I am also finding that when someone is genuinely loving and adoring towards me, I find it incredibly uncomfortable. I am with an incredible, loving man at the moment and it almost feels like a defense mechanism to find him literally unattractive when he's being mushy and physically or verbally affectionate with me. I feel like this has a lot to do with my mother's coldness towards me growing up. I don't know how to return this sentimentality and have a very hard time creating attachments to people because of it.
I'm witnessing you with compassion. Be patient with yourself and compassionate. Pay attention to when you're feeling triggered and observe it. You have the power to make new choices not tied to your past.
mothers day cards make me feel like a liar. 'for my amazing mum you were always there...' Sometimes i feel like adding 'gaslighting, pointing out every flaw and never missing an opportunity to remind me i'm not enough and that everything wrong in your life is somehow my fault'.
This hit hard. It's like I feel "obligated" to perform the "duty" of loving my mother because she felt "obligated" and a "duty" to take care of me. But I'm not emotionally invested in a healthy way.
I stopped giving her gifts this year and went no contact too. Not even a happy Mother’s Day. She does not deserve the wishes… She isn’t my mother anymore. Just a user. A mean, mentally ill little girl.
My mother was a narcissist. She was abused as a child. She was full of rage that she constantly projected. I was the main target for that rage in my family. As a consequence I developed an eating disorder. I struggled all my life with it. Maman passed away in 2020. I took care of her for 15 years after my father passed away. We became good friends and I forgave her. She was a much better mother to me at the end of her life. She had worked on herself and once told me that if she had to do it all over again, she would be a better mother. God bless her. After her death, my struggle with food completely disappeared. I believe that she took that with her. I miss her immensely but I know she is at peace and that she is looking out for me. Her name was Yvonne.
My mother was diagnosed with BPD with narcissistic features. She refuses this diagnosis of course. She has PTSD as well. She suffered abandonment and abuse by both parents. Be loving to your children...the pain ripples break through the consciousness of generations.
I always knew my mother hated me. I thought it was me. Thanks for validation. I’ve been following your videos for 2 years and have gone no contact for 18 months and have been healing, I finally have control of my life after 58 years. My adult children and my patient husband have noticed the difference- I am actually happy for the first time in my life. I still have work to do. Thank you so much Teri for helping me have self acknowledgment about this very painful subject.
Right on, Deirdre! I'm so so happy to hear that you're taking control of your life and that this content has resonated for you. Thank you so much for sharing and for being here! ❤️
My mother has always been jealous of me … how awful it was growing up with this family. God had put me in there for a reason. To learn to love myself ! 💪✌️
Omg, for years I hated mothers day because I would read so many cards trying to find something that was kind, honest, and accurate. And it felt like I must have missed out on a lot of things other people have with their moms. My mom told me many times that its OK to have a girl, but there's just something special about having a boy. She was never emotionally attuned to me. I wasn't allowed to express emotions without being shamed or told I was wrong to feel that way, unless it was happiness. She sucked at nurturing. I just stopped sharing my feelings with her.
I have the same experience. My mom didn't like seeing any "negative" emotions from me- she only accepted happiness, even if I had to slap a fake smile on my face. I grew up not sharing much about my "inner life" or thoughts with her..as I turned 19 she began to ask me why I wouldn't talk to her about my problems and saying that I was "too to myself" and "didn't let her in".....she didn't realise that was her own doing through years of telling me to suppress negative emotions in front of her. I grew up crying alone in my room; I'm thankful for it now cause it made me the introspective and emotionally intelligent/independent person I am today.
I'm 72. I've been wondering... How many of us were born into the time of "You can't breastfeed" and leaving the baby in the hospital nursery? And how about the 'let the baby scream because they have to be on a schedule? All mothers trying to do their best for their child but essentially abandoning them from day one.
I've wanted to work at a Greeting Card company for a long while. The section of Mother's Day cards would've sparse; one row would say, "Thank you for being such a kind and thoughtful mother, taking extra time to make my dreams come true, for helping me reach my goals and consoling me when I failed. Thank you for showing me, with a balanced approach, what teaching and correction are. Letting me choose, between the red or black shoes, grey or blue coat, and broccoli and spinach. And not making the correction be denigrating. I love you for you, for cookies after school, for storytime, for one on one special days, for birthday parties and cake, ... And so much more." And the other card would be, "Yeah, I'm sending this scrap of paper just so you can't tell others that I didn't send you anything. No thanks to you, for basically all I have become. Without you controlling everything I did have to admit that I really did amount to something, and my children weren't born with some disease, that they don't act just like I did, because I'm not raising them the way you raised me. I am glad I got out and away from your hawkish glare, that evil glint in your eyes, the raspy voice that became a perky voice when speaking to others, so much more, but you have already dominated my thoughts for too much time. So yeah, here's your cheap card, as usual. Since supposedly I don't know how to pick out cards, I hope this one is worthy of you. Oh, and don't worry, it came off the clearance rack. No sense spending more than 25¢ anyway. Signed, the child who got away from your clenched up gnarly hands.
Wow! So brutally sad… i mean zero disrespect but I truly hope this is coming from a place of you had absolutely no role in any of the problems you & your mother encountered. It just makes me sad that we all truly try our best as moms & we all have baggage that makes us who we are. Being a mom is not always easy. As I’ve aged & now have my own adult children, I am so much more forgiving of my mothers short comings. At her core she really did do her best. I know I certainly had my flaws as her daughter, it was just easier to say it was all her fault. Time is fleeting, unless you’re the perfect/person or mother then you are correct in feeling the way you do about her & therefore going estranged from her. Again all said with the utmost respect.😕
Being one of 4 children born to a woman that no sane individual would ever think of giving the title of "Mother" to, we all were abused physically, emotionally, and psychologically. She is still the liar she has always been, but now that we are all beyond her clutches know better than allowing our own children to be near her. We all know what she is capable of doing. When the beatings left visible marks on our necks or faces, we had broken noses, chipped teeth, or black eyes, ummm ...oh, it was because we had run head first into that same old door jamb, again, tripped on the same old rug, again, fallen out of the lower level of that same old bunkbed, again. When long sleeves or pants would cover the other bruises, swelling, or belt marks, that's what we had to wear even in 90° weather. I applaud you for being the kind and loving mother you are. I understand that being a mother is not for every woman. Some take naturally to it, but some see it as a punishment, cramping their style, ruining their careers, and their bodies. For some, there is no explaining the evil twist in their hearts and minds for their demonic behavior towards their babies and children.
Wow, my ex gf is very traumatized and scared of commitment, due to her mother wound. Its so bad it caused our relationship to end after two years. I feel for her, and I hope she can heal herself.
This totally fits my experience. I was a burden to her except when I was taking care of her. If she had to take care of me, it was too much. She was undependable & unreliable toward me. One time I had a very bad bike wreck when I was 10 or 11. I wiped out going down a hill. The bike was mangled/totaled. I had scrapes & scabs over 80% of my body. I was unconscious for several hours. I was concussed & my head was shaped like an eight or spider body. When I woke up she was crying about how sad things were for her because this happened to her child, but she didn't take me to any emergency room or Dr. She was going to let me die. I could give many more examples. She was always telling me she was going to kill herself but then she really did attempt to. When she came back from mental hospital, I was more vigilant about preventing her from doing it again. I don't hate her, I love her, but I don't eff w her because I don't like how she treats me. It's not one thing she has said or done, it's the cumulative effect & the fact that it was the next thing, the next thing, the next thing until I cut it off.
Oh, so sorry! That is a truly painful feeling. I'm new to this channel & totally relate to the narcissistic mother concept. Hope you continue to find healing.
Wow I feel this ..I'm so sorry ..I was left on the floor holding my guts I had a appendicitis. She was just repeating to me I had no insurance and it would be too expensive like influencing me not to call 911..when I started throwing up the guy I was dating came and took me to hospital..with witnesses THEN she was concerned
When I was a baby my parents left me in another state with my grandparents. Why? I never asked after I found out. This video makes so much pain in my life make sense. I also became a crappy mother never standing up to care for my kids the way they needed with ACTION. I tried but being married to a man with mother wound also didn’t help.
@@terri_cole Thank you beautiful sister of light. ..I had to leave my entire cluster B dysfunctional family and move to another country..I do know that this is trans generational abuse. ..I am also HSP an energy healer and spiritual teacher but to no avail with my family...in fact my light and truth brought up too many uncomfortable truths and much denial..the buck stops here! which is a relief from CPTSD symptoms..forgotten wellness returning..your description of the imposter spirit..constant rejection from many people and relationships...people pleasing and lack of boundaries is bang on! ..much gratitude for your wisdom love and compassion for us all.. huge hug..💖💜💖
I just broke away officially Friday. I got confirmation it was the right thing to do. Realized my mother side. And my dad was a physical and sexual abuser with depression etc.
I've watched this video many times. Something about it, the way you explain it makes me feel so safe to explore the deep dark places of my childhood. Before I watched this video I never knew about the mother wound. I want to be healed so that I do not unconsciously pass down things to my children. The cycle ends with me. Thank you Terri ❤
I just found out my mother passed away. How can I grieve the passing of my mother even though I haven't seen her since I was very little. I feel like I want to grieve but I feel like I lost her a long time ago.
80 yo and the thousand wounds to the heart are still so fresh. So many questions that will never be answered. Will stay until my last day. Yes, I can say I forgive, but it would only be words --- not sincere.
I lost my mother a little over 2 years ago. We were so close, probably co dependent. She had depression and I think she wasn't happy about how she handled some things. I suffer from anxiety, which started as a young child, and OCD . I always blamed her , which I will always regret. I miss her terribly and want to apologize to her. It's too late.
Even as a child, I would buy the things she expected: lilies at Easter, a card for Mother's Day. But I would never lie and write "love" on the card. Just "Happy Mother's Day." She never used the word "love" either, not until it became fashionable to pair it with "tough."
I had a great relationship with my mom and miss her very much. However, I realize that she may have treated me better than my sister's. I think she loved me more. Parents definitely have favorites.
Terri - I’m very grateful for you being out there for people like me to find. I’m trying to care for my elderly toxic mom. Sometimes I’m not sure I can do it! I don’t know if she’s a full blown Narcissist or has tendencies and/or whatever else her problems are, I just know it’s really painful & worse than I imagined. It’s bringing up old stuff & showing me how far I’ve come as a woman, yet scary how much it’s effecting my sanity.
Remember to seek support, even if you hav3 to pay for a few hours respite. Make sure you do things for yourself. I know a few conversations can send me into a negative spiral, but remember, you come first! Try to find ways to feed your soul and get the burden off of your inner child.
