I hope Ben sees this... my cat Teddy is obsessed with your voice. Every time I turn on a podcast he sits on the cat tower and listens and sometimes gets close to the screen. His ears perk up every time Ben talks. It's so cute. ❤
My mom gets upset if my family brings anyone as a guest to Christmas without telling her, especially children, because she doesn't want anyone to feel excluded. She actually started keeping sort of 'generic' gifts that most people would enjoy so if she needs a last minute gift for someone she didn't realize was there she can. Also I'm disturbed on how a mother-in-law doesnt consider her child's partner and her grandchild as family? Thats sort of the whole idea of marriage is it not?
My mom has always done that too, and I inherited the habit haha! It can come in handy when you have a sudden need for a little present, like a secret santa at work or at a xmas party, or someone’s housewarming party or when you have just forgotten a friends bday is coming up. The last time I needed my stash was when I had a friend who I see very rarely cos he lives so far away, was in town, and wanted to go for a lunch. It was december already, I had planned on sending him and his gf just a self made card and scratch tickets which I’m sure he would have appreciated (he hasn’t usually gotten me any physical present he’s just been thoughtful in other ways like offered to buy me coffee etc). I wanted to give a proper gift but paying for postage would have cost too much. But since he was in town it meant I didn’t have to pay postage so even though I hadn’t prepared anything specific for them I could gather a little physical gift from what I had and added the card and tickets to it :)
I've found a good generic gift to have in lieu or on short notice is chocolate/sweets of some kind (unless you know the person doesn't like or is allergic to them obviously). I've had a few last minute relatives invite themselves, and chocolates always go down well without leaving anyone feeling excluded!
I mean I get that, but I think in that particular story it turned out the wife had actually been quite awful to the mom which justifies her behaviour. Not considering your grandchild family however does seem unfair, regardless of the opinion of your daughter in law.
imagine your new husband getting you $20 spoons for the house as a christmas gift when he dropped thousands on gifts for his co-workers. what a way to show where your priorities lie. if i were her, i'd return the expensive gifts i'd bought for him and get him something within their apparent budget. raid the dollar store or whatever. but then i am a petty b.
Big red flag honestly. He even said that he spends so much because they're important to them. So the wife apparently isn't. And a spoon set? How personal... Might have even bought it for himself.
In regard to the coworker gifts one I side with the wife. If the husband is spending thousands of dollars on his friends while he wouldn’t even give an iota of thought or effort into his new wife’s gift I’d be pissed too. The fact that it was a cheap set of spoons as a present for their first Christmas as a married couple shows that he did not care to actually put thought into his wife’s gift as he did for people that weren’t his literal WIFE.
same! it’s not really about the cost of the present, but the fact that he’s not prioritising his own wife. you can get a really meaningful and thoughtful gift for 20 dollars too, but spoons sound like he was in a store and remembered his wife exists too and picked up the first thing he saw
Exactly! His response when she asked him why he was spending so much was “because these people mean something to me and I like them”….uhhh, do you not feel that way about your WIFE?!
Haha, curfew story time. I was TWENTY years old, very responsible. I had an 11pm curfew. I was at my boyfriend's house (he lived with his parents, so we were not alone) and he had just been hired at a new job. He was a bit overwhelmed by the big load of work they gave him that first week, and I was helping him go through it (a lot of data sheets to pour through). I called my mom a handful of times to update her on how it was going since it was getting late. She told me to hurry, dad was getting antsy. I checked in again around 10:45pm to let her know we were almost done (but it was an hour drive) so we would be late, but I'd call again when we left. She told me to leave IMMEDIATELY because dad was furious. We finished quickly and left at 11pm. I called to say we were on our way. She said dad was livid. We got back, and my dad stormed out of the house and told my boyfriend to never, ever return, he was not allowed to see me anymore. Once again, I was TWENTY years old. He then took my phone from me. So I had no car, no phone. I moved out that night. It had been a long time coming. Fifteen years later, married to the guy for twelve years now, AND living in my childhood home (the same home he was told never to return to). My parents live next door. My dad still has a lot of anger issues but it took me moving out to start the process of him seeing me as an adult. Boundaries needed to be set. They respect my decisions, choices, and family dynamic.
When I lived with my parents I paid a majority of the rent, so I'd get out of work late about 11 or 12 some nights and while I did have a house key my parents would constantly lock the top lock that NONE of us had the key to open and they'd be asleep so I'd sleep in my car some nights.. it was irritating at the very least
@@steph_lopez its not okay for your mom to control you with her anxiety. This probably sounds harsh to you, but that is her problem and something she needs to work on. Do not let her prevent you from living the life you want, you only get one life! Just in case you need to hear that.
That’s a really shitty thing for her friends to do! If I were her I’d be pretty pissed at them, tell them to return it and keep the one from my boyfriend. Had he not told the friends he was getting that for her it’d be a different situation but it just seems petty and childish and honestly quite disrespectful to try to beat him to the punch. Especially considering it wasn’t an inexpensive item
If I found out that my partner’s spent $20 on a gift for me and $900 on a gift for their friend, I would be so weirded out. Am I the only one who would worry they were cheating on me? I’m pretty secure, but that’s like a “secret second family” level of price discrepancy to me 😳
If that's true, it's very strange. Wouldn't he spend big to keep up appearances and make her not suspect anything? Unless he did it on purpose in order for them to get divorced? Weird all round.
in the sweatpants thing, i think it's 50/50, because the mother in law definitely puts way too much emphasis on christmas and wants everyone to be dressed up like they're going to a gala just to show it off, probably even shares family pictures with her friends to show how great her christmas is. but the woman definitely needs to find a happy medium. showing up in sweats when everyone else is dressed up is kinda disrespectful, it shows you literally don't care about being there. so find a happy medium and dress like if you were going to a church service or an office job, so it's more casual-formal and not just straight up casual
I agree. Wearing appropriate clothes is a respect thing. Idk if it’s just the way that I was raised but I think dressing appropriately is still important.
I don't think mother-in-law is unreasonable. I would love to have a dress-up party for Christmas. Just to make it more special. It happens only once a year. I don't need to dress up anywhere else in my life. So, that would be exciting. Therefore, I definitely think that the OP was in the wrong trying to undermine MIL. If someone invites you to the party they dictate the rules and dress code is one of them.
@@100MilesEast MIL: Family Christmas! Please dress up for the festive occasion. DIL: You're not the boss of me. But I'll still take space in your house and eat your food.
Also with the treehouse one the fact that the husband was pissed at his wife and said she was overreacting just shows they are not together on the parenting front and she makes rash, harsh decisions. I think the punishment should be at least discussed and if the dad was that upset he should have went outside to get the kid. Sounds like she is very controlling
I'm confused as to how the dad got all the way through the morning without realizing his son was outside. I mean, *maybe* dad goes to sleep so early that by the time son skipped curfew at ten he was out and mom didn't wake him up, but if dad tends to be more reasonable than mom, why wasn't son texting dad? You'd think as a parent you'd whitelist your kids' calls to get through to you even on DND, so this means that son never bothered to call his dad (which likely means dad backs up mom more often than not), dad ignored it so as not to set mom off, or mom stole dad's phone so he wouldn't get the notifications.
Curfew story: Yeah YTA... but more importantly, that was ILLEGAL in many states. You can't deny entry of a legal resident into a residence. The son could (and should) have called the non-emergency number to the police. They can send a unit and remind the parent they are required to let the child in.
I think the wife whose husband is spending a huge amount of money on his coworkers and not his own partner is ridiculous. Regularly, you would want to get a nice gift for your partner and not treat them as an afterthought.
I've been with my partner for 7 years. We had been together for 2 months when we spent our first Christmas together. I wasn't expecting anything from his parents, but they included me in the gift giving process. I didn't expect nor receive anything lavish from them, but being included felt nice. Now, 7 years later, my in-laws treat me and my partners BIL as if we were their own kids. We get our own gifts plus gifts we share with our partners. I think it really depends on the family, but if your kids have partners then you should be willing to treat them as family. The type of gift given should depend on the individuals and what they can afford, but no one should be left out if they are all celebrating together.
Yep. My brother has been with his girlfriend for 2 months and my dad got her a stocking, mom got her a few wrapped gifts & my grandma got her a blanket and a candle. Doesn’t have to be anything crazy, just include them!
I have some friends who never went beyond the written driving lessons and limited practice because of the panic attacks it would cause. I 100% support this decision because if you don't feel comfortable driving a huge hunk of metal at high (or even low) speeds because you are worried you'll hurt yourself or others then THANK YOU for not driving. Edit: typo
A car is a death machine. Literally. If some one doesn’t feel safe handling a huge dangerous machine which is capable of such harm, than they shouldn’t be forced. Plain and simple!!
yea but this is a 26 yr old grown man. at that point it’s their responsibility to handle their own transportation and not seem dependent on others… anxiety or not
@@stephanieruiz9969 he has figured it out though. He takes a bus or an Uber. He’s not dependent on the girl, she infact could Uber with him if she didn’t want to drive. And he expressed entirely being able to afford it. I think she’s more embarrassed by him
@@siennalewis1088 idk just seems like he's stubborn. Unless I missed it, it doesn't seem like it comes from a place of anxiety. He seemed to say it's about money, but to uber would be expensive, especially everyday to go to work.
Omg wow! The husband who gave the wife a spoon is cheating on her. I was hoping he would say oh there’s a surprise but no she should be grateful for a spoon?! Yea divorce him. Especially to say that she should get rid of this behavior. NAH RUN GIRL
“get rid of this behaviour” literally alarm bells going off lmao. talking to me like a controlling parent would to a disobedient child or pet when i’m your actual fucking partner? nah.
The newlywed post about buying the friends something of a higher value than the wife is hard to understand. Yes, it is the thought that counts, but I would generally be horrified if my husband bought me some utensils as a present (unless that is something I specifically asked for). It's the same with other gifts that should be normal 'communal usage', such as hoovers, etc. It's almost like the husband is classing it like, its not an essential, so therefore it is a gift, when clearly this is something they will both use. They should sit down and have a budget placed on what they are getting their significant other.
And silverware seems like such a bad gift. They're married, I assume they're eating with something. Unless it was something she explicitly asked for it seems really low effort.
I’m sure she tried to convince herself it’s the thought that counts but there’s no thought into the gift he got her (probably other gifts as well) she says she gets him gifts he may like like his favorite shoes and games but he can’t care enough to get her something she might actually like? It doesn’t mean he has to spend a lot but at least put thought into it. Seeing the list of his gift priorities and how he purposely gets her the cheapest, random crap pretty much solidified her suspicion that he genuinely doesn’t care enough to get her something with her in mind.
I found the driving one really interesting as I am almost 23 and can’t drive. I began learning at 17 (UK driving age), spent thousands of pounds trying to learn, failed 4 tests and I finally gave up when I was 20 years old. My partner can drive and sometimes becomes irritated when he is the only one able to drive to see my family, for example, but for the most part I use public transport exclusively. I would be upset if someone bought me driving lessons as it would be a waste of their money and insulted that they’ve assumed that me not being able to drive means there is something wrong with me.
Yeah I feel about the same. I am almost 28 and can’t drive. I do not want to drive. Between now expensive it is to learn to drive, take the test get a car, insurance, car maintenance that alone is a big nope for me.. but I also have bad anxiety and wouldn’t be able to handle it. I’d be pretty upset if someone wasted a bunch of money getting me something they knew i didn’t want because they were bitter about it. I think they also missed the part where he said he takes Uber most of the time for when he needs to go anywhere and only “relies” on her if they are both going to the same place.
@@probably_notbob5794 Yeah, definitely. Completely agree. His girlfriend’a problem seemed to be about wanting to be a passenger rather than being relied on also. Although getting Ubers everywhere sounds so expensive!!
yeah i also hate how everyone tries to put a US context on this situation. like i live in a country where public transport is sufficient enough for me to never have to drive anywhere. my dad has done it. if you really don’t want to and don’t need it, then don’t do it! i do think that driving is an important life skill though. i’m on OP’s side here but i feel like maybe OP and partner maybe aren’t suited for each other if they truly can’t see eye to eye on it.
Idk OP says the GF drives to work/grocer/etc. so I think it’s safe to assume the area isn’t super walkable or doesn’t have good public transport. If a person is unable to drive when it is necessary for someone to do so, than they’re being a burden. That said, it’s not always a bad thing. Some ppl love driving or their partners take care of other chores to make the load feel more balanced. Personally I tend to enjoy driving, but just the fact that my partner can when I’m too tired or feeling sick is a comfort. If every time I decided we needed milk and hopped in the car my partner decided to “tag along” I would start to feel used after a while. I think the biggest issue with OP isn’t his lack of a license but the seeming lack of appreciation for his GF shepherding him around. He honestly comes across very ungrateful to me. As a bonus, my BF is a twin. His twin doesn’t have a license but my BF does. So he was the chauffeur any time they went to a friends house, to school, to an event, etc. As a result, my BF kinda hates driving and I get it so I’m willing to drive most of the time. But he also knows how exhausting it is to always be the chauffeur, so when I ask him to drive he does. We’re both aware of the burden of driving (it’s tiring and it actually physically pains me after about an hour), so we’re able to compromise effectively.
