I'm a fearful avoidant. I'm both anxious preoccupied and dismissive avoidant in regards to relationships due to parents that have been very disorganized themselves. A lot of push and pull. I will obsess over somebody, but when the possibility of a relationship or friendship comes up, I withdraw for some reason. A big fear of abandonment. And at the same time when people are wanting to be with me, I push them away, but if they distance themselves I panic and want them back. It's annoying and hurtful on so many levels. I desperately want love and friendships, but am afraid of people getting too close because I fear that they can't or don't want to handle all of my bullshit and will leave me eventually, so I most often don't even really try. And when I do, I regret it immediately.
@Sincerely Respectfully please be careful throwing out disorders like narcissism to people without being a licensed therapist, I see lots of people doing it and it serves no good purpose.
@Sincerely Respectfully even though you’re right on the fact that there are more narcissistic people and traits, it doesn’t mean that everyone that portrays one trait or symptom is a narcissist. If you knew about all mental health issues, you would know that what OP portrayed here were symptoms very akin to social anxiety and fear of failure, still you don’t see me diagnosing them because I lack a lot of information and context, mainly upbringing and possible trauma. Next time, just suggest that people go to therapy, so that someone licensed and prepared to handle those issues can properly help them instead of being condescended by a stranger online.
@Sincerely Respectfully interestingly enough, you’re displaying exactly what you are saying OP is, you’re being self entitled about thinking you know a stranger online enough to diagnose them with a mental disorder and you lack enough empathy to understand where they are coming from. Just reading thorough the comment I realize they’re scared of being rejected but still are human and crave affection and attention just like any one of us. And they’re actually self reflecting and realising how not good it is to push people away, wanting to work on it but still you want to make it about narcissism. Maybe you should work on yourself first before coming for other people
Idk if you’re only focusing on romantic relationships but I had the exact issue with my platonic relationships. I’d get attached to my friends then suddenly get cold & try to push them out. In the same way you justified the “ick” as just the partner “not being the one”, I was convinced I didn’t have a real friend when I was the one who made it that way. My current friends were really so patient with me and gave me so much validation. I’ve become a lot more honest with myself and healed a lot where I can really enjoy and give back to my friends now.
@@teodoras9611 I think to some extent when you get tired enough of that cycle, or when it hurts enough you’ll naturally realize the running isn’t working, I mean on that soul deep level. I mean, I’m sure you know that this habit isn’t helping you, but if you’re still doing it you’re holding on to hope somewhere inside you that running away will fix your problems. When I stopped running it was really scary and really hard, but it was scary and hard even without changing anything. Running away didn’t help those things, all I was doing was prolonging the time I spent unhappy by not looking at it sooner. I stopped running at the point where I was too tired to keep doing it, but you don’t have to wait until that point to make a change if you notice this is something that’s hurting you more than helping you. So get honest with yourself and ask yourself what are you running from, and what you’re scared of. Learn to live with those feelings instead of seeing them as something to fix. Remember that the places in relationships that are a little bit uncomfortable (I mean in a growing way, not a harmful way), if you lean in to those places and get comfortable with how they feels, you will be able to handle anything. Remember that if the problem always follows, compassionately, it’s probably something inside you, not the other people. Which is ok! Everyone has hurt places. Turn toward those hurt parts of yourself with love and care and ask what they need. You can become your own greatest source of strength and guidance. And at the same time, you are perfect exactly the way you are, you are not broken, you are whole. Even those parts of ourselves that cause us the most pain are there because they are trying to protect us. Only you can do heal these things for you, but you’ll find many on the path with you. I hope that’s a little bit helpful, with love, A friend ♥️
@@aislin1057 what a thoughtful and kind reply. Thank you. As I read, I see how I haven't been specific with my question, though all you are saying makes sense to me too. My soul searching has been going on for quite some time now (and especially about the romantic part of this whole thing) and I think it's down to a lot of things but mostly that trait I have for always seeking novelty and growth (as change) and even being uncomfortable. I think I have made and kept a lot of friends along the years, and with most - we have had this honeymoon phase of all the time being in each other's lives, but even if the rest kept that, I usually cut off for some time. I think part of it is - I didn't like settling to way of living and thinking. But part of it is obviously me, needing to change and adapt as a person, TBH maybe it all comes down to being young, not that I know what will happen in future of course. But I will definitely look out for breaking this tendency of mine that might have sometimes led to isolation or breaking up with friends, Anyway, thank you so much, I have no more thoughts to share pfft. :)) Good luck on your journey too, u lovely person. Hehe
same- I relate to this. takes a lot for me to open up to others and once ONE bad thing occurs, I'm ready to drop the friendship. I've done that in the past to a friend I was getting to know for a year, I feel really bad looking back. But when I feel like the trust is messed with, I shut down naturally. I have more patience for relationships. I feel blessed I have close friends that are with me for life but making friends moving forward for me seems so hard.
Man, woman, anyone! If they guilt you about it, spin "alternative facts" etc the only thing to do is break ties. Lesson hard learned. Most recently with a "friend" who turned out to be a Karen
"Being overcummincative, for me, is often a shield from feeling, because if I can talk through everything, I never have to feel discomfort." well......... fuck. Guess I'm bringing this up in my next therapy session. In all seriousness though, thanks for consistently re-framing my perspective with these insights of yours :)
I'm so avoidant that I end things before they even begin. Every time I get close to someone, I get a sick feeling and shut it down. It is really frustrating tbh.
Its exactly the same for me. I will be obsessed with someone and yearn for a relationship but the moment it becomes real its like a switch. All good feelings turn to revulsion and I get panic attacks till I end it. This feeling has saved me from abusive men but I have also hurt very very nice ones and it makes me feel terrible
I had to really ask myself "what was it in me that was attracted to what was in him?" That was the start of my shadow work. Really changed a lot of things for me.
The excitement I felt when I heard you got a sponsor 😩 I only watch your content periodically (thanks algorithm), so I have no idea if you’ve been sponsored before, but I’m so thrilled for you regardless 🥰
I cried listening to this…because it all relates and decisions need to be made in my relationship. I’m annoyed at myself for continuing to go deeper and deeper in this so called “connection” when I saw all the signs and gaslit myself into believing the bs.
Sending you love babes. I've been in a similar situation and it's never easy to accept the reality of your situation. I pray you'll soon make a decision that will give you the peace you need, if you haven't already
I feel like this is a symptom of PTSD. Cuz the reason I do a lot of these things like my brain convincing me someone is horrible, stems from me never having a stable person in my life as a kid. I was always told everyone I trusted was really bad but I was still forced to trust them. I’ve been confused my whole life.
Yes this creates a disorganized attachment style, it’s only created from untrustworthy caregivers that could’ve been abusive. My mom was borderline personality/ bipolar narcissistic and I feel exactly this in my mind and body
Same for me. My dad told me I couldn’t trust my mom, and my mom said I couldn’t trust my dad. Haven’t thought about it before, but now that I read your comment it makes sense for me not trusting people. Thank you. And I hope you’re okey.
