Why Hurrying is a Major Trigger for People with Childhood PTSD
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- Опубліковано 15 тра 2024
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Hurrying is a huge trigger for CPTSD symptoms, amplifying dysregulation and all the other common side effects experienced by adults who grew up neglected or abused. Hurrying can increase anger and panic, and drain your ability to focus. And although you may think it is not possible to live without hurrying and overwhelm, you can teach yourself to notice when they're happening and slow, way down.
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THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I feel less alone, and a lot more educated after finding your videos. You're an angel for speaking, teaching and healing. Thank you.
Thank you! Appreciate your presence here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I agree. I suspect your words speak for a lot us.
I agree
I feel the same ! I am so happy there is hope . I can’t stand to be triggered by the past . I have worked so hard at staying regulated. That these videos help me to find the hidden triggers I overlook .
I totally agree with you. I have never heard of CPTSD, but this exactly describes what I have been through.
For me, hurrying is a trigger when someone is standing there wanting me to hurry/waiting on me and I can feel their dissatisfaction or annoyance toward me
Totally relate to that !
-Cara@TeamFairy
The stuff you can feel - YES.
THIS.
Another trigger is disappointing others by not operating on others timeline
This is why I hated working in the food services .Especially fast food places that I had such a hard time.
I get more triggered yet when somebody else hurries me, it puts me straight into a dysregulated state.
Me too ...
Yes me too
Yes, very pressured stressful feeling.
-Cara@TeamFairy
Same for me. :(
Omg 😳 me too I can’t be around people that rush around it stresses me out soooo much ... wow
This is so accurate. It''s a major trigger when I'm being rushed because it feels like control, manipulation and abuse of boundaries.
I'm glad the info helped!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Being rushed absolutely IS a control and manipulation tactic. A violation of our boundaries too. Triggers me like nobody's business.
You said this so perfectly. Love and light ✨️
@LynnRozakis - NAILED it for me!
I believe my aunt has ADHD, but she excessively multitasks. She's always rushing me, for all of her interests of course. She can't prioritize and will have me cram 2 or 3 carloads of her mostly unnecessary junk in a tiny Mazda 2 car. Then something gets lost, but it's entirely my fault. I'm always afraid there's going to be a disaster that I'm going to be run to death for and I don't even like walking out the door in the morning. Nothing worse than being rushed by someone that wants to be waited on most of the time. She thinks I'm the only one with a problem and she can't even see her own behavior.
I think "hurrying you up" is also a kind of manipulation. Especially in sales. When somebody doesn't want you to be able to think, understand or see what they are about. They'll use different words like "last chance, hurry up before it is too late, deadline etc'."
Yes, great point!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Totally!
If someone does that to you, just say you don't want it and walk away. Don't let anyone mess with your mind and money. Just say NO. walk away or if on the phone just say no thank you and hang up.
I avoid these sources when possible and not too inconvenient. There's often somebody else that sells the same thing and won't try to manipulate you.
I get up every day now at 6:00 AM so I don’t feel stressed on the way to work.
I will not travel with anybody who needs to hit all the places on the bucket list on a time-line.
Very wise.
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@62WILDCAT just hang out with some of us Old people. We have to do everything mindfully.. LOL..
Ironically, the person who sent me this has ADHD, and seems to have a a need to trigger me constantly and way overload their agenda, too many irons in the fire than they can post handle and schedule for.
Me either, I always say if I have to hurry I'm not going!
@@davidbasara5613 my ex said he had ADHD. He didn’t like to be rushed. However, he expected me to rush and follow his agenda when it suited him. It was weird
I purposely underschedule myself because I can’t function well when I’m hurrying from one task to another.
I do the same...there are times when I have a board meeting or an event to go to after work where I must go home first, tend to the dog, change and refresh myself and get back out the door and it puts me in a resentful mood toward whatever event I’m attending.
@I'm_in_CO smart!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I do this too and I can't tell if this is a useful coping device or just holding me back!
Same
@@cirelo1896 It is a wise time management strategy. We just happen to live in a society which needs to pathologize wisdom or anything else that "they" are not capable of.
I think this is why Bob Ross is so therapeutic to watch as well. The quietness and mindful movement, plus acceptance of “mistakes” is soothing.
I agree 100%💕
That's a great point!!! 💙
EXACTLY!!
I am human and make mistakes..
I didn't realize or recognize why watching him we as so comforting....but an adult Mr. Rogers....
Yes! I sometimes listen to Bob Ross just to calm down .
For me, my grandmother was my "correct pace" person. We did all sorts of things and she always made slow, methodical things fun. We would go out and pick blueberries from the backyard, then we would make a pie crust, then we would bake a pie and have some pie while we played cribbage or backgammon, then go watch the neighbour milk his cows. I owe a lot of my better qualities - patience, celebrating other people's wins, knowing how to lose, engaged listening - to the summers I spent with her because my dad worked construction 12h a day.
She sounds lovely. Thank God for Grandma’s.
The value of grandmothers is one of the most ignored treasures.
That’s so wonderful! And you seem to have grown up into a wonderful dog. Nicely done.
Started crying when she spoke about that one person. That was my grandmother too. Always a cup of tea and a biscuit and no rush to do anything except sit and talk.
Beautiful memories. Thank you for sharing ❤
I'm terribly clumsy when I'm dysregulated, I forget things, drop things....and yes, I hate being hurried..
Me too :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
When my cab showed up yesterday I was dropping stuff all over the place, checking and rechecking my stuff, didn't want to keep him waiting. Yeesh.
Me too
Women during their reproductive years having PMS especially can get "the drops" at times in their cycle, a tendency to drop or knock things over; less than usual motor coordination.
Some days I cause more harm than good and I just have to retire, and hide from the world, early. I damage things that I'm trying to fix. Yet I have no problem looking around me, wherever I am in the home or garden, and seeing over a hundred jobs I need to do.
Many of us were raised in chaotic homes where ANYTHING could happen and parents blamed their inability to forsee morning routines etc AND blamed the kids
True that :(
-Cara@TeamFairy
I had to wake my mom up so frequently 20 minutes before school was supposed to start. Turns out she has Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome, so it makes sense, but damn, I wish she had done a sleep study 20 years earlier. Really added to parentification and it was something she couldn't even control that much :(
Or if you had parents who were out of sync, like a night owl and a natural early bird, or one organized one and one disorganized one. I grew up in a military family and outsiders assumed my dad must be the regimented, dress-right-dress one.
Nope. He was forced to be that way by a tough farm woman mother who had 7 kids to manage. Grandma ran the household like a cross between Martha Stewart and General Mattis. Then he went in the Air Force and found and married a woman just like Grandma. The discipline came from the outside. Left to his own devices he's the king of ADHD. My childhood memories were of m
Mom tearing around getting a husband and 6 kids out the door every morning. Always wondered till now why hurrying gets me so stressed out.
My mother was usually asleep and my siblings gone when I wokeup at 6/7 years old. The rule was "never wake mum up" so I was getting myself to school and being strapped by the teacher for being late
@@jessipanda This comment was helpful. Thanks!