They’re so skeptical about the gift planning list, but it’s definitely useful if you need to budget for each person and make sure you keep your presents organized lol
@@cyankalis Oh of course, that’s what I do now. I just mean they seemed weirded out that anyone would write out what they plan on giving people and the costs of those items.
@@lineyloveslacquer personally I don't think it's weird, it's plain budgeting, maybe he tends to forget some things because there are quite a few people that he wanted to give gifts to, that makes sense to me. It just doesn't seem too clever of him to write it down so the wife could find it
@@cyankalis yeah I definitely used to hide the paper one I did back in the day before smartphones, so idk where this guy left his so she could easily find it🤔
Love these episodes! It would be fun on some of these if you also looked at the comment consensus. The replies can be interesting, and it's always nice to see if our own reaction matches the group or if we have a totally different perspective.
I would never do that (lock my child out for missing curfew) because of Paul and Karla Bernardo... that happened to one of their victims and that's how Paul was able to get her.
and its ironic because the reason for having a curfew and calling is presumably so they stay safe....so youre gonna lock them out without supervision where they could wander or get hurt anyway? counterproductive just to make a "point" the teen prob will resent anyway
Yeah, my parents gave me a curfew that was dependent upon the event and even then, the door was always open. I never even snuck out or did bad things cause I knew they would be accepting and I'd always find a way to call them if I was late or something happened.
I keep a spreadsheet of gifts I'm getting for people for Christmas! It's a great way for me to keep track of who I've gotten gifts for, whether they've already shipped or arrived (I do most of my shopping online), and around how much I've spent on each person (so that I'm not spending way more on one sibling than another)
Same! And I keep these lists digitally for the most part, but if I made a physical list that could feasibly be found by my partner, I probably wouldn't write it down either. I can't help but feel like that's what the husband was doing, or maybe he hadn't come up with the right gift yet (gift-giving is *clearly* one of his love languages, lol). I think the wife may have jumped the gun on that one and gotten her own feelings hurt.
@@taylorwalker7417 That's kind of what I was thinking, too! Like maybe he just hadn't gotten anything else for her yet, but that didn't mean he wasn't planning to!
For the gift giving one, if my partner was inviteted to christmas at my moms place, then I would expect my mom to give a gift, atleast a small one so that my partner doesn't feel left out.
yeah i think the whole thing about the dad being more old school traditional, and the mom having had issues with the gf in the past tells me if it had been the son proposing during christmas dinner, the parents, especially the mom, wouldn't have been as upset
The locked out of the house story is a cross over from another podcast- My Favorite Murder. One of Paul Bernardo's victims was locked out of her house because she came home after curfew... Pretty sure Leslie Mahaffy's mom will eternally regret locking her daughter out for missing curfew...
re: the dress code totally agree, wearing sweats on an already fixed formal event is so unnecessary. it's ok to not like wearing these fancy dresses (just wear something semi-formal), but purposefully under-dressing to "make a point" is a huge asshole move. re: buying myself a present if you wanted a gift for yourself on any occasion, fucking go for it. i can't understand the wife being salty about it (only acceptable if they're having financial issues). like girl, it's his money and he wanted a gift for himself, i totally see nothing wrong with that.
I bought most of my gifts this year because my husband waits until last minute and doesn't usually have anything for me come Christmas morning. I'm a bit petty for sure, but whatever 🤷🏽♀️😂
@@kkiimm12 Exactly. And there are plenty of clothing options that aren't sweat pants that are more dressy. Black slacks/jeans and nice blouse/dressy shirt for example. The purpose of a dress code is not only to respect the host who's made an effort and wants to have a certain "level" of attire from their guests but also for the guests benefit so that they know what level to dress up to (imagine if you come to a wedding in a gown and everyone else is wearing casual, you'd feel awkward) and thirdly as a sign of respect to the other guests who took time and effort to dress up as well.
@@ellabellaswe and also they could just buy one outfit and wear it every year. not the most impressive, but from what OP sounds they probably don’t care about that anyway, and they’ll still be abiding to the dress code.
tbh as someone from a country with a LOT of public transport, I never really felt the need to get a driving license. Plus the thought of driving is just really scary to me so I don't think I'd be able to do it. So I kinda get the guy, but at the same time if I had a partner that would drive me everywhere I would feel really guilty if I didn't atleast share in the costs.
Idk how it is in NA but where I live a drivers license costs about ~2000€ depending on how fast you learn. For me this is an absolutely huge amount of money. Owning a Car is also very expensive with all the stuff you have to pay for. I also can get everywhere by train or bus which costs less than owning a car and paying gas + in the city parking can also be very expensive if there even are free spaces at all.
37:45 I remember the first time I heard Cristine give this lecture, I was furious and kind of had difficulty understanding why. I was shaking, terrified, angry, with so many thoughts racing through my head like, "It's not that easy, how dare you talk about my parents like that, how is any of this not my responsibility, I can't just be a selfish brat and not care." After a year in therapy, hearing this again is a completely different experience. I'm like, "Oh fuck. So this is what reasonable expectations, boundaries, and logic sounds like when you're free."
I hope it's not weird to say I'm proud of you! I've been doing therapy for 10+ years now and I remember from the early days that accepting painful truths is by far the most difficult part about it. But there comes a point where you just let go of rigid thinking and your ego will be fine with changing-/evolving views on yourself and other people.
@@Shirumoon That is so sweet of you, I don't think it's weird at all and I really appreciate it! And I completely agree, it really is difficult because all of those cognitive distortions were survival mechanisms - and if I don't have that, what do I have to protect myself? If it wasn't my fault, how can I "control" it to make it better? Therapy (and even just free online DBT resources) have completely turned my life and my brain around, and despite everything I'm still going through, I don't think I've ever been more stable and more at peace. Thank you again for sharing your experience with me and for your very gracious comment!!!!!
I thought the proposal infront of family on Christmas was super cute tho. I didn't think of it as taking over someone else's thing. I just thought of it like all those cheesy hallmark movies where they propose infront of friends and family, the person's loved ones. Kinda like in a I want to be part of your family too kinda way.
The biggest issue I was wtf on with the mom and Xmas gifts is her son has a child! You are telling me that grandma doesn't give her grandbaby gifts? What grandma does that? Anyone I've known of or heard of piles their grandkids with gifts. Change is ok and good, not traumatizing. What a melodramatic woman.
On partner gift giving - My family gives everyone 1-3 things in common every year for Christmas (this year was a blanket for each person & a candle & ornament for each couple/household, last year was a nice insulated cup with a $25 gift card inside) this includes ALL significant others. My brother has only been with his girlfriend since October and she was still included in this. We would never want anyone to feel left out! My family does give maybe 1-2 things extra to anyone that has been with the family for more than just the one single Christmas just because we know them better - but they’re always given something! Even my dad, who is far more strapped for cash than my moms side, makes all of our partners a stocking with some candy and gum so that they have something to open. It just seems so easy to fix this.
In the first story I was questioning why the 16 year old son didn't have his own house key and apparently there is no spare emergency one hidden outside. I found that very strange. Also for the other key story with the mother in law knowing her personality I would not have ever given her an emergency key. If the husband went behind the wife's back and the mother in law walked in while they were being intimate the first time I would have taken the key back. For the formal dinner code at Chtistmas I somewhat understand as it is special occaision and was expected in my family. I am sure though my brother and I wouldn't have been excluded if we had decided to dress more casually. If I was in the posters situation I would show up in a lovely fancy top and sweatpants 😄
I am older than you two, and I don't have my license. Unfortunately, I have a phobia with driving, including freezing up just sitting in the driver's seat unless helping someone fix a car. As for the mom that refused to give the wife a present...It also states that she refuses to give her grandchild a present too. It doesn't matter that the child is a baby right now. That is just not right.
I follow 3 podcasts that come out all on the same day as Simplypodlogical and this one is always the first one I click - love you guys! YES I’M A SUPER SIMP 😂❤️
Of course I don’t mind sharing! The other podcasts I listen to are all by The Try Guys and found on their channel “trypods” - 1) The Trypod 2) You Can Sit With Us and 3) Guilty Pleasures. Happy listening!
I always love how it's basically always the same issue: Communication xD and when that kinda works then people have no sympathy for their significant other/friend/whatever. Like... when you tell your partner that you feel uncomfortable when their mother comes randomly into your house/apartment, they should respect your feelings even if their don't mind. If something makes one person uncomfortable and it's "not that big of a deal" then just help them wtf xD I totally understand that one person who didn't want their mother in law to visit whenever she wants to
1) 10pm is fine in general, later if prearranged. But why does a 16 year old need to be out after 10pm with out prearranging and explaining what you're doing. 2) he was lying he ignored the calls too 3)she's still an ahole for making him sleep out side
They are on a slippy slope to making their kid hate them. He was with a girl, ofc he ignored his mother calls, he is a teen. Imagine being a teen with a crush and your mom is calling you, you would be embarassed, most teens would. Not providing a roof to sleep under for being 1h late is pure craziness.
@@crispyfrenchtoastnguyen8642 you don't know that, did they show a picture of a treehouse? Maybe it doesn't have a lock or heating or railing or whatever. It's unsafe and the mother is a provider and must provide safe enviroment for the kid, even when they are pissing her off.
Yeah it seems crazy to me that people think it's ok for a teenager to be out past 10 without prearranging it? 10 seems really generous actually, and being a whole hour late is a big deal. I do think mom was the AH for making her son sleep outside and also seeming a little fussy about him being tired and grumpy the next day (like, duh), but the kid knew exactly what he was doing ignoring her calls and was being really inconsiderate and disrespectful of his curfew.
@@shineonsunfish he's definitely an a hole for not giving his parents the respect of sticking to curfew or at least communicating with them. And 10pm is definitely fair, like I say prearranging for say a late movie is one thing. But an hour is a long time especially when it comes to an evening. 😣
The thing that the guy doesn't acknowledge with the driving is that it also puts the responsibility of the gf to do all the shared chores that are outside of the house. Eg grocery shopping. He just "tags along" if she goes but that means she can't not go and have him take the initiative with it :/
For the driving thing... I am in a similar situation. I have been on my partner to get his license for two years and it is frustrating being the only driver to get us to work, to do the groceries, to drive us to see family and all that. I'm frustrated because there is an unbalanced division of responsibilities in the house and he doesn't see the driving being an aspect of that. It's definitely (passive?) aggressive to get the lessons for his birthday and they need to talk it all out.
My ex didn’t have a license and I was the one that always had to drive and over time it started to really piss me off and I grew very resentful so I totally understand how you feel. In that story when he basically said why do I need a license when she can drive me isn’t a good attitude to have. I do agree that she could’ve gone about it in a different way rather than gifting him the driving lessons
On the driving story: I will never get a license, it's expensive and I have bipolar and intrusive thoughts, I'm scared to drive cause I have a husband and a child, I don't want to be driving and have an intrusive thought about driving off the road and then do that. Mental health is the biggest reason for not having a driver's license for me, I never expect anyone to drive me cause I take the train, subway, bus or whatever I can to get where I need to be
These posts just make me thankful I have a healthy relationship with my hubby & I've never felt left out my the in-laws even though I don't want them to spend their money on me when they could use it for themselves (though I will take some cookies, sooooo yummy!)
I live in a country with very good public transport so both me and my husband don’t drive or own a car. He has a license, I don’t but none of us feels the need to do it. It’s actually cheaper for us to take taxis when we need to go somewhere far than owning a car would be bc of how rarely we need to go further away than walking distance. But I assume in US or Canada our lifestyle would be much harder
I'm 20. I had to take the theoretical driving classes in high school. I did not proceed to the practical lessons. I tend to daydream and lose track of my environment pretty often, and I get overwhelmed easily. I would never trust myself with a car. I do not want to drive. Ever. I got help learning how to use public transportation last summer, and I imagine I'd rely on that whenever possible. If I get into a relationship with someone who can drive, I would happily help pay for the gas whenever they'd transport me anywhere, and of course I wouldn't expect them to always be ready to drive me like a chauffeur. If the gf from the driving story had a problem with her bf not driving, she should have talked to him about it, not gotten him the world's most P/A gift and then acting petty when he didn't want it. There are clearly larger issues in that relationship, but she handled them extremely poorly.
I’m so lucky that I have an awesome MIL that I can honestly run around like a best friend with. ❤️ got very lucky and blessed to get that! Also very lucky to have a hubs that comes up with Xmas plans with me. Years ago we decided to for family things do first come first serve. We also slowly shop throughout the year for gifts for them. We also have lists that we just add too over the year and get a few gifts off that list and save it for next year. We also understand that we like to spoil our dog 🥺 We’ve never had a fight about Xmas or any other holiday 🤷🏻♀️ maybe when children happen we might have a few riffs but I’m not too worried about it. 🤷🏻♀️❤️
The driving lessons one. One partner not driving also implies that the one driving has to always be involved in buying griseries and other household products. I didn’t learned to drive until I was 27 and it wasn’t until after that that I realized what a burden it can be to people around me.
There actually is a story where a girl wasn't allowed back in the house because of similar reasons and she actually was murdered when she walked to a friends house which she never turned up to. Happened in the 80s I think
With the drivers licence, most kids I know who are 16-19 and don't have their licence is simply because they can't afford a car, in BC insurance rates are so high especially for new drivers its hard for students to afford a new car, insurance and gas. Its just cheaper to take transit places.