@@VanessaLjungdahl I hope you are able to have a good relationship with them anyway. Children often get overlooked and just thrown into family drama. You do have a choice of who your family is. I’ve decided to step away once realizing it is never going to stop. You have to be your own best friend and stay strong for yourself. Hope you are ok too
@@ldontcaree Thank you so much for acknowlige my comment and taking time to answer it. And that you care *hugs* I hope you're okay too. I'm really good thanks. Today I've open up to both, and my mom tries to be better and It's sweet. I try not to be so hard on her, because she have had a tough life raising me and my two (kind of problematic) brothers by herself. Though she always had me who helped her, but I try to accept her for her. But sometimes you just get sad and angry because lack of a safe childhood. It would've been much easier to live sometimes haha.. I accepted my dad (after I had cut him of my life for two years) when I got my ADHD diagnosis (he has ADHD too)and read more about it. And I realized that alot of his issues was his ADHD that "took over". He's also "behind" regarding his brain, my mom said. So I try to work with that, and to tell my innerchild that they didnt mean to be "bad parents". They where like literally two children having kids haha.. They did'nt know better. And now I have to be my own parent and give myself the love and nurture I never got from them. I also have amazing friends that I can call my family too, and that makes me so grateful. Affirmations, gratitude exercises and yoga and meditation helps alot!
people keep finding new relationships thinking that resolves the “problem”. They don’t realize they just repeat their behaviors not outgrowing any toxic behaviors or reactions to triggers, instead of working and communicating with their partner they run away to the next. People continue to do so instead of facing themselves head on
It's hard but it's the best solution, however some people are afraid that their current partner is not going to handle that and eventually leave once they know about their issues. It's tough cause I'm scared of that exactly.
@@juni2583 yes but ultimately you shouldnt have any type of fear in the relationship youre limiting yourself for assuming your partner cant handle it and if he cant its ok you will be redirected to what is meant to be. Theres so many possibilities in the world!
@@kelsosworld wait isn't it normal to always be afraid 😳 I mean My logic is I will feel worse if I think things are doing great and life proves me otherwise, than if I assume the worst, at least I'll feel pleasantly surprised when it doesn't turn out that way.
@@juni2583 lol whatever "normal" is doesn't have to apply to how you feel or think. If that works for you, but it seems a bit negative and self depracating to assume the worst always. I believe I attract things in life parallel with my mindset and energy, so in order to attract a happy good life it all comes from the inner work and the mindset I built which is think positive, appreciate everything and be grateful for whatever comes, accept and detach, learn and understand your feelings instead of finding yourself int eh same confused cycles and patterns. Building the same narrative that the worst situation will happen is a pattern and its all in your head, the worst hasn't happened yet so why keep expecting it ! Whats great about your mindset is that, even if that worst situation comes, you control how you react and feel towards it. Life is fully about the journey and experience
@@kelsosworld it's not as easy as it seems since yk there's a mental blockage you just cannot control, however I appreciate having someone to remind myself that everything will be fine. I still find comfort in those words I just can't remember that myself if I'm alone. So thank you, I got a little motivation
when you said that overcommunicating is just a shield against true vulnerability, i had to write that down. same with how someone jokes with you is them testing how far they can push you and that omitting truths takes power of choice away from your partner. i also never heard the term "the ick" but i FELT that. thank you so much for all of this!!
You're in my BUSINESS with this one, Monica!! 💀💀💀 I thought you were talking directly to me for certain parts of this (I'm super avoidant in my attachment style too).
I really learned a lot from this video. I dated a dimissive avoidant and they left after the "ick" hit them from me wanting to talk through our issues and feelings and the overall experience traumatized tf outta me because I had internalized the whole breakup but after watching this, I can now see how I was treated had NOTHING to do with me and moreso the attachment style my ex adopted as self protection in childhood so thank you so so so much for your own vulnerability.
I am sorry as a dismissive avoidant I have always rejectes guys for this very reason because I know that I can get the ick.I have left friends because I feel like they are better of without me but the way I did it was brutal and I am too scared to apologise. I would like to apologise to you and I want to say that we have alot of inner work to do.I am sorry for meeting one like me who took the shot based on adrenaline .Yeah we survive on that.I am sorry truly sorry
When you go through trauma really young, your intuition gets 'broken.' In the sense that sometimes you will get genuine bouts of intuition where your body is telling you to run because you are genuinely in danger (and often you wont believe yourself) and then there will be times where your mind perceives danger when you are safe because you were raised in an abusive environment, so your mind and body are always on the lookout for danger. And until you go to therapy and do the healing work, you will not be able to tell which is which.
You are so well spoken babe. This is such an important talk as time and time again, we will blame others for not treating us as we want, when we are doing the same and never reflect on ourselves. Relationships are mutual and two sided, there can’t be a Mr. Right if you act nonchalant and expect effort from him when you put in none yourself.
Me in my head: *UA-cam, if you can really read my mind request that girl on my feed* ***refreshes page*** 1st requested video: Monica Hernandez Me to me: “Thaaaaatttss what her name is” No offense for not remembering your name, however, I absolutely love your content.
I started tearing up because I never saw myself so clearly in someone else. At this point in my life I have no friends and I, for a long time, felt like it was because I was so secure in my own life that I was okay with being completely alone. But then it went beyond that. Like my own self sabotage in the sense that I can see the patterns and was stuck in a cycle
I agree with everything you said and as a relationship counselor/sexologist in a school for young adults right now, I repeat the same kind of things to them every day! Like you said, we shouldn't have to teach our partners how to be adults. And women who date men shouldn't have to continue parenting them... Also, for people who lie and cheat... Monogamy is not the only way to have successful relationships. We are not less whole if we're single and we're not less important if our partners have other important people in their lives. You, Monica, are doing incredible work, you make me think in a very good way and you're certainly a joy in my life! Thank you! I'm getting the Bell Hooks book on Audible :)
I swear pranks being used as a covert way to test your limits and than having their “nice” intentions being held over your head while being blamed for not “being able ti take it” really hits home fo me. Worst part is I never say it out loud cuz it’s so ingrained in me that it’s just not serious enough but it can corrode you how someone can just gaslight you, mock you, give you anxiety all for fun while they disguise their darker ways that love being prioritised over everything else in your life while they keep you at arms length so you can’t truly call them out. It’s one of my childhood dynamics in which I had to convince adults that I was good enough that reaped in many “friendships”. It gave me really bad memories from being used “for fun” not to mention the anxiety from being bullied and the stigma for being the “only one that has a problem with it…should have learned to defend yourself”
i just found your channel from your video about dating grown men and setting boundaries and i’m so glad i did! you speak so eloquently about the experience of girlhood, especially girlhood while not being white. i’m loving learning, and thinking, and reflecting on my life after watching your videos! you’re a fuckin’ g
Hollllllerring at when you said, “why am I laughing at this, this is actually sad.” I just learned this week that laughter is a trauma response babe 😂 I’m right there with ya
i can't stress enough how earth-ruled of a being you are (and you probably know that well lol). i love listening to you talk because you're so expressive and speak for my taurus moon like no other haha. hope you're doing well!
