I've been gaslit by the vast majority of healthcare professionals, including mental healthcare professionals. It can leave you feeling so alone. I now just work on my issues independently with the help of books and videos because I can never find someone in real life who actually gets it. Sad, but I'm becoming extremely self-sufficient.
Stay strong, bro/sis ❤ I'm truly sorry for what you've been through, and I can relate - I've had a similar experience. I understand that situations like yours can happen to many people who were just seeking help but ended up getting seriously injured by those they turned to. Please know that you're not alone in this. I'm here for you.
During my first marriage, about three years in, we went to couples counseling. When we walked in the office, I thought, “oh, I am in for it” because the therapist seemed like such a good ‘ole boy. For two or three sessions, my husband charmed him. My husband loved him. Then, for the third or fourth session, the therapist put my husband on the hot seat, as I had been the first few sessions. He practically cross-examined him,and told him, in my presence, everything that he was doing. My husband was completely called out! When we left, he said we would never go back. But what that session did for me was amazing! I realized that I was not going crazy, and this man I married was not a whole person. I started planning my escape. Years later, I realized that the therapists strategy was to help me out in exactly that way, and he knew he would only have one shot at it. I am very grateful.
Same here - my therapiest told me that I don't have the right to be angry at my horribly abusive alkoholic father - because being alkoholic is a illnes. I stoped to go to him - dont have the trust to go someone else.
@@katarinatibai8396I HAD 2 THERAPISTS THAT GASLIGHTED ME, ONE WAS SAYING THAT I WAS BEING PARANOID WHEN I TRIED TO TELL HIM THAT I BE MORE WATCHFUL OF PEOPLE BECAUSE OF MY EXPERIENCE OF OTHER PEOPLE DOING AND PLOTTING DEVIOUS SCHEMES AND FLATTERING ME WITH LIES.
@@katarinatibai8396I WILL ALSO TELL YOU THAT SEVERAL YEARS AGO WHEN I WAS GROUP THERAPY I HAD OTHER CLIENTS THAT WAS NOT ONLY BLAMING ME FOR THE SITUATION I ADDRESSED, BUT THEY WERE ALSO USING PROFANITY AT ME AND THE ONE RUNNING THE THERAPY SESSION WAS DOING THE SAME.
@@katarinatibai8396I HAD A THERAPIST THAT WAS GASLIGHTING ME BY SAYING THAT I WAS BEING PARANOID WHEN I WAS TRYING TO TO TELL HIM ABOUT MY PAST EXPERIENCES AND SOME OF THE DEVIOUS SCHEMES PEOPLE PLAY AND THAT IS WHY I AM MORE CAUTIOUS.
I got gaslighted by around 4 therapists after which I found the one with whom i could discuss my experiences safely. I still get angry thinking about those times from time to time.
My soon to be ex therapist seriously keeps trying to gaslight me and convince me that I secretly love my abusive narcissistic mother because I happen to be caring for her while she's in hospice. And the therapist knows I'm not doing it because I want to, but because I financially have no choice. But he still keeps pushing it no matter how much I push back on it. And when I confronted him, he got defensive and doubled down on it. Thankfully, I have enough confidence and recognition of my own feelings now that the gaslighting doesn't work.
"Your reality belongs to you!....People who cannot properly hold space for you, are not good for you." Powerful words, sound advice! Thank you Dr.Ramani
She told me our relationship ship was based on truth..I always spoke the truth and had no problems with that...when I told her my truth, which was true...she called it “My Truth “....yes it was my truth...I couldn’t make things up even if I wanted to.
I was seeing a therapist who specialized in EMDR therapy for a while for CPTSD from narcissistic abuse and other trauma from childhood. For the first 6 months, it was fine but then he started to become manipulative and bullying and would talk up the hour and give absolutely no helpful guidelines or anything. TA DAA! When I saw the usual patterns, it was obvious that he was a narcissist himself! I promptly gave him the boot and started working with another therapist.
Omg!! I’m sorry to hear this. On another note, was your therapist the same person as mine?... sounds just like him. seriously though, makes me wonder how many more there are out there...
I had a narcissistic case worker who sounds similar. Just to get switched to someone new with my therapists help was drama. It was a month of threats and fear. If I had more access to resources or lived in a big city I’d go somewhere else. Narcs are everywhere.
The sucky thing though is that for those of us that can only see certain therapists due to them being one of the only that takes our insurance, we don’t really have many options. If we get stuck with a certain therapist that don’t work out, the only option may be to quit therapy entirely since there’s no other therapists that take the insurance. Hope that makes sense
Once I had a crying attack during my therapy session because I felt so attacked by my therapist. I couldn't stop, I still remember it. It was traumatic
This happened to me when I was 7 months pregnant. I was in floods of tears just like after a narc incident. It was therapy arranged by my GP. I told her what my husband was doing. She asked me if I ever shouted at him. She said ‘well you’re abusing him too’. It was unbelievable. A few days later I went into labour prematurely and the abuse was so bad I left my ex husband from hospital. What a totally rubbish therapist. I would have loved for her to be there for all the attacks to see what tripe she was saying.
I know how that feels. I almost had a heart attack when going through the horrible session I had. I'm very young and have never had heart problems before.
The greatest irony is that narcissists reccomend therapy for all those around them; they never need therapy! Then ..... they will convince the therapist how mad you are!
Oh if you want to really be excommunicated from any group of therapists. Recommend that you believe therapists need therapy before they should give therapy
Lol good one. And when you say I'm not cold, they'll argue until they fall over dead. Well I'm cold, so you need to wear a coat. I've actually wondered if this is gas lighting or just stupidity.
I'm not an expert. But i am just wondering, after reading your comment, how it can be possible to help children learn to identify their own emotions, if you don't help them name the emotion that it seems like they are experiencing? So, would you argue that that is gaslighting too? :)
My mother is a narcissist and I constantly had to deal with the manipulative abuse for my childhood too. Now I see her being crazy around my little half brother, and wouldn’t you know, she says that EXACT thing. Constantly. She’ll even start yelling at him to put a coat on, so I find that comment spot on. The funny thing is, I’m the kind of person who’s very warm, and chilly days don’t bother me. Both literally and metaphorically (as in Im not the type to listen to her bullshit), I bet my mom hates it that she can’t have that little speck of control over me (we don’t live together and I’m 17 now, so she can’t really control me anyways).
@@emmamrk9183 I'm not the OP, but I can say I've helped kids as young as 3 and 4 years develop vocabulary for their emotions. They learn scripts to fall back on such as "I am feeling ____, and I would like ____. Sometimes it turns into a game where we find exactly the perfect word for how they're feeling. And that search, in and of itself, have a calming centering effect. They may not always get what they say they would like (another hour playing, for example) but they get heard by an adult. They learn to identify and express their emotions, instead of immediately reacting. They learn to negotiate with people and find resolution, and to deal with both unpleasant and ecstatic feelings in a gradually more mature way. Adults who see their kids as people tend to really like this technique. Adults who are petty and want to manipulate and control their kids find it cheeky. It puts them off to see their kids so self-expressed and centered. Controlling parents like to tell their kids how they *should feel*, rather than listening to how the kids actually feels and thinks. They also like to see their children acting out of control and immature, so they can dismiss the kid and feel superior.
None of the therapists I saw with the narc were able to see the truth of their behaviour, they were so good at the manipulation. I gave them all up... the therapists and the narc. I know what I experienced I don't care what anyone says.
Yes. Happened to me. I never went back. I was harmed as much by my toxic family members as by them. I was finally able to speak up at a new place. I said "My family is toxic". I was told "No they are not" with a smile. I left after our time was up. I did not go back.
Tribal gaslighting goes on A LOT within the NHS (National Health Service) here in the UK. The Mental Health System is absolutely broken, with so many so-called 'expert trauma therapists' behaving so eerily like our past narcissistic abusers with an overwhelming majority of narcissistic abuse survivors walking out with a 'Personality Disorder' label rather than with C-PTSD and validation and support. I wish that more therapists were like you Dr Ramani xx
YES, tribal gaslighting happens a lot within the NHS, there too many people working in the NHS mental health system whom are narcissists, psychopaths n sociopaths, move n go to a different team n you will be diagnosed with different conditions, it a complete pseudo science, they just pick a diagnosis depending on their own prejudice, bias n their own mental illness, the whole system is corrupt, but ive not met any of these 'expert trauma therapists you speak of.
I have CPTSD and a therapist one-upped me and played devil's advocate 90% of the time in our sessions. I brought this up but was dismissed. It was like hell to terminate the relationship. They claimed therapy was not for me. I'd like to report them so others don't suffer like I did.
Mine didn't know what Narrccisstic people were or Gaslighting . When I told him I was coming here ,Listening To Doc Ramani ? He cut me down to once a month from 4 ...and I need 4 ! Now the search is on for another !
I've been a therapist for over 20 years. I'm not sure this term "gaslighting" even became a popular term until fairly recently. I've only heard of the term maybe a year ago. That's not to say I don't know what the symptoms of gaslighting are..its just the word itself was was new to me. Gaslighting is not even a psychological term. It came from a movie from over 40 years ago.
Unbelievable..I am just going through this...trying to find a therapist to help me with my PTSD due to my extreme narc mother and it's been a nightmare to find someone who can understand the severity..With one I tried to tell her that I need her to believe me more and be more understanding and she literally kicked me out of therapy!
Mother's are the most deadly of all . My mother killed my sister , drove her to death and gets sympathy as her daughter committed suicide.No direct Blood on her hands so By Law Free to do it again to me. . I'm 57. Run if you are young , before you can't........it will never End , but you will !
My therapist told me I am just not giving the narcissist enough attention. But that was just the start of the gaslighting. If only I watched your videos back then Dr Ramani! ❤
This was what our couples therapist did! I was working, schooling, child caring, cooking, cleaning - everything and our therapist said I wasn’t giving him enough attention or intimacy, even though I was EXHAUSTED. I’m so sorry you heard this too!
I had an appointment which was initially attended by an Asian doctor. Some random comment I made "caused" him to explode into a FOX "news"-"informed" rant. I told him directly to get away from me, and I got someone who was competent.
