This definitely highlights how alot of social activism is more driven by protecting certain people's sense of self-righteousness than actually helping people.
"Why do you need to look so untouched by life?" Writing that down, beautiful quote I never want to forget. I broke my clavicle skiing and my doctor actually tried to talk me out of the surgery TO FIX MY BROKE ASS BONE bc it would leave a huge scar on my shoulder. Right after the surgery one of my friends was giving me tips on how to reduce the scarring process. And just the other day my Mom was asking me if I should go visit plastic surgeon to see if they could reduce the look of the hypertrophic scarring. Everybody is so bothered by my frickin scar; I love it. Shows I was enjoying my life, that I lived, plus it looks badass as hell. This idea that women need to be flawless is ridiculous. And boring. Thanks for this video, it just reaffirmed my beliefs❤
I love seeings other people's scars, too! (Not in a creepy way stop) i think it gives the body personality and I always think like this: if my partner has an evil twin, I will always recognize them by their scar 😉
Similarly (but also not), when I was 18 I had a huge emotional breakdown and self harmed leaving the outward facing side on my arm scarred from shoulder to wrist. The first thing my family members addressed the next day was not how I was feeling but “options” to cover/treat the future scarring. I remember at the time being confused because it hadn’t even crossed my mind. I’m lucky to have not felt the need to hide/cover them. I view them as a map of where I have been.
Agreed, humans want to aestheticize this human experience - personally it starts bothering me when I think about how unequal beauty standards between gender/race are and how much the plastic surgery industry is fucking up people’s minds just for money. These doctors are DEMONS!!!!
The root problem is that we have introduced the profit motive into the practice of medicine. The profit motive makes everything worse, and the sooner we stop pretending otherwise the better off we will all be.
This channel is way to underrated. These videos are literal gold. Knowledge is honestly the most powerful thing in the world and being able to articulate the mechanism and systems we lived in allows us to further become more educated in living in and impacting the world we live in. Channels like you, Ana psychology, and others that talk on this really help me learn how to perceive, navigate, and break down this world and question the systems we live in so we can all strive towards the best society we can have and the best individual versions of ourselves
Please share what you’re learning with your friends and family, and consider joining a communist or socialist party. A better world is possible, but it is going to take a fight.
@@justinwatson1510 Oh I’m already on the socialism hype train. I can’t go and get water without shitting on capitalism first. All the way with you on that
Really liked this video and especially the part about the difference of theory and actual lived realities. As someone born with a facial deformity I realised that I personally can't look to feminism for guidance when it comes to plastic surgery. This might sound mean but I don't want to listen to choice-feminism and "I had a nose job and then everything was fine" when I had to (socially not medically) have major surgeries as a child to have a somewhat normal childhood. Only when I read books and texts from other disabled people did I find something that I could actually relate to. One of my favorite texts that I can recommend to anyone interested is Moving Toward the Ugly: A Politic Beyond Desirability by Mia Mingus.
@@celestialmorpho Do you have any recs for newer books/texts/blogs ? I read Beauty and Misogyny by Sheila Jeffreys and while I don't agree with a lot of things in the radfem movement, the analysis of beauty is very interesting.
Another harsh truth ive heard from somewhere was “You cant self love your way into how the world sees you.” Everytime i hear it it always punches me in the gut :(( ngl i still dont know how to live through the world knowing that this quote depicts a sad reality about our society Edit: just finished the vid, and ive never heard of the advice of looking into your own culture and seeing whats prioritized there! Really goes to show that beauty can really be subjective, and that the european standard doesnt actually apply to everyone. Then again, ill really have to look way back into my culture, bc the colonizers did a pretty good job of forcing down the Western standard down my ancestors throats. Anyway, great vid as always Monique, and this one has got to be one of my favs. 💕
That quote hits deep. It says so much more than anything vloggers say about "just love yourself", etc. I can love me, but that doesn't solve my problems.
This video explained exactly why I haven't been a fan of social media for the past couple months, the pressure of being "perfect" as a content creator is literally torture and over a certain amount of time it ends up sucking the fun out of everything tbh. Super refreshing to see content like this, GO MONICA!!
I hate when my friends talk about surgery etc and they're literally gorgeous...it makes me think damn I wonder how ugly they think I am if they think they need soenthing done... It's extremely toxic all around and why do we as women keep playing into this toxic patriarchy to look good for men?
@@brib6046 this. And we have our own ideas on what's pretty. I remember this struck me, I was about 19-20, it was summer and my friend was trying on a new dress at her place. She grabbed her knees and all irritated said how she hates how her knees look cause they aren't pronounced and you can barely see she has them. I was so caught off guard because I envied her legs and knees for years, I have wide bulky bones and joints (I was thin, I do mean joints and bones) and hated how they made a wide bump in my leg line. She spent years feeling about my legs how I felt about hers lmao. We are not only harsher to ourselves but we all have our own ideas and something we don't like about ourselves is someones dream look.
The answer is simple - do you want to be alone? If you say yes, then congratulations! You can skip all beauty treatments, grooming, etc. because you refuse to be a slave to the male gaze. If you say no? Welcome to the rat race (patriarchy). You're stuck in this thing till you die. Good luck & have a nice trip 😊
i like that last part you said about looking like you haven't been touched by life. Like why is this even a thing? We all work and go through different experiences and our bodies are a testiment of that
“Its not a convo of just whether or not you love yourself, but literal national debates of whether or not your body deserve to exist.” 5 mins in and bestie u r speaking facts!!! Cant wait to hear all ur insights on this topic in particular, its smth ive thought a lot for sureeee
I noticed that when I changed my hair and went blonde I started fitting into the Mixed Exotic girl aesthetic. I started getting more attention from people more opportunities and male attention etc. people would walk up to me and ask me if I wanted to be in their commercial movie model etc. my dms started filling up. I started getting so many brand deals and free stuff. My friends and family started getting mad at me because I was getting so much attention and being featured on websites etc. I never knew that such a small change can have such a big impact on my life. Think about all the celebrities who's careers improved drastically after they got a nose job or boob job surgery. Now I don't feel good enough with my natural looks. I feel like am I good enough just looking like me? I'm still figuring that out and trying not to care about what people think but I know my career will suffer so I'm thinking maybe I should take another career path. The world is a very superficial place. I use to think if you were a hard working good person that was enough. Think about all the good hardworking people that are barely making ends meet. Then think about the pretty tik tok star that makes millions just shooting a 15 second dance video.
I hate that a state of scarcity is encouraged and that your loved ones felt jealous from your opportunities. It’s awesome that you are self aware enough to notice these things though. As a mid toned Black woman it’s crazy how different I will be treated based upon how I wear my hair. I am a person who loves to dress up and change my look but I also hate the attention I can get based on how I want to present myself. So I could not imagine how it would be if I was racially ambiguous. The world sucks. Most people suck. And I am proud of you (lol even though we don’t know each other) for your ability to reflect and even though you are privileged, as long as you aren’t using it to harm others or actively take opportunities from others, I say keep using that privilege for your benefit. I also hope you are also going to pay it forward and try to bring others up, which I think you’ll try to do by your comment.
@@brib6046 Thank you! I really appreciate your comment. I wasn't aware of my privilege until a few years ago. I have sisters who are all shades of brown and we have the same parents but I noticed how they are treated differently from me. I talk about colorism openly with my friends and family. I'm trying to figure out how I want to approach these topics on my channel. I talk about mental health but the only thing that gets views on my channel right now is beauty and fashion. I'm still growing so maybe one day people who really need it will watch. Thank you for your kindness.❤️
@@brib6046 Thank you! I really appreciate your comment. I wasn't aware of my privilege until a few years ago. I have sisters who are all shades of brown and we have the same parents but I noticed how they are treated differently from me. I talk about colorism openly with my friends and family. I'm trying to figure out how I want to approach these topics on my channel. I talk about mental health but the only thing that gets views on my channel right now is beauty and fashion. I'm still growing so maybe one day people who really need it will watch. Thank you for your kindness.❤️
I'm 19 and I've loved hearing the experiences/opinions of someone who's a few years older than me, please keep making these!! I feel like your vids, especially the ones relating to men and MONEY, have saved me so much future hardship haha.
Omg so excited! I wait for your videos anxiously because I feel like your insights are so fresh and unique. Sometimes I just feel like I’m in vacuum of the same opinions. Also you have such a beautiful energy and personality 💛
I’m getting a breast reduction at 19. Thank you for your perspective and analysis. I still want to go through with the surgery because of the physical, mental and social benefits it will have for me. Luckily my insurance covers it (thanks to Dutch universal healthcare), and I’ve found an amazing (female) plastic surgeon who explained all about the procedure and risks in an honest way. Your video makes me feel more confident with my decision, strange as it sounds. I feel like the only thing holding me back was the judgment and lack of understanding my community (especially the men… of course) has for my issues and desire to have my breasts reduced.
