Get Over "the One That Got Away"
Вставка
- Опубліковано 24 вер 2024
- ►► Get Vulnerable Stories, Real Insights, and Practical Tools Delivered Straight to Your Inbox Every Friday.
Sign up Now For My Free Weekly Newsletter, The 3 Relationships at . . .
→ www.The3Relatio...
▼
Don’t Miss Out! Subscribe to my UA-cam channel now.
I post new love life advice for you every weekend.
►► Order My New Book, "Love Life" at → www.LoveLifeBoo...
►► FREE Video Training: “Dating With Results” → www.DatingWithR...
▼ Get My Latest Dating Tips and Connect With Me… ▼
Blog → www.matthewhus...
Facebook → / coachmatthewhussey
Instagram → / thematthewhussey
Twitter → / matthewhussey
▼ Connect with Audrey ▼
Instagram → bit.ly/AudreyH...
Note to the dreamers. Get out of your head and live! Choose Do over Dream and you’ll be happier more often than not.
No marriage or relationship is flawless; they're all different. What works for one person might not work for another. But I've figured out that there's always a way to fix things when there's a problem. Five years back, my wife and I were on the brink of divorce because of issues in our marriage, but we found a way to fix them. It was hard, but we made it through.
I really understand why what you're saying matters, and I truly want to find happiness as well. I have someone special in my life, and even though we're not together right now, I can't imagine living without her; my love for her is deep. I really hope she comes back, and I'm fully committed to making it happen. We've tried different ways, like therapy, to make things right.
Learning to let someone you love go is always a tough journey, but in my case, I had the wisdom of a spiritual mentor who kept my marriage from crumbling. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
I appreciate your direction. I'll swiftly look her up online. Thanks. I'm hopeful that following this course of action will bring about positive changes for me too; her absence is deeply felt.
You are Welcome
Whoa... "What is your commitment to real life?" 😮😮😮
"We obsess over these things that feel like the're millimeters away. But a millimeter is as good as a mile". This one is so good !
I am currently going through a breakup, In the past, such moments left me feeling hopeless, but this time, I feel empowered and optimistic. While I still acknowledge the pain, it was his decision, it isn't mentally draining me as it used to. Thanks to your videos, podcasts, and advice on handling breakups, I have found strength. I love this man and wish him well, but for both our sakes, it is best that we move on, we never know what tomorrow is made of and we can start looking forward with optimism.
Good attitude; I guess that becoming better person, more good for other people, help to survive downs in loneliness (like being compatible with ourselves, our values). Fingers crossed :)
I as well went through a break up maybe a month ago. The pain didn’t last long and if anything I felt ok and I have hope for something better. I think it takes time to develop.
I can so relate. Thank you for sharing that. Same here! Thanks to Matthews amazing line of work&channel content, instead of feeling miserable & hopeless & lost for months as I used to after each breakup, he helped me to expand into a new & more empowered mindset: I decided to only listen to what empowers & strengthens me. I will always prevail because there is no outcome that will not bless me ..
Off topic but Audrey‘s hair is just amazing
That's so good!
The tragic dream of what could have been seems to be more beautiful to us than the reality of a true relatioship.
It takes no work, but it also contains no depth
When comes to love relationship you do not lose person that was not for you .
Simple as that .
Harsh reality but also such a truth.
Get with a man who loves you and wants to build with you. Anyone outside of that is wasting your time.
Most women don't want that, you have to meet a certain standard for her to fight for you. If he has money, looks and is tall everything else doesn't matter to her.
@@TyeDye622wrong .8?3 been unemployed for 6 months and not a single girl has cared and they paid for almost every date we went on. It’s all about personality and charm.
I did all that and she left. Now she's just that frozen thing that he was talking about. Gave her the title of her being my wife one day and she said the same of me as husband then boom. Complete 180 all of a sudden.
@@JeffersonRahsame, however, I believe we see the red flags but we become in denial more so because we get attached or we care for them that we disregard the red flags. A lesson I learned in my relationship is that I was giving too much and was not getting the same in return. Take this, my brother don't invest in someone who's not treating you as their equal with respect.
I learned it hard way.
It’s only the right person wrong time if you end up with that person later on and you’re looking back at the past . All relationships are the right person at the right time, and that means literally nothing about the longevity of the relationship
They're not the right people full stop. Just lessons and life experiences.
@@jessicahitchens6926 right people for what? TO TEACH YOU A LESSON. Not to be your life partner
I never thought of “right person wrong time” in the way you described. Eye opening.
Remember the other person's actions. Not only what they said. It's a way to help put your feet on the ground again. And not to just stay in "dream land". Thank you bought Matthew and Audrey. Great topic. So relatable.
The right person , always be right anytime.