This is my daughter! I have to wake her up 2 hours before school just so she can have time to wake up, orient herself, then eat a leisurely breakfast and have time to get to school as relaxed as possible. School is already hard for her, so I do my best not to rush her, and when she gets home she has time to just be alone to readjust and relax. Thank you for this!💕✨
Wow, you are doing a GREAT job!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I’m 70 and still doing that slow morning routine. When I started work at 6am I would get up at 4. If I slept in and had to rush it ruined my whole day. Now I know why. Thank you
Aww...you're a great mom for sure :) I am exactly like your daughter. Sadly, my father rushed and pushed me a lot during childhood and it has scarred me very deeply. I'm glad you're doing right by your daughter.
@@1986nitya huge hugs! I am sorry that happened. We parents don’t always get it right but I try my best. I still learn something new everyday. I wish you nothing but the very best from here on. 💕✨
@@theuniquebean Thank you so much!
I have said for years - “the hurrieder I go, the behinder I get.”
Thanks for this.
“slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.” i heard an astronaut recite that as one of his old piloting mantras. lately, when i feel hurried or rushed, i try to repeat that to myself as well. it helps me remember that it is okay to take time and not let the pressure to hurry take me over-because if i give myself the time to go about my actions smoothly and carefully, it’s actually the fastest way i can accomplish it.
Nice mantra!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Yes, Nice! I like that one sooo much! Definitely gonna repeat that to myself when someone {or me} starts rushing me. Remember, slow and steady wins the race! And also remember, yes, a children's classic, but none the less poignant: Row row row ur boat gently down the stream, Merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream!
Love it!!!
Beautiful! Thanks!
Thank you for sharing
When you lack the ability to regulate emotions EVERYTHING is a trigger
:)
-Cara@TeamFairy
That's such an insightful comment, thanks. It helps others to understand.
My middle child really struggles to sell regulate, so often everything can produce a volcanic reaction.
Oof definitely
@@hellybelle5 go at everything about them strictly with love and trying to see their side. Believe me, as the child, it'll help you both out immensely if they see it's you and them against the world NOT you against them. ♡
Mr Rogers held decades of humanity inside of him. He displayed so much of it episode after episode. He was ASMR personified but was not aware of how structured and intentional it was for his audience. I just knew he was one of my favorite humans. ❤
Mr Rogers worked very closely with famous child psychologists to create a safe environment where children were validated. He was the children’s minister and role model.
He had a song about it “ I like to take my time”
I always felt like he personally loved me even though we never met. I just knew that he loved each person and I was a person so I knew he loved me personally
Martha Stewart is also lovely to listen to. Very deliberate speech patterns. Slow. Paced. She rarely is scattered. Sometimes I just listen to her before bed.
I would fall asleep listening to his show. He was one of the few people who I felt validated me as a person.
This is a huge trigger for me because my Mom used to make me wait forever as a kid and then if I happen to be getting a glass of water or whatever and she was finally done with her hair and makeup, it was rush rush and made a big fuss and blamed me for her tardiness when I'd be patiently waiting for over an hour. I just recently learned after a falling out with a friend who was rushing me for a movie when we had 20 minutes to spare that when someone pushes me to do something that I feel controlled like my autonomy is being taken away from me. I don't know if it's something others can relate to in terms of origin but thats where my deregulation stems from.
Also narc parents keep you in a state of rush making you always feel you are never enough, strugling to get some aproval from them...
My mother constantly pushed me in chores at an age too young. The brutal pushing with the threat of physical abuse made me and my siblings have a terrible time with work as adults. I take care of my mother but she still pushes and is a tyrant. I set limits with her and tell her she will not push me around as an adult. But its a terrible trigger and makes me feel very angry. At that point I separate from her and spend a couple hours alone. I feel better. I need to move out and get my own place but I cant yet due to lack of money. Which will change.
My narc was a sibling. Just figuring it all out.
I felt that
Get out and hire her a house keeper
@@PreYeah Oh my Gosh! You seem to be describing my reality! It is indeed a wretched existence to be rushing through things. My narc parents did the same to me- line my ducks in a row to suit their convenience, as you have beautifully described it. I am constantly rushing and in a dysregulated state. It has affected my work, productivity, peace of mind- you name it. How do you cope?
My mentally ill mom ends every conversation with "hurry up". Being hurried really pisses me off.
I so, so hear you.
I believe my coworker is mentally ill, and she also says to hurry so much smh even when it makes no sense!
Same, and it creates total panic like “the sky is falling”
Yeah, really fucks me right off
I can relate! Even I hate being rushed. These days, I lash out at whosoever tries to rush me. Shuts them up for good.
Also multitasking is a trauma response. That feeling of getting things done all at once is nerve wrecking. To our brain multitasking is like a predator chasing us. So it releases plenty of cortisol into the blood stream which corrodes our vital organs if not used. These days i do only one thing at a time. Even scrolling through comments while playing the video induces stress response. Do one thing at a time and do it slowly is my mantra.
Great mantra :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Corrodes our organs? Like battery acid...
Quit multi-tasking 20+ years ago after reading about it being terrible, as described here. Best decision ever.
Hmmm 🧐 maybe this is my problem. I’m going to work on this and see if it is also a disregulator for me as well…
Sounds like you have flight response (multitasking) mine is freeze response . I’d rather have flight I think
Some people seem to think hurrying, and being very busy, are "a thing." They get themselves in a hurry when they could avoid it. I never thought of procrastinating as dysregulation. Thanks.
OMG ... I've never connected this ... It's actually a big trigger for me .... I usually just get mad at myself for not dealing well 😐
Exactly! More yelling at ourselves :(
-Cara@TeamFairy
Gaslighting/Chronic Invalidation can be a huge trigger for people. The message is that ‘you don’t matter’.
I've actually had panic attacks when being hurried or in a hectic environment and always hated myself for it and thought I was somehow broken... Thank you for this video! It helped me understand myself a lot
Thanks for sharing!!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I could have written this
I've subscribed as a member but where is information when you do special video sesseions.
Same! I had the first ever panic attack in my life when I was working as a barman in a juice bar, and I was supposed to work fast and produce large quantities of bottled juice and on top of that Dea with clients. Needless to say I had to quit. Hugs to you, my friend! We're not broken 🫂
I'm 64 and I have CPTSD since I was a young child. It was undiagnosed, I figured it out by myself through research when I was 30 something.
I am a teacher. I always tell my students there is no hurry, take your time, maybe because I myself realize how stressful that is. I am this relaxed teacher that takes his time and stays silent while figuring out what to say or what to do and I see that kids get really uncomfortable with waiting and being patient. They hurry themselves like this is integrated in western culture, always running out of breath and being occupied all the time.
I needed a teacher like you :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
"They hurry themselves like this is integrated in western culture . ." >> It IS integrated into modern western culture; children have been trained that way, by impatient parents, unstable adults, and a system/society/culture that fully encourages pressure.
I wish I had learned that at school. When you hurry you make mistakes and then it will be difficult to do things properly the next time. When you take your time you don't make mistakes or at least as many mistakes and then when you do something right you will speed up eventually.
