Thanks for the love on this video ☺️ if I look tired or my voice sounds hoarse, it’s only because I live close to those massive forest fires you heard about on the news - the air outside was on fire!! Aaahhh!!!
it's so weird now seeing all the channel names' underlying handles. just FYI it's possible to change the handle of the channel name, i had to change it myself because youtube had automatically made it @thevoidspaghettigirl2297 and i was having none of that
@@transsexual_computer_faery lol I had the same thing happen. I understand WHY they did it, but I do wish that it was something you could toggle on or off in the app settings.
I listen to a lot of trans and queer essayists because, as you point out, they're so actively involved in the process of creating themselves. I'm a cis man and I had a rough childhood, so I had to rebuild myself into adulthood. How do I be a good man? How should I change my body to reflect myself? Trans and queer people have deep and unique insight. It helps me recognize what parts I want to keep and discard. I think everyone should be active in that process.
@@partysob Sure, some really small creators I like are RickiHirsch, ceicocat, and Pyramid Inu. There's medium sized creators like Alexander Avila, CJ the X, and Princess Weekes. Then you've got giants like Philosophy Tube and Contrapoints. I could go on, but watch enough and the algorithm do the rest.
I remember about a year ago when I first “accepted” my transness I was constantly wondering… “why me?” It’s kind of frustrating that there really might not be an answer to that question, I just Am, but I also realized that question was basically the summation of the internalized transphobia that I have fought with for several years at this point
Me too. I was borderline angry at women who didn't appreciate it, when they basically won a coin toss that I lost. I certainly understand that internalized transphobia. Or I'm assuming that I do. I knew what a disruption it would cause to discover what I already knew, because then I'd have to accept it. So the mystery file that I'd find on my computer would simply say "Aw shit".
"why?" while dropping the "me" is a worthwhile line of questioning. Confronting all your experiences, anxieties, traumas, and how they developed, what was repressed, what was overexaggerated, relationship to your parents, friends, and world, etc., and why these experiences and feelings exist and have the relationship to each other and to your "self" that they do. Identity isn't transcendental- there is history and context and an almost dialectical unravelling to everything within one's identity- even analyzing the desire to externalize or interpret one's own identity at all, and why one would consider it as a worthwhile representation of the self (there are many people who feel no connection to a static externally presented identity and instead exist in a state of fluidity with no desire to capture it within language- or it having no effect on their own understanding of Self). Genuinely discovering the self in solitude strengthens existence in the world.
The poem that that rabbi wrote is some of the most real, raw and painful piece of historical text of a trans person I've ever read... This was written centuries ago yet the feelings are so alive and present
It's almost like it was written by a person with a person brain that has person feeling and you are a person with a person brain that has person feeling (?)
@@O-pm8bb lets analyse the nonsense /lies many amongst you believe in: lie: schools are of use (fact. schools keep slavery alive and stands for dumbing down the population of mankind) lie: moon and mars landings, (fact: even masons know they cannot leave - earth is closed system, unless you want to drown, there is no other place created for us to live in.) lie: news channels share truth (fact: these are for politic propaganda) lie: money has a value of its own (fact: it is just a tool of this world, which value has been agreed upon world wide) lie: NASA lies (globe and all....) (fact: NASA stands for TO DECEIVE) - you havn´t searched - have you? lie: the lgbtq++++ propaganda (fact: it is a part of masonry depopulation agenda, 500 000 000 souls, thats their goal.) lie: Evolution and the dinosaurs. (fact: mankind is not hybrid kind) to keep stating that there was an evolution, then we ain´t humans, we aint then mankind, we are then hybrids. Are you a hybrid? Lie: holidays (xmas, Halloween, new year eve and so on) (fact: PAGAN HOLIDAYS, to praise BAAL, the god of this world) lie: U.F.Os (fact: they are demons/evil spirits in high places, against whom we fight daily = spiritual warfare) lie: rules and laws rule the world (fact: signs and symbols of masonry do) lie: believe in being educated (fact: found daily living with the lack of knowledge) lie: religions are ways to heaven (fact: JESUS CHRIST is only way to heaven. Religions, no matter its name = masonic garbage) lie: our dead loved ones stay around to “ghost” (fact: hunting and ghosting is job of demons, not of humans. We, humans, come from GOD and return back to HIM and all the stories of having been seen a ghost - terrifying, scary, dark, cold - again no job of analysing been done here by you- right?) Lie: Humans have no immune system and we need vaccines as these save lives (fact: humans HAVE IMMUNE SYSTEM and vaccines are created for one or two purpose: to kill or to cripple) lie: there is no GOD (fact: There is GOD, who redeems sinners and we are directly created by GOD, Psalms 139:14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.) to keep claiming that there is no GOD and we aint created directly from the dust of the earth, we soon run out logic, regardless to we place “evolution” in our claims or not.) lie: 911 was terror attack (fact: 911 was an inside job, meaning the work of your loved government) 16 lies, should i go on?
I love your comparing transness to an ecologically emergent thing. The more my AMAB body aged, the further I felt from the life around me-that the way I had to act wasn’t of the biotic world. I realized I was mtf trans very recently, and it’s becoming more and more clear to me how much I’ve smothered my vivid love of living creatures, even as I’ve smothered my own life. It’s wild how physically dulled my anatomy has become, and how my body almost has to relearn that it’s dynamic, awake.
While I don’t have quite the same experiences I very much relate to this. I always hated myself and my body but it’s like being trans taught me to love those things. I only recently (as in the last 3 days) realized that there’s a chance my recent taking better care of myself is connected psychologically or like spiritually to the fact I started HRT this year.
I really like the way you phrased this. For most of my life I felt like I was asleep, and often I feel like I only became truly awake the day I realized I was a woman. As I've transitioned, I have felt so much more in tune with my body, with nature. I've put so much more effort into being alive, and doing things, and being part of a community and actually living. To be conscious and active in my own life. I even decided to compete in a triathlon even though I was super out of shape and overweight. As I've transitioned and gotten more in shape, I feel in tune with my body in a way that I never even imagined was possible. Its a real physical thing, as much as it is a mental thing. It feels natural. I guess I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed the way you phrased this and wish you the best going forwards!
As a jewish person, that poem from the Rabbi made me cry. Especially considering that last verse is part of the mode ani, one of the most basic prayers you learn as a child. Every morning, you wake up and do mode ani to thank God for various bodily functions (the act of waking up, the digestive track, sight etc) and this verse is one of three (?) blessings that differs for men and women. Men say "thank you God for not making me a woman" and women say "thank you God for making me the way I am". I (a cis woman) have always understood it as some basic religious misogyny. I never thought there would be another way to interpret it, but it makes sense. My heart aches for this Rabbi, I hope her soul has found peace and healing.
Oh, that does help to know that those are traditional words, but for that Rabbi who wished he had been made a woman, those words had so much more personal meaning.
@@paulhammond6978 exactly, especially when you realise she had to pronounce those words, out loud, every single day of her life, likely as part of an assembly of men. it’s such an emotionally charged verse when you think about it from this perspective.
Haven't started the video yet but the reason I'm trans is because my girlfriend, who was actually a radioactive lesbian, bit me. I can live with this superpower
Sadly I don't think your partner is the only radioactive lesbian out there biting people. I think it might spread like the zombie virus. 😂😂😂 Congrats on finding you through bite marks.
For around 2 years I said I was "questioning my gender" and "not sure, but probably trans". Realistically, I knew I was trans, but I wasn't ready to accept that label yet. It was all just this jumble of emotions and experiences and thoughts - I was looking for one defining reason to point to. Recently, in coming out to one of my sisters, I found that reason. Being a woman, and being perceived as such, makes me incredibly happy. And that's enough for me :)
A prominent trans politician here in Brazil made the same point you did, Lily, which stuck to me: conservatives have the idea that "society" is "trying to make our children trans" when in reality they are constantly taught that being cisgender is the "default".
@@Puzzlesocks those groups of society trying to "trans kids" don't represent trans people. Try to find a single trans person that would ever agree with that. you do also realize that cis doesn't just refer to cis people right? it wasn't created to be used spitefully. What else is everyone supposed to call you? normal?
@@geo2837 I'm inherently against soft language, or changing the definitions of words for the purpose of changing the impact. Also those activists and academics absolutely are representing the interests of "trans people" whether you like it or not. Legislation is being passed because of what these activists say because average people are too scared of the backlash to call it out. Also words have meaning only because of context. The word "Cis" in this context is absolutely a slur because we aren't talking about chemistry here. The adaptation of the word when talking about gender was INTENDED to be demeaning in the same way that the words "moron' and 'idiot' were originally scientific diagnosis and were transformed into insults.
To sum up being trans in a single experience, imagine going to pee only to be rudely accosted by a stranger who demands you explain the concept of the self and why existence is as it is and not some other way, and if they are not satisfied to the degree with which you explained it to them they have you thrown out. But, forever.
Gender dysphoria is quite similar to explain. Context, this is going to be mtf as I am that myself and will only be able to speak on my behalf. Imagine waking up and something isn't right; when you close your eyes and disconnection from the outside world, your body feels like a female version of your own, but when you open your eyes, it is completely different from what you see, which is disorienting and uncomfortable at the very least. This feeling of discomfort goes from a mild depression to life-threatening emotions.
This sort of tone-deaf stance is why you can't fit into society. Most normal people don't hate you as a physical individual being. They hate the culture your way of life represents which 100% intrudes on daily living of everyone. Vast majority of people have no use for your gender theory frameworks and pronoun diplomacy in their lives. It comes off as self-centered and chauvinist, because you attribute so much of one's identity to their gender. Those things are definitely not an inherent part of experiencing dysphoria, but a very unfortunate response promoted by the current mainstream movement. Also, I don't know your values individually, but at large dividing people into allies and enemies? doesn't really win you many points with folks outside of your circles. I anecdotally know lots of IRL people who are trans or NB and are chill, but the narrative of public institutions has for years been announcing that they are making this "single experience" everyone else's business. The push back is very understandable and you are burning a lot of bridges towards friendly integration by convincing yourself it is not and rolling with this terrible public image trans folks have acquired over the years.
I actually cried when you asked "what if, instead of fighting the unknowable, we embrace it? Just this once" Thank you Lily, for reminding me what's important as a big sister. I do not need to understand, I don't need to fight the fear of the unknown, I just need to love and embrace. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤
Well the answer is simple. If you want sex-based rights under the law, you need a clear definition of what a man and woman is, but TRAs can't provide a definition that isn't circular. If by 'embracing the unknowable', you mean 'shrugging our shoulders and erasing the concept of sex', that would mean throwing these very important rights to the wind.
@@funkyfranx trans people aren't erasing the concept of sex. We agree there are mostly males and females, along with some intersex people. Gender is a different concept that is socially constructed, which we tend to have different opinions on (i.e. it's a lot more diverse than just 'man and woman').
@@funkyfranx "Sex based rights" is a nonsense term invented in the 21st century to justify antifeminist/anti-trans sex essentialism and reactionary politics. There are no "important rights" that exist on the basis of oppositional sexism, they exist based on the wellbeing of minorities (which you oppose) and equality (which you oppose). Also "TRAs" makes your own words worthless on its own.
I’m a transfem and recently I’ve been questioning whether I’m really trans or maybe I should just be a crossdresser. This video has helped so much, I cannot thank you enough.
@@Khaddict97 I think that's a bit of a dangerous line to take tbh. Same with the "cis people don't think they might be trans." Gender is confusing mess and there will be cis people who accidentally think they're trans. Saying that can't happen makes it harder for people to figure out their gender tbh.
@@alicev5496 not exactly what i meant i meant more that of you question if you are trans enough its probably a sign you are. Somecis people question if they are trans but they dont typically get to a point of questioning if they are trans enough if that makes more sense
I’ll preface this by saying I am cis. Recently, my dad told me how grateful his is that I didn’t succumb to the feelings I felt when I was younger. He told me how afraid I was of being trans. I have various memories of when I asked about being a girl, and did things that my dad viewed as abnormal, like dressing up like female icons. Anyways, he never spent the time to understand how 7 year old me was trying to understand my world. It isn’t that I wanted to be them, but I wanted to live their lives so I could understand them. Anyways, I just sent this video to both of my parents. I hope they don’t kill me; I just want them to have more to draw from to understand their surroundings. Thank you so much for creating content!
We still live in a world where it’s unusual for boys and men to genuinely admire or empathize with girls and women. “Girl power” heroes are admired by girls and largely spurned by boys (or at least the men whose behaviors they’re learning). Women protagonists are supposed to be soft AND strong, but men protagonists are still not represented with much softness. Women continue to bear the primary burden of household tasks even when they work outside the home - often even when they are ALSO the breadwinner. Women have to be everything just to get half the credit. Men barely even have to do anything - except that they’re oddly expected never to struggle with anything. Even when they’re going above and beyond or they’re dealing with trauma. This is a solvable state of affairs, but greater understanding of gendered expectations is needed from everyone.
Life is a lot of figuring out things and reconsidering others. It's not likely for someone to be right in any respect the 1st time. Nobody's perfect. The world itself; the earth isn't even perfect. And it doesn't have to be. Just go with what you see as perfect for you, not what everyone else says is perfect. At the same time don't abandon morals. Its fine to be trans, gay or whatever you want, as long as it isn't a murderer or a child fricker. Yall are awesome. Really awesome. And I am an avid supporter of you guys. You people deserve respect. In every sense of the word.
@@emilysmith2965 As a man I agree with this. Men do less work for more money. We also struggle with a much much more limited view of what we can be without being labeled “gay“ or “trans“ or “not a real man“ usually in a derogatory way. I can say for one that has hurt me. Sometimes it seems like men are always the problem and while that *might* be true, playing the blame game just makes everyone more hurt. We must find solutions, not who’s fault it is. What we’re doing now is hurting everyone, not just women and lgbtq people, and it takes everyone to change it.
As a white heterosexual cismale gen-x’er, I guess I would be in the key demographic for being transphobic. But I honestly can’t think of a single reason for it. What the hell business is it of mine how other people view and express their identity? Life is hard, please be as happy as possible, and if that means being trans then more power to you. I guess I only half understand all the issues but I support you. Thanks for the informative video.
The problem is `trans` people are pretending to be the opposite gender, and then wants the rights of that gender. They also believe you can be `trans` as a child and want transition to be as early as possible for a better `transition`. They condone the use of puberty blockers, cross-sex hormones and top surgery for the under 16s. Trans activists are aggressive with people who disagree with them, and want compelled speech when it comes to preferred pronouns. If you want to fall for their gas-lighting (you even use their catch all attack `transphobia` ) and passive aggressive emotional manipulation, that`s on you. The rest of us can see their appalling agenda.
The thing my father seems to be hung up on is that moment where you don't realize that someone is trans and try to rizz them up only to find out you were attracted to someone you weren't compatible with, for a lot of cis, het, men this invalidates certain components of their identity so they lash out. Dad thinks this response is natural, I say it's learned, or at the very least, easy to unlearn. According to Dad, when he looks at you and you present a certain way and then it turns out not to fit into his box, you have lied to him, duped him, committed a foux pa against him, at which point your identity becomes his business. I hope this effectively illustrates the root of transphobia.
@@seanrheams5261 Your dad`s right. It is deception, and he has been duped. You can`t unlearn that behaviour, it`s part of human survival being able to tell what`s real or what`s fake. `Trans women` like Mathilda Hogberg and Blaire White are legitimately attractive, but since they`re men...it`s a purposeful deception. That`s the whole point, they`re men wanting to pass as women. Most men attracted to them would just laugh it off. To me, `trans women` will never have that mysterious visual thing that makes them genuinely sexy, which is different from being attractive. It`s not transphobia if you feel deceived by someone who is deceiving you.
@@seanrheams5261 yup. It's rooted in the same part of men that gets violent when women reject them. They don't like wasting time on dating, even though they have more time to make babies than women do. They feel entitled to our attention and get angry when we don't meet those expectations or reject them completely. Let me guess your dad is also the type to think what women wear is their effort to get his attention and not just something they like to wear? He probably thinks trans women only put effort into looking like women so they can pick up straight men, no different than the rapist's "she was enchanting me with her body, it's her fault!" defense. How someone looks, what they wear, and how you decide to perceive them is not an excuse for violence. If your dad supports violence because of his own insecurities towards attraction and sex then he is no safer around women. In fact he likely isn't any safer around women, men like this are always sexist and abusive too. It all links together. Even women's transphobia links back to this. It's all about protecting girls and women from male imposters out to get them. Does this sound like a fear of trans people to you? No it's a fear of men disguised as a fear of trans women. The same men who would assault based on what a woman is wearing are the same men who would assault a trans woman for being trans. And women are so afraid of these very men they have convinced themselves that they'll even infiltrate their safe spaces disguised as trans women when we all know that isn't even necessary and just puts trans women and cis women in danger of violence by excluding them. Your dad is a horrible dangerous person and I hope one day he will experience just a quarter of the pain he wishes to inflict or has already inflicted on his fellow women. Not just trans women, it is never just trans women with these men.
i don’t know how much this will land, but queer person to queer person i really hope you stick it out. a lot of this shit isn’t easy, but you can build a life that’s worth it. esp once you hit 18, there’s more freedom and opportunities. good luck fren
hey i'm in the same boat! ive known i'm not cishet since i was 12, but it's so daunting to even think abt coming out (and also slightly jealousy-inducing when i see people our age already on hrt and being accepted)
@@michrae_j why does it sound like your low key saying “good luck but don’t be trans!” tf is there to regret? they just said they weren’t out to their family yet
I am 74. Nonbinary. For about 65 years I keep switching between feeling male or female. Society is finally starting to deal with people like me. I appreciated your video.
Never understood how someone can be on the fence about Gende exactly, you should pick one your mosly good with and move on. Since you can't be nothing, your a person with many traits, gender is one of them, identifying with neither is not possible as you hade atleast one in your mind.
@@alexcat6685sometimes I feel very much like a boy, other times like a girl. Id feel terrible if I tried to stick to just a girl because for me it is far too fluid
This is a lovely essay. For myself, finding a plausible scientific pathway for my transness was absolutely essential for my sanity. It was necessary because I had to cut through all the toxic cultural framings which attempted to invalidate my identity. Science has been my friend on this journey.
I used to think that I was somewhere on the "intersex spectrum". And I suppose it is comforting to tell yourself there is a biological reason for being trans. "Born this way" is a nice sentiment, and maybe an affirmation that works when we look at ourselves. However, when it comes to defending the idea of being trans, or non-conforming, in society, in order to be absolutely inclusive, our behavior needs no excuses, but must be affirmed by our human right to freedom of expression, and self-determination, which are basic tenets of happiness. The kind of happiness that goes along with certain other enshrined rights like life and liberty.
I'd like to ad something to this. In our society there's people who want to make profit from our awkwardness, from our struggle to fit and our desire to define ourselves, so, they will always encourage you take the most expensive route for your journey; nevertheless, you will always have a lot of choices, there is never just one way, there is never just one form
I think "born this way" is always a tempting assertion for anyone who is different than the majority in some non-trivial way. Others accepting that assertion at face value means they have to accept the things that logically proceed from it as intrinsic or contend with the potential cognitive dissonance.
Well as one on intersex spectrum to be an example of the most commonest variety I have to tell you I originally thought my intersex-ness was the cause of my choosing to identify as different to my dominant appearance, until I learned I was an outlier in my community to subsequently come to the conclusion though intersex might be a component it might not be ' the ' component for the search to be still on - sort of. And sort of because yes it's creeping in , the thought ' why not' instead of 'why', for sure the compulsion to find a logical reason 'why' is for the purpose of defending ourselves against the furrowed brow community. To then question if I am natural then why am I here given I cannot reproduce, why because religion is wrong, life is not all about the mechanics of reproduction it's about much more than that little ' incidental. ' So what is life about in my opinion, life in my opinion thus far is about what service one can be to others to have through the concept of service discovered I had innate skills I was not aware of, innate skills of which when practised cause one to feel at one with the universe.
I have no problem with people dressing the way they want or having what hobbies they want. But I do think that there needs to be biological definitions. In science, a male is an organism that produces sperm under normal circumstances and a female is an organism that produces eggs under normal circumstances. One day I think science will reach a point where it can cause people to grow working ovaries or testicles, but until that point, people aren't able to chance their sex currently.
@@greywolf7577 Well done for understanding the biological definition of both male and female that extends beyond what dangles or doesn't between the legs, but I do think science has already reported as regards brain imaging studies that describe a different brain structure present in trans folk. The brain where it all starts. Further to I am aware of a group of rarely diagnosed intersex conditions that seem to feature an increased incidence of transitioning individuals. My own group that of the XXY medical science tells us only 25% of our numbers are ever diagnosed, yet as a condition we are believed to be 20 times more likely to identify as different to our appearance for the community to suspect many of that missing 75% may be found in the transgender community for receiving a diagnosis is a privilege not all have access to.
