My wife does all of these things - since discovering narcissism, I find it amazing that there is no “maybe she is, maybe she isn’t” - SHE MOST DEFINITELY IS A COVERT NARCISSIST. Now I know what I am dealing with, her tactics are so predictable to the point of being comical. Videos like this and your others, and those of other recognised coaches, have definitely armed me well…….. but there is no denying the disappointment of knowing things will not change. I have two lovely young girls to think about, so leaving is not such a simple choice. I have other tools and strategies, now, though.
It’s a hard choice. I have four kids and I left. It was a horrible divorce and he still is horrible. There is no co parenting with him. He has poisoned my older boys against me. He projects everything he does on me. I am so so glad I don’t live in crazytown anymore but it is very easy to get sucked in because he knows how badly I want to coparent healthily for the sake of the kids. But there is no such thing, sadly. I am so glad to be done. It is hard when you have little kids. If you can hang in, hang in there. But after 20 years I wanted to know what it felt like to be loved for real by someone.
No need to be at all, I've been married to a narcissist 23 years, together 26, I've moved on to a healthy, reciprocating, respectful, relationship which is a total revelation.
After my divorce, I worked on my issues, to were I would be an excellent husband/partner, however, I will never marry again. That ship has sailed. The relationship with my self is the most important, and dare I say...I like myself now. (I don't even think about my previous narc relationships. They were just opportunities to learn and grow).
My 10 1. Blame others 2. Point out your faults 3. Deny your version of events 4. Lie 5. Dismiss / shrug off 6. Play the victim / cry 7. Plot revenge 8. Threaten 9. Passive aggressive 10. Anger / rage I just realised ten is not enough!
@rogerwhoareyou they are the only ones who cannot see that they created it. Everyone else is thinking well this is your own fault. But the narcissist is always, why me, this is so unfair. Its so frustrating. But they never learn or change cos they think they've done nothing wrong. Totally delusional.
You win by NOT playing, and you let them learn all this on their own, they will get VERY frustrated with it and you, but if you've made up your mind before then go for it. You'll see the REAL person hiding in their head, and it's always uglier then you think.
I told my partner “I will leave you if you continue acting like this”. I wasn’t gaslighting her. I was advising her of the future if she doesn’t fix it. Had to dump her in the end.
Same here. After speaking on certain issues and behaviors that were hurting me she kept doing these things. It is frustrating it was as if i spoke to a brickwall. Now I'm ignoring her.. Everything ends up in an argument and im tired of it.
@@stardustdreams234 I found a hack. You get a girl that has high functioning Asperger’s syndrome. They are logical people. I’m one of them. People like Elon are one of them. We just think in a more logical way. Most of use are male, but thee are some females too. The problem with most women is that they do not approach anything asking “how can I understand this?”. Instead, they say “how does this make me feel?”. That’s a HUGE difference. Their whole experience of the world is different. Emotionally viewed people are actually retarded if you think about it. Logic is the only correct way. Logic is the very foundation of what “correct” is! I’m 41 and figured it out pretty late, but you have to filter for this. No exceptions.
@@0000FFz or Deproprovera. It’s a contraceptive injection that tricks their body into thinking they are pregnant. Hormones tell her that she needs to submit and follow a man when she pregnant. You want your partner to be on that injection always.
If at all possible, get out my friend. I’ve been there, I left and I lost a LOT! Better to live alone in the desert in peace than with a controlling, abusive, narcissistic partner. I had to sell the house, cars etc. I’m now 25yrs on a little sailboat, completely free from her bullshit and never been happier or more content. Best wishes. 👍👍
I know how you feel re the choices……BUT use the info in these videos to your advantage - try to carve out time for your interests (and find others who like to talk about them) and focus on the things (even little things) which make you smile - and smile as often as you can and give yourself some credit for having the strength to deal with this stuff, as hard as it is
Same here, same time period. Tried my best but it was never going to be enough. Now she can leave me alone and look for her problem solver elsewhere. I'm done too!
The best way to deal with a narcissist is to not play the game. If they begin to act too wildly, stay away from them. Keep your distance from them. If they want to behave correctly then you can start going back around them. Don't play the arguing game. There's a discussion about one topic. Then they began switching topics. Don't play that game. Say what you need to say and be quiet. If you need to take action afterward, take action. There is no negotiating with bad behavior. I believe some narcissists love arguing and playing the victim.
I have been using this tactic as much as possible. We are financially stuck as we are both on mortgage and have a child together. That being said i sometimes cannot get away from the madness. She will just rant and say aloud how horrible of a person I am for hours on end for all to hear... to say the least...
I think another one is the pity play. I also had one woman who would just threaten to kill herself to avoid accountabiliy. It a very effective diversion tactic as its only human to take it seriously and want to help, but the original issue goes out of the window and I felt relieved that no harm came to her and wanted to comfort her, often the original issue just remained unaddresed. It was only much later i realised it was all just a tactic to avoid the issue.
I have an ex who did this, and when she realized how well it worked, it became a near daily event. Any time she wanted something, she'd get it or there would be an argument, and if there was an argument that's how she'd win it. After about 3 straight months of that, she broke up with me. A week after that, she came begging to get back together (no doubt, she missed the supply), and I refused. She completely lost it after that, screaming crying and mad as hell, and even threatened to come after me.
X04, my covert ex would feign a full blown anxiety attack for the same reason and same outcome. No screaming or shouting from my behalf just an opinion...Although not to be sneezed at it always amazed me how quickly she'd be back to normal after the issue was forgotten..
18 years and 3 kids deep. I've been taking care of EVERYONE for 12 years. I'm not allowed a life outside the family. My past mistakes are constantly thrown in my face. Old fights are often brought up and stories have changed. He adds new information that 'he knows' was always apart of the original fight. I'm told over and over that I'd be nothing had he not come and 'saved' me. If I dare try to ask for more help around the house I'm told how crappy I am at time management, how good I have it and how well he'd do it if it were all on his shoulders and if I'm not happy I know where the door is. His current flaws in the relationship are always blamed on my flaws. He's constantly belittling women as a whole....which just feels like he's belittling me and I believe that is the whole point. I quit my job to stay home with my kids 12 years ago and now that I've emerged out of the foggy haze of babies, postpartum, toddler meltdowns, being stuck at home with tiny children....I'm lost.
That sounds exactly how my mum had to live her life....I couldn't do much as a child except vow to myself I'd never be like him...we little ones are affected too so all I can say is I hope you make the right choices for your family..
