They think you still want them..... forever! Because they can't entertain the idea that someone wouldn't want them. Be careful you don't slip into feeling sorry for them, they know what they're doing.
I agree at first it was you thought you had met your soul mate. Then it was something is off but could not put your finger on it. Then it was the red flags ignored. Then the silent treatment, you felt what had you done wrong?! Then triangulation, that was discusting. Then sabotage to one of my vehicles blatantly so. Then the complete discard with no explanation. I went silent, no contact in return and am maintaining this treatment never to return to this highly toxic encounter, ever again!
Experienced divorce lawyer here. Great video! I suggest everyone get educated about Narcissistic Personality Disorder BEFORE getting married or tangled up romantically with a narcissist. It can be an expensive, drawn out nightmare divorcing a narcissist. Have and keep strong boundaries. Understand “love bombing”, “gaslighting”, and other ways narcissists think and operate. Keep up the great work making these important and informative videos.
Oh wow imagine having to deal with one in a divorce court. I am so grateful for what could only be described as a cosmic intervention. Perfect storm showed me the illusion just before the point of no return 🙏
Literally just found out my wife is a narsscasit, I just got sober and thr signals became clear... but we are currently separated since Feb... I was still living in the house at the time.... but she is seeing someone else...for a whole month she was lying and gaslighting and I still love her.... so much it's world destroying... but I keep telling myself... this isn't my wife.... and my kids need me to be strong.... but she thought I wouldn't get sober.... she thought she could keep me on the baited line.... but I seen her for what she is and I caught all her lies about this man..... what got me....made me click... 3 weeks ago she tells me it's all in my head and I need help.... now, she is saying " I was withholding truth to not hurt your feelings"..... why wouldn't she have said that 3 weeks ago....
Ya know one of the best things I think I've gained out of all of this mess? The ability to be alone without being "lonely" anyone. No more of that constant need to have a woman by my side and I'm in no hurry to replace the last one. That's a wonderful, God given gift! It was a step in the right direction. Ultimately, it will be between God and myself in the end anyway and all of these things are just distractions and lessons to build on a character that God has planned.
I'm going through this now. 7 weeks no contact and I'm so lonely. My last gf was a narc hoover after 17 years. We lasted 6 weeks. She had only gotten worse. I'd rather be alone but I'm just not used to it.
What's so interesting is that when they find people that are caring and loving that help them meet their needs, they abuse them - the very people that they need, and then start all over again. A non-ending cycle.
That discovery blew my mind in a painful way. I'm the one willing to give you anything I you need. I can see the needs that you haven't even communicated and I'm willing. But I'm the one you treated like trash. That's the part that made it hard to move on. I was discarded for identifying your needs and willing to cater to them. But I managed to get over it eventually.
I have see. This w my ex (30yrs divorced). He found his match another snake in the grass. I could be wrong, but I think they are both satisfied with one another.
“You have given them your power, your energy, your life force to make them feel better. And I don’t think there is anything worse because they steal it from you.” This is so true, it literally felt like she sucked the life out of me. When she saw me suffering sleep deprived for 3 months with heart palpitations she was finally sleeping well. She had always slept around 4 hours every night when I first got with her. She saw me suffering it was like all of a sudden I couldn’t sleep and she could. Like she stole it from me.
I drive lorries and the c*%t wouldn't let me sleep I was leaving for work scared I might not be up to pulling the day of safely she could see I was nearly dead it needed me at work so I didn't intrude on the other life daytime world if you like.
That’s very familiar to me too. He was a mess up until my mental health was finally in tatters, which happened very quickly in my short relationship because I recognised he was abusive and really screwed up immediately. Once I was a mess, he was miraculously okay.
Man, that was one of the many things I could not figure out! This woman would commit some of the most deceitful, deceptive manipulative, relationship destroying acts you could imagine and sleep a full 8 or 9hrs as peaceful as a sedated newborn. I couldn't sleep due to being so stressed out but it would never bother her. Then wake up the next morning and tell me 'good morning' as if nothing happened! I used to wonder which one of use was the crazy one!
Escaped a crazy narcissist woman last year, some days it still hurts so bad because I was so in love with her. Glad I've healed and doing so much better. You summed up exactly who and what she did.
@@tdog9150 You'll get yourself back. You have to go NO contact & yes they will send their agents out to find out what you're up to because they have god complex ego's & they can't stand that you cut them off. Stay away from random adds by girls on IG (i would get this all the time from her because I blocked her on all social media and she would have random girls try to add me to see what I'm up too). Some days are great some days are the worst. In time you will get yourself back, don't beat yourself up it can sometimes take years to finally get yourself back, but you WILL. Stay positive champ.
Yes ,, I’m seventeen days in , no contact ,, nothing ,, …strange ,,, ,,,,,everyday I get stronger ,, I desire her less , im to point I don’t even want her to contact me .. her poison doesn’t have the effect that it did ..
OMG This is mind blowing stuff.. how is this behaviour so predictable and consistent across all narcs.. it’s so insane! Thanks for making me feel less crazy ❤
They are selfish and spoiled. They had no structure or guidance and usually not held accountable and have been able to use their bodies so usually females no offense ladies. They are cheaters all the time everything is about hiding cheating. It's their #1 priority and using a boyfriend to look accountable but it's a undercover way to cheat.
Because Narcissism is a demon.. a “spirit of narcissism”.. Jesus called demons out by name. I guess we finally figured out this damn demons name. Get behind me Satan
By far the saddest part about me dating a narcissist was how unwilling he was to open up even after years of dating him. Opening up is never easy for anyone but I do believe that it is a choice. He hated any questions. If I ever asked about him to get to know him he would get defensive and ask why I ask so many questions. And if we ever had an argument and I tried to talk to him about how he felt he would get more and more resistant and cold.
I’m literally going through that now with someone. I’ve known her almost 2 years and she is extremely hard when it comes to opening up that I feel like I’m doing something wrong with her not trusting me enough.
@@halalmeatz5644 It seems like it is a universal trait when it comes to connecting with people emotionally. I never heard of a narcissist doing what yours did.
@@tonyg5132 Trust me, you are doing NOTHING wrong. This is coming from experience. If you are taking things slow with her and letting her move at her own pace it is her choice on why she is not opening up. Definitely be careful with people like this because it is a huge sign of detachment and emotional unavailability. A strong bond cannot be built on both sides if only one person is willing to be vulnerable. I learned the hard way. I bonded with my ex for three years straight while he felt absolutely nothing for me. And he straight up told me he didn't care at the very end.
They see empaths as old smart phones they can replace with a new model...the old phone can be useful but why settle for the old if they can get a new model...thats how they see us
Don’t worry, that’s how they see everyone. And always remember, it’s nothing to do with you. They live inside their own minds. Everything is about them. The person you fell for in the beginning does not exist. Google “schizoid core” for a deeper understanding of cluster B personality disorder. This experience will change you Empath. But from this you will grow even more wise and beautiful. Stand in the moonlight, barefoot on the grass. Empaths heal that way.
The silent treatment is a kind of abuse that I don't put up with. I am not someone's property NO ONE OWNS ME PERIOD. Furthermore I am not interested in being someone's door mat or side piece .
After being with my ex for a year and half 2 weeks before I walked out and left she decided to give me the silent treatment all because I questioned her about a couple childish post she posted and said to her that she could've came to me and had a adult covo and instead she acted immature and like a high school kid and posted what she should've said to me on Instagram she then said that I sound like her father and got mad and gave me the silent treatment for almost 2 weeks so in return I said nothing to her I packed my belongs Monday morning got in my car and haven't spoken to her or seen her since .. I don't play childish games nor mind games nor em I gonna allow someone to treat me like I'm a piece of trash and that's what narcissist do...
I worked with a narcissist. At first, she would insult me and then it felt like she was on top of me. They don't respect boundaries. She would follow me around and I felt like I couldn't breathe. They feed off your positive energy and you feel exhausted at the end of the day. Extremely needy but malicious people! She would always give me evil looks and had to know what I was doing or thinking.