I've just recently realized i'm trans, haven't come out yet. I'm in my 30's and my elderly parents are both staunch, fundamentalist baptist republicans. I'm hoping to be able to use some of this when I try to explain it all to them when I visit for Christmas. Please keep me in your thoughts.
My trans partner started coming out first with friend and people they feels secure with. They even came out to my parents before theirs. It's can be a practice. Keep in mind you can try to explain to them the best you can, but you can't control how they will feel about it. Good luck ❤
Your comparisons to attempts at understanding the causes of autism really hit home for me as a cis-male autistic. No amount of trying to mask or change has ever actually changed me. I'm happier just accepting me. Cheers!
It blows my mind that conversion therapy used against autistics has the exact same origin as conversion therapy used again gay and trans people. (Typically called “aba” when used against autistics, though they sometimes hide what it is so people don’t catch on) In both cases, you can’t change autistics into non-autistics or vice versa. You can’t make trans people cis nor cis people trans. Like conversion therapy have any sort is about making a bigot feel more comfortable with someone who differs from the average 😡
love how you assume pink is a female color and go on to say how normal people are judgmental while preceding to call them normal. its sad that you think trans is even a thing when its not. there is no such thing as body "transformation", there is such thing as body "alteration". My natual hair is black, I can dye it blue and accept that I will never naturally grow blue hair. Whats sad is these people actually think they have changed their "sex", but can a "trans" man have a menstural cycle? can they have a baby? The answer is they cannot, but many of them think they can do both of these things. They think they are female, and some of them think they are goblins, cats, maybe dragons. You think you understand where the line is drawn between what a human is with these people? The reality is they are delusional and do need to seek medical and mental help because they are confused and yes it is a problem. It's not a bad thing or negative, people who dont support this aren't being "mean" , they are just not going to cave in to someone else's delusions because it is simply not true. 2+2= 4 , but to a trans person this might have a different result, and the reason that is a problem is because the reason they have such a high suicide rate is because they don't understand basic reality concepts like this equation. its really sad and it is a mental illness that is spreading, its up to us "sane" people to help them not be confused and hopefully this suicide rate will drop and decrease. But doctors love money and like to use you guys, *sigh...but youre too delusional to actually see that. Hope you can accept who you are and that there are some things that you cannot change such as your DNA.
I'll be honest. I would really like to know about the cause of autism, as an autistic person. Not only would it give me a greater understanding of myself, it could give some of us insight into how to avert some of the negatives of the condition if we want - some of us would prefer to be able to understand how others are feeling in a conversation and avoid making them uncomfortable, you know? Moreover, to ignore and pretend that these things happen without a cause is just unscientific, especially considering that some people have a lot to gain from this knowledge, not just practically but also personally. If I were trans as well I don't doubt I'd want the same thing - out of curiosity more than anything else. And seeing as gender dysphoria causes people to feel like they were born in the wrong body, it feels like there are some clear upsides to understanding and learning about the condition to help ease the pain. Not saying that trans folk shouldn't get the treatment they desire (after all, it's their bodies, they can do what they want with it.), just that we shouldn't regard a cause as an "infohazard" that would be destructive if acknowledged. Acknowledged or not, the reality would remain the same, we would just have less answers to all the pressing questions we come up with.
How do you keep making videos that wind up in my "watch when needed" list? Like, I've rewatched "girls own the void" so many times and it's given me such support and helpful ways to reframe and think, similar to that document you talk about. I think this video is going to be another one. Just...know that what you're doing is amazing and powerful.
For me I grew up with four sisters and was always comfortable experimenting with “girly” things. I wore women’s clothes, experimented with make up and long hairstyles in high school, and of course I was perceived to just be gay all throughout my life. It never deterred me, I just found that those kinds of things made me happy and I felt like myself when I indulged in them. Transitioning has felt like the natural continuation of something I’ve been moving towards my whole life. I don’t know if I’ve always been trans, whatever that means, but I am now and life is good y’all.
I've found a quote from Marsha P. Johnson kinda going along with the term "preoperative transsexual". By her definitions - based on one's physical appearance -she was a transvestite who said she was planning on becoming a transsexual in the near future. And transvestite meant someone who lived in drag, not just dressing to go to a ball.
The term "transvestite" was coined by the magnificent Magnus Herschfeld, though nowadays it is considered quite offensive to us transgender people. If you haven't checked out Herschfeld, I'd highly recommend it, he pioneered the studies of LGBT+ people.
@@Noctfrej Herschfeldt couldn’t be but wrong about a lot of things. He was one of the first to take on a serious study. Same goes for Benjamin and Money.
@@Sophiedorian0535 ah, a bit embarressing I spelt his name incorrect lol. But yes, everything has to start from somewhere, and I simply found it interesting. Fantastic video by the way!
I grew up having constantly internalizing myself, looking at my emotions and thoughts like a second outside person. I think being trans for me is about not being known. Someone looking at me and saying ‘she’ always felt like someone looking through me like a window and talking to someone behind me. It made me falter and retreat into myself and books, because it was so unnerving to feel like that. “Girlhood” and later “womenhood” was a culture shock, something that I scrambled to keep up with. I was constantly marching off beat, and when I hit puberty it felt like the end of days. My mom tried to gently support me, but i dont think anyone expected my extreme reaction, i clawed at my body and pulled out huge chunks of my hair, fighting every bodily change like a feral screaming cat. While some of my friends became woman, I came to school with a patchy bleeding head, bruises on my chest, and a missing eyebrow, every follicle ripped out. I was just so pissed and upset, nearly getting heatstroke several times from wearing blankets in public outside to hide my chest. It genuinely sucked so bad, but my parents didnt know how to help me. I only found out about trans people my junior year of high school, and it was an absolute game changer. When someone used he for me for the first time it felt like trying on fitting cloths for the first time in my life. Womanhood was ill fitting shoes and I could finally just have a label that didnt feel painful to be in. Manhood wasnt an escape, if anything ive inherited the anxieties. I know exactly what I got into. You dont have to be born male to know how goddamn lonely and stressful it is. They expect so much from you. But i can finally feel like im present and there when someone talks to me. Im louder and more confident with friends. I work out and care about my body, health. I just feel like a person for the first time in years. I have all these new pressures and stresses from being trans in 2023, but holy shit being forced back into ‘womenhood’ would be horrible. I just want to be alive and make friends and feel real and alive as a dude. I just want to be a father someday, with my own little plot of land, and buddies to go out drinking with. I dont want to be some freak of nature, im just some guy.
I had a different path to realising I'm trans, but goddamn from "When someone used he for me for the first time..." to the end is simply perfect ❤ (though being transfemme, I'm coming at it from the opposite direction lol) I know exactly what I got myself in for, what women face in the world and how being trans will add an extra layer of difficulty... but I'm finally me, I have an internal joy that I never thought possible, I care about myself, I can even see myself getting old! Thankyou for sharing. It's wamed my heart to read something that resonates so much ❤
god, the window analogy is perfect. i always felt like i've been going through life with a thin layer of skin over me. coming out, and socially transitioning, was like pulling off that layer bit by bit.
You put out a very important aspect about the way the world perceives transgender people, and I love the introspection. I think people genuinely fear the loss of control that would entail the destruction of gender binary, because if you cannot tie people's roles to what sexual organs they're born with, you cannot enforce a hierarchy based on them. Their fear of 'transgenderism' is fear of true social equity among sexes.
Aren't trans individuals saying that they want to be male or female, i.e, something binary? Am I missing something? ContraPoints mentioned in one of her videos that it just feels weird when people expect to hear nuanced gender identity from her when she just wants to be female. Scientific and "objective" observing destroys all categories because deep down there isn't any "real meaning".
@@TryingtoTellYou About one in three cis women need a c-section cause their pelvis isn't wide enough. Does that mean they are actually men? Or is it different because they have the magical essence of """biological womanhood""""
@DangerNoodle68 An occasional blend of the late 1920s with a smidgen of mid 2000's. As for how, determination, hope, and eventual support from once adverse friends and family, at least more than a decade ago
As someone who occasionally catches themselves thinking " I can't really call myself trans, my experience has so little in common with binary trans people. ", this video was very comforting to watch (at least starting from the 2nd part at around 10:00). Thank you.
I feel this so much. I don’t think I face the struggles a lot of trans ppl face, which is why I don’t use the term. This is just my personal experience, but I feel like no pronoun or gender identity could ever fit me perfectly. Im just okay with any term used for me.
I feel this so much. I don’t think I face the struggles a lot of trans ppl face, which is why I don’t use the term. This is just my personal experience, but I feel like no pronoun or gender identity could ever fit me perfectly. Im just okay with any term used for me.
I have been thinking this for years! I’m a trans woman, and I’m very scientifically minded. I want to know why and understand everything. But the self? As I have aged, the more I have thought that not merely that we shouldn’t we understand the self, but we simply cannot.
Wise French man said: "He who strikes with meaning is killed by meaning." I almost feel like it is my duty to produce some kind of excess meaning so people don't feel like I'm torturing them. They are always itchy, especially "the objective 200IQ individuals".
@@emilyquinn9691 did you go out of your way to find a trans UA-camr just to harass trans viewers in the comments? Get a life. I know myself and I know who I am. You don’t get to dictate that.
I had a rather interesting discussion with some of my conservative friends over the weekend. When I brought up kids being trans and transitioning it felt like they stonewalled me. However I don't think I did the discussion justice, I am just a cis white guy. When doing more research I found that puberdy blockers are actually used more to give the adolescence time to decide if they want to transition or not. I think there is a lot of misunderstanding and misinformation on the topic. Witch makes sense since I don't think many people in my circles personally know a trans person. To even where someone who is more left leaning like I am is uneducated on the topic. The internet doesn't do any favors either.
Thank you for giving the conversation a shot - we appreciate people like you speaking out!! You might find some helpful info on young people transitioning in this miniseries I did last year: ua-cam.com/play/PLJyGSoaq1Tt0BJ3YT1jt7ijx14TM6A8uh.html
As long as there aren’t any long term side-effects puberty blockers until you’re of age kinda seems like a good idea universally, high school is made so much harder by everybody involved by hormonal, everybody developing once they are of legal age seems useful.
@@Jaydee-wd7wr this sounds like one of the worst ideas I've ever heard. Kids should have the option of puberty blockers, yes, but they should also be able to not take them and go through puberty at the age they normally would.
puberty blockers will harm a child honestly if they want to reach their peak as the original gender, it is better to fully commit and just choose T or E, or stay as what you were born as. you will NOT reach your natural peak on blockers and can seriously harm a child development, regardless of what gender they decide, should always be coupled with hormones or else youre just reducing the potential these kids have in life to express themselves.
there are consquences tho, puberty is age correlated, if you start puberty later, it has far less pronounced effects. its why people who transition younger generally pass as their selected gender better.
i’ve been learning from and admiring your art for a few years. i’m relistening to this one now as i walk home from picking up my first hormone prescription. i genuinely don’t want this to come across parasocial-y, but i hope you can see that the work you do is important and means so much to so many. i’m not big on patreon but i hope this can help in some regard
Here is another example of the courage it takes to be trans and out. I admire your intelligence and beauty. My troubles are so common, as a 72 year old white guy catholic, married 46 years with 4 grown children. still looking for answers. My favorite UA-cam creators are are trans women like you, who help me see life differently. Thank you
As a cis woman raised with feminist ideals, I definitely got a few steps down the “gender critical” rabbit hole, but the thing that really pulled me out was the realization that the political goal of abolishing gender so the sexes can have equity is utopian, so as long as gender is something other people are going to treat as real; we should have absolute freedom over our gender. Recently, I’ve questioned myself a lot on why I don’t identify as non-binary, now that I believe that’s valid thing to be; and while fear of social exclusion plays a role, I’ve come to realize my problem was never being a woman, it was being discriminated against for being a woman. In anonymous online spaces when people assumed I was male, it’s always pissed me off, I want to be recognized and respected as a woman; and like, that feeling has nothing to do with my sex organs, or the clothes I wear, or the people I love. I don’t delude myself that everyone experiences their gender the same way I experience mine, and I think it’s important to just listen to people and trust that they know themselves better than I ever will. At the end of the day, we gain more from solidarity despite our differences than we do from quibbling over those differences. (Oh also I learned that intersex people existed IN UNIVERSITY and like, any theory of gender that doesn’t have a way for intersex people to exist as themselves is as absurd as a theory of hair color that separate the world into “blonde” and “brunette” with no category for redheads; except there are more intersex people than there are redheads. Wack.)
Yes, exactly. I'm transmasculine and a big part of realizing I was trans was recognizing that, actually, I was really uncomfortable with being categorized as a woman, despite not really taking issue with most of the trappings of being a woman (beyond the misogyny/sexism). I was never actually that bothered by my gender role as a woman (I actually prefer much of it to the gender roles of men), and I feel a lot of solidarity with women. I'm just... not one, and so it feels a bit wrong to be miscategorized as one. It's like I'd been placed on the wrong team, and even though I liked that team and fit in well, it still wasn't my team. Like, I could conceive of there being a woman who has the exact same levels of masculinity and femininity as me, same feelings towards social roles and gender expression... and yet they feel like a woman, whereas I don't. And the only thing that separates us is that feeling. Thus they are a woman, and I am not. I experience dysphoria in a way that was hard for me to recognize at first because it wasn't immediately obvious. My discomfort with feminine-coded things didn't come from a dislike of the things themselves, but from the fact that they coded me as a woman, which made me uncomfortable. That's actually why it took me so long to figure out I was experiencing gender dysphoria. I liked feminine things, I just didn't like being perceived as and categorized as a woman. So I would, for example, feel a really strong aversion to wearing dresses, but could not understand why, because I liked dresses and thought they were cute. So why did it feel so awful and uncomfortable and wrong to wear them? Why does the thought of putting on a cute dress make me want to cry from distress and discomfort? My aha moment was realizing dresses were making me dysphoric, and dysphoria was the only reason I objected to them. If I eventually am able to medically transition and start passing as a guy, I have a suspicion that I actually might not mind wearing a dress then, because my body will do a good enough job signaling that, regardless of what I'm wearing, I'm a guy.
@@AceOfStars0 actually on fact checking myself I realized I slightly misspoke, the percentages are comparable, but depending on who’s data you use either group might be a few tenths of a percent larger. The statement “there are approximately as many intersex people as there are redheads” is more definitively accurate
Ah, that should've been a hint for me. When people assumed I was male online, it never bothered me personally in the least. It did make me feel guilty though, because I was "lying" to them if I didn't say I was female. I would "correct" others so awkwardly and hesitantly, not cuz I wanted to but because I felt bound to do so, because I was automatically a girl because... Because everyone had always told me so..
I am a person who tends to intellectualise things a lot, and being trans has been a major paradigm shift for me and my mindset as i suddenly had something so integral to be be so unexplainable. Thank you for the story
Exactly. I used to be statistics obsessed and I wanted to quantify everything in mumbers. Cost benefit analysis all the way. Now I can't rationalize my transness away/into existence, yet it's one of the strongest beliefs I hold. My god
I didn’t really go into this video with much enthusiasm because every single video from a cis or trans person on this topic just made me feel so belittled, talking about what caused us feels so dehumanising. But everything you said, and challenged felt like my own brain projected in a UA-cam video! I absolutely hate talking to people about gender, because they expect a definitive answer. Thank you so much for not coming to a conclusion ❤
"If you're open to learning, transition can teach you just how many things can be dismantled if you don't serve the world" is such a cool way of looking at it, like transitioning is an opportunity to learn things you wouldn't otherwise ever be able to by dismantling something people saw as indestructible, seems almost freeing in a way
Just came over from watching the video on Nebula and wanted to say it was truly inspiring. It made me think much more expansively about my own gender and what it means to me. ❤
@@lily_lxndr *joining the trans pamilya (family) from our part of the world and 'thanking Lily-sensei for offering such a warm, comforting, inspiring, expansive approach to the question...! 'will def share this with lotsa other peeps in moi circles...! arigatou!
I'm a cis Bi guy, but every time i see a trans folk i be like "be you and be happy dude, you got it!" I have trans friends and i just want to see them happy being who they are
@@bigtav_ They never said being trans is little to them tho. Transness, the community, and being trans is a huge deal, and being accepted as they are and gaining positive support and true understanding is beyond amazing. They want trans people and their trans friends to be happy by being their true selves. And I am here for it!! Being trans is beautiful and so much more than changing appearances.
This is so beautiful. It's so painfully human to both desperately seek authority and a definite answer while thriving in their absence. Humanity needs uncertainty, it needs the space between what is and what could be to drive it forward.
Beautiful? Hardly...just a tiny minority of mentally deluded people who are, truth be told, regarded as sideshow freaks by pretty much everyone else...
love how you assume pink is a female color and go on to say how normal people are judgmental while preceding to call them normal. its sad that you think trans is even a thing when its not. there is no such thing as body "transformation", there is such thing as body "alteration". My natual hair is black, I can dye it blue and accept that I will never naturally grow blue hair. Whats sad is these people actually think they have changed their "sex", but can a "trans" man have a menstural cycle? can they have a baby? The answer is they cannot, but many of them think they can do both of these things. They think they are female, and some of them think they are goblins, cats, maybe dragons. You think you understand where the line is drawn between what a human is with these people? The reality is they are delusional and do need to seek medical and mental help because they are confused and yes it is a problem. It's not a bad thing or negative, people who dont support this aren't being "mean" , they are just not going to cave in to someone else's delusions because it is simply not true. 2+2= 4 , but to a trans person this might have a different result, and the reason that is a problem is because the reason they have such a high suicide rate is because they don't understand basic reality concepts like this equation. its really sad and it is a mental illness that is spreading, its up to us "sane" people to help them not be confused and hopefully this suicide rate will drop and decrease. But doctors love money and like to use you guys, *sigh...but youre too delusional to actually see that. Hope you can accept who you are and that there are some things that you cannot change such as your DNA.
I ask God to guide me. If you just go through life being uncertain how can you be happy? I do not understand how those things can work together. You need a goal in life to be happy
"The process isn't ordained by a higher power, it's a shared effort by all living things, causing one another with each interaction" Beautiful line, bravo!
This video just popped up in my recommendations and this is the first time im seeing your channel and i have to say that i fell in love immediately! As a young closeted trans nonbinary person from a pretty non progressive country this video and comments section just brought me so much comfort. Knowing that my experiences and feelings resonate with so many people out there and that i dont have to constantly try and rationalize my transness to be real just hits me right to my core. I was completely mesmerized by the ending of the video, tears forming in my eyes as the warm light fills the screen... i could almost see a bright future for myself. i am trans because i exist! Thank you so much for this wonderful video! I will definitely be checking out more of your content 🤍
When I came out as trans, I remember desperately needing there to be a reason. I needed some narrative that explained my transness, some cohesive throughline I could use to give people the understanding that this wasn't a frivolous fad or a psychological break, but a real and joyous embracing of my truest self. A lot of this stemmed from my antitheist parents, who adamantly demand cold, factual explanations for anything they cannot easily understand before they'll accept it. Back then, hearing things like "gender is a social construct," "we shouldn't look for an origin for transness," and "born this way narratives are inherently flawed" was deeply frightening to me, because having no concrete answers threatened to invalidate my experience. I've grown a lot since then, and broken away from my parents. I'm glad I found your video now, at this point in my life, where it can give me a sense of peace in the unknown. Thank you for the work that you do.
@@largefam3109 New vegas was what did me in, apparently. Probably my favourite video game of all time. Now that I'm starting medical transition, I'll often look down at the American traditional style tattoo of an enclave eyebot- with text that reads ED-E MY LOVE- on my forearm and whisper, in a still crushingly masculine voice, "the game was rigged from the start".
Before I knew trans people existed I just kinda felt neutral about myself. Didn't care much about what I wore or how people saw me. The moment I realized that I'm not cis I was suddenly able to recognize that what I was feeling was dysphoria. Something that I didn't have to feel. It was such a strange time. I felt "okay" before and then put of nowhere I felt uncomfortable but also glad. And now I am mostly doing well with dysphoria only sometimes making me feel bad. The difference in how I was and am now feeling is really interesting to me.
coming from a teen trans-femme that's planning on coming out soon, this was so reassuring. i've been questioning the validity of my gender ever since i've realized that i was trans, but sometimes i forget that im not alone, that im not the only one living, or who once lived their life feeling contradicted by their very existence. thank you for making this video. also your framework and composition of this entire video essay is so immaculate like omg.
