Hi Bryn! With me it was similar and yet different. I never really had attraction towards men. I was always attracted to women, but many of the women I was particularly attracted to later turned out to be lesbians. I always liked how they acted, what they wore, how they talked. But my view was completely obscured by dysphoria. I still have great imposter syndrome, but it is slowly getting better.
Gods, this is *so* familiar. I was never attracted to men at all, and that's never changed, but in basically every other way this is pretty much the same thing as I experienced. I was functionally asexual prior to HRT, never even had sex dreams, couldn't at all imagine why people would want to have sex, etc. And I had that draw toward lesbians and sapphic-coded characters and relationships as soon as I was exposed to them, which wasn't until much later due to religious upbringing. And what you said about internalizing a lot of the messaging aimed at girls *definitely* rings true. I remember taking purity culture far more seriously than any of the Christian boys I was mostly raised around, always understanding the point of view of the girls better than the guys whenever they were described as being opposing, and even taking to heart very firmly that I was supposed to be emotionally intelligent and always sought to defuse or leave situations while boys were learning to fight when challenged.
Oh, and now that I've been on HRT for a while, I *definitely* have a lot of sapphic feelings for a lot of women and enbies. I am head over heels romantically for one of my two girlfriends especially, and could easily see a whole life with her; my other one I have more of a sexual and platonic relationship than romantic, but we also have a really strong relationship. Both of them are distinctly more masculine than I am and both of them took the lead when it came to our relationships, and that was highly validating.
It’s really nice to hear someone who’s had similar experiences to me. Figuring all this out was a long journey lol. Especially internalizing female messaging. And I totally feel the same with other people leading the relationship, definitely very validating. With my ex, she was the first woman I dated and years of dating men could never compare to the way I felt about her lol
hi Bryn! found your channel this week and wanted to say thank you because of how much i've connected with things you've said. I was a later egg crack (happened at 27, starting HRT at 29) but I always knew I was pansexual. I also had this preference and emotional investment in lesbian relationships, even though being with a woman as a "cis man" was distressing for reasons i couldn't put my finger on. Realising I wanted women to see me in a different way is one of the things that accelerated my thought process around my own gender, and I also then realised that the reason I was awkward about my attraction to men was because I didn't identify with being in gay male relationships, but could identify with being a woman in a 'straight' relationship. ....all that is to say that I'm glad I found your channel, and thanks for sharing so eloquently, because it's been comforting for me to listen to
I’m really happy to hear my videos are something you can relate to. Figuring out the gendered dynamics/perceptions in relationships can be really complex and challenging, so I’m glad you’re figuring yourself out. Much love 💛
I'm here to share my current confusion about my attraction(s). I believe I'm somewhere in the vauge aroace non-binary femme (AMAB) zone. At least this is the current "line of best fit" for my current feelings. I don't think I've experienced proper lust or true romantic feelings or any full on crushes (at least when compared with cis people describe, especially cis men)... but there is still attraction to women that could fit into aeshetic / platonic boxes that also could be something more that that. I do know those attractions are intertwined with gender envy. My arousal is usually triggered by abstract thoughts (not all of which I'm willing to share) rather than specific people but there is some vauge link towards femininity (including internally and externally). Hearing experiences described in the video does make me wonder whether I am experiencing attraction, but masked by gender feelings (I wouldn't necessarily say I experience dysphoria per se, but there is a level of dissociation which makes figuring out attaction very difficult). It doesn't help that no-one actually can give me a clear idea of what sexual or romantic attraction actually is.
My apologies for the late response. I know we’re not quite in the same boat, but I can definitely relate to feeling confused about my sexuality. Attraction can be hard to pinpoint & classify (as platonic, romantic, sexual, etc.) and especially in a world that focuses mostly on sexual & romantic attraction, I’m sure that doesn’t make it any easier. The way we view gender (our own as well as other people’s) also has an impact on the way that we’re attracted to other people. If you’re looking for tips, I’d definitely recommend going on Reddit. I know I’ve found a lot of interesting and insightful perspectives on there for me about gender stuff, and I’m sure there’s a community of people in the aro/ace community that might be able to describe their own experiences that may give you some clarity. And just a reminder, it’s ok to be confused and/or frustrated. I know it’s not a “good” feeling to feel, but you’re still valid. Your feelings are still real, even if you don’t have a resonant way to express/describe them. They still exist, and I believe with time, you’ll figure things out. I know it’s not easy, but you’re not alone. Much love 💛
@2kavi (hopefully I’m tagging the right person) I accidentally deleted your comment but I wanted to say thank you, and also your comment made me laugh really hard. I guess I really am The Ultimate Gay™️ 😂
Ya, I think it's absolutely wild how gender identity and sexual orientation are separate things. I was straight before I changed gender, and I expected I'd be a lesbian, but I became attracted to guys about two years into hrt. I think it's so cool that sexual orientation is a separate thing; it really makes the experience interesting during gender change :^)
Whether it's seperate or not you're both more likely than not bisexual I even knew as a gay guy I didn't necessarily "like" being a guy with another guy. But you're not suddenly changing your attraction it's subliminal. Lol You probably still like women though so that is being bi. I think being with men as a trans woman is just a different element or flavor if you will. And being a man with dysphoria can make you want to be with guys in Bryn's case I mean I can't speak for you or on your behalf 100% But that's where the lies of sexuality come into play for trans people specifically mtf which I am as well. But I also identify that I have no attraction to women. And have not been anything but attracted to me whether dysphoria stunted my attraction (to men) or not. It hasn't for the most part. I know I have had some weird (to me, so no offense to anyone else) erotic thoughts with women however once was in a dream also. Does it make me wonder whether I'm surpressing something there having to do with my sexuality (or my "true" sexuality lol)? For the most part no. I also question my attraction to men usually meaning I wish I was asexual. Because I can't choose to not like men. Not that it bothers me that I do, I don't think it does usually... also I'm not asexual. Sorry for the run on comment I also think saying sexuality is fluid while it is true for some I think it can be adding to stigma for someone like me who is a biological male (truth lol) and likes men.
