"You're under attack from me, who's protecting himself from you, and you're about to be destroyed, exept ...you've got me on your side" ... I can already tell this is going to be a great video
I like how this bit of silly nonsense he said kinda perfectly describes the relationship between his engineer Mark and Captain characters from in space with Markiplier. Fuckin Captain I trust you but I gotta kick your ass for the greater good, lmao
I also like how Markiplier is actively trying to replace the one thing he truly lost, not unus annus, not even Ethan, his dearly beloved tactical shovel...
Wait, so I'm confused. Am I supposed to buy one of these items to defend myself, or am I supposed to call Markiplier when a threat arises? Does he come with a self-defense item included, or should I have one on me? And when Markiplier attacks me, do I call Markiplier to protect me from Markiplier? I have so many questions.
"guys, stop calling me a masochist, I'm just testing myself" says as he pours salt into his eyelids "I just wanna know my limits" he lies, sewing sandpaper into his jockstrap "Honestly, the joke needs to die now" comes his voice from an actual Iron Maiden
Mark: "I'm not a masochist." Also mark: hates manaquins (buys one), whips himself, flogs himself with a wallet, plays with a knife (scaring himself in the process), and stabs his hand with a spike.
@@b_star_14 when all 3 editors worked on one video before, i noticed that it said "edited by" for 2 of them and had the "and" for one, so i assumed it just meant that the "edited by" were the main ones and the "and" was the help
"You're under attack from me, who's protecting himself from you; you're about to be destroyed, except you got me on your side, and on my side, are discount Amazon self defense weapons!" - Mark Edward Fishbach, March 18th, 2021
"YOU'RE UNDER ATTACK...from me...WHO'S PROTECTING HIMSELF...from you! And you're about to be DESTROYED! Except, you have ME on your side!" -Markiplier 2021
Mark: I'm NOT a Masochist, why does everyone think that? Also Mark: *Hits himself with a whip and realizes it hurts* "That really ramps up in pain" *Does it harder*
This is literally on the top of my list of videos that make me laugh every time! Mark has literally pulled me out of depression countless times. With Mark tries, Mark’s mom, Unus Anus, Try not to Laugh and so many more he never fails to cheer me up when I’m down.
My unkempt quarantine hairdo: Stranded on a desert island Markiplier's quarantine hairdo: Tortured artist spiraling into insanity as he completes his ultimate work
I love that right after he says im not gonna test the weapons on myself he proceeds to hit himself with steve mate really forgot that people might mistake him for a masochist
The Ham-axe-ench multitool actually does serve one potential useful purpose in self defense: It looks like a tiny hatchet in the dark. Hold it up and charge at your attacker while screaming. If they have any sense, they'll think you look insane and will run away.
It also has another use in terms of just being a good tool:packing light. That's always been the purpose of multi tools. They aren't supposed to replace all of those tools they're made of, but be a way to have all of them in a "good enough" manner without having to physically pack a hammer, an axe, a wrench, a saw, etc. etc.
what i understand from this video: - you need to deal a mixt of physical and magic damage to robbers otherwise it will not be effective - markiplier is a masochist
I would not have expected to be so wonderfully entertained with the subject of self defense. I should have known better Mark is both a comic genius and an amazing likeable personality. I have never subscribed to a channel so quickly in my life. You are brilliant and seem like an amazingly fun person to be around!
I had one with him did you not see his veins and tendons bulging out of his wrist. I know it won't happen but always scared that if I cut the skin over a tendon it just loses all tension and goes limp
WRONG TYPE OF ENGINEERING XDXDXDXD Putting stuff together is my field (mechanical). Mark liked the science too much (switched from the imaginary engineering field (civil) to a real field (biomedical))
@@catanana312 he went to college for it before he did youtube. He has talked about it so often 😂 he started in civil engineering and then he switched to biomedical, which is probably why he chose youtube over engineering 😂
If mark was charging at me in a dark alley I'd just accept my fate, there is nothing I can do to prevent my inevitable demise at the hands of such an unstoppable man
Well when made of strong metal it can be… but it’s more likely to cut your finger or explode in your pocket before it will be useful so it’s better to get the flashlight baton and stun gun if your that afraid at night to walk alone
Considering the last time he interacted with an actual human being said human died. (You know if you know, if you don't, that's fine. A year flies fast.)
