Why you're so anxious with your girlfriend
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- Опубліковано 19 бер 2023
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You know it's gonna be a masterpiece when hamza's video has "guide" in the title
Nahh frrr
no cap
Fr
Fax 📠
Cmon
The worst feeling you can have is when you know they’re lying but they won’t admit it. It’s a tearing of your own soul. Your intuition vs anxious attachment vs their lie, Horrible. Especially when they’re so good at lying. Once you let go and make it through the darkness it only then becomes clear. Its all been a lesson to heal you.
Just don’t get in a relationship there ya go solved
@@daquaviousbingleton9763 telling that to an anxiously attached person is like speaking to them in another language. Being anxiously attached is apart of their nervous system. It's rooted in the infancy's/childrens' need to attach for survival and utilizing activating strategies to bridge the gap of their needs not being met.
Horrible. Betrayal is one of the worst feelings in life.
@@dominique7269 but also a very good teacher and lesson. Your next partner, like mine is appreciated more than they ever would have been.
Yes exactly! You’ve put it very well how I feel about this. It’s purpose is to heal you, and healing doesn’t only happen once.
I dated an anxious woman and it was exhausting. I would get accused of cheating constantly despite the fact that I've never cheated in my life.
No amount of love, reassurance, time, or talking helped. She ended up breaking up with me and dating someone else immediately. I can't get over how she replaced me so easily despite being so afraid to lose me.
I hope that people will work on themselves and not rely 100% on their partner to calm their anxious thoughts. It's not fair to put that all on them.
Yes, I essentially think you should never date an Anxious person unless they make effort to be a secure attachment.
I am an anxious person and I used to immediately communicate to my ex whenever I had problems because I thought being confrontational is key but it actually drove them away. To be fair my ex was an avoidant attachment, so they already don’t want challenges, and they need a lot of time to themselves.
So now, I am no longer super fast with my confrontations and takes a day when I come across issues. Then I calmly discuss it with my partner and he’s a secure person so he never really gets defensive and we have a conversation instead of an argument.
You should never date someone anxious or avoidant unless you are SURE you can provide for them.
Self love and self discovery is the best for these co dependent people.
@@nightmime6314 Any insecure attachment style is not a good idea unless they are working on themselves. I am an FA but Ive been working on my attachment style for a few years not consistently because I was busy with school. I dated an FA after knowing about attachment styles and I thought because I know the attachment style inside and out that I would be able to handle it. Even though I knew him better than he knew himself because of this knowledge it was still a mindf*ck. It was mentally exhausting. I will only date secure going forward, and with work hopefully I can become secure.
Same thing happened to me. But he took 5 months instead. Even then it was a lot to process because he was so anxious to lose me 24/7. I broke up with him because I couldn’t bear that constant reassurance cross anymore.
so maturely put out, i hope you heal from the wounds which were never yours to begin with, i hope you never take it personally and with the fellow troubled mind some healing and move on with your life in peace knowing your higher self saved you from such toxicity, i hope you know the fact how unstable head can only fear being alone and ignore to work on themselves and shift from person to person just to curb out their loneliness and not facing their demons, not recognising they have any in the first plcae, i hope you find a healthy and a stable relationship, love xoxo
she moved on quickly (I’m assuming) #1 to make you jealous and #2 because she isn’t capable of being alone - speaking from my own experience I would relationship hop to fill a void but was never truly happy because a relationship will never make you happy unless you are already happy with yourself
The talk about jealousy with your first girlfriend definitely hit me. I suffer from anxiety and enter into these loops of thought where I can't stop making up scenarios in my head and sometimes it's so relentless that I just have no energy and fall into depression. Definitely one of my biggest triggers is if I'm truly in love and I find out anything about the girl's past with other men. I try to keep myself in check not to let the resentment be channeled into that other person who I love and did nothing wrong to me but sometimes it's hard and I become quite cold. I am not such a monster to ever do anything violent or too aggressive but still it's not right for me to be mean and cold to people who love me due to my own messed up head. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, it's good to know I'm not a complete freak and other people have felt similar emotions. I hope I can grow and become a better person and find peace because I can't give others the love they deserve if I'm stuck in this anxious state and mentally unstable.
Same thing happened to me, I was furious that my girlfriend kissed two guys before me and DANCED, just DANCED not even intimate like salsa or anything like that on a double date her bestfriend invited her to. She was a virgin and I'm her first sexual partner. The thing is to stop obsessing about it or you will develop this severe case like me. Have a deal breakers before entering relationship(mine is no hookup history - sex related). Started going to the gym, BJJ, running, reading a lot of books and focusing on myself. Developed self confidence and realized I m with the best girl ever. I will be the man that she deserves by her side!
Hamza , i am mother of a 14 year old boy who is so inspired by you and taken a U turn in his life to turn into a disciplinarian towards his positive goals. Thanks much for that . But in the process, he has taken unknowingly a selfish and arrogant side that he can’t talk straight to me , infact takes me for granted for everything. I urge you to please counsel these young minds that being human to your core relationships is as important as taking care of your individual needs. Feeding to the needs of relationship is worthy .
agreed
Wow, congrats to both of you
Get him to gratitude journal. I highly doubt it'll take more than a month for him to not take you for granted
with all due respect, does your son not have a father in the picture ?
@@moneymakinmitch8130 he has
Somehow some way this was posted for me at just when I needed it in my journey. 23 year old construction worker, been on my own since 17, kicked a drinking/smoking addiction and learned about mental health and self improvement. This video put together the words to how I’ve felt for years. Better believe I’m putting mad notes in the journal lol. Just started talking to an amazing woman a couple days ago too ,and it’s going really well; first time in awhile. Man, what I’d do to have a conversation with the man himself, Hamza.
