was comedic and mistakes were made... no I didn’t get pregnant. Instead, both my partner and I had been turned off and on like a light switch throughout the interaction, never really maintaining a full arousal. We didn’t reach climax and there were many more embarrassing moments. This may sound like an abysmal experience, but I found myself laughing with him as we learned about each other’s bodies and bonded over our dysfunction and lack of experience. Do not fear your performance, because that shouldn’t be your expectations. Do not make climax your goal, if it does not involve your partner. Having sex isn’t what you should strive for, but the physical experience of loving your partner in an intimate and vulnerable way is.
This is frankly exactly what a good first time is in my opinion! Same happened for me, and my partner and I can look back on it and laugh about it, and we’ve also come a good long way since then. I’d consider it trial and error not only your first time, but your first few times.
@@thepurple0charlotte760 Yeah, it’s kind of a similar situation with me and my partner. We‘re still kinda figuring it out I guess but it’s still exciting and magical every time
Absolutely agreed, I had no idea how nervous I would actually get when the time came and my expectations were completely slashed. It was pretty awkward and uncomfortable for most of the time but we were both still laughing and learning together. Eventually when we did have sex again it was much more sporadic and in the moment which made it way less stress inducing for me
The last bit is what I'd like to highlight. Absolutely true. While I don't want to get real here, I have some emotional and detachment issues where it causes intimacy to be a problem. And I attribute it to my upbringing. And sometimes it feels like an obligation. And while my partner wants it, I just don't feel like it at that particular moment and would prefer to bond over something else. But I cannot blame either, due to our current circumstances being apart most of the time. So I understand. But it's something I have yet to be fully honest with. On a different note. As you said the climax shouldn't really be the real "end goal". And the times we enjoyed were the usually the dumb and embarassing ones. One time, we were trying to be very quiet because we had family over. When suddenly the silence was broken by our hamster being very loud with her business on the wheel and the crunching noises. We ended up just laughing away at the whole thing.
This feeling is completely normal when first attempting sex. I thought I had ED for a good few months because I always got anxious before sex and the body responds accordingly. This is one of the problems with being a late virgin, the anxiety you have about your first time only grows and grows, that it feels like you don't even want sex when you finally have it.
Yup, and at that point good luck finding someone that has the patience for you, and wont just take it as you arent atually interested in them because you cant perform and end the relationship there (happened to me a lot)
I’m nervous about this considering I’m already pretty sure i’m on the asexual spectrum, but I’d want to be able to do things with a romantic partner :(
@@IncubiAkster There's no other way but to power through it. Once you feel what the process is like and you know your body, it becomes much easier. Oh and working out and eating right sre huge factors
@@cocteautwin if someone is not willing to help you through issues like this they are not worth it, trust me (but if they are they might not be either, it's completely separate from if they are good or not)
Yeah, asexual means "lack of attraction" not "failed to enjoy sex". Im ace, and never really plan to have sex but learning about sex is really fun. Some of the myths surrounding sex make me so angry and sad. If people can learn to have better sex honestly i think that will be a net good for everyone.
not lack of attraction, rather lack of libido or lack of sexual interest, one can be attracted to a person but not desire any deep physical contact, like sex.
@@TheGaygaChad Charlie Atkins has the right definition. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. Asexuals can still have a libido and an interest in sex, just not attraction to a person in a sexual manner.
At first I thought I was asexual because I assumed that normal human behavior was to look at someone attractive and imagine having sex with them. I always thought that was so gross and never looked at anyone that way. Eventually I met my boyfriend and we fell in love. I did it with him, and it was weird and awkward at first but I didn't hate it. Eventually we found a rhythm and I enjoyed it a lot more, and that's when I realized it's not that I thought sex was gross, I thought being in your most vulnerable state with someone you barley knew was gross.
That seems pretty demisexual to me, basically not wanting sex with anyone unless you have a strong emotional bond- I personally find it quite weird (in some sort of way) that people just see other people and automatically want to have sex with them-
This is called being a normal person with no trauma or hangups. As an aside, yes guys want to have sex on an instinctual level with any attractive woman they see but that does not mean they view it logically as a good decision for themselves. This is actually why a lot of young men end up getting raped by their girlfriends because we teach women that men always want to have sex. That is an inadequate explanation, though.
I'm a woman and me and my bf couldn't manage to have sex for first like... about 10 attempts. We had a long-distance relationship (transatlantic) and would only see each other for summer so options were limited. It only worked the SECOND YEAR. We couldn't even find my "entrance" for several weeks and when we did, it was so tiny, we couldn't open me AT ALL. Not even with a pinkie. The patience of my partner beats any story I've ever heard. XD We're married now, had a 10 years anniversary this year. Sometimes sex is amazing, sometimes it's whatever but being together and being close with someone you can entrust your body is what really makes people drowning in happy hormones. Sometimes sex is just a small addition to cuddles and it still works this way. Don't make your life revolve around having PERFECT SEX EVERY TEIM. ...just no.
First few sexual encounter were extremely discouraging as I had a similar situation. I had to figure out how to get out of my head and be present in the moment. If you're anxious and not thinking about the sex you're having you'll get soft. Porn can be a leading factor to not being in the moment and also just lack of experience as you don't know what to expect
@@jonathanenget8154 I hear that, took afew years in my late teens and early 20's to figure what just isnt it for me and unattatched sex just aint it chief.
True! I'd say there's a chance he falls somewhere in the umbrella and it would be healthy for him to explore it but it sounds like he does experience sexual attraction.
Also that asexuality means lack of sexual attraction, not arousal or desire. Hannah Witton did a really good video talking about those three aspects and how different combinations can affect someone.
@@c.a.fontaine1074 soul searching, you might want to just look into the different possibilities. You might also want to look into hormone levels. There's so many possibilities.
Society gives the impression that you're either having sex regularly which makes your life perfect or you're not which makes your life miserable. But at some point you realize it's just an activity like any other activity, no more special than watching a movie or riding a scooter. It comes and goes, it can be pleasant or unpleasant, it never deeply satisfies, it has risks and rewards, there are skills that can me learned, etc. Unfortunately, it's easy to be convinced that you need something you don't have.
@@BlueAghost it wont unless you are in love with the person imo. its also just too easy to do. no one feels fulfilled doing easy things. you're just wiggling around inside another person otherwise lmao.
@@saturationstation1446 It's definitely not "too easy to do" for everyone. This is another toxic and damaging trope that just piles the anxiety on people who may already be suffering from performance fears.
Just the way he reads the title of the post right at the beginning, begins with "I am a former incel(32M)", says "Okay.", upvotes the post, and drinks some water. Somehow these things together are just pure comedy.
I find that the more emotionally connected I am to my spouse, the more enjoyable sex is. We came to the conclusion that there is a major difference between "having sex" and "making love".
Good for you. That is the function of sex. It's not an ultraconservative perspective. During sex, the body releases the neurotransmitter oxytocin (associated with the formation of emotional bonds), among others, for a reason. You can make yourself go through a great deal of emotional turmoil and trauma to train yourself to not feel the bonding effects of sex, but you'll have damaged some major physiological functions so much it would hardly be worth it.
@@graysterr no not really… also I don’t remember replying to u… butt it’s a joke… ISSA JOKE…. I’m saying im also banging his spouse so I agree with how he feels in the relation to the us banging same person… 😂💀 inb4: crybaby reee mode… if ur offended somehow that’s ur personal prerogative… and don’t be xb
I've kept clear of having sex bc...even tho I do have sexual desires, ever since my memories of childhood sexual trauma became unrepressed a couple of years ago, I get really mixed feelings thinking about it->so I'll have a fantasy, but then it'll be interrupted by memories of being molested and then I'll get turned off and start to feel nausea. It's gotten worse actually. So idk what will happen when I try the real thing out, which is why I'm in therapy now, yay me
I completely understand dude, I despise having any questions about my sexual preferences, doing the d o, and will have full blown panic attacks when asked about my sexuality because of trauma, to the point where I get physically sick and internally gross- even if my abuser is now dead. Its a real thing that takes years of therapy to recover and I’m proud you are talking to a professional. I just wanna let you know that you are not alone and I hope your healing journey is a smooth one. :D
I was extremely scared of sex and felt super uncomfortable when talking about it. I hated everything about it, lol. Have been in a relationship for 3,5 years and we had sex for the first time 3 years into the relationship, before that it was just petting. I'm so glad we waited this long, I have severe trust issues and it took so much strength to overcome everything. I still struggle with certain things now but hey, I actually enjoy it most of the time now!! Which is something I'm really proud of haha. So yeah, just my personal story.
I know how you feel. Sometimes that happens to me about the time I was sexually assaulted, or I'll get flashbacks of immoral, degenerate fetishes I used to have that no longer arouse me. I will normally try to just refocus on my husband and the moment we're in but sometimes I will ask him to just pause for a moment so I can reconnect with him
Visibly I can see that the chat is clowning around, and I put the content creator's maturity over the sheer stupidity of how they react to it. Never in my life have I seen someone so respectful compared to the likes of their viewers. Mad respect.
Sex isn't nearly as rewarding as the ego boost I get from being sexually desired. Masturbation is more sexually fulfilling , but the validation from being desired is probably better
I'm definitely with you on the first part (very well said, by the way), but I'm not sure I agree with "masturbation is more sexually fulfilling". Everyone is different of course, but as a man I can masturbate and it does nothing to get rid of my want to have sex, I feel completely unfulfilled sexually; if anything, it's like a tease because now I'm thinking to myself "I wish I could actually have sex now". Compare that to having sex, and after we're done I'm like "yeah, I could go another half day to a day without sex" - I feel sexually fulfilled in that moment.
@@zants_ I honestly think we are describing the same thing lol, but perhaps not. There is no real difference in the sexual experience between a fleshlight and a woman except the woman is an active participant that wants to have sex with you. I've been sexually frustrated before, knowing that masturbation won't make me feel any better, but sex with a partner would. I've realized it's not the sex at all, but the sexual attention and validation that a woman provides
My first experience as a young woman was amazing. But I was with another woman who understood my body, I guess. Emotional connection and comfort goes a long way. I was never pushed, rushed or otherwise. Nobody ever jumped on me about trying mad stuff right off the bat. (Seriously stop doing that with new partners). Then there were some bad experiences with a partner I was with for 5 years. Especially in emotional rough patches. Unsatisfactory, she didn't really want to put in any effort. Etc. Never stop dating and seducing your partner. :)
Same here. I think in general women whose first experiences are with women have pretty good/okay first times. I wonder if this is also the case for men whose fist experiences are with men. I hope you're now in a better place than with the partner with whom you had bad experiences. Wish you all the best!
I've been with my romantic partner for 6 years and we still haven't tried sex stuff, other than making out kind of. People have asked us or pushed us with what we've done and we're both like, nah, just haven't felt it. I never understood people trying to rush things, especially if you're like me and don't live with your partner yet, it can be harder to feel comfortable and talk about some of these things.
@@MichiruEll interesting. I lost it as an older woman to a younger man but it worked because I was already educated on sex and how my body worked. I think it’s good for women to know how to get an orgasm rather than relying on the guy to know.
The first time I got laid I was 21 in college and the first thought to cross my mind was literally "Damn that happened. Wonder what videogames I'm gonna play when I get back to my dorm." Sex is way overrated.
As someone with absolutely no interest in having sex, it's so interesting to me just how important it is to everyone else, and how everyone is just expected to want it all the time.
Same. I'm actually asexual, so I just never really think about sex or have any struggles about it since I don't have sex, and watching these Dr. K videos and some other things about people's struggles in their sex life is interesting
You having no interest can be just as bad as people worrying too much. A lot of asexual or aromantic people out there developed those traits because of some kind of childhood trauma that stunted libido development.
Around 14 I thought I had a time limit for this stuff I felt so pressured and to this day I still feel like a loser, but I guess its time to fix it, and focus on other things in life.
I don't think it's bizarre at all. Poorly managed yes, but not bizarre. Sex is reproduction. Life exists to perpetuate itself. One might argue that sex is actually the only thing we should value, and that all of this civilizational stuff is just overcomplicating things.
I've never watched you before, but I wanna say that I have mad respect for you. You talked about something that no-one in society really does, whilst your chat acted like a bunch of children (maybe they are). Thanks for talking about this, it's really good to see someone having a healthy and realistic talk about sex and masturbation. ⭐⭐⭐ (3/3 stars for you)
There’s so many sexual misconceptions, if you kept this conversation going, I’m sure millions of people would find what you have to say incredibly helpful. Those who’s shakti’s get depleted from these conversations need to listen all the more because sex shouldn’t be taboo and is an integral part of most people’s lives. Keep it up doc
"Awkward and unfulfilling" describes my first sexual encounter to a tee. It really is a skill. You have to work on not only learning how to please your partner(s), but learning how your partner(s) can please you, too.
8:35 This is exactly the thing I needed to hear about. I literally cannot orgasm from vaginal sex or oral sex with my girlfriend, I always end up finishing myself off with her help, and it made me question so much about myself. Like just questioning if I'm normal or not for this, and thinking about if I'm disappointing her. It's good to know that it's a normal thing men experience, and what I can do to help myself out of it.
