Why do you keep attracting narcissists?
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- Опубліковано 30 вер 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Me: "What is it about me that attracts these toxic people??"
My therapist: "Nothing, because you don't ATTRACT them. They try it with everyone and you're the one who feels guilty enough to put UP with them."
Wow! Light bulb moment for me Thank you for that. ♥️
phemyda94, I like that! Guilt is one of their major ploys! Nice people often fall for it.
@@notagain779 Which is so ironic because they never feel guilty themselves. At best, they feel ashamed when caught redhanded.
Boom 💥 that’s me
phemyda94 why do we always feel guilty?
Everytime I think I have healed, I attract another one. So now I just stay single.
We’re out here but we’re just as cautious of you as you are of us 🤷♂️
Yep! Once I make my exit, I will not date. Too tired of this BS. I'd rather be alone and at peace. I do not want to risk investing/wasting any time with another narc.
@@exile3119 I absolutely get you, I felt in the past years actually, only since around 1-2 months I am starting to change in this regard. But know that it is not worth to give up on people because of some that are bad apples. Work on yourself and learn to identify them, and then to protect from them..like what actualy behaviours to look for and what actual behaviours to apply when that happens. it might seem hard at first, but if you find great information and you put yourself out there with those principles in mind, you will see that you will train your intuition, and it will get better. you will develop a new skill, and a very useful one in life, and trust me if you get the right information on the topic, it will not even take that much, a couple of months + practice, in my opinion. you need people as much as everyone else, and you need people that can love you and not abuse you. and cutting yourself from that is detrimental for your own sake. what I see working for me, is educating myself on the matter, as I said before. hope you will be well, take care.
Girl same 😩
Same
Biggest reason we get caught up with these people - because we give everybody the benefit of the doubt that’s why 😏
Pepps33 you’re 💯 on point 👍🏼!
I feel like I’m a narcissist magnet 🧲 because I feel that I’m always trying to rescue men .
Exactly!! So well said! 👏🏻👏🏻💖
Yep!
Absolutely!!! And make excuses
I realized that being forgiving is a good thing, but it doesn’t mean I have to put up with the abuse from anyone.
Amen!!!!! Forgiveness doesn't mean reconnecting.
Jesus said "forgive" not "take crap from them all the time"
@@kynathomas4809 And you do not have to forgive if you are not ready. I have heard people saying that you just MUST forgive so you can heal. Maybe, but leave that decision to me, if you please!
I would say the forgiveness might be for ourselves
I can forgive a frightened dog for trying to bite me. That doesn’t mean I’ll put my hand near its mouth.
My childhood conditioning and grooming by my parents made me the perfect Narc magnet. Scarily, even the friends I attracted were mostly Narcs. Having made excuses for wrong behaviour all my life, I just went on accepting more. I was a willing doormat. I’m learning to turn that around into strength now. Being more cautious about how much of myself I give, and to whom, with healthy boundaries. Looking forward to being more empowered through your videos, Dr Ramani!
Keep the good work dear!! Be strong for urself😍
Nelumbo Nucifera, My childhood conditioning, also. Our parents wanted us to be nice children - a joy to be around. Sounds reasonable, right? My mother said to me, "Make sure everyone knows you like them!" Being popular meant a lot to her, and she had a lot of friends, but some did also take advantage of her kindness. She forgot to add to be sure not to throw your pearls before swine, since not everyone you meet in life will be worthy of your time and attention. Looks to me like you're on the right path!💪🙂 Thank god for Dr. Ramani!
Yes we are people pleasers and ...."Boom" there it is.
Same here, Nelumbo. I was shocked to find I was surrounded by them. I nearly had to reinvent my whole life. Lots of grief and sadness but I have a much more peaceful life now.
I understand your words completely. I also have a few 'friends' that treat me really badly and it's taken me years to identify what's wrong. And I've allowed these people to nearly destroy me.
They're everywhere too! Recognize and discard quickly.
Agree! once you know about them you see them everywhere
Yep! They are EVERYWHERE!
