Should You Trust Your Instincts in Love?
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- Опубліковано 20 жов 2024
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Such an interesting conversation! I think there's a difference between instincts and intuition...An instinctual response is more like an attachment response to me and intuition is a much calmer, still voice of truth inside me. Intuition has always steered me in the right direction versus an instinctual response which is more than likely a triggering of an old wound.
intuition is also flawed, because its shaped by our flawed experiences. there is no such thing as some magical voice that knows all the right answers somehow. its no different from believing in horoscopes. intuition is judging by the patterns we were exposed to.
This is so so true. I've even had dreams which have warned me about people and situations. Sometimes trauma can be ancestral so there's a much deeper wisdom we can tap into, we are not just separate individuals. There's nothing magic or mystical about it.
Yes, it would be good if they could clarify that.
Just commented the same thing 👏
Exaaaaaaactly. This ☝🏼
I trust my instincts and not take it to place where it will create unnecessary stress. I’ve given the benefit of doubt at times. But my instincts are often on point at times, so why not trust it.
Questioning your instincts leads to all kinds of gaslighters to come along and tell you it’s just your trauma and not how you really feel
I believe that they're talking about our conditioned instincts vs. our real intuition.
I believe I am an avoidant. My instinct is to pull away although, thanks to you Matt, I am learning to discuss conflicts in a calm manner. I realize, when I am hurt, my instinct is to say something mean or hurtful. To pull away and leave.
Me too
I would also find my self wanting to avoid and shutdown when things become hostile. I have also had the goal in the event there is something wrong come at it with a calm approach and state the reason and not use blame language and look at it from a direction to try to solve together. Delivery is something that can keep a person from becoming defensive or wanting to avoid.
I absolutely love the addition of having Audrey on the podcast. She add adds such adds such an amazing element to the to the end product. ❤
It sounded to me that Matthew is speaking of impulse instead of instinct.
The defining skillset in life is to know to tell the difference between the both within ourselves.
Beautifully differentiated. Thank you
Because he is a man, having a deep, powerful instinct is mostly a female trait
😊😊😊😊😊ì😊😊😊😊i😊8😊😊uucp i😊😊u😊i😊😊i
Agreed. It’s more so “reaction” vs listening to your intuition and responding accordingly.
My thoughts exactly! ❤ Instincts warn us when we are in danger. Impulses lead us to a big mess.
Instinct or intuition? Self awareness is key because sometimes we REACT from a place of fear and trauma and this is what you talk about here. But intuition is really powerful - it's an inner wisdom where we really do know things without knowing how we know. It's wrong to question this. I'm a 50 yr old divorcee by the way
Instinct and vibe never lie. If it doesn't feel or seem right deep down, be cautious.
Definitely
bullshit. they do lie. you understand nothing from this video. your instincts are flawed and are calibrated by your flawed experiences. for example when you're scared of someone walking behind you at night, doesnt mean they're up to kill you, in 99,99% of times they're walking just like you.
Instinct is how a person "instinctively acts" in a situation
Intuition is the inner voice that is trying to warn us or inform us
I am feeling cautious- 💵💶💷💴
He really doesn’t differentiate between instinct and intuition, which is very viable. So until this can be differentiated, one can’t make good usage and discern properly from their perspective a versus plausible reality.
Coming back to say thank you. It’s been almost two years and we’re getting married soon. You saved me from my previous breakup/heartbreak and now I’ve found my person and I still think back on things you say. Thanks for all you do and reminding me what’s out there ♥️
We create each moment.
This moment contains,
through my focus,
both positive and negative...
I can put my attention on what I lack, what I don't have, what traumas I have etc...
And I can put my attention on the calm moment that I am in,
the food I just ate, and the fact that my body is satisfied, the shelter I do have...
You get my idea.
Both are here...
And now.
For the sake of fairness,
I will allow myself to cry my pains, in the moment if/when they come/arise,
AND also acknowledge the beauty I still have in my life NOW.
Pain? Yes.
And, also:
beauty.
Blessings to you!
I feel our true instincts is mainly to protect us from getting hurt whether mentally or physically. Due to that, I try not to react instinctively. I take a beat, and analysis the situation vs reacting in any way. When I start to have feelings for someone, mainly when I was younger, my instinct was to run and get out before they could hurt me. In my current relationship, I've felt that instinct but I refuse to allow it to control me.
You will not have to overthink or question whether a man is truly interested in you and values you for who you are and what you bring to the table. If you do, that person is simply not that into you and/or not mature enough for a healthy relationship.
I agree very much with your comment.😌
There is no table... Its either he want to invest or not.