7 years married to a wife who did most of these things. She ended her life 7 months ago leaving me and the ones closest to her so lost in the world. Lost her, lost her kids (my step-kids), lost any idea of who I am as a person and what I want out of life. It went downhill when therapy started. I started to realize that the way she was treating me was not loving or normal. I engaged less in the cycle that we had been perpetuating for years. This made things worse... To a point where she ended it all, in a horribly selfish way. I don't know if I'll ever heal. I don't know if I'll ever find myself in the wreckage. If someone is reading this and is in a toxic relationship with someone who is mentally ill, save yourself. It's a slow, creeping death that no one should have to endure.
So sorry I lost my BPD partner to taking her own life only 8weeks ago. Even knowing how toxic it was it’s heartbreaking. Not sure how you heal time I hope.
Darn.iam so sorry.hang In there. I had to let one go 4 months ago,worst thing I ever been thru.iam so glad I seen it coming she had to go or I would of stroked out.best to you.
You can't win because it's something new for those of us who crossed paths with a narc on the other hand they have done that their whole life. They lack empathy and that my friends give them a total advantage to do whatever it takes to win. Despite the fact that they seek drama why cause that's where they feed from and it's their battlefield. They are absolutely good at what they do. The real truth is they are the real victim or their own trauma
They cannot accept responsibility for their thoughts and actions except as toxic anxiety dumping, attempting to organize their own disorganized thoughts, feelings and anxiety through a constant me, me, me, me, me, ready in an instant to split all of their problems as blame upon you.
My narc is finally supposed to be coming to get the rest of her stuff after a year and a half. This was a good refresher course from all the videos I watched when I was really struggling. Still don't trust myself 100%. Thanks for your help.
You describe my relationship precisely. She'd get her cheque at the start of the month and go shopping, not having money left for food or petrol or pay her rent. Like dealing with a 2 yr old. Beyond frustrating cos nothing was ever her fault. Shes in her 50s now and still the same.
I experienced all 10 for over twenty-three years. The end was bad because she had her claws in deep and she knew she had me. Took me the past eight years, after she discarded me, (which I think she was expecting me to beg her not to end it and cry but I didn't, I was actually ready for it to end) to finally break free of the bond. I recently discovered what "Antisocial Personality Disorder" is all about, which I ignorantly thought it was what it sounded like, she had been diagnosed with it several years after we had been together and what I learned explained so much more. I prayed for the answers and I got them. 🙏
Oh… I just broke up with someone who might not be a narcissist, but has strong narcissistic tendencies… after every argument, I’m not “gentle enough” with her… because whenever I point out her actions in a neutral way, I’m not letting her feel comfortable, as she says! Maybe she’s not narcissistic, I’m not a psychologist, but I feel she acts very much so.
@@Thought-Juice What I don’t get with those kinds of people is, even during a break-up, they will put on the façade of being normal (by saying it’s neither the fault of the other person nor theirs), but still keep on accusing the other party of having ruined the relationship (“our personalities don’t match, because I cannot stand how I always feel after we argue”)… not once from them will you hear a “let’s figure it out together”. They’ll tell you you have an issue, and will expect you to figure it out yourself. Nice “relationship”.
As someone who has dated a true female narcissistic psychopath(actually diagnosed) If they show any signs of the cluster b personality traits. RUN. They do not get better just worst
This video is part of my list of favorites. Watching it for a 3rd time in a row. It resonates with me 100%. My narcissistic ex-husband used me and discarded me for the final time 1 month ago.
When she talks about the RAGE my skin crawls and my tummy starts to hurt again. He was a true Jekell and Hyde type so scary when Hyde showed up...his eyes looked like the devil himself. But when will I be over it!
10 toxic communication tactics of a narcissist 1-they flip concerns around to make you the problem 2-bringing up a completely different, unrelated issue or bringing up the past 3-accusing you of not appreciating or caring about them 4-minimizing your concerns 5-shaming and blaming the relationship on you for your past unresolved issues 6-they question your emotional/mental capacity 7-gaslighting: manipulation to make you doubt your reality 8-threatening to abandon you 9-silent treatment 10-angry outbursts in my lived experience, once you know you are with a narcissist, -silent treatments are wonderful mental health vacations. each passing day you don't have to deal with the narcissist is a blessing. -abandonment: ironically this is what the narcissist fears the most (beside being discovered for who they are). the sooner you can go no-contact (if not grey rock) the sooner your life will get better. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
@@LiseLeblanc thanks for the acknowledgement. really appreciate your videos on narcissism/toxic people, the eloquent way that you explain the topics. looking forward to catching more of your videos as they go live on your youtube channel. regards, steven
Number 4: When I express my feelings or me getting hurt she always tell me: how can you be such an egoistic person I am sacrificing myself for the family and you talk about your feelings!!!
Absolutely discribed my ex girlfriend to a T! What a nightmare it really was in retrospect. Your videos have really shed light on what I experienced and have helped me move on and know what to watch out for in my future relationships. Keep up the great work 👍
Thanks Lise. My ex narc had a few technique’s in her repertoire. When we first started dating when I would confront her with anything she would hold my hand and so sweetly she would say come on baby let’s just be positive lets talk about how we love each other. After we’d been together for a while when I confronted her she would internalize it and be cold to me for weeks or even months or if I really needed to get her attention about something and she got really uncomfortable she would just up and leave whether we were in a restaurant or wherever didn’t matter.
Lise, Your videos are SPOT ON!! I was married to a Narcissist several years ago..didn't even know What a Narcissist was Until I started researching Such. He was also a sexual predator with my bio daughter who was a very immature 16 y/o when he & I married: Please people, LISTEN AND RUN FROM These types of relationships, as "once a Narcissist, always a Narcissist"!!! Thanks for ALL You do & say, Lise !!!
Draw a hard boundary and say you send her packing if she crosses (and she definitely will do so to test you, unfortunately). Be prepared to actually send her packing if she messes up, never say something then don't follow up, it will only confirm to her you're nothing more than hot air. I did and am going though a divorce now, it was the best decision, I feel so much better without that negativity in my life. In a happy respectful reciprocating relationship now, a total revelation.
very usefull term is CONFABULATIONS,you see very obviosly that she is lying(you have recordinds and witnesse) but there is very strange looks in her eys, she relaly belives in her lies!! thats very scary thing to realise. EVERYTHING is on the table when confronting and batteling her.