I know this material is more for women, but I just wanted to let you know that this 32 year old man has been coming to your content for years through his journey. Applying the lessons I learn from you has helped me heal and overcome pain and longing that was just not ever going to let me be open to the kind of relationship I'm looking for. So excited to be in on the weekly newsletter.
Same here
Me too
Same here bro
It’s not more for women. It’s for everyone. It’s about love. It’s a feeling, it doesn’t have a gender
After 9 years of a mature fairytale relationship, a 10 mins of break up talk and 4 years of no contact have been messing up with my mind until now...This episode was so right on time for me and I will share it with him after keeping my silence for so long.If life gets in the way and you quit the right person just like that it means it has never been the right person but it was the right time to end that relationship.Frozen desire can make you waste your soul for a long time.Thank you for the insight.
Hi. I feel your pain. 9 years you can't get back and another 4 years to Move Forward. I am like you. I spent 5 years w the Right person I thought and after we were going to literally build our Home, he just left. He now is dating/sleeping w my Ex Best Friend of 20 yrs. I have tried to heal over the last year & recently went to a Therapist and she said after 2nd visit I have a " Love Addiction ". Ok now I have to process that!
Be grateful you had 9 years.
9 years as well. Feelings are there but we are maintaining friendship.
10 years within that time he kept breaking up with me and coming back. We went to Italy and he was going to propose there but cancelled proposal because his daughters weren’t taking it well was his excuse. I held my feelings with a lot of prayer for three weeks in Italy. It wasn’t enjoyable I was dying within surrounded with 28 members of his family he had already told them we were getting engaged on that trip. 😢
As soon as our plane landed I ghosted him and dealt with my feelings. He didn’t apologize but friends and family explained to him how he lost my trust. I’m from the states and he’s from Canada so a lot at play. Nonetheless we got engaged a month later he broke off again 🤦🏻♀️ Later looks for me and wants to pick up were we left off he realized he loved me like after all this time he realized? Confesses I pissed him off to the point he slept with his ex but it happened while we were broken up. Well now 2 more years have passed and he texted here there no consistency which I couldn’t trust he didn’t bother to show up to talk things out nothing.
Well he got tired and blames me for 12 years of his life wasted no other man will ever have the patience he had with me. The Bible says He that has found a good wife has found favours, and has received gladness from God. It doesn’t say a woman finds meaning it’s the man who pursues.
Bro I’ve never felt so positively attacked in my life. I need to get this man’s books. Speaking absolute facts.
The point Matthew was trying to make is logical. We only say it's hard because we're thinking with our feelings but it is absolutely necessary to not think with how we feel, but with our logical minds. I always try to remember that it's never good to be self-indulgent with our sorrow, you can feel it, feel the sadness and grief but orient yourself to see it for what it was. We have to be the adult for our own selves and fighting what is, the reality, is not kind or helpful.
So true. I didn’t get to live out the story.
We were “friends” for 18 years. He was my everyday. My best friend. .. We started a relationship and POOF, after some mild conflict, he’s gone.
My heart continues to bleed for the story I didn’t get to live out 💔
Oh that's a sad story but he isn't the right one if he leaves at the first conflict. How to relay on someone for the rest of your life if he runs on the first problem? I would suggest to grief and release the fairy tale story inside of your mind. I'm watching Matthew's advices for years. Today I'm happy married and when I think back I know how devastating dating was. In the end it all worked out after I worked on myself. My favorite quote of Matthew is "attention doesn't mean intention". That line change my life for good. Wish you all the best ❤
That was a friend not a husband. So look at it like that. Also he is now gone and good riddance.
@@jessicahitchens6926
Felt like a husband.
The grief around this has been hard.
I’m trying to look at it from different perspectives.
Thank you.
You and me sister. 18 year friendship, best friends. Started to date- us both thinking the wait was worth it. Around year and half we had some conflict as well. He broke it off, over the phone, and I have never heard from him since. That was over two years ago.
My heart, like yours, continues to bleed for the story I didn’t get to live out 💔
@@Sloanmatthews
I’m so sorry.
This grief has been pretty intense.
I had an aha moment in this. When you said that a relationship is something you actively construct together. As an artist, it made sense to me - like, just because you can draw really well doesn't make you an artist...it's you deciding to actively engage in art-making on a regular basis. If there's no constructing something together, there's no relationship (only chemistry).. chemistry and talent are sparks that can ignite, but they are not the fire. A fire takes time to build and energy to maintain.