Do what is best for you ♥️ it always irks me when I see the reaction of "why would they do that??!?!" to people getting breast reductions. Because they're seen as an asset and an ideal, people can be very dismissive of the experience of people who...*actually have them*. I grew up around women who were very large chested and I've seen the back issues, ridiculous bra costs, people treating them differently, etc. (I'm sure you know better than me) that they've had to deal with all my life and from a very young age in their cases as well. One of my aunties got a reduction and I've never seen her more comfortable and free in her body!! I hope you experience the same relief.
23 and I'm getting a breast reduction too. I cry tears of joy seeing women share their breast reduction results and I can't wait to experience that joy
28:45 I SCREAMED cause this is me right now, I feel completely out of control, nothing makes sense, I do not know how to SAVE MONEY and girl I do SMELL, I hate to say it, but, I keep sniffing myself on a daily bases . it’s the stress, it’s THE HORMONES. This made me feel less alone, thank you Monica 💗💗
I am in my early 30’s and had Jeaveau and Botox and didn’t like the feeling. I followed the after care directions and still was left with difficulty communicating for several days. Those things are neuroTOXINS and there’s nothing cute about that. I wasn’t told of any risks, either. Some places are crooked. Do your research before you let anyone inject you with ANYTHING
When I was 17 I went to a dermatologist because I had keratosis pilaris but my family and I weren't really sure what it was... like I had a vague idea but since self diagnosing is bad nd my family has a history of allergies me and my mom went to the doc. So we went there and the doc was like its keratosis pilaris nd it can't really be cured per se because it's a genetic abnormality. And then she goes "maybe u should get a laser surgery for removing the hair on ur face". And it made me feel so self conscious like I'm literally a human being. I'm allowed to have hair. But a doctor suggesting that made me so uncomfortable because I was literally 17 and keratosis Pilaris has nothing to do with the hair on my face, it's just me existing.
Love when you said “LOOK THE CULTURE AROUND THE WORLD AND LEARN HOW TO SEE THE DIFFERENT STANDARDS OF BEAUTY “ that hits home to me 💕 Love you Veronica.
“Look at me, stressing myself on a Wednesday evening about this” this killed me 🤣 amazing video though, I love how you articulate and express your views. It’s very eye opening too. Makes you question your own mental processes and judgemental tendencies sometimes too so thank you!
Oooo not ME being one of the first people to watch this video 😭😭 I love your content sm!!! Definitely like the big sister I've always wanted but never had. Your intelligence and inner sparkle shine soooo bright. Thank you for everything you do.
PLEASE DO A VIDEO ON INFORMATION OVERLOAD!! I've been trying to gather my thoughts about it, but... *Information overload* rearranges my thoughts, and then I get distracted, and then I forget about it, and then I get anxious about the idea again, making me research more about it, and so it goes. Talk about a vicious cycle.
I think you have encompassed one of the many ways I induce my own anxiety to a T. I can’t remember which video it was, but I remember the creator saying that humans were never supposed to consume so much information all at once about so many topics like health, finances, jobs, hobbies and within those there are so many subtopics. Of course humans have a capacity to learn beyond the innate instinct for survival but at times it is just so overwhelming which is why I use social media periodically.
i love the idea of seeing wrinkles as a symbolism of survival. aging is evidence that we lived and worked!! we have done our purpose and it is natural. i especially find it very predatory that doctors and sometimes even parents allow young people to get plastic surgery when they aren’t even finished growing. if i had gotten all the work done that i wanted at 13 i would’ve looked nothing like the person i know and love today
"Why do you need to look so untouched, so unbothered by life?" - I wrote this down for myself, it really made my thoughts go wild. Thank you for the video, I really enjoy your takes. You touched a lot of topics that resonated with me and my current situation.
Every time you post, it's like I had a thought on the tip of my tongue, and you just reach into my brain and snatch it out. This modern desire to appear untouched, it makes so much sense. Life is hard, really fucking hard. And with the internet, we're able to see just how hard it is for others as well. With the 24 hour news cycle, we're so aware of everything, it's no wonder that we want to pluck ourselves out of this reality, just be above it all. Reclaim some of our innocence again. Would really love to hear your thoughts on information overload!
I got a big ass after I had three kids (in my mid 30s); my shape is so much different from when I was a child and young adult (teens and 20s lol). You cannot know until time has elapsed. To hear ppl having nose jobs, etc. at 14, wow.
i have to respectfully disagree with your take on the moral philosophy of beauty standards. "aestheticizing the human experience" isn't inherently wrong, and i couldn't have said it better myself when you noted that the process of doing so is merely a form of self-expression. cosmetic surgery & body modification culture, however, are very specific sequelae that could not exist without hyperfeminine ideals. i think you acknowledge that when you speak about women undergoing bbls in Dominican culture as a means of affirming their womanhood. the equivalent of this for men would be steroid abuse. since these actions have less to do with aestheticizing the human experience for the pleasure of the self and more with alleviating the shameful feelings of inadequacy that come with living in a patriarchal world, i would say that feminism is relevant to this discussion; it's a more radical kind of feminism, though. not feminism which caters to the individual woman's choice, but a more collective feminism that denounces objectification culture and the impact it has on the way we see our bodies.
I agree completely! I was mostly picking at online discourse where feminists come at individuals for their actions within a system that we’re all victims under. I believe beauty standards are unfair and humans do cruel things. I just feel like the constantly asking the victim to think critically about their desire, depending on the reality the individual is living in, doesn’t hold much weight because sure not adhering to beauty standards would help progress things in an abstract political sense, but your daily material needs might suffer depending on your environment. So while feminism in theory, and I do consider myself one, works towards breaking down oppressive systems for all, I have found a lot of people that haven’t sat with their own privilege inserting themselves into conversation and trying to school people on frameworks that are less about helping this person and more about judgment. and while I do believe it’s important to hold people accountable, i think accountability is Love, and you can’t do it if you don’t respect that persons fullness of being, and it’s a lot patronizing belittling energy from some that doesn’t allow for the collective feminism you mention and I also believe is needed. i think it’s kinda like creating teams/ sides / good feminism vs bad feminism and what I was sloppily trying to communicate is that take the constructs and language of feminism out of the equation, this is still a big issue that has so many different reasons as to why it exists. I appreciate your message!
@@monicagreatgal Yes! And what I love about your approach is that it's holistic. It's necessary to take into account the material conditions that the person seeking the surgery is coming home to every day: who is their support system? Where do they derive their sense of self worth? What media are they consuming that is shaping their expectations for themselves? A low sense of self-worth sets the stage for self-destructive behavior. The culprit is the media and the social circles that perpetuate and reinforce a woman's worth: something which must contain an element of male desirability. This is what distinguishes many cultural and global beauty standards from the ones in the United States. The discussion should be less about judging and belittling these individual women and more about understanding and validating the awful feeling that is not feeling woman enough. Thank you for opening up this necessary dialogue.
I love this conversation! I think it's important to highlight the diversity of feminist thought; there are many issues with some feminists on either side and the more this is understood, hopefully the less strawmanning we get when people criticize feminism.
Hi Monica! I've watched your videos for a while now but this one hit real close. On a whole I'm a pretty confident person, but growing up I watched the women in my family despair over their physical aging. I've listened to my mother mourn the loss of her youth since she was in her 40s (she turns 60 this year) and I can't help but internalize some of that myself. Every new wrinkle and grey hair bothers me, as much as I wish it didn't. I want to be proud of the journey my body is taking me on, but I still have a long way to go. Hearing you talk about this really helps :)
In reality it’s hard to not get sucked into today’s beauty standards when almost everybody is on social media. Sadly social media heavily influences plastic surgery. You see your favourite influencer, celebrity, friend or family getting work done on social media and it can make you question your own appearance. Not really big fan of beauty trends we have right now like having “big everything” I’m hoping in next few years it fades away and goes back to beauty trends we had back in 90s and early 2000s. Also it’s sad how plastic surgery is being normalized now and not a lot of people talk about risks involved. Surgery is always glamorized thanks again to social media.
The debates about the morality of plastic surgery, I feel, really come down to the classism and exclusivity of it all..bc if everybody could reasonably afford to undergo these procedures, at least maybe ppl would feel solace in knowing that if they decided to get work done, they could. But it’s super expensive and inaccessible to many people, creating a rift of those who are insecure but can afford to alter their insecurities, and those who can’t afford it and simply have to stick it out and live with things they’re self conscious about. It’s also made worse bc when people continue getting these procedures, it further pushes the beauty standards higher and higher and perpetuates the idea that some physical traits are ugly and need to be changed. Not judging bc I completely agree that we’re treated better the closer we align to beauty standards and nothing will ever be fair bc there will always be people who naturally align closer to these standards and whatnot, so surgery almost seems like balancing the scales, but I do think it also serves to strengthen the unrealistic standards and further shut out those who can’t afford to change themselves.
I needed that big sis moment. I needed all of this it hit too close.... i am the 90 pound 18 year old girl stressing over time wasted/ running out... doing all this research on bbls... and crazy surgeries.... thank u for grounding me.