I haven't finished the video yet I am like half way, but honestly you are like the first person that I somewhat identify with. I am not the same 'relationship type' and I don't think I share a similar past with you but damn I really feel your energy infront of the camera if that makes sense to you. This is my first videos and I am here to stay is what I am trying to say. I don't think that I needed to hear what you had to say personally but I really believe that what you are saying needs (!) to be out there so please keep it up.
All of your videos almost feel like a Universe’s way of speaking to me. You are truly a gift, at least to me. I always watch your videos at the exact right moment for me. You always articulate exactly what I have or even haven’t been sub-un-or even consciously feeling/thinking/knowing. Thank you sooo much! I wish you all the success that you deserve 👍🏽💃🏻
Hearing you talk about men that are bitter about lifelong rejection, and having one parent abandon and the other abuse. Hearing that hurts so good, and I kinda wish you didn't know what you don't know about. I love it, your intuition is excellent.
i enjoyed listening to this. i realized in my last “relationship”, i tolerated that bullying-like sense of humor even though it made me uncomfortable :/ you dropped so many gems. sending you love!❤️
every time i have an epiphany in life somehow you upload a video afterwards that comes at the perfect time. thank you for this one! i needed this more so for the new friendships in my life
I have never related to someone’s thought process the way I just did with you as you explained you’re attachment style. I do all that same stuff! The delayed reactions, the ick, the way you described telling your bf he did something wrong and why you said it like you did, needing people to point out your blind spots but everyone telling you your so smart and good… all of that! I’m gonna do more research into attachment style and how to communicate with people better. I didn’t even know that was a thing until now, but I’m really glad I came across this video
I'm only halfway through this video... I feel so seen. Except my ick comes and goes deep into the relationship like 1 year plus in when I'm comfortable and it really messes with my mind, but your perspective is so true...it's our mind's way of protecting us.I have so much to heal from it's exhausting at times. Also when you said you like to try to verbalize your feelings instead of actually feeling them, SO me.
Gurl, I just discovered your channel about some days ago with your video talking about your relationship with debt and money. I just want to say big thank you because your channel is literally a gem ! Keep going sis
the prank part reminded me of some people contantly joking about how they "secretly hate" someone they're actually friends with or "never actually liking them". I know it's just how they show the strength of their friendship but I never find that funny at all. Luckily none of my friends do that with me. That would make me so anxious.
I’ve been around a lot more situations were I am a bystander in these situations and apart of it within myself reflection in the moment. Vulnerability is the biggest factor and it stops me from expressing myself, thoughts and desires in the mist of it happening. I appreciate the conversations you being up and what you bring to the table helps me unpack the girlhood I never felt like I had. Being the complacent mature child, an only child, the immigrant kid and dealing with all that on top of puberty. With the dysfunctional family relations, it warped how I saw love and dating. Leaving that space didn’t erase anything and I’m dealing with my scars, I’m 23 and still feel like a baby waddling around wonder wtf is going on. My best friend, my OG has been amazing, she’s helped me understand myself and learn that I am a loveable person but also a difficult one. It doesn’t erase the good I have to offer but it allows me the space to set up boundaries and communicate. You’re doing amazing and may all the good things come your way. I wish there was more open conversations about love and individualism, you do an phenomenon job with your words and engagement.
Really needed this right now. Edit: just finished watching and I gotta say hearing some of your red flags really scared me as an anxious type because sometimes I can overcompensate with gifts and gestures and acts of service in general, because I always wanna please and help, but then have a painful emotional breakdown when my (usually avoidant) partner freaks out and feels like I'm doing too much. So it becomes this cat and mouse where I'm amping up how much love I'm giving and they push me away. It's a rly ugly cycle and I'm feeling inadequate and unlovable all the time, the thoughts go like "I have so much love to give, but my partner doesn't want to receive it, thus I'm worthless." Just wanna get better idk 😐
It’s happens! It’s your love language, this kinda reminds me of a video I saw by Dr. K on the “healthy game gg” channel called something along the lines, of why do people ghost. If you type in the channel name and “ghost” it should pop up. Just that anxious energy and laying it on thicker and thicker. Good luck 🫂
girl i was just thinking about you last night n how i miss hearing you speeaaakkk!!!! your opinions have guided me through a lot of weird ass situations, tytyty
i havent been excited about a youtuber in a long time, but I really sit here and watch the whole video everytime without feeling bored I hope you keep uploading!
So many good points in this video! Powerful messages all throughout. Thank you for all the good reminders. The one piece that made me raise eyebrows was 34:13. I understand the reason of priming the audience to catalyst into the subject of financial vulnerability. Though the delivery of the personal statement of “I don’t need materials to feel special” felt very downplaying of those humans who do in fact value gifts as a love-language. Psychologist did not include “gifts” in the 5 love languages just for fun. There is data backed behind why “gifts” serves purpose for some people based on neglect in whatever area in their childhood trauma. Ofc, preference of love language is subjective. But the tone of this statement strayed the actual message. No personal attacks, just noticed a tone.
I like watching you dissect your life experiences because in doing that, somehow you're helping me figure myself out as well. Thank you for all you do 🖤
i wasn't really listening until you mentioned "the icks" and how it starts at "3-4 months" i felt soooooo understood. so thank you for making this video.
I really enjoy reading your face journeys and your unfiltered monologue is so soothing to me 'cause I get the ick too, but I get it at myself from hypercritical parenting styles, but you're so fluidly jumping from high level concept to ultra high level concept, but I can keep up easily because of your face and hands. I ramble too, just not with my face or hands, but I'm learning from and with you. Your intuition outpaces your focus, but that's what makes you strong to me.
You help me find the words I’m looking for when describing how I feel when encountering certain situations. Thank you always and be blessed boo! You look fabulous today!
Wow….. I love you. You literally posted right on time, feel you 1000 thank you so much for just being you! I knowwww how hard it is ! I feel seen and understood. Thank you 😊
Monica, it's amazing to see how my life has started to change. Going in the same direction as some of the things you talk about. Start to see relationships of something of beauty, finally seeing beyond the skin.
Something my mind keeps going back to when it comes to red flags is when I found out my ex was trying to hide that he plays video games lol. It's a long story but even though video games seems insignificant it turned out to be a big part of him that he would have literally hid from me throughout the entirety of our relationship if his friend hadn't mentioned it in front of me.
