How to CALM CPTSD Triggers INSTANTLY
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- Опубліковано 13 вер 2024
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CPTSD can be easily set off by triggers -- a shock, a feeling of abandonment, or even something unconscious. Triggers can easily dysregulate you neurologically and emotionally, and this can make it difficult to manage your life. Getting dysergulated sometimes is unavoidable, but if you can learn to quickly notice this and get re-regulated, you can heal much faster from the long-term adult symptoms of abuse and neglect in childhood.
In this video I talk about what it's like to find yourself dysregulated, and teach you ten "hacks" to quickly get your brain back online.
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You always nail it. There are a lot of good therapists with lots of good information, but having experienced this yourself, you know exactly what it’s like and know what we need. Thank you.
Thanks for that! I'm really glad for the work and experience of therapists. Some of them have what we have too. Room for everybody in this massive healing endeavor!
100% agreed. I don't think anyone should be giving advice about anything unless they have experience in that area. Real personal experience
@@nothingworksworks3511 I had not heard of that. Thanks for sharing your experience.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy q+
Absolutely. Well said.
1. Notice you are triggered
2. Say aloud to yourself, "I am having an emotional reaction" or "I am getting disregulated"
3. Make sure you are safe (pull over if you're driving; tell the person you're with that you need to go to the bathroom)
4. Stamp your feet on the floor (remember left side, right side; feel the ground and where you are in space)
5. Take 10 slow, deep breaths. Can push your tongue to the back of your teeth.
6. Sit down and feel the weight of your butt in the chair.
7. Eat something (includes protein)
8. Wash your hands
9. Take a cold shower
10. Get a good squeezing hug (put arms around self to get pressure around torso)
Thank you
Thanks so much. Will copy this and make a cool little poster for home to remind me.
@Pyrate great idea!
❤
❤
One of the side effects of my childhood trauma is my inability to “feel” immediately when someone hurts me. It used to take about 3 days. I’ve managed to reduce it to an hour or so now. It’s helped me to “save face” and think before I react, but I’ve had to learn some automatic responses to protect myself. The suffering has manifested in chronic pain I live with 24/7, because “the body always keeps score”. Love from Australia 🇦🇺
Me too. 66 yrs old. Fibro set in 11 yrs ago. Scoliosis... it’s very hard to be cheerful and calm.
Hi Margy, thank you for sharing. I feel sorry for you. Are you familiar with Bessel van der Kolk and his book the body keeps the score?
@@christinacutlass1694 same for me...68...fibro and arthritis has taken my mobility....thought retirement was going to be my fun, traveling years.....
Omg I thought I was the only one with this delayed reaction... people find it hard to believe
Same with me!! It takes a long time to feel the pain, and my automatic response is to brush it off
EVERYTIME you say it’s not our fault it makes me wanna cry. Thank You
❤ so much this, so much ❤
1:36 "It's not our fault we're like this. It's an injury that comes from traumatic experiences."
Wow, I really needed to hear this. I almost cried. Thank you.
me too. When my anger emerges or I'm triggered, I feel I'm a bad person. I'm not! I'm a kind, caring, loving, wonderful person. 💖
❤same. Resonated deeply.
Me too I almost cried at the two times she mentioned it. I was having an emotional reaction throughout the video; and these sentences really made me feel seen and calm
Mine happens when I feel disrespected. I get a huge surge of adrenaline, shaking, intense, hot rage and I cannot control how I react or what I say. I've never been sure that I "actually" have CPTSD, but I've been a victim of loads of gaslighting in my time, so I tend to not trust my judgement (or think I'm just looking for attention, or overblowing something that isn't there; being "too dramatic", etc). I'm still not sure, but it helps to hear you give voice to similar experiences. It's funny, because I see other people experience similar situations (like my husband) and I could never understand how they just...tolerate them calmly without losing their mind. lol
Yes! Disrespected is a trigger for sure.
And i think total abandonment and helplessness follows quickly along with "disrespect"
@@jenrich111 I'm not sure about the abandonment, but definitely the helplessness. Like I need to do something to prove to them how wrong they are, and teach them how to be better humans. lol
You sound like my twin
Yes, gaslighting is a big thing for me. Hard to tell when I’m being manipulated and when someone simply sees things differently...
It’s definitely being criticized, rejected and overlooked that is a trigger. Brings back feelings of powerlessness and despair that are hard to overcome. But, I have started a routine of saying positive affirmations daily to combat any negative thoughts that arise. As soon as something tries to start, I knock it back. I also take the time walking my dog repeating these thoughts. I also limit contact with the main person who is the main source. Unfortunately, he is my husband, and now due to COVID, he works from home and I lost my job. Time to walk the dog! C’mon Charlie!
Wow @Marilyn_Russell, so many of us resonated with you comment!
Marilyn Russell I feel same my mother would ignore or dismiss my needs so I still feel guilty for having needs like needs to wash or eat I associate copying my mother by hoarding junk only eating reduced stale food and always spending least amount of money
I think you maybe need to get away from that relationship :( you may believe you love him, but the only thing he's causing you is pain... That's the same for my mother, she had 5 children with him and, the only thing that caused her was a miserable life, and messed up kids, even though she "loved him". Take the dog and run! Lol
Ditto
Of coarse it's your husband!
Normal in certain circumstances is a trigger for me, particularly when I see love between a parent and a child. I was watching a movie earlier, there was a point of compassion and pride, when the father gently touched his daughters face. It’s an experience utterly beyond me. This form of kindness and affection pierces my heart, the loss is palpable. I was wondering if any fellow C-PTSD sufferers, feel such sorrow, that want and lack love they never had, when witnessing other loving or normal families? ♥️🕊
YES!!! Totally relate!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Yes it is like rubbing salt in a wound.
Me too! Not just for myself, but for my poor kids from their fathers who I feel so guilty for choosing
All the time. Just seeing families together is a trigger.
I also tear up when I see a mother really believing her daughter and taking her side....