Lixian is a miracle worker when it comes to editing Mark's videos. He just knows how to make it work and, at times, adds even more humor to them. The perfect match to this lovable and chaotic human being.
i love how Mark was deadass just about to demonstrate how to break a window with the tactical whip, before he realized "shit, wait, that's a fucking HORRIBLE idea"
What made people think those pop out canes are a self defence thing? They’re a magicians cane, it’s literally just a magic trick, it can maybe hurt you if you fuck up whilst deploying it cause the metal can be a little sharp but it’s literally thin aluminium
Remember Mark being injured and ending up in the hospital countless times.....It can also be that Mark was beating himself, and telling us fake stories......
To cut open the stomach with the knife, pull the teeth out with the pliers, scoop out the eyes with the spoon, eat the meat with the fork, and poke a hole in the skull with the cork screw. You know basic self defense.
I would have just simply bought a Pistol, Taser or a bottle of pepper spray or mace rather than any of those because in terms of self-defense range is the best option for you i mean what if your intruder had a gun? what are you going to do? run at them with a metal spike or smack them with a flimsy bo-staff? Not me go all out with ranged stuff that's why I keep an entire Arsenal of weapons next to my bed including Firearms
@Clara Hoffman It's just too perfect! The flash light isn't even that good, like the faint glow of the celestial bronze. And being a pen is only its secondary use!
"Don't try this at home"
*is trying it at home*
"Be careful"
*hits himself with the tactical whip*
I WILL try at home
"people might mistake me for some kind of a masochist..."
But then people might mistake him for some sort of masochist
"Do as I say, Not as I do" I guess
I was reading comments and then he hits him self with whip
this feels like mark kidnapped us and is showing us how not to get kidnapped next time but he's not very experienced
AGREED
i think in a way most of his videos feel like that
I- yes
LMAO
It's tough love
"You're under attack from me, who's protecting himself from you, and you're about to be destroyed, exept ...you've got me on your side" ... I can already tell this is going to be a great video
I wanted to be the 1st person to comment on this comment
"Big mama jamba"
I like how this bit of silly nonsense he said kinda perfectly describes the relationship between his engineer Mark and Captain characters from in space with Markiplier. Fuckin Captain I trust you but I gotta kick your ass for the greater good, lmao
UwU
you're* kiddo gg ez
"today we are going to test non lethal options of self defense items"
*Pulls out a mini-axe with ten sharpened butt plugs*
don't threaten me with a good time
Let this be a lesson to anyone willing to attack Mark. You could probably just stand still and Mark will end up hurting himself.
You right
Well yeah but who would even slightly want to hurt mark
this had me dying and rotting on the floor
Self offence
@@SA-gl1ri brilliant
"because people might mistake me for some kind of masochist, which isn't true"
*thinks back to the 100,000 steps in a day video*
Lol
@@DyslexicMitochondria I was curious about your username so clicked on your profile. Your channeI is a hidden gem bro
...then proceeds to hit himself with a whip...
*Doom music intensifies*
What are you doing here ThirtVirus
I also like how Markiplier is actively trying to replace the one thing he truly lost, not unus annus, not even Ethan, his dearly beloved tactical shovel...
We don't mention it around here, you know how he gets if it is named
Yea, let’s hope he doesn’t make a video and call me out😂, let that piece of Markiplier history Rest In Peace
He lost it???
@@MarinaaAria he did, but it’s a mystery how???
@@grantman5148 Dude how did he?
I love watching mark struggling to put together a dummy and realizing he went to college for engineering.
Yowch.
I mean, engineers are notorious for doing the least simple and least effective solution so...
mark’s not a masochist, he just wants to test the maximum of his self defense
xd
Just wants to test his limits
that's what a masochist would said 😂😂
He's minmaxing his defense stat by putting himself through trials and training
Marks next video: I went to the hospital cause I broke my ass.
Wait, so I'm confused. Am I supposed to buy one of these items to defend myself, or am I supposed to call Markiplier when a threat arises? Does he come with a self-defense item included, or should I have one on me? And when Markiplier attacks me, do I call Markiplier to protect me from Markiplier? I have so many questions.