Uncircumcised young male here. I got a girlfriend recently too and struggled with the same issue. The solution for me was to take it step by step and make a bunch of attempts. It's a skill like anything else, man. Try a bunch of positions, experiment with fetishes if that's interesting for you. And most importantly, relax. You'll get there eventually. If a jackass like me can manage it so can you.
Thank you for speaking out about this. Lots of people (incels especially) have the idea that their lives would suddenly completely turn around after having sex for the first time. But you have to work on yourself first. I loved your analogy of cooking, bc of course your first time doing something wont be the best time. The "loss of virginity" trope in the media really exacerbates this. I wish losing your virginity wasn't considered such a big milestone.
i mean it certainly is a big thing in life for most people. it just shouldn't be considered a type of certificate-deserving milestone, like you said. its just a natural thing you might or might not encounter in your life, unless it was non-consentual then that would've definitely been a big thing.
Yeah I was in this situation. Got my first girlfriend at 26 - and after losing my virginity i was expecting to feel so different on the inside. Eventually we broke up because guess what i needed next: numbers. I thought "ok - one thats one girl, but there's so many more". Being a gamer nerd im not exactly out every weekend hitting on girls, i typically had sex with literally 1 girl a year after that, usually seeing them for a little while. However one girl in particular, we connected and its the first time i felt like i enjoyed sex regularly, since i began to trust her. Before that honestly i had a lot of trouble getting/keeping it up. Nothing medical - i just used to get sickly nervous and no blood was rushing where it should. Im not quite over this numbers thing yet - im at a cross roads, but i like you, i wish more young guys knew this.
Sex is just another activity. Sometimes the best activities can be super fun, but they can also suck. And sex really is gross - it's smelly, noisy (flesh slapping against each other), painful, and there's all kinds of fluids - it's not the fantasy that movies and porn make it out to be.
"You're not worthy of sex until you've worked on yourself" is just as harmful flip side to this. Most people get the privilege of stumbling into it early (when they're NOT ready or 'worthy') and learn from their mistakes without the social cost of being expected to know better. Just makes late bloomers even more late because their constantly managing not being mistaken as an entitled predator. The reddit poster in the video got SUPER lucky his GF didn't decide he was sub human and "unsafe" because of his lack of experience.
Emotional intimacy is arguably even more important. You can be incredibly skilled yet not enjoy it because you don't feel that person. Sex is giving and receiving, you need to enjoy both.
As a woman in her first relationship with a guy this is really interesting and counterintuitive ngl. My boyfriend and I haven't had proper sex yet because he doesn't want me to feel pain because he knows it would be my first time and I'm trying to be as supportive with him as he is especially as he has a bit more experience than me. This is really well explained and interesting. Thank you very much
I mostly arrived to the conclusion that I was asexual because I can’t look at people in a sexual way. Sure, I fantasize and imagine doing it, but I completely forget about it around people and I don’t feel a need for it. I have had sex before, and sure, it was nice and all, but I don’t see why are people so obsessed with it. It doesn’t form part of the way I see the world.
It just goes to show that asexuality is about attraction and not about libido. In many ace forums people have described themselves as sex favourable, sex indifferent and sex repulsed depending in their experiences and attitudes towards doing it for themselves (plus these attitudes can and do fluctuate for many of them). Many peeps also don't bother to label everything about their experiences either. Ace people aren't a monolith after all!
I dont have these feelings either except when im with my partner and things get sexual. So i just consider myself demisexual bc i need a connection with a partner to actually get aroused and want sex
I honestly kinda grew out of it due to for the longest I never liked the concept of dating and romance. It always felt fake compared to when I was hanging out normally. Then after a lot of toxic relationships I just walked away from it all. It'll be 10 years I've been ace coming up next year. The obsessions around sex and romance ruin it, if they turned it down from 11 to like a 5 their ears wouldn't be bleeding and they could maybe enjoy it better, if they even want to.
Relatable. I often questioned like why focus or care about sexual stuff when there are far more important things to do with life. I get that's it's a natural thing but the fact that it's so glorified and on males its condition to bang as many women in their life is just so off putting.
As an asexuel it's such a difficult thing for me to grasp how important sex is to such people I had my first sexual experience really late and it was actually great I can't say if it's because of my asexuality or because of my character but I was really relaxed and didn't even thought about that's this thing I was having was kind of my first time For me it was never an important thing or something I should be anxious about I also believe that the concept of virginity is in of itself a stupid concept which makes it worse how important it is to our society
@@oliverbeck6839 Asexuality means you aren't sexually attracted to anyone. Some asexuals still enjoy sex, even though they aren't sexually attracted to the person they have sex with.
@@johanna5194 to add to this, asexuals can still experience other types of attraction, such as romantic or aesthetic, it's just separated from any sexual feelings towards people
The "Woman with multiple past partners" myth is wild to me. If a woman became loose after repeated encounters with multiple partners then why does it still hurt like hell when a woman gives birth for the second time? If we remained loose we would only have to worry about birth pain the first time 🙄🤦♀️
You break a bone the first time and your body metamorphisized, and you get new hormones for the first time. It is like taking steroids, your body will react drastically in the first cycle
@@ididntaskverified3663 The point of my comment was that the human body is elastic. Female genitalia will shrink back to it's original form after birth just like it will after relations. I'm sorry, I don't understand your comment.
And also, if having sex with different partners makes your vagina loose, does having a shit ton of sex with the same partner also make your vagina loose? No, because its not about scientific reality its about shaming women for their sex lives. Only childbirth can make your vagina loose and even then thats a medical condition that requires treatment. People really think a puny penis is strong enough to make a vagina loose.
I know it's mostly men here but this is a protip for women and other vagina havers: your first time, go on top - it is so much easier to relax and enjoy yourself if you're in control of the situation. Your first time should not be painful, and if it is, slow down or even stop and try again later. Also consider getting some KY jelly, lube really helps. (Apologies if this got addressed in the video, I didn't have time to watch the whole thing)
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That also takes a lot of pressure off of your partner, as there is less pressure on them to figure out what you like, so that sound like a win-win in my book.
Women have a *ton* of different responses to being on top. Lots of them struggle terribly when trying to figure out what they like when being on top. Lots of them just don't feel a lot in the position. For others it's the best thing ever. I'd second the recommendation, but I'd say definitely try both during your first time, and give both a few minutes to settle before you choose which to pay more attention to at first. And please don't be discouraged if he can't stay hard when you're on top; especially if you're even just a little chubbier, it's a deceivingly complicated position to figure out how to angle yourselves and he might just lose the edge in that. Also, being on top will end up 10 times better for you, if you are very vocal about when you're enjoying yourself. That way the guy will know it's worth maintaining the position he's in. The best sex with her on top I've had was always when I had her confirmation that it felt good for her, and knew that it made sense what muscles to keep tense, and which just to relax.
Yeah sure, go on top, but only if you’re ready to be working out that leg day lol. I would disagree in the circumstance that if you, as a female, are not physically aroused enough to be flexible or self-lubricated then it is much more difficult to be on top. The beginning position can only work if foreplay has done its job for both members to be comfortable and maintain arousal.
I think going on top would make things easier, but I feel like me going on top will make me seem like... a sl*t? Like, I never had sex before, but there's this internalized.... notion? that a woman on top is being sl*tty and I don't know where that came from. Does it make me less/subhuman?
It’s so difficult to have a healthy conversation about sex with most people because they immediately go into judgement mode. This video is very useful for young people with a lack of experience.
Sex is weird and gross with someone you don’t know. It feels right when it’s with someone you love and you’re both ready. In that way, it’s considered beautiful where if it’s just simply sex, it’ll feel wrong and awkward. Thank you for discussing this sensitive topic Edit: btw I’m 100% a virgin lol. I’ve just found certain “sex scenes” to be very appealing from movies if the two characters show a strong bond. If it’s just some scene from a soap opera I get so uncomfortable. If you don’t agree, it’s fine. Just talking from my *lack of experience and opinion
This was hilarious but also extremely informative. I think it's definitely a good idea to do content like this precisely because it gets memed so much. It's hard to have proper discussions about this stuff because of the tendency to devolve into memes so having a frank (and maybe also humorous) talk every once in a while would be a healthy way to make sure people do get the right ideas too instead of just whatever they extract from the memes or hear from the communities they frequent.
Quick reminder to anyone that listened to this story and started worrying or questioning their identity: I'm Asexual, and while the road to discovery for me was kind of similar to this, there was much, much more at play as I was settling on the term as an identifier for myself than that one sexual encounter. The difference between sexual attraction and libido is a big one, or really reflecting on what people REALLY meant when they said certain things about other people (having "nice asssets", calling someone "hot", phantasising about a person, etc...) and what I assumed they meant throughout my life. On top of that there were other things, but yeah... To anyone who's Ace out there reading this comment, or to anyone questioning their allosexuality- There's more to it than not enjoying sex, and many ace people can and do enjoy sex. Whatever you're going through is valid, and neither Ace nor Allo sexual identity are damning in any way. Not enjoying sex, or being asexual, or having a good/bad first time- none of those mean you're broken in any way. You've got this!
This is a good convo to have. There's far more myths that need dispelling - I might have been aware of these already, but I'm sure there's more I didn't realize were wrong!
Just to be a voice from the ace community in this one...I wouldn't say it's harmful to explore the idea of asexuality in addition to these other tips. Many of us "just know" but many don't figure it out until later, and it's important if someone is considering whether they are on the ace spectrum or not for them to know that it's okay and valid either way. I think it's really healthy for people to spend time considering their sexuality and gender, even if only to end up confirming that they are straight, allo (the opposite of asexual), and cis. It allows you to spend time getting to know yourself a little better.
I 100% agree! Exploring your sexuality and gender, and therby getting to know yourself better, is never a bad thing! Thanks for sharing, hope you are doing good ^^
agree with this as well, i am not a big fan of how doctor k talks about asexuality. in my opinion, it isnt even the ace community that comes up saying "yep! you're asexual!" to people who are questioning it after a bad experience like this guy or anything like that, i actually only hear this coming from outside the community--straight people who dont know what asexuality really is but have recently heard it before bring it up when it isnt relevant. the ace community is more of the idea that if you say you are asexual, then you are, it is up to you to decide; it isnt something that other people can label you with, you have to figure it out on your own and see if it is the right label for you. questioning whether or not you are asexual is not limiting in the slightest.
To be fair to Dr. K, though, and I'm recalling information from his last sex ed stream, he at least admits that he doesn't have a lot of knowledge when it comes to asexuality and that the knowledge that he has is potentially biased due to his experience as a psychiatrist. He has probably come across more people who consciously or subconsciously repress their sexual desires out of a trauma than actual, legit asexuals. Those are two different causes that lead to the same result (not desiring sex), so it's easy to get them mixed up.
@@VarietyFox420 yeah, and it is good to not only explore your sexuality and possible asexuality, but *also* the possibility of having a physical condition, mental illness or trauma that leads to lack of sexual interest, they’re both important and valid. At this point, I'm not sure if I'm ace or if it’s just due to depression, but both are okay. It’s okay to be ace, but it’s also okay to not be, even if you identified as ace previously.
A lot of people also believe that asexual people also never have sex and are grossed out by it and I believe thats kind of the reason why people who have one bad sexual experience think that they might be ace and that once they start identifying with that label that they need to become abstinant and never explore any kind of sexual areas again
as an ace, I really like that there is both an acknowledgement of asexuality, and just having had a bad time. there is a huge difference between disappointed and lacking desire. both in the comments and vid
I'm a virgin but I have been spending a lot of time watching actual sex education videos and making sure I understand female genital anatomy and things to do to make a girl orgasm. I'm pretty sure my first time will be awkward af but I'm at least making sure I'm not completely oblivious when the time comes.
Do keep in mind that for some women, coming is not the goal. Like it’s more about the overall enjoyment and what you do before has a huge impact on how good the orgasm is. Idk just read “she comes first”
@@Purplesquigglystripe oh it iiiis lmao. But I get what you mean and it's true in a way. For women it doesn't start with physicality. It starts with the trust and safety they feel towards the person, without those it's actually impossible to relax mentally and, as a consequence, physically. Let alone enjoy the moment. Once they feel the person created a safe space for them, then they will fully express themselves sexually/emotionally. And of course climaxing is a big aim, but what is misunderstood is that it's not about the body at all for the most part. Btw it's a good thing that you're interested in making it a nice experience for your partner too OP, good luck for the future.
A little advice: If you go in with the objective of making your partner orgasm, there's a possibility you'll be unable to climax yourself Having an objective to accomplish might prevent your mind from being present in the moment and relaxing When the day comes, try to not think about it as beating a minigame. Also tune down your expectations. The foreplay and edging will be fun but the sex itself might feel underwhelming. Happened to me with my first partner. Never managed to finish from coitus alone. Sometimes I wouldn't be able to finish at all. You might also find out condoms kill like 50% of the sensations but you should DEFINITELY use them. Maybe get yourself one or two packs right now and start practicing. The first 2 or 3 might be tricky to put on but you'll figure out the correct technique with enough attempts. Trust me, you certainly don't want to have to figure them out on the spot. It's pretty normal stuff to go through and your partner won't judge you for strugling, but a little preparation will ensure you don't have to worry about such delays when that day arrives. And keep your chin up. The real virgins are the ones judging a human's worth based on the ammount of sex they've had.