Why do the feelings seem so real at the time? Sometimes I get so caught up that I want to quit my job, sell my house, rehome my pets but when it passes, I can't even connect with who I was when I Felt that way a few hours earlier.
Ah yes. It gets better when you know, in the middle of those feelings, that they are "a thing that passes." It speeds up the recovery.
Thought I was the only person with these feelings, but I relate. 👍✌️
apparently its also linked to executive functioning and working memory. Some people on the mild autism spectrum experience upsetness that way too
I was wondering tbis exact thing. I am trying to raise 2 children and keep getting triggered, and it makes it ALL so difficult and tiring. Ty for posting your comment
@@mariagiarrusso-burgess7290 my kids would occasionally trigger me even until they turned ten - after that we could compromise and discuss things more calmly right away. Now I'm starting all over with a new baby and I truly hope all this will help me when I need it!
I was talking with a customer service person on the phone recently and felt myself being triggered. I told the customer service person what was happening and asked if they would call back when I had calmed down. They said OK and called back the next day, The 1st thing they said was "Thankyou for telling me what was happening with you". I was a bit amazed, but the lesson was clear I did not have to make up a story as to why I wanted to terminate the call, all I had to do was tell them the truth.
Wow, I wish I'd thought of that! During the hardest times in my life I had some interactions with customer service people that I really regret -- I would just get so overwhelmed. The people I could find again, I did, and apologized. Many I can't find. Everyone should see this!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy The customer service person was a Customer Service Supervisor from my electricity supplier and what trigger me was the customer service I had, had from her colleagues. At the end of the 2nd call she offered me a 10% discount on all my future Electricity bills, which I accepted, and true to her word I have had 10% off every bill ever since.
I can't help but wonder if she offered me the 10% discount because of the way I handled myself with her when I felt myself being triggered.
Something to think about :-))
Customer service staff probably get lots if experience of people getting overwhelmed. It's a stressful situation - so if someone actually deals eith that in a rational and adult manner, it really helps them. And them acknowledging your response is as healthy as it gets. Congrats to all concerned.
I am thankful they responded positively.
Happened with me two weeks ago....bank froze a deposit of $1000 that I could not access....definitely was their error but the flippant attitude or lack of concern that I wouldn't t be able to access that money over a traveling weekend, it just totally sent me over the edge....I hate to go off then offer excuses but just this once I swallowed my pride and told the female bank manager I was living in an emotionally abusive relationship....truth ...and it makes me feel powerless.....which was triggered when this bank error occurred...I felt I was being treated dismissively.....
To my astonishment, because I am not used to kindness or anyone taking MY side, this woman actually got choked up....I had to do everything I could to stop myself from sobbing......
Wasn't looking to excuse my behavior, just owned up to my humanity...........
She will never know what her kind words meant to me.
"It's not your fault you have this, you didn't do this to yourself, it's an injury, it comes from trauma" Thank you for that reminder, it helps me to let go of some self judgement🥺
Yes!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I grew up with trauma and never realized how much it has affected my adult relationships until now. I always thought “this is who I am” but now I know this is who I have become because of what I went through. I am no longer a victim, I can finally spread my wings and heal. THANK YOU. GOD BLESS YOU ♥️
This is so wonderful! Very glad you're here sharing your journey with us!
Thank you for sharing, God Is so good!💕
Hugs to anyone who doesn’t have anyone to hug! You are stronger than you know and you deserve all the love in the world.
My response is always tears, no matter what I’m feeling-I don’t even recognize the feelings anymore. It all just turns to tears which is not great when you’re very much too old to be crying over everything. I need these!
Wow. Thank you! My sister always said when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. No doubt some kind of zen philosophy, but I have watched three of your videos this morning, and I feel like there is hope for me. I have recently been thinking about the 72 years of my life and was trying hard not to spiral into depression! Thank you for showing up!
I love what your sister said, that’s an excellent way of putting it 😌. I hope you are doing well and these videos have made a positive impact on you so far 💛
"like an altered state that is creeping through your body"
That was creepingly accurate.
I flew into a rage last week. BUT it only lasted 2 days, not a week. I'm better, now.
Few people -- other than this community -- can understand the great victory here. Progressssss!!!!
Yes! notice the time lessening between dysregulations or how long the outburst lasts, noticing the increments of change has been so invaluable for me, well done!
I fall apart when speaking to a man who is in a position of authority. I can't maintain eye contact and I feel like an 8 yr old
I totally get it!
Your enthusiasm to share your knowledge and experience is a gift to the people that need it
Oh, that is such a nice thing to say. Thanks!
Truely!
Thank you CCF
I had childhood trauma.
My mother would have these anger fits and just trashed my bed room
dump out my drawers and pull everything out of my closet and throw
It all over the floor.
She would always try to motivate me through guilt
or motivation by intimidation
What I found out a few years ago is that I seek people who reject me.
I’m learning to recognize people I come in contact with who treat me bad.
And learning to walk away and give no second chances.I have to fight the
Urge to seek people who reject me. I’m getting better at recognizing bad behavior.
@@davec.3952 Good self work. That's so sad but I know what you mean.
Brady Webb said perfectly 🙏
I feel like crying every time someone raises their voice at me or react somehow mean if I make some mistakes such as stepping on someone's foot or doing a mistake at work. I can most of the time keep my tears until they show up but it's very difficult to control it, instead, my muscles get very stiff and I'm trembling. I thought I left my trauma behind, but because I have a tensioned workplace it triggers me every time. People are mean mostly, I'm socially anxious and they just can't understand what's going on and hate me for something they don't understand. By the way, I'm almost never rude to people, but I might be sometimes mean to those people who were rude to me, but that happens rarely. I use the methods of washing hands and drinking water to calm down, but despite that, being bullied at work triggered episodes of uncontrollable crying and brought up some flashbacks from the past after I was searching through internet whatever might be the cause I'm so emotional wrecked... I always knew I had trauma but I thought I let it go. I will watch these videos in the hope they can help me. Thank you for what you do! P.S. the name 'Crappy Childhood Fairy' made me laugh :D
Hi Alina, I hope you go visit my website and the courses I offer. I teach real strategies to change your reaction in stressful situations, so that you can stay connected and purposeful in your relationships and work. crappychildhoodfairy.com
Relatable I have physical hurt in my heart when someone is unexpectedly rude and mean.