If two people are meant to be together, nothing can stop them. Right person wrong time is an asymmetrical relationship which was most likely lukewarm and typically only one person mourns the loss or else both knew intuitively it wasn’t the relationship for them
I have been grieving a 6.5 year relationship for over two years now. I am doing way better than I was when the breakup first happened, but sometimes I look back on that time and that connection and it still hurts. I thought he was the one and that he would build a home and family with me. After so many years and no effort to move things toward family and marriage on his side it was too little too late. I am not as emotionally destabilized and getting lost in those sad thoughts but I still have to remind myself why he wasn’t the right one.
His perspectives and delivery of them is just so comforting to me. This is the kind of people I want in my life.
The wisdom here is immense. There is no ordained ONE. Indeed relationship is as beautiful as the two people have build it. ❤❤
I needed this! After three months of a situationship he told me it won't work because perhaps it was the wrong time. I'm trying to get over this but I still can't help but feel disappointed as I ponder "what could have been". And I miss him, too.
The fact he couldn't commit in the first place should have been the giant red sign " this will never be more"
@@jadexx1 he wanted to commit at the beginning (he was very clear he's after a long term relationship), he was really pursuing me before I was interested, than we had a wonderful two months of talking, emotional intimacy, deep, heartfelt and vulnerable conversation, but in the end he said he was sure it wouldn't work (with me) because of a personal crisis he was going through but he also said between the lines that there were other factors involved, too. But then I asked him to share in detail what he had in mind, some of the things he shared he feared would/wouldn't happen were assumptions, but no amount of discussing it on my part would ease his mind so in the end we split. We're still in touch but I'm the one walking away from this failed relationship feeling heartbroken and disappointed because I really liked him, and I know he liked me, too. And we had both developed strong feelings for each other before it came to the end. I still entertain an elusive hope that maybe he'll change his mind but deep down I know he won't so I try to keep my (hopeful) thoughts in check.
It's hard but as you said it's the fairy tale story of your mind, not his action or behavior which make you stick to him. If you would be honest to yourself: Has he done all the right things? Committed to you? Been there for you beside s... etc? If not, than you have your answer. Also in my case I had a addiction for guys who where avoidant. If they wanted me I run. If they don't wanted me I got hooked because of limerance and childhood. Today I'm in a happy relationship but it was a long route of therapy and self reflection. Hope you find your peace and the real deal. All the best ❤
Move on... its not that disappointing.
20:52: "It is okay to grieve the disappointment of not having someone turn out to be the one, but do not grieve them as if they were the one."
That one hit hard ❤
Congratulations on your book, your club and especially your marriage!!!!
We are here listening to this because we are hurt right now. I hope we all heal from this experience and meet someone who is right for us. With love ❤
Heart is bleeding over "that one" Right now, wish everyone to be healed and happy ❤
I know all these words you said is true but life sometimes can be really tricky and its just so easy to say these things. Its sometimes so hard and confusing and sad
It's only hard and confusing in our minds but not in reality
It is very hard. Being disciplined and intentional with thoughts to try and change our perspectives and then eventually our emotions can change. Every day (every hour, every minute) I think the battle is to ground yourself in reality (not wishful thinking which is fantasy) and think about your needs (which is very hard for me) and considering are they being met. And it’s about self worth that it is valid and right for you to get those needs met.
And it’s about self-belief - that you can give up on something that is in some ways amazing and perfect and better than anything before etc etc etc….. but not meeting your needs enough - and trust that this choice to walk away will lead to something better….. in the future.
I am really battling with this. It is very hard.
Mindset is essential. But it requires patience and discipline. Everyday you have to force yourself to remember reality, your needs, your self-belief.
I know what you’re saying. It is just hard to be alone until you find the perfect one.
it is you are totally right. but take this video as reminders since you know all these :)
I'm from Europe during exchange semester I met a guy with whom I had an amazing connection... He was from New Zealand...
We've never dated but we were really attached to one another we kept in touch DAILY for another 9 months after he went back home.
Long story short I got obsessed about the idea of going to New Zealand and even after we stopped having contact I had this in my head.
It took me 8 years, graduating university, illness and death of the father, my own depression, moving countries, lockdown to get to the point when I bought the tickets.
And I went, I wrote him an email, we didn't met, he was already married with child, but I didn't care much. Because somehow obsession about the guy, evolved into obsession about travelling to the other side of the world, being independent woman who isn't afraid to do it on her own, who doesn't give up on a dream, even if it takes years. A lot of changed in my life because of it.
This is what happens when you direct your energy correctly.
And New Zealand was even more beautiful than I hoped in my dreams ❤❤❤
I had a simillar situation. I met a guy from another country and fell for this imaginary story about him and our potential relationship. I couldn't stop thinking about the connection that we had so after a couple of months I bought a ticket and flew to him. We spent 2 weeks together with 0 chemistry, he was smoking weed all day every day. From all those scenarios that I had in my head, imaginary romantic and passionate moments.. all I had was an imature and lost marihuana addict.