When you literally said half these doctors are demons, I was like oh she speaking truth truth today!!! I absolutely adore you for being who you are and having BIG brain 💜💜
Wow you really opened my eyes to the real issue. I guess I had always thought of plastic surgery as not feminist because I was thinking of it as women trying to compete with other women, but really it’s just us trying to compete with the rules put in place by the patriarchy. Damn.
Monica, recommend us some good books, like some that really influenced your life and your perception 😊📚 btw love your videos and your way of thinking, you are such a fascinating person ❤️
@@munix9351 I looked it up on Google 😄 love good animal-human comparison 😂 jokes aside, thanks for the recommendation, I'll try to find this book, I'm sure I will enjoy reading it
I don’t know if you’ve already read “Women, Race, and Class” by Angela Davis, but I think you’d enjoy it. I don’t think it’ll tell you anything you don’t already know, but it’s still a good read. Either way, I love your videos and appreciate your perspective. Thank you.
Great video. To add this, from Jessica DeFino's newsletter, The Unpublishable: I think the more that we can acknowledge this [the suffocation of beauty culture] , and identify this, and stop saying, “Oh, it’s so strange that I feel so ugly but still care so much about beauty,” and start saying “Oh, it’s so fucking typical of this exploitative system that I feel so ugly but still care so much about beauty,” the freer we will be... there is no real, lasting fulfillment to be found in manufacturing (supposed) beauty in the physical dimension alone. The “beauty void” is a psychological thing; a spiritual thing, even. One won’t and can’t and doesn’t fill the other. Our inherent human longing for beauty can only be satisfied when we, collectively, begin to understand beauty for what it really is: not a set of physical features, but an energy, a resource - a life force that’s in us and around us, everywhere, all the time, like oxygen.
You only feel ugly once we around others and looking at others. It's a complex thought process that allows us to escape from our purpose. Check out a lady called Salkis Re on UA-cam. Xx
I recently learned that your self esteem is not the cause of being accepted in a group but rather an effect. We gain confidence when we feel accepted and belong to a group. It was hard growing up and my would parents seem a bit disappointed that I was not confident. They both were conventionally attractive from where they were from (Ghana), so they gained confidence because it was almost given to them because they were acceptable for their societal standards. I on the other hand, if I ever wanted to be confident, I have to earn and fight for it, because I'm going against the fact that I am not acceptable to society. So yeah, don't tell me to just find my inner confidence, especially if the the idea or level of confidence I should seek is from the people who are already socially acceptable. @Monica Hernandez
I wish I could like this video a billion times - This is exactly why I think all those plastic surgery “analysis” videos are so disgusting and unnecessary.
I’ve always wanted plastic surgery because I realize that is not only boosts your money making abilities when it comes to being in entertainment and film, but I also noticed that people treat you a lot differently based off of how you look. So the better that you look it’s like the more opportunities that are open to you many times. And it also has a lot to do with your own self-confidence and how you feel about yourself. I feel like when you feel better about yourself you automatically raise your vibration and you’re able to have more confidence to go after what you really want. But, you are right about a lot of women that get these procedures and their life is actually worse off than it was before that is the scary part about it. However, plastic surgery really does improve peoples lives in so many ways.
The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf is life changing. Minimalism, only buying second hand clothes and technology, veganism, and doing your inner work also make the world and your world a better place
i love your videos and your art! i’m 19 and i would love to see an “advice to my 20 year old self” video. I really appreciate your perspective and how well spoken you are. thank you for your content- it really means a lot to have humor and nuance to these types of convos. take care
I really needed to hear 34:20 It's hard for me seeing everything wrong in the world, wanting to somehow change it, but also not having the emotional, mental or monetary ability to really stand up for things. I often feel guilt for not being an "activist" like it makes me less black because I'm not constantly shouting support for BLM or less of an empathetic person because I am not valiantly jumping to defend everyone who needs defending. As someone with their own mental health issues, I often struggle so much in my own life and in my own feelings that it doesn't leave room for much else. Thank you for saying this and reminding me that its ok to just focus on living day by day. Peace and love sis!
off topic but you are so well spoken, it literally makes me insecure because I feel like I can not form a complete sentence bc lmao and there you go holding a whole ted talk without a script. you're great
I love your videos so much Monica I was wondering if you could do one about how you view death. Quite a weird one but I would love to hear what you have to say. You are very talented in the way you are able to articulate and express yourself. Your thought sequence is literally seamless. I don’t know if you’ve got gemini or virgo in your chart but wow
we are all victims under the patriarchy. just because u made the choice “freely” does not mean you understand the full implications. you’re not a doctor, a surgeon, a financial advisor, you didn’t go to school for this, you’re not trained in this. all this is normalized by the people we trust, other peers, medical professionals, people telling us having debt is okay because we pay it back. etc etc.
Every single time I think you've done it, when I think, "yes, she has said everything that needs to be said, she has articulated everything I've been trying to put into words and she's made me laugh," you go and build on it TENFOLD! When you started speaking about generational living, families and elders under one roof, blaming the ones in the box FOR the box...you really pulled it all together. Thank you so much for this video despite the stress on a random Wednesday - and I hope your dog has the smoothest recovery possible
I just watched your video about Will Smith and now I'm popping over here even though this topic is not about me either. You are SO GOOD at this. Please never stop. It's all truth all the time. You are hella smart. I think if more people gave you a first chance you'd have more subscribers. I get smarter just listening to the way you use language in these discussions. 10/10
I mean I see your point but what we tend to reject the most is the very thing that keeps smacking us in the face over & over again. This is just part of our current reality, but I appreciate you highlighting the truth about beauty standards, as younger viewers ( and even some older ones ) need to be taught how to think for themselves through education, and not following the herd. I actually know someone really well that works in this industry and from their stories, 80% of ppl that seek surgery actually do not do it out of vanity. So much love and respect to you Monica, I love listening to your perspective.
You mentioning preemptive botox reminded me of why I don't follow curtain skincare creators. A lot of them push anti-aging products, which is fine if you need them. But I'm only mid-30s and melaninated - I don't need anti-aging products rn lol.
your remark about how being heavier set was a sign of beauty in the times when people wouldn't afford food makes me think: it's so interesting when beauty standards are based on what most people don't have? like that's fascinating, it's a built-in pain-point for all but those few who fit it. it just occurred to me that the existence of beauty standards mean that people are easily manipulated. it's all marketing. that's the part that drives me crazy. it's literally ALL marketing. i'll never stop thinking about the fact that i have a big butt and reeeeally small boobs. that's my body type. and when i was growing up, being slim with juicy boobs and a small little butt was the Thing. i used to sleep a certain type of way to reduce my back arch, and make my butt smaller. i used to crave bigger boobs, and experienced self-loathing over it. imagine how surreal it was as i got older, and having a big butt came into the forefront, and suddenly it didn't really matter what your boobs looked like. body types being trendy is actual insanity, and people, and so long as people comment, positively or negatively, on other's people's bodies or their own ("she's so thicc" "i'm tryna get thicc" "small waist pretty face" "omg body goals" etc etc etc) this shit will never go away. until it becomes socially unacceptable to make your body your point of attraction, beauty standards aren't going anywhere. and finding others attractive is literally some primal, human shit. so, what now?
i would love if u could make a video on the pressure and desire to be an activist vs not having the mental capacity/stability for it!! u touched on it a bit at the end and i definitely relate 🙃
I loved this video. There are things of me that I would change if I had a magic wand, and going back to how you were pointing the finger at spending too much time online I can see how that exacerbates my feeling of inadequacy and those of the people around me as well. It's easy to forget that the fake online perfection is just another way to sell us stuff through our insecurities and aspirations, and it overwhelms us into decisions we would not make had we lived a better life - had we just touched more grass and spoke to nurturing people a bit more. As far as my video suggestions go, I'd love to hear more about your thoughts on being a 20-something. I'm right in the middle of it and it's a MESS, some hope about the future would not hurt
Girl I love when you get amped up about topics that you are passionate about, like seriously. You are spitting facts and just being honest to who you are and what you are thinking ❤️🔥 liikkee you talk about the real stuff, it gets annoying when people say the same things about topics like this and make it seem like “oh yea this is what it is and thats it, this is exactly why and what xy and z is” . Idk , I love hearing your opinions about these topics and love every one of your videos, keep being your intelligent , expressive and bold self. Its so appreciated💫💗
I've got a request for a future video topic, if you're interested: I was hoping you could discuss where you think our worth as human beings comes from. I've struggled for a long time with trying to believe that we have intrinsic value as human beings, rather than our value being derived from our utility. Intrinsic vs extrinsic value is so important to self-worth, and I'd really value your perspective on this topic. I think a lot of other people would as well. Regardless of whether you talk about this topic or not, I'm looking forward to seeing what you make next.
another gem of knowledgeable, transparent, honest, and relatable information. your self expression is inspiring. You’re videos are liberating. As a first generation Latina in the US, I felt this on various levels. Thank you truly , please continue making more video! 🤎🤎🤎🤎
Venezuela, Brazil and Colombia are the three musketeers of plastic surgery in south America. It is so big here in VE that exactly like you said: It is not going anywhere. Even my mom got plastic surgery. I am very lucky to have lived my formative years without access to it. I had to build a self steem that doesn't require me to meet certain standards and accepting my human body. Being able to look at my body and face those parts i don't like and celebrating what I love has helped me focus in what truly matters in life. Now i see that growing like this (I'm 20 btw), being protected from the world my cousin for example had to encounter is a blessing. She was 20 last year and died after a plastic surgery. Sometimes i can't help but wonder what type of insecurities concerned her mind so much she felt the need of putting her life at risk...R.I.P.