I think my most common trigger is criticism. It was the most common abuse I endurred as a child. Grew up fundamentalist and they tended to preach perfection while growing and learning is about making mistakes. I suppressed my sense of self to bend to the oppression.
It took decades to reconnect to my emotions and validate myself. When someone is wrong by telling me I'm wrong or states believes that are damaging to me or my community I react by explaining first nicely but then more firmly. If I'm still mocked or aggressively criticized I shut down my brain quits analyzing and I get overwhelmed. I know then I freeze. If I can leave I will. You can't always leave though. CBT won't work then. My only way out of that state is a good 8 hours sleep. The problem is I startle easy, threats or implied threats throws me into alarm state that doesn't let me sleep. If I miss one night's sleep I start hearing very critical voices, two nights with no sleep and I am seeing things. In this state I am a danger to myself and others.
Being homeless complicates things. I don't get disability because I tried was denied then later got a lawyer but hospitals wouldn't release my paperwork because I still owed them money. Filling out paperwork is now a trigger for me. My brain is in decline because of too much stress through my life. I keep things simple now. Keep my expectations simple. If the whole world lived like me climate change wouldn't be a problem. So there's that. I am connected to community now. Hundreds of people express respect and love for me so I am blessed. I understand most of my boundaries and people in the community help be me with meager needs. I live in a tent outside. Isolate myself when overwhelmed, socialize when I have the mental energy. If you read this far I'm okay. I just need to respect my boundaries.
Oh wow. I didn't know you were homeless. That's interesting that there is somewhat less stress (or maybe more too) and there's more community. That part would be nice!
Thank you. This helped me highlight my main challenge. You sound like like to are doing much better and have somewhat of your power at hand. X
Bless you. I admire your resilience. x
I grew up fundamentalist too. I loved how you articulated that we were taught perfection when growing and learning is all about making mistakes.
I wish I could help you find an idea to make money so you don’t have to be homeless. You might try your hand at writing since you clearly write very well and can express complicated ideas in easy to understand ways
@@dancingviolinist funny you suggest that. My sole source of income is selling a newspaper, Street Roots. I pick my own hours and can stop when overwhelmed. I usually work 2 to 4 hours a day. They gave me the confidence to publish articles. When something really starts eating at me I turn it into a column. Takes me two to three months to produce something I'm willing to print. I can make about a hundred dollars in a week, but when one of my articles is in the paper I'll make Four to Five hundred dollars.
I seem to trigger myself all of time. I'll be doing a hobby or something I find enjoyable and my negative self-talk will hounded me until I stop enjoying what was making me happy. Also, being around toxic people is a big trigger for me. If a toxic person gets too lippy with me, they soon regret it, if you know what I mean.
Daniel C Recognize toxic self talk and positive self talk what get you to sit down and do the hobby is that your positive self talk encourages you to be creative then you have this side of you that decides to self destruct I’d like to listen to Bible scripture that replaces my thinking the word of God is the truth he is speaking about you it is his promises they are on UA-cam it changes my whole world about myself in the way I think of others
Yes. It's pretty normal with CPTSD to have. LOT of negative mental chatter, and to be strongly at the effect of other people. Both of these can shift, and it makes a huge difference. Hope you'll explore my other videos and my courses.
You're not alone. I could have written that, word for word.
To Anna Runkle: I wanted to express to you how much your words and knowledge have changed my life. Before I discovered your channel my life was out of control and i was in such a dark place that I wasnt sure if I was going to make it much longer. You saved my life. Thank you for all that you do i cant ever express how thankful i feel and how grateful i am for you doing what you do. My life is finally headed in the right direction and without you i wouldnt be here and i wouldnt have the hope that i do now. You are truly a blessing to me and to so many other people. Thank you for being such an amazing person and helping me and so many others out there. I wish you and your family great happiness and health. Thank you thank you so much for what you have given me, hope for my future. 💜
What a kind and powerful message, @Ana_Cocio. I am traveling with my family right now and I read it aloud, and they all say hello to you and thank you for your good wishes. I'm glad you're here! Have you been to my website yet? Lots of good things for you there. crappychildhoodfairy.com
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy That's so cool.
I also thank you for the help you've provided me.
I was having a panic attack after being triggered real bad, this usually leads to crying and lots of hours of hyper awareness but I decided to look for help on my phone as soon as it happened and found your video. You saved me from a really dark moment, thank you so much ❤
I'm so glad you found the channel. We're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I wish I could convince my loved one’s this is real and how it works. Their lack of support and antagonism is, of course, a trigger.
It has been so bad for me for so long the “dysregulation” is so mature and ingrained that I have developed a major somatic disease called Pseudo-pheochromocytoma. Sweats, tremors, vision problems, severe hypertensive paroxysms.
I really need a heavy hammer of a tool to stop dysregulation. What works best is heavy exercise, sleep, massage, meditation.
Thank you for your help. I hope you look into the pseudopheo and understand really super advanced outcomes of CPTSD, of being adrenalized by PTSD for decades and white knuckling it.
Love
Have them talk to me. I'll explain that triggers are absolutely real. Regrettably, I'm very experienced with the problem.
Thanks for telling me about this. I will look it up. If you try my Daily Practice, let me know if it is helpful!
I could have written this. Best of luck
I start getting "It's the end of the world!" feeling when I am in this dysregulated state. It is so overpowering that I have to get away from wherever I am at whatever cost. I dissociate. I am sure I have lost friends because I may have to dislodge myself from the middle of a conversation. Or worse, I say something, or even more worse, I feel like my whole existence is being attacked and I have to defend myself. Unfortunately, my only role model for being firm in defense is a rage-a-holic parent and that is not good!