If that will make you feel better, even if that guy wasn't married and you two had met eachother, it might not had been so special as it was in your imagination.
@@dankaspajic6023ok 😊
Wooow 😮
My god I met a zew zealander guy too...
One week passion then because of covid he had to go back to New Zealand.
It took me 4 years to understand that.... if he would have been the right one... he would have stayed with me.
I suffered so much.... because our relationship was so marvellous.... I didn't understand why he left.
Now I realize that I have been too ambitious... and built frozen desire.
I dream too often
Oh wow, your story impressed me so much
I've been obsessed with Canada for several years, then randomly met Canadian, we dated for 10 months, just broke up yesterday
I'm broken and now it's painful even to think if Canada, but yes, maybe, I shouldn't give up on my dream to travel there
I hope you're doing fine❤
I find a lot of deep comfort in the Happy Enough chapter of your book. I listen to it in the car when I start to feel lonely.
I had a relationship or sometimes found a girl that I though it was the one, not going to lie, I got hook but now Am starting to realize like it was said on this episode the one is going to be there om the right moment and no matter how much you mess up, there will be that connection that will triumph over above all everything else because that connection will transcend resistance and will flow as a flow in a river. So yes, better let go and see how you can improve yourself be happy and shine for other people to notice without expecting anything in return.
Yeah ... I had to learn this and I had to reconcile this without running away. Sigh.
Those who play together, stay together 🥰❤️
Ah, Matthew: From that story about the tasting room and your apparently habitual overanalyzing, I can tell you're a fellow maximizer. We tend to struggle when we're not sure what's best, and I think that contributes to your points here about not knowing what's good for us. I just lost someone who I was sure was "the one" at the wrong time (he's not ready for a relationship/commitment), but my story has evolved over the month since it ended. As Audrey put it, my thoughts have lately turned toward what that experience taught me. I'm concentrating more on me than on him for the first time since we met in late January.
This entire podcast was reassuring; I feel that I'm on the right path toward healing after feeling like I would never, ever get over losing this person and I'd lost my one chance at happiness. Your point about the story we tell ourselves calcifying and us bringing it to life for ourselves long after it has actually ended was such a clarifying thing to hear. He ghosted me a month ago. I've been ruminating and obsessing about him and what I did wrong ever since, but it's been over for a month. I've been keeping the story alive long after it's dead and buried. I'm also guilty of telling new people about it because I know they're listening with fresh ears, and the thought of it actually being over and that we'll never be together is so searingly painful.
I'm still in pain and processing, but my story is at least evolving, finally. I did meet him completely unexpectedly (and completely romantically) in a foreign city where neither of us lived. The story could have been the start to a whirlwind rom-com meet-cute love story for the ages ... but it wasn't. It was a 0 rather than a 1 because he wasn't willing to commit. And I need to stop mourning it like it was a 1.
I’m also going thru a break up and I was in love with someone who she wasn’t, constantly disrespecting me and would never care to listen to how I feel or how things would make me feel uncomfortable, I did many wrong things to her for me to grab her attention so she could understand how I was hurting, you have to be someone who has the same values as you and expectations, we started off wrong and I gave in so easy without her deserving me, that’s probably why she disrespected me and now she left as a victim and I understand that she never really loved me
I love the idea that we should suffer for what we lost that was, not what it could have been. And it applies to a relationship that one is in, which has this unsurmountable difficulty... like, the perfect match on so many levels but there's no respect nor care involved. So you keep on beating the dead horse, keep on repeating the same errors for years in hope that something will change. So I will think about this now, think about what this relationship is, not what I wish it were, not just the highlights - but the manipulation, the disrespect, etc.
Please address how you are now the right people for each other, even though when you met and started dating it was not the right time?
I guess it's not that black and white. Life is tricky and even though in the beginning you might meet someone and they seem to not be ready at the time, maybe 2 months later they are ready. Sometimes when we meet someone and we really like them, we go through a process, we need time to integrate and feel into things ... Unless the person truly expresses it's a no because they have other things that are more important to them and they are very clear about it and they don't show any interest after that, then it should be clear for you to move on
“ Reminding a pervious experience breaths a lot of life into an experience “ that’s a good one ! Moving on is hard and essential
I met my boyfriend too young. I knew we had to have some time on our own to discover ourselves before being in a life-long relationship. I broke up with him to give us both time to learn to grow by ourselves. I keep telling myself if we are meant to be we will be. It really was right person wrong time. If I had met him 10 years from now it would have been so right.
