How to Deal with Criticism
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- Опубліковано 2 лип 2024
- Learning how to deal with criticism is a key skill for anybody trying to do something worthwhile. This video looks at some internal checks you can do while listening and offers ways to respond to criticism once you've heard it so you handle it productively.
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Thanks so much! My biggest struggle is accepting/responding to unfair or untrue feedback. I battle disagreeing/correcting because you might be accused of “giving pushback” or being defensive.
It's a hard balance when the feedback is unfair. I agree that's probably the hardest situation.
Like most people, I was never really thrilled with receiving criticism until I had a unique experience in an art class. We would put our art up on the wall to be critiqued by the whole class. Somehow because we were all so genuinely interested in art and because we were all mature and kind individuals I grew to love the learning that took place during the critiques. Mainly it was applying the critical eye to others work that I could see that it wasn’t personal and there was no malice. I learned not to be “precious” about my work and that everything can be a work in process. The experience was so helpful that the word “criticism” or “critique” completely changed in my mind.
My preferred approach to criticism is divided in two steps:
1st step: evaluate the intentions of the critic,
2nd step: ignore or explore.
If the person criticizing is not driven by good intentions, clearly state that you do not take the criticism into account.
If the person criticizing is driven by good intentions, ask investigative questions. Explore the criticism as much as you can: you may not have such a good opportunity to learn and improve very often.
Key and sensitive point: how to identify good intentions.
Not an easy task, but some clues: words, tones, body language, critic’s history and friends, context of the criticism, values at stake, etc.
This is great! Thanks for sharing.
I struggle with giving criticism at work without others feeling like they are being degraded, but the points are all valid and i never insult someones inteligence, but i will critissize implementation if it is not correct or working, there is no other way to get them across, does it need presentations and videos or something??. I feel ignored and the product suffers and features backfire because of it. Accountability and due diligence should be a thing
Most criticism is a "personal preference" and not necessarily helpful. Be your own critic, the more honest you are the more you learn.
Infj here, and me dealing with criticism is a total struggle. Thanks for this video, God bless!
One of the hardest things when putting these principles into action is when you have to sort through the emotions to understand what the feedback really is. Deciphering the message when it’s embedded in a lot of emotions is something that is difficult when you simply can’t walk away or disregard it. For example romantic relationships if your partner doesn’t have that self awareness but is still trying to communicate criticism. Trying to decipher healthy criticisms from just toxic manipulative communication.
Man that really helped i gotta stop taking criticism personally
1. Check your mindset
2. Consider the source of criticism
3. Consider nature of criticism
4. Deep breath
5. Be receptive, not defensive
6. If it resonates
7. What are your priorities
Hardest thing about criticism used to be listening for me. I used to always have a knee jerk reaction. Over time, I've improved. But I've struggled to make the conversation interactive because I get disappointed and beat myself up since I have higher expectations on myself. In short, emotions override me in moment of time.
I resonate with you.
Thank you for the genuine delivery and great information! I was on the receiving end of some professional criticism yesterday and wanted to build up some skills before going back to the table today.
One of my weaknesses includes not being able to handle criticism ot being called out and corrected.
Free course in Essential Communication Skills for Professionals: www.alexanderlyon.com/free-resources
Thank you so much - your videos are tremendously helpful to a mother at home who still drives to upskill herself before returning to the workforce! Logical, reasonable, concise and precise illustration that gives equivalent values to an MBA qualification. Most of all, love seeing His faithful and talented servant making positive impacts - how encouraging! :)
You are so welcome! Thank you for your encouragement.
When criticism is valid and constructive. It should be accepted and respected. Like when teachers point out mistakes in students work or driving instructors point out mistakes to people learning to drive. It is aimed to be constructive and helpful and important to improve work performance.
Isn't this a fallacy in reasoning called "appealing to authourity". Even If anyone other than authority figures, impart sound and constructive criticism, it will not be accepted or respected
Dr. clinical psychology PhD MD
Thank you so much for this video, Alexander! Criticism always hurts me because I think I have low self-esteem and lots of insecurities, and it really hurts even though I know it is helpful. I appreciate your tips and insight on this topic!