I don't drink or do drugs to calm myself so I appreciate your suggestions for this self calming.
You have a lot going for you in your healing -- your self-awareness is high and you're not hindered by substances. You can do this!
This is exactly me. Except I do drink.
@@Cymricus it helps? 😕
OMG I have that brain deregulation thanks for the help
Hi Fred, I admire the way you're coping with these strong emotions. I like the ideas in this video too. I hope you go from strength to strength.
The intention with which you use the internet is an inspiration. A burning light in the darkness. Deep gratitude for your channel
Thank YOU
-Cara@TeamFairy
I used to disassociate. I finally stopped. Now, these days, I sometimes wish I could still do it. Ain't that a hoot?
Yes! In my Dysregulation Bootcamp, one of the exercises is to take stock of any "good" things that come from dysregulation/dissociation. For me, it's like a little vacation from responsibility. Kind of an expensive way to take a rest!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Yeh, but people hate it when you space out during a conversation. LOL
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy There is such a thing as nostalgia for bad times. Some in Russia fondly recall Stalin. It's like that for some PTSD sufferers who are improving, like me. I became so good at coping with the impossible that I got used to that.
Amazing that its possible to stop!
IMO, you miss the adrenaline rush.
Your videos make me cry. Thank you. I've done so much "work " on myself yet still feel like it's never going to get better.
The dysregulation is so accurate.
Childhood trauma did a number on my hormones. It just locked into them and destroyed them in so many ways. I learned as a kid though that I had a temper like my dad’s and mostly stopped it. He’s a narcissist so we were all punished for things we couldn’t control. Reversing the hormone damage is a big key because I’ve calmed down after fixing some parts of the damage. I am now able to be patient and come back to the problem. I still feel it but it’s not as much of a end of the world type feeling. I used to have to argue right then and there but now I remind myself I can come back to it. That rage though. It’s insane. The insecurity is still there.
How did you reverse your hormones?
Hi D.R., I can relate to that
@D.R. How did you heal the damage , got hormonal health under control ?
Same here....I was so much chronically stressed that my progestrone was quite low (stress hormones eg. Cortisol and progestronehave same parent molecule) and too much stress hormones...
My triggers are often subconscious and I have no idea where they come from but I get a few every hour starting the second I wake in the morning..Its exhausting.Ive saved this and will try these tips
Sounds like emotional flashbacks -- do you know about that? I have a video about it: ua-cam.com/video/p0bLgkQSnqY/v-deo.html
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you for the link. I will have a look
Sometimes bad dreams and not waking up out of the negative fog.
A lot of the time I literally can’t find a memory or feeling that was triggered, all I know is I feel extremely low and panicked and I feel I can’t control it :/
Yes . This is hard for me to deal with as well
Time doesn’t heal woulds. It numbs the pain. Outside of time, our hearts still bleed & our demons await us still. It’s okay to look back at your past, just don’t stop & stare.
Luckily there are ways to actively heal :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I sure was triggered yesterday. My neighbor and I had agreed to each pay for half of a large tree removal. Good communication throughout the whole month leading up to it. Then, when the contractor was half an hour away from coming to collect payment, the neighbor took a bit long to respond about how he would cover his half. I knew he was going to, it was just the waiting that triggered me. Well, and that he wanted me to pay for the whole thing, then reimburse me for his half. Money matters can be super triggering too. Thank you so much, Anna :::waving from the Bay Area:::💚
Is disregulation that feeling like, "Oh no, I should have kept silent and invisible, but I tried to offer an opinion and I got (metaphorically) slapped; I should've remembered that I'm not good enough to join in groups and no one wants to hear from me." That happens to me constantly, and it leads me to back off and shut up. Or is it more like an outward explosion directed at other people?
Disregulation can trigger the overreaction. The remorse is resentment at self. I teach ways to heal both in my courses.
What you wrote is so painfully familiar it shook me to my core. I back off and shut up, too. I’ve gotten “slapped” too many times. It’s time to heal, my friend.
Man... Yep. I “back off and shut up”, too.
I go through the same thing.
"Oh no, here it comes again, that feeling where I just say things that ruin everything, or ..."
YES. I do that and had thought that maybe I had some kind of autism!
And I can precisely attribute those occasions to either the feeling of being rejected or abandoned, or feeling resentment because my having to be present at the event had robbed me of sleep or some other 'good'.
Your videos really are so helpful.
I LOVE when anyone relates. Thanks.
This is me !!
Autism was one of my many diagnosis that never quite fit
Me too😢
First time in my 33 years of living I've heard someone say EXACTLY how I feel. How the sensation surpasses the logic. So glad I found your video. I've been struggling and I needed this. Thanks universe.
So glad you are here!
It's interesting that you pointed out carbs and sugar adding to disregulation. I've been out of sorts the passed couple of weeks and one of my best friends pointed out that she's noticed I get worse when I eat like crap too much. Trying to pull myself in a better dietary direction to get out of this long spiral. I've been doing too good to let myself fall that low again.
I'm with you on that one... If you test your hypothesis and change your diet, I hope you'l check in again in a few days and let us know how it goes!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I use a nutrient shake when all else fails. The brand is called "Alive!" and it makes me feel a lot better over time if I make sure to drink it every day. :)
@crappychildhoodfairy Intermittent fasting has drastically altered how often I feel dysregulation. I just skip breakfast, and TRY to cut back on carbs, but the way I feel is amazing. I don't do it every day, but probably 5/7. My brain is much clearer. And, I also no longer feel bloated & uncomfortable. So, if you're trying, this helps. I also lost 15lbs, which makes anyone feel better. There's physiological changes that occur at the point of 12-16 hour fasting that really changes the brain- I started doing it to try to help heal some pain & physical issues, and it has changed my life, including relief from frequent dysregulation. Watching Dr. Eric Berg's videos on fasting for healing, really helped me under the correlation. I hope this helps others!
Thank you, Crappy Childhood Fairy- you've given me a tremendous sense of peace, and my life is changing in great ways!
Useful tips, thank you.