@@maidenless889 He told me it was because his ex hated when he played video games so he was afraid I would have a problem with it too. Doesn’t that sound weird? 🤔
@@sejaycabral6341 Nah that is weird. Trust your gut. The fact that the ex hated it and it was a significant part of his life might indicate that he spent too much time playing video games, which was problematic for the relationship. The fact that he hid it instead of openly starting a conversation and asking you how you felt about him playing video games is manipulative just like what Monica was talking about...how people will omit details of a situation in order to manipulate your perception of what's going on.
"This mental prison *laughs* I don't know why I'm laughing like this, it's actually sad." *drinks wine*" MEEE dealing with my trauma But accountability, we love to see it :3
I really like your channel Monica! Usually I don't really enjoy podcasts as I'm a visual person. Nice editing + thoughtful insight. TY for ur content:)
New subscriber!!! You’re such a beautiful person, inside & out. Please keep these type of videos coming. I love your personality, the way you express yourself, and your view on things. ❤️
I’ve never heard anyone talk about “the ick”.. I’ve felt this way for so long and I’m so grateful to have found your channel and clicked on this video. You’re helping me more than you know. Thank you ♥️ you’ve earned a new subscriber. Keep the real, open, honest stuff comin girl. We need it.
I'm so glad there's a platform like social media that may promote wellness instead of just letting culture-bound toxicity float around willy-nilly. It may be especially helpful for people w/ developmental issues, or for people that have conditions like ASD, NVLD, ADHD, depression, social anxiety, etc. Socializing is def a human need that not everyone can afford in our ableist society. Although I'm skeptical about corporations advertising ethical products, I'm glad we're at least adding healthy, progressive concepts/ideas to the zeitgeist. Cool partnership
I prayed the other day for guidance in my love life and honestly I paid that who I'm starting to build a connection with finds their way. After that, I just sat back and waited, and all I can say as a Catholic woman God heard my heart that day. Due to the fact while watching this video, I can not tell how many times I kept repeating “this is crazy” because you were speaking not to me but from me, my experiences that not only apply to my love but my day-to-day as well. After that, I knew there was no way my watching this video was a coincidence I was in tears through your stories and topics discussed I felt like I was looking in a mirror of shame and guilt but with only room to grow. It’s honestly creepy because I’m not someone who is into astrology or anything like that but let me give a little background information I was born on September 11, all my life I’ve been considered mature for my age and school smart by people around from family to peers. I was raised in a catholic house not as strict as most but the faith was there. So when these coincidences lined it wasn’t that big of a deal a first until I heard you talk about your personality I have dealt with EVERYTHING you described except for the last two since those have yet to occur to me since I’m under 20. I’m all I want to thank God for sending me you and thank you for sharing I’ve never felt heard by anyone in my life to this level I hope you’re doing amazing and hope you know how much you’re appreciated.
This was super accurate. Thank you for shedding light on some of the dangers of being a chill girl. Being a chill girl is usually a trauma response called fawning. Wake up, Ladies!
“Only meeting you at night”…holy moly i felt that, it was my first “serious” relationship and i only recently came on top of the abuse and trauma it gave me…ordered bell’a book, can’t wait
also with criticism when it’s done respectfully like from your current bf. ask for how you could improve or what you could’ve have said instead or whatever and get examples for the right way to behave or communicate according to him feeling respected by you even during disagreements or high stress situations so when you repeat a mean response you’ll recognize immediately after allowing self growth and an apology preventing resentment from building up if he doesn’t calll you out immediately. eventually your communication changes will begin to take shape before you snap and allow you to speak respectfully the first time instead of apologizing for your impulsiveness (something i find myself literally encouraging people to tell me if i’ve offended them because 100% of the time it’s not my intention. others will know if i’m resort to intentionally defending myself thru offensively tearing them to shreds verbally. but it’ll only be defensive i don’t feel anything but shame and disgust if i throw the first shade.. i don’t have time to think about people who i don’t like lol. i ducking love the idea that people who don’t like me think about me while i don’t even k know their names or i forget i had met them the day they decided they hated me. earning me a permanent place within their thoughts lol
I just love that I found your channel and you are the bigger sister every girl needs in their life period. You are real as hell and ain’t afraid to share your truth 💯. Thank you for that you are helping a whole lot of people out there
This was so helpful to me. I've just been through a really hard breakup and I've been feeling really confused. This video helped me see whats was "wrong with me" (because I'm also always looking for what is wrong with me) and it gave me peace. I also have an avoidant attachment and started to felt the ick after 4 months but also the other person did not seemed interested to invest in me and in our relatioship... needless to say things ended very badly
"Talking a lot is not vulnerability" the way I laughed out loud at this personalized message that was meant for me 🤣
I was literally like 👁 👄👁
slapped in the face, same
I'm a fearful avoidant. I'm both anxious preoccupied and dismissive avoidant in regards to relationships due to parents that have been very disorganized themselves. A lot of push and pull. I will obsess over somebody, but when the possibility of a relationship or friendship comes up, I withdraw for some reason. A big fear of abandonment. And at the same time when people are wanting to be with me, I push them away, but if they distance themselves I panic and want them back. It's annoying and hurtful on so many levels. I desperately want love and friendships, but am afraid of people getting too close because I fear that they can't or don't want to handle all of my bullshit and will leave me eventually, so I most often don't even really try. And when I do, I regret it immediately.
girl, i could not have described myself any better than the way u just did.
Wow i Will show my therapist this because you described me so perfectly .Thanks love you.Hope everything works out for you
@Sincerely Respectfully please be careful throwing out disorders like narcissism to people without being a licensed therapist, I see lots of people doing it and it serves no good purpose.
@Sincerely Respectfully even though you’re right on the fact that there are more narcissistic people and traits, it doesn’t mean that everyone that portrays one trait or symptom is a narcissist.
If you knew about all mental health issues, you would know that what OP portrayed here were symptoms very akin to social anxiety and fear of failure, still you don’t see me diagnosing them because I lack a lot of information and context, mainly upbringing and possible trauma.
Next time, just suggest that people go to therapy, so that someone licensed and prepared to handle those issues can properly help them instead of being condescended by a stranger online.
@Sincerely Respectfully interestingly enough, you’re displaying exactly what you are saying OP is, you’re being self entitled about thinking you know a stranger online enough to diagnose them with a mental disorder and you lack enough empathy to understand where they are coming from. Just reading thorough the comment I realize they’re scared of being rejected but still are human and crave affection and attention just like any one of us. And they’re actually self reflecting and realising how not good it is to push people away, wanting to work on it but still you want to make it about narcissism. Maybe you should work on yourself first before coming for other people
Idk if you’re only focusing on romantic relationships but I had the exact issue with my platonic relationships. I’d get attached to my friends then suddenly get cold & try to push them out. In the same way you justified the “ick” as just the partner “not being the one”, I was convinced I didn’t have a real friend when I was the one who made it that way.
My current friends were really so patient with me and gave me so much validation. I’ve become a lot more honest with myself and healed a lot where I can really enjoy and give back to my friends now.