I’m the opposite kind of teacher! We have so much work to get through timetabled through the day that I’m constantly rushing the children and hounding them to keep up. It’s very stress-inducing for me so I’m sure it’s not nice for them. I want them to do well and I work very hard so please don’t think it’s coming from a bad place. I’m going to try to be less frantic - you’ve inspired me.
I wish I had you as a teacher.
Isn’t it true. Mr. Rogers was my only
Safe, consistent place, as a child. I wanted to sit with him and feel his peaceful, calm nature. His rituals were mesmerizing. I longed for the order of it. Every child should have a Mr. Rogers.
Agreed 💜
-Cara@TeamFairy
amen thank you...and your voice talking about his is similarly calming and empowering
I never knew the motivation behind why Mr. Rogers did what he did. I have a new respect for him, may he rest in peace. 🕊 Thank you for posting this. God bless. 🌷
The most painful thing for me is being called “slow”. I was a very fast witted child. I grew up in Vietnam. But once I came to Canada, everything changed. I took on so much pain and trauma. Long story short, I’ve healed from a lot of it now. However, now as a result, to “feel” okay and “in the moment” and regulated, I stay in that rhythm of taking things slowly. And to other people (my acting teacher, my priest and parish), that’s too slow. I get scrutinized, I get made fun of in public. Honestly it’s a freaking shame and it’s so embarrassing and it’s hurting me so much. I’ve been going through this feeling for 2 days now and your videos explain a lot. I just need to take a step back and regulate myself now. What I need is more understanding and compassion for myself. Thank you, Childhood Fairy
I hope you are doing well...im sorry people make fun of you going slow but you do what works for you.take care
More than a year ago I was fired for being slow. I did a thorough job while others rushed, did a crappy job and they were being praised. Eventually those people were fired as well for creating more work for others. My work had minimal error, hence being thorough. It never ended well for anybody when I was being rushed.
I have tried to join poker playing groups but I'm a slow learner and people weren't patient when it was my turn so it wasn't fun. Same with a bowling league I was on; I was constantly being told its your turn. I was told it was going to be more of a social thing and non-competitive but it didn't feel that way. It was mainly 1 person pushing me and everyone else to keep moving. I stopped after 1 session.
how I HATE to be pushed or pulled.
That's what I was thinking. More than being in a hurry, it's having others push me to go faster. I especially hate it when I'm driving. Having someone too close behind me (tailgating) makes me extremely anxious.
@@joellenlevitre2590 Yes! Recently, a car came up behind me and left a good following distance. I was so shocked and so grateful to that stranger. I'm astonished at how much that meant to me.
That's why I get ready for things early so I can move in a relax pace get my hot drink and listen to soothing music on the way without worrying about traffic just sip an enjoy what your listening to.
@@joellenlevitre2590 Me to and anxiety make me drive slower cause the brain needs you to slow down to think
@@FebbieG When I drive i merge in front of cars that leave good space.
Hurrying and running late stresses me out SO MUCH. My husband always has to tell me to slow down. I also have ADD so I'm notoriously late. I get distracted. I procrastinate. I forget things. I forget that I need gas first. Disregulation is probably the worst for me when I'm driving and get emotionally stressed out
We're lucky they don't give Driving while Dysregulated tickets :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Same
I think all of us here feel this. I'll be running around trying to get through some errands and get so stressed sometimes I just want to get home, to a safe place. I get there finally, frazzled, and I've usually forgotten something important, so then I'm kicking myself, it's so frustrating!
@connectedification Yes. Absolutely. It's a response to the psychological damage from years and years of never being able to live up to the unrealistic expectations of a parent. That feeling is always in the background waiting to be triggered: never fast enough, never good enough.
@o. t. I don't know what you're trying to say. PTSD and CPTSD are basically the same problem. CPTSD stands for Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. The only difference is the "complex" part of CPTSD.
Mr. Rogers taught the importance of doing everything with the intention of 1. self awareness of one's value; 2.self awareness of one's needs; 3. self awareness of one's condition; and 4. giving oneself love through mindful routines.
I agree on hurrying is stressful. I'm an HSP, Introvert and I've just learned some months ago that I'm not suffering from BPD but from CPTSD. I still think that procrastination is something society paints a bad thing and therefor we hurry. Imagine a system in which we wouldn't have to struggle so tremendously to make a living, not being pressed and pushed into schedules, etc.
I'm currently trying to be diagnosed for possible asd symptoms. But I do believe I definitely have hsp and possible PTSD / c PTSD. Definitely realized hurrying always triggered me with my family my boyfriend etc
I was diagnosed with BPD and was shocked. I did have some of the symptoms but the therapist I have now says she doesn't believe in personality disorders and I agree. I think labeling isn't helpful. We each have learned different coping mechanism that when grouped together form x label personality disorder.
@susiehernandez6652 Yep i agree with you. Same with avoidant personality disorder. I've attached myself to that label for a while but easily could be mistakening it for cptsd and/or Hsp. I had to stop putting myself in a box by labeling myself avpd.
I can’t think when someone tries to rush me. I now have enough respect for my experience that I can say “ I can’t think. So I’m not going to rush(at whatever they are trying to rush me at)
It’s taken me my whole life to learn these things and your channel validates my experiences. Thank you.
What great experience!
-Cara@TeamFairy
It’s a amazing lesson once it’s learned lmao took me 40+ years
Even animals can't think when a person applies too much pressure, dogs, horses . . and some animals will get downright "responsive"/violent when people do that, donkeys, big cats, elephants . . Narcissists try to "saddle and ride" people, as if they are horses, and we are not horses. Even wild-born horses object to that, big time.
You must be a horsey person. My siblings used to complain that everything they said to me I always used horse psychology and horse actions as examples.
@@catythatzall4now ya I’m 46 so better late then never
I’m always amazed at how all of these videos seem to be written about me but apply to so many others ❤️
Truth
@Courtney_Callen it's still a surprise to know it's not just me :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Same here.
I was having the exact same thought when I read your comment ☺
Yet you probably struggle with feeling different I bet. The good news you have lots of company. We're not the oddball and neither are you.
It's said that Napoleon told his footman, "I'm in a hurry--dress me slowly."
I totally get it!
I don't get this quote. Maybe it's my tiredness right now
OMG you nailed it!!! I had no idea that there was any connection. I just knew that I never could stand that. There is more effective that nothing that anyone can do to slow me down, than to say, "Hurry up!"
It got to the point where now, whenever someone tells me to "hurry up!," I stop dead in my tracks and drop whatever it is that they want me to do, then walk away. They can finish it themselves.
Yes, nice response :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm exactly the same way. I just sit down and refuse to move at all.
Oh my God running late gives me threw the roof anxiety. It's the worst!
Me too. I usually show up early for things. Even going to the cinema, if I miss the previews I feel late. Then that taints the whole night.
@@epicmage82 lol! Me too! Always first to arrive.
@g_P the worst!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Mr. Roger's was important to me as well. Between him, and Bob Ross. They really helped me calm down. I will never forget them 😥.
Yes, Bob Ross! Good hearted guy..
Those were my two biggest calming forces in my childhood! 4 years old, and Mr Rogers and Bob Ross held me together. I still get emotional when I watch them today ❤️
Same here. ❤️
SAME
These shows are still on and still helpful to watch for me sometimes. It slows me down still.