I took care of my mom with early onset Dementia for a few years, she was very toxic and abusive. It's very difficult but don't give up. Look into care facilities, you are absolutely not obligated to care one on one for someone who has/had abused you. I helped mine get into a good facility when she started hitting me and being suicidal. I had to grieve lots things.
I just want to wish everyone courage and love in their process of healing their mother wound. I am in the middle of this process and it can be hard at times. But luckily there are these kind of videos. Thanks to Terri Cole, this is really helpful!
it's christmas day, and here i am binge watching videos about narcissistic mothers. i left home 16 years ago but she managed to convince me to move back home 3 months ago and now i am reliving my childhood traumas! 🤬 what a trickster!
I feel it is crucial to point out that you can have physically perfect parents who present as good and kind people.. yet are operating much of the time from fear-based ego-consciousness. A child experiences this, at every turn, as a lack of love, which it is. In reality love is something that simply flows out if a person and is not in any way dependant on externals. Many of us by now have noticed that the extent to which we conformed to our parent’s version of reality, greatly affected the flow of loving energy that came towards us. Love is something that is FELT or not FELT. Most people, whether they are ready to see it or not, are carrying the parent wound, because real love is still a rarity on this planet.
I truly needed to see this!!! 6 months ago today, i left a violent and abusive family dynamic. I moved across the country and cut contact. A friend saw me suffering and so hurt that she offered me a safe place. I am doing so much better but the trauma has been re-surfacing and making me overwhelmed. I've been seeking a PTSD/trauma re-processing therapist. I refuse to let the cycles of abuse continue. I consciously choose to break the cycles and heal ancestreal trauma. Thank you for your videos, i am so eternally grateful❤🙏🏼
Sandina- I see you and am holding space for your healing, mama. Your strength and determination are inspiring! You CAN do it and I am cheering you on like a wild maniac from NYC!
This video really resonated with me. I know I've suffered from a mother wound. My situation is a bit complex, I was placed into an orphanage when I was 2 and then adopted at the age of 4 with my older sister. Growing up I experienced alot of what you discussed in this video. I was so confused and yearned for my biological mother while desperately trying to please and fit into the mold of my adoptive parents. I recently decided to go no contact with them, my mom is an overt narcissist and my dad a covert. I experienced alot of mental/emotional abuse growing up. I never had an outlet to express my emotions, everyone expected me to be so appreciative of the life and opportunities my adoptive parents had given me. Anything and everything I was ever given has been rubbed in my face or used against me. My breaking point was when my daughter was born. I had a high risk delivery due to health issues. My mother picked a fight with me over the phone just hours after my delivery because I had not called my sister( the golden child) my text messages and pictures were not enough. She then told me she would not be coming to meet her granddaughter because she had company over and was having a 4th of July party. Needless to say I feel a tremendous amount of relief since I have gone no contact. Now I am committed to my healing and living my best life with my husband and our children. I never want my kids to feel the way I felt as a child. Although I know I have made the right decisions it doesn't make the pain go away. Thank you for your videos Terri they have taught and helped me so much!!!
I see you @esthermarie and am witnessing your growth and courage with so much compassion and understanding. Good for you for choosing yourself and your kids! Thank you for sharing here with us. xo
I have gone through this too with my adopted mother/parents. My siblings were in the foster system when they took us in and our adoptive mother was pretty ok for the first year and half. But after that, issues between parents and multiple problems started to really expose her stripes. The older she gets, the more obvious and clear you can see how unreasonable she is and she won't accept help or responsibility for her displeasures if she should. My dad is much older and he doesn't have the best judgement on how to respond to her either and has miscommunication problems due to his hearing and how a response is perceived by him. He tries his best not to take what she tells him to heart, but they both could be happier just separated at this point. They should be happy while they're still alive now. But I think it does eventually bother him sometimes, but they go back and forth with each other. She has really shown her true colors recently since my dad had to get open heart surgery and 3 and half weeks before his operation, she always had something new to bicker, fuss, overreact, talk behind our backs, displeasure and rant about. It was pure hell.
When I was in a car accident I called my mom crying and she said well we are at lunch and didn't care..no apology ever just back to normal ..its cuz you were the center of attention. Not useful at the moment ? How painful tho. You sound strong. I hope I get there again
@@luckyduckydaisyflower2344my mom does that too! If I am dumb enough to tell her something bad happened to me looking for support, she will actually say "I don't care.". Then if she hasn't hung up, she will magnify some trivial thing she is or has experienced. None of you deserve this kind of abuse!
well. For someone who has had their emotions shut down and invalidated their entire life by a narcissistic, controlling , domineering and emotionally unavailable mother so I've learned to stuff everything inside and keep the lid firmly on - which is quite a task when you're an empath on top of everything else - I bawled through this entire video. Every last flippin' nerve I didn't even know I had got hit. It explains a lot about why I'm always confused when people want to spend time with me - to the point if someone wants to get close to me I immediately want to run screaming in the opposite direction, why I'm happier on my own because I don't feel i need to give up every single one of my needs for someone else, or risk having my heart ripped out yet again, and why I also constantly self-sabotage and never get anywhere in my life because I've always been told that nothing i do is ever good enough or ever will be enough, so what's the point. I'm so textbook it's almost a charicature. its a rough way to feel so my heart goes out to anyone else who found their way to this video. I see you. We're in this together. Sending love.
Wow! Me! Me! Pre school age I only saw my parents on the weekend. Monay thru Friday I stayed at the babysitters house. I had three-two were abusive. The 3rd lady was nice but neglectful. But she got me rescued because she told my mom I did not sleep at night. I grew up feeling that children were such a burden, that they were not worth having. I married a man who felt even stronger negative emotions about having children. We had no children.
As someone who has stuggled with "the mother wound" for many years as an adult after losing my bio mom as a toddler and the woman who raised me as being neglectful and abusive--- this video has finally made it "click" for me after my own therapist telling me the same thing but I can't even connect with that coming from her for some reason. The mother wound hits me at the core of my being and yes, feels comparable to a young girl standing by herself saying "I don't belong" , "I'm too much" , "I'm unworthy of love, attention and care". Thank you for this video, I needed to see this today.
Wow!! This was incredibly helpful and eye opening!! Thank you so much for your work in this area and sharing the information. My notes below: 1. Relationships are disastrous 2. Low confidence - parent who didn’t see me as worthy of love and attention- not being good enough- leads to imposter affect (distrust what I know & undermine ability and success) 3. Boundary disaster/ disease to please - seeking to get what we never got. Unable to set boundaries 4. Not trusting my feelings cuz was raised to focus on mother’s feelings-how I feel what I think doesn’t matter as long as Mom is happy 5. Don’t trust people/ thinking people have reasons of why they want to be with me, not because I genuinely have value. From an early age I felt invalidated- so needs people to double and triple prove they want to be with me 6. Being too sensitive/ unable to self regulate my own emotions- ruminating over jokes or things said for days to years 7. unresolved wound causes reactions in current situations/ colors current situations and relationships based on past- I’m not worthy of love, attention and affection Damn this stuff hits the nail on the head DEEP! And the Mothers Day card story is right on. It’s odd I always felt guilty for not picking out a card for her that said all this wonderful (yet untrue for me) stuff.
Thank you so much for this. I see this pattern repeated even an work relationships, I see my mother everywhere as a shadow and I stop being who I could be, and instead behave in a way I would please her, with anxiety, fear to rejection and a constant look for either validation, either a way to escape from everyone. It has taken me four years since I left my home to realize that she was the root of this omnipresent shadow.
Congratulations for getting to the root of the problem, that's a big step. I'm cheering you on to keep taking the steps forward, because you are deserving of healthy love and relationships in all areas of your life!
Excellent video thx you ! I stopped contact at 52 saw her at 59 no change so I stopped contact for good I'm 63 now just need peace now to death live my life 🙏
You described me, my mom and my childhood. Right on the money. So powerful, so sad of course b/c these people placed themselves above the family, their children and their daughters have suffered greatly!! Thank you for "getting us" for enlightening us and being the piece that was missing all of our lives!!
Well put! Ditto that! Such a shame when this is passed on for generations, when there are so many intelligent, talented & otherwise worthy people who missed their opportunity or purpose in life. Lack of self-confidence, failed careers, bad relationships, missing quality friendships, depression, anxiety, the list goes on & on. I relate 1000%!
My mother was a narcissist and had 6 kids 3 was her golden kids and one 1was forgotten and 1 was scapegoat 1 was both the scapegoat and forgotten that one being myself .everything you said is my life . I battle every day with not feeling worthy or good enough and it made me put up with things that other women would never even consider allowing and I seem to take it and go back for more .thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Yes,my mother too..I too has suffered as a scapegoatdaughter in my whole lfe.Now I am 56 ,57 in Marc ..Now I will try that for to HEAL my MOTHERWOUNDS..💓
I had it. I had my Mother's love growing up. I know I had it. She was kind. She was patient and all I ever wanted to do was make her proud. I was so attuned into her so I know what looks and things I did got the approving smiles and even though I was bullied terribly at schools and possibly acted up at home I still felt I had a good relationship with her. Even as a teenager and we fought we got into open fights because I'd just lose it usually on the account of something she said but it wasn't like all the time. She's very good at the silent treatment and Dad's very good at pushing me to continue on with this when your Mom is withholding any kind of attention and you want to stop because it's a demeaning position to be in takes a lot of your pride and self respect away I'd end up loosing it with her out of temper it wasn't like she said she was too angry to talk and she would find me later something I'd understand. Anyway it started when my sister's boyfriend was introduced to our family. Mom for whatever reason was in awe of him. He runs for sport, he bikes to stay healthy, he's tiled the kitchen out and mowed the lawn and worse - she'd compare him to my boyfriend when I had him. We just heard he was wonderful and we could never measure up to scratch. Any time there was ever any misunderstandings it was always Dave couldn't be at fault. Mom agreed that if I behaved the way I do at home at work no wonder my boss bullied me! Very slowly over time especially times where I felt she should have had my back and supported me allowed my sister's boyfriend to bad mouth me and my boyfriend - I didn't matter to her - she was very good at taking me to doctors appointments and work but that emotional support was just gone and became super critical of me more so than living at home with her. She chased me around my own flat with the floss trying to do it herself. She opened draws and crossed so many boundaries. Her idea of an emergency key was to let herself in, clean, and leave fruit but I felt angry every time I knew she'd been inside without me knowing. This was supposed to be my safe place from the world where I could shit everybody out if I wanted. The judgements and criticisms never stopped from how I liked to live, to the way I dressed - she gave me such a hard time when I grew out my fringe and I wanted it that way she was telling me things like it looks awful, makes your face look too long. You used to look nicer. Just because she decided to call the shots and have a fringe put back in and I wouldn't I got subjected to all kinds of cruel comments. Comments that you wouldn't believe that would come out of my own Mother's mouth so when it's her birthday and I'm standing in front of the card section (although I'll find something) but none of the cards apply. I got more support off my Nan because I didn't want to put her down but I just wanted to talk about it. I couldn't pick up a card saying thank you for all your kind and loving ways or that I appreciated her - howm I supposed to appreciate someone doing things like letting herself into my house with an emergency key for her to clean when I could just as easily done so myself. I remember after a party at the dentist she asked to see last night's photos and she went through every single picture telling me how others looked nicer and what was wrong with me. The top of my arms were too big I needed a nice cardigan to cover my arms. Other people looked nicer because they'd got a fringe and I hadn't and these people looked better. I hate shopping with my mom, she has to get into the cubicle with me and will make me feel like a whale. She's been so cruel to me over the years I don't know if she loves me sometimes. If she even likes me. I definitely think she's not proud of me. That my sister and her husband are getting things right. Sometimes I think she's trying to cause a sibling rivalry between us but she was there for me when I was younger, when I was bullied so I knew what it used to be like but back then she put me on a pedestal a pedestal I fell off when she realised I had flaws
This video has helped me so much! I'm realizing it's up to me to be my own mother. To reparent myself. My mother was very kind however she became ill early on. So I had to learn to be on my own at an early age. Sometimes we internalize a father's strict voice inside ourselves. But now I can also be compassionate as well as disciplined. Growing up in a male dominated family, I was lacking in self-compassionate. Success and pushing oneself was stressed. Thank you Teri!