I think a lot of people who are trans who are either trans lesbians or trans gay men come out as the wrong type of gay first as a way to express their more feminine or masculine side. For trans men/mascs, coming out as lesbian, so they can feel masculine. For trans women/femmes, they come as gay to feel more feminine. Since society sees liking women as a masculine behavior, and liking men as a feminine behavior, a lot of trans people feel uncomfortable actually liking who they like because they don’t want perceived in the wrong way, and don’t want to be forced to play the role of their AGAB in the relationship (i.e. a trans woman/trans femme being treated like a “boyfriend” or “husband” instead of “girlfriend” or “wife”). So essentially, saying you are gay is a “safer” way to express yourself.
I totally agree. Being out as gay gave me a lot of freedom when it came to gender expression. I remember telling my mom when I was like 15 that I liked being the girl in a relationship. I thought that’s what being gay meant lol. Turns out I just like being a girl period! Lmao
I know right, 9 months has gone by so quickly!! I can’t believe how swiftly time has just rushed by. I have a 9 month update I posted a few weeks ago if you haven’t seen it! I mostly just talk about the emotional changes/benefits, as there’s not a whole lot different physically.
I really appreciate this video, there's some situations in which I've been really working on figuring out what non-binary means to me, and even though having cis-hetero men in my life and having them as friends, I'm realizing that just the way they treat me, I could tell that they don't actually understand or respect non-binary because they can either be attracted to me has sexual, or like they're waiting for something to get a chance to do that, or they just don't try to understand the whole concept there just like I don't get it and I'm not sure if it's just because they don't have to be as open-minded, or they are just not associating it with respect or maybe it's an age thing with edumacation, I'm not sure but I feel icky when people treat me especially if they're interested in hitting on me as a different gender then non-binary it feels off
That makes total sense. I had a difficult time for a long time specifically with straight men because I felt like they were attracted to me in a straight way, and that I had to be really feminine in order for them to find me attractive (meaning that they weren’t even finding *me* attractive because I’m androgynous). I can totally understand your discomfort with straight men finding you attractive or acting like they are attracted to you etc. It can feel dysphoric and sometimes even insulting, like you’re not being seen for who you are. I’m sorry you’re not feeling like the cishet men in your life are truly seeing you for who you are and treating you accordingly. 💛
Yeah that's how it goes with most cishet men. Generally if someone is nonbinary, they won't have the best luck with people who are like normie cishet. For example, not surprising that "the lesbian community" uses the term sapphic now, is more inclusive of nonbinary identities etc. If you want to date guys in particular which by all means feel free, I would recommend giving more attention/effort to pan/bisexual men
I believe im ftm. And i feel the same thing about men. Only liked them for the validation that im desirable but i was always "off" during sex. I still don't understand my sexuality.
Hi Bryn. i want to thank you for this amazing video as a nonbinary AMAB lesbian butch who goes by he she they pronouns. My story was that before I realized I was nonbinary that I was just pan but I felt a queer liking to a woman more than connected to my pansexuality and I thought I cant be a lesbian becuase again I was AMAB though through time I realized the new lesbian flag was made by a nonbinary lesbian themseld and that the top of that flag means gender non-conformity but still I had a problem befause I thought lesbian meant women love women but the people on reddit told me its non men love non men which Im not a huge fan to say but how I define myself is that Im a nonbinary person who while both has equal traits kf masc and feminity feel like Im attracted to feminity and the female approach and I think i do feel a little more in touch with my feminine side so to me it means my feminine side is attracted to kther feminime sides and the female approach and females and female alligned genders. As you guess I felt so happy once I realize Im a nonbinary lesbian and yesterday I realized I was a butch too again Im AMAB and I accept that but again i identify as a nonbinary amab lesbian butch who goes by he she they probouns and I rather be that as it js my true self my idenity per say. But anyways thanks for sharing your experience as a nb lesbian, Im glad there is a nb lesbian content creator i can look up to.
I’m so glad you’ve been able to figure things out! It can be a whirlwind of emotions trying to piece together the words and experiences that resonate with you. It took me a really long time to admit that I’m a lesbian, and I do believe an underlying reason to that was because of being assigned male at birth. I admitted to myself I was a lesbian on my 21st birthday, but then pushed that down again and again because I didn’t feel like I was “allowed” to use that term. I gate kept the term lesbian from myself. And you’re right about the lesbian flag, the new one (with the orange and pink/purple) has a much broader interpretation than the original (red and pink). That was also something that helped me feel confident with that label. I’m glad you feel confident in the labels you’re using. Much love 💛
I can imagine how hard that can for you to have to go through this. I do a lot of research on psychology and the human psychic and I can understand that nobody would willingly choose this path to follow.