There's someone who stays on my mind, but I decided to treat him like a guide. Eventually I will find the actual right person, but in the meantime I've been discovering what it's like to not want a partner at all. I don't hold out hope for that person or go on the hunt for a replacement. I've just never allowed myself to be single in my head, even though i've been single my whole life. I'm getting to know what I want regardless of how it looks to men--my clothes, home decor, future plans, they are all based on what I want for the first time. I don't close the door on meeting someone, but for the first time in my almost 50 years, I'm not trying to fill the void. I'm just getting to know me and leaving the door open for someone willing to be the right person. I grieved the 'frozen desire', wrote him a letter and buried it in the sand of a beach I always wanted to be proposed to. When you've said your piece and done what you reasonably could, you have to let it go. What you can do is all that can be done. And it's been great getting to know myself without a Man Filter on my actions :)
"A millimeter is as good as a mile."
This is a very good talk for men especially. They are the ones that get hit the hardest long term after a breakup
Mathew, I would like to thank you so much. I'm currently undergoing the stage of breakup and it was too tough on me. Couldn't focus on my exams, feeling numb and upset all day. But things are improving now. It's all because of you. I still feel sad about it here and then but it's not that bad now. Your videos have helped me a lot. Whenever I go through some severe pain because of my breakup, I turn up towards your videos. It actually feels as if I'm asking you for help and you're sitting in front of me and advising me. Thank you so much ❤️
No such thing as right person wrong time
The right person for you can tick all the boxes of the levels of love you can have with another person. This we should give importance to. Not our FEELINGS about someone!
These levels are
1. Mutual admiration
2. Mutual attraction
(This will FEEL very important but is superficial)
3. Commitment
4. Compatibility
(We work, want the same things now and later, individual futures synergistic)
The wrong time makes someone the wrong person (level 3&4)
Approach compatibility holistically. Look at all the ways you are compatible (don't be satisfied with just one or two) because remember, this is about getting in the relationship of a lifetime
Even with the right person right time you will have lots of time and effort ahead of you, and some may still not work out
You've never had to live real life with the right person wrong time, only dreaming about it. And these stories make us miss our life
We can feel a little arrogant, thinking this person is what we need and we know what's best for us, causing us to hyper fixate
We tend to dream about being millimeters apart, but it's really a binary. Is it a one or zero? It doesn't matter how much a zero could've been a one
Not to say it isn't sad or tragic or even heartbreaking
It's still a loss, still a miss, and we can grieve what wasn't
But don't fall in the trap of ruminating and obsessing endlessly
You can be sad someone didn't turn out to be the One, but don't be so sad as if they WERE
Someone BECOMES the One by having the stuff you are looking for, and THEN going all in with you to make the relationship as good as it can be
A relationship becomes the greatest you've ever had because of the way the two of you can construct it, that is what makes it special
Chemistry is not the construction of something. Just chemistry
We can have frozen desires, ambition for someone to be at the right time for us, but only we keep it alive, because it stopped evolving a long time ago
Be mindful of the stories you are telling yourself or others, because they can keep you stuck. Stories have power
And we can get addicted to our thoughts, pain and feelings
Ask if your story is evolving in a positive manner, and be strict with yourself if you have to be
Stay open to making space for new stories
We tend to choose the familiar, even if it hurts us
The best things tend to be the ones we didn't plan for
Question: in your love life, who is the person you haven't been able to get off your mind, that is your version of frozen desire?
That represents the plans you were making or wish you could be making, that are distracting you from the path that you may take, that you didn't intend to take?
That leads you to a love far more beautiful and interesting than the hollow dead fairytale you keep telling yourself over and over?
Brillant précis & summation of what’s required.. Thanks !
Love it!
Went down the Levels with my Ex - Level 1 Level 2 Level 3 Level 4 - Everything - and even tho we already were at Level 4, he took back his commitment and went to Level 2 straight, broke up after 3 months out of nowhere in a very very hard time for the both of us.
So well, the commitment Part hit me. Thank you!
I am going through a breakup 💔 😞now ...I just want to forget everything and move on from my life
Send you a hug ❤
@julia198113 thank you so much ♥️ I am also sending you a hug ♥️
I needed to receive this message. This episode really spoke to me. I appreciate Audrey & Matt for sharing their conversations with us.
"Living the story" thing is like a great book. Sometimes you have to put it on the shelf, but you're always going to be drawn back to it, no matter how well your real life goes.
This ❤️
Everything happens for a reason & that’s all you need to move on from these kinds of situations…
You’ll find out eventually in the end why it didn’t work out 🔮
You two make the best team. I’ve been listening to you Matthew for so long and you’ve helped me a lot with my love life. And now Audrey you bring much more depth to Matthew’s advice by bringing to the table the reasons we might struggle to apply those advices
Its just hard to accept right person wrong time is not there.