How. I feel like I keep building a great life of joy and opportunity with people, then run away to chase something new.
How?
@@teodoras9611 I think to some extent when you get tired enough of that cycle, or when it hurts enough you’ll naturally realize the running isn’t working, I mean on that soul deep level. I mean, I’m sure you know that this habit isn’t helping you, but if you’re still doing it you’re holding on to hope somewhere inside you that running away will fix your problems. When I stopped running it was really scary and really hard, but it was scary and hard even without changing anything. Running away didn’t help those things, all I was doing was prolonging the time I spent unhappy by not looking at it sooner. I stopped running at the point where I was too tired to keep doing it, but you don’t have to wait until that point to make a change if you notice this is something that’s hurting you more than helping you. So get honest with yourself and ask yourself what are you running from, and what you’re scared of. Learn to live with those feelings instead of seeing them as something to fix. Remember that the places in relationships that are a little bit uncomfortable (I mean in a growing way, not a harmful way), if you lean in to those places and get comfortable with how they feels, you will be able to handle anything. Remember that if the problem always follows, compassionately, it’s probably something inside you, not the other people. Which is ok! Everyone has hurt places. Turn toward those hurt parts of yourself with love and care and ask what they need. You can become your own greatest source of strength and guidance. And at the same time, you are perfect exactly the way you are, you are not broken, you are whole. Even those parts of ourselves that cause us the most pain are there because they are trying to protect us. Only you can do heal these things for you, but you’ll find many on the path with you. I hope that’s a little bit helpful, with love,
A friend ♥️
@@aislin1057 what a thoughtful and kind reply. Thank you. As I read, I see how I haven't been specific with my question, though all you are saying makes sense to me too.
My soul searching has been going on for quite some time now (and especially about the romantic part of this whole thing) and I think it's down to a lot of things but mostly that trait I have for always seeking novelty and growth (as change) and even being uncomfortable. I think I have made and kept a lot of friends along the years, and with most - we have had this honeymoon phase of all the time being in each other's lives, but even if the rest kept that, I usually cut off for some time.
I think part of it is - I didn't like settling to way of living and thinking. But part of it is obviously me, needing to change and adapt as a person,
TBH
maybe it all comes down to being young,
not that I know what will happen in future of course.
But I will definitely look out for breaking this tendency of mine that might have sometimes led to isolation or breaking up with friends,
Anyway, thank you so much, I have no more thoughts to share pfft. :))
Good luck on your journey too, u lovely person. Hehe
relate hugely to this. happy you've got some good people!
same- I relate to this. takes a lot for me to open up to others and once ONE bad thing occurs, I'm ready to drop the friendship. I've done that in the past to a friend I was getting to know for a year, I feel really bad looking back. But when I feel like the trust is messed with, I shut down naturally. I have more patience for relationships. I feel blessed I have close friends that are with me for life but making friends moving forward for me seems so hard.
a man who can’t accept “no” for an answer is dangerous. It could be the smallest thing, it’s still a problem.
Man, woman, anyone! If they guilt you about it, spin "alternative facts" etc the only thing to do is break ties. Lesson hard learned. Most recently with a "friend" who turned out to be a Karen
@@drebugsita i crime stats shows you the reasons why men's not being able to take no is more dangerous
"Being overcummincative, for me, is often a shield from feeling, because if I can talk through everything, I never have to feel discomfort."
well......... fuck. Guess I'm bringing this up in my next therapy session. In all seriousness though, thanks for consistently re-framing my perspective with these insights of yours :)
I'm so avoidant that I end things before they even begin. Every time I get close to someone, I get a sick feeling and shut it down. It is really frustrating tbh.
Its exactly the same for me. I will be obsessed with someone and yearn for a relationship but the moment it becomes real its like a switch. All good feelings turn to revulsion and I get panic attacks till I end it. This feeling has saved me from abusive men but I have also hurt very very nice ones and it makes me feel terrible
@@nizvkfb7vsbvrsct723 same, I wish my brain would like stop doing that haha
This happens to me as well. I feel like I'll be single forever
girl, the running away at the 3/4 months mark was SO SPECIFIC i got chills
My question is, how to get to the 3-4 month in general? I can’t seem to find someone who even wants get past one month mark with 😢
I had to really ask myself "what was it in me that was attracted to what was in him?" That was the start of my shadow work. Really changed a lot of things for me.
The excitement I felt when I heard you got a sponsor 😩 I only watch your content periodically (thanks algorithm), so I have no idea if you’ve been sponsored before, but I’m so thrilled for you regardless 🥰
But also holy shit this app sounds amazing
It’s my first one here 🥳🥳🥳 ty for your support!!
RIGHT!! Same. I love to see it.
I cried listening to this…because it all relates and decisions need to be made in my relationship. I’m annoyed at myself for continuing to go deeper and deeper in this so called “connection” when I saw all the signs and gaslit myself into believing the bs.
Sending you love babes. I've been in a similar situation and it's never easy to accept the reality of your situation. I pray you'll soon make a decision that will give you the peace you need, if you haven't already
I feel like this is a symptom of PTSD. Cuz the reason I do a lot of these things like my brain convincing me someone is horrible, stems from me never having a stable person in my life as a kid. I was always told everyone I trusted was really bad but I was still forced to trust them. I’ve been confused my whole life.
Yes this creates a disorganized attachment style, it’s only created from untrustworthy caregivers that could’ve been abusive. My mom was borderline personality/ bipolar narcissistic and I feel exactly this in my mind and body
Complex PTSD
Same for me. My dad told me I couldn’t trust my mom, and my mom said I couldn’t trust my dad. Haven’t thought about it before, but now that I read your comment it makes sense for me not trusting people. Thank you. And I hope you’re okey.
@@VanessaLjungdahl I hope you are able to have a good relationship with them anyway. Children often get overlooked and just thrown into family drama. You do have a choice of who your family is. I’ve decided to step away once realizing it is never going to stop. You have to be your own best friend and stay strong for yourself. Hope you are ok too
@@ldontcaree
Thank you so much for acknowlige my comment and taking time to answer it. And that you care *hugs*
I hope you're okay too. I'm really good thanks.
Today I've open up to both, and my mom tries to be better and It's sweet.
I try not to be so hard on her, because she have had a tough life raising me and my two (kind of problematic) brothers by herself. Though she always had me who helped her, but I try to accept her for her.
But sometimes you just get sad and angry because lack of a safe childhood. It would've been much easier to live sometimes haha..
I accepted my dad (after I had cut him of my life for two years) when I got my ADHD diagnosis (he has ADHD too)and read more about it. And I realized that alot of his issues was his ADHD that "took over".
He's also "behind" regarding his brain, my mom said.
So I try to work with that, and to tell my innerchild that they didnt mean to be "bad parents". They where like literally two children having kids haha..
They did'nt know better.