@Dylan G amen brother, we have to go through what we go through to come out the strongest version of ourselves on the other side. Or stay the same, or even worse, sink deeper.
Nice dude! Goodluck out there, sending love.
Proud of u!!
Bro live your life , and be yourself .
Dealing with anxious attachment myself and going thru similar experiences, I can relate so much. It’s time to let go and stop holding onto emotionally unavailable people who leave hurtfully and willingly and time to heal from within. Only people who have gone thru such circumstances will understand the insecurity that comes with it. There’s so much to learn and heal to be a better version of myself for the next person I attract/fall in love with and wish to spend the rest of my life and have a healthy relationship with.
This was much needed at this phase of my life. Thank you.
Sending healing for you 💗
@jumanna its okay you are not the only one we are here for you and us
“He’s literally talking about my relationship.” It’s the best feeling in life to have a bond with someone who you can be yourself around and who supports you to achieve your goals especially when there’s line up with yours.
I have been pondering a lot recently, thinking and considering and I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing more stoic and masculine than actually word how you feel and what your emotions are like. Not being emotional as in emotional, but recognizing what you feel, not getting caught up in it but being able to clearly observe what is going on inside of you and use that to connect with people close to you. And being kind, truthful, generous, respectful and supportive of people around you. Not because you want some kind of "reward" or some exterior motive, but because that's simply how you are and the principles by which you stand. As someone who was always anxious as a kid and to some extent still is anxious today (even though meditation definitely reduced that a lot, been meditating daily for almost a year now, 1 hour every day), has the tendency to overthink a lot and really seems to be caught up in mind stuff quite easily depending on what is going on in my life, I think this is the right way to go about it.
Edit: Love to see people sharing ideas, we need productivity!
I can tell you that I've come to the same conclusion on my own, and yes, that is infact the key to masculinity imo. The funny thing about crime statistics, and single mother home statistics, is they actually affect how masculine a man can be. Without the father, and to a lesser extent with a shitty one, a boy will develop in a way where he doesn't know how to respond to his emotions due to lack of guidance, which breeds within him a feminine nature of reacting to emotions instead of acknowledging them, and using your brain anyways. Otherwise known as being a pussy. I wish you the best my friend, we're on the same path, and we will succeed, I can see it well.
Those two comments really resonated with me, like deeply. Thank you both for sharing those insights with the rest of us.
Made me feel a lot more secure in myself. All the best bros!
The truth that he talks about at 1:06 with the youtube dating advice is really important, 99% of the time all those men that think "well I really just want sex" don't want that all, they've been brainwashed by society and the idea they need to have sex with many women to be men, what they really truly want is intimacy & deep meaningful emotional connections/bonds with women, but getting into the hookup culture can actually kill that for men and make it far further out of reach, literally turning them depressed or suicidal or feeling all the hedonism & time they wasted with women to women did nothing at all for them but drained their energy, split their soul.
Either this or they're just trying to resolve all of the past trauma/resentment/anger they have of women due to their ignorance about female nature & human nature, or they are just trying to make their ego thrive, combat all the insecurities or lack of inner masculinity & confidence in themselves. Nourishing the ego is why a lot of women seek out attention or validation or casual sex as well.
A lot of the geniuses in charge of western society back in America's glory days already KNEW this, which is why men were also expected to be virgins as well as very eligible bachelors that the women were the ones hunting to lock down & attract, competing with each other for a man.
How valuable and powerful can a man's monogamous love to only one special women to him be if everyone in society subconsciously knew the importance of it & women were extremely eager to try to do everything possible, be as beauty, feminine, and chaste as possible to try to win a man's love?
Its endless power, just look at everything inside your house, from all the makes the house to all the items inside of it, everything was made from man's love for a women. Its how capitalism thrived so much, men build for women, men invent & innovate for women if they're nerdy & neurotic, can't get any access to women or have kids early on in life from 13 - 29 so might as well spend all that time & energy to themselves innovating. And they're the ones laughing in the end with access to pair bond with the highest quality women on the planet while other guys knocked up girls in high school that look like land whales now, can't even go on a vacation to Hawaii twice a year let alone anywhere on the planet whenever they feel like it. Yeah, all the naturals or more simple minded men who don't overthink anything & just act, and who have no childhood trauma heavily succeed with women immediately in life but there are trade offs & benefits to everything.
The other ironic thing is we can see everything the bible has ever said... MEN are all the ones who created all the degenerate women, and then other men complain that a man they've never met traumatized or used or made the girl think poorly of men, every single man that becomes the best version of themselves & settles down with a high quality women instead of using or breaking random women. We NEVER see complaining online period at all, maybe that's the point of it all though, since we don't see them complaining online guys on the internet perpetually have no idea this exist out there.
While its possible to feel a lot of pain from bad or low quality people, its also possible to feel a lot joy, pleasure, and feel the true love of god bonding with a great high quality women.
Great description.
i feel like you don't have to figure out every emotion what you're feeling every time. feeling emotions is a big part of human experience. if you do what you do, will you ever feel your emotions fully or will everything in your life be some observer of emotions kinda thing?
just putting in my thoughts and would want to see your views
Bro this video is straight from god, its almost scary. I broke up with my girlfriend three days ago, just because of my anxious attachement style and me not knowing how to handle it or even knowing such a thing exists. Right now, I am so motivated to learn more about this and heal because I am realising more and more that this is the root of a lot of my problems and the root of every single argument I had with my ex. I cant thank you enough Hamza (you saved my ass a lot of times but this video is literally the holy grail). I think I might talk with my ex about this, not specifically with the intention to get back together, but I at least want to apologize for being such a toxis ass mf.
watch develop attracion or corey wayne on yt and read there books, trust me
Bro I shit you not I did the same thing months ago. It’s crazy how alone one can feel with these problems, yet so many of us have them. Glad to see you’ve gained some clarity and mean to make it better. Respect 💪
Thinking about doing this too but I'm going through no contact atm for another few weeks atleast. Please let me know guys how you got with that. Some feedback would be appreciated
THIS IS EXACTLY what I said, this video is STRAIGHT from god bro
I just got broken up with by a girl who asked me out. Makes me feel like the longer someone knows me, the less they like me.