Most times people punish you it's because they feel overwhelmed or they take something you did or said personally. I guess it is an ego problem. I love love love Cristine for challenging that behavior and asking if there's really a need for punishment. I rarely got punished (if I did, back in the day it would be physical) because my mum usually tried to figure out why we did something stupid. But I don't know man. For me, the feeling of shame I felt looking at all the people I disappointed was enough to stop my dumb shit.
8) if you're buying your coworker a $900 gift and your wife a not even $20 gift then you have messed up priorities tbh. Not saying you have to spend $900 on your wife, but like it's your wife over your coworker
About the driving one... I'm someone who hates being photographed, and I hate looking at pictures of myself past a certain age. My family knows this, I've told them a thousand times. Yet one year for my birthday my mom bought me a photo album with a bunch of old pictures of me. I tried to pretend to be happy at first but as soon as I saw more recent photos I closed the book and said that I didn't wanna see anymore. I was so upset I almost started crying because she KNOWS I hate photos of myself...why would she give me a photo album of me on my birthday? And of course she got upset that I was upset and didn't like her gift. Personally I think it's better to receive nothing but a "happy birthday" than to get a gift you sincerely hate. I understand why his gf did it and I don't blame her, but frankly I don't agree with her giving it to him as a "present" for his birthday. He's right when he said it was a present for her more than it was for him. Same as my mom, the only person she thought of when she gave that gift to me was herself, because she loves photographs. The issue of driving should be a problem they discuss at a different time entirely.
15:55 I have my learners permit, but operating a big metal death machine is terrifying to me. My parents are trying to teach me, but I’m really scared.
The one about gift giving: my Mom has known my husband since him and I were in 5th grade. So the first year he came to Christmas he got stuff from my entire family because they had all already known him for years (we were 21 when we started dating for reference). My Brothers wonderful girlfriend (I mean that honestly) started dating my brother about 2 years ago. My Grandma and Mom started off with small gifts for her because she's uncomfortable getting gifts. However, now she gets stuff like the rest of the family (my family is EXTRA when it comes to Christmas). I don't understand not wanting someone to feel included. That Mom honestly sounds awful.
In Germany you can get a driver's licence at 18. I got mine right away, because I needed a car to get EVERYWHERE. We lived in a small town. My husband lives in Munich, so he didn't need a car and he got his licence when he was 21.
On the driving AITA: some people have eye problems that can't be fixed with surgery/ glasses. My brother had this, both surgery and glasses were tried, but his eyes just wouldn't work together. So his sight is 2D instead of 3D. Makes him unable to see distances, and very scared of driving. He would rather go trough life using public transport/ letting someone ells drive.
I don’t drive nor plan on driving, grew up on the Jersey side of the NYC skyline where parking doesn’t exist and cars are just an expensive nuisance that only rich people who can pay out the ass for permanent parking actually use. There’s enough transport; cabs, busses, subways, trains, dollar busses, Uber/Lyft, it’s not difficult to get around without a car, the area is set up for people like me. Certainly many people end up getting cars but it’s kind of a luxury rather than a necessity. I had always assumed if I left the nj/ny area I’d probably get a car, though that would definitely require some balls cause I have quite a lot of trauma due to a severe car accident that nearly took my brothers life, but instead left him with lifelong injuries, brain damage, and an entire childhood in and out of hospitals and surgeries, raising myself basically cuz my mom had to be with him, and travel a ton for him to get all these crazy surgeries over the years. I am WAY too aware of the devastation car accidents can cause, and even as a passenger I am extremely jumpy and overreactive in cars. Certain close-calls and almost-accidents over the years have worsened my fears, and all in all, I really don’t think someone like me should ever be behind the wheel. Even so, I had always assumed if I moved away from the area I’d HAVE to learn to drive and get a car, cause obviously not everywhere has the same kind of transportation options that the city offers, obviously. Then Uber and Lyft happened, and I praised the gods, earth, and universe cuz praise be to jeebus, I won’t have to drive! Actually moved to Maryland a few years ago now, and I get around just fine using Uber. My husband actually does have a car, it’s never been an issue between us, and I do sorta disagree with one part of your assessment. The implication that if one partner drives and the other doesn’t, then the non-driving partner is reliant on the driving partner to always do all the driving. That’s not really how it works, at least not in my relationship. We both have a mode of transportation - he has his car, I have Uber. I don’t rely on him driving at all, not unless he offers or we’re all going somewhere together as a family. The only time I could see this being a bother for him is perhaps when we take the three-hour drive back home and he doesn’t have the option to switch off with me, but he’s never told me it bothers him at all. I feel like it’s the kind of thing where he might think “ah, would be nice if I could switch off with her! But oh well, Lory doesn’t drive!” I mean, it is what it is. He isn’t entitled to force me to drive just because he does - nor is the girlfriend in the situation y’all were discussing entitled to force her boyfriend to drive just because she does. He doesn’t want, nor have, to drive. His mode of transport is Uber. If his girlfriend drives, that’s her choice, and if they’re together she is likely going to be driving, as people who drive are usually going to turn you down if you offer to grab an Uber for the two of you, thinking “why would we pay for a ride, I have my own car”. Perhaps she unknowingly normalized an unwillingness to take Uber with him, which is his primary transportation method, and therefore elected herself as the one-who-drives-when-they-do-shit-together. I would actually put money on that, given her petty “you take an Uber, and I’ll drive, even if we’re going to the same place” that reaction is stupid. If she really has an interest in sharing the transportation responsibility, then she would’ve suggested she drive sometimes, and he gets them BOTH an Uber sometimes. Simple. She is not entitled to force him to drive simply because it’s this normal everyday thing to HER. To him, it’s not this normal everyday thing, in fact to him, and the way he’s lived his life thus far, he’s perfectly fine without a car and probably, like me, thinks it’s weird that people pay so damn much money for cars, insurance, gas, repairs, parking (depending where you live), when in many areas they can get by just fine without all that. In my opinion, it’s a bit of a pride and ego thing, but then again that’s the perspective of someone from an area where public transport is the norm, and driving is the luxury. I also think there’s a mass normalization of driving and serious cognitive dissonance of what cars actually are, what they do, what they’re capable of - like take a step back from your social conditioning and recognize that these ultra-expensive, insanely heavy metal boxes, powered by toxic flammable gasses, actually no, combustible gasses, that push humans around at insanely fast speeds and are responsible for killing more than 38,000 people every year, ranking THIRD leading cause of death after heart disease and cancer, are reasonably going to be scary and off putting to certain people. If someone doesn’t want to drive a car, there is literally not a single thing wrong with that. I don’t get why it seemed so normal and accepted here that the girlfriend was attempting to force him to drive through guilt tripping, petty behavior, and entitlement to his lifestyle decisions merely because SHE doesn’t wanna drive all the time, when it’s literally her choice to drive. So don’t drive, lady. Grab an Uber with your man, easy. Problem solved. Sorry lol. End rant.
I feel like if someone in my family proposed during Christmas I would be happy for them and my family would be excited but it’s because we all like each other lol. I feel like if they all hated each other or something then they would make it a big deal or make it seem like a problem 😂
I didn't have my license until I was 21. I got my permit at 17 but my mom was in the throws of a messy divorce and was juggling being a single mom to my younger brother and I, so she didn't have time to teach me how to drive. I still wouldn't make people drive me places though, and if they did give me a ride it was a carpool situation and I gave them gas money. But once I had the opportunity to learn for myself I did. To downright refuse the gift of driving lessons, simply because you don't wanna, is so dumb and childish imo
Fancy attire on Christmas was a thing growing up for me too. I like to do Christmas eve pj opening and wearing those most of Christmas now as an adult.
So like as someone who has a partner that doesn’t drive and has no interesting in driving, I really have no issues driving them everywhere. We’ve been living together for 6 months and it could change after years of being together but I don’t really anticipate it being an issue. We’ve discussed if there is a time where I am unable to take them, they need to find an alternative option themselves. I think the girlfriend was the asshole because that was not a gift he would enjoy and she knew that going into it.
Everybody invited to a gift exchange on Christmas should be getting presents, even if it’s not from everybody. Stuff a stocking with candy or something. The only exception would be if a boundary is explicitly laid out prior to the gift exchange, like “me, my husband, and my kids” in this example, or “being the grandkids I have stuff for them”. It just kinda violates the spirit of everybody getting each other presents if some people aren’t even getting candy or cookies or something
Speaking as a 20yo with only a G1: getting my G2 freaks me out. I've done the lessons, and even took a test (unfortunately I failed, and the pandemic hasn't helped in allowing me to reschedule), but I hate every second of being behind the wheel. I'm on edge the whole time, my entire body tenses, and overall it's just a big responsibility that I don't want. I'm super conscious of the dangers of driving and I hate that it's something I just have to do because the transport systems around me are subpar
For the family gifts on Christmas. My stepdad and his family pretty much just gift to the kids and for the adults we just draw out of a hat a name and do like a mystery gift thing so everyone gets a present or two.
My bf is 26 and I am 29 , I’m usually the driver , he recently started driving late 2020 so he’s been driving for about a year now but he suffers from anxiety so driving is a huge task for him. I love driving, anytime I can drive I will and he knows . He would much rather have me drive unless im physically and mentally not capable of doing so, which then he will take over. That couple was completely petty and both were the asshole imo. Him for thinking he doesn’t need to drive but getting upset that she doesn’t want to drive, and her for obviously knowing he doesn’t want to drive but trying to force it on him. I PERSONALLY think everyone should know how to drive, not everyone needs to own a car but at least know how to drive.
EVERYONE should know how to drive? definitely not. it seems like you've never left the country back roads or the suburbs. some people will frankly never need to learn how to drive because of efficient public transport, living in a walkable city, or living in a place where cars aren't the common majority--which is a lot of places in the world. driving is NOT easy, it's fairly complex--and on top of that, it's not necessary SAFE. not * everyone * needs to know how to drive. that's a gross and uneducated simplification.
@@cholec9230 Driving not being easy is legitimately a great reason to have it as a back pocket skill. Same with driving stick. As a city person I didn't have/"need" a license til I was 32, but I learned how to drive before then, and had to use that skill to take a drunk friend home and help move a car stuck in snow. Obviously folks with disabilities are a consideration, but for the rest of us, it is something to know to do.
I agree with this. Where we live u have different kind of drivers license for automatic and manual cars. I have the one where I can drive either manual or automatic cars, my bf only has automatic cause he struggles too much and is too nervous to be able to drive an automatic one safely. I'm the one who usually drives us around but we will look into getting an automatic car so that if necessary or I want to drink, he can drive us around. It's just communicating and being on the same level about stuff. It is pitty of both of them what they did. Like common just say it to his face instead of a present like this
I failed the driving exam five times and I hated driving when I learned, so I never got the license in the end. Good thing I live in a big European city and don't ever have a need to drive, it would not save me money nor time. Public transport is a great thing to have.
In Europe, people usually don't learn to drive at 16. If we really want and can buy a car, we can get a driver's license at 18. However, learning to drive and driving exams are expensive. Moreover, if you manage to get a car, you will have a lot of trouble finding parking.
My husband has an eye condition and is why he can not drive. Back before we knew of it, he would get upset about being the only driver but quickly got over it
Instead of locking the kid out, which is dangerous and heartless, couldn't she come up with a more appropriate punishment. Grounding for a month, extra chores, have their smart phone swapped for a flip phone, take away something important to them. So, so, so many other possibilities. It seems like a lack of critical thinking on the parents part. She should maybe talk to her husband and maybe some poll some outside help the next time she's coming up with an extreme punishment. Just the fact that the husband allowed this to happen seems suspect. Why aren't they agreeing on punishments before they are doled out and why didn't he stick up for the kid and get her to bring him back in and consider an alternate punishment?
The solution for the dress code situation is to get the family matching Christmas PJs, so they are too cute and weird to judge with the same criteria. I suggest fuzzy reindeer onesies.
In my country you can't drive before 18. You are obliged to go to one of the expensive schools for driving, which takes up a lot of your time so it’s difficult to combine it with regular school. Also, sometimes they fail people on purpose so they have to pay for driving school again. Needless to say, I know very few people who got their licence around 18. Many of us here go without driving our whole lives. I can hardly afford life, I’m never affording a car and out of the financial cuts I’m making, it’s not the most inconvenient one thanks to public transport.
As an 18 year old who got her license during the pandemic, my state made it to where our parents had to sign a waiver that we hade 50 hours of practiced driving time and we could bypass the actual driving exam. Let’s say that a lot of kids forged that and my High school parking lot is a war zone 😬
I am 32 and live in the US and it’s the same thing here with 16 year olds not caring about driving anymore like my generation. I personally think the internet/social media is the reason. High schoolers get a lot of social interaction online now. When I was in high school I had to physically see my friends in person to hang out. So interesting!