After 10 years he claims “I’m still not wife material” a tactic to make me work harder and harder to be the “wife material” until I completely lost myself and who I was. So glad I’m moving on
Same. Mine literally told me to prove to him I was “marriage material.” So he thought I was good enough to come back to after cheating. Good enough to sleep with for YEARS. Good enough to meet family and friends. Good enough to spend time with. But not marriage material? As if HE was that himself … insane
They keep thinking about you because you were or are thier supply source. They always “need” something from you. If they don’t want something they want to see how to abuse you.
Walk away, use what I call the Tony Montana strategy “don’t let them get high on your supply.” ❤ your videos are so helpful and make so much sense. Thank you Anouska.
That's so TRUE ........the man I was involved with would cause so many problems, that the relationship was just a JOKE. I would either shut him down, and leave for awhile, or he would lash out ,and vanish. I've never experienced such an insane relationship, like this,at all! There were times when we would not communicate, or see each other for weeks, or even a month or so. I can't believe I dealt with such dysfunctional behavior for 7 yrs! Anyway, I would NEVER go back to him. .......HE would ALWAYS come back to ME, just assuming I would still be available. I wish I was more insightful then, and not smothered by so much negative energy. But I'm happy to say, I finally let it go!! Praise God🙏🏽
I never knew which personality I was going to be dealing with, at times. He could be so loving; gentle; romantic......even acting as though he couldn't live without me. But if he felt he was not in control of a situation, he would turn into Mr Hyde. He was an emotional rollercoaster ride that NEVER stopped. I've had a lot of serious health issues, since involving myself with this man, but hopefully, now that I've walked away from this,I'll be able to get back to better health.
Lightbulb moment “because of this inability to connect to themselves, if you can’t do that for yourself how are you going to connect to other people” 🔥
Such a great video! Thank you. I was in a relationship with a narcissist for about 8 mos. and in that short period of time I have never experienced so much confusion and disrespect. I call that relationship a “stupid nothing.” He wasn’t bringing me around anyone and the constant lies. Embarrassed to say I saw the red flags in the very beginning. I am done! Lesson learned and I am thankful for the lesson. I will never let anyone treat me this way again!
I was dating one for 7 months and she pulled me in so fast, mirrored, bread crumbed, etc. the cycles with her were so quick and I ignored everything because she showed me everything I wanted to see. At the end I found on her phone the truth and that’s what finally created the “discard”, because I realized it was a mask and I saw underneath it. She couldn’t have that and that was the end. It hurt so much, but I’m so thankful that I managed to free myself from this abusive cycle. I’ve never experienced anything like it. Never again.
You definitely hit it all spot on 🎯 especially concerning 3 people in 1. They disassociate or splinter their personality. I've had my lessons dealing with this type of individual. It's best to just walk away or run, just get away and stay away. Don't ever ignore your gut is all I can say.
Hi Anoushka! Just getting out of a 50 year relationship (40 years married - filing for divorce!) - you have just described my life! Bit late in life - that light bulb moment came on far too late but do you know what, I’m pretty resilient and I have found an inner me that I never knew existed - I feel strong. Thank you for explaining my life so clearly and what has happened wasn’t all me. Moving on and looking forward to finding the real me and loving every minute of my new journey. Sue
Me too 25 years with a narcissist. He was driving my family and friends away from me. I had enough after he had two strokes he became very angry and abusive towards me.
One of the very best ways to confirm you are with a narcissist is the fact that very few people without an emotional or relationship connection to them, don't like them for very long. People that they try to become friends with soon catch on to their game. "Friends" and co-workers figure them out almost certainly before you might. When they can't get what they want in the workplace, when they can't manipulate friends the way they may manipulate you, word spreads like wildfire about them. They don't have the love and relationship at work that they have in the home and, because of this they can't "love bomb" and manipulate in the same way. You will catch on when they come home and are always saying "oh, so and so at work is a B**ch" or "my boss is an A**hole". In the workplace they run rampant trying their schemes but they fail to realize that, they can't control an entire group of people like they control you. In the workplace, co-workers talk behind THEIR back about THEM and "compare notes". Narcissists HATE this, when people other than you do the homework and figure them out in a group dynamic. With you, they try to isolate you and play a little game where they keep you from talking to others about them. I found out when a mutual friend contacted me and informed me that i might be with a narcissist. This person filled in a lot of blanks for me and this began my "research" phase.......the rest is history. I am no longer with this person (after 15 years) and working on healing myself.
Power dynamics are unavoidable in relationships, especially romantic ones. The difference between narcs and most 'normals' is that narcs want to completely dominate romantic interactions and discover the weaknesses of their partners to consolidate their power position. That is what is abnormal and dysfunctional, not the presence of 'power' per se, which is inevitable. What matters is motive and context. A previous girlfriend of mine would use benign manipulations against me quite regularly, but they were cute, funny and ultimately harmless, perhaps leaving me out of pocket at worst. Like a child, she knew how to tug at my heartstrings, but my efforts were almost always reciprocated or appreciated in one form or another. In contrast, the narc in my life did not appreciate anything and constantly demanded more while offering far less in return. e.g. attention, validation, time, emotion etc.
@Red NLS Many women are superficial, there is no doubt about it. They stay with these narc men because they are conventionally attractive and the sex is good and then complain after when it doesn't work out. However, being superficial does not mean that they deserve abuse in return.
@Red NLS Don't take the red pill as gospel. No doubt there is a dark side to female sexuality, but most of the problems we are seeing with women now are not biological. They are due to social and cultural factors. Also, women are not the same everywhere. This is what I learned after dating women from different nationalities. Anglophone women are the absolute worst in terms of alpha chasing and overall drama.
@Red NLS I don't quite understand the question you are asking. However, the last female narc I was involved with was basically just a woman in a caricatured state. An exaggerated version of a woman.
@Red NLS It can be difficult to tell the difference between them for sure. I am far more confident in my ability to do it now, but it's not always easy. I would say that one of the main things that distinguishes them is that a neurotypical, non-pathologically manipulative woman would not be as forthcoming about her emotional issues. She would not make them topics of conversation in the early stages of the interaction. Cluster B women often use their emotional problems, whether real or fabricated, as a way to gain sympathy and exploit others, especially unsuspecting men.
@Red NLS Perhaps not, but I don't have a problem dealing with the emotional problems of the average/typical woman, especially after dealing with two narcs! :-) haha
What you´re saying about narcissists feeding on empathic personalities fits so perfectly all what I went through in my former profession! I´m from time to time discussing with my friends and family why I was so often the target of people with an overblown ego and why it went so nasty every time. Your explanation really helps me to get a closure. So thank you very much!
Someone that understands me!! I swear every place I've ever worked I'm always the person that gets stuck with that narcissist on the phone or in the front. They instantly sense a sensitive and hone in on them like flies, it's enough to make me despise socializing lol.
They will zero in on your issues and mirror your trauma to gain your trust. Once they succeed in becoming your confidant they will oftentimes go fishing for someone else because they thrive on the chase.
They certainly can drain you this is a huge trade off for nice words and a beautiful outward appearance which is pretty much all they really have to initially offer
I actually used to tell my ex that. Full on covert narcissist. Really drained me with projection and made me insecure a bit so it might come across like that, for that reason. I hope you heal and feel yourself again soon.
This is so enlightening but also so sad... that we give our love and life to these energy vampires... they will never feel safe with any one person and are caught up in a torrent of misery of their own design... its sad but no longer my problem... focus on ourselves.. you literally cannot help them.. no amount of love will be enough.. nothing you do will ever be enough...ive lived it and it is a drain of your life..
Hello Anoushka, this is explains EXACTLY what I went through from Aug.-Nov. '22. The rage and hatred directed at me was INTENSE. The shift in personality was so drastic that I was speechless & 100% confused. I've employed no contact/walk away since. The peace of mind that came w/ it has been blissful. Thank you so much for this enlightening video!!!! I've subscribed & shared your link w/ friends who might be vulnerable to this treatment.