I watched a lot of your videos and honestly this one is probably your most valuable. A while ago I was invested in this whole idea of invulnerability and becoming cold hearted so that if anybody leaves me I won’t be hurt. This was honestly just me lying to myself about how vulnerable I really am. I’ll admit that if my friends leave me or betray me I would be really hurt. Or if the girl that I’m talking to right now were to end things with me I would be devastated. I’ve come to see that true strength comes from allowing the people in your life to see exactly how weak and needy you are, then continuing to open up despite the possibility that they might hurt you is true strength. I stopped watching self improvement videos a while ago but this one caught my eye and I’m glad I watched the whole thing. Thx Hamza
bro this was the most real unfiltered talk about girls and love i’ve ever seen. he hit the nail on the head on every point.
Most relatable story yet. You’re right the gut feeling is never wrong. It’s like this energy, this radar that goes off when you smell cap
@Dylan G lol what
Yeah but also sometimes if you have strong anxiety/insecurity about something you might confuse it with gut feeling
Perfect timing mate. My girl just left me because she started talking to this new guy. She would urge wanting to be close to him and that didn’t make sense to me. That anxiousness was coming up. And she kept defending him. Didn’t make sense to me.
Still suffering the aftermath of how I treated the entire scenario and completely broken right now.
Cheers for this mate
You only did what you thought was right in the moment, you have nothing to regret, you’ve only learnt and become better, keep pushing regardless of these temporary feelings you’ll come out levels ahead of a girl of that sort, you’ll be fine bro
bro u are a G keep going
I’m sorry to hear this bro! I really hope you get through it, and try to talk to people if you feel shit about it
Anxious attachment and the behaviour is really unattractive to women/
she belongs to the streets. Good luck bro
Incredible, I can’t believe I sat through two hours of therapy for free. Better than anything before. I could relate, tie the situations I’ve went through as a child to my behavior now, and pretty much can understand why I am the way I am. This is golden.
I'm only 27 minutes into this video but I just wanted to express how much i appreciate the time and effort you've put into explaining and healing anxious attachments, I let it ruin my life last year by hurting my ex girlfriend, cheating because I believed she was doing it to me first, and i couldn't tell myself any differently i over analysed and ruined myself. A year later I can't bring myself to get into a relationship or try deeply connect with a women again because i know how i need to work on myself first, and this is a perfect start to that so thankyou.
Respect to hamza for dropping a 2hr no bs video
how the hell did you see a 2 hour video when it was released 3 minutes ago💀
@@silenttrooper a magician never reveals his secrets
@@unclecondog9807 😰😰
🤣🤣🤣
@@silenttrooper he never said he finished it
Your description of the saddest way to live (Having no friends, eating lunch alone, then coming home to grind away on work) recapitulates my daily weekday routine for the past several months until today.
The problem is that I CAN make friends.
I CAN network with other people.
I HAVE the ability to befriend anybody.
But this worrisome fact of being badly influenced and swayed away from my path haunts me.
I am always terribly worried that if I network with the wrong people, they'll drag me down to the bottom of the bucket without me noticing it.
Anyway, great video Hamza.
Currently a senior in college and my roommates (my only friends) all drink, smoke, go to the bars to pick up women etc. I have been dragged down to their level so many times, until I realized I have to avoid them completely and entirely. I used to feel so bad for literally locking myself in my room all day, but it sure is better then going to get drunk and have sex with random chicks. As a college student, I am literally surrounded by degenerates every way i look. The way I see it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a lone wolf, as it is the only way I can stay on the right track.
@@hankjahovs8937 i am going through a similar thing.
I think the best thing we can do is to make our beautiful online community of wholesome young men into a real life thing: I think we need to have networking events where men and women who are into holistic , spiritual self improvement like Hamza advocates , can all meet up . Can you help me think of ways we can set this up?
You must believe that you are smart enough to recognize any negative people who may bring you down. I believe you are smart enough to recognize them as I know I am as well. Just keep trying and being genuine until you find your family
have strong morals if your morals are strong you won’t change as a person they can’t bring you down
Same bro!
The amount of pressure this put off me is huge. Trying to be perfect or "Giga Chad" is so tiring. Being yourself is so relieving and accepting and encouraging yourself like you would others is amazing. When, not if you find that woman that loves *you*, you will be truly happy. Be calm, you have time, figure yourself out. Practice being yourself, forgive yourself, be ok with making mistakes and learn and REMEMBER your achievements. Focus more on the positive than your mistakes. Don't let people take advantage of you though, learn how manipulation works. Know what needs you can gain through the love (not money) you can give. Good luck guys, and most importantly have fun. Life is a journey, you got this bro.