I feel bad how these people treat each other, it's like they can't see beyond their own point of view and almost crave drama. None of them show any empathy and all of them have huge egos
I don’t need crazy expensive gifts from my BF, but I could understand being a little upset if he decided to go all out on friends but got me something both inexpensive and a shared useful item (I.e. spoons.)
this might be controversial but the driving lessons guy shouldn't have to drive if he doesn't want to. if you live in a city with uber or transit available, i don't see why he should HAVE to learn to drive, even if he has the means to own a car. when cristine said "well maybe he's traumatized by cars", that's very true and real for many people, but even if he wasn't, again he still shouldn't have to if he doesn't want to!!! also no one is saying she HAS to drive too. she can also easily take the bus or an uber with him. 🤷♀ the only thing i maybe disagree with is him wanting to ride with her if she's already going somewhere but i think at that point they're both just being petty. also this idea that "cars give you freedom" is very silly. people in Europe and Asia and New York have plenty of freedom without cars. in fact, when we prioritize car ownership and the infrastructure for it, we're limiting the freedom for those who maybe can't own or drive a car. fewer transit options. making roads bigger and wider and longer for cars, which in turn are harder / more dangerous to walk on. and so on.
On the Christmas Eve curfew story: if the kid is 16 and it was going to bother mom so much, then Christmas Eve is family time and no dates that night. Sometimes parenting is looking ahead and knowing how to avoid issues.
i did think it was a bit weird the kid went on a date on christmas eve. maybe it's a cultural thing, but in my country, christmas eve is when you have the big dinner with family, and then at midnight open the presents. so it's a bit odd to me the kid was out on a date on the 24th. but other than that, totally the mom being the asshole for locking him out
@@Ray_Vun It’s a cultural thing. Most white kids in the US that I know of celebrate on Christmas morning, meanwhile, most Hispanic kids I know both inside & outside the US celebrate on Christmas Eve.
@@mayaw.4013 i'm portuguese, so i guess the latinos got it from us. i always grew up with christmas eve being the important day. christmas day was usually when i'd go and visit relatives, like uncles/aunts and cousins
@@Ray_Vun I'm from Estonia and we also celebrate Christmas Eve as the most important day in our country. We get together with all our closest family, have dinner and open presents after that. Other days are usually spent visiting other distant relatives and celebrating with them as well ☺️ but every culture is a bit different 😉
I lost my grandma in March of this year but even if someone brought a brand new bf or gf there was a gift for them because I think we’d all feel terrible having anyone just watching others open gifts. She would go out of her way to speak with them and she was so fun and hilarious and made everyone so comfortable. I’ll miss her. That mom’s an asshole. She doesn’t even get her grandchild a gift??!
Leslie Mahaffy was locked out of her house after missing curfew and was kidnapped and murdered. I'd rather have my child be rebellious and coming home at 2 in the morning than never being able to see them again.
@@Catglittercrafts my friends mom used to lock her out for days when she was like 15! She forgave her mom and they are close (she’s in her 30s now) I don’t get it
right? she think she's teaching him to come home early. instead she's teaching door's gonna be locked, might as well not even bother going home and spend the night at someone else's place
Right? Why do controlling parents think hurting their kids is gonna make the the kids respect them or love them more? If anything it’s gonna teach them that their parents are neglectful and they should anticipate the day they move out.
For the story about the wife finding the list of presents: I think it does matter that the husband is spending hundreds/thousands on his friends/coworkers and only spending like $20 on his wife. Not because they didn't agree to a budget for themselves, but because of his justification for why he spent so much on them - because "they are important to him". Is your wife not as important to you as your coworkers? Also, it's just plain rude to buy lavish gifts for other people and give your wife a spoon set. I'm not saying he has to go all out for every gift, but why is he getting his SIL an expensive bracelet and not his wife? Idk maybe I'm wrong, but I'd be pissed too.
Let's stop letting men say "it's the thought that counts" when it comes to gifts for their SO, especially when there is a lot more thought given to people outside of the relationship. It's so disrespectful to spend 20x the amount on a gift for a coworker, than you did on your legal spouse. Also, KITCHEN/HOUSE SUPPLIES/APPLIANCES ARE NOT A GIFT FOR YOUR SPOUSE!! THESE ARE A JOINT PURCHASE.
The curfew story has me wondering if these teenagers don't have a key to their own home. This never would have worked on me, because I've carried a house key since I was 9 years old.
With the partner giving the $20 spoons gift... Idk. If I was her I would seriously reconsider that relationship. It's not necessarily that his gift for her is an issue, it's that context is making it seem like he doesn't value her. 1. Cost of a gift isn't necessarily an expression of how much someone means to you. Some people cannot afford big gifts and some people just aren't big gift givers. However, if he's buying friends and coworkers gifts in the $1k range and his wife a gift in the $20 range, something seems off. 2. Some gifts aren't expensive but are valuable in a sentimental sense, but a $20 set of spoons for the kitchen doesn't sound valuable in this sense either. In fact, it seems less thoughtful than the gifts he got for others. It's not even a "fun" practical gift like an air fryer or instant pot or cake pan or something along those lines where it's unnecessary but fun. 3. This only matters in some circumstances, but if she's the one who does the majority of the cooking and it's not a hobby for her, it kinda seems like a "here's something to use when you cook me supper, woman" type of gift which is worse than just being thoughtless in a normal sense. I know that in the majority of relationships I've seen amongst my friends, the woman does end up doing most of the cooking. 4. When confronted over it, it doesn't sound like he was sympathetic at all. He didn't say the gift was smaller because it's what they exchanged in the past whereas work and friends tend to exchange large ticket items, he didn't apologize and express any sort of reason for his behavior or sympathy for her, he immediately went on with name calling and telling her how his coworkers and friends are important to him (which is fair, but he's also implying that she, as his WIFE, means less to him than his coworkers or friends since her gift was so much smaller) Like, if my partner didn't have much money and got me spoons, or if spoons were what I wanted, or if my partner wasn't big on gifts, I would be happy to get spoons and grateful that my partner thought of me. If my partner was shelling out the cash on expensive, thoughtful gifts for coworkers and friends and got me a cheap set of cooking utensils to cook him supper with and THEN didn't even take a moment to think through why it hurt my feelings and just called me spoiled or something along those lines? I would be asking myself some hard questions about the sustainability of the relationship.
And he bought a $300 bracelet for his sister in law? So, just to reiterate, he spent 20 buck on a thoughtless gift for his WIFE but 300 bucks on a nice gift for his BROTHER'S WIFE??! not only is that a kick in the gut for his wife, but that's just awkward as hell for both his brother and his sister in law as well. Unless the sister in law is the wife's sister, which would arguably be even worse. I can't imagine my fiance giving me some crappy spoons and my own sister an expensive bracelet. That would probably be the end of our relationship...
@@ivagrasmeijer5530 To be honest, if my partner gave my sister or his sibling's wife a 10x more expensive and meaningful gift than me, I'd probably be wondering if he's interested in her or even cheating with her. There's no logical reason why that should happen, even if he's trying to "impress" her. Especially if he proceeds to say, "She's important to me and I like her" (included in the statement that his coworkers and such are important to him) when it's made clear I'm not as important.
@@majawwww I see shit like that mom leaving her kid to sleep in the treehouse and all I can imagine is: all it takes is a man like Paul Bernardo to see your kid locked out and vulnerable to take advantage of it.
Right? Isn’t the point of the curfew to have your children safe and in your care during the “dangerous hours” at night? Why would you make them stay outside after that??
That husband calling his wife “an ungrateful spoiled brat” is the worst thing I’ve ever heard. Please leave him it will only get worse do not have children with him my dad used to say shit like that. Sounds like a narcissist trying to gaslight you that YOU’RE overreacting. If she spent that much on coworkers he’d be PISSED
I haven’t watched that part yet but I think you’re absolutely right. My dad is a big time narcissist (too)and most of his hatred towards me and my sister was us being “ungrateful brats”. He punished us by not buying any food for us when we were with him for the week (thank the lord my mom divorced him) and he made us eat whatever food he had left in te cupboard, claiming he had bought it ‘just for us’. It was usually past expiriation date and often had mold. And he still called us spoiled for not wanting to eat this. Well anyway, hearing “spoiled brat” is a trigger for me, it just makes it clear how he thinks of the wife and it is bad
Honestly to me it’s not even that it cost $20, but that it’s so impersonal. Like he got her fucking spoons for their shared kitchen. She expressed no interest in spoons, he didn’t take into account her hobbies or job or love of things. And to spend $250 on jewelry for your sister in law and get your wife impersonal spoons is super weird and makes me think he has a thing for her. Idk.
Like if it were a $20 photo album or a hand massage cause she always complains about cramps or smth that she clearly enjoyed and was personal to her or significant to their relationship, totally different story.
I think he is right, she maybe grew up getting whatever she wants because she doesn't apprechiate ,,cheap" gifts and also needs to point out that she makes expensive gifts. Its not a gift if you expect something in return. To me the problem is that he didnt spend thought rather than money on the gift like she doesnt seem happy about the spoons. But she is def. spoiled I would never say something like that to anyone who is caring to gift me something
Espresso Machine Story: OP should tell GF what happened. GF should give the machine back to the friends and accept BF's gift. Let the friends worry about returning. That is a sh*t thing to do to someone.
Actually that's a perfect solution because not only can OP "regain the loss," but also the "friends" would bear a tangible consequence for their sh*tty actions. I cannot imagine being that comfortable to waste such a huge amount of money just to one-up someone.
In reference to the nightmare mother-in-law house key story, why the hell would you not lie and play it off??? “Oh gosh, I must have given you the wrong key! I was making copies of my shed key too and I must have given you the wrong one, I’m SO sorry!!” And then of course proceed with the whole “but why were you using it during a non emergency?” public shaming bit 👌
The one about the divorce and the dad inviting the Son in law...that is such a red flag for the fact that the husband WAS controlling. He manipulated her parents to make them believe he's a saint and so lonely at Christmas to either see her or to isolate her away from her own family. Nothing about that story was good
Hi Mary, I have 3 adopted daughters who are not my biological children, but they are my children, I get very sensitive about the topic. I am sorry If I have offended you in anyway. Happy New Year to you and yours!
Yes, I was thinking the exact same thing! The husband sounded manipulative as fuck, and the daughter, while not really in the right because cheating is terrible, probably had some insight into the relationship the parents didn't.
I have a feeling there’s a reason he couldn’t visit his family for Christmas. Probably is a general asshole, especially for accepting an invitation to his ex wife’s Christmas dinner? So many red flags.
I hope Ben sees this... my cat Teddy is obsessed with your voice. Every time I turn on a podcast he sits on the cat tower and listens and sometimes gets close to the screen. His ears perk up every time Ben talks. It's so cute. ❤
Thats so adorable
SimplyBenlogical the Cat Whisperer™
@@aditiraman3412 he is definitely the cat whisperer ❤
Hopefully he gets to see this!! That's so cute!
@@onelovegirly I hope so too! 😊
My mom gets upset if my family brings anyone as a guest to Christmas without telling her, especially children, because she doesn't want anyone to feel excluded. She actually started keeping sort of 'generic' gifts that most people would enjoy so if she needs a last minute gift for someone she didn't realize was there she can. Also I'm disturbed on how a mother-in-law doesnt consider her child's partner and her grandchild as family? Thats sort of the whole idea of marriage is it not?
Yeah like forget aunts and uncles… she doesn’t buy a gift for her GRANDCHILD?!
your mother is an absolute gem
My mom has always done that too, and I inherited the habit haha! It can come in handy when you have a sudden need for a little present, like a secret santa at work or at a xmas party, or someone’s housewarming party or when you have just forgotten a friends bday is coming up. The last time I needed my stash was when I had a friend who I see very rarely cos he lives so far away, was in town, and wanted to go for a lunch. It was december already, I had planned on sending him and his gf just a self made card and scratch tickets which I’m sure he would have appreciated (he hasn’t usually gotten me any physical present he’s just been thoughtful in other ways like offered to buy me coffee etc). I wanted to give a proper gift but paying for postage would have cost too much. But since he was in town it meant I didn’t have to pay postage so even though I hadn’t prepared anything specific for them I could gather a little physical gift from what I had and added the card and tickets to it :)
I've found a good generic gift to have in lieu or on short notice is chocolate/sweets of some kind (unless you know the person doesn't like or is allergic to them obviously). I've had a few last minute relatives invite themselves, and chocolates always go down well without leaving anyone feeling excluded!
I mean I get that, but I think in that particular story it turned out the wife had actually been quite awful to the mom which justifies her behaviour. Not considering your grandchild family however does seem unfair, regardless of the opinion of your daughter in law.
imagine your new husband getting you $20 spoons for the house as a christmas gift when he dropped thousands on gifts for his co-workers. what a way to show where your priorities lie. if i were her, i'd return the expensive gifts i'd bought for him and get him something within their apparent budget. raid the dollar store or whatever. but then i am a petty b.
I definitely would have been at the court house on the 3rd..
I don't thinks it's extremely petty.
He's known his friends for years, he married her.
Big red flag honestly. He even said that he spends so much because they're important to them. So the wife apparently isn't. And a spoon set? How personal... Might have even bought it for himself.
I would be like hiring a private investigator to see if I need to get my marriage annulled… it’s so sketchyyyyyy it doesn’t make any sense!
I feel like it’s less about the ammount of money and more about the lack of thought in the gift
In regard to the coworker gifts one I side with the wife. If the husband is spending thousands of dollars on his friends while he wouldn’t even give an iota of thought or effort into his new wife’s gift I’d be pissed too. The fact that it was a cheap set of spoons as a present for their first Christmas as a married couple shows that he did not care to actually put thought into his wife’s gift as he did for people that weren’t his literal WIFE.