Here's how I respond. "Tell me more."
That helps separate the sincere constructive criticism from the insults.
If the person says, "Well, your video would be so much better if you improved the sound." then it's a sincere comment.
If they just continue to say "You're terrible and you should quit." they are just being mean and I don't need to spend anymore time listening to them.
Thanks for this; negative feedback is squirmish and I default to giving evidence to justify actions. I try to nod and change position but I have to hear the giver repeat the feedback many times over. Your suggestion of leading the conversation to solutions is constructive. I look forward to doing your course.
Hi, imiKah K. I'm glad the video was helpful. I hope you enjoy the free course. :-)
Thank you for your words, very useful information
Glad it was helpful, J3ipy.
Great video! You absolutely crushed it. I’ve been trying to express these very thoughts and understandings to the people I know who receive criticism very poorly and of course it falls on deaf ears, and they would absolutely benefit from this video.
Nobody likes to be criticized at work at all. Why? Because it’s emotionally painful 😓 and upsetting and makes people feel worthless. And it’s happened to me before. Because like today, I was at my work site and my supervisor was getting on my case and telling me that my work efforts weren’t good and she had to say it out loud. I know that I’ve made some mistakes at work in the past and I admit to them as well but here’s what I don’t like. I don’t like it when my supervisor tells me that my work efforts are aren’t good enough out loud. And why is that? Because it’s humiliating and it makes me feel ashamed and guilty and sometimes I feel like two cents. And at times I feel like easily giving up. But I don’t ever think about giving up easily at all.
I’m sorry you had to face that. That’s got to be difficult.
I’m not sure if this helps, but sometimes (after I’ve calmed down) I will address it with the person individually in private and let them know how it affected me.
They may receive your feedback or reject it, but you have done your part.
I would also add - don’t gossip about their failure to other coworkers. It only brings you down to their level.
I hope this helps. 🤗
Thank you so very much for your energy
thx, i appreciate how you explained it, you made it clear
Thank you kindly ❤
I walk around like I've reached enlightenment most of the time. As soon as anyone criticises me...I'm on YT confirming that they are narcissistic sociopaths.
It's scary how easy it is, with social media to delude myself
Put downs that are criticism are different. It can be based on their own viewpoint and may or may not be constructive and is designed to tear the person down.
Yes, agreed.
In my work and I used to work the same way. A one year ago and I received a lot of judgemental comments from same group of people. They called " constructive feedback." it effects my mental health and self confidence. Till I work out and they are work bully.
This is awesome! I honestly knew what my issues were coming into this page, and picking out the video (defensiveness) and listening to you really helped me realize how I can listen better, regulate my emotions and respond to feedback.
I also loved that you gave different perspectives in your examples.
Great video!!! I’m going to share it with my friends.
Thank you so much.
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you 🙏🏾
So about the professional networking. There are so many good networkers with questionable infomation then there are those who have genuine guidance to offer but don't do the networking. I appreciate that you are about the quaility of information and I think it speaks louder than any networking could.
Thank you for the information
I received a criticism from my manager who just started in her position and she gave me heaps of negative feedback about my work just after being a month in that business. She couldn’t give any examples of what I have done wrong or what did she mean by giving those comments! It was more tearing down than constructive feedback.
That's too bad. The first two rules of giving feedback as a leader is to make sure it is 1) specific and 2) constructive.
Great video, thank you :)
You nailed the southern criticism pattern…”bless your heart” followed by an insult.
very good points.
Great video, thanks. I work in hotels, bars, clubs. Easier said than done sometimes when somebody is drunk, in my face and I'm trying to convince myself their criticism is helpful and worth taking on board. But I'll keep trying. Getting that 2nd opinion from somebody i respect afterwards is absolute true though. Helps justify the complaint and my perception of it.
This is a great video.
I know you said to try and separate the tone from the content and the intention, but because of the way my dad was critical of me my whole life (eventually went no-contact), I find a critical and/or condescending tone triggering, and automatically become defensive to protect myself. So, I not only come off that way, but get nothing out of it.