The problem is macro-narcissism. The civilization of materialism and force brings us to the brink. Link to nothingness; i.e. pure being; if even only for a brief moment, so that your light never dims in the shadow of those who exploit or are complicit in said exploitation. Ref: -High Noon 1952 Academy Award winner
3:50 Yes. Very useful insight. I didn't connect the dots with my narcs over the years, couldn't figure out why my concerns were never addressed but hers were always in the spotlight. Literally decades later, on YT, LLB turns the light on! I did some things I shouldn't have done (true enough!) but she used them to dismiss any point I ever tried to raise. I effed up, so now I have to do what she wants and put up with her crap for ever and ever and ever.
You make good videos on this subject. Your easy to listen to. Feel like I get a lot out of them. I'm building a home for a lady who fits this description to a T. Can't wait for it to be over. Her husband is just whipped. But he stuck around and allowed it.
I have been following your account for a few months now. I’ve been slowly working my way away from your account as well as other ones. I think I’m reaching a point where I am learning as much as I need to. My concern is if I continue to watch they will become an obsession and that obsession will keep me in someway connected to my ex. Every single thing you said in this video represents something that she did to me. The only thing that she didn’t do was the silent treatment. She would rage and yell at the drop of a hat silent was not part of her vocabulary. I have my suspicions that she may have been having inappropriate conversations with men, but that’s extremely hard for me to believe because of an event in her past that had to do with something when she cheated on her ex-husband right before he killed himself. Breaking free from this relationship and from the emotions associated with it has been the most difficult experience of my life and I’m 47 years old. Your account and your videos have been so incredibly helpful and eating me with understanding what this illness does to people and what those people do to others. It’s disturbing, sickening, saddening, and depressing. Do you think that the woman I loved truly suffers from this illness and will never really be able to be happy. I don’t feel a lot of anger for her anymore. I have my battles with resentment because of the horrible financial position. She left me in. I find that I approach thoughts of her with more compassion and empathy now. I feel sorry for her and I pray that there’s a way she can find happiness and some type of healing. Thank you again for creating this account and sharing this information. I’m grateful for your information and I hope it will help me in time when I feel I’m ready for another relationship.
I struggled so many years not understanding why whatever I do I am always the bad guy and the one with mental illness while she is wonderful and perfect and how lucky I am because she is the only girl on earth that could handle a guy like me.
Hi Lise, having done a decade plus stint in this alternate universe I can relate to everything said here. In a nutshell it goes from being appreciated and tolerated (I wouldn't say loved) to a slow downward spiral into confusion where at the final stages being talked over and actually having an opinion of your own is looked at with derision and disdain..How dare the human pet have a thought of their own.. anyway trauma therapists are a must and lots of time to sort your head out, I'm just starting and know it's a long road ahead..Thanks for all your information Lise, lifesaver is an understatement.. G..
Love this content. I remember a high frequency of her telling me “(Name), I was just misunderstood! Why did you take it that way?” When I called her out on that response after her using it so much, guess what? I never heard it again. Lastly, she would often say “Don’t make a waterfall out of a glass of water!” Keep up the great content Lise! It’s completely on point and helpful for coming back into sanity. Thank you.
18 months out of it. Not shaken emotionaly as I was fresh out of it listening to your videos. I am like listening from a good distance, more rationaly. It helps a lot. Realzing how destructive she was. They leave deep scars. It takes time. But there is hope. Thank you Lise. 💙
#2 - blimey. Got told all the time to never bring up the past, so I didnt, but when I proved her wrong on a misunderstanding or disagreement, she'd switch, and bring up the past. Either our past or my own before I met her. #3 only really got abuse if I missed something when tidying the whole house. "Do I have to do everythhing in this house,, everyone leaves it to me" wow, I've just cleaned up your whole house without being asked. #5 started too see more and more the belittling me infront of my children and when I questioned why would you do that, I'd get "I'm only joking, I thought it was funny" So sad and shocking tbh. Your viideos Lise are making me get over it a lot quicker than i anticipated.
I always felt like the only way we could ever be happy was for me to give up and let her walk all over me. This video explains our relationship perfectly. She discarded me recently, and honestly I'm not too sad about it because I always knew the relationship was toxic. She took everything, except her dog that she claimed she loved more than anything. I always took care of the dog better anyway.
You have hit the nail right on the head with your statements. On an additional note, I am now taking care of two of my wife's dogs that she claimed to love and two cats; she is now working on replacing them with a new dog that she also claims to love. I already have a dog of my own and prior to her newly acquired dog, she would talk to mine and tell my dog that I should allow overnight stays of my dog at her place. While it didn't really go over well, I would respond with, "No, I think my little fur baby girl would miss me too much and I would miss her, but you could always take one or both of your dogs". Needless to say, I still have her two dogs and they have not gone to visit even once... I just don't understand it. If you supposedly love an animal so much, why do you just discard it and then replace it with a new one? Who is going to take that dog when she tires of it?
@@rogerwhoareyouit’s what they do. Same story happened to me. They don’t love, they can’t love. If they can, it’s only in the moment. The bottom line is, they don’t CARE.
It has been my experience that narcissist's often view people and animals as something to be acquired like an accessory . It is only useful to them if they can use it to inflate their false image and ego to others so they can get the attention and be noticed . Its more narcissistic supply for them . @@rogerwhoareyou
I've been dealing with someone who exhibits these behaviours. Started some work and setting new boundaries, and she's noticed that things are changing. I've noticed some changes, not that i think anything new is happening, but I will see. I'm on the loookout for the possible gaslighting and love bombing as things move.
Notice the common thread in ALL of these tactics: Inducing “self-consciousness” in the accuser. The only way the narcissist can get away with this is if the accuser has a “fragile ego”. If the “shame demon” is extinguished, the narcissist is completely powerless. Imagine: How would the world change for the better if all “shame demons” were extinguished and the narcissists had no one to prey upon? ;) “Strong men create good times”.