Lol imagine
Yes
Yes
𝘠𝘦𝘴
I mean all of those options are useless
Alternative Title: I’m a man who owns five ovens, several tactical shovels and now self defense weapons
A true king honestly
Don’t forget the inordinate amount of sex toys he bought as a business expense 😆
And the most powerful handheld flashlight on the planet.
And an ass load of poptarts
Take my like
mark: “ im not a masochist”
also mark: “ow this whip hurts real bad”
*whips himself again*
Just gotta make extra sure
@@selkrasouza6262yeah gotta make sure if the whip is hurting you or if your hurting the whip
Mark later: this is kinda kinky
"I'm NOT a masochist!" -Mark, literally hundreds of times right before he willing puts himself in pain, as if he was some sort of masochist.
"I've always wanted my head to be crushed in between someone's thighs. And I know which part you're thinking, but that's just one of SEVERAL options."
@Jay dude... think for like 2 seconds before you write something. People that are the furthest from a masochist would avoid pain at all cost.
He's not a Masochist.....he just wants to see what he can take
@@FlaschenJoe11 on the spectrum of masochist to not masochist he's pretty far in the masochist spectrum
@@enter_feeling6042 dude please, he was obviously being sarcastic
this video is a perfect summary of Mark's being
Oh hey. I know you. Your animations are amazing. They are hilarious.
Omg I love your videos!
At a discount?
@Freyjinn I love you animation.. 💕💕
Love your animations
Mark: "He's probably not got a lotta electrical resistance."
Steve: *literally made of rubber*
I feel bad this whole time I thought his name was bob
I like the bold font there chief its prime
Idk man, he couldn't get steve off
Markiplier has a bed knife. No, really!
@@mangotail6808 😐😑😐😑😐😑😐
"You're under attack from me! Who's protecting myself from you!"
Every time Markiplier claims he's "not a masochist" it's immediately followed by him getting hurt somehow
Omg fucking true can't stop laughing at that
"guys, stop calling me a masochist, I'm just testing myself" says as he pours salt into his eyelids
"I just wanna know my limits" he lies, sewing sandpaper into his jockstrap
"Honestly, the joke needs to die now" comes his voice from an actual Iron Maiden
As if it was meant to be done
THATS SO TRUE LMAO
999th like
The chances of seeing Markiplier angrily walking towards you in a dark alleyway is low, but never zero.
And now he is armed with a taser baton and a whip.
h
This has been a psa
Peace was never an option
i have made the likes 666
Mark: “He’s probably not got a lot of electrical resistance on him”
Steve: Is rubber
I just played the video, read your comment and he said it right as I read it
I said the exact same thing 😂
i said the exact same thing
I was ur 1000 like lol
lol I’ll mo now uio noilio noit’s okthe otheoiin the uuu o myo bo I uo moms momuuuu imiiiiiiouuuuuuuuuno
2:14 “DYSLEXIA OVERLOAD”
*Me, bursting out laughing in the corner of the room.*
Favorite Mark Quote, “Newton’s Laws are a bitch”
hahaha I started lookingg for pepper sprayyy after someone staaaalked me on my yt chaaannnellll yesterday. Please stay safe everyone and everybody
Me learning Newton’s Laws in school: *taking notes*
@@DyslexicMitochondria Hi ily and OMG i loooooove ur chaaaaaanelllllll
Best.
As a Physicist, I can unironically agree with that statement. Newton's laws ARE a bitch.
Mark: "I'm not a masochist."
Also mark: hates manaquins (buys one), whips himself, flogs himself with a wallet, plays with a knife (scaring himself in the process), and stabs his hand with a spike.
That's just pushing the limits of his own body.
@@gamepapa1211 This is what it means to go even further beyond.
Every masochist
And also gets into the hospital alot
*pain is our speciality*
It’s a competition...
Mark: rates takis
Ethan: rates fries
Mark: *pissed* .. rates self defence tools
And it's def. the most useful.
@@paulinaderegowska4757 I don’t know the talkies video was very informative
Its deleted channel,,, from a distance
I didn’t realize I wrote friends not fried until now omfg I wrote this half hour ago
Just give me an entrenching shovel and I'm good
14:47
*rattles of list*
"I'm not going to remember any of those"
Relatable
Mark: "I'm not a masochist"
Also mark: "Tactical whip."