And now I have to be my own parent and give myself the love and nurture I never got from them. I also have amazing friends that I can call my family too, and that makes me so grateful.
Affirmations, gratitude exercises and yoga and meditation helps alot!
people keep finding new relationships thinking that resolves the “problem”. They don’t realize they just repeat their behaviors not outgrowing any toxic behaviors or reactions to triggers, instead of working and communicating with their partner they run away to the next. People continue to do so instead of facing themselves head on
It's hard but it's the best solution, however some people are afraid that their current partner is not going to handle that and eventually leave once they know about their issues.
It's tough cause I'm scared of that exactly.
@@juni2583 yes but ultimately you shouldnt have any type of fear in the relationship youre limiting yourself for assuming your partner cant handle it and if he cant its ok you will be redirected to what is meant to be. Theres so many possibilities in the world!
@@kelsosworld wait isn't it normal to always be afraid 😳
I mean
My logic is
I will feel worse if I think things are doing great and life proves me otherwise, than if I assume the worst, at least I'll feel pleasantly surprised when it doesn't turn out that way.
@@juni2583 lol whatever "normal" is doesn't have to apply to how you feel or think. If that works for you, but it seems a bit negative and self depracating to assume the worst always. I believe I attract things in life parallel with my mindset and energy, so in order to attract a happy good life it all comes from the inner work and the mindset I built which is think positive, appreciate everything and be grateful for whatever comes, accept and detach, learn and understand your feelings instead of finding yourself int eh same confused cycles and patterns. Building the same narrative that the worst situation will happen is a pattern and its all in your head, the worst hasn't happened yet so why keep expecting it ! Whats great about your mindset is that, even if that worst situation comes, you control how you react and feel towards it. Life is fully about the journey and experience
@@kelsosworld it's not as easy as it seems since yk there's a mental blockage you just cannot control, however I appreciate having someone to remind myself that everything will be fine. I still find comfort in those words I just can't remember that myself if I'm alone.
So thank you, I got a little motivation
when you said that overcommunicating is just a shield against true vulnerability, i had to write that down. same with how someone jokes with you is them testing how far they can push you and that omitting truths takes power of choice away from your partner. i also never heard the term "the ick" but i FELT that. thank you so much for all of this!!
You're in my BUSINESS with this one, Monica!! 💀💀💀 I thought you were talking directly to me for certain parts of this (I'm super avoidant in my attachment style too).
lmao same😬😬
I really learned a lot from this video. I dated a dimissive avoidant and they left after the "ick" hit them from me wanting to talk through our issues and feelings and the overall experience traumatized tf outta me because I had internalized the whole breakup but after watching this, I can now see how I was treated had NOTHING to do with me and moreso the attachment style my ex adopted as self protection in childhood so thank you so so so much for your own vulnerability.
I am sorry as a dismissive avoidant I have always rejectes guys for this very reason because I know that I can get the ick.I have left friends because I feel like they are better of without me but the way I did it was brutal and I am too scared to apologise. I would like to apologise to you and I want to say that we have alot of inner work to do.I am sorry for meeting one like me who took the shot based on adrenaline .Yeah we survive on that.I am sorry truly sorry
✨ Accountability ✨ Love This. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough within ourselves to receive anothers love 🌸
When you go through trauma really young, your intuition gets 'broken.' In the sense that sometimes you will get genuine bouts of intuition where your body is telling you to run because you are genuinely in danger (and often you wont believe yourself) and then there will be times where your mind perceives danger when you are safe because you were raised in an abusive environment, so your mind and body are always on the lookout for danger. And until you go to therapy and do the healing work, you will not be able to tell which is which.
You are so well spoken babe. This is such an important talk as time and time again, we will blame others for not treating us as we want, when we are doing the same and never reflect on ourselves. Relationships are mutual and two sided, there can’t be a Mr. Right if you act nonchalant and expect effort from him when you put in none yourself.
Me in my head: *UA-cam, if you can really read my mind request that girl on my feed*
***refreshes page***
1st requested video: Monica Hernandez
Me to me: “Thaaaaatttss what her name is”
No offense for not remembering your name, however, I absolutely love your content.
LOL I love this comment
I started tearing up because I never saw myself so clearly in someone else. At this point in my life I have no friends and I, for a long time, felt like it was because I was so secure in my own life that I was okay with being completely alone. But then it went beyond that. Like my own self sabotage in the sense that I can see the patterns and was stuck in a cycle
I agree with everything you said and as a relationship counselor/sexologist in a school for young adults right now, I repeat the same kind of things to them every day! Like you said, we shouldn't have to teach our partners how to be adults. And women who date men shouldn't have to continue parenting them... Also, for people who lie and cheat... Monogamy is not the only way to have successful relationships. We are not less whole if we're single and we're not less important if our partners have other important people in their lives. You, Monica, are doing incredible work, you make me think in a very good way and you're certainly a joy in my life! Thank you! I'm getting the Bell Hooks book on Audible :)
Wow!! This is literally just the video I needed before I talk to my boyfriend in an hour.
Good luck!
Hope it goes well sis 💕
It went well! 😊
Lmao I love this thread. Hopefully you are both thriving in your partnership sis 💗💗
I swear pranks being used as a covert way to test your limits and than having their “nice” intentions being held over your head while being blamed for not “being able ti take it” really hits home fo me. Worst part is I never say it out loud cuz it’s so ingrained in me that it’s just not serious enough but it can corrode you how someone can just gaslight you, mock you, give you anxiety all for fun while they disguise their darker ways that love being prioritised over everything else in your life while they keep you at arms length so you can’t truly call them out. It’s one of my childhood dynamics in which I had to convince adults that I was good enough that reaped in many “friendships”. It gave me really bad memories from being used “for fun” not to mention the anxiety from being bullied and the stigma for being the “only one that has a problem with it…should have learned to defend yourself”
i just found your channel from your video about dating grown men and setting boundaries and i’m so glad i did! you speak so eloquently about the experience of girlhood, especially girlhood while not being white. i’m loving learning, and thinking, and reflecting on my life after watching your videos! you’re a fuckin’ g
Hollllllerring at when you said, “why am I laughing at this, this is actually sad.” I just learned this week that laughter is a trauma response babe 😂 I’m right there with ya
i can't stress enough how earth-ruled of a being you are (and you probably know that well lol). i love listening to you talk because you're so expressive and speak for my taurus moon like no other haha. hope you're doing well!
virgo sun, cap rising and moon, virgo venus 😵💫
I haven't finished the video yet I am like half way, but honestly you are like the first person that I somewhat identify with. I am not the same 'relationship type' and I don't think I share a similar past with you but damn I really feel your energy infront of the camera if that makes sense to you.
This is my first videos and I am here to stay is what I am trying to say.
I don't think that I needed to hear what you had to say personally but I really believe that what you are saying needs (!) to be out there so please keep it up.
All of your videos almost feel like a Universe’s way of speaking to me.
