I've discovered your channel approximately a month ago, you've helped me a great deal in understanding that my parents were unable to parent me the way I needed them due to their own trauma, it's nothing to do with me. I'm at the stage of accepting my parents for who they are and maneuver around that.
I have reached acceptance. Lots of deep long lasting depressive episodes brought me to it. To feel dead but having to endure them yet another day was no way to go on. I feel restored thanks to God and better awaits me. Parental figures are replaceable so i hope i meet genuinely good older people to look to for that type of bond i never experienced. Y'all keep going
I have always been more emotionally mature than my parents. I tried for years to guide them to better way, encouraging therapy, which they consistently refused. They have pushed me away so much to the point I am no longer speaking with them, and they have made sure my siblings don't speak to me either, as I am the monster because I never lived up to their expectations and refused to be abused any more. My father is the problem. I always wonder what will happen to his web of flying monkeys when he passes on. It's really shitty that they don't think about those they will leave behind.
I'm really sorry to hear this. It's painful to finally recognize the kind of parent(s) you have. It's a deep pain that so many of my clients struggle with.
You are wonderful..... nearly everyone is dysfunctional..... no..... everyone is dysfunctional. But i live like the grinch, I'm adhd, and I'm very very happy to be at the stage where i am to be able to listen and understand everything you're saying. You're concise, eloquent and its a pleasure to know you. You are the next level this world needs...... as no one talks anymore without a whole host of idiosyncrasies affecting their conversations. I know....i don't know you or you me, but i have always used my visual and auditory abilities to work out if someone is kind, and you are. Thankyou, Dave
Fantastic video! I believe that in my case, my parent wasn’t so much detached in general, but various situations caused some emotional detachment mostly due to the set of circumstances having to rear up male children by herself…though the garbage she chose to marry and have children with was alive and well…doing absolutely nothing to help…and was nowhere in sight. Coming from a wounded and dysfunctional family born and raised in the south, there were plenty of obstacles against her. She did work through and got beyond a whole lot. Your advice is spot on though!
Your videos are very personally helpful , for what I think was always a very unique and isolating situation. I'm glad to know that there is an explanation and solutions for it. Thank you.❤
My mom is very toxic and the kids she choose as her favorites... are even more toxic!! I just stay away, where I’m a lot happier. My mom had cancer I take her to her appointments, check in once a week and LEAVE
I had to replace that critic with a three squad cheer leading team.I would attend a separate church and get the hugs that I never could get at home from some of.the Mothers in the C hutch I just refused to succom to this and grow up to be like that.To this day I still have a long row to hoe but I am on it.Thanks
I like that statement "...with a three squad cheerleading team...." You do have to have that! And having a wonderful church home with authentic, God-loving people is the way to go.
To say that one must accept that a parent is "incapable" of being decent to their child is for the most part complete b.s. They aren't incapable. They are unwilling and there is a world of difference between the two. Unless someone is insane, then they are more than capable of treating someone well enough. It's a choice they make. If you have such a parent, get away from them and stay away. Don't let them anywhere near your happiness or your grief. Such parents only ruin or make things worse and so do enablers who make excuses for evil parents.
I've been with my husband for over 17 years now. He didn't introduce me to his mother until almost a year after we started dating...and now I understand why. She started her bull almost immediately. Over the years, she mistreated me and my oldest daughter (who isn't biologically my husband's). She would make up nasty rumors about me. She would set the rest of the family against me. Actually, his sister is the SAME way. We live in a small town and I cringe when I run into people they know because I know very well that they have spread those lies all over. We kept letting his mother back in out lives because I (yes, me, not my husband... because he just wanted to let them go) never had grandparents and wanted my kids to experience that. It came at a cost and we finally had enough last year. My mother-in-law wants nothing to do with me, but wanted to keep a relationship with my kids... actually, just my middle daughter. She was always bothered by my youngest, who bears the third generation name of his grandfather and she HATES that. We struggle with getting other family members to realize that we don't want our names being spoken to the two. We don't ask about them, we don't want to know anything. We have many family members who aren't too close to the two, so they don't really know how they are, but they hate me because of the lies that were spread. Examples of the lies. My sister-in-law was sent to the hospital one night. She was having a miscarriage. My mother-in-law called me and told me. I expressed concern. She told me grieving sister-in-law that I was laughing about it..the very night she lost the baby, nonetheless. My sister-in-law is no better because, when their father died a few years ago, my husband and I HAD to handle his belongings. I mean, everything from his home came to our very small home. We were going through it and giving it to his siblings. His sister got a car and everything. We were left with some tools and a huge mess...and the funeral bill. His sister decided to tell his uncle that I was selling everything. That led to his uncle not trusting me. It is nice not being around them, but it seems like we're still not far enough away. We want to move out of state, but we feel stuck. We shouldn't HAVE to move to feel at peace. It really stinks to be in this position and I fear that they will weasel their way into my childrens' lives when they're older. I'm not even going to go on about MY dysfunctional family. Thank you for your videos! They really help me to understand that it's NOT ME!
