Master the Art of Conversation: Don't Be a One-Upper
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- Опубліковано 31 лип 2016
- Are you a one-upper? To master the art of conversation, you will need to keep your one-upping ways under control.
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One of the goals of this channel is to help people master the art of conversation. To do so, you have to avoid bad conversational habits.
1. Recognize the competitive feeling that rises up in you. There are many possible reactions to hearing other people talk. Begin to notice when you feel the need to assert conversational dominance.
2. Snap into listening mode. Instead of talking about yourself in response to that competitive feeling, start to listen more carefully to the other person. Ask good follow up questions. By snapping into listening mode, you'll give yourself a clear role to play and avoid the habit of one-upping. A key part of the art of conversation is listening.
3. Take a sincere interest in what the other person is saying. Enter their world. Put yourself in their shoes. For instance, if they are talking about some good news, share their joy. Put your own priorities aside for a while and just get absorbed in their topic of conversation. Mastering the art of conversation is first and foremost about entering the other person's world.
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I hear honor and respect. 🌺 Thank you.
Thanks, I know several one-uppers like this, including my grandfather. Typically they are almost always the family member who grew up ghosted, without praise and adoration among other siblings. They competitively flex in conversation not to debase and insult but to gain the listener's esteem and validation, to hear "Wow, that's impressive" for the first time in their life. Their life journey is to seek in adulthood what they couldn't get in childhood - adoration and self-awareness is not their strong suit.
Someone: I think I might be a one-upper.
Me: That's nothing! I think I might be a two-upper!
This is the best joke I've heard all day!
@@artwork_wishes2638 I can't agreed more, mate! 👍
🤣🤣
Thankyou for the advice, I will watch this video every morning since I am a one upper myself. I'm here to change this habit because I know that this is annoying.
:(
Awesome. Glad this will help.
Macdealerx it’s rare
I’m a one upper myself and feel your pain
I have a friend that does that constantly, and it’s gotten to point where I don’t want to talk to her, which makes me sad. Is there a way to tell them without it upsetting them?
I agree! I like to listen more than talk. Thanks for the video.
Thanks, sir! I believe I've been one-upping. I was vaguely aware that something seemed a bit amiss, but couldn't put my finger on it. I'm glad you opened my eyes. God bless!
What if you’re genuinely not trying to compete but just that you’re relating to what they’re saying? My friend said that I was always trying to one up her and I was shocked as I never felt it was a compilation. When we were getting to know each other I would think it was crazy that we had so much in common so I would say something like, “Oh, me too!” If we shared something in common I would say something like that but I guess she felt like I was one upping her. Now I am constantly afraid that if I bring the conversation about me that I will be seen as a one upper, I don’t want to be that person.
Good example and I can relate. Your motivation sounds like you're excited about the common ground you share. I'm guessing if we had a recording of you doing it, your genuine excitement would be obvious. If your friend is reacting that way, I'll bet more patient listening would be the first step. Really take the time to listen completely. And, maybe you could show the same level of excitement about what they're saying but let them keep talking. In fact, encourage them to say more by asking questions. Questions usually signals to others that we care about them and want to hear more.
If their life experience is inferior.. it's not your fault.. If they are negatively envious and judging you.. they are losers. Conversations should be enjoyed.. One up them more.. as they probably personally hate you secretly.... They should be thankful for listening and acknowledging their story.. they should listen as well.. as long as your story is true. If they are not listening.. then don't listen to what they have to say next and just change the topic.. or pretend you're going to the bathroom.. then just leave..
Everyone is a one upper.. it's just a matter who is offended..
Next time when they are excited telling you something.. just say "oohhh" then look away then change the topic like.. "this water is delicious".. or "what a fine day".
It could be looked at as you are teaching them to ask questions, from you listening and asking related questions
I was wondering about that myself. I remember being taught this at a young age too, in order to relate to others. No ones ever told me I was one uping them but my gut is telling me to hold back and ask questions instead. Habits do take time and practice to change.
Great video! Short + informative. And also eye-pleasing with the globe and the lush greenery (both thumbs up). Thank you 😊
I know a one upper who is actually the opposite. What ever bad thing has happened to you, they have had it worse and they will tell you all about it.
Yes! It happens that way, too. Thanks for sharing.
@@alexanderlyon Race to the bottom....also very annoying.
Do you know a chronic one-upper? I'd like to hear your stories!
Communication Skills Training I know some and I've been one. Anytime I recognize one I always think of that Brian Regan bit!!!
Hi Zachary. I love Brian Regan. I've never seen him live but I'd love to. He's amazing.
@@alexanderlyon I’ve known a one upper for 7 years and boy, he’s annoying
I think I'm the one upper but not to show them that my event or issue is better than theirs, it's just that I want to share and connect with them on the subject we're discussing. But regardless, I will make an effort to keep quiet and listen. Thank you!
This is a great video,i do confess that i do this at times....but,i see the error in my ways! Especially after dating someone that does this in EVERY CONVERSATION!!
I give you lots of credit for becoming aware of it. I hope the video helps you move forward. Thanks for sharing.