But yeah, in my teens, I felt nothing. Family would constantly ask if I had a gf, or if I liked any girls, but I felt nothing. First time I looked up porn, it was cause I wanted to "prove" to myself that I wasn't gay, not cause I had any interest. I'm 36, nobody talked about trans people, the complexities of sexuality, asexuality, etc when I was growing up. Everyone just assumed I was gay because I wasn't some womanizer. Being a queer teen in the early 2000's was NOT fun. I STILL can't quite figure things out. Trans woman mostly fits, though there is definitely some fluidity into agender. Lesbian is the label I was most comfortable with. I'm probably gonna go back to it, simply because I have no interest in dating men. Porn is one thing, but IRL, I already know that doesn't work for me. I need to be with women, and I likely won't be comfortable with that until I'm post op. ...being trans is very confusing and annoying. If I were a cis woman, I would've figured this shit out by 14. 🤷♀🙄
That makes a lot of sense. My ex girlfriend (lesbian) grew up in the early 2000s (she was born in ‘85) so I know a little bit about that experience from her. I totally get it. Dysphoria definitely makes understanding ourselves (in any way shape or form). Ore challenging. And especially when it comes to sexuality, our gender can play a huge role in how we feel in romantic/sexual dynamics. It’s ok to not have everything figured out, even if it feels frustrating. 💛💛💛 if I were cis I would’ve figured it out a lot sooner too lol
Texans fans will riot if the Texans do not take a quarterback. Since Lovie blew the last game of the season, Texans management has suggested that the team will take a quarterback at #2. If they had no intentions of taking a QB, they would have been smarter to say they were not locked into taking a QB. Texans fans do not want Tyree Wilson or some other player at #2. Hell, he isn’t even best edge guy in the class.
i remember there used to be a pan ezine in the US (not here in singapor, oh no heaven forbid!) called 'anything that moves'. we need to amend that to 'anything that moves, breathes, of legal age, and is human' me? another story for another day...much love from singapore, love catrina
By ur described experience, and what I can tell of others experiences, and most who advocate polyamory would or probably rally against me for saying this; but I don’t think the two really care about if they lose the other person. And that seems to be in keeping with ur story, and even my experiences. It’s just friends with benefits. There’s very much friendship there. Except with gay men. A lot of gay acknowledge that they’re men, that their hormones aren’t going to allow them to so what they’re going to do, and yet they seem to retain long lasting meaningful relationships, despite infidelity. Straight ppl are typically the exact opposite….and then there’s chem sex, which I know nothing about lol!
I think it depends on the person/relationship to be honest. I don’t have a very wide range of polyamory experience, other than having been in two open relationships (but outside of that I don’t really know many polyamorous people). I just feel like if someone says they’re happy in a polyamorous relationship, who am I to decide whether that’s true or not? It’s interesting your comments on gay men. I personally don’t know many gay men so I really don’t have much insight/thought on your second paragraph lol, but that’s a very interesting observation!
While I see occasional videos with gay men transitioning to women, I rarely find any evidence that this really occurs in searches on the web. Is it very rare, or a forbidden subject?
You know that’s really interesting, I never really thought of or noticed that. Honestly most of the trans people I know (like probably at least 90% of them) are AFAB. Back when I knew very little about being trans, I assumed that all trans women were once gay men, and that all trans men were once lesbians (essentially that being trans was an extension of gayness). I remember when my trans mother transitioned, I assumed that she wasn’t attracted to women, simply because she was trans. What’s also interesting that I learned relatively recently, is back when being trans was very misunderstood (more than it is now) and much more under the radar than it is now, medical professionals used to only prescribe HRT to AMAB individuals who were living as gay men, and wouldn’t let AMAB individuals attracted to women medically transition (it was seen as a fetish if the individual was female-attracted). They also used to not let trans people transition if they didn’t think they would be able to pass as their identified gender. I’m not sure if that also applied for trans men (having to be living as a lesbian to be allowed to transition) though I would assume it did.
No man can become a woman and no woman can become a man. This is gaslighting. Humans cannot change their sex. Taking exogenous cross-sex hormones and getting plastic/cosmetic surgeries does not change your sex--it is deeply inauthentic. And lesbians are same-sex attracted not same-gender attracted and to believe otherwise is delusional.
Do you even know what gaslighting is? 😭 you’re welcome to comment whatever rude things you’d like to on my videos but you are NOT welcome project your uninformed bigotry onto my subscribers. I would definitely encourage you to expand your understanding of gender identity and human sexuality, but it’s also clear that that does not seem likely. I hope you’re able to find peace and compassion, instead of aggression. The world is a much better place when we try to understand and love others. Wishing you the best in life 💛
Hi Neyn, nice to meat you girl. I hope you don’t mind me sharing my strange and unusual situation. I know this is highly igregular from the normal transition story of a transgender person, but here it goes anyway. have discovered myself to be a true shapeshifter after discovering I am a, STARSEED/BLUE-RAY Pleiadians Anime Female warrior named Jujtoti from the Karelian Family from a multidimensional advanced technological hybrid alien humanoid anime all female Pleiadian world. When I had my awaking, I was a 54-year olde female from this world, but after the major awaking, I am known have the mind set and physical look of a 34 to 24- to 17-year-old Anime Magical Teen Girl Goddess. Since I had my major awakening on December 30 I’ve been doing with a lot of denial and many attempts to oppress and run from more authentic self and feelings. I still some time and time you were being ashamed and self-loathing because of what society thinks and even to ashamed to tell my family who I am. The only thing all this denial and oppressing my feelings and running from them does make this more painful and causes chronic pain mental and physical suffering that all most killed me. I feel so ashamed of being Anime Magical Teen Girl Goddess at times. I can't even tell my family because of how ashamed and self-loathing I deal with. I know that deep down inside this is painfully real because quantum multiverse as real as ever, but it still makes me deal with shame and self-loathing because of