Episode #23 - When He Cheats, Lies and Plays Manipulative Mind Games
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- Опубліковано 7 лют 2025
- As we near the end of the exciting August relationship series "The Manipulative Shit Black Men Say to Make Black Women Jump Through Hoops!", advice columnist Deborrah Cooper addresses the manipulative words and behaviors used in relationships where the man is cheating. Adultery, cheating, stepping out on you - whatever you want to call it - the games here involve blame shifting, lack of accountability, destruction of trust, out and out lies, and shattered trust.
Using the excuse that men can separate love from sex, many will attempt to justify their cheating by blaming their wife or girlfriend for their behavior. If she would only have done ABC or not done ZYX, then he "wouldn't have had to get his needs met elsewhere."
Mixing you up in a "love triangle" where you compete with another woman for his ashy ass is all part of the game to get you to accept responsibility and feel guilty about him cheating, instead of being angry and standing up for yourself and demanding that he either treat you with the respect you deserve or the relationship is over.
For more great information on black culture, dating, and relationships log onto either of Deborrah's relationshp oriented websites: www.askheartbea... or www.survivingda...
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Please watch: "Burnt Toast Syndrome: Women Who Sacrifice Themselves to Make Others Happy"
• Burnt Toast Syndrome: ...
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One thing I'm glad about, I've NEVER phoned another chick to confront them or fought them or any crap like that. Dude is cheating? I'm out, his fault, his loss! Have I said how much I love this series?
No, you haven't but thank you!
I see chicks beating up each other. Someone played I and my bestie. We played along and when it was time to go to his place we went together 😂😭😭😭😂😭. He was shaking lmao!
Deborrah, this was my five year marriage! From the beginning of my marriage, my husband was leaving. I went through his stuff, saw all this stuff-he denied it. I dedicated myself to a Sabbath Day church, then he said I was too churchy, I was ignoring him...We separated, he said he wanted a divorce, but never moved towards it. Finally, I pushed forwarded with it. He wanted to reconcile, I agreed. He treated me worse during those two months. The divorce date came up, I got it! Guess he didn't expect that, but I was tired of being blamed, gaslighted, and confused. I set new boundaries: you can't come over to pick up our daughter nor talk to me, text/emails only. I can't believe how Free I feel! No More Tears! No more manipulation!
cienergi Oh, I know how it is. I went through this too. He will try to make it seem like you keeping the children from him and employ his flying monkeys i.e. co workers, family members, friends to make you look crazy and unfit. He WILL MORE THAN LIKELY NOT READ OR ACCEPT THE EMAILS OR TEXTS as a way of causing more pain. Legally and financially protect you and your kids for the aftermath.
@@MelantedLovely that's narcissistic behavior
Congratulations!!!
I've been cheated on a few times, no PEACE! I've had to learn I am always the most important person in every relationship! Let it burn.
Thank you so much for exposing the sick mind games that men play on women, we even see this abusive behavior online . They always lie and deflect constantly its sickening.
Lol these "you're screwing my man/husband" women really make me laugh. No sweetie he's screwing her. The only one who owes a wife/ girlfriend his loyalty and allegiance is her dude. These dudes really go through leaps and bounds to cheat and pursue other women but somehow it's the other woman's fault. But denial is a hell of a drug and some women truly see what they want to. Another great video!
R S The famous line, "Im coming to you as a woman." lol
FACTS. Typically men GO AFTER women. What makes them think cheating men are any different?
99% of the time. He tap dances, lies and spends money on the other woman to get her kitty. No one is chasing YOUR man. He's chasing them! Trust.
Say that louder!!!!!!!!👏💥👏💥👏💥🔥
Your so right! Many times the man dosen't take one ounce of accountability, and expect you to stay and put up with their mess.
And if you don't - tHeSe hOeS aIn'T lOyAL!!11!1
The only way I'd be upset with both my man AND the other woman for his cheating, is if she is my relative or close friend. Other than that, I will not be directing my anger towards her, only him.
I notice you said you have brother's. Me too, it's gift to have brother's because they keep you up on game. It's like a superpower.
Ms. Deb, you don't know how right you are! I am speechless! You know the ENTIRE script!
Girl I tell you, I was a rogue ass dude maybe even a pimp in a prior life. All this stuff comes far too easily.
Block, delete, move on. I told my man at the start after we committed that If I have to doubt your loyalty for a single moment.... I'm out. I don't need proof. I don't need to confirm a goddamn thing. I don't care. Loyalty isn't just about cheating.
And yeah, I blocked thee fuck out of the last cheater. And it was GLORIOUS. And since we still worked together, he had to see me dating other people.
You are so right. My thing is, if I have to play CIA agent, then I have a problem in the relationship. Id say, I dont need this drama. I got too much to do in my life to deal with that. Peace out.