Well done! Amazing... I'm only half an hour in but I'm so glad to see someone finally speaking the truth... I learned about the attachment theory 3 years ago and I have been trying to change my attachment style to secure but everywhere I looked research and asked for advice, it was all look within yourself, repeat affirmations, meditation, breathing exercises and learn to love your time alone ... Even if I learn to love my time alone it still didn't help me trust anyone when it comes to love and I've been saying it over and over that you must need someone like a foundation or a base to rely upon when you build a new you and someone who doesn't have it, won't be able to change their attachment style but everyone just lectured me that that's not true, be more self sufficient, you're all you need bullshit and gave me their back story but they all had like at least one parent or a sibling + circle of friends being there for them unconditionally while I never did. I feel like this is something most people don't understand how important it is to have at least that one person... In form of a parent or a sibling or relative or friends or partner... I'll continue with the video now hehe
Edit : I finished this video...😢😢
This video feels so good. He's so genuine and super honest. He validated everything I've been feeling for a really long time which most people have just dismissed as lack of independence, like I've always felt being part of a good community and feeling positive connections is really important for us but people just dismiss it saying that you shouldn't conform to the society's rules etc... I never understood it... People always lecturing about being authentic and when I am being authentic and saying that I'd love to follow my culture and traditions and have traditional values to be part of my community or I'd like to have a strong, loving and understanding partner, then they say I'm dependent and confirming to the society etc and I need to be alone to learn more about myself... I was like huh... What do I need to learn I already know what I want but everyone called me close minded and I'm kinda young and gullible as I never have anyone guiding me my entire life so I did believed all those people but I feel like this all created more anxiety and pain in my body... Watching this video made me feel more secure and emotional because he understands and validated what I knew instinctively. Watching this video made me realise that when people are telling you something or giving you advice, they're actually giving themselves that advice, like it's the things that they wish they could do. Also if being alone is the most important and you're all you ever need were true, then wouldn't people be more happier in an apocalyptical environment? I guess I need to trust myself more and be more honest to myself first.
I love you hamza
+1
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+4
I can’t say I love Hamza, but he certainly deserves respect
You uploaded this at the most perfect time, just ended a year long relationship that was like that for 6 months. I've disrespected myself and im honestly ashamed of my decisions for staying so long. Thanks for uploading this bro. Must takes a lot of courage to open up like this online
What did she do bro
Bro you won't believe in how much similar situation I am in.
I hear you, I just broke off a 10 month relo because of something similar to this
@@modernbassheads5051 While she didnt go around fucking other guys (prob would if she had friends) she basically had online relationships with men. Denying that she had a boyfriend and just saying fucked up stuff behind my back.
@@adamyasharma6894 I don't know your situation but if it's really that similiar then the best advice i could give you is to leave. I know its hard because you're attached but they bring nothing but stress and anxiety into your life. I promise break up and you'll feel relief like someone unshackled.
These longer types of videos are so much better… genuinely feels like I’m listening to an older brother and getting advice from someone I look up to
I‘ve had many close friends, many people I‘ve talked to. But I have never felt this close to someone while listening to you. This is by far the best video I‘ve ever watched on UA-cam. Thank you for speaking your thoughts. This was so therapeutic. much love
Got broken up just last week, lasted almost 6 years. Was told told yesterday was b/c I was emotionally abusive. Watching this video showed me the actions I took in that relationship and why, obv never meant to act toxic like that, but it ended up somehow that way. Glad I stumbled across this video and finally learned the underlying reason why. Honestly sucks to have lost that secure girl that I had
best of luck bro, focus on healing and growth now you'll come back stronger
Where’s your self improvement vids
Having an anxious attachment style, I have had several relationships that went down hill. I did however, grew from anxious to almost secure even in those relationships. Trusting was the hardest part but it is a skill you practice. You catch yourself when your thoughts become more irrational.
I feel the same way. Broke up 3 months ago due to AAS, which severly hurt me, but at least I gained awareness to improve myself for future encounters
I don’t usually comment on videos but hamza genuinely thank you for articulating the deepest thoughts I’ve had , I sabotaged a 5 year relationship through my own insecurities and realised after the fact just how much she complimented and healed my true self , I lived with this and compensated by thinking that red pill dating is the solution but I’ve only been miserable as a result , I just wish that people who were in my position see this video and communicate with their partners before they take the same mistakes I did , I can move forward now with the resolution that I know my faults and how to work on them and to not hide from my inner self,
love you all
This is the first time I've cried to one of Hamza's videos. Nobody has ever described exactly what happened to me on such a personal and in depth level before. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has experienced this.
Hamza
Thank you for this video and community of brothers you have created to make us feel not alone and hold each other accountable for actions and thoughts. This video is exactly how I'm feeling; this gut feeling of being lied to and dishonesty. No matter how much reassurance there is to the point it's repetitive the gut feeling is unbearable and a constant. Thank you for the guidance and perspective you have given me and many others in similar or same situations. I normally don't post comments on videos but this hit me so hard, it has genuinely impacted me in a positive way. I haven't trusted myself or put myself first in a really long time and this video is given me the courage to do so. From the bottom of my heart thank you brother.
20 minutes in, and i could already relate to everything you said Hamza. Thank you for supporting us as always
absolutely
Same unfortunately
This is so helpful to me as a female going through this anxious attachment. Such a different perspective!!! ❤
Same!
