Your methods gave me a completely different perspective on my narcissist trauma. Is still hard to forgive the woman who abused me so badly. I ended the relationship 6 months ago and now see everything differently than in the beginning. I'm learning about myself right now. A lot of things I have to change in me. Maybe it's a blessing. Thank you. Michelle is a brave woman. I'm sure she's getting better with your help. Wish you both happiness.
This is the greatest lesson of the UNIVERSITY/universe. We are moving from the 3-D reality into 5D. No more victim/blaming everything is 1000% accountability. It is time for all the empaths to rise and show the narcissist how to be in the world. Forgive yourself and dump the professional victims. Thank you so much for this! You are a real conduit! 😇 🐬
I wasn’t married to the narc. I walked away after a short stint in his mental prison..lol. Why do people think they need to forgive the narc? Just move on & be thankful you are free from the their harm. Narcs are robots, you would be forgiving a freakin robot, an empty shell , not I, TY...🌬
Thanks, Kenny--and thank YOU, Michelle, for allowing the world a look into your personal life so that others might benefit from your experience! I'm sure many, many people will be blessed by this.
Seeing these processes in action is so freaking helpful and beautiful! It felt so freeing to put myself in that chair and break down my own choices. Thank you both 😘
I feel so humbled by this coaching session. I have been in on and off relationship with narcissist. It has been a long time when I finished it, but I still can't get over it. Im so proud of Michelle, her willingness to work on her issues brings tears in my eyes.
You are a gem Kenny! there is no content on this work that comes close to yours. I've been following your videos for a month now and feel like I hit breakthroughs with every video. Thank you so much 🙏
What an interesting take on a toxic dynamic. God works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. Forgiveness can be made in different forms. Forgive & release (have healthy boundaries to not allow the person in our life); forgive and allow modified access to our lives; and forgive and have full restoration of the intimate relationship. Three different forms. We can choose the wisest form for the specific situation.
So so angry my parents both along w my two youngest siblings how did I not get this because of being oldest child 😮and was blessed ty Jesus for giving heart back ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I used to tell my ex, thank you for the emotional abuse you put me trough, because it hurt me so bad, that i had no other choice but to look into myself. I did not fully understood why i said that. But i do now.
Alelujah....Amen ...thank you. Thank you. I wish I saw and understood this when I was in it. Oh dear. Please share this to all those who keep harming themselves believing they are the problem just like the narcissist said we are.....
I understand, I can’t forgive my ex for leaving because I can’t forgive myself. I played a way bigger role to our fallout than I’d like to admit. I was taught by my cheating/lying father to hide my authentic self & lie bc of my narc mother. Then when I would show my authentic self, I was rejected by mom, then shamed by my father for not listening. I carried that into my relationship with the mother of my child. I chose to hide my authentic self, I chose to lie and keep secrets, I chose to give my power away becoming the unpowered co-dependent bc of my shame & guilt of said secrets How can I forgive myself?
Thank you this video, very eye opening. Is the principle the same for someone who presented themselves completely different before you married them? Is the chosing of someone to create the same childhood trauma in our lives subconscious?
Resentment is a lack of self-forgiveness for the part we played. Our resentment of them is a defense mechanism to avoid taking responsibility for our part and forgiving ourselves for being perfectly imperfect.
You can't give what you don't have. If you haven't received forgiveness from God, you can say all you want but deep inside bitterness, resentment are still there. A test for true forgiveness is when you honestly praying for the person that hurt you that they come to know Christ (unbeliever) or they repent and come back to God. The danger zone is when you think you have forgiven them because you're strong, independent or pain doesn't hurt. It's self-empowerment and as long as you keep coming back to the therapist, they will make you feel so. Christ died for us, it's a free gift from God that no one can boast. Trust in Him alone and not any one.