You are truly a gift, at least to me.
I always watch your videos at the exact right moment for me. You always articulate exactly what I have or even haven’t been sub-un-or even consciously feeling/thinking/knowing.
Thank you sooo much! I wish you all the success that you deserve 👍🏽💃🏻
Ugh the excitement I feel when you post 😩❤
Hearing you talk about men that are bitter about lifelong rejection, and having one parent abandon and the other abuse. Hearing that hurts so good, and I kinda wish you didn't know what you don't know about. I love it, your intuition is excellent.
i enjoyed listening to this. i realized in my last “relationship”, i tolerated that bullying-like sense of humor even though it made me uncomfortable :/ you dropped so many gems. sending you love!❤️
every time i have an epiphany in life somehow you upload a video afterwards that comes at the perfect time. thank you for this one! i needed this more so for the new friendships in my life
the way i sit through this video like im in my online class 💀💀great video, as always Monica! :)
I have never related to someone’s thought process the way I just did with you as you explained you’re attachment style. I do all that same stuff! The delayed reactions, the ick, the way you described telling your bf he did something wrong and why you said it like you did, needing people to point out your blind spots but everyone telling you your so smart and good… all of that! I’m gonna do more research into attachment style and how to communicate with people better. I didn’t even know that was a thing until now, but I’m really glad I came across this video
I'm only halfway through this video... I feel so seen. Except my ick comes and goes deep into the relationship like 1 year plus in when I'm comfortable and it really messes with my mind, but your perspective is so true...it's our mind's way of protecting us.I have so much to heal from it's exhausting at times. Also when you said you like to try to verbalize your feelings instead of actually feeling them, SO me.
Consistency and patience, yes! Those really are key for me also.
Gurl, I just discovered your channel about some days ago with your video talking about your relationship with debt and money. I just want to say big thank you because your channel is literally a gem ! Keep going sis
the prank part reminded me of some people contantly joking about how they "secretly hate" someone they're actually friends with or "never actually liking them". I know it's just how they show the strength of their friendship but I never find that funny at all. Luckily none of my friends do that with me. That would make me so anxious.
That is why I do not like to joke with my friends, eventually those jokes may proyect something that I do not know to express properly.
I’ve been around a lot more situations were I am a bystander in these situations and apart of it within myself reflection in the moment.
Vulnerability is the biggest factor and it stops me from expressing myself, thoughts and desires in the mist of it happening.
I appreciate the conversations you being up and what you bring to the table helps me unpack the girlhood I never felt like I had. Being the complacent mature child, an only child, the immigrant kid and dealing with all that on top of puberty. With the dysfunctional family relations, it warped how I saw love and dating.
Leaving that space didn’t erase anything and I’m dealing with my scars, I’m 23 and still feel like a baby waddling around wonder wtf is going on.
My best friend, my OG has been amazing, she’s helped me understand myself and learn that I am a loveable person but also a difficult one. It doesn’t erase the good I have to offer but it allows me the space to set up boundaries and communicate.
You’re doing amazing and may all the good things come your way. I wish there was more open conversations about love and individualism, you do an phenomenon job with your words and engagement.
I cannot even begin to explain how relevant this video is to my life rn. The title alone I was like omg!?!
Really needed this right now.
Edit: just finished watching and I gotta say hearing some of your red flags really scared me as an anxious type because sometimes I can overcompensate with gifts and gestures and acts of service in general, because I always wanna please and help, but then have a painful emotional breakdown when my (usually avoidant) partner freaks out and feels like I'm doing too much. So it becomes this cat and mouse where I'm amping up how much love I'm giving and they push me away. It's a rly ugly cycle and I'm feeling inadequate and unlovable all the time, the thoughts go like "I have so much love to give, but my partner doesn't want to receive it, thus I'm worthless." Just wanna get better idk 😐
It’s happens! It’s your love language, this kinda reminds me of a video I saw by Dr. K on the “healthy game gg” channel called something along the lines, of why do people ghost. If you type in the channel name and “ghost” it should pop up. Just that anxious energy and laying it on thicker and thicker. Good luck 🫂
@@monicagreatgal thank you for the recommendation, I'll look it up!✌️
Your self awareness ❤️❤️ love the accountability angle - it’s missing from a lot of discourse.
as a loner i felt this
girl i was just thinking about you last night n how i miss hearing you speeaaakkk!!!! your opinions have guided me through a lot of weird ass situations, tytyty
i havent been excited about a youtuber in a long time, but I really sit here and watch the whole video everytime without feeling bored
I hope you keep uploading!
So many good points in this video! Powerful messages all throughout. Thank you for all the good reminders.
The one piece that made me raise eyebrows was 34:13. I understand the reason of priming the audience to catalyst into the subject of financial vulnerability.
Though the delivery of the personal statement of “I don’t need materials to feel special” felt very downplaying of those humans who do in fact value gifts as a love-language. Psychologist did not include “gifts” in the 5 love languages just for fun. There is data backed behind why “gifts” serves purpose for some people based on neglect in whatever area in their childhood trauma. Ofc, preference of love language is subjective. But the tone of this statement strayed the actual message. No personal attacks, just noticed a tone.
I LOVE YOU MONICA PERFECT TIMING I LOVE YOU MUAH
Been loving your art and words for awhile and I just wanted to say your youtube channel has quickly become one of faves✨
I can tell that im gonna come back to this vid, tysm
me watching this, being single my whole life but loving the video
babe wake up Monica just uploaded
I like watching you dissect your life experiences because in doing that, somehow you're helping me figure myself out as well. Thank you for all you do 🖤
I llve your videos you are like a big sister giving us advices
PLEASE start a podcast. Your videos are packed full of so much importance. Thank you for sharing your wisdom💗
i wasn't really listening until you mentioned "the icks" and how it starts at "3-4 months" i felt soooooo understood. so thank you for making this video.
you do not understand how much i need this
Oof, the bit about going into punisher mode around other people...I really felt that. Super enlightening video!
The way this aligns with everything I neeeeeeeded right now, thank you!
I really enjoy reading your face journeys and your unfiltered monologue is so soothing to me 'cause I get the ick too, but I get it at myself from hypercritical parenting styles, but you're so fluidly jumping from high level concept to ultra high level concept, but I can keep up easily because of your face and hands. I ramble too, just not with my face or hands, but I'm learning from and with you. Your intuition outpaces your focus, but that's what makes you strong to me.
I truly appreciate you being speaking on this topic!!! I can sit & listen to you spit facts for hours!!! Much love & thank you for sharing💓
the timing of this video… GIRL. chillsss
You help me find the words I’m looking for when describing how I feel when encountering certain situations. Thank you always and be blessed boo! You look fabulous today!