This is the first real step to healing !!! Accessing services n sites to help us heal!! Something our parents would never do!! But thank God I’m doing it!! And I am a mother now! Wish I could Re do somethings but it’s ok tho I’m learning everyday !! And healing!!
Yep the consistent pleaser when I called and always making myself pleaser not considering myself and getting mad after realizing that the mother takes for granted and never enough feeling after so many year's efforts and no matter what I do for her never enough and she's not feeling appreciated or caring for me.
This made me crying. Thank you so much for your love to all who are suffering. I just realized what my mom could give me in that moment was all she could give me it’s her best. I feel i found some lost puzzle to understand my deepest darkness.. For multiple years since I faced to a little girl staring at me staying frozen, I denied to forgive and I’ve throw all my fear, anger away to mom. As much as that girl was thirsty for care and conisistent love, the young 20s mom who didn’t have enough emotional resources was too unselfish not to leave her kids under lack of love environment. I come back to myself 4 years old and 27 years old mom then I will hug both of them. Thank you so much!!❤️
This year, for the first time in my life, I did not contact my mother on mother's day. I didn't want to be fake. Before, I was doing it out of obligation.
I've felt and lived everything you said . God bless all they people suffering from this mother's wound . We are warriors and be gonna be in peace with ourselves .
My mother is a single parent and was never emotionally available. As I got older I soon realize that it's affecting my relationships. I often isolate myself from my mom when I'm home. It's a bit difficult for me sometimes express any emotions towards people because I feel like I can't trust anyone. I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed but I'm not sure how reach out for help.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ Since you mentioned "I'm not sure how to reach out for help" - I highly recommend using Better Help to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted Better Help's resources. If you choose to sign up for Better Help's service, I will receive a commission on the referral but please know that I only recommend services that I know & trust. You can check it out here: terricole.com/betterhelp xo
this video and the one with the steps to heal the mother wound have been so helpful for me, thank you. I've always believed that I'm meant to go through this experience so I can break the pattern and not pass this wound along to my (future) children. it is sad that many women have gone through this, but I can find beauty in identifying with one another and healing together. that is grace.
Hi Maryam, we have the same name but mine is with an I.. Mariam. I'm wishing you all the best on your healing journey and infinite worlds of happiness for you and your future family x
Thank you!!! I am in codependency recovery and am realizing how passive aggressive I am. This resonated with me so much!!! Bringing light to the passive aggressiveness with hopefully help me realize when I am doing it. I really really want to stop!!! Thank you again.
I began therapy at a young age for a “mother-wound”. It led to my being able to feel the emotion that was missing from my factually expressed words about events that had occurred - memories I recalled devoid of the feelings that would accompany those experiences.
Its my experience too as a 56 year old scapegoatdaughter of a narcissistic mother,also my father and rest of my family and siblings too was/is narcissists.. Have go NO contact with both my NM Nov 2017! All that pain and suffering in my whole life,now I want to start to HEAL my MOTHER WOUNDS ...So I HOPE your videos will HELP me to HEAL those deep wounds and scars 💗.
This is absolutely on target! You've explained so well, my life. Fortunately, I unraveled my mother wound, however, I've never heard anyone explain how everything fits together and impacts one's life as it has mine. It's as if you are handing me the finishing pieces. Thank you - I'm certain that this video will help 100s of people. Looking at your thumbs up speaks volumes!
For me, I had to be in reality about what she is. Not lying to myself. That was hard for me. Especially when it’s passively, if that’s all you know, you think it’s normal. I wouldn’t accept it for a long time.
I’ve never heard of the mother wound. I was abused until I was 7 by my birth mom and detached from my adoptive mom. And I’m glad I’m seeing this video since I’m about to be a mom.
Thank you so much for your channel. I just came across it and I've been binge watching. It's helped me so much. I'm 35, raised by a narcissistic mom who drove me into depression and anxiety in my adulthood. ❤️
This really spoke to me. Thank you so so much for this message! This was me and my relationship with my mother. I forgive her and understand her and release all resentment. I'm in the healing process and have become aware of how I have negatively effected others I have relationships with and taking the steps to be different everyday. Over this past year, I've felt more secure in what I possess within myself and I've never felt this way before. I had no boundaries. I am no longer aggressive and passive aggressive. I understand that I have to be the ideal person that I want in my life whether it's partner, parents I needed, family members, and friends.
Your father wound sessions led me here and I’m crying and feel like vomiting, my throat feels strangled 💡💡💡 thank you for this and all that you share. Much love and gratitude 🥰
I am very grateful for finding this video. As a man, a son, I always felt something was wrong with me, like, I wasn't thankful with my mom. Now I know I need help. Thank you so much!
Thank you very much for your informative video.. I definitely have the avoidance not trusting people type of relationship with her and with everyone else.. Coming home from school.. It caused a lot of depression and anxiety as a child and made me more prone to developing PTSD as an adult.. Besides having triggers from several different traumas including domestic violence and sexual assault. I also have the triggers of the mother wound and it makes my self esteem very low.. That's how she is always made me feel she likes to keep me under her thumb and under control finally broke away and went no contact at age 62. To make things more complicated. I am also the product of her rape and she projects a good deal of shame on to me in addition to guilt and victim shaming me for my. Own sexual trauma.. Mother's Day is here again with the intense emotions the mother wound brings.. My mother is also suffering I'm quite sure we have been. No? Contact for 3 years but she has her own mother won't that as consumed her entire life.. She's pretty much oblivious to my mother wound. And does not acknowledge or accept responsibility for her part in it. All she wants to do is blame me that everything is my fault. I have always been the family scapegoat.. My mother has always made me feel what's the good enough? I'm sure in the back of her mind even though it was not my fault she puts her blame on to me for her having such a difficult life. With her parent shaming her.. The inter generational abuse it was done to her and instead of wising up and going a different path. She's going to do the same thing to me that her mother did to her.. Make her feel not worthy of her approval. Her acceptance treats me with contempt and disdain. I can relate to what you're saying I have always internalized everything and taking it upon myself. That's something must be wrong with me because of the way. She treats me and she even comes out and says something is wrong with you. You have something wrong with your personality. She's very competitive and also wants to be in the spotlight and compares herself to me constantly of course. She is going to look like a rose and I'm going to Look Like a pile of dung. It's very important to her that my stepfather has the same low impression of me as She does. Lately he has started to see me in a different light and that did not go over to well with her. She figured out a way to get me out of the picture by accusing me of trying to date my stepfather at age 60 to so I went. No contact.. Also the spear campaigns have continued on my entire life and all she has done now. Is jack them up more intensely. To include all my relatives in Germany.. She is warning everyone to stay away from me that I will ruin their marriage too. Do not talk to me and don't write me.. I always knew she did that but lately. I confronted her and let her know that I know she does it. There was no apology no admitting guilt just applaint look on her face like a dear in the headlights.
Yes my Moms definitely a narcissistic mother, it's a freaking nightmare! I'm abounded by my family as they don't believe me! I called her out and I didn't know what she was capable of!?? Even though she's already done an enormous amount of intentional damage to me! I'm on no contact! But she's went into my place and took personal photos and papers! I dread having to contact her again! She's destroyed my life and I'm trying to recover! 🤕
You never win. She is an expert in turning things around and you are the bad one. And people and even family believe her. You can never defend yourself. No one to protect me. Not only destroys you, but one step close to killing you.
Thank you Terri this has been really helpful to me. Coming to an understanding of has happened and learning to grow and thrive is sometimes scary, but totally worth it.
This is the first time I am hearing this. It finally makes sense. I finally make sense. I knew something was wrong with me. Now that I know what it is, I can finally heal myself. Thank you. My mom was a side piece to my dad, only she didn't find out until she was pregnant with me. She never stopped loving him, but she hated me for what he did to her. So I was unwanted by both parents and they didn't hesitate to say so. I am 38 yrs old now. Many failed relationships but 3 wonderful and surprisingly well rounded kids. Somehow, I turned into a good mom. I love them in a way I don't know how to love myself.
🥺 Left at 2years with a stranget in other part of the world. My mother never came back for me, until I was 16years old I saw her for the 1st time and she was everything except mother.
Wow... I'm in this situation with my Mom. I'm the scape goat and she treats me as such, so I cut ties with her. Not sure if this is correct, but I'm tired of it. She isn't a narc but a codependent too.
OMG I can never find the right card for my mum - I thought it was just me! My mum isn't a narcissist but I do have a childhood trauma bc of her depression when I was small. Thank you so much!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I'm in the process of learning to connect with my feelings and putting myself first. It's challenging but I'm starting to see small changes.