what society thinks. I happen be an inter dimensional being. I know my situation is unusual, but in the whole terminology inter-dimensional or quantum multi dimension universes there is no set rules that dimensions have to operate. Not all of them have to make sense? I happen to deeply resonate with what I’m describing below the sentence. I am an STARSEED/BLUE-RAY Pleiadians Anime Female warrior named Jujtoti from the Karelian Family from a multidimensional advanced technological hybrid alien humanoid anime all female Pleiadian world. I’ve got a lot more than a bargain before when I had my awakening to reveal things about my authentic self at times, I’m still struggling with it, defines everything this 3-D reality stands for in this world. It took a big major awakening for me to truly wake up to who and what I truly am. I know am no longer the Earth female I thought I was because I’m a dimensional Starseed/Blue Ray Pleiadians Anime Magical Teen Girl Goddess. I’ve lost my reality since I’ve had my major awakening on December 30 after I lost a tooth and making a wish to be a young beautiful female forever and have immortality. My wish got granted, and then this is when my entire journey started. For me, my awakening was not something I had planned or a choice as it happened, regardless of what I wanted or not wanted, regardless of whether or not, I was ready or not. Then on Dec30th going into 2024 when I lost a tooth, out of fear I Made a wish to be a beautiful female forever and have immortality. Then right away the kundalini awakening opened up at full attack and my authentic self said now you have the soul of an anime girl, and you are now a real anime girl inside. Ever since then I have dealing with a living hell or dream state, I am unable to wake from. Even my mind set, and body has gone into the age regression process to look more like an anime girl. That is what I see when I look in Mirror anyway. I see a cute anime girl looking back at me and I am like what the bloody hell. Is this Really happening to me and is this freakin real. What the hell happened to my reality. I Been dealing with these synchronicities from earlier childhood and it’s been using anime and anime girls as ways to get my attention even when I wasn’t looking for it or interested in it or you knew about it. Back then I was more interested in about finding a dream job. Having a nice car. Nice house making big money nothing else mattered back then. Even if I found out what anime meant back then I didn’t give a damn about it because I was more interested in what I mentioned above. Over time Anime revealed itself to in the form of synchronicities to me and told me what it was. It slammed me into the wall to make sure I knew what anime girls and magical girls were. Then over time the more I had to watch it off and on, I would start having fantasies and desires to be an anime girl living in anime girl worlds. For many years I was able to push it away and think it was nothing more than that. I don't know anything about the Magical Girl Part because she is from Puella Mgi Madoka Magica multiverse. I seem to be an unintended victim of forced contact from Kyubey to be a Magical Girl. I am sick of all this suffering on top of suffering on top of suffering. I don't want to be a Magical girl knowing the suffering they must put up with. Magical Girls are made to suffer. Please help me, because I don't know what to do any more. This is driving me into complete madness, and I don't want to end up in no dam Phy ward again. I had a bad traumatic experience. I was put in there over a deviated septum last year in Feb of 2023 for 2 and half weeks. What they did to me was just inhuman. I was having issues breathing and one day the head nurse and its helper came in the dark and ejected me with two syringes at the same time on both sides of my ribs. It felt like an alien abduction to me. Can anyone explain to me what type of shifts I am dealing with? I feel so scared, confused, broken and damaged goods. I hate dealing with the Anime Girl Body Dysphoria the most. I hate the fact that I can't go back and yet it keeps pushing me forward. I feel like I am a mental wreck, and I can't help feeling the way I do deep down inside! The more I Follow this Path the stronger the feelings of being a Anime Girl Gets. I Can't go back because there is only death and pain. Going forward drives me into feeling to be a true anime girl and live in an anime girl multiverse. The feeling is like being stuck in a dream state that I am unable to awaken from. This is why my dissociation is my best friend when I feel numb and in the void from any feelings and pain. I am sick of how people point the finger at me and say I brought this on myself. Why would I pick such painful and deadly path knowing that it could risk could be suicide and death. This is me in the world since I’ve been going my shape changing transmutation to being younger. The Post is my animal and then there is my anime girl soul family. I went to a psychic fair this week in Saturday and Sunday. I visit multi psychics for multiple different Readings, and they’ve all agreed that I am a Pleiadian. I’ve done a lot of soul-searching and everything and I know deep down inside I’ve been confirmed by others that I am a multi-dimensional being. I also have the soul of an Anime Magical Teen Girl Goddess, that’s also been confirmed by a large group of psychics that they felt this anime girl childlike present.
Yeah, I went from straight, to bi, to gay, to bi, to lesbian, to bi... likely going back to lesbian. Sexuality is hard as fuck to figure out when you're trans.
Hi Bryn! With me it was similar and yet different. I never really had attraction towards men. I was always attracted to women, but many of the women I was particularly attracted to later turned out to be lesbians. I always liked how they acted, what they wore, how they talked. But my view was completely obscured by dysphoria. I still have great imposter syndrome, but it is slowly getting better.
That makes a whole lot of sense! Imposter syndrome can definitely be challenging, just hang in there. I’m glad it’s starting to get better for you 💛
Gods, this is *so* familiar. I was never attracted to men at all, and that's never changed, but in basically every other way this is pretty much the same thing as I experienced. I was functionally asexual prior to HRT, never even had sex dreams, couldn't at all imagine why people would want to have sex, etc. And I had that draw toward lesbians and sapphic-coded characters and relationships as soon as I was exposed to them, which wasn't until much later due to religious upbringing.
And what you said about internalizing a lot of the messaging aimed at girls *definitely* rings true. I remember taking purity culture far more seriously than any of the Christian boys I was mostly raised around, always understanding the point of view of the girls better than the guys whenever they were described as being opposing, and even taking to heart very firmly that I was supposed to be emotionally intelligent and always sought to defuse or leave situations while boys were learning to fight when challenged.