Maybe you can help me.. I’m ruminating about my Manager who abused me for 16 years, ruined a promotion for me. I developed a blood clot on my right calf, my male doctor pressed on it and told me yes, you can go to work and three days later I drove myself to the emergency room with pulmonary embolism. I was there six days and my uncle said “no” don’t sue him, he literally ran away from me when I went for my check up, he came running into the lobby where I was waiting and told me to sign a paper saying he wasn’t responsible for me selling my drugs. I was taking Ativan that he prescribed. I went right back to work as a saleswoman and my narcissistic manager ended up firing me seven years later. Now, another seven years later, I’m seeing how I was used and abused and struggling financially and I’m so angry and I can’t forgive myself. Thank you for any suggestions. I’m Catholic, so I was reading about Saint Monica and Saint Rita, two women who were in abusive relationships and chose to forgive and are now Saints. It’s starting to make me mad that I chose to hurt myself and I did, now I realize, maybe God wanted me to sue this doctor who neglected me. Didn’t ask why I needed Ativan and so many things happened when he should have asked me what is happening, why do you need so much Ativan?
Humans have a bad habit of making things more complicated than they have to be. It's not until I decide to add a human into my life does my life get complicated. 😎🎸
I'm confused 🤔 So she said she picked him though because she thought he was responsible, dident do drugs and was a family man. She picked him because he wasn't like the guys in San Diego who were party boys. He basically wasn't who he said he was and she realized after so the conclusion makes no sense to me. 🤔
WHY WE STAY STUCK book by Tom Joseph helps u to get out before wasting a lifetime on self deception. 🙋♀️ Yeah, then u look like the bad guy. But I always say never listen to the advice of someone who doesn't have to experience the results.
Thank you thank you thank you! I So needed to hear this. I've done soooo much self work and struggled with "forgiveness" to no avail. Wow, Thank You for this video 🤍
Would you have been able, as a therapist, to provide the same exact explanation at the time when they just met? Or is it only and always an after the fact thing? Because she did nothing wrong then, paid the highest price and now she gets the blame? How helpful is that!?
It is fascinating how people assume blame and fault. This is not about fault or blame it is about taking responsibility for the part we played and accepting, we are all perfectly imperfect, we all have childhood pain we haven't healed and we all need to take ownership of that and do the work to grow. The immediate jump to blame and fault is a result of a persons unhealed shame from their own childhood. We were all shamed and blamed by our parents so it is a wonderful opportunity and window into what we need to still heal in ourselves for experiencing perfectly imperfect parents. Yes, I could have. All attraction is based on each individuals childhood trauma. It is what brings them together. A person who has been through my programs and worked with me is able to discern all of these things immediately. That is because they chose to gain the knowledge, skills, and tools none of us are taught about how relationships work and why we choose certain people. It is just a lack of information, not blame. Each person is doing the best they can with the information that they have. As we know more we can do more. Therefore, it is an adults responsibility to go become an expert on relationship dynamics. If they choose not to, they are choosing to play an active role (by choosing to be inactive) in the potential that they will continually choose hurtful partners.
@@kennyweiss This is why "support groups" were unproductive for me after I left my emotionally abusive marriage. ANY mention of taking accountability for one's own role in the relationship was met with "You're blaming the victim!" I assumed people were there to get better, but I didn't see any healing taking place.
My mom wanted to give us kids away to our family at 7,6 and 5 😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮we fell through the system twice they children’s services had us and gave us back 😮😮😮😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢 fell through the cracks 😮😮😮😮
Sir, I have a question. 2 days ago, i found out some one stole from me. There are 3 of them who could have steal from me. 2 of them has narcissistic traits and use drugs (weed) and have no money. Nr. 3 is hard working and has his own money. Can you tell me how a narcissist vs a non narcissist reacts when you tell them whats going on and that you dont blame them, but at least need to know who didnt? I go crazy over this, last bit of trust is gone and now i doubt my self. Did i took it my self? Pls help me out. Thank you
Great questions but you are asking me to coach you through text message which is impossible. Great, deep questions like these can only be addressed in a private appointment. If that interests you, you can find those links underneath all of my videos and on my website.
wait... she picked him because he's the opposite of what she was looking for? do i understand that correctly? she didn't know he would turn out to be the opposite. therefore, i completely disagree with your... diagnosis.