Hamza, i’ve only seen a few of your vids but you inspired me to get back into touch with my therapist. I’ve learned many techniques to overcoming this style but as a single person who has moved to a new city that primal edge feeling of not having a tribe has consumed me at home. that safety sensation with our nervous system you have described is unfamiliar to me. Several months ago someone left me while i was intoxicated and i lost my friend group that night as well. I thought i got over after a few weeks. You made me realize i love of work to do. thanks my friend
Fr bro, that gut feeling is never wrong. It's always the truth. Just focus on yourself kings, become rich and improve yourself
Hamza this is for sure one of your best videos on dating. This is such valuable knowledge you're spreading to the younger generation. I have been reflecting a lot on emotional immaturity, which is basically just the inability to handle your own emotions... and so it's so clear to see in this modern dating scene of "acting cool" and "being cold" it's all just an immature game because people are just reacting of their insecurities and seeking validation instead of actually coming from a place of true intentions. I also have an anxious attachment style and I have been very lucky to meet my best friend who has healed me in so many ways I never could describe. I still have a very dysregulated nervous system and it's something I am working on too and I wish you the best on your healing journey too. However one thing I will say is that I don't always agree that just because we feel something...means that our partner should respond to us in the way that we would like. For example we feel anxious about them going to a party so we express we are anxious and then they don't end up going to the party. I don't think this is totally healthy method on the flip side.I think it's important to also challenge our own emotions, and not take every feeling as totally valid. Yes I agree that we always want to be able to express these things and be met with compassion and understanding, no matter what the circumstances. But it shouldn't always result in them having to change their behaviour. Sometimes these fears are our own projections, and so instead of actively challenging these fears (you are anxious about the party so your partner stays home from the party) well now you have just completely avoided these difficult emotions (when they are actually illogical in this current scenario and something possibly triggered from the past) and so now your partner has missed out on a good experience and we have also missed an opportunity to trust in them even more despite how the anxiousness we feel. I hope that makes sense. But I think it's just important to also actively challenge these things if they do arise, and realise that to actually TRULY heal , it's not about having someone do everything that makes us feel Safe. it's about challenging those negative emotions when they do arise, and slowly realising over time... you can trust your partner and they are not going to do anything. Avoiding negative emotions, can be just as harmful in its own way.
i just wanted to say your channel is so underrated, you got a new sub :)
@@burrito156 Hey thank you so much! I appreciate that a lot :)
You spoke a 1000% truth Heather. The other secure person shouldn't compromise because of us. Any tips on how can we avoid those completely illogical negative thoughts without it hampering the relationship? ALso, I just stalked your channel and so sorry for all bad happened with you. You are a fighter, Heather. I wish you all the best in your life. 😇
Missed on a good experience to get D down 😂
@@rishi.agarwal8 Thanks so much Rishi I appreciate your kindness. Wish you the ultimate best too ❤
This made me cry as a grown ass man, it's insane how much i can relate to this man, anxious attachment sucks...especially if u in life don't find that person who provides u closure and calms u down. Thank you hamza my bro
I was literally having a nervous breakdown and close to a panic attack because of my “intuitive thoughts” that my long distance bf is cheating. And I made a little prayer in my head to help me find a good video that will help me clear my head and collect my thoughts and I stumbled across you. Thank you! I’m def anxiously attached - and hopefully I can start working on it
Same, I’ve been praying a lot
Straight to the point, I really felt some parts like my history with the relationships were like the Hamza's one. This man is like a personal therapist.
Hamza my brother, you've changed my life. I love you bro. The postive impact you've had on my life is tremendous. I've become more masculine and ambitious. I'm finally able to standup for myself. Thank you. May Allah bless us all 💛
I went through this exact same thing, and my ex would make it worse by feeding into my insecurities and making jokes about it. I can say that constant need for reassurance, and asking the same questions over and over questions you don’t even want to know the answers to but feel compelled to ask - comes from a deep deep rooted sense of insecurity that no one can fill or heal but only you. There is hope and you can heal it key word, YOU. It’s called self esteem not others esteem. Knowing this is incredibly powerful, because at the end of the day you can’t control anyone but yourself. If anyone’s going through this you can through it, i think it’s a trauma thing, and an age thing. I will admit getting older/past your 20s you do care a lot less about what people think, it’s like a back door to confidence no one talks about.
😭😭
@@TMichelle555 much needed! Almost as if what you said I could absolutely relate 100%
@@justanotherviewer00 damn homie :/ yeah it’s a lot of us that went through it huh but f it what doesn’t kill us better run lol
These stories before when being presented,you always put them under a light and carried the burden of these unspoken acts your past girlfriends did, you’ve healed and told us the full story and let go of the pain . Thanks for helping us hamza
I’ve watched around a quarter of this video and it feels like I am being directly spoken to. It is safe to say that I cannot wait to have time later and sit down to watch this. I have a strong feeling that this video may actually be the one that I can use to change my life. I cannot express my gratitude hamza. Thank You
I'm that guy who is "alone" in his room...i've been traumatized. I'm hyper stimulated and those micro-expressions show which makes it difficult to connect. I'm 24 now and you're right Hamza. It is a life long "curse". I'm so grateful and blessed for this video. I'm not sure if it will help change me but even the smallest percent counts. Thank you so much man ♥
yeah man same bruh, we should work on ourselves
You’re on the right path bro, the first step is to acknowledge the problem.
Trust me put work to it and you WILL change💪
Youre awesome for even acknowledging the problem
For me it took so long to acknowledge i had a self destructive and self conscious mindset because of past
I knew about my anxieties and fears but never wanted to face them, id much rather shut down. Honestly I still do it, to be realistic I think ive improved but I'm often very self critical of myself and have the need to be a perfectionist which drives me crazy
Thank you for this comment it hit home ❤
@@clussyella but how do u face them? what u do?
This is amazing. I totally agree that us understanding our style can definitely encourage a way to change our ways or better ourselves.
I recognised a few years ago that I had this style (and weirdly had similar early relationships in which the emotional turmoil was kinda insane) As soon as you reeled off the checklist at the beginning I said yes to every single one without hesitation.
This made me feel less lonely as I’ve only really read about this on websites.. Thank you!
I’ve had such a hard day today. I feel that exact feeling you spoke about with your first gf. Maybe my intuition is detecting something, but I’m suffering because of it. I feel so relieved to understand more about what’s going on with me. Thank you for the video.
Thanks Hamza for everything you have done for this Community!