I'm on day 3 /7 on my journey of the Daily Practice. I feel more aware of where I am on the scale of regulation to disregulation. My quality of sleep seems to be slowly improving.
I remind myself to be self-aware versus being other- centered, I am injured and on a journey of healing, be compassionate and gentle with myself, and others will not understand me, they'll walk off with their own
opinion of me, and that's fine, I probably do the same. I am accepting my responsibilities to 'right my own sail boat' and love and care for myself.
My inner qualities are my precious commodities and to guard them and dispense them wisely.
Take one day and one step at a time.
I love my weighted blanket for giving me a pseudo-hug. It's very soothing. Sleep is better with it.
Nice! I bought one that was 30 lb and it was too heavy!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I watched for sales and got a 12-lb. one for $30 at Big 5 Sporting Goods. I almost feel guilty, it's so lovely. There's my Catholic guilt! HAHA.
That just made start crying... I guess I need a couple of those
Would love to have this blanket and buy for others.
@@lindaphornish8984 Target has one for $25.00 right now in my city. Watch the sales. You can order on-line if you don't want to go into the store. It's almost cured my insomnia. I still have bad nights, but that's because of the shitty world we live in.
I’m so grateful UA-cam recommended one of your videos. I was so lost until I started seeing that I didn’t just have a painful childhood but that it was genuinely traumatic. Now so much of my adulthood makes sense.
What a beautiful message @KW_in_CO. Thanks!
I feel you babe
Anything that connects with your senses can calm you - visually noting and describing objects, saying them out loud, noticing colours - really listening to the sounds around us - feeling things around us - smooth, rough, tickly, wet, warm etc - all that stuff has a grounding effect. Smelling things is incredibly powerful. I know this is all easier said than done when you are triggered and feeling panicky but you really have to practise this stuff. For me, loud noises are really triggering. Living in a ground floor flat doesn't help - and am hoping to move out soon to find a 'safer' place. Thanks for this video. It's comforting to know there are people out there with similar experiences and who understand.
Thanks for these tips!
You speak my language. So happy to have this channel.
My son gives me what we call "healing hugs". I ask for one if I need one. Even better he will see when I start to go off rails and he will come up to me and say" mom you look like you could use one of my healing hugs. Nothing better ❤
That's SO sweet
So very sweet
I’m usually in this state, I am mostly bed-bound by chronic fatigue syndrome and now I’m unable to walk. Too much alone time. I use self hypnosis a lot, as it can be done without moving and doesn’t take too much energy. It’s great to hear you addressing this so well ! Thank you.
Alone time is rough! Glad you're visiting our community :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy
Thank you! 💗
This is great, because you can't always avoid triggers, such as nightmares, and need to be able to recenter.
Exactly.
One thing that has helped me is kinda a combo. 1- call it what it is, dysregulation, overwhelm, fear, etc 2- accept it is temporary, "this too shall pass". Knowing it's temporary keeps me from adding fuel to the flame at that moment which helps me come back to earth quicker.
Thx for ur work with thiis & helping others
Thank you too!
-Cara@TeamFairy
i want to feel okay that i feel sorry for myself for the years of trauma i’ve been put through
i had this realisation that every core belief i have/had of myself is negative, and somehow i just want to feel sorry for myself, and i crave for the people i care about to soothe me and stupidly enough feel sorry for me too
Maybe the word for what you're feeling is grief, and the thing you're craving is empathy. This is a little different than feeling sorry for oneself and wanting others to feel that way too. Space to grieve and empathy are just things we need. They tip over into self-pity (which can be crippling) when they get outsized, crowding out any possibility of happiness.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy i don't understand why it's so easy to feel insecure because of my partner, he doesn't explicitly do or say anything but like there's just immediate jumping to conclusions and i just feel like i'm not good enough again
it's crazy how fast i dissociate and how fast my mood changes, how fast i become numb and unhappy
I would like to thank you. My boyfriend and I are both cptsd and we are having a rough time as of late. Your video popped up just as it hit "elephant" . We agreed to watch and a argument that would have lasted days and lots of hurt feelings turned into 3 hours. Thank you so much you really are our crappy childhood 🧚♀️.
I'm so glad you wrote to tell me (and the community) this. It means so much to me, because I know how painful it is to be stuck in an argument, and how life-changes it is to get free. You guys deserve a prize!
Hi just came across your video's. I'm in my late fifties and only in recent years discovered that I actually suffer with CPTSD, from childhood sexual abuse and general emotional neglect where I wasn't protected. All if this has for years affected my ability to trust and be intimate in relationships. Always drawing to me
dysfunctional relationships with men. Have always lacked confidence and fear of rejection, abandonment, not being good enough, feeling I can't do things. Nor to cope with emotional difficulties when they arise. Now I suffer a lot with anxiety/panic attacks which I'm trying to understand and work through. Constant heart palpitations and fast heart beat which in itself I find unsettling. Just want to break free from it all. Glad I found these video's and thank you so much for sharing. Xx
Hi Anna! I'm so glad I found you! I've been in therapy for years to overcome a childhood full of abuse and with a narcissistic mother. Two years ago, I suffered from panic, depression and suicidal thoughts. I have tried my best to overcome this and in addition to medication, therapy, meditation and exercise i do a lot of searching on the internet to understand what is happening to me. For the first time, I feel that everything you say is incredible to me. thank you very much
@Carol_Couto, I'm SO proud of you and happy for you that you have pursued healing and that you're finding it at last. I'm very glad you're here!
I just recently found you on you tube. I finally feel like there is hope
I've always just hated myself because I thought I was a bad person
Now I know that's not true and I am so grateful to you for this
A million times thank you for how you have helped me
I know I have a long way to go but I'm just so relieved to know why I am like I am
I too have spent many years in counseling with some good results but what i have learned from you is that i can be healed.
When you said it wasn't my fault I was like this I started crying. Sometimes I get so angry and sad that my parents couldn't just try to get the help they needed to take care of my and my siblings better. Then I wouldn't the struggling now with my own.