Thankyou your time and effort to be a effective speaker to teach myself and others how to communicate more effectively will change my life and relationships and snowball from there thankyou sir awesome way to make the earth a better place.
Glad it was helpful!
I gotta have to watch this over and over
OMG. I think this catapulted me forward. Like seriously, this just changed my life. I always knew to take criticism with a grain of salt - guys that is not a strategy for receiving criticism 😂😂
Thanks alot i like the idea of having a receptive disposition i'll like to try this considering how badly i handle criticism, sometimes it's really bad and i cry even in scenarios where the person was just trying to help.
It's hard to hear criticism for me too. But, I've come a long way and I'm sure you'll improve. I have a related video about *_What is Feedback in Communication_* . The first part is a bit definitional but I make the point that getting and even asking for feedback can be like a superpower because it will speed up our development. Feel free to take a look at that.
This is the biggest weakness of mine, taking negative feedback and keep cribbing. Considering the feedback and mapping it for your goal priority was a good one. However, need more information on being emotionally strong, please suggest.
Thank you for the video!
A question for everybody: What do you think is the best thing to say when you receive feedback, especially when you need to think it over still? I've tried just saying thank you and that I'll think that over, but people have told me I'm being defensive when I say that. Not sure if it's my tone or something else though. Any advice??
I think it's fine to just say thank you. Maybe you need to put more sincerity into it. Sometimes our body language or tone of voice can give people the wrong impression.
Thank you is a great way to accept the criticism. Sometimes, you might want to try and understand more about the criticism. For example, once my manager told me that I could have handled one of the initiatives I took a little better. Instead of saying thank you to begin with, I followed up and tried to understand a bit more. He actually appreciated because he thought I took genuine interest in his feedback. At the end, I said thank you. So, maybe you could consider that (if the feedback you get is genuine).
Sometimes I ask for more details if I have questions. I may even ask what they suggest I do to improve it. I’ve actually had some good feedback that has helped me improve in the long run.
I say that criticism is like a double edged sword. On the one side, it hurts really bad; on the other side it helps to improve us.
Awesome
Thank you! This was very helpful. I guess the negative feedback I got resonated with me. I was aware of that but I guess I always just find an explanation as to why it doesnt warrant a negative review. But you were right I love that you actually gave an action on what to do. Since it resonates with me I should just get to work!
Great work by the way. Your explanations were clear, brief and direct. And you gave concrete steps to take on each one of them. Keep it up! This was mighty helpful since a review really got me down. :) You are a life saver.
Happy to help, justtoday. I'm glad you're committed to moving forward. I've been in the same situation myself.
@@alexanderlyon Yeah, it's refreshing to know what to do in time of crisis and to find other people in similar situation to relate with.
Hi Alex, someone gave me a bad criticism in public and I just kept quiet because I wasn't sure how to respond at the moment. In this situation, what would you do?
Staying quiet in the moment isn't the worst way to handle it. If it were me, I might have said, "I hear you. Why don't we make a time to talk about this one-on-one?"
Well here’s what I would do. I would just take the criticism very maturely and not take it personally at all. And if I get easily emotionally upset 😢 and discouraged, I just breathe in and breathe out and if it comes to crying, well I’ll take it outside and let it out and at some point come back in and continue working again.
This happened to me relatively recently, by an assistant manager in front of several of my coworkers. I got through the moment as best I could, calmed down, and asked my coworkers (knowing I'm really sensitive about this, and that her intention was not to humiliate or upset me) if I was being sensitive, or if what happened was inappropriate. I then asked to speak privately. When that got me nowhere, I talked to my general manager about it. Turns out, she saw him before I did, told him about it, and he 100% agreed with me and had immediately addressed it with her.
I consider and value criticism a different point of view if it is valid for my assessment
What a good question. In feedback I would like to know what they are missing, why it didn't hit home for them.
Is it true is it relevant are you able to change or improve it
That's the spirit, Tisha. It takes humility, too. But, we're all learning.
Pls ve been given an assignment on comparative personal criticism, so please hw am I going to explain it .
First I evaluate the person criticizing.
I don't give much Credence to a fool
If it's someone that sincere and give me criticism, I do ask more investigative questioning why they came to those conclusion.