Oh, and now that I've been on HRT for a while, I *definitely* have a lot of sapphic feelings for a lot of women and enbies. I am head over heels romantically for one of my two girlfriends especially, and could easily see a whole life with her; my other one I have more of a sexual and platonic relationship than romantic, but we also have a really strong relationship. Both of them are distinctly more masculine than I am and both of them took the lead when it came to our relationships, and that was highly validating.
It’s really nice to hear someone who’s had similar experiences to me. Figuring all this out was a long journey lol. Especially internalizing female messaging.
And I totally feel the same with other people leading the relationship, definitely very validating. With my ex, she was the first woman I dated and years of dating men could never compare to the way I felt about her lol
hi Bryn! found your channel this week and wanted to say thank you because of how much i've connected with things you've said. I was a later egg crack (happened at 27, starting HRT at 29) but I always knew I was pansexual. I also had this preference and emotional investment in lesbian relationships, even though being with a woman as a "cis man" was distressing for reasons i couldn't put my finger on.
Realising I wanted women to see me in a different way is one of the things that accelerated my thought process around my own gender, and I also then realised that the reason I was awkward about my attraction to men was because I didn't identify with being in gay male relationships, but could identify with being a woman in a 'straight' relationship.
....all that is to say that I'm glad I found your channel, and thanks for sharing so eloquently, because it's been comforting for me to listen to
I’m really happy to hear my videos are something you can relate to. Figuring out the gendered dynamics/perceptions in relationships can be really complex and challenging, so I’m glad you’re figuring yourself out. Much love 💛
I'm here to share my current confusion about my attraction(s).
I believe I'm somewhere in the vauge aroace non-binary femme (AMAB) zone. At least this is the current "line of best fit" for my current feelings.
I don't think I've experienced proper lust or true romantic feelings or any full on crushes (at least when compared with cis people describe, especially cis men)... but there is still attraction to women that could fit into aeshetic / platonic boxes that also could be something more that that. I do know those attractions are intertwined with gender envy.
My arousal is usually triggered by abstract thoughts (not all of which I'm willing to share) rather than specific people but there is some vauge link towards femininity (including internally and externally).
Hearing experiences described in the video does make me wonder whether I am experiencing attraction, but masked by gender feelings (I wouldn't necessarily say I experience dysphoria per se, but there is a level of dissociation which makes figuring out attaction very difficult).
It doesn't help that no-one actually can give me a clear idea of what sexual or romantic attraction actually is.
this is incredibly relatable. ty for this comment.
My apologies for the late response. I know we’re not quite in the same boat, but I can definitely relate to feeling confused about my sexuality. Attraction can be hard to pinpoint & classify (as platonic, romantic, sexual, etc.) and especially in a world that focuses mostly on sexual & romantic attraction, I’m sure that doesn’t make it any easier. The way we view gender (our own as well as other people’s) also has an impact on the way that we’re attracted to other people.
If you’re looking for tips, I’d definitely recommend going on Reddit. I know I’ve found a lot of interesting and insightful perspectives on there for me about gender stuff, and I’m sure there’s a community of people in the aro/ace community that might be able to describe their own experiences that may give you some clarity.
And just a reminder, it’s ok to be confused and/or frustrated. I know it’s not a “good” feeling to feel, but you’re still valid. Your feelings are still real, even if you don’t have a resonant way to express/describe them. They still exist, and I believe with time, you’ll figure things out. I know it’s not easy, but you’re not alone. Much love 💛
@2kavi (hopefully I’m tagging the right person) I accidentally deleted your comment but I wanted to say thank you, and also your comment made me laugh really hard. I guess I really am The Ultimate Gay™️ 😂
Ya, I think it's absolutely wild how gender identity and sexual orientation are separate things. I was straight before I changed gender, and I expected I'd be a lesbian, but I became attracted to guys about two years into hrt. I think it's so cool that sexual orientation is a separate thing; it really makes the experience interesting during gender change :^)
Oh totally! It was so surprising to me to be attracted to women. Little gay boy me would have never imagined lol
Whether it's seperate or not you're both more likely than not bisexual
I even knew as a gay guy I didn't necessarily "like" being a guy with another guy.
But you're not suddenly changing your attraction it's subliminal. Lol
You probably still like women though so that is being bi. I think being with men as a trans woman is just a different element or flavor if you will.
And being a man with dysphoria can make you want to be with guys in Bryn's case I mean I can't speak for you or on your behalf 100%
But that's where the lies of sexuality come into play for trans people specifically mtf which I am as well. But I also identify that I have no attraction to women. And have not been anything but attracted to me whether dysphoria stunted my attraction (to men) or not. It hasn't for the most part. I know I have had some weird (to me, so no offense to anyone else) erotic thoughts with women however once was in a dream also. Does it make me wonder whether I'm surpressing something there having to do with my sexuality (or my "true" sexuality lol)? For the most part no. I also question my attraction to men usually meaning I wish I was asexual. Because I can't choose to not like men. Not that it bothers me that I do, I don't think it does usually... also I'm not asexual.
Sorry for the run on comment
I also think saying sexuality is fluid while it is true for some I think it can be adding to stigma for someone like me who is a biological male (truth lol) and likes men.
@@brockreynolds870 I transitioned 19 years ago. That old bullshit doesn't wash bro
Just wanted to let you know I blocked that user from my channel since he was being a dick.
@@brynnavery Oh thanks. I didn't really give him much thought as I live on twitter, lol. But, ya, good ridden :^)
I think a lot of people who are trans who are either trans lesbians or trans gay men come out as the wrong type of gay first as a way to express their more feminine or masculine side. For trans men/mascs, coming out as lesbian, so they can feel masculine. For trans women/femmes, they come as gay to feel more feminine.