@@pam164 glad the word is getting out....empaths are rising up!💐
This is it!
Everyyywherrrre is right haha
I'm kind of glad I went through this experience. It makes me feel like God has something bigger and better for me down the road
I feel the same way! I'm in a terrible situation but I'm feeling so positive that great things are going to happen. Good luck 🤞
In my case, everybody is thinking on the narcisist, I just exist as a piece to make him happy. Nobody thinks that I deserve someone who makes ME happy. I am object to be used.
In my case everybody is thinking on the narcisist. I just exist as a piece to make him happy. Nobody thinks that I deserve someone who makes ME happy. I am an object to be used.
Okay, so he has put you in a living hell situation but you're glad because you think he has something better for you down the road? Sound familiar?
Amen!
People pleaser, rescuer, mistaking control for confidence are 3 of mine both in seeking partners or staying with employers. Thank you for helping me understand the patterns I have!
Great comment. Eye opening.
"What is a narcissist magnet?"
*looks it up in dictionary*
Oh, there it is. Me. There's a picture of me right there.
Linzer; you can change that!
You must have boundaries!
You must respect yourself and not allow people to disrespect you.
Recognize their tactics such as blame-shifting and gaslighting.
Have a two strike rule.
If someone hurts you twice, dump them like a load of bad asphalt!
Drop them and move on.
Narcs look for people-pleasers.
They need someone with low self-esteem to take advantage of and use for negative supply by playing games.
Make people earn your trust.
Open up slowly.
If you start seeing red flags... it's time to cut they off!
Master the Greyrock so they get starved of any supply.
People who care don't try to trick you in any way.
Learn to trust your gut.
Watch out for a stony face and cold, flat, dead-looking eyes.
Be very selective about who you let in your life.
Snap
@@vernetta111 Thanks!😁
@@pegasus5148 Damn straight!! The time for change is NOW!! Thank you for the thoughtful support!!
@@Lindsay-Makes-Videos You bet!
I was raised by two coverts and it was awful.
Narcissist know what they are and they know who you are!
They know you are an empath.
They will use you to get what is known as negative narcissistic supply.
This means that they are going to target you for abuse.
Narcs know that emotional abuse is hidden.
They use gaslighting to keep you confused.
That is why you never want to confront them because you will only be giving them supply because you are reacting to something they've done.
They gradually and insidiously work destroying your self-esteem so that they can keep you in an abuse cycle that they want to see perpetuate.
That is why you get the feeling that this person is hot and cold.
It is the sweet mean cycle of abuse.
Once you're fully awake you'll never be able to go back to sleep and that is the good part.
Work on mastering the gray rock because this will starve them out.
They need you to emotionally react in order to get fed.
So, if you become stoic and silent, then they cannot get any satisfaction.
Remember they're attracted to people-pleasers.
You can be kind and courteous without over giving of yourself.
People who care will respect your boundaries.
Narcs hate them because it cuts off their opportunity to use you for supply.
Thank you Dr Ramani: -- "Don't hand over your best traits to the narcissistic lowest bidder; save them for the people who deserve to see the best parts of yourself."
And at this point, patience is a virtue. Because it may take some time. It’s good but anguishing at times.
I see any signs of narcissism i am out of there quick as a flash.
Me too now that I've been through decades of abuse.
I am at the point where I am trying to perfect how I deal with narcissists. I can spot them and know to stay away from them. But sometimes you work with them or they are just in the community, friends of friends, etc.
I wish there was a forum where people talk about different scenarios and specifically how they deal with them.
I had on VERY informal dinner date ...we were both on our way to work....then the lockdown happened. After that, just phone calls and not even unusually often. We were talking about the economy and all the uncertainties ...wasn’t whining, just the general situation....and the man offered to help finance me!!! WTH??!! Giant red flag!! Exit, stage left!
Who the hell offers to support someone with whom he has spent only 45 minutes?
@@MsKK909 I had a similar thing happen. Actually it was the same thing. I didn't ask either I was just talking about the above. He offered me money too. I knew it right there. There were other signs too. He really didn't even have the money from what I gather because the next day he was asking for donations to get insurance on his van to help the needy. I knew and let him discard me to avoid problems.