Wow….. I love you. You literally posted right on time, feel you 1000 thank you so much for just being you! I knowwww how hard it is ! I feel seen and understood. Thank you 😊
Monica, it's amazing to see how my life has started to change. Going in the same direction as some of the things you talk about. Start to see relationships of something of beauty, finally seeing beyond the skin.
thank you for this. i don't feel alone anymore and to see someone affirm what I'm literally learning rn.. i love this. sm. :)
your videos always make my day!!!
Your voice soothes me and i fall asleep to it even when youre being loud
You're such a queen, I freaking adore u 💓thank you for sharing
I have NEVER felt so seen before. Thank you so much for this video. Genuinely every thing you say….. my heart is beating like damn I feel so validated
Don’t do that, that’s weird.
Yes, it is. 🤣😂 Thank you for bringing this timely discussion into my life Monica Hernandez! So thoughtful and honest.
23:00 wow my current bf does this to me where he attacks my entire character off a small behavior. It hurts and I wish he wouldn’t do that.
Crazy how you're just in my business like that😭🙌🏽
OK this is overwhelming relatable
Something my mind keeps going back to when it comes to red flags is when I found out my ex was trying to hide that he plays video games lol. It's a long story but even though video games seems insignificant it turned out to be a big part of him that he would have literally hid from me throughout the entirety of our relationship if his friend hadn't mentioned it in front of me.
why did he hide it?
@@maidenless889 He told me it was because his ex hated when he played video games so he was afraid I would have a problem with it too. Doesn’t that sound weird? 🤔
@@sejaycabral6341 Nah that is weird. Trust your gut. The fact that the ex hated it and it was a significant part of his life might indicate that he spent too much time playing video games, which was problematic for the relationship. The fact that he hid it instead of openly starting a conversation and asking you how you felt about him playing video games is manipulative just like what Monica was talking about...how people will omit details of a situation in order to manipulate your perception of what's going on.
you're reading my mind so glad I found you
"This mental prison *laughs* I don't know why I'm laughing like this, it's actually sad." *drinks wine*" MEEE dealing with my trauma
But accountability, we love to see it :3
This is so eye opening & relatable. TYSM for sharing your wisdom & journey. 💜
I really like your channel Monica! Usually I don't really enjoy podcasts as I'm a visual person. Nice editing + thoughtful insight. TY for ur content:)
New subscriber!!! You’re such a beautiful person, inside & out. Please keep these type of videos coming. I love your personality, the way you express yourself, and your view on things. ❤️
I’ve never heard anyone talk about “the ick”..
I’ve felt this way for so long and I’m so grateful to have found your channel and clicked on this video. You’re helping me more than you know. Thank you ♥️ you’ve earned a new subscriber. Keep the real, open, honest stuff comin girl. We need it.
You’re videos are like podcasts but i can see your facial expressions and emotions its just amazing.
I'm so glad there's a platform like social media that may promote wellness instead of just letting culture-bound toxicity float around willy-nilly. It may be especially helpful for people w/ developmental issues, or for people that have conditions like ASD, NVLD, ADHD, depression, social anxiety, etc. Socializing is def a human need that not everyone can afford in our ableist society. Although I'm skeptical about corporations advertising ethical products, I'm glad we're at least adding healthy, progressive concepts/ideas to the zeitgeist. Cool partnership
A good man is respectful to all the women he encounters 🗣🗣🗣🚨🚨🚨
ugh the way I relate to this sooo hard. Thank you
i’m loving the consistency on the channel! you’re so inspiring, and i felt i was having a conversation with my sister - great video 💖 keep shining ✨
First time im early but omg your videos really do help me see things before it's too late.
I prayed the other day for guidance in my love life and honestly I paid that who I'm starting to build a connection with finds their way. After that, I just sat back and waited, and all I can say as a Catholic woman God heard my heart that day. Due to the fact while watching this video, I can not tell how many times I kept repeating “this is crazy” because you were speaking not to me but from me, my experiences that not only apply to my love but my day-to-day as well.
After that, I knew there was no way my watching this video was a coincidence I was in tears through your stories and topics discussed I felt like I was looking in a mirror of shame and guilt but with only room to grow.
It’s honestly creepy because I’m not someone who is into astrology or anything like that but let me give a little background information
I was born on September 11, all my life I’ve been considered mature for my age and school smart by people around from family to peers. I was raised in a catholic house not as strict as most but the faith was there. So when these coincidences lined it wasn’t that big of a deal a first until I heard you talk about your personality I have dealt with EVERYTHING you described except for the last two since those have yet to occur to me since I’m under 20.
I’m all I want to thank God for sending me you and thank you for sharing I’ve never felt heard by anyone in my life to this level I hope you’re doing amazing and hope you know how much you’re appreciated.
This was super accurate. Thank you for shedding light on some of the dangers of being a chill girl. Being a chill girl is usually a trauma response called fawning. Wake up, Ladies!
“Only meeting you at night”…holy moly i felt that, it was my first “serious” relationship and i only recently came on top of the abuse and trauma it gave me…ordered bell’a book, can’t wait
great eye shadow colourzz!!!!!
also with criticism when it’s done respectfully like from your current bf. ask for how you could improve or what you could’ve have said instead or whatever and get examples for the right way to behave or communicate according to him feeling respected by you even during disagreements or high stress situations so when you repeat a mean response you’ll recognize immediately after allowing self growth and an apology preventing resentment from building up if he doesn’t calll you out immediately. eventually your communication changes will begin to take shape before you snap and allow you to speak respectfully the first time instead of apologizing for your impulsiveness (something i find myself literally encouraging people to tell me if i’ve offended them because 100% of the time it’s not my intention. others will know if i’m resort to intentionally defending myself thru offensively tearing them to shreds verbally. but it’ll only be defensive i don’t feel anything but shame and disgust if i throw the first shade.. i don’t have time to think about people who i don’t like lol. i ducking love the idea that people who don’t like me think about me while i don’t even k know their names or i forget i had met them the day they decided they hated me. earning me a permanent place within their thoughts lol
this video is EVERYTHING i needed to hear. you are incredibiley self aware .. top tier skill
I wish I was as wise as you at your age! I had to learn it later in life.
Aaah Monica ... I'd listen to you daily thank you for sharing your thought process. It's so validating. I feel so understood.
i needed this so much you have absolutely no idea. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING U DO!!!
Bro, you have no idea, thank you
I just love that I found your channel and you are the bigger sister every girl needs in their life period. You are real as hell and ain’t afraid to share your truth 💯. Thank you for that you are helping a whole lot of people out there
As a young woman, I appreciate your videos so so so so soooooooooo muchhhhh!!!!!
You put into words exactly what I’ve been experiencing. Thank you so much for this❤️
This was so helpful to me. I've just been through a really hard breakup and I've been feeling really confused. This video helped me see whats was "wrong with me" (because I'm also always looking for what is wrong with me) and it gave me peace. I also have an avoidant attachment and started to felt the ick after 4 months but also the other person did not seemed interested to invest in me and in our relatioship... needless to say things ended very badly