sobriety, creativity, and moving forward
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- Опубліковано 1 жов 2024
- thank you all for watching :)
SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) 1-800-662-4357
Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: 988
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233
business inquiries: monica [@] preferencetalentgroup [.] com
My sister always says the quote “The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now."
I always say this quote as well
That makes no sense lol cope quote
I've never heard that quote before, but it absolutely makes sense. Thank you.
idk makes perfect sense to me@@luci4293
Second best time is actually 19 years ago then 18...
The older you get the more you realize life is just about mastering the re-direct, the pivot, the comeback.
I love this!
you put it perfectly
being a "good kid" really does lead to so much shame. felt really angry and resentful in my early 20s cause i felt so repressed but not independent enough to do something about it. on substances and such, i always feel uncomfortable because i'm not interested but don't know how much of that is rooted in being a "good kid". anyways, always finding it hard to relate to my surroundings
this is too real
I relate so much to this
Yoooo
You know what...
Umami have found my people
Being the "gifted" good kid, only stood in the way of realising the potential everyone said I had. The shame and perfectionism sets you up for failure in adulthood. It makes you fearful of failure and shame and at the same time perpetuates those very things.
the most irritating thing is realizing more and more that i'm causing my own problems. no one's holding me back but myself, ultimately. you're your own worst enemy
@@eg4441very true. I can totally relate to that.
I feel this and I be so critical of myself and be hating things I do I have to realize that it’s not me, it’s the voice of trying to be perfect for my family
wow that first sentence is really something...
Truer words have never been spoken
i’m about to hit 3 years no smoking!! believe me no one saw me getting sober coming, i was high 24/7 for years of my life. 24/7. years. if you’re thinking of quitting, just do it, trust me. smoking was a great way for me to cope and regulate my dysfunction and emotions for years, but it stopped serving its purpose once i realized that what i wanted, more than anything, more than getting high, was to be an active participant in my life. and i’ve been doing it, even though it’s felt hard, even though sometimes (a lot of times, especially towards the beginning) i was less comfortable. don’t stay numb. also as a sidenote you can become addicted to anything that you turn to in order to change your mood. become addicted to things that are healthy for you lol rather than just replacing weed with other stuff (i’m guilty of doing it with media consumption) :/ but, oh well, step by step. i’m looking forward to seeing what my life eventually looks like without a dependency to that either
i am 23 and idk whattttt is going on, thank you for your wisdom
girlll me tooooo
Literally same, I say this to myself all the time
23 and this is the most I’ve ever been confused in my life
omg yeahh girl addicted to STRESS. when i was living with my first bf smoking constantly during the pandemic (ignoring the voice in the back of head screaming telling me to stop) my ritual was that i had to take a bong hit big enough where i felt like i was actually going to die- throat completely closes, crying choking cough for a couple minutes, and then id be at the correct amount of fcked up. getting thru that point where i felt like i was gonna die was so delicious for me.
wow i appreciate ur videos so much 💜 needed to see this
“Living in the basement of myself” is such a profound statement. I can totally relate to that. This is so beautiful. So real, insightful & honest. I’m glad you’re doing better and thanks so much for sharing. May we come up for air from the basements in our minds.
the section about feeling addicted to stress and not deserving of peace.... thank you monica omg thought i was alone
That. Literally writing notes for my next therapy appointment.
That " holding yourself up to a standard a 15yo set 🤨?" ..A gut punch, like.. who tf did i think I was 😂
So much of this is a convo about late stage capitalism and failure of government and quite simply… being a person in America and colonialism
And when we can realize a lot of what we are up against isn’t our fault…we can relax and give some grace and not force ourselves to be a rat in a race
Brianna W. talks about how we as humans at an evolutionary perspective are not wired to be happy. We are wired to be comfortable, because discomfort makes us feel as though our survival is at stake- however for people who have grown up in discomfort, that IS their comfort, because that’s all we know. Any action or moment of peace can be interpreted by our minds as a threat. It takes a lot of work to be okay with existing in a state of peace. And it also requires us to be uncomfortable in order to achieve that. I loved this video so much! First I’ve seen from you, and I’m extremely excited to see your growth and the life you continue to create for yourself. ❤
I feel so seen. I gave up bud for Lent, and I feel like Rip Van Winkle stepping out of his stupor. I was a heavy smoker for 11 years. At 31, I'm finally able to be honest with myself about my clear dependency. My faith gave me the strength to take the leap. Dopamine Nation was a book that helped me, too.