Ngl I kinda got baited by the title and expected a vid about asexuality lol but yeah, this is a good vid, everything about societal expectations about sex and how central sex is in basic structure of people’s social lives should be examined. I’ll say this as criticism though: maybe I’m in my own echo chamber but in my journey of discovering my asexuality (and it was a long one) I have NEVER encountered forums or content creators who just jump on stories like this and label people as asexual right off the bat. They always emphasize that we can share definitions and experiences but you are the only one who will know for sure. I’m sure there are exceptions to this, and maybe they’re easier to find depending on how internet algorithms give you your content but in my experience the ace “rabbithole” isn’t some scary dungeon that robs you of orgasm or whatever and it’s kinda offensive to present it that way. Granted, I don’t think this was Dr. K’s motivation at all and because OP’s story doesn’t really look like an ace one (though only he can know that) it wasn’t relevant enough to spend a lot of time on I guess. Overall, this is a very important conversation, chat aside lol
Reddit of all places is very good at this. It's one of the only good places I can think of for info on this stuff. It's always "well there's this, this, and this possibility, but ultimately it could be something completely different"
This video is comforting. I want to have it, but I have an issue with being a female and being the receiver. I also don't want to submit myself to a power dynamic that will always be there, both in a relationship and in intimacy. There's also the cleanliness aspect and the fact that I consumed so much media that I've come to like the sterility of fantasy intimacy. I don't have to smell it, and I can make it sound or look how I want, when I want. I'll probably die a virgin but at this point I've come to accept it. It's better than reality.
Heyyy, the power dynamic doesnt have to be there, actually. One of the most extreme always of avoiding being in the submissive role, btw, is becomig a fem dom.
This sounds weirdly like what I hear some NEETs say on boards I browse, about why they think anime is better than real sex could ever be. "It's better than reality"...
I'd also like to say Asexuality is a very wide label. You may just not be attracted to genitalia or boobs, but you can still have good sexual experiences for other reasons whether that be intimacy or fetishes and some emotional issues may get in the way of that as well
@@godnyx117"gatekeeping" means to exclude a group of people from being part of another group of people. It's often discriminatory. In this case however it seems more like a stupid joke.
I'm definitely asexual, but yeah, people put so much emphasis on one kind of sexual relationship, when that doesn't work for everyone, either due to biological or psychological factors. I struggled with stuff where I got really into a specific kink because I liked the feeling of arousal from it (more from like a ADHD being bored thing), and it messed up how I saw my partner for a while, so yeah, it makes a big difference if you're used to or expecting one response from something and that changes. But that doesn't mean it's stuck that way. But honestly, I'm grossed out by the idea of a lot of sexual things, or need a very specific environment to get "in the mood," so I don't know what all of that is since I don't have a place where I can control such things.
This upsets me because this is exactly the kind of thing that should be taught in a high school sex Ed class. But of course abstinence is more important/s
Even the places that don't teach abstinence only just teach sex ed from the basics of not getting pregnant and avoiding STDs. There's NO conversation about foreplay, little about consent and enthusiastic sex, different sexual preferences, etc.
The Twitch slang and professional information makes this conversation hilarious and great! Though this is actually very informative and gives valid advice.
I actually really like the cooking analogy. First time you attempt a dish you may or may not get it right. Being a decent cook might help you get it right the first time, but even as a great cook you still might catastrophically fail. Some dishes you like more than others, some dishes you will try and not like. If you're growing tired of cooking the same dish, try some new spices.
God, sex is so complicated. My first time was with a guy whom imediately had a trigger reaction to us getting intimate cuz he was a child abuse victim. My second time, we were caught and the guy was outed. My third time was completely boring and the guy never spoke to me again, when he pretty much led me on from the beggining. Fourth was in a grey area of consent. Other times just simply weren't pleasant. I can count on one hand how often I actually enjoyed dating anyone. But nah, not assexual. Just disfunctional.
We need to normalise talking about sex and especially the issues/misconceptions that come from heteronormative standards of sex. So I hope to see more content like this because this was highly informative.
I live in a muslim 3rd world country and Its actually scary how in 16 years of my life I haven’t heard anything abt sex ed until i got my first phone and searched it up myself, all i knew was have sex and make babies, am 20 now and still haven’t had sex, and am sooo anxious abt it, at least am learning but i highly doubt the person am gonna have it with does the same, ppl aren’t as open minded and supportive over here
@@justmoe1632 remember they are also less likely to have had much education on sex - especially if they're women. You'll do fine, learn the basic theory of how to use your hands on your partner and adapt to how they respond. If it doesn't turn out well, try again ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I think sex is an extremely important topic to cover, and I’m glad that you did. Society being sensitive to the topic is all the more reason we need comfortable spaces to talk about this. I say this as a survivor of sexual assault who is trying to relearn healthy sex years later. Content like this is super helpful.
True. It almost seems like you're supposed to be uncomfortable while discussing it irl. If sex wasnt treated like a massive thing and talking about it wasnt stigmatized, it would definitely improve society
I love how calm and professionally DrK explained all these topics, and the more sensitive it got, the more haywire the chat went. It's like a "we need to talk about that stuff maturely and openly more often - O - Meter"
I hate purity culture and rape culture. They are two sides of the same coin and it's one extreme from the other, and neither encourages talk about consent or safe exploration. It's absolutely traumatizing to be completely in the dark about sex because of purity culture and then be exposed to rape culture like that's what normal sex should be like.
It is concerning how most people don't know rape culture, or at least recognize what the name means. It's just like Lyn can der Wel said, sexual harrassment being such a common action taken as a means of "winning over" or "convincing" someone to be with you. You see this a lot with old romantic media with the guy going through ridiculously creepy lengths to get the girl. Don't get me started on the laxation of men taking advantage of women under some type of influence being shown as humorous or a side thought like it isn't a big deal.
Guys guys, seriously. We need to praise this recovered incel. He really improved himself and learned introspection on a fundamentally new level. This is serious, serious, personal growth. I'm so exceptionally happy that self improvement beat hatred today (Edit) I realized I wasn't saying it fully. We have to appreciate, when someone tries so hard, that someone was wiling to help them along the path. I know too well what it's like for others to be given patience, money and advantage meanwhile you're trying to fix yourself when the starting line is 10 miles away. It's TOUGH. So the fact that she was okay during sex to have a situation more shallow women would have insulted the man for, the fact that she understood his situation, wanted to work through it, not for the sex but for the person. Just wow. I've been so sick of the news today with them making the world slowly end. We need more feel good stories like this
We need MORE videos like this. For a large majority of us our education system (sex ed especially) has completely failed us, as they were not built to function in the age of the internet.
Same thing happened to me my first time, couldn't even finish. Fast foward and I've been with the same woman for over 10 years now. This person clearly has come a long way overcoming his social anxieties and found someone that seems understanding of his situation. I hope that he doesn't get discouraged by this experience. Sex is amazing but it needs practice and comfort. You won't have either of those on your first time.
It's definitely ok to not feel good at your first time, I'm a woman and my first time definitely didn't feel good tbh, for me it was a weird feeling and i felt like it was overhyped for months. It took a few tries till my body got used to it and it felt good, it definitely helped when the environment is natural and you just let your hormones do their thing.
I think it also helps to think of sex as "intimacy" rather as "penetration". Are yall being really close and into it and maybe some clothing is off and some body parts are touching? Congrats! You're doing it!
Something I’ve seen falling off the conversational cart on sexual topics is what you’ve said, and I’m glad someone other than myself is bringing it up. In fact, I’d love to add a little too. There’s a strong push to label many men as being obsessed with sex as penetration. In reality, the majority are comfort/affection starved and sex is the only activity they don’t feel judged for obtaining some.
Makes sense. If you see two people naked and embracing each other, you'll immediately assume they're having sex. You're not going to check whether the funny bits are where they should to finally conclude "yes, they be smashing"...
Great segment. A cool thing about the internet and reddit in particular (impossible I know) is that with problems like this, there are usually subs where you can ask about things like this that feel shameful and like 400 other people will be like "oh yeah. That exact thing happened to me. Totally normal" and be supportive and affirmative which is pretty cool when used responsibly
Absolutely great what you're doing for people, it's just terribly sad so many of us had to wait 18 years to get any proper dating or sexual advice. Prior to you, every time we looked up how to find love the answer was always "just be an emotionless uncaring chad."
Thanks for doing this. I watched the whole video. I'm 23/M, rape victim with PTSD+severe depression. I've probably had sex around 40-60 times (mostly my 1 ex), but have never finished once. I wasn't sure if it was trauma, habits, anxiety/nervousness, or what. I always enjoy the sex a lot, was never grossed out, but I'd often find myself needing extra stimuli to get harder again, if my erection ever began deflating. I was able to get my partner to finish many times, in many ways (I got really good at it, because I always think of it in a productive way, like you were saying about the kitchen, to be a better cook). I felt bad for her, she understood me and my situation, but I'm sure psychologically it does something to her when she can never get me off. I reassured her a lot that she captured my interest wholeheartedly and that none of it was her fault. I've also considered that everyone I've been with doesn't really know what they're doing with a penis too much, I always seem to know more about their genitalia than they do of mine. I also considered if my porn/masturbation habits in life have impacted it, I'm beginning to think there's a good chance that impacted me more than the trauma. I'm gonna try out your suggestions for the Death Grip Syndrome, hopefully conditioning my buddy more to a vagina is all that I needed.
Thanks for uploading this. Also please note that some people who brand themselves as "incel" most probably also has asperger's, which means sensory sensitivities (grossed out about bodily fluids, sensations, smells and sounds). They seek sex and pleasure just like any other man, but the sensory overload is too much and pretty much ruins the experience. Being "schizoid" (living inside your mind and forgetting you have a human body) also means they are not present while the sexual act is happening, but thinking about other things like porn, or how fast they come, or comparing their partner to porn mental material. It is better to know yourself first, your likes and dislikes, if you have issues with bodily fluids, smells, etc. then accept who you are. That is the first step. Accept yourself and do not mask or pretend to be something youre not. This leads to loneliness.
Performance anxiety happened to me my first time too. It’s perfectly normal, and it goes away as you get more comfortable, and even then, there may be emotional aspects of intercourse that one simply isn’t ready to handle. It’s _fine._ It _happens._ Any guys out there who are dealing with these problems-please don’t kick yourselves for it. Having a supportive partner really helps, but only if you’re willing and able to open up to them.
More people are watching p*rn and In, p*rn sex is presented very different from reality so they are expecting something different. For example most p*rn videos last around 10 minutes usually there are multiple segments and they can be drawn out. In reality most sex can last very short and also some people may c*m faster than others so a woman may want a man to last X minutes in bed but he lasts X. Also men In the videos are often aggressive and don’t talk to there partner before having sex which is an important part to figuring out how to have the best time. Men shouldn’t be expecting a life changing experience and woman shouldn’t expect the average Joe to be packing.
Sex is like eating food. Sometimes you have a great mean, delicious deserts and such, and sometimes is just meh and plain and you have to eat just to be full, and sometimes it sucks
I remember my first time. Being excited about losing my virginity and experiencing the "awesome/amazing" feeling and etc and when it actually happened I was like "Wait that's it? That was...okay i guess". I'm in a committed relationship now tho and the act feels 10x better. Imo sex just feels better when you're emotionally attached to someone. Like it becomes much more intimate and personal
My first few sexual encounters were very very toxic and i almost felt like my worth was stolen from me when i lost my v card. I’ve never had like some kind of vendetta against women or whoever and I learned about sex at a very young age so this video was comforting to see from you. About the whole sex thing my main problem is that I feel like I need a more fulfilling reason as to why it happened or if it was truly consensual like i don’t know what consent is. I’m not too sure if maybe my age or age gap was a point to talk about or how my idea of sex manifested at a young age, it’s a very strange mental battle Edit: I do in turn have some rather unsettling and disturbing sexual fantasies and I don’t know at what point it becomes a problem
@@amarjusufovic1963 just say they, i didn't even understand what you were trying to say for a second. regardless, filing charges is not a great way to heal from trauma, it is often re-traumatizing as you are forced to relive the experience under great scrutiny and often hostility. They want to heal from their trauma so suggesting they file charges is actually something i would recommend the least, especially if it was a long time ago as the comment suggests. the police will just shrug and probably laugh in their face.
I don't consider myself an incel, but definitely on the ace spectrum due to a lot of trauma purity culture. Still a virgin in my 30s. I'm hopeful for a future relationship, but I imagine I will have very similar issues when I get to this point in a relationship.
One thing I talked about with my therapist was my pornography addiction. He told me about how masturbating for a long time can result in issues during actual sex, and so I should get a realistic toy to mix up my masturbation methods to prevent becoming unable to climax through normal sex.