Ooh. This hits close to home for me, too. Peace and healing to you and your family. 💕
It's so difficult to stop these feeling when they overwhelm me at the time...so hard not to open my mouth. I am trying every day...Your channel has helped
Oh good! I know how hard it is.
me too...keep going /hug
The problem is when I'm at work and can't take even a moment to calm myself. If I can't get back to center, I lose myself in my emotions and say or do things that I regret later..
I think we can all relate to that! I think you'll find that if you strengthen your "calm" muscle during free time, you'll be stronger in those random moments.
i lose myself in my emotions, yeah thats me. i now feel the less emotional stoic peoples are the lucky ones and im cursed with like a truck load of pin cushion emotions that most and more times gets the best of me.
All these tips make me think of “breaking the spell” sort of like when a dog gets fixated with barking or chasing. We snap our fingers or clap our hands to break their focus. It does feel like being in a hideous trance when I get triggered. Thanks, Anna!
Your knowledge is so spot on and I really admire it. What I don't like, is that whatever you say, is basically "about me" and how I feel. I'm so fed up of this! Can't even imagine how much I'd like to start living at last!
You can get there! CCF has more help available if you check out the description box :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
When people try to abuse me like my egg donor. My anxiety goes full speed it's my worst trigger. I go into protect mode. Since i went no contact i will never allow anyone to abuse me again. Thank you for all your knowledge for healing it has helped a lot.
Glad it helped.
You are like a mother figure to me, a role model in my healing journey. No body taught me these things in 25 years🙏🤗
I'm truly thankful I've found this! So many times I thought I was losing my mind. The feeling of dysregulation it's like an internal hurricane. That's the reason therapy doesn't work for so many people, despite the pacient’s effort to overcome negative thoughts and feelings. This video gave me the words that I needed to fully understand it, therefore being able to give meaning to what has happened my whole life. I knew that I had childhood trauma, nonetheless I ended up feeling guilty for my own emotions. Now the hurricane has a biological explanation and, apparently, a solution as well! I hope this perspective can help people learn how to deal with dysregulation and other aspects of CPTSD.
I just stumbled on your channel and honestly, just watching your videos for an hour was helped me more than 5 years of therapy.
Yay!!! Check out the website for even more! www.crappychildhoodfairy.com
-Cara@TeamFairy
I’m going through this at this very moment and this is the universe helping me that I randomly found your videos out of nowhere!
Thanks for all of your knowledge and help 🙏🏼
Im thankful to God, that he guided me to your channel. Although im overwhelmed, my dream, my goal is to heal my brain, so I can finally live out potential God has blessed me with . Thank You💓
This 'fairy' is some kind of angel. To-the-(sensitive)-point observations & advice, not a word wasted, concise & clear. Thank you ever so much :-)
Wow, thank you!
It really is amazingly focused and concise. I've read about trauma and related topics, "The Adaptive Unconscious", "Thinking Fast and Slow", "In an Unspoken Voice", "The Narcissistic Family", "Writing to Heal", among others relating to psychopathy, dissociation, and more. The trouble is, you read these things and get a bit of an idea what causes damage, what it looks like, what healing looks like, but it's like getting handed one of those all-white jigsaw puzzles, you have all the pieces but no roadmap. Anna Runkle really seems to lay out "how to realize when you're in or heading towards Hell (dysregulation), how to take steps towards Heaven, and how to tell the steps are actually working". 💖
I realized that having read the above books had still not done enough to give me an organized overview strong enough to confidently offer direction to those I might encounter who could use it, who are silently crying for it. So it's almost magical that I've found this channel. It integrates all of the most powerful tools I've heard about: Mindfulness (properly focused on the body in the breathing and "grounding" exercises), writing (Writing to Heal), even the surprisingly healing power of a cold shower (Wim Hof). Maybe even a bit of "Healing Developmental Trauma" in the "hug" and "foot stamping" strategies. Bravo! Lady's been through Hell and collected as much of the Dragon's treasure as she could carry on the way back! 😉
You have helped me a great deal. Thank you for what you do. I am healing from CPTSD.
You are real and have a wellspring of life, thank you for sharing these insightful gifts, I feel like family. "its leaves are for the healing of the nations" Revelation 22:2
God bless you and give you more grace beloved.
Thank you for this beautiful and generous comment. I appreciate the encouragement!
It's so healing even to know I'm not alone with this.
That's all I needed really. God bless
You certainly aren't alone and we're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I will play this when I'm driving and feel the need to pull over for a bit when this happens. Seems to occur behind the wheel often I wonder if driving is sensory overload for me sometimes it does demand all your senses to be at alert after all. Mine already are blaring hyperarousal when at ease how fun that is lol. Oh life... Thank you Anna. So much. 💜
Oh life indeed! Driving is one of the things we do where there actually is a potential for danger, so it makes sense!
A minutes in and I had to pause to cry, I've never felt so validated in my life.
Thanks for being here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Oh Girl...oh man!!
That was VERY I insightful today!
BRAVO!!
I'm speechless because you NAILED ALL OF IT to the wall today!
You helped me to ease myself a bit more today than I was before I woke up this morning....
I gotta Tip My Hat off to Yea for the relief that braught...
I KNOW I'm not Crazy on so much that I see around me and my tiny itty bitty family...
You have a way with words..
More I ask, give more of those words that you need to look up in a dictionary!
Have a well afternoon...
Autumn Wilson
Las Cruces
New Mexico USA
@Autumn thanks so much for this enthusiasm. It's like a breath of fresh air and I feel it! thanks again.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy you're so very welcome!
I've been through some things that no one shouldn't and am still in the end of it as I work my way out....
In the midst of it,
You were there...
I went by you're videos but didnt click them at first.
But for some strange reason,
Out of the blue I told myself I got nothing to loose by listening to you... I've got Nothing!
So from that day forward I listen to EVERY single video you put on...
Everyone around me here after I woke up from living away from the city,...well i cant trust a 1 of them to be honest.