I'm sorry. This is tough to say the least. And you're welcome! I'm glad these videos are helpful. Sometimes the only healing for everything you have shared here is truly understanding the mind of the person who has caused the pain. You may not fully understand the person and how they think but at least watching videos, reading, etc. can help you develop a close enough understanding of the person to help you move on without the guilt. Once you understand it isn't you, you can begin to heal.
I love this so much. The triangle is interesting because I play one role with my mom, brother and extended family and I play another role with my college age son and mom. I know you are backed up with patients but my mom, son and I could really benefit from working with you. I’m not sure how to reach you for a possible wait list. Thank you. 🙏🏽 @tamara
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I've discovered your channel approximately a month ago, you've helped me a great deal in understanding that my parents were unable to parent me the way I needed them due to their own trauma, it's nothing to do with me. I'm at the stage of accepting my parents for who they are and maneuver around that.
That's fantastic Brian!! I'm glad to hear that. And thank you for watching.
I have reached acceptance. Lots of deep long lasting depressive episodes brought me to it. To feel dead but having to endure them yet another day was no way to go on. I feel restored thanks to God and better awaits me. Parental figures are replaceable so i hope i meet genuinely good older people to look to for that type of bond i never experienced. Y'all keep going
I have always been more emotionally mature than my parents. I tried for years to guide them to better way, encouraging therapy, which they consistently refused. They have pushed me away so much to the point I am no longer speaking with them, and they have made sure my siblings don't speak to me either, as I am the monster because I never lived up to their expectations and refused to be abused any more. My father is the problem. I always wonder what will happen to his web of flying monkeys when he passes on. It's really shitty that they don't think about those they will leave behind.
I'm really sorry to hear this. It's painful to finally recognize the kind of parent(s) you have. It's a deep pain that so many of my clients struggle with.
Time the avenger.
Do you think you can use these tips moving forward?
@Krishna Patel 💖Thanks so much!
You're videos are super helpful for me and my situation. Thank you for sharing. Please know that you have my support on this channel.🙏🏽
Thank you💖
You are wonderful..... nearly everyone is dysfunctional..... no..... everyone is dysfunctional. But i live like the grinch, I'm adhd, and I'm very very happy to be at the stage where i am to be able to listen and understand everything you're saying. You're concise, eloquent and its a pleasure to know you. You are the next level this world needs...... as no one talks anymore without a whole host of idiosyncrasies affecting their conversations. I know....i don't know you or you me, but i have always used my visual and auditory abilities to work out if someone is kind, and you are. Thankyou, Dave
Thank you so much Dave! I am humbled by your kind words. And I'm glad this video was helpful!
This stuff needs to be mainstream. You are top notch.
❤🤗Thank you!!
It takes time & trauma to move on from such Parents & family units. Acceptamce, No contact + therapy is a good start.
This video is a god send. Thank you so much
You're very welcome! Thank you!
You are truly a blessing. I've been watching your videos since finding your chanel. Very excellent, again Thank You💪💪💪💪🔥🔥🔥
I appreciate that! Thanks so much!!😊 And you're welcome. Glad this is helpful.
Another great topic . Thank you
Fantastic video! I believe that in my case, my parent wasn’t so much detached in general, but various situations caused some emotional detachment mostly due to the set of circumstances having to rear up male children by herself…though the garbage she chose to marry and have children with was alive and well…doing absolutely nothing to help…and was nowhere in sight. Coming from a wounded and dysfunctional family born and raised in the south, there were plenty of obstacles against her. She did work through and got beyond a whole lot. Your advice is spot on though!
Yes!! I am looking forward to this. 💚💙
So glad!