Since society sees liking women as a masculine behavior, and liking men as a feminine behavior, a lot of trans people feel uncomfortable actually liking who they like because they don’t want perceived in the wrong way, and don’t want to be forced to play the role of their AGAB in the relationship (i.e. a trans woman/trans femme being treated like a “boyfriend” or “husband” instead of “girlfriend” or “wife”). So essentially, saying you are gay is a “safer” way to express yourself.
I totally agree. Being out as gay gave me a lot of freedom when it came to gender expression. I remember telling my mom when I was like 15 that I liked being the girl in a relationship. I thought that’s what being gay meant lol. Turns out I just like being a girl period! Lmao
Whoa, it's been 9 months? Time is FLYINGGGGGG
I know right, 9 months has gone by so quickly!! I can’t believe how swiftly time has just rushed by. I have a 9 month update I posted a few weeks ago if you haven’t seen it! I mostly just talk about the emotional changes/benefits, as there’s not a whole lot different physically.
I really appreciate this video, there's some situations in which I've been really working on figuring out what non-binary means to me, and even though having cis-hetero men in my life and having them as friends, I'm realizing that just the way they treat me, I could tell that they don't actually understand or respect non-binary because they can either be attracted to me has sexual, or like they're waiting for something to get a chance to do that, or they just don't try to understand the whole concept there just like I don't get it and I'm not sure if it's just because they don't have to be as open-minded, or they are just not associating it with respect or maybe it's an age thing with edumacation, I'm not sure but I feel icky when people treat me especially if they're interested in hitting on me as a different gender then non-binary it feels off
That makes total sense. I had a difficult time for a long time specifically with straight men because I felt like they were attracted to me in a straight way, and that I had to be really feminine in order for them to find me attractive (meaning that they weren’t even finding *me* attractive because I’m androgynous). I can totally understand your discomfort with straight men finding you attractive or acting like they are attracted to you etc. It can feel dysphoric and sometimes even insulting, like you’re not being seen for who you are. I’m sorry you’re not feeling like the cishet men in your life are truly seeing you for who you are and treating you accordingly. 💛
Yeah that's how it goes with most cishet men. Generally if someone is nonbinary, they won't have the best luck with people who are like normie cishet. For example, not surprising that "the lesbian community" uses the term sapphic now, is more inclusive of nonbinary identities etc. If you want to date guys in particular which by all means feel free, I would recommend giving more attention/effort to pan/bisexual men
I believe im ftm. And i feel the same thing about men. Only liked them for the validation that im desirable but i was always "off" during sex. I still don't understand my sexuality.
Totally understandable. Honestly sexuality is quite complex, so there’s no shame in not having it all figured out
i am not joking when i say your story made me realize i've always been a lesbian.
this is completely hitting me out of left field, lmao
I feel honored that my video helped you realize that 💛
Hi Bryn. i want to thank you for this amazing video as a nonbinary AMAB lesbian butch who goes by he she they pronouns. My story was that before I realized I was nonbinary that I was just pan but I felt a queer liking to a woman more than connected to my pansexuality and I thought I cant be a lesbian becuase again I was AMAB though through time I realized the new lesbian flag was made by a nonbinary lesbian themseld and that the top of that flag means gender non-conformity but still I had a problem befause I thought lesbian meant women love women but the people on reddit told me its non men love non men which Im not a huge fan to say but how I define myself is that Im a nonbinary person who while both has equal traits kf masc and feminity feel like Im attracted to feminity and the female approach and I think i do feel a little more in touch with my feminine side so to me it means my feminine side is attracted to kther feminime sides and the female approach and females and female alligned genders. As you guess I felt so happy once I realize Im a nonbinary lesbian and yesterday I realized I was a butch too again Im AMAB and I accept that but again i identify as a nonbinary amab lesbian butch who goes by he she they probouns and I rather be that as it js my true self my idenity per say. But anyways thanks for sharing your experience as a nb lesbian, Im glad there is a nb lesbian content creator i can look up to.
I’m so glad you’ve been able to figure things out! It can be a whirlwind of emotions trying to piece together the words and experiences that resonate with you. It took me a really long time to admit that I’m a lesbian, and I do believe an underlying reason to that was because of being assigned male at birth. I admitted to myself I was a lesbian on my 21st birthday, but then pushed that down again and again because I didn’t feel like I was “allowed” to use that term. I gate kept the term lesbian from myself. And you’re right about the lesbian flag, the new one (with the orange and pink/purple) has a much broader interpretation than the original (red and pink). That was also something that helped me feel confident with that label. I’m glad you feel confident in the labels you’re using. Much love 💛
I can imagine how hard that can for you to have to go through this. I do a lot of research on psychology and the human psychic and I can understand that nobody would willingly choose this path to follow.
But yeah, in my teens, I felt nothing. Family would constantly ask if I had a gf, or if I liked any girls, but I felt nothing. First time I looked up porn, it was cause I wanted to "prove" to myself that I wasn't gay, not cause I had any interest. I'm 36, nobody talked about trans people, the complexities of sexuality, asexuality, etc when I was growing up. Everyone just assumed I was gay because I wasn't some womanizer. Being a queer teen in the early 2000's was NOT fun.
I STILL can't quite figure things out. Trans woman mostly fits, though there is definitely some fluidity into agender. Lesbian is the label I was most comfortable with. I'm probably gonna go back to it, simply because I have no interest in dating men. Porn is one thing, but IRL, I already know that doesn't work for me. I need to be with women, and I likely won't be comfortable with that until I'm post op. ...being trans is very confusing and annoying. If I were a cis woman, I would've figured this shit out by 14. 🤷♀🙄
That makes a lot of sense. My ex girlfriend (lesbian) grew up in the early 2000s (she was born in ‘85) so I know a little bit about that experience from her.