A narcissist never thinks about anyone but themselves and what they can get out of you Once they got what they wanted they will discard you like yesterday's rubbish They don't ever think of you at all and if they do start thinking of you run and run fast they are out to destroy you once and for all this is what I have learnt with being with my narcissistic ex husband for 8trs and he still tries to get into my life
Learning this about narcissists made me realise that getting discarded by them is a blessing in disguise. The best way to beat a narcissist is to be your true genuine, kind, honest, respectful, patient and caring self so that they drop you. Because you don't want to keep someone like that (the narcissist) in your life. Just pray that when you do get discarded, you have the courage to go full no contact.
I always show my vulnerability. I always open my heart. But also i learned in time and from my previous relationships how to cut the nip in the bud and close all doors, forever. I think I am dealing with a narcissist now. That's why I'm watching all videos about it, to learn how their mind works. It has been 7 plus years of only giving away and taking nothing in return. I've been a primary supply. I was ghosted but not blocked. I don't chase them though. Instead, I am in 4 to 5 months of no contact. I am good alone and planning to move on when I meet someone good enough to me. I'm just loving myself now and setting some goals to achieve. Even by myself cause I don't need external fuel to move forward.
It really breaks down to them being selfish and immature emotionally. They want and you give! If you don’t give you’ll feel the wrath. It builds and builds and they watch you all this time as it builds and when they can’t take it anymore they explode to reign you back in. You Under control is the goal and how dare you challenge them. Like a spoiled brat they have to get their way
I've watched countless videos on narcissists and this one is exceptional, really helped me understand who they are much better. Learning the "why" behind their behavior makes it so much less personal and easier to detach. Thank you for the excellent work, Anoushka, you are very gifted.
Thank you, I'm in a 15 year relationship with a covert, and sometimes overt narcissist. We have 2 children and I've been through the cycles many times. I was recently discarded and because I've been through it I'm indifferent. So the hoovering has begun. I have been looking for a video that might help her understand that she has this issue. One that doesn't vilify her. Thank you
7 months into healing and this one hits hardest because of where I’m at emotionally. You said narcissists keep you guessing and that is key. They invent and keep inventing their character. It’s fluid so that you can’t really pinpoint who they are. Unbelievably empowering message. I was dwelling on the aftermath of separation, feeling as though she would be laughing at me with her new supply. This bothered me, simply because I know I’m not the problem. It also weighed heavily on my own value. So when you said essentially that they are forever fake, reinventing, mirroring, gas lighting, to make you believe in the lie that is them, now I can stand tall. I can laugh at the childishness of it all. I can not care about her laughing. I can get on with my life. It’s a beautiful thing!!! Thank you so much.
Thanks for sharing this. I’m in the same boat and stressed about my ex who I recently let go and is a narcissist. He actually pushed me to leave him bc he “didn’t want to hurt me” so instead cranked up the volume on mind games until I finally EXPLODED and threw his stuff out.
I suffered from this relationship with covert narc..if you have narcissist partner, your best thing to do is run and never come back..this type of relationship will destroy your soul,drain your energy and money
Anoushka,, spot on. It’s all about giving them attention/ supply. Super sad as an empath to be part of this situation They’re not happy with us, and not happy without us. 🤦🏻♂️🙏🏾
He got vulnerable with me bc I’m an empath and he even said he was giving up a lot by telling me what he did. The stuff he told me wasn’t easy, stuff about his childhood and told me what his triggers were. Then the next minute he was still mad for no reason and treating me like I bothered him bc he could feel something or bc he could talk to me. Never made sense to me.
He said this exact thing....does not want any of his personal business revealed to anyone because he said that gives power over him to other people which was taken to an extreme also this covers his deceptions ....
Wow you have explained this so well, they are very clever in working out your weak points, and using it as a way in... once they're in the games begin. They will do everything in their powers to disrupt your current life. Then turn it all around and claim to be a victim of you disrupting theirs. It's the most disturbing experience a person can go through.
I have gone totally no contact with my coworker/narc. Luckily, I noticed her mask slipped when she got pissed over nothing. Your videos have helped me tremendously. Thank you very much !!!
After getting out of a relationship with a narcissist I actually felt a massive amount of gratitude for my exwife with BPD - taught me everything I needed to starve the narc of good supply and push her away because I couldn't let her go.
I STILL keep falling for his tactics of 'treat or tangle.' I distrust his treats to a degree. When he tangles in my stuff...all that happens is that he wastes our money, resources, food. It just teaches me to detach more.
I always wondered why she didn't talk about feelings. I wanted conversation that didn't feel like I was being interrogated. The only time I experienced feelings from her was during a fit of rage, No kindness, No empahy. No understanding.
This lady is spot on about this problem!oh my goodness! I'm experienced financial abuse ! And Entitlement from narcissists that I unfortunately used to know! But no longer dating anymore! I am happy just being by myself! This last disfunctional relationship was a nightmare for me! I am happy hanging out with my friends and having no more contact!
Thankyou. You helped me understand her insanity. And she just tries to ruin and destroy my life. And it’s been over 6 months. She is also with someone else now being fake. But continues to try to destroy me. But you help me cope and get through it. So… thank you
You explain it so well in all your videos. Control and also public image is so huge to most narcissists. I dealt with one who has the super nice and classy dr. guy image. Most of friends at first thought he was such an honorable and classy person. But we all felt something was off and insincere but we could not put our finger on it. He persuaded me for month and also hoovered me once when I stopped communication. At the end, we found out that he is a married man for 28 years and is a serial cheater. He was intending to have an affair with me but cut him off. When I called him out, there was a silent rage underneath that calm and nonchalant exterior. He minimized my pain. He has disappeared now since he knows I am on to him. It was all a transaction to him and when I failed him, he minimized the whole thing.
I'm unsubscribing from ALL narcissism educational channels. Time to put THIS BEHIND me. WHEN I meditate-- I'm sending ALL MY LOVE for personal honesty for ANYONE on either side of THIS problem. I believe ANYONE CAN CHANGE. GRATITUDE PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL
This describes my most recent relationship. The discard happened a few weeks ago and I’ve been learning all about narcissism- I thought I knew, I DID NOT know 🤯 So much of what I’ve learned are things I’ve thought and even things I pointed out right at the end (now realizing I shouldn’t have because it doesn’t matter), but at least I know what was really going on. Its an emotional roller coaster and hurts so much. Many lessons learned for healing and moving forward.
So done with covert narcs. Waste of 5 years of my life. I loved him more than any other man. Heart is totally crushed. I'm trying to heal and move on. Life's too short for these broken sad people.
An excellent presentation... I'm your student "narc transaction".. you're helping and healing me at the same time.. looking forward for the next video. All the best, thanks a lot 🌻
You are amazing! I’ve watched many experts on narcissism but you are by far the best! You describe everything so accurately and comprehensively. Thank you.
This is gold! 🏆 This explains a lot of hidden details that I was unaware of. I'm extremely compassionate and empathetic to my more recent partner and wouldn't understand the shift in moods and behaviors. This video is the behind the scenes editor's take of the mind. It's very informative
I was all that, but I cut it all off. One evening I had to end it, I was driven to get out, I had been praying sometimes when the narcissist would be sleeping. I would cry and ask God to give me strength because I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t watch what I wanted on TV, stayed locked in 98% of the time, this became overwhelming even if I laughed at something on TV he’d scream yell shake. He was always concerned about what I did when I wasn’t there, and if I needed to come, like 2 days of less time together I’d pay dearly, but I walked out the narcissist walking yelling I loved you, I walked out got in my vehicle and drove away.
Anoushka you are the best! I have followed many people, but when I found you a week ago...I have started binge watching. Because you are so precise and in-depth and you give me the best clarity and motivation to heal. Thank you. ❤️❤️❤️
Excellent video I tried for so many years to support her emotionally and help her self confidence as I knew she had a terrible up bringing as neither of her parents wanted her and so gave her away She discarded me on several occassions then hoovered me back. But the last time she discarded me she devalued and disrespected me as if I had meamt nothing to her that I left for good. It is now 4 months since she discarded me and although I am getting myself back together she did a great job in breaking me at the end
Remember they will never be happy, never. They are insecure, wearing a mask and are exhausted every day. They have no empathy so wont enjoy the good things in life, also they will never be a good mom or dad because of all that.