Thank you, thank you! This has been so insightful for me! I have known for a long time that my partner's behaviour was toxic, but after this video, I truly understand the extend. All aspects except for #8 are totally accurate for her. Now that you have put it this way, I finally feel vindicated because I see what has been happening all this time. Such a relief ❤️❤️❤️
I know it’s been said repeatedly but…. All of these tactics have been used against me for the past 30+ years. I’m just empty and dead on the inside by now. I’ve learned how to wrangle a few good times here and there…I stay in survival mode. I’m a late 50’s female, and I just hate the thought of starting all over again. I don’t even have a job. Let my life be a lesson to some of the younger people on here. Get out!!!! While you are young and still have a chance! Cause it’s too late for me 😞
My raising the issue of wife’s condescending tone turned into a rant about how it was unacceptable that my car boot was full of bottles that I was taking to the recycling centre…………
In summary: The narcissist's ever changing set of needs during their constant fault finding towards those who are closest to them whom they have made fully repsonsible for their happiness at all times no matter what woud be too much for most of us. No matter how cruel and ruthless they have been towards us while trying to always get their way according to them we instead have wronged them or at the very least we must be at least 50% reponsible for the divorce which according to them is the worst sin anybody could commit unless of course it was them being the one to file for divorce first after they have started to believe their new love interest is their ideal romantic partner for them instead.
First off, LOVE your channel. A lot of this reminds me of things my ex would say to me, however 1 thing that stood out is that I pushed for her to get therapy for her past trauma, she was neglected as a child, 2 abusive addict parents, and she really needed to heal that as it was bringing some bad habits into the relationship.. im actually pretty convinced shes a borderline. Does me suggesting she needs therapy make me a narcissist? Her past trauma was factually causing big issues in our relationship .. any feedback would be great!
I was married to one for aome 5 years. Divorced since 2015, with one child who she kept as a tie for her abuse. Three days ago i said no more. I will comunicate with out dayghter but never againwith here, under any circumstances.
They can in fact be defeated Pride is their weak point Pride of deception However that being said I don't recommend staying in a relationship with a Malignant Unless it's within your Divine Mission Most people should LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP IMMEDIATELY
Stop "trying" to be right thats what i realised. Get out of my ego and just walk away from them. I dont bang my head against "brick wall" people anymore. I let them go. Value yourself far more! They want you to entangle yourself in their drama. It just makes them feel like they're controlling you and its a way for them to feel powerful 🤷♂️
It was like my story word by word. Seems like narcissist lack empathy and consideration for copy rights. How can they be so identical even in the choice of words even i different languages. How and where do they get this standardized education?
The problem isnt you cant win. The problem is you dont know youre in a battle. You just keep taking losses in a fight that didnt know you were in til shit hits the fan over and over again.
My x triangulated me..with a married man...telling me she wanted a relationship...and playing me with said married man.. of course i had co dependent tendencies..years ago now...i have healed
Because they don't speak with you. You want her bring to table and consciously in calm way discuss issues. She don't do that.Impulsivity disdain ignorance. Egoism
If you are trying to win you might be the narc. Normal people want to understand, care and closeness and that is why they bring up and want to resolve behaviors that degrade that
Sadly, all personalities are based on how they were raised/programmed. I teach the kids I help raise to VETT their bf/gf by meeting their families to see if they are good, and more...this programming starts as early as 3, depending upon when I get them...No hitting, No punishment or taking my issues out on them...just good coaching and communications, like running my businesses.
Lol! Yeah... "what about you?! You did blablabla three months ago". But that's like everyone in my family and ex partners. I take criticism on such a personal level I'd never even consider what other people are doing wrong in the moment if anyone has critizism towards me. But that seem instinctive within other people. Always steer the attention towards something else.
The issue I had with mine was her abuse of her family, and using my name and history to do so. Rather than have an honest interaction about that, and rather than live without any of my attention, she committed the final abuse of her family, by taking herself out of their lives, by suicide.
My wife does all of these things - since discovering narcissism, I find it amazing that there is no “maybe she is, maybe she isn’t” - SHE MOST DEFINITELY IS A COVERT NARCISSIST. Now I know what I am dealing with, her tactics are so predictable to the point of being comical. Videos like this and your others, and those of other recognised coaches, have definitely armed me well…….. but there is no denying the disappointment of knowing things will not change. I have two lovely young girls to think about, so leaving is not such a simple choice. I have other tools and strategies, now, though.
I can only imagine the type of brainwashing she might be doing on your children to get them to see you as a problem. Stay safe.
It’s a hard choice. I have four kids and I left. It was a horrible divorce and he still is horrible. There is no co parenting with him. He has poisoned my older boys against me. He projects everything he does on me. I am so so glad I don’t live in crazytown anymore but it is very easy to get sucked in because he knows how badly I want to coparent healthily for the sake of the kids. But there is no such thing, sadly. I am so glad to be done. It is hard when you have little kids. If you can hang in, hang in there. But after 20 years I wanted to know what it felt like to be loved for real by someone.
You still in marriage ?
@@kellymoorewith4I wonder this myself too
A mirror of my life
This is why im single . These people are too common . I've got zero energy for a relationship now . This video is spot on .
No need to be at all, I've been married to a narcissist 23 years, together 26, I've moved on to a healthy, reciprocating, respectful, relationship which is a total revelation.
After my divorce, I worked on my issues, to were I would be an excellent husband/partner, however, I will never marry again. That ship has sailed. The relationship with my self is the most important, and dare I say...I like myself now. (I don't even think about my previous narc relationships. They were just opportunities to learn and grow).
☝ 100% with you..
My 10
1. Blame others
2. Point out your faults
3. Deny your version of events
4. Lie
5. Dismiss / shrug off
6. Play the victim / cry
7. Plot revenge
8. Threaten
9. Passive aggressive
10. Anger / rage
I just realised ten is not enough!
that list can be 50 and it won't cover it all
You got a whole lot to add 🤣🤣🤣
They love the craziness I don't think they feel normal unless they can create some kinda drama.
Totally right, they need chaos. Its exhausting.
They do seem to almost crave the chaos, but then rebel in the chaos that they created when any part of it comes back at them.
@rogerwhoareyou they are the only ones who cannot see that they created it. Everyone else is thinking well this is your own fault. But the narcissist is always, why me, this is so unfair. Its so frustrating. But they never learn or change cos they think they've done nothing wrong. Totally delusional.
@JohnSmith-wo7ns You are totally right. It fits hand in hand with their victim mentality. At least for the covert narcissist, it seems.
You win by NOT playing, and you let them learn all this on their own, they will get VERY frustrated with it and you, but if you've made up your mind before then go for it. You'll see the REAL person hiding in their head, and it's always uglier then you think.
I told my partner “I will leave you if you continue acting like this”. I wasn’t gaslighting her. I was advising her of the future if she doesn’t fix it. Had to dump her in the end.