According to my family, I started acting differently from my biological gender when I was only 4 years old. Unfortunately, when I was little, I was subjected to harassment and psychological violence due to this condition, and I was excluded a lot. Even my teacher made fun of me in public. Then I tried to behave in accordance with my biological gender, but my situation started to get worse and I was adapting to my biological gender. Finally, I started my gender transition process. I'm currently studying medicine and I really want to do a big research on transsexuality, I hope I succeed.
What do you mean by "acting differently from my biological gender"? There is no such thing as "acting like a man" or a woman, those are just stereotypes!
i have a similar experience as yours but I started acting “male-ish” at 6 years old and I remember the three teachers who were understanding of me, I still have contacts with the two, the other is dead. So I don’t remember any other teacher, but I still remember the bullying, which at the time I couldn’t recognise. After knowing I was faking and was still suffering, I searched my true self and found it. I’m a guy and I’m waiting to come out
@@Spoonboti think what they meant is mostly that they wanted to be treated like the people of their true gender and when they hit puberty they tried to cover their primary and/or secondary sex characteristics. They couldn’t deal with this anymore, so they just adapted to the situation, hiding all the sufferance. However, they eventually accepted they’re transgender and now researching about it.
I identify as a trans woman because I want to be a woman. I attempted for so long to find a scientific reason, a physical or psychological cause, mainly to convince my family that I'm not crazy, but also to convince myself that it's okay to be trans. But really, there doesn't need to be a cause. We shouldn't need to prove that we're *really* trans. All people should be allowed to be any gender they feel they are and express it in any way they please. Edit: If any more conservatives want to argue against me existence, go ahead. I won't argue against you, because I really don't care.
This is a super big thing even now in the transmasc community. Probably less than a year ago I was banned from a fairly large trans social group that had a heavy transmasc skew. Because they tried to push so hard for the idea of brain sex, even though this has been debunked as just some sexist theory that is trying to prove women have physically different brains. In explaining to them they are truly their gender, even if we don't know why people are trans, that their happiness matters more than anything regardless of how their feelings and identities fluctuate, I was called transphobic. Because for many of the people there felt that denying their "male brain" denied their existence. It is so sad to me that there has to be more than just "I am happy, and that's enough." We've been tricked by transphobes to think that we are only worthy of happiness if we have proof.
That is provided they have thoroughly explored their own identities and have from there embraced a specific idenitity. For some, this process of self-exploration can take a long time and it's important for them to feel comfortable, safe and supported till they discover their identities for themselves and embrace those identities
I'm trans because I want to be a woman, I really want to, but what frightens me is that most trans people don't just want to be a woman, they've already been living as a woman inside this whole time When I was little I recognized this feeling and as the evangelical brainwashed kid I was, I tried my best to create some sort of tough and masculine mask in hopes of no one EVER realizing. I was convinced I would carry this on to the grave with me Now that I had the courage and lost the self transphobia I had with me for YEARS, this whole thing is backfiring at me because now my parents think I wasn't born this way because I never showed any signs as a kid
But you're male. You will NEVER be a woman. Get with real life. Only a spoilt child would say I want this I want that. Well you can't its as simple as that.
for me, when i very recently found out I was trans mtf, I realized how I already subconsciously made decisions consistently to forgo masculinity, in a holiday instead of fishing with the boys I ended up weaving grass skirts when I was like 10. but not acknowledging who i was lead to the world being way more bleak as if I was a brain in a jar floating down a river I have no control over, but these videos, others and your channel showed me otherwise, so thank you.
I’m happy for you that you were confident enough to do things like that. We I was young, I deliberately avoided most girly things because I thought I was supposed to and I would suddenly feel like the guys. It never worked and I now having to deal with it because I realise I rejected things I would have enjoyed but avoided. I’m finding it difficult to watch or enjoy some of those things now. I wish you all the best possible in the future 😊.
@@goosie8207 There's a lot of baggage you're trying to free yourself from, it will be a process for sure but it's not unexpected to be difficult. Keep at it, and you'll be through before you know it.
Can’t you just be yourself and express yourself as you and embrace that? Try to learn a way forward and teach yourself how to accept and love yourself the way you are for your differences?
As a cis woman, I feel so much freer since I have found out about 18th century tie-on pockets. Going to make some and use them with every garment that doesn't have good pockets on its own. They are so nice and large. Never let the patriarchy take away your pockets!
I’ve just found your content and love how thoughtful and introspective it is. I personally struggled with my own identity for over 30 yrs. Back then we didn’t have resources like this to help organize our feelings into thoughts. Thank you for taking the time to do this content
Thanks for sharing your story and perspective. I've a trans daughter and adopted trans son. It's very confusing to look at someone you raised from a child as one gender and watch them struggle and transition. I still misgender them occasionally accidently, and feel bad about it every time. I don't get it but honestly as a cis male, I don't understand what cis women see as attractive in men. My mind just can rap around it. Anyway, thanks again for taking the time to make this video. I've forwarded to some others who might be interested. Cheers!
What cis women find attractive about cis males is "the pocket space" bbaabbyy . The baggier jeans the better. . I know this from experience Trust me I'm a doctor who fan
That you don't get it, yet give the grace to others of believing their self-testimony, demonstrates the personal depth, humility, and greatness of spirit we need more of in the world. Your kids are blessed to have you.
Mistakes come with trying to change. Before having 0% misgendering, it's the validation that it's important. I'm sure your kid feels validate by your love. You are doing the good parenting here 👏
I’m a trans neuroendocrinologist studying how hormones interact with your genome and I find the question “what causes transes” is such a LAZY and scientifically unanswerable question. You could (and cisscientists-studying-transgender-people almost ALWAYS) assign ANY correlative sex difference to “cause” transness. Except almost every “sex difference” is itself complex and intricate.
I’m trans and nowhere near smart enough to do what you do, so I’m interested in that question. As an expert, what’s a better question to ask? When others ask me this question, how can I reframe it to a more nuanced way of thinking?
@@spacebunsarahI think more importantly the question should be... Why does there need to be a cause? Why can we not accept that sometimes things are so difficult and convoluted to work out that you may as well just say "it's just random luck" and leave it at that? Why can't people just be themselves and be left alone? Why do we need to identify as trans at all? It would be much nicer to just be "a person", who is living their own lives and making their own choices, and respected for that without judgement or questions. Why do people and society care so much about what some random person wears and calls themselves and does with their body? It's not affecting anybody else, so they can mind their own business.
The point I do believe is for the purposes of societal regulation where already those born different have to be mutilated to fit in through the denial of natal sex. And the one's chromosomal, why thanks to prenatal testing , the pregnancy termination rate is currently 80% worldwide - why? Why because some refer to us as congenital transsexuals that must not be permitted to evolve hence the only treatment available is for the purposes of masculinisation to in effect create fake males.
@@hannakitten Look, I'm a trans advocate too, but this seems a bit silly to me. *"Why does there need to be a cause?"* There doesn't "need" to be a cause, but there usually is. We like to know it. *"Why can we not accept that sometimes things are so difficult and convoluted to work out that you may as well just say "it's just random luck" and leave it at that?"* Some things *are* convoluted and difficult, but that doesn't mean we stop trying to understand it. Society will progress despite our fear, and our fear will change with it. As Marx and Hegel observed, there is only one law that governs history; technology. *"Why can't people just be themselves and be left alone?"* "Trans-ness is valid" is a positive claim, one that -- like every other claim we've made in the past -- ought to be dissected. So far the science has shown that while we don't fully understand it, trans people exist, and that currently, gender-affirming care is (one of) our best ways to help them. *"Why do people and social care so much about what some random person wears and calls themselves and does with their body? It's not affecting anybody else, so they can mind their own business."* This is like asking "Why do we care about the stars, they're just minding their own business -- they don't even affect our daily life!" Whether or not it directly affects us in any physical sense is irrelevant to *why* we want to know. I'm not saying these questions aren't important. Why *do* we care about trans people, why is it that -- despite the subjectivity -- we care about what people dress/look like, and even the spiritualistic qualities lost through empirical definitions. But none of those questions are answers to why trans people exist. And neither are they the reasons why we shouldn't ask the question. People are weird. Is there something wrong with that? No. Is there something right with that? No. Is there a reason they're weird? Probably. Will it be simple? Probably not. Will it be used to attack LGBTQ people? Definitely. Will we learn it anyway? Yes. Will we be better off knowing? Maybe, or maybe not. *It's not my responsibility to offer receipts for the unknown.*
@@queengi8968 Hannah's statement was definitely supportive and I appreciate that but this statement feels way better. It's not overly positive, it's not even negative, it's just neutral There are loads of big questions out there that feel impossible to answer, but we've discovered as much as we have as a species by always asking 'why'
Early on in transition (on TERF island lol) n' have been struggling not to get stuck in the difficulties and the hostility the world has for us. You helped me capture a glimpse of the beauty of the experience, and just the beauty of life generally, and I really needed that. Thank you
I’m trans, and I’ve known since I was little that I didn’t fit with the boys and relate to things like they did. There’s probably a variety of reasons why but I don’t think that I’m broken or have a defect. I’ve developed from before I was born until now in a different way to the typical person. That doesn’t make me wrong or defective or anything like that. I’d love to understand in a deeper way what causes the developmental differences between people, sex, gender, facial features, skin tone, hight, intelligence, everything. Just because I’m different doesn’t make me wrong, understanding why we are all different, cis, trans, or any other category I find interesting and I think will help the majority of people accept that we are all different and should be treated as people. The majority of people are like that with race and are getting that way with sexuality.
@@cowgirltheworld you literally go around telling people to kill themselves. you are the one who needs help, i hope you get better from your mental illness. transphobia hurts everyone
“What is sex? It’s mostly 6 different things. What is a woman? Yes.” This such a mood speaking as a college student lol. The more I learn in my classes (I’m majoring in psychology and communication studies) the more I realize just how complicated a lot of concepts and topics are, especially when it comes to identity, gender, mental health, etc.
Mine is tomorrow, I've paid privately and typed out a literal transgender essay in the application form, so I'm sure I'll be "diagnosed" as transgender, but even so I'm so nervous.
UA-cam recommended this to me a couple weeks ago, and those three weeks have been some of the craziest and best of my life as I finally overcame all my flimsy arguments against my own transness. Thank you, universe, for dropping this particular "it's gone forever" file into my lap.
I realized I was trans through the /eggirl route on reddit, just seeing all the signs that everyone shared and realizing that many of them applied to me. Over my transition, however, I have encountered some deeper aspects about the nature of this "trans self" that really throw the entire conversation into a whole new light for me - doubly so for those close to me who used to see it as "just a choice". I could go into a tirade, that's dumb, so here's an example that redefined my entire life when I went through it AND later when I finally figured it out. When I was eleven, I had a "vision" of a little girl my age. She was wearing a white dress, she was pale. Her lips were white. She looked so profoundly sad. I felt her sadness. There was a connection between us. I cried for, oh god, I don't even know how long. Maybe half an hour? Maybe ten minutes? I was lost in that sadness. She must have been a ghost or something, trying to communicate with me. So for the first time in my life, I prayed to this God everyone was talking about. I prayed that she get what she need, that she may be okay, that she might find happiness. There was no inclination that I was trans, there was no idea - I hadn't even begun the 'I wish I was a girl' thoughts until late high school. This was some extremely subconscious part of me which was in tune enough to recognize my nature far before I could ever consciously recognize it myself. The only other time I ever interacted with this vision of her was in a dream a month after I started hormones. When I had finally begun to explore the deeper parts of myself that were still so scarred from everything, I had a dream about holding her dying body, and just screaming with no respite at the tragedy of this beautiful part of myself becoming emaciated skin and bones from the simply unlucky circumstance of not having found out I was trans sooner. That's the only nightmare I've ever had. I can deal with monsters of the dark, faces coming out of walls to haunt you, being chased by wild beasts of unimaginable power. I learned long ago how to render their inspiration of fear impotent. But this? It was horrific beyond comprehension. I think, in the time since that dream, that I have not just healed her, but re-integrated with the part of myself which that vision represented. Telling that to bigots and the ignorant alike, that one story - that's been my superpower in this fight against this so called 'reason' that everybody likes to find for us being trans. 'Reason' which is, in reality, nothing more than a pathetic, mendacious excuse to save themselves from the inscrutability of this life. It's usually able to be ignored, looked past, hidden. It's an invisible thing - we can convince ourselves that this life is as solid as we'd like to believe. But being trans throws a wrench into it. It makes the truth crystal clear, bright neon which one cannot ignore; that there's some stuff which can't be figured out, which resides in such a complex and profoundly deep place that it cannot be accessed or boxed in by our intellect, and thus it is outside the purveyance of our total control. That really scares them. It threatens their worldview, which emphasizes that they must, or already do, completely know how everything works. So they want to find a reason. And telling them that story almost always seems to corner that instinct to protect themselves from the unknown with pinpoint accuracy, and wash it away. It almost always seems to force them to come to terms with the fact that we have within us all a truly inscrutable nature, and that being trans resides somewhere within it. I've turned a lot of people into allies with it.
i'm currently waiting for the premiere to start but i already know i'm going to get so much out of this video. i've always been a really logical person that struggles with things like feelings at times, since they can seem beyond reason. eventually i did just kinda empirically realize i felt like a girl (for whatever odd reason) and i'm much happier now that i'm transitioning, but i'm still fascinated by things like trans biochemistry and continue to look into the roots of who i am. thank you for putting out such amazing content that keeps us believing in ourselves! edit: okay, i've watched the video, and *wow!* i'm really wishing i took notes during the video because you had so many well-put observations, but i didn't want to pause... i think i've definitely felt a lot of things related to the points you went over. i've lived with a lot of vague feelings about religion, i've *definitely* ended up in the place you talked about where one grasps at abstract theories or ideas in order to relinquish responsibility, and i think in the end, i sort of came to a similar conclusion as you: asking "why are people trans?" is the same kind of question as "what is the meaning of life?" (that one's 42, though). in the end, it's what we make of it, because like you said, it's gone forever... thank you so much, again. getting to find such powerful speakers as yourself and discuss these ideas (in the youtube comments, i guess) is truly enlightening and really is one of the things that makes me glad to be myself.
@@Rihitu-ji7pi It's a play on words for a pornography category "forced sissification". In which cis men are forced to transition to femboys or women. A category that is fairly close to the heart of many closeted trans feminine people
I think there's this tendency to overstate the objectivity of scientific investigation, even when people are trying real hard to qualify it. We'll see statements like 'Well the scientific method is objective, but the stuff we study isn't.' But even that's giving it too much credit. By and large the notion of a singular scientific method that has developed via pure philosophy and even tangentally applicable to reality, is just a rhetorical myth, that distracts people from looking at the actual messy, complex and political activities and the cultural histories that decided what did and didn't get to count as science, before we even put in the question of specific theories under the microscope. The idea that there's this unified scientific thing, and its professionalised in this way, and that that it has these structures for validity and these processes is an output of this long process of organisation, theorisation and academic punchouts across these long histories of state build, colonialisms, rationalisms etc. Like, twin studies get mentioned here as a low correlation, but they're actually a great case in point, because twin studies become popular increasingly in fields don't have genetic evidence to pull on but think that they should have, and belong this to this very long lineage of assumptions about genetics that are more 'vibes' than actual physical realities (like even the claim that identical twins have 'the same' genetics is a really suspect claim), but even ignoring that they make a political statement by setting this rational of how one should prove something, and how it should be conceptualised, which theorists often use to pull other fields under the orbit of science in truly ridiculous ways (like trying to prove that 'political affiliation' is genetic). Sorry, bit of a tangent. I just finished an article on twin studies and I'm waiting to hear back from a journal so all this stuff is bouncing in through my head. I'm mostly pulling on Latour here, but there are more recent writers who've dug into to the rhetoric of 'science is neutral and apolitical' as well, it's kind of a cottage field if you want to accidentally annoy physicists. (Edit: Just to clarify here I'm not claiming that the processes of science aren't effective, or that they're only effective as flukes. Rather the effective processes that are going on in the real world and the unrelated structures of checks, measurements, structuring and organisation get packaged and bundled together, then obscured and the practices and systems are painted instead as parts of a mythical 'perfect science' which is always possible and arriving and going to provide perfect, ideal knowledge, but always distant enough that if any political stake or ambiguity is pointed out the pronent can retreat to the idea that is 'not real science' or that the issue of funding, distribution, practice are just details layered on top of this perfect science [which of course recedes into the distance so that it's always more abstract than the actual thing being criticised, even when we're criticising things like rationalism or the epistemic privilege of sciencists]. And this move is political itself, because of course it allows deflection of any acknowledgement of the practical outcomes of, funding for, or ideology within science. So the narrative of a scientific method, more abstract and unified than the actual scientific methods practiced both in the real world and within actual theories, is itself part of the ideological apparatus of science which is unavoidably political).
Just an additional note, trained scientists know science isn’t objective, we try to be and reduce our biases but we know we can’t because we are human. The idea is that if a lot of people with different biases study the same thing we would, hopefully, reduce the effects of the biases. It doesn’t always work but that’s the goal. 😊
your point in the beginning reminded me of the channel Big Think's video on "scientism". Which basically the application of science as a belief system. so many people lean on science to show the truth instead of displaying what research proves. "Facts" arent as objective as people think. A lot of the psychology I study in college is very quick to point out how a lot of what we believe as scientific facts about psychology were observations determined by biased and privileged people. Studies that wee once considered groundbreaking like "the kinsey report" are now fairly critiqued for being not diverse, not well executed and I greatly appreciate the academic texts I've read for mentioning that.
if i can in anyway be of help in a study, I was raised christian with absolutly zero knowledge of what being trans even was. Yet my feelings remained that I wanted to be a girl.
I identify as nonbinary precisely because I see no point in me saying "I am a (wo)man" and basically striving to prove to others that I'm that, by engaging in certain practices that are said to signify (wo)manhood. I just wanna be me: wear any clothes I feel like that day, allow myself to feel attracted to people - or not; my feelings fluctuate - without having to question and relabel by sexuality; using whichever pronouns suit me on a given day and whatnot. I'd LOVE living in a world where does things didn't matter whatsoever and people just did them without fear of being called out (or worse). This video helped strenghten the aforementioned beliefs even more, while teaching me lots of nuance I didn't know. Tysm, Lily! 🥰
No one should have to become a woman because they have the idea that men can’t truly be themselves and if a man does that then he needs to question his sexuality. And being a woman is a way to escape this.
@@emilyquinn9691 If I told you that your gender is wrong and basically order you to change it, would you listen? "Do onto others what you'd like that they do onto you" ☺️
Thank you so much for making this video. I began my transition 2 years ago, and its been an absolute whirlwind of emotions that i haven't been able to put into words enough to even process fully. For the past year, though, my depression has come back hard as I've felt like i haven't had the spoons to do anything creative recently. But this video made me realize that i have been creative. Ive been working on myself, and thats a truly creative act. Your video has also, from just a single watch, taken a huge weight off me as i can start to let go of those parts of my brain that have been searcbing for the "why" of it all. So, thank you again. Absolutely wonderful work! 💜
you're right. I want so badly to be able to point at a figure on a graph and say to my dad "it's me I'm real can't you see I haven't been faking it I am your daughter" I want nothing more than to prove my transness to him. and to myself as well. I want to know why so I can scream it to the heavens whenever I'm questioned. I want my dad to believe me. to love me as his daughter.
This video is the probably one of the most helpful things I’ve seen to help with my gender. Being a trans christian is often really tough, as there aren’t many resources and so many common trans narratives and ideas that are promoted are just against my faith. The idea that there is nothing wrong with my body, while I’m feels reassuring to some people, is just incompatible with how I feel. If there is nothing wrong with my body, then why do I want to change it? The idea that “gender is a social construct” while, sure, it’s true, money is a social construct. Does that make it any less real? And how am I supposed to react with someone telling me that the way I have been living and the way I want to live both aren’t actually real. I think I’ve made peace with myself, and this video has really helped. Yes, I am not perfect, and I never will be, but god made me this way, imperfections and all. God intended my want to be a woman just as much as he wanted me to be, just as much as he intended for there be ways to make me look more feminine. Yes, there is something wrong with me, but that was intended. Our bodies are never supposed to be perfect, and there is nothing bad about that.
There's a lovely quote in Daniel Lavery's book about ftm transition that goes something like "god made me trans for the same reason he made wheat but not bread, or grapes but not wine - so that humans could share in the joy of creation"
Also a trans Christian. There’s something different about us, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us. Unfortunately, most of the people who pretend to read the Bible are the farthest thing from Christian.
