Hamza, got some advice for you. I'm 9 years into a relationship, been with the girl since i was 15 so.. You gotta focus on yourself and she has to do the same, only this balance works, nothin else. If she is too clingy or has no hobbies of her own, you will find her unatractive and get into bad habits of your own. Same goes flipped upside down. Balcance and once again balance, find the girl that can manage by herself just fine, but you being together just works and adds to the positive experience
One thing I try to do to avoid falling off my self improvement when I get into new relationships, cause that's a problem I've had to deal with a lot before, is making that clear as a part of my identity really early on. With my newest relationship, some of the first dates we went on were hikes. When we'd talk, I'd occasionally tell her about my goals. The first night I slept over at her place, we stayed up and all, but I told her I'd be waking up and heading out to the gym at 5 AM regardless. In my experience, communicating all that and setting those expectations, even when I really, really didn't feel like it and didn't want to, would give me something to hold myself to. She'd like that I'm working on my goals, and she'd like that my self improvement is such a large part of who I am. That, in turn, encourages me to actually keep to my word, even when all I want to do is order out and cuddle with her, because that's nice and all, but having your girl compliment you on your discipline and really feeling like a man with her is a whole 'nother level. We've been together for a few months now, and I actually feel even more motivated to stay on the self improvement path when I think of her, because when she puts her head on my chest and compliments me on my discipline or I can pick her up when we make out and she says it turns her on how strong I am, I just feel golden.
Massive respect for owning your mistakes in your past relationships. It’s been a pleasure watching you grow as a person. The ultimate delayed gratification.
“The goal is to work toward a world where expectations are not set by the stereotypes that hold us back, but by our personal passion, talents and interests.”
The key to balancing self improvement and relationships is just that.... balance. 1. Accept that in the early stages of the relationship, your self improvement will be a lower priority. Don't panic. It's temporary...1 month at the most. This is the point where you are getting to know this person and see if they value the things that you do. Eventually you'll bring up the fact that you are into this lifestyle and she'll support you ....or she won't. You want the former. 2. Plan out your dates ahead of time. Now that you've established that you are into self improvement and that she supports you. Find a clean way to schedule "dates" into your life. Plan your dates to be on your cheat day for example. If one of you is staying the night, establish that you're not going to be sleeping in etc. Sometimes you may go out 'spontaneously", but plan in advance. Pack a meal prep beforehand. At this point she knows you take your health and diet seriously and will understand. TLDR. Let your partner know the parts of your life that are important to YOU and make sure she's on board. If not, move on.
Regarding not getting “comfortable” in relationships and losing yourself: *love is a “with” not a “for”.* Two people who love each other hold hands and face the world together, not turn away from the world and face each other. If a person is taking you away from the world, you aren’t compatible. A “perfect” relationship is one in which you both *enhance* each other’s worth and goals. That’s loving another person for who they truly are at their best. Relational “adaptation” and “compromise” are mostly bullshit lies to keep unhappy marriages together and society pushing forward (just like learning to accept your shitty job is necessary to keep people working them). Anyone can change themselves in the name of love, which is the heart of toxic relationships. Love loves real humans in who they are; romance loves preconceived dreams and tries to force human beings into them.
I was with a girl that was really really strict with her routine, back then I was not really into a routine at all. I would go to bed whenever i wanted (usually really late) I would not workout, id eat whatever and for a long time I thought our relationship was cool and it was all fine until the last few months. Looking back I remember things like her buying me a calendar, trying to urge me to read more books, suggesting that we cook new meals and that I try veganism. years later I am basically her, im the one with the strict routine, if annoys me to a point where people are exactly like I was , especially when it comes to planning stuff to do. And personally I think the only real solution to this is to make it clear from the start that you are a very strict routine person, because if they cant respect it then it wont work.. But you have to also ask yourself can you respect that they arent...? There has to be a balance of interests I think, not in terms of what you do, but just how you live life. The same way you would look for traits you prefer in a partner, also look for traits that potentially can crash and burn together.
So your lifestyle basically transformed, after being in a relationship because of her? but it contradicts with the red flag Hamza said, don't fcous on trying to change the person in relationship
@@CestTriggerFilmsUnorro She didnt really change me, it was 2 years after I became the more routine person. She had a tremendous amount of red flags, she wasnt a saint. The routine of things was one of the positive things about her that she tried to push, but she tried to push alot of negative aswell. The point I was trying to make was more , that even if that relationship was extremely toxic and horrible in hindsight, I can also take away alot of positive things from it thinking back, to improve and learn individually, but also for future relationships.
I’d say in regards to breaking through that complacency, a few things. 1) plan everything. You make the plans, you pay, you support. It keeps the right frame. 2) being apart of a high caliber group of people like through a club or professional or military association or fraternity like the masons or worship group helps a ton just in regards to having some you time and reminds you to be the best you can be 3) doing fit/active/healthy things together and saving the late night fried feast and movies for special occasions 4) asleep early, up early. No way around it. If she’s sleeping, just quietly slip out. Bonus points if you cook her a healthy breakfast and leave it before getting to work. It has a bunch of benefits like being endearing when you’re sleeping and she’s watching TV or reading and being super attractive and admirable when she wakes up and you’re gone doing your thing but still showing you care.
I've been with my woman Aless for the last 8 months, and I've gone through a few cycles where I have been far more goal oriented then to far more relationship oriented and vice versa. Me and her have been chatting as of recent about even having a family eventually, when circumstances permit, sooner or later. I wholly relate to what you were discussing in the video, saying that it's hard to balance the two. One piece of advice that my older friend Justin gave to me when I first got into this relationship was to be kind and generous with my affection to her, very much so parroting what you were saying Hamza. However, that can get to the point where it takes up far too much time during the day, so much so that it becomes wholly unreasonable. However, one thing that i have found that has worked for me is the practice of full day retreats when they are needed. What I mean by this is the practice of long periods of the day fasting, meditation on your goals, the reading of literatures as well as journaling. I find that this serves as a reset kind of day and it gets me reoriented and makes my goals and work far more clear, making their path easier to walk on.
Related to this one hard, Hamza. Especially the part about wishing you could just give a girl a day where you offer them the love they deserved in a relationship. I'm friends with my ex again now but I truly wish I could just give her that love. Pains my heart when I think about how cold I was with her. I'm happy to see you changing and realising these things. Onwards and upwards!
I’ve been in my current relationship for over a year and what I’ve realized is that you can do both while not letting your goals behind. Since the start of the month I’ve been reorganizing everything in my routine etc in order to still stick to my habits even when I’m with her. We see each other on weekends almost every week but i didn’t change much in my routine and habits, I still wake up and go to bed roughly at the same time, then I carry on with my main daily habits while still making a bit more room in my day to enjoy my time with her. For example, I use the 5 days of the week to focus 100% on my training (BJJ), and I’m planning to start weightlifting this month (also during those 5 days) so I can get some quality rest while I’m with her. A very important factor is communication, she knows how much all this is important to me because we communicate a lot, which made this process easier and it also improved our relationship. You don’t have to give up on what makes you happy and great, learn how to be more flexible without letting yourself slip out and see how much you can do to create an harmony between the time spent alone and with your partner Much love Louis
Bro holy shit, my name is Louis as well, and I also train 5 days a week at BJJ and I do weightlifting, and this is the extract thing I’ve done in my relationship. This is kinda crazy. Small world I guess
About the self-improvement thing, I was in a relationship with a girl for a full year, I'm a self-improvement man type and she knew that before our relationship because we were friends (a classmate), that built a strong foundation first. Secondly, we were exchanging our to-do lists first in the morning, so in the night we exchange it back to see what we've done and what we didn't. She was all the time praising my self-improvement skills. She wishes having those skills! Thus, remember that focusing on your priorities, meanwhile giving her her own time, will only make you such a better conscious man that actually controls his life. So get ready to be Adonis...
If you want the best for her, your responsibility is to maintain/become the best for her. This does not mean serve her. This means to improve yourself. That's one way to keep self improving while in a relationship.
10:36 I’ve never been in a long term relationship, but I’ve done a lot of philosophy, and I think I have something to say. Incorporate your goals into the relationship. It’ll probably make things a bit easier.
I’m in a relationship right now, have been for just over 2 years, living together for 1 year. I am the same as you in that I let my self improvement slip in relationships, and this relationship is one I wasn’t willing to let go of but I still have goals, so I had to figure it out. I’ve found that it’s a long process of slow change. For me, step 1 was that I had to overcome trust issues and realize that even though I’m not spending every moment with her, that doesn’t mean she’s gonna go find that attention elsewhere. I found it works the opposite, she’s more excited to hang out with me when I do give her that attention. When we moved in I made sure it was a 2 bedroom place so I had my own space, and I stick to a very rigid schedule. At the beginning of the relationship I did fall off my routine and put on 50lbs of fat which I’m now in the process of losing, but that also made me find a new reason for keeping myself fit and striving for more. That reason used to be to get girls, the new reason is to be the best that this girl could imagine. It’s a mindset change, and it’s definitely slow and internal. Tough, but worth it
sir my answer to your question is, I set a no contact rule up to night like I finishes all my work before 7 so I and she hangs out with each other only after 7 if I somehow mess-up in work and don't do work as a punishment for me I will not talk to her that day its like delayed gratification do the hard work first and as a result enjoy the comfort with your women and this is just my way of delayed gratification I think it may work for you because I am that guy who still wants to spend 24X7 with her but controls myself to not do that
I am in a relationship. And yes in my last relationship a couple years ago I was a clingy little bitch and lost SO much progress especially on my body. Today I'm in great shape, focused on my goals, while also being in a healthy relationship. 1. Pick the right girl. One that understands your self improvement, goals, and beliefs. 2. Accept she won't always be the best for your goals and you need to be a man and take action by yourself at times. 3. Don't be afraid to take time AWAY from her. This is good for your goals and mental health but also good for her attraction towards you when she sees your attention is hard to earn.