But i really like you...you help me feel connected to a reality that so many has screwed up within me...
I'd like to tell you about my story 1 day....
And how you helped me through it and braught clarity to my life with others that I've met on my journey....
I even send you're videos to my councler. I need her to know that I Take In all I can from you're videos....
You've been Heaven sent...
And I feel so VETY blessed and Special to get to know you!
Stay chirpin Love!
From someone out here that you have Forever Touched!!!
Autumn Wilson🌱
I love your voice-was just telling my friend its soothing but not boring; lively but not overwhelming.
The cold is a massive trigger for me so when I'm at home and can't calm down, I'll lay on my bed with my heating pad on my back or stomach for a few minutes, like I sometimes do when I have period cramps, and it's one of the faster calming methods for me. It obviously isn't always available but when I am home, anything warm- warm bath, heating pad, hot tea or coffee, can help me relax. That and to unclench my stomach/teeth manually. I usually have to do it seven or eight times in a row before it starts to click in my head.
That's lovely. Good technique.
Similar to the heat pad is a weighted blanket, makes me feel safe and cosy :)
@@robbimack8563 I really wanted this like, weighted blanket that was lavender scented-- I always pile like ten blankets on my bed even in summer because otherwise my anxiety is too high for me to sleep so a weighted blanket would be perfect- but I'm just simply wayyyy too broke for it. It sucks, before covid I usually had like 2 or 3 jobs to make sure I was never to broke or felt lazy, but now I've been home and laid off for almost seven months :(
@@Captain_Pink So sorry to hear you've been laid off and home for 7mths, it would no doubt be adding to anxiety, I think your idea of multiple blankets and using heating pads is such a great idea, anything that works to help self soothe!
@@robbimack8563 I hope it helps someone else too! I was often taken out of my bed in the middle of the night to get in the car and be driven to live somewhere else for various reasons and I was always in my nightgown-- since we were in TX everyone had the air conditioning on in the car all the time and I'd be super cold and I remember being told to pick up the rubber floormat to cover up with- I was always always too cold as a kid so the cold is a huge trigger for me. It's why I'm so obsessed with wearing tons of layers and having heating pads and hot tea in my house all the time now lol. Pre-covid i was a security guard (surprisingly a really good job for me) so winter was tough cause it meant 8-12 hours standing outside even in snow or rain D: So I layer up like crazy lol
You are genuine and genuinely nice.
She is 💜
-Cara@TeamFairy
For me it's betrayal. Or if I've tried really hard to please someone and get criticism instead of happiness. I cry or get mad. And that is so embarrassing.
I was alone when I heard my mother had killed herself and for 3 days I would ... hug the wall beside my bed. Press myself against it and mash myself with pillows. I've always felt so strange for doing that... you describing hugging yourself in a corner made me cry. Thank you for your videos.
I am so happy I have found these videos. Thank you thank you thank you! I can finally start to understand myself more and finally start healing my past traumas.
Yay! Glad you're here.
I struggle with the conventional advice/exercises for panic attacks because I can't remember the steps in the moment. It's too overwhelming because I deal with executive dysfunction on top of emotional dysregulation. But these are so concrete and easier to bring to mind when in a tizzy. Washing your hands is a great idea! I love your videos, thank you so much for the work you do.
Thankyou so much for this video and for your gentle and calm advice. I find Im being triggered a lot at present
and just knowing that I am not alone, in itself is helping me to feel more grounded
This is so good to hear, @Julia_Kite. Thanks for the kind words.
I love this video...it's my second time watching and I want to make a list of what you said. Interestingly enough I not only was doing the hand washing. I also started going in the bathroom and I'll get comfortable and just slowly wash my face , brush my hair ,brush my teeth, put on creams and even do a bird bath of sorts and wow that feels good. The hot wet cloth washing my feet is extra comforting 😌.... I just found you the other day and I love the name of your channel be The Crappy Childhood Fairy.. nice and comical and ohhhh so helpful. I love that you say things to validate the pain. Today I was on the internet and discovered my step father died in December and I haven't seen him in 30 yrs. I felt like balling and felt stupid I wanted to cry. I realized it's my moms voice in my head saying it's ridiculous to wanna cry. So I ended up choosing to honor what I felt and had a little cry .. I'm presently not in contact with my mother or sisters and it's been absolutely the hardest thing to realize I'm better off but still ,I was always rejected by them 💔.... wanting to heal and move forward.
Welcome! That's great you've intuitively discovered some self-soothing techniques. So glad you're here, thanks for sharing a bit of your story.
straight up. to the point. and east to remember. THIS is what I needed from my therapist and didnt get. Thank you!
All these tips are perfect for HSP's too (Highly Sensitive Persons). Thank you very much, a good reminder for me on some of these that I had forgotten. I am an HSP, aged 57, very fortunate to have a loving husband for 35 years so far, and I suspect I have CPTSD... I struggle with fury; it's a constant thing I'm dealing with, trying to keep it hidden (of course some people see it...). So happy to find your channel!
5 things I can see 4 things I can hear 3 things I can feel 2 things I can smell 1 thing I can taste. It slows me down it brings me back into the present moment it’s something I can do anywhere anytime & no one knows.
Great technique. I've heard this and it would be good to include it with trigger calming methods. Thanks for sharing.
Glad I found this. I have been researching my husband behavior. Came across many narc videos which hit on so many levels. So know that i see this video CPTSD I'm interest to see if there is a c correlation of what I gave to deal with and it was really looking bleak. Thank you for sharing and glad to have found you and the information.
Glad it was helpful!
I get dysregulations quite often, at the same time I have social anxiety. For me, it's always intensely emotional, I always want to cry but also too embarrassed to cry either in public or in front of the kids.
It sometimes happen out of nowhere without me knowing why I am feeling this way, why my brain is telling me that I am too worthless or boring for others. My boyfriend is very understanding, and the problem for us is sometimes I don't want him to hug me or even talk to me when I am triggered and I seek fights, but sometimes I want him to hold me without ever letting me go, so he became uncertain to approach me, because half the time I would attack him with uncomfortable words which I always regret.