"Attract a mate" lol
the comment right under says the same thing the same thing-
"He likes his ass the way it is"
Noice
What are you doing here???..go hunt crankgameplays or something
Sometimes it hits me occasionally, to think this is the same guy who comforted my crying sister at a comicon once upon a time.
Aw that’s cute
👌👌👌
I wanna like but I don’t wanna ruin the 69 likes
@@greypug7769 too late
But you got to love the guy, he is funny about it
Mark is like a child trapped in a mans body, that’s what makes him so great
True
Can’t really see that to be honest
Nah he's just a happy man
If we can see the beauty in a man child we can truly see and appreciate the worlds best people
he is
Honestly is someone pulled out a collapsible staff when squaring up I’d be terrified
The staff is only for magic purposes
While everyone's thinking about how much a masochist Mark is, I'm just thinking how much fun Lixian had with this video.
Don't forget Rachel helped, lol. Both of them seemed to have a ball.
if you lo0ok in the description it seems as though lixian was just the help this time for rachael being the main editor
@@orang1921 I think both edited it equally, it doesn't say lixian was only the help
@@b_star_14 when all 3 editors worked on one video before, i noticed that it said "edited by" for 2 of them and had the "and" for one, so i assumed it just meant that the "edited by" were the main ones and the "and" was the help
@@orang1921 it's just how you're supposed to write it. Like an enummeration. F.e.
"Yesterday I went to school, to the doctor and to my friend's house"
Guys, he's not a sadist. He just wants to see how far he can push Steve's body.
Lol, ur Runa pfp is pog
He’s paid you to say that, hasn’t he?
steve approves this message
@@superqmod696 he dont pay people lest its for items
@@kyutogreyfox4292 one would hope he pays his editor as well
Marks doctor sees title and thumbnail: "sigh, nurse get a bed ready"
Nurse: "why?"
Doctor: "just a feeling"
Why do I feel like this has happened before 😂😂
Nah nah, that doctors gonna say it with a lot more punch like-
"NNNEEURSE!!"
You got my reaction pretty much perfect
"Call an ambulance! Call an ambulance! But not for me!!"
Nurse!!!!!!!!!!!
"You're under attack from me, who's protecting himself from you; you're about to be destroyed, except you got me on your side, and on my side, are discount Amazon self defense weapons!" - Mark Edward Fishbach, March 18th, 2021
"YOU'RE UNDER ATTACK...from me...WHO'S PROTECTING HIMSELF...from you! And you're about to be DESTROYED! Except, you have ME on your side!"
-Markiplier 2021
Best statement from popular youtuber, Markiplier.
Bruh
Yes we watched the video to. We all have ears
@@jadenybrown1070 All good quotes are quoted by other people.
Lmao
Mark: This is a family friendly channel.
Also Mark: “I can’t get Steve off” “I need to go down on him”
Yeah
Mark: I'm NOT a Masochist, why does everyone think that?
Also Mark: *Hits himself with a whip and realizes it hurts* "That really ramps up in pain" *Does it harder*
This is literally on the top of my list of videos that make me laugh every time! Mark has literally pulled me out of depression countless times. With Mark tries, Mark’s mom, Unus Anus, Try not to Laugh and so many more he never fails to cheer me up when I’m down.
Alternate title: mark definitely not proving that he 100% isn’t a masochist
Markiplier should try every peep flavor
Boooo
@@GamerPro-wd7eh alright fine lol
or Mark not knowing how to use self defense tools
Not only can you hurt yourself with the spike, you can also shrexualy arouse yourself
Alternative Title: Unsupervised Hyperactive Man-Child Plays With Potentially Dangerous (Discounted) Weapons
alternative title: man with 3 y.o mentality (and hurts himself) tests discounted self defense mechanisms
Mark: "I'm not a masochist"
Also Mark: hits his head against a dummy repeatedly, buys a whip, buys a paddle wallet
Oh trust me I’m a masochist too and I can verify that this man is almost as crazy as mien fürrer
@@presidentjohnhenryeden9450 Idk if that was a misspelling or was on purpose, but i can only get that offended and agree at the same time
Rainxer it was intentional because of the
Meme
@@presidentjohnhenryeden9450 what a cultured man you are
I like how it went from non deadly to staving in the eyes
Mark: "People might mistake me for some kind of masochist..."
