10 Tips to Deal with Toxic Shame
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- Опубліковано 9 чер 2024
- It's not only narcissists that struggle with toxic shame. Watch to learn more about toxic shame and how to deal with it. At the end of this video, I explain how shame affects narcissists and distorts their sense of self and of reality.
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About Lise Leblanc
Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Life Coach Practitioner, and Author with over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. Lise Leblanc does not provide personalized psychological, health, or legal advice. Any information or responses provided on UA-cam are general and hypothetical, not individualized. This content is for informational purposes only and viewers should verify primary sources and/or seek professional services. Narratives about clients are heavily modified to protect their identities, using blurred details to teach and reassure without revealing private information about individuals.
If you have thoughts about harming yourself, get help right away by taking one of these actions:
Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
Call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) In Canada: 1.833.456.4566
Call your mental health provider, doctor or other health care provider.
Reach out to a loved one, trusted friend.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.
Introduction (0:00)
Shame (0:22)
1: Who Installed It? (2:10)
2: Identify the Voice of Shame (2:40)
3: Recognize Triggers (3:45)
4: Figure Pay-Offs (4:05)
5: Challenge It (4:43)
6: Accept It (6:27)
7: It Will Pass (7:46)
8: How do You Cope? (8:31)
9: Reframe Situations (9:06)
10: Forgive (9:59)
#NPD #covertnarcissist #narcissist #narcissism #narcissistic #lack of remorse #emotionalabuse
When I was a kid my dad had an affair. I caught him, but I didn’t say anything to anybody. I remember thinking to myself, if I strive hard enough, my parents won’t split up. Obviously it didn’t work. This guilt stayed with me since then. Only recently I’ve discovered what toxic shame is, and now I’m trying to recover. The funny thing is that nobody knows how I feel inside. People think I’m super confident, but it’s just a show I learned to put on to protect myself. Rationally I’m able to assess my qualities, but emotionally I feel like trash. Unfortunately, narcissists can smell my true nature miles away.
I like how she calls shame a virus. That is really helpful.
I really like this video.
It reminds me a lot of Marsha Linehan.
A genuine saint of a woman who dedicated her life to saving suicidal people.
May all the innocent children of God who are tormented by suffering, completely extinguish the shame demon.
I never married.. the only thing either parent ever said to me about marriage was.. don’t get married.. by my father.. not a word ever or my education.. just wasn’t ever discussed or mentioned..I could not ever accept or let someone love me..
And SHAME on those who insist on shaming you for things that are actually totally normal in human nature and beyond your true control.
I agree and I like just how you say this concept. They are rejecting being human and I actually like getting back to my real and vulnerable self. I miss her and I especially love all the things about my self that I used to love and enjoy sooo much!
These tips are so simple and doable. Yet so difficult to adapt.
I agree that they are difficult to incorporate into my life. It is like I have to study it to figure out how to actually accomplish it.
Lise there is something about the way you explain it that makes me want to listen to you more and more
For me she gives something and then she takes it away. It feels like teasing me with something that could be helpful but then introduces a hook that pulls me back into feeling somewhat less hope. I feel sometimes people don't completely support me.
Thank you very much
I am trying to cope with toxic shame
Your video is a lighthouse for people lost in the rough seas of shame. ❤🎉
Healing the shame that binds you with self compassion, healthy boundaries and telling your story to safe enough people in safe relationships and working through our childhood we can see how our parents shamed us but talking with a safe person and working through that I was able to understand it was about my narcissistic dad the stuff he said was about him and not about me, also helpful an empathic and trauma informed listener or someone who gets abuse / can point out an instance when a dad rages at his child it isnt about the child its about the narc parent trying to project their inadequacy unto other people shame dies when shared with empathic people and so does stories about abuse, when someone can point out to the person talking that something is abusive the survivor becomes validated in what they knew was true, and there is a healing that happens as I accepted my inner child as my true self , and become better at loving honoring and protecting him and advocating for him and finding safe enough connection where I can share my true self and get my needs for connection met, im worth it in a goody were worth it. Thanks for letting me share :)
Lise, you should do an ebook series. You've kind of already done it.
Thank you for this suggestion!
Things are good now. But do I wish this video had existed back in 2018. Be grateful for this fantastic information and advice on your healing journey, folks. Best luck.
I'm just glad content like this exists within my lifetime. Sometimes I wonder what I would be like if I was born 20 years before... because it's content from the internet and the ability to talk to people from far away that saved me and gave me some perspective from all the shame and toxicity poured on me.