I've only had therapists that gaslighted me. Not only did I have to defend and discuss things that happened to me they even told me that I am not in pain and so on. Some even tried to convince me that I liked something I didn't like or that something meant something to me that actually didn't. I'm still trying to recover from the last therapist who shamed me in every conversation and never acknowledged any of my stories. If I told her someone said something to me she turned it around and made a discussion about whether it actually happened. It was a struggle having a normal conversation with her since I could never talk about my feelings since I had to defend and discuss what had happened to me so we never got to discuss the actual problem. If I said things like, person A called me ugly and it made me feel sad, she would say things like, did that person really say that, maybe you're wrong, or things like maybe they had a bad day. I could never ever talk about the feeling. I only ever had to defend my reality which was so draining and crazymaking. I'm so scared to ever try therapy again. I'm so sick of therapists telling me how I should feel and that I'm not hungry even though I am.
I am a therapist and I was gaslighted by my therapist and when I decided to terminate the relationship I was more gaslighted and diminished, it was an awful experience
This is shocking that a therapist would do this to another therapist! Not shocked that it's done to clients because it's happened to me too. Hope you can recover and heal from this. All the best.
Double Gaslighting! Now the original narc gaslighting is buried underneath another festering wound. Gaslighting by your therapist is toxic and damaging!
My older sister falls into this category as an online “Life Coach”. She practiced and developed her psychological abuse on me and her elementary school students. She barley escaped prosecution as a teacher for holding a knife to the chest of one of her elementary students by claiming she was “just trying to help her” by pure manipulation. Now at nearly 60 she has found that preying on paying clients online is actually profitable. Beware who you trust, it might just be fueling their psychosis at your expense.
@@priyao5097 and many of these teachers are running the schools. They seem very successful with discipline, they are promoted quickly. I informed my headteacher about a bully teacher, who was intimidating others, teachers and students. At the end, I needed to leave my job because it was too toxic to stay. The only satisfaction we had, she was proven misconduct and was put on some sort of observation for 1 and a half years. The empathetic teachers don't have easy life in schools but they loved by empathetic students and teachers.
Cousin tried to practice life coach BS on me a few months ago. I didn't ask her for any advice. I cut her off. Influencers are narcissistic 100% so expect abuse.
I do not trust life coaches AT ALL. The whole concept seems controlling and there is little training or vetting. At least therapists have a lot of training, a code of ethics, at least there are therapists who put stuff out there like this to hold other therapists accountable ON SOME level
I told my therapist I thought I was marrying my best friend but discovered he was my worst enemy. She said that isnt true he probably really loves me and there is a lot I can learn about myself if I hang in there. I found another therapist on Better Help.
True. My therapist was literally telling me that what I was saying wasn't true. Like, I can definitely go back to my family when I really can't. I just kept telling her over and over that I cannot do that. Sigh.
Therapists and their superiority, believing that having a degree gives them the power to read minds. Be extremely careful with the people in this profession. Many of them can cause you more harm than help.
You're right! A therapist can cause more problems. If your issues concern gaslighting from an institution. Some will steer right away from it and direct you in a direction you had no intentions of going. Leaving you dissatisfied and more gaslighting to heal privately. You are on your own Couldn't agree with you more.
It flabbergasts me when therapists who went to therapy school and are getting paid by the emotional vulnerable patient have a meltdown when the patient dares express a boundary or dare say that the therapist advice is not working for them, who are these therapists and how did they get licensed? I feel like these egotistical therapists should be reported immediately for being maladaptive snowflakes, instead of focusing their attention on the emotional needs of the patient.
I thank you for mentioning the term “Tribal Gaslighting”. This is EXACTLY what happened to me as a Stepmom. As if being in that unfortunate role wasn’t ultimately bad enough, my husband and I went to a therapist, and she offered NO support.....just MORE gaslighting. No validation, nothing. So many therapists are pathetic, self centered and unqualified. Especially when they themselves have been divorced.
Thank you for talking about medical gaslighting, as well. I was told my health issues were all in my head for 20 years, before learning I have a connective tissue disorder. All because some doctors’ fragile egos couldn’t allow them to admit that they didn’t know what I was dealing with.
I left a narcissist relationship and noticed when I was with him, I had all types of health issues from sinus migraines, pain in my body, weight gain and as soon as I left the relationship, my depression left and I no longer had these health ailments. It’s crazy what stress can do to your body.
One person told me she got away from her narcissistic marriage by her therapist. Her husband and therapist started a romance. She saw it happening in front of her and she was clever enough to not tell them out.
Totally unethical yes. But she wasn't smart at hat time. She felt very hurt. It's was her mother who said: you still want to be married to 'that'? If she wants him, she doesn't deserve any better. Don't feel guitlty. (Yeah she felt guilty for the therapist!' You know how twisted we get) it's her mom helping her to listen to mamma!
Yes, I have never thought about this before but I was gaslighted by my therapist when I first saw one. After abuse in the workplace I turned into myself, but needed a therapist as a reality check after the bullying. My therapist twisted it - “if they did do what you said, then he would have been sacked. I think that in reality you were the bully.” It traumatised me even further and I genuinely believed that I had done something wrong without knowing exactly what it was I had done.
Wow so sorry you were retraumatised by an incompetent therapist. I hope you found someone that provided better care. I've got stories too. There seems to be no shortage of bad ones.
That sounds horrible! I am going through the fallout of workplace emotional abuse at the moment and understand the trauma you describe. These “professionals” are clearly not acquainted with insidious workplace power dynamics and are careless with people who are already in a very fragile mental state. Furious on your behalf and sorry that happened to you :(
So sorry to hear this, Paul. I hope you find the help you are looking for. Researching literature can be helpful, what you describe sounds like a phenomenon for which the terms workplace mobbing, workplace abuse, emotional abuse at work, and workplace bullying are used. If you can name it, you can deal with it.
Thank you for your replies everyone. Just reliving the experience again, I was also told by the same therapist that I needed to go on a diet and lose weight and that people who wear glasses are hiding something. Wow! I’m absolutely amazed I kept him on for 6 weeks before leaving, but I was so desperate for validation over what had happened at my job I continued with him hoping that I would eventually turn a corner. I never did turn that corner and after leaving it took me another 6 months before I would reach out to another therapist for support.
Every therapist I had gaslit me in regard to my narcissistic mother and narcissistic relationships. This is why I haven’t seen a therapist in years, and really need to.
This is all so horrible. My father is a covert narc. I've experienced it. And I still, at 54, doubt myself and have severe depression and anxiety. My therapists have said all this to me and more. Thank you for explaining all this. I always had a feeling a lot of therapists do more harm than good. I quit therapy about a month ago. I can't take it. Peace to everyone. ✌️
Same here all I got was there was no hope of me leaving him without a unfair outcome I was always felt worse after every time ! I know it was going to be hard I disabled in some ways and I’m older so I was never going to get away from him !
I'm sorry you experienced that, I have narcissistic parents too and Im 34 , I've started to see a therapist since quartantine began and I do feel sometimes like I'm not heard, or that they don't remember things I tell them but also knowing that they have many clients and that may be hard to take everything in from all clients. I sometimes feel my emdr therapist gets annoyed.
My narc/borderline ex and our relationship therapist teamed up on me. The therapist just wouldn't believe that my ex was as evil as she was. The therapist would look beyond the things I told him because my ex played the victim rol so well. She was so convincing that if I didn't know the truth it would even sound far fetched to me. She had to be the most evil person tha I've ever came in contact with. We have a son together and she was equally convincing with the feminist family court system mediators. She came up with outlandish stories that had no basis in reality. Even after I proved her to be a liar in court the judges still show sympathy. Crazy world we are living in. Keep up your boundaries, and stay narc-free folks! They are everywhere.
Sometimes it seems like a narcissistic virus! When I learned about the patterns, I realized how many narcissistic people had been or were in my life. It's scary out there.
@@marieborchardt2910 what makes it worse is the multiplying effect on the carnage of the situational narcissists (flying monkeys) they so easily recruit.
Was lucky to have a therapist who understood narcissism and suggested books for me to read about it. She helped me to understand my Dad had narcissism and I was a victim of his abuse. Thank goodness for her. So lucky!
@@MiguelAlmenaVisual Pete Walker, Complex PTSD, from surviving to thriving. Healing the Adult children of Narcissistists, Shahida Arabi . Both of these are great, but there are lots of books out there. Initially the ones suggested were more basic, but eventually I found these through researching the topic. 😊
Hi Jojo, Does your therapist have online or zoom session availability? I’ve never sat with a therapist who understand this Narcissist marriage dynamic I am in.
@@eyeswideopen82 Hi Cece, unfortunately she’s retired now, otherwise I would have asked her. I think when you go online, you can look up therapists with a specific expertise in narcissism. Good luck with finding the right person for you. Jo
I was gaslighted by the church i loved.It was in ways worse than the abuse i endured from the narcissist before i literally ran for my life.My faith was just about destroyed.The church counselor literally shrugged his shoulders and changed the subject when i told him how i was physically attacked
I recently realized the church I grew up in is a cult! We were taught since bible school that questioning the bible or the teachings is a sin! No room for open dialogue.
Knowledge on this subject in churches is just about zero, that is what I have found in the UK but it is changing, tell people your story I have had support from Christian radio UCB here in the UK it has been instrumental in bringing about change in the Christian world and other area's, speak out for those who have no voice.
@@Jess-kn8vl Reminds of my attempted-Catholic (the attempt failed) upbringing, last time I went to Sunday school. the teacher said: "The Devil created evil. But the Devil is evil, so cannot create." I asked: "What does that mean?" "Answer": You can't ask questions about that because it's a mystery." Today I suspect that she couldn't answer the question because she didn't understand paradox. But that sort of thing arose from the more general, "It's a sin to ask that question."
I was waiting for this video. Finding a good trauma therapist is like traversing a minefield. For me it has literally been 50:50- they were either helpful, professional, compassionate therapists or abusive, manipulative, gas-lighting "people" whose education allows them to do even more damage.
Many professionals are just there for a paycheck good people, they last opened a book since they were in school. Ignorance is the problem when it comes to this topic !
Some red flags went up at my last therapy session...when my therapist said, "That doesn't sound like such a bad problem to have" and "You know, you're lucky to even have a job" I felt like he was trying to put me down and deligitimize my feelings. I left that session thinking, "what just happened?" and this video helps me to see that I'm not crazy for thinking that...