You hit the nail right on the head for me! Thank you for what you do, I SOOO appreciate it! I actually sent this to a friend who I know also has a mother wound and two older female friends to help them understand me better. My mother succumbed to suicide 15 years ago, but she refused to go to therapy and work with me on mending our relationship. She died with so much unresolved hurt between us. She not only was neglectful (physically and emotionally) but she physically and sexually abused me for years.
The narcissist is usually acting out of place of very low self esteem and they are acting out in a way that they hope to feel better. Psychopaths are very different personality disorder with a lack of ability to establish meaningful personal relationships. The outward actions may look similar. And if you need to heal the mother wound, it's important to keep your focus on you and what you need to take care of yourself.
I also have a major painful wound because of the abuse of my narcissistic mother. one moment he is angry and sad and the other moment I feel guilty because I know she depends on me. she also destroys me with her actions and that frightens me. she can't stand having a good marriage. she would love me for her. I am now aware of all the practices and she is frustrated that I now see the game. I ignore her don't answer the phone or pretend I'm stupid. sometimes I walk on eggs and she feels
This is amazing! I have actually been to therapy before and about to start back because I didn’t ever finish and I was told I have complex PTSD and this very well goes right along with having a alcoholic father and a controlling co-dependent narcissistic mother! Can’t wait to watch part 2!
Thank you so much for this. Until very recently I thought I had the mother wound completely healed. Not the case at all. This video hit so hard but I’m so glad I’m going to finally get some answers and keep going with my healing journey. THANK YOU so much ❤
My family had dv issues when I was a child. Thus, I became what i didn't want. I had to fight for my life with my ex-husband. I repeated my mom's cycle. I am currently in therapy and have decided to remain single for about a year come May. Working on the who, what, when where and why of causation. Father was a perfectionist and I became one too. I literally brow beat myself over tiny mistakes. I got hurt mentally and physically for having boundries. My mom tried to run from my dad because of domestic violence issues. No one believed her. She drank herself to death. I similarly had an issue with substances because my husband was identical to my father in mannerisms. Hypersensitivity to everything... Had a step mom who hated me because her parents loved me. She would lie to my dad that I did something, so he would beat me for it in front of her... Thank you for clarification on what's happening.
Hi I wish I could tell you just how much you’ve helped me and I’m 60 years well I will be 61 on Monday and you have helped me a lot thank you! because I do have a mother wound
Omg listening to you talk about the mother load hit pretty deep with me. I cannot wait till next episode to learn how to begin healing myself, my dating relationships, and any other relationships that are affect me being overly sensitive. Thank you sooo much. You are helping me with many emotions I’ve been dealing with my entire life. I appreciate you. ❤
Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time ❤️ All of my mother wound videos are here: www.youtube.com/@terri_cole/search?query=mother%20wound You don't have to wait!
Thank you for this video. I am face to face with my mother wound. Your video has helped me so much in making sense with how I am feeling and why I am feeling, not good enough and not worthy. I have done so much work in this space and suddenly it crept up on me again. I'm probably now ready to deal with the root of my codependence and imposters syndrome. I am eternally grateful
This is so incredibly powerful. Its at the core. Listening to how this "Mother Wound " manifests. The " Imposter Effect " WOW! I was that " High Functioning Woman " I have been working on self for decades. The onion layers peeled away Yet still not managing to create the shift. The discovery and awareness that I had a " Mother Wound" unearthed the deep rooted pain I had not addressed. The indicating factors discussed resonate in such a visceral way. Thank you.
Came across this video after watching another one about narcissistic parents. Sometimes I wonder whether both my parents were narcissistic. I always thought of my mother as a co-dependent and my father as a narcissist but increasingly my mother acts narcissistic with her second husband. Wish I could have a sit-down with you to go over my mother's question to me as to whether she was a good mother or not. I have all these traits but I always attributed them to my father. Also looks like you made this video before you were on UA-cam. That's neat. I guess you were posting on your website prior to coming here. Nice to see your enthusiasm 4 years ago. It also reinforces the idea to follow your bliss and do what you love and the money will follow. You have to really know yourself in order to do that. 😊
I have new videos on the mother wound coming out soon that may help you answer your questions about this ❤️ But this one may help as it paints a picture of the different mother archetypes that can lead to a mother wound: ua-cam.com/video/oEUf8ikQObQ/v-deo.html
Like it…..? I love it. You touched on so many points. Yes I am sensitive and have over reacted in situations to the point of being embarrassed. Especially at work. Working with a therapist in 2016, helped me tremendously. She explained I had been living in Trauma Time, not Real Time. My reactions to lots of situations were driven by some trauma, sadness, abuse suffered as a girl. As we talked about it over the course of the next few sessions, my understanding grew and I became able to “talk myself down” from the emotional cliff I’d find myself on & react as a healthy woman instead of a wounded girl. Thank you Terri.
I know you mention or focus on daughters. Sons can developed low self-esteem and in fact go out in the world looking for someone who mimics the narc mom to try and get her to notice him. He doesn't realize this person is draining him. You can never get her acceptance because she is also a narcissists. Repeating the abuse
So true! And so much of my work tho geared towards women, is applicable to men too. I am in the process of coming up with a course for men so stay tuned...and thank you for sharing here with us!
My younger brother died loving a narcissistic gf. She never deserved him, but he loved her bc he looked for someone to mimic my mother. Sending you love💙
This was so deep and described me almost to a tee!!!! I have to follow her and watch all her video's that apply to me and even the one's that don't because I probably will be able to learn something! Thank you Terri for doing this I needed it and I bet millions do to!!!💯👏👏👏✌💝😥
Terri, how does the difficult father/daughter relationship differ? I thought I experienced the issues you described with boundaries, not trusting my feelings, people pleasing was from my dad. Damn them both!Ugh!!! How do I stop hating them both? I've gotta move out of this house. I live with her and she's still doing the same shit and has never apologised. She says she ruminates about her past and what she did and didn't do and feels guilty about while she's trying to sleep . And I looked at her and I told her well you know that's great and all but why don't you actually do something about it and try to make those relationships right before it's too late and you're gone ? Like seriously you're going to beat yourself up trying to sleep yet here I am right here and you could say you were sorry and apologize and try to do better but instead you'd rather just lay there and not sleep. This is what I was brought up with this is what I was dealt and it makes me so freaking mad. Trying to recover from all this has proven to be practically impossible. The Terri Cole Show! This is resonating so much I'm vibrating. I love you Terri!! I wish you were my mom! Although I don't think we have much of age difference to support this. Lol
I'm sorry !! I have both parents that attack me and both are Narcissist ! They feed on each other I actually hate them they have taken my son granddaughter and brothers! They NEVER protected me and my daughter's! I left and my daughter's followed! I will never go back!! We have no parents or grandparents! They hurt me and my kids and divided my children from their older brother! I Hate them keep moving on....they will never love you!
Monie Burns, you are not alone. I relate to most of what you described, except my mother never mentions any guilt nor remorse. No ownership of ANY problems she's caused, no emotions - unless I've just expressed my own and directly called her out. Even then, she was playing the victim ("I can't do anything right..."). Always a sympathy seeker, always makes it about HER! I've tried different approaches - positive, "I" statements, solution oriented & logical, etc... She will never sincerely apologize, but I still gave her too many opportunities to make things right, or at least better. No attempts. It is so sad and frustrating. My dad gets it (divorced her 30+ yrs ago) and tries to help, but he has his own quirks that I see affecting me, also. He has a great wife but is influenced by her opinions which show she doesn't really understand. I end up feeling guilty for creating stress in their relationship (when he takes up for me, I presume) on top of being a burden in other ways. Such a crappy situation, right? Wishing you hope and success in healing, thanks to Terri Cole!
I am also finding that when someone is genuinely loving and adoring towards me, I find it incredibly uncomfortable. I am with an incredible, loving man at the moment and it almost feels like a defense mechanism to find him literally unattractive when he's being mushy and physically or verbally affectionate with me. I feel like this has a lot to do with my mother's coldness towards me growing up. I don't know how to return this sentimentality and have a very hard time creating attachments to people because of it.
I'm witnessing you with compassion. Be patient with yourself and compassionate. Pay attention to when you're feeling triggered and observe it. You have the power to make new choices not tied to your past.
Thank you for this video. Wow. Very powerful. Good info.
@@terri_cole GOD bless you ++
True. I pushed away people like that who are now long-time happily married to others. The results for us can possibly not be so good.
Oh my god :'( You just described my experience to a t and I never realised what was happening until I read your comment.. Oh dear.
Yes! Mother's day gifts always feel like an obligation.
⁰
mothers day cards make me feel like a liar. 'for my amazing mum you were always there...' Sometimes i feel like adding 'gaslighting, pointing out every flaw and never missing an opportunity to remind me i'm not enough and that everything wrong in your life is somehow my fault'.
@1pink1blueThis sounds exactly like my mother. I hope you manage okay and one day you get to enjoy holidays again ❤️
This hit hard. It's like I feel "obligated" to perform the "duty" of loving my mother because she felt "obligated" and a "duty" to take care of me. But I'm not emotionally invested in a healthy way.
I stopped giving her gifts this year and went no contact too. Not even a happy Mother’s Day. She does not deserve the wishes… She isn’t my mother anymore. Just a user. A mean, mentally ill little girl.
My mother was a narcissist. She was abused as a child. She was full of rage that she constantly projected. I was the main target for that rage in my family. As a consequence I developed an eating disorder. I struggled all my life with it. Maman passed away in 2020. I took care of her for 15 years after my father passed away. We became good friends and I forgave her. She was a much better mother to me at the end of her life. She had worked on herself and once told me that if she had to do it all over again, she would be a better mother. God bless her.
After her death, my struggle with food completely disappeared. I believe that she took that with her. I miss her immensely but I know she is at peace and that she is looking out for me. Her name was Yvonne.
Thank you for sharing, Gaëtane ❤️ I am witnessing you with compassion.
Sorry for your loss 🙏
❤
What a great story. Also hope.
This is exactly how I felt while looking for Mother’s Day cards. Nothing seemed to fit. I always went with a very generic card. 😞
My mother was diagnosed with BPD with narcissistic features. She refuses this diagnosis of course. She has PTSD as well. She suffered abandonment and abuse by both parents. Be loving to your children...the pain ripples break through the consciousness of generations.
I'm witnessing you with compassion and I am grateful for you sharing your story.
Same :/
What made your mother go to therapy. How do I get mine to go?
I always hear songs about how great their mother was and I'm like wow I can't relate at all.
I always knew my mother hated me. I thought it was me. Thanks for validation. I’ve been following your videos for 2 years and have gone no contact for 18 months and have been healing, I finally have control of my life after 58 years. My adult children and my patient husband have noticed the difference- I am actually happy for the first time in my life. I still have work to do. Thank you so much Teri for helping me have self acknowledgment about this very painful subject.