Literally this. It's not even just about the drastic difference in cost, it's that they were spoons for THEIR house. It wasn't even something for her
same! it’s not really about the cost of the present, but the fact that he’s not prioritising his own wife. you can get a really meaningful and thoughtful gift for 20 dollars too, but spoons sound like he was in a store and remembered his wife exists too and picked up the first thing he saw
Exactly! His response when she asked him why he was spending so much was “because these people mean something to me and I like them”….uhhh, do you not feel that way about your WIFE?!
@@neonorange44 You'd think that as he said the words he'd figure it out.
Haha, curfew story time. I was TWENTY years old, very responsible. I had an 11pm curfew. I was at my boyfriend's house (he lived with his parents, so we were not alone) and he had just been hired at a new job. He was a bit overwhelmed by the big load of work they gave him that first week, and I was helping him go through it (a lot of data sheets to pour through). I called my mom a handful of times to update her on how it was going since it was getting late. She told me to hurry, dad was getting antsy. I checked in again around 10:45pm to let her know we were almost done (but it was an hour drive) so we would be late, but I'd call again when we left. She told me to leave IMMEDIATELY because dad was furious. We finished quickly and left at 11pm. I called to say we were on our way. She said dad was livid. We got back, and my dad stormed out of the house and told my boyfriend to never, ever return, he was not allowed to see me anymore. Once again, I was TWENTY years old. He then took my phone from me. So I had no car, no phone. I moved out that night. It had been a long time coming. Fifteen years later, married to the guy for twelve years now, AND living in my childhood home (the same home he was told never to return to). My parents live next door. My dad still has a lot of anger issues but it took me moving out to start the process of him seeing me as an adult. Boundaries needed to be set. They respect my decisions, choices, and family dynamic.
curfew at 20yrs old? 🤣 oh dear
When I lived with my parents I paid a majority of the rent, so I'd get out of work late about 11 or 12 some nights and while I did have a house key my parents would constantly lock the top lock that NONE of us had the key to open and they'd be asleep so I'd sleep in my car some nights.. it was irritating at the very least
@@steph_lopez its not okay for your mom to control you with her anxiety. This probably sounds harsh to you, but that is her problem and something she needs to work on. Do not let her prevent you from living the life you want, you only get one life! Just in case you need to hear that.
@@beato1733 wow that is so shitty! God why do ppl treat their kids like prisoners or slaves, or like fucking punching bags.
@@KD-ou2np I wish I knew, but it's weird cause they do all that and then wonder why I dont talk to them any more it's like hello lol
Are we not suspicious of the husband buying his sister in law a fancy $250 bracelet but his wife spoons?
He also bought his buddy a $650 watch.
Otherwise I'd say yes.
Just think of what he got his mistresses
@vala p underappreciated comment 👌👌👌
Yes I am bloody am !! Sorry if my fella got me SPOONS and another woman a bracelet ??!
I mean you could rationalize it that he wants to impress the sister in law, because who wants to be hated by their in laws? No one.
i think the espresso guy decided to not keep it a secret to his gf's friends to kinda tell them not to gift it to her.
That’s a really shitty thing for her friends to do! If I were her I’d be pretty pissed at them, tell them to return it and keep the one from my boyfriend. Had he not told the friends he was getting that for her it’d be a different situation but it just seems petty and childish and honestly quite disrespectful to try to beat him to the punch. Especially considering it wasn’t an inexpensive item
This!
IKR? This is so common for me that I was honestly confused how they didnt get it ^^;
Or maybe he was just excited about it
If I found out that my partner’s spent $20 on a gift for me and $900 on a gift for their friend, I would be so weirded out. Am I the only one who would worry they were cheating on me? I’m pretty secure, but that’s like a “secret second family” level of price discrepancy to me 😳
At that point I'd be worried that I was the secret second family from this guys real family
I totally agree. That would be a huge red flag to me as well.
If that's true, it's very strange. Wouldn't he spend big to keep up appearances and make her not suspect anything? Unless he did it on purpose in order for them to get divorced? Weird all round.
@@wolfferoni he wouldn’t be spending big time keep up appearances with his partner, obviously he’s a big spender with the “friend”
in the sweatpants thing, i think it's 50/50, because the mother in law definitely puts way too much emphasis on christmas and wants everyone to be dressed up like they're going to a gala just to show it off, probably even shares family pictures with her friends to show how great her christmas is. but the woman definitely needs to find a happy medium. showing up in sweats when everyone else is dressed up is kinda disrespectful, it shows you literally don't care about being there. so find a happy medium and dress like if you were going to a church service or an office job, so it's more casual-formal and not just straight up casual
I agree. Wearing appropriate clothes is a respect thing. Idk if it’s just the way that I was raised but I think dressing appropriately is still important.
I don't think mother-in-law is unreasonable. I would love to have a dress-up party for Christmas. Just to make it more special. It happens only once a year. I don't need to dress up anywhere else in my life. So, that would be exciting. Therefore, I definitely think that the OP was in the wrong trying to undermine MIL. If someone invites you to the party they dictate the rules and dress code is one of them.
@@100MilesEast MIL: Family Christmas! Please dress up for the festive occasion.
DIL: You're not the boss of me. But I'll still take space in your house and eat your food.
Also with the treehouse one the fact that the husband was pissed at his wife and said she was overreacting just shows they are not together on the parenting front and she makes rash, harsh decisions. I think the punishment should be at least discussed and if the dad was that upset he should have went outside to get the kid. Sounds like she is very controlling
I'm confused as to how the dad got all the way through the morning without realizing his son was outside. I mean, *maybe* dad goes to sleep so early that by the time son skipped curfew at ten he was out and mom didn't wake him up, but if dad tends to be more reasonable than mom, why wasn't son texting dad? You'd think as a parent you'd whitelist your kids' calls to get through to you even on DND, so this means that son never bothered to call his dad (which likely means dad backs up mom more often than not), dad ignored it so as not to set mom off, or mom stole dad's phone so he wouldn't get the notifications.
Curfew story: Yeah YTA... but more importantly, that was ILLEGAL in many states.
You can't deny entry of a legal resident into a residence. The son could (and should) have called the non-emergency number to the police. They can send a unit and remind the parent they are required to let the child in.
I think the wife whose husband is spending a huge amount of money on his coworkers and not his own partner is ridiculous. Regularly, you would want to get a nice gift for your partner and not treat them as an afterthought.
It’s weird his response was “I get them nice gifts because I care about them” but does he not care about his wife lol?
I had to go back and make sure I heard the "decent jobs" part correctly. I have great coworkers and we usually only give each other snacks.
I've been with my partner for 7 years. We had been together for 2 months when we spent our first Christmas together. I wasn't expecting anything from his parents, but they included me in the gift giving process. I didn't expect nor receive anything lavish from them, but being included felt nice. Now, 7 years later, my in-laws treat me and my partners BIL as if we were their own kids. We get our own gifts plus gifts we share with our partners. I think it really depends on the family, but if your kids have partners then you should be willing to treat them as family. The type of gift given should depend on the individuals and what they can afford, but no one should be left out if they are all celebrating together.
Yep. My brother has been with his girlfriend for 2 months and my dad got her a stocking, mom got her a few wrapped gifts & my grandma got her a blanket and a candle. Doesn’t have to be anything crazy, just include them!
I have some friends who never went beyond the written driving lessons and limited practice because of the panic attacks it would cause. I 100% support this decision because if you don't feel comfortable driving a huge hunk of metal at high (or even low) speeds because you are worried you'll hurt yourself or others then THANK YOU for not driving.
Edit: typo
A car is a death machine. Literally. If some one doesn’t feel safe handling a huge dangerous machine which is capable of such harm, than they shouldn’t be forced. Plain and simple!!
yea but this is a 26 yr old grown man. at that point it’s their responsibility to handle their own transportation and not seem dependent on others… anxiety or not
@@stephanieruiz9969 he has figured it out though. He takes a bus or an Uber. He’s not dependent on the girl, she infact could Uber with him if she didn’t want to drive. And he expressed entirely being able to afford it. I think she’s more embarrassed by him
@@siennalewis1088 idk just seems like he's stubborn. Unless I missed it, it doesn't seem like it comes from a place of anxiety. He seemed to say it's about money, but to uber would be expensive, especially everyday to go to work.
I agree with you, but he never mentioned any problem of that sort
Omg wow! The husband who gave the wife a spoon is cheating on her. I was hoping he would say oh there’s a surprise but no she should be grateful for a spoon?! Yea divorce him. Especially to say that she should get rid of this behavior. NAH RUN GIRL
“get rid of this behaviour” literally alarm bells going off lmao. talking to me like a controlling parent would to a disobedient child or pet when i’m your actual fucking partner? nah.
@@jbtfp allll the alarm bells!!
Lol right?! So disrespectful and clearly he isn’t into her anymore
I laughed so hard at their "eyyy" and fistbump, that's a healthy relationship right there
The newlywed post about buying the friends something of a higher value than the wife is hard to understand. Yes, it is the thought that counts, but I would generally be horrified if my husband bought me some utensils as a present (unless that is something I specifically asked for). It's the same with other gifts that should be normal 'communal usage', such as hoovers, etc. It's almost like the husband is classing it like, its not an essential, so therefore it is a gift, when clearly this is something they will both use. They should sit down and have a budget placed on what they are getting their significant other.
And silverware seems like such a bad gift. They're married, I assume they're eating with something. Unless it was something she explicitly asked for it seems really low effort.
I’m sure she tried to convince herself it’s the thought that counts but there’s no thought into the gift he got her (probably other gifts as well) she says she gets him gifts he may like like his favorite shoes and games but he can’t care enough to get her something she might actually like? It doesn’t mean he has to spend a lot but at least put thought into it. Seeing the list of his gift priorities and how he purposely gets her the cheapest, random crap pretty much solidified her suspicion that he genuinely doesn’t care enough to get her something with her in mind.
I found the driving one really interesting as I am almost 23 and can’t drive. I began learning at 17 (UK driving age), spent thousands of pounds trying to learn, failed 4 tests and I finally gave up when I was 20 years old. My partner can drive and sometimes becomes irritated when he is the only one able to drive to see my family, for example, but for the most part I use public transport exclusively. I would be upset if someone bought me driving lessons as it would be a waste of their money and insulted that they’ve assumed that me not being able to drive means there is something wrong with me.
Yeah I feel about the same. I am almost 28 and can’t drive. I do not want to drive. Between now expensive it is to learn to drive, take the test get a car, insurance, car maintenance that alone is a big nope for me.. but I also have bad anxiety and wouldn’t be able to handle it. I’d be pretty upset if someone wasted a bunch of money getting me something they knew i didn’t want because they were bitter about it.
I think they also missed the part where he said he takes Uber most of the time for when he needs to go anywhere and only “relies” on her if they are both going to the same place.
@@probably_notbob5794 Yeah, definitely. Completely agree. His girlfriend’a problem seemed to be about wanting to be a passenger rather than being relied on also. Although getting Ubers everywhere sounds so expensive!!
yeah i also hate how everyone tries to put a US context on this situation. like i live in a country where public transport is sufficient enough for me to never have to drive anywhere. my dad has done it. if you really don’t want to and don’t need it, then don’t do it! i do think that driving is an important life skill though. i’m on OP’s side here but i feel like maybe OP and partner maybe aren’t suited for each other if they truly can’t see eye to eye on it.
Idk OP says the GF drives to work/grocer/etc. so I think it’s safe to assume the area isn’t super walkable or doesn’t have good public transport.
If a person is unable to drive when it is necessary for someone to do so, than they’re being a burden. That said, it’s not always a bad thing. Some ppl love driving or their partners take care of other chores to make the load feel more balanced.
Personally I tend to enjoy driving, but just the fact that my partner can when I’m too tired or feeling sick is a comfort. If every time I decided we needed milk and hopped in the car my partner decided to “tag along” I would start to feel used after a while. I think the biggest issue with OP isn’t his lack of a license but the seeming lack of appreciation for his GF shepherding him around. He honestly comes across very ungrateful to me.
As a bonus, my BF is a twin. His twin doesn’t have a license but my BF does. So he was the chauffeur any time they went to a friends house, to school, to an event, etc. As a result, my BF kinda hates driving and I get it so I’m willing to drive most of the time. But he also knows how exhausting it is to always be the chauffeur, so when I ask him to drive he does. We’re both aware of the burden of driving (it’s tiring and it actually physically pains me after about an hour), so we’re able to compromise effectively.
They’re so skeptical about the gift planning list, but it’s definitely useful if you need to budget for each person and make sure you keep your presents organized lol
Yeah but you could do that on your notes app on your phone and not write it down on a random sheet lying around right?
@@cyankalis Oh of course, that’s what I do now. I just mean they seemed weirded out that anyone would write out what they plan on giving people and the costs of those items.
@@lineyloveslacquer personally I don't think it's weird, it's plain budgeting, maybe he tends to forget some things because there are quite a few people that he wanted to give gifts to, that makes sense to me. It just doesn't seem too clever of him to write it down so the wife could find it
@@cyankalis yeah I definitely used to hide the paper one I did back in the day before smartphones, so idk where this guy left his so she could easily find it🤔
Love these episodes! It would be fun on some of these if you also looked at the comment consensus. The replies can be interesting, and it's always nice to see if our own reaction matches the group or if we have a totally different perspective.