What you say at 9:19 says pretty much everything about the basic problems of narcissists and it sounds so good. They cannot bond with other people in a healthy normal way and then they also cannot detach in a healthy normal way.
This is insane, it’s literally described text book word for word! Mine has never been diagnosed because they won’t stay in therapy long enough. After a brutal soul draining argument, with no one around to witness the gaslighting, word salad, berating, disgusting words towards me etc… I called the therapist to them know what had happened for protection and to help get the person to stop verbally hurting me. Then because therapist had to legally let them know I called, they quit therapy right after the call. Spouse stating they didn’t need therapy anymore. Then after devaluation for awhile, discarded me. This has happened numerous times and they’ve hovered me back with “slightly changed” behavior. It’s been 12 years and I just can’t take it anymore. There’s absolutely no accountability and only blames me for everything. I’ve been researching, reading, esp the DSM V, I’m almost 100% sure it’s NPD. I made myself transparent and said so, and I got called all kinds of names plus now I’m a narc too apparently. I don’t have this experience with anyone else or any other relationship. Even if this turns out not to be NPD, the behaviors match spot on. Not my problem anymore, I’ve tried everything for 12 years and I’m done. This is still the hardest thing I’ve ever been thru!
It's devastating I didn't know who I was anymore I know he talks about me behind my back But to verbally and emotionally abuse that's a whole nother problem especially in my face I laughed at him and walked out. Look like a scared child BYE hoover me 3 weeks later I just stared at him and he ran off. 2 weeks later found out he was with the back burner narc supply down the street from him how gross that explains his behavior had to devalue me for his wrong acts I try not to hate him but he makes it pretty easy to. Just want to be left alone let the low life deal with that sht.....
You have it all 100% spot on. I discovered very early on that this was just a powerplay & ego booster and he came on strong too soon & too hard. I constantly had the thoughts, but you don't know me yet. Totally lovebombing & sycophantic..i really was very cautious and I learned, thankfully quickly, what he was. Ive ignored him for 3 years now..still get the attempts to communicate, but i flatly ignore him. He has a whole group of supplies, who rotate every 3 years or so, with god knows how many kids between them. Its totally sick and I feel sorry for those women who are under his spell.
Thank you! Anoushka, I have learned so much from your amazing coaching and teaching. I appreciate all your support, encouragement, compassion and truth.
I consider myself fortunate now, my narc husband of 32 years passed away 9 months ago, but not before devastating his family with the news of his dirty little secret in another city, but I’m here and he’s not. My life is peaceful for the first time in decades
I have eventually been able to walk away after a 9 year marriage with 2 kids, it was hard because of the kids, but I could not carry on anymore, she was a serial cheater aswell. But because I have seen the light I don't feel pain, and have relief and much happier.
Thank you so much this is the first thorough video I have come across that helps me understand the "friendship"my neighbor has created with me.. I am pretty well rounded / kind/ social person that never understood why she treated me like property. At first I thought it was due to lack of socialization in the pandemic and moving to new neighborhood but then realized it was classic narc behavior. I would hope she would attach herself to someone else but she would just always say negative things about ppl and never make friends.. expecting me to fit this role of best friend that was in her head. I tried no contact and the children were used as excuses to have interaction. When I found this video today at least I understand why me and can just continue to no contact and give nothing.. so a zillion thanks it all makes sense from the root of childhood ( that I now see her molding her daughter into a version of her) to the everyday draining encounters I see it all so clear . Thanks again
This video has given me the best understanding of exactly what narcissism is. Thank you for breaking it down like that. For me, this explanation humanizes (to some degree) the narcissist and brings to the forefront their childhood wounds. Is there truly no way for the narcissist to heal?
I think the only way for narcissists to be healed is to try to behave against theirselves . That is a kind of humiliation… is good to pray for them and all of us as well
Well there's the issue of getting narcissistic fleas as well as that dark dingy dirty grime they leave on your aura after you're with them. When I went monk mode I learned just how much they interfere with and poison your energy. Now sex is only for good energy
I learned recently from researching schizophrenia on the internet that narcissism shares many characteristics with schizophrenia. Isn't that something!
Thank you for these videos! You've shed a lot of light on what I've been going through for the past 6 years. I'm no contact right now and trying to heal from the damage and these videos are a great help!
I’ve been told it’s not ALWAYS from having an abusive childhood - it is also that they ma y have grown up as the golden child -this was the case in my situation and he grew up being put on a pedestal - he has always felt a sense for f entitlement -
I’ve just managed to get away from the most soul destroying, emotionally draining relationship I’ve ever been in. I’m shaking
My spirit is with you, brother or sister. It is the most horrible experience
Congratulations. Please don't go back for more. The toxic person will try to get you back.
Congratulations. That’s a big step. Continue to thrive.
Congratulations. Praying that your soul gets the complete healing it needs. 🙏
Same here... 😓
They think you still want them..... forever! Because they can't entertain the idea that someone wouldn't want them. Be careful you don't slip into feeling sorry for them, they know what they're doing.
I will never feel sorry for him again because that was my mistake the first time around. They are great actors, pure evil.
@@rayc9899 they've been doing it since they were little kids so they're Oscar level performers. Sad acts.
@@dodibenabba1378 I agree with you 100 percent, stay safe my dear.
@@dodibenabba1378 exactly I told my ex she deserved every award they’re given however it’s an epic fail.
I fell for this twice before. I guess I’m a slow learner. Or I just truly wanted to believe him. 😢
No contact is your best armor
SO CORRECT!!!
TOTALLY SILENT!!!!
Narcissist’s have no depth and are very shallow and we end up chasing the glimpse they gave us
Exactly! Empty monster's! He is just like his mom but much worse!
I agree at first it was you thought you had met your soul mate.
Then it was something is off but could not put your finger on it.
Then it was the red flags ignored.
Then the silent treatment, you felt what had you done wrong?!
Then triangulation, that was discusting.
Then sabotage to one of my vehicles blatantly so.
Then the complete discard with no explanation.
I went silent, no contact in return and am maintaining this treatment never to return to this highly toxic encounter, ever again!
Experienced divorce lawyer here. Great video! I suggest everyone get educated about Narcissistic Personality Disorder BEFORE getting married or tangled up romantically with a narcissist. It can be an expensive, drawn out nightmare divorcing a narcissist. Have and keep strong boundaries. Understand “love bombing”, “gaslighting”, and other ways narcissists think and operate. Keep up the great work making these important and informative videos.
Oh wow imagine having to deal with one in a divorce court. I am so grateful for what could only be described as a cosmic intervention. Perfect storm showed me the illusion just before the point of no return 🙏
When a divorce lawyer tells you to avoid the mess, that's a truth bomb right there!
In a messy Narcs divorce..
If only UA-cam had been around 30 years ago I’d be a rich woman now ugh 🤦♀️
Literally just found out my wife is a narsscasit, I just got sober and thr signals became clear... but we are currently separated since Feb... I was still living in the house at the time.... but she is seeing someone else...for a whole month she was lying and gaslighting and I still love her.... so much it's world destroying... but I keep telling myself... this isn't my wife.... and my kids need me to be strong.... but she thought I wouldn't get sober.... she thought she could keep me on the baited line.... but I seen her for what she is and I caught all her lies about this man..... what got me....made me click... 3 weeks ago she tells me it's all in my head and I need help.... now, she is saying " I was withholding truth to not hurt your feelings"..... why wouldn't she have said that 3 weeks ago....
We're not allowed to have needs or emotions but they certainly have needs that we have to meet.
God help me sums them up you are not allowed anything ,if you need help you are weak .Its all about them .
This ‼️‼️‼️
💯
Amen!
OMG so true. His needs required an entire day. My needs were worth 3 minutes. And when I would tell him my needs, he would do the opposite.
Ya know one of the best things I think I've gained out of all of this mess? The ability to be alone without being "lonely" anyone. No more of that constant need to have a woman by my side and I'm in no hurry to replace the last one. That's a wonderful, God given gift! It was a step in the right direction. Ultimately, it will be between God and myself in the end anyway and all of these things are just distractions and lessons to build on a character that God has planned.