Right on, Deirdre! I'm so so happy to hear that you're taking control of your life and that this content has resonated for you. Thank you so much for sharing and for being here! ❤️
My mother has always been jealous of me … how awful it was growing up with this family. God had put me in there for a reason. To learn to love myself ! 💪✌️
Omg, for years I hated mothers day because I would read so many cards trying to find something that was kind, honest, and accurate. And it felt like I must have missed out on a lot of things other people have with their moms. My mom told me many times that its OK to have a girl, but there's just something special about having a boy. She was never emotionally attuned to me. I wasn't allowed to express emotions without being shamed or told I was wrong to feel that way, unless it was happiness. She sucked at nurturing. I just stopped sharing my feelings with her.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Same ❤
I have the same experience. My mom didn't like seeing any "negative" emotions from me- she only accepted happiness, even if I had to slap a fake smile on my face. I grew up not sharing much about my "inner life" or thoughts with her..as I turned 19 she began to ask me why I wouldn't talk to her about my problems and saying that I was "too to myself" and "didn't let her in".....she didn't realise that was her own doing through years of telling me to suppress negative emotions in front of her. I grew up crying alone in my room; I'm thankful for it now cause it made me the introspective and emotionally intelligent/independent person I am today.
i relate to every single word of this, my god. yes ):
I'm 72. I've been wondering... How many of us were born into the time of "You can't breastfeed" and leaving the baby in the hospital nursery? And how about the 'let the baby scream because they have to be on a schedule? All mothers trying to do their best for their child but essentially abandoning them from day one.
I've wanted to work at a Greeting Card company for a long while. The section of Mother's Day cards would've sparse; one row would say, "Thank you for being such a kind and thoughtful mother, taking extra time to make my dreams come true, for helping me reach my goals and consoling me when I failed. Thank you for showing me, with a balanced approach, what teaching and correction are. Letting me choose, between the red or black shoes, grey or blue coat, and broccoli and spinach. And not making the correction be denigrating. I love you for you, for cookies after school, for storytime, for one on one special days, for birthday parties and cake, ...
And so much more."
And the other card would be, "Yeah, I'm sending this scrap of paper just so you can't tell others that I didn't send you anything. No thanks to you, for basically all I have become. Without you controlling everything I did have to admit that I really did amount to something, and my children weren't born with some disease, that they don't act just like I did, because I'm not raising them the way you raised me. I am glad I got out and away from your hawkish glare, that evil glint in your eyes, the raspy voice that became a perky voice when speaking to others, so much more, but you have already dominated my thoughts for too much time. So yeah, here's your cheap card, as usual. Since supposedly I don't know how to pick out cards, I hope this one is worthy of you. Oh, and don't worry, it came off the clearance rack. No sense spending more than 25¢ anyway.
Signed, the child who got away from your clenched up gnarly hands.
Same
Wow! So brutally sad… i mean zero disrespect but I truly hope this is coming from a place of you had absolutely no role in any of the problems you & your mother encountered. It just makes me sad that we all truly try our best as moms & we all have baggage that makes us who we are. Being a mom is not always easy. As I’ve aged & now have my own adult children, I am so much more forgiving of my mothers short comings. At her core she really did do her best. I know I certainly had my flaws as her daughter, it was just easier to say it was all her fault. Time is fleeting, unless you’re the perfect/person or mother then you are correct in feeling the way you do about her & therefore going estranged from her. Again all said with the utmost respect.😕
Being one of 4 children born to a woman that no sane individual would ever think of giving the title of "Mother" to, we all were abused physically, emotionally, and psychologically.
She is still the liar she has always been, but now that we are all beyond her clutches know better than allowing our own children to be near her. We all know what she is capable of doing.
When the beatings left visible marks on our necks or faces, we had broken noses, chipped teeth, or black eyes, ummm ...oh, it was because we had run head first into that same old door jamb, again, tripped on the same old rug, again, fallen out of the lower level of that same old bunkbed, again.
When long sleeves or pants would cover the other bruises, swelling, or belt marks, that's what we had to wear even in 90° weather.
I applaud you for being the kind and loving mother you are. I understand that being a mother is not for every woman. Some take naturally to it, but some see it as a punishment, cramping their style, ruining their careers, and their bodies.
For some, there is no explaining the evil twist in their hearts and minds for their demonic behavior towards their babies and children.
Wow, my ex gf is very traumatized and scared of commitment, due to her mother wound. Its so bad it caused our relationship to end after two years. I feel for her, and I hope she can heal herself.
Help her be with her
This totally fits my experience. I was a burden to her except when I was taking care of her. If she had to take care of me, it was too much. She was undependable & unreliable toward me. One time I had a very bad bike wreck when I was 10 or 11. I wiped out going down a hill. The bike was mangled/totaled. I had scrapes & scabs over 80% of my body. I was unconscious for several hours. I was concussed & my head was shaped like an eight or spider body. When I woke up she was crying about how sad things were for her because this happened to her child, but she didn't take me to any emergency room or Dr. She was going to let me die. I could give many more examples. She was always telling me she was going to kill herself but then she really did attempt to. When she came back from mental hospital, I was more vigilant about preventing her from doing it again. I don't hate her, I love her, but I don't eff w her because I don't like how she treats me. It's not one thing she has said or done, it's the cumulative effect & the fact that it was the next thing, the next thing, the next thing until I cut it off.
I am witnessing your painful process and growth with so much compassion and understanding
Oh, so sorry! That is a truly painful feeling. I'm new to this channel & totally relate to the narcissistic mother concept. Hope you continue to find healing.
My relationship with my mom only functions when I mother her not the other way around.
@Krishna Patel I am so sorry for you.. I wish you all the best for the rest of your life 💕💕💕
Wow I feel this ..I'm so sorry ..I was left on the floor holding my guts I had a appendicitis. She was just repeating to me I had no insurance and it would be too expensive like influencing me not to call 911..when I started throwing up the guy I was dating came and took me to hospital..with witnesses THEN she was concerned
When I was a baby my parents left me in another state with my grandparents. Why? I never asked after I found out. This video makes so much pain in my life make sense. I also became a crappy mother never standing up to care for my kids the way they needed with ACTION. I tried but being married to a man with mother wound also didn’t help.
Thanks...I had to leave my mother 1 year ago. .no contact...so sad but needed to for my sanity and health. .much love and blessings xxx
I am witnessing your courage with so much compassion and understanding, Angel. You are not alone an ddid the right thing, mama xo
@@terri_cole Thank you beautiful sister of light. ..I had to leave my entire cluster B dysfunctional family and move to another country..I do know that this is trans generational abuse. ..I am also HSP an energy healer and spiritual teacher but to no avail with my family...in fact my light and truth brought up too many uncomfortable truths and much denial..the buck stops here! which is a relief from CPTSD symptoms..forgotten wellness returning..your description of the imposter spirit..constant rejection from many people and relationships...people pleasing and lack of boundaries is bang on! ..much gratitude for your wisdom love and compassion for us all.. huge hug..💖💜💖
Never go back! Never
@@anitamartinez280 don't worry I won't. .big hug xxc
I just broke away officially Friday. I got confirmation it was the right thing to do. Realized my mother side. And my dad was a physical and sexual abuser with depression etc.
I've watched this video many times. Something about it, the way you explain it makes me feel so safe to explore the deep dark places of my childhood. Before I watched this video I never knew about the mother wound. I want to be healed so that I do not unconsciously pass down things to my children. The cycle ends with me. Thank you Terri ❤
Right on. Yes, stop the cycle and heal. I am touched by your commitment to yourself and your own healing and I'm cheering you on!
I just found out my mother passed away. How can I grieve the passing of my mother even though I haven't seen her since I was very little. I feel like I want to grieve but I feel like I lost her a long time ago.
I didn’t have children because I was scared of becoming the kind of mother mine was. It definitely ends with me
80 yo and the thousand wounds to the heart are still so fresh. So many questions that will never be answered. Will stay until my last day. Yes, I can say I forgive, but it would only be words --- not sincere.
I'm witnessing you with compassion and holding space for you.
I lost my mother a little over 2 years ago. We were so close, probably co dependent. She had depression and I think she wasn't happy about how she handled some things. I suffer from anxiety, which started as a young child, and OCD . I always blamed her , which I will always regret. I miss her terribly and want to apologize to her. It's too late.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Even as a child, I would buy the things she expected: lilies at Easter, a card for Mother's Day. But I would never lie and write "love" on the card. Just "Happy Mother's Day." She never used the word "love" either, not until it became fashionable to pair it with "tough."
This is epic! I feel destroyed but didn't know the term 'mother wound'.
Thank you for being here! I appreciate you. 🥰
I had a great relationship with my mom and miss her very much. However, I realize that she may have treated me better than my sister's. I think she loved me more. Parents definitely have favorites.
Can I ask the reason your mom likes you more?
Terri - I’m very grateful for you being out there for people like me to find. I’m trying to care for my elderly toxic mom. Sometimes I’m not sure I can do it! I don’t know if she’s a full blown Narcissist or has tendencies and/or whatever else her problems are, I just know it’s really painful & worse than I imagined. It’s bringing up old stuff & showing me how far I’ve come as a woman, yet scary how much it’s effecting my sanity.
I am witnessing you with compassion and sending strength your way as you navigate this difficult time in caring for your mom ❤️
Remember to seek support, even if you hav3 to pay for a few hours respite. Make sure you do things for yourself. I know a few conversations can send me into a negative spiral, but remember, you come first! Try to find ways to feed your soul and get the burden off of your inner child.
I took care of my mom with early onset Dementia for a few years, she was very toxic and abusive. It's very difficult but don't give up. Look into care facilities, you are absolutely not obligated to care one on one for someone who has/had abused you. I helped mine get into a good facility when she started hitting me and being suicidal. I had to grieve lots things.
I just want to wish everyone courage and love in their process of healing their mother wound.
I am in the middle of this process and it can be hard at times.
But luckily there are these kind of videos. Thanks to Terri Cole, this is really helpful!
❤️❤️❤️
it's christmas day, and here i am binge watching videos about narcissistic mothers.
i left home 16 years ago but she managed to convince me to move back home 3 months ago and now i am reliving my childhood traumas! 🤬 what a trickster!