It's kinda wholesome at the end where Dr.K says that maybe he shouldn't be talking about this stuff and the chat gets filled with 'nah your good' and 'it's helpful'.
y'all, come to your own conclusions about sex, not based on media or another person's experience. please give yourself a chance to grow and explore before you decide it's the best/the worst/gross. It can take awhile to get past unconscious insecurities, develop skill and find your real opinion. worth the effort.
@@nightfighter7452 exactly lol, 20 years ago would be a much different story with no internet, nowadays...yeah lotssss of lonely men and women and tons of virgins running around
This was way more informative than I thought. I expected either a reddit or an asexual story, but this was actual quality knowledge instead. I'm happy.
When dr.k started talking about erogenous zones I immidiately hid the chat with my palm because I knew they would ruin my experience of watching... I know it's not possible but I really wish there was an option to hide chat in these videos. (By the way most of the time the chat is awesome)
As soon as you mention "sex" Chat turns into a hoarde of horny middle schoolers it's too much🤣 I spent more time watching Chat in the sex ed video than Dr.K🤣🤣
Honestly the chat is too small on mobile UA-cam that I just never look at it. Or listen to the video while doing something else. I'm here for dr. K's info after all
We need more conversations about asexuality, not less. There's exactly zero cases in history when ignoring a topic led to a better understanding. Other than that, great content.
I had the same thought. Like he's not saying asexuality doesn't exist or anything, but hes also being kinda dismissive. He could've discussed it in more detail here, rather than just skipping over it. People who are actually ace get told that they "just havent found the right person" or "just had a bad experience" all the time, and it's pretty invalidating. So when he said exactly that.. i was a lil annoyed too.
@@RainingRedPandas yeah I'm a ridiculously huge fan of Dr. K. But I'm asexual. And this dismissiveness is one of my least favorite things I've ever heard him say on this channel. It's very invalidating.
@@VioletEmerald I get that 100%. At the same time there is an issue with isolated people thinking they are asexual as a symptom of their loneliness/depression/etc. Especially in the gamer community, but also outside of that. Jumping to that conclusion is likely going to cause harm and regret long term. That doesn't at all mean that the asexual and aromantic community isn't real, but for the overwhelming majority they are likely sexual and are just deeply alienated from their sexuality by porn and isolation.
The way you talk about sexuality openly and honstly is truly inspiring. I'm sure this kind of videos helps all sorts of ppl in all sorts of situation. I for one am not an incel and is having sex with my gf but still think the game you described is cool and exciting to try
I think it’s rare for anyone’s first time to go well. It’s like starting boxing for the first time and expecting to last an entire 3 minutes of sparring. But with practice, you eventually get there.
Dr K having a patience of the saint and kindly debunking redpillish mizoginists nonsense. You trully are one of our last hopes😅 I wtach you for months and not going to stop. Your understanding for human beings with all their flaws (sometimes terrifying) inspires me and makes me gradually a better person.
Depends on the channel. In smaller, community-driven channels, it can really enhance the viewing experience. Large chats of popular streamers, where 'chat' is invariably some kind of amoeba-like, monolithic entity, are almost always just amalgamations of the worst aspects of the internet lol.
Can we talk about how she understood he wasn’t ready and didn’t judge him but hugged him
@Miles Doyle you good there buddy?
yeah i think he did that in the video already
That's what a decent human would do. No matter your sex, if you find a partner like that, hold onto them.
I'll believe that post when pigs fly
@Miles Doyle your god is fake *BÄBBUS BIGGUS* Is the only true maqick man in the sky
The world needs more healthy conversations about sex, this was a great video
Definitely. We as society can benefit a great deal by making sex a less taboo/shameful topic.
Yeah this was pretty encouraging.
My sex ed classes never covered death grip syndrome, that’s a disgrace. Thank goodness I found out here lol, helps set my expectations
@@VarietyFox420 Since when is sex a taboo topic? Do you live in Afghanistan?
@@oliveryt7168 you will be surprised in how many first world countries you will get screamed at if you mention sex in school.
I didn’t think it was possible to have a conversation about incels and virginity that didn’t involve some kind of shaming or dismissive attitude. Thank you
What conversation did you listen to? This was all about how pathetic men "break" their dicks, and that only an idiot wouldn't believe vaginas are magical and immune to all ill effects.
@@jamesmcdonnell2455 dude what?
@@Skullnaught how they managed to get that conclusion i dont know, thats quite some projecting there
@@jamesmcdonnell2455 Jesse what the hell are you talking about?
@@Skullnaught This isn't complicated.
First, we have men "breaking" their dicks through "death grip". And clearly those men aren't the choicest of men out there, or else this would have never happened.
Then we have the claims that vaginas are magic. A rubber band is also elastic, that doesn't mean it won't wear out if you constantly stretch it to it's max. Maybe you will argue, "Well a rubber band is inanimate, while a vagina is connected to a living being, allowing it to heal itself." This is true enough, but most of our skin is elastic, but it still wears down with time, that's what sagging skin is, which is typically found on older people.
So the second argument you could throw forth is, "Well it still doesn't change that having a lot of sex with one man isn't really different to having a varying amount of sex with a lot of men." Again you're not actually wrong here, of course this argument is a strawman. What is typically meant with that argument, is that women go out looking for larger men to "have fun" with, and then the man they eventually settle down with doesn't measure up because most men won't. Now, in reality, I don't really agree with this argument anyhow, because unless she's taking more than one at the same time, I don't believe she's going to be having sex consistently enough for it to make much of a difference, but that doesn't change the fact that vaginas can get loose. I mean FFS, just take a look at Bad Dragon insertables. You think a woman is going to be able to take an XL one of those on her first go? Or is she going to have to loosen herself up, and work up to it? How could she do that if we take the "doctor's" word that vaginas will always return to "normal"? Now yes, with time, she will tighten again, though whether or not she will ever return to "normal" will depend on multiple factors. And then, we add on to that the "doctor's" point about how a vagina can't grip as strong as a hand, so if she has been using larger insertions, than a smaller man is going to encounter problems trying to have sex with her.
And before you even try to whine about your soggy knees, go ahead and replace "woman" with "man", and "vagina" with "anus". It works the same in the gay community (arguably the actual main target of Bad Dragon). And the "doctor" revealed his stupidity by talking about how pooping doesn't loosen the anus, but ignoring that pooping takes far less time than sex, and anyone into anal play has to work on loosening themselves.
Chat is going insane like they're third grade students but Dr. K simply continues and does a great job at talking about such a complex and sensitive topic in a comprehensive, understanding and educative manner
This is why you're the best
may be they are in 3rd grade ?
Not gonna lie some of the things he said was very hard not to laugh to, I guess it's just my inner 5th grader appearing.
most gen z doing p*rn and shit , phsycally in nonactive, lazy depressed losers with less lon gterm collaborative relationship then previous generations, while short attention span is a habit by intentionally bad design of many social medias and video games. ‘Libido Dominandi’ by Dr. E. Michael Jones, ubersoy on lgbtq and breadtube, project stronger self,and stellar thoughts vidoe on "cost of retention" and others. see rollo tomasi, warren farrel.
I honestly wish he would just blur chat when he uploads his stream clips. They’re really immature and childish.
"going insane like they're third grade students"
"immature and childish"
Good lord. It's called having fun. Y'all should try that sometime.
As a virgin having sex for the first time I had a somewhat similar experience. I was a 22 year old virgin that felt like I missed the boat. At that age I felt like I had a lot of catching up to do, and so I basically had sex with the first girl that I felt I had a chance with. I wasn't attracted to her at all, and since I was so awkward, she was the one to make the first move. In my mind I felt losing the stigma of being a virgin would be so liberating. I could finally gain all this confidence, and all would be right in the world.
What ended up happening was that the sex was extremely unsatisfying, and afterwards I was filled with shame.
I was the same awkward, passive and not confident 22 year old, except I had sex once instead of being a virgin. It taught me indirectly that "milestones" don't change your life and not one thing will make you turn 180 and change your life. It's done through making the conscious decision of wanting to change and taking steps each day to make those changes.
💯💯💯💯💯💯
🙏🏼
Are we twins or something like that ? I had the same experience with the same age was you and me too I did it with the first girl that came, she wasn't the only one that wanted but the easiest and at the end I wasn't attracted to her a all..I felt bad for her
What do I do if I'm 25 and still virgin? is there something wrong with me?
@@MarcLloydZ nothing wrong. I'm in the same boat. In my situation, it's just that I was deprived from relationships (including friendships) due to restrictive parents and extremely low self-esteem. Now I just feel like relationships are not a priority for me. I learned to ignore it.
He definitely made good points about how one can wrongfully assume they're asexual but I was annoyed how some people in chat took that as an opportunity to say "yeah I think asexuality isn't real anyways". Like it can simultaneously be true that some people think they are asexual and turn out not to be, and asexuality exists. Like, the original poster was very likely NOT asexual because he had attraction and desire to have sex. Some people really don't have either and they don't need to have sex if it's never something that's interested them, really the only reason someone should have sex is if they want to. If you find yourself feeling sex repulsed but still WANT to have sex then that's when you can investigate and work on it, but if you go "wow I really don't want to do this at all, it doesn't interest me, but everyone says I have to do it so maybe I should..." then y'know. You don't have to do it.
@finpin
Yea, but it's very much a grey area though.
Just because it can be enjoyable, doesn't mean you ever want to do it.
@@vikingraven4758 honestly I don't think it needs to come down to whether or not it could be potentially enjoyable, just whether or not it's something you're interested in doing/pursuing. Like, riding a roller coaster is considered enjoyable by many, but some may choose to never take part, whether due to fear of heights or general lack of interest. Which is perfectly fine.
That chat was a dumpster fire tbh. All memes and no real engagement to the matter
@@hopelessfool6722 yeah, it’s frustrating when you want to talk about something seriously and everyone else just jokes about it
So.. Umm I kissed someone before and I don't feel aroused or anything while my partner does and in that moment he ask me whether I want to do "it" or not and I literally turned him down because I wasn't feeling it.. And grossed by the idea.. Is that mean I'm an ace??? I honestly don't know.. Sorry for the long comment
"so you have a spinal cord, right?"
You just made all the politicians feel excluded
God damn XD
ohhhhh letsgoooo 🔥🔥
🤣🤣🤣
Ouch
OOF
This has honestly been one of the best Dr. K episodes yet. Not just because the out of context clips that will most definitely be cut from this, it was also very informative
Pretty much. As a 19 year old who has been slowly realising that I have a problem with Death Grip Syndrome, it's been kinda worrying and I didn't have a name for it.
But now I do, I have some solutions, and I now have a shitload less insecurity surrounding virginity.
he just talked about psi grip strngth
why do you respect this "therapist"
he sounds and acts like a school teacher
@@אדרששון Why so angry?
@@אדרששון he talked about it because it's relevant, if the way he talks about things doesn't appeal to you, feel free to leave because your input gives no constructive criticism and offers nothing productive.
@@koransumant6270 my coment may be filled with anger, but i feel like thare was legit criticism.
Wasnt the part about him teaching like school spot on?
a couple of days ago, my friend asked me "what kinks do you have? do you want to be topped? are you dom or sub?"
mind you we are merely 13
i told her "i don't know" and she said "how do you not know?"
The fact that she expects me to know what I want and like as someone who has never even had sex before says a lot. Why should we have this figured out right now? Why is it expected for you to lose your virginity in your teens (not 13, but like 16 and 17)?
UPDATE (a year later): We are still friends and I'm now 14 and a freshman in high school. We still talk about that stuff but albeit its in more of a joking way now. So no more 'how do you not know' stuff. But its still fucked up
Yeah and honestly even if it doesn’t feel like when you are that age 16 is so young in general
I lost it when I was 16, it wasn't all that great. That's fucked up dude.
Sounds like she’s been wayyyyyyy too exposed to BDSM style porn 🙄🙄🙄 I can’t even imagine being asked that at 13!! Grateful I grew up in the 90s… Let your sexuality develop naturally and organically vs fitting into a script and hold space for your boundaries 💓
Fake
@@dog_curry No, a lot of 13 year olds actually talk like this, it's disturbing.
I think it's also important to note that having sex with someone you just recently met and are interested in is a lot more likely to come off as gross to you as opposed to having sex with somebody you know and love.
Truuuue!!!
Fact.
Hookup culture sucks
Yeah I find it a little disheartening that the emotional part of sex was entirely skipped. I feel like focusing on the function of nerves almost misses the point. I know we don’t like talking about men’s feelings but it’s time to get over it. An emotional bond isn’t necessary for everyone of course, but it’s at least important to mention in a topic like this.
The opposite can be true as well though, for lots of people desire fades the closer you are to someone, hence how common it is for sex to die out after living with someone for a while, and conversely, affairs.
Sex is both gross and funny.
It's like two people rubbing and screaming.
nah just gross. with gross sounds also you are a weeb.
and a better comedian, too.
Hahahaha
@@Dimitris_Half 💀🤣
lmao
Us old folks would hear the same thing that you’re explaining when we boys were teenagers from our dads or grandfathers. It began with, “Son, sex isn’t is great as you think it’s going to be. To experience a woman’s love is what you should strive for as a man.”
That's what we seemed to forget these days, all the manosphere talk about getting women for sexual purposes and to cook and clean lol but nobody talks about striving to get a woman's love.