Congrats! Keep it up ... After I had a mental breakdown I came out losing weed and my relationship at the time as my vices. I have found so much clarity in going back to my religion for my own self as well as not smoking weed. For the first time in a long time, I am excited for the future
brilliant book, Annie lemkie isn't it?
i landed in the same place as you recently after these rocky two years during/post covid. the moment covid started my habits that kept me regulated went out the window I found bad crutches. it kept me from music and physics studies as well as having energy/confidence. it got to a spot where I had to be honest about why I started to attach to the habit - traumatic and prolonged stress. I started to ask myself the way a mom asks a child - "do you need a nap? do you need a snack? do you want to try an activity?" when I feel bad. it helped shift the focus from seshing my stress away.
Love this!!
this video felt like a personal wake up call to recontextualize my relationship to weed. thanks for being vulnerable and sharing ur perspective 🫶🏽
This is literally my story too for the last few years…2020 broke up a lot of us. Our culture is very sick. Our country is dying. People are very superficial and quantify everything based on looks…and consumerism…so many of us disassociate because we don’t feel good enough. I also, feel you on the Cannabis, haven’t smoked to that extent but definitely agree sobriety is best for me too. Cannabis can rob us. I feel like a lot of people went in on substances with the pandemic…to distract from our lack of support, constant stress, rapid transformation through evolutionary Technology usage. These are going to be important times for transition and believe me I feel a great sense of burden for what it’s going to take to ground ourselves into reality…keep fighting🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌
Girl this was so real.. I needed this. I am 23 years old and I stopped smoking for exactly 2 weeks today and realize how so removed I mentally was for the last 2 years from smoking. I had two panic attacks within the last 2 months of still smoking and I decided to stop. My life significantly changed. I can’t turn back. It became more of a burden than “fun”. I didn’t know who I was. I was frustrated with not being able to create but comfortable enough to stay stagnant. I never related to a video so much! Thank you!
All I can say is wow. When you started speaking on being an influence to others and never knowing if you could be the one to positively impact someone else, something really clicked in me. Monica, your vulnerability, your wisdom and your work has positively impacted my life in a way you’ll never know. As an artist, a fellow painter and Caribbean gal myself thank you for your existence. Somehow you always upload a topic on something I’ve been contemplating myself and capture emotions I have yet to express, so eloquently. Whenever you upload, I will watch. The world needs people like you.
proud of your realization
Me to expect it really manifested with a dpdr panic attack that left me with chronic depersonalizing for the last 7months (to be fair retrospectively looking back I've always had dpdr due to childhood trauma but after 2022 my recent traumatic homelife) becoming a stoner definitely brought out alot of that trauma to the surface 😅. I can't lie I miss it but I even look back to vids of myself as a stoner and remember how anxious I was if I ever smoke again it would be very low thc with a whole Lotta cbd.
in my culture we were taught that all species have different frequencies. Humans in various spiritual journeys move between frequencies and plant medicine caters to this in terms of nourishment or enlightenment. A substance like mj has a fixed frequency but for some humans it brings them "high" when they were previously at a lower vibration. For some humans it brings them at a lower vibration which describes all the anxiety, unease, confusion and hyper-vigilance you spoke about. Hope this helps anyone else out there wondering why they don't feel better after smoking/drinking/consuming plant medicine.
This is so interesting and beautifully put, if you don’t mind me asking, what culture does this analogy derive from? I totally resonate with what you said. When i smoke weed, i feel like everything comes up for me from my subconscious. I have felt like i even trip from weed, seeing myself and watching my life from a third person. It freaks me out.
I can imagine and relate... weed to me felt like a bad trip. Even mushrooms are much better even though they get a bad rep💀 My culture has roots in tantra - both Hindu and buddhist tantra.