@K H I wish I could do that.
People with a bright light soul attract people lost in the darkness of theirs.
Light attracts darkness.
And vice versa.
This is true.
@@helenhighwater5313 Darkness masquerading as light is what works as vice versa.
HelenHighwater once you recognize your light you become repulsed by darkness and no longer attracted to it
Yep💯💚
Empaths, conscientious, principled, need to remember that the cold blooded Narcissist wouldn't hesitate to drop you in a heartbeat if they were no longer obtaining benefit from you. You view them as someone to love, protect, sacrifice for. Narcissists view you as a financial transaction and when thing's go wrong, an annoying inconvenience.
You are so right! Even after 14 years...out of the blue. Things ok in the morning, suddenly disgarded in the evening. It's devastating.
Politicians
That hit me hard! thank you for sharing such inspiring truth
Stephanya Lisova That's exactly right and people have wasted many years with highly narcissistic, or worse, "partners," only to find out that they were having affairs, or left to be with a younger source of fuel, as HG Tudor calls it. He also calls his targets appliances, which is a clear, albeit confronting, way to state that fellow humans are objects he uses when necessary. 😥
True !!!
One thing I noticed after leaving a narc relationship, is when I looked back, I realized how fast the situation went. Like they just do sooo much sooo fast you don’t even have time to think about things before agreeing, etc. I am learning that pumping the breaks can get them off of you. Knowing your boundaries: don’t pick up the phone every time they call, tell them you can’t meet today you need to schedule it around your time, tell them “let me think about it and get back to you” , ask question for clarity. I feel like they’re impatient af and this will turn them off if you’re not a “yes man/woman.” They’ll have you feeling super happy at first, then stressed, then insecure and all this bs in a matter of DAYS … WEEKS. Don’t let it go on for months or years, R U N.
This happened to me this weekend. Met a girl and went in quick with her manipulation. She had nothing good to say about me , only things she said was to put me down. I saw a lot of myself in her so I had empathy, but god damn did I get overtaken quick.
I had a similar experience… it was 0-100, I was so caught up I felt like I was on drugs and was allowing behavior I wouldn’t necessarily allow in other relationships. He 100% fed on guilt and nurturing side… sick part is, I actually watched him try to get sympathy from other people in front of me and I never thought that that’s why he “chose” me because other people weren’t giving him the attention for the sympathy like I did. JESUS
Speed here is the key to the the tea 👍
Finally got rid of my narc ex bestie😌 After a whole year, now that I look back, I feel what made me sooo tolerant that I didn't block her sooner😂
Because we have something that they will never have: empathy and a golden heart!
Have a lovely weekend people! ❤️
so true thanks have a great day.
Get me in trouble, sadly
@@larryjbro you are lovable, never forget that ❤️
Well said Alexandra! Briefly and clearly. Have a lovely weekend too! Deborah from The Netherlands
@@deborahbloem1325 Thank you so much, Deborah ❤️ I am half Portuguese, half-Dutch. So good to receive a greeting from my other half country :) Have a lovely weekend :)
You attract a whole lot of people, including narcs. You will continue to attract narcs not because there is a problem with you, but because they are the predators attracted to you. And since there are so many in our society, you will continue to meet some.
All you can do is learn to spot them and walk out as soon as you identify them.
I'd say they're more akin to parasites than predators
A perfect response
Just attracted one at work. As soon as I said no to his offer to drive me at my house telling him I don't know him to accept the kind gesture he changed how is he treating me at work. I guess I am now in devaluation phase🤔
No many, but easy to spot, 🤢🤮
I have a bubbly personality, am positive, always try to understand the other. I was also raised with the typical characteristics of how a woman should behave: pleasing, nice, sweet, caring. So when I came across a narcissist and I told him no, I suffered immensely thinking I hurt him, doubting my decision, and I felt sad. Due to the way I have been raised to be a kind, sweet and pleasing girl, but I also realised that I need to trust my intuition and that it is okay to say no to people who hurt you. There is no reason to stay in a relationship with them. Hurt people hurt people.