Exactly! I did that in high school with my “high school sweetheart”. We were on and off, but the reality is he wasn't shit! I had no insight on relationships and dating due to my mother being extremely co-dependent and having 0 standards, her and my father divorced and they rebounded whatever they could. My sister followed and is 6 1/2 yrs older than me. They were in cycles of dating shitty men. After I found myself following in their footsteps I did some self evaluating and stopped! I was being Sherlock Holmes when I needed to be applying for colleges! Now in my late 20’s and adamant about staying single and focusing on me because relationships and definitely marriage are not worth it for women.
Each episode has been educational. Thank you.
Lmao! I'm a Scorpio, so I can be vengeful too. I don't see anything wrong with someone getting their comeuppance if they hurt you.
+canthydefromyuhself woii 😂😂
yessss!!!!
Ok Ms. Deb, Women can't always just pack and leave that night. So, before you go... Drive him phucken crazy! (If you're petty and spiteful like some of us. 😝). Stop doing his laundry. Stop picking-up behind him. Cook for only you and the kids... Even when he IS home. And, when he confronts you about it, your responses are always HIS:
1. "I'm too crazy / jealous / insecure to do your laundry."
2. "I was too busy snooping to pick up behind you. Ya know, tryin' to find something."
3. "Oh! You're still home? Don't you have a fight to pick, so that you can storm out of here? The kids and I would like to eat in peace".
4. Start disappearing. You don't even have to be cheating. Just don't answer his calls. Don't be where you said you would. Have NEW friends.
5. Phuck his friend! 😀 (Naw, I'm just playin' ya'll.) DON'T DO THAT!
6: Whatever phuckery you can think of to HEAP on him.
7. And, the 'coup de grâce'? Act as nonchalant as humanly possible to him. And, don't take it out on the kids. As Ms. Deb says, "Control YOUR emotions". This one thing will literally drive him insane... When you act like NOTHING he does or says has any effect on you. Trust me on this one!
I bet if your life was in danger you would leave without packing Everything except for family heirlooms are easily replaced. You don't worry about that. Get away from that fool. Stop worrying about SHIT and get out before he flashes and you lose your life or end up permanently disfigured.
@@Debsterism: 👍 I hear you, and you're right. But, who's to say that HIS life ain't in danger?
Btw, recently heard on the news that women are more likely to be killed *AFTER* they leave their abuser. So bump that crap about fearing for your life. Make sure he fears for HIS! Men don't like women who fight back. They call us "crazy"!😏
Wow is some great info. I'm going to pass this on to my clients. They be holding on to these bum dudes for deal life....I use to be like that.🤔
Oh yes! Please do. Once they finish this they can read some of the articles on my blog SURVIVING DATING! at www.survivingdating.com. More than 300 articles there I've written over the years.
And, allow me to TESTIFY that these articles are an EXCELLENT READ, Ladies... each and every one of 'em... Spoiler Alert!!! They're addictive :D Reading ONE, is something I promise ya won't be able to do #TeamMsHeartbeat
+Shez1TuffKookie Brown - Awwwww. Blushing
Thank you!
what about when he's caught, but continues to deny it, then breaks up with YOU like you did something wrong.
A way to maintain all of the power and avoid taking any responsibility or accountability for his cheating.
also preventing exposure.
Michelle Phillips Basically saying your insecure is what they do knowing their actions make a lady that way.Whether the behavior is physical or via media .
Michelle Phillips he never gave a fuck
The way you broke this down it sounds like Tiny and T.I. marriage he is very emotionally abusive and the whole world see's how he mistreats that woman smh.
+Q. Lyoness - I can't say cause I barely know who they are. All I DO know is that this pattern is one frequently used by black males. It's woven into the African American culture.
Q. Lyoness hunny I can cry for Tiny.So in a conversation he had with her.And she called him out for sleeping with a woman she hired.And he tried to flip it bc she was at a party dancing with Floyd Mayweather on social media.He tried to flip it by saying you don't hang out with somebody that your man has problems with.So she questions him about what he did again and he replies "well were you at odds with her".I swear how can you compare dancing with sex?😒He is a straight up loser.
The "crash pad" story was hilarious! I could listen to you all day Ms. Cooper.
Thanks @Deborrah. I've been waiting daily for the new recording
Man, if only I had an intern! Because for me to create the 25-30 graphics I need for each video, think about what ahmma say, hunt up stats if I need some, and put it all together so it makes some kinda sense sometimes it takes me 2-3 days instead of just 1. But I'm cranking them out as fast as I can.
And, I am sharing 'em on every social media site I can Deb... Because they are truly appreciated--however long it takes, we love you, love your work for women... I have all of your podcasts on Itunes too... I found the series looking for your vids on YT after I hadn't seen you post a new podcast on blogtalk/Itunes. You're one of the only bw that keeps it REAL w/o the fluff and bs that keeps women in La-La Land
I use to be on some "dumb bitch shit" ... trying to grow up now
Glad to hear it!