She picked him to show herself what she needed to heal in her childhood and within herself. It is what we all do. To be able to see this truth a person needs to become an expert in their own self-deception/denial techniques and once they do, they heal the pain from the past, forgive themselves and can let go of their anger for picking this person. Be patient with yourself. Self-decption is a very intricate process and takes time to see, admit and overcome.
Yes, I would like to be perfect and not be imperfect but since I am human and limited that is not possible. I do appreciate being held accountable and as with all of my many imperfections, I will keep working on them.
@@sophie-963 I didn’t hear it as an attack. I heard it as truth, and I took responsibility and owned my part. That’s the difficulty with text message. Only 7% of all languages words, and so everybody projects their own feelings onto those words because we actually use tone and body language to communicate so that’s why many times things get misunderstood and text message. As I said in my message, if you read it without emotion I’m thankful for you holding me accountable
My mistake was to go to my husband for the things I needed rather than to my Lord Jesus Christ. My husband‘s job was to expose my traumas so I could heal them and be whole. Heck! I should pay him for his services!!! I continually have fewer and fewer buttons to be pushed!
I will never forgive the narcissist that almost destroyed me, I will forgive myself for falling for their toxic behaviors and betrayals. To forgive an abuse is to invite more.
Actually to forgive is to overcome the narcissist my friend. If you can’t forgive others who’ve hurt you, you will never be able to forgive yourself. I pray you will forgive. It is not easy, but necessary. I wish the best to you.
@@fightingforjesuschrist317 forgiveness is a falacy created by religion so you won't get revenge and actually heal. It is created to keep you insane and give you illnesses. Why? Because in reality society doesn't forgive.if you unalive someone you are going to go to jail for 25 years.there are some things that are unforgiveable and saying you NEED to forgive to overcome abuse is just false.All you need is to understand that a narc is disordered and they never saw you as you,so don't take it personally and never give them time,energy and your essence again. Most people say they forgive to let go of hurt and resentment.you can do that by understanding what happened,getting revenge (no contact ,bettering yourself)and never seeing an abuser again,learning lessons so you are not manipulted again.forgiving is not for everyone and not everybody needs it to move on!
Forgiveness and reconciliation are NOT the same thing. Please remember that. Forgiveness is letting go of the bitterness, NOT inviting someone into your life to hurt you some more. The way to avoid inviting more abuse is to discover what led you to accept it in the first place, and work on healing & fixing that part of yourself.
This woman is the epitome of strength and honesty.
God bless her on every level.
Yes she is. Thank you for acknowledging her strength and courage!
Your methods gave me a completely different perspective on my narcissist trauma. Is still hard to forgive the woman who abused me so badly. I ended the relationship 6 months ago and now see everything differently than in the beginning. I'm learning about myself right now. A lot of things I have to change in me. Maybe it's a blessing. Thank you. Michelle is a brave woman. I'm sure she's getting better with your help. Wish you both happiness.
This is the greatest lesson of the UNIVERSITY/universe. We are moving from the 3-D reality into 5D. No more victim/blaming everything is 1000% accountability. It is time for all the empaths to rise and show the narcissist how to be in the world. Forgive yourself and dump the professional victims. Thank you so much for this! You are a real conduit! 😇 🐬
Hell yeah 🎉
This is an exquisite exchange. So honest, insightful, compassionate, and healing.
I wasn’t married to the narc. I walked away after a short stint in his mental prison..lol. Why do people think they need to forgive the narc? Just move on & be thankful you are free from the their harm. Narcs are robots, you would be forgiving a freakin robot, an empty shell , not I, TY...🌬
Thank you for sharing your story 🌸🙏🏼🌼
We were trained to look externally for validation. All we need Is our own internal SELF validation. 😊
So true!
Thanks, Kenny--and thank YOU, Michelle, for allowing the world a look into your personal life so that others might benefit from your experience! I'm sure many, many people will be blessed by this.