Take it from a 61 year old woman, you are on a great path I am a musician and sobriety really does improve your creativity. Keep up the great work
this video is so refreshing and i feel so seen on so many levels - it landed on my page in perfect alignment. I’m 24 still at my parents, unemployed after graduating in a field i nv fw in the first place and struggling to gain independence and go after what i want while being hyperaware of the destructive nature of western imperialism. It’s been so overwhelming battling personal issues at home and balancing this with gratitude for the blessings i do have. Thank you for this video. I’m not one to open about my struggles esp in the comment section of a video, but this was deeply moving and explained challenging living experiences in contexts that must be highlighted. It feels like ive saved myself from diving into another self improvement /enlightenment spiral by watching this
why are you me? 😭 i wish peace for both of us
I just turned 25 and am experiencing the same. We got this.
The pandemic really changed so many of us and our goals, timelines, lives. And I feel like sometimes people just don’t acknowledge. I’m still trying to get my life back.
i felt this so much. being an artist, coming from an immigrant family, being a good kid and dealing with being so hard on myself as an adult, waiting til adulthood to smoke weed and it spiraling into a daily dissociative, deeply shameful habit. i’m just now recovering and trying to learn how to struggle through discomfort like you talked about.
Wow. Only about 40 mins in, but I can't properly express how comforting this is. Our experiences don't align 100%, but it makes me feel so much better about where I am now (not where I wanted to be... haha!) & to know I wasn't alone in the sort of feelings that led to my own smoked out era lmfao. Thank you for sharing
Wow this connects with me so much, I just stopped smoking in 2024 after YEARS of dabs. I smoked for the first time this year, last night as a treat for my birthday, I was alone and I was getting ready to go out, and I had the ugliest feeling, I had an instant wave of depression and I was really embarrassed by the thought of myself and how people see me in my life, I (for the first time) felt sorry for myself and I felt everyone in my life pity's me instead of looking at me as an independent, disabled but resilient human being. I've never doubted myself or my worth until I got high alone on my 30th birthday, and I had to talk myself out of it and big up myself up again and I feel better before I went out to enjoy my birthday, i'm grateful for this experience because now it's clear that I do not need this substance in my body and i'm better without it. I'm also grateful I found this video, randomly, the day after I felt this, to clearly affirm everything I was thinking/feeling, thank you for this!
Mamas im here! One of the few youtubers i keep on notification !
I’ve been a big admirer of yours for the longest. As a kid from the Bronx, Latina and an artist that never was- I was so proud of you cause you really made it happen for all of us who didn’t pursue our dreams for the sake of complacency for our parents. It’s so refreshing to see that I’m not the only one navigating this journey the way you are and I’m not alone or weird or behind. Im right where I need to be and I’m figuring it out too. Thank you
19:10 Let me get back to this place.. cause whatever this depression/apathy is.. It wont get better unless I start working out and eating right again! Why is the simplest things so hard to start sometimes.... I am doing it this week!!
i really relate to how you said weed was self-punishment because you were addicted to feeling stressed. it's the same way for me with substances, where the challenge of me freaking out and having to scramble to self-regulate and feeling paranoid is a familiar feeling, and it's comforting in a messed-up way. I've been completely sober since December so this video came at a good time for me
38:10 You could apply that logic to many behaviours...Back in the day our ancestors painted on cave walls, I would imagine they weren't making hundreds of cave wall paintings...let alone trying to make a career out of it...they painted at "specific points" in their lives to document something meaningful...whether it was the animals that brought them life...or the hands they use to fashion tools (cueva de las manos)...nowadays most art is just self-reflexive and (post-Duchamp's fountain) fundamentally meaningless
I am also an artist who has been dependent on weed for 3 years, and i’m not even 20 yet but have lived more life than most and I’ve been so fucking lost as a person, a young woman, an artist, a daughter a sister, everything, and i’ve been praying for guidance and i think this video is apart of that. everything you said i feel and it opens my eyes which i need right now to get out of this hole
was listening to this while painting and started crying at the end. thank you
Love the bloodshot eyes in the thumbnail. Nice touch. Made me click, made me laugh.