Losing track of time can be one of the traits of ADHD, so you end up hurrying, add that in to CPTSD and you have a horrible mess that is hard to solve.
Agreed :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Impressive! I’m an accomplished professional in the field of counseling. This woman has more knowledge and experience than most of my colleagues. I love her openness!
So glad you mentioned this trigger, and the vicious cycle of dysregulation-procrastination-hurrying. I definitely get caught in that loop a lot. And I am terrified of being early - and of people controlling me. Love that you mentioned people who "help you move at the right pace for your brain." I've had a couple employers in the past who instinctively understood how much I struggled with this, and they would just leave me alone to do things in my own way and I was so much calmer and more productive (and grateful!).
That's so fortunate :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Ive had customer service jobs where my coworker and supervisor deliberately rushed me HOPING for me to screw it up. So I took notes and looked at them. Sometimes they shame you for writing stuff down. Its really sick. Had to get away. Used disability to get out of a toxic place. A good doctor will write a letter for you to take 1 full year off. You get 55% of wages. Takes 2-3 mos to start getting it so save some cash!
I've just finished a project.
They kept sending messages like " wow only 6 months to go!" Making me feel like I had no time and was going to fail.
I can't stand being pestered. It has the opposite effect , I panic, shut down and take longer.
@@jazzsoul1695what kind of doctor has to wrote the letter, physician general practioner or a therapist/psychologist?
@@susiehernandez6652 I have no idea why you're asking me about doctors and writing letters. I'm not advising anyone. I'm not a therapist or specialist. I don't want to be asked that stuff!
Omg, I never realised why I hate hurrying so much and why it always gets me in such a state. Reading the comments from others is reassuring because it shows that there are people out there who understand. Thank you for your insights and bringing us together!
I agree, that it is so reassuring to discover it isn't just me :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I've learned that I am happiest if I wake up at 0400. This gives me PLENTY of time to clean, workout, eat, hygiene AND a little time to myself before the house wakes up and starts the chaos and distractions. If I can PREPARE I find I do much better in ANY circumstance.
Awesome!
-Cara@TeamFairy
👍
My husband: "ARE YOU READY YET?"
Me: forget to put my suitcase in the car- arrive at my weekend destination and discover I have to wear the same clothes all weekend (it is a ski weekend and my friends have to lend me long johns).
PS: has happened more than once
Oooof thanks for sharing :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Same here, a lot of times. Once I drove into a weekend with friends and when arrived at the destination, they noticed me still wearing my house shoes. I laughed with them but at the same time felt devastated and stupid on the inside, like I can’t do anything right.
@@kaitomikusmom3900 I've done forget the suitcase and twice put on mismatched shoes.
Oh.. crap! I’ve had this since a kid and it just intensified as a teenager, I would implode/explode at any hurrying: If my parents rushed me I’d cry and feel intensely angry, frustrated and would almost throw a tantrum. I still do. Never understood why, my parents kept saying I was a too-sensitive, too-slow, clumsy and lazy brat. Recently I’ve been realizing I have some kind of childhood trauma.
Glad you're here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
So sorry. Some kind of trauma where your parents verbally abused you.
You probably have ADHD. The symptoms are similar and many of us who have ADHD also have CPTSD (and other disorders like Depression & Anxiety).
Yes, absolutely, hurrying or rushing someone with CPTSD is a trigger! Its just one of the ways to put a victim into a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. You are either to slow or the result you deliver is not "polished" enough. A typical setup!
Appreciate that comment so much :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I am glad you mention CPTSD and ADHD being confused with each other because I was wondering how often they're confused with each other. It's been a horribly few dysregulated few weeks (months, probably) for me; I appreciate finding this video. you seem like a very sweet person, too! yay!
so relate to this....thank you!!!
Fired a few days ago (when my cPTSD was triggered by rushing at the retail job...so many of your videos came home to roost. This is my second day of 'freedom' from rushing. My dysregulation on that difficult day has evaporated. I sleep better. My energy levels are up. My feet no longer ache. My back feels stronger. I am not agitated; a lot calmer. I am setting and accomplishing goals...all while dealing with the expected shocks to the system of losing that job (you know...the one I hated but 'needed' to keep). My plan (have saved enough to do it for cash) is to open a nourishing and calming breakfast/lunch/dessert Cafe featuring tea. Largely a self-service and limited (easy) menu format, we will sidestep rushing in favor of preparation and good logistics. There may be designated spots for laptop needs...but NO cell phone use, silent texting only, and lots of old fashioned face-to-face conversation!
Love this idea!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy - Cara - This is the first, and very welcome, response I have received from this channel. I did not expect this...with over 288K subscribers (and over 2000 comments left to this video alone) it is truly gratifying to be recognized! I believe this is not by chance, but by purposeful design. The subject matter presented in these videos can be highly charged and difficult for viewers to process. It is a testament to your mission that you recognize the vital support gifted through even a few well written words to the viewer. It is the nurturing equivalent of the raised hand being called on...of the unexpected smile...of the vital spark of connection. Thank you to every member of Team Fairy!
I agree totally. Nothing overwhelms me more than being hurried. And it was impossible for me to ‘fix’ my deregulation as a child when my dad would try to hurry me along. I would get overwhelmed and paralytic in those moments. And he would get angrier and angrier as I would get more and more anxious and, oh, it would cause me to implode and become mute in front of him. It would occur everyday without fail. My mom, on the other hand would always be late which would make my dad apoplectic with anger. I always thought she did that in sub-conscious passive-regressiveness. So departures and family trips were always really triggering for me. Still are. Nowadays, it happens when I’m trying to prepare a meal, or get to an appointment on time. I practically have a nervous breakdown in my car if I start to run late or get caught in traffic with a deadline looming.
Those vicious cycles really stay with us for a long time, glad you're here
-Cara@TeamFairy
I have passed my trauma onto my kids by freaking out when cooking a complicated meal or losing keys mostly because I was so disorganised i would end up trying to rush, now i am learning to let things happen as they will, is so much nicer to have them around for a meal lately.
Rushing around is my absolute downfall. I deal with this DAILY. it's caused me to lose jobs, get it fights with my ex, snap at my child.... I would say this is definitely something that has had a significant impact on my life.
Edited to add: I have been doing the daily practice for about a week now and it's helped me immensely!!! THANK YOU. I honestly find myself looking forward to it , to offload all the crap in my head , it's a big relief feeling to get it all out. I always burn it- I have a bucket on the table in my balcony where I keep my book andnanlighter. And let me tell you . . Watching those fears and worries go up in flames is very therapeutic.
This is crazy she’s literally explaining some of my not so favorite behaviors to a T. I’ve been diagnosed CPTSD a couple of years ago but no professional has ever explained to me why certain things get me as anxious as they do especially the anxiety over going anywhere even places I’m excited about like to see my friends, a concert, a museum etc. It makes total sense now it’s that the pressure of having to be somewhere while so many things could go wrong and often do go wrong before I even get there that wind me up to the point where sometimes I don’t end up going, though I was Initially super excited about the event.