You are so welcome! And yes, her courage is amazing
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Seeing these processes in action is so freaking helpful and beautiful! It felt so freeing to put myself in that chair and break down my own choices. Thank you both 😘
I feel so humbled by this coaching session. I have been in on and off relationship with narcissist. It has been a long time when I finished it, but I still can't get over it. Im so proud of Michelle, her willingness to work on her issues brings tears in my eyes.
Yes, this is how i see it. Why i love and forgive ALL the Narcissists in my life including myself! yippee!!
The ending...is very hard to swallow but super helpful. Now i need to think about it all about self etc even more... Thank you Kenny you are the best.
You can do it!
@@kennyweiss :)
You are a gem Kenny! there is no content on this work that comes close to yours. I've been following your videos for a month now and feel like I hit breakthroughs with every video. Thank you so much 🙏
Great to hear! SO happy you are making so much progress and thank you for the kind words
What an interesting take on a toxic dynamic. God works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. Forgiveness can be made in different forms. Forgive & release (have healthy boundaries to not allow the person in our life); forgive and allow modified access to our lives; and forgive and have full restoration of the intimate relationship. Three different forms. We can choose the wisest form for the specific situation.
So special that you have shared this💝
I have exactly the same her story... Divorced... And same like she said. Same exactly all the same
So so angry my parents both along w my two youngest siblings how did I not get this because of being oldest child 😮and was blessed ty Jesus for giving heart back ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I used to tell my ex, thank you for the emotional abuse you put me trough, because it hurt me so bad, that i had no other choice but to look into myself. I did not fully understood why i said that. But i do now.
Thank you for sharing your story with us ❤
Thanks for listening
Alelujah....Amen ...thank you. Thank you. I wish I saw and understood this when I was in it. Oh dear. Please share this to all those who keep harming themselves believing they are the problem just like the narcissist said we are.....
You are so welcome
Kenny, thank you for the interview with Michelle. I’m praying for Michelle’s healing. Paolophoto
Wow does this marriage sound familiar! Thank you for sharing ❤
You are so welcome
Thank god for kenny
I understand, I can’t forgive my ex for leaving because I can’t forgive myself. I played a way bigger role to our fallout than I’d like to admit. I was taught by my cheating/lying father to hide my authentic self & lie bc of my narc mother. Then when I would show my authentic self, I was rejected by mom, then shamed by my father for not listening.
I carried that into my relationship with the mother of my child. I chose to hide my authentic self, I chose to lie and keep secrets, I chose to give my power away becoming the unpowered co-dependent bc of my shame & guilt of said secrets
How can I forgive myself?
Wow. This is good stuff.
She’s speaking sonmuch truth :)
Thank you this video, very eye opening.
Is the principle the same for someone who presented themselves completely different before you married them? Is the chosing of someone to create the same childhood trauma in our lives subconscious?
The hardest thing I'm struggling with is the resentment I feel.to him and myself and it's eating me up
Resentment is a lack of self-forgiveness for the part we played. Our resentment of them is a defense mechanism to avoid taking responsibility for our part and forgiving ourselves for being perfectly imperfect.
@@kennyweiss , Appreciate this bit.🌸🌼🌸
You can't give what you don't have. If you haven't received forgiveness from God, you can say all you want but deep inside bitterness, resentment are still there. A test for true forgiveness is when you honestly praying for the person that hurt you that they come to know Christ (unbeliever) or they repent and come back to God. The danger zone is when you think you have forgiven them because you're strong, independent or pain doesn't hurt. It's self-empowerment and as long as you keep coming back to the therapist, they will make you feel so. Christ died for us, it's a free gift from God that no one can boast. Trust in Him alone and not any one.