The good girl rant hit me in the chest fr NEEDED THAT THANK U I’m 23 , in college and I’m facing a similar issue of knowing what my past was teaching me but the real life experience that make you apply those lessons are ….. SCARY 😂 , so happy you’re back 🧡🧡 I’m hoping I can finally end my “dependence” of weed this year
Monica, you are talking directly to me towards the end- I am actually a gardener who is recommiting to my plants and I just adopted a kitten! I'm glad you're back- I admire how you can speak this stream of consciousness in one take! You remind me a lot of myself, even our initials are both MH, I'm just a writer. lol I'm a few years older than you, and I have these exact conversations and breakthroughs with myself. In astrology, that late 20s era is called your Saturn Return and we have three throughout our life, god willing. Saturn is the Disciplinarian so these periods are meant to be tough and transformational.
One the other side of mine, I've also been getting the call to be sober. Cigarettes have definitely overstayed in my life, and I finally feel ready to quit for good (for real!). It's a difficult habit to kick, but I'mma have to buckle in and get ready because they affect my self-image and are in the way of my health goals! I have fun with cannabis and recently tried shrooms, but I could only benefit from a break. It's been a looong time coming, but I finally feel like I'm ready to embody the woman I dream to be for ME... it simply doesn't feel good not to anymore.
This video was so so incredibly brilliant. So many of your experiences sound so similar to mine. I’m only 19 and I can completely understand how I might go through similar patterns in the future. But your overall message of continuing to show up everywhere you go, no matter what, genuinely brought me to such tears. Thank you for your wisdom, your love, your art. Thank you for being you and for sharing this beautiful reminder 🥹🤍
"I was addicted to stress"
now THAT did something to me... this whole video has been an aspect of an expression that has been waiting to come out. like a sneeze. thank you thank you thank you for being able to process and render your experience, and put together your feelings, thoughts, and emotions, on this subject.
I’ can completely agree ! I had a daily smoking 🍃 habit for 7yrs I am now 24 and got sober 3 weeks ago I don’t ever plan on going back it was so detrimental to my mental & physical health I also got really bad withdrawals !! Some UA-cam videos that helped me was “Addiction Mindset & HealthyGamer talks about weed”
When you were "in the basement of yourself" and parsing through the mud of all the things you said you would never be, that sounds like Jungian shadow work. I agree, I think it's like you're facing the Shadow of the Self, neuroses, fears, repressions, etc. It's so important to practice going into this with a determined mindset to love and accept yourself as these realizations emerge. Instead of "omg I've been holding onto that, I'm a (lazy/sick/selfish/weak/naive) person," instead you can have it prepared to greet this part of yourself with "wow, I can see how that made things difficult for you" (as you also mentioned, having the reserves to extend that grace and compassion to your lower self. just wanted to expand upon it)
I feel the same exact way, I stopped smoking a month ago, the clarity is unmatched. ❤
i’ve smoked mizz za daily for about 2 years now, starting as a junior in high school. i’m in my second semester of college and i can’t bare the thought of continuing smoking into adulthood past college. i have nightmares about being an old fart and just smoking my spirit and potential away. i cant just enjoy it periodically or at my own leisure, it’s become obsessive and habitual. the cartdemic had me and in a chokehold and now i’m unlearning all of the reasons and desires for starting ouid in the first place. this video was so important, thank you.
I had such horrible anxiety from weed, so glad you're posting again and more mindful of your substance use.
I'm 22, and I was smoking about an oz a month which was too much for me after a while. I had a reality check and I realized I'm not making enough money to pay off my student loans, and I quit cold turkey. It's been really tough and I'm already so unstable as it is, but listening to this video while I started a commission helped me feel a lot less alone. I'm so stubborn that I've refused to get help because I thought I deserved to feel so ashamed of my actions and what I *haven't* done at this point, but today I finally bought a CBT workbook that many people have recommended to me. I want to get back into therapy as well so I can pull myself out of this deep emotional hole I've been living in since I was a kid. Thanks so much for your wisdom, I'm so tired of living like this man ://
Yess I relate to this in so many ways and Monica I will forever be greatful to you because ur ''why grown men love girls'' video legit changed my destiny by getting me out of a predators grip when I was 16. It was a huge wake up call and I blocked him right after! Thank you for sharing ur experiences and wisdom cause it really is valueable especially to us younger ppl
I was aware of how substances could affect the creative mind, but this video perfectly explained how I’ve been feeling for the last three years of my life.