I had this problem for years. Especially when I went to university after high school. For me the solution was separate schedules. Making sure that the girl DEFINITELY has her own life OUTSIDE of the relationship. I pushed her to go be with friends, to try new things without me. It ended up building immense trust between us. For myself then it was just about training the muscle of respecting the relationship when the girl wasn’t around. If I was at the gym, holding myself accountable before I answered the dreaded, “Do you have a girlfriend?” Because from the outside in nobody ever saw me with her. But I knew I was with her. As far as staying consistent with my goals it was about putting myself in a mental headspace that when me and my girl got back home at the end of the day, I had something positive to tell her about my it. What gains I made, what knowledge I accrued. What skills I worked on. Then it was like having another person working on them with me as far as critiquing my work ethic. What could’ve have been done better etc. Hope this helps somebody.
For the mistake #4, I used to do this a lot, and I finally came to the conclusion that it also depends on the girl. The one I'm now with for example is making me study so hard, like I've never studied so hard ever before. Same thing with her, we both push each other to do better everyday.
I’ve noticed with me and a lot of men our past trumas heavily reflect on our relationship I think self-reflection is needed we us to improve this which I’m glad I’m see that
Traumas and Attachment Styles too that’s the one I’m researching most right now. Even if you healed your unhealthy attachment style if you’re in relationship with someone of the opposite style it will eventually bring it out in you. Always be able to see the bigger picture and let go of anything that’s unhealthy.
The thing that i did with my girl is to simply tell her that i have a lot of goals and that she sometimes may not get as much time from me as she needs. This is somewhat uncomfortable because i really like her and trully want to be more around her. I am so grateful that this girl is literally asking me if i had done my workout, meditation etc before we go on a date. That level of understanding that she gives me just because i have talked with her for hours straight about the things i want in life, makes me want to grind so much more than before. For the last couple of weeks i have been doing 10hours of delayed gratification per day while still seeing her every now and then. This is the moment that i have to say she still has red flags. She parties a lot, smokes and just because of that i would have left her. I wanted to understand if she could still be high quality so i asked her what do you like in a man. She literally said every single green flag there is in the video for green flags. When she knows about the green flags so well i think she subconciosly thinks how to get more of them(she has even said it). And thats why i chose to be with her and contionued on with my goals
Yo Hamza, I am like you in that I wrap my arms around my woman. Tbh, I think it's as important to find a woman who wants to push you to achieve your goals as it is to keep yourself disciplined. It is a lot easier to do your daily habits and work when your girlfriend is cheering you on. There are women out there that do the opposite, they complain about time not spent together, but you can't let that kind of toxicity stop you from working. That's kinda like how you can't stop a girl from doing what makes her happy either. For me, I just tell her how much I love self improvement and how it will pay off down the road and how it's important for my mental health and as I am getting into the relationship I tell her that I will not fold on those habits and that if she wishes to join me she can. For example, my girlfriend likes to read, so when I read my book and take notes she reads hers. She even told me she's happy I read because in past relationships her SO's would distract her from doing those things too. I also think it's good to talk about how beneficial things like meditation and journaling and lifting are without trying to convince her. Lead by example. One of the things my girlfriend tells me she admires most about me is my discipline. It is a turn on to her that I can stay focused on the things that matter to me on a consistent basis without folding. Her admiration of that and seeing how much I grew over the first few months of us being together alone made her want to work on her own habits and stuff. When she went clubbing and partying in the beginning I would go with her, but I wouldn't drink much and I wouldn't always go with her. I knew with time she would realize that her lifestyle was destructive. I actually met her at the gym so I knew she had something inside her that was interested in health. At the end of the day, I think the best way to get back on your habits if you feel yourself slipping is to talk to her. Communication is so important. There are still days where I feel disappointed in myself because I fell off my habits. But to me, taking a day once in a great while to focus on her is a great investment into the relationship. I have faith in myself that the next days following I won't miss a beat. When there are times where I feel that self doubt, I just tell her "hey I want to make sure I do xyz this week because those things are important to me and I did them before I met you" and not only does she remind me to do those things but she asks to join in on things like meditation. So yea. It comes down to the girl you're with as much as it does your own discipline. Lead by example. Most women want to be successful in this day and age too, and so a lot of them will love self improvement if lead correctly. I rambled a lot but I hope this helps make sense of it all.
11:08 Hamza, here's what I've found and started doing: Dividing my time into, self development mindset time, just fun time, just nothing time. Yes you'll have to carve out part of your time where you wanna spend it with your GF and have fun with no thoughts... You think about what you did before or/and after it. When you're there just enjoy, there needs to be some HARD limits to it that you've decided before going into the activity that you don't break. That's it. Another thing is... What are you doing self improvement for? Like, what's the end goal? We are all gonna die, only the present is real, neither future nor past exists... Do fun stuff when you can... Do not make yourself regret your self improvement by sacrificing the having fun.
In regards to your last point in this video… I think you need to see your girl less, like maybe only on the weekends and you can just allow yourself to be undisciplined for those few hours on the weekend. It’ll give you an excuse to grind even harder when your not with her Monday-Friday since u know u slacked off for those 2 days. I just read in the book laws of human nature that it’s actually a good thing to be undisciplined every once in a while, allows you to not take yourself so seriously and u can better relate to others. Maybe not every weekend works.. but a girl who’s ok with seeing you maybe 2-3 weekends out the month would be ideal. Of course keep in touch through FaceTime a few times a week and like it’s ok to go out on a random week night for a fun date if you plan it..
My answer to the question of balancing your routines and relationships: find a girl that pushes you to be better. Maybe, someone that's really supportive of your self-improvement journey or someone that WANTS to self-improve WITH you. People should not only be compatible with each other, but also make each other BETTER
Brother, I think the problem of slipping away from goals is common to anxious attached people. It happens with me too. I wanna spend all my time with her doing romantic things but it deteriorates her love towards me as she thinks I'm losing my edge. Little does she know the depth of my affection. Love is a beautiful thing but so tricky❤️ Edit: Bro I think that the only reason I can continue to focus on my goal is beacause her love seems to be increased when she knows I ain't slacking.
Hey bro, I've been watching your videos lately and they've helped me feel better, especially in a strange emotional phase I'm going through. So on your last point you mentioned about being able to stay in balance between self-growth VS spending time on your girlfriend. I feel that if your source of motivation is based on yourself, like not to impress women because once you feel like you've got enough feminine presence in your life then the source of motivation would be gone. So find something that's more eternal in terms of adding fuel to your drive and maybe the self-improvement routine won't stop !!.... :)
For me in my experience, you could use your relationship with your girl, to sort of fuel and add power to your goals; you know that you have support, so you feel more ready to take on whatever challenges that you have with more support behind you is how I’ve been nvisiomed it
I used to be very comfortable in my relationship, I never tried to make myself better, I thought i already got a girl so whats the point of becoming better. But soon i looked around and i saw that because i was so comfortable, because i was so sure that i have a girl i dont need to improve, I started losing my value. I started feeling not good enough, she would send me picture of other guys (i know) and tell me they look hot. It killed me, its been an year i have been focusing on myself. I meditate, i workout, i still love her and show my affection the same warm way but i never ever get comfortable. I keep myself in the challenge cuz afterall we always are in a competition with other people.
When i said *it killed me* meant it made me feel insecure about how i looked cuz for me receiving that compliment from her was very rare. Often when i dressed up and looked my very best. While the guy in the photo was normal
When you were mentioning self improvement and then how you do that in a relationship, I think balance. Balance is what you need for everyday life if you want to achieve what you want. Balance what is the most important things for self improvement and stick with that no matter if you're in a relationship or not. That is the things that attracted a girl in the first place. You will have to sacrifice things when you come into a relationship, that is just how it works. And you cannot do everything right when just on self improvement itself, you are not going to do every little thing that will upgrade your life. So when you get into a relationship, spend time with that girl and treat her well, but don't let that come above your core values and goals. The things you NEED to do in order to self improve. What is it that is more important at the end of the day, that will make your life better, and in the long run or short term. You may meet the 'love of your life' but she likes you for who you are, and if you stop doing the things that make you the person you are, then the attraction will fade. Just someone voicing their opinion. Hamza would love to hear your opinion on this.
you need to make it a goal to spend time with her. Naturally you wont compromise goals for other goals. The same way you wouldnt skip meditation to get a workout in, you wont skip your other goals to spend time with her. You will naturally compensate by taking time out of the less important areas of your life.