I'm glad it helped you sort things out!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I feel the same way. It's so hard to go out and have fun even though I desperately want to, because when I'm actually out, I'm usually overstimulated or in a situation that makes me uncomfortable in some way, and knowing I'll have to get through all that before I can enjoy the experience or relax a little (even if I really want to! Even if it looks like I don't but I DO want to) can make the whole thing so daunting and overwhelming
Thank you. I have a similar relationship to those kind of things
There was a concert that I REALLY wanted to go to. A week before the event I already got super worked up and felt nauseous.
Then I remind myself that the universe doesn’t wait till you‘re ready.
If there is an initial interest from your side, you should go. Just go. Push yourself if you know that there will be much learning and a new experience.
It also helps me when I shift my focus by doing something that I really love.
Finding a private place and wrapping myself in a warm blanket, while pursuing my hobby helps me release and overcome some fear.
It even helps me dig deep and comfort the part of me that feels fear
Omg Yes!!!
Guilt, waste & regret.
I put out $1,400 to see Sir Paul McCartney last year. The stress of getting there overwhelmed me & I didn't go!
Husband should have offered to drive weeks or days before, not 2 hrs before we should have been there.
Planning ability is not very good in either of us.
I think this is why I hate going to church now. Sunday morning was the worst day for me growing up! My mom wanted everyone to look perfect and with 6 children not going to happen.There was fighting and yelling and crying and feeling sad and bad sitting in church. It rarely was a calm morning. Thank you! So helpful!
Sitting at a dinner table does it to me. Mom thought if we just had a "normal" dinnertime, everything was okay. We would sit there on eggshells, hoping no one started an argument, gave a "funny" look or said the wrong thing. I eat standing up, still. Odd what things are still such trouble for us.
Spoken like the true offspring of a religious-looking, narcissist mother...six of us as well, except we wouldn't dare misbehave
@D_B makes sense 💜
-Cara@TeamFairy
Religions that scare children with threats of demons or God burning them in eternity for not submitting to him should be prosecuted for child abuse.
The Baptist ministry really screwed me up and implanted dozens of subconscious triggers in me. I'm doing so much better now but it took a lot of years.
Church is hard because of all the people and their weird ideas of who God is. I really don’t think God cares about what we wear to church, just that we hang out with Him. When I go to church now, I only do it of my own free will, and I deliberately don’t partake in church traditions.
i essentially cannot hurry anymore. i get completely overwhelmed and i start getting physical symptoms. thank you so much for making this video.
Thanks for joining the conversation!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Hey, thank you! I realized that my chronic headaches may be connected to this
Sending love 🧡
Well this explains why most of my mental breakdowns happen before I go to work. Because of my horrible insomnia, I can never wake up early enough to give myself enough leisurely time to get ready beforehand which means I am always rushed. Any minor thing that may stall me triggers me to freak out. I'm glad I learned this today so I can now be aware of what's happening!
It helped me to learn about this too :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is me CONSTANTLY. I have CPTSD AND severe ADHD. 😑 Mister Rogers & Bob Ross helped me survive my childhood too! I was also blessed with a wonderful Grandmother like yours. She absolutely saved my life, in so many ways, by just being who she is.
Proverbially "haste makes waste."
That's right :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I set all my clocks 15 minutes ahead and fool myself into getting ready to leave sooner...it actually works most of the time! Hurrying ruins all efforts to get anything done; good to know I'm not alone. I never tolerate men who try to rush me when I'm getting ready to leave and they get shut down the moment they breathe the words, "Let's go, it's getting late." They despise waiting. If they don't shape up I leave them in the dust...for good!
@@stariadreamtea Right back atcha!
My dad did this, and I used to do it before I had kids and worked full time. It's a very useful tip.
I dunno. I realized I was showing disrespect for my now husband by making him wait, or making him late. He just has to tell me ahead of time when he wants to leave so I can plan ahead and be ready.
As an Australian who never heard of Mr Rogers until this year (I'm 43), I'm very sad that his program was never on our TV screens when I was growing up. I don't know why - we were flooded with so many other American shows. Lovely to hear that so many of you have fond memories of him in your formative years.
He was a Public Broadcasting Show- maybe that's why you didn't see him.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I didn't realize this until today, thank you. My whole life this has been occurring. If I have a time constraint, I've even told my kids they can't stand there and watch me get ready because of the anxiety. I have ADHD and anxiety. Having to get ready to leave the house or be anywhere on time is a huge trigger. It's very hard for me to nail being on time or early. Growing up, my mom was chronically late, disorganized, and anxiety-ridden when she or we had someplace to be on time, so the house was very chaotic with lots of commotion or yelling when my family was trying to leave the house on time (which was literally never).
Yes, this is feeling like rushed and also part of our program is to hurry up when an abuser or addict would tell us to do something right now" to conform to their needs so we feel a resistance when someone or something makes us feel this.
Right, great point :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Yes! I was thinking about that earlier today, remembering how my mother would always rush me and tell me how slow I was. I'm 66 and I never got over it. It didn't help that my husband was raised the same way and treats me like that, too. I never get enough done or fast enough or well enough for him. Whatever I do, it isn't going to be good enough. And that's all he heard from his mother when he was growing up. I try to ignore him when he's like that, but it wears on a person, even though I know why he does it.
Going shopping always overwhelms me as it is but my husband has a bad habit of rushing me for no real reason. I used to loose my shit really bad and it would escalate in to a massive freak out. Since realising I have CPTSD and that both things are triggers I handle it much better now. Thank you for helping me realise what is happening and learn how to cope with it. It’s really changed my life in a lot of ways.
We love these comments!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I actually enjoy shopping. It's one of few times I'm not rushed. You can't shop with me if you think I'm going to be quick😆.
This is actually a family pastime I enjoy.
I cannot go shopping anymore with my partner, because I did freak out once when he kept rushing away from me with the shopping cart, making me carry heavy things in a hurry running after him, always trying to catch up. I got loud and talked to him like a child. He felt embarrassed - which was not my intention, I was just very distressed. Last week my best friend was at my house for the holidays and she went shopping with him, and she felt rushed by him too. I was so happy that it wasn’t just me...
My ex boyfriend used to run the shopping cart out the store before I even put my card and wallet back in my purse at the checkout
@@kaykerns2287 I think, that‘s disrespectful.
“Running from emotions” is such an apt phrase. This is what keeps me from slowing down and doing tasks that require concentration. I fear them because when I do them, the emotions come in and I get overcome.
One tip that works for me: I get everything ready for work the night before. This has helped me greatly. I make my lunch set out my clothes pack my bag. I no longer dislike mornings and actually enjoy them now . ❤️
Thank you Anna. For me a nasty trigger for hurrying seems to be when I am being watched by anyone including my husband when I am doing something. It is getting better however as I try to focus more on what I am doing and less on them. I think this stems from my father critically judging me as I did something in my childhood.
Interesting, glad you saw this one :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I can relate, having gone through the same experience!
yes, i once started a volunteer job as a copywriter for a Womens organisation that i admired. But the woman in charge had no sooner given me the task to do, than she positioned herself behind me to not only watch but comment on my ''wordsmithing''. I wasn't superwell at the time, not enough to have a calm chat with her about it. Instead i simply didn't go back the next day. I felt like she was highly anxious person, having her anxiety sitting by me was almost immobilising! It was a shame this poor lady was the boss of this place, it was obviously not helping them to keep the few volunteers that did turn up to help. Oh dear.