It’s like God and the Universe lead me to this video. Thank you so much for the word🤎
One of the most relatable videos I’ve seen in a while. God is good
The veil is lifting
at 46:10 when you said "you're 25 and you're living like your already dead" described a feeling i feel constantly and something I've said to myself but thought no one else felt that and I'm only just about to turn 18 so tysm for this!
Omg the food thing! Finally quit smoking and gaining weight. I was malnourished
I´m so thankful for your content and your perspective
I resonate with this so much. I had to be honest with myself. I , too was a goodie girl and the oldest of six, never saw myself partaking in the things that I eventually did. I thought I was super wise but it was really just the protection of my parents influence. I never was faced with the temptation. Now I am 25, and see the dangers of having too much freedom, and how I have been living arrogantly because I thought I was immune to certain outcomes. just cause you have the freedom, does not mean you have to give into the everything thats out there. Plus its sexy to be disciplined and hold yourself to a high regard. It feels so great to return to self.
Monica , it is crazy how I was born and raised in a completely different society with a lot of cultural differences compared to the US, but I deeply resonate with all that you have said in this video, and also previous videos. I admire you so much for being able to articulate these hard to verbalize and sometimes abstract concepts. I feel a deep connection with you and I am so thankful for your videos and the art you put out. nothing but love for you
pls do a video on self regulation! It’s so hard I’m 21 three weeks off weed and this was a wake up call
Stopped smoking after more than 5/6 years as a young adult in the past year… if you are apprehensive i would test it out and trust yourself
Omg, "I can reframe who I am meant to be now that I have more context of what life really is." Thank you for this, I really appreciate the insight and feel validated hearing this idea of growth and outgrowing old narrative put so succinctly. Your statement is so inspiring and you're so right!
Thank you for this-- this video just popped up on my recommended and I can't tell you how much I needed this.... I've been feeling so trapped in these feelings and it's so nice to hear another artist speak to me on this level. I haven't been able to disengage with my dissociative behavior and habits... but hearing your story and the way you articulate your feelings and thoughts have given me hope that I can do the same. After watching your video I feel empowered to change my behavior and work toward the life I want to be living. Thank you.
Just found this video, Are you an NY based artist?
i would love to see a video on self regulation from you! everything you said in this vid hit so hard
I'm 21 and everything you said deeply resonates. I've always known that I was going to be successful in my craft but the past few years I got so stuck in my head and became all the things I never thought I would. I lost trust in myself and I've been trying to pick up the pieces; it's been extremely hard to be consistent. I'm scared that I'll get stuck here but there's no other options for me so I have to push through. It's crazy how the things that make us feel so secluded are the things we can relate the most on
Thank you so much for this video. Im at the same age dealing with the same thoughts and habits. Ive recently gone on a tolerance break because i feel like it doesnt do anything for me anymore. I have creative aspirations and havent done anything and i feel like losing time and wasting away. Im definitely addicted to stess, its the only thing that keeps me running. Its exhausting. I dont want to be stuck anymore, i dont want to be lost and confused. Im used to being someone with a plan and executing that. Im ready for breaking the cycle of robbing myself the joy i deserve.
I can’t even form the words to explain how relatable this was. You said everything I feel/felt verbatim. It was like confirmation of what I know deep down.
Very interesting how I became sober this year along the same timeline as you and had a lot of these same ideas bouncing around in my head. Really appreciate you and your videos, I really do think this is life saving, please don’t downplay your impact. God bless you !
I'm so happy you're back. I think your awesome 👍👍❤❤
This was SO relatable. I was always the “good girl” growing up with a hyper-religious EXTREMELY STRICT and often physically abusive mom. I would TWEAK when I was high. I stopped for YEARS and recently started indulging every so often. I definitely WILL NOT make it a habit, maybe 2-3 times a year max if that. But when I do get high im seeing that I’m able to control my thoughts a lot more. Still isn’t for me because paranoid sucks and I don’t want to have to manage my thoughts to that extreme. It’s actual work doing that. But I’m glad you made the decision that’s best for you. It worked for me too and I hate being inhibited. Some people are just better sober 🤷🏽♀️
Mother uploaded 🧎🏻
"The promise of potential" WHEW. This was brilliant and affirms a lot of what I have been feeling lately. Signs are everywhere, so thank you.