In terms of keeping up with goals when you get into a new relationship, you need to be with someone who values your goals just as much (or maybe even more) than you do. My girlfriend goes to the gym and drags me with her, she makes sure I study (we are in university), makes sure I eat properly and sleep, and so on. I do the same for her. We want to reach our goals together.
How to get in a relationship and not get comfortable: Hamza. I have never commented on a video of yours. I’m 27. Older than most of you guys but I have experience. I watched personal development content for years to no avail. My life was in shambles even before I graduated high school. I have had 4 girlfriend since I was 18 and have only been single for about 1 year collectively in my adult life. I love hard, but I fall harder. I love to a point where my woman consumes my thoughts, feelings & emotions, I am in sales and I would find myself thinking about our future life together or the next time I could see here when I had money to be made sitting right in front of me. This worsened my procrastination, I had always been depressed but that turned into worse thoughts. Anxiety riddled me. I chewed my nails to the cuticle. I was chasing hedonistic tendencies💊🍁. self medicating. Swiping mindlessly. I even had a child with a lesbian who broke my heart😂💔 (I love being a dad) She saw how I pretty much instantly took my foot off the gas when we had first tried to have a relationship regardless of her sexuality (weird situation ik) but in that trial she taught me how to TRICK MYSELF. A valuable tool. Positive brainwashing. For my natty partial simps out there… listen. Let’s say you wake up next to the girl you’re in love with or together with. That moment every morning is a silent test from her. Roll out of bed (girls will say “nooo come back🥺. The best things to say is, I’ll be right back I have work to do.) she will be attracted to this promise. Take a leak or whatever you gotta Do. And then just walk... Walk for just 3 minutes even. No phone, Just walk. Let the sun touch your skin. Hell, bring your phone but you can only listen to Hamza😂 now this is the most important step: Talk to yourself. Talk to that little Jeffery inside your skull and tell him how today is going to go. Tell him how grateful you are for your woman and how attracted she will be towards you because of your discipline and hard work. It’s critical to not skip the 1st step in the morning routine even if that’s all you do. After that if you go back to lay in bed with your girl for a bit, fine. Because you set the intention for the day by yourself, for yourself. I have correlated the relationships that failed with me skipping this important step in the morning routine. The first step. No matter how tired, how cozy you are. Alarm or not. Do it. 5 min a day for potentially 50 years with the love of your life. “If you don’t sacrifice for what you love. What you love becomes the sacrifice.” I have never come across anyone who I have felt more directly similar to than bathrobe man. I started watching his content early this year. I can say I am transforming and I can’t wait to show you my video on how you and your community and changed my life. I am dialed. I don’t have it all figured out. Not here to preach. I just know that I TOTALLY give up naturally in relationships and it’s the biggest thing I need to fix. It’s a war every day against your inner Jeffery. I feel a lot of love and I have read the comments at my lowest points, and my highest. I’m speaking to you all and you men are life changers🗣️👊
When you do get in a relationship you have to set boundaries at the beginning of the the relation ship letting your partner know that you'll do anything for them EXCEPT!!!!! give upon your dreams and if she contributes to you not following your routine and/or obstructs you from doing the things you know you should be doing, she gots to go.
I have a problem with redpill. It seems reasonable and all... but can you really love a women after swallowing redpill? Love is a feeling that often makes you do irrational things, meanwhile redpill worships rational thinking and accepting the world for what it is. EDIT: When you speak about this '' ONEITIS ''... isn't it a fancy way for you to say that you're afraid of commitment?
I've never fell off self-improvement when entering a relationship, and I think the reason is that I'm doing the self-improvement, say gym, business etc. for my own gain & future. I think that's the biggest thing I'd recommend anyone struggling with sticking to self-improvement once in a relationship, keep doing it for yourself, realize the freedom it gives you in this world, don't do it just for her nor to get her.
If you want a high quality girl, and want to stay with that high quality girl, you can’t be high quality yourself in the beginning of the realtionship and then slack off and be mediocre. It wouldn’t be fair to her and it is only harmful to yourself
Hamza you're awesome fam, keep up the great content. I loved this video and it spoke to me personally, I def struggle with that balance and I most certainly can't go back to the blue pill. Nobody ever really talks about how to be present and trust and have a good time with girls when you know female nature and your focus is mainly self-improvement bc your betamale simp life put you behind in life lol. It's like being a recovered alcoholic and trying to learn how to be a social and casual drinker.
If you want to be in a relationship with her and want to keep your self improvement goals, you gotta let her know and see if you can respect those goals that you have and maybe she will hop in a path transforms her to better person making both the guy and the girl improve from eachother and their selfs
Don’t make the mistake of throwing away an actual great relationship because of your hubris. I broke up with a girl who had no major flaws, was unquestionably loyal (so rare in both men and women), very honest, not into the degenerate scene, and stunning. I was extremely arrogant and felt like I could do better because I got into a much better college and I was way too comfortable. Ever new girl I met didn’t compare. They were either into the party scene too much, had overinflated egos (ironic lol), weren’t polite, or their personality didn’t interest me. There was always something missing and I realized I threw away something I may never get again. I will admit I got extremely lucky and she took me back. This experience helped me realize how not to get too comfortable in my relationship. So I kept doing self improvement and working to better the relationship as to not get comfortable again. Side note: going to the gym is definitely easier when you’re single. The external motivation is so much more prevalent. In a relationship, self improvement requires a lot of intrinsic motivation
i was the same type of woman to my ex but he recently left me saying being single is what he needs right now for his goals. i was never a burden to him, always loved and supported his goals so i’m not sure why he doesn't want me anymore
I remember in my last serious relationship I had bad oneitis. She even gave me the opportunity to try to end it. There was a period of 2 weeks where we would see each other where she strongly hinted we should break up but I kept hanging on, talking to someone who is already moved on. No more oneitis. Take care of yourself and you will live in abundance.
Hamza, I really think it would be beneficial to talk about whether young men should live with their parents or move out on their own. I feel like there are pros and cons to both.
Definitely can relate to sacrificing my own goals/habits for girls I’m in relationships with. Feels like their energy and habits rub off on me. I feel like it comes from me maybe not being as on my shit as I thought I was? Like still having some dependency on the relationship/girl? Ive been in self dev stuff for 3 years now, but that core shit is hard to shake in relationships.
Remeber be always the man your woman was attracted to in the FIRST PLACE. So extrem wichtig Leute!! Don‘t get comfortable and keep improving, but be authentic. So many men try to be someone they simply ain‘t... Starkes Video! Grüße aus Österreich!
Its kinda late, but in relationships you might want to tell her about what your lifestyle is and come to either a compromise or make her respect your goals, women love a man with goals and focus and they themselves shape their life to be with you, if not then hey, there's plenty other ladies out there.
to mistake Nr 4 - just focus on your goals, but take the time to forget about it while you are with your girl - communicate the time when you are 100% there for the relationship. If it's about eating too much while you are together or spending nonsense money, just look for a girl that respects your plan or even better a girl that is disciplined like you. The best girl i could get is doing sport, has hobbies and works, she has her own world like me and we are literally "together" on the weekends, but then we are aware of it or truly together. Perfect fine and very balanced and harmonic. I love her so much for being on earth
Hey Hamza, pretty small chance that you are gonna read this at all but my way for being on the track of self improvement whilst being in a relationship is kinda simple but I dont know if its even healthy to think that way I was in a relationship being guilty of the first mistake you called out in your video but that drive made me improve myself, focus on my studies and made me drop 25 kg and becoming a gym rat. This was because I wanted to be the very best version of myself, I didn't want to give her the possibility to take the time to admire other good looking dudes and with that drive I signed up to the gym and wanted to become the most perfect version of myself that I can be, so I dont have the possibility to blame it on myself later if she left. Unfortunately we broke up a couple months ago and of course I grieved but I never lost my track of becoming the best version myself in that time. Hope this might help you, anyways keep it up king Edit: Im in a relationship again now but the thing I found out is the same you preach all the time, If you really like that girl and dont want to lose her, you have to really focus on yourself and drive yourself to do it because nothing is more unattractive than doing nothing all the time or slacking on your morals and ethics, the girl I found now respects my gym habits and loves me for it, even though she teases me a bit with tracking my calories and macros, she still supports me and cooks healthy foods for example trying everything to support me on my journey on becoming the best me.