I am so sorry you're in such a painful situation ❤️
I feel it is crucial to point out that you can have physically perfect parents who present as good and kind people.. yet are operating much of the time from fear-based ego-consciousness. A child experiences this, at every turn, as a lack of love, which it is. In reality love is something that simply flows out if a person and is not in any way dependant on externals. Many of us by now have noticed that the extent to which we conformed to our parent’s version of reality, greatly affected the flow of loving energy that came towards us. Love is something that is FELT or not FELT. Most people, whether they are ready to see it or not, are carrying the parent wound, because real love is still a rarity on this planet.
Wonderfully put. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Whew, preach.
Yess
I truly needed to see this!!! 6 months ago today, i left a violent and abusive family dynamic. I moved across the country and cut contact. A friend saw me suffering and so hurt that she offered me a safe place. I am doing so much better but the trauma has been re-surfacing and making me overwhelmed. I've been seeking a PTSD/trauma re-processing therapist. I refuse to let the cycles of abuse continue. I consciously choose to break the cycles and heal ancestreal trauma. Thank you for your videos, i am so eternally grateful❤🙏🏼
Sandina- I see you and am holding space for your healing, mama. Your strength and determination are inspiring! You CAN do it and I am cheering you on like a wild maniac from NYC!
You can do this!😘😘😘👍👍💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪
This video really resonated with me. I know I've suffered from a mother wound. My situation is a bit complex, I was placed into an orphanage when I was 2 and then adopted at the age of 4 with my older sister. Growing up I experienced alot of what you discussed in this video. I was so confused and yearned for my biological mother while desperately trying to please and fit into the mold of my adoptive parents. I recently decided to go no contact with them, my mom is an overt narcissist and my dad a covert. I experienced alot of mental/emotional abuse growing up. I never had an outlet to express my emotions, everyone expected me to be so appreciative of the life and opportunities my adoptive parents had given me. Anything and everything I was ever given has been rubbed in my face or used against me. My breaking point was when my daughter was born. I had a high risk delivery due to health issues. My mother picked a fight with me over the phone just hours after my delivery because I had not called my sister( the golden child) my text messages and pictures were not enough. She then told me she would not be coming to meet her granddaughter because she had company over and was having a 4th of July party. Needless to say I feel a tremendous amount of relief since I have gone no contact. Now I am committed to my healing and living my best life with my husband and our children. I never want my kids to feel the way I felt as a child. Although I know I have made the right decisions it doesn't make the pain go away. Thank you for your videos Terri they have taught and helped me so much!!!
I see you @esthermarie and am witnessing your growth and courage with so much compassion and understanding. Good for you for choosing yourself and your kids! Thank you for sharing here with us. xo
I have gone through this too with my adopted mother/parents. My siblings were in the foster system when they took us in and our adoptive mother was pretty ok for the first year and half. But after that, issues between parents and multiple problems started to really expose her stripes. The older she gets, the more obvious and clear you can see how unreasonable she is and she won't accept help or responsibility for her displeasures if she should. My dad is much older and he doesn't have the best judgement on how to respond to her either and has miscommunication problems due to his hearing and how a response is perceived by him. He tries his best not to take what she tells him to heart, but they both could be happier just separated at this point. They should be happy while they're still alive now. But I think it does eventually bother him sometimes, but they go back and forth with each other. She has really shown her true colors recently since my dad had to get open heart surgery and 3 and half weeks before his operation, she always had something new to bicker, fuss, overreact, talk behind our backs, displeasure and rant about. It was pure hell.
When I was in a car accident I called my mom crying and she said well we are at lunch and didn't care..no apology ever just back to normal ..its cuz you were the center of attention. Not useful at the moment ? How painful tho. You sound strong. I hope I get there again
@@luckyduckydaisyflower2344my mom does that too! If I am dumb enough to tell her something bad happened to me looking for support, she will actually say "I don't care.". Then if she hasn't hung up, she will magnify some trivial thing she is or has experienced. None of you deserve this kind of abuse!
well. For someone who has had their emotions shut down and invalidated their entire life by a narcissistic, controlling , domineering and emotionally unavailable mother so I've learned to stuff everything inside and keep the lid firmly on - which is quite a task when you're an empath on top of everything else - I bawled through this entire video. Every last flippin' nerve I didn't even know I had got hit. It explains a lot about why I'm always confused when people want to spend time with me - to the point if someone wants to get close to me I immediately want to run screaming in the opposite direction, why I'm happier on my own because I don't feel i need to give up every single one of my needs for someone else, or risk having my heart ripped out yet again, and why I also constantly self-sabotage and never get anywhere in my life because I've always been told that nothing i do is ever good enough or ever will be enough, so what's the point. I'm so textbook it's almost a charicature. its a rough way to feel so my heart goes out to anyone else who found their way to this video. I see you. We're in this together. Sending love.
I can't even express how thankful I am for this.
Thank you for saying that! I'm glad it resonated with you.
Wow! Me! Me! Pre school age I only saw my parents on the weekend. Monay thru Friday I stayed at the babysitters house. I had three-two were abusive. The 3rd lady was nice but neglectful. But she got me rescued because she told my mom I did not sleep at night. I grew up feeling that children were such a burden, that they were not worth having. I married a man who felt even stronger negative emotions about having children. We had no children.
As someone who has stuggled with "the mother wound" for many years as an adult after losing my bio mom as a toddler and the woman who raised me as being neglectful and abusive--- this video has finally made it "click" for me after my own therapist telling me the same thing but I can't even connect with that coming from her for some reason. The mother wound hits me at the core of my being and yes, feels comparable to a young girl standing by herself saying "I don't belong" , "I'm too much" , "I'm unworthy of love, attention and care". Thank you for this video, I needed to see this today.
Wow!! This was incredibly helpful and eye opening!! Thank you so much for your work in this area and sharing the information. My notes below:
1. Relationships are disastrous
2. Low confidence - parent who didn’t see me as worthy of love and attention- not being good enough- leads to imposter affect (distrust what I know & undermine ability and success)
3. Boundary disaster/ disease to please - seeking to get what we never got. Unable to set boundaries
4. Not trusting my feelings cuz was raised to focus on mother’s feelings-how I feel what I think doesn’t matter as long as Mom is happy
5. Don’t trust people/ thinking people have reasons of why they want to be with me, not because I genuinely have value. From an early age I felt invalidated- so needs people to double and triple prove they want to be with me
6. Being too sensitive/ unable to self regulate my own emotions- ruminating over jokes or things said for days to years
7. unresolved wound causes reactions in current situations/ colors current situations and relationships based on past- I’m not worthy of love, attention and affection
Damn this stuff hits the nail on the head DEEP! And the Mothers Day card story is right on. It’s odd I always felt guilty for not picking out a card for her that said all this wonderful (yet untrue for me) stuff.
Thanks for sharing your takeaways ❤️
Thank you so much for this. I see this pattern repeated even an work relationships, I see my mother everywhere as a shadow and I stop being who I could be, and instead behave in a way I would please her, with anxiety, fear to rejection and a constant look for either validation, either a way to escape from everyone. It has taken me four years since I left my home to realize that she was the root of this omnipresent shadow.
Congratulations for getting to the root of the problem, that's a big step. I'm cheering you on to keep taking the steps forward, because you are deserving of healthy love and relationships in all areas of your life!
Incredibly put! This was the clearest version of what it means to be born into a system of the wounded mother! Thank you!!!!
Excellent video thx you ! I stopped contact at 52 saw her at 59 no change so I stopped contact for good I'm 63 now just need peace now to death live my life 🙏
Amen 🙏
You described me, my mom and my childhood. Right on the money. So powerful, so sad of course b/c these people placed themselves above the family, their children and their daughters have suffered greatly!!
Thank you for "getting us" for enlightening us and being the piece that was missing all of our lives!!
I see you and I am witnessing you with compassion and understanding Lori. I'm so glad you are here with us!
Well put! Ditto that! Such a shame when this is passed on for generations, when there are so many intelligent, talented & otherwise worthy people who missed their opportunity or purpose in life. Lack of self-confidence, failed careers, bad relationships, missing quality friendships, depression, anxiety, the list goes on & on. I relate 1000%!
My mother was a narcissist and had 6 kids 3 was her golden kids and one 1was forgotten and 1 was scapegoat 1 was both the scapegoat and forgotten that one being myself .everything you said is my life . I battle every day with not feeling worthy or good enough and it made me put up with things that other women would never even consider allowing and I seem to take it and go back for more .thank you from the bottom of my heart!
I see you. You matter. Thank you for posting and sharing here.
Thank you. I can identify with this. Thank you to the woman who wrote in also, which was the reason you covered this topic. Thank you
You are so welcome and yes to the women who asked the Q that resonates with so many of us. I am grateful you are here with us, Sherri xo
@@terri_cole
Thank you
Thank u i am suffering from this mother wound. My mother is a wicked narc i s uffered all my life no contact for 2 years
I'm witnessing you Tomiko, and sending you compassion.
Thank you
Yes,my mother too..I too has suffered as a scapegoatdaughter in my whole lfe.Now I am 56 ,57 in Marc ..Now I will try that for to HEAL my MOTHERWOUNDS..💓
I had it. I had my Mother's love growing up. I know I had it. She was kind. She was patient and all I ever wanted to do was make her proud. I was so attuned into her so I know what looks and things I did got the approving smiles and even though I was bullied terribly at schools and possibly acted up at home I still felt I had a good relationship with her. Even as a teenager and we fought we got into open fights because I'd just lose it usually on the account of something she said but it wasn't like all the time. She's very good at the silent treatment and Dad's very good at pushing me to continue on with this when your Mom is withholding any kind of attention and you want to stop because it's a demeaning position to be in takes a lot of your pride and self respect away I'd end up loosing it with her out of temper it wasn't like she said she was too angry to talk and she would find me later something I'd understand. Anyway it started when my sister's boyfriend was introduced to our family. Mom for whatever reason was in awe of him. He runs for sport, he bikes to stay healthy, he's tiled the kitchen out and mowed the lawn and worse - she'd compare him to my boyfriend when I had him. We just heard he was wonderful and we could never measure up to scratch. Any time there was ever any misunderstandings it was always Dave couldn't be at fault. Mom agreed that if I behaved the way I do at home at work no wonder my boss bullied me! Very slowly over time especially times where I felt she should have had my back and supported me allowed my sister's boyfriend to bad mouth me and my boyfriend - I didn't matter to her - she was very good at taking me to doctors appointments and work but that emotional support was just gone and became super critical of me more so than living at home with her. She chased me around my own flat with the floss trying to do it herself. She opened draws and crossed so many boundaries. Her idea of an emergency key was to let herself in, clean, and leave fruit but I felt angry every time I knew she'd been inside without me knowing. This was supposed to be my safe place from the world where I could shit everybody out if I wanted. The judgements and criticisms never stopped from how I liked to live, to the way I dressed - she gave me such a hard time when I grew out my fringe and I wanted it that way she was telling me things like it looks awful, makes your face look too long. You used to look nicer. Just because she decided to call the shots and have a fringe put back in and I wouldn't I got subjected to all kinds of cruel comments. Comments that you wouldn't believe that would come out of my own Mother's mouth so when it's her birthday and I'm standing in front of the card section (although I'll find something) but none of the cards apply. I got more support off my Nan because I didn't want to put her down but I just wanted to talk about it. I couldn't pick up a card saying thank you for all your kind and loving ways or that I appreciated her - howm I supposed to appreciate someone doing things like letting herself into my house with an emergency key for her to clean when I could just as easily done so myself.