I don't understand how someone can claim to be both trans and Christian. If your entire life and identity revolve around sex/gender, where is there even room for God at all?
i'm a transwoman. My first episode of gender dysphoria was when I was 3 and was probably in 1958. I buried this for most of my life, but it wouldn't stay buried. when I first read about trans people and knew that was what I was.
violently off topic but, you were a teen in the 70s! that's so cool! or rather, the fact that you've experienced so many decades and seen the societal changes over time is so cool. i want to time travel to different decades cause i so badly want to see what it was like. i'm very jealous lol
@@gron9418 i'm so genuine though 😭😭 i'm obsessed with all the decades and WISH i could time travel back just for a minute so everytime i see someone who's experienced it i think it's cool and im jealous lol
People are people or you are always you, no need to put it in a category. And the same is truth for our actions. We can feel different, but at what point are we different? Biologically gender identidy isn't comprehensible. I think there are many reasons to feel different. The most important thing for me is how can we decide what's good for us and what is bad? At what point can we trust our feeling? How can we make the right decision, for example to do an operation and hormones? What is a trustworthy feeling and what is confusion?
@@OxysLokiMoros You very eloquently described how I feel about all of this and often express through anger that gets misunderstood as hate disguised as hostility. Thank you.
love how you assume pink is a female color and go on to say how normal people are judgmental while preceding to call them normal. its sad that you think trans is even a thing when its not. there is no such thing as body "transformation", there is such thing as body "alteration". My natual hair is black, I can dye it blue and accept that I will never naturally grow blue hair. Whats sad is these people actually think they have changed their "sex", but can a "trans" man have a menstural cycle? can they have a baby? The answer is they cannot, but many of them think they can do both of these things. They think they are female, and some of them think they are goblins, cats, maybe dragons. You think you understand where the line is drawn between what a human is with these people? The reality is they are delusional and do need to seek medical and mental help because they are confused and yes it is a problem. It's not a bad thing or negative, people who dont support this aren't being "mean" , they are just not going to cave in to someone else's delusions because it is simply not true. 2+2= 4 , but to a trans person this might have a different result, and the reason that is a problem is because the reason they have such a high suicide rate is because they don't understand basic reality concepts like this equation. its really sad and it is a mental illness that is spreading, its up to us "sane" people to help them not be confused and hopefully this suicide rate will drop and decrease. But doctors love money and like to use you guys, *sigh...but youre too delusional to actually see that. Hope you can accept who you are and that there are some things that you cannot change such as your DNA.
TY Lily I'm old AF. Known I was Trans when I was 4 had a female cousin she passed a couple years ago from Opioid addiction that was just FYI about how psychology F'd we r as a family. But I'd go over to her house and we'd play dress up in 1963 and in the South that was something little boy's didn't do. I tried doing what everyone told me I must do. But any chance I got I'd dress up and put on makeup. But because of the controversy in my head did lot's of dumb things Drink to oblivion take drugs to overdosing. Once I fully accepted who and what I am haven't had a drink or drug.
I'm genderfluid but I have been questioning about whether or not I'm transmasc or just nonbinary. Turns out I'm just happy being me who is comfortable using any pronouns especially he/him. Thanks for the informative video, I'll keep on exploring myself ❤
What a fantastic and thoughtful video. I realized i was trans probably about a year and a half or so ago, and I'm only out to a couple people (mostly online) and I still struggle with doubts and they may it scary to come out (what if I'm wrong actually, sort of thoughts). And you know, sitting with my thoughts after having watched your video, I think I may just start coming out to more people in my real life too, and maybe I can start acting more as my authentic self Thanks for the video, and much love from the Imps
my trans ness is so different from most people's, not only due to being intersex but also that being a big part of my gender identity and it being the reason i identify as transfeminine and transmasculine. If someone compared either a binary trans man or a binary trans woman with me, without the trans label they wouldn't see many similarities. My transition goals are butch masculine androgyny, dressing effeminately with breasts and both "male and female" genitalia. I'm literally bigender. I feel like an alien a lot of the time because though having recently identified with some of these terms and while they feel so perfect, it's alienating that not many people are like this and I have so little representation from intersex people as well.
Hey, for what it's worth, that's genuinely quite cool and unique. I see how it'd be lonely and very othering and will absolutely not talk down to you, but from a stranger on the internet, I think you sound awesome - your expression goals and your experiences. Though you might not have people around you who have the same experiences, there'll be many who accept you and/or also think you're cool, for what it's worth from a random internet stranger.
Heyo! I would like to say that the “Cause of autism” argument, at least for me, is a fantastic example. I am cis (at least I think) but I do have autism. That really helps. Thank you.
Yep, cis (mabe enby? idk, idc) male autist here. I've seen a LOT of people describe their experiences being some variety of LGBTQ+ at this point, and I've recognized a lot of parallels to my own experiences growing up. Its probably not a coincidence theres a fair degree of overlap between trans and autistic people.
It is not even remotely the same. Autism, while it has its own struggles, is merely a way of mind that is unusual. It has its pros and cons and I'd be a completely different person without it. Being trans on the other hand is nothing but pain. For some people transitioning can help treat it, but they'll be a patient for life, and it will still only reduce, not take away the pain. I don't know why the media glorifies it so much, as though our pain is a good thing. Before anyone accuses me of being a bigot, having a non-stereotypical personality for your gender is not trans. If you were trans you'd have permanent distress over your body's sexual characteristics. Gender is not a synonym for personality, and it is not an identity unless you're a sexist gender essentialist.
@@crystalvulpine2314 I was comparing them only in the sense that gender is a fundamentally difficult concept for me to grasp, and I was expressing how an example that I could tangibly think about helped me understand. I apologize if I overlooked something.
@@MemeAnt It's difficult to grasp because people make it difficult. In reality, you only have biological sex, and people who for some reason need to change themselves to function like the opposite one as much as possible. That is a very unfortunate situation, and often not enough can be done about it to save us.
As a transgender woman, the number one thing I want is just to be left alone. That's it. That's all I want. I grew up in a small town, and was so ostracized (for a variety of different things) that just being ignored was such a relief, something I was so grateful for. I didn't hope for friends, allies, companionship. To someday fit in. To be accepted. To be part of a group. Nope. Being left alone was the most I could imagine and hope for. And it's still all I want. Just to live and let live. Just to not be actively sought out and hurt.
@@emilyquinn9691To be able to read this whole comment and still not be able to be able to grant this fellow human being, who is doing absolutely nothing to harm you, their one wish of being left alone and not bullied. Sometimes humans terrify me. I know you have some morality in there somewhere, why do you refuse to listen?
@@emilyquinn9691 "Boo hoo, I'm so insecure about my intelligence that if I can't understand what someone is going through, I'll just make up a simple solution."
Yah right, facile., simple minded, wrong but trivial quips are comforting to the sad little attention seeking trolls. But they have no value beyond that (except for shameless grifters who know how to profit from such gullibility). @@emilyquinn9691
I feel so naive. All of my hopes for finding answers on why I am trans and I never once stopped to think that if they find out why we are trans, they would use it to destroy us.
And how would that hurt you? You would live out your trans life until you die of old age. There just wouldn't be anymore trans people. What business is that of yours?
On the other side of the coin, research can be a massive good, as new treatments may be discovered, and this can give people more options. I'd still embrace research. But I may be biased because I'm studying engineering
@@jimmysuros6302 i would agree with you. Research is morally neutral. Kind of like knives. Its how we use it as a tool, humans can save or destroy lives with scary ease.
i think the possibility of them using that identification of the cause to stop our existence would be extremely pointless because we'll keep existing anyway through memes (no, not the internet jokes), specific mutations that while rare can still happen and perhaps get passed down, and the fact that it requires an active effort that must be maintained with every single generation, no exceptions. even once technological advances have become so good it's easy enough to do that, at that point, one would wonder why are we even trying so hard to make trans people extinct? they'll perhaps see the purposelessness of it by themselves
@@stubman5927 2 Points 1. Research by itself is a neutral thing. Regardless of who does it, that genie will come out of the bottle. Through history, many 'genies' have been let out. Now are we going to be like Oppenheimer, and research or will we let those who wish nothing but harm invent? 2. What if someone struggling with Dysphoria wants to keep their own identity? Imagine the heartbreak they endure if you said, sorry, you can either embrace it or suffer. Research would give us that third way. TL; DR embrace research and science.
@@lily_lxndr yeahh. And I googled it. And I only found forced SISSIFICATION. And spent >3 hours reading what BDSM, LGBTQ2s (am kinda young and had no idea what these things meant), and an infinite number of other articles on wikipedia. Did not regret it, but still fell for the trap.
Im transmasculine/nonbinary. I think the big realization came when i was 7 but i had had thoughts and i guess "clues" about it as early as 4 years old, basically as soon as my brain became capable of registering the difference between "boy" and "girl". I've always hated my feminine reproductive tract, even before i fully understood what it was because it didn't feel like "me", then i got a ken and barbie set around 7 and had that lightbulb moment of "i want to be ken" i especially loved kens lack of discernable genitalia, that to me felt like it was right, and what i shouldve had. Then puberty started around 10, i started getting breasts, i started having daily panic attacks over the fact my body was turning into something i hated and didn't want. I didn't even have the words for trans, nonbinary or anything like that until almost 3 years later and it still took another two years for me to accept and embrace it because i thought everyone i cared about would stop loving me, throw me out like i had never existed. When i was 12 and got my first period I basically shut down, started living in a constant state of depression, self loathing, and a desire to stop existing. That was the first time i tried to take my own life and would continue to do so until around 15 when i accepted and embraced myself. Im 21 now and still struggling with self hate and suicidal ideation, but a year into my medical transition and i feel better than ever and like im finally living again and not drowning. I cant wait until i get top surgery and can have my lowers altered to appear either more masculine or straight up nonexistent like that ken dolls.
I really liked this video. Im a trans woman. I'm not sure what makes us trans. I think its very complicated. I do think there must be biological/ thing in our minds and bodies reason. But i didn't know i was trans when i was a teenager or a kid. However, the UK was so repressive (im 36) in the 1980s and 90s that being able to come out as trans unless this came on strong when your young. So im not sure repression stop me being trans. I was quite a happy boy and i find that un nerving. The problems for me started in puberty. I hated puberty. And relationships and sex as a man. When i was 22 i tried on my friends partners dress and loved it but cried because i had a male body. It took till i was 34 to come out and start transitioning. A lot of horrible pain, a suicide attempt later. But the big question that all my friends have. When did you know. Was it all a lie. Its very confusing as i wasn't sure when i was younger. If i could be a perfect cis man with other cis men or with a cis women. I would never have transitoned and had problems but i did despite having boyfriends and girlfriends. Anyway im really sorry to ramble. Im having a hard time in my transition currently. When you transition later in life your plagued with these questions and its really hard. People use this to try and block you. You also feel sad that your body has been shaped by testosterone. You really want to believe that you were born trans as its a powerful justification. I think you are or you aren't trans. Life events cant make you trans. Otherwise billions of people would be trans. This just comes out in the washing of your life somehow. But what makes us trans. Its very complicated. But it has to be innate. You cant unmake it once it comes out and kicks in. I tried everything to make crossdressing and wanting to be a woman go away. ANd it failed. It was horrible. It led to terrible problems. Older trans people like me should be used as a counterweight to the terfs and anti trans politicians who say what if they get this wrong. The real question is what if you block or repress trans people till later in life. What cost to them.
Your videos continue to be some the most nuanced and compelling takes on these questions I've come across in the... very long time I've spent looking. Your articulation of the different factors that go into trans identity was so eloquently put, and your openness and also accuracy in admitting that these categories are blurry and changing, and not so neatly sorted from well, everything else, was so so comforting to hear. I feel like trying to cut through just those riptides to try to discuss these ideas with myself let alone others, letting even more alone people on "the other side" has been exhausting for so long. The willingness to just admit this is something nebulous and changing and reflective of culture without thinking that detracts from our rights to live and create ourselves as we please, on any metric, feels so freeing. All culture is memetic, and long long ago in the before times of the early 2000s thats what that word meant - ideas spread virally, evolutionarily. A shame about the guy who coined it though. It's interesting that you brought up autism here, because I'm currently having this ongoing back and forth with someone about rooting things in 'neurology'. And yet, using this approach, helped me crack part of why I can't exactly figure out what gender is (though your videos have helped tremendously, as I've said). So nature or nurture -- apparently autistic people tend to see the world bottom up before top down -- inputs are fractured before being pieced together, which is why autistic people sometimes end up incredible at finding patterns, according to this theory, anyway - because its a skill learned from brute forcing it to get through every sensory experience in ways that are just innate to people who default more to top-down. Which is to say, some categories exist top-down without existing bottom-up at all. Some categories are not labels which describe what they contain, nor are they exactly containers that prescribe what can go in them. They are ideas that precede their definition. Socrates leading everyone in circles until they can define "goodness" always skirting the notion that "goodness" is a word without coherence. I was never going to be able to construct "gender" from the bottom up, to find which the pieces are and how to locate them or their lack inside me. I just wish someone had told me that sooner. Instead, I was running around using analogies to Wittgenstein's Beetle in a box, which I'm sure people totally found very convincing and endearing. Nebula needs comment sections, but I understand why it does not have them.
this is an amazing video, but I want to remind people in the comments not to respond to the transphobes. they're never gonna change their views just off of one or two people and it'll only drag your mood down. remember that no matter your agab or gender identity you are valid 100%.
I love your quiet voice and your plants a d nature journal art, and the birds! A soothing and beautiful atmosphere to discuss something so sensitive and important. You have said it all perfectly. ❤🌼🌺🌱
I was into trans discourse as a kid, and i remember watching all these passing, presentable trans people talk about how they should’ve just been born the gender they wished to be, but even then i couldn’t relate to that. I always thought that even if i was born the gender i wanted, i would still probably question my identity and end up somewhere under the trans umbrella. I can’t just see it as an obstacle that you can easily leap over or explain, i feel like it informs just about everything in my life.
like i wish i was a girl so could get FREE MONEY from all the simps JUST for being a pretty girl even thugh have a BF and laugh how stupid they are while fucking thinking they gonna fuck me :X
This is so well researched, reasoned, written, and delivered. As a cis lesbian recently out and emerging from years of Catholicism, I initially clicked on this to further educate myself on the experiences of my trans siblings-in-queerdom. Then you proceeded to bring me not only education, but a kind of peace I have up to now been desperately searching for in any possible biological causes for my sexuality. I needed--or thought I needed--a way to prove to myself and my family that I was legitimately born this way, not choosing it to hurt them or swayed by the "forces of evil in the modern world." But the sense of beautiful mystery that you mentioned here, the understanding that we all simply grow up like sunflowers and salamanders from the primordial atomic soup that is existence: this is somehow a far more true and solid legitimacy. We are who we are, whatever the complicated forces that mold us. Thank you for your vulnerability and thoughtfulness!
@lif6737 Boxes and cages are at least safe. And sometimes safety has to take priority. But please remember that for most people, if they have to force it, they aren't cis. They are cis passing. When and if you get to a point where you want to or need to come out, you won't be alone. You may lose some safety but you will gain contentment and community beyond a screen. But this isn't an encouragement to come out. Only you can know if that's the best answer for you, based on your own circumstances and what "safety" currently means to you. If safety means remaining homed and free of violence, that's very different from safety from socially awkward conversations.
@@CorwinFoundto continue with the box analogy (which I love using to explain gender & transness), if you try and force something into a box that doesn't fit it... well, it breaks 😕 But too many people want something that stacks neatly, so they keep putting us in boxes, lest they have to deal with the 'mess' of doing away with boxes all together.
Your conclusion was capital-R Romantic as could be, I absolutely love it. The older I get, the less I see science as the definitive source of knowledge of the world, and just one of the many ways in which we explore what it means to exist.
Thanks for the love on this video ☺️ if I look tired or my voice sounds hoarse, it’s only because I live close to those massive forest fires you heard about on the news - the air outside was on fire!! Aaahhh!!!
That sounds quite scary, hope everything is okay over there
I hope you are ok! I didn't notice hoarseness of your voice, in fact I found your voice to be soft and peaceful. Quite soothing to listen to!
it's so weird now seeing all the channel names' underlying handles.
just FYI it's possible to change the handle of the channel name, i had to change it myself because youtube had automatically made it @thevoidspaghettigirl2297 and i was having none of that
@@transsexual_computer_faery agree, I dunno if I like it!
@@transsexual_computer_faery lol I had the same thing happen. I understand WHY they did it, but I do wish that it was something you could toggle on or off in the app settings.
I listen to a lot of trans and queer essayists because, as you point out, they're so actively involved in the process of creating themselves. I'm a cis man and I had a rough childhood, so I had to rebuild myself into adulthood. How do I be a good man? How should I change my body to reflect myself? Trans and queer people have deep and unique insight. It helps me recognize what parts I want to keep and discard. I think everyone should be active in that process.
💜
thats honestly kinda genuis good for you
A nice perspective to have on yourself. Glad you've built yourself a better man :)
can i ask you for some recommendations of trans and queer essayists?
@@partysob Sure, some really small creators I like are RickiHirsch, ceicocat, and Pyramid Inu. There's medium sized creators like Alexander Avila, CJ the X, and Princess Weekes. Then you've got giants like Philosophy Tube and Contrapoints. I could go on, but watch enough and the algorithm do the rest.
i am trans and i literally have no idea why. i look forward to watching
Did you find an answer?
@@LyzergideDaydreaming cause we are gods.. apparently
TF2 fan so it makes sense tbh. All TF2 players are either trans or racist
TELEPORTER GOIN’ UP
GOTTA MOVE THAT GEAR UP
I remember about a year ago when I first “accepted” my transness I was constantly wondering… “why me?” It’s kind of frustrating that there really might not be an answer to that question, I just Am, but I also realized that question was basically the summation of the internalized transphobia that I have fought with for several years at this point
Me too. I was borderline angry at women who didn't appreciate it, when they basically won a coin toss that I lost. I certainly understand that internalized transphobia. Or I'm assuming that I do. I knew what a disruption it would cause to discover what I already knew, because then I'd have to accept it. So the mystery file that I'd find on my computer would simply say "Aw shit".
I still have so much internalized transphobia, which really makes me hate myself even more
relatableeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
god. yes, i get that so much...
"why?" while dropping the "me" is a worthwhile line of questioning. Confronting all your experiences, anxieties, traumas, and how they developed, what was repressed, what was overexaggerated, relationship to your parents, friends, and world, etc., and why these experiences and feelings exist and have the relationship to each other and to your "self" that they do. Identity isn't transcendental- there is history and context and an almost dialectical unravelling to everything within one's identity- even analyzing the desire to externalize or interpret one's own identity at all, and why one would consider it as a worthwhile representation of the self (there are many people who feel no connection to a static externally presented identity and instead exist in a state of fluidity with no desire to capture it within language- or it having no effect on their own understanding of Self). Genuinely discovering the self in solitude strengthens existence in the world.
The poem that that rabbi wrote is some of the most real, raw and painful piece of historical text of a trans person I've ever read... This was written centuries ago yet the feelings are so alive and present
It's almost like it was written by a person with a person brain that has person feeling and you are a person with a person brain that has person feeling (?)
Literally had me tearing up
@@Avrelianvs no shit!! What I meant is that these are the exact feelings trans people experience today centuries after.
@@O-pm8bb
lets analyse the nonsense /lies many amongst you believe in:
lie: schools are of use (fact. schools keep slavery alive and stands for dumbing down the population of mankind)
lie: moon and mars landings, (fact: even masons know they cannot leave - earth is closed system, unless you want to drown, there is no other place created for us to live in.)
lie: news channels share truth (fact: these are for politic propaganda)
lie: money has a value of its own (fact: it is just a tool of this world, which value has been agreed upon world wide)
lie: NASA lies (globe and all....) (fact: NASA stands for TO DECEIVE) - you havn´t searched - have you?
lie: the lgbtq++++ propaganda (fact: it is a part of masonry depopulation agenda, 500 000 000 souls, thats their goal.)
lie: Evolution and the dinosaurs. (fact: mankind is not hybrid kind)
to keep stating that there was an evolution, then we ain´t humans, we aint then mankind, we are then hybrids. Are you a hybrid?
Lie: holidays (xmas, Halloween, new year eve and so on) (fact: PAGAN HOLIDAYS, to praise BAAL, the god of this world)
lie: U.F.Os (fact: they are demons/evil spirits in high places, against whom we fight daily = spiritual warfare)
lie: rules and laws rule the world (fact: signs and symbols of masonry do)
lie: believe in being educated (fact: found daily living with the lack of knowledge)
lie: religions are ways to heaven (fact: JESUS CHRIST is only way to heaven. Religions, no matter its name = masonic garbage)
lie: our dead loved ones stay around to “ghost” (fact: hunting and ghosting is job of demons, not of humans. We, humans, come from GOD and return back to HIM and all the stories of having been seen a ghost - terrifying, scary, dark, cold - again no job of analysing been done here by you- right?)