The main reason I workout and am into self improvement is due to the release of them happy chemicals. It makes me extremely happy and proud to see me succeed every day being better than the last one. Once I get in a relationship however, the person becomes what produces them happy chemicals in my brain. I had a really bad case of Onesie and stopped exercising altogether for a while, which made me feel even more shit. My greatest advice would be to not stop your goals, maybe try and include that person into them. If you are into fitness try and get a partner that is into fitness, if you are into watching certain kind of movies, get someone that watches the same movies. That way not only do you keep releasing happy chemicals, now you release even more! But that’s only my advice and don’t really have that much of experience (am only 19)
I dont know why...I can relate to u in every mistake. I am a jeffrey.......but am going to be the best adonis ever!!! Thanks a lot hamza. I started improving before your videos...but didnt know the right path. You are showing me and millions of guys the right path. YOU WILL BE A SUCCESSFUL MAN> So am I. Thank you
Honestly the only thing that works for me as far as getting too distracted/comfortable in a relationship is just finding a girl who reminds me of my goals and my accomplishments. Like you mention all the time, a relationship should add to your growth rather than feed off of it
Well Kris from 1stman said avoid woman until male advantage... maybe dont be greedy wanting both relationship and your goals and just focus first on what is more important (goals, like you said). and than i dont know around 30 get into relationship or when your goals are set in place. If you dont find a solution this may be a way to go gl.
It's all about healthy, clear communication. I'm the type to get too comfortable, and when I realized that I sat down with my girl and told her about my goals and how much i wanted to achieve them, and i wanted to find a way to make it work with our relationship- at first she didn't really understand and thought i wanted to spend less time with her, but after planning our schedules and stuff we found a nice balance. later, after seeing what it had changed for me she also got on the dopamine detox thing and we're now both improving ourselves and each other. I wouldn't say i 'started' our self-improvement but i did bring it up. she made us both quit weed and binge eating, i made us both get off social media and she even got a flip phone :D I think the key in all this is partnership, we're not just bf/gf- we're comrades, brothers in arms, we're each other's mirror. This isn't even any 'soulmate' type doodoo, you have to communicate your goals to eachother find a way to support them. Work on your communication skills asap as this will improve your life in every way.
This is good, thank you I realised I was seeing my girlfriend too much and getting too comfortable and instead of just gradually seeing her less to remain mysterious I just told her, I wanted to spend more time by myself and my friends. And I thought I did it wrong, but this reassures me, instead of just pretending I’m busy to not speak to her and keep her wanting me I’m actually going to be busy and she will know it and she will miss me
I've been one of those people that tend to make my world revolve around my partner, did it twice in the past actually. I guess the biggest difference between my past and my current one would be that she understands that I have goals and other responsibilities to attend to aside from her. So it's easier to balance things out when she's supporting me and reminding me of my goals from time-to-time, especially when I tend to falter in my discipline at times when I spend time with her.
@Hamza my realisation to the question u asked which is how u stop yourself from getting carried away (or getting to much into comfort zone) postponing ur goals etc Honestly get a girl who is on the same frequency as u That's the reality For example (real) someone who is also into self improvement and self growth, would understand and be patient and loving more when u engage in activities which improve u holistically, it's rare to find but never impossible Works Wonders If someone who has similar goals And their motives, morals and ethics align with u. Then it's the best thing out there Best > Perfect Thanks for reading this till here ✅
I have a doubt that what is self improvement is it getting into gym and become masculine (body building ) or improve every aspect of life like thoughts and academic/jobs. Please explain me I didn't understand it
Life is always about sacrifice The struggle for balance is real, wether you spend time on yourself or with the girl. I think we should see the once in a lifetime opportunity to have a fantastic moment with this unique person as we grow with that and as we make memories that are priceless. After those dates you can go back and tell the girl that you are bussy. You dont have to see each other every day 24/7
i am simping for my girl alot, but it doesn't hinder my goals nor my progress. she also wants me to succeed gives me space and she is clingy and I love it, but she is never in the way if I'm having plans with friends or family. Even we are going out to party with friends we don''t want to be the clingy cringe couple and spend time with the people there and have fun until we head home alone. She isn't my everything but she is truly important and a important part of my world I wanna introduce to her even more and so does she. we both have goals in life and dreams which requires long distance for some time, but the trust between us is stronger than any person I've been with so Im not stressing at all. actually I'm just having fun and glad shes having fun and so is she, cause i would never waste a night of "fun" for a high quality woman who encourages my progress
Im since 2 years in a relationship the first year i sacrificed my training and my ambitions all on the relationship. But with time i realized that i dont need to be with my girlfriend all the time so i talked with her and started her seeing every 2 or 3 days. And 8 months ago i started with boxing and it helped my relationship because now im more masculine and balanced stopped with fapping so i can train with more energy in boxing. And on the weekends i spend time with my girl friend. So yeah that's how my relationship and my goals are working together.
For those who read this. The first mistake hit hard for me. I dated a girl for 11months. She was my everything and I truly thought that I loved her. However I was so obsessed with her because she was my first girlfriend, I inadvertently pushed away all of my friends just to spend more time with her. When we broke up I quickly realized that I had nobody. I worked hard to earn the trust and respect back from my peers. I made a vow to never do that again and I am eternally grateful for the love that my peers had shown me. I now am on a greater path and I couldn’t be more proud and confident for the man that I am soon to become!
I love my girl friend so much and I am a die hard lover but as a teen I tell myself all the time that in the end no one really cares about you as much as you do including your beloved. So realize that it isn't an option but your responsibility to put yourself first before your girlfriend. This is my advice for hamza and everyone else who needs it.
Thankfully, i got lucky to have the best girl. She supports me on my self improvement journey. For the last 6 months, I have been slipping with my self improvement. Today, She told me that I was not being the man that I wanted to be. She was telling me that she should not hold me back because she would feel sad for me. Now, I learned my lesson. Thankfully, she is supportive. I am a clingy person by the way, where I want to spend all my time with her.
I think finding someone that at least mostly shares your goals and values. If she can't support your life and you don't to hers its not really a relationship worth having. Girls like that are out there but you have to sort through the muck.
10:30 I recently got into a relationship and found myself slightly changing and I'm unable to focus 100% on goals as usual I found the best way is to spend a couple minutes listening to music and then get back to your goals, whenever you get distracted and want to text ,call or see her (remember this comes from a place of neediness which is unattractive) Limit yourself to a certain amount of time a day to her, don't be too rigid tho, the distance creates attraction. I found this strategy to work best so far
She gotta have goals as well. She has to somewhat feel like shes wasting her time doing “quality time/wasting money and eating out every night” if she doesn’t have the things to do so. She needs to be disciplined herself to go gym and getting work done before you enjoy the rest of your day. If not then shes low quality and doesn’t respect herself or her future.
When am in a relationship or even when am just talking to a girl I want to work harder. I want improve even more just so she kinda likes me even more idk how to explain it
One thing you should do to avoid comfort and deep attachment is absence. Do not see the girl so often and prioritize your purpose and goals. Seeing the girl every day will lead to this comfort and orderly schedule. You should aim to reduce the time u see her and stay on top of your goals. Then make the time you are with her quality time. Be spontaneous, maybe take her skydiving out of the blue. But when times up and you have had a good time don't be available for the next day or so and be working on your goals. This absence away from her will allow the boy and the girl time to miss each other. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is very true. You welcome hamza lool
Don’t Hang too much around with her . Just text her maybe and meet once a week . So your together Time is special and you have so to say one cheat day .
I'm starting to hate this channel and at the same time liking the unfiltered one. Does that mean that I'm on the right path for my transformation from a Jeffery to Adonis?
“Employ your time in improving yourself by other men's writings, so that you shall
gain easily what others have
labored hard for” - Socrates
Legit
That's Hamza's entire channel's point, only videos instead of writings.
IMO thats correct to some degree but some things you have to experience for your self
sick quote
“Beware of unearned wisdom” - Carl Jung
Hamza, got some advice for you.
I'm 9 years into a relationship, been with the girl since i was 15 so..
You gotta focus on yourself and she has to do the same, only this balance works, nothin else.
If she is too clingy or has no hobbies of her own, you will find her unatractive and get into bad habits of your own.
Same goes flipped upside down.
Balcance and once again balance, find the girl that can manage by herself just fine, but you being together just works and adds to the positive experience
w comment
Underrated comment. I agree, @Hamza pin this!
Welp, i fucked up this one lmao
9 years since 15 that's anime plot right there lmao
Jokes aside I hope you're enjoying life and especially your relationship
Cool but you can't force other people to better themselves, so idk what your advice was.
One thing I try to do to avoid falling off my self improvement when I get into new relationships, cause that's a problem I've had to deal with a lot before, is making that clear as a part of my identity really early on. With my newest relationship, some of the first dates we went on were hikes. When we'd talk, I'd occasionally tell her about my goals. The first night I slept over at her place, we stayed up and all, but I told her I'd be waking up and heading out to the gym at 5 AM regardless. In my experience, communicating all that and setting those expectations, even when I really, really didn't feel like it and didn't want to, would give me something to hold myself to. She'd like that I'm working on my goals, and she'd like that my self improvement is such a large part of who I am. That, in turn, encourages me to actually keep to my word, even when all I want to do is order out and cuddle with her, because that's nice and all, but having your girl compliment you on your discipline and really feeling like a man with her is a whole 'nother level. We've been together for a few months now, and I actually feel even more motivated to stay on the self improvement path when I think of her, because when she puts her head on my chest and compliments me on my discipline or I can pick her up when we make out and she says it turns her on how strong I am, I just feel golden.
Living the dream
This is the answer I was looking for. Very nicely articulated.
Amazing. Communication is key. Can you outline your self-improvement journey?