I remember after a party at the dentist she asked to see last night's photos and she went through every single picture telling me how others looked nicer and what was wrong with me. The top of my arms were too big I needed a nice cardigan to cover my arms. Other people looked nicer because they'd got a fringe and I hadn't and these people looked better. I hate shopping with my mom, she has to get into the cubicle with me and will make me feel like a whale. She's been so cruel to me over the years I don't know if she loves me sometimes. If she even likes me. I definitely think she's not proud of me. That my sister and her husband are getting things right. Sometimes I think she's trying to cause a sibling rivalry between us but she was there for me when I was younger, when I was bullied so I knew what it used to be like but back then she put me on a pedestal a pedestal I fell off when she realised I had flaws
This video has helped me so much! I'm realizing it's up to me to be my own mother. To reparent myself. My mother was very kind however she became ill early on. So I had to learn to be on my own at an early age. Sometimes we internalize a father's strict voice inside ourselves. But now I can also be compassionate as well as disciplined. Growing up in a male dominated family, I was lacking in self-compassionate. Success and pushing oneself was stressed. Thank you Teri!
Thank you for sharing ❤️ Yes, we do often internalize strict voices! And we can replace them with kind, loving voices over time. ❤️
This is the first real step to healing !!! Accessing services n sites to help us heal!! Something our parents would never do!! But thank God I’m doing it!! And I am a mother now! Wish I could Re do somethings but it’s ok tho I’m learning everyday !! And healing!!
Yep the consistent pleaser when I called and always making myself pleaser not considering myself and getting mad after realizing that the mother takes for granted and never enough feeling after so many year's efforts and no matter what I do for her never enough and she's not feeling appreciated or caring for me.
This made me crying. Thank you so much for your love to all who are suffering. I just realized what my mom could give me in that moment was all she could give me it’s her best. I feel i found some lost puzzle to understand my deepest darkness.. For multiple years since I faced to a little girl staring at me staying frozen, I denied to forgive and I’ve throw all my fear, anger away to mom. As much as that girl was thirsty for care and conisistent love, the young 20s mom who didn’t have enough emotional resources was too unselfish not to leave her kids under lack of love environment.
I come back to myself 4 years old and 27 years old mom then I will hug both of them.
Thank you so much!!❤️
I hear you and I am holding space for you and your inner little girl.
This year, for the first time in my life, I did not contact my mother on mother's day. I didn't want to be fake. Before, I was doing it out of obligation.
That is a big shift, way to go!
I've felt and lived everything you said . God bless all they people suffering from this mother's wound . We are warriors and be gonna be in peace with ourselves .
My mother is a single parent and was never emotionally available. As I got older I soon realize that it's affecting my relationships. I often isolate myself from my mom when I'm home. It's a bit difficult for me sometimes express any emotions towards people because I feel like I can't trust anyone. I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed but I'm not sure how reach out for help.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Since you mentioned "I'm not sure how to reach out for help" - I highly recommend using Better Help to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted Better Help's resources. If you choose to sign up for Better Help's service, I will receive a commission on the referral but please know that I only recommend services that I know & trust. You can check it out here: terricole.com/betterhelp xo
this video and the one with the steps to heal the mother wound have been so helpful for me, thank you. I've always believed that I'm meant to go through this experience so I can break the pattern and not pass this wound along to my (future) children. it is sad that many women have gone through this, but I can find beauty in identifying with one another and healing together. that is grace.
Hi Maryam, we have the same name but mine is with an I.. Mariam. I'm wishing you all the best on your healing journey and infinite worlds of happiness for you and your future family x
@@anima6035 you are so kind Mariam! Thank you so much for the well wishes.
Thank you!!! I am in codependency recovery and am realizing how passive aggressive I am. This resonated with me so much!!! Bringing light to the passive aggressiveness with hopefully help me realize when I am doing it. I really really want to stop!!! Thank you again.
I'm glad you're bringing light to it! That is the first step to make change. I'm cheering you on!!
I began therapy at a young age for a “mother-wound”. It led to my being able to feel the emotion that was missing from my factually expressed words about events that had occurred - memories I recalled devoid of the feelings that would accompany those experiences.
Thank you for sharing that, Beverly ❤️
This video is perfect, thank you for making it. Crying over here. It is SO hard. So so hard.
I am witnessing you with compassion and sending love ❤️❤️
Its my experience too as a 56 year old scapegoatdaughter of a narcissistic mother,also my father and rest of my family and siblings too was/is narcissists..
Have go NO contact with both my NM Nov 2017!
All that pain and suffering in my whole life,now I want to start to HEAL my MOTHER WOUNDS ...So I HOPE your videos will HELP me to HEAL those deep wounds and scars 💗.
This is absolutely on target! You've explained so well, my life. Fortunately, I unraveled my mother wound, however, I've never heard anyone explain how everything fits together and impacts one's life as it has mine. It's as if you are handing me the finishing pieces. Thank you - I'm certain that this video will help 100s of people. Looking at your thumbs up speaks volumes!
Thank you so much, I am glad to hear it was helpful for you 💕 The mother wound can be such an invisible scar.
For me, I had to be in reality about what she is. Not lying to myself. That was hard for me. Especially when it’s passively, if that’s all you know, you think it’s normal. I wouldn’t accept it for a long time.
I’ve never heard of the mother wound. I was abused until I was 7 by my birth mom and detached from my adoptive mom. And I’m glad I’m seeing this video since I’m about to be a mom.
I'm holding space for you with so much compassion, Anna ❤️ Thank you for being here.
Thank you so much for your channel. I just came across it and I've been binge watching. It's helped me so much. I'm 35, raised by a narcissistic mom who drove me into depression and anxiety in my adulthood. ❤️
This really spoke to me. Thank you so so much for this message! This was me and my relationship with my mother. I forgive her and understand her and release all resentment. I'm in the healing process and have become aware of how I have negatively effected others I have relationships with and taking the steps to be different everyday. Over this past year, I've felt more secure in what I possess within myself and I've never felt this way before. I had no boundaries. I am no longer aggressive and passive aggressive. I understand that I have to be the ideal person that I want in my life whether it's partner, parents I needed, family members, and friends.
Your father wound sessions led me here and I’m crying and feel like vomiting, my throat feels strangled 💡💡💡 thank you for this and all that you share. Much love and gratitude 🥰
I am witnessing you with so much compassion 💕
I am very grateful for finding this video. As a man, a son, I always felt something was wrong with me, like, I wasn't thankful with my mom. Now I know I need help. Thank you so much!
I am so glad it was helpful ❤️
Thank you very much for your informative video.. I definitely have the avoidance not trusting people type of relationship with her and with everyone else.. Coming home from school.. It caused a lot of depression and anxiety as a child and made me more prone to developing PTSD as an adult.. Besides having triggers from several different traumas including domestic violence and sexual assault. I also have the triggers of the mother wound and it makes my self esteem very low.. That's how she is always made me feel she likes to keep me under her thumb and under control finally broke away and went no contact at age 62. To make things more complicated. I am also the product of her rape and she projects a good deal of shame on to me in addition to guilt and victim shaming me for my. Own sexual trauma..
Mother's Day is here again with the intense emotions the mother wound brings.. My mother is also suffering I'm quite sure we have been. No? Contact for 3 years but she has her own mother won't that as consumed her entire life.. She's pretty much oblivious to my mother wound. And does not acknowledge or accept responsibility for her part in it. All she wants to do is blame me that everything is my fault. I have always been the family scapegoat.. My mother has always made me feel what's the good enough? I'm sure in the back of her mind even though it was not my fault she puts her blame on to me for her having such a difficult life. With her parent shaming her.. The inter generational abuse it was done to her and instead of wising up and going a different path. She's going to do the same thing to me that her mother did to her.. Make her feel not worthy of her approval. Her acceptance treats me with contempt and disdain. I can relate to what you're saying I have always internalized everything and taking it upon myself. That's something must be wrong with me because of the way. She treats me and she even comes out and says something is wrong with you. You have something wrong with your personality. She's very competitive and also wants to be in the spotlight and compares herself to me constantly of course. She is going to look like a rose and I'm going to Look Like a pile of dung. It's very important to her that my stepfather has the same low impression of me as She does. Lately he has started to see me in a different light and that did not go over to well with her. She figured out a way to get me out of the picture by accusing me of trying to date my stepfather at age 60 to so I went. No contact.. Also the spear campaigns have continued on my entire life and all she has done now. Is jack them up more intensely. To include all my relatives in Germany.. She is warning everyone to stay away from me that I will ruin their marriage too. Do not talk to me and don't write me.. I always knew she did that but lately. I confronted her and let her know that I know she does it. There was no apology no admitting guilt just applaint look on her face like a dear in the headlights.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending you strength, Gabi ❤️
Yes my Moms definitely a narcissistic mother, it's a freaking nightmare! I'm abounded by my family as they don't believe me! I called her out and I didn't know what she was capable of!?? Even though she's already done an enormous amount of intentional damage to me! I'm on no contact! But she's went into my place and took personal photos and papers! I dread having to contact her again! She's destroyed my life and I'm trying to recover! 🤕
I'm witnessing you with compassion Cara Carolina, and I am sorry you are dealing with this from your mom. I am sending you strength and protection.
You never win. She is an expert in turning things around and you are the bad one. And people and even family believe her. You can never defend yourself. No one to protect me. Not only destroys you, but one step close to killing you.
Thank you Terri this has been really helpful to me. Coming to an understanding of has happened and learning to grow and thrive is sometimes scary, but totally worth it.
Yes, scary and worth it. I am sending you light, Elanne and cheering you on through your understanding!