Thank you Tamara for all of your hard work. I have been watching so many of your videos and find it so helpful on this journey to heal. ❤
You are so welcome! And thank you! Very glad these videos are helpful. :)
Your videos are very personally helpful , for what I think was always a very unique and isolating situation. I'm glad to know that there is an explanation and solutions for it. Thank you.❤
My pleasure! Very glad these videos are helpful. That's certainly the goal! ☺
My mom is very toxic and the kids she choose as her favorites... are even more toxic!! I just stay away, where I’m a lot happier. My mom had cancer I take her to her appointments, check in once a week and LEAVE
I understand this reasoning. I have so many clients who are like this with their parents. Sometimes that's the best choice for the both of you.
I had to replace that critic with a three squad cheer leading team.I would attend a separate church and get the hugs that I never could get at home from some of.the Mothers in the C
hutch I just refused to succom to this and grow up to be like that.To this day I still have a long row to hoe but I am on it.Thanks
I like that statement "...with a three squad cheerleading team...." You do have to have that! And having a wonderful church home with authentic, God-loving people is the way to go.
God knows we needed angles on earth to help those that are broken from broken 😞 parents so he sent us Tamara
To say that one must accept that a parent is "incapable" of being decent to their child is for the most part complete b.s. They aren't incapable. They are unwilling and there is a world of difference between the two. Unless someone is insane, then they are more than capable of treating someone well enough. It's a choice they make. If you have such a parent, get away from them and stay away. Don't let them anywhere near your happiness or your grief. Such parents only ruin or make things worse and so do enablers who make excuses for evil parents.
This video is so helpful. I had took notes. I appreciate your videos so much ❤️
You are so welcome! ❤ That's great to know!
Thank You
You're welcome
I've been with my husband for over 17 years now. He didn't introduce me to his mother until almost a year after we started dating...and now I understand why. She started her bull almost immediately. Over the years, she mistreated me and my oldest daughter (who isn't biologically my husband's). She would make up nasty rumors about me. She would set the rest of the family against me. Actually, his sister is the SAME way. We live in a small town and I cringe when I run into people they know because I know very well that they have spread those lies all over.
We kept letting his mother back in out lives because I (yes, me, not my husband... because he just wanted to let them go) never had grandparents and wanted my kids to experience that. It came at a cost and we finally had enough last year. My mother-in-law wants nothing to do with me, but wanted to keep a relationship with my kids... actually, just my middle daughter. She was always bothered by my youngest, who bears the third generation name of his grandfather and she HATES that.
We struggle with getting other family members to realize that we don't want our names being spoken to the two. We don't ask about them, we don't want to know anything. We have many family members who aren't too close to the two, so they don't really know how they are, but they hate me because of the lies that were spread.
Examples of the lies. My sister-in-law was sent to the hospital one night. She was having a miscarriage. My mother-in-law called me and told me. I expressed concern. She told me grieving sister-in-law that I was laughing about it..the very night she lost the baby, nonetheless.
My sister-in-law is no better because, when their father died a few years ago, my husband and I HAD to handle his belongings. I mean, everything from his home came to our very small home. We were going through it and giving it to his siblings. His sister got a car and everything. We were left with some tools and a huge mess...and the funeral bill. His sister decided to tell his uncle that I was selling everything. That led to his uncle not trusting me.
It is nice not being around them, but it seems like we're still not far enough away. We want to move out of state, but we feel stuck. We shouldn't HAVE to move to feel at peace.
It really stinks to be in this position and I fear that they will weasel their way into my childrens' lives when they're older.
I'm not even going to go on about MY dysfunctional family.
Thank you for your videos! They really help me to understand that it's NOT ME!
I'm sorry. This is tough to say the least. And you're welcome! I'm glad these videos are helpful.
Sometimes the only healing for everything you have shared here is truly understanding the mind of the person who has caused the pain. You may not fully understand the person and how they think but at least watching videos, reading, etc. can help you develop a close enough understanding of the person to help you move on without the guilt. Once you understand it isn't you, you can begin to heal.
Is emotional detached the same as emotional immature?
Repurpose that Inner Critic Forcing it to either Offer Up Some "Constructive" Criticism or Shut Up LoL 😆
Much Love Kindness and Gratitude
I love this so much. The triangle is interesting because I play one role with my mom, brother and extended family and I play another role with my college age son and mom. I know you are backed up with patients but my mom, son and I could really benefit from working with you. I’m not sure how to reach you for a possible wait list. Thank you. 🙏🏽 @tamara
Tamara you no your the persecutor when unhealthy parents don’t like you