Lie: Humans have no immune system and we need vaccines as these save lives (fact: humans HAVE IMMUNE SYSTEM and vaccines are created for one or two purpose: to kill or to cripple)
lie: there is no GOD (fact: There is GOD, who redeems sinners and we are directly created by GOD, Psalms 139:14
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.)
to keep claiming that there is no GOD and we aint created directly from the dust of the earth, we soon run out logic, regardless to we place “evolution” in our claims or not.)
lie: 911 was terror attack (fact: 911 was an inside job, meaning the work of your loved government)
16 lies, should i go on?
@@O-pm8bb its almost like society doesnt change that much over 2000 years in the same environment
I love your comparing transness to an ecologically emergent thing. The more my AMAB body aged, the further I felt from the life around me-that the way I had to act wasn’t of the biotic world. I realized I was mtf trans very recently, and it’s becoming more and more clear to me how much I’ve smothered my vivid love of living creatures, even as I’ve smothered my own life. It’s wild how physically dulled my anatomy has become, and how my body almost has to relearn that it’s dynamic, awake.
omg this, legit just about to say the same, personally for me a I felt like a brain in a jar, but I 100% agree with everything here.
YES !! ive felt the same and haven't been able to put it into words at all
What an excellent way to put what I've been feeling since starting puberty, yet could never articulate.
While I don’t have quite the same experiences I very much relate to this. I always hated myself and my body but it’s like being trans taught me to love those things. I only recently (as in the last 3 days) realized that there’s a chance my recent taking better care of myself is connected psychologically or like spiritually to the fact I started HRT this year.
I really like the way you phrased this. For most of my life I felt like I was asleep, and often I feel like I only became truly awake the day I realized I was a woman.
As I've transitioned, I have felt so much more in tune with my body, with nature. I've put so much more effort into being alive, and doing things, and being part of a community and actually living. To be conscious and active in my own life. I even decided to compete in a triathlon even though I was super out of shape and overweight.
As I've transitioned and gotten more in shape, I feel in tune with my body in a way that I never even imagined was possible. Its a real physical thing, as much as it is a mental thing. It feels natural.
I guess I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed the way you phrased this and wish you the best going forwards!
As a jewish person, that poem from the Rabbi made me cry. Especially considering that last verse is part of the mode ani, one of the most basic prayers you learn as a child. Every morning, you wake up and do mode ani to thank God for various bodily functions (the act of waking up, the digestive track, sight etc) and this verse is one of three (?) blessings that differs for men and women. Men say "thank you God for not making me a woman" and women say "thank you God for making me the way I am". I (a cis woman) have always understood it as some basic religious misogyny. I never thought there would be another way to interpret it, but it makes sense. My heart aches for this Rabbi, I hope her soul has found peace and healing.
Oh, that does help to know that those are traditional words, but for that Rabbi who wished he had been made a woman, those words had so much more personal meaning.
@@paulhammond6978 exactly, especially when you realise she had to pronounce those words, out loud, every single day of her life, likely as part of an assembly of men. it’s such an emotionally charged verse when you think about it from this perspective.
That is beautiful and heartbreaking
Haven't started the video yet but the reason I'm trans is because my girlfriend, who was actually a radioactive lesbian, bit me. I can live with this superpower
kinky
With great powers came great queerness 😅❤
Sadly I don't think your partner is the only radioactive lesbian out there biting people. I think it might spread like the zombie virus. 😂😂😂 Congrats on finding you through bite marks.
@@corbeaublanc20I don’t think that’s accurate
Same here, got pre-ordered by a bi girl (don’t mind the pfp)
For around 2 years I said I was "questioning my gender" and "not sure, but probably trans". Realistically, I knew I was trans, but I wasn't ready to accept that label yet. It was all just this jumble of emotions and experiences and thoughts - I was looking for one defining reason to point to. Recently, in coming out to one of my sisters, I found that reason. Being a woman, and being perceived as such, makes me incredibly happy. And that's enough for me :)
How can you?
@@silentghost751 how can I what?
@@livingangrycheese2668be a woman?
@@silentghost751 you live as one.
@@Saethyrhow, if you’re male?
Holly bananas I was not ready to hear the poem from the Rabi. Made me cry so hard. You’re doing beautiful work on this channel
Ooo I know just the one, so hyped that's in this 🙏
hahahahhaa of course the rabbi is supporting it
A prominent trans politician here in Brazil made the same point you did, Lily, which stuck to me: conservatives have the idea that "society" is "trying to make our children trans" when in reality they are constantly taught that being cisgender is the "default".
"factory settings" nah I always tweak my settings.
@@Puzzlesocks those groups of society trying to "trans kids" don't represent trans people. Try to find a single trans person that would ever agree with that. you do also realize that cis doesn't just refer to cis people right? it wasn't created to be used spitefully. What else is everyone supposed to call you? normal?
@@geo2837 I'm inherently against soft language, or changing the definitions of words for the purpose of changing the impact. Also those activists and academics absolutely are representing the interests of "trans people" whether you like it or not. Legislation is being passed because of what these activists say because average people are too scared of the backlash to call it out.
Also words have meaning only because of context. The word "Cis" in this context is absolutely a slur because we aren't talking about chemistry here. The adaptation of the word when talking about gender was INTENDED to be demeaning in the same way that the words "moron' and 'idiot' were originally scientific diagnosis and were transformed into insults.
it's literally the default
@@Puzzlesocks cis literally just means a person that isn't trans, stop getting cocky over nothing
To sum up being trans in a single experience, imagine going to pee only to be rudely accosted by a stranger who demands you explain the concept of the self and why existence is as it is and not some other way, and if they are not satisfied to the degree with which you explained it to them they have you thrown out. But, forever.
Gender dysphoria is quite similar to explain. Context, this is going to be mtf as I am that myself and will only be able to speak on my behalf. Imagine waking up and something isn't right; when you close your eyes and disconnection from the outside world, your body feels like a female version of your own, but when you open your eyes, it is completely different from what you see, which is disorienting and uncomfortable at the very least. This feeling of discomfort goes from a mild depression to life-threatening emotions.
This sort of tone-deaf stance is why you can't fit into society. Most normal people don't hate you as a physical individual being. They hate the culture your way of life represents which 100% intrudes on daily living of everyone. Vast majority of people have no use for your gender theory frameworks and pronoun diplomacy in their lives. It comes off as self-centered and chauvinist, because you attribute so much of one's identity to their gender. Those things are definitely not an inherent part of experiencing dysphoria, but a very unfortunate response promoted by the current mainstream movement. Also, I don't know your values individually, but at large dividing people into allies and enemies? doesn't really win you many points with folks outside of your circles. I anecdotally know lots of IRL people who are trans or NB and are chill, but the narrative of public institutions has for years been announcing that they are making this "single experience" everyone else's business. The push back is very understandable and you are burning a lot of bridges towards friendly integration by convincing yourself it is not and rolling with this terrible public image trans folks have acquired over the years.
CB
@@Zhenyaaa Gaia?
@@ThrottleKitty yes
I actually cried when you asked "what if, instead of fighting the unknowable, we embrace it? Just this once"
Thank you Lily, for reminding me what's important as a big sister. I do not need to understand, I don't need to fight the fear of the unknown, I just need to love and embrace. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤
yes! please! lets keep brainwashing kids into thinking an axe wound can make you female
Well the answer is simple. If you want sex-based rights under the law, you need a clear definition of what a man and woman is, but TRAs can't provide a definition that isn't circular. If by 'embracing the unknowable', you mean 'shrugging our shoulders and erasing the concept of sex', that would mean throwing these very important rights to the wind.
@@funkyfranx trans people aren't erasing the concept of sex. We agree there are mostly males and females, along with some intersex people. Gender is a different concept that is socially constructed, which we tend to have different opinions on (i.e. it's a lot more diverse than just 'man and woman').
@@funkyfranx "Sex based rights" is a nonsense term invented in the 21st century to justify antifeminist/anti-trans sex essentialism and reactionary politics. There are no "important rights" that exist on the basis of oppositional sexism, they exist based on the wellbeing of minorities (which you oppose) and equality (which you oppose).
Also "TRAs" makes your own words worthless on its own.
@@funkyfranxsimply using the term "TRA" outs you as a nasty individual
I’m a transfem and recently I’ve been questioning whether I’m really trans or maybe I should just be a crossdresser. This video has helped so much, I cannot thank you enough.
remember no cis people question if they are "trans enough". You're on the right path and im here to help if ya need it
You’re trans. As the person above me said, if you weren’t trans, you wouldn’t be thinking like this, you just wear the clothes and that would be that.
@@Khaddict97 I think that's a bit of a dangerous line to take tbh. Same with the "cis people don't think they might be trans." Gender is confusing mess and there will be cis people who accidentally think they're trans. Saying that can't happen makes it harder for people to figure out their gender tbh.
@@dumpsterDeity "Accidental transness" isn't issue in itself or you mean it isn't common enough to be seen as an issue?
@@alicev5496 not exactly what i meant i meant more that of you question if you are trans enough its probably a sign you are. Somecis people question if they are trans but they dont typically get to a point of questioning if they are trans enough if that makes more sense
I’ll preface this by saying I am cis. Recently, my dad told me how grateful his is that I didn’t succumb to the feelings I felt when I was younger. He told me how afraid I was of being trans. I have various memories of when I asked about being a girl, and did things that my dad viewed as abnormal, like dressing up like female icons. Anyways, he never spent the time to understand how 7 year old me was trying to understand my world. It isn’t that I wanted to be them, but I wanted to live their lives so I could understand them. Anyways, I just sent this video to both of my parents. I hope they don’t kill me; I just want them to have more to draw from to understand their surroundings. Thank you so much for creating content!
We still live in a world where it’s unusual for boys and men to genuinely admire or empathize with girls and women.
“Girl power” heroes are admired by girls and largely spurned by boys (or at least the men whose behaviors they’re learning).
Women protagonists are supposed to be soft AND strong, but men protagonists are still not represented with much softness.
Women continue to bear the primary burden of household tasks even when they work outside the home - often even when they are ALSO the breadwinner.
Women have to be everything just to get half the credit. Men barely even have to do anything - except that they’re oddly expected never to struggle with anything. Even when they’re going above and beyond or they’re dealing with trauma.
This is a solvable state of affairs, but greater understanding of gendered expectations is needed from everyone.
Life is a lot of figuring out things and reconsidering others. It's not likely for someone to be right in any respect the 1st time. Nobody's perfect. The world itself; the earth isn't even perfect. And it doesn't have to be. Just go with what you see as perfect for you, not what everyone else says is perfect. At the same time don't abandon morals. Its fine to be trans, gay or whatever you want, as long as it isn't a murderer or a child fricker. Yall are awesome. Really awesome. And I am an avid supporter of you guys. You people deserve respect. In every sense of the word.
Hope all went well!
@@emilysmith2965 As a man I agree with this. Men do less work for more money. We also struggle with a much much more limited view of what we can be without being labeled “gay“ or “trans“ or “not a real man“ usually in a derogatory way. I can say for one that has hurt me. Sometimes it seems like men are always the problem and while that *might* be true, playing the blame game just makes everyone more hurt. We must find solutions, not who’s fault it is. What we’re doing now is hurting everyone, not just women and lgbtq people, and it takes everyone to change it.
Your a “sister”
As a white heterosexual cismale gen-x’er, I guess I would be in the key demographic for being transphobic. But I honestly can’t think of a single reason for it. What the hell business is it of mine how other people view and express their identity? Life is hard, please be as happy as possible, and if that means being trans then more power to you. I guess I only half understand all the issues but I support you. Thanks for the informative video.
See, the important thing is that you don't allow your lack of understanding to get in the way of just being a decent person. That should be the norm.
The problem is `trans` people are pretending to be the opposite gender, and then wants the rights of that gender. They also believe you can be `trans` as a child and want transition to be as early as possible for a better `transition`. They condone the use of puberty blockers, cross-sex hormones and top surgery for the under 16s. Trans activists are aggressive with people who disagree with them, and want compelled speech when it comes to preferred pronouns. If you want to fall for their gas-lighting (you even use their catch all attack `transphobia` ) and passive aggressive emotional manipulation, that`s on you. The rest of us can see their appalling agenda.
The thing my father seems to be hung up on is that moment where you don't realize that someone is trans and try to rizz them up only to find out you were attracted to someone you weren't compatible with, for a lot of cis, het, men this invalidates certain components of their identity so they lash out. Dad thinks this response is natural, I say it's learned, or at the very least, easy to unlearn. According to Dad, when he looks at you and you present a certain way and then it turns out not to fit into his box, you have lied to him, duped him, committed a foux pa against him, at which point your identity becomes his business. I hope this effectively illustrates the root of transphobia.
@@seanrheams5261 Your dad`s right. It is deception, and he has been duped. You can`t unlearn that behaviour, it`s part of human survival being able to tell what`s real or what`s fake. `Trans women` like Mathilda Hogberg and Blaire White are legitimately attractive, but since they`re men...it`s a purposeful deception. That`s the whole point, they`re men wanting to pass as women. Most men attracted to them would just laugh it off. To me, `trans women` will never have that mysterious visual thing that makes them genuinely sexy, which is different from being attractive. It`s not transphobia if you feel deceived by someone who is deceiving you.
@@seanrheams5261 yup. It's rooted in the same part of men that gets violent when women reject them. They don't like wasting time on dating, even though they have more time to make babies than women do. They feel entitled to our attention and get angry when we don't meet those expectations or reject them completely. Let me guess your dad is also the type to think what women wear is their effort to get his attention and not just something they like to wear? He probably thinks trans women only put effort into looking like women so they can pick up straight men, no different than the rapist's "she was enchanting me with her body, it's her fault!" defense. How someone looks, what they wear, and how you decide to perceive them is not an excuse for violence. If your dad supports violence because of his own insecurities towards attraction and sex then he is no safer around women.
In fact he likely isn't any safer around women, men like this are always sexist and abusive too. It all links together. Even women's transphobia links back to this. It's all about protecting girls and women from male imposters out to get them. Does this sound like a fear of trans people to you? No it's a fear of men disguised as a fear of trans women. The same men who would assault based on what a woman is wearing are the same men who would assault a trans woman for being trans. And women are so afraid of these very men they have convinced themselves that they'll even infiltrate their safe spaces disguised as trans women when we all know that isn't even necessary and just puts trans women and cis women in danger of violence by excluding them.
Your dad is a horrible dangerous person and I hope one day he will experience just a quarter of the pain he wishes to inflict or has already inflicted on his fellow women. Not just trans women, it is never just trans women with these men.
I’m 16 and I am yet to come out to my family. This video was oddly reaffirming, in a time where I felt like I really had no hope. Thank you so much.
i don’t know how much this will land, but queer person to queer person i really hope you stick it out. a lot of this shit isn’t easy, but you can build a life that’s worth it. esp once you hit 18, there’s more freedom and opportunities.
good luck fren
do you use instagram?
hey i'm in the same boat! ive known i'm not cishet since i was 12, but it's so daunting to even think abt coming out (and also slightly jealousy-inducing when i see people our age already on hrt and being accepted)
Please take your time figuring it out. Don't do anything you may regret later. 🙃☮️🖖
@@michrae_j why does it sound like your low key saying “good luck but don’t be trans!”
tf is there to regret? they just said they weren’t out to their family yet
I am 74. Nonbinary. For about 65 years I keep switching between feeling male or female. Society is finally starting to deal with people like me. I appreciated your video.
No. You can’t have no gender you absolute attention seeker. You’re either a male or female hope this helps
@@bobmeh5835sex ≠ gender
Never understood how someone can be on the fence about Gende exactly, you should pick one your mosly good with and move on.
Since you can't be nothing, your a person with many traits, gender is one of them, identifying with neither is not possible as you hade atleast one in your mind.
@@alexcat6685sometimes I feel very much like a boy, other times like a girl. Id feel terrible if I tried to stick to just a girl because for me it is far too fluid
@@albaniannationalist292 That's not gender fluid. That's borderline personality disorder.
This is a lovely essay. For myself, finding a plausible scientific pathway for my transness was absolutely essential for my sanity. It was necessary because I had to cut through all the toxic cultural framings which attempted to invalidate my identity. Science has been my friend on this journey.
You cant be something you’re not
What was the plausible scientific pathway? As far as I know there is no known biological marker for “transgender”. Am I incorrect?
@@dampking Yes, that's exactly what trans people have been saying for decades
@juniperrodley9843 k then
@@dampkingyour concept of what men and women are is sadly very narrow.
I used to think that I was somewhere on the "intersex spectrum". And I suppose it is comforting to tell yourself there is a biological reason for being trans. "Born this way" is a nice sentiment, and maybe an affirmation that works when we look at ourselves. However, when it comes to defending the idea of being trans, or non-conforming, in society, in order to be absolutely inclusive, our behavior needs no excuses, but must be affirmed by our human right to freedom of expression, and self-determination, which are basic tenets of happiness. The kind of happiness that goes along with certain other enshrined rights like life and liberty.
I'd like to ad something to this. In our society there's people who want to make profit from our awkwardness, from our struggle to fit and our desire to define ourselves, so, they will always encourage you take the most expensive route for your journey; nevertheless, you will always have a lot of choices, there is never just one way, there is never just one form
I think "born this way" is always a tempting assertion for anyone who is different than the majority in some non-trivial way. Others accepting that assertion at face value means they have to accept the things that logically proceed from it as intrinsic or contend with the potential cognitive dissonance.
Well as one on intersex spectrum to be an example of the most commonest variety I have to tell you I originally thought my intersex-ness was the cause of my choosing to identify as different to my dominant appearance, until I learned I was an outlier in my community to subsequently come to the conclusion though intersex might be a component it might not be ' the ' component for the search to be still on - sort of. And sort of because yes it's creeping in , the thought ' why not' instead of 'why', for sure the compulsion to find a logical reason 'why' is for the purpose of defending ourselves against the furrowed brow community. To then question if I am natural then why am I here given I cannot reproduce, why because religion is wrong, life is not all about the mechanics of reproduction it's about much more than that little ' incidental. ' So what is life about in my opinion, life in my opinion thus far is about what service one can be to others to have through the concept of service discovered I had innate skills I was not aware of, innate skills of which when practised cause one to feel at one with the universe.
I have no problem with people dressing the way they want or having what hobbies they want. But I do think that there needs to be biological definitions. In science, a male is an organism that produces sperm under normal circumstances and a female is an organism that produces eggs under normal circumstances. One day I think science will reach a point where it can cause people to grow working ovaries or testicles, but until that point, people aren't able to chance their sex currently.
@@greywolf7577 Well done for understanding the biological definition of both male and female that extends beyond what dangles or doesn't between the legs, but I do think science has already reported as regards brain imaging studies that describe a different brain structure present in trans folk. The brain where it all starts. Further to I am aware of a group of rarely diagnosed intersex conditions that seem to feature an increased incidence of transitioning individuals. My own group that of the XXY medical science tells us only 25% of our numbers are ever diagnosed, yet as a condition we are believed to be 20 times more likely to identify as different to our appearance for the community to suspect many of that missing 75% may be found in the transgender community for receiving a diagnosis is a privilege not all have access to.
I've just recently realized i'm trans, haven't come out yet. I'm in my 30's and my elderly parents are both staunch, fundamentalist baptist republicans. I'm hoping to be able to use some of this when I try to explain it all to them when I visit for Christmas. Please keep me in your thoughts.
Good luck
May I ask how it went ?
My trans partner started coming out first with friend and people they feels secure with. They even came out to my parents before theirs. It's can be a practice. Keep in mind you can try to explain to them the best you can, but you can't control how they will feel about it. Good luck ❤
i hope it went well
How?
Your comparisons to attempts at understanding the causes of autism really hit home for me as a cis-male autistic. No amount of trying to mask or change has ever actually changed me. I'm happier just accepting me.
Cheers!
It blows my mind that conversion therapy used against autistics has the exact same origin as conversion therapy used again gay and trans people. (Typically called “aba” when used against autistics, though they sometimes hide what it is so people don’t catch on)
In both cases, you can’t change autistics into non-autistics or vice versa. You can’t make trans people cis nor cis people trans.
Like conversion therapy have any sort is about making a bigot feel more comfortable with someone who differs from the average 😡
love how you assume pink is a female color and go on to say how normal people are judgmental while preceding to call them normal. its sad that you think trans is even a thing when its not. there is no such thing as body "transformation", there is such thing as body "alteration". My natual hair is black, I can dye it blue and accept that I will never naturally grow blue hair. Whats sad is these people actually think they have changed their "sex", but can a "trans" man have a menstural cycle? can they have a baby? The answer is they cannot, but many of them think they can do both of these things. They think they are female, and some of them think they are goblins, cats, maybe dragons. You think you understand where the line is drawn between what a human is with these people? The reality is they are delusional and do need to seek medical and mental help because they are confused and yes it is a problem. It's not a bad thing or negative, people who dont support this aren't being "mean" , they are just not going to cave in to someone else's delusions because it is simply not true. 2+2= 4 , but to a trans person this might have a different result, and the reason that is a problem is because the reason they have such a high suicide rate is because they don't understand basic reality concepts like this equation. its really sad and it is a mental illness that is spreading, its up to us "sane" people to help them not be confused and hopefully this suicide rate will drop and decrease. But doctors love money and like to use you guys, *sigh...but youre too delusional to actually see that. Hope you can accept who you are and that there are some things that you cannot change such as your DNA.