I totally get it. Dysphoria definitely makes understanding ourselves (in any way shape or form). Ore challenging. And especially when it comes to sexuality, our gender can play a huge role in how we feel in romantic/sexual dynamics. It’s ok to not have everything figured out, even if it feels frustrating. 💛💛💛 if I were cis I would’ve figured it out a lot sooner too lol
I could listen to ya all day.
Omg you’re so sweet, thank you 💛
Texans fans will riot if the Texans do not take a quarterback. Since Lovie blew the last game of the season, Texans management has suggested that the team will take a quarterback at #2. If they had no intentions of taking a QB, they would have been smarter to say they were not locked into taking a QB.
Texans fans do not want Tyree Wilson or some other player at #2. Hell, he isn’t even best edge guy in the class.
i remember there used to be a pan ezine in the US (not here in singapor, oh no heaven forbid!) called 'anything that moves'.
we need to amend that to 'anything that moves, breathes, of legal age, and is human'
me? another story for another day...much love from singapore, love catrina
Much love 💛
Well at least you were the sapphic route while going through your dysphoria and I would do the same thing!♀️❤️🏳️🌈❤️🏳️⚧️❤️⚧️❤️🥰❤️🎉🎉🎉
Thank you for sharing! Me too in many ways!
💛💛💛
Yuri absolutely rule 100% percent thumbs up.
(I'm nonbinary) This video made me realize I literally don't have any male freinds that aren't based on sex-
It be like that sometimes lol 😅 but there’s no shame in that!
Hi i like your voice
Thank you! 💛
@@brynnavery Did I understand correctly that you are no longer interested in men?
@@nikitachernavskii3136 correct!
You would be perhap interested by the story of Mary Edwards Walker.
I just read up on her a little bit, love her story!
I've missed!
💛💛💛
Omg you are so beautiful 😍
Thank you!! 💛
Life is crazy. As a man, you were not attracted to women. Now as a woman, you are not attracted to men. Go figure.
I like your hair and piercings!
Lol it’s quite funny how things change! Guess I was just always meant to be gay regardless of gender 😂 and thank you!!
By ur described experience, and what I can tell of others experiences, and most who advocate polyamory would or probably rally against me for saying this; but I don’t think the two really care about if they lose the other person. And that seems to be in keeping with ur story, and even my experiences. It’s just friends with benefits. There’s very much friendship there.
Except with gay men. A lot of gay acknowledge that they’re men, that their hormones aren’t going to allow them to so what they’re going to do, and yet they seem to retain long lasting meaningful relationships, despite infidelity. Straight ppl are typically the exact opposite….and then there’s chem sex, which I know nothing about lol!
I think it depends on the person/relationship to be honest. I don’t have a very wide range of polyamory experience, other than having been in two open relationships (but outside of that I don’t really know many polyamorous people). I just feel like if someone says they’re happy in a polyamorous relationship, who am I to decide whether that’s true or not?
It’s interesting your comments on gay men. I personally don’t know many gay men so I really don’t have much insight/thought on your second paragraph lol, but that’s a very interesting observation!
While I see occasional videos with gay men transitioning to women, I rarely find any evidence that this really occurs in searches on the web. Is it very rare, or a forbidden subject?
You know that’s really interesting, I never really thought of or noticed that. Honestly most of the trans people I know (like probably at least 90% of them) are AFAB. Back when I knew very little about being trans, I assumed that all trans women were once gay men, and that all trans men were once lesbians (essentially that being trans was an extension of gayness). I remember when my trans mother transitioned, I assumed that she wasn’t attracted to women, simply because she was trans.
What’s also interesting that I learned relatively recently, is back when being trans was very misunderstood (more than it is now) and much more under the radar than it is now, medical professionals used to only prescribe HRT to AMAB individuals who were living as gay men, and wouldn’t let AMAB individuals attracted to women medically transition (it was seen as a fetish if the individual was female-attracted). They also used to not let trans people transition if they didn’t think they would be able to pass as their identified gender. I’m not sure if that also applied for trans men (having to be living as a lesbian to be allowed to transition) though I would assume it did.
No man can become a woman and no woman can become a man. This is gaslighting. Humans cannot change their sex. Taking exogenous cross-sex hormones and getting plastic/cosmetic surgeries does not change your sex--it is deeply inauthentic. And lesbians are same-sex attracted not same-gender attracted and to believe otherwise is delusional.
Do you even know what gaslighting is? 😭 you’re welcome to comment whatever rude things you’d like to on my videos but you are NOT welcome project your uninformed bigotry onto my subscribers.
I would definitely encourage you to expand your understanding of gender identity and human sexuality, but it’s also clear that that does not seem likely. I hope you’re able to find peace and compassion, instead of aggression. The world is a much better place when we try to understand and love others. Wishing you the best in life 💛
You look a LOT like Michael J Fox if he was a girl…
@@unnamed3932 Don't worry; lesbians have developed a covert code which filters out this type of grift.
Crazy world
Slay
😎
Hi Neyn, nice to meat you girl. I hope you don’t mind me sharing my strange and unusual situation. I know this is highly igregular from the normal transition story of a transgender person, but here it goes anyway.
have discovered myself to be a true shapeshifter after discovering I am a, STARSEED/BLUE-RAY Pleiadians Anime Female warrior named Jujtoti from the Karelian Family from a multidimensional advanced technological hybrid alien humanoid anime all female Pleiadian world.