That is a very good explanation. I am also happy and positive and try to give good and honest advice but these narcissists don't want that, they want someone they can control. This is how we attract them. I now keep to myself & sometimes I am even rude when people step over me....but maybe I should've always been like this & protected myself. I realize all my mistakes in the past.
I read "women who run with the wolves" and I really did away with being the nice and naive woman.
I still haven't had non narcissistic friends. But the narcissists are not staying any longer. I am bad supply.
@@dancinginthepurplereign4126 - Sounds like I should read that book too.
@@RACHELORI Life changing book. I strongly recommend it. Good luck on your journey ❤❤
@@dancinginthepurplereign4126 - thank you, I will check it out.
I learned SO MUCH more about myself a few years ago - due to a narcissistic ‘friend’ that was attempting to groom me for a promotion. I’m so glad I listened to my instincts, researched his weird behaviours and found this channel. I have since instilled heathy boundaries across the board and am living my best life. Thank you!!
I’m glad they all act and say the same things. They all tell on themselves. Now if I see one red flag, I’m gone, no matter the nature of the relationship.
After dealing with my probably a narc ex for 21 years and my mother (aka the queen of head games), I don’t want to be with anyone. The idea of being alone, just me and my little farm, is very appealing. I have 4 very close friends and 2 great kids. That’s enough.
Me too!! Unfortunately I lost all my pets with my home and divorce. So happy that you have your farm. Too funny, I have exactly four super close friends and my two kids. Enjoy your PEACE!!!
Sylvia Oesterwinter I’m selling my place to move back home to where my friends are. On top of the narcissistic traits, my ex is unmedicated ADHD who won’t take meds because he doesn’t think it’s a problem. Our counselor told him very much was, but you know, ex is always right. 🤦🏻♀️ He also comes from a family of hoarders. I got the house in the divorce, so I’m trying to clean all the junk out, finish all the half done projects, sell it, and move 600 miles away with horses, dogs, cats, kids, and chickens. I keep telling myself this time next year it will just be a memory. I can do it.
Jo C4255 all the very best 😻
you are lucky
Your life sounds very good, I might do something just like that after 30 years of being with a narcissist. I don’t mind being by myself.
Always take note of your surroundings when you let a new person into your life. Meeting the wrong person at a time when you're lonely and suffering, can easily fool you into thinking you've found the 'one'.
I got caught up with mine because I came from an abusive home. I was beaten by my father and was unable to move out, so i looked at my guy as a way out of my situation. Had i met him when I was in a more stable environment, I would have *NEVER* given him the time of day.
Stay alert, friends!!
I needed to hear this, thankyou
I'm guilty of looking for my knight and shining armor too. You really have to dig deep and find a way out of the situation.
Noted
Omg, that my story too, I hate my dad, he put me in a situation where in alot of people bullied me and narciistic people abused me and my ex molested me multiples times, cause I kept going to him cause I wanted an escape
I did this too
I attract the narcissist because I’m the responsible one.The one that cares and is willing to be understanding and forgiving . Basically the one who’s caring all the weight in the relationship. It’s the dam lie the fake reality that the narcissist projects and deceives is that gets us hooked. The love bombing , the future faking of wanting to be boyfriend and girlfriend, the wanting to move in together or talk about marriage, having children after only a few weeks or months is what sucks us in. It’s like we found our soul mate at first . But the reality of the situation is an evil damaged person is who you are with. And no amount of trying to , fix them , forgive them will save your relationship. Narcissist are permanently damaged people who can’t give 100% of themselves. You can’t build a house on a quick sand foundation , located upon an earth quake prone street. Cut your losses and let karma get its revenge
Niles Guy, well said!! Exactly how I feel. 💪🏼
💯 Nice Guy...oh Niles my bad
Here’s my devil‘s advocate question …As a highly developed empath and a HSP, I can fall in love - want to move in together and talk about ( intentions of) marriage in the first weeks-why am I not a narcissist? Why can I feel these things and not be a manipulator
( I recently have analyzed these behaviors and will not be doing these in the future but I still have the question… Thank you)
@@nicolenicole319 I think it’s because feeling those things doesn’t make you a narcissist. But a narcissist will say those things so you get trapped with them. Because if you don’t marry them or have children with them quickly you will realise they’re a narcissist and leave
@@nicolenicole319 Were you a neglected child of a single mother? With no sibling?