Amen, Duane! Blessings & Peace to you, from Austin. 🔥
It's a superpower
Self validation is a necessity 😊
I'm going through this now. 7 weeks no contact and I'm so lonely. My last gf was a narc hoover after 17 years. We lasted 6 weeks. She had only gotten worse. I'd rather be alone but I'm just not used to it.
You said this so perfectly, I feel this same way.
What's so interesting is that when they find people that are caring and loving that help them meet their needs, they abuse them - the very people that they need, and then start all over again. A non-ending cycle.
That part is confusing to me!
Why do they even want human connection?
@@Ben87866 they are not human they are alien disguised as human to torment human souls
That discovery blew my mind in a painful way.
I'm the one willing to give you anything I you need. I can see the needs that you haven't even communicated and I'm willing. But I'm the one you treated like trash. That's the part that made it hard to move on. I was discarded for identifying your needs and willing to cater to them.
But I managed to get over it eventually.
Theyll keep jumping from one good person into another until they ran out and end up with another narc
I have see. This w my ex (30yrs divorced). He found his match another snake in the grass. I could be wrong, but I think they are both satisfied with one another.
I’ve already told him I can match energy thank god we not married cause he can’t stand me talking back to him
Exactly.
100%
Much love to everyone on their healing journey 🙏🏾
“You have given them your power, your energy, your life force to make them feel better. And I don’t think there is anything worse because they steal it from you.” This is so true, it literally felt like she sucked the life out of me. When she saw me suffering sleep deprived for 3 months with heart palpitations she was finally sleeping well. She had always slept around 4 hours every night when I first got with her. She saw me suffering it was like all of a sudden I couldn’t sleep and she could. Like she stole it from me.
I drive lorries and the c*%t wouldn't let me sleep I was leaving for work scared I might not be up to pulling the day of safely she could see I was nearly dead it needed me at work so I didn't intrude on the other life daytime world if you like.
They are “vampires”
Same.
That’s very familiar to me too. He was a mess up until my mental health was finally in tatters, which happened very quickly in my short relationship because I recognised he was abusive and really screwed up immediately. Once I was a mess, he was miraculously okay.
Man, that was one of the many things I could not figure out! This woman would commit some of the most deceitful, deceptive manipulative, relationship destroying acts you could imagine and sleep a full 8 or 9hrs as peaceful as a sedated newborn. I couldn't sleep due to being so stressed out but it would never bother her. Then wake up the next morning and tell me 'good morning' as if nothing happened! I used to wonder which one of use was the crazy one!
Escaped a crazy narcissist woman last year, some days it still hurts so bad because I was so in love with her. Glad I've healed and doing so much better. You summed up exactly who and what she did.
I’m their now ,,, I Lov the women behind the mask ,, I don’t like her now that she took the mask off …
@@tdog9150 You'll get yourself back. You have to go NO contact & yes they will send their agents out to find out what you're up to because they have god complex ego's & they can't stand that you cut them off. Stay away from random adds by girls on IG (i would get this all the time from her because I blocked her on all social media and she would have random girls try to add me to see what I'm up too). Some days are great some days are the worst. In time you will get yourself back, don't beat yourself up it can sometimes take years to finally get yourself back, but you WILL. Stay positive champ.
@@Niko132 Thank yu ..
I left a comment on the site today. Dude I know how you feel. I swear she is like mine-a witch! And you know what happens to witches!
Yes ,, I’m seventeen days in , no contact ,, nothing ,, …strange ,,, ,,,,,everyday I get stronger ,, I desire her less , im to point I don’t even want her to contact me .. her poison doesn’t have the effect that it did ..
OMG This is mind blowing stuff.. how is this behaviour so predictable and consistent across all narcs.. it’s so insane! Thanks for making me feel less crazy ❤
It's really bad when one is Aquarius...?!!
You're definitely not crazy & nothing is wrong with you.
It's the same demonic troll, dark spirit.
Amanda…Thank You, I was thinking too how do they all have these same traits and characteristics? It’s not like something their taught!
They are selfish and spoiled. They had no structure or guidance and usually not held accountable and have been able to use their bodies so usually females no offense ladies. They are cheaters all the time everything is about hiding cheating. It's their #1 priority and using a boyfriend to look accountable but it's a undercover way to cheat.
Because Narcissism is a demon.. a “spirit of narcissism”..
Jesus called demons out by name. I guess we finally figured out this damn demons name. Get behind me Satan
By far the saddest part about me dating a narcissist was how unwilling he was to open up even after years of dating him. Opening up is never easy for anyone but I do believe that it is a choice. He hated any questions. If I ever asked about him to get to know him he would get defensive and ask why I ask so many questions. And if we ever had an argument and I tried to talk to him about how he felt he would get more and more resistant and cold.
I was with the narcissist for 33 years and after the discard I saw someone I'd never even met! It's a performance, I never knew her.
This is not a universal trait about narcissist. lots of narcissist will tell you their deepest darkest secrets; and then they resent you for it.
I’m literally going through that now with someone. I’ve known her almost 2 years and she is extremely hard when it comes to opening up that I feel like I’m doing something wrong with her not trusting me enough.
@@halalmeatz5644 It seems like it is a universal trait when it comes to connecting with people emotionally. I never heard of a narcissist doing what yours did.
@@tonyg5132 Trust me, you are doing NOTHING wrong. This is coming from experience. If you are taking things slow with her and letting her move at her own pace it is her choice on why she is not opening up. Definitely be careful with people like this because it is a huge sign of detachment and emotional unavailability. A strong bond cannot be built on both sides if only one person is willing to be vulnerable. I learned the hard way. I bonded with my ex for three years straight while he felt absolutely nothing for me. And he straight up told me he didn't care at the very end.
They see empaths as old smart phones they can replace with a new model...the old phone can be useful but why settle for the old if they can get a new model...thats how they see us
Don’t worry, that’s how they see everyone.
And always remember, it’s nothing to do with you.
They live inside their own minds.
Everything is about them.
The person you fell for in the beginning does not exist.
Google “schizoid core” for a deeper understanding of cluster B personality disorder.
This experience will change you Empath.
But from this you will grow even more wise and beautiful.
Stand in the moonlight, barefoot on the grass.
Empaths heal that way.
The silent treatment is a kind of abuse that I don't put up with. I am not someone's property NO ONE OWNS ME PERIOD. Furthermore I am not interested in being someone's door mat or side piece .
After being with my ex for a year and half 2 weeks before I walked out and left she decided to give me the silent treatment all because I questioned her about a couple childish post she posted and said to her that she could've came to me and had a adult covo and instead she acted immature and like a high school kid and posted what she should've said to me on Instagram she then said that I sound like her father and got mad and gave me the silent treatment for almost 2 weeks so in return I said nothing to her I packed my belongs Monday morning got in my car and haven't spoken to her or seen her since .. I don't play childish games nor mind games nor em I gonna allow someone to treat me like I'm a piece of trash and that's what narcissist do...
Is that always the case when a narcissist gives you the silent treatment? Is it because they feel they own you? Or how does that work?
@jlstr it's a form of manipulation to control you don't obey !!!!!
I set a boundary on the silent treatment. You block me, I’m gone forever.
@@jlecampanait’s how they punish you
I worked with a narcissist. At first, she would insult me and then it felt like she was on top of me. They don't respect boundaries. She would follow me around and I felt like I couldn't breathe. They feed off your positive energy and you feel exhausted at the end of the day. Extremely needy but malicious people! She would always give me evil looks and had to know what I was doing or thinking.
Exhausted for sure.
After 10 years he claims “I’m still not wife material” a tactic to make me work harder and harder to be the “wife material” until I completely lost myself and who I was. So glad I’m moving on
So cruel... 😳
The audacity of him to state YOUR worth, when he didn't deserve you in the first place. Sorry you went through that
@@empressb444 thank you! Now I’ve gotten away I can see what was happening
It was total abuse
Same. Mine literally told me to prove to him I was “marriage material.” So he thought I was good enough to come back to after cheating. Good enough to sleep with for YEARS. Good enough to meet family and friends. Good enough to spend time with. But not marriage material?
As if HE was that himself … insane
Mine also tells me I am not wife material.