*MAN!* You made so many points & spoke for all sides. I love that you took an unbiased approach!🔥 Things are not as black and white as people make it seem… there’s a lot of grey areas & complexities. It’s a slippery slope! I’m not gonna lie I used to want plastic surgery when I was 19/20, then I grew out of that but started demonizing the women who were going through with plastic surgery. Now I simply understand all sides to it… why people get it, why people are against it & how it affects the kids/teenagers. I still don’t care to get any surgery, but I’ve learned not to demonize the women who do. My approach to life in general now is to be kind to people who are kind to me… not cause of how they look or what they have.
Pleeease I would love to hear your take on women getting power/attention through oversexualizing themselves and if that helps other women/feminism as a whole :)
EVEN THAT VERY LAST PART AT THE END OF THE VIDEO IS AN UNPRECEDENTED TAKE ❤❤ (i never thought /heard abt that this way and girl how i am caught up in my speeches and then feel shameful for being afraid of being too much) please maybe talk about how to live more unapologeticaly (especially as women who are taught to live for others?) and finally escaping those mental prisons of living according to what others think you should do/be taking freedom in not caring that much about the others' opinions of you, so that you can finally be yourself and radiate what You're supposed to radiate and help people solving their problems by solving yours etc basically how can you break free of your fears and finally become who you are (if you've cracked some code to do that obviously lol) des bisous
You make me want to have a platform so I can just express myself and share and talk about whatever I want! Love your channel Keep at it You're smart and witty and also entertaining
I'm very excited to watch this video as I struggle deeply with body dysmorphia and self-esteem because of how I look, so I am eager to hear your eloquent and intelligent voice speak on this topic.
Ughhh u did it again, i feel enlightened everytime I hear you speak. Must be a Virgo thing💁🏽♀️😂(I am one too)no but seriously it’s so refreshing hearing an unbiased opinion without ignorance on big topics👏🏽
YES LOVE THIS. I just have to say your videos feel so fresh to me, the ability for you to just get all your thoughts out on camera without adding a ton of editing makes it feel so authentic and I love your perspectives. I really look forward to your videos it feels like a podcast or a good long phone conversation with a friend.
I totally get your "that's a woman" rant. For me, a woman is like my grandma, that literally but her hands into a fire stove, into the fire in a freezing cold room at 5 something in the morning, so I could eat breakfast in a warm room before school.
Honestly I consider ppl that get plastic surgery rich because it is SO unattainable to me that I automatically perceive all these ppl as rich cuz I cant even afford to live rn But u have a good point with the clinics being exploitative and stuff and I don't shame ppl for getting plastic surgery... I envy them I mean i cant even get a haircut or new makeup rn so i just feel sorry for myself ig
All my friends had work, and they’re normal people who saved for those surgeries the same way you’d save for a car or something. So you’re totally right, you made a lot of good points
YES!! THANK YOU! I love what you said about people and theory. I was just thinking that the other day. I'm from Latin America and sadly the church has taken advantage of the most vulnerable people. So whenever they pray, it helps no one but themselves to make themselves feel better. And the same applies to people who only read and do nothing for marginalized communities. Of course this is a minority of the theory people, since some people into theory are part of marginalized communities themselves and help people in their communities get the knowledge they deserve.
Hi, I'm fairly new to your channel I'm dominican and a Virgo..hey❤ also in that intersectionality as trans fem I want to share my experience with stander of beauty and feminity prior to the government getting involve with trans health most of us would do risky thing to to obtain gender affirmative surgery like prostitution or dealing with greedy surgeon try to cash on people dysphoria while some can view a cliff chin changes to a more delicate of soft shape.. as an elective surgery for trans fem is a way to be view as more feminine and to avoid any negative views or " read as trans" but not only for beauty but also for safety.. but now with major hospital they now offering body contour and cheek implant or and other non in my opinion gender comfirm surgery like for trans fem having breast implants to fill their lack of breast development .. and to feel more feminine and in tune with their body.. so is like you said is just a thin like between aesthetics and nessesry to let's say survive everyday life... now capitalism is running with it making money of people mental dysphoria rather than proving a safe and acceptance health care... I hope I makes sense and thank you
Wow im so thankful i found your channel. The way you speak is really inspirational and how i would like to articulate my words as well. Thank you so much for your input on this topic. I couldnt help but get so excited when you said you were also from NY!
I think your first example of the animal can be different for humans bc severely physically disabled people can find love (although it’s much harder for them)
totally, why I gave the disclaimer through written text. things aren’t as simple as peacock analogy, we have even in our cavemen days have taken care of others that weren’t the most physically equipt to take care of themselves, so even survival of the fittest is a myth, we have deep empathy and care beyond physical ability. I’ll be more careful to not make careless analogies like that in the future or least follow up right away with clarification so as not to spew harmful rhetoric. Thank you!
Your videos are so nuanced, insightful, and fun to watch. Your passion is a VIRTUE. Northeastern yt supremacist culture values isolation/exclusion. This usually equates to prioritizing quiet voices and lack of eye contact. It’s bullshit. You are RIGHT. And you are fun to watch. You absolutely 100% should stay exactly as you are. Much love.
Loved this video, you have really great thoughts that add a lot to the conversation:) i really like how you point out that not everyone communicates in the same way. like people have so many varying experiences, which shape the way our brains process thoughts and emotions, not everyone has had the opportunities or resources to adapt to a more neutral view (on beauty standards). Everyone is directly influenced by their environment, and not everyone has the ability in their current situation to reflect on experiences, media they have consumed, and other greater dynamics in society. People are born as sponges and absorb everything in their environment, normalising whatever is around them. Critical thinking has to be taught and nurtured, which is entirely dependent on the environment people are born into, which is like a lottery
Girl you can talk about literally talk about anything!! And I'll listen like a child. I come out of every single video with so much new knowledge. You have some great talking skills. Keep going! We care💗!
I'm so tired of the normalization of letting insecurities ans societal pressures win us over and giving up to them and perpetuating the importance of norms and standards
I needed to hear this so much!!! I'm 33 and I'll say bodies change so much, and also depending on your lifestyle it can vary a lot too. Learning to love yourself is so crucial. I love what you said about wrinkles and how that shows that you fucking lived!!! YES!! but society really got us thinking we need to be fixing all the things. Appreciate your wisdom, Monica!!
Thank you so much for making this video. As someone who both struggles with my physical appearance and is also privileged enough to be thinking about beauty standards and feminism, it’s hard to navigate this topic sometimes. It’s really helpful and validating to hear your insights, so thank you for taking the time to upload this
I was just thinking about this the other day. And about how I barely see people over 60 in the streets. It’s like we can't be what we can't see so people don't want to be old. Almost like older people are just hidden from society🤔
This definitely highlights how alot of social activism is more driven by protecting certain people's sense of self-righteousness than actually helping people.
yep
Ooof yes
"Why do you need to look so untouched by life?" Writing that down, beautiful quote I never want to forget. I broke my clavicle skiing and my doctor actually tried to talk me out of the surgery TO FIX MY BROKE ASS BONE bc it would leave a huge scar on my shoulder. Right after the surgery one of my friends was giving me tips on how to reduce the scarring process. And just the other day my Mom was asking me if I should go visit plastic surgeon to see if they could reduce the look of the hypertrophic scarring. Everybody is so bothered by my frickin scar; I love it. Shows I was enjoying my life, that I lived, plus it looks badass as hell. This idea that women need to be flawless is ridiculous. And boring. Thanks for this video, it just reaffirmed my beliefs❤
I love seeings other people's scars, too! (Not in a creepy way stop) i think it gives the body personality and I always think like this: if my partner has an evil twin, I will always recognize them by their scar 😉
Similarly (but also not), when I was 18 I had a huge emotional breakdown and self harmed leaving the outward facing side on my arm scarred from shoulder to wrist. The first thing my family members addressed the next day was not how I was feeling but “options” to cover/treat the future scarring.
I remember at the time being confused because it hadn’t even crossed my mind. I’m lucky to have not felt the need to hide/cover them. I view them as a map of where I have been.
“Capitalism is making us bleed out of our pockets to achieve something that can never be achievable” - Monica Hernandez 👏🏽 well said.
Agreed, humans want to aestheticize this human experience - personally it starts bothering me when I think about how unequal beauty standards between gender/race are and how much the plastic surgery industry is fucking up people’s minds just for money. These doctors are DEMONS!!!!
Literally advertising to little girls on tik tok. They should be in jail.
It's so freaky, I JUST turned 21 and now I'm suddenly getting juviderm advertisements on my spotify???? Now that I'm of age for it??? So weird!!!!
i agree but honestly i think social media is a way bigger influence than surgeons advertising.