You made me realize that my instinct is to repair it all by myself. As a child raised by a single mother of 2, with financial issues and stress, what I've learned is that no one will help me solve my problems or help me get what I need. So now in a trauma bond relationship I find myself trying to fix things all the time, even when he's the one breaking it and he's just leaning back or even going away and just demanding. This is the instinct that does not serve me anymore. I need to learn that in a relationship I am not the solely responsible for putting effort and problem solve.
There is absolutely a big difference between instincts and intuition. I trust my intuition. But I won;t let my instincts govern over anything.
Thank you for this. The hard part is letting go of the person you wished could appreciate your value. It is said empty your hands to receive something new. I am on this part of my love life.
I really agree being too available too early or being too unavailable & not showing interest are both not healthy. We do need to become aware of our attachment styles & nervous system responses & respond rather than just react as much as possible from a deeply authentic place. Healty communication is so key as that way we can become more functional & compassionate to ourselves & others as we grow in emotional maturity.
Often my inner 3 year old is making fearful decisions even though Im 63. Im learning to reparent her as I go in more kindness but also taking more adult actions even if my body freezes. Sometimes i need to work with my nervous system yoga singing walking etc & come back to something later when im more in tune with my authentic deeper intuitive self
Instinct is more animal like…Don’t trust your instinct….trust your intuition. ✌️
Yes, there is a big difference between the two.
Very important to respond rather than just react as much as possible or we create a lot more pain. Knowing who we are beyond mind conditioning is crucial for this
so obsessed with this channel
So relatable. It was approximately 6-7 years ago, I met a guy on Facebook and fell in love with him. It was love at first sight. But it didn’t last more than a week. It was not mutual, at that time I didn’t get it and keep trying to reach him even after he blocked me, I opened a new account chatted as a new person and so on. This roller coaster lasted a year, I have tried everything each time he would go. And after that relationship I got a trauma, cos I kept pushing things and forcing and playing with destiny that wasn’t even mine. When Audrey said about instagram quote it is so relatable to my case. Right now I am single and never had previous intense and yearning for someone. But right now I understand my mistake like how it was wrong to want a man from God who is not your destiny. It is like every time to touch a flame and not get a clue that one needs to stop touching it. Now I have my boundaries and don’t want a man who doesn’t want me. Love must be mutual in order to grow into something bigger. It is said that love is too heavy load for one person it must be carried by two.
That massive stalker behavior on your part.
Quasi "Fatal Attraction" in fact!
😬👀
@@chrissemenko628 Hundred percent.
This sounds like limerance.
If I would have followed my instincts from week one I would have saved myself 2.5 years of manipulation.
🤔 can someone manipulate us for that long? Don’t they themselves waste two and half years too?
@@LCarefortheworld not if they are a narcissist
@@LCarefortheworld the toxic ones don’t view it as time wasted as they got what they want - supply
Aaawww ❤
How proud Mr. Hussey is to say: "My wife". Congrats ❤
Love to see loving people. ❤
Instinct is to fall in love with someone you barely know. Intuition is the VERY first impression you get of them that you often push away because it goes against your instinct that wants you to mate at all cost and not to be alone because loneliness meant death for our ancestors.
Instinct is something different then intuition. I would always trust my intuition, not my default reaction to things. It's different
I think there is a difference between instincts and intuition. If we have been hurt, our instinct might be to shut down or run away when there's conflict. If we are used to the bottom falling out in relationships, then our instinct when something feels safe is to deny that it can be real. Intuition is the voice inside that is quieter that instinct, maybe this could be good if we calm ourselves and slow down. Or maybe it says that this isn't quite right for us and we could be overwhelmed.
their relationship looks so wholesome 😢
I was doing this all wrong, I thought him texting me was like he was interested /invested but now I’ve learned he’s an avoidant and that I was becoming anxiously attached and grabbing on to these texts like they were the best thing in the world when really it was bare minimum effort. Matthew is absolutely right when he says “attention is not the same as intention.” I continued to do more and more trying to get him to see that I was wanting a serious relationship but being the avoidant that he is he just pushed away and my instinct was to give more but once I sensed this happening his texts were not as frequent or engaging I asked him about it and my inutition made me want to give him less effort and it’s true then I started to pull away and get resentful because I was doing so much and he was not matching my effort/.energy that he eventually said we should take a break and I said I think we should break up because we clearly want different things from this. It was hard since I commited a year of my life to this situation but I did learn a lot from it and there were some good times but looking back we really weren’t compatible and as Matthew says that’s the most important piece.
“The new way of being is the goal in itself”
as long as you are not using instinct in the same way as intuition...