They keep thinking about you because you were or are thier supply source. They always “need” something from you. If they don’t want something they want to see how to abuse you.
Walk away, use what I call the Tony Montana strategy “don’t let them get high on your supply.” ❤ your videos are so helpful and make so much sense. Thank you Anouska.
That's so TRUE ........the man I was involved with would cause so many problems, that the relationship was just a JOKE. I would either shut him down, and leave for awhile, or he would lash out ,and vanish. I've never experienced such an insane relationship, like this,at all! There were times when we would not communicate, or see each other for weeks, or even a month or so. I can't believe I dealt with such dysfunctional behavior for 7 yrs! Anyway, I would NEVER go back to him. .......HE would ALWAYS come back to ME, just assuming I would still be available. I wish I was more insightful then, and not smothered by so much negative energy.
But I'm happy to say, I finally let it go!! Praise God🙏🏽
I never knew which personality I was going to be dealing with, at times. He could be so loving; gentle; romantic......even acting as though he couldn't live without me. But if he felt he was not in control of a situation, he would turn into Mr Hyde. He was an emotional rollercoaster ride that NEVER stopped. I've had a lot of serious health issues, since involving myself with this man, but hopefully, now that I've walked away from this,I'll be able to get back to better health.
Help me get there ! It’s insane the emotional pain I feel daily for taking a stand against his toxicity 😊
@@loribulisco858hope you succeed, walked away.
Lightbulb moment “because of this inability to connect to themselves, if you can’t do that for yourself how are you going to connect to other people” 🔥
Such a great video! Thank you. I was in a relationship with a narcissist for about 8 mos. and in that short period of time I have never experienced so much confusion and disrespect. I call that relationship a “stupid nothing.” He wasn’t bringing me around anyone and the constant lies. Embarrassed to say I saw the red flags in the very beginning. I am done! Lesson learned and I am thankful for the lesson. I will never let anyone treat me this way again!
Yep it's like a mini whirlwind. You feel so messed up at the end, it's like you have to reinvent yourself to get back to You. It's very weird!
I was dating one for 7 months and she pulled me in so fast, mirrored, bread crumbed, etc. the cycles with her were so quick and I ignored everything because she showed me everything I wanted to see. At the end I found on her phone the truth and that’s what finally created the “discard”, because I realized it was a mask and I saw underneath it. She couldn’t have that and that was the end. It hurt so much, but I’m so thankful that I managed to free myself from this abusive cycle. I’ve never experienced anything like it. Never again.
Don’t feel bad. I saw many red flags and ignored them. Feel so stupid and used.
You definitely hit it all spot on 🎯 especially concerning 3 people in 1. They disassociate or splinter their personality. I've had my lessons dealing with this type of individual. It's best to just walk away or run, just get away and stay away. Don't ever ignore your gut is all I can say.
16 years in that cage…. Finally out …. Yes, RUN!
Hi Anoushka! Just getting out of a 50 year relationship (40 years married - filing for divorce!) - you have just described my life! Bit late in life - that light bulb moment came on far too late but do you know what, I’m pretty resilient and I have found an inner me that I never knew existed - I feel strong. Thank you for explaining my life so clearly and what has happened wasn’t all me. Moving on and looking forward to finding the real me and loving every minute of my new journey. Sue
Me too 25 years with a narcissist. He was driving my family and friends away from me. I had enough after he had two strokes he became very angry and abusive towards me.
You have described the last 43 years of my life. She made me believe it was all my fault.
One of the very best ways to confirm you are with a narcissist is the fact that very few people without an emotional or relationship connection to them, don't like them for very long. People that they try to become friends with soon catch on to their game. "Friends" and co-workers figure them out almost certainly before you might. When they can't get what they want in the workplace, when they can't manipulate friends the way they may manipulate you, word spreads like wildfire about them. They don't have the love and relationship at work that they have in the home and, because of this they can't "love bomb" and manipulate in the same way. You will catch on when they come home and are always saying "oh, so and so at work is a B**ch" or "my boss is an A**hole". In the workplace they run rampant trying their schemes but they fail to realize that, they can't control an entire group of people like they control you. In the workplace, co-workers talk behind THEIR back about THEM and "compare notes". Narcissists HATE this, when people other than you do the homework and figure them out in a group dynamic. With you, they try to isolate you and play a little game where they keep you from talking to others about them. I found out when a mutual friend contacted me and informed me that i might be with a narcissist. This person filled in a lot of blanks for me and this began my "research" phase.......the rest is history. I am no longer with this person (after 15 years) and working on healing myself.
Power dynamics are unavoidable in relationships, especially romantic ones. The difference between narcs and most 'normals' is that narcs want to completely dominate romantic interactions and discover the weaknesses of their partners to consolidate their power position. That is what is abnormal and dysfunctional, not the presence of 'power' per se, which is inevitable.
What matters is motive and context. A previous girlfriend of mine would use benign manipulations against me quite regularly, but they were cute, funny and ultimately harmless, perhaps leaving me out of pocket at worst. Like a child, she knew how to tug at my heartstrings, but my efforts were almost always reciprocated or appreciated in one form or another.
In contrast, the narc in my life did not appreciate anything and constantly demanded more while offering far less in return. e.g. attention, validation, time, emotion etc.
@Red NLS Many women are superficial, there is no doubt about it. They stay with these narc men because they are conventionally attractive and the sex is good and then complain after when it doesn't work out. However, being superficial does not mean that they deserve abuse in return.
@Red NLS Don't take the red pill as gospel. No doubt there is a dark side to female sexuality, but most of the problems we are seeing with women now are not biological. They are due to social and cultural factors.
Also, women are not the same everywhere. This is what I learned after dating women from different nationalities. Anglophone women are the absolute worst in terms of alpha chasing and overall drama.
@Red NLS I don't quite understand the question you are asking. However, the last female narc I was involved with was basically just a woman in a caricatured state. An exaggerated version of a woman.
@Red NLS It can be difficult to tell the difference between them for sure. I am far more confident in my ability to do it now, but it's not always easy.
I would say that one of the main things that distinguishes them is that a neurotypical, non-pathologically manipulative woman would not be as forthcoming about her emotional issues. She would not make them topics of conversation in the early stages of the interaction.
Cluster B women often use their emotional problems, whether real or fabricated, as a way to gain sympathy and exploit others, especially unsuspecting men.
@Red NLS Perhaps not, but I don't have a problem dealing with the emotional problems of the average/typical woman, especially after dealing with two narcs! :-) haha
No contact is AMAZING. PEACE will come flooding into your valley once you deploy it. It. Really. Works.
What you´re saying about narcissists feeding on empathic personalities fits so perfectly all what I went through in my former profession! I´m from time to time discussing with my friends and family why I was so often the target of people with an overblown ego and why it went so nasty every time. Your explanation really helps me to get a closure. So thank you very much!
They are jealous of empaths because we have everything they dont, and they never will. Just keep that in mind when another one surfaces again.
Someone that understands me!! I swear every place I've ever worked I'm always the person that gets stuck with that narcissist on the phone or in the front. They instantly sense a sensitive and hone in on them like flies, it's enough to make me despise socializing lol.
@Red NLS Nice try, troll. Try harder.
It's like moth to a flame. Keep shining tho🌟🌞😊👍
@@captainbarbosa6567 Oh, that is nice, thank you!
They will zero in on your issues and mirror your trauma to gain your trust. Once they succeed in becoming your confidant they will oftentimes go fishing for someone else because they thrive on the chase.
Yep. They have always their own agenda.
They certainly can drain you this is a huge trade off for nice words and a beautiful outward appearance which is pretty much all they really have to initially offer
I got closure today from the Narc after a 2 month discard and complete silent treatment from him. But I'm happy cause I can truly move on now.
Omg..... you're so right .....they are like 2/3/4 different person at times......it's crazy......
Thank you for putting this so clearly and unemotionally. There are so many of them, it seems like a pandemic.
Social media makes them
You have explained the actions of my ex-fiancé and helped me to understand why he is the way he is!! Thank you!
He used to tell me that I fear abandonment… I guess that’s how he feels.
I actually used to tell my ex that. Full on covert narcissist. Really drained me with projection and made me insecure a bit so it might come across like that, for that reason. I hope you heal and feel yourself again soon.