Just got the courage to fire my therapist..and I got an extra $500 Bill...I learned more from Dr. Ramani 3 hour seminar than 3 years with this therapist
I had a therapist who basically said over and over that it was my choice I stay. That really hurt and did not help. I needed validation. This was true but I felt blamed even though the abuse was the root of my issue.
“I can’t be the only one that’s wrong, that’s arrogant...” my thoughts and words my whole life!!! Never heard anyone else speak these words! Thank you Dr Ramani for bringing validation to this battle!
Boy do I know this one well!!! The psychologist giving me and the ex narc counseling, informed us both that he had tested positive for significant narc traits (Outed him as a narc in front of me). Then proceeded to tell us that being narc wasn't a bad thing. And went on to treat me poorly, and shut me down every session for the next few months. Finally during one session, I'd had enough and demanded to know why I was constantly being rudely dismissed and shut down every session. It turned out, the psychologist had written our test results down wrong in their personal session notes, and was treating me as the narc. That meant they were also supporting the real narcs choices and behaviors. They have no idea how much more destructive and dangerous they made my situation as a result of what they had done.
This happened to me. My husband's therapist invited me to answer questions about him - and it was surprise couples therapy! No papers to sign for release to treatment or agreement. I watched this woman minimize physical abuse, agree with my husband about my "exaggeration" and "histrionics". I felt very much like they were tag teaming me! The therapist was trying to convince me it was all my fault! I just went neutral and kept telling them I was fine, and eventually she thought we were "resolved".
@@norielkaselowski3808 I did. He loved that therapist. He hated my daughter's therapist because she warned both my daughter and myself that he was showing narcissistic tendencies!
Sorry to hear this happened to you. I had a similar experience. The therapist minimised physical abuse. Years on from that terrible experience Dr. Ramani explained gaslighting and everything suddenly made sense. 20 years after that marriage councilling from a psychologist it still hurts when I recall those sessions.
My therapist started to cry as i told him i want to divorce from my narc husband. I got really insecure about my decision and felt guilty longtime. 4 Times i went to court to open my divorce case and closed it again. I was confused because of the Manipulation of my therapist. Finally i cut off both. My husband and my therapist. I am listing to my inner voice now. Thanks a lot Dr. Ramani, you are amazing.
So happened to me!?!? My counselor told me I was too reactive. It took a 8 months for her to figure out he was going to marriage counseling with me in the morning and premarital counseling in the afternoon at church with his girlfriend. Then, she focused on my mom (another narcisstic) and told me it was my perception. Well, ditched all three, my ex, my mom and counselor and I began to heal ❤
Thank @@Jess-kn8vl and Theresa, I minimized the recovery 🙏 🙌 👍 It's taken my 5 years to really feel like I'm on solid ground but healthy healing happens 🙌❤
I had a therapist who would always take my ex-husband's side even when he was cheating on me. When she was not gaslighting me she would be telling me about her problems with her husband. Seeing her was such a waste of time and money.
A therapist I had fueled my confusion about my abusive relationship. Gladly i got out of both, and found a therapist that really really really works towards my healing. This channel helped me understand why i was so confused. Thank u!
Gaslighting does start a flame to my emotions. Learn personal boundaries- filter with whom I will share, with whom I decide to be around. Know whom deserves your words, your kindness, your time. Beautiful boundaries.
My life coach said to me I should continue with my ns. Partner as am growing older .I was 47 that time. She said to me she would give her partner all authority becouse she is now older and it won't be easy to go into a new relationship if she decided to leave. Of course, the relationship with my toxic partner didn't last, but I still lost my confidence when she was enabling this very toxic person.I came out of this with depression, anxiety and lost further 5 month to see how I was gaslighted . Thank you so much Dr. Ramani.
When scapegoated by my family of origin, I chose no contact to preserve myself. My therapist didn’t understand the toxicity and damage from narcissistic abuse and encouraged me to write letters to certain family members. Any survivor of narc abuse knows that never works and just causes more damage. My therapist then decided we were “done” and that was my last session. I was really confused! This video helped clear that up, thanks.
I swear, today (10 min ago) experianced something that I asked my self, Is she gaslighting me? And then this pops up. 😱 The first red vlag was this whit my psychologist, she said to me on the first appointment that I was not depressed. I was so mad and asked her, why she thinks that bc I just entered the room. Her response was, bc I greeted her whit a smile. 🤦🏻♀️ crazy right? I was boiling of anger.
@@HealingIndigoMoon your right! I have asked my self this 2 times now about my psychologyst. 😔 im seeing here for my trauma plus the narcissist abuse relation that I had. What to do now 😑 sorry for my bad English. It’s not my native language.
@@s.9806 we aren't here to judge your English😉 I wouldnt trust her anymore, cancel future appointments and look for a better therapist if possible. Being gaslighted by a therapist won't help getting over gaslighting.
So true. It’s so important to find a therapist that sees and hears you 💯! My whole family has gaslighted me because of my sociopathic narcissistic mother has barred and isolated me. Shes wrongfully accused me and abused me. She’s made everyone judge me with no justice. It’s been awful with them all denying me and not listening to my side of the true story they just believe my wicked mothers lies. She’s like that lady Joan Crawford in mommy dearest movie. I’ve gone no contact with all of them and trying to heal on my spiritual journey. I wish you could be my therapist. Your amazing Dr. Ramani! Thank you so much for making these. ❤️
Ive had therapists not believe what I'm saying, get abrasive with me, not be sorry that they triggered me, and tell me to go back to someone who's abuse made me suicidal... I fired her.
Thank you so much for this video. This ha´has been my situation, and it`s so painful. Married for 40 years with a neglectful narsisist, and when I finally tells my story, my therapist gaslight me, because my husband seems so nice. It felt so awfull, and I got panicattack afterwords. I am so gratefull for your work, Dr. Ramani.
As a child I hated being touched by my mothers husband. I didn’t even want to be in the same room as him. Our family therapist called me “mean,hateful, selfish and bratty”. Said I had no right to deny this grown man affection. He put a roof over my head so I owed him love. She told my mom to deny my lunch money and rides to school if I didn’t “behave”. That therapist basically gave that monster permission to sexually assault me.I tried to tell her my side. But she wouldn’t hear it. Eventually she gave up on trying to “fix” me.
I am sorry that you went through that negative trauma from that therapist. This therapist was for your abusive parents only which was sad. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Please get a healthly therapist for yourself only to heal.❤
I am sorry that you went through that negative trauma. You deserved dignity and respect from your therapist. You deserved to be heard and be believed. You deserve a healthly therapist helping and supporting you only. The therapist was in support of your abusive parents which is sad.🤔🤣
As with most of your videos, THIS ALSO HAPPENED TO ME!! Our therapist seemed to be making me out to be a horrible person. By the end, I realized, she was not healthy and couldn't help me when I continually I left appointments feeling defensive and angry. I chose her to help me manage my relationship with my narcissistic mother.
When I told my friend that my husband is a narcissist she said many families suffer from narcissistic individuals not just you so try your best to keep the relationship.
My mother, brother and myself was under the abuse of my narcissistic dad..But the psychiatrist diagnosed my bro for schizophrenia and my mom for bipolar coz they almost went crazy and depressed enduring the narcissistic abuse..They were given medications and ECT which made their depressions worse..And one psychiatrist told me am almost Bipolar..I first bought into it and had nightmares for few days..Then i got back to my original self coz I was able to see the abuse of my dad and itz consequences..So I understood that psychiatrist is a half baked professional and i completely quit going to him... Narcissists are soo good at acting and charming the therapist..i would say Videos on narcissism is much much more validating than going to a therapist and wasting time and money..People who put out videos on narcissism on UA-cam are real heroes..Hat off to them.. You are definitely a blessing for us survivors..Thank you
I wonder if my former abusive therapist had a substance abuse problem. I was screamed at and received no help for CPTSD from DV in my marriage. I complained and was screamed at more.
That's exactly what happened to me- my therapist told me I was too concentrated on the past, too sensitive and... it's impossible that my ex husband did what he did because nobody does such things to their partner... Yeah, now I can only laugh 😀
This topic disturbs me greatly. All “helpers” who purposefully harm in any manner should be summarily relieved of all duties and licenses. Sick, twisted, sadistic, and shameful evil. 🤮🤮
Thank you so much for posting this. All therapists need to watch this. Mine dismissed me when I tried to tell her about my narcissistic partner. I think some therapists and healthcare providers are very prideful and threatened if the patient might know a bit more about a certain subject because they are supposed to be the experts, so to speak.
The mental health system doesn't take into consideration the real life situations of their clients, poverty, abuse no support. My therapist told me she has 100 clients. She bitched at me about how I was handling things at crucial moment when I was trying to escape/move. I don't have enough stability to deal with this version of "treatment."
This happened to me a couple of times, three times actually, and one of them was a domestic violence counselor!! I stopped going to them, of course, but it was a big driver in why I started studying to be a counselor myself! There need to be more GOOD counselors out there and not bad ones. Great video!
Told my therapist I experienced sexual abuse in childhood and that It had a huge impact in me now...She told me that what I went through was normal and that me fearing touch and dating had nothing to do with it because there wasn't abuse. It all made me SO confused. I really needed this video, thank you ❤️
That happened to a boyfriend. I convinced him to go to therapy when he confessed me he had being sexually abused by a men whe he was 9 yo. He went to 2 male therapist and they told him that was normal and even part of implicit social rules to become a man. A woman therapist finally heard him and helped him.
@@yabe1496 It's sad to see how society is still attached to those destructive social rules and normalizes even more men's experience with abuse. Glad he could find appropriate help though
I had a therapist who would answer her phone and talk to her mom and sister during each session. I only saw her a couple of times. It was disgusting and I saw that she herself had absolutely no insight.
Nonspecific symptoms that didn’t add up and a doc said for me to exercise and to lose weight when in fact I was in a major depressive episode and grieving narc abuse as well as two deaths in the family. He made me feel almost suicidal and then when I went to my obgyn, she about blew a gasket because she knew his assessment was bullshit. Thankful to have her in my corner, so for every provider who doesn’t “get it” there’s one that does. Exactly as you said, providers are human and susceptible to failures as well. Thanks for the reminder that just because there’s MD on the wall does not make them the authority on another’s emotional situation, particularly if there’s narc abuse involved.