I want to learn to ground myself and heal, at the same time I feel that I deserve to be this way because I am inadequate or that I am not worth it.
When I am told that I am enough as a person, or that I am not less than anyone else I always break down crying, or make myself rude or horrible to "show everyone" that I am worthless. I don't know how to get out of this.
It sounds like you are one of the highly sensitive people. Some people are made this way. I recommend to anyone who struggles with their reactions to try my Daily Practice techniques. It's a free course, and takes less than an hour to complete. You'll find it at https//courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I have also noticed that i am quite sensitive, I might be an empatj, but I don't know much about it. I will check them out thank you.
My god, I'm 2 min into the vid and you're already nailing it. I thought I was the only one like this...
It's a relief when we find out we aren't as alone as we thought :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy It sure is :)
I'm looking at your paid courses and I'm not sure which one is the best. Is "Healing Childhood PTSD" the base one? I definitely struggle a lot with meaningful dating, and there's a specific course for that, but I don't want to skip the "main one". At the same time, I don't feel like buying both right away. What would you suggest? Starting with the monthly fee to get access to all of them and start with the first one and see where it gets me?
@@mitlandir5761 The membership program is the most popular. Healing Childhood PTSD is the main course and the rest build on it, but courses also stand alone. The best part of membership are the group coaching calls and the secret Facebook group.
Thank you for this video. I don't trust people and working through this stuff has been tough. I'm improving with at least dealing with close people, however, strangers and "assholes"............ well I'm hoping by trying your calming techniques in the video will help. They sure resonated with me and I have done some, only not as productively as you have outlined.... I'm sooo tired of this stuff. The only peace is when I'm sleeping and getting up is just a chore......... everyday.
I hear you. I hope you'll have a peek at my website and courses. The steps in this video are just the tip of the iceberg!
i can't tell you how precisely you described my situation.
I'm so glad!
I shut down around any sort if toxicity directed at other people. Makes me wanna punch the person saying or run away. I usually do nothing and end up crippling myself with anxiety
Witnessing any type of bullying is a trigger for me too
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you for existing
gonna come back to this.
Great -- good to see you here.
Thanks again for this valuable info Anna, I've taught my little ones about the corner hug 🤗. I don't understand why I can have bandwidth to look at cakes, kids toys or clothes in the supermarket but the moment I change aisle to get the things I actually need like milk or apples - I literally can't cope and leave without them knowing I will have to get essentials from somewhere else! It's like I'm purposely sabotaging myself, interesting since it's been 18months no contact with the last sabotager in my family - grew up with trauma, violence, addiction, BPD & Malignant Narcissism in the family - experiencing "accidents" and sabotage were my norm as the youngest. I was the caregiver/rescuer. Just venting, appreciate you may not look at comments from old videos GBY 🙏
Wow.... I really really needed that. It links in with so much I’m learning...
Only issue is I eat all the time when I’m stressed
I know how tenacious that one can be. You may want to try my Daily Practice, to get into a calming groove that helps reduce the deep stress that drives us.courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com
Crappy Childhood Fairy yep... I do that... although I find it super hard to find the time within a busy household... I do have a friend I use to off load my resentments, but still struggle with sitting in the mindful state and letting it go...
I don't recommend unloading resentment on People! I hope you check out my Daily Practice technique. Much more freeing! courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com
Another survivor I know chews gum to help bring them into the here and now. It might also help you snack less, if you chew between meals, because of the hassle of dealing with the gum in order to eat. Just an idea. Best of luck!
I pulled over to watch this. I have no official diagnosis, and I often gaslight myself over this stuff because of trauma, so thank you for the validation and the skills.
So glad you're here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
for me a good long workout tends to calm my nervous system down very well. of course it takes time, but it works wonders before appointments i'm nervous about or job interviews and the effects last!
This one practically nails everything I have been trying to figure out. The way she describes disregualtion is so spot on. Thank you Anna. I wish I could give you a hug.
I'm gonna take your videos, one by one, make short summary about what you talked there and share your video link with it for anyone who needs it. Thank you for your work.
How generous! Thanks!
I bought into these myths and didn’t realize they were until you highlighted them. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Surprised my therapist didn’t mention this
Glad you like them- so glad you're here!
Thank you! ❤️ This helped me get through an episode right now.
Just in time!
i came here because i was having a *moment.* panicking, getting intrusive visions/thoughts, feeling anger, abandonment, etc. and as soon as you said "crappy childhood fairy" i busted out laughing. what a wonderful name you go by. hilarious and sweet. thank you.
I used to work as a lawyer. My trigger is when I am being potentially judged or evaluated. I lose the ability to speak in these moments. But the problem is that I cannot make a pause. Because in court trials / negotiation process etc., the moment I get up and need to speak, I lose the ability to speak. It's really bad because everyone sees this.
There are techniques that can help this especially the Daily Practice which has a cumulative effect. Here is a link bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
i just really gotta say you're amazing. thanks for posting this!
I still struggle with this all the time. At least I recognize when it happens now, but it's still figuring out how to express myself. I don't want to accidentally hurt them back, they didn't mean to hurt me. (Pausing is a good idea.)
Yes, pausing is underrated!
I really absorb all the information you give us and its so appreciated . I'm fairly new to your channel but certainly wished I'd found you sooner . I'm 62 have the same upbringing as you and it's taken me this long and many councilors/teraprapists to finally figure out whats wrong with me as no one ever mentioned cptsd this is what I've learned from your channel.Also I've been deregulated my entire life.So now I'm finally getting to understand what triggers me and how to manage this.I was unaware of my horrific abuse until I was 32 complete shock trying to deal with flash backs and leaving my husband I couldn't handle it at all.I always new something was really wrong deep down but blocked the abuse/trauma.So here I am older, very alone no friends a few online groups this it. Its very difficult for me to have a normal relationship even with my new grandchildren . But I will surely learn thank to you ♥Thank you again for your help.