Thank you for sharing your experience
I had an experience at a concert recently.
Where I thought „what would the others think and EVEN WORSE, what would the singers think if they saw me vibing the way I was doing it“
…. I‘ll say this for my sake
THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT
I need to shift the focus
To actual enjoyment
:)
💯💯💯💯💯
Both the abusers used this to freak me out, they would try to leave without me as I’m putting on my shoes etc. when I was almost ready to go.
What a stressful experience, glad you're here 💜
-Cara@TeamFairy
Beautiful realization!!! Love this video. Hurrying is such a pervasive pattern, it permeates even to a low level, like hurrying to apologize, to thank, to smooth the waters, to react before someone stopped talking, etc. Ugh. Hurry no more.
I felt a lot of rushing in conversations growing up. It has impacted my ability to express myself even now, decades later, because unfortunately I’ve internalized that rush to say something, quickly, before the other person loses patience with you or disapproves of you. It’s a kind of quiet desperation I have that I’m starting to notice more. Healthy communities are wonderful, if you’ve ever been with someone who just listens patiently with interest and no desire to interrupt you, it’s such a gift.
I also noticed something recently when I was visiting my parents. I was in their town for a job and called them up on the spur of the moment to see if I could come by. I was delayed on the drive by some bungled scheduling with a client (my fault) but it got worked out and I mentioned it on the phone to my mom when she called as I was driving to ask what the delay was. So later during the visit she brought it up again, and I found myself going on and on about the mistake I’d made, trying to explain and normalize it. When I finally caught my breath and glanced at my mom, she was sitting there with this sour look of disapproval on her face, hand over mouth. I felt a twinge of shame and the best thing is the awareness of what had just happened. There was no reason at all for her to ask me about that trivial thing a second time, and then she left me dangling as I sank into embarrassment. Sometimes criticism is implicit, that has often been the case with my mom. My solution is to remind myself to be more careful about certain topics and questions, and realize I don’t have to go into big explanations that might make me look bad.
It’s wonderful getting older snd having the insight to see these behaviors I’ve been suffering from since childhood more clearly now.
And your insights are appreciated here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm learning to keep my explanations short and simple if I even give them at all; gives people nothing to work with but it's hard. It was ingrained in me to explain myself to keep myself out of trouble with my Mom. I feel/felt obligated. I'm trying to find that fine line.
One of my jobs in the past, I had a supervisor who would overwork me just because he had a personal problem with me. And, when ever he didn't give me enough time to do a task, he'd complain to HR about me which was fairly triggering for me. I did have some karma on my side, he got fired for firing me.
What a story!
-Cara@TeamFairy
OMG Mr. Rogers! My sister and I loved him! His gentle quietness made me feel like everything was going to be ok. ❤❤❤I cried when he died and I was surprised that I cried. I didn't realize how much he made me feel like I was important. He was so kind. ❤❤❤
I agree!
❤️
@D_B no one like him 💜
I loved him. I still watched him when I was in high school because his show had a calming effect on me.
I wish we had had Mr Rogers on UK TV. I had never heard of him until a few years ago. Then last year saw the film about him starring Tom Hanks.
_Hurrying_ absolutely shuts me down. Not so much the kind of hurrying that most consider being _hurried,_ though. In my life, it presents as questions wanting answers. For example, if my children ask “can I…” I feel pressured, agitated, stressed, irritated and overwhelmed. I never understood why such a simple thing would make me feel this way. Listening to this video has helped me to understand why. Now, I have started asking my children to say, “I would like to…” instead. That way, I didn’t feel the need to _instantly_ address a request. “Can I sleepover at Jane’s house tomorrow?” became “I’d like to sleepover at Jane’s house tomorrow.” This might seem like a small difference but it gives me the space to take in and process what is being requested… at my _own_ pace. For me it has made all of the difference.
Thanks for sharing, what an easy fix!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Language matters.
Eight years ago I started my personal healing journey. I had ended up at a facility on a 72hr hold for suicide ideations and attempt, and following that I started therapy after the diagnosis of CPTSD. I'm 53 yrs old. It was a relief to finally have some clinical insight into what was wrong with me because for many, many, many years...since age 13, I had never been correctly assessed. I was in and out of talk therapy, off and on different medications for Bipolar Disorder, and it was exhausting to be in my own head and have no real help, for so long. I started DBT therapy once a week, group therapy once a week, and yoga therapy once a week, and I committed myself. It was either I needed to live or die, I couldn't be in between anymore, so I chose to try to live. I went to therapy 3x a week for 3 yrs. It was grueling, and also saved my life. I've gained a lot of skills to self manage, I've healed a lot of trauma, and I'm much better at being aware and mindful of mySelf and my triggers, reactions, etc. Lately, I've been very aware of how easily I'm disrupted by too much to do, feeling rushed, or imposed on, or if It have too many appointments... anything to do above three things for the day is overwhelming. I completely lose cognitive function, and it begins a cycle of anxiety for me. I can not have a hectic or hurried life ..it shuts me down continuously. I once had such a day, that I just stopped in my tracks and sat down and sobbed...I couldn't do anything else. I didn't care who saw me, I didn't care that I never showed up to work, I didn't care that I was sitting on the ground in the middle of a busy area. I couldn't get my thoughts sorted and I felt confused, and I've been saying ever since that no matter the healing, no matter how well I've done... there's still a cognitive piece in mental illness that requires constant self care. I could literally feel my neuro pathways become tangled and seem to short out, like frayed electrical wires. I haven't completely understood that part, and have been wondering what's wrong in my brain. Finding this video is EXACTLY what I needed....this explains so, so much and I'm truly grateful to have better insight about what is happening. Thank you so very much for this information. 🔆🍀🙏🕉️
What a beautifully expressed description of what it's like. I'm so proud of you for embracing your healing as you have! I hope we'll hear more from you.
For me it’s the running out the door, realizing I forgot something, getting more disregulated because of that, going back, repeat over and over.
Relate!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Mr Rogers did all his tasks with complete freedom and no fear of mistake. I loved that attitude
He was really amazing :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Awww...i miss him. He really helped me a lot as a kid.
Great video, I remember being rushed as a child, knowing parent was stressed/exhausted, and/or excited/hyper, hurrying all the time, it made me feel confused, worried and stupid and guilty, because I didn’t know why we were rushing, or exactly what was expected of me. It kept me in constant alert mode, ultra sensitive to the emotions of others, trying to predict their intentions and movements, I guess so it’s not such a shock when they decide to move before I’m ready. I found it difficult to begin or finish anything. I learnt to wait around for others to decide what was going to happen, and when, but conversely I also loved to escape and be alone, and was often late.