You betcha...you have to learn to be your own advocate. I learned not to just accept BS when it crosses the Doctors lips. they are just educated guessers for the most part and I know myself way better than they do. My bullshitometer goes off and I tell them so before I walk out. Not shy at all.
I had this happen to me! By my physician and therapist whom both worked in the same office I havent gone back I'm looking to find a new physician and therapist
I'm a therapist too. My parents have abused me ALL my life, gaslit, manipulated, controledl. There is SO much trauma they gave me and still are. It just keep coming. I told my therapist I felt angry at them and she just told me ''anger is a secondary emotion, what's underneath that?'' (idk if this is gaslighting/invalidation but it just felt off to me). I also told her I wanted to move out ASAP and step away from these people and she just told me I was trynna use it as a cope out and shifting the blame so I don't have to feel the pain. I have FELT the PAIN all my life, I can't keep taking it for the rest of my life, I deserve better. Had my session today and I feel SO HORRIBLE, questioning myself, and everything hurts. I also told her I was bi and she said, ''but you're dating a man rn.'' I mean???? One more red flag and I'm quitting and looking for another therapist.
I didn’t tell my therapist my mother was a narcissist. I said I’m having issues with my mother. And she tried to explain why my mom would say the things she says to me. She said I need to find a better way to communicate with my mother. I think I need a new therapist because I don’t feel heard and she just keeps justifying the reason why my mom would say things. I told her my mother tried to leave the day of my wedding and said it was hurtful. And she told me write a letter to my mother and not give it to her.
2 stories. 1. Marriage counseling, she told me not to complain about his *always* losing jobs quickly & said "he always comes back to you." Um no, I always followed him but not that time. 2. Then he pulled something worse & I had individual sessions through my employee assistance program. Different therapist who listened for 5 minutes & then directed me to info on narcissism. That one session changed my entire paradigm. She had divorced a narcissist & knew what I was dealing with. Bless her. Thank you Dr R for all you do for all of us. ❤
It is amazing when someone hands you the key that unlocks the crazy cage you've lived your life in! The 1st time I read a book that explained my ex's behavior, I felt like the author had been in my house, in my bedroom, in my head! It's like the cage door was thrown open! And it's like that with almost every single one of Dr. Ramani's videos too!
This is literally what is happening to me now. I am in couple's therapy and our therapist keeps telling me how trauma reactive and extremely sensitive I am. We talk about that a lot, sometimes more than my partner's rage issues. I realize our sessions have compounded my feelings of helplessness. Each scenario is exactly what you describe, I explained something and the therapist said exactly what you said. I literally said that my partner masks and behind closed doors, he rages and screams at me, and has extreme and sometimes violent tantrums. She responded by saying that everyone masks.
He may have autism or narcissism. Not normal. He is probably masking in the sessions. My therapist is doing the same thing right now. Telling my partner that does things like that I am oversensitive and enabling him. I am going to have my last session tomorrow. I will confront this and then be done.
My GP is about to make me see a therapist again in order to continue getting my very necessary psych meds. I honestly think therapists have been just as much a source of trauma for me as my abusive family. They're so similar. Being guilted into sharing emotional vulnerabilities, getting insulted for those vulnerabilities, getting shamed for disagreeing with the insults. My therapist bullying me into telling her whether or not I'm in contact with my mother felt exactly like my mother bullying me into telling her who I had a crush on in fourth grade. They both pathologize any hesitance to trust them, my mother would tell me I'm a cruel and bad person, my therapist tells me I'm resistant and overanalyze. My therapist has refused to make any of the concessions I've told her were necessary for me to continue therapy and then acted like I was the one who chose to end therapy just for the hell of it. Its a complete refusal to both take the things I need seriously and take the things I say seriously. Just like my mother. I really don't want to have to go through that again but my GP doesn't take me seriously either. it sux :/
I fired the first therapist I saw right after my breakup with my narcissistic ex because of this. She was awful. She was so faithful to attachment theory and patterns and kept insisting that my narcissistic ex was a dismissive-avoidant than a narcissist. Best decision ever. She was incredibly judgemental. I learned the hard way to have an introductory interview or meeting before starting treatment a potential therapist. Thank God, that I am now linked to a wonderful therapist who is very well versed on abuse and trauma and is informed about narcissistic abuse. If you are going through this, you are not alone, keep seeking help and keep looking for a competent therapist. You will be surprised that many therapists have little knowledge about this. Keep going.
I just broke a 14 year trauma bond with a therapist..Today was my first day without her!I feel so much lighter and more emotionally stable already. She had me sick,trapped and dependent..The tables have turned
The (last) ex-narc in my life actually BECAME a therapist while we were together, then TOLD me she was a textbook narcissist. Not really knowing what a narc was, I declared, “No. You’re not,” though I knew SOMETHING was not right with her. How’s THAT for cognitive dissonance?! For the remaining years of our relationship, she gaslit me by diagnosing my every boundary or squawk - which I didn’t buy into, but it was maddening. When I think of her seeing and advising clients, it gives me chills. Thankfully, my two experiences with REAL therapists were good ones. Sadly, everyone is not that lucky. Don’t be afraid to fire the duds!
I was told that I was the problem and to forgive my family, that hurt people hurt people , so I told my therapist that was a complete load of crazy and I don't have to forgive bad behavior and abuse. I'm in control now and I'm done with blatant disrespectful people I value me and I'm not doing this anymore
The therapist I saw after being abruptly discarded from a long term marriage seemed focused on explaining to me that something in my ex spouse childhood caused him to treat me the way he did. I didn’t dispute that. But understanding HIS childhood was not helping me. I think she should have suggested I seek a therapist who had more experience with narcissism than she had. I stopped seeing her after she (to me) implied my lack of feelings of intimacy towards my ex was probably why he treated me the way he did. I felt she was a “good girl” who blamed women for men’s narcissistic behavior.
Thank you so much for this! I found the example of the therapist saying "well that sounds like a communication issue" particularly evocative and helpful.
my first therapist used to gaslight me about my narcissistic mother all the time, telling me that maybe she could change, she didn't mean her actions like I was interpreting them, and I should just forgive her. it made me feel more alone and crazier
I was devastated when we went to several therapists. My wife was a covert Narcissist and a high professional. Those therapists kissed her ass and blamed me just because I was a Stay at Home Dad and she was an engineer. I felt horrible when we went to those therapists with her. I'm glad it's over but still pissed that I wasted 13 years of my life with a neglectful narcissist.
My therapist asked me if I ever just let my narc mom talk and it “be all about her”, to listen and hear her out. Then preceded to blame me that my character flaws must be why my mom is the way she is and that’s why relationships with women have not worked. I fired her before the next session.
I've been gaslit by the vast majority of healthcare professionals, including mental healthcare professionals. It can leave you feeling so alone. I now just work on my issues independently with the help of books and videos because I can never find someone in real life who actually gets it. Sad, but I'm becoming extremely self-sufficient.
🍀
same
Stay strong, bro/sis ❤ I'm truly sorry for what you've been through, and I can relate - I've had a similar experience. I understand that situations like yours can happen to many people who were just seeking help but ended up getting seriously injured by those they turned to. Please know that you're not alone in this. I'm here for you.
During my first marriage, about three years in, we went to couples counseling. When we walked in the office, I thought, “oh, I am in for it” because the therapist seemed like such a good ‘ole boy. For two or three sessions, my husband charmed him. My husband loved him. Then, for the third or fourth session, the therapist put my husband on the hot seat, as I had been the first few sessions. He practically cross-examined him,and told him, in my presence, everything that he was doing. My husband was completely called out! When we left, he said we would never go back.
But what that session did for me was amazing! I realized that I was not going crazy, and this man I married was not a whole person. I started planning my escape. Years later, I realized that the therapists strategy was to help me out in exactly that way, and he knew he would only have one shot at it. I am very grateful.
That is amazing!
WoW!
Good for you girl.
That gave me chills. He knew he would be losing an ongoing customer but the therapist put your needs first. Amen.
Thanks for telling your Truth.
Hope still happens, sometimes we just have to shine a light on it.
Stay Strong 💪
This is why many of us stopped going to worthless therapists. Thank God for you!
Same here - my therapiest told me that I don't have the right to be angry at my horribly abusive alkoholic father - because being alkoholic is a illnes.
I stoped to go to him - dont have the trust to go someone else.
Exactly
@@katarinatibai8396I HAD 2 THERAPISTS THAT GASLIGHTED ME, ONE WAS SAYING THAT I WAS BEING PARANOID WHEN I TRIED TO TELL HIM THAT I BE MORE WATCHFUL OF PEOPLE BECAUSE OF MY EXPERIENCE OF OTHER PEOPLE DOING AND PLOTTING DEVIOUS SCHEMES AND FLATTERING ME WITH LIES.
@@katarinatibai8396I WILL ALSO TELL YOU THAT SEVERAL YEARS AGO WHEN I WAS GROUP THERAPY I HAD OTHER CLIENTS THAT WAS NOT ONLY BLAMING ME FOR THE SITUATION I ADDRESSED, BUT THEY WERE ALSO USING PROFANITY AT ME AND THE ONE RUNNING THE THERAPY SESSION WAS DOING THE SAME.
@@katarinatibai8396I HAD A THERAPIST THAT WAS GASLIGHTING ME BY SAYING THAT I WAS BEING PARANOID WHEN I WAS TRYING TO TO TELL HIM ABOUT MY PAST EXPERIENCES AND SOME OF THE DEVIOUS SCHEMES PEOPLE PLAY AND THAT IS WHY I AM MORE CAUTIOUS.
I got gaslighted by around 4 therapists after which I found the one with whom i could discuss my experiences safely. I still get angry thinking about those times from time to time.
Me too. ❤️
I too gaslighted by two consecutive therapists who got together behind my back.
Whyyyyy does this happen at all??????
@@daisy7066ow did you find out they got together back your back? Did you report it?
My soon to be ex therapist seriously keeps trying to gaslight me and convince me that I secretly love my abusive narcissistic mother because I happen to be caring for her while she's in hospice. And the therapist knows I'm not doing it because I want to, but because I financially have no choice. But he still keeps pushing it no matter how much I push back on it. And when I confronted him, he got defensive and doubled down on it. Thankfully, I have enough confidence and recognition of my own feelings now that the gaslighting doesn't work.