Recently had a breakup and had to take the time to learn about anxious & avoidance attachment styles. This is an incredible video! You inspire me to continue my self-improvement youtube journey, and I hope I can articulate these ideas as well as you do one day, Hamza
Romans 10:9 because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
Be very careful, Hamza isn’t a mental health professional and I would question the validity of this video. He isn’t qualified to be giving advice like this. Big grifter vibes
@@acrez3260 wouldnt call him a grifter, but take everything he says with a grain of salt
Broke up with my girl a week ago cuz I told her who I really was (after months of putting on a macho red pill persona) and she got turned off. Been feeling kinda down lately and wondering if it was the right thing to do. This put a lot of things into perspective, she would always tell me she had an anxious attachment style (her dad was emotionally distant cuz he was a closeted homosexual) and I never knew what the fuck she was talking about. Obviously this video made a lot of sense to me
@@acrez3260 He technically does have a bachelor's in psych, but from a personal anecdote this advice is the main reason I've had the relationship success that I've had so far
I am happy with the evolution of your content. I can see that you have matured over time since I started watching you 2 years ago. I used to disagree with you a lot since you taught the stereotypical "red pill" content back then, but I kind of understood it since you are young. Now 2 years later, it makes me proud how far you have come in terms of your mindset and content that you share out.
Hamza, very happy to see this video. I stopped watching you a long time ago because much like you, I embarked on a journey away from red pill content and your content still talked about hating your weakness and weak parts without understanding the purpose they exist in your life. Since then I have been the therapeutic process of undoing the trauma I experienced during childhood and it has been a tremendous journey for me.
I would argue with some points of your video though, primarily that you need someone else to feel love and worth that you actually are capable of giving yourself. This self worth and self love is what actually makes it easier to form authentic relationships.
Also, i believe you can also be your authentic self outside of love life. You can pursue passions, morals, a life that is truly what you want and not some idea of success that is set up by Tate's of UA-cam. You don't need money or an amazing body to have self worth. You already are worthy because you are a human being.
Thank you Hamza, You are a life changer, had a really similar experience to this about a month ago and it absolutely destroyed me, the month after are breakup I was in constant tears evrey day, I felt like I lost evreything. The part of myself I truly loved and she did, I was constantly mentally abused by her and would always come back. I've started my self improvement journey all thanks to you hamza. You've changed my life ❤
Wow, only 26 minutes in and learning so much about myself. Things broke down with a girl i’d been briefly dating who for once I felt I wanted to build a future with but my underlying issues stopped this. It’s time to grow and this video is a perfect start to my journey
2 years ago I was that anxious guy I met a girl we became friends she loved me unconditionally and she changed me.
I've always said yea she changed me I didn't know that she literally changed me and fixed me till now.
It's the greatest gift anyone can give really
You’re nailing something on the head here that I’ve never been able to put into words. Thank you.
Recently experienced heartbreak with cheating involved. I was seeking a video that would cover this topic and I'm glad you provided an in depth video going over attachment. I truly want to learn how to detach from this individual so I can focus 100% of my energy into growth. I'm only 20 and have so much potential, wouldn't want to hinder myself so early in my development. I do think I needed this experience to convert from a boy into a man. Appreciate all that you do Hamza.
bro watch develop attraction and corey wayne on yt, trust me
Use that pain to go hard and build something bro
This is a very kind and generous advice for everyone. It is refreshing to see someone give good advice to their fellow men by being in tune with what they really want and how they feel so both parties don’t feel defensive to each other and more open and accepting. It will happen with the right person just don’t give up.
I am 43 and have a pattern of having situationships with narcisistic/avoided people. I am still healing and I know my worth. Hopefully I can one day experience what real love is.
For anyone reading this: follow your gut! If something is off it is. Run and do not go back and give people 3rd chances. And remember what happens twice happend trice. If people show how they are believe them the first time! Anxious attached and avoided will never work! You need to pick out good people and be more selective. All the best! You all deserve to be loved! Work on your self concept and self confidence!
Blessings from Belgium
It’s super comforting knowing hamza went through what I’m going through right now, definitely helps me to stay on my self improvement journey.Hamza saving young men on video at a time🙏
Thanks bro, this was a life changer because you gave me the approval for just being myself that I couldnt give myself and havent been given by somebody else fully yet either. I almost never comment, so this is really special. Thanks. The parallels were wild, I felt very uncomfortable hearing your story in the beginning.
The perfect video for me. This is exactly what I’m going through and I’ve been going through it in every relationship I’ve had. I’ve been going crazy over him literally every single day. I’ve combed through his phone, even looking at his bank account to see what he’s been spending his money on. We will be having a good day and then, all my unhappy thoughts about the relationship will come up and I will lash out. I will threaten him and cry and fuss. I realize that it’s just not the way to make this work. It’s not like he’s completely innocent though. But I need to change myself because I’ve lost myself completely in this man. All I ever do is think about him and what he’s doing.
Don’t stop on your self development girl, regardless on what happens with this man. You owe it to yourself to work on this aspect of yourself for you and your future.
I came back to this video. I’m proud of the amount of self awareness you have brother
Hamza really the most genuine person I’ve ever encountered on a online platform
This is priceless. Thank you so much Hamza. Very real and excellent message. Wonderful two hours.
You literally helped me from a thing which i was struggling for over a year. I’ll make Dua for you In’Sha Allah.
this video changed the whole entire perspective I have on my situation with my girl. her and I have been dating for a few months and all the sudden she decides to back off and break up. me telling her that i am scared to lose her and am anxious may be the scariest thing I will tell her, but it’s the genuine truth. i’m not running from it, in fact getting one step closer to finding that woman that nurtures those deep woven thoughts of mine, with ease
Hamza, I haven't watched the video yet, but it's INCREDIBLE that you just came out with this video right when I need some advices because today I was rejected by a girl I liked and I was quite sad. God bless you Hamza🙏🏻
watch develop attraction on yt
Guys, i have recently found the one, and let me tell you it wasn't without any effort, i started out with all the symptoms Hamza described at the begining, but after years of learning things and working on myself as a man i found a super feminine woman who wasn't afraid to let me take charge of the relationship to provide and protect her, and all of my doubts and fears went away when she joined my life, she makes my masculinity stronger and cares and loves me and follows what i have to say with genuine love and admiration for me, when she's the one, you'll feel it, you'll know it.