I grew up in a home with narcs and I was engaged to one, married to one and have dated several. I’m sick of them! They’re everywhere!!! I’m hoping since my recent discard, I have better discernment. My ex was a narc hybrid that you recently talked about. That’s what threw me off. Plus, we both worked two jobs and were apart except for weekends the last six months of the relationship. I started to put up boundaries and he got irritated, which led to the discard. I was no longer cooperative. Very painful. He and I are in our 50s. Since I knew him for 35 plus years, I thought I was “safe”. 😞
Yeah, they are everywhere. Male and female, in professional and private relationships.
Oh snap! I think you’re my TWIN. Trying myself to get out now, just hard shaking this MN off my leg!
@@tammyturner7988 keep trying until you succeed! You can do it!
I think that's the hardest part, if u knew them from previously in a platonic nature before becoming romantically involved with them. It is like it puts you at such a less aware state. It seemed like I was able to easily excuse behaviors that if it was anyone else I was getting to know the first time, I would be like, "Goodbye" without hesitation. It became so easy to convince myself to overlook red flags bc of the original persona I had in my mind of them. I would often explain away that "they are not that type of person" and continue to move forward without thought.... essentially, cognitive dissonance. It also became the hardest part of coming to a place of acceptance of who he was once truth and the mask that started to fall off came into the light. That original perception was what really messed with my head after the madness was over or I was discarded. It makes you question your entire ability or instincts in assessing people as being "safe" to allow in ur life in the future🫣
They are everywhere and sometimes it’s hard not to think you’re insane or the issue. Family, friends, partners, peers😅, work, etc..
"These qualities might play out beautifully in other (healthier) relationships, but with the narcissistic those qualities get taken advantage of." So true.
At the end of a 30+ marriage to a narcissist, I began to see a therapist and she shared a tip. When you have to be around the narc, pretend you are in a protective cylinder. It's made of strong material and you are safe inside. It's filled with love, self-nurturing vibes. Create your boundary and keep to it. Peace and love fellow warriors
Thanking you mightily for this sage, concrete idea....I'm going to 'borrow' it if you don't mind!
“At the end of a 30 + marriage to a narcissist” ….. me too. 😢
Time for a new therapist. That's ridiculous!
I’ve wondered this..it’s happened to me 3 times all 3 with different levels of narcissism..& I’m a nurse, so I’m everyone’s rescuer 😒
Same
@Dawn Green do elaborate what you mean: amongst clients or co-workers? I am about to enter the helping profession of Occupational Therapy myself. Thanks
I’m a nurse as well and I’ve attracted multiple narcs. I literally try to save everyone. It’s exhausting
I have two narcissistic friends. One is more egoistic than the other but one thing common in both of them is that they are very very sensitive to criticism. But they like to criticise others and expect others to take the criticism very positively and accept what they saying. But if you criticise them then thats your worst mistake . They will attack you in every possible way and they really get very nasty.
Ugh that's one of THE most irritating traits of narcissists! Like where is the self-awareness or empathy smh. But it's also one of the easiest red flags to spot from a person early on
@@Dagaleeoromo yeah . As dr ramani says dealing with one is like "walking on egg shells" is absolutely true.
@@jimjung172 my last relationship with a malignant narcissist and did a few days ago and it was only just over a month and he said that he was walking on eggshells… As if! Luckily, I know the red flags and added them all up together and asked him to leave permanently… Broke my heart but at least I realized it sooner than later… There’s an epidemic of narcissist out there… It’s very tragic
My ex narcissist is like that. He laid criticism of you on thick, but boy if you dared criti
In the toxic relationship with my ex the red flags kept on presenting themselves but I consistently ignored them. And paid the price
I was so frustrated with myself that I had repeatedly ignored my better judgement and enabled her to continue extracting supply
Hi, thanks it’s very interesting. I attract narcs like a magnet, overt, covert and PERVERT. Especially covert. Woman or men. As soon as they see me they want to destroy me.