This is the first time I am hearing this. It finally makes sense. I finally make sense. I knew something was wrong with me. Now that I know what it is, I can finally heal myself. Thank you. My mom was a side piece to my dad, only she didn't find out until she was pregnant with me. She never stopped loving him, but she hated me for what he did to her. So I was unwanted by both parents and they didn't hesitate to say so. I am 38 yrs old now. Many failed relationships but 3 wonderful and surprisingly well rounded kids. Somehow, I turned into a good mom. I love them in a way I don't know how to love myself.
Thank you for sharing ❤️
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Left at 2years with a stranget in other part of the world. My mother never came back for me, until I was 16years old I saw her for the 1st time and she was everything except mother.
Wow... I'm in this situation with my Mom. I'm the scape goat and she treats me as such, so I cut ties with her. Not sure if this is correct, but I'm tired of it. She isn't a narc but a codependent too.
OMG I can never find the right card for my mum - I thought it was just me! My mum isn't a narcissist but I do have a childhood trauma bc of her depression when I was small. Thank you so much!
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Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I'm in the process of learning to connect with my feelings and putting myself first. It's challenging but I'm starting to see small changes.
You are so welcome, and right on! ❤️
I’ve related to this so much over the years and now it all makes so much sense.
You hit the nail right on the head for me! Thank you for what you do, I SOOO appreciate it! I actually sent this to a friend who I know also has a mother wound and two older female friends to help them understand me better. My mother succumbed to suicide 15 years ago, but she refused to go to therapy and work with me on mending our relationship. She died with so much unresolved hurt between us. She not only was neglectful (physically and emotionally) but she physically and sexually abused me for years.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion as well as joy for how far you've come ❤️❤️
Sooo...this is geared toward women. Terrific.
What's the difference between psychopathic mothers and narcissistic ones? I am extremely grateful for this content 💚🙏
The narcissist is usually acting out of place of very low self esteem and they are acting out in a way that they hope to feel better. Psychopaths are very different personality disorder with a lack of ability to establish meaningful personal relationships. The outward actions may look similar. And if you need to heal the mother wound, it's important to keep your focus on you and what you need to take care of yourself.
@@terri_cole That is true, no matter what personality disorder she has, she is toxic and will never change. Thank you for reminding me of this.
I also have a major painful wound because of the abuse of my narcissistic mother. one moment he is angry and sad and the other moment I feel guilty because I know she depends on me. she also destroys me with her actions and that frightens me. she can't stand having a good marriage. she would love me for her. I am now aware of all the practices and she is frustrated that I now see the game. I ignore her don't answer the phone or pretend I'm stupid. sometimes I walk on eggs and she feels
This is amazing! I have actually been to therapy before and about to start back because I didn’t ever finish and I was told I have complex PTSD and this very well goes right along with having a alcoholic father and a controlling co-dependent narcissistic mother! Can’t wait to watch part 2!
Yup you nailed it
Thank you so much for this. Until very recently I thought I had the mother wound completely healed. Not the case at all. This video hit so hard but I’m so glad I’m going to finally get some answers and keep going with my healing journey. THANK YOU so much ❤
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I love this platform this is the second video I've watched this is so helpful
Thank youuu ❤️ I'm so glad my videos are helpful!
My family had dv issues when I was a child. Thus, I became what i didn't want. I had to fight for my life with my ex-husband. I repeated my mom's cycle. I am currently in therapy and have decided to remain single for about a year come May. Working on the who, what, when where and why of causation.
Father was a perfectionist and I became one too. I literally brow beat myself over tiny mistakes.
I got hurt mentally and physically for having boundries.
My mom tried to run from my dad because of domestic violence issues. No one believed her. She drank herself to death.
I similarly had an issue with substances because my husband was identical to my father in mannerisms.
Hypersensitivity to everything...
Had a step mom who hated me because her parents loved me. She would lie to my dad that I did something, so he would beat me for it in front of her...
Thank you for clarification on what's happening.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love ❤️ Glad you're getting the help you deserve.
Hi I wish I could tell you just how much you’ve helped me and I’m 60 years well I will be 61 on Monday and you have helped me a lot thank you! because I do have a mother wound
All I can say is WOW!
Omg listening to you talk about the mother load hit pretty deep with me. I cannot wait till next episode to learn how to begin healing myself, my dating relationships, and any other relationships that are affect me being overly sensitive. Thank you sooo much. You are helping me with many emotions I’ve been dealing with my entire life. I appreciate you. ❤
I’m sorry 😂 I meant the Mother Wound!!!
Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time ❤️ All of my mother wound videos are here: www.youtube.com/@terri_cole/search?query=mother%20wound You don't have to wait!
Thank you for this video. This was extremely useful and absolutely made sense to me.
So glad it was helpful! ❤️
Thank you so much for how much insight you are bringing ❤
Thank you for being here!
Really helped. Thanks.
Thank you for this video. I am face to face with my mother wound. Your video has helped me so much in making sense with how I am feeling and why I am feeling, not good enough and not worthy. I have done so much work in this space and suddenly it crept up on me again. I'm probably now ready to deal with the root of my codependence and imposters syndrome. I am eternally grateful
You are so welcome, Aneesa ❤ I'm witnessing your journey with compassion.
This is so incredibly powerful. Its at the core. Listening to how this "Mother Wound " manifests. The " Imposter Effect " WOW! I was that " High Functioning Woman " I have been working on self for decades. The onion layers peeled away
Yet still not managing to create the shift. The discovery and awareness that I had a
" Mother Wound" unearthed the deep rooted pain I had not addressed.
The indicating factors discussed resonate in such a visceral way. Thank you.
Thank you for being here, Deb ❤️ I appreciate you!
Came across this video after watching another one about narcissistic parents. Sometimes I wonder whether both my parents were narcissistic. I always thought of my mother as a co-dependent and my father as a narcissist but increasingly my mother acts narcissistic with her second husband. Wish I could have a sit-down with you to go over my mother's question to me as to whether she was a good mother or not. I have all these traits but I always attributed them to my father. Also looks like you made this video before you were on UA-cam. That's neat. I guess you were posting on your website prior to coming here. Nice to see your enthusiasm 4 years ago. It also reinforces the idea to follow your bliss and do what you love and the money will follow. You have to really know yourself in order to do that. 😊
I have new videos on the mother wound coming out soon that may help you answer your questions about this ❤️ But this one may help as it paints a picture of the different mother archetypes that can lead to a mother wound: ua-cam.com/video/oEUf8ikQObQ/v-deo.html
Like it…..? I love it. You touched on so many points. Yes I am sensitive and have over reacted in situations to the point of being embarrassed. Especially at work. Working with a therapist in 2016, helped me tremendously. She explained I had been living in Trauma Time, not Real Time. My reactions to lots of situations were driven by some trauma, sadness, abuse suffered as a girl. As we talked about it over the course of the next few sessions, my understanding grew and I became able to “talk myself down” from the emotional cliff I’d find myself on & react as a healthy woman instead of a wounded girl. Thank you Terri.
So great, I am happy for you 😊
i love your work i can see your heart into this passion of work . omg this got to be good one for me.!thanks so much.❤
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Yes to all the questions
I know you mention or focus on daughters. Sons can developed low self-esteem and in fact go out in the world looking for someone who mimics the narc mom to try and get her to notice him. He doesn't realize this person is draining him. You can never get her acceptance because she is also a narcissists. Repeating the abuse
So true! And so much of my work tho geared towards women, is applicable to men too. I am in the process of coming up with a course for men so stay tuned...and thank you for sharing here with us!
Terri, how about women who are attracted to narcissistic men who have "mother issues". I bet there's a ton of people suffering from this
My younger brother died loving a narcissistic gf. She never deserved him, but he loved her bc he looked for someone to mimic my mother. Sending you love💙
Thank you for this. Words can’t explain.
Glad it was helpful!
@@terri_cole I’m actually going to rewatch it a few times.
Brilliant. So helpful - really clear, well explained and enlightening. Thank you ❤️
This was so deep and described me almost to a tee!!!! I have to follow her and watch all her video's that apply to me and even the one's that don't because I probably will be able to learn something! Thank you Terri for doing this I needed it and I bet millions do to!!!💯👏👏👏✌💝😥
You are SO welcome! I'm here for you!
This is insanely helpful.
So glad to hear it ❤️
Much appreciated from Thailand. I love you ❤️
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You make me cry !!
I'm glad I saw this today. Thank you.
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This is too painful to watch right now… but I will watch it
Terri, how does the difficult father/daughter relationship differ? I thought I experienced the issues you described with boundaries, not trusting my feelings, people pleasing was from my dad. Damn them both!Ugh!!! How do I stop hating them both? I've gotta move out of this house. I live with her and she's still doing the same shit and has never apologised. She says she ruminates about her past and what she did and didn't do and feels guilty about while she's trying to sleep . And I looked at her and I told her well you know that's great and all but why don't you actually do something about it and try to make those relationships right before it's too late and you're gone ? Like seriously you're going to beat yourself up trying to sleep yet here I am right here and you could say you were sorry and apologize and try to do better but instead you'd rather just lay there and not sleep. This is what I was brought up with this is what I was dealt and it makes me so freaking mad. Trying to recover from all this has proven to be practically impossible. The Terri Cole Show! This is resonating so much I'm vibrating. I love you Terri!! I wish you were my mom! Although I don't think we have much of age difference to support this. Lol
I'm sorry !! I have both parents that attack me and both are Narcissist ! They feed on each other I actually hate them they have taken my son granddaughter and brothers! They NEVER protected me and my daughter's! I left and my daughter's followed! I will never go back!! We have no parents or grandparents! They hurt me and my kids and divided my children from their older brother! I Hate them keep moving on....they will never love you!
Monie Burns, you are not alone. I relate to most of what you described, except my mother never mentions any guilt nor remorse. No ownership of ANY problems she's caused, no emotions - unless I've just expressed my own and directly called her out. Even then, she was playing the victim ("I can't do anything right..."). Always a sympathy seeker, always makes it about HER! I've tried different approaches - positive, "I" statements, solution oriented & logical, etc... She will never sincerely apologize, but I still gave her too many opportunities to make things right, or at least better. No attempts. It is so sad and frustrating. My dad gets it (divorced her 30+ yrs ago) and tries to help, but he has his own quirks that I see affecting me, also. He has a great wife but is influenced by her opinions which show she doesn't really understand. I end up feeling guilty for creating stress in their relationship (when he takes up for me, I presume) on top of being a burden in other ways. Such a crappy situation, right? Wishing you hope and success in healing, thanks to Terri Cole!
This was absolutely perfect. I feel I grew miles during the course of this video.
Your opening actually describes me and my dad...