I would never do that (lock my child out for missing curfew) because of Paul and Karla Bernardo... that happened to one of their victims and that's how Paul was able to get her.
and its ironic because the reason for having a curfew and calling is presumably so they stay safe....so youre gonna lock them out without supervision where they could wander or get hurt anyway? counterproductive just to make a "point" the teen prob will resent anyway
Yeah, my parents gave me a curfew that was dependent upon the event and even then, the door was always open. I never even snuck out or did bad things cause I knew they would be accepting and I'd always find a way to call them if I was late or something happened.
I keep a spreadsheet of gifts I'm getting for people for Christmas! It's a great way for me to keep track of who I've gotten gifts for, whether they've already shipped or arrived (I do most of my shopping online), and around how much I've spent on each person (so that I'm not spending way more on one sibling than another)
I do the same thing 😅
If I don't keep track, I'll spend $100 on someone, and $0 on someone else. There's usually no in between lol
Same! And I keep these lists digitally for the most part, but if I made a physical list that could feasibly be found by my partner, I probably wouldn't write it down either. I can't help but feel like that's what the husband was doing, or maybe he hadn't come up with the right gift yet (gift-giving is *clearly* one of his love languages, lol). I think the wife may have jumped the gun on that one and gotten her own feelings hurt.
@@taylorwalker7417 That's kind of what I was thinking, too! Like maybe he just hadn't gotten anything else for her yet, but that didn't mean he wasn't planning to!
For the gift giving one, if my partner was inviteted to christmas at my moms place, then I would expect my mom to give a gift, atleast a small one so that my partner doesn't feel left out.
Yeah absolutely! It’s the thought that counts, even just a card would be better than nothing
It has to be a given that your partner would also at least bring a gift to your mom though
@@EmmanuelleBeaudoinRoy Yeah, I would expect my partner to join in on the gifting back too ^^
yeah i think the whole thing about the dad being more old school traditional, and the mom having had issues with the gf in the past tells me if it had been the son proposing during christmas dinner, the parents, especially the mom, wouldn't have been as upset
The locked out of the house story is a cross over from another podcast- My Favorite Murder. One of Paul Bernardo's victims was locked out of her house because she came home after curfew... Pretty sure Leslie Mahaffy's mom will eternally regret locking her daughter out for missing curfew...
Yess i love this podcast✨
Cristine- I'm calling it '22 like we always used to say '97
Also Cristine- dress codes are so 1997 🤣
The beginning of the pod was blessed by Zyler! Such lovely orange floof!
re: the dress code
totally agree, wearing sweats on an already fixed formal event is so unnecessary. it's ok to not like wearing these fancy dresses (just wear something semi-formal), but purposefully under-dressing to "make a point" is a huge asshole move.
re: buying myself a present
if you wanted a gift for yourself on any occasion, fucking go for it. i can't understand the wife being salty about it (only acceptable if they're having financial issues). like girl, it's his money and he wanted a gift for himself, i totally see nothing wrong with that.
Yeah, i agree on the dresscode one. Its one night a year, you have the entire rest of the year to wear sweats and its not even her event
I bought most of my gifts this year because my husband waits until last minute and doesn't usually have anything for me come Christmas morning. I'm a bit petty for sure, but whatever 🤷🏽♀️😂
@@kkiimm12 Exactly. And there are plenty of clothing options that aren't sweat pants that are more dressy. Black slacks/jeans and nice blouse/dressy shirt for example. The purpose of a dress code is not only to respect the host who's made an effort and wants to have a certain "level" of attire from their guests but also for the guests benefit so that they know what level to dress up to (imagine if you come to a wedding in a gown and everyone else is wearing casual, you'd feel awkward) and thirdly as a sign of respect to the other guests who took time and effort to dress up as well.
@@ellabellaswe and also they could just buy one outfit and wear it every year. not the most impressive, but from what OP sounds they probably don’t care about that anyway, and they’ll still be abiding to the dress code.
tbh as someone from a country with a LOT of public transport, I never really felt the need to get a driving license. Plus the thought of driving is just really scary to me so I don't think I'd be able to do it. So I kinda get the guy, but at the same time if I had a partner that would drive me everywhere I would feel really guilty if I didn't atleast share in the costs.
It's a manipulative gift. At best it's a gift for her.
He should make it up in other ways if she does drive him a lot.
Idk how it is in NA but where I live a drivers license costs about ~2000€ depending on how fast you learn. For me this is an absolutely huge amount of money. Owning a Car is also very expensive with all the stuff you have to pay for. I also can get everywhere by train or bus which costs less than owning a car and paying gas + in the city parking can also be very expensive if there even are free spaces at all.
Same, where are you from? I'm from Estonia 🇪🇪 ☺️
37:45 I remember the first time I heard Cristine give this lecture, I was furious and kind of had difficulty understanding why. I was shaking, terrified, angry, with so many thoughts racing through my head like, "It's not that easy, how dare you talk about my parents like that, how is any of this not my responsibility, I can't just be a selfish brat and not care."
After a year in therapy, hearing this again is a completely different experience. I'm like, "Oh fuck. So this is what reasonable expectations, boundaries, and logic sounds like when you're free."
I hope it's not weird to say I'm proud of you! I've been doing therapy for 10+ years now and I remember from the early days that accepting painful truths is by far the most difficult part about it. But there comes a point where you just let go of rigid thinking and your ego will be fine with changing-/evolving views on yourself and other people.
@@Shirumoon That is so sweet of you, I don't think it's weird at all and I really appreciate it!
And I completely agree, it really is difficult because all of those cognitive distortions were survival mechanisms - and if I don't have that, what do I have to protect myself? If it wasn't my fault, how can I "control" it to make it better? Therapy (and even just free online DBT resources) have completely turned my life and my brain around, and despite everything I'm still going through, I don't think I've ever been more stable and more at peace.
Thank you again for sharing your experience with me and for your very gracious comment!!!!!
I thought the proposal infront of family on Christmas was super cute tho. I didn't think of it as taking over someone else's thing. I just thought of it like all those cheesy hallmark movies where they propose infront of friends and family, the person's loved ones. Kinda like in a I want to be part of your family too kinda way.
Episode 100 needs to be Podcast Mountain-a race to see who can paint more layers of polish within the duration of the podcast. 💅🏻
The biggest issue I was wtf on with the mom and Xmas gifts is her son has a child! You are telling me that grandma doesn't give her grandbaby gifts? What grandma does that? Anyone I've known of or heard of piles their grandkids with gifts. Change is ok and good, not traumatizing. What a melodramatic woman.
On partner gift giving - My family gives everyone 1-3 things in common every year for Christmas (this year was a blanket for each person & a candle & ornament for each couple/household, last year was a nice insulated cup with a $25 gift card inside) this includes ALL significant others. My brother has only been with his girlfriend since October and she was still included in this. We would never want anyone to feel left out! My family does give maybe 1-2 things extra to anyone that has been with the family for more than just the one single Christmas just because we know them better - but they’re always given something!
Even my dad, who is far more strapped for cash than my moms side, makes all of our partners a stocking with some candy and gum so that they have something to open.
It just seems so easy to fix this.
In the first story I was questioning why the 16 year old son didn't have his own house key and apparently there is no spare emergency one hidden outside.
I found that very strange.
Also for the other key story with the mother in law knowing her personality I would not have ever given her an emergency key.
If the husband went behind the wife's back and the mother in law walked in while they were being intimate the first time I would have taken the key back.
For the formal dinner code at Chtistmas I somewhat understand as it is special occaision and was expected in my family.
I am sure though my brother and I wouldn't have been excluded if we had decided to dress more casually.
If I was in the posters situation I would show up in a lovely fancy top and sweatpants 😄
I grew up in the suburbs and the doors had sliding deadbolts that would only open and close on the inside. No keys.
Never used them.
I am older than you two, and I don't have my license. Unfortunately, I have a phobia with driving, including freezing up just sitting in the driver's seat unless helping someone fix a car.
As for the mom that refused to give the wife a present...It also states that she refuses to give her grandchild a present too. It doesn't matter that the child is a baby right now. That is just not right.
I follow 3 podcasts that come out all on the same day as Simplypodlogical and this one is always the first one I click - love you guys! YES I’M A SUPER SIMP 😂❤️
What are the other two if you don't mind sharing? ☺️ I would love to have some more podcasts to listen 😊
Of course I don’t mind sharing! The other podcasts I listen to are all by The Try Guys and found on their channel “trypods” - 1) The Trypod 2) You Can Sit With Us and 3) Guilty Pleasures. Happy listening!
I always love how it's basically always the same issue: Communication xD and when that kinda works then people have no sympathy for their significant other/friend/whatever.
Like... when you tell your partner that you feel uncomfortable when their mother comes randomly into your house/apartment, they should respect your feelings even if their don't mind. If something makes one person uncomfortable and it's "not that big of a deal" then just help them wtf xD I totally understand that one person who didn't want their mother in law to visit whenever she wants to
1) 10pm is fine in general, later if prearranged. But why does a 16 year old need to be out after 10pm with out prearranging and explaining what you're doing.
2) he was lying he ignored the calls too
3)she's still an ahole for making him sleep out side
They are on a slippy slope to making their kid hate them. He was with a girl, ofc he ignored his mother calls, he is a teen. Imagine being a teen with a crush and your mom is calling you, you would be embarassed, most teens would. Not providing a roof to sleep under for being 1h late is pure craziness.
@@lauralanthalasa7 there’s a roof under the treehouse though and she said beddings were provided too
@@crispyfrenchtoastnguyen8642 you don't know that, did they show a picture of a treehouse? Maybe it doesn't have a lock or heating or railing or whatever. It's unsafe and the mother is a provider and must provide safe enviroment for the kid, even when they are pissing her off.
Yeah it seems crazy to me that people think it's ok for a teenager to be out past 10 without prearranging it? 10 seems really generous actually, and being a whole hour late is a big deal. I do think mom was the AH for making her son sleep outside and also seeming a little fussy about him being tired and grumpy the next day (like, duh), but the kid knew exactly what he was doing ignoring her calls and was being really inconsiderate and disrespectful of his curfew.
@@shineonsunfish he's definitely an a hole for not giving his parents the respect of sticking to curfew or at least communicating with them. And 10pm is definitely fair, like I say prearranging for say a late movie is one thing. But an hour is a long time especially when it comes to an evening. 😣
The thing that the guy doesn't acknowledge with the driving is that it also puts the responsibility of the gf to do all the shared chores that are outside of the house. Eg grocery shopping. He just "tags along" if she goes but that means she can't not go and have him take the initiative with it :/
The AITA podcasts are my favorites
For the driving thing... I am in a similar situation. I have been on my partner to get his license for two years and it is frustrating being the only driver to get us to work, to do the groceries, to drive us to see family and all that. I'm frustrated because there is an unbalanced division of responsibilities in the house and he doesn't see the driving being an aspect of that. It's definitely (passive?) aggressive to get the lessons for his birthday and they need to talk it all out.
My ex didn’t have a license and I was the one that always had to drive and over time it started to really piss me off and I grew very resentful so I totally understand how you feel. In that story when he basically said why do I need a license when she can drive me isn’t a good attitude to have. I do agree that she could’ve gone about it in a different way rather than gifting him the driving lessons
On the driving story: I will never get a license, it's expensive and I have bipolar and intrusive thoughts, I'm scared to drive cause I have a husband and a child, I don't want to be driving and have an intrusive thought about driving off the road and then do that. Mental health is the biggest reason for not having a driver's license for me, I never expect anyone to drive me cause I take the train, subway, bus or whatever I can to get where I need to be
I don’t ever get tired of AITA podcasts. Please keep them coming!
These posts just make me thankful I have a healthy relationship with my hubby & I've never felt left out my the in-laws even though I don't want them to spend their money on me when they could use it for themselves (though I will take some cookies, sooooo yummy!)
I live in a country with very good public transport so both me and my husband don’t drive or own a car. He has a license, I don’t but none of us feels the need to do it.
It’s actually cheaper for us to take taxis when we need to go somewhere far than owning a car would be bc of how rarely we need to go further away than walking distance. But I assume in US or Canada our lifestyle would be much harder
I'm 20. I had to take the theoretical driving classes in high school. I did not proceed to the practical lessons. I tend to daydream and lose track of my environment pretty often, and I get overwhelmed easily. I would never trust myself with a car. I do not want to drive. Ever. I got help learning how to use public transportation last summer, and I imagine I'd rely on that whenever possible. If I get into a relationship with someone who can drive, I would happily help pay for the gas whenever they'd transport me anywhere, and of course I wouldn't expect them to always be ready to drive me like a chauffeur. If the gf from the driving story had a problem with her bf not driving, she should have talked to him about it, not gotten him the world's most P/A gift and then acting petty when he didn't want it. There are clearly larger issues in that relationship, but she handled them extremely poorly.
I’m so lucky that I have an awesome MIL that I can honestly run around like a best friend with. ❤️ got very lucky and blessed to get that!
Also very lucky to have a hubs that comes up with Xmas plans with me. Years ago we decided to for family things do first come first serve. We also slowly shop throughout the year for gifts for them. We also have lists that we just add too over the year and get a few gifts off that list and save it for next year. We also understand that we like to spoil our dog 🥺
We’ve never had a fight about Xmas or any other holiday 🤷🏻♀️ maybe when children happen we might have a few riffs but I’m not too worried about it. 🤷🏻♀️❤️
The driving lessons one. One partner not driving also implies that the one driving has to always be involved in buying griseries and other household products. I didn’t learned to drive until I was 27 and it wasn’t until after that that I realized what a burden it can be to people around me.