The root problem is that we have introduced the profit motive into the practice of medicine. The profit motive makes everything worse, and the sooner we stop pretending otherwise the better off we will all be.
@@justinwatson1510 agreed
This channel is way to underrated. These videos are literal gold. Knowledge is honestly the most powerful thing in the world and being able to articulate the mechanism and systems we lived in allows us to further become more educated in living in and impacting the world we live in. Channels like you, Ana psychology, and others that talk on this really help me learn how to perceive, navigate, and break down this world and question the systems we live in so we can all strive towards the best society we can have and the best individual versions of ourselves
Please share what you’re learning with your friends and family, and consider joining a communist or socialist party. A better world is possible, but it is going to take a fight.
@@justinwatson1510 Oh I’m already on the socialism hype train. I can’t go and get water without shitting on capitalism first. All the way with you on that
She's going all the way up 👍
fr lmao everytime i think about these topics i just get angry and mumble to myself a lil bit i could never put it into words as eloquently as she does
Really liked this video and especially the part about the difference of theory and actual lived realities. As someone born with a facial deformity I realised that I personally can't look to feminism for guidance when it comes to plastic surgery. This might sound mean but I don't want to listen to choice-feminism and "I had a nose job and then everything was fine" when I had to (socially not medically) have major surgeries as a child to have a somewhat normal childhood. Only when I read books and texts from other disabled people did I find something that I could actually relate to. One of my favorite texts that I can recommend to anyone interested is Moving Toward the Ugly: A Politic Beyond Desirability by Mia Mingus.
radical feminism is where it’s at
@@celestialmorpho Do you have any recs for newer books/texts/blogs ? I read Beauty and Misogyny by Sheila Jeffreys and while I don't agree with a lot of things in the radfem movement, the analysis of beauty is very interesting.
@@celestialmorpho I’m not anti rad-fem, but I’m not sure if rad fem would agree with her choice.
@@cymonescurio radical feminism is a critic of plastic surgery for women.
@@celestialmorpho I know but Nessy had procedures so how does that help them?
Another harsh truth ive heard from somewhere was “You cant self love your way into how the world sees you.” Everytime i hear it it always punches me in the gut :(( ngl i still dont know how to live through the world knowing that this quote depicts a sad reality about our society
Edit: just finished the vid, and ive never heard of the advice of looking into your own culture and seeing whats prioritized there! Really goes to show that beauty can really be subjective, and that the european standard doesnt actually apply to everyone.
Then again, ill really have to look way back into my culture, bc the colonizers did a pretty good job of forcing down the Western standard down my ancestors throats. Anyway, great vid as always Monique, and this one has got to be one of my favs. 💕
That quote hits deep. It says so much more than anything vloggers say about "just love yourself", etc. I can love me, but that doesn't solve my problems.
This video explained exactly why I haven't been a fan of social media for the past couple months, the pressure of being "perfect" as a content creator is literally torture and over a certain amount of time it ends up sucking the fun out of everything tbh. Super refreshing to see content like this, GO MONICA!!
👀👀👀🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 exactly. All these women with néw wardrobe every day!! Like where are you getting money???
I hate when my friends talk about surgery etc and they're literally gorgeous...it makes me think damn I wonder how ugly they think I am if they think they need soenthing done... It's extremely toxic all around and why do we as women keep playing into this toxic patriarchy to look good for men?
They probably think you’re also extremely gorgeous. We’re often our own worse critics because we are the only people who know ourselves so intimately.
@@brib6046 this. And we have our own ideas on what's pretty.
I remember this struck me, I was about 19-20, it was summer and my friend was trying on a new dress at her place. She grabbed her knees and all irritated said how she hates how her knees look cause they aren't pronounced and you can barely see she has them. I was so caught off guard because I envied her legs and knees for years, I have wide bulky bones and joints (I was thin, I do mean joints and bones) and hated how they made a wide bump in my leg line. She spent years feeling about my legs how I felt about hers lmao.
We are not only harsher to ourselves but we all have our own ideas and something we don't like about ourselves is someones dream look.
The answer is simple - do you want to be alone? If you say yes, then congratulations! You can skip all beauty treatments, grooming, etc. because you refuse to be a slave to the male gaze. If you say no? Welcome to the rat race (patriarchy). You're stuck in this thing till you die. Good luck & have a nice trip 😊
i like that last part you said about looking like you haven't been touched by life. Like why is this even a thing? We all work and go through different experiences and our bodies are a testiment of that
“Its not a convo of just whether or not you love yourself, but literal national debates of whether or not your body deserve to exist.”
5 mins in and bestie u r speaking facts!!! Cant wait to hear all ur insights on this topic in particular, its smth ive thought a lot for sureeee
I noticed that when I changed my hair and went blonde I started fitting into the Mixed Exotic girl aesthetic. I started getting more attention from people more opportunities and male attention etc. people would walk up to me and ask me if I wanted to be in their commercial movie model etc. my dms started filling up. I started getting so many brand deals and free stuff. My friends and family started getting mad at me because I was getting so much attention and being featured on websites etc.
I never knew that such a small change can have such a big impact on my life. Think about all the celebrities who's careers improved drastically after they got a nose job or boob job surgery. Now I don't feel good enough with my natural looks. I feel like am I good enough just looking like me? I'm still figuring that out and trying not to care about what people think but I know my career will suffer so I'm thinking maybe I should take another career path. The world is a very superficial place. I use to think if you were a hard working good person that was enough. Think about all the good hardworking people that are barely making ends meet. Then think about the pretty tik tok star that makes millions just shooting a 15 second dance video.
I hate that a state of scarcity is encouraged and that your loved ones felt jealous from your opportunities. It’s awesome that you are self aware enough to notice these things though.
As a mid toned Black woman it’s crazy how different I will be treated based upon how I wear my hair. I am a person who loves to dress up and change my look but I also hate the attention I can get based on how I want to present myself. So I could not imagine how it would be if I was racially ambiguous.
The world sucks. Most people suck. And I am proud of you (lol even though we don’t know each other) for your ability to reflect and even though you are privileged, as long as you aren’t using it to harm others or actively take opportunities from others, I say keep using that privilege for your benefit. I also hope you are also going to pay it forward and try to bring others up, which I think you’ll try to do by your comment.
@@brib6046 Thank you!
I really appreciate your comment.
I wasn't aware of my privilege until a few years ago. I have sisters who are all shades of brown and we have the same parents but I noticed how they are treated differently from me.
I talk about colorism openly with my friends and family. I'm trying to figure out how I want to approach these topics on my channel. I talk about mental health but the only thing that gets views on my channel right now is beauty and fashion. I'm still growing so maybe one day people who really need it will watch.
Thank you for your kindness.❤️
@@brib6046 Thank you!
I really appreciate your comment.
I wasn't aware of my privilege until a few years ago. I have sisters who are all shades of brown and we have the same parents but I noticed how they are treated differently from me.
I talk about colorism openly with my friends and family. I'm trying to figure out how I want to approach these topics on my channel. I talk about mental health but the only thing that gets views on my channel right now is beauty and fashion. I'm still growing so maybe one day people who really need it will watch.
Thank you for your kindness.❤️
@@brib6046 can i ask u what your treatment is like based on the different ways u style ur hair
I'm 19 and I've loved hearing the experiences/opinions of someone who's a few years older than me, please keep making these!! I feel like your vids, especially the ones relating to men and MONEY, have saved me so much future hardship haha.
Same
Omg so excited! I wait for your videos anxiously because I feel like your insights are so fresh and unique. Sometimes I just feel like I’m in vacuum of the same opinions. Also you have such a beautiful energy and personality 💛
OMG yessss SO well said, Junessa!
I’m getting a breast reduction at 19. Thank you for your perspective and analysis. I still want to go through with the surgery because of the physical, mental and social benefits it will have for me. Luckily my insurance covers it (thanks to Dutch universal healthcare), and I’ve found an amazing (female) plastic surgeon who explained all about the procedure and risks in an honest way. Your video makes me feel more confident with my decision, strange as it sounds. I feel like the only thing holding me back was the judgment and lack of understanding my community (especially the men… of course) has for my issues and desire to have my breasts reduced.
Do what is best for you ♥️ it always irks me when I see the reaction of "why would they do that??!?!" to people getting breast reductions. Because they're seen as an asset and an ideal, people can be very dismissive of the experience of people who...*actually have them*. I grew up around women who were very large chested and I've seen the back issues, ridiculous bra costs, people treating them differently, etc. (I'm sure you know better than me) that they've had to deal with all my life and from a very young age in their cases as well. One of my aunties got a reduction and I've never seen her more comfortable and free in her body!! I hope you experience the same relief.
As someone who might have one I hope it goes well and you recover well ❣️
I would say that's more of medical procedure than a cosmetic one so go for it especially as someone who was well endowed in that area.