im turning 22, sitting in the computer lab at my university with my notes and textbook open for my class in auditing because I’m studying accounting and the question in the back of my mind is that I don’t know if what I’m studying is going to lead me to being content with life. But it’s a question I feel that I battle with over and over because I do have other things going on. I’m actively getting involved in campus life and the community outside of my university. I resonated with your message of being put on this earth to be of service to each other. I got it from my mom who is always thoughtful and my dad who has worked hard all his life to support us and their family back home. I am still young but I’ve already begun questioning if I have enough time. I do now and I will tomorrow. Thank you for sharing your perspective on sobriety, being a creative, and life as a human being. I hope to spread this message of light and hope and community with the people in my life now to build each other up. The analogy of showing up for people causing a ripple in the lives blew my mind because it’s so simple, being there for others is what where meant to do as social creatures. Once again thank you Monica for this video and wish you the best of luck with life and it’s challenges and if you’ve read this far, hug your loved ones and tell them how much they mean to you 🙌🏼
Im on day 1 of sobriety and this really spoke to me.. Thank you for sharing this and being so vulnerable with something that some can't even accept.
This is so profound and raw and real and existential. Thank you so much for your vulnerability, I'm sure it will speak to everyone who has struggled with major life changes in adulthood. I really appreciate you making this.
Girl, you have no idea how much I fucking resonate with this video. Woah, brought tears to my eyes. Thank you. ❤🙏🏾🦋🥹
I’m 41 and this resonated with me
I have so much respect and gratitude for you and the way you made yourself so vulnerable in telling your story. There is a lot of parts that resonate with me and that I identify with. I haven’t ever seen anyone speak about these topics in the straight forward and balanced way you do. Your self awareness testifies to your strength and resilience. You are an inspiration and your story has touched me deeply and moved something within me. Thank you, you beautiful angel. This is the first time I see any of your content and I still feel like I want to tell you how proud I am of you and how far you’ve come.
I would love to connect with you in some way if that is something you have space and energy for right now.
It's crazy because this came at the perfect time. Thank you for sharing!! 💓
Thank you for sharing this. ❤
thank you for this video
Everything you said is a mf WORD
I know we don’t know each other but I’m so proud of you for finding your way back to recovery and your creativity-and anyone else who reads this, I’m proud of you too :)
My fiance and I recently decided to give alcohol a break for 30 days, but I decided to just go sober completely. Like why not just do an 180 and improve? I’ve erased my watch history here on YT, so it’s so ironic that this came into my feed. I chose to watch as I edit a Sunday Dinner video. I kept having to stop and look up, bc this conversation was so relatable. I felt like this video was for me specially. Like right on time. You said so much that I’ve been thinking for the past few days. I’ve been wondering if my best friend will even like me after my transformation. I’ve been wanting to get closer to God, and I had an epiphany that I could find new like minded friendships in church to cultivate. Not that I want to replace my current friends, just another circle to have a sisterhood, ya know? I told my fiance, that I’m actively seeking wise counsel bc I do not have a mentor or anyone to look up to. Not that I’m saying that’s your purpose. I just find it so ironic I ran across this video that validates my new thoughts. This new transition will be very difficult, kinda scared, but I know who I was before. I can’t wait to make my younger self proud. Thanks for your light, and your art is beautiful. I literally had to pause just to take it in. God bless ❤️
41:39 when you spoke about creating content and feeling afraid to face the world. From filming, editing, and even posting I feel that. I stopped creating content in August bc God delivered me from the new age/spirituality/yoga. But I was regularly engaging w/ 🌳 and I felt so ashamed and my self esteem was in shambles I ended up privating my testimonial video in less than 24 hrs bc of the shame. When organizing, filming, editing, and even thumbnail took about at least 15 hrs to create.
Recently I decided to do lent, and 🌳 is one of the things I’ve given up. By God’s grace I’ve been able to film without feeling like I have nothing to offer. Still getting through that process w/ editing but giving 🌳 up definitely improved my mental health.
This just validates why I love teaching children it is vital!!