Same here. After speaking on certain issues and behaviors that were hurting me she kept doing these things. It is frustrating it was as if i spoke to a brickwall. Now I'm ignoring her.. Everything ends up in an argument and im tired of it.
@@stardustdreams234 I found a hack. You get a girl that has high functioning Asperger’s syndrome.
They are logical people. I’m one of them. People like Elon are one of them. We just think in a more logical way. Most of use are male, but thee are some females too. The problem with most women is that they do not approach anything asking “how can I understand this?”. Instead, they say “how does this make me feel?”. That’s a HUGE difference. Their whole experience of the world is different.
Emotionally viewed people are actually retarded if you think about it. Logic is the only correct way. Logic is the very foundation of what “correct” is!
I’m 41 and figured it out pretty late, but you have to filter for this. No exceptions.
It’s impossible for them to change. Impossible. Leaving is the only option.
@@0000FFz or Deproprovera. It’s a contraceptive injection that tricks their body into thinking they are pregnant. Hormones tell her that she needs to submit and follow a man when she pregnant. You want your partner to be on that injection always.
Experienced nearly everything you said for 30 years! As a result, you become a robot living in a prison with a floor made of eggshells.
Marvelous! 30 years! I only managed for 5 years, I must have been comfortable.
I’m sorry to hear that you went through 30 years of this
@@LiseLeblanc 🙏
Yes you do! Unless you leave. It is very hard and scary. But I did it. And now that I’m on the other side I am so thankful!
I am currently dealing with all these things... financially stuck, this has been one of the hardest things I have gone through so far...
If at all possible, get out my friend. I’ve been there, I left and I lost a LOT! Better to live alone in the desert in peace than with a controlling, abusive, narcissistic partner. I had to sell the house, cars etc. I’m now 25yrs on a little sailboat, completely free from her bullshit and never been happier or more content. Best wishes. 👍👍
Financially stuck
One of their many dirty tricks
I know how you feel re the choices……BUT use the info in these videos to your advantage - try to carve out time for your interests (and find others who like to talk about them) and focus on the things (even little things) which make you smile - and smile as often as you can and give yourself some credit for having the strength to deal with this stuff, as hard as it is
Thank you so much-needed. 14 years of this. I'm out. She can be someone else's nightmare.
Be carefull! The worst is jet to come!
You hung in there that's impressive
Same here, same time period. Tried my best but it was never going to be enough. Now she can leave me alone and look for her problem solver elsewhere. I'm done too!
@@laszloiso777 Nothing worse than a lying cheat. Once a cheater always a cheater. You should know.
Fidelity and forsaking ALL others. Too tough to understand? Guess so for some women..
The best way to deal with a narcissist is to not play the game. If they begin to act too wildly, stay away from them. Keep your distance from them. If they want to behave correctly then you can start going back around them.
Don't play the arguing game. There's a discussion about one topic. Then they began switching topics. Don't play that game. Say what you need to say and be quiet. If you need to take action afterward, take action. There is no negotiating with bad behavior. I believe some narcissists love arguing and playing the victim.
I have been using this tactic as much as possible. We are financially stuck as we are both on mortgage and have a child together. That being said i sometimes cannot get away from the madness. She will just rant and say aloud how horrible of a person I am for hours on end for all to hear... to say the least...
The walking on eggshells......so true,it gets so draining
I think another one is the pity play. I also had one woman who would just threaten to kill herself to avoid accountabiliy. It a very effective diversion tactic as its only human to take it seriously and want to help, but the original issue goes out of the window and I felt relieved that no harm came to her and wanted to comfort her, often the original issue just remained unaddresed. It was only much later i realised it was all just a tactic to avoid the issue.
I have an ex who did this, and when she realized how well it worked, it became a near daily event. Any time she wanted something, she'd get it or there would be an argument, and if there was an argument that's how she'd win it.
After about 3 straight months of that, she broke up with me. A week after that, she came begging to get back together (no doubt, she missed the supply), and I refused. She completely lost it after that, screaming crying and mad as hell, and even threatened to come after me.
X04, my covert ex would feign a full blown anxiety attack for the same reason and same outcome. No screaming or shouting from my behalf just an opinion...Although not to be sneezed at it always amazed me how quickly she'd be back to normal after the issue was forgotten..
18 years and 3 kids deep. I've been taking care of EVERYONE for 12 years. I'm not allowed a life outside the family. My past mistakes are constantly thrown in my face. Old fights are often brought up and stories have changed. He adds new information that 'he knows' was always apart of the original fight. I'm told over and over that I'd be nothing had he not come and 'saved' me. If I dare try to ask for more help around the house I'm told how crappy I am at time management, how good I have it and how well he'd do it if it were all on his shoulders and if I'm not happy I know where the door is. His current flaws in the relationship are always blamed on my flaws. He's constantly belittling women as a whole....which just feels like he's belittling me and I believe that is the whole point. I quit my job to stay home with my kids 12 years ago and now that I've emerged out of the foggy haze of babies, postpartum, toddler meltdowns, being stuck at home with tiny children....I'm lost.
That sounds exactly how my mum had to live her life....I couldn't do much as a child except vow to myself I'd never be like him...we little ones are affected too so all I can say is I hope you make the right choices for your family..
Exactly what my marriage was for 10 years, just what i needed to hear ......I'm done
7 years married to a wife who did most of these things. She ended her life 7 months ago leaving me and the ones closest to her so lost in the world. Lost her, lost her kids (my step-kids), lost any idea of who I am as a person and what I want out of life. It went downhill when therapy started. I started to realize that the way she was treating me was not loving or normal. I engaged less in the cycle that we had been perpetuating for years. This made things worse... To a point where she ended it all, in a horribly selfish way.
I don't know if I'll ever heal. I don't know if I'll ever find myself in the wreckage.
If someone is reading this and is in a toxic relationship with someone who is mentally ill, save yourself. It's a slow, creeping death that no one should have to endure.
So sorry I lost my BPD partner to taking her own life only 8weeks ago. Even knowing how toxic it was it’s heartbreaking. Not sure how you heal time I hope.
Darn.iam so sorry.hang In there. I had to let one go 4 months ago,worst thing I ever been thru.iam so glad I seen it coming she had to go or I would of stroked out.best to you.