I'll be honest. I would really like to know about the cause of autism, as an autistic person. Not only would it give me a greater understanding of myself, it could give some of us insight into how to avert some of the negatives of the condition if we want - some of us would prefer to be able to understand how others are feeling in a conversation and avoid making them uncomfortable, you know?
Moreover, to ignore and pretend that these things happen without a cause is just unscientific, especially considering that some people have a lot to gain from this knowledge, not just practically but also personally.
If I were trans as well I don't doubt I'd want the same thing - out of curiosity more than anything else. And seeing as gender dysphoria causes people to feel like they were born in the wrong body, it feels like there are some clear upsides to understanding and learning about the condition to help ease the pain.
Not saying that trans folk shouldn't get the treatment they desire (after all, it's their bodies, they can do what they want with it.), just that we shouldn't regard a cause as an "infohazard" that would be destructive if acknowledged. Acknowledged or not, the reality would remain the same, we would just have less answers to all the pressing questions we come up with.
How do you keep making videos that wind up in my "watch when needed" list? Like, I've rewatched "girls own the void" so many times and it's given me such support and helpful ways to reframe and think, similar to that document you talk about. I think this video is going to be another one. Just...know that what you're doing is amazing and powerful.
I swear, I think I've watched that one more than all my favourite films combined. It's so personal and powerful.
For me I grew up with four sisters and was always comfortable experimenting with “girly” things. I wore women’s clothes, experimented with make up and long hairstyles in high school, and of course I was perceived to just be gay all throughout my life. It never deterred me, I just found that those kinds of things made me happy and I felt like myself when I indulged in them. Transitioning has felt like the natural continuation of something I’ve been moving towards my whole life. I don’t know if I’ve always been trans, whatever that means, but I am now and life is good y’all.
Yes because long hairstyles must mean you’re trans
@@lurch789 I don’t know what a basket party is but if you throw one please invite me!!
@@williamonchari5592 I hope you have a better day!
@@williamonchari5592 nice reading comprehension
@@williamonchari5592 that’s not what they’re saying but okay
I’m a straight cis guy, but I found this to be amazing. You’re a beautiful thinker. Poetry, philosophy, and plain conversation all in one 🥲
The word “cis” is a heterosexual slur. Shame on anyone who uses it.
I've found a quote from Marsha P. Johnson kinda going along with the term "preoperative transsexual". By her definitions - based on one's physical appearance -she was a transvestite who said she was planning on becoming a transsexual in the near future. And transvestite meant someone who lived in drag, not just dressing to go to a ball.
The term "transvestite" was coined by the magnificent Magnus Herschfeld, though nowadays it is considered quite offensive to us transgender people. If you haven't checked out Herschfeld, I'd highly recommend it, he pioneered the studies of LGBT+ people.
@@Noctfrej Herschfeldt couldn’t be but wrong about a lot of things. He was one of the first to take on a serious study. Same goes for Benjamin and Money.
@@Sophiedorian0535 ah, a bit embarressing I spelt his name incorrect lol. But yes, everything has to start from somewhere, and I simply found it interesting. Fantastic video by the way!
@@NoctfrejWhat IS an appropriate term for one who cross-dresses now? is "gender-nonconforming" specific enough?
I grew up having constantly internalizing myself, looking at my emotions and thoughts like a second outside person.
I think being trans for me is about not being known. Someone looking at me and saying ‘she’ always felt like someone looking through me like a window and talking to someone behind me. It made me falter and retreat into myself and books, because it was so unnerving to feel like that. “Girlhood” and later “womenhood” was a culture shock, something that I scrambled to keep up with. I was constantly marching off beat, and when I hit puberty it felt like the end of days. My mom tried to gently support me, but i dont think anyone expected my extreme reaction, i clawed at my body and pulled out huge chunks of my hair, fighting every bodily change like a feral screaming cat. While some of my friends became woman, I came to school with a patchy bleeding head, bruises on my chest, and a missing eyebrow, every follicle ripped out. I was just so pissed and upset, nearly getting heatstroke several times from wearing blankets in public outside to hide my chest. It genuinely sucked so bad, but my parents didnt know how to help me. I only found out about trans people my junior year of high school, and it was an absolute game changer. When someone used he for me for the first time it felt like trying on fitting cloths for the first time in my life. Womanhood was ill fitting shoes and I could finally just have a label that didnt feel painful to be in. Manhood wasnt an escape, if anything ive inherited the anxieties. I know exactly what I got into. You dont have to be born male to know how goddamn lonely and stressful it is. They expect so much from you.
But i can finally feel like im present and there when someone talks to me. Im louder and more confident with friends. I work out and care about my body, health. I just feel like a person for the first time in years. I have all these new pressures and stresses from being trans in 2023, but holy shit being forced back into ‘womenhood’ would be horrible. I just want to be alive and make friends and feel real and alive as a dude. I just want to be a father someday, with my own little plot of land, and buddies to go out drinking with. I dont want to be some freak of nature, im just some guy.
I had a different path to realising I'm trans, but goddamn from "When someone used he for me for the first time..." to the end is simply perfect ❤ (though being transfemme, I'm coming at it from the opposite direction lol)
I know exactly what I got myself in for, what women face in the world and how being trans will add an extra layer of difficulty... but I'm finally me, I have an internal joy that I never thought possible, I care about myself, I can even see myself getting old!
Thankyou for sharing. It's wamed my heart to read something that resonates so much ❤
@@_allegra hell yah sister, keep fighting, wish you the best
god, the window analogy is perfect. i always felt like i've been going through life with a thin layer of skin over me. coming out, and socially transitioning, was like pulling off that layer bit by bit.
Weirdo
You put out a very important aspect about the way the world perceives transgender people, and I love the introspection.
I think people genuinely fear the loss of control that would entail the destruction of gender binary, because if you cannot tie people's roles to what sexual organs they're born with, you cannot enforce a hierarchy based on them. Their fear of 'transgenderism' is fear of true social equity among sexes.
Aren't trans individuals saying that they want to be male or female, i.e, something binary? Am I missing something? ContraPoints mentioned in one of her videos that it just feels weird when people expect to hear nuanced gender identity from her when she just wants to be female. Scientific and "objective" observing destroys all categories because deep down there isn't any "real meaning".
not to mention how much identity we pour into it. calling that into question cuts deep.
@@TryingtoTellYou About one in three cis women need a c-section cause their pelvis isn't wide enough. Does that mean they are actually men?
Or is it different because they have the magical essence of """biological womanhood""""
@@icyplatinum1701 gender ideologist "acknowledge biology is real" challenge (impossible)
@@TryingtoTellYou Out of everyone here, you've missed the points being made the hardest.
People always ask "Why are people trans" but they never ask "How are trans people"
the answer of how trans people is, insecurity
😢 Well said, im literally crying and experiencing extreme diarrhoea over this comment.
People always ask “How are trans people” but they never ask “When are trans people”
@@DangerNoodle68 “where are trans people” 😆 where do all those hot girls with the 🏳️⚧️ flag in their bio come from???
@DangerNoodle68 An occasional blend of the late 1920s with a smidgen of mid 2000's. As for how, determination, hope, and eventual support from once adverse friends and family, at least more than a decade ago
As someone who occasionally catches themselves thinking " I can't really call myself trans, my experience has so little in common with binary trans people. ", this video was very comforting to watch (at least starting from the 2nd part at around 10:00). Thank you.
you’re absolutely welcome under this umbrella, friend. you’re just as trans as me or anyone else.
my experience doesn't either, you're still valid even though you and me are probably still nothing alike
I feel this so much. I don’t think I face the struggles a lot of trans ppl face, which is why I don’t use the term. This is just my personal experience, but I feel like no pronoun or gender identity could ever fit me perfectly. Im just okay with any term used for me.
I feel this so much. I don’t think I face the struggles a lot of trans ppl face, which is why I don’t use the term. This is just my personal experience, but I feel like no pronoun or gender identity could ever fit me perfectly. Im just okay with any term used for me.
I have been thinking this for years! I’m a trans woman, and I’m very scientifically minded. I want to know why and understand everything. But the self? As I have aged, the more I have thought that not merely that we shouldn’t we understand the self, but we simply cannot.
Wise French man said: "He who strikes with meaning is killed by meaning." I almost feel like it is my duty to produce some kind of excess meaning so people don't feel like I'm torturing them. They are always itchy, especially "the objective 200IQ individuals".
Ur basically a man
You’re a man not a woman
@@emilyquinn9691 did you go out of your way to find a trans UA-camr just to harass trans viewers in the comments? Get a life. I know myself and I know who I am. You don’t get to dictate that.
@@emilyquinn9691 frr
I had a rather interesting discussion with some of my conservative friends over the weekend. When I brought up kids being trans and transitioning it felt like they stonewalled me. However I don't think I did the discussion justice, I am just a cis white guy. When doing more research I found that puberdy blockers are actually used more to give the adolescence time to decide if they want to transition or not. I think there is a lot of misunderstanding and misinformation on the topic. Witch makes sense since I don't think many people in my circles personally know a trans person. To even where someone who is more left leaning like I am is uneducated on the topic. The internet doesn't do any favors either.
Thank you for giving the conversation a shot - we appreciate people like you speaking out!! You might find some helpful info on young people transitioning in this miniseries I did last year: ua-cam.com/play/PLJyGSoaq1Tt0BJ3YT1jt7ijx14TM6A8uh.html
As long as there aren’t any long term side-effects puberty blockers until you’re of age kinda seems like a good idea universally, high school is made so much harder by everybody involved by hormonal, everybody developing once they are of legal age seems useful.
@@Jaydee-wd7wr this sounds like one of the worst ideas I've ever heard. Kids should have the option of puberty blockers, yes, but they should also be able to not take them and go through puberty at the age they normally would.
puberty blockers will harm a child honestly if they want to reach their peak as the original gender, it is better to fully commit and just choose T or E, or stay as what you were born as. you will NOT reach your natural peak on blockers and can seriously harm a child development, regardless of what gender they decide, should always be coupled with hormones or else youre just reducing the potential these kids have in life to express themselves.
there are consquences tho, puberty is age correlated, if you start puberty later, it has far less pronounced effects. its why people who transition younger generally pass as their selected gender better.
i’ve been learning from and admiring your art for a few years. i’m relistening to this one now as i walk home from picking up my first hormone prescription. i genuinely don’t want this to come across parasocial-y, but i hope you can see that the work you do is important and means so much to so many. i’m not big on patreon but i hope this can help in some regard
Here is another example of the courage it takes to be trans and out. I admire your intelligence and beauty. My troubles are so common, as a 72 year old white guy catholic, married 46 years with 4 grown children. still looking for answers. My favorite UA-cam creators are are trans women like you, who help me see life differently. Thank you
Aww please this is so adorable 🥺 tysm for your support ❤️❤️❤️
As a cis woman raised with feminist ideals, I definitely got a few steps down the “gender critical” rabbit hole, but the thing that really pulled me out was the realization that the political goal of abolishing gender so the sexes can have equity is utopian, so as long as gender is something other people are going to treat as real; we should have absolute freedom over our gender. Recently, I’ve questioned myself a lot on why I don’t identify as non-binary, now that I believe that’s valid thing to be; and while fear of social exclusion plays a role, I’ve come to realize my problem was never being a woman, it was being discriminated against for being a woman. In anonymous online spaces when people assumed I was male, it’s always pissed me off, I want to be recognized and respected as a woman; and like, that feeling has nothing to do with my sex organs, or the clothes I wear, or the people I love. I don’t delude myself that everyone experiences their gender the same way I experience mine, and I think it’s important to just listen to people and trust that they know themselves better than I ever will. At the end of the day, we gain more from solidarity despite our differences than we do from quibbling over those differences.
(Oh also I learned that intersex people existed IN UNIVERSITY and like, any theory of gender that doesn’t have a way for intersex people to exist as themselves is as absurd as a theory of hair color that separate the world into “blonde” and “brunette” with no category for redheads; except there are more intersex people than there are redheads. Wack.)
wait there's more intersex people than redheads?? dammmnnn ya learn something new every day
Yes, exactly. I'm transmasculine and a big part of realizing I was trans was recognizing that, actually, I was really uncomfortable with being categorized as a woman, despite not really taking issue with most of the trappings of being a woman (beyond the misogyny/sexism). I was never actually that bothered by my gender role as a woman (I actually prefer much of it to the gender roles of men), and I feel a lot of solidarity with women. I'm just... not one, and so it feels a bit wrong to be miscategorized as one. It's like I'd been placed on the wrong team, and even though I liked that team and fit in well, it still wasn't my team. Like, I could conceive of there being a woman who has the exact same levels of masculinity and femininity as me, same feelings towards social roles and gender expression... and yet they feel like a woman, whereas I don't. And the only thing that separates us is that feeling. Thus they are a woman, and I am not.
I experience dysphoria in a way that was hard for me to recognize at first because it wasn't immediately obvious. My discomfort with feminine-coded things didn't come from a dislike of the things themselves, but from the fact that they coded me as a woman, which made me uncomfortable. That's actually why it took me so long to figure out I was experiencing gender dysphoria. I liked feminine things, I just didn't like being perceived as and categorized as a woman. So I would, for example, feel a really strong aversion to wearing dresses, but could not understand why, because I liked dresses and thought they were cute. So why did it feel so awful and uncomfortable and wrong to wear them? Why does the thought of putting on a cute dress make me want to cry from distress and discomfort? My aha moment was realizing dresses were making me dysphoric, and dysphoria was the only reason I objected to them. If I eventually am able to medically transition and start passing as a guy, I have a suspicion that I actually might not mind wearing a dress then, because my body will do a good enough job signaling that, regardless of what I'm wearing, I'm a guy.
@@AceOfStars0 actually on fact checking myself I realized I slightly misspoke, the percentages are comparable, but depending on who’s data you use either group might be a few tenths of a percent larger. The statement “there are approximately as many intersex people as there are redheads” is more definitively accurate
Population control...not utopia or freeing. Bunch of people drugged up and believe they can fly....
Ah, that should've been a hint for me. When people assumed I was male online, it never bothered me personally in the least. It did make me feel guilty though, because I was "lying" to them if I didn't say I was female. I would "correct" others so awkwardly and hesitantly, not cuz I wanted to but because I felt bound to do so, because I was automatically a girl because... Because everyone had always told me so..
I am a person who tends to intellectualise things a lot, and being trans has been a major paradigm shift for me and my mindset as i suddenly had something so integral to be be so unexplainable. Thank you for the story
Exactly. I used to be statistics obsessed and I wanted to quantify everything in mumbers. Cost benefit analysis all the way. Now I can't rationalize my transness away/into existence, yet it's one of the strongest beliefs I hold. My god
I didn’t really go into this video with much enthusiasm because every single video from a cis or trans person on this topic just made me feel so belittled, talking about what caused us feels so dehumanising.
But everything you said, and challenged felt like my own brain projected in a UA-cam video!
I absolutely hate talking to people about gender, because they expect a definitive answer.
Thank you so much for not coming to a conclusion ❤
"If you're open to learning, transition can teach you just how many things can be dismantled if you don't serve the world" is such a cool way of looking at it, like transitioning is an opportunity to learn things you wouldn't otherwise ever be able to by dismantling something people saw as indestructible, seems almost freeing in a way
Just came over from watching the video on Nebula and wanted to say it was truly inspiring. It made me think much more expansively about my own gender and what it means to me. ❤
💞 that's so sweet! thanks for saying so!
@@lily_lxndr *joining the trans pamilya (family) from our part of the world and 'thanking Lily-sensei for offering such a warm, comforting, inspiring, expansive approach to the question...!
'will def share this with lotsa other peeps in moi circles...! arigatou!
Dang, I always forget that Lily's on Nebula. I'll probably rewatch there 😅
I'm a cis Bi guy, but every time i see a trans folk i be like "be you and be happy dude, you got it!" I have trans friends and i just want to see them happy being who they are
@@bigtav_ They never said being trans is little to them tho. Transness, the community, and being trans is a huge deal, and being accepted as they are and gaining positive support and true understanding is beyond amazing. They want trans people and their trans friends to be happy by being their true selves. And I am here for it!! Being trans is beautiful and so much more than changing appearances.
No! They are a nuisance!
@@jinhunterslay1638 What?
@@jinhunterslay1638how so?
@@nadamasquemanu What?
This is so beautiful. It's so painfully human to both desperately seek authority and a definite answer while thriving in their absence. Humanity needs uncertainty, it needs the space between what is and what could be to drive it forward.
Humanity will always seek the certainty found in an answer to "why."
Beautiful? Hardly...just a tiny minority of mentally deluded people who are, truth be told, regarded as sideshow freaks by pretty much everyone else...
love how you assume pink is a female color and go on to say how normal people are judgmental while preceding to call them normal. its sad that you think trans is even a thing when its not. there is no such thing as body "transformation", there is such thing as body "alteration". My natual hair is black, I can dye it blue and accept that I will never naturally grow blue hair. Whats sad is these people actually think they have changed their "sex", but can a "trans" man have a menstural cycle? can they have a baby? The answer is they cannot, but many of them think they can do both of these things. They think they are female, and some of them think they are goblins, cats, maybe dragons. You think you understand where the line is drawn between what a human is with these people? The reality is they are delusional and do need to seek medical and mental help because they are confused and yes it is a problem. It's not a bad thing or negative, people who dont support this aren't being "mean" , they are just not going to cave in to someone else's delusions because it is simply not true. 2+2= 4 , but to a trans person this might have a different result, and the reason that is a problem is because the reason they have such a high suicide rate is because they don't understand basic reality concepts like this equation. its really sad and it is a mental illness that is spreading, its up to us "sane" people to help them not be confused and hopefully this suicide rate will drop and decrease. But doctors love money and like to use you guys, *sigh...but youre too delusional to actually see that. Hope you can accept who you are and that there are some things that you cannot change such as your DNA.
I ask God to guide me.
If you just go through life being uncertain how can you be happy?
I do not understand how those things can work together.
You need a goal in life to be happy
"The process isn't ordained by a higher power, it's a shared effort by all living things, causing one another with each interaction"
Beautiful line, bravo!
This video just popped up in my recommendations and this is the first time im seeing your channel and i have to say that i fell in love immediately! As a young closeted trans nonbinary person from a pretty non progressive country this video and comments section just brought me so much comfort. Knowing that my experiences and feelings resonate with so many people out there and that i dont have to constantly try and rationalize my transness to be real just hits me right to my core. I was completely mesmerized by the ending of the video, tears forming in my eyes as the warm light fills the screen... i could almost see a bright future for myself.
i am trans because i exist!
Thank you so much for this wonderful video! I will definitely be checking out more of your content 🤍
When I came out as trans, I remember desperately needing there to be a reason. I needed some narrative that explained my transness, some cohesive throughline I could use to give people the understanding that this wasn't a frivolous fad or a psychological break, but a real and joyous embracing of my truest self. A lot of this stemmed from my antitheist parents, who adamantly demand cold, factual explanations for anything they cannot easily understand before they'll accept it. Back then, hearing things like "gender is a social construct," "we shouldn't look for an origin for transness," and "born this way narratives are inherently flawed" was deeply frightening to me, because having no concrete answers threatened to invalidate my experience.
I've grown a lot since then, and broken away from my parents. I'm glad I found your video now, at this point in my life, where it can give me a sense of peace in the unknown. Thank you for the work that you do.
I beat Celeste and that was about as much explanation as I needed.
so true!! ♥️
real
I did not beat celelste due to a severe issue of skill
@@mrepicairfryerenthusiast4982 there's always new Vegas
@@largefam3109 New vegas was what did me in, apparently. Probably my favourite video game of all time.
Now that I'm starting medical transition, I'll often look down at the American traditional style tattoo of an enclave eyebot- with text that reads ED-E MY LOVE- on my forearm and whisper, in a still crushingly masculine voice, "the game was rigged from the start".
Before I knew trans people existed I just kinda felt neutral about myself. Didn't care much about what I wore or how people saw me.
The moment I realized that I'm not cis I was suddenly able to recognize that what I was feeling was dysphoria. Something that I didn't have to feel.
It was such a strange time. I felt "okay" before and then put of nowhere I felt uncomfortable but also glad.