If a woman loves you, she'll do what you want and follow you to the end of the world anyway.
I love this comment. It is beautiful.
@@fs5866 Yeah, i watch legion of men channel & honestly i can't see why they never mention love. Without it, relationships are useless
The difference is grandpa and dad have little to no barrier to access sex. It's like a rich person saying money isn't everything, but then they refuse to give up their wealth.
very heteronormative I see
When dr.k talked about erogenous zones and how you can mix and match them during sex, someone in chat said "like Tekken combos"😂
Bro Dr K has one of the funniest chats ever fr
I'm surprised that no one mentioned "Friends" episode, the one when Monica explained 7 zones in woman's body
:D someone said "are you exposing your wife" loool
Yeah i just go 6K, 4P into drive whenever i have sex, works fine, maybe mix in a throw at the beginning if they blockin too much.
Hahahahaha
Gosh this is weird to be public with personal information, but I love that we can have an open discussion about it. As a female, my “first time” was comedic and mistakes were made... no I didn’t get pregnant. Instead, both my partner and I had been turned off and on like a light switch throughout the interaction, never really maintaining a full arousal. We didn’t reach climax and there were many more embarrassing moments. This may sound like an abysmal experience, but I found myself laughing with him as we learned about each other’s bodies and bonded over our dysfunction and lack of experience. Do not fear your performance, because that shouldn’t be your expectations. Do not make climax your goal, if it does not involve your partner. Having sex isn’t what you should strive for, but the physical experience of loving your partner in an intimate and vulnerable way is.
This is frankly exactly what a good first time is in my opinion! Same happened for me, and my partner and I can look back on it and laugh about it, and we’ve also come a good long way since then. I’d consider it trial and error not only your first time, but your first few times.
@@thepurple0charlotte760 Yeah, it’s kind of a similar situation with me and my partner. We‘re still kinda figuring it out I guess but it’s still exciting and magical every time
That's when you whip out the vibe and get shit done XD
Absolutely agreed, I had no idea how nervous I would actually get when the time came and my expectations were completely slashed. It was pretty awkward and uncomfortable for most of the time but we were both still laughing and learning together. Eventually when we did have sex again it was much more sporadic and in the moment which made it way less stress inducing for me
The last bit is what I'd like to highlight. Absolutely true. While I don't want to get real here, I have some emotional and detachment issues where it causes intimacy to be a problem. And I attribute it to my upbringing. And sometimes it feels like an obligation. And while my partner wants it, I just don't feel like it at that particular moment and would prefer to bond over something else. But I cannot blame either, due to our current circumstances being apart most of the time. So I understand. But it's something I have yet to be fully honest with.
On a different note. As you said the climax shouldn't really be the real "end goal". And the times we enjoyed were the usually the dumb and embarassing ones. One time, we were trying to be very quiet because we had family over. When suddenly the silence was broken by our hamster being very loud with her business on the wheel and the crunching noises. We ended up just laughing away at the whole thing.
People who kept saying how "there's no way this (the reddit post) is real" are clearly not ready for any serious conversation about vulnerabilities
This feeling is completely normal when first attempting sex. I thought I had ED for a good few months because I always got anxious before sex and the body responds accordingly. This is one of the problems with being a late virgin, the anxiety you have about your first time only grows and grows, that it feels like you don't even want sex when you finally have it.
Yup, and at that point good luck finding someone that has the patience for you, and wont just take it as you arent atually interested in them because you cant perform and end the relationship there (happened to me a lot)
I’m nervous about this considering I’m already pretty sure i’m on the asexual spectrum, but I’d want to be able to do things with a romantic partner :(
@@IncubiAkster There's no other way but to power through it. Once you feel what the process is like and you know your body, it becomes much easier. Oh and working out and eating right sre huge factors
@@ileutur6863 .
@@cocteautwin if someone is not willing to help you through issues like this they are not worth it, trust me
(but if they are they might not be either, it's completely separate from if they are good or not)
Yeah, asexual means "lack of attraction" not "failed to enjoy sex".
Im ace, and never really plan to have sex but learning about sex is really fun. Some of the myths surrounding sex make me so angry and sad. If people can learn to have better sex honestly i think that will be a net good for everyone.
not lack of attraction, rather lack of libido or lack of sexual interest, one can be attracted to a person but not desire any deep physical contact, like sex.
No ace don't wanna have X thru can be romantic or aromantic though
@@TheGaygaChad lack of sexual attraction, but one can have romantic attraction or other forms of attraction
@@TheGaygaChad *Libido
@@TheGaygaChad Charlie Atkins has the right definition. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. Asexuals can still have a libido and an interest in sex, just not attraction to a person in a sexual manner.
At first I thought I was asexual because I assumed that normal human behavior was to look at someone attractive and imagine having sex with them. I always thought that was so gross and never looked at anyone that way. Eventually I met my boyfriend and we fell in love. I did it with him, and it was weird and awkward at first but I didn't hate it. Eventually we found a rhythm and I enjoyed it a lot more, and that's when I realized it's not that I thought sex was gross, I thought being in your most vulnerable state with someone you barley knew was gross.
That seems pretty demisexual to me, basically not wanting sex with anyone unless you have a strong emotional bond-
I personally find it quite weird (in some sort of way) that people just see other people and automatically want to have sex with them-
This is called being a normal person with no trauma or hangups. As an aside, yes guys want to have sex on an instinctual level with any attractive woman they see but that does not mean they view it logically as a good decision for themselves. This is actually why a lot of young men end up getting raped by their girlfriends because we teach women that men always want to have sex. That is an inadequate explanation, though.
@@bradenjlloydthis is not true bro i’ve never instinctually wanted to fuck every good-looking woman i see 😂
@@Cdefgahc2
Or, no shit, it’s called being a normal fucking person
@@bradenjlloydtrauma has nothing to do with it, it’s just about having morals
I'm a woman and me and my bf couldn't manage to have sex for first like... about 10 attempts. We had a long-distance relationship (transatlantic) and would only see each other for summer so options were limited. It only worked the SECOND YEAR. We couldn't even find my "entrance" for several weeks and when we did, it was so tiny, we couldn't open me AT ALL. Not even with a pinkie. The patience of my partner beats any story I've ever heard. XD We're married now, had a 10 years anniversary this year. Sometimes sex is amazing, sometimes it's whatever but being together and being close with someone you can entrust your body is what really makes people drowning in happy hormones. Sometimes sex is just a small addition to cuddles and it still works this way. Don't make your life revolve around having PERFECT SEX EVERY TEIM. ...just no.
I like that you wrote so openly about your own experience :) thanks for sharing that!
Much love to you and your husband! :)
How many times did you cheat all those years?
@@keylanoslokj1806 Please seek help.
@@radiocorrective she cheated. She get the help.
First few sexual encounter were extremely discouraging as I had a similar situation. I had to figure out how to get out of my head and be present in the moment. If you're anxious and not thinking about the sex you're having you'll get soft. Porn can be a leading factor to not being in the moment and also just lack of experience as you don't know what to expect
Also some people aren't made to have sex or turned on without an emotional connection. Hooking up didn't turn me on
@@jonathanenget8154 I hear that, took afew years in my late teens and early 20's to figure what just isnt it for me and unattatched sex just aint it chief.
"The first time isn't exactly fireworks. You put the wrong part in the wrong thing and uhhhh you can't make eye contact afterwards."
@@jonathanenget8154 literally the definition of being demisexual lol
@@mira.r not being able to have sex without an emotional connection?
This is genuinely the best sex education I've ever gotten, like memes aside this man breaks it all down INSANELY well. Fucking great job, sir
Heheheh. Fucking great job. Get it
@@arich20 lol
@@ECLIPSE-THESUN
👉👉
Just a reminder that sex repulsion =/= asexual. Some aces are sex repulsed but not all sex repulsed people are ace
True! I'd say there's a chance he falls somewhere in the umbrella and it would be healthy for him to explore it but it sounds like he does experience sexual attraction.
Also that asexuality means lack of sexual attraction, not arousal or desire. Hannah Witton did a really good video talking about those three aspects and how different combinations can affect someone.
I experience sex repulsion and fear of sex and I'm not sure if it's because I'm on the ace spectrum or because of the way I was brought up.
@@c.a.fontaine1074 It's worth doing some soul searching about!
@@c.a.fontaine1074 soul searching, you might want to just look into the different possibilities. You might also want to look into hormone levels. There's so many possibilities.
Society gives the impression that you're either having sex regularly which makes your life perfect or you're not which makes your life miserable. But at some point you realize it's just an activity like any other activity, no more special than watching a movie or riding a scooter. It comes and goes, it can be pleasant or unpleasant, it never deeply satisfies, it has risks and rewards, there are skills that can me learned, etc. Unfortunately, it's easy to be convinced that you need something you don't have.
Why does it never deeply satisfy for you?
@@BlueAghost it wont unless you are in love with the person imo. its also just too easy to do. no one feels fulfilled doing easy things. you're just wiggling around inside another person otherwise lmao.
@@BlueAghost Because it comes and goes. You're left wanting to do it again, do it better, or something else.
@@saturationstation1446 It's definitely not "too easy to do" for everyone. This is another toxic and damaging trope that just piles the anxiety on people who may already be suffering from performance fears.
Yeah but also the vast majority do it and if you aren't then you've kind of got a problem 🤷
Just the way he reads the title of the post right at the beginning, begins with "I am a former incel(32M)", says "Okay.", upvotes the post, and drinks some water.
Somehow these things together are just pure comedy.
I find that the more emotionally connected I am to my spouse, the more enjoyable sex is.
We came to the conclusion that there is a major difference between "having sex" and "making love".
Good for you. That is the function of sex. It's not an ultraconservative perspective. During sex, the body releases the neurotransmitter oxytocin (associated with the formation of emotional bonds), among others, for a reason. You can make yourself go through a great deal of emotional turmoil and trauma to train yourself to not feel the bonding effects of sex, but you'll have damaged some major physiological functions so much it would hardly be worth it.
That hit of bonding hormones you get is soo good
same... butt i try and tell her that she's married and shouldnt get too emotionally connected to me unless she's willing to divorce...
@@InanisNihil uhhh. care to elaborate because what the fuck
@@graysterr no not really… also I don’t remember replying to u… butt it’s a joke… ISSA JOKE…. I’m saying im also banging his spouse so I agree with how he feels in the relation to the us banging same person… 😂💀 inb4: crybaby reee mode… if ur offended somehow that’s ur personal prerogative… and don’t be xb
I've kept clear of having sex bc...even tho I do have sexual desires, ever since my memories of childhood sexual trauma became unrepressed a couple of years ago, I get really mixed feelings thinking about it->so I'll have a fantasy, but then it'll be interrupted by memories of being molested and then I'll get turned off and start to feel nausea. It's gotten worse actually. So idk what will happen when I try the real thing out, which is why I'm in therapy now, yay me
I completely understand dude, I despise having any questions about my sexual preferences, doing the d o, and will have full blown panic attacks when asked about my sexuality because of trauma, to the point where I get physically sick and internally gross- even if my abuser is now dead.
Its a real thing that takes years of therapy to recover and I’m proud you are talking to a professional. I just wanna let you know that you are not alone and I hope your healing journey is a smooth one. :D
hope u get better
I was extremely scared of sex and felt super uncomfortable when talking about it. I hated everything about it, lol. Have been in a relationship for 3,5 years and we had sex for the first time 3 years into the relationship, before that it was just petting. I'm so glad we waited this long, I have severe trust issues and it took so much strength to overcome everything. I still struggle with certain things now but hey, I actually enjoy it most of the time now!! Which is something I'm really proud of haha. So yeah, just my personal story.
Hope you find a way to put that tramatic experience behind you my friend.
One day at a time.
Much love from BC Canada.
I know how you feel. Sometimes that happens to me about the time I was sexually assaulted, or I'll get flashbacks of immoral, degenerate fetishes I used to have that no longer arouse me. I will normally try to just refocus on my husband and the moment we're in but sometimes I will ask him to just pause for a moment so I can reconnect with him
Visibly I can see that the chat is clowning around, and I put the content creator's maturity over the sheer stupidity of how they react to it. Never in my life have I seen someone so respectful compared to the likes of their viewers. Mad respect.
Sex isn't nearly as rewarding as the ego boost I get from being sexually desired. Masturbation is more sexually fulfilling , but the validation from being desired is probably better
good point
I like the honesty here.
Yea its all about the ego.
I'm definitely with you on the first part (very well said, by the way), but I'm not sure I agree with "masturbation is more sexually fulfilling". Everyone is different of course, but as a man I can masturbate and it does nothing to get rid of my want to have sex, I feel completely unfulfilled sexually; if anything, it's like a tease because now I'm thinking to myself "I wish I could actually have sex now". Compare that to having sex, and after we're done I'm like "yeah, I could go another half day to a day without sex" - I feel sexually fulfilled in that moment.