As an adult I find it hard to conduct my day in a consistent manner, I tend to over do things, burn out quickly, am too quick to judge ‘laziness’ and I feel I’m doing more than my fair share. Then I’m exhausted, and have over done it, so I have to rest too much. I can see that I’m repeating the same pattern that screwed me up, and how horrid it is for others to be around. Occasionally I have a great day where I can potter/work all day, accomplish things without rushing, or feeling critical, and full of a quiet internal joy and goodwill for others. I’m hoping that’s the real me deep down, because that’s the only time I feel at peace, hopeful, confident and happy. Thanks so much for your insight, it’s given me a lot to think about x
A lot of viewers needed this one!
-Cara@TeamFairy
My childhood was nearly identical. I became hyper vigilant to other people needs and trying to anticipate them. It's exhausting. I also live with a voice inside my head that says I'm lazy when I'm not doing enough. I was called lazy on a regular basis if I didn't move to make my bed as soon as my head left the pillow. Self awareness is helping but it's been challenging. I over do it too and then need a day or 2 to recuperate. I can't get anything done if I tell myself it has to be done or it's on a list. The list creates pressure on myself to cross it off. The only way I get things done is to leave my day wide open for doing nothing. I have to do things spontaneously.
I can't explain how thankful I am for your content. I am Brazilian and here in Brazil people almost doesn't talk about CPTSD, then I was wrongly diagnosed as borderline and the drugs for this disorder almost killed me. Now, watching your channel I totally understand what's going on with me I will talk to my psychiatrist and my therapist about it. Thanks a lot!
Yay!
I will only do things at my own pace I really don't like being rushed to anything or forced or moved from where I am standing pushed around, handled ,if rushed I will instantly forget everything going completely blank can't think of any memories or thoughts it distracting and put me back fear everything collapsing
That's great you know your rhythm :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Yes that’s me !,, I become overwhelmed almost immediately and anxiety takes over ,, when people are coming at me all at once I shut down,,
We can start to combat that :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
You are not alone
She is the only person, yet alone professional, that has talked about hurrying being an A-list trigger for CPTSD. Hurrying and disregualtion are the exact triggers as to why I have never been able to keep a job longer than 2.5 months. I only had one employer that literally created a position for me and would change the store hours if I could not keep up. Since then I have gotten married and moved, so I fill my days with volunteer work; it's validating and healing to be in an environment where my best is always good enough.
That, in itself, is very healing :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy, I love your video content and so does my mom! I wish your channel had been around during my childhood. It would have saved a lot of heartache in my diagnosis and treatments; I wasn't diagnosed correctly and completely until my mid-twenties. Co-morbid conditions like mine, borderline personality, bipolar disorder, OCD, and Asperger's weren't on the medical radar like they are today. In the 90s, behavior disorders and mental disregulation were mostly brushed off as ADHD.
I never realized why I always end up freaking out about being rushed. It gives me the worst anxiety ever. Knowing that it is actually ptsd kicking in, is helpful.
This explains alot for me. Side note, my father would pick us up for a visitation day, most of times he was tipsy or drunk. I always worried my father would kill me. It is sad.
Me too
-Cara@TeamFairy
😢💕
@Mary Carroll awful 😢💕💕
I've been getting treatment for ptsd for decades. Why am I only hearing about this NOW? It struck a nerve and will be very helpful for me. I am so disappointed in the doctors who have previously treated me.
@Miller_Willer glad you found this channel, there is so much support here and at crappychildhoodfairy.com
-Cara@TeamFairy
To me, some where helpful, some re-traumatic. Don‘t give up hope. I just read about this issue being a trauma symptom for the first time ever as well. I will surely bring it up in my next therapy appointment.
It's super rare for me to comment, but I've got to ask this question... Does anyone else think that hurrying can also be a symptom of CPTSD? I've recently realized that because I felt I was a child on my own in a world full of adults, that I'd "Better get moving"... When I shared that phrase with another adult some time ago, much to my surprise, I burst into tears! I've come to realize that my days have been filled with scrambling to catch up, very often unnecessarily... I am learning, gratefully, to slow down, and be proactive when possible... But I find it fascinating to realize how driven we can be without even realizing it or it's impact on our days... Just curious.. Be well!
Fear of being late to something is a big trigger for me. It was an unforgivable sin in my family. It takes a lot of mental awareness on part to not get sucked into a panic cycle if I may be late somewhere and also not to be frustrated at others for not having the same personal expectation of timeliness. So much of my therapeutic journey has been to recognize those triggers and try to ground myself so I don't become dysregulated.
That's the work, identifying our own triggers. Thank you for sharing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
It's amazing to hear someone's experience with dysregulation because that's been a constant in my life. Never understood it, always blamed myself for it & I was generally dismissed as "stupid".
There were times when my brain was so overloaded with trauma response I couldn't add 2+2 or read a sentence out loud in a class setting. I, too, check the gas pump hose because I know driving off is something I'm capable of, having done similar things.
I relate to the "hurrying" trigger. I've gotten better but for years spontaneous activity was too much & I needed a couple days "mental prep" before walking out into the fire.
@HPMcQUeen a bit of prep to face the world is smart :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
same, never knew that's what it could be and the avoidance, so extreme with me
The biggest reason that I had to hurry was my ex-husband who enjoyed being ‘spontaneous’. Not a bad person but not a good match for me.
Same!
Good to figure these things out :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Wow. When I was 16/17 a doctor in Spain told me I had the worst circulation he had ever seen - he was seriously elderly and concerned. Now I know it came from dysregulation caused from trauma (and a serious freeze and disappear impulse). It’s always stuck with me, that comment. I knew it meant something. And now I know what it meant! Mystery now solved almost 40 years later. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm confused. What's the connection between poor circulation and being hurried.
What's the comment the door said that stuck with you?
I grew up in a household run by a raging narc and he was forever rushing everyone and everything. Later, after I learned what NPD was, I could see a pattern of narcs rushing everything and everyone around them. I think they do this for two reasons, one, they simply don't believe in God or the Universe, so neither are going to provide, and two, when you are rushed by someone you are prone to make mistakes, and the narc LOVES for you to make costly mistakes. I have CPTSD from my crazy weekly if not daily childhood trauma, and I learned long ago to get there early.
You learned tricks early on to stay regulated, brilliant!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I had an experience last week when i showed up for a gig 20 min early, feeling very relaxed, but when I got there, they were not prepared for me, and the rushing around at the last moment trying to figure out where i was going to be working, who I had to report to, etc, if there would be enough light and seating set me behind, and it took me over a half hour to settle in and feel balanced. I always loved the nun who taught my 4th grade class. She played the recorder, turned down the lights, let us pray to Simon and Garfunkle, and otherwise slowed us down to focus. I could relax around her. And I learned better.
Wow, how enlightened as both nun and teacher :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I've had a problem with waiting till the last minute to do things. I'm often late but I can't seem to discipline myself and I don't know for sure why. I do have ADHD.... so maybe? But I've been this way as long as I can remember and it has caused me problems numerous numerous times. A friend of mine who often used to give me a lift to the airport noticed that I always was down-to-the-wire running around like crazy man trying to get there on time. I was late for my 50th birthday party... and everyone was about to criticize as usual when my sister's husband said : "It's okay for him to be late on his 50th birthday"!!