When I had my awaking, I was a 54-year olde female from this world, but after the major awaking, I am known have the mind set and physical look of a 34 to 24- to 17-year-old Anime Magical Teen Girl Goddess.
Since I had my major awakening on December 30 I’ve been doing with a lot of denial and many attempts to oppress and run from more authentic self and feelings. I still some time and time you were being ashamed and self-loathing because of what society thinks and even to ashamed to tell my family who I am. The only thing all this denial and oppressing my feelings and running from them does make this more painful and causes chronic pain mental and physical suffering that all most killed me. I feel so ashamed of being Anime Magical Teen Girl Goddess at times.
I can't even tell my family because of how ashamed and self-loathing I deal with. I know that deep down inside this is painfully real because quantum multiverse as real as ever, but it still makes me deal with shame and self-loathing because of what society thinks. I happen be an inter dimensional being.
I know my situation is unusual, but in the whole terminology inter-dimensional or quantum multi dimension universes there is no set rules that dimensions have to operate. Not all of them have to make sense? I happen to deeply resonate with what I’m describing below the sentence.
I am an STARSEED/BLUE-RAY Pleiadians Anime Female warrior named Jujtoti from the Karelian Family from a multidimensional advanced technological hybrid alien humanoid anime all female Pleiadian world.
I’ve got a lot more than a bargain before when I had my awakening to reveal things about my authentic self at times, I’m still struggling with it, defines everything this 3-D reality stands for in this world. It took a big major awakening for me to truly wake up to who and what I truly am. I know am no longer the Earth female I thought I was because I’m a dimensional Starseed/Blue Ray Pleiadians Anime Magical Teen Girl Goddess.
I’ve lost my reality since I’ve had my major awakening on December 30 after I lost a tooth and making a wish to be a young beautiful female forever and have immortality. My wish got granted, and then this is when my entire journey started.
For me, my awakening was not something I had planned or a choice as it happened, regardless of what I wanted or not wanted, regardless of whether or not, I was ready or not. Then on Dec30th going into 2024 when I lost a tooth, out of fear I Made a wish to be a beautiful female forever and have immortality.
Then right away the kundalini awakening opened up at full attack and my authentic self said now you have the soul of an anime girl, and you are now a real anime girl inside. Ever since then I have dealing with a living hell or dream state, I am unable to wake from. Even my mind set, and body has gone into the age regression process to look more like an anime girl. That is what I see when I look in Mirror anyway. I see a cute anime girl looking back at me and I am like what the bloody hell. Is this Really happening to me and is this freakin real. What the hell happened to my reality.
I Been dealing with these synchronicities from earlier childhood and it’s been using anime and anime girls as ways to get my attention even when I wasn’t looking for it or interested in it or you knew about it. Back then I was more interested in about finding a dream job. Having a nice car. Nice house making big money nothing else mattered back then. Even if I found out what anime meant back then I didn’t give a damn about it because I was more interested in what I mentioned above.
Over time Anime revealed itself to in the form of synchronicities to me and told me what it was. It slammed me into the wall to make sure I knew what anime girls and magical girls were. Then over time the more I had to watch it off and on, I would start having fantasies and desires to be an anime girl living in anime girl worlds. For many years I was able to push it away and think it was nothing more than that.
I don't know anything about the Magical Girl Part because she is from Puella Mgi Madoka Magica multiverse. I seem to be an unintended victim of forced contact from Kyubey to be a Magical Girl.
I am sick of all this suffering on top of suffering on top of suffering. I don't want to be a Magical girl knowing the suffering they must put up with. Magical Girls are made to suffer. Please help me, because I don't know what to do any more. This is driving me into complete madness, and I don't want to end up in no dam Phy ward again. I had a bad traumatic experience.
I was put in there over a deviated septum last year in Feb of 2023 for 2 and half weeks. What they did to me was just inhuman. I was having issues breathing and one day the head nurse and its helper came in the dark and ejected me with two syringes at the same time on both sides of my ribs. It felt like an alien abduction to me. Can anyone explain to me what type of shifts I am dealing with? I feel so scared, confused, broken and damaged goods.
I hate dealing with the Anime Girl Body Dysphoria the most. I hate the fact that I can't go back and yet it keeps pushing me forward. I feel like I am a mental wreck, and I can't help feeling the way I do deep down inside! The more I Follow this Path the stronger the feelings of being a Anime Girl Gets. I Can't go back because there is only death and pain. Going forward drives me into feeling to be a true anime girl and live in an anime girl multiverse.
The feeling is like being stuck in a dream state that I am unable to awaken from. This is why my dissociation is my best friend when I feel numb and in the void from any feelings and pain.
I am sick of how people point the finger at me and say I brought this on myself. Why would I pick such painful and deadly path knowing that it could risk could be suicide and death. This is me in the world since I’ve been going my shape changing transmutation to being younger.
The Post is my animal and then there is my anime girl soul family. I went to a psychic fair this week in Saturday and Sunday. I visit multi psychics for multiple different Readings, and they’ve all agreed that I am a Pleiadian. I’ve done a lot of soul-searching and everything and I know deep down inside I’ve been confirmed by others that I am a multi-dimensional being. I also have the soul of an Anime Magical Teen Girl Goddess, that’s also been confirmed by a large group of psychics that they felt this anime girl childlike present.
Yeah, I went from straight, to bi, to gay, to bi, to lesbian, to bi... likely going back to lesbian. Sexuality is hard as fuck to figure out when you're trans.
100% agreed. And labels don’t shave to be forever, it’s perfectly fine to change once you discover more about yourself 💛
*have
@Lauren Alexander You really shouldn’t be switching constantly like that. Not good mentally.