Great tip! Stay winning bro, hopefully she’s the one
Adonis Detected
Massive respect for owning your mistakes in your past relationships. It’s been a pleasure watching you grow as a person. The ultimate delayed gratification.
fuck yeah
agreed, don't get it twisted tho. Hamza is very much like the other "PUA RP" content creators.
@@snowfrosty1 what does PUA RP mean?
@@bartomiejszyszka6965 pick up artist red pill. Not sure I agree with that comment though.
“The goal is to work toward a world where expectations are not set by the stereotypes that hold us back, but by our personal passion, talents and interests.”
And to keep on the street even when a big truck may hit you off it.
The key to balancing self improvement and relationships is just that.... balance.
1. Accept that in the early stages of the relationship, your self improvement will be a lower priority. Don't panic. It's temporary...1 month at the most. This is the point where you are getting to know this person and see if they value the things that you do. Eventually you'll bring up the fact that you are into this lifestyle and she'll support you ....or she won't. You want the former.
2. Plan out your dates ahead of time. Now that you've established that you are into self improvement and that she supports you. Find a clean way to schedule "dates" into your life. Plan your dates to be on your cheat day for example. If one of you is staying the night, establish that you're not going to be sleeping in etc.
Sometimes you may go out 'spontaneously", but plan in advance. Pack a meal prep beforehand. At this point she knows you take your health and diet seriously and will understand.
TLDR. Let your partner know the parts of your life that are important to YOU and make sure she's on board. If not, move on.
Experience speaking here
Regarding not getting “comfortable” in relationships and losing yourself: *love is a “with” not a “for”.* Two people who love each other hold hands and face the world together, not turn away from the world and face each other. If a person is taking you away from the world, you aren’t compatible. A “perfect” relationship is one in which you both *enhance* each other’s worth and goals. That’s loving another person for who they truly are at their best. Relational “adaptation” and “compromise” are mostly bullshit lies to keep unhappy marriages together and society pushing forward (just like learning to accept your shitty job is necessary to keep people working them). Anyone can change themselves in the name of love, which is the heart of toxic relationships. Love loves real humans in who they are; romance loves preconceived dreams and tries to force human beings into them.
Love is a noun?
You’re 100% right.
Damn that was kinda fire
You know its a good day when Hamza uploads a 12 minute video
dude you will love the "hamza unfiltered" channel if you don't know it already.
@@DeeptalkDosis Dw bro watched it all 🤩
I just love how you say Adoniiiiiis. it never gets old.
I was with a girl that was really really strict with her routine, back then I was not really into a routine at all. I would go to bed whenever i wanted (usually really late) I would not workout, id eat whatever and for a long time I thought our relationship was cool and it was all fine until the last few months. Looking back I remember things like her buying me a calendar, trying to urge me to read more books, suggesting that we cook new meals and that I try veganism.
years later I am basically her, im the one with the strict routine, if annoys me to a point where people are exactly like I was , especially when it comes to planning stuff to do.
And personally I think the only real solution to this is to make it clear from the start that you are a very strict routine person, because if they cant respect it then it wont work.. But you have to also ask yourself can you respect that they arent...? There has to be a balance of interests I think, not in terms of what you do, but just how you live life.
The same way you would look for traits you prefer in a partner, also look for traits that potentially can crash and burn together.
w comment
So your lifestyle basically transformed, after being in a relationship because of her? but it contradicts with the red flag Hamza said, don't fcous on trying to change the person in relationship
@@CestTriggerFilmsUnorro She didnt really change me, it was 2 years after I became the more routine person. She had a tremendous amount of red flags, she wasnt a saint. The routine of things was one of the positive things about her that she tried to push, but she tried to push alot of negative aswell.
The point I was trying to make was more , that even if that relationship was extremely toxic and horrible in hindsight, I can also take away alot of positive things from it thinking back, to improve and learn individually, but also for future relationships.
W
@@CestTriggerFilmsUnorro you must be a young lad
Dude the second mistake is soo relatable, glad I realised that. Hope you and her get back together
Hamza is the only self development UA-cam who talks about relationships and stuff big up. He really understood important it is
I’d say in regards to breaking through that complacency, a few things.
1) plan everything. You make the plans, you pay, you support. It keeps the right frame.
2) being apart of a high caliber group of people like through a club or professional or military association or fraternity like the masons or worship group helps a ton just in regards to having some you time and reminds you to be the best you can be
3) doing fit/active/healthy things together and saving the late night fried feast and movies for special occasions
4) asleep early, up early. No way around it. If she’s sleeping, just quietly slip out. Bonus points if you cook her a healthy breakfast and leave it before getting to work. It has a bunch of benefits like being endearing when you’re sleeping and she’s watching TV or reading and being super attractive and admirable when she wakes up and you’re gone doing your thing but still showing you care.
I've been with my woman Aless for the last 8 months, and I've gone through a few cycles where I have been far more goal oriented then to far more relationship oriented and vice versa. Me and her have been chatting as of recent about even having a family eventually, when circumstances permit, sooner or later. I wholly relate to what you were discussing in the video, saying that it's hard to balance the two. One piece of advice that my older friend Justin gave to me when I first got into this relationship was to be kind and generous with my affection to her, very much so parroting what you were saying Hamza. However, that can get to the point where it takes up far too much time during the day, so much so that it becomes wholly unreasonable. However, one thing that i have found that has worked for me is the practice of full day retreats when they are needed. What I mean by this is the practice of long periods of the day fasting, meditation on your goals, the reading of literatures as well as journaling. I find that this serves as a reset kind of day and it gets me reoriented and makes my goals and work far more clear, making their path easier to walk on.
Related to this one hard, Hamza. Especially the part about wishing you could just give a girl a day where you offer them the love they deserved in a relationship. I'm friends with my ex again now but I truly wish I could just give her that love. Pains my heart when I think about how cold I was with her. I'm happy to see you changing and realising these things. Onwards and upwards!
Boys don't forget the Step 0:
get into a relationship.
I forgor 💀
I forgor also
I forgor 💀
I forgor 💀
I forgor 💀
I’ve been in my current relationship for over a year and what I’ve realized is that you can do both while not letting your goals behind.
Since the start of the month I’ve been reorganizing everything in my routine etc in order to still stick to my habits even when I’m with her.
We see each other on weekends almost every week but i didn’t change much in my routine and habits, I still wake up and go to bed roughly at the same time, then I carry on with my main daily habits while still making a bit more room in my day to enjoy my time with her.
For example, I use the 5 days of the week to focus 100% on my training (BJJ), and I’m planning to start weightlifting this month (also during those 5 days) so I can get some quality rest while I’m with her.
A very important factor is communication, she knows how much all this is important to me because we communicate a lot, which made this process easier and it also improved our relationship.
You don’t have to give up on what makes you happy and great, learn how to be more flexible without letting yourself slip out and see how much you can do to create an harmony between the time spent alone and with your partner
Much love
Louis
Bro holy shit, my name is Louis as well, and I also train 5 days a week at BJJ and I do weightlifting, and this is the extract thing I’ve done in my relationship. This is kinda crazy. Small world I guess
@@philswift7015 that’s crazy Phil 😳
About the self-improvement thing, I was in a relationship with a girl for a full year, I'm a self-improvement man type and she knew that before our relationship because we were friends (a classmate), that built a strong foundation first. Secondly, we were exchanging our to-do lists first in the morning, so in the night we exchange it back to see what we've done and what we didn't.
She was all the time praising my self-improvement skills. She wishes having those skills!
Thus, remember that focusing on your priorities, meanwhile giving her her own time, will only make you such a better conscious man that actually controls his life.
So get ready to be Adonis...
If you want the best for her, your responsibility is to maintain/become the best for her.
This does not mean serve her.
This means to improve yourself.
That's one way to keep self improving while in a relationship.
10:36
I’ve never been in a long term relationship, but I’ve done a lot of philosophy, and I think I have something to say. Incorporate your goals into the relationship. It’ll probably make things a bit easier.
I’m in a relationship right now, have been for just over 2 years, living together for 1 year. I am the same as you in that I let my self improvement slip in relationships, and this relationship is one I wasn’t willing to let go of but I still have goals, so I had to figure it out. I’ve found that it’s a long process of slow change. For me, step 1 was that I had to overcome trust issues and realize that even though I’m not spending every moment with her, that doesn’t mean she’s gonna go find that attention elsewhere. I found it works the opposite, she’s more excited to hang out with me when I do give her that attention. When we moved in I made sure it was a 2 bedroom place so I had my own space, and I stick to a very rigid schedule. At the beginning of the relationship I did fall off my routine and put on 50lbs of fat which I’m now in the process of losing, but that also made me find a new reason for keeping myself fit and striving for more. That reason used to be to get girls, the new reason is to be the best that this girl could imagine. It’s a mindset change, and it’s definitely slow and internal. Tough, but worth it
Being Consistent
sir my answer to your question is, I set a no contact rule up to night like I finishes all my work before 7 so I and she hangs out with each other only after 7 if I somehow mess-up in work and don't do work as a punishment for me I will not talk to her that day its like delayed gratification do the hard work first and as a result enjoy the comfort with your women and this is just my way of delayed gratification I think it may work for you because I am that guy who still wants to spend 24X7 with her but controls myself to not do that
I am in a relationship. And yes in my last relationship a couple years ago I was a clingy little bitch and lost SO much progress especially on my body. Today I'm in great shape, focused on my goals, while also being in a healthy relationship. 1. Pick the right girl. One that understands your self improvement, goals, and beliefs.