Question - if you have problems with being late, what are you doing to combat it? There is so much out there technology wise to help. Alarm clocks, lists, etc…
I'm the same, a lot of us are.
Late constantly myself swear I can't even be on time to work
@@adventuresofkatekat Sometimes being late is equivalent to reliving chaos, which can be multi functional, it is what you know,, you are familiar with it,change is scary. it gives you a incentive, fire under your butt, to call to action when making the simplest decision is overwhelming.
@@adventuresofkatekat I'm taking medication for ADHD... that helps. I've had a lot of trauma and serious events going on from early childhood, brutal car accidents, disenfranchised several times completely.... Hurricane Andrew, been attacked by someone who wanted to kill me who had previously spent 21 years in jail for murder.... just to name a few. I've been working things out. Being late is not as bad as the rest. Thank you for your suggestion though. I have alarm clocks and I've been in therapy.
I have learned more about myself and my brother in 3 weeks from your videos than everything in our combined lives of therapy and confusion. Instant relief, literally, thank you beyond words.
Thank you so much for your comment, welcome to the channel!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Boy, am I glad I found you! This is something I've said for YEARS, that I have CPTSD/PTSD-induced ADHD! But no one listened. It was so frustrating. You're the first person I've ever heard say this, yet when you think about it it makes total sense. When the executive functions of our brains are hijacked by emotional disregulation, of course we can't think and concentrate properly. Now that I'm finally learning how to self-sooth and regulate, the symptoms are starting to fade. Wish I'd found you years ago.
Glad you're here NOW.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Me too! Thanks so much for your videos. Really. They are so insightful and helpful. The talk therapy wasn't very helpful for me either. But I'd been told over and over all there was was talk therapy and/or drugs to deal with this. I knew there had to be another, better, more effective way, but didn't know how to find it. You're so right, we are on the cutting edge. Pioneering.
What are some ways you learned to self soothe. I mainly take naps but could use more tools in this regard.
Mr. Rogers was helpful to me, too. As an adult teacher and social worker, I developed something I call my "Mr. Rogers routine" when I arrive and leave - ritual changing of coat and shoes - because I am aware now that it helps the kids in my program feel more calm.
That's so cool :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I didn’t suffer from abuse but I suffered from complete emotional neglect. My mum is an old lady now but she has no self-awareness whatsoever and I’d say she’s got borderline personality disorder although she’s usually very caring and the nasty side only comes out when she feels backed into a corner. She just turns into a petulant child. I don’t know whether this is insulting to say, but I almost wish there had been some definite abuse so that there was something tangible to blame. I’m a high functioning autistic too so I really needed someone to teach me how to behave appropriately and just to make me feel confident. I’m 48 now and the last ten years have been a process of learning how to be a functioning adult. My children are autistic too and my eldest son has been a very difficult child....and I didn’t have the strength of mind to cope so we’ve traumatised each other. Life is complicated I suppose!
@Penny_Penpens whatever resonates: take it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
It looks like a strong gene in your family. Your mother probably suffers being on the spectrum also. Perhaps she never had a good role model, and had to learn on the job, too. She was once a child, with other adults surely also creating trauma in her life.
But, does she care about you? Is she happy when left to herself, or does she somehow show if she wants to see you? Some people with different degree of autism have a hard time communicating the true love they have for those closest to them.
Especially people from her time in history and generation. It's so hard for some to open up more emotionally because to them it feels like being asked to undress in public. Being naked is hard to do, even at the doctor's. So it seems courteous to some, to just politely put up with each other's limits.
I can relate so much. I suffer from abuse and C-PTSD and have a son who is autistic since birth. It was too hard for me to handle alone and sadly he got traumatized, too.
@@yousmuthie my mum was badly neglected as a child. She cares a lot but it’s hard work having to come up with strategies to deal with someone rather than just being able to be myself x
@@kaitomikusmom3900 you did your best and that is all we can do xx
EMDR is the real deal! I did EMDR sessions off and on for 18 months and it really changed my life. It was also extremely intense for me, and it triggered a lot of persistent muscle spasms for me for a while. I'm really glad that when I was doing it, I had a lot of support, and I always had lots of time after my sessions to just cry and sleep and drink lots of water.
Thanks for sharing your experience!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Any suggestions on how to get the most out of EMDR. I'm currently working with a therapist and we have been working on the same target memory for over a year. I'm getting frustrated. I've gained alot of insight but my triggers haven't dissipated. In fact, one (loud noise especially people arguing) has gotten worse. I don't know whether I should get a new therapist or not. I told my therapist this and she said she's very thorough. I also learned she was waiting until the end to do the re-processing part. In other words, it's mostly been the re-living of the memory. I don't have years of time. I'm 56 and need to be able to work with people again. I've had to leave several jobs because I disassociate when receiving harsh criticism and now I'm gun shy about working for others. Been self-emplyed for 15 years but my job is isolating. I'm getting lonely and not living up to my potential.
@@susiehernandez6652 It never hurts to get a second opinion. Also, EMDR isn't the only evidence-based, trauma-informed therapy for PTSD! Check out THE BODY KEEPS THE SCORE
@@susiehernandez6652
My dearest,
Re-read your question and you will realize that you answered your own question...
Go with your gut on this one...🌹
@@karlsaintlucy I read the book. Not sure I got anything out of it other than yoga is good for breathwork but one doesn't need yoga to do breath work. I thought what he said/wrote made sense but don't remember solutions. I was ready well aware my body keeps the score.
This is totally me. Thankful to know there's a connection and I'm not completely nuts. Procrastination is real. This is probably why the movies I choose to watch are slower pace. Everything I choose to do is slower pace. Things that are fast makes my head spin. Fast talking, fast music, fast movies. My mind is detracted easy. Thanks.
also, I cannot work certain jobs bc of this.. I can't feel rushed by metrics.. immediate panic.. I won't last long at all.. anywho, thanks so much for all that you do! I don't feel so weird and alone anymore!💕
You're NOT alone!
-Cara@TeamFairy
omg.. spot on.. my narc Momster constantly failed to prepare me for things, then rushed me through whatever.. My neurology IS "all over the place" & i'm still working hard to heal.. Thank you so much for your videos!!💜
Thanks for sharing!!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I love how you put it „Momster“ I can relate to the feeling that comes with the expression.
You made something about my experience a bit more humorous, thank you for that 🌞🌟🌩
Maybe you shouldn't be ungrateful. Maybe whatever your mom did or didn't do was all she could
Mind blown!!!!!
I was just saying to my therapist that I hate being rushed. Like it makes my brain lock up like putting bubblegum in your bike gears. I will NOT be rushed, being around unhealthy people creates added chaos that makes your life feel frenetic.
Glad you're here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@Cj Johnson Of course!!! Be well my friend.
This is me. You helped me understand why extra tasks and push for me to hurry at work actually slows me down n makes me take longer getting work done. I accomplish less.
Also Mr. ROGERS is my hero. I have said so many times that he saved me, helped me know love and gentleness. I felt that he was talking right to me. I had no adult role models who acted as if the liked and cherished children...he really helped me know that their was a different way to be. This really touches my heart. I have cptsd and your videos are just always so relevant and helpful.
Thank you for this beautiful note!