"Your reality belongs to you!....People who cannot properly hold space for you, are not good for you." Powerful words, sound advice! Thank you Dr.Ramani
She told me our relationship ship was based on truth..I always spoke the truth and had no problems with that...when I told her my truth, which was true...she called it “My Truth “....yes it was my truth...I couldn’t make things up even if I wanted to.
Dr Ramani hits the proverbial nail on the head EVERYTIME! 👌
My therapist starting shouting at me, I just got up and walked out. I've never gone to see another therapist since. That was 3 years ago.
I’m sorry that happened. Good for you to have the courage to walk out.
What the frick? That's terrible, I'm so sorry that happened to you.
Me too =( Maybe not shouting but very insensitive and raise voice for no fucking reason... =(
Ridiculous. People like that should have their licenses yanked. For GOOD.
I had a conceited psychiatrist and psychiatric nurse laugh at me. They were so full of themselves . And were gaslighting me
I was seeing a therapist who specialized in EMDR therapy for a while for CPTSD from narcissistic abuse and other trauma from childhood. For the first 6 months, it was fine but then he started to become manipulative and bullying and would talk up the hour and give absolutely no helpful guidelines or anything. TA DAA! When I saw the usual patterns, it was obvious that he was a narcissist himself! I promptly gave him the boot and started working with another therapist.
Omg!! I’m sorry to hear this. On another note, was your therapist the same person as mine?... sounds just like him. seriously though, makes me wonder how many more there are out there...
@@malikal.3311 Do a Google search on “Signs of a bad therapist” - the guy I saw was guilty of practically every single item.
I had a narcissistic case worker who sounds similar. Just to get switched to someone new with my therapists help was drama. It was a month of threats and fear. If I had more access to resources or lived in a big city I’d go somewhere else. Narcs are everywhere.
The sucky thing though is that for those of us that can only see certain therapists due to them being one of the only that takes our insurance, we don’t really have many options. If we get stuck with a certain therapist that don’t work out, the only option may be to quit therapy entirely since there’s no other therapists that take the insurance. Hope that makes sense
@@EphemeralProductions makes total sense. Wish there was more choice with insurance!
Once I had a crying attack during my therapy session because I felt so attacked by my therapist. I couldn't stop, I still remember it. It was traumatic
This is a horrible experience. You feel everything you know is true is being taken away. And maybe the abusers were right.
This happened to me when I was 7 months pregnant. I was in floods of tears just like after a narc incident. It was therapy arranged by my GP. I told her what my husband was doing. She asked me if I ever shouted at him. She said ‘well you’re abusing him too’. It was unbelievable. A few days later I went into labour prematurely and the abuse was so bad I left my ex husband from hospital. What a totally rubbish therapist. I would have loved for her to be there for all the attacks to see what tripe she was saying.
"The therapy stops when the money runs out!!" caused my crying attack..
I know how that feels. I almost had a heart attack when going through the horrible session I had. I'm very young and have never had heart problems before.
The greatest irony is that narcissists reccomend therapy for all those around them; they never need therapy! Then ..... they will convince the therapist how mad you are!
Oh if you want to really be excommunicated from any group of therapists. Recommend that you believe therapists need therapy before they should give therapy
I'm a therapist... and you nailed it. I leave it at that.
Thank you, for acknowledging this, as a therapist.
This, this right here, helped me so very much.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for further Validation. Appreciate your Courage and Honesty.
This will help a lot of people!
Thank you
Im a therapist of over 20 years, and I agree that some therapists are awful.
We are conditioned to accept gaslighting as children. Some of us more than others, but so much of it is normalised. “Put your coat on, it’s cold.”
What's the problem with "put your coat on its cold ?" 😮
Lol good one. And when you say I'm not cold, they'll argue until they fall over dead. Well I'm cold, so you need to wear a coat. I've actually wondered if this is gas lighting or just stupidity.
I'm not an expert. But i am just wondering, after reading your comment, how it can be possible to help children learn to identify their own emotions, if you don't help them name the emotion that it seems like they are experiencing? So, would you argue that that is gaslighting too? :)
My mother is a narcissist and I constantly had to deal with the manipulative abuse for my childhood too. Now I see her being crazy around my little half brother, and wouldn’t you know, she says that EXACT thing. Constantly. She’ll even start yelling at him to put a coat on, so I find that comment spot on.
The funny thing is, I’m the kind of person who’s very warm, and chilly days don’t bother me. Both literally and metaphorically (as in Im not the type to listen to her bullshit), I bet my mom hates it that she can’t have that little speck of control over me (we don’t live together and I’m 17 now, so she can’t really control me anyways).
@@emmamrk9183 I'm not the OP, but I can say I've helped kids as young as 3 and 4 years develop vocabulary for their emotions. They learn scripts to fall back on such as "I am feeling ____, and I would like ____. Sometimes it turns into a game where we find exactly the perfect word for how they're feeling. And that search, in and of itself, have a calming centering effect.
They may not always get what they say they would like (another hour playing, for example) but they get heard by an adult. They learn to identify and express their emotions, instead of immediately reacting. They learn to negotiate with people and find resolution, and to deal with both unpleasant and ecstatic feelings in a gradually more mature way.
Adults who see their kids as people tend to really like this technique. Adults who are petty and want to manipulate and control their kids find it cheeky. It puts them off to see their kids so self-expressed and centered. Controlling parents like to tell their kids how they *should feel*, rather than listening to how the kids actually feels and thinks. They also like to see their children acting out of control and immature, so they can dismiss the kid and feel superior.
None of the therapists I saw with the narc were able to see the truth of their behaviour, they were so good at the manipulation. I gave them all up... the therapists and the narc. I know what I experienced I don't care what anyone says.
Yes. Happened to me. I never went back. I was harmed as much by my toxic family members as by them. I was finally able to speak up at a new place. I said "My family is toxic". I was told "No they are not" with a smile. I left after our time was up. I did not go back.
I think when we come to the last line of your paragraph we finally find freedom
"I know what I experienced I don't care what anyone says" I'm so glad you have realized this and you trust your reality!
@@coffeegirl6854 Seriously, wow.
"You're too sensitive!"
"You're not sensitive enough."
🤣impossible
I was told this 😡
I got, "You're too sensitive."
My response was consistently, "You're not sensitive enough."
"Drama" whatever happens... 🙄 😡 😶
My narc-mum told me this. Then I finally shut her down by saying: "Yes, and that's something beautiful!"
Tribal gaslighting goes on A LOT within the NHS (National Health Service) here in the UK. The Mental Health System is absolutely broken, with so many so-called 'expert trauma therapists' behaving so eerily like our past narcissistic abusers with an overwhelming majority of narcissistic abuse survivors walking out with a 'Personality Disorder' label rather than with C-PTSD and validation and support. I wish that more therapists were like you Dr Ramani xx
YES, tribal gaslighting happens a lot within the NHS, there too many people working in the NHS mental health system whom are narcissists, psychopaths n sociopaths, move n go to a different team n you will be diagnosed with different conditions, it a complete pseudo science, they just pick a diagnosis depending on their own prejudice, bias n their own mental illness, the whole system is corrupt, but ive not met any of these 'expert trauma therapists you speak of.
SO IT IS HERE IN THE UNITED STATES 🇺🇸 ESPECIALLY.
I have CPTSD and a therapist one-upped me and played devil's advocate 90% of the time in our sessions. I brought this up but was dismissed. It was like hell to terminate the relationship. They claimed therapy was not for me. I'd like to report them so others don't suffer like I did.
Thank you for this. I actually left a therapist when I asked her "do you know what gaslighting is?" And, her response was "what's that?"
I believe it.
Mine didn't know what Narrccisstic people were or Gaslighting . When I told him I was coming here ,Listening To Doc Ramani ? He cut me down to once a month from 4 ...and I need 4 ! Now the search is on for another !
red flag!!!
Whoa!
I've been a therapist for over 20 years. I'm not sure this term "gaslighting" even became a popular term until fairly recently. I've only heard of the term maybe a year ago. That's not to say I don't know what the symptoms of gaslighting are..its just the word itself was was new to me. Gaslighting is not even a psychological term. It came from a movie from over 40 years ago.
Unbelievable..I am just going through this...trying to find a therapist to help me with my PTSD due to my extreme narc mother and it's been a nightmare to find someone who can understand the severity..With one I tried to tell her that I need her to believe me more and be more understanding and she literally kicked me out of therapy!
We believe you. We know what you are going through. One day at a time remember that you are the good person and they are the bad person.
Many therapist are narc. You unmask that narc that is why she kicked you out.
Dr Les Carter on youtube is very good to, give him a try.
@@raccuia1 That sort of simplistic black/white thinking is problematic.
Mother's are the most deadly of all . My mother killed my sister , drove her to death and gets sympathy as her daughter committed suicide.No direct Blood on her hands so By Law Free to do it again to me. . I'm 57. Run if you are young , before you can't........it will never End , but you will !
My therapist told me I am just not giving the narcissist enough attention.
But that was just the start of the gaslighting. If only I watched your videos back then Dr Ramani! ❤
🤣🤣🤣
Wow
Crazy
Oh man. Ugh. 🤢 Sorry you experienced that. Hope you're doing ok. ✌️
This was what our couples therapist did! I was working, schooling, child caring, cooking, cleaning - everything and our therapist said I wasn’t giving him enough attention or intimacy, even though I was EXHAUSTED. I’m so sorry you heard this too!
I once met a therapist that gaslighted me into thinking my culture(Asian) made no sense, I had to get another therapy about how misunderstood I felt.
Sorry to hear that, how awful to be invalidated in that way! I hope the new therapist was better.
This is unfortunately common for PoC. Racial gaslighting is very real.
What a jerk. That person should be reported.
🥺 that stinks.
I had an appointment which was initially attended by an Asian doctor. Some random comment I made "caused" him to explode into a FOX "news"-"informed" rant.
I told him directly to get away from me, and I got someone who was competent.