2. Accept she won't always be the best for your goals and you need to be a man and take action by yourself at times.
3. Don't be afraid to take time AWAY from her. This is good for your goals and mental health but also good for her attraction towards you when she sees your attention is hard to earn.
I had this problem for years. Especially when I went to university after high school. For me the solution was separate schedules. Making sure that the girl DEFINITELY has her own life OUTSIDE of the relationship. I pushed her to go be with friends, to try new things without me. It ended up building immense trust between us. For myself then it was just about training the muscle of respecting the relationship when the girl wasn’t around. If I was at the gym, holding myself accountable before I answered the dreaded, “Do you have a girlfriend?” Because from the outside in nobody ever saw me with her. But I knew I was with her.
As far as staying consistent with my goals it was about putting myself in a mental headspace that when me and my girl got back home at the end of the day, I had something positive to tell her about my it. What gains I made, what knowledge I accrued. What skills I worked on. Then it was like having another person working on them with me as far as critiquing my work ethic. What could’ve have been done better etc.
Hope this helps somebody.
For the mistake #4, I used to do this a lot, and I finally came to the conclusion that it also depends on the girl. The one I'm now with for example is making me study so hard, like I've never studied so hard ever before. Same thing with her, we both push each other to do better everyday.
6:14 i respect it poor you
I’ve noticed with me and a lot of men our past trumas heavily reflect on our relationship I think self-reflection is needed we us to improve this which I’m glad I’m see that
Traumas and Attachment Styles too that’s the one I’m researching most right now. Even if you healed your unhealthy attachment style if you’re in relationship with someone of the opposite style it will eventually bring it out in you. Always be able to see the bigger picture and let go of anything that’s unhealthy.
The thing that i did with my girl is to simply tell her that i have a lot of goals and that she sometimes may not get as much time from me as she needs. This is somewhat uncomfortable because i really like her and trully want to be more around her. I am so grateful that this girl is literally asking me if i had done my workout, meditation etc before we go on a date. That level of understanding that she gives me just because i have talked with her for hours straight about the things i want in life, makes me want to grind so much more than before. For the last couple of weeks i have been doing 10hours of delayed gratification per day while still seeing her every now and then. This is the moment that i have to say she still has red flags. She parties a lot, smokes and just because of that i would have left her. I wanted to understand if she could still be high quality so i asked her what do you like in a man. She literally said every single green flag there is in the video for green flags. When she knows about the green flags so well i think she subconciosly thinks how to get more of them(she has even said it). And thats why i chose to be with her and contionued on with my goals
Yo Hamza,
I am like you in that I wrap my arms around my woman. Tbh, I think it's as important to find a woman who wants to push you to achieve your goals as it is to keep yourself disciplined. It is a lot easier to do your daily habits and work when your girlfriend is cheering you on. There are women out there that do the opposite, they complain about time not spent together, but you can't let that kind of toxicity stop you from working. That's kinda like how you can't stop a girl from doing what makes her happy either.
For me, I just tell her how much I love self improvement and how it will pay off down the road and how it's important for my mental health and as I am getting into the relationship I tell her that I will not fold on those habits and that if she wishes to join me she can. For example, my girlfriend likes to read, so when I read my book and take notes she reads hers. She even told me she's happy I read because in past relationships her SO's would distract her from doing those things too.
I also think it's good to talk about how beneficial things like meditation and journaling and lifting are without trying to convince her. Lead by example. One of the things my girlfriend tells me she admires most about me is my discipline. It is a turn on to her that I can stay focused on the things that matter to me on a consistent basis without folding. Her admiration of that and seeing how much I grew over the first few months of us being together alone made her want to work on her own habits and stuff. When she went clubbing and partying in the beginning I would go with her, but I wouldn't drink much and I wouldn't always go with her. I knew with time she would realize that her lifestyle was destructive. I actually met her at the gym so I knew she had something inside her that was interested in health.
At the end of the day, I think the best way to get back on your habits if you feel yourself slipping is to talk to her. Communication is so important. There are still days where I feel disappointed in myself because I fell off my habits. But to me, taking a day once in a great while to focus on her is a great investment into the relationship. I have faith in myself that the next days following I won't miss a beat. When there are times where I feel that self doubt, I just tell her "hey I want to make sure I do xyz this week because those things are important to me and I did them before I met you" and not only does she remind me to do those things but she asks to join in on things like meditation.
So yea. It comes down to the girl you're with as much as it does your own discipline. Lead by example. Most women want to be successful in this day and age too, and so a lot of them will love self improvement if lead correctly. I rambled a lot but I hope this helps make sense of it all.
So i don’t have that problem, i just don’t wanna be with girls who are not interested in being the best version of themselves and join the journey
bro i love you! im speechless to your content!
11:08
Hamza, here's what I've found and started doing:
Dividing my time into, self development mindset time, just fun time, just nothing time. Yes you'll have to carve out part of your time where you wanna spend it with your GF and have fun with no thoughts... You think about what you did before or/and after it. When you're there just enjoy, there needs to be some HARD limits to it that you've decided before going into the activity that you don't break. That's it.
Another thing is... What are you doing self improvement for? Like, what's the end goal? We are all gonna die, only the present is real, neither future nor past exists... Do fun stuff when you can... Do not make yourself regret your self improvement by sacrificing the having fun.
In regards to your last point in this video… I think you need to see your girl less, like maybe only on the weekends and you can just allow yourself to be undisciplined for those few hours on the weekend. It’ll give you an excuse to grind even harder when your not with her Monday-Friday since u know u slacked off for those 2 days. I just read in the book laws of human nature that it’s actually a good thing to be undisciplined every once in a while, allows you to not take yourself so seriously and u can better relate to others. Maybe not every weekend works.. but a girl who’s ok with seeing you maybe 2-3 weekends out the month would be ideal. Of course keep in touch through FaceTime a few times a week and like it’s ok to go out on a random week night for a fun date if you plan it..
0:32 a cry for help 😳
My answer to the question of balancing your routines and relationships: find a girl that pushes you to be better. Maybe, someone that's really supportive of your self-improvement journey or someone that WANTS to self-improve WITH you. People should not only be compatible with each other, but also make each other BETTER
i try to make some time for her and i just know when im doing something important and i know when i can be with her
1)Oneidis
2)cold and distant
3)too controlling
4)ignoring red flag
5)slipping your self improvement goals
Bless up
Brother, I think the problem of slipping away from goals is common to anxious attached people. It happens with me too. I wanna spend all my time with her doing romantic things but it deteriorates her love towards me as she thinks I'm losing my edge.
Little does she know the depth of my affection.
Love is a beautiful thing but so tricky❤️
Edit: Bro I think that the only reason I can continue to focus on my goal is beacause her love seems to be increased when she knows I ain't slacking.
Can't believe the timing of this video. I got a girlfriend today
“We do not remember days, we remember moments.”
Hey bro, I've been watching your videos lately and they've helped me feel better, especially in a strange emotional phase I'm going through.
So on your last point you mentioned about being able to stay in balance between self-growth VS spending time on your girlfriend. I feel that if your source of motivation is based on yourself, like not to impress women because once you feel like you've got enough feminine presence in your life then the source of motivation would be gone.
So find something that's more eternal in terms of adding fuel to your drive and maybe the self-improvement routine won't stop !!.... :)
For me in my experience, you could use your relationship with your girl, to sort of fuel and add power to your goals; you know that you have support, so you feel more ready to take on whatever challenges that you have with more support behind you is how I’ve been nvisiomed it
I used to be very comfortable in my relationship, I never tried to make myself better, I thought i already got a girl so whats the point of becoming better. But soon i looked around and i saw that because i was so comfortable, because i was so sure that i have a girl i dont need to improve, I started losing my value. I started feeling not good enough, she would send me picture of other guys (i know) and tell me they look hot. It killed me, its been an year i have been focusing on myself. I meditate, i workout, i still love her and show my affection the same warm way but i never ever get comfortable. I keep myself in the challenge cuz afterall we always are in a competition with other people.
When i said *it killed me* meant it made me feel insecure about how i looked cuz for me receiving that compliment from her was very rare. Often when i dressed up and looked my very best. While the guy in the photo was normal
Aye bro are you stalking me? You always post exactly what I need.