23 and I'm getting a breast reduction too. I cry tears of joy seeing women share their breast reduction results and I can't wait to experience that joy
28:45 I SCREAMED cause this is me right now, I feel completely out of control, nothing makes sense, I do not know how to SAVE MONEY and girl I do SMELL, I hate to say it, but, I keep sniffing myself on a daily bases . it’s the stress, it’s THE HORMONES. This made me feel less alone, thank you Monica 💗💗
I am in my early 30’s and had Jeaveau and Botox and didn’t like the feeling. I followed the after care directions and still was left with difficulty communicating for several days. Those things are neuroTOXINS and there’s nothing cute about that. I wasn’t told of any risks, either. Some places are crooked. Do your research before you let anyone inject you with ANYTHING
When I was 17 I went to a dermatologist because I had keratosis pilaris but my family and I weren't really sure what it was... like I had a vague idea but since self diagnosing is bad nd my family has a history of allergies me and my mom went to the doc.
So we went there and the doc was like its keratosis pilaris nd it can't really be cured per se because it's a genetic abnormality. And then she goes "maybe u should get a laser surgery for removing the hair on ur face". And it made me feel so self conscious like I'm literally a human being. I'm allowed to have hair. But a doctor suggesting that made me so uncomfortable because I was literally 17 and keratosis Pilaris has nothing to do with the hair on my face, it's just me existing.
Love when you said “LOOK THE CULTURE AROUND THE WORLD AND LEARN HOW TO SEE THE DIFFERENT STANDARDS OF BEAUTY “ that hits home to me 💕
Love you Veronica.
“Look at me, stressing myself on a Wednesday evening about this” this killed me 🤣 amazing video though, I love how you articulate and express your views. It’s very eye opening too. Makes you question your own mental processes and judgemental tendencies sometimes too so thank you!
I appreciate how critical this discourse is
Oooo not ME being one of the first people to watch this video 😭😭 I love your content sm!!! Definitely like the big sister I've always wanted but never had. Your intelligence and inner sparkle shine soooo bright. Thank you for everything you do.
PLEASE DO A VIDEO ON INFORMATION OVERLOAD!! I've been trying to gather my thoughts about it, but... *Information overload* rearranges my thoughts, and then I get distracted, and then I forget about it, and then I get anxious about the idea again, making me research more about it, and so it goes. Talk about a vicious cycle.
I think you have encompassed one of the many ways I induce my own anxiety to a T. I can’t remember which video it was, but I remember the creator saying that humans were never supposed to consume so much information all at once about so many topics like health, finances, jobs, hobbies and within those there are so many subtopics. Of course humans have a capacity to learn beyond the innate instinct for survival but at times it is just so overwhelming which is why I use social media periodically.
i love the idea of seeing wrinkles as a symbolism of survival. aging is evidence that we lived and worked!! we have done our purpose and it is natural. i especially find it very predatory that doctors and sometimes even parents allow young people to get plastic surgery when they aren’t even finished growing. if i had gotten all the work done that i wanted at 13 i would’ve looked nothing like the person i know and love today
"Why do you need to look so untouched, so unbothered by life?" - I wrote this down for myself, it really made my thoughts go wild. Thank you for the video, I really enjoy your takes. You touched a lot of topics that resonated with me and my current situation.
Every time you post, it's like I had a thought on the tip of my tongue, and you just reach into my brain and snatch it out. This modern desire to appear untouched, it makes so much sense. Life is hard, really fucking hard. And with the internet, we're able to see just how hard it is for others as well. With the 24 hour news cycle, we're so aware of everything, it's no wonder that we want to pluck ourselves out of this reality, just be above it all. Reclaim some of our innocence again.
Would really love to hear your thoughts on information overload!
I got a big ass after I had three kids (in my mid 30s); my shape is so much different from when I was a child and young adult (teens and 20s lol). You cannot know until time has elapsed. To hear ppl having nose jobs, etc. at 14, wow.
i have to respectfully disagree with your take on the moral philosophy of beauty standards. "aestheticizing the human experience" isn't inherently wrong, and i couldn't have said it better myself when you noted that the process of doing so is merely a form of self-expression. cosmetic surgery & body modification culture, however, are very specific sequelae that could not exist without hyperfeminine ideals. i think you acknowledge that when you speak about women undergoing bbls in Dominican culture as a means of affirming their womanhood. the equivalent of this for men would be steroid abuse. since these actions have less to do with aestheticizing the human experience for the pleasure of the self and more with alleviating the shameful feelings of inadequacy that come with living in a patriarchal world, i would say that feminism is relevant to this discussion; it's a more radical kind of feminism, though. not feminism which caters to the individual woman's choice, but a more collective feminism that denounces objectification culture and the impact it has on the way we see our bodies.
I agree completely! I was mostly picking at online discourse where feminists come at individuals for their actions within a system that we’re all victims under. I believe beauty standards are unfair and humans do cruel things. I just feel like the constantly asking the victim to think critically about their desire, depending on the reality the individual is living in, doesn’t hold much weight because sure not adhering to beauty standards would help progress things in an abstract political sense, but your daily material needs might suffer depending on your environment. So while feminism in theory, and I do consider myself one, works towards breaking down oppressive systems for all, I have found a lot of people that haven’t sat with their own privilege inserting themselves into conversation and trying to school people on frameworks that are less about helping this person and more about judgment. and while I do believe it’s important to hold people accountable, i think accountability is Love, and you can’t do it if you don’t respect that persons fullness of being, and it’s a lot patronizing belittling energy from some that doesn’t allow for the collective feminism you mention and I also believe is needed. i think it’s kinda like creating teams/ sides / good feminism vs bad feminism and what I was sloppily trying to communicate is that take the constructs and language of feminism out of the equation, this is still a big issue that has so many different reasons as to why it exists. I appreciate your message!
@@monicagreatgal Yes! And what I love about your approach is that it's holistic. It's necessary to take into account the material conditions that the person seeking the surgery is coming home to every day: who is their support system? Where do they derive their sense of self worth? What media are they consuming that is shaping their expectations for themselves? A low sense of self-worth sets the stage for self-destructive behavior. The culprit is the media and the social circles that perpetuate and reinforce a woman's worth: something which must contain an element of male desirability. This is what distinguishes many cultural and global beauty standards from the ones in the United States. The discussion should be less about judging and belittling these individual women and more about understanding and validating the awful feeling that is not feeling woman enough. Thank you for opening up this necessary dialogue.
I love this conversation! I think it's important to highlight the diversity of feminist thought; there are many issues with some feminists on either side and the more this is understood, hopefully the less strawmanning we get when people criticize feminism.
@@grace-gr3vr social circles definitely !,,, Brazilian women get the most pressure from their culture
Yes!!! You're spot on!! Why do we keep conforming to the patriarchy I hate it
Hi Monica! I've watched your videos for a while now but this one hit real close. On a whole I'm a pretty confident person, but growing up I watched the women in my family despair over their physical aging. I've listened to my mother mourn the loss of her youth since she was in her 40s (she turns 60 this year) and I can't help but internalize some of that myself. Every new wrinkle and grey hair bothers me, as much as I wish it didn't. I want to be proud of the journey my body is taking me on, but I still have a long way to go. Hearing you talk about this really helps :)
In reality it’s hard to not get sucked into today’s beauty standards when almost everybody is on social media.
Sadly social media heavily influences plastic surgery. You see your favourite influencer, celebrity, friend or family getting work done on social media and it can make you question your own appearance.
Not really big fan of beauty trends we have right now like having “big everything” I’m hoping in next few years it fades away and goes back to beauty trends we had back in 90s and early 2000s.
Also it’s sad how plastic surgery is being normalized now and not a lot of people talk about risks involved. Surgery is always glamorized thanks again to social media.
The debates about the morality of plastic surgery, I feel, really come down to the classism and exclusivity of it all..bc if everybody could reasonably afford to undergo these procedures, at least maybe ppl would feel solace in knowing that if they decided to get work done, they could. But it’s super expensive and inaccessible to many people, creating a rift of those who are insecure but can afford to alter their insecurities, and those who can’t afford it and simply have to stick it out and live with things they’re self conscious about. It’s also made worse bc when people continue getting these procedures, it further pushes the beauty standards higher and higher and perpetuates the idea that some physical traits are ugly and need to be changed. Not judging bc I completely agree that we’re treated better the closer we align to beauty standards and nothing will ever be fair bc there will always be people who naturally align closer to these standards and whatnot, so surgery almost seems like balancing the scales, but I do think it also serves to strengthen the unrealistic standards and further shut out those who can’t afford to change themselves.
I needed that big sis moment. I needed all of this it hit too close.... i am the 90 pound 18 year old girl stressing over time wasted/ running out... doing all this research on bbls... and crazy surgeries.... thank u for grounding me.
When you literally said half these doctors are demons, I was like oh she speaking truth truth today!!! I absolutely adore you for being who you are and having BIG brain 💜💜
Wow you really opened my eyes to the real issue. I guess I had always thought of plastic surgery as not feminist because I was thinking of it as women trying to compete with other women, but really it’s just us trying to compete with the rules put in place by the patriarchy. Damn.