I've only had therapists that gaslighted me. Not only did I have to defend and discuss things that happened to me they even told me that I am not in pain and so on. Some even tried to convince me that I liked something I didn't like or that something meant something to me that actually didn't. I'm still trying to recover from the last therapist who shamed me in every conversation and never acknowledged any of my stories. If I told her someone said something to me she turned it around and made a discussion about whether it actually happened. It was a struggle having a normal conversation with her since I could never talk about my feelings since I had to defend and discuss what had happened to me so we never got to discuss the actual problem. If I said things like, person A called me ugly and it made me feel sad, she would say things like, did that person really say that, maybe you're wrong, or things like maybe they had a bad day. I could never ever talk about the feeling. I only ever had to defend my reality which was so draining and crazymaking. I'm so scared to ever try therapy again. I'm so sick of therapists telling me how I should feel and that I'm not hungry even though I am.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I can certainly tell you that you don't have to waste your time any longer with such people. I hope you've got better now
I am a therapist and I was gaslighted by my therapist and when I decided to terminate the relationship I was more gaslighted and diminished, it was an awful experience
This is shocking that a therapist would do this to another therapist! Not shocked that it's done to clients because it's happened to me too.
Hope you can recover and heal from this. All the best.
@@melodyharmony8448 thank you!
I am so sorry to hear that!
@@DoctorRamani thank you!! You are amazing, I love your videos
Double Gaslighting!
Now the original narc gaslighting is buried underneath another festering wound.
Gaslighting by your therapist is toxic and damaging!
My older sister falls into this category as an online “Life Coach”. She practiced and developed her psychological abuse on me and her elementary school students. She barley escaped prosecution as a teacher for holding a knife to the chest of one of her elementary students by claiming she was “just trying to help her” by pure manipulation. Now at nearly 60 she has found that preying on paying clients online is actually profitable. Beware who you trust, it might just be fueling their psychosis at your expense.
This is sadly so so true. Many teachers abuse their power in order to gain supply.
@@priyao5097 and many of these teachers are running the schools. They seem very successful with discipline, they are promoted quickly. I informed my headteacher about a bully teacher, who was intimidating others, teachers and students. At the end, I needed to leave my job because it was too toxic to stay. The only satisfaction we had, she was proven misconduct and was put on some sort of observation for 1 and a half years. The empathetic teachers don't have easy life in schools but they loved by empathetic students and teachers.
Cousin tried to practice life coach BS on me a few months ago. I didn't ask her for any advice. I cut her off. Influencers are narcissistic 100% so expect abuse.
I do not trust life coaches AT ALL. The whole concept seems controlling and there is little training or vetting. At least therapists have a lot of training, a code of ethics, at least there are therapists who put stuff out there like this to hold other therapists accountable ON SOME level
LR?
I told my therapist I thought I was marrying my best friend but discovered he was my worst enemy. She said that isnt true he probably really loves me and there is a lot I can learn about myself if I hang in there. I found another therapist on Better Help.
True. My therapist was literally telling me that what I was saying wasn't true. Like, I can definitely go back to my family when I really can't. I just kept telling her over and over that I cannot do that. Sigh.
Therapists and their superiority, believing that having a degree gives them the power to read minds.
Be extremely careful with the people in this profession. Many of them can cause you more harm than help.
You're right! A therapist can cause more problems. If your issues concern gaslighting from an institution. Some will steer right away from it and direct you in a direction you had no intentions of going. Leaving you dissatisfied and more gaslighting to heal privately. You are on your own
Couldn't agree with you more.
Well said
My therapist said to me that not many people are perfect but she was. I brought up a few things that was happening. She went into a rage
It flabbergasts me when therapists who went to therapy school and are getting paid by the emotional vulnerable patient have a meltdown when the patient dares express a boundary or dare say that the therapist advice is not working for them, who are these therapists and how did they get licensed? I feel like these egotistical therapists should be reported immediately for being maladaptive snowflakes, instead of focusing their attention on the emotional needs of the patient.
I thank you for mentioning the term “Tribal Gaslighting”. This is EXACTLY what happened to me as a Stepmom. As if being in that unfortunate role wasn’t ultimately bad enough, my husband and I went to a therapist, and she offered NO support.....just MORE gaslighting. No validation, nothing. So many therapists are pathetic, self centered and unqualified. Especially when they themselves have been divorced.
Thank you for talking about medical gaslighting, as well. I was told my health issues were all in my head for 20 years, before learning I have a connective tissue disorder. All because some doctors’ fragile egos couldn’t allow them to admit that they didn’t know what I was dealing with.
I left a narcissist relationship and noticed when I was with him, I had all types of health issues from sinus migraines, pain in my body, weight gain and as soon as I left the relationship, my depression left and I no longer had these health ailments. It’s crazy what stress can do to your body.
One person told me she got away from her narcissistic marriage by her therapist. Her husband and therapist started a romance. She saw it happening in front of her and she was clever enough to not tell them out.
WOW! Very smart not to call them out.
Wow just wow! Total unethical.
Totally unethical yes. But she wasn't smart at hat time. She felt very hurt. It's was her mother who said: you still want to be married to 'that'? If she wants him, she doesn't deserve any better. Don't feel guitlty. (Yeah she felt guilty for the therapist!' You know how twisted we get) it's her mom helping her to listen to mamma!
Wow, she was welcome to him, some times you just got to let nature take its course.
🤣🤣🤣
Yes, I have never thought about this before but I was gaslighted by my therapist when I first saw one. After abuse in the workplace I turned into myself, but needed a therapist as a reality check after the bullying. My therapist twisted it - “if they did do what you said, then he would have been sacked. I think that in reality you were the bully.” It traumatised me even further and I genuinely believed that I had done something wrong without knowing exactly what it was I had done.
Wow
Wow so sorry you were retraumatised by an incompetent therapist. I hope you found someone that provided better care. I've got stories too. There seems to be no shortage of bad ones.
That sounds horrible! I am going through the fallout of workplace emotional abuse at the moment and understand the trauma you describe.
These “professionals” are clearly not acquainted with insidious workplace power dynamics and are careless with people who are already in a very fragile mental state. Furious on your behalf and sorry that happened to you :(
So sorry to hear this, Paul. I hope you find the help you are looking for. Researching literature can be helpful, what you describe sounds like a phenomenon for which the terms workplace mobbing, workplace abuse, emotional abuse at work, and workplace bullying are used. If you can name it, you can deal with it.
Thank you for your replies everyone.
Just reliving the experience again, I was also told by the same therapist that I needed to go on a diet and lose weight and that people who wear glasses are hiding something. Wow! I’m absolutely amazed I kept him on for 6 weeks before leaving, but I was so desperate for validation over what had happened at my job I continued with him hoping that I would eventually turn a corner.
I never did turn that corner and after leaving it took me another 6 months before I would reach out to another therapist for support.
Every therapist I had gaslit me in regard to my narcissistic mother and narcissistic relationships. This is why I haven’t seen a therapist in years, and really need to.
This is all so horrible. My father is a covert narc. I've experienced it. And I still, at 54, doubt myself and have severe depression and anxiety. My therapists have said all this to me and more. Thank you for explaining all this. I always had a feeling a lot of therapists do more harm than good. I quit therapy about a month ago. I can't take it. Peace to everyone. ✌️
Same here all I got was there was no hope of me leaving him without a unfair outcome I was always felt worse after every time ! I know it was going to be hard I disabled in some ways and I’m older so I was never going to get away from him !
@@aliceroberts1980Did you get away Alice?
I'm sorry you experienced that, I have narcissistic parents too and Im 34 , I've started to see a therapist since quartantine began and I do feel sometimes like I'm not heard, or that they don't remember things I tell them but also knowing that they have many clients and that may be hard to take everything in from all clients. I sometimes feel my emdr therapist gets annoyed.
@@breakingpoint3893 🧡✌️
Learn to place responsibility where it belongs. And especially don't accept responsibility for other's decisions.
My narc/borderline ex and our relationship therapist teamed up on me. The therapist just wouldn't believe that my ex was as evil as she was. The therapist would look beyond the things I told him because my ex played the victim rol so well. She was so convincing that if I didn't know the truth it would even sound far fetched to me.
She had to be the most evil person tha I've ever came in contact with. We have a son together and she was equally convincing with the feminist family court system mediators. She came up with outlandish stories that had no basis in reality. Even after I proved her to be a liar in court the judges still show sympathy. Crazy world we are living in.
Keep up your boundaries, and stay narc-free folks! They are everywhere.
They are. I have had a similar situation. Godspeed.
Yes. Once i saw tbe pattern in my huasband, i started seeing it in my grandmother and my moms best friend.
Sometimes it seems like a narcissistic virus! When I learned about the patterns, I realized how many narcissistic people had been or were in my life. It's scary out there.
@@marieborchardt2910 what makes it worse is the multiplying effect on the carnage of the situational narcissists (flying monkeys) they so easily recruit.
Oh how I wish I could send this to my former therapist!! I lost years of healing thanks to her and her gaslighting.
A master can only take you as far along the path as they have walked themselves .
Thank you for this. It's so true!
Was lucky to have a therapist who understood narcissism and suggested books for me to read about it. She helped me to understand my Dad had narcissism and I was a victim of his abuse. Thank goodness for her. So lucky!
Could you also share those book titles? Thanks!
@@MiguelAlmenaVisual Pete Walker, Complex PTSD, from surviving to thriving.
Healing the Adult children of Narcissistists, Shahida Arabi . Both of these are great, but there are lots of books out there. Initially the ones suggested were more basic, but eventually I found these through researching the topic. 😊
Hi Jojo,
Does your therapist have online or zoom session availability? I’ve never sat with a therapist who understand this Narcissist marriage dynamic I am in.
@@eyeswideopen82 Hi Cece, unfortunately she’s retired now, otherwise I would have asked her. I think when you go online, you can look up therapists with a specific expertise in narcissism. Good luck with finding the right person for you. Jo
I was gaslighted by the church i loved.It was in ways worse than the abuse i endured from the narcissist before i literally ran for my life.My faith was just about destroyed.The church counselor literally shrugged his shoulders and changed the subject when i told him how i was physically attacked
I recently realized the church I grew up in is a cult! We were taught since bible school that questioning the bible or the teachings is a sin! No room for open dialogue.