Really nice introspection
When you were mentioning self improvement and then how you do that in a relationship, I think balance. Balance is what you need for everyday life if you want to achieve what you want. Balance what is the most important things for self improvement and stick with that no matter if you're in a relationship or not. That is the things that attracted a girl in the first place. You will have to sacrifice things when you come into a relationship, that is just how it works. And you cannot do everything right when just on self improvement itself, you are not going to do every little thing that will upgrade your life. So when you get into a relationship, spend time with that girl and treat her well, but don't let that come above your core values and goals. The things you NEED to do in order to self improve. What is it that is more important at the end of the day, that will make your life better, and in the long run or short term. You may meet the 'love of your life' but she likes you for who you are, and if you stop doing the things that make you the person you are, then the attraction will fade. Just someone voicing their opinion. Hamza would love to hear your opinion on this.
you need to make it a goal to spend time with her. Naturally you wont compromise goals for other goals. The same way you wouldnt skip meditation to get a workout in, you wont skip your other goals to spend time with her. You will naturally compensate by taking time out of the less important areas of your life.
In terms of keeping up with goals when you get into a new relationship, you need to be with someone who values your goals just as much (or maybe even more) than you do. My girlfriend goes to the gym and drags me with her, she makes sure I study (we are in university), makes sure I eat properly and sleep, and so on. I do the same for her. We want to reach our goals together.
adonis detected
adonis detected
Good thing you cant have relationship problems with no relationships
How to get in a relationship and not get comfortable: Hamza. I have never commented on a video of yours. I’m 27. Older than most of you guys but I have experience. I watched personal development content for years to no avail. My life was in shambles even before I graduated high school. I have had 4 girlfriend since I was 18 and have only been single for about 1 year collectively in my adult life.
I love hard, but I fall harder. I love to a point where my woman consumes my thoughts, feelings & emotions, I am in sales and I would find myself thinking about our future life together or the next time I could see here when I had money to be made sitting right in front of me. This worsened my procrastination, I had always been depressed but that turned into worse thoughts. Anxiety riddled me. I chewed my nails to the cuticle.
I was chasing hedonistic tendencies💊🍁. self medicating. Swiping mindlessly. I even had a child with a lesbian who broke my heart😂💔 (I love being a dad)
She saw how I pretty much instantly took my foot off the gas when we had first tried to have a relationship regardless of her sexuality (weird situation ik) but in that trial she taught me how to TRICK MYSELF.
A valuable tool. Positive brainwashing.
For my natty partial simps out there… listen.
Let’s say you wake up next to the girl you’re in love with or together with. That moment every morning is a silent test from her.
Roll out of bed (girls will say “nooo come back🥺. The best things to say is, I’ll be right back I have work to do.) she will be attracted to this promise.
Take a leak or whatever you gotta Do. And then just walk... Walk for just 3 minutes even. No phone, Just walk. Let the sun touch your skin. Hell, bring your phone but you can only listen to Hamza😂
now this is the most important step: Talk to yourself.
Talk to that little Jeffery inside your skull and tell him how today is going to go. Tell him how grateful you are for your woman and how attracted she will be towards you because of your discipline and hard work.
It’s critical to not skip the 1st step in the morning routine even if that’s all you do.
After that if you go back to lay in bed with your girl for a bit, fine. Because you set the intention for the day by yourself, for yourself.
I have correlated the relationships that failed with me skipping this important step in the morning routine. The first step.
No matter how tired, how cozy you are. Alarm or not. Do it. 5 min a day for potentially 50 years with the love of your life.
“If you don’t sacrifice for what you love. What you love becomes the sacrifice.”
I have never come across anyone who I have felt more directly similar to than bathrobe man. I started watching his content early this year. I can say I am transforming and I can’t wait to show you my video on how you and your community and changed my life. I am dialed.
I don’t have it all figured out. Not here to preach. I just know that I TOTALLY give up naturally in relationships and it’s the biggest thing I need to fix. It’s a war every day against your inner Jeffery. I feel a lot of love and I have read the comments at my lowest points, and my highest. I’m speaking to you all and you men are life changers🗣️👊
Fuck yeah 🔥
When you do get in a relationship you have to set boundaries at the beginning of the the relation ship letting your partner know that you'll do anything for them EXCEPT!!!!! give upon your dreams and if she contributes to you not following your routine and/or obstructs you from doing the things you know you should be doing, she gots to go.
I have a problem with redpill. It seems reasonable and all... but can you really love a women after swallowing redpill? Love is a feeling that often makes you do irrational things, meanwhile redpill worships rational thinking and accepting the world for what it is.
EDIT: When you speak about this '' ONEITIS ''... isn't it a fancy way for you to say that you're afraid of commitment?
@Nik Usd ok that makes sense
I've never fell off self-improvement when entering a relationship, and I think the reason is that I'm doing the self-improvement, say gym, business etc. for my own gain & future. I think that's the biggest thing I'd recommend anyone struggling with sticking to self-improvement once in a relationship, keep doing it for yourself, realize the freedom it gives you in this world, don't do it just for her nor to get her.
If you want a high quality girl, and want to stay with that high quality girl, you can’t be high quality yourself in the beginning of the realtionship and then slack off and be mediocre. It wouldn’t be fair to her and it is only harmful to yourself
Hamza you're awesome fam, keep up the great content. I loved this video and it spoke to me personally, I def struggle with that balance and I most certainly can't go back to the blue pill. Nobody ever really talks about how to be present and trust and have a good time with girls when you know female nature and your focus is mainly self-improvement bc your betamale simp life put you behind in life lol. It's like being a recovered alcoholic and trying to learn how to be a social and casual drinker.
If you want to be in a relationship with her and want to keep your self improvement goals, you gotta let her know and see if you can respect those goals that you have and maybe she will hop in a path transforms her to better person making both the guy and the girl improve from eachother and their selfs
Don’t make the mistake of throwing away an actual great relationship because of your hubris. I broke up with a girl who had no major flaws, was unquestionably loyal (so rare in both men and women), very honest, not into the degenerate scene, and stunning. I was extremely arrogant and felt like I could do better because I got into a much better college and I was way too comfortable. Ever new girl I met didn’t compare. They were either into the party scene too much, had overinflated egos (ironic lol), weren’t polite, or their personality didn’t interest me. There was always something missing and I realized I threw away something I may never get again.
I will admit I got extremely lucky and she took me back. This experience helped me realize how not to get too comfortable in my relationship. So I kept doing self improvement and working to better the relationship as to not get comfortable again.
Side note: going to the gym is definitely easier when you’re single. The external motivation is so much more prevalent. In a relationship, self improvement requires a lot of intrinsic motivation
Damn, I know we were just talking about oneitis and whatnot but don't fuck this up again. She seems like one hell of a girl.
@@reformedzoomer thanks Obama I will try not to
Don't fuck this again dude. Girls like this must be protected and loved. Wish for you guys happiness, stay on your grind
i was the same type of woman to my ex but he recently left me saying being single is what he needs right now for his goals. i was never a burden to him, always loved and supported his goals so i’m not sure why he doesn't want me anymore
I remember in my last serious relationship I had bad oneitis. She even gave me the opportunity to try to end it. There was a period of 2 weeks where we would see each other where she strongly hinted we should break up but I kept hanging on, talking to someone who is already moved on.
No more oneitis. Take care of yourself and you will live in abundance.
This video was SOOOO relatable. Literally every relationship you’ve had I’ve had 😭😭 now I don’t feel like a total screw up! Thanks 🙏🏾
Hamza, I really think it would be beneficial to talk about whether young men should live with their parents or move out on their own. I feel like there are pros and cons to both.
Definitely can relate to sacrificing my own goals/habits for girls I’m in relationships with. Feels like their energy and habits rub off on me. I feel like it comes from me maybe not being as on my shit as I thought I was? Like still having some dependency on the relationship/girl? Ive been in self dev stuff for 3 years now, but that core shit is hard to shake in relationships.
Remeber be always the man your woman was attracted to in the FIRST PLACE.
So extrem wichtig Leute!!
Don‘t get comfortable and keep improving, but be authentic. So many men try to be someone they simply ain‘t...
Starkes Video! Grüße aus Österreich!
👌🏻
Its kinda late, but in relationships you might want to tell her about what your lifestyle is and come to either a compromise or make her respect your goals, women love a man with goals and focus and they themselves shape their life to be with you, if not then hey, there's plenty other ladies out there.
to mistake Nr 4 - just focus on your goals, but take the time to forget about it while you are with your girl - communicate the time when you are 100% there for the relationship. If it's about eating too much while you are together or spending nonsense money, just look for a girl that respects your plan or even better a girl that is disciplined like you. The best girl i could get is doing sport, has hobbies and works, she has her own world like me and we are literally "together" on the weekends, but then we are aware of it or truly together. Perfect fine and very balanced and harmonic. I love her so much for being on earth
Hamza it's simple.
If you don't wanna stop self improvement when in a relationship.
Then find a woman in self improvement
Hey Hamza, pretty small chance that you are gonna read this at all but my way for being on the track of self improvement whilst being in a relationship is kinda simple but I dont know if its even healthy to think that way
I was in a relationship being guilty of the first mistake you called out in your video but that drive made me improve myself, focus on my studies and made me drop 25 kg and becoming a gym rat. This was because I wanted to be the very best version of myself, I didn't want to give her the possibility to take the time to admire other good looking dudes and with that drive I signed up to the gym and wanted to become the most perfect version of myself that I can be, so I dont have the possibility to blame it on myself later if she left. Unfortunately we broke up a couple months ago and of course I grieved but I never lost my track of becoming the best version myself in that time.