I never ever understood why. I only knew they were toxic. I would probably say that overt narcs are the least dangerous.
Your series are all brilliant.
Now I can recognise all of narc categories very well from instant 0, at a first glance. Even covert narcs. They say specific things in a specific way that uncover them.
The sad thing is that my mother is in the narc spectrum and her sister is pervert. They were raised up by 1 pervert narc father and alcoholic mother. Outside everything had to look perfect. My father is co-dependent. I developed a dysfunctional empathy. Yes, it is dysfunctional because it made me excuse the abuse many times. Until now. I learned about it. And I CUT OFF ALL narcs. Some family members included. I don’t feel guilty. I feel so good. And especially at PEACE with myself. Thanks Doctor Ramani.
‘As soon as they see me they want to destroy me’ 💯 agree emymant AND coverts are more insidious as everything they do is deniable. At least overts are obvious and you can identify them fast and then get the hell away 😻
I SCREAMED when I read pervert 💀💀
Thank you doctor Ramani. As a magnet for narcissistic partners I appreciate all your help. Great content!
The same here loool 🥴🥴
Heal the trauma where it started. Once you do you’ll learned to love yourself. And you will never be abused again. cause you’ll see the red flags right away and walk away before it leads to the path you were once on. Believe me I am living proof of a survivor of many years of abuse. I got out and saved myself and will never allow anyone to abuse me again. Sending prayers to all
Because I spent a lot of time in the performing arts world the past five years, I've encountered so many narcissists that I lost all interest in dating. I feel it's better to be on my own than getting stuck in a relationship that will make me feel miserable and doubtful about myself.
Dating has become a mine field in this day and age. I think we all need to slow down in how we give our trust and hearts to others. We need to scrutinize people more.
Date outside of performing arts scene. There are many in that scene because they have access to soooo much supply. I see it in the salsa dance scene also.
I was just talking about this last night. I got blindsided by a friend that turned ugly on a dime. I have been watching your videos to help see the situation in a different light.
Dr. Ramani, I now see where I've had vulnerabilities that were taken advantage of. I love how practical you are, and how well you explain things. Can't wait to hear more!❤️
I think most relationships I've had in my life, including my family, have been with narcissists. Which could be why I gave up on close relationships many years ago and went from being very sociable, with a good sense of humour and loving being part of a work team or in a love relationship (that always ended in tears or me needing to flee to escape baiter or manipulator) to just feeling safer on my own. It gets lonely but having no dramas and putdowns in my life is worth it. Even though I'd love be able to meet people I can feel safe around, I think I've settled for this safer rut
I think my empathy amd lack of boundaries is what attracts them to me. I really don't know how to live with my empathy, it's the worst thing that happened to me. It is exhausting when you're surrounded with narcisists.
me too
Try compassion instead of empathy. Read Sam Harris/Buddhism
As an empath, try and look at the world from the outside by letting yourself get uncomfortable physically.
Meaning when you feel for someone, rather than lean in and feel for them and get sucked into their world, feel the physical discomfort you get from their emotional state instead. Once you make the discomfort a habit, it’s a form of boundary that allows you to see the outside world for how it is, rather than through your empathic eyes.
Embrace that discomfort because focusing on the discomfort rather than emotion/other person steers your attention away from what might be a toxic person. Also as you get used to being uncomfortable, it stops feeling uncomfortable if that makes sense.
I hope that made sense. I’m still trying to puzzle it all together myself..