I'm so grateful I've come across this channel. So much of you said i relatable. My instinct led me to finding out my ex was cheating on me, he did well trying to cover his tracks but I micro investigated everything and finally had my worse fears come true. Plucked up to end a 9year marriage. I'm slowly coming into my secure attachment whilst leaving my anxious attachment behind. Now and again it does resurface but i am conscious of it. I'm slowly entering back into the dating world and your advice on what type of person we need is really useful. Thank you! I also have 4 boys for who your advice will be very valuable. You're journey is inspiring and I'm excited about what i can learn from your videos
When i reached the part where you said we’ll get through this together and take deep breaths i cried so much
Top bloke for sharing all that.
Been through similar shit, it’s mad how us humans attach ourselves to self sabotaging situations and people.
Attachment styles are very eye opening.
I needed this video, this video also reassured me that me and my current gf are indeed compatible. I've been telling her about the things that make me anxious and she will give me reassurance and validate my feelings. Before I felt needy and weak opening up my vulnerabilities to her like that but now I know this is how healthy relationships work. I always tell her how thankful I am for the little things she does that make me feel secure and she stays consistent in doing them because she wants us to feel secure together. And likewise, all the little things I do to give her reassurance that she told me she likes I will always make sure to do for her. After many dating many women I wasn't truly compatible with, I feel like I finally found someone who's right for me. I hope that our relationship only continues to grow stronger and we become the best version of ourselves together
That’s so cute :)
@@ymoonysun9130 thank you 🙏
Congrats on finding such a person. Good job working on yourself and things too.
@@DanteS-119 thank you, I wish this type of love upon everyone
Hard to tell how this helped, even hard to explain how close our stories are.. Thank you man, just thank you for making me out the prison of mind. Genuinely thank you
Thank you Hamza. I was broken up with about a week ago and I realize it was because I started off unauthentic. I needed this video. I had an abusive mother and she just walked out of my life about a month and a half ago and so I’ve been desperately looking for someone to fill that hole in my heart. Now that I have this knowledge, my approach will be different forever. Thank you
Just be yourself. Not your addictions, not your faults, not your natural desires. Be you...
And only you have to find out who that person is.
this helped me honestly to see someone have similar experiences as me helps i hated how i felt when she left but also love it because now im 10x more motivated and happy but always get that feeling of what if this has shown me its not needed thank you amazing video.
Hamza with every video I watch of you I realise more and more that we have so many things in common. I hope that you will eventually solve your anxiety attached problem. I never really understood why I acted the ways I acted, until I watched this video and everything just clicked. I genuinely feel like we’re brothers / good friends because of all the things we have in common (Childhood experiences, character traits, etc..) Thanks for helping me and thanks for being one of the very very few people online who are genuinely trying to help their audience. ❤
Thank you for making this and putting this out for free. I feel so attacked, all I want to do is text my ex and tell her how sorry i am. However i think the best thing for her is for me to just leave her alone. I used to make her chase me in her car just so i felt her love. I tried running away constantly and she fought so hard to keep me. I have to move on, its better for both her and I. Thank you for giving me this knowledge bro.
It’s scary just how much I relate to Hamza in this video, I’m like 4 months into my breakup and it still ain’t easy, especially knowing she done so much bad stuff behind my back like get with 2 so called mates of mine at the time. It’s just mad even after everything like that my mind is still trying to forgive her and love her, when in actual fact you need to come to terms with the reality of the situation (which is the hardest part I think) because otherwise your just chasing a toxic relationship that ain’t good for either ppl. And it’s nuts too how this vid is uploaded today, 3 years ago today we met up for the first time and I’m still holding onto those memories thinking it’s the same person now, but again, the reality is, it isn’t. It’s unspeakable pain, but to anyone who’s going through stuff like this too, you just gotta find some way to self love yourself and go out there and become the best version possible of yourself. Have faith because even though our own negative mindset likes to bring us down sometimes we really gotta strive for the future and what it hold for all of us!
Hey Hamza! I don’t usually comment but this video really touched me and came out at the right time in my life, when my relationships are at a breaking point. I just imagined myself fully healed, and although it feels a long way away, it gives me hope to keep going when I was feeling completely hopeless. From the bottom of my heart, thank you Hamza. You’ve helped me so much in my life. I love you bro.
this is deep. this video is more than just a video, this is life changing information and learning experiences. i love you hamza, you’ve improved my life so much and you continue to do so as you push out these videos. much love.
Thank you for this video, when you started the video , I began to cry. And you said let’s breathe at the exact time I needed it, much love ❤
Man this has literally been me the last few days. All this anxious attachment feelings towards my ex. Felt like I was having an existential crisis the last 72 hrs. Still am. But I needed this bad rn. The timing is insane. Thanks for real man.
Bruv i know exactly in what kind of situationship you are in right now, been there myself. I know this sounds cheesy but time heals all wounds and it will be gone soon. Just channel these emotions in the right direction, start going to some kind of martial arts or try starting a business, thats what helped me. Stay strong brother you‘re not alone 💪🏽
@@stsmile4901 Been pouring heavy into both lately. Basically all my time now. Thanks fr
The same fucking situation. Insane timing! does the video help btw?
Same. My GF blindsided me and broke up with me last December. Since then it's been hell. I don't want her anymore, because I know I deserve better, but I still love her, and imagining her having sex with other men is still destroying me. This is so weird. She was my first love.