There actually is a story where a girl wasn't allowed back in the house because of similar reasons and she actually was murdered when she walked to a friends house which she never turned up to. Happened in the 80s I think
Her name was Leslie Mahaffy and it happened in the early nineties. :-(
With the drivers licence, most kids I know who are 16-19 and don't have their licence is simply because they can't afford a car, in BC insurance rates are so high especially for new drivers its hard for students to afford a new car, insurance and gas. Its just cheaper to take transit places.
Most times people punish you it's because they feel overwhelmed or they take something you did or said personally. I guess it is an ego problem. I love love love Cristine for challenging that behavior and asking if there's really a need for punishment.
I rarely got punished (if I did, back in the day it would be physical) because my mum usually tried to figure out why we did something stupid. But I don't know man. For me, the feeling of shame I felt looking at all the people I disappointed was enough to stop my dumb shit.
AITA is my favorite thing y'all do on the podcast
8) if you're buying your coworker a $900 gift and your wife a not even $20 gift then you have messed up priorities tbh. Not saying you have to spend $900 on your wife, but like it's your wife over your coworker
About the driving one...
I'm someone who hates being photographed, and I hate looking at pictures of myself past a certain age.
My family knows this, I've told them a thousand times. Yet one year for my birthday my mom bought me a photo album with a bunch of old pictures of me. I tried to pretend to be happy at first but as soon as I saw more recent photos I closed the book and said that I didn't wanna see anymore.
I was so upset I almost started crying because she KNOWS I hate photos of myself...why would she give me a photo album of me on my birthday?
And of course she got upset that I was upset and didn't like her gift.
Personally I think it's better to receive nothing but a "happy birthday" than to get a gift you sincerely hate. I understand why his gf did it and I don't blame her, but frankly I don't agree with her giving it to him as a "present" for his birthday.
He's right when he said it was a present for her more than it was for him. Same as my mom, the only person she thought of when she gave that gift to me was herself, because she loves photographs. The issue of driving should be a problem they discuss at a different time entirely.
15:55 I have my learners permit, but operating a big metal death machine is terrifying to me. My parents are trying to teach me, but I’m really scared.
The one about gift giving: my Mom has known my husband since him and I were in 5th grade. So the first year he came to Christmas he got stuff from my entire family because they had all already known him for years (we were 21 when we started dating for reference). My Brothers wonderful girlfriend (I mean that honestly) started dating my brother about 2 years ago. My Grandma and Mom started off with small gifts for her because she's uncomfortable getting gifts. However, now she gets stuff like the rest of the family (my family is EXTRA when it comes to Christmas). I don't understand not wanting someone to feel included. That Mom honestly sounds awful.
In Germany you can get a driver's licence at 18. I got mine right away, because I needed a car to get EVERYWHERE. We lived in a small town. My husband lives in Munich, so he didn't need a car and he got his licence when he was 21.
On the driving AITA: some people have eye problems that can't be fixed with surgery/ glasses. My brother had this, both surgery and glasses were tried, but his eyes just wouldn't work together. So his sight is 2D instead of 3D. Makes him unable to see distances, and very scared of driving. He would rather go trough life using public transport/ letting someone ells drive.
“Snoopy” the dog 😂😂😂 🐶
I don’t drive nor plan on driving, grew up on the Jersey side of the NYC skyline where parking doesn’t exist and cars are just an expensive nuisance that only rich people who can pay out the ass for permanent parking actually use. There’s enough transport; cabs, busses, subways, trains, dollar busses, Uber/Lyft, it’s not difficult to get around without a car, the area is set up for people like me. Certainly many people end up getting cars but it’s kind of a luxury rather than a necessity.
I had always assumed if I left the nj/ny area I’d probably get a car, though that would definitely require some balls cause I have quite a lot of trauma due to a severe car accident that nearly took my brothers life, but instead left him with lifelong injuries, brain damage, and an entire childhood in and out of hospitals and surgeries, raising myself basically cuz my mom had to be with him, and travel a ton for him to get all these crazy surgeries over the years. I am WAY too aware of the devastation car accidents can cause, and even as a passenger I am extremely jumpy and overreactive in cars. Certain close-calls and almost-accidents over the years have worsened my fears, and all in all, I really don’t think someone like me should ever be behind the wheel.
Even so, I had always assumed if I moved away from the area I’d HAVE to learn to drive and get a car, cause obviously not everywhere has the same kind of transportation options that the city offers, obviously.
Then Uber and Lyft happened, and I praised the gods, earth, and universe cuz praise be to jeebus, I won’t have to drive!
Actually moved to Maryland a few years ago now, and I get around just fine using Uber. My husband actually does have a car, it’s never been an issue between us, and I do sorta disagree with one part of your assessment. The implication that if one partner drives and the other doesn’t, then the non-driving partner is reliant on the driving partner to always do all the driving. That’s not really how it works, at least not in my relationship. We both have a mode of transportation - he has his car, I have Uber. I don’t rely on him driving at all, not unless he offers or we’re all going somewhere together as a family. The only time I could see this being a bother for him is perhaps when we take the three-hour drive back home and he doesn’t have the option to switch off with me, but he’s never told me it bothers him at all. I feel like it’s the kind of thing where he might think “ah, would be nice if I could switch off with her! But oh well, Lory doesn’t drive!” I mean, it is what it is. He isn’t entitled to force me to drive just because he does - nor is the girlfriend in the situation y’all were discussing entitled to force her boyfriend to drive just because she does. He doesn’t want, nor have, to drive. His mode of transport is Uber. If his girlfriend drives, that’s her choice, and if they’re together she is likely going to be driving, as people who drive are usually going to turn you down if you offer to grab an Uber for the two of you, thinking “why would we pay for a ride, I have my own car”. Perhaps she unknowingly normalized an unwillingness to take Uber with him, which is his primary transportation method, and therefore elected herself as the one-who-drives-when-they-do-shit-together. I would actually put money on that, given her petty “you take an Uber, and I’ll drive, even if we’re going to the same place” that reaction is stupid. If she really has an interest in sharing the transportation responsibility, then she would’ve suggested she drive sometimes, and he gets them BOTH an Uber sometimes. Simple. She is not entitled to force him to drive simply because it’s this normal everyday thing to HER. To him, it’s not this normal everyday thing, in fact to him, and the way he’s lived his life thus far, he’s perfectly fine without a car and probably, like me, thinks it’s weird that people pay so damn much money for cars, insurance, gas, repairs, parking (depending where you live), when in many areas they can get by just fine without all that.
In my opinion, it’s a bit of a pride and ego thing, but then again that’s the perspective of someone from an area where public transport is the norm, and driving is the luxury.
I also think there’s a mass normalization of driving and serious cognitive dissonance of what cars actually are, what they do, what they’re capable of - like take a step back from your social conditioning and recognize that these ultra-expensive, insanely heavy metal boxes, powered by toxic flammable gasses, actually no, combustible gasses, that push humans around at insanely fast speeds and are responsible for killing more than 38,000 people every year, ranking THIRD leading cause of death after heart disease and cancer, are reasonably going to be scary and off putting to certain people. If someone doesn’t want to drive a car, there is literally not a single thing wrong with that. I don’t get why it seemed so normal and accepted here that the girlfriend was attempting to force him to drive through guilt tripping, petty behavior, and entitlement to his lifestyle decisions merely because SHE doesn’t wanna drive all the time, when it’s literally her choice to drive. So don’t drive, lady. Grab an Uber with your man, easy. Problem solved.
Sorry lol. End rant.
I feel like if someone in my family proposed during Christmas I would be happy for them and my family would be excited but it’s because we all like each other lol. I feel like if they all hated each other or something then they would make it a big deal or make it seem like a problem 😂
I didn't have my license until I was 21. I got my permit at 17 but my mom was in the throws of a messy divorce and was juggling being a single mom to my younger brother and I, so she didn't have time to teach me how to drive. I still wouldn't make people drive me places though, and if they did give me a ride it was a carpool situation and I gave them gas money. But once I had the opportunity to learn for myself I did. To downright refuse the gift of driving lessons, simply because you don't wanna, is so dumb and childish imo
You have the best takes 👍
Safiya: 👁👄👁 Waiting for her dream trip. 😂
The AITA podcasts are my ABSOLUTE favorite!!!
Fancy attire on Christmas was a thing growing up for me too. I like to do Christmas eve pj opening and wearing those most of Christmas now as an adult.
So like as someone who has a partner that doesn’t drive and has no interesting in driving, I really have no issues driving them everywhere. We’ve been living together for 6 months and it could change after years of being together but I don’t really anticipate it being an issue. We’ve discussed if there is a time where I am unable to take them, they need to find an alternative option themselves. I think the girlfriend was the asshole because that was not a gift he would enjoy and she knew that going into it.
Everybody invited to a gift exchange on Christmas should be getting presents, even if it’s not from everybody. Stuff a stocking with candy or something.
The only exception would be if a boundary is explicitly laid out prior to the gift exchange, like “me, my husband, and my kids” in this example, or “being the grandkids I have stuff for them”. It just kinda violates the spirit of everybody getting each other presents if some people aren’t even getting candy or cookies or something
Speaking as a 20yo with only a G1: getting my G2 freaks me out. I've done the lessons, and even took a test (unfortunately I failed, and the pandemic hasn't helped in allowing me to reschedule), but I hate every second of being behind the wheel. I'm on edge the whole time, my entire body tenses, and overall it's just a big responsibility that I don't want. I'm super conscious of the dangers of driving and I hate that it's something I just have to do because the transport systems around me are subpar
For the family gifts on Christmas. My stepdad and his family pretty much just gift to the kids and for the adults we just draw out of a hat a name and do like a mystery gift thing so everyone gets a present or two.
My bf is 26 and I am 29 , I’m usually the driver , he recently started driving late 2020 so he’s been driving for about a year now but he suffers from anxiety so driving is a huge task for him. I love driving, anytime I can drive I will and he knows . He would much rather have me drive unless im physically and mentally not capable of doing so, which then he will take over. That couple was completely petty and both were the asshole imo. Him for thinking he doesn’t need to drive but getting upset that she doesn’t want to drive, and her for obviously knowing he doesn’t want to drive but trying to force it on him. I PERSONALLY think everyone should know how to drive, not everyone needs to own a car but at least know how to drive.
EVERYONE should know how to drive? definitely not. it seems like you've never left the country back roads or the suburbs. some people will frankly never need to learn how to drive because of efficient public transport, living in a walkable city, or living in a place where cars aren't the common majority--which is a lot of places in the world. driving is NOT easy, it's fairly complex--and on top of that, it's not necessary SAFE. not * everyone * needs to know how to drive. that's a gross and uneducated simplification.
@@cholec9230 Driving not being easy is legitimately a great reason to have it as a back pocket skill. Same with driving stick. As a city person I didn't have/"need" a license til I was 32, but I learned how to drive before then, and had to use that skill to take a drunk friend home and help move a car stuck in snow. Obviously folks with disabilities are a consideration, but for the rest of us, it is something to know to do.
I agree with this. Where we live u have different kind of drivers license for automatic and manual cars. I have the one where I can drive either manual or automatic cars, my bf only has automatic cause he struggles too much and is too nervous to be able to drive an automatic one safely. I'm the one who usually drives us around but we will look into getting an automatic car so that if necessary or I want to drink, he can drive us around. It's just communicating and being on the same level about stuff. It is pitty of both of them what they did. Like common just say it to his face instead of a present like this
I failed the driving exam five times and I hated driving when I learned, so I never got the license in the end. Good thing I live in a big European city and don't ever have a need to drive, it would not save me money nor time. Public transport is a great thing to have.
In Europe, people usually don't learn to drive at 16. If we really want and can buy a car, we can get a driver's license at 18. However, learning to drive and driving exams are expensive. Moreover, if you manage to get a car, you will have a lot of trouble finding parking.
To be honest, I don’t think parents are Entitled to buy your significant other a gift.
My husband has an eye condition and is why he can not drive. Back before we knew of it, he would get upset about being the only driver but quickly got over it
Instead of locking the kid out, which is dangerous and heartless, couldn't she come up with a more appropriate punishment. Grounding for a month, extra chores, have their smart phone swapped for a flip phone, take away something important to them. So, so, so many other possibilities. It seems like a lack of critical thinking on the parents part. She should maybe talk to her husband and maybe some poll some outside help the next time she's coming up with an extreme punishment. Just the fact that the husband allowed this to happen seems suspect. Why aren't they agreeing on punishments before they are doled out and why didn't he stick up for the kid and get her to bring him back in and consider an alternate punishment?
Yay these are my favorite type of podcasts from you two!
The solution for the dress code situation is to get the family matching Christmas PJs, so they are too cute and weird to judge with the same criteria. I suggest fuzzy reindeer onesies.
Who goes on a date on Christmas Eve especially that young smh
In my country you can't drive before 18. You are obliged to go to one of the expensive schools for driving, which takes up a lot of your time so it’s difficult to combine it with regular school. Also, sometimes they fail people on purpose so they have to pay for driving school again. Needless to say, I know very few people who got their licence around 18. Many of us here go without driving our whole lives. I can hardly afford life, I’m never affording a car and out of the financial cuts I’m making, it’s not the most inconvenient one thanks to public transport.