Everyone else: "You masochist"
3:09
"I might whip my own ass" lol omg the whip though
@@exotic_snacks819 10:54 feels personal, I feel like he is calling me out for thinking he is a masochist
I have the power to change it from 2.9 to 3k
Mark: “You see me, coming at you, really fast with anger on my face.”
Me: Hee hoo?
The wrestling video
Did you just... test that on your broken foot?
OT? It's so cool to see ya here!
PLZZZZ
Omg Topicy wapiky
what happend to his broken foot? hes walking on it just fine..
Who is that?
20:05
How did mark become a professional singer when scared for his life?
"can't get Steve off"
It's OK Markiplier, everyone's needs are different
Thats what she said
Minecraft Steve
"Let me go down on him"
XD
All I need for defence is a twisted tea🥵🥵
What fills me with joy is that steve is apparently shorter than mark which in my eyes would imply that mark is defending himself from a child
All short people are children ✍
so with what i read, short adults don’t exit and are really just children pretending to be adults... makes sense
Can confirm, we are, in fact children 🤣
Children are scary, OK?
@@prettyfunny7616 as a short person, y e a
“If I get a discount on ending someone’s life, you know I’m gonna take that chance.”
-Markiplier 2021
Markiplier, ending lives at a discount
I heard him say that right as read that, absolutely perfect timing
Hand to hand combat. An optionally free way to kill someone.
2:12 dyslexia overload 😂
The public: Why does Mark go to the hospital so much?
Mark: Records himself showing off cheap self defense weapons and pointing a taser at his face.
Mark is the real life equivalent of Luke shining the lightsaber to his face
I love how he’s still trying to defend him not being a masochist
Non masochist topic
Markiplier: I'm NoT A mAsOcHiSt
*proceeds to whip himself*
A battle no one can win
That's the best self-defense
My unkempt quarantine hairdo: Stranded on a desert island
Markiplier's quarantine hairdo: Tortured artist spiraling into insanity as he completes his ultimate work
So Mark looks like he's from Layers of Fear?
@@DolusVulpes no he’s Amazon Keanu Reeves this has been established
@@hxneyedbellsss no... almost correct... but he's more like Amazon Reanu Keeves... there's a big difference
Dollar tree Keanu reeves but with 0.1% more swear words
@@hxneyedbellsss Amazon Reeves?
I love that right after he says im not gonna test the weapons on myself he proceeds to hit himself with steve
mate really forgot that people might mistake him for a masochist
So I'm being attacked by Mark because mark is defending himself from attacking me but luckily i have mark on my side. Seems legit
hes fighting me and himself
@@Alexander_productions from himself
@@phoebusapollo8365 With himself.
@@Place_Your_Order_Here for himself
@@gault6546 by himself
Mark isn't a masochist, he's just testing out his pain tolerance
Hmm, sounds like something a masochist would say
Sure, you can tell yourself that, but we all know the real reason he's inflicting pain on himself
@@whelli9226 he's trying to get the thrill from unus annus again
@@whelli9226 It's a joke, you know that right?
It's only masochism if you like it hahaha
Markiplier "i'm not a masochist"
Also markiplier "i need a woman who can crush my head between her thighs, it's not sexual it's a power thing"
What horror has Mark committed to anger out pirate king Monkey D Luffy
I need that too, except they have to be anime thighs
DAMN IT YOU STOLE MY JOKE
I can't wait to watch his playthrough of RE8, it's gonna be so good.
That’s not what that word means
The Ham-axe-ench multitool actually does serve one potential useful purpose in self defense: It looks like a tiny hatchet in the dark. Hold it up and charge at your attacker while screaming. If they have any sense, they'll think you look insane and will run away.
It also has another use in terms of just being a good tool:packing light. That's always been the purpose of multi tools. They aren't supposed to replace all of those tools they're made of, but be a way to have all of them in a "good enough" manner without having to physically pack a hammer, an axe, a wrench, a saw, etc. etc.