You can't win because it's something new for those of us who crossed paths with a narc on the other hand they have done that their whole life. They lack empathy and that my friends give them a total advantage to do whatever it takes to win. Despite the fact that they seek drama why cause that's where they feed from and it's their battlefield. They are absolutely good at what they do. The real truth is they are the real victim or their own trauma
They cannot accept responsibility for their thoughts and actions except as toxic anxiety dumping, attempting to organize their own disorganized thoughts, feelings and anxiety through a constant me, me, me, me, me, ready in an instant to split all of their problems as blame upon you.
My narc is finally supposed to be coming to get the rest of her stuff after a year and a half. This was a good refresher course from all the videos I watched when I was really struggling. Still don't trust myself 100%. Thanks for your help.
You describe my relationship precisely. She'd get her cheque at the start of the month and go shopping, not having money left for food or petrol or pay her rent. Like dealing with a 2 yr old. Beyond frustrating cos nothing was ever her fault. Shes in her 50s now and still the same.
I experienced all 10 for over twenty-three years. The end was bad because she had her claws in deep and she knew she had me. Took me the past eight years, after she discarded me, (which I think she was expecting me to beg her not to end it and cry but I didn't, I was actually ready for it to end) to finally break free of the bond. I recently discovered what "Antisocial Personality Disorder" is all about, which I ignorantly thought it was what it sounded like, she had been diagnosed with it several years after we had been together and what I learned explained so much more. I prayed for the answers and I got them. 🙏
I recognize these techniques as my wife uses many of them.
Oh… I just broke up with someone who might not be a narcissist, but has strong narcissistic tendencies… after every argument, I’m not “gentle enough” with her… because whenever I point out her actions in a neutral way, I’m not letting her feel comfortable, as she says!
Maybe she’s not narcissistic, I’m not a psychologist, but I feel she acts very much so.
Happened to me too. Then when I was too gentle she found it to be condescending and started yelling at me.
@@Thought-Juice What I don’t get with those kinds of people is, even during a break-up, they will put on the façade of being normal (by saying it’s neither the fault of the other person nor theirs), but still keep on accusing the other party of having ruined the relationship (“our personalities don’t match, because I cannot stand how I always feel after we argue”)… not once from them will you hear a “let’s figure it out together”. They’ll tell you you have an issue, and will expect you to figure it out yourself. Nice “relationship”.
As someone who has dated a true female narcissistic psychopath(actually diagnosed)
If they show any signs of the cluster b personality traits. RUN. They do not get better just worst
Don’t tolerate tone policing if you honestly think your tone is not the problem. It’s a diversion tactic.
She might be Vulnerable Narcissists. Vulnerable narcs are hyper sensitive to criticisms or being called out regardless how you do it.
This video is part of my list of favorites. Watching it for a 3rd time in a row. It resonates with me 100%. My narcissistic ex-husband used me and discarded me for the final time 1 month ago.
When she talks about the RAGE my skin crawls and my tummy starts to hurt again. He was a true Jekell and Hyde type so scary when Hyde showed up...his eyes looked like the devil himself. But when will I be over it!
You met my ex wife then lol 💯 spot on.
11. If can’t win a discussion just make rubbish up by reversing the true back to front .
Common trick
@@JH-hg1ok the worrying thing. Is they believe they own lies , so it sound convincing to whoever they repeat it to .
The more we know all aspects of ourselves the more youll know others, right up front, youll see and hear them rapidly
10 toxic communication tactics of a narcissist
1-they flip concerns around to make you the problem
2-bringing up a completely different, unrelated issue or bringing up the past
3-accusing you of not appreciating or caring about them
4-minimizing your concerns
5-shaming and blaming the relationship on you for your past unresolved issues
6-they question your emotional/mental capacity
7-gaslighting: manipulation to make you doubt your reality
8-threatening to abandon you
9-silent treatment
10-angry outbursts
in my lived experience, once you know you are with a narcissist,
-silent treatments are wonderful mental health vacations. each passing day you don't have to deal with the narcissist is a blessing.
-abandonment: ironically this is what the narcissist fears the most (beside being discovered for who they are).
the sooner you can go no-contact (if not grey rock) the sooner your life will get better.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Thank you for this summary! Cheers from northern Ontario
@@LiseLeblanc thanks for the acknowledgement. really appreciate your videos on narcissism/toxic people, the eloquent way that you explain the topics.
looking forward to catching more of your videos as they go live on your youtube channel.
regards, steven
Number 4: When I express my feelings or me getting hurt she always tell me: how can you be such an egoistic person I am sacrificing myself for the family and you talk about your feelings!!!
Mine says the same thing
Absolutely discribed my ex girlfriend to a T! What a nightmare it really was in retrospect. Your videos have really shed light on what I experienced and have helped me move on and know what to watch out for in my future relationships. Keep up the great work 👍
Thanks Lise. My ex narc had a few technique’s in her repertoire. When we first started dating when I would confront her with anything she would hold my hand and so sweetly she would say come on baby let’s just be positive lets talk about how we love each other. After we’d been together for a while when I confronted her she would internalize it and be cold to me for weeks or even months or if I really needed to get her attention about something and she got really uncomfortable she would just up and leave whether we were in a restaurant or wherever didn’t matter.
Thank you for sharing your experiences
That's a VERY good tactic
Got to hand it to em
They can be unbelievably clever
Lise, Your videos are SPOT ON!! I was married to a Narcissist several years ago..didn't even know What a Narcissist was Until I started researching Such. He was also a sexual predator with my bio daughter who was a very immature 16 y/o when he & I married: Please people, LISTEN AND RUN FROM These types of relationships, as "once a Narcissist, always a Narcissist"!!! Thanks for ALL You do & say, Lise !!!
Your videos are daily dose of boost for me dealing with my tough breakup with narcissistic ex girlfriend who left me out of blue.
As you were speaking, I kept having very.... unwanted memories surface. Wish I would have known all of this sooner.
Wow Lisa, my wife does ALL of these things, except threatening to leave me.
Draw a hard boundary and say you send her packing if she crosses (and she definitely will do so to test you, unfortunately).
Be prepared to actually send her packing if she messes up, never say something then don't follow up, it will only confirm to her you're nothing more than hot air.
I did and am going though a divorce now, it was the best decision, I feel so much better without that negativity in my life.
In a happy respectful reciprocating relationship now, a total revelation.
very usefull term is CONFABULATIONS,you see very obviosly that she is lying(you have recordinds and witnesse) but there is very strange looks in her eys, she relaly belives in her lies!! thats very scary thing to realise. EVERYTHING is on the table when confronting and batteling her.