Knowledge on this subject in churches is just about zero, that is what I have found in the UK but it is changing, tell people your story I have had support from Christian radio UCB here in the UK it has been instrumental in bringing about change in the Christian world and other area's, speak out for those who have no voice.
@@Jess-kn8vl I honestly thought all churches were like that.
Sad that churches are so clueless to an issue many consider spiritual/demonic. Narc behaviors are all addressed as sin in the bible. Just sayin😐
@@Jess-kn8vl Reminds of my attempted-Catholic (the attempt failed) upbringing, last time I went to Sunday school. the teacher said:
"The Devil created evil. But the Devil is evil, so cannot create."
I asked: "What does that mean?"
"Answer": You can't ask questions about that because it's a mystery."
Today I suspect that she couldn't answer the question because she didn't understand paradox. But that sort of thing arose from the more general, "It's a sin to ask that question."
I once told a therapist "my husband is driving me crazy, help me!" and she said "who does not go crazy with husbands??" Never spoke to her again.
One couple, the narcissist was so good at talking he talked the therapist onto his side for the courts. They became lifelong friends after that.
I was waiting for this video. Finding a good trauma therapist is like traversing a minefield. For me it has literally been 50:50- they were either helpful, professional, compassionate therapists or abusive, manipulative, gas-lighting "people" whose education allows them to do even more damage.
Thank you. Almost reported a therapist for just this reason!!!
I had a therapist who would tell me I was a homeless invisible person. Another told me he didn't believe anything I said and then apologized.
Many professionals are just there for a paycheck good people, they last opened a book since they were in school. Ignorance is the problem when it comes to this topic !
Some red flags went up at my last therapy session...when my therapist said, "That doesn't sound like such a bad problem to have" and "You know, you're lucky to even have a job" I felt like he was trying to put me down and deligitimize my feelings. I left that session thinking, "what just happened?" and this video helps me to see that I'm not crazy for thinking that...
My therapist said,”but he loves you.”
Just got the courage to fire my therapist..and I got an extra $500 Bill...I learned more from Dr. Ramani 3 hour seminar than 3 years with this therapist
I'm so sorry,what are you going to do about the bill?
This has happened to me over and over again. Counselors, Court Clinician and attorneys. It is maddening. It has resulted in anxiety and silence.
I had a therapist who basically said over and over that it was my choice I stay. That really hurt and did not help. I needed validation. This was true but I felt blamed even though the abuse was the root of my issue.
“I can’t be the only one that’s wrong, that’s arrogant...” my thoughts and words my whole life!!! Never heard anyone else speak these words! Thank you Dr Ramani for bringing validation to this battle!
Boy do I know this one well!!! The psychologist giving me and the ex narc counseling, informed us both that he had tested positive for significant narc traits (Outed him as a narc in front of me). Then proceeded to tell us that being narc wasn't a bad thing. And went on to treat me poorly, and shut me down every session for the next few months. Finally during one session, I'd had enough and demanded to know why I was constantly being rudely dismissed and shut down every session. It turned out, the psychologist had written our test results down wrong in their personal session notes, and was treating me as the narc. That meant they were also supporting the real narcs choices and behaviors. They have no idea how much more destructive and dangerous they made my situation as a result of what they had done.
This happened to me. My husband's therapist invited me to answer questions about him - and it was surprise couples therapy! No papers to sign for release to treatment or agreement. I watched this woman minimize physical abuse, agree with my husband about my "exaggeration" and "histrionics". I felt very much like they were tag teaming me! The therapist was trying to convince me it was all my fault! I just went neutral and kept telling them I was fine, and eventually she thought we were "resolved".
Gosh, that's simply horrifying!! I'm so sorry that happened to you! Hope you got out of there and never returned.
@@norielkaselowski3808 I did. He loved that therapist. He hated my daughter's therapist because she warned both my daughter and myself that he was showing narcissistic tendencies!
Sorry to hear this happened to you. I had a similar experience. The therapist minimised physical abuse. Years on from that terrible experience Dr. Ramani explained gaslighting and everything suddenly made sense. 20 years after that marriage councilling from a psychologist it still hurts when I recall those sessions.
My therapist started to cry as i told him i want to divorce from my narc husband. I got really insecure about my decision and felt guilty longtime. 4 Times i went to court to open my divorce case and closed it again. I was confused because of the Manipulation of my therapist. Finally i cut off both. My husband and my therapist. I am listing to my inner voice now. Thanks a lot Dr. Ramani, you are amazing.
So happened to me!?!? My counselor told me I was too reactive. It took a 8 months for her to figure out he was going to marriage counseling with me in the morning and premarital counseling in the afternoon at church with his girlfriend.
Then, she focused on my mom (another narcisstic) and told me it was my perception. Well, ditched all three, my ex, my mom and counselor and I began to heal ❤
So very sad
Oh my gosh. Im glad you are out!
Thank @@Jess-kn8vl and Theresa, I minimized the recovery 🙏 🙌 👍 It's taken my 5 years to really feel like I'm on solid ground but healthy healing happens 🙌❤
I had a therapist who would always take my ex-husband's side even when he was cheating on me. When she was not gaslighting me she would be telling me about her problems with her husband. Seeing her was such a waste of time and money.
A therapist I had fueled my confusion about my abusive relationship. Gladly i got out of both, and found a therapist that really really really works towards my healing. This channel helped me understand why i was so confused. Thank u!
Gaslighting does start a flame to my emotions. Learn personal boundaries- filter with whom I will share, with whom I decide to be around. Know whom deserves your words, your kindness, your time. Beautiful boundaries.
My life coach said to me I should continue with my ns. Partner as am growing older .I was 47 that time. She said to me she would give her partner all authority becouse she is now older and it won't be easy to go into a new relationship if she decided to leave. Of course, the relationship with my toxic partner didn't last, but I still lost my confidence when she was enabling this very toxic person.I came out of this with depression, anxiety and lost further 5 month to see how I was gaslighted . Thank you so much Dr. Ramani.
When scapegoated by my family of origin, I chose no contact to preserve myself. My therapist didn’t understand the toxicity and damage from narcissistic abuse and encouraged me to write letters to certain family members. Any survivor of narc abuse knows that never works and just causes more damage. My therapist then decided we were “done” and that was my last session. I was really confused! This video helped clear that up, thanks.
I swear, today (10 min ago) experianced something that I asked my self, Is she gaslighting me? And then this pops up. 😱
The first red vlag was this whit my psychologist, she said to me on the first appointment that I was not depressed. I was so mad and asked her, why she thinks that bc I just entered the room. Her response was, bc I greeted her whit a smile. 🤦🏻♀️ crazy right? I was boiling of anger.
Always trust your intuition, it’s never wrong!!
@@HealingIndigoMoon your right! I have asked my self this 2 times now about my psychologyst. 😔 im seeing here for my trauma plus the narcissist abuse relation that I had. What to do now 😑 sorry for my bad English. It’s not my native language.
@@s.9806 we aren't here to judge your English😉 I wouldnt trust her anymore, cancel future appointments and look for a better therapist if possible. Being gaslighted by a therapist won't help getting over gaslighting.
@@Picca65 hi, thank you! You are Dutch? Bc I’m. If so, i don’t know how to do change my pyscholigst bc it’s not an partculier one.
OMG, she doesn't know that a normal part of depression is masking it to seem normal? It gets to be habitual. Bad therapists are a blight on humanity.
So true. It’s so important to find a therapist that sees and hears you 💯! My whole family has gaslighted me because of my sociopathic narcissistic mother has barred and isolated me. Shes wrongfully accused me and abused me. She’s made everyone judge me with no justice. It’s been awful with them all denying me and not listening to my side of the true story they just believe my wicked mothers lies. She’s like that lady Joan Crawford in mommy dearest movie. I’ve gone no contact with all of them and trying to heal on my spiritual journey. I wish you could be my therapist. Your amazing Dr. Ramani! Thank you so much for making these. ❤️
Ive had therapists not believe what I'm saying, get abrasive with me, not be sorry that they triggered me, and tell me to go back to someone who's abuse made me suicidal...
I fired her.
Thank you so much for this video. This ha´has been my situation, and it`s so painful. Married for 40 years with a neglectful narsisist, and when I finally tells my story, my therapist gaslight me, because my husband seems so nice. It felt so awfull, and I got panicattack afterwords. I am so gratefull for your work, Dr. Ramani.
As a child I hated being touched by my mothers husband. I didn’t even want to be in the same room as him. Our family therapist called me “mean,hateful, selfish and bratty”. Said I had no right to deny this grown man affection. He put a roof over my head so I owed him love. She told my mom to deny my lunch money and rides to school if I didn’t “behave”. That therapist basically gave that monster permission to sexually assault me.I tried to tell her my side. But she wouldn’t hear it. Eventually she gave up on trying to “fix” me.
That’s horrible. Sorry that happened to you
I am sorry that you went through that negative trauma from that therapist. This therapist was for your abusive parents only which was sad. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Please get a healthly therapist for yourself only to heal.❤
I am sorry that you went through that negative trauma. You deserved dignity and respect from your therapist. You deserved to be heard and be believed. You deserve a healthly therapist helping and supporting you only. The therapist was in support of your abusive parents which is sad.🤔🤣
As with most of your videos, THIS ALSO HAPPENED TO ME!! Our therapist seemed to be making me out to be a horrible person. By the end, I realized, she was not healthy and couldn't help me when I continually I left appointments feeling defensive and angry. I chose her to help me manage my relationship with my narcissistic mother.
When I told my friend that my husband is a narcissist she said many families suffer from narcissistic individuals not just you so try your best to keep the relationship.
When friends gaslight this way it really hurts.
Sorry it happened to you.
Is that an actual "friend"?
I night continue the relationship with such a person, but I wouldn't rely on their word.
My mother, brother and myself was under the abuse of my narcissistic dad..But the psychiatrist diagnosed my bro for schizophrenia and my mom for bipolar coz they almost went crazy and depressed enduring the narcissistic abuse..They were given medications and ECT which made their depressions worse..And one psychiatrist told me am almost Bipolar..I first bought into it and had nightmares for few days..Then i got back to my original self coz I was able to see the abuse of my dad and itz consequences..So I understood that psychiatrist is a half baked professional and i completely quit going to him... Narcissists are soo good at acting and charming the therapist..i would say Videos on narcissism is much much more validating than going to a therapist and wasting time and money..People who put out videos on narcissism on UA-cam are real heroes..Hat off to them.. You are definitely a blessing for us survivors..Thank you
I wonder if my former abusive therapist had a substance abuse problem. I was screamed at and received no help for CPTSD from DV in my marriage. I complained and was screamed at more.