Specially when my ex broke up because she switched too quick from her ex to me. In addition she has family problems that made her feel negative and mixed up with emotions.
Till the last moment (like 12 hours before the break up), we slept arm in arm, said I love you, were personality wise perfectly together.
Just emotionally, it didnt work out for her, cause all of these problems she had at that moment.
I still feel like, if we just wouldve met 6 months later, when she healed and maybe sorted things out... we may have worked out. 💔
Mr and Mrs Hussey, congratulations on your marriage. I wish and pray blessings on to your union. I love you both.
I’m here because that’s the thing my ex told me when she broke up with me. It felt like BS. If you want to stick it out, you have a say in whether it’s the right person and time. It’s partially a matter of opinion based on who you are. Felt like a slap in the face and her dodging the real issues of our relationship. It was an easy way out. I’m still mourning what we had and just remembering the time we spent together. Trying to process things. I really just want to feel okay again. 💔
Audrey speaks for so many of us….🙏
I have to see him everyday but we dont speak since two weeks, he ignores me. He became cold and distant. I found out about his girlfriend today, she works in the same company. Im crying because it got to me he was lying.❤
So appreciate hearing the way you put things. Sooo clarifying. Helps with the way it's muddied in my head
I needed to hear this. From time to time I ask myself - Do I really LIKE him?
But I did lose "the one" what we had was so beautiful and i dont think i can love someone like I loved him and i dont think someone could love me the way he did..
Are you okay now?
@@user-salma18 Yes i am great we broke up and I am glad we did, i didnt see all his flaws back then
@@user-salma18 was the breakup recent ? What helped me is time and realising that he didnt love me that much and i deserve better than that
@@user-salma18I am gonna say some harsh truth and you might hate me for but it helped me so i am gonna say it to you, if he truly loved you he would of spoke of you to his parents and he would propose to you, i think he enjoyed having fun with you but he didnt see you as his wife you deserve so much better
@@user-salma18 but its very recent so give yourself time to cry and to grieve
I agree with all these explanations, especially the timing issue. Timing is extremely important. All these reasons are very reasonable. However, we must also go beyond the logical.
The more you learn about past lives and the importance of certain people in your life, the more you learn about the why. Many people live their entire lives through all phases and yet go back to a specific moment that they feel was meant for them. For example, my uncle had a baby when he was a teenager with a girlfriend. He moved to the US for work, she left her daughter with his parents and she disappeared. She fell off the face of the earth. All this while they were still in a relationship. Years later, they found out she had passed in her 30s. He had moved on, even had other children. He's in his 70s now and he STILL says she was the real love of his life. He still grieves her. Now, logically you can say "then he never had other fulfilling relationships," or "he just got stuck in the past." But he did have great relationships. Wonderful women. Yeah, logically, you can say that. But some things are emotional. Some things can't be explained. Perhaps you have that right after having lived 70 plus years to be able to dictate who was the love of your life.
I myself was in a relationship for 16 years and I broke it off a couple of years ago. Somehow, I do feel he was my soul mate. No one on this planet understands me the way he does. He knew what I was thinking before I even said anything and vice versa. I am in a new relationship and although I do feel like I love him and we have a very special bond, there is a part of me that knows that this person will never fully comprehend me the way the other one did. I may never find that again. I may live my entire life believing this and this may remain true. And by the way, my ex feels the same way. Obviously, there were things I was not happy with, hence the rupture, but I would be lying if I said I didn't think about going back or toy with the thought of what life could look like right now for us. Logically, you can say a lot of things, and you would be right. But emotionally it's a totally different story.
My cousin was in a 5 year relationship with someone she was deeply in love with. For cultural reasons (he's Lebanese and Muslim), they couldn't be together. She eventually married a really great guy, had three children, and they have a fabulous life. Yet, deep down, she feels cheated of what could have been. Her ex is also married with children, but they still keep in contact mostly for work (they're both attorneys). She feels that although she adores her husband, the true love of her life was her ex. He has also expressed the same thing. Unfair to their spouses, perhaps. There hasn't been any infidelity here, not even close. But we're talking about the emotional.
Humans and life in general are so complex, that we cannot fit everything into the rational or the logical boxes. There will exist things beyond what words can explain, things that only those people have lived through and know the true value of their connection.
And by the way, going back to the past lives reference - if you learn about the connections people have, whether it's love, family, friendships, you learn about the meaning they had in your previous lives and how or why things happen in this lifetime. I'm very new to the subject, but it's fascinating to read about.
Very interesting take on the topic.