Unless of course the attacker in question thinks horror movies are accurate and decides to stand still
“I’m not going to do that, cause people might mistake me for some kind of masochist” *continues to beat himself with a combat dummy*
yes that is le joke wow
I'm lowkey waiting for a video say he is a masochist
The fact that he had to stop himself from breaking his own window is honestly the best thing about this video.
You right
That was full concentration to fight his ADHD
Dude fr he was like wait I need to think about this first
Damn, endgame spoilers
@@oefest5252 What does that have to do with Markiplier?
what i understand from this video:
- you need to deal a mixt of physical and magic damage to robbers otherwise it will not be effective
- markiplier is a masochist
@very_cool It was a joke, I think.
*Do you want to have a bad time?
nonono you don't get it, he isn't a masochist, he just wants to see how much pain he can handle!
@@TheoStarlight oooohh yes of course
@@TheoStarlight ahhh you're right! 💀
I would not have expected to be so wonderfully entertained with the subject of self defense. I should have known better Mark is both a comic genius and an amazing likeable personality. I have never subscribed to a channel so quickly in my life. You are brilliant and seem like an amazingly fun person to be around!
someone: describes markiplier as a lets play youtuber
markiplier: i review amazon self defense products
Haha I found myself looking for self defense products too when someone on my yt started stalking me. Stay safe everybody
Someone: describes Markiplier as a lets play youtuber
Markiplier: I'm going to suck dust off takis
Pee
@@stickinug lmfao
He plays with fire
“PeOpLe mIgHt mIsTaKe Me FoR a M a S o C h I s T” oh no good sir, there’s no mistake.
lol ikr
Definitely no mistake. Unus Annus proved that lol.
@@Basstez what is **** ****, never heard of that before
@@infamouseneet3992 Had to be there.
@@infamouseneet3992 just had to be there buddy, you wouldnt understand
That mini crisis that he had with the bracelet knife is hilarious.
I had one with him did you not see his veins and tendons bulging out of his wrist. I know it won't happen but always scared that if I cut the skin over a tendon it just loses all tension and goes limp
... yeah. Because he put an anklet on his wrist lol. (In practice) he could've used both hands, but he found a new way to make it harder on himself
Oh my god oh my god I’m going to die I’m going to die I’m-gonna-die-oh-I’m-going-to-die. Almost died 😂
His voice becomes beautiful when he is about to die...
Have him at gun point and he can be a lead singer
19:50
When he said “IM GOING TOOOOOO DIEEEEEEE” I honestly vibed to that
Mugger: tries to steal Mark's wallet
Mark: throws wallet at him in defence
*”yeah, this is big brain time.”*
Plot twist the wallet is made out of metal 😂😂
@@Ninja2A-S ridge wallet time
Intelligence+1000
Defense
mark: *literally was gonna be an engineer*
also mark: *struggles to put together a training dummy*
WRONG TYPE OF ENGINEERING XDXDXDXD Putting stuff together is my field (mechanical). Mark liked the science too much (switched from the imaginary engineering field (civil) to a real field (biomedical))
He was going to be an engineer? Since when tf
@@catanana312 He studied engineering before his youtube channel. He dropped out so he could continue his UA-cam career.
@@catanana312 he went to college for it before he did youtube. He has talked about it so often 😂 he started in civil engineering and then he switched to biomedical, which is probably why he chose youtube over engineering 😂
@@amnesiapilot7367 OHHH PFFFT. I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ENGINEERING OOPS
Steve: Gets stabbed/tased in the eye multiple times
Mark: "And he's... not dead"
Friendly reminder he is NOT A MASOCHIST
just testing the limits of his body.
Yes
Of course
Duh! Why would he inflict pain on himself if he was a masochist?! Everybody knows that!!
If mark was charging at me in a dark alley I'd just accept my fate, there is nothing I can do to prevent my inevitable demise at the hands of such an unstoppable man
same
Yeah, i mean, just look at him.
*_4 feet of pure manly rage._*
Reject self defense, return to HeeHoo
Lol, true, sounds like something out of a horror game.
Aim for the feet! They're his only weaknesses!