One must always consider the source
In my opinion jealous & peer pressure are the main reasons for criticism. So just ignore those criticism & live your life happily. 😊
Good evening sir 🙏🌹🌹🌹
do you have book about this content? I've been victim of criticism and defamation. Day by day, I couldn't do productive work and have tested my behavior which people know me regard it as insult even though i didn't something wrong to them.
I enjoyed your video very much. I see you have 297K followers, so your networking skills might be good after all?
Thanks, David-Graham. I tend to like and get along with most people I meet.
Dear choach thank you for the video , this is very helpful , I also got feedback that I should network more ... But what I've heard recently is that my emails have no feeling , how does an email have to feel like ? I didn't ask them...I have formal and short and concrete emails, which I think is useful in a hectic business world. Thank you in advance for your response
My company leader give me direct critiscism all the time, whenever I make a small mistake in work
1) Are you sleeping?
2) unimpressed emoji to me in public group chat
3) Are you serious?!
I know she wants me to get better, so myself trying not to be defensive yet pleasing, just neutral reply saying sorry/my bad, I will do better next time
Is this the correct to handle the situation?
Also she using this phrase repeatedly, is getting quite annoying :(
Public criticism like that is fairly toxic. It sounds like you are handling yourself well but I doubt your boss will stop criticizing you in front of others. I'm not sure what I would do in your position. I once had a boss criticize me in front of others a few meetings in a row. I requested to meet with her in a one-on-one meeting and let her know that I was open to feedback but when she did it in front of the group like that, it was embarrassing and unhelpful. I can't say that it improved my relationship with the boss. In fact, my relationship with her got worse for a while. But, she did at least stop embarrassing me in front of others. The big picture for me was that I simply could not allow somebody to treat me that way. It was disrespectful and unprofessional of her to talk to me like that. I needed to stand up for myself and I'm glad I did and I spoke calmly and clearly the whole time. Within a couple of years, I was the person who had advanced into the position of authority and she is always respectful to me now. I don't have any advice for you because I haven't seen your boss do this or observed how you respond. However, I'm guessing that there may be a way for you to stand up for yourself in a one-on-one situation where you tell her how this is impacting you negatively and also tell her what you would prefer instead, to receive the criticism privately and respectfully. But, again, that's just what I would do. You'll have to use your best judgement.
Bless your heart Alex, I’m not trying to criticize you but can you turn off the background noise/music? It’s very distracting! Not sure why videos continue to play background music/noise in a tutorial? I am completely dumbfounded!??
I don't have music in my videos anymore. This video is several years old.
This is something I struggle with, even though I have to deal with it rather regularly. I'm in a fine arts degree program. On one side I have family and most of society telling me that my choices in career objectives are poor choices, even though I'm good at what I do, and I enjoy what I make. So when I sit down with my peers and my professors for bi weekly critiques of my work, the criticism is even harsher than what I hear at home. So I feel like I'm constantly being weathered by critical comments, which causes me to become more and more introverted, and listen less and less to what others have to say.
I'm not in the arts anymore but I used to be a musician. I also currently make videos and publish writing. So, I'm no stranger to getting criticism. To me, there are two issues here. One is critiquing my life choices. Those are my choices to make. If somebody thinks I'm choosing the wrong career, that's really not for them to say. They can worry about their own life. The second isssue is critiquing the quality of my work. I have found certain field's of study unnecessarily critical to the point where almost none of it is helpful. You ask 10 people their opinion and you get different critiques. So, I typically see if there is any actual overlap in the opinions I'm hearing. If I feel that feedback is helping me genuinely improve, then I take the advice. In contrast, if it seems like the other person is just trying to make me more like them or more like their work, then I ignore it. So, the bottom line is that you do have to put up boundaries and learn to tune out many types of criticism and only listen to criticism that helps you improve your skills or who you are.
I see criticism as an opportunity to grow. I want to understand a person's point of view. I can see how I can improve if I like their suggestions. Open dialogue is important for progress. I can be a better and more successful person with criticism.