@@zants_ I honestly think we are describing the same thing lol, but perhaps not. There is no real difference in the sexual experience between a fleshlight and a woman except the woman is an active participant that wants to have sex with you. I've been sexually frustrated before, knowing that masturbation won't make me feel any better, but sex with a partner would. I've realized it's not the sex at all, but the sexual attention and validation that a woman provides
My first experience as a young woman was amazing. But I was with another woman who understood my body, I guess. Emotional connection and comfort goes a long way. I was never pushed, rushed or otherwise. Nobody ever jumped on me about trying mad stuff right off the bat. (Seriously stop doing that with new partners). Then there were some bad experiences with a partner I was with for 5 years. Especially in emotional rough patches. Unsatisfactory, she didn't really want to put in any effort. Etc. Never stop dating and seducing your partner. :)
Same here. I think in general women whose first experiences are with women have pretty good/okay first times. I wonder if this is also the case for men whose fist experiences are with men. I hope you're now in a better place than with the partner with whom you had bad experiences. Wish you all the best!
I've been with my romantic partner for 6 years and we still haven't tried sex stuff, other than making out kind of. People have asked us or pushed us with what we've done and we're both like, nah, just haven't felt it. I never understood people trying to rush things, especially if you're like me and don't live with your partner yet, it can be harder to feel comfortable and talk about some of these things.
@@MichiruEll interesting. I lost it as an older woman to a younger man but it worked because I was already educated on sex and how my body worked. I think it’s good for women to know how to get an orgasm rather than relying on the guy to know.
The first time I got laid I was 21 in college and the first thought to cross my mind was literally "Damn that happened. Wonder what videogames I'm gonna play when I get back to my dorm." Sex is way overrated.
Bro this shit way too real I started playing new Vegas right after
As someone with absolutely no interest in having sex, it's so interesting to me just how important it is to everyone else, and how everyone is just expected to want it all the time.
The world is literally fucked up
same feeling about soda/shitty food. I have no cravings for stuff loaded up with tons of sugar or fat and get funny looks when I say so
Same. I'm actually asexual, so I just never really think about sex or have any struggles about it since I don't have sex, and watching these Dr. K videos and some other things about people's struggles in their sex life is interesting
You having no interest can be just as bad as people worrying too much. A lot of asexual or aromantic people out there developed those traits because of some kind of childhood trauma that stunted libido development.
@@ileutur6863 I'm pretty sure that's one of Freud's outdated theories.
Our society places a bizarre value on sex. Holy shit I wish I'd heard this as a teenager; feel like we all should have heard this.
Around 14 I thought I had a time limit for this stuff I felt so pressured and to this day I still feel like a loser, but I guess its time to fix it, and focus on other things in life.
I don't think it's bizarre at all. Poorly managed yes, but not bizarre. Sex is reproduction. Life exists to perpetuate itself. One might argue that sex is actually the only thing we should value, and that all of this civilizational stuff is just overcomplicating things.
@@heinoustentacles5719just like in game Scorn
@@heinoustentacles5719only valuing sex devalues the quality of life the offspring experience
I've never watched you before, but I wanna say that I have mad respect for you. You talked about something that no-one in society really does, whilst your chat acted like a bunch of children (maybe they are). Thanks for talking about this, it's really good to see someone having a healthy and realistic talk about sex and masturbation. ⭐⭐⭐ (3/3 stars for you)
There’s so many sexual misconceptions, if you kept this conversation going, I’m sure millions of people would find what you have to say incredibly helpful. Those who’s shakti’s get depleted from these conversations need to listen all the more because sex shouldn’t be taboo and is an integral part of most people’s lives. Keep it up doc
What do they mean by it ?
ok but wtf is a shakti
"Awkward and unfulfilling" describes my first sexual encounter to a tee. It really is a skill. You have to work on not only learning how to please your partner(s), but learning how your partner(s) can please you, too.
I love people having conversations like this without it being weird.
Damn for me it’s very weird
8:35 This is exactly the thing I needed to hear about.
I literally cannot orgasm from vaginal sex or oral sex with my girlfriend, I always end up finishing myself off with her help, and it made me question so much about myself. Like just questioning if I'm normal or not for this, and thinking about if I'm disappointing her. It's good to know that it's a normal thing men experience, and what I can do to help myself out of it.
I'm a winner, the person that can beat me is ME.
Uncircumcised young male here. I got a girlfriend recently too and struggled with the same issue.
The solution for me was to take it step by step and make a bunch of attempts. It's a skill like anything else, man. Try a bunch of positions, experiment with fetishes if that's interesting for you.
And most importantly, relax.
You'll get there eventually. If a jackass like me can manage it so can you.
@@yolic6894 Uncirc
It was a problem for me too but not anymore and one thing that always got me off was sliding it between the breasts for some reason.
@@belstar1128 I'm sorry I first read "sliding" as "sibling" and got very concerned-
Thank you for speaking out about this. Lots of people (incels especially) have the idea that their lives would suddenly completely turn around after having sex for the first time. But you have to work on yourself first. I loved your analogy of cooking, bc of course your first time doing something wont be the best time. The "loss of virginity" trope in the media really exacerbates this. I wish losing your virginity wasn't considered such a big milestone.
i mean it certainly is a big thing in life for most people. it just shouldn't be considered a type of certificate-deserving milestone, like you said. its just a natural thing you might or might not encounter in your life, unless it was non-consentual then that would've definitely been a big thing.
Yeah I was in this situation. Got my first girlfriend at 26 - and after losing my virginity i was expecting to feel so different on the inside. Eventually we broke up because guess what i needed next: numbers. I thought "ok - one thats one girl, but there's so many more". Being a gamer nerd im not exactly out every weekend hitting on girls, i typically had sex with literally 1 girl a year after that, usually seeing them for a little while. However one girl in particular, we connected and its the first time i felt like i enjoyed sex regularly, since i began to trust her. Before that honestly i had a lot of trouble getting/keeping it up. Nothing medical - i just used to get sickly nervous and no blood was rushing where it should. Im not quite over this numbers thing yet - im at a cross roads, but i like you, i wish more young guys knew this.
Sex is just another activity. Sometimes the best activities can be super fun, but they can also suck. And sex really is gross - it's smelly, noisy (flesh slapping against each other), painful, and there's all kinds of fluids - it's not the fantasy that movies and porn make it out to be.
"You're not worthy of sex until you've worked on yourself" is just as harmful flip side to this. Most people get the privilege of stumbling into it early (when they're NOT ready or 'worthy') and learn from their mistakes without the social cost of being expected to know better. Just makes late bloomers even more late because their constantly managing not being mistaken as an entitled predator. The reddit poster in the video got SUPER lucky his GF didn't decide he was sub human and "unsafe" because of his lack of experience.
Emotional intimacy is arguably even more important. You can be incredibly skilled yet not enjoy it because you don't feel that person. Sex is giving and receiving, you need to enjoy both.
As a woman in her first relationship with a guy this is really interesting and counterintuitive ngl. My boyfriend and I haven't had proper sex yet because he doesn't want me to feel pain because he knows it would be my first time and I'm trying to be as supportive with him as he is especially as he has a bit more experience than me. This is really well explained and interesting. Thank you very much
I mostly arrived to the conclusion that I was asexual because I can’t look at people in a sexual way. Sure, I fantasize and imagine doing it, but I completely forget about it around people and I don’t feel a need for it. I have had sex before, and sure, it was nice and all, but I don’t see why are people so obsessed with it. It doesn’t form part of the way I see the world.
I also dont view anyone sexually when around them 0 attraction even when not around them, but i do have desires
think i explained that wrong oh well
It just goes to show that asexuality is about attraction and not about libido. In many ace forums people have described themselves as sex favourable, sex indifferent and sex repulsed depending in their experiences and attitudes towards doing it for themselves (plus these attitudes can and do fluctuate for many of them). Many peeps also don't bother to label everything about their experiences either. Ace people aren't a monolith after all!
I dont have these feelings either except when im with my partner and things get sexual. So i just consider myself demisexual bc i need a connection with a partner to actually get aroused and want sex
I honestly kinda grew out of it due to for the longest I never liked the concept of dating and romance. It always felt fake compared to when I was hanging out normally. Then after a lot of toxic relationships I just walked away from it all. It'll be 10 years I've been ace coming up next year. The obsessions around sex and romance ruin it, if they turned it down from 11 to like a 5 their ears wouldn't be bleeding and they could maybe enjoy it better, if they even want to.
Relatable. I often questioned like why focus or care about sexual stuff when there are far more important things to do with life. I get that's it's a natural thing but the fact that it's so glorified and on males its condition to bang as many women in their life is just so off putting.
As an asexuel it's such a difficult thing for me to grasp how important sex is to such people
I had my first sexual experience really late and it was actually great
I can't say if it's because of my asexuality or because of my character but I was really relaxed and didn't even thought about that's this thing I was having was kind of my first time
For me it was never an important thing or something I should be anxious about I also believe that the concept of virginity is in of itself a stupid concept which makes it worse how important it is to our society
Asexuals are the vegans of sex talk
@@ileutur6863 What do you mean?
i dont understand how can you have sex as an asexual??
@@oliverbeck6839 Asexuality means you aren't sexually attracted to anyone. Some asexuals still enjoy sex, even though they aren't sexually attracted to the person they have sex with.
@@johanna5194 to add to this, asexuals can still experience other types of attraction, such as romantic or aesthetic, it's just separated from any sexual feelings towards people
The "Woman with multiple past partners" myth is wild to me. If a woman became loose after repeated encounters with multiple partners then why does it still hurt like hell when a woman gives birth for the second time? If we remained loose we would only have to worry about birth pain the first time 🙄🤦♀️
You break a bone the first time and your body metamorphisized, and you get new hormones for the first time. It is like taking steroids, your body will react drastically in the first cycle
@@ididntaskverified3663 The point of my comment was that the human body is elastic. Female genitalia will shrink back to it's original form after birth just like it will after relations. I'm sorry, I don't understand your comment.
And also, if having sex with different partners makes your vagina loose, does having a shit ton of sex with the same partner also make your vagina loose? No, because its not about scientific reality its about shaming women for their sex lives. Only childbirth can make your vagina loose and even then thats a medical condition that requires treatment. People really think a puny penis is strong enough to make a vagina loose.
I don't actually care about how used up the sleeve is, I'm not picking up garden tools. If I wanted experience I'd hire a professional.
Jesus fuck the comment before the one above mine is giving me sexist vibes lmfaook
I know it's mostly men here but this is a protip for women and other vagina havers: your first time, go on top - it is so much easier to relax and enjoy yourself if you're in control of the situation. Your first time should not be painful, and if it is, slow down or even stop and try again later. Also consider getting some KY jelly, lube really helps.
(Apologies if this got addressed in the video, I didn't have time to watch the whole thing)
That also takes a lot of pressure off of your partner, as there is less pressure on them to figure out what you like, so that sound like a win-win in my book.
Women have a *ton* of different responses to being on top. Lots of them struggle terribly when trying to figure out what they like when being on top. Lots of them just don't feel a lot in the position. For others it's the best thing ever. I'd second the recommendation, but I'd say definitely try both during your first time, and give both a few minutes to settle before you choose which to pay more attention to at first.
And please don't be discouraged if he can't stay hard when you're on top; especially if you're even just a little chubbier, it's a deceivingly complicated position to figure out how to angle yourselves and he might just lose the edge in that. Also, being on top will end up 10 times better for you, if you are very vocal about when you're enjoying yourself. That way the guy will know it's worth maintaining the position he's in. The best sex with her on top I've had was always when I had her confirmation that it felt good for her, and knew that it made sense what muscles to keep tense, and which just to relax.
Yeah sure, go on top, but only if you’re ready to be working out that leg day lol.
I would disagree in the circumstance that if you, as a female, are not physically aroused enough to be flexible or self-lubricated then it is much more difficult to be on top. The beginning position can only work if foreplay has done its job for both members to be comfortable and maintain arousal.
I went on top for my first time and the guy shoved me further down when I wasn’t ready . The worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life🥴
I think going on top would make things easier, but I feel like me going on top will make me seem like... a sl*t? Like, I never had sex before, but there's this internalized.... notion? that a woman on top is being sl*tty and I don't know where that came from. Does it make me less/subhuman?
It’s so difficult to have a healthy conversation about sex with most people because they immediately go into judgement mode. This video is very useful for young people with a lack of experience.
Sex is weird and gross with someone you don’t know. It feels right when it’s with someone you love and you’re both ready. In that way, it’s considered beautiful where if it’s just simply sex, it’ll feel wrong and awkward. Thank you for discussing this sensitive topic
Edit: btw I’m 100% a virgin lol. I’ve just found certain “sex scenes” to be very appealing from movies if the two characters show a strong bond. If it’s just some scene from a soap opera I get so uncomfortable. If you don’t agree, it’s fine. Just talking from my *lack of experience and opinion
That's just not true
nah u just different
that's just you lol
Thats u
Speak from experience next time.
The girl he's with seems really really sweet. I hope this video helps him, and I hope they're happy together.
This was hilarious but also extremely informative. I think it's definitely a good idea to do content like this precisely because it gets memed so much. It's hard to have proper discussions about this stuff because of the tendency to devolve into memes so having a frank (and maybe also humorous) talk every once in a while would be a healthy way to make sure people do get the right ideas too instead of just whatever they extract from the memes or hear from the communities they frequent.