LEARNING IS LIFE GIVING
omg how am I just finding out your back? I missed your videos, so glad this came on my feed :)
Just talking through what we’re experiencing in life is such a simple thing that feels unnecessary or even difficult but it’s so important. Thank you for your dedication to understanding your reality and talking about it in this vulnerable way. I believe it’s helping a lot of people understand their own realities and hopefully start being present in them❤
Weed is to be consumed responsibly and is deffinately not everyone's "cup of tea". I consume it, but is because it helps me with ptsd, depression, anxiety... society makes me too nervous and weed helps me blend somehow also. Creativity is there, with or without weed, but not enough time for art /being busy with different things don't allow me to fully concentrate in my art at the moment. We all have different paths... I'm 40 y/o btw, and come from a country where "success" in art is reserved to people in higher economic circles, regardless of talent. Your art is beautiful btw💖congratulations 🎊
Girl my gf recommended this video and I am so glad she did. This definitely resonates!
I appreciate your honesty. I just turned 25 yesterday and have been feeling existential. This has me crying. I know I was led to you for a reason. 💚
This couldn't have come at a better time. Currently stopping the ganja. Only thing that is hard for me to stop. I went one week without smoking and then yesterday I smoked and made me realize that this no longer have a hold on me anymore. congratulations on doing some self-reflection and most importantly sharing your journey
Returning to this video after 6 months to remind myself to do better. plz never delete this
Thank you for this video. I also had to quit weed because it made so me unproductive and it was holding me back from my full potential. Part of it was staying away from other people who smoke. Thank you for your vulnerablity ❤
Monica, I woke up thinking of you, and this video. I pray that you’re doing well, and that you know that despite your pain, your light still shines so bright. I see you!
Thank you so much for this, Monica. Happy and proud of you ❤
Monica this is so good. I had to rewind and relisten to some parts. You could write a book on this. Looking forward to your next post. Also I work with kids too and I couldn’t agree more on what you said about working with them. It’s so healing to like care for them and not be so focused on yourself. It really breaks you apart from your ego to pour into younger ones especially because like you said it impacts more than just them. It’s fulfilling to know that.
Edit : damn that part about showing up for some living being at the end got me EMOTIONAL. Sometimes it’s easy to feel like putting into others(like mentioned whether it be animals or plants or people,) it can feel so meaningless in the moment. It’s such a game changer to remind yourself that it’s truly meaningful
this is 100% how i felt when i turned 30 like its a survivors guilt if you succeeded in your goal after years of watching everybody get hit by the tsunami of artistic failure
53:31 man this is so true. all my life i wanted to pursue arts but ive always had this idea of getting a job thats more,,, traditional (?) because of uncertainties when it comes to being an artist, but i think if an adult said that i should pursue my dreams when i was younger, i think my life would be vastly different now. but i think im still going to be chasing that dream in some way. also, i wanna be that adult that says "u can do it!" to young creatives!!
This is so damn real
Wow this video hit sooo close to my experience
lmao the confusion ... SO FUCKING VALID
This has given me so much insight. I'm 19 rn turning 20 this year and I know everyone says you don't have to have it all figured out but I've been scared about not knowing my path ( or having ambition to have a "successful 9-5" career) also during senior year of high school, I starting smoking heavily partially for my peers and partially to avoid the hurt in my life at the time. Now I've moved away from the hurt psychically but I guess not mentally. I find myself wanting to smoke even if I don't particularly enjoy it anymore and I know it doesn't serve a use for me anymore but I still find myself trying to revive the old days where It was enjoyable for me. (I tried and greened out for the billionth time so more than anything this has been my sign to quit and learn and engage with creative hobbies) This video helped me a lot with these thoughts and change.
I now have a 6 year on off relationship with mary jane.
The last few months were the worst, I was using several grams a day in combination with antidepressants and other psychedelic substances.
It cost me about 15 iq points and several years of my life.
Well that and really absurd levels of degeneracy and complete avoidance of all responsibilities and tasks.
Now my university qualification exam is coming up in a month and I haven't done anything for it.
I could cry
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. This makes me understand your process and why you were in a slump. Life sucks sometimes, but we all have to find ways to cope in healthy ways❤️🩹😅