🔥 awesome
Most times i want to let ppl know I can relate to them
I work with a coworker who always has a better way of doing things. Iive been with the company for six years with a stellar record. It just gets tiring day after day getting one upped whenever he gets the chance
I might have done similar things though my intention was to relate and to share. These days, I try to stay on the receiving end of others’ stories. Maybe it had to do with maintaining healthy boundaries? I’m also wondering why some people keep on making strong statements emotionally to me though I keep listening to them.
I would define a one upper as someone who feels the need that they must prove that they are better than someone. They just always have the urge to take your statement and diminish it. “Oh, that’s nothing I this” I’ve seen people who can hold really great conversations do this on a daily basis, so it makes me think, as a child did they always felt the need to prove to their parents that they are just as good as a sibling? Even in school, were they bullied? What makes a good conversationalist be a one-upper? Maybe they just don’t have that sincere interest of seeing another person doing better than them?
Lots of potential reasons exist why people one up. You're right about that. At the root of the reasons you mention I hear the them that the person is insecure in some ways. I think you are also correct in that it is likely something that came about when they were young. I don't go into most of the reasons because it becomes more like therapy and less like communication advice but I suspect you are correct. Thank you for your contribution.
You give wonderful advice. Thank you.
Thank you. I'm glad you found the video helpful. :-)
Fuck, I just realized I'm a one-upper myself.
UGH I can’t stand these people!!! Are people that insecure and bored with themselves and their lives?
You're probably on to something. I think insecurity must be a root issue.
جميل 😍
Appreciate the video. Do you have something similar I could share with my young children?
Hi, Cameron. I don't have any videos for kids. Sorry about that.
@@alexanderlyon No problem. I'll share this with them. Thank you!
I feel really bad because I am a one upper and it’s kinda difficult not to anymore. Not too much more- just one bit better. I just like to impress people- and I am very competitive.
Well, at least you realize it. If you work on listening skills, I'll bet it will get better.
I think the people who say the other person is the one-upper is the one who is at fault.. they don't want to listen to what the other people is saying.. all they know is that their starter topic is the only one that matters... and don't want to listen back to what the other person wants to share... because they don't care about that person's experience.. only theirs. I don't understand why these kinds of people even wanted to talk to people when they don't acknowledge other people's similar experience.. it's all about them and them alone.
Hey can you give me an example of one upping because I want to know if this is me or no. 🤣
I know 3 one uppers , what is there problem? Is there a psychological term?
Yes I Kristi Hammond Is A One Upper
Well, I supposed it's good to admit it! :-)
There is nothing wrong "one-upping".. it's basically sharing your experience as well and as long as it is true.. with the same topic.. it's natural to share similar experience. How is it someone's fault if their experience is better?
The thing that is bad is NOT LETTING THE OTHER PERSON FINISH THEIR STORY AND DID NOT ACKNOWLEDGED IT... and if they got offended because the story of the other person is better.. then they are just a loser.. who who felt negatively envious.. one up them until they get frustrated..
Also if all you do is just listened and did not share your side.. that's just rude..
If you feel the person who is sharing a story doesn't want to hear your experience as well.. then just say "oohhh" then look away then change the topic like.. "this water is delicious".. or "what a fine day".
Im dealing with not just a one upper but also a very very big compulsive lier! For one instance my brother bought a Brand new house very nice it is his first newly bought when this person went to see it my brother was having a party / bbq the fallowing weekend he video chatted my brother and was showing a house he was doing installations in this house was freaking massive i mean i wanna say 4 to 5 times the price of my brothers new housr we all literally after they ended the call we just busted out in laughter! The nerve to do that is pathetic and embarrassing knowing that its all bull shit!!😂
I don’t know
The last two girls I saw were lousy for one upping and cutting off stories to tell their own stories without letting me or other people finish. Its a gross habit and I shoulda sent them this link. But now I don't talk to them cuz they sucked.
How would you deal with a one-upper friend?
You know, that is a great question and it's a real challenge. People who one up often do it out of insecurity or some other deeper issue. It's hard for people to change. So, you can give the person feedback politely but it probably won't help unless you are around them a lot and can give the feedback in a helpful, respectful, and even light-hearted way. I have found that unless it is a good friend and/or significant other, I don't try to get them to change the way they talk. When I respond, I just try not to get into an argument if it is something that is unimportant to me. Often, I just go into listening mode and try to be a good friend. So, in terms of dealing with them, I just work around it and listen unless the person in my life for the long run.
Thanks. This friend is actually a friend who I am constantly with for a long time
@@ckowalski1029 Okay. If it were me, I'd try to approach it light-heartedly and with care. Maybe they don't realize they are doing it. After they do a clear, unnecessary version of it, you might start with with an honest smile and say something like, "Have you heard about one-upping someone in a conversation?" But, I wouldn't try to manage the way they talk. Maybe it will be enough to just bring it to their attention. I hope it works out. It's a tough issue.
Sure thing. Thank you for your time!
Don’t play their game.
I can't stand one uppers some of them are so rude and make back handed compliments. Life isn't a competition. I feel like it's due to their lack of care as a child. I dk. I can't deal with so called friends like that.
Who actually raised their hand?😂🤣
You think YOU one up people ? I'm 10 times worse than you !
Ha!
Cultivate empathetic listening. check