You are really right about this. I like memes myself, but I hate when they take over communities and squeeze any genuine discussion out of them.
Quick reminder to anyone that listened to this story and started worrying or questioning their identity:
I'm Asexual, and while the road to discovery for me was kind of similar to this, there was much, much more at play as I was settling on the term as an identifier for myself than that one sexual encounter.
The difference between sexual attraction and libido is a big one, or really reflecting on what people REALLY meant when they said certain things about other people (having "nice asssets", calling someone "hot", phantasising about a person, etc...) and what I assumed they meant throughout my life.
On top of that there were other things, but yeah...
To anyone who's Ace out there reading this comment, or to anyone questioning their allosexuality-
There's more to it than not enjoying sex, and many ace people can and do enjoy sex.
Whatever you're going through is valid, and neither Ace nor Allo sexual identity are damning in any way. Not enjoying sex, or being asexual, or having a good/bad first time- none of those mean you're broken in any way.
You've got this!
is it true that asexuals can communicate with micro-organisms? (cause they also reproduce asexually)?
This is a good convo to have. There's far more myths that need dispelling - I might have been aware of these already, but I'm sure there's more I didn't realize were wrong!
Just to be a voice from the ace community in this one...I wouldn't say it's harmful to explore the idea of asexuality in addition to these other tips. Many of us "just know" but many don't figure it out until later, and it's important if someone is considering whether they are on the ace spectrum or not for them to know that it's okay and valid either way. I think it's really healthy for people to spend time considering their sexuality and gender, even if only to end up confirming that they are straight, allo (the opposite of asexual), and cis. It allows you to spend time getting to know yourself a little better.
I 100% agree! Exploring your sexuality and gender, and therby getting to know yourself better, is never a bad thing!
Thanks for sharing, hope you are doing good ^^
agree with this as well, i am not a big fan of how doctor k talks about asexuality. in my opinion, it isnt even the ace community that comes up saying "yep! you're asexual!" to people who are questioning it after a bad experience like this guy or anything like that, i actually only hear this coming from outside the community--straight people who dont know what asexuality really is but have recently heard it before bring it up when it isnt relevant. the ace community is more of the idea that if you say you are asexual, then you are, it is up to you to decide; it isnt something that other people can label you with, you have to figure it out on your own and see if it is the right label for you. questioning whether or not you are asexual is not limiting in the slightest.
To be fair to Dr. K, though, and I'm recalling information from his last sex ed stream, he at least admits that he doesn't have a lot of knowledge when it comes to asexuality and that the knowledge that he has is potentially biased due to his experience as a psychiatrist. He has probably come across more people who consciously or subconsciously repress their sexual desires out of a trauma than actual, legit asexuals. Those are two different causes that lead to the same result (not desiring sex), so it's easy to get them mixed up.
@@VarietyFox420 yeah, and it is good to not only explore your sexuality and possible asexuality, but *also* the possibility of having a physical condition, mental illness or trauma that leads to lack of sexual interest, they’re both important and valid. At this point, I'm not sure if I'm ace or if it’s just due to depression, but both are okay. It’s okay to be ace, but it’s also okay to not be, even if you identified as ace previously.
A lot of people also believe that asexual people also never have sex and are grossed out by it and I believe thats kind of the reason why people who have one bad sexual experience think that they might be ace and that once they start identifying with that label that they need to become abstinant and never explore any kind of sexual areas again
as an ace, I really like that there is both an acknowledgement of asexuality, and just having had a bad time. there is a huge difference between disappointed and lacking desire. both in the comments and vid
you should listen to 'Radio Free Europe' by REM. In my opinion it sounds quite like a Nirvana song, despite coming out in 1983.
I'm a virgin but I have been spending a lot of time watching actual sex education videos and making sure I understand female genital anatomy and things to do to make a girl orgasm. I'm pretty sure my first time will be awkward af but I'm at least making sure I'm not completely oblivious when the time comes.
Do keep in mind that for some women, coming is not the goal. Like it’s more about the overall enjoyment and what you do before has a huge impact on how good the orgasm is. Idk just read “she comes first”
@@Purplesquigglystripe Good to know, thanks!
@@Purplesquigglystripe oh it iiiis lmao. But I get what you mean and it's true in a way. For women it doesn't start with physicality. It starts with the trust and safety they feel towards the person, without those it's actually impossible to relax mentally and, as a consequence, physically. Let alone enjoy the moment. Once they feel the person created a safe space for them, then they will fully express themselves sexually/emotionally. And of course climaxing is a big aim, but what is misunderstood is that it's not about the body at all for the most part. Btw it's a good thing that you're interested in making it a nice experience for your partner too OP, good luck for the future.
A little advice:
If you go in with the objective of making your partner orgasm, there's a possibility you'll be unable to climax yourself
Having an objective to accomplish might prevent your mind from being present in the moment and relaxing
When the day comes, try to not think about it as beating a minigame.
Also tune down your expectations. The foreplay and edging will be fun but the sex itself might feel underwhelming.
Happened to me with my first partner. Never managed to finish from coitus alone. Sometimes I wouldn't be able to finish at all.
You might also find out condoms kill like 50% of the sensations but you should DEFINITELY use them.
Maybe get yourself one or two packs right now and start practicing. The first 2 or 3 might be tricky to put on but you'll figure out the correct technique with enough attempts.
Trust me, you certainly don't want to have to figure them out on the spot. It's pretty normal stuff to go through and your partner won't judge you for strugling, but a little preparation will ensure you don't have to worry about such delays when that day arrives.
And keep your chin up. The real virgins are the ones judging a human's worth based on the ammount of sex they've had.
@@kokorochacarero8003 Thanks!
Ngl I kinda got baited by the title and expected a vid about asexuality lol but yeah, this is a good vid, everything about societal expectations about sex and how central sex is in basic structure of people’s social lives should be examined.
I’ll say this as criticism though: maybe I’m in my own echo chamber but in my journey of discovering my asexuality (and it was a long one) I have NEVER encountered forums or content creators who just jump on stories like this and label people as asexual right off the bat. They always emphasize that we can share definitions and experiences but you are the only one who will know for sure. I’m sure there are exceptions to this, and maybe they’re easier to find depending on how internet algorithms give you your content but in my experience the ace “rabbithole” isn’t some scary dungeon that robs you of orgasm or whatever and it’s kinda offensive to present it that way. Granted, I don’t think this was Dr. K’s motivation at all and because OP’s story doesn’t really look like an ace one (though only he can know that) it wasn’t relevant enough to spend a lot of time on I guess.
Overall, this is a very important conversation, chat aside lol
Same. In the forums I’ve seen any “am I asexual” posts are met with lots of good questions
Reddit of all places is very good at this. It's one of the only good places I can think of for info on this stuff. It's always "well there's this, this, and this possibility, but ultimately it could be something completely different"
This video is comforting. I want to have it, but I have an issue with being a female and being the receiver. I also don't want to submit myself to a power dynamic that will always be there, both in a relationship and in intimacy. There's also the cleanliness aspect and the fact that I consumed so much media that I've come to like the sterility of fantasy intimacy. I don't have to smell it, and I can make it sound or look how I want, when I want. I'll probably die a virgin but at this point I've come to accept it. It's better than reality.
There's nothing wrong with virginity or celibacy. It is objectively better than having sex a lot
Honestly i have the same issue and I'm fine staying a virgin
Heyyy, the power dynamic doesnt have to be there, actually. One of the most extreme always of avoiding being in the submissive role, btw, is becomig a fem dom.
This sounds weirdly like what I hear some NEETs say on boards I browse, about why they think anime is better than real sex could ever be. "It's better than reality"...
@@ingredi8409 the majority of women are just not interested in that lol
I'd also like to say Asexuality is a very wide label. You may just not be attracted to genitalia or boobs, but you can still have good sexual experiences for other reasons whether that be intimacy or fetishes and some emotional issues may get in the way of that as well
*People with feet fetish have entered the chat*
@@godnyx117 Nah im gatekeeping asexuality from foot people
@@Kekktye Whaaaaat? What do you mean you "gatekeeping"?
do asexuals have tantric sex?
@@godnyx117"gatekeeping" means to exclude a group of people from being part of another group of people.
It's often discriminatory.
In this case however it seems more like a stupid joke.
"Just because you poop out huge turds, does not give you a loose asshole."
What a quote XD XD XD
😂
honestly you're doing the lord's work telling gamers you can't stretch out muscles from using them as intended
I'm definitely asexual, but yeah, people put so much emphasis on one kind of sexual relationship, when that doesn't work for everyone, either due to biological or psychological factors. I struggled with stuff where I got really into a specific kink because I liked the feeling of arousal from it (more from like a ADHD being bored thing), and it messed up how I saw my partner for a while, so yeah, it makes a big difference if you're used to or expecting one response from something and that changes. But that doesn't mean it's stuck that way. But honestly, I'm grossed out by the idea of a lot of sexual things, or need a very specific environment to get "in the mood," so I don't know what all of that is since I don't have a place where I can control such things.
This upsets me because this is exactly the kind of thing that should be taught in a high school sex Ed class. But of course abstinence is more important/s
Because it's cheaper they wouldn't teach anything if they could.
Even the places that don't teach abstinence only just teach sex ed from the basics of not getting pregnant and avoiding STDs. There's NO conversation about foreplay, little about consent and enthusiastic sex, different sexual preferences, etc.
The Twitch slang and professional information makes this conversation hilarious and great! Though this is actually very informative and gives valid advice.
I actually really like the cooking analogy. First time you attempt a dish you may or may not get it right. Being a decent cook might help you get it right the first time, but even as a great cook you still might catastrophically fail. Some dishes you like more than others, some dishes you will try and not like. If you're growing tired of cooking the same dish, try some new spices.
the best way to make any dish enjoyable is just wait until you are really hungry.
We (teenagers) need more open conversations like this one. Thank you
God, sex is so complicated.
My first time was with a guy whom imediately had a trigger reaction to us getting intimate cuz he was a child abuse victim.
My second time, we were caught and the guy was outed.
My third time was completely boring and the guy never spoke to me again, when he pretty much led me on from the beggining.
Fourth was in a grey area of consent. Other times just simply weren't pleasant. I can count on one hand how often I actually enjoyed dating anyone. But nah, not assexual. Just disfunctional.
You ought to buy a Lincoln Continental.
We need to normalise talking about sex and especially the issues/misconceptions that come from heteronormative standards of sex. So I hope to see more content like this because this was highly informative.
I live in a muslim 3rd world country and Its actually scary how in 16 years of my life I haven’t heard anything abt sex ed until i got my first phone and searched it up myself, all i knew was have sex and make babies, am 20 now and still haven’t had sex, and am sooo anxious abt it, at least am learning but i highly doubt the person am gonna have it with does the same, ppl aren’t as open minded and supportive over here
This isn't a heteronormativity issue. This is present for homosexuals too.
@@justmoe1632 remember they are also less likely to have had much education on sex - especially if they're women. You'll do fine, learn the basic theory of how to use your hands on your partner and adapt to how they respond.
If it doesn't turn out well, try again ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I think sex is an extremely important topic to cover, and I’m glad that you did. Society being sensitive to the topic is all the more reason we need comfortable spaces to talk about this. I say this as a survivor of sexual assault who is trying to relearn healthy sex years later. Content like this is super helpful.
True. It almost seems like you're supposed to be uncomfortable while discussing it irl. If sex wasnt treated like a massive thing and talking about it wasnt stigmatized, it would definitely improve society
I love how calm and professionally DrK explained all these topics, and the more sensitive it got, the more haywire the chat went.
It's like a "we need to talk about that stuff maturely and openly more often - O - Meter"
As someone who used to be a sex educator in a rural area of a red state, PLEASE CONTINUE TALKING ABOUT THIS!!!
I hate purity culture and rape culture. They are two sides of the same coin and it's one extreme from the other, and neither encourages talk about consent or safe exploration. It's absolutely traumatizing to be completely in the dark about sex because of purity culture and then be exposed to rape culture like that's what normal sex should be like.
What rape culture?
"rape culture" What fucking rape culture, what are you in fucking federal prison?
Yeah what the actual fuck is rape culture ?
It is concerning how most people don't know rape culture, or at least recognize what the name means.
It's just like Lyn can der Wel said, sexual harrassment being such a common action taken as a means of "winning over" or "convincing" someone to be with you. You see this a lot with old romantic media with the guy going through ridiculously creepy lengths to get the girl.
Don't get me started on the laxation of men taking advantage of women under some type of influence being shown as humorous or a side thought like it isn't a big deal.
Rape culture doesn't exist... Steve crowder, watch the video.
Guys guys, seriously. We need to praise this recovered incel. He really improved himself and learned introspection on a fundamentally new level. This is serious, serious, personal growth. I'm so exceptionally happy that self improvement beat hatred today
(Edit) I realized I wasn't saying it fully. We have to appreciate, when someone tries so hard, that someone was wiling to help them along the path. I know too well what it's like for others to be given patience, money and advantage meanwhile you're trying to fix yourself when the starting line is 10 miles away. It's TOUGH. So the fact that she was okay during sex to have a situation more shallow women would have insulted the man for, the fact that she understood his situation, wanted to work through it, not for the sex but for the person.