Maybe you can help me.. I’m ruminating about my Manager who abused me for 16 years, ruined a promotion for me. I developed a blood clot on my right calf, my male doctor pressed on it and told me yes, you can go to work and three days later I drove myself to the emergency room with pulmonary embolism. I was there six days and my uncle said “no” don’t sue him, he literally ran away from me when I went for my check up, he came running into the lobby where I was waiting and told me to sign a paper saying he wasn’t responsible for me selling my drugs. I was taking Ativan that he prescribed. I went right back to work as a saleswoman and my narcissistic manager ended up firing me seven years later. Now, another seven years later, I’m seeing how I was used and abused and struggling financially and I’m so angry and I can’t forgive myself. Thank you for any suggestions. I’m Catholic, so I was reading about Saint Monica and Saint Rita, two women who were in abusive relationships and chose to forgive and are now Saints. It’s starting to make me mad that I chose to hurt myself and I did, now I realize, maybe God wanted me to sue this doctor who neglected me. Didn’t ask why I needed Ativan and so many things happened when he should have asked me what is happening, why do you need so much Ativan?
Humans have a bad habit of making things more complicated than they have to be. It's not until I decide to add a human into my life does my life get complicated. 😎🎸
Yes! Yes! 😊❤
Dont work on forgiving them, work on forgetting the bastards.
Lol...😅 exactly! 😂
Devil I’m sheep skin they have 0 hearts ❤️ devil in sheep skin ❤❤❤❤
Loooooooove this!!!!
I can see that..
I'm confused 🤔 So she said she picked him though because she thought he was responsible, dident do drugs and was a family man. She picked him because he wasn't like the guys in San Diego who were party boys. He basically wasn't who he said he was and she realized after so the conclusion makes no sense to me. 🤔
WHY WE STAY STUCK book by Tom Joseph helps u to get out before wasting a lifetime on self deception. 🙋♀️
Yeah, then u look like the bad guy. But I always say never listen to the advice of someone who doesn't have to experience the results.
Thank you thank you thank you! I So needed to hear this. I've done soooo much self work and struggled with "forgiveness" to no avail. Wow, Thank You for this video 🤍
You are so welcome!
Idolatry
Alcohol, drugs, sex etc etc etc.
" God turned them over to their lusts".
EXCELLENT DIG!! ❤️👍💯
Would you have been able, as a therapist, to provide the same exact explanation at the time when they just met? Or is it only and always an after the fact thing? Because she did nothing wrong then, paid the highest price and now she gets the blame? How helpful is that!?
It is fascinating how people assume blame and fault. This is not about fault or blame it is about taking responsibility for the part we played and accepting, we are all perfectly imperfect, we all have childhood pain we haven't healed and we all need to take ownership of that and do the work to grow.
The immediate jump to blame and fault is a result of a persons unhealed shame from their own childhood. We were all shamed and blamed by our parents so it is a wonderful opportunity and window into what we need to still heal in ourselves for experiencing perfectly imperfect parents.
Yes, I could have. All attraction is based on each individuals childhood trauma. It is what brings them together. A person who has been through my programs and worked with me is able to discern all of these things immediately. That is because they chose to gain the knowledge, skills, and tools none of us are taught about how relationships work and why we choose certain people.
It is just a lack of information, not blame. Each person is doing the best they can with the information that they have. As we know more we can do more.
Therefore, it is an adults responsibility to go become an expert on relationship dynamics. If they choose not to, they are choosing to play an active role (by choosing to be inactive) in the potential that they will continually choose hurtful partners.
@@kennyweiss This is why "support groups" were unproductive for me after I left my emotionally abusive marriage. ANY mention of taking accountability for one's own role in the relationship was met with "You're blaming the victim!" I assumed people were there to get better, but I didn't see any healing taking place.
@@proudmoon3 that can happen quite often instead of support groups, they become victim groups
My mom wanted to give us kids away to our family at 7,6 and 5 😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮we fell through the system twice they children’s services had us and gave us back 😮😮😮😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢 fell through the cracks 😮😮😮😮
Sir, I have a question. 2 days ago, i found out some one stole from me. There are 3 of them who could have steal from me. 2 of them has narcissistic traits and use drugs (weed) and have no money. Nr. 3 is hard working and has his own money. Can you tell me how a narcissist vs a non narcissist reacts when you tell them whats going on and that you dont blame them, but at least need to know who didnt?
I go crazy over this, last bit of trust is gone and now i doubt my self.
