49 - PARENTIFYING - DID YOUR PARENTS DEPEND ON YOU? DID YOU FEEL RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM?
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- Опубліковано 7 жов 2021
- How you been Parentified as a child? Did your parents depend on you? Did you feel responsible for them. Parentifying might be the cause of your childhood traumas.
Parentification is when the roles in a family is reversed. The child starts to act like a caregiver to a parent or a sibling.
There are many causes for this situation. One of the parents might be violent to the other one and the child feels the obligation to defend her/him. Or a sick parent can force a child to take care of them or start to work in a very young age to support the family.
Toxic relationships often cause suffering to the children. As you know childhood traumas can follow us to our adulthood. Since parentification is not in the open like physical abuse it is more damaging. The role of the child slowly shifts to act as an adult.
In some extreme case the child has to stop the parent from doing self harm like overdosing, or suicide. Or defending the siblings against physical violence. Immature parents can also force the children to grow up early emotionally and shift into a role to take care of themselves or their siblings.
Even if you were a parentified child you can still heal from the Trauma. It is a long healing journey but healing from parentification is possible.
And remember,
Trauma equals Disconnect
Healing equals Reconnect
Please stay Connected
Dr. Karol Darsa, Psy.D.
(310) 713-9855
karoldarsa.com/
To purchase "The Trauma Map" Book
www.amazon.com/Trauma-Map-Ste...
If you need professional help, please feel free to contact us at
Reconnect Integrative Trauma Treatment Center
www.reconnectcenter.com/
(310) 903-8349
881 Alma Real Drive, Suite 311
Pacific Palisades, CA 90272
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#trauma #healing #therapy
It costed me my childhood, my innocence, my sanity and my self-esteem. From age 4 to 16, I raised 5 siblings. I was told repeatedly that I existed as the oldest caregiver, so they WERE aware.
please only have as many kids as you can raise. I was born into a very large family where my parents made the older children raise the young ones. It made me hate children, resent my siblings and I haven't spoken to my parents in 10 years. it's pretty much the same with my other older siblings. none of us have children of our own, our childhoods were stolen when we were forced into the responsibility of being parents to our younger siblings. Just sharing perspective.
I can relate to this
It’s the worst nightmare a parent can do to their damn child
this needs to go to government there needs to be laws around this to make those sick parents think twice , this should be a crime
Before my father died of cancer he left me a note to say 'you will be the man of the house' and I felt the weight of that the minute he passed. I was left only with my mother and sister at the age of 12 and expected to counsel my mother for her own child abuse from her mother and to look out for my sister who indulged in risky behaviours to get the attention of my mother which failed.
Although I wasn't cooking food everyday, I did have to do all the gardening, mowing the lawn, counselling my mother and mediate the daily arguments between my mother and sister. I still got to play video games and go out with friends so it wasn't a prison sentence. But I live with an ongoing lifelong sense of responsibility for my mother and sister to some degree who eventually went into rehabilitation and AA recovery.
My academic studies really took a hit too and I did not perform well at school with all the distractions and worries.
I lived by people pleasing and substance taking for many years until I hit 40 and my health declined severely. I've spent 5 years recovering and an still improving each day.
This week I will Honor my inner child.
I will honour my inner child ❤
Thank you, it's hard to tell if it's the case being it's your parent, but emotional parentification is real. As an only child it was hard, I went to stare custody more than once. I've always been serious and struggled to play with my own kids because I barely knew what it was. In my 40s, I'm now going to seek some serious therapy.
Love is also a confusing thing because there isn't much of it or love coming to you because you have to be the adult taking care of "children parents.' Love is confused with care taking. Love is confused with being the responsible one. Love is conditional.
My mom who is an only child got into a toxic relationship then marriage since she was *15*.
She wanted a daughter (me) to be her companion, since she doesn't have sisters.
Since I was a child, i was getting emotional baggage from her for example complaints on how she is alone and has no sisters to talk with etc.
(Even though she aborted my own sister later. There was no issues with health or anything.)
And how her relationship with my dad was toxic which is true.
So I always felt like it's on me to take care of her emotionally and protect her.
Now I'm almost 30. I'm tired of it.
I'm so used to it that if a day passes without talking to her, I feel guilt.
This was very clear and helpful. Concrete explanations and suggestions. And you have a very pleasant speaking voice and kind manner. Thank you very much.
thank you for your kind words
I was with some friends yesterday and someone asked if we remembered our first word that we could spell. And I was just like shocked that they could remember that and than they started naming names of students and memories and I was honestly shocked I started trying to think of memories and things of that nature especially with school and honestly I just blanked it was crazy the stress I relate a childhood too. All of this resonates is kind of insane but I mean to an extent I always knew this my mom always says I’m more of a adult than my father so you know.
This happened to me but nobody believed me and now I’m an adult it’s expected of me (it feels) i barely got a break
I like to sing to celebrate my uniqueness.
i am listening and getting that all points you are explaining are present in me or I can say that you are speaking about me. it sometimes mentally arrest you and make you low sometimes.
Yes, I experience all that mess.
Toxic
Wow!
What is the age cut off for this? Like... What if you feel you've been parentified in college? Does that count?
I think the younger you are the worse the trauma is. Being parentifying in college can be still very stressful but it depends on a lot of other factors (such as parents' age, health status etc) before one can say whether it was traumatic or not. Your feelings are more important than the age.
@samuri2011 Yes absolutely. I was a mediator for my mom and all her husbands since I was a child but when I hit 18, her last divorce lasted almost a decade and I was smack dab in the middle of it because all I knew of myself was that my role in life was to always defend her and look out for her. I’m now in my 30s learning about all this and I spent my early 30s reparenting myself. The sooner you figure it all out the better. Most of us don’t realize the trauma of it all until our 30s.
very nice talk madam. i am prentifying my old mother as I am the youngest one and all my siblings don't care about her and she very much relying on me and yes it made me very responsible and mature twice of my age. so, my question is, is there any way to show any document showing a child is paerntifying? please must answer madam
This is very Filipino
😂 true