The dreaded DBS syndrome
This goes for white men too. I love this video.
"...I admit it!"
That was a hold-your-tummy laugh right there!
Girlfriend, no need to lie. One thing about me is that I fully accept who and what I am.
I love your videos Deborrah!
So deep and on point! I love it!
some real good advice...thankyou
So I shared one of your videos on my Facebook and all hell broke out with the black men it was so bad they were so angry
+Janique Hutchinson Thid was the one you shared? LOLOL at them being angry. LOLOL
Deborrah Cooper no the one about intercontinental dating. You are so wise I had to send my girlfriends to subscribe to your channel
+Janique Hutchinson ohhhhhhh. Yeah they would lise their minds over that. Hahaha. Thanks for the referrals too!
😂😂😂Ofcourse it did. They must not be very happy that Miss Deborrah is uncovering their games😍😈😂
@@Debsterism Please, what is the link to the intercontinental dating video? When I search your channel, it doesn't come up. TIA.
You got it all...thanks...just dumped a loser.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏❤
Deborah ; am 24 yes old an in my opinion if a man cheats on a woman I think it is not real respect or love an that he is just having her being there because of his reason whatever' what do you think about a man who cheats?
Nothing.
Been dealing with this since oct 17.he now bearly buys what is needed to clean a house and we have 3 dogs he insist on keeping in side but leaves taking care of them up to me
Please. Those dogs would be driven to the wilderness and dropped off.
Move out woman! Let him worry about all that on his own. Free yourself
I love your videos!!
Me too!
Next month I'm gonna have a new series. Make sure you SUBSCRIBE so you can keep up.
+Deborrah Cooper So excited! I'm getting stronger and seeing more clearly. I'm falling in love with myself.
OMG I got choked up. So proud of you!!! :D
Lol@ I just need confirmation that they cannot be trusted!! Hehehe
I'm just stalking you to make sure you're not stalking me . Hehehe
2:00🤣🤣☠️,exactly, go speak to your "huzzzzzband"😮😢😅. Had that happen to me after me and a guy hooked up after we came back from the club,i was 100% with her and all she could do was listen, you can have him back now😢😅. (Yes im watching your older videos because im sure ive missed some lol)
I'm currently having a long term affair.....it's great. You, Me and He....but my husband doesn't know I wish I could move my boyfriend in our house and have two men. LOVE Your videos.
I am fake clutching my pearls. LOL
Just shake her hand for helping you get rid of the headache.
Go Queen Deb
The only way to deal with a cheating man is to get the proof first, then cheat on him. Confront him when he accuses you.
That is HARDLY the only way. The best way is to even think he is cheating and get rid of him. You are advocating that my audience play stupid bitch games with dumb cheating ass niggas. That is NOT efficient or mature and nothing I would ever cosign on. aA woman of class would get rid of him. Move on. Leave him in the dust.
@@Debsterism: 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
I disagree I'd just walk away PERIOD!!! F him🖕🖕🖕
I am Caucasian. ..I love and admire black females, ,, why do you degrade males in general. ..you dont specify black..white males? ??
+Garry Farmer -- when a woman states facts about male behaviors towards women and girls, its truth. Now if you wanna get all in your feelings about my criticizing rape, abuse, games, lies, etc. Thats too damn bad. Get on men for behaving that way, not on me for pointing it out. Foh
@@Debsterism 😂😂👏👏👏
Im a huge fan of yours, but I feel like you generalise transgender women, they are not drag queens trying to infiltrate female restrooms. Post op trans women have always used them. Otherwise, great videos.
+Ms B. Haven post op is the key. These guys have made no such commitment. Even Bruce Jenner is keeping his penis. They are men in a dress who can flip back and forth as convenient. They can also be predators who got up that morning and decided to be trans today for nefarious purposes. How are teen girls, women and children supposed to tell who is who? :(
Deborrah Cooper The ones that are doing that should be arrested, but not all trans women are predators, is what i was saying.
+Ms B. Haven when did I say they were? My point remains that penis havers, no matter how many dresses, wigs, and stilettos they wear are still men and in women's spaces where rhey are vulnerable like toileting or undressing are NOT to be trusted. No woman can safely assume a guy in drag isn't a threat.
Deborrah Cooper I understand that, but generally trans women aren't attracted to females anyways, Removing the threat of rape entirely. You are referring to predators just abusing the bathroom laws.
+Ms B. Haven Okay, but just by LOOKING AT THEM how is a child, young teen or woman supposed to know the difference? That is the dilemma millions of women face. A trans woman saying they are trans has no merit unless they are post op. Long as he has a dick, he can say anything, and with zero proof have unfettered access to girls and women. That is the issue I have with this movement and why I cannot lend my full support. I'm cautious and reserved with good reason.