I will never not laugh at the fact that a “magician’s pocket staff” has become a self defense tool in the eyes of the public
Epicly
Hahaha! Lixian should’ve edited mark with a magician hat when he popped that thing.
Well when made of strong metal it can be… but it’s more likely to cut your finger or explode in your pocket before it will be useful so it’s better to get the flashlight baton and stun gun if your that afraid at night to walk alone
It'll bend after a single hit
Edit: "I'll" bend after a single hit. How did I not notice that
@@RinSyuveil or a gun
Why did bro look at me like that like I did something? 3:59
“People would think I’m a masochist.”
Unus Annus fans: *chuckles in remembrance*
Unus annus? What's that, it sounds familiar but is it some small channel or something? ... ... ... ... ...
@@nyawul Yeah, I feel like I've heard that name before. But it's vague. I can remember where I heard it.
@@rebelgaming1.5.14 too bad you didnt know unnus anus
@@kakyoin5713 can you tell me the video? I'm literally trying to remember
@@mimegaming3444 one was brick soccer
I don’t think Mark has interacted with another human being in a while.
There's only Steve. And Steve ain't exactly whole.
well besides amy
@@graciedowning566 remeber Amy is robot
Considering the last time he interacted with an actual human being said human died. (You know if you know, if you don't, that's fine. A year flies fast.)
@@mat8791 what?
Imagine breaking into a home and just hearing "Amazon self defense activated"
Alexa, destroy the intruder.
😭
Alexa, launch the nuke
Alexa, we need guns
Alexa, deploy the knife-wielding roombas.
Mark:I'm NOT a masochist
Also mark:*almost broke a window*
Lixian is a miracle worker when it comes to editing Mark's videos. He just knows how to make it work and, at times, adds even more humor to them. The perfect match to this lovable and chaotic human being.
He has a new editor!! Rad_R is currently helping Lixian. They're a great duo ☺️
@@MyNameHere101 They are!
yes
Mark: “I’m not a masochist”
Also Mark: *interested in situational use of the “tactical whip”*
Oh that’s people buy when they can’t find the tactical shovel
i love how Mark was deadass just about to demonstrate how to break a window with the tactical whip, before he realized "shit, wait, that's a fucking HORRIBLE idea"
He was so ready to break his window before saying 'wait....'
His adhd is on full display in this video and i love it 😆
@@jamesbones792 what.
@@jacklyn_holmse789 😅
11:46 😂👍 Also, I love that too
"People might mistake me for some kinda massochist" - Markiplier, 2021
Someone who can't even spell masochist right quotes. This is the reality of today. So sad...
@@agustinbarquero8898 lmao who hurt you so bad, that you had to comment on me having added an extra S xD.
@@agustinbarquero8898 aww… did the comment spell something wrong?? And now you are sad… 🥺🥺
HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM MARKIPLIER: stand still. He’ll probably just get himself hurt.
Yep
HA-
step away from the splash zone first, otherwise he might hit you too
Yes
True
Markiplier: "Non-lethal weapons"
Also Markiplier: "Crack their skulls open"
true
Just because their intent is non-lethality doesn't mean they can't be lethal.
We all know Mark is Chaotic Evil by now . XD His hair houses his Chaotic energy.
Joe mama
Markipliers catchphrase is slowly becoming "I'm not a masochist"
Unus Annus said otherwise.
@@jakomioftherose2434 *Unus Annus? wHaTs tHaT?*
(please dont take it for real XD)
I mean Unnus Annus died, kinda.
So it would seem right for his catchphrase to change lol.
"Hello everybody, I'm not a masochist, and welcome to..."
Lol
What made people think those pop out canes are a self defence thing? They’re a magicians cane, it’s literally just a magic trick, it can maybe hurt you if you fuck up whilst deploying it cause the metal can be a little sharp but it’s literally thin aluminium
Mark: “I’m not a masochist!”
Also Mark: “the only reason I made this video was for this whip!”
I wonder if he saw the Skallagrim video?
Also also mark: if this whip was longer I could whip my own ass.
Remember Mark being injured and ending up in the hospital countless times.....It can also be that Mark was beating himself, and telling us fake stories......
Child playing: look at this stick, it’s a staff!