Well, believing them to be believable
The problem is macro-narcissism. The civilization of materialism and force brings us to the brink. Link to nothingness; i.e. pure being; if even only for a brief moment, so that your light never dims in the shadow of those who exploit or are complicit in said exploitation.
Ref:
-High Noon
1952 Academy Award winner
I'm a woman, and your video also helps me understand what I'm going through with my kids' father. Thank you for helping us understand narcissism.
Thank you for taking the time to provide positive feedback! I’m happy to hear that my content is helping you
3:50 Yes. Very useful insight. I didn't connect the dots with my narcs over the years, couldn't figure out why my concerns were never addressed but hers were always in the spotlight. Literally decades later, on YT, LLB turns the light on! I did some things I shouldn't have done (true enough!) but she used them to dismiss any point I ever tried to raise. I effed up, so now I have to do what she wants and put up with her crap for ever and ever and ever.
You make good videos on this subject. Your easy to listen to. Feel like I get a lot out of them. I'm building a home for a lady who fits this description to a T. Can't wait for it to be over. Her husband is just whipped. But he stuck around and allowed it.
I have been following your account for a few months now. I’ve been slowly working my way away from your account as well as other ones. I think I’m reaching a point where I am learning as much as I need to. My concern is if I continue to watch they will become an obsession and that obsession will keep me in someway connected to my ex. Every single thing you said in this video represents something that she did to me. The only thing that she didn’t do was the silent treatment. She would rage and yell at the drop of a hat silent was not part of her vocabulary. I have my suspicions that she may have been having inappropriate conversations with men, but that’s extremely hard for me to believe because of an event in her past that had to do with something when she cheated on her ex-husband right before he killed himself. Breaking free from this relationship and from the emotions associated with it has been the most difficult experience of my life and I’m 47 years old. Your account and your videos have been so incredibly helpful and eating me with understanding what this illness does to people and what those people do to others. It’s disturbing, sickening, saddening, and depressing. Do you think that the woman I loved truly suffers from this illness and will never really be able to be happy. I don’t feel a lot of anger for her anymore. I have my battles with resentment because of the horrible financial position. She left me in. I find that I approach thoughts of her with more compassion and empathy now. I feel sorry for her and I pray that there’s a way she can find happiness and some type of healing.
Thank you again for creating this account and sharing this information. I’m grateful for your information and I hope it will help me in time when I feel I’m ready for another relationship.
💯 Spot on , thank you Lise
I struggled so many years not understanding why whatever I do I am always the bad guy and the one with mental illness while she is wonderful and perfect and how lucky I am because she is the only girl on earth that could handle a guy like me.
Hi Lise, having done a decade plus stint in this alternate universe I can relate to everything said here. In a nutshell it goes from being appreciated and tolerated (I wouldn't say loved) to a slow downward spiral into confusion where at the final stages being talked over and actually having an opinion of your own is looked at with derision and disdain..How dare the human pet have a thought of their own.. anyway trauma therapists are a must and lots of time to sort your head out, I'm just starting and know it's a long road ahead..Thanks for all your information Lise, lifesaver is an understatement.. G..
And the only way to resolve issues with them (if you don't want a full on episode) is don't bring it up
. wear it like everything else
Amazing information ℹ️ 😊keep them coming. Tips play funny to dismiss any ammunition a narcissistic will use against u. Be mentally tough. ❤
Love this content. I remember a high frequency of her telling me “(Name), I was just misunderstood! Why did you take it that way?” When I called her out on that response after her using it so much, guess what? I never heard it again. Lastly, she would often say “Don’t make a waterfall out of a glass of water!” Keep up the great content Lise! It’s completely on point and helpful for coming back into sanity. Thank you.
This was super on point Lisa! Each one of them, specially a covert narcissist 💯
18 months out of it. Not shaken emotionaly as I was fresh out of it listening to your videos. I am like listening from a good distance, more rationaly. It helps a lot. Realzing how destructive she was. They leave deep scars. It takes time. But there is hope. Thank you Lise. 💙
I found
Once you overcome it the scars disappear
But it was a true Trial by Fire
Miny wouldn't make it through
My ex did all of this. That was a brutal 10 years. I didn’t know certain types of people had playbooks. Nice video. Thanks!
#2 - blimey. Got told all the time to never bring up the past, so I didnt, but when I proved her wrong on a misunderstanding or disagreement, she'd switch, and bring up the past. Either our past or my own before I met her.
#3 only really got abuse if I missed something when tidying the whole house. "Do I have to do everythhing in this house,, everyone leaves it to me" wow, I've just cleaned up your whole house without being asked.
#5 started too see more and more the belittling me infront of my children and when I questioned why would you do that, I'd get "I'm only joking, I thought it was funny"
So sad and shocking tbh.
Your viideos Lise are making me get over it a lot quicker than i anticipated.
I always felt like the only way we could ever be happy was for me to give up and let her walk all over me. This video explains our relationship perfectly. She discarded me recently, and honestly I'm not too sad about it because I always knew the relationship was toxic. She took everything, except her dog that she claimed she loved more than anything. I always took care of the dog better anyway.
You have hit the nail right on the head with your statements. On an additional note, I am now taking care of two of my wife's dogs that she claimed to love and two cats; she is now working on replacing them with a new dog that she also claims to love. I already have a dog of my own and prior to her newly acquired dog, she would talk to mine and tell my dog that I should allow overnight stays of my dog at her place. While it didn't really go over well, I would respond with, "No, I think my little fur baby girl would miss me too much and I would miss her, but you could always take one or both of your dogs". Needless to say, I still have her two dogs and they have not gone to visit even once...
I just don't understand it. If you supposedly love an animal so much, why do you just discard it and then replace it with a new one? Who is going to take that dog when she tires of it?
@@rogerwhoareyouit’s what they do.
Same story happened to me.
They don’t love, they can’t love. If they can, it’s only in the moment.
The bottom line is, they don’t CARE.
It has been my experience that narcissist's often view people and animals as something to be acquired like an accessory . It is only useful to them if they can use it to inflate their false image and ego to others so they can get the attention and be noticed . Its more narcissistic supply for them . @@rogerwhoareyou
The best response to these tactics is a single word: goodbye.
You are a very good, smart and nice lady. Keep doing your good work.😊
gosh...almost every tactic you mentioned resonated with me...and yet i still love her...