Instinct is an interesting subject. I follow Laura Richards, an amazing criminal psychologist and profiler who was the Head of Homicide Prevention at Scotland Yard for 10 years. She ends almost all her videos saying "always trust your instincts." She campaigns avidly for reform around domestic abuse and other related issues such as stalking laws etc. She was one of the main campaigners who got the coercive control law passed in the UK and she devised the police DASH system for logging and rating domestic abuse incidents. It creates complications when someone with so much expertise says to always trust your instincts. And then a life coach - who's also at the top of their game - challenges that and breaks it down. It would be great to have a video or situation where these two perspectives could be discussed and broken down.
My instinct in love has been bad a few times. Sigh. But I am a person who wants to go by my gut.
Your very correct if he takes time to show up or make an effort to make a telephone call to change the atmosphere could be the only solution which helps in reducing distraction and building trust and mutual affection which again bind us together.
I think the use of instinct here sounds incorrect to me. I think instinct and intuition are the same. What causes animals to migrate during winter, animals instinctively know how to care for their young etc. We as humans have that same internal compass that guides us in our decisions which is based on information we have stored subconsciously from previous experiences that is automatically attached to our central nervous system. To me that is the same as intuition and we should pay attention to it.
What we should not pay much attention too is reactive responses based purely on what you are feeling in the moment. That's when all the bad judgment and poor decisions comes out. This happens due to an unstable emotional state. Sooo....thats what I think. It would be great to hear some more discussions on this. This topic is very fascinating.!
I think instincts protect us from getting hurt. They are very powerful.
Yes. My gut has yet to be wrong.
You are saying very deep and highly intelligent things ❤ Thank you so much for this ☀
12.05 juuuust happened to me... I am embarrassed I held on once again too long. At 30. I cannot believe once again my life has turned out like this. I will never ever do it again. As soon as they leave - which they always have. I am gone. In fact I'm never letting one of them ever trick me into opening my life and heart and legs ever again. I share all my secrets about THIS EXACT PAIN and experience in my life. I finally felt the love and acceptance. and, IT STILL happened. Talk about the biggest confirmation and betrayal ever.
My instinct when someone pulls away is to get mean, insulting and lash out.
I hate it!!! 😅
I’m a work in progress 🥴
In a number of years, when Audrey starts having hot flashes, she'll appreciate you liking things chilly, Matthew!!
This video popped up for me just at the right time. Thank you.
There's a difference between instincts and intuition / discernment.
Yes
Love watching these two shoot the shit - great podcast
I think it's also worthy to distinguish between intuition and instinct. So for instance, sensing that someone is not trustworthy might be more of an intuition. The way we react in a circumstance is more of an instinct. I would trust more my intuition than my instinct, although controlling instincts too much can also be detrimental. For instance, if your child is being a brat, your instinct may be to get angry and shout a bit, but you control yourself based on learned ideas, on your head, because you think you should not be violent at all. And then this may cause you more problems, because the child may learn much quicker to behave well if exposed to your natural reaction, but your rationality keeps them misbehaving and getting you more unconsciously angry and then acting out your anger in more subtle and destructive ways :)
Instincts and intuition are normally right, your talking about an ego response so the head over your intuition, instinct/intuition is always right the ego isn’t
there's a huge difference:
*my instinctive response is not my intuition.*
my instinctive response is emotions going high and that puts me at risk to act on that. So it's best to calm down first or to even let a few days pass.
my intuition is sth deep down, calm and safe, and i can easily trust it and it has never failed me.
Reactive response
@@pagerumer3533 ?
Hi Matthew, I want to say thank you for your research and respect for so many others in different plaines in life. ❤I hope you are doing well.
The UA-camr Heidi Priebe beautifully talks about the psychology of these instincts. 👌
God is the matchmaker
Pray and ask the Lord to connect you to your spouse
facing danger, my instinct is Action! protection
It would be great if you guys explained what you meant by instinct as most people see it as the same thing as intuition even though they are different things.
I’ve experienced my intuition being right, but my behavioural instincts telling me to act the opposite way, and making a mess of everything.
I found this instincts talk fascinating!!
I 'instinctively' realized it was not what we had discussed and broke it off. Yet, I came back to then give him the opportunity to say, "You ended it, I said OK.
That's it". Soooo, after months of mostly silence, I reached out only for him confirm it is over. Ugh!
I do trust my instincts too mostly.... however on reflection after breaking up with them... or accepting poor behaviour, I think well maybe I should have understood better. However I've done that before and got hurt. So gone back to keeping arms length/walls up! Unconsiousl behaviour... so these podcasts are so valuable thank you!! And I realise why the relationship didn't work out. It wasn't just him and what he did/didn't do... but me walking away as well! Because as far as I knew at the time
... I had to. I'm still growing and learning so love this so 'ive got a defence mechanism.. 'either you leave or I'll leave'... that just makes common sense'.😮I
You always refer to "texting". What happened to telephone calls? Not everyone who is dating is a texter! I am not, my boyfriend is not, etc.