And now I am mostly doing well with dysphoria only sometimes making me feel bad.
The difference in how I was and am now feeling is really interesting to me.
^this
coming from a teen trans-femme that's planning on coming out soon, this was so reassuring. i've been questioning the validity of my gender ever since i've realized that i was trans, but sometimes i forget that im not alone, that im not the only one living, or who once lived their life feeling contradicted by their very existence. thank you for making this video.
also your framework and composition of this entire video essay is so immaculate like omg.
According to my family, I started acting differently from my biological gender when I was only 4 years old. Unfortunately, when I was little, I was subjected to harassment and psychological violence due to this condition, and I was excluded a lot. Even my teacher made fun of me in public. Then I tried to behave in accordance with my biological gender, but my situation started to get worse and I was adapting to my biological gender. Finally, I started my gender transition process. I'm currently studying medicine and I really want to do a big research on transsexuality, I hope I succeed.
What do you mean by "acting differently from my biological gender"? There is no such thing as "acting like a man" or a woman, those are just stereotypes!
I also hope you succeed. I would like more medical research on transgender topics.
i have a similar experience as yours but I started acting “male-ish” at 6 years old and I remember the three teachers who were understanding of me, I still have contacts with the two, the other is dead. So I don’t remember any other teacher, but I still remember the bullying, which at the time I couldn’t recognise. After knowing I was faking and was still suffering, I searched my true self and found it. I’m a guy and I’m waiting to come out
most importantly I wish you good luck with anything
@@Spoonboti think what they meant is mostly that they wanted to be treated like the people of their true gender and when they hit puberty they tried to cover their primary and/or secondary sex characteristics. They couldn’t deal with this anymore, so they just adapted to the situation, hiding all the sufferance. However, they eventually accepted they’re transgender and now researching about it.
I identify as a trans woman because I want to be a woman. I attempted for so long to find a scientific reason, a physical or psychological cause, mainly to convince my family that I'm not crazy, but also to convince myself that it's okay to be trans. But really, there doesn't need to be a cause. We shouldn't need to prove that we're *really* trans. All people should be allowed to be any gender they feel they are and express it in any way they please.
Edit: If any more conservatives want to argue against me existence, go ahead. I won't argue against you, because I really don't care.
This is a super big thing even now in the transmasc community. Probably less than a year ago I was banned from a fairly large trans social group that had a heavy transmasc skew. Because they tried to push so hard for the idea of brain sex, even though this has been debunked as just some sexist theory that is trying to prove women have physically different brains. In explaining to them they are truly their gender, even if we don't know why people are trans, that their happiness matters more than anything regardless of how their feelings and identities fluctuate, I was called transphobic. Because for many of the people there felt that denying their "male brain" denied their existence. It is so sad to me that there has to be more than just "I am happy, and that's enough." We've been tricked by transphobes to think that we are only worthy of happiness if we have proof.
Too bad you'll never be a woman 😂
That is provided they have thoroughly explored their own identities and have from there embraced a specific idenitity. For some, this process of self-exploration can take a long time and it's important for them to feel comfortable, safe and supported till they discover their identities for themselves and embrace those identities
I'm trans because I want to be a woman, I really want to, but what frightens me is that most trans people don't just want to be a woman, they've already been living as a woman inside this whole time
When I was little I recognized this feeling and as the evangelical brainwashed kid I was, I tried my best to create some sort of tough and masculine mask in hopes of no one EVER realizing. I was convinced I would carry this on to the grave with me
Now that I had the courage and lost the self transphobia I had with me for YEARS, this whole thing is backfiring at me because now my parents think I wasn't born this way because I never showed any signs as a kid
But you're male. You will NEVER be a woman. Get with real life. Only a spoilt child would say I want this I want that. Well you can't its as simple as that.
for me, when i very recently found out I was trans mtf, I realized how I already subconsciously made decisions consistently to forgo masculinity, in a holiday instead of fishing with the boys I ended up weaving grass skirts when I was like 10. but not acknowledging who i was lead to the world being way more bleak as if I was a brain in a jar floating down a river I have no control over, but these videos, others and your channel showed me otherwise, so thank you.
I’m happy for you that you were confident enough to do things like that. We I was young, I deliberately avoided most girly things because I thought I was supposed to and I would suddenly feel like the guys. It never worked and I now having to deal with it because I realise I rejected things I would have enjoyed but avoided. I’m finding it difficult to watch or enjoy some of those things now. I wish you all the best possible in the future 😊.
@@goosie8207 There's a lot of baggage you're trying to free yourself from, it will be a process for sure but it's not unexpected to be difficult. Keep at it, and you'll be through before you know it.
@@strangejune thanks. I know it’s something I’m working on.
Can’t you just be yourself and express yourself as you and embrace that? Try to learn a way forward and teach yourself how to accept and love yourself the way you are for your differences?
@@katymello3547 What do you mean?
Personally I transitioned for larger pants pockets. Can't speak for anyone else.
A good reason I should say
Skirts with smock-style pockets have made transitioning away from man-pockets much easier
Solidarity from the cis pocket community
What a coincidence; I transitioned to trade out large pants pockets for purses. To each their own! ;p
As a cis woman, I feel so much freer since I have found out about 18th century tie-on pockets. Going to make some and use them with every garment that doesn't have good pockets on its own.
They are so nice and large. Never let the patriarchy take away your pockets!
I’ve just found your content and love how thoughtful and introspective it is. I personally struggled with my own identity for over 30 yrs. Back then we didn’t have resources like this to help organize our feelings into thoughts. Thank you for taking the time to do this content
It's not an identity.
Thanks for sharing your story and perspective. I've a trans daughter and adopted trans son. It's very confusing to look at someone you raised from a child as one gender and watch them struggle and transition. I still misgender them occasionally accidently, and feel bad about it every time. I don't get it but honestly as a cis male, I don't understand what cis women see as attractive in men. My mind just can rap around it.
Anyway, thanks again for taking the time to make this video. I've forwarded to some others who might be interested. Cheers!
What cis women find attractive about cis males is "the pocket space" bbaabbyy
.
The baggier jeans the better.
.
I know this from experience
Trust me I'm a doctor who fan
I'm a cis gay guy and something I'm kept up at night thinking "Women put so much effort into their appearance and *this* is what I'm into?"
That you don't get it, yet give the grace to others of believing their self-testimony, demonstrates the personal depth, humility, and greatness of spirit we need more of in the world. Your kids are blessed to have you.
Mistakes come with trying to change. Before having 0% misgendering, it's the validation that it's important. I'm sure your kid feels validate by your love. You are doing the good parenting here 👏
Thank you for putting in the effort to understand and respect them. Sadly, this can't be said about many parents.
I’m a trans neuroendocrinologist studying how hormones interact with your genome and I find the question “what causes transes” is such a LAZY and scientifically unanswerable question. You could (and cisscientists-studying-transgender-people almost ALWAYS) assign ANY correlative sex difference to “cause” transness. Except almost every “sex difference” is itself complex and intricate.
I’m trans and nowhere near smart enough to do what you do, so I’m interested in that question. As an expert, what’s a better question to ask? When others ask me this question, how can I reframe it to a more nuanced way of thinking?
@@spacebunsarahI think more importantly the question should be...
Why does there need to be a cause?
Why can we not accept that sometimes things are so difficult and convoluted to work out that you may as well just say "it's just random luck" and leave it at that?
Why can't people just be themselves and be left alone?
Why do we need to identify as trans at all? It would be much nicer to just be "a person", who is living their own lives and making their own choices, and respected for that without judgement or questions.
Why do people and society care so much about what some random person wears and calls themselves and does with their body? It's not affecting anybody else, so they can mind their own business.
The point I do believe is for the purposes of societal regulation where already those born different have to be mutilated to fit in through the denial of natal sex. And the one's chromosomal, why thanks to prenatal testing , the pregnancy termination rate is currently 80% worldwide - why? Why because some refer to us as congenital transsexuals that must not be permitted to evolve hence the only treatment available is for the purposes of masculinisation to in effect create fake males.
@@hannakitten Look, I'm a trans advocate too, but this seems a bit silly to me.
*"Why does there need to be a cause?"*
There doesn't "need" to be a cause, but there usually is. We like to know it.
*"Why can we not accept that sometimes things are so difficult and convoluted to work out that you may as well just say "it's just random luck" and leave it at that?"*
Some things *are* convoluted and difficult, but that doesn't mean we stop trying to understand it. Society will progress despite our fear, and our fear will change with it. As Marx and Hegel observed, there is only one law that governs history; technology.
*"Why can't people just be themselves and be left alone?"*
"Trans-ness is valid" is a positive claim, one that -- like every other claim we've made in the past -- ought to be dissected. So far the science has shown that while we don't fully understand it, trans people exist, and that currently, gender-affirming care is (one of) our best ways to help them.
*"Why do people and social care so much about what some random person wears and calls themselves and does with their body? It's not affecting anybody else, so they can mind their own business."*
This is like asking "Why do we care about the stars, they're just minding their own business -- they don't even affect our daily life!" Whether or not it directly affects us in any physical sense is irrelevant to *why* we want to know.
I'm not saying these questions aren't important. Why *do* we care about trans people, why is it that -- despite the subjectivity -- we care about what people dress/look like, and even the spiritualistic qualities lost through empirical definitions. But none of those questions are answers to why trans people exist. And neither are they the reasons why we shouldn't ask the question.
People are weird. Is there something wrong with that? No. Is there something right with that? No. Is there a reason they're weird? Probably. Will it be simple? Probably not. Will it be used to attack LGBTQ people? Definitely. Will we learn it anyway? Yes. Will we be better off knowing? Maybe, or maybe not.
*It's not my responsibility to offer receipts for the unknown.*
@@queengi8968 Hannah's statement was definitely supportive and I appreciate that but this statement feels way better. It's not overly positive, it's not even negative, it's just neutral
There are loads of big questions out there that feel impossible to answer, but we've discovered as much as we have as a species by always asking 'why'
Early on in transition (on TERF island lol) n' have been struggling not to get stuck in the difficulties and the hostility the world has for us. You helped me capture a glimpse of the beauty of the experience, and just the beauty of life generally, and I really needed that. Thank you
Honestly hate that UA-cam decided to put an anti lgbtq ad in this pro lgbtq video
who was it? i should be able to block the advertiser
hahahahaha
I’m trans, and I’ve known since I was little that I didn’t fit with the boys and relate to things like they did. There’s probably a variety of reasons why but I don’t think that I’m broken or have a defect. I’ve developed from before I was born until now in a different way to the typical person. That doesn’t make me wrong or defective or anything like that. I’d love to understand in a deeper way what causes the developmental differences between people, sex, gender, facial features, skin tone, hight, intelligence, everything. Just because I’m different doesn’t make me wrong, understanding why we are all different, cis, trans, or any other category I find interesting and I think will help the majority of people accept that we are all different and should be treated as people. The majority of people are like that with race and are getting that way with sexuality.
Nah you’re just tarded
@@dampking Kay why ess ❤️❤️
@cowgirltheworld done
@@dampking seek help
@@cowgirltheworld you literally go around telling people to kill themselves. you are the one who needs help, i hope you get better from your mental illness. transphobia hurts everyone
“What is sex? It’s mostly 6 different things. What is a woman? Yes.” This such a mood speaking as a college student lol. The more I learn in my classes (I’m majoring in psychology and communication studies) the more I realize just how complicated a lot of concepts and topics are, especially when it comes to identity, gender, mental health, etc.
I literally had my HRT appointment/talk today, I'm so nervous. Can't believe this is coming out on the same dayyy.
Congrats, I'm sure you made your case fantastically ^__^
@@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos"Made your case" damn being trans must be wild, getting hormone pills like you're testifying in court
Mine is tomorrow, I've paid privately and typed out a literal transgender essay in the application form, so I'm sure I'll be "diagnosed" as transgender, but even so I'm so nervous.
@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos surprisingly I had no case to be made in the state of Texas. Just talked about what I wanted to achieve and my concerns
@@Dr-Jesusthis reminded me of the trail episode from contrapoints
UA-cam recommended this to me a couple weeks ago, and those three weeks have been some of the craziest and best of my life as I finally overcame all my flimsy arguments against my own transness. Thank you, universe, for dropping this particular "it's gone forever" file into my lap.
That poem hit me really hard, that was exactly what I thought before I accepted my transness
I realized I was trans through the /eggirl route on reddit, just seeing all the signs that everyone shared and realizing that many of them applied to me.
Over my transition, however, I have encountered some deeper aspects about the nature of this "trans self" that really throw the entire conversation into a whole new light for me - doubly so for those close to me who used to see it as "just a choice". I could go into a tirade, that's dumb, so here's an example that redefined my entire life when I went through it AND later when I finally figured it out.
When I was eleven, I had a "vision" of a little girl my age. She was wearing a white dress, she was pale. Her lips were white. She looked so profoundly sad. I felt her sadness. There was a connection between us. I cried for, oh god, I don't even know how long. Maybe half an hour? Maybe ten minutes? I was lost in that sadness. She must have been a ghost or something, trying to communicate with me. So for the first time in my life, I prayed to this God everyone was talking about. I prayed that she get what she need, that she may be okay, that she might find happiness. There was no inclination that I was trans, there was no idea - I hadn't even begun the 'I wish I was a girl' thoughts until late high school. This was some extremely subconscious part of me which was in tune enough to recognize my nature far before I could ever consciously recognize it myself. The only other time I ever interacted with this vision of her was in a dream a month after I started hormones. When I had finally begun to explore the deeper parts of myself that were still so scarred from everything, I had a dream about holding her dying body, and just screaming with no respite at the tragedy of this beautiful part of myself becoming emaciated skin and bones from the simply unlucky circumstance of not having found out I was trans sooner. That's the only nightmare I've ever had. I can deal with monsters of the dark, faces coming out of walls to haunt you, being chased by wild beasts of unimaginable power. I learned long ago how to render their inspiration of fear impotent.
But this? It was horrific beyond comprehension. I think, in the time since that dream, that I have not just healed her, but re-integrated with the part of myself which that vision represented.
Telling that to bigots and the ignorant alike, that one story - that's been my superpower in this fight against this so called 'reason' that everybody likes to find for us being trans. 'Reason' which is, in reality, nothing more than a pathetic, mendacious excuse to save themselves from the inscrutability of this life. It's usually able to be ignored, looked past, hidden. It's an invisible thing - we can convince ourselves that this life is as solid as we'd like to believe. But being trans throws a wrench into it. It makes the truth crystal clear, bright neon which one cannot ignore; that there's some stuff which can't be figured out, which resides in such a complex and profoundly deep place that it cannot be accessed or boxed in by our intellect, and thus it is outside the purveyance of our total control. That really scares them. It threatens their worldview, which emphasizes that they must, or already do, completely know how everything works. So they want to find a reason.
And telling them that story almost always seems to corner that instinct to protect themselves from the unknown with pinpoint accuracy, and wash it away. It almost always seems to force them to come to terms with the fact that we have within us all a truly inscrutable nature, and that being trans resides somewhere within it. I've turned a lot of people into allies with it.
lol
@@lefroste6370 cope
@@fatuousinnovatorofsadness4640 cope about what? youre the one coping living in fantasy
@@lefroste6370 Common L statement.
@@fatuousinnovatorofsadness4640 hmm i would rate 4/10 ragebait
i'm currently waiting for the premiere to start but i already know i'm going to get so much out of this video. i've always been a really logical person that struggles with things like feelings at times, since they can seem beyond reason. eventually i did just kinda empirically realize i felt like a girl (for whatever odd reason) and i'm much happier now that i'm transitioning, but i'm still fascinated by things like trans biochemistry and continue to look into the roots of who i am. thank you for putting out such amazing content that keeps us believing in ourselves!
edit: okay, i've watched the video, and *wow!* i'm really wishing i took notes during the video because you had so many well-put observations, but i didn't want to pause... i think i've definitely felt a lot of things related to the points you went over. i've lived with a lot of vague feelings about religion, i've *definitely* ended up in the place you talked about where one grasps at abstract theories or ideas in order to relinquish responsibility, and i think in the end, i sort of came to a similar conclusion as you: asking "why are people trans?" is the same kind of question as "what is the meaning of life?" (that one's 42, though). in the end, it's what we make of it, because like you said, it's gone forever... thank you so much, again. getting to find such powerful speakers as yourself and discuss these ideas (in the youtube comments, i guess) is truly enlightening and really is one of the things that makes me glad to be myself.
THAT POEM FROM THE RABBI IS SO INSANELY POWERFUL OH MY GOODNESS THATS INSANE
that "forced cissification" joke was perfectly delivered I'm rolling on the flooooorrr
I LOST IT on that
LMFAO, i came for the comments just to say that
OMG I didn’t realize that was a joke 😆 I actually looked it up and found nothing
@@Rihitu-ji7pi "The act of magically making a trans person cis" -Urban Dictionary
@@Rihitu-ji7pi It's a play on words for a pornography category "forced sissification". In which cis men are forced to transition to femboys or women. A category that is fairly close to the heart of many closeted trans feminine people
I think there's this tendency to overstate the objectivity of scientific investigation, even when people are trying real hard to qualify it. We'll see statements like 'Well the scientific method is objective, but the stuff we study isn't.'
But even that's giving it too much credit. By and large the notion of a singular scientific method that has developed via pure philosophy and even tangentally applicable to reality, is just a rhetorical myth, that distracts people from looking at the actual messy, complex and political activities and the cultural histories that decided what did and didn't get to count as science, before we even put in the question of specific theories under the microscope. The idea that there's this unified scientific thing, and its professionalised in this way, and that that it has these structures for validity and these processes is an output of this long process of organisation, theorisation and academic punchouts across these long histories of state build, colonialisms, rationalisms etc.
Like, twin studies get mentioned here as a low correlation, but they're actually a great case in point, because twin studies become popular increasingly in fields don't have genetic evidence to pull on but think that they should have, and belong this to this very long lineage of assumptions about genetics that are more 'vibes' than actual physical realities (like even the claim that identical twins have 'the same' genetics is a really suspect claim), but even ignoring that they make a political statement by setting this rational of how one should prove something, and how it should be conceptualised, which theorists often use to pull other fields under the orbit of science in truly ridiculous ways (like trying to prove that 'political affiliation' is genetic).
Sorry, bit of a tangent. I just finished an article on twin studies and I'm waiting to hear back from a journal so all this stuff is bouncing in through my head. I'm mostly pulling on Latour here, but there are more recent writers who've dug into to the rhetoric of 'science is neutral and apolitical' as well, it's kind of a cottage field if you want to accidentally annoy physicists.
(Edit: Just to clarify here I'm not claiming that the processes of science aren't effective, or that they're only effective as flukes. Rather the effective processes that are going on in the real world and the unrelated structures of checks, measurements, structuring and organisation get packaged and bundled together, then obscured and the practices and systems are painted instead as parts of a mythical 'perfect science' which is always possible and arriving and going to provide perfect, ideal knowledge, but always distant enough that if any political stake or ambiguity is pointed out the pronent can retreat to the idea that is 'not real science' or that the issue of funding, distribution, practice are just details layered on top of this perfect science [which of course recedes into the distance so that it's always more abstract than the actual thing being criticised, even when we're criticising things like rationalism or the epistemic privilege of sciencists]. And this move is political itself, because of course it allows deflection of any acknowledgement of the practical outcomes of, funding for, or ideology within science. So the narrative of a scientific method, more abstract and unified than the actual scientific methods practiced both in the real world and within actual theories, is itself part of the ideological apparatus of science which is unavoidably political).
Just an additional note, trained scientists know science isn’t objective, we try to be and reduce our biases but we know we can’t because we are human. The idea is that if a lot of people with different biases study the same thing we would, hopefully, reduce the effects of the biases. It doesn’t always work but that’s the goal. 😊
I think these issues mostly exist less with trained veteran scientists and more so the field of pop science which is extremely flawed.
your point in the beginning reminded me of the channel Big Think's video on "scientism". Which basically the application of science as a belief system. so many people lean on science to show the truth instead of displaying what research proves. "Facts" arent as objective as people think. A lot of the psychology I study in college is very quick to point out how a lot of what we believe as scientific facts about psychology were observations determined by biased and privileged people. Studies that wee once considered groundbreaking like "the kinsey report" are now fairly critiqued for being not diverse, not well executed and I greatly appreciate the academic texts I've read for mentioning that.
if i can in anyway be of help in a study, I was raised christian with absolutly zero knowledge of what being trans even was. Yet my feelings remained that I wanted to be a girl.
Everything about this video is elegant. Thank you for what you do.