Child Mark playing: look at this stick, it’s a *tactical spear. With a t* *a* *s* *e* *r*
An electic staff.
End result: never try to kidnap mark, now we know what he has got
Use this video to create a better plan to kidnap Markiplier
@@itsRhodi No, he's got the collapsible pool cue, you don't wanna mess with that.
@@devonwhite2276 Bring a buddy & grab mark after he breaks the pool cue on your friends head
Could be used the opposite way if you think about it, try to kidnap mark because we now know what he's got.
Don't forget about bed knife
Watching him try to build the mannequin is like a man trying to figure out the female anatomy 😂
I was honestly waiting for mark to be like “why isn’t this working” *tases himself*
same
Same
Same
Oh my god that would’ve been hilarious
I was so sure that's what was gonna happen 😭
I like how most of his "self defense" scenarios is him walking up to a guy and saying "what did you say to me?" Then attacking them
*Offense is the best defense* 😀👍
“Whatd you say to me?”
Retrieves rapid deployment “devices”
*7 stabs later*
Hes not dead, hes “neutralized”
Devilish indeed but being the 666th like is way more devilish.
Mark holding a camping multi-tool and asking why he would need it for self-defense got me
And did you see the Bear
To cut open the stomach with the knife, pull the teeth out with the pliers, scoop out the eyes with the spoon, eat the meat with the fork, and poke a hole in the skull with the cork screw. You know basic self defense.
@@mr.furious6814 Always gotta remember the shovel to hide the leftovers with.
Can't just throw ya food away though.
“You gotta keep your count aselfable” fav quote
Mark: "I'm not a masochist"
Also Mark: "This is a tactical whip"
Yeh that’s not something would masochist would do,obviously
I- uh... um...
Testing the limits of the body of course! Pushing them to the further beyond!!
@@sk3tch_art1st35 yes only testing the limits of the body
*flashbacks to markiplier getting hit with bricks*
I keep remembering Sean saying about mark “I can’t tell if he’s a genius or an idiot”
Lol and both wade and ethan have told him something along the lines of “youre the smartest dumb person i know”
The answer is
"Both?
Both.
BOTH.
Both is good."
Idiotic genius
Its spelled SEÁN
Lol im joking
Marks transformation into Keanu Reeves is nearly complete.
Lol🤣 he's unintentionally going for that look though
Markimoo in the Matrix 😂
Yep! He's nearly ready for his parody of the Matrix that I'm imagining in my head.
As long as he isn't goin' for the John Wick parodies. Chica'll never forgive him.
Yes. He just needs to shed a few ponds.
mark hitting highnotes while he says he is going to die makes my ass laughing rolling on the fooor
Those self-defense weapons did a better job of taking Mark's wallet than Steve did.
3:11
3:17
3:32
3:50
4:01
4:20
4:45
4:47
5:54
7:01
7:47
8:19
10:00
10:43
11:00
11:14
11:22
13:00
14:11
Especially the pocket one XD
This is one of the best comments i have ever seen
I would have just simply bought a Pistol, Taser or a bottle of pepper spray or mace rather than any of those because in terms of self-defense range is the best option for you i mean what if your intruder had a gun? what are you going to do? run at them with a metal spike or smack them with a flimsy bo-staff? Not me go all out with ranged stuff that's why I keep an entire Arsenal of weapons next to my bed including Firearms
Hahahah soo right
Mark: "It's a tactical PEN"
Me: "Alright, calm down Percy Jackson"
@Clara Hoffman It's just too perfect! The flash light isn't even that good, like the faint glow of the celestial bronze. And being a pen is only its secondary use!
YES
Noice👌🏽
That is a 10 out of 10 comment
I have found my people
"How's you get those scars?"
"Oh just putting on this pink bracelet-"
mad respect for lixian editing through the probably hour it took mark to try and build steve
Mark: "Your gonna hurt yourself before you hurt them."
Me: so thats not self defense its self offense
some say offense is the best defense
i am cracking up evoker and ah yes memes
Thief: Are you ok?
Mark: YOU'LL NEVER GET ME IF I GET MYSELF!
thanks for support :) ive gotten 10k likes on my first ever comment so lets try and get there again
I snorted ✋😭