Hey Matthew, been listening to your podcasts, since last 3 days and its helping me alteast feel better and recover from PTSD of this awful few years of being closed off and sadness and daydreaming about right person, wring time. Phew! such a relief, still need more time ( it's been 8 years but making some progress)
I love Matthew and Audrey. Love all the advice and fresh points of view. This video, though, is my ultimate favorite. I'm listening to it on repeat. A heart crushing breakup in which I was dumped has had me ruminating and not living in my reality. Listening to this until I really believe and feel the man who dumped me was a good man, but not the right man.
in attachment trauma psychology this is called limerence. Those interested can look it up.
I have never felt as aligned to someone else’s experience as I have with your path and your story. I’m deep into your book now and it’s a beautiful roller coaster of emotions. I am currently going through a break up with someone I was sure was “the one.” Your book and your content are comforting and reassuring. Thanks for continuously sharing your thoughts and experiences with us.
I have been so beartroken recently when a guy I had a soul mate connection with changed his mind about going out together. I met him at work and it seemed we both fancy each other. Today I found out he has a girlfriend of many years and I was only a side option for him.😢
After nearly four years, this posted video is like a long-awaited 🎁 hiding under the 🎄!! Finally!!
I have not lost "The One"! This supposed "One" never got away from me, because those guys who did were never the one. And there is no such thing as "right person, right time"!! I had been correct all along.
Thank you for confirming this!!
This is the most dark I've seen Matthew Hussey talk. Lovin it.
Thank to this video.. im stuck to a story i never got to live... It has been 27 yrs and now i can move forward. The one that got away is just someone who is not meant to stay.
If they were right for me, we would still be together. The story isn't as interesting when you know the real ending.
Breakups are similar to the death of a loved one, except the person is still around somewhere. It's an endless loop of "I miss that person" -> "We'll never relive the moments of bliss together" - > Feeling bad -> Get out of the mental hole, remembering the breakup happened for a reason -> Stop overthinking, it was not meant to be. Breakups heal, but the PTS from two very heart felt breakups piles up over time, a third breakup would be too much, on the third time I will try my very best until I',m ready.
I love all your videos but my favorite ones are the ones with Audrey 🤗🩷
Audrey is right on about the memories and talking about them. The science is called memory cell structure and it fires, gets fed, whenever we revisit it. Keeps us stuck if we don't learn to shift away of it.
Love your content Matthew!! This video was particularly helpful. I have noticed something super minor whenever Audrey is on your content. Sometimes she makes these banger comments that are super impactful for me, and then you respond without really validating the powerful thing she just said. Would love to see her deep comments more appreciated by you.
Guys, thanks for a very wise conversation. Incredible how you can discover certain " laws" of how our psyche works
Excellent episode, thanks! Very true that real life is not a rehearsal and happens whether you're ready or not. You don't get a second chance to say, "I'm ready now, can I try again?"
Epic & Spot On conversation. Just amaaaazing you two 👏👏👏👏
The girl I ended things with wasn't just a girlfriend, she was a very special friend. We met online and she was the only girl I really hit it off with. We knew each other for five years and tried dating a few times but she always dialed things back to just friends, which disappointed me, because I really wanted things to get serious between the two of us. When we finally tried for a serious relationship a lot of things surfaced, which made me realize that a serious relationship was just not meant to be and why she wanted to be just friends. Even when we were just friends, we still had super great times together and made a lot of special memories.
It wasn't me that ended things. It was my parents.
I never thought I'd ever want to be just friends with a girl at my age, but the special connection I had with this girl makes me wish I still had her in my life.
You guys talk a lot about this topic and make good points but what about meeting someone who is living in a different country? You could argue then that that person is "right person wrong time" if they have a career they have to go back to etc and your lives don't make sense financially to bring it together at that very moment. You can't just dismiss that person as the wrong person. Sometimes it takes time to bring two people together, you can't expect someone to just appear in your environment or city and somehow have this fantastic connection. Sometimes life takes time when you meet someone special. Would love to hear more scenarios that are realistic
You’ll never know if you wouldn’t have had a wonderful relationship if you never let the relationship happen.
If you did experience a relationship, it’s much less likely that you let the person go due to a mistake or misunderstanding as you knew what you had.
Matthew should debate Stephan Labossiere, who adamantly contends that right person wrong time is valid.
I tend to to side with Matthew as if it should happen it would happen.
My ex-fiance blindsided me and left me under two weeks ago. I have been through the darkest grief since. 17:10 of this video spoke to me in a way that no one else has been able to, it’s profound. Thank you so much.
After decades of heartache, pain, and rejection, I have become focused on my dream of having a cabin in the mountains. I have retreated to a fantasy world where the risk of one more failed relationship is exactly zero.
I really needed to hear this today. Thank you!
I just want that one to talk about my day with. I don’t know if that’s selfish but I just like the company. I don’t know how to be secure on my own.