@@nephastgweiz1022 genuine question why do you care so much like all I see our dudes crying about girlfriends etc it’s not that deep invest your time into something else to take your mind of it
Been reading a lot lately on anxious and avoidant attachment styles, mainly from a book that you suggested. I've learned a lot about myself lately and I came to learn how much I need to heal. And I'm working on it. Thank you so much for this video. It's truly inspiring. You're literally saving lives here.
Which book?
@@usamahamir8503 The book Is most likely What Happened to You
@@usamahamir8503 i think its called 'attatched'
which book
never really enjoyed your previous content but this raw unedited content post purpose discovery fills me up, keep going
I've been familiar with your channel for a while and this showed up on my FYP and I'm so glad you did, this was an excellently made video that I think a wide range of people can use.
I'd also note that other than secure, anxious, and avoidant, there's also a subtype of avoidant called disorganized/fearful avoidant. At the core it is attachment avoidance but it has anxious traits to it too. Often comes up with inconsistent and chaotic parenting (abusive and neglectful at the same time etc).
This video has literally changed the way I see relationships, I can't express how much I am grateful for this knowledge that you gave for free, thank you so much brother ! You changed my life.
You're the person that literally completely rewires brain of hundreds of young man including mine, thanks for the 2 years of constantly helping me on my journey, being great at your work and giving us your knowledge, you changed my life and helped me extremely much, thanks bro
Bro, I can understand how you feel with my experiences, but I can't even imagine the extremity of pain you experienced with the cheating and finding out through your loved one, who lied to you on top of this! I am glad you are helping people with your experiences and knowledge to help men grow and get through things like this. Much love brother.
i feel ur pain through the screen, im so sorry you've been betrayed by so many people. My heart resonates with you
Fire advice. I’ve been going down to casual sex tunnel for a while now and I’ve realised that I don’t even like these girls and I’m doing this for ego. This is exactly what I needed to hear and I resonate with it so much. Thanks Hamza
I'm so glad you popped up on my FYP 😢 I started breaking down because I related to everything you said. I suffer with mental health so I struggle with friendship and family relationships. I'm always alone cause people have let me down too many times so i don't trust anyone. I get overwhelmed quick and emotional I just wish there's someone that I can get comfort from all this to make me feel like im not alone.😢 thanks for this btw new subbie here ❤ x
I can totally relate!
@@tracycarr3749 it's so nice to know I'm not the only one going through this because sometimes I feel like giving up, I've been to every therapy and take medication I just feel like something missing and I can't put my hand on it. He did say u need somebody special that comes your way to make you feel less alone. Maybe that's what I'm missing,that somebody, who's ready to support me on for real when I'm stuck in my pool full of thoughts. But totally agree with you babe xxx
Same
Also I feel like seeing my mother go from relationships to relationship like she can’t even stay out of a relationship for two minutes
Makes me feel like a distrust in love and commitment like it all could end so quickly and what was it worth so I’m scared to commit or to get into a relationship.
Maybe love isn’t real.
Brother.. you seem to be making videos just as i need them.. Thankyou so much!
Hamza this video made me shallow breath throughout its entirety, like its activated all those emotions that I feel when the anxious state of mind has been activated. Great stuff as usual, and touching storytelling.
last breakup was because of this very reason . everything pushed me towards her , she was loyal but treated me shit , this is the most perfect time for me for this video, cuz i disrespected myself a lot even after the " breakup " , but slowly im healing and realising my worth again , that too by following ur advice and then introspecting nd contemplating my own behaviour , been 2 months since we ended all contact but it still hurts
26:42 very relatable. I didn't really have friends ever since I was a kid and I still don't have any. Somehow I didn't get enough of this social interaction to really understand how to behave around people and how to be less awkward. I'm also an autist, which might be a part of my problem (although I still don't know IF autism affects anything in the first place).
It is very hard seeing all the people around you, that you're familiar with, have fun, go hangout, socialize... without you. While you just... can't really do that. It's hard to explain. It's like they ignore you without noticing that they do. It is very painful going through your routine without any changes in your social life.
And I can say with 100% certainty that it IS the one of the most painful feelings you can get in your life.
Bro I have the same experience, although I don't have autism, so maybe it doesn't affect it much. It's really painful and tiring to overthink everything and at the same time hoping that you can someday have normal social interactions with others
Omg 😱 hamza ,I can totally relate with u 100%. I never realize that I have anxious attachment style. I been researching a lot to get to know myself better & coming to this video is a light .I always assume that I have problem within myself and the way I love and I feel like I m possessive as my bf always complain me I m possessive & toxic Yet I never feel myself that I m toxic and in case that’s how I show my love yet nobody understands and gets me and my love . Yet luckily after watching ur video I felt at least some one knows what I m dealing with and can understand me aand knows me . Whom I can relate to myself as . Before I feel like no one understand me all blaming me that I m the problem and the toxic person and I feel like nobody deserves me . Now I knew the source of all problem I been facing until now . I feel like u have spoken my mind ,as if like whatever u say I feel 100% as me in my heart. Thanks for the video it helps me to know myself better .
this hits so close to home its like my story being told you have inspired me to better myself and my life so I never have to feel what I do now again
Dude, I'm just into 26 minutes of the video, I already cried because I didn't believe I would ever know someone who knows exactly what it feels to be like me..thank you!
Hamza I literally had to stop this video in the half and had to text my girlfriend how much I love her. This totally changed my view on relationships.
This one hurt me... thank you for all the videos.... they helped me more then my family..
This vid almost made me emotional coz of how good you pin pointed each and every point.
You want to get rid of your anxious attachement style one solution work activity on your self esteem and I mean inside not the outside one. Kill your ego, do shadow work, know your identity all that is included in a healthy selfesteem. It is a mental emotional work with a physical calming work like breathing, meditation. Be present in the moment for yourself.