I identify as nonbinary precisely because I see no point in me saying "I am a (wo)man" and basically striving to prove to others that I'm that, by engaging in certain practices that are said to signify (wo)manhood. I just wanna be me: wear any clothes I feel like that day, allow myself to feel attracted to people - or not; my feelings fluctuate - without having to question and relabel by sexuality; using whichever pronouns suit me on a given day and whatnot. I'd LOVE living in a world where does things didn't matter whatsoever and people just did them without fear of being called out (or worse). This video helped strenghten the aforementioned beliefs even more, while teaching me lots of nuance I didn't know. Tysm, Lily! 🥰
No one should have to become a woman because they have the idea that men can’t truly be themselves and if a man does that then he needs to question his sexuality. And being a woman is a way to escape this.
You can’t have no gender that’s ridiculous just pick a gender and stick to it
@@emilyquinn9691 If I told you that your gender is wrong and basically order you to change it, would you listen? "Do onto others what you'd like that they do onto you" ☺️
@@emilyquinn9691 but you can have NO BITCHES
@@emilyquinn9691 gender and sex are not the same thing!! Get a life!! ❤
"You are something you're not yet" really spoke to me
People can accept eyesight issues, organ issues, and brain issues but they can not accept hormone issues. IT''S DUMB.
Thank you so much for making this video. I began my transition 2 years ago, and its been an absolute whirlwind of emotions that i haven't been able to put into words enough to even process fully. For the past year, though, my depression has come back hard as I've felt like i haven't had the spoons to do anything creative recently. But this video made me realize that i have been creative. Ive been working on myself, and thats a truly creative act. Your video has also, from just a single watch, taken a huge weight off me as i can start to let go of those parts of my brain that have been searcbing for the "why" of it all. So, thank you again. Absolutely wonderful work!
💜
you're right. I want so badly to be able to point at a figure on a graph and say to my dad "it's me I'm real can't you see I haven't been faking it I am your daughter" I want nothing more than to prove my transness to him. and to myself as well. I want to know why so I can scream it to the heavens whenever I'm questioned. I want my dad to believe me. to love me as his daughter.
@@inga9839 he (and I'd be willing to be you do to) believes in God. idk that his grasp on reality is that sound to begin with
@@inga9839 scream to the heavens. I knew your biology was bad but I figured you at least had hs level understanding of English.
This video is the probably one of the most helpful things I’ve seen to help with my gender. Being a trans christian is often really tough, as there aren’t many resources and so many common trans narratives and ideas that are promoted are just against my faith. The idea that there is nothing wrong with my body, while I’m feels reassuring to some people, is just incompatible with how I feel. If there is nothing wrong with my body, then why do I want to change it? The idea that “gender is a social construct” while, sure, it’s true, money is a social construct. Does that make it any less real? And how am I supposed to react with someone telling me that the way I have been living and the way I want to live both aren’t actually real.
I think I’ve made peace with myself, and this video has really helped. Yes, I am not perfect, and I never will be, but god made me this way, imperfections and all. God intended my want to be a woman just as much as he wanted me to be, just as much as he intended for there be ways to make me look more feminine. Yes, there is something wrong with me, but that was intended. Our bodies are never supposed to be perfect, and there is nothing bad about that.
There's a lovely quote in Daniel Lavery's book about ftm transition that goes something like "god made me trans for the same reason he made wheat but not bread, or grapes but not wine - so that humans could share in the joy of creation"
Also a trans Christian. There’s something different about us, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us. Unfortunately, most of the people who pretend to read the Bible are the farthest thing from Christian.
@@theentirepopulationofaustr6046aw I love this
I don't understand how someone can claim to be both trans and Christian. If your entire life and identity revolve around sex/gender, where is there even room for God at all?
@@johnnysupreme5718 Trans people are just extremely good at time management
i'm a transwoman. My first episode of gender dysphoria was when I was 3 and was probably in 1958. I buried this for most of my life, but it wouldn't stay buried. when I first read about trans people and knew that was what I was.
violently off topic but, you were a teen in the 70s! that's so cool! or rather, the fact that you've experienced so many decades and seen the societal changes over time is so cool. i want to time travel to different decades cause i so badly want to see what it was like. i'm very jealous lol
@@v1ped bruh that's the most chronically online version of calling someone old💀
@@gron9418 i'm so genuine though 😭😭 i'm obsessed with all the decades and WISH i could time travel back just for a minute so everytime i see someone who's experienced it i think it's cool and im jealous lol
People are people or you are always you, no need to put it in a category. And the same is truth for our actions. We can feel different, but at what point are we different? Biologically gender identidy isn't comprehensible.
I think there are many reasons to feel different.
The most important thing for me is how can we decide what's good for us and what is bad? At what point can we trust our feeling? How can we make the right decision, for example to do an operation and hormones?
What is a trustworthy feeling and what is confusion?
@@OxysLokiMoros You very eloquently described how I feel about all of this and often express through anger that gets misunderstood as hate disguised as hostility. Thank you.
Saw this on Demon Mama's stream. This video is wonderful
im a cis white male, and this is a very good video essay. made me way more understanding towards trans people. great video overall.
same here
x2
love how you assume pink is a female color and go on to say how normal people are judgmental while preceding to call them normal. its sad that you think trans is even a thing when its not. there is no such thing as body "transformation", there is such thing as body "alteration". My natual hair is black, I can dye it blue and accept that I will never naturally grow blue hair. Whats sad is these people actually think they have changed their "sex", but can a "trans" man have a menstural cycle? can they have a baby? The answer is they cannot, but many of them think they can do both of these things. They think they are female, and some of them think they are goblins, cats, maybe dragons. You think you understand where the line is drawn between what a human is with these people? The reality is they are delusional and do need to seek medical and mental help because they are confused and yes it is a problem. It's not a bad thing or negative, people who dont support this aren't being "mean" , they are just not going to cave in to someone else's delusions because it is simply not true. 2+2= 4 , but to a trans person this might have a different result, and the reason that is a problem is because the reason they have such a high suicide rate is because they don't understand basic reality concepts like this equation. its really sad and it is a mental illness that is spreading, its up to us "sane" people to help them not be confused and hopefully this suicide rate will drop and decrease. But doctors love money and like to use you guys, *sigh...but youre too delusional to actually see that. Hope you can accept who you are and that there are some things that you cannot change such as your DNA.
How white are you?
@@lucymolockian1849 😁
TY Lily I'm old AF. Known I was Trans when I was 4 had a female cousin she passed a couple years ago from Opioid addiction that was just FYI about how psychology F'd we r as a family. But I'd go over to her house and we'd play dress up in 1963 and in the South that was something little boy's didn't do. I tried doing what everyone told me I must do. But any chance I got I'd dress up and put on makeup. But because of the controversy in my head did lot's of dumb things Drink to oblivion take drugs to overdosing. Once I fully accepted who and what I am haven't had a drink or drug.
So happy to hear you're sober
I'm happy to hear after so much hard times you've overcome addiction! Congratulations
I'm genderfluid but I have been questioning about whether or not I'm transmasc or just nonbinary. Turns out I'm just happy being me who is comfortable using any pronouns especially he/him. Thanks for the informative video, I'll keep on exploring myself ❤
What a fantastic and thoughtful video. I realized i was trans probably about a year and a half or so ago, and I'm only out to a couple people (mostly online) and I still struggle with doubts and they may it scary to come out (what if I'm wrong actually, sort of thoughts). And you know, sitting with my thoughts after having watched your video, I think I may just start coming out to more people in my real life too, and maybe I can start acting more as my authentic self
Thanks for the video, and much love from the Imps
There have been times I wish I wasn't trans, but the thought of not being trans scares me on an existential level
my trans ness is so different from most people's, not only due to being intersex but also that being a big part of my gender identity and it being the reason i identify as transfeminine and transmasculine. If someone compared either a binary trans man or a binary trans woman with me, without the trans label they wouldn't see many similarities. My transition goals are butch masculine androgyny, dressing effeminately with breasts and both "male and female" genitalia. I'm literally bigender. I feel like an alien a lot of the time because though having recently identified with some of these terms
and while they feel so perfect, it's alienating that not many people are like this and I have so little representation from intersex people as well.
Thank you for sharing.
Hey, for what it's worth, that's genuinely quite cool and unique. I see how it'd be lonely and very othering and will absolutely not talk down to you, but from a stranger on the internet, I think you sound awesome - your expression goals and your experiences. Though you might not have people around you who have the same experiences, there'll be many who accept you and/or also think you're cool, for what it's worth from a random internet stranger.
@@midnight4685 thank you, that actually means a lot
I’m a pyro main but sometimes I transition into a heavy, I need answers.
the pyro does inflate tho
Heyo! I would like to say that the “Cause of autism” argument, at least for me, is a fantastic example. I am cis (at least I think) but I do have autism. That really helps. Thank you.
Yep, cis (mabe enby? idk, idc) male autist here.
I've seen a LOT of people describe their experiences being some variety of LGBTQ+ at this point, and I've recognized a lot of parallels to my own experiences growing up.
Its probably not a coincidence theres a fair degree of overlap between trans and autistic people.
@@TheSpeep yej
It is not even remotely the same. Autism, while it has its own struggles, is merely a way of mind that is unusual. It has its pros and cons and I'd be a completely different person without it.
Being trans on the other hand is nothing but pain. For some people transitioning can help treat it, but they'll be a patient for life, and it will still only reduce, not take away the pain. I don't know why the media glorifies it so much, as though our pain is a good thing.
Before anyone accuses me of being a bigot, having a non-stereotypical personality for your gender is not trans. If you were trans you'd have permanent distress over your body's sexual characteristics. Gender is not a synonym for personality, and it is not an identity unless you're a sexist gender essentialist.
@@crystalvulpine2314 I was comparing them only in the sense that gender is a fundamentally difficult concept for me to grasp, and I was expressing how an example that I could tangibly think about helped me understand. I apologize if I overlooked something.
@@MemeAnt It's difficult to grasp because people make it difficult.
In reality, you only have biological sex, and people who for some reason need to change themselves to function like the opposite one as much as possible. That is a very unfortunate situation, and often not enough can be done about it to save us.
Not me watching this to either finally crack my egg or fix it permanently
update: still questioning but quite a bit smarter now, worth.
As a transgender woman, the number one thing I want is just to be left alone. That's it. That's all I want. I grew up in a small town, and was so ostracized (for a variety of different things) that just being ignored was such a relief, something I was so grateful for. I didn't hope for friends, allies, companionship. To someday fit in. To be accepted. To be part of a group. Nope. Being left alone was the most I could imagine and hope for. And it's still all I want. Just to live and let live. Just to not be actively sought out and hurt.
*as a man
@@emilyquinn9691 get a hobby, touch some grass
@@emilyquinn9691To be able to read this whole comment and still not be able to be able to grant this fellow human being, who is doing absolutely nothing to harm you, their one wish of being left alone and not bullied. Sometimes humans terrify me. I know you have some morality in there somewhere, why do you refuse to listen?
@@emilyquinn9691
"Boo hoo, I'm so insecure about my intelligence that if I can't understand what someone is going through, I'll just make up a simple solution."
Yah right, facile., simple minded, wrong but trivial quips are comforting to the sad little attention seeking trolls. But they have no value beyond that (except for shameless grifters who know how to profit from such gullibility). @@emilyquinn9691
I feel so naive. All of my hopes for finding answers on why I am trans and I never once stopped to think that if they find out why we are trans, they would use it to destroy us.
And how would that hurt you? You would live out your trans life until you die of old age. There just wouldn't be anymore trans people. What business is that of yours?
On the other side of the coin, research can be a massive good, as new treatments may be discovered, and this can give people more options. I'd still embrace research. But I may be biased because I'm studying engineering
@@jimmysuros6302 i would agree with you. Research is morally neutral. Kind of like knives. Its how we use it as a tool, humans can save or destroy lives with scary ease.
i think the possibility of them using that identification of the cause to stop our existence would be extremely pointless because we'll keep existing anyway through memes (no, not the internet jokes), specific mutations that while rare can still happen and perhaps get passed down, and the fact that it requires an active effort that must be maintained with every single generation, no exceptions.
even once technological advances have become so good it's easy enough to do that, at that point, one would wonder why are we even trying so hard to make trans people extinct? they'll perhaps see the purposelessness of it by themselves
@@stubman5927 2 Points
1. Research by itself is a neutral thing. Regardless of who does it, that genie will come out of the bottle. Through history, many 'genies' have been let out. Now are we going to be like Oppenheimer, and research or will we let those who wish nothing but harm invent?
2. What if someone struggling with Dysphoria wants to keep their own identity?
Imagine the heartbreak they endure if you said, sorry, you can either embrace it or suffer. Research would give us that third way.
TL; DR embrace research and science.
"Forced cissification" 😭This has got to be a parody
close! it's a joke :)
@@lily_lxndrnot sure if it's the Asperger's or my total lack of understanding of this stuff but I genuinely didn't know it was a joke 😂
@@lily_lxndr yeahh. And I googled it. And I only found forced SISSIFICATION. And spent >3 hours reading what BDSM, LGBTQ2s (am kinda young and had no idea what these things meant), and an infinite number of other articles on wikipedia. Did not regret it, but still fell for the trap.
Im transmasculine/nonbinary. I think the big realization came when i was 7 but i had had thoughts and i guess "clues" about it as early as 4 years old, basically as soon as my brain became capable of registering the difference between "boy" and "girl". I've always hated my feminine reproductive tract, even before i fully understood what it was because it didn't feel like "me", then i got a ken and barbie set around 7 and had that lightbulb moment of "i want to be ken" i especially loved kens lack of discernable genitalia, that to me felt like it was right, and what i shouldve had. Then puberty started around 10, i started getting breasts, i started having daily panic attacks over the fact my body was turning into something i hated and didn't want. I didn't even have the words for trans, nonbinary or anything like that until almost 3 years later and it still took another two years for me to accept and embrace it because i thought everyone i cared about would stop loving me, throw me out like i had never existed. When i was 12 and got my first period I basically shut down, started living in a constant state of depression, self loathing, and a desire to stop existing. That was the first time i tried to take my own life and would continue to do so until around 15 when i accepted and embraced myself. Im 21 now and still struggling with self hate and suicidal ideation, but a year into my medical transition and i feel better than ever and like im finally living again and not drowning. I cant wait until i get top surgery and can have my lowers altered to appear either more masculine or straight up nonexistent like that ken dolls.
I really liked this video.
Im a trans woman.
I'm not sure what makes us trans.
I think its very complicated.
I do think there must be biological/ thing in our minds and bodies reason.
But i didn't know i was trans when i was a teenager or a kid.
However, the UK was so repressive (im 36) in the 1980s and 90s that being able to come out as trans unless this came on strong when your young.
So im not sure repression stop me being trans.
I was quite a happy boy and i find that un nerving. The problems for me started in puberty. I hated puberty. And relationships and sex as a man.
When i was 22 i tried on my friends partners dress and loved it but cried because i had a male body.
It took till i was 34 to come out and start transitioning. A lot of horrible pain, a suicide attempt later.
But the big question that all my friends have. When did you know. Was it all a lie. Its very confusing as i wasn't sure when i was younger. If i could be a perfect cis man with other cis men or with a cis women. I would never have transitoned and had problems but i did despite having boyfriends and girlfriends.
Anyway im really sorry to ramble. Im having a hard time in my transition currently.
When you transition later in life your plagued with these questions and its really hard.
People use this to try and block you.
You also feel sad that your body has been shaped by testosterone.
You really want to believe that you were born trans as its a powerful justification.
I think you are or you aren't trans.
Life events cant make you trans. Otherwise billions of people would be trans.
This just comes out in the washing of your life somehow.
But what makes us trans. Its very complicated. But it has to be innate.
You cant unmake it once it comes out and kicks in. I tried everything to make crossdressing and wanting to be a woman go away. ANd it failed. It was horrible. It led to terrible problems.
Older trans people like me should be used as a counterweight to the terfs and anti trans politicians who say what if they get this wrong. The real question is what if you block or repress trans people till later in life. What cost to them.
I don’t think terfs, middle aged women, are the ones holding people back from being ok with wearing women’s clothes.
So you’re a man
Your videos continue to be some the most nuanced and compelling takes on these questions I've come across in the... very long time I've spent looking. Your articulation of the different factors that go into trans identity was so eloquently put, and your openness and also accuracy in admitting that these categories are blurry and changing, and not so neatly sorted from well, everything else, was so so comforting to hear. I feel like trying to cut through just those riptides to try to discuss these ideas with myself let alone others, letting even more alone people on "the other side" has been exhausting for so long. The willingness to just admit this is something nebulous and changing and reflective of culture without thinking that detracts from our rights to live and create ourselves as we please, on any metric, feels so freeing. All culture is memetic, and long long ago in the before times of the early 2000s thats what that word meant - ideas spread virally, evolutionarily. A shame about the guy who coined it though.
It's interesting that you brought up autism here, because I'm currently having this ongoing back and forth with someone about rooting things in 'neurology'. And yet, using this approach, helped me crack part of why I can't exactly figure out what gender is (though your videos have helped tremendously, as I've said). So nature or nurture -- apparently autistic people tend to see the world bottom up before top down -- inputs are fractured before being pieced together, which is why autistic people sometimes end up incredible at finding patterns, according to this theory, anyway - because its a skill learned from brute forcing it to get through every sensory experience in ways that are just innate to people who default more to top-down.
Which is to say, some categories exist top-down without existing bottom-up at all. Some categories are not labels which describe what they contain, nor are they exactly containers that prescribe what can go in them. They are ideas that precede their definition. Socrates leading everyone in circles until they can define "goodness" always skirting the notion that "goodness" is a word without coherence. I was never going to be able to construct "gender" from the bottom up, to find which the pieces are and how to locate them or their lack inside me. I just wish someone had told me that sooner. Instead, I was running around using analogies to Wittgenstein's Beetle in a box, which I'm sure people totally found very convincing and endearing.
Nebula needs comment sections, but I understand why it does not have them.
this is an amazing video, but I want to remind people in the comments not to respond to the transphobes. they're never gonna change their views just off of one or two people and it'll only drag your mood down. remember that no matter your agab or gender identity you are valid 100%.
This video was soo beautiful and helped me summarize so many difficult feelings I've been having about my identity lately. Thank you Lily
I love your quiet voice and your plants a d nature journal art, and the birds! A soothing and beautiful atmosphere to discuss something so sensitive and important. You have said it all perfectly. ❤🌼🌺🌱
I was into trans discourse as a kid, and i remember watching all these passing, presentable trans people talk about how they should’ve just been born the gender they wished to be, but even then i couldn’t relate to that. I always thought that even if i was born the gender i wanted, i would still probably question my identity and end up somewhere under the trans umbrella. I can’t just see it as an obstacle that you can easily leap over or explain, i feel like it informs just about everything in my life.
like i wish i was a girl so could get FREE MONEY from all the simps JUST for being a pretty girl even thugh have a BF and laugh how stupid they are while fucking thinking they gonna fuck me :X
you reading that prayer made me tear up a bit. i looked it up and read the whole thing, and started crying. some bits hit way too close to home.
This is so well researched, reasoned, written, and delivered. As a cis lesbian recently out and emerging from years of Catholicism, I initially clicked on this to further educate myself on the experiences of my trans siblings-in-queerdom. Then you proceeded to bring me not only education, but a kind of peace I have up to now been desperately searching for in any possible biological causes for my sexuality. I needed--or thought I needed--a way to prove to myself and my family that I was legitimately born this way, not choosing it to hurt them or swayed by the "forces of evil in the modern world." But the sense of beautiful mystery that you mentioned here, the understanding that we all simply grow up like sunflowers and salamanders from the primordial atomic soup that is existence: this is somehow a far more true and solid legitimacy. We are who we are, whatever the complicated forces that mold us. Thank you for your vulnerability and thoughtfulness!
I mean, you had the choice between being normal and being cis.
True
had us in the first half ngl
@lif6737 Boxes and cages are at least safe. And sometimes safety has to take priority. But please remember that for most people, if they have to force it, they aren't cis. They are cis passing. When and if you get to a point where you want to or need to come out, you won't be alone. You may lose some safety but you will gain contentment and community beyond a screen.
But this isn't an encouragement to come out. Only you can know if that's the best answer for you, based on your own circumstances and what "safety" currently means to you. If safety means remaining homed and free of violence, that's very different from safety from socially awkward conversations.
@@CorwinFoundto continue with the box analogy (which I love using to explain gender & transness), if you try and force something into a box that doesn't fit it... well, it breaks 😕
But too many people want something that stacks neatly, so they keep putting us in boxes, lest they have to deal with the 'mess' of doing away with boxes all together.
I dig that perspective.
Your conclusion was capital-R Romantic as could be, I absolutely love it. The older I get, the less I see science as the definitive source of knowledge of the world, and just one of the many ways in which we explore what it means to exist.
I too wonder constantly why people aren't trains, then I realize that there aren't any naturally occurring railway systems