Where do you live?
@@Hivdghn Croatia.
Oh my gosh. I finally made it Simi early ! Love watching you guys!
As an 18 year old who got her license during the pandemic, my state made it to where our parents had to sign a waiver that we hade 50 hours of practiced driving time and we could bypass the actual driving exam. Let’s say that a lot of kids forged that and my High school parking lot is a war zone 😬
I am 32 and live in the US and it’s the same thing here with 16 year olds not caring about driving anymore like my generation. I personally think the internet/social media is the reason. High schoolers get a lot of social interaction online now. When I was in high school I had to physically see my friends in person to hang out. So interesting!
I feel bad how these people treat each other, it's like they can't see beyond their own point of view and almost crave drama. None of them show any empathy and all of them have huge egos
I don’t need crazy expensive gifts from my BF, but I could understand being a little upset if he decided to go all out on friends but got me something both inexpensive and a shared useful item (I.e. spoons.)
this might be controversial but the driving lessons guy shouldn't have to drive if he doesn't want to. if you live in a city with uber or transit available, i don't see why he should HAVE to learn to drive, even if he has the means to own a car. when cristine said "well maybe he's traumatized by cars", that's very true and real for many people, but even if he wasn't, again he still shouldn't have to if he doesn't want to!!!
also no one is saying she HAS to drive too. she can also easily take the bus or an uber with him. 🤷♀ the only thing i maybe disagree with is him wanting to ride with her if she's already going somewhere but i think at that point they're both just being petty.
also this idea that "cars give you freedom" is very silly. people in Europe and Asia and New York have plenty of freedom without cars. in fact, when we prioritize car ownership and the infrastructure for it, we're limiting the freedom for those who maybe can't own or drive a car. fewer transit options. making roads bigger and wider and longer for cars, which in turn are harder / more dangerous to walk on. and so on.
this is a perfect comment!! thank you for writing it!!
On the Christmas Eve curfew story: if the kid is 16 and it was going to bother mom so much, then Christmas Eve is family time and no dates that night. Sometimes parenting is looking ahead and knowing how to avoid issues.
i did think it was a bit weird the kid went on a date on christmas eve. maybe it's a cultural thing, but in my country, christmas eve is when you have the big dinner with family, and then at midnight open the presents. so it's a bit odd to me the kid was out on a date on the 24th. but other than that, totally the mom being the asshole for locking him out
@@Ray_Vun
It’s a cultural thing. Most white kids in the US that I know of celebrate on Christmas morning, meanwhile, most Hispanic kids I know both inside & outside the US celebrate on Christmas Eve.
@@mayaw.4013 i'm portuguese, so i guess the latinos got it from us. i always grew up with christmas eve being the important day. christmas day was usually when i'd go and visit relatives, like uncles/aunts and cousins
@@Ray_Vun I'm from Estonia and we also celebrate Christmas Eve as the most important day in our country. We get together with all our closest family, have dinner and open presents after that. Other days are usually spent visiting other distant relatives and celebrating with them as well ☺️ but every culture is a bit different 😉
I lost my grandma in March of this year but even if someone brought a brand new bf or gf there was a gift for them because I think we’d all feel terrible having anyone just watching others open gifts. She would go out of her way to speak with them and she was so fun and hilarious and made everyone so comfortable. I’ll miss her. That mom’s an asshole. She doesn’t even get her grandchild a gift??!
When the punishment for breaking curfew is to lock the kid out, it just screams "I'm controlling and it was never about the safety of my child"
YEP. That kid is way more in danger sleeping outside than coming home from somewhere safe one hour late
This is what chores at home are for.
Not "next time you're at the homeless shelter for a week".
That kid is never going to forgive his mom And will remember that for the rest of his life
Leslie Mahaffy was locked out of her house after missing curfew and was kidnapped and murdered.
I'd rather have my child be rebellious and coming home at 2 in the morning than never being able to see them again.
@@Catglittercrafts my friends mom used to lock her out for days when she was like 15! She forgave her mom and they are close (she’s in her 30s now) I don’t get it
All the kid learned in the first one was to just not come home if he's gonna be late
right? she think she's teaching him to come home early. instead she's teaching door's gonna be locked, might as well not even bother going home and spend the night at someone else's place
Right? Why do controlling parents think hurting their kids is gonna make the the kids respect them or love them more? If anything it’s gonna teach them that their parents are neglectful and they should anticipate the day they move out.
For the story about the wife finding the list of presents: I think it does matter that the husband is spending hundreds/thousands on his friends/coworkers and only spending like $20 on his wife. Not because they didn't agree to a budget for themselves, but because of his justification for why he spent so much on them - because "they are important to him". Is your wife not as important to you as your coworkers? Also, it's just plain rude to buy lavish gifts for other people and give your wife a spoon set. I'm not saying he has to go all out for every gift, but why is he getting his SIL an expensive bracelet and not his wife? Idk maybe I'm wrong, but I'd be pissed too.
Let's stop letting men say "it's the thought that counts" when it comes to gifts for their SO, especially when there is a lot more thought given to people outside of the relationship. It's so disrespectful to spend 20x the amount on a gift for a coworker, than you did on your legal spouse.
Also, KITCHEN/HOUSE SUPPLIES/APPLIANCES ARE NOT A GIFT FOR YOUR SPOUSE!! THESE ARE A JOINT PURCHASE.
@@scuzifly 100% agree. your spouse comes first, before kids, then the kids come first.
Since he was buying spoons and they share a household he didn’t even buy her a gift.
You are 100% right
@@katybee3891 That’s such a good point! The spoons weren’t even just for her to enjoy.
The curfew story has me wondering if these teenagers don't have a key to their own home. This never would have worked on me, because I've carried a house key since I was 9 years old.
I'm assuming since they have to get home at 10 pm the mom expects to be up to let them in bc that's how overprotective parents are
Yeah it's wild. I had my key at 10, which is when I was allowed to walk to school with a friend.
Right? As a latchkey kid that story had me so confused
This comment was copied and pasted by another user with a checkmark. I'm gonna like this original one to boost it since I'm petty af
i grew up in the suburbs and didn't have a house key with me often until 18
With the partner giving the $20 spoons gift... Idk. If I was her I would seriously reconsider that relationship.
It's not necessarily that his gift for her is an issue, it's that context is making it seem like he doesn't value her.
1. Cost of a gift isn't necessarily an expression of how much someone means to you. Some people cannot afford big gifts and some people just aren't big gift givers. However, if he's buying friends and coworkers gifts in the $1k range and his wife a gift in the $20 range, something seems off.
2. Some gifts aren't expensive but are valuable in a sentimental sense, but a $20 set of spoons for the kitchen doesn't sound valuable in this sense either. In fact, it seems less thoughtful than the gifts he got for others. It's not even a "fun" practical gift like an air fryer or instant pot or cake pan or something along those lines where it's unnecessary but fun.
3. This only matters in some circumstances, but if she's the one who does the majority of the cooking and it's not a hobby for her, it kinda seems like a "here's something to use when you cook me supper, woman" type of gift which is worse than just being thoughtless in a normal sense. I know that in the majority of relationships I've seen amongst my friends, the woman does end up doing most of the cooking.
4. When confronted over it, it doesn't sound like he was sympathetic at all. He didn't say the gift was smaller because it's what they exchanged in the past whereas work and friends tend to exchange large ticket items, he didn't apologize and express any sort of reason for his behavior or sympathy for her, he immediately went on with name calling and telling her how his coworkers and friends are important to him (which is fair, but he's also implying that she, as his WIFE, means less to him than his coworkers or friends since her gift was so much smaller)
Like, if my partner didn't have much money and got me spoons, or if spoons were what I wanted, or if my partner wasn't big on gifts, I would be happy to get spoons and grateful that my partner thought of me.
If my partner was shelling out the cash on expensive, thoughtful gifts for coworkers and friends and got me a cheap set of cooking utensils to cook him supper with and THEN didn't even take a moment to think through why it hurt my feelings and just called me spoiled or something along those lines? I would be asking myself some hard questions about the sustainability of the relationship.
And he bought a $300 bracelet for his sister in law? So, just to reiterate, he spent 20 buck on a thoughtless gift for his WIFE but 300 bucks on a nice gift for his BROTHER'S WIFE??! not only is that a kick in the gut for his wife, but that's just awkward as hell for both his brother and his sister in law as well.
Unless the sister in law is the wife's sister, which would arguably be even worse. I can't imagine my fiance giving me some crappy spoons and my own sister an expensive bracelet. That would probably be the end of our relationship...
@@ivagrasmeijer5530 To be honest, if my partner gave my sister or his sibling's wife a 10x more expensive and meaningful gift than me, I'd probably be wondering if he's interested in her or even cheating with her. There's no logical reason why that should happen, even if he's trying to "impress" her. Especially if he proceeds to say, "She's important to me and I like her" (included in the statement that his coworkers and such are important to him) when it's made clear I'm not as important.
Leaving your kid outside because they're late for curfew is exactly how Leslie Mahaffy was kidnapped and murdered.
Im not gonna give you a like because it seems weird but thats a good comment
@@majawwww I see shit like that mom leaving her kid to sleep in the treehouse and all I can imagine is: all it takes is a man like Paul Bernardo to see your kid locked out and vulnerable to take advantage of it.
@@Amsayy right though?! that's the first thing I thought when I heard that, seems like completely deliberate child endangerment.
It proves how the mom was never worried about her child's safety, she just wanted to be right and be petty about it.
Right? Isn’t the point of the curfew to have your children safe and in your care during the “dangerous hours” at night? Why would you make them stay outside after that??
That husband calling his wife “an ungrateful spoiled brat” is the worst thing I’ve ever heard. Please leave him it will only get worse do not have children with him my dad used to say shit like that. Sounds like a narcissist trying to gaslight you that YOU’RE overreacting. If she spent that much on coworkers he’d be PISSED
I haven’t watched that part yet but I think you’re absolutely right. My dad is a big time narcissist (too)and most of his hatred towards me and my sister was us being “ungrateful brats”. He punished us by not buying any food for us when we were with him for the week (thank the lord my mom divorced him) and he made us eat whatever food he had left in te cupboard, claiming he had bought it ‘just for us’. It was usually past expiriation date and often had mold. And he still called us spoiled for not wanting to eat this. Well anyway, hearing “spoiled brat” is a trigger for me, it just makes it clear how he thinks of the wife and it is bad
Honestly to me it’s not even that it cost $20, but that it’s so impersonal. Like he got her fucking spoons for their shared kitchen. She expressed no interest in spoons, he didn’t take into account her hobbies or job or love of things. And to spend $250 on jewelry for your sister in law and get your wife impersonal spoons is super weird and makes me think he has a thing for her. Idk.
Like if it were a $20 photo album or a hand massage cause she always complains about cramps or smth that she clearly enjoyed and was personal to her or significant to their relationship, totally different story.
I think he is right, she maybe grew up getting whatever she wants because she doesn't apprechiate ,,cheap" gifts and also needs to point out that she makes expensive gifts. Its not a gift if you expect something in return. To me the problem is that he didnt spend thought rather than money on the gift like she doesnt seem happy about the spoons. But she is def. spoiled I would never say something like that to anyone who is caring to gift me something
Yea youre right! Maybe she even told him ,, I dont want any gifts" and then still gets mad
Espresso Machine Story: OP should tell GF what happened. GF should give the machine back to the friends and accept BF's gift. Let the friends worry about returning. That is a sh*t thing to do to someone.
Actually that's a perfect solution because not only can OP "regain the loss," but also the "friends" would bear a tangible consequence for their sh*tty actions. I cannot imagine being that comfortable to waste such a huge amount of money just to one-up someone.
In reference to the nightmare mother-in-law house key story, why the hell would you not lie and play it off??? “Oh gosh, I must have given you the wrong key! I was making copies of my shed key too and I must have given you the wrong one, I’m SO sorry!!” And then of course proceed with the whole “but why were you using it during a non emergency?” public shaming bit 👌
Omg yes!!! Then it would really make her look like the asshole 😂😂
She still would’ve thrown the tantrum and the husband would still scold OP. Husband needs therapy.
@@katrinascarlet5637 op needs to divorce him
@@katrinascarlet5637 That's true, with the context given I think even then they'd find reason to be unreasonable
The one about the divorce and the dad inviting the Son in law...that is such a red flag for the fact that the husband WAS controlling. He manipulated her parents to make them believe he's a saint and so lonely at Christmas to either see her or to isolate her away from her own family. Nothing about that story was good
Hi Mary, I have 3 adopted daughters who are not my biological children, but they are my children, I get very sensitive about the topic. I am sorry If I have offended you in anyway. Happy New Year to you and yours!
Yes, I was thinking the exact same thing! The husband sounded manipulative as fuck, and the daughter, while not really in the right because cheating is terrible, probably had some insight into the relationship the parents didn't.
I have a feeling there’s a reason he couldn’t visit his family for Christmas. Probably is a general asshole, especially for accepting an invitation to his ex wife’s Christmas dinner? So many red flags.
YEEEES!!! The ex is SOOO MANIPULATING THE DAD!!! So sad. Run dad run.