Just wow. I've been so sick of the news today with them making the world slowly end. We need more feel good stories like this
We need MORE videos like this. For a large majority of us our education system (sex ed especially) has completely failed us, as they were not built to function in the age of the internet.
Same thing happened to me my first time, couldn't even finish. Fast foward and I've been with the same woman for over 10 years now.
This person clearly has come a long way overcoming his social anxieties and found someone that seems understanding of his situation. I hope that he doesn't get discouraged by this experience. Sex is amazing but it needs practice and comfort. You won't have either of those on your first time.
It's definitely ok to not feel good at your first time, I'm a woman and my first time definitely didn't feel good tbh, for me it was a weird feeling and i felt like it was overhyped for months. It took a few tries till my body got used to it and it felt good, it definitely helped when the environment is natural and you just let your hormones do their thing.
I think it also helps to think of sex as "intimacy" rather as "penetration".
Are yall being really close and into it and maybe some clothing is off and some body parts are touching? Congrats! You're doing it!
Something I’ve seen falling off the conversational cart on sexual topics is what you’ve said, and I’m glad someone other than myself is bringing it up. In fact, I’d love to add a little too.
There’s a strong push to label many men as being obsessed with sex as penetration. In reality, the majority are comfort/affection starved and sex is the only activity they don’t feel judged for obtaining some.
Lol no. That makes absolutely no sense. Hugging would count as sez then.
@@dog_curry
I believe by “some body parts” Davina meant sexual body parts. If I’m right, that would mean the hugging would need to be utterly naked.
Makes sense. If you see two people naked and embracing each other, you'll immediately assume they're having sex. You're not going to check whether the funny bits are where they should to finally conclude "yes, they be smashing"...
@@DonVigaDeFierro uh yeah, you assume so because you assume the bits are connecting, why else would they be conpletely nsked
Great segment. A cool thing about the internet and reddit in particular (impossible I know) is that with problems like this, there are usually subs where you can ask about things like this that feel shameful and like 400 other people will be like "oh yeah. That exact thing happened to me. Totally normal" and be supportive and affirmative which is pretty cool when used responsibly
Absolutely great what you're doing for people, it's just terribly sad so many of us had to wait 18 years to get any proper dating or sexual advice.
Prior to you, every time we looked up how to find love the answer was always "just be an emotionless uncaring chad."
I'm never touching a woman she might call the cops saying it was rape
Thanks for doing this. I watched the whole video. I'm 23/M, rape victim with PTSD+severe depression. I've probably had sex around 40-60 times (mostly my 1 ex), but have never finished once. I wasn't sure if it was trauma, habits, anxiety/nervousness, or what. I always enjoy the sex a lot, was never grossed out, but I'd often find myself needing extra stimuli to get harder again, if my erection ever began deflating. I was able to get my partner to finish many times, in many ways (I got really good at it, because I always think of it in a productive way, like you were saying about the kitchen, to be a better cook). I felt bad for her, she understood me and my situation, but I'm sure psychologically it does something to her when she can never get me off. I reassured her a lot that she captured my interest wholeheartedly and that none of it was her fault. I've also considered that everyone I've been with doesn't really know what they're doing with a penis too much, I always seem to know more about their genitalia than they do of mine. I also considered if my porn/masturbation habits in life have impacted it, I'm beginning to think there's a good chance that impacted me more than the trauma. I'm gonna try out your suggestions for the Death Grip Syndrome, hopefully conditioning my buddy more to a vagina is all that I needed.
Thanks for uploading this. Also please note that some people who brand themselves as "incel" most probably also has asperger's, which means sensory sensitivities (grossed out about bodily fluids, sensations, smells and sounds). They seek sex and pleasure just like any other man, but the sensory overload is too much and pretty much ruins the experience. Being "schizoid" (living inside your mind and forgetting you have a human body) also means they are not present while the sexual act is happening, but thinking about other things like porn, or how fast they come, or comparing their partner to porn mental material. It is better to know yourself first, your likes and dislikes, if you have issues with bodily fluids, smells, etc. then accept who you are. That is the first step. Accept yourself and do not mask or pretend to be something youre not. This leads to loneliness.
I have aspergers, and yes I ignore my body.
how do you do that, exactly?
Performance anxiety happened to me my first time too. It’s perfectly normal, and it goes away as you get more comfortable, and even then, there may be emotional aspects of intercourse that one simply isn’t ready to handle. It’s _fine._ It _happens._ Any guys out there who are dealing with these problems-please don’t kick yourselves for it. Having a supportive partner really helps, but only if you’re willing and able to open up to them.
I think its important to talk about this sort of stuff especialy for american viewers where sex is almost never talked about in a realistic way
More people are watching p*rn and In, p*rn sex is presented very different from reality so they are expecting something different. For example most p*rn videos last around 10 minutes usually there are multiple segments and they can be drawn out. In reality most sex can last very short and also some people may c*m faster than others so a woman may want a man to last X minutes in bed but he lasts X. Also men In the videos are often aggressive and don’t talk to there partner before having sex which is an important part to figuring out how to have the best time. Men shouldn’t be expecting a life changing experience and woman shouldn’t expect the average Joe to be packing.
Sex is like eating food. Sometimes you have a great mean, delicious deserts and such, and sometimes is just meh and plain and you have to eat just to be full, and sometimes it sucks
Tf what kind of food do you eat?
@@noname-dw9te the kind that gives you diarrhea
@@Infinite_voyager Taco Bell?
@@peterroberts4415 he means sexually transmitted diarrhoea
Well then I'm starving
I remember my first time. Being excited about losing my virginity and experiencing the "awesome/amazing" feeling and etc and when it actually happened I was like "Wait that's it? That was...okay i guess". I'm in a committed relationship now tho and the act feels 10x better. Imo sex just feels better when you're emotionally attached to someone. Like it becomes much more intimate and personal
One thing I realized in regards to this video is that chat is full of immature children.
it's twitch.
@@hhattonaom9729 True.
They're just joking. And subjects like this need to be joked about otherwise it's just uncomfortable silence like 😐
My first few sexual encounters were very very toxic and i almost felt like my worth was stolen from me when i lost my v card. I’ve never had like some kind of vendetta against women or whoever and I learned about sex at a very young age so this video was comforting to see from you. About the whole sex thing my main problem is that I feel like I need a more fulfilling reason as to why it happened or if it was truly consensual like i don’t know what consent is. I’m not too sure if maybe my age or age gap was a point to talk about or how my idea of sex manifested at a young age, it’s a very strange mental battle
Edit: I do in turn have some rather unsettling and disturbing sexual fantasies and I don’t know at what point it becomes a problem
I feel like for complicated feelings like potentially having been taken advantage of, it would require the help of a trustworthy therapist.
So you'd say you avoided A V Card Vendetta?
If you're questioning if it was consensual then it wasn't. Consent requires full certainty and knowledge.
@@arowace498 yes he she it should file a rape charge right away
@@amarjusufovic1963 just say they, i didn't even understand what you were trying to say for a second.
regardless, filing charges is not a great way to heal from trauma, it is often re-traumatizing as you are forced to relive the experience under great scrutiny and often hostility. They want to heal from their trauma so suggesting they file charges is actually something i would recommend the least, especially if it was a long time ago as the comment suggests. the police will just shrug and probably laugh in their face.
"Sex is temporary, gaming is forever"
🔥
Idk u gotta 360 no scope a chicks face every now and then
Or try being sucked of playing games
So is Lateralus.
underrated
Leave it to an Indian doctor to turn sexual positions into mathematical expressions.
Underrated comment of the day 😂
Add a lil 4+8, if you know what I mean 😏
@@seapeajones Every on this video could start a new sex language. A little 6 + 9 lol
I mean but the karma sutra already exists XDDD
listen,, its a good joke, a great joke even-
He should have explained it in Tamil.
I don't consider myself an incel, but definitely on the ace spectrum due to a lot of trauma purity culture. Still a virgin in my 30s. I'm hopeful for a future relationship, but I imagine I will have very similar issues when I get to this point in a relationship.
Being on the ace spectrum means you don't experience sexual attraction, doesn't sound like your situation.
One thing I talked about with my therapist was my pornography addiction. He told me about how masturbating for a long time can result in issues during actual sex, and so I should get a realistic toy to mix up my masturbation methods to prevent becoming unable to climax through normal sex.
Like one of those sleeve things.
It's kinda wholesome at the end where Dr.K says that maybe he shouldn't be talking about this stuff and the chat gets filled with 'nah your good' and 'it's helpful'.
y'all, come to your own conclusions about sex, not based on media or another person's experience. please give yourself a chance to grow and explore before you decide it's the best/the worst/gross. It can take awhile to get past unconscious insecurities, develop skill and find your real opinion. worth the effort.
After years of trying it out my conclusion is that its extremely overrated and romanticized, just kind of a bonus thing when you find someone you love
Sure, I'll just go out and practice sex whenever I want.
@@nightfighter7452 exactly lol, 20 years ago would be a much different story with no internet, nowadays...yeah lotssss of lonely men and women and tons of virgins running around
😂
This was way more informative than I thought. I expected either a reddit or an asexual story, but this was actual quality knowledge instead. I'm happy.
I lost it at the tekken combos. haha
But seriously, this is an amazing conversation. Society definitely needs more of this.
When dr.k started talking about erogenous zones I immidiately hid the chat with my palm because I knew they would ruin my experience of watching...
I know it's not possible but I really wish there was an option to hide chat in these videos. (By the way most of the time the chat is awesome)
As soon as you mention "sex" Chat turns into a hoarde of horny middle schoolers it's too much🤣 I spent more time watching Chat in the sex ed video than Dr.K🤣🤣
You can just open up a new window and cover it with it while in theater mode. I do that sometimes...
Lol just paste a *post it note* on ur screen 🤣
Or just dont read it..
Honestly the chat is too small on mobile UA-cam that I just never look at it. Or listen to the video while doing something else. I'm here for dr. K's info after all
Whoever this guy '(OP) was seeing, she is a keeper. The way she handled his situation is perfect and he should consider himself lucky to have her.
This was amazing. Anything to break down barriers about these topics is good. Anything to validate the secrets we all keep is good. You're a savior
We need more conversations about asexuality, not less. There's exactly zero cases in history when ignoring a topic led to a better understanding.
Other than that, great content.
@Miles Doyle Dude did u just write 5% of the Bible or somethin?
@Miles Doyle cool that's great and fantastic and whatever but like what does this have to do with literally anything anyone was talking about.
I had the same thought. Like he's not saying asexuality doesn't exist or anything, but hes also being kinda dismissive. He could've discussed it in more detail here, rather than just skipping over it.
People who are actually ace get told that they "just havent found the right person" or "just had a bad experience" all the time, and it's pretty invalidating. So when he said exactly that.. i was a lil annoyed too.
@@RainingRedPandas yeah I'm a ridiculously huge fan of Dr. K. But I'm asexual. And this dismissiveness is one of my least favorite things I've ever heard him say on this channel. It's very invalidating.
@@VioletEmerald I get that 100%. At the same time there is an issue with isolated people thinking they are asexual as a symptom of their loneliness/depression/etc. Especially in the gamer community, but also outside of that. Jumping to that conclusion is likely going to cause harm and regret long term. That doesn't at all mean that the asexual and aromantic community isn't real, but for the overwhelming majority they are likely sexual and are just deeply alienated from their sexuality by porn and isolation.
The way you talk about sexuality openly and honstly is truly inspiring. I'm sure this kind of videos helps all sorts of ppl in all sorts of situation.
I for one am not an incel and is having sex with my gf but still think the game you described is cool and exciting to try
I think it’s rare for anyone’s first time to go well. It’s like starting boxing for the first time and expecting to last an entire 3 minutes of sparring. But with practice, you eventually get there.
I've never had a negative sexual experience, but I have a 100% rate of thinking it was shameful and disgusting.
So you like feeling shameful and disgusting during sex?
@@-JaggedGrace- He talking about fapping i think
@@Romello.a He actually responded to this basically agreeing with me, but youtube deleted it. This website is turning into a bit of a dystopia.
@@-JaggedGrace- so he just feels disgusting after sex then?
@@-JaggedGrace- to avoid censorship: I went to the red light district in Amsterdam and felt the same way 😉
Dr K having a patience of the saint and kindly debunking redpillish mizoginists nonsense. You trully are one of our last hopes😅 I wtach you for months and not going to stop. Your understanding for human beings with all their flaws (sometimes terrifying) inspires me and makes me gradually a better person.
Reading twitch chat is just... depressing. I can't be the only one who feels this way, right?
I am with you
Yepp, twitch really is full of kids, or kids like adults.
I lose braincells with each message
Depends on the channel. In smaller, community-driven channels, it can really enhance the viewing experience. Large chats of popular streamers, where 'chat' is invariably some kind of amoeba-like, monolithic entity, are almost always just amalgamations of the worst aspects of the internet lol.
most twitch chats reflect the streamer like some kind of shadow in my experience