This is so enlightening but also so sad... that we give our love and life to these energy vampires... they will never feel safe with any one person and are caught up in a torrent of misery of their own design... its sad but no longer my problem... focus on ourselves.. you literally cannot help them.. no amount of love will be enough.. nothing you do will ever be enough...ive lived it and it is a drain of your life..
Hello Anoushka, this is explains EXACTLY what I went through from Aug.-Nov. '22. The rage and hatred directed at me was INTENSE. The shift in personality was so drastic that I was speechless & 100% confused. I've employed no contact/walk away since. The peace of mind that came w/ it has been blissful. Thank you so much for this enlightening video!!!! I've subscribed & shared your link w/ friends who might be vulnerable to this treatment.
A narcissist never thinks about anyone but themselves and what they can get out of you
Once they got what they wanted they will discard you like yesterday's rubbish
They don't ever think of you at all and if they do start thinking of you run and run fast they are out to destroy you once and for all this is what I have learnt with being with my narcissistic ex husband for 8trs and he still tries to get into my life
Learning this about narcissists made me realise that getting discarded by them is a blessing in disguise.
The best way to beat a narcissist is to be your true genuine, kind, honest, respectful, patient and caring self so that they drop you.
Because you don't want to keep someone like that (the narcissist) in your life. Just pray that when you do get discarded, you have the courage to go full no contact.
I always show my vulnerability. I always open my heart.
But also i learned in time and from my previous relationships how to cut the nip in the bud and close all doors, forever.
I think I am dealing with a narcissist now. That's why I'm watching all videos about it, to learn how their mind works.
It has been 7 plus years of only giving away and taking nothing in return. I've been a primary supply. I was ghosted but not blocked. I don't chase them though. Instead, I am in 4 to 5 months of no contact. I am good alone and planning to move on when I meet someone good enough to me. I'm just loving myself now and setting some goals to achieve. Even by myself cause I don't need external fuel to move forward.
Totally TRANSACTIONAL!! They do not realize that calling someone who doesn’t want to communicate with them is such a huge disrespect
They’re like chameleons… they can change their colors, but they can’t change their skin
It really breaks down to them being selfish and immature emotionally. They want and you give! If you don’t give you’ll feel the wrath. It builds and builds and they watch you all this time as it builds and when they can’t take it anymore they explode to reign you back in. You Under control is the goal and how dare you challenge them. Like a spoiled brat they have to get their way
I am a victim and it is horrible. The lack of empathy is remarkable.
It's a good topic, but your music is too loud at the opening. Glad you turned it down. TY 🙏🏻
I needed this today. Reenforcing my wall is so important. ,
Stay strong💜
While there is an endless supply of videos on the subject, you really get to the root of the matter and explain their behavior almost mathematically.
They need to manipulate.
Once you question it the search for new supply begins.
I've watched countless videos on narcissists and this one is exceptional, really helped me understand who they are much better. Learning the "why" behind their behavior makes it so much less personal and easier to detach. Thank you for the excellent work, Anoushka, you are very gifted.
Thank you, I'm in a 15 year relationship with a covert, and sometimes overt narcissist. We have 2 children and I've been through the cycles many times. I was recently discarded and because I've been through it I'm indifferent. So the hoovering has begun. I have been looking for a video that might help her understand that she has this issue. One that doesn't vilify her. Thank you
7 months into healing and this one hits hardest because of where I’m at emotionally. You said narcissists keep you guessing and that is key. They invent and keep inventing their character. It’s fluid so that you can’t really pinpoint who they are.
Unbelievably empowering message.
I was dwelling on the aftermath of separation, feeling as though she would be laughing at me with her new supply. This bothered me, simply because I know I’m not the problem. It also weighed heavily on my own value. So when you said essentially that they are forever fake, reinventing, mirroring, gas lighting, to make you believe in the lie that is them, now I can stand tall. I can laugh at the childishness of it all. I can not care about her laughing. I can get on with my life. It’s a beautiful thing!!! Thank you so much.
Thanks for sharing this. I’m in the same boat and stressed about my ex who I recently let go and is a narcissist. He actually pushed me to leave him bc he “didn’t want to hurt me” so instead cranked up the volume on mind games until I finally EXPLODED and threw his stuff out.
@@modernmonarch1111 I’m so sorry, but it will prove to be the absolute right thing to do. Beware the Hoover. Never go back!!!
I suffered from this relationship with covert narc..if you have narcissist partner, your best thing to do is run and never come back..this type of relationship will destroy your soul,drain your energy and money
Anoushka,, spot on. It’s all about giving them attention/ supply. Super sad as an empath to be part of this situation
They’re not happy with us, and not happy without us. 🤦🏻♂️🙏🏾
He got vulnerable with me bc I’m an empath and he even said he was giving up a lot by telling me what he did. The stuff he told me wasn’t easy, stuff about his childhood and told me what his triggers were. Then the next minute he was still mad for no reason and treating me like I bothered him bc he could feel something or bc he could talk to me. Never made sense to me.
You made him vulnerable. They don't like that.
He said this exact thing....does not want any of his personal business revealed to anyone because he said that gives power over him to other people which was taken to an extreme also this covers his deceptions ....
Wow you have explained this so well, they are very clever in working out your weak points, and using it as a way in... once they're in the games begin. They will do everything in their powers to disrupt your current life. Then turn it all around and claim to be a victim of you disrupting theirs. It's the most disturbing experience a person can go through.
Yup! Everything you shared checks out. Learned about Narcissism last year. A year into healing now, after 14 years. So very confusing 😢.
I got away too, thanks to her because she dumped me. I went into radiosilence and started to realise sooo many things. Feeling so happy now!
I have gone totally no contact with my coworker/narc. Luckily, I noticed her mask slipped when she got pissed over nothing. Your videos have helped me tremendously. Thank you very much !!!
They act cool as a cucumber to everyone that they have no control over. It’s so fake.
After getting out of a relationship with a narcissist I actually felt a massive amount of gratitude for my exwife with BPD - taught me everything I needed to starve the narc of good supply and push her away because I couldn't let her go.
I STILL keep falling for his tactics of 'treat or tangle.' I distrust his treats to a degree. When he tangles in my stuff...all that happens is that he wastes our money, resources, food. It just teaches me to detach more.
PLEASE don't let him have your money
I always wondered why she didn't talk about feelings. I wanted conversation that didn't feel like I was being interrogated. The only time I experienced feelings from her was during a fit of rage, No kindness, No empahy. No understanding.
Ive gone threw this recently. Youve explained exactly what ive experienced & learned perfectly.
This lady is spot on about this problem!oh my goodness! I'm experienced financial abuse ! And Entitlement from narcissists that I unfortunately used to know! But no longer dating anymore! I am happy just being by myself! This last disfunctional relationship was a nightmare for me! I am happy hanging out with my friends and having no more contact!
Thankyou. You helped me understand her insanity. And she just tries to ruin and destroy my life. And it’s been over 6 months.
She is also with someone else now being fake. But continues to try to destroy me.
But you help me cope and get through it. So… thank you
You explain it so well in all your videos. Control and also public image is so huge to most narcissists. I dealt with one who has the super nice and classy dr. guy image. Most of friends at first thought he was such an honorable and classy person. But we all felt something was off and insincere but we could not put our finger on it. He persuaded me for month and also hoovered me once when I stopped communication. At the end, we found out that he is a married man for 28 years and is a serial cheater. He was intending to have an affair with me but cut him off. When I called him out, there was a silent rage underneath that calm and nonchalant exterior. He minimized my pain. He has disappeared now since he knows I am on to him. It was all a transaction to him and when I failed him, he minimized the whole thing.
That was a highly risky decision
That was a highly risky decision
That was a highly risky decision
I'm unsubscribing from ALL narcissism educational channels.
Time to put THIS BEHIND me.
WHEN I meditate-- I'm sending ALL MY LOVE for personal honesty for ANYONE on either side of THIS problem.
I believe ANYONE CAN CHANGE.
GRATITUDE PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL
Good luck
Most of them are unwilling to change and their narcissism serves them.