Issues of abandonment and rejection that are born from our primary caregivers shape us emotionally to be literally programmed to what I call emotionally familiar territory. That which feels familiar can in many cases be toxic. The unintended consequence of the human condition are at work when we gravitate towards that which often feels familiar. Rejection, abandonment, abuse even, can and often is a place where we have survived for many years.
You do the inner work and have self awareness. You can deprogramme.
With so many things having to align for a successful relationship I may as well give up now.
My issue is that even after no longer speaking about it, the rumination never stopped for me
I guess it will stop if you find someone to replace that person.
Wow, exactly what I needed. Saving this to listen to again sometime.
Thank u so much for this, this had been 1 month 11 days since i have been rejected... n i struggle to let go of him, but this really had helped me
How I love both of you❤. You cannot imagine how by delivering this knowledge you help me to manage my love life and help me to find my man❤ Thank you a lot. God bless both of you with endless love❤
Any advice on on getting over someone when you have so much regret and can’t stop thinking about them my mind is driving me crazy
I need advice on them as well. It’s mentally draining asf
@@e18terrrones58 it is my friend how are you doing now? I can say I’m definitely doing a little better
Hope all is well
I'm loath to admit it, but as valuable and wise as this pod's content was, I was distracted for most of its duration by just how GORGEOUS Audrey's hair is!
I think the whole reason a movie stays a movie is that we have to imagine the other scenes that might have happened that we don't get to see for that person.
This video is exactly what I needed to hear right now. Thank you.
Well said both Matthew and Audrey! So happy ive got both your books and starting to read them now thanks Matthew. I know exactly where you're coming from and how you've delivered it is perfect! ❤
This just hurts so much . Thank you for all your videos but realizing this just hurts
I had breakup yesterday with whom i want to marry.. It was my 8years relationship.. He broke up..Its his decision.. He blocked me on everything.. actually he wanted our relationship to break since 2023.But i still want him..Because i am 27.. and i think i wont get anyone like him as i am deeply in love with him..i am very much afraid what if he marries someoneelse after few months..how to get over this situation idk..i feel depressed all the time and cant focus on my career..
@lora7890 please visit a therapist as I did. I know they are expensive but trust me it's gonna be emotionally costly for you and your career if you don't get professional help. I'm telling you from my heart and from my experience
I’m so sorry-it’s devastating experience
Your 27 you weren't getting married to that boy. You will look back and laugh in a few years.
Oh my dear, I can hear and feel your incredible pain… I’m healing from a break-up that wasn’t my decision as well. Remember, “Man’s rejection is God’s protection!” Watch Matthew’s videos on breakups and how you can never lose the right person for you!! Praying for a speedy recovery of your heart and life… I’m about to see my ex tomorrow for the first time in months and I’m a little nervous but am glad that I took the time to be honest with my feelings and truly heal. He told me for over a year that he’d moved,but then told me 2 wks ago he couldn’t move on with me “around” and now he’s sleeping with and dating someone! lol … be true to who you are and fall in love with you!! I’m not dating yet bc I haven’t met the right person and want to be more healed before starting something real… I got the strong sense I’m getting married soon! If you have a higher power, practice and receive all the love that is meant for you… and the partnership will come. 💯💕🙏🏽🙏🙏🏼🎉
Was your relationship with him tumultuous was it stressful did you fight often?
These are all reasons to leave a relationship.
Once you get some distance from it 6 months to a year you might start looking back and remembering differently.
We tend to hold on to things because we know them not because they are right for us.
I have a distant relationship with a guy and we are both commited in the sense that we are faithful to each other, but it's been a year and he didn't want to meet in person yet
yea i smell bs man
I would be very suspicious after this length of time. I'm afraid I would have bailed after 2 months if there was no urgency/ planning around a physical meet up.
Leave him now. Reclaim your one life. You are NOT in a relationship as he has not committed.
Thank you for your ambition talk. I'm looking for someone, and when we meet, it'll be something I will allow in my life.
Yes i know a 92 year old writer and the attraction is there but we are just friends..i'm 51.We would definately have been lovers in another life....❤
Even if you obtain your fairytale….(I have dated two crushes in a row)…
Sometimes it’s not what you need in your life…
And it can then be harder to accept the truth….
Love is messy…and real love happens in real time…💕
he was abusive. he always dumps me when we had argument, call himself "I'm the best man you'll ever be with! you're ungrateful b***"..for years I believed it. but now I just don't know
But you said when you met Audrey you pulled away for a bit and then tried to come back and she said you were trying to make a bid for attention essentially and then you guys came apart before coming back together again. So now you guys are married so how can you say if it's not the right time that it's not the right time?
So good. I loved this. I am struggling with this very issue.
He sounds exactly like Daniel Radcliffe