Did i took it my self?
Pls help me out.
Thank you
Great questions but you are asking me to coach you through text message which is impossible. Great, deep questions like these can only be addressed in a private appointment. If that interests you, you can find those links underneath all of my videos and on my website.
Read the book
Circle of Influence
And then apply it in your life.
@@kennyweiss I understand. And I apriciate you answerd 💖
@@jromeo8247 thank you. Hope its in Dutch laguage too
@@1Marflowa you’re welcome
Sometimes we have to forgive our parents were marrying each other.
Sometimes we have to forgive our birth parents for having a reckless lifestyle
wait... she picked him because he's the opposite of what she was looking for? do i understand that correctly? she didn't know he would turn out to be the opposite. therefore, i completely disagree with your... diagnosis.
She picked him to show herself what she needed to heal in her childhood and within herself. It is what we all do. To be able to see this truth a person needs to become an expert in their own self-deception/denial techniques and once they do, they heal the pain from the past, forgive themselves and can let go of their anger for picking this person. Be patient with yourself. Self-decption is a very intricate process and takes time to see, admit and overcome.
@@kennyweiss Did she know he was an alcoholic though?
So so that men do this make kid’s divorce move to next victim now we have kids that act same way this is a LEARNING lesson 😮
I think if anyone put on their dating profile or anything I am the man it just said a single off in my brain of like run
I don't like the hand pointing for a counsellor. It's accusative
Yes, I would like to be perfect and not be imperfect but since I am human and limited that is not possible. I do appreciate being held accountable and as with all of my many imperfections, I will keep working on them.
@@kennyweiss I wasn't attacking your character, I was making a constructive criticism. I thought it would be helpful to know as feed back.
@@sophie-963 I didn’t hear it as an attack. I heard it as truth, and I took responsibility and owned my part. That’s the difficulty with text message. Only 7% of all languages words, and so everybody projects their own feelings onto those words because we actually use tone and body language to communicate so that’s why many times things get misunderstood and text message.
As I said in my message, if you read it without emotion I’m thankful for you holding me accountable
@@kennyweiss , Thank you Kenny.
I chooses to forgive only myself.
My mistake was to go to my husband for the things I needed rather than to my Lord Jesus Christ.
My husband‘s job was to expose my traumas so I could heal them and be whole.
Heck! I should pay him for his services!!!
I continually have fewer and fewer buttons to be pushed!
I will never forgive the narcissist that almost destroyed me, I will forgive myself for falling for their toxic behaviors and betrayals. To forgive an abuse is to invite more.
I know right!? It is so, so painful. It hurts real bad😢💔.
finally a sane comment!
Actually to forgive is to overcome the narcissist my friend. If you can’t forgive others who’ve hurt you, you will never be able to forgive yourself. I pray you will forgive. It is not easy, but necessary. I wish the best to you.
@@fightingforjesuschrist317 forgiveness is a falacy created by religion so you won't get revenge and actually heal. It is created to keep you insane and give you illnesses.
Why? Because in reality society doesn't forgive.if you unalive someone you are going to go to jail for 25 years.there are some things that are unforgiveable and saying you NEED to forgive to overcome abuse is just false.All you need is to understand that a narc is disordered and they never saw you as you,so don't take it personally and never give them time,energy and your essence again. Most people say they forgive to let go of hurt and resentment.you can do that by understanding what happened,getting revenge (no contact ,bettering yourself)and never seeing an abuser again,learning lessons so you are not manipulted again.forgiving is not for everyone and not everybody needs it to move on!
Forgiveness and reconciliation are NOT the same thing. Please remember that. Forgiveness is letting go of the bitterness, NOT inviting someone into your life to hurt you some more. The way to avoid inviting more abuse is to discover what led you to accept it in the first place, and work on healing & fixing that part of yourself.
😍💯
But he wasn’t an abuser when they met!? Why is she at fault!?
See my reply to your previous comment. If you choose to do more research and growth, everything will come clear for you.
🙏
🎉🤗🤗🤗