This describes my most recent relationship. The discard happened a few weeks ago and I’ve been learning all about narcissism- I thought I knew, I DID NOT know 🤯
So much of what I’ve learned are things I’ve thought and even things I pointed out right at the end (now realizing I shouldn’t have because it doesn’t matter), but at least I know what was really going on. Its an emotional roller coaster and hurts so much. Many lessons learned for healing and moving forward.
Mine happened 4 months ago. Cheated nd left me. Hoovered recently. I got so much anger in me but not showing. God help me please.
Don’t feel dumb momma we all do 😂
So done with covert narcs. Waste of 5 years of my life. I loved him more than any other man. Heart is totally crushed. I'm trying to heal and move on. Life's too short for these broken sad people.
An excellent presentation... I'm your student "narc transaction".. you're helping and healing me at the same time.. looking forward for the next video. All the best, thanks a lot 🌻
You are amazing! I’ve watched many experts on narcissism but you are by far the best! You describe everything so accurately and comprehensively. Thank you.
I agree.
This is gold! 🏆 This explains a lot of hidden details that I was unaware of. I'm extremely compassionate and empathetic to my more recent partner and wouldn't understand the shift in moods and behaviors. This video is the behind the scenes editor's take of the mind. It's very informative
I was all that, but I cut it all off. One evening I had to end it, I was driven to get out, I had been praying sometimes when the narcissist would be sleeping. I would cry and ask God to give me strength because I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t watch what I wanted on TV, stayed locked in 98% of the time, this became overwhelming even if I laughed at something on TV he’d scream yell shake. He was always concerned about what I did when I wasn’t there, and if I needed to come, like 2 days of less time together I’d pay dearly, but I walked out the narcissist walking yelling I loved you, I walked out got in my vehicle and drove away.
I left mine, and took off in my vehicle also. After 5 years....
This has some complicated ideas. But I can see the overall intent to control others and the inflated ego and childlike thinking at play.
Because he knew I MEANT IT ! WHEN I TOLD HIM THAT I PROMISE YOU !WHEN I SAID I'M DONE I'M DONE!!!!! I MADE A BELIEVER OUT OF ( His self) !!!
Anoushka you are the best! I have followed many people, but when I found you a week ago...I have started binge watching. Because you are so precise and in-depth and you give me the best clarity and motivation to heal. Thank you. ❤️❤️❤️
Excellent video I tried for so many years to support her emotionally and help her self confidence as I knew she had a terrible up bringing as neither of her parents wanted her and so gave her away She discarded me on several occassions then hoovered me back. But the last time she discarded me she devalued and disrespected me as if I had meamt nothing to her that I left for good. It is now 4 months since she discarded me and although I am getting myself back together she did a great job in breaking me at the end
Remember they will never be happy, never. They are insecure, wearing a mask and are exhausted every day. They have no empathy so wont enjoy the good things in life, also they will never be a good mom or dad because of all that.
What you say at 9:19 says pretty much everything about the basic problems of narcissists and it sounds so good. They cannot bond with other people in a healthy normal way and then they also cannot detach in a healthy normal way.
The more you guys talk to me about this topic ,the more energy you give them,im realizing,that no one is honest a (2 be cont
True!
This is insane, it’s literally described text book word for word! Mine has never been diagnosed because they won’t stay in therapy long enough. After a brutal soul draining argument, with no one around to witness the gaslighting, word salad, berating, disgusting words towards me etc… I called the therapist to them know what had happened for protection and to help get the person to stop verbally hurting me. Then because therapist had to legally let them know I called, they quit therapy right after the call. Spouse stating they didn’t need therapy anymore. Then after devaluation for awhile, discarded me. This has happened numerous times and they’ve hovered me back with “slightly changed” behavior. It’s been 12 years and I just can’t take it anymore. There’s absolutely no accountability and only blames me for everything. I’ve been researching, reading, esp the DSM V, I’m almost 100% sure it’s NPD. I made myself transparent and said so, and I got called all kinds of names plus now I’m a narc too apparently. I don’t have this experience with anyone else or any other relationship. Even if this turns out not to be NPD, the behaviors match spot on. Not my problem anymore, I’ve tried everything for 12 years and I’m done. This is still the hardest thing I’ve ever been thru!
It's devastating I didn't know who I was anymore I know he talks about me behind my back But to verbally and emotionally abuse that's a whole nother problem especially in my face I laughed at him and walked out. Look like a scared child BYE hoover me 3 weeks later I just stared at him and he ran off. 2 weeks later found out he was with the back burner narc supply down the street from him how gross that explains his behavior had to devalue me for his wrong acts I try not to hate him but he makes it pretty easy to. Just want to be left alone let the low life deal with that sht.....
Spot on and so helpful. Still healing after 2 years.
You have it all 100% spot on. I discovered very early on that this was just a powerplay & ego booster and he came on strong too soon & too hard. I constantly had the thoughts, but you don't know me yet. Totally lovebombing & sycophantic..i really was very cautious and I learned, thankfully quickly, what he was. Ive ignored him for 3 years now..still get the attempts to communicate, but i flatly ignore him. He has a whole group of supplies, who rotate every 3 years or so, with god knows how many kids between them. Its totally sick and I feel sorry for those women who are under his spell.
Great video I’m 7 months no contact it’s not easy after 7 years of nothingness.
Thank you! Anoushka, I have learned so much from your amazing coaching and teaching. I appreciate all your support, encouragement, compassion and truth.
I consider myself fortunate now, my narc husband of 32 years passed away 9 months ago, but not before devastating his family with the news of his dirty little secret in another city, but I’m here and he’s not. My life is peaceful for the first time in decades
I have eventually been able to walk away after a 9 year marriage with 2 kids, it was hard because of the kids, but I could not carry on anymore, she was a serial cheater aswell. But because I have seen the light I don't feel pain, and have relief and much happier.
You explain these points SOOOOO WELL thank you xx
You're so welcome!
Thank you so much this is the first thorough video I have come across that helps me understand the "friendship"my neighbor has created with me.. I am pretty well rounded / kind/ social person that never understood why she treated me like property. At first I thought it was due to lack of socialization in the pandemic and moving to new neighborhood but then realized it was classic narc behavior. I would hope she would attach herself to someone else but she would just always say negative things about ppl and never make friends.. expecting me to fit this role of best friend that was in her head. I tried no contact and the children were used as excuses to have interaction. When I found this video today at least I understand why me and can just continue to no contact and give nothing.. so a zillion thanks it all makes sense from the root of childhood ( that I now see her molding her daughter into a version of her) to the everyday draining encounters I see it all so clear . Thanks again
I am so glad that it has helped :)
You are such a beautiful soul, thank you for your help ❤️ I'm very grateful.
Right on point... 😢
'Transactional' is a very apt description of the core of how they are driven. Excellent job. Thanks.
Your video describes this character better, very explanatory and well researched.
I’m so grateful for these videos!!!
It’s so good to know I’m not going crazy
This video has given me the best understanding of exactly what narcissism is. Thank you for breaking it down like that. For me, this explanation humanizes (to some degree) the narcissist and brings to the forefront their childhood wounds. Is there truly no way for the narcissist to heal?
I think the only way for narcissists to be healed is to try to behave against theirselves .
That is a kind of humiliation… is good to pray for them and all of us as well
Yes, there is no way for them to heal. Good news, we can heal
This is so sad. It's like the woman I was smitten with was an android incapable of higher human function. So dark...I feel gross. 😪
Well there's the issue of getting narcissistic fleas as well as that dark dingy dirty grime they leave on your aura after you're with them. When I went monk mode I learned just how much they interfere with and poison your energy. Now sex is only for good energy
I learned recently from researching schizophrenia on the internet that narcissism shares many characteristics with schizophrenia. Isn't that something!
Thank you for these videos! You've shed a lot of light on what I've been going through for the past 6 years. I'm no contact right now and trying to heal from the damage and these videos are a great help!
I’ve been told it’s not ALWAYS from having an abusive childhood - it is also that they ma y have grown up as the golden child -this was the case in my situation and he grew up being put on a pedestal - he has always felt a sense for f entitlement -