I have a strong distaste for society's current approach on criticism. Many companies and small creators often see criticism as an attack or misinformation. They only see criticism in a bad manner with ill intentions. I criticized a company for a poorly designed theme on Wordpress, and they wrongly accused me of writing a fake review.
I run a small business. I cut ties with people, who refuse to accept criticism. I only want to work with people and connect with people, who want to grow.
To deal with some criticism I received, I searched and found your video! Then I watched it and felt affirmed that I could relax and use the criticism to water my inner garden 🪴
Very nice episode this is a lot information of criticism
How do handle someone who is continually critiquing thinking they’re helping?
I’d have to know more about the specifics before I gave you any advice. For example, are we talking about a professional, work situation? What is the relationship of this person to you? Are they supervisor, subordinate, or peer? Aside from the constant unsolicited advice, how is the quality of the relationship otherwise? And what kind of things are they giving you feedback on? The more detail the better so that I can better put myself in your shoes.
@@alexanderlyon a long time friend who on one hand has been supportive during my difficult times yet on the other hand has always been very rough with me verbally. Sort of like a scolding mother but not my actual mother. I finally said something about it after years of holding it in and she couldn’t receive it. she acts as though I’m the one who has done something wrong when I feel liberated for finally taking a stand about how she speaks to me.
It's good that you finally talked about your view/feelings to her. Now that you've said it, be sure to maintain that boundary. She may not be able to receive it because she's not sure how else she might relate to you. Some people see themselves in a superior role (e.g., superior-subordinate). They like to be the smart one, the wise one, the teacher, the person who others look up to in the conversation. It sounds like she fell into that role during your difficult times. One cheap way to stay in that role is to continue to give unsolicited advice. It sounds like you want to talk like equals and she may not be sure how to do that. I wasn't there to hear the conversation but it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. It's not wrong to establish a boundary and ask somebody to back off with the advice. She may have had her feelings hurt because she was humbled but that may be because she positioned herself "above" you in the relationship. I wish you the best with it. My advice is to politely and respectfully maintain the boundary that maintains an equal conversational status between you both.
@@alexanderlyon thank you for the advice and reply!
Bless your heart but, I liked this video.
People should not take it personally
Hey Alex thanks man. how do we criticize people?
I may be making a video on that in the future. They are totally different skills, though. But, when in doubt, it's usually only a good idea to offer constructive feedback if directly asked for your opinion. One common mistake professionals make is to offer their unsolicited feedback.
Hi Alex
my name is Lukas and I have down syndrome I need to understand why I listen to Criticism feedback ? and not to get Involve
Can you all just throw your harshest criticisms at me? I really need to hear them.
I respond to criticism with Joe mama. And if the person chooses to continue with criticism like let me tell you what else is wrong with you. I respond Joe mama. Joe mama is short and to the point.
I don't vote until I hear the 2nd opinion
Nice video I like it
How do I know if something is a criticism?
Waiting for reply.....
Huhh? You dont know? Learn more bro..
@@MiddleSumatra it sounds more like an insult rather than a criticism.
@@Unknown-ti6lw well, for me that is a criticism. They judge us and told us to build up.
1. "You are stupid."
2. "You should learn more, you are not really good at it"
Both actually have the same meaning,
Insult is in the brutal way, criticism is long words bla bla bla in expressing dislike.
@@MiddleSumatra so is criticism like saying that you are stupid and need to go and study more in a more politely manner?
The problem is, how to handle critical virgo people
Negging is often disguised as "constructive criticism"... because the person offering the feedback lacks the courage to be a leader.
That's very true.
I recently commented on my classmate phto(good comment) and he is from other religion (dn wnt to mention the religion)..after somedays,some of troll pages strtd putting screenshot of that comments and mention me in some of troll pages,so i dno y...bt thy wr lke...how dare you commnt on a pic of boy who isn't out religion,so this made me feel lke..wt is all happening
Tht purticular trollers don't even know me nor him
We are just a clssmts and i dno y is tht happened 🙄🙄🤦♀️
Jesus was criticized *wrongly*.
I think this should be said better
I'm a committed Christian. I love Jesus. Most people who watch my channel know that about me.
I love you voice