I'm glad things are good now for you; I wish we could all say that, and that videos like this or someone with these understandings had been available in '69, or better yet when my parents were still children so they maybe would have had someone to help them- at least I had Mr. Rogers (Fred -Carl was a bit above my reading level then).
It sometimes strikes me as tragic and unforgivable that this kind of information has been at least partially known in some circles since the mid-1800s with the work of Bleuler and Freud, then Melanie Klein, Donald Winnicot, Harry Guntrip, etc. but mostly remained sequestered within the cloisters of academia until it began to seep out into culture in the '60s and '70s wearing the trappings of a NewAge priest, mostly for blessing the "Me" generation in its entitlement and self-centeredness. Four generations now have been deprived (and depraved) since then, partly because of the aloofness of academics and their prestigious professional clubs, partly because of high-profile hucksters peddling "hopium" to the desperate, and partly because everyone was too busy, distracted, unwilling, or uneducated to read a damn book that's been in print for a century- how quaint, un-Vogue, and anti-Cosmopolitan.
I'm not an early adopter of tech and have many issues and a very uneasy relationship with its addictive and distracting qualities. That said, I recognize that this is the first time in human history that the knowledge of those early pioneers of the mind has been so easily accessible, that it has been so easy to reach out to others and share our perspectives, and outlets like this are slowly making it common. Maybe it won't take ANOTHER four generations to heal the damage done and break the trauma cycle, for would-be parents to learn what happened to us all and learn how to FIX IT, so their children don't have to.
Thank you for you wonderfully insightful videos. You give me hope!
Excellent video, thank you!
I was reminded of a line from a poem . man hands on misery to man, it deepens like a costal shelf , , ,
A wise friend recently passed this one along to me:
"What hope did Mankind have
when Man-cruel came to rule?"
Maybe our best hope lies in poetry?
Thanks!
Thanks so much, I appreciate your support!
perhaps localizing the body feelings when it happens also helps
A great practice if you can do it I suppose; dissociation and anhedonia make that a fleeting proposition for some of us stuck in our heads and mostly unable to fully experience emotions and body sensations. If you can, don't take it for granted!
Thanks for this
Thank you..I don't know how to say how much you are helping.
I love your examples they are intiutive & accurate
And I appreciate your content. It's really enlightening and helpful, Lise.
I wish there were more videos on managing life with dissociative disorders, I was diagnosed with DD many years ago and sometimes I have tougher periods of time than others. It's hard, even with therapy, to break out of the cycle of dissociation. Usually it's triggered by something that reminds me of past traumas.
I spent all my formative years in children's homes and foster care
Thank you Lisa you've been a blessing to me
I remener last year I was walking through the park and a dad was playing with his two small sons. One boy must have bern about 5/6. The other about 3. They had a bike and the younger don was crying because he wanted to have a ride on the bike. His father said "stop being such a baby".???? He was 3. He was a baby. Its things like this that create toxic shame in young children.
Thank you!
You are a wonderful person
Yes
Thank you so much for this video. My wife, 58, has an extreme case of this. Only now I can identify it. How can I help her? A good psychologist is a long ride to town and back and she probably won't go for it. I have some psychological knowledge and experience from years ago but I still get disturbed when she harshly degrades and criticizes herself over little mistakes.
It was not a voice off same , it was no love from mom, nobody was there. There was no save place , there was nothing. My mother was only busy with herselfs . And she didn t want to hear me talk and . Than there was shame It s all about her . And I always wanted a mother . My faher died when I was 9 years old .
😊
I absolutely dislike the suggestion to F*O*R*GI*V*E as if your/our/my anger is the problem. My anger is never the problem and I resent people who make it seem like it is and try to take it away or punish it. Those people just want me to be vulnerable again without learning anything. Anger is the need to put up boundaries and you will not take away my right to put up boundaries because my anger irritates you in any way. I think I can tell that you have a strict religious background. I too was raised that way with an overlying dose of "insight" but you can't fool me. If you keep harping on it, I will un-join the channel. I can't continue listening to someone who tries to tell me what to do, especially rewarding my defense mechanism against controlling people. I feel smart vs foolish when I find my voice that helps me monitor my world for bad influence.
lovely hair!!
What's this got to do with te video subject matter?
@@vocationmaster are you woke simp?
I think her hair is lovely too! I thought it was a very nice compliment the person left.
Thats awful
Wow Tony Robbins AND a product pitch? This video has no sense of shame, that's for sure.
Thats awful