Hope this might help you, anyways keep it up king
Edit: Im in a relationship again now but the thing I found out is the same you preach all the time, If you really like that girl and dont want to lose her, you have to really focus on yourself and drive yourself to do it because nothing is more unattractive than doing nothing all the time or slacking on your morals and ethics, the girl I found now respects my gym habits and loves me for it, even though she teases me a bit with tracking my calories and macros, she still supports me and cooks healthy foods for example trying everything to support me on my journey on becoming the best me.
Girl numbed 2 a real 1 she was playing RuneScape for you. Bro you fumbled the bag with that one
The main reason I workout and am into self improvement is due to the release of them happy chemicals. It makes me extremely happy and proud to see me succeed every day being better than the last one.
Once I get in a relationship however, the person becomes what produces them happy chemicals in my brain. I had a really bad case of Onesie and stopped exercising altogether for a while, which made me feel even more shit.
My greatest advice would be to not stop your goals, maybe try and include that person into them. If you are into fitness try and get a partner that is into fitness, if you are into watching certain kind of movies, get someone that watches the same movies. That way not only do you keep releasing happy chemicals, now you release even more!
But that’s only my advice and don’t really have that much of experience (am only 19)
I dont know why...I can relate to u in every mistake. I am a jeffrey.......but am going to be the best adonis ever!!! Thanks a lot hamza. I started improving before your videos...but didnt know the right path. You are showing me and millions of guys the right path. YOU WILL BE A SUCCESSFUL MAN> So am I. Thank you
Honestly the only thing that works for me as far as getting too distracted/comfortable in a relationship is just finding a girl who reminds me of my goals and my accomplishments. Like you mention all the time, a relationship should add to your growth rather than feed off of it
Well Kris from 1stman said avoid woman until male advantage... maybe dont be greedy wanting both relationship and your goals and just focus first on what is more important (goals, like you said). and than i dont know around 30 get into relationship or when your goals are set in place. If you dont find a solution this may be a way to go gl.
It's all about healthy, clear communication.
I'm the type to get too comfortable, and when I realized that I sat down with my girl and told her about my goals and how much i wanted to achieve them, and i wanted to find a way to make it work with our relationship-
at first she didn't really understand and thought i wanted to spend less time with her, but after planning our schedules and stuff we found a nice balance. later, after seeing what it had changed for me she also got on the dopamine detox thing and we're now both improving ourselves and each other.
I wouldn't say i 'started' our self-improvement but i did bring it up. she made us both quit weed and binge eating, i made us both get off social media and she even got a flip phone :D
I think the key in all this is partnership, we're not just bf/gf- we're comrades, brothers in arms, we're each other's mirror. This isn't even any 'soulmate' type doodoo, you have to communicate your goals to eachother find a way to support them.
Work on your communication skills asap as this will improve your life in every way.
This is good, thank you I realised I was seeing my girlfriend too much and getting too comfortable and instead of just gradually seeing her less to remain mysterious I just told her, I wanted to spend more time by myself and my friends. And I thought I did it wrong, but this reassures me, instead of just pretending I’m busy to not speak to her and keep her wanting me I’m actually going to be busy and she will know it and she will miss me
I've been one of those people that tend to make my world revolve around my partner, did it twice in the past actually. I guess the biggest difference between my past and my current one would be that she understands that I have goals and other responsibilities to attend to aside from her. So it's easier to balance things out when she's supporting me and reminding me of my goals from time-to-time, especially when I tend to falter in my discipline at times when I spend time with her.
Start a podcast please
i guess you can try to see if you can spend a bit of time from ur busy schedule and then spend time with her
She even levelled up your RuneScape character for you.
That’s something man.
The unscripted part was honestly really heartwarming, brother. I am happy you got to express it to us.
SUBSTANCE OVER SH!T...if we can't do the work to enjoy ourselves , how can we ever attract relationships and expect them to enjoy us!?
@Hamza
my realisation to the question u asked which is how u stop yourself from getting carried away (or getting to much into comfort zone) postponing ur goals etc
Honestly get a girl who is on the same frequency as u
That's the reality
For example (real) someone who is also into self improvement and self growth, would understand and be patient and loving more when u engage in activities which improve u holistically, it's rare to find but never impossible
Works Wonders
If someone who has similar goals
And their motives, morals and ethics align with u.
Then it's the best thing out there
Best > Perfect
Thanks for reading this till here ✅
I have a doubt that what is self improvement is it getting into gym and become masculine (body building ) or improve every aspect of life like thoughts and academic/jobs. Please explain me I didn't understand it
10:41 If they accept your rules/frame and want to be a part of your life. If you have the same priorities. And don't live together.
Life is always about sacrifice
The struggle for balance is real, wether you spend time on yourself or with the girl. I think we should see the once in a lifetime opportunity to have a fantastic moment with this unique person as we grow with that and as we make memories that are priceless. After those dates you can go back and tell the girl that you are bussy. You dont have to see each other every day 24/7
i am simping for my girl alot, but it doesn't hinder my goals nor my progress. she also wants me to succeed gives me space and she is clingy and I love it, but she is never in the way if I'm having plans with friends or family. Even we are going out to party with friends we don''t want to be the clingy cringe couple and spend time with the people there and have fun until we head home alone. She isn't my everything but she is truly important and a important part of my world I wanna introduce to her even more and so does she. we both have goals in life and dreams which requires long distance for some time, but the trust between us is stronger than any person I've been with so Im not stressing at all. actually I'm just having fun and glad shes having fun and so is she, cause i would never waste a night of "fun" for a high quality woman who encourages my progress
Im since 2 years in a relationship the first year i sacrificed my training and my ambitions all on the relationship. But with time i realized that i dont need to be with my girlfriend all the time so i talked with her and started her seeing every 2 or 3 days. And 8 months ago i started with boxing and it helped my relationship because now im more masculine and balanced stopped with fapping so i can train with more energy in boxing. And on the weekends i spend time with my girl friend. So yeah that's how my relationship and my goals are working together.
For those who read this. The first mistake hit hard for me. I dated a girl for 11months. She was my everything and I truly thought that I loved her. However I was so obsessed with her because she was my first girlfriend, I inadvertently pushed away all of my friends just to spend more time with her. When we broke up I quickly realized that I had nobody. I worked hard to earn the trust and respect back from my peers. I made a vow to never do that again and I am eternally grateful for the love that my peers had shown me. I now am on a greater path and I couldn’t be more proud and confident for the man that I am soon to become!
I love my girl friend so much and I am a die hard lover but as a teen I tell myself all the time that in the end no one really cares about you as much as you do including your beloved. So realize that it isn't an option but your responsibility to put yourself first before your girlfriend. This is my advice for hamza and everyone else who needs it.
Thankfully, i got lucky to have the best girl. She supports me on my self improvement journey. For the last 6 months, I have been slipping with my self improvement. Today, She told me that I was not being the man that I wanted to be. She was telling me that she should not hold me back because she would feel sad for me. Now, I learned my lesson. Thankfully, she is supportive. I am a clingy person by the way, where I want to spend all my time with her.
I think finding someone that at least mostly shares your goals and values. If she can't support your life and you don't to hers its not really a relationship worth having. Girls like that are out there but you have to sort through the muck.
MashaAllah brother
10:30 I recently got into a relationship and found myself slightly changing and I'm unable to focus 100% on goals as usual
I found the best way is to spend a couple minutes listening to music and then get back to your goals, whenever you get distracted and want to text ,call or see her (remember this comes from a place of neediness which is unattractive)
Limit yourself to a certain amount of time a day to her, don't be too rigid tho, the distance creates attraction. I found this strategy to work best so far
She gotta have goals as well. She has to somewhat feel like shes wasting her time doing “quality time/wasting money and eating out every night” if she doesn’t have the things to do so. She needs to be disciplined herself to go gym and getting work done before you enjoy the rest of your day. If not then shes low quality and doesn’t respect herself or her future.
When am in a relationship or even when am just talking to a girl I want to work harder. I want improve even more just so she kinda likes me even more idk how to explain it
Fuck me I have never ever heard a man fumble the bag so hard. Hamza this hurts to listen to why did you put this in :(
One thing you should do to avoid comfort and deep attachment is absence. Do not see the girl so often and prioritize your purpose and goals. Seeing the girl every day will lead to this comfort and orderly schedule. You should aim to reduce the time u see her and stay on top of your goals. Then make the time you are with her quality time. Be spontaneous, maybe take her skydiving out of the blue. But when times up and you have had a good time don't be available for the next day or so and be working on your goals. This absence away from her will allow the boy and the girl time to miss each other. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is very true. You welcome hamza lool
Haha , I remember my oneitis , back in the day. 😀.
Aye , to be young and feel the sting of love ;)
Don’t Hang too much around with her . Just text her maybe and meet once a week . So your together Time is special and you have so to say one cheat day .
Hamza you need to make a video on group friendships in university... Looking for a group of friends you spend most time with
Sam's asking for help 0:34
I'm starting to hate this channel and at the same time liking the unfiltered one. Does that mean that I'm on the right path for my transformation from a Jeffery to Adonis?