I've been dealing with someone who exhibits these behaviours. Started some work and setting new boundaries, and she's noticed that things are changing. I've noticed some changes, not that i think anything new is happening, but I will see. I'm on the loookout for the possible gaslighting and love bombing as things move.
Notice the common thread in ALL of these tactics:
Inducing “self-consciousness” in the accuser.
The only way the narcissist can get away with this is if the accuser has a “fragile ego”.
If the “shame demon” is extinguished, the narcissist is completely powerless.
Imagine: How would the world change for the better if all “shame demons” were extinguished and the narcissists had no one to prey upon? ;)
“Strong men create good times”.
Imagine what a beautiful world we had if all narcissists and co-narcissists could be delivered from their trauma demons and accepted Jesus instead.
Very helpful video!! I appreciate your work so much, Lise.
Thanks Lisa
Have a great day 😊
Thank you, thank you! This has been so insightful for me!
I have known for a long time that my partner's behaviour was toxic, but after this video, I truly understand the extend. All aspects except for #8 are totally accurate for her.
Now that you have put it this way, I finally feel vindicated because I see what has been happening all this time. Such a relief ❤️❤️❤️
I know it’s been said repeatedly but….
All of these tactics have been used against me for the past 30+ years.
I’m just empty and dead on the inside by now.
I’ve learned how to wrangle a few good times here and there…I stay in survival mode.
I’m a late 50’s female, and I just hate the thought of starting all over again.
I don’t even have a job.
Let my life be a lesson to some of the younger people on here.
Get out!!!! While you are young and still have a chance!
Cause it’s too late for me 😞
18 years here....empty and dead on the inside. Thats bang on.
@@Jane_Harlie Read the Psalms as a form of prayer
My raising the issue of wife’s condescending tone turned into a rant about how it was unacceptable that my car boot was full of bottles that I was taking to the recycling centre…………
I attract women who have this behavior, I may be insane ,vdeaf, blind, or all three
Thank you Lisa you've been a blessing to me
Exactly what I need. Number 10 hit the spot. Thanks again
the more i learn, the more you seem to know my wife.. thanks for the post doc...
I just discovered your channel today. I’m finding it very validating. Thank you!
I truly appreciate your content Ms LeBlanc. Have a wonderful day.😊
Great work, as usual!
Great video. As usual.
When the truth is out the window..
Lise God bless you
They’ll use the DARVO tactic too
In summary: The narcissist's ever changing set of needs during their constant fault finding towards those who are closest to them whom they have made fully repsonsible for their happiness at all times no matter what woud be too much for most of us. No matter how cruel and ruthless they have been towards us while trying to always get their way according to them we instead have wronged them or at the very least we must be at least 50% reponsible for the divorce which according to them is the worst sin anybody could commit unless of course it was them being the one to file for divorce first after they have started to believe their new love interest is their ideal romantic partner for them instead.
Yes, I have wondered exactly this.
This is so good! Thanks for posting this and for the work you do.
Your Videos are so so helpful, thankyou
Lisa you are the greatest of all the folks on the topic out there cause you are the one who broke the code for me!!
No 9 … 24/7. The worst treatment is the silent treatment in my opinion 🤷🏻♀️
First off, LOVE your channel.
A lot of this reminds me of things my ex would say to me, however 1 thing that stood out is that I pushed for her to get therapy for her past trauma, she was neglected as a child, 2 abusive addict parents, and she really needed to heal that as it was bringing some bad habits into the relationship.. im actually pretty convinced shes a borderline. Does me suggesting she needs therapy make me a narcissist? Her past trauma was factually causing big issues in our relationship .. any feedback would be great!
I was married to one for aome 5 years. Divorced since 2015, with one child who she kept as a tie for her abuse. Three days ago i said no more. I will comunicate with out dayghter but never againwith here, under any circumstances.
Holy cow, this is exactly what I have experienced for years.
Excellent info as usual.
You are so helpful. Thank you!
They can in fact be defeated
Pride is their weak point
Pride of deception
However that being said
I don't recommend staying in a relationship with a Malignant
Unless it's within your Divine Mission
Most people should LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP IMMEDIATELY
Great content!
Check those blindspots for codependency.
Thank you so much for your videos they have helped me so much to get through and understand my recent ex of 6 years thank you❤
I love Your videos...
It hurts when your spouse says out loud they don't care about you.
Stop "trying" to be right thats what i realised. Get out of my ego and just walk away from them. I dont bang my head against "brick wall" people anymore. I let them go. Value yourself far more! They want you to entangle yourself in their drama. It just makes them feel like they're controlling you and its a way for them to feel powerful 🤷♂️
It was like my story word by word. Seems like narcissist lack empathy and consideration for copy rights. How can they be so identical even in the choice of words even i different languages. How and where do they get this standardized education?
The problem isnt you cant win. The problem is you dont know youre in a battle. You just keep taking losses in a fight that didnt know you were in til shit hits the fan over and over again.
Absolutely AMAZING thank you sooo much helping me soooo much I'm struggling atm this is so good information 👍👍👍👍👏👏👏👏🤗🤗🤗🤗💜💜💜💜💜💜🤗🤗
My x triangulated me..with a married man...telling me she wanted a relationship...and playing me with said married man.. of course i had co dependent tendencies..years ago now...i have healed
Because they don't speak with you. You want her bring to table and consciously in calm way discuss issues. She don't do that.Impulsivity disdain ignorance. Egoism
I would put up with her condescending, critical, blaming rants for about 30-45 min, then say, "you win," and walk away.
If you are trying to win you might be the narc. Normal people want to understand, care and closeness and that is why they bring up and want to resolve behaviors that degrade that
Sadly, all personalities are based on how they were raised/programmed. I teach the kids I help raise to VETT their bf/gf by meeting their families to see if they are good, and more...this programming starts as early as 3, depending upon when I get them...No hitting, No punishment or taking my issues out on them...just good coaching and communications, like running my businesses.
I won .
Lol! Yeah... "what about you?! You did blablabla three months ago".
But that's like everyone in my family and ex partners. I take criticism on such a personal level I'd never even consider what other people are doing wrong in the moment if anyone has critizism towards me. But that seem instinctive within other people. Always steer the attention towards something else.
The issue I had with mine was her abuse of her family, and using my name and history to do so. Rather than have an honest interaction about that, and rather than live without any of my attention, she committed the final abuse of her family, by taking herself out of their lives, by suicide.
fits my familiy of origin 100 per cent