Totally got gaslighted by the therapist
You just described all those sessions like you were there
That's exactly what happened to me- my therapist told me I was too concentrated on the past, too sensitive and... it's impossible that my ex husband did what he did because nobody does such things to their partner... Yeah, now I can only laugh 😀
This topic disturbs me greatly. All “helpers” who purposefully harm in any manner should be summarily relieved of all duties and licenses. Sick, twisted, sadistic, and shameful evil. 🤮🤮
Thank you so much for posting this. All therapists need to watch this. Mine dismissed me when I tried to tell her about my narcissistic partner. I think some therapists and healthcare providers are very prideful and threatened if the patient might know a bit more about a certain subject because they are supposed to be the experts, so to speak.
When my last therapist defended abuse I was experiencing I stopped seeing that therapist. Not all therapists are created equal.
The mental health system doesn't take into consideration the real life situations of their clients, poverty, abuse no support. My therapist told me she has 100 clients. She bitched at me about how I was handling things at crucial moment when I was trying to escape/move. I don't have enough stability to deal with this version of "treatment."
This happened to me by my therapist!
This happened to me a couple of times, three times actually, and one of them was a domestic violence counselor!! I stopped going to them, of course, but it was a big driver in why I started studying to be a counselor myself! There need to be more GOOD counselors out there and not bad ones. Great video!
"its the nature of toxic relationships: you become invisible and you feel invisible" (15:26)
Told my therapist I experienced sexual abuse in childhood and that It had a huge impact in me now...She told me that what I went through was normal and that me fearing touch and dating had nothing to do with it because there wasn't abuse. It all made me SO confused.
I really needed this video, thank you ❤️
That happened to a boyfriend. I convinced him to go to therapy when he confessed me he had being sexually abused by a men whe he was 9 yo. He went to 2 male therapist and they told him that was normal and even part of implicit social rules to become a man. A woman therapist finally heard him and helped him.
@@yabe1496 It's sad to see how society is still attached to those destructive social rules and normalizes even more men's experience with abuse. Glad he could find appropriate help though
Wow! Glad you found Dr. Ramani
@@yabe1496 wow. How disgusting. Glad he got real help.
I've tried that route for years. It's a sensitive subject for a lot of Therapists. Keep on watching Dr. R. @Sofia Fernandes. She's helped me so much!!
You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run.
I had a therapist who would answer her phone and talk to her mom and sister during each session. I only saw her a couple of times. It was disgusting and I saw that she herself had absolutely no insight.
Nonspecific symptoms that didn’t add up and a doc said for me to exercise and to lose weight when in fact I was in a major depressive episode and grieving narc abuse as well as two deaths in the family. He made me feel almost suicidal and then when I went to my obgyn, she about blew a gasket because she knew his assessment was bullshit. Thankful to have her in my corner, so for every provider who doesn’t “get it” there’s one that does. Exactly as you said, providers are human and susceptible to failures as well. Thanks for the reminder that just because there’s MD on the wall does not make them the authority on another’s emotional situation, particularly if there’s narc abuse involved.
You betcha...you have to learn to be your own advocate. I learned not to just accept BS when it crosses the Doctors lips. they are just educated guessers for the most part and I know myself way better than they do. My bullshitometer goes off and I tell them so before I walk out. Not shy at all.
I had this happen to me! By my physician and therapist whom both worked in the same office I havent gone back I'm looking to find a new physician and therapist
Wow.
Now there's a hot topic!
I'm a therapist too.
My parents have abused me ALL my life, gaslit, manipulated, controledl. There is SO much trauma they gave me and still are. It just keep coming.
I told my therapist I felt angry at them and she just told me ''anger is a secondary emotion, what's underneath that?'' (idk if this is gaslighting/invalidation but it just felt off to me).
I also told her I wanted to move out ASAP and step away from these people and she just told me I was trynna use it as a cope out and shifting the blame so I don't have to feel the pain. I have FELT the PAIN all my life, I can't keep taking it for the rest of my life, I deserve better. Had my session today and I feel SO HORRIBLE, questioning myself, and everything hurts.
I also told her I was bi and she said, ''but you're dating a man rn.'' I mean????
One more red flag and I'm quitting and looking for another therapist.
...this is why i listen to you Doctor ✌ much respect ✡
I didn’t tell my therapist my mother was a narcissist. I said I’m having issues with my mother. And she tried to explain why my mom would say the things she says to me. She said I need to find a better way to communicate with my mother. I think I need a new therapist because I don’t feel heard and she just keeps justifying the reason why my mom would say things. I told her my mother tried to leave the day of my wedding and said it was hurtful. And she told me write a letter to my mother and not give it to her.
2 stories. 1. Marriage counseling, she told me not to complain about his *always* losing jobs quickly & said "he always comes back to you." Um no, I always followed him but not that time. 2. Then he pulled something worse & I had individual sessions through my employee assistance program. Different therapist who listened for 5 minutes & then directed me to info on narcissism. That one session changed my entire paradigm. She had divorced a narcissist & knew what I was dealing with. Bless her. Thank you Dr R for all you do for all of us. ❤
It is amazing when someone hands you the key that unlocks the crazy cage you've lived your life in! The 1st time I read a book that explained my ex's behavior, I felt like the author had been in my house, in my bedroom, in my head! It's like the cage door was thrown open! And it's like that with almost every single one of Dr. Ramani's videos too!
This is literally what is happening to me now. I am in couple's therapy and our therapist keeps telling me how trauma reactive and extremely sensitive I am. We talk about that a lot, sometimes more than my partner's rage issues. I realize our sessions have compounded my feelings of helplessness. Each scenario is exactly what you describe, I explained something and the therapist said exactly what you said. I literally said that my partner masks and behind closed doors, he rages and screams at me, and has extreme and sometimes violent tantrums. She responded by saying that everyone masks.
He may have autism or narcissism. Not normal. He is probably masking in the sessions. My therapist is doing the same thing right now. Telling my partner that does things like that I am oversensitive and enabling him. I am going to have my last session tomorrow. I will confront this and then be done.
I think I stopped doing this almost completely now and understand what is happening when I see it. Mindfulness!
My GP is about to make me see a therapist again in order to continue getting my very necessary psych meds. I honestly think therapists have been just as much a source of trauma for me as my abusive family. They're so similar. Being guilted into sharing emotional vulnerabilities, getting insulted for those vulnerabilities, getting shamed for disagreeing with the insults. My therapist bullying me into telling her whether or not I'm in contact with my mother felt exactly like my mother bullying me into telling her who I had a crush on in fourth grade. They both pathologize any hesitance to trust them, my mother would tell me I'm a cruel and bad person, my therapist tells me I'm resistant and overanalyze. My therapist has refused to make any of the concessions I've told her were necessary for me to continue therapy and then acted like I was the one who chose to end therapy just for the hell of it. Its a complete refusal to both take the things I need seriously and take the things I say seriously. Just like my mother. I really don't want to have to go through that again but my GP doesn't take me seriously either.
it sux :/
I fired the first therapist I saw right after my breakup with my narcissistic ex because of this. She was awful. She was so faithful to attachment theory and patterns and kept insisting that my narcissistic ex was a dismissive-avoidant than a narcissist. Best decision ever. She was incredibly judgemental. I learned the hard way to have an introductory interview or meeting before starting treatment a potential therapist. Thank God, that I am now linked to a wonderful therapist who is very well versed on abuse and trauma and is informed about narcissistic abuse. If you are going through this, you are not alone, keep seeking help and keep looking for a competent therapist. You will be surprised that many therapists have little knowledge about this. Keep going.
I just broke a 14 year trauma bond with a therapist..Today was my first day without her!I feel so much lighter and more emotionally stable already. She had me sick,trapped and dependent..The tables have turned
The (last) ex-narc in my life actually BECAME a therapist while we were together, then TOLD me she was a textbook narcissist. Not really knowing what a narc was, I declared, “No. You’re not,” though I knew SOMETHING was not right with her. How’s THAT for cognitive dissonance?!
For the remaining years of our relationship, she gaslit me by diagnosing my every boundary or squawk - which I didn’t buy into, but it was maddening. When I think of her seeing and advising clients, it gives me chills. Thankfully, my two experiences with REAL therapists were good ones. Sadly, everyone is not that lucky. Don’t be afraid to fire the duds!
I was told that I was the problem and to forgive my family, that hurt people hurt people , so I told my therapist that was a complete load of crazy and I don't have to forgive bad behavior and abuse. I'm in control now and I'm done with blatant disrespectful people I value me and I'm not doing this anymore
Oh thank you so much!!!! For being the first one on you tube brave inough to talk about gasslighting therapist.. thank you so much
The therapist I saw after being abruptly discarded from a long term marriage seemed focused on explaining to me that something in my ex spouse childhood caused him to treat me the way he did. I didn’t dispute that. But understanding HIS childhood was not helping me. I think she should have suggested I seek a therapist who had more experience with narcissism than she had. I stopped seeing her after she (to me) implied my lack of feelings of intimacy towards my ex was probably why he treated me the way he did. I felt she was a “good girl” who blamed women for men’s narcissistic behavior.
Thank you so much for this! I found the example of the therapist saying "well that sounds like a communication issue" particularly evocative and helpful.
my first therapist used to gaslight me about my narcissistic mother all the time, telling me that maybe she could change, she didn't mean her actions like I was interpreting them, and I should just forgive her. it made me feel more alone and crazier
I was devastated when we went to several therapists. My wife was a covert Narcissist and a high professional. Those therapists kissed her ass and blamed me just because I was a Stay at Home Dad and she was an engineer. I felt horrible when we went to those therapists with her. I'm glad it's over but still pissed that I wasted 13 years of my life with a neglectful narcissist.
My therapist asked me if I ever just let my narc mom talk and it “be all about her”, to listen and hear her out. Then preceded to blame me that my character flaws must be why my mom is the way she is and that’s why relationships with women have not worked. I fired her before the next session.