I bought your book, looking forward to reading it
the ghost in the window at 13.30min haha
great insights from both of you! Great video, very helpful!
my survival instinct is to ignore the current situation
I needed to hear this right now- thank you.
Let's face it. Most guys don't want commitment & most women do. That is the problem with dating today...
So hard. Feelings are delicate
It's all a little confusing, to be honest. We are who we are, and for those who want to be with you, stick around, those that dont go. To keep checking in and questioning your responses will drive you nuts!
amazing topic. love both of your perspectives
I was very wrong when I didn't listen my internal voice
yes you should know.
Needin-to-Grow-Up-if-you don't !
He does not seem to differentiate between instinct verses intuition, which is viable. Until this discernment can be made, it is hard to differentiate between what is a person’s instinctive reaction versus a plausible reality.
Matt, will I be able to watch the Event on another day if I can't make it on May 4th? Did you pick that date as a Star Wars reference (may the force)?
I love Audrey, she's great. I really think she should have got her own jumper though 😅
so happy for you guys,,,,,,, youre such a cute couple n Fit like a puzzle should fit! no missing pieces ! all the very best to you !
I am in a position where I have lost my sense of purpose in life. I feel numb. I only feel alive when I am singing.
I understand, but lean into what makes you feel alive...if it's singing, then sing
People talk about relationships... and im here living with my elderly father watching him dying from drinking... and i cant even leave the house for a long time. A relationship is such a distant unreal thing to me... i lost hope. And i used to be beautiful and attractive. My family destroyed me as a person, and i can't bounce back.
now ive been listening to Matthew for years now, have gotten good advise.. but this,, im just so confused now. how then should we evaluate whether or not to confront someone with potential to up their game or invest less because they dont seem to be valuing what I bring to the table.
Hi guys listen frequently, you should TURN UP your sound/volume it's very low. Cheers.
No, you don't always know, especially if you are raised by harmful, unhealthy people.
Crazy = doing the same thing over and over and over again ... and getting the same results.
Loved the chat ❤❤ thank you 🙌
Thank you for the video.I like it so much ♥️ it help me .
I feel this is not about instinct!! More about being reactive??? Reacting rather than breathing take a moment… respond not react? X
Well done.
only if you live In the US
So helpful thank u guys
Very hard. The feelings are intense
Author of the video is confusing instinct with automatic behavior.
Little enlightenment on definition of those two:
1. Instinct- an inborn impulse or motivation to action typically performed in response to specific external stimuli. Today instinct is generally described as a stereotyped, apparently unlearned, genetically determined behaviour pattern.
2. An automatic behavior - a behavior or action that someone does without full awareness or control.
An example of instinct might be a bird which knows how to fly, an animal which knows where to seek the water.
An example of automatic behavior might be response or reaction to certain circumstances, settings or situation which is partially out of our control and is not fully conscious.
And before I went to sleep, I was thinking if Matthew is collecting any evidence whether his advices really work on his audience and if so, whether in longterm. Because...isn't it a little more complex than to just read one book or join one retreat (after you buy a book)...:)?
My instinct makes me feel not comfortable with thinking types as a feeling type
Dont ever trust.You might get ripped off.
Do they address the difference between *intuition* and *instinct* (impulse/ego/trauma response) in this video?
Do you think it would be better stated as reactive versus instinct?
This just teaches one that dating and liking someone more is a lost cause.
Can’t want to receive my book next Tuesday according to Amazon Us. How can I verify if I registered successfully my pre order # to entry to the giveaway? It had many steps I hope I did well because I live in Fl so I will love to participate in the FL in person event. If I don’t get lucky for it anyway thanks for the gift of “Happiness after Heartbreak”. Those videos has been a shot of motivation and a venting space in my hard days I am still getting after my 7 years relationship heartbreak. Thanks for all the work you put in this subject and community ❤ but please pick me to go to the Fl event 😅I can’t afford it right now but I will love to go and meet people are struggling now like me. It will be a life changing event for me I am sure 😊
This was exactly my experience.
Thank you, needet to hear this ❤
Trust your intuition akways and
I don't think that trusting your instincts is a good thing. From my experience, every time I trusted my instincts I came with something bad or uncomfortable for me in terms of dating, relationship. You should trust in what you see in terms of other persons behavior and their actions. If it comes to you, you should think before taking any action. Same with listening to your heart. I found for me, that it is better to listen to your head, be aware of your input and the other person input to relationship. How much value your bringing to the table and how much they are bringing.
im in a situation where no links are working right now pls help.
Why cant I pause this ?
Hi
Amazon
Dont waste your time
You will save yourself a lot of trouble by finding someone that is average looking
Absolutely 🎉!