Monica, recommend us some good books, like some that really influenced your life and your perception 😊📚 btw love your videos and your way of thinking, you are such a fascinating person ❤️
yes i’m not good at looking for books at all 🤦♀️
Try John Gray Feline!
@@munix9351 I looked it up on Google 😄 love good animal-human comparison 😂 jokes aside, thanks for the recommendation, I'll try to find this book, I'm sure I will enjoy reading it
Yes yes! Good idea for a video imo! :)
@@zsemma6599 yess, for sure 😊 I was hoping maybe she sees my comment and writes some recommendations in a response, but video sounds even better 😍
Babe, wake up!!! New Monica Hernandez video dropped!
My twenties have been so shit. I'm looking forward to financial stability and confidence in my thirties.
Just wanna let you know that your content is really helping in a lot of things !!
Thank uu so much for that. 💕
The real goal is not look younger but to age gracefully inside & out
I don’t know if you’ve already read “Women, Race, and Class” by Angela Davis, but I think you’d enjoy it. I don’t think it’ll tell you anything you don’t already know, but it’s still a good read. Either way, I love your videos and appreciate your perspective. Thank you.
Great video. To add this, from Jessica DeFino's newsletter, The Unpublishable: I think the more that we can acknowledge this [the suffocation of beauty culture] , and identify this, and stop saying, “Oh, it’s so strange that I feel so ugly but still care so much about beauty,” and start saying “Oh, it’s so fucking typical of this exploitative system that I feel so ugly but still care so much about beauty,” the freer we will be... there is no real, lasting fulfillment to be found in manufacturing (supposed) beauty in the physical dimension alone. The “beauty void” is a psychological thing; a spiritual thing, even. One won’t and can’t and doesn’t fill the other. Our inherent human longing for beauty can only be satisfied when we, collectively, begin to understand beauty for what it really is: not a set of physical features, but an energy, a resource - a life force that’s in us and around us, everywhere, all the time, like oxygen.
You only feel ugly once we around others and looking at others. It's a complex thought process that allows us to escape from our purpose. Check out a lady called Salkis Re on UA-cam. Xx
I recently learned that your self esteem is not the cause of being accepted in a group but rather an effect. We gain confidence when we feel accepted and belong to a group.
It was hard growing up and my would parents seem a bit disappointed that I was not confident. They both were conventionally attractive from where they were from (Ghana), so they gained confidence because it was almost given to them because they were acceptable for their societal standards. I on the other hand, if I ever wanted to be confident, I have to earn and fight for it, because I'm going against the fact that I am not acceptable to society. So yeah, don't tell me to just find my inner confidence, especially if the the idea or level of confidence I should seek is from the people who are already socially acceptable. @Monica Hernandez
I wish I could like this video a billion times - This is exactly why I think all those plastic surgery “analysis” videos are so disgusting and unnecessary.
I’ve always wanted plastic surgery because I realize that is not only boosts your money making abilities when it comes to being in entertainment and film, but I also noticed that people treat you a lot differently based off of how you look. So the better that you look it’s like the more opportunities that are open to you many times. And it also has a lot to do with your own self-confidence and how you feel about yourself. I feel like when you feel better about yourself you automatically raise your vibration and you’re able to have more confidence to go after what you really want. But, you are right about a lot of women that get these procedures and their life is actually worse off than it was before that is the scary part about it. However, plastic surgery really does improve peoples lives in so many ways.
you are so smart and well-spoken that i'm amazed by every single one of your videos
The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf is life changing. Minimalism, only buying second hand clothes and technology, veganism, and doing your inner work also make the world and your world a better place
i love your videos and your art! i’m 19 and i would love to see an “advice to my 20 year old self” video. I really appreciate your perspective and how well spoken you are. thank you for your content- it really means a lot to have humor and nuance to these types of convos. take care
" we always want what we don't have " this is so true.
I really needed to hear 34:20
It's hard for me seeing everything wrong in the world, wanting to somehow change it, but also not having the emotional, mental or monetary ability to really stand up for things. I often feel guilt for not being an "activist" like it makes me less black because I'm not constantly shouting support for BLM or less of an empathetic person because I am not valiantly jumping to defend everyone who needs defending. As someone with their own mental health issues, I often struggle so much in my own life and in my own feelings that it doesn't leave room for much else. Thank you for saying this and reminding me that its ok to just focus on living day by day.
Peace and love sis!
off topic but you are so well spoken, it literally makes me insecure because I feel like I can not form a complete sentence bc lmao and there you go holding a whole ted talk without a script. you're great
I love your videos so much Monica I was wondering if you could do one about how you view death. Quite a weird one but I would love to hear what you have to say. You are very talented in the way you are able to articulate and express yourself. Your thought sequence is literally seamless. I don’t know if you’ve got gemini or virgo in your chart but wow
how are voluntary patients who have control over their own finances and consent victims??
we are all victims under the patriarchy. just because u made the choice “freely” does not mean you understand the full implications. you’re not a doctor, a surgeon, a financial advisor, you didn’t go to school for this, you’re not trained in this. all this is normalized by the people we trust, other peers, medical professionals, people telling us having debt is okay because we pay it back. etc etc.
Every single time I think you've done it, when I think, "yes, she has said everything that needs to be said, she has articulated everything I've been trying to put into words and she's made me laugh," you go and build on it TENFOLD! When you started speaking about generational living, families and elders under one roof, blaming the ones in the box FOR the box...you really pulled it all together. Thank you so much for this video despite the stress on a random Wednesday - and I hope your dog has the smoothest recovery possible
I just watched your video about Will Smith and now I'm popping over here even though this topic is not about me either. You are SO GOOD at this. Please never stop. It's all truth all the time. You are hella smart. I think if more people gave you a first chance you'd have more subscribers. I get smarter just listening to the way you use language in these discussions. 10/10
Information overload, over stimulated mind, is a topic that definitely needs to be discussed and explored more into!
"At 20, I smelled" girl 😭😭😭
I mean I see your point but what we tend to reject the most is the very thing that keeps smacking us in the face over & over again. This is just part of our current reality, but I appreciate you highlighting the truth about beauty standards, as younger viewers ( and even some older ones ) need to be taught how to think for themselves through education, and not following the herd.
I actually know someone really well that works in this industry and from their stories, 80% of ppl that seek surgery actually do not do it out of vanity.
So much love and respect to you Monica, I love listening to your perspective.
You mentioning preemptive botox reminded me of why I don't follow curtain skincare creators. A lot of them push anti-aging products, which is fine if you need them. But I'm only mid-30s and melaninated - I don't need anti-aging products rn lol.
I got a bbl at 19 and I wholeheartedly agree with this
your remark about how being heavier set was a sign of beauty in the times when people wouldn't afford food makes me think: it's so interesting when beauty standards are based on what most people don't have? like that's fascinating, it's a built-in pain-point for all but those few who fit it. it just occurred to me that the existence of beauty standards mean that people are easily manipulated. it's all marketing. that's the part that drives me crazy. it's literally ALL marketing.
i'll never stop thinking about the fact that i have a big butt and reeeeally small boobs. that's my body type. and when i was growing up, being slim with juicy boobs and a small little butt was the Thing. i used to sleep a certain type of way to reduce my back arch, and make my butt smaller. i used to crave bigger boobs, and experienced self-loathing over it. imagine how surreal it was as i got older, and having a big butt came into the forefront, and suddenly it didn't really matter what your boobs looked like. body types being trendy is actual insanity, and people, and so long as people comment, positively or negatively, on other's people's bodies or their own ("she's so thicc" "i'm tryna get thicc" "small waist pretty face" "omg body goals" etc etc etc) this shit will never go away.
until it becomes socially unacceptable to make your body your point of attraction, beauty standards aren't going anywhere. and finding others attractive is literally some primal, human shit. so, what now?
i would love if u could make a video on the pressure and desire to be an activist vs not having the mental capacity/stability for it!! u touched on it a bit at the end and i definitely relate 🙃
I loved this video. There are things of me that I would change if I had a magic wand, and going back to how you were pointing the finger at spending too much time online I can see how that exacerbates my feeling of inadequacy and those of the people around me as well. It's easy to forget that the fake online perfection is just another way to sell us stuff through our insecurities and aspirations, and it overwhelms us into decisions we would not make had we lived a better life - had we just touched more grass and spoke to nurturing people a bit more.
As far as my video suggestions go, I'd love to hear more about your thoughts on being a 20-something. I'm right in the middle of it and it's a MESS, some hope about the future would not hurt
Girl I love when you get amped up about topics that you are passionate about, like seriously. You are spitting facts and just being honest to who you are and what you are thinking ❤️🔥 liikkee you talk about the real stuff, it gets annoying when people say the same things about topics like this and make it seem like “oh yea this is what it is and thats it, this is exactly why and what xy and z is” . Idk , I love hearing your opinions about these topics and love every one of your videos, keep being your intelligent , expressive and bold self. Its so appreciated💫💗
I've got a request for a future video topic, if you're interested: I was hoping you could discuss where you think our worth as human beings comes from.
I've struggled for a long time with trying to believe that we have intrinsic value as human beings, rather than our value being derived from our utility. Intrinsic vs extrinsic value is so important to self-worth, and I'd really value your perspective on this topic. I think a lot of other people would as well.
Regardless of whether you talk about this topic or not, I'm looking forward to seeing what you make next.
Lord girl
I'm a feminist
I had plastic surgery (and may have more)
Let's get into the cognitive dissonance
There's always something to be dissatisfied with. Feel that. 😔
same girl
another gem of knowledgeable, transparent, honest, and relatable information. your self expression is inspiring. You’re videos are liberating. As a first generation Latina in the US, I felt this on various levels. Thank you truly , please continue making more video! 🤎🤎🤎🤎
Venezuela, Brazil and Colombia are the three musketeers of plastic surgery in south America. It is so big here in VE that exactly like you said: It is not going anywhere. Even my mom got plastic surgery. I am very lucky to have lived my formative years without access to it. I had to build a self steem that doesn't require me to meet certain standards and accepting my human body. Being able to look at my body and face those parts i don't like and celebrating what I love has helped me focus in what truly matters in life. Now i see that growing like this (I'm 20 btw), being protected from the world my cousin for example had to encounter is a blessing. She was 20 last year and died after a plastic surgery. Sometimes i can't help but wonder what type of insecurities concerned her mind so much she felt the need of putting her life at risk...R.I.P.
*MAN!* You made so many points & spoke for all sides. I love that you took an unbiased approach!🔥 Things are not as black and white as people make it seem… there’s a lot of grey areas & complexities. It’s a slippery slope! I’m not gonna lie I used to want plastic surgery when I was 19/20, then I grew out of that but started demonizing the women who were going through with plastic surgery. Now I simply understand all sides to it… why people get it, why people are against it & how it affects the kids/teenagers. I still don’t care to get any surgery, but I’ve learned not to demonize the women who do. My approach to life in general now is to be kind to people who are kind to me… not cause of how they look or what they have.
Pleeease I would love to hear your take on women getting power/attention through oversexualizing themselves and if that helps other women/feminism as a whole :)
EVEN THAT VERY LAST PART AT THE END OF THE VIDEO IS AN UNPRECEDENTED TAKE ❤❤ (i never thought /heard abt that this way and girl how i am caught up in my speeches and then feel shameful for being afraid of being too much)
please maybe talk about how to live more unapologeticaly (especially as women who are taught to live for others?) and finally escaping those mental prisons of living according to what others think you should do/be taking freedom in not caring that much about the others' opinions of you, so that you can finally be yourself and radiate what You're supposed to radiate and help people solving their problems by solving yours etc
basically how can you break free of your fears and finally become who you are (if you've cracked some code to do that obviously lol)
des bisous
You make me want to have a platform so I can just express myself and share and talk about whatever I want! Love your channel
Keep at it
You're smart and witty and also entertaining
I'm very excited to watch this video as I struggle deeply with body dysmorphia and self-esteem because of how I look, so I am eager to hear your eloquent and intelligent voice speak on this topic.
Salkis Re on UA-cam as a video about self esteem. Check it out.🤎🤎
30 minutes in and I’m floored, I fucking love this video
Ughhh u did it again, i feel enlightened everytime I hear you speak. Must be a Virgo thing💁🏽♀️😂(I am one too)no but seriously it’s so refreshing hearing an unbiased opinion without ignorance on big topics👏🏽
YES LOVE THIS. I just have to say your videos feel so fresh to me, the ability for you to just get all your thoughts out on camera without adding a ton of editing makes it feel so authentic and I love your perspectives. I really look forward to your videos it feels like a podcast or a good long phone conversation with a friend.
I totally get your "that's a woman" rant. For me, a woman is like my grandma, that literally but her hands into a fire stove, into the fire in a freezing cold room at 5 something in the morning, so I could eat breakfast in a warm room before school.
Honestly I consider ppl that get plastic surgery rich because it is SO unattainable to me that I automatically perceive all these ppl as rich cuz I cant even afford to live rn
But u have a good point with the clinics being exploitative and stuff and I don't shame ppl for getting plastic surgery... I envy them
I mean i cant even get a haircut or new makeup rn so i just feel sorry for myself ig
All my friends had work, and they’re normal people who saved for those surgeries the same way you’d save for a car or something. So you’re totally right, you made a lot of good points
Random but I love watching videos on the different beauty standards of African tribes
YES!! THANK YOU! I love what you said about people and theory. I was just thinking that the other day. I'm from Latin America and sadly the church has taken advantage of the most vulnerable people. So whenever they pray, it helps no one but themselves to make themselves feel better. And the same applies to people who only read and do nothing for marginalized communities. Of course this is a minority of the theory people, since some people into theory are part of marginalized communities themselves and help people in their communities get the knowledge they deserve.
The biggest thing about plastic surgery is that you should NEVER do it if you think if it will fix something internally.
Hi, I'm fairly new to your channel I'm dominican and a Virgo..hey❤ also in that intersectionality as trans fem I want to share my experience with stander of beauty and feminity prior to the government getting involve with trans health most of us would do risky thing to to obtain gender affirmative surgery like prostitution or dealing with greedy surgeon try to cash on people dysphoria while some can view a cliff chin changes to a more delicate of soft shape.. as an elective surgery for trans fem is a way to be view as more feminine and to avoid any negative views or " read as trans" but not only for beauty but also for safety.. but now with major hospital they now offering body contour and cheek implant or and other non in my opinion gender comfirm surgery like for trans fem having breast implants to fill their lack of breast development .. and to feel more feminine and in tune with their body.. so is like you said is just a thin like between aesthetics and nessesry to let's say survive everyday life... now capitalism is running with it making money of people mental dysphoria rather than proving a safe and acceptance health care... I hope I makes sense and thank you
Wow im so thankful i found your channel. The way you speak is really inspirational and how i would like to articulate my words as well. Thank you so much for your input on this topic. I couldnt help but get so excited when you said you were also from NY!
Would love a video on your favorite books and essays!
I think your first example of the animal can be different for humans bc severely physically disabled people can find love (although it’s much harder for them)
totally, why I gave the disclaimer through written text. things aren’t as simple as peacock analogy, we have even in our cavemen days have taken care of others that weren’t the most physically equipt to take care of themselves, so even survival of the fittest is a myth, we have deep empathy and care beyond physical ability. I’ll be more careful to not make careless analogies like that in the future or least follow up right away with clarification so as not to spew harmful rhetoric. Thank you!
Your videos are so nuanced, insightful, and fun to watch. Your passion is a VIRTUE.
Northeastern yt supremacist culture values isolation/exclusion. This usually equates to prioritizing quiet voices and lack of eye contact. It’s bullshit.
You are RIGHT. And you are fun to watch. You absolutely 100% should stay exactly as you are.
Much love.
22:22 love this part. Will come back to this later in life because I know I will need to hear this again.
livin a life tryin not to get smile lines
Loved this video, you have really great thoughts that add a lot to the conversation:) i really like how you point out that not everyone communicates in the same way. like people have so many varying experiences, which shape the way our brains process thoughts and emotions, not everyone has had the opportunities or resources to adapt to a more neutral view (on beauty standards). Everyone is directly influenced by their environment, and not everyone has the ability in their current situation to reflect on experiences, media they have consumed, and other greater dynamics in society. People are born as sponges and absorb everything in their environment, normalising whatever is around them. Critical thinking has to be taught and nurtured, which is entirely dependent on the environment people are born into, which is like a lottery
People will say to me I don't look like I've had 3 kids and I say 'yea, surgery'. Cause I'm not on that pretend shit.
would love to hear you talk about your art/process, or just art culture in general, especially what its like in NY
Girl you can talk about literally talk about anything!! And I'll listen like a child. I come out of every single video with so much new knowledge.
You have some great talking skills. Keep going! We care💗!
I'm so tired of the normalization of letting insecurities ans societal pressures win us over and giving up to them and perpetuating the importance of norms and standards
Your raw videos have and continue to be my favorite for many months now. I absolutely love you and how real you always keep it. Wishing you well xx
I needed to hear this so much!!! I'm 33 and I'll say bodies change so much, and also depending on your lifestyle it can vary a lot too. Learning to love yourself is so crucial. I love what you said about wrinkles and how that shows that you fucking lived!!! YES!! but society really got us thinking we need to be fixing all the things. Appreciate your wisdom, Monica!!
I’m 20 years older than you and very much enjoy hearing your perspective. You make great thought provoking content👌🏾
Thank you so much for making this video. As someone who both struggles with my physical appearance and is also privileged enough to be thinking about beauty standards and feminism, it’s hard to navigate this topic sometimes. It’s really helpful and validating to hear your insights, so thank you for taking the time to upload this
I was just thinking about this the other day. And about how I barely see people over 60 in the streets. It’s like we can't be what we can't see so people don't want to be old.
Almost like older people are just hidden from society🤔
Wow, you’re like the big sister I never had but always needed. Thanks for doing what you do! :)))
Looove this. Could you consider doing more videos on classism?