Unconsciousness. Since my eyes are open I can not NOT see anymore.
if your eyes would be open, you would see that doctor ramani is a sociopath, the emotional expression are all acted, she intelligently use her muscles, nothing is natural, all meant to deceive. see that and your eyes are truely open, because not only narcissist exist. the sociopathic people act like the nicest people, but are all fake. at least you see naricissist, thats a good thing for the start, keep looking ;)
@@johndoe-jt7iz even if she is, she is definitely helping a lot of people 🤷🏽
john doe So many narcissists and psychopaths work as “therapists”. They are the worst predators on the planet. Because above everything, society has been brainwashed to believe them.
@@claudiacastillo5898 i agree fully with you. thats gonna change, i believe so.
You are just mad , because you are figured out. She can't be more normal and natural in her expressions. You are picking a fight with the wind my dear. I not only see, but avoid like pest. You narc turning my stomach upside down.
Grew up w a narc father, empath mother, borderline sister. Definitely fell into a pattern in my twenties - at one point I had a male narc housemate, was dating his narc best friend and my boss was a flaming narc too. The pennies dropped and I’ve worked hard on the pattern, and it’s definitely gotten better but I still have to be on my guard.
Me too!!! The bpd sister the worst!!!!
Something I learned recently* forgiveness is given, but TRUST is earned!
Tresspassers want you to forgive and forget. I'm of the opinion that forgiveness requires repentance. If those often needing forgiveness never repent sometimes the only correst response is to tell yopurself, "I forgive them. And next they're forgotten.
If not forgotten, then at least blocked.
thank you for these videos. I’ve enjoyed getting my day started watching these because it gives me strength. It’s been very healing for me! So thank you 🙏🏽
THIS right here.... is the ONLY aspect of the subject of narcissism that INTERESTS me.
Check out Dr. Ross Rosenberg
Thank you, eyes wide open, today i walked away from a narcissist now their in a sulk because I did, i am so very happy am going my own way...love this series thanks again...
Someone is glowing alot today, sharing wisdom with others must really make you happy:)
Like attracts like - not the other way around . It’s because you have unhealed emotional wounds that you still have yet to see and take care of in yourself so you attract a mirror relationship- in other words somebody who mirrors those unhealed aspects so that you can see them. The universe will always brings you a vibrational match to the current vibration that you’re holding. So unfortunately a low vibration narcissist is a match to you because you are also in someway vibrating at a frequency consistent with the insecurity of narcissist. If you have a secure sense of self aka good boundaries you will no longer be a victim of people that you allow to exploit you . That pull will no longer be there when you deal with those unresolved issues and get stronger . Narcs look for weak spots and prey on those who know no better . It’s not your fault until you know better . You may still attract them when you get better but you’ll be too smart and strong to fall for their traps .
Hi, you're right. So I thought too, that's why I can't hate the narcissist, but I thanked her at the end of the relationship. She didn't expect it .....
Ha! Vibrations? Try alcohol. Thank God I only ever attracted one. Unfortunately had kids with him and will never be totally free.
@Zachariah I get what you're saying but I think it's just a fancy way of saying "birds of a feather flock together". It's very true! People's state of normalcy varies and they gravitate/bond to those whose state of normal matches theirs. What's healthy (or normal) and what isn't is up to you to decide.
Thank you.
Zachariah read it again
Thank you for being a beacon in showing an underworld I didn’t know existed. After being raised by a narcissist mother I married one and fell into the cavernous hole. I’m happy to say I left within 15 hours of attempted triangulation so I had that much respect for my time!
Wondering 🤔 if empaths get 2 votes next November?
Although my (now estranged) mother is my most destructive narc, I have had several friendships with narcs and I think my low-self esteem combined with being isolated socially as a child by my mother conditioned me to be the type of person who feels they must do nice things for their friends to keep them. This perception has made me a repeated target for narc friends who take advantage of me but are never there for me when I need them. Fortunately, as I have aged, I have become more cautious and selective about who I call a friend and I have learned the lesson that a few "true" friends is better than a lot of "users".
I am pleased that you, Dr Ramani, have decided to take on what parts of our personality attract narcissists to our lives. Sometimes I’ve felt as if I had a sign placed on my forehead that says “all narcs are welcome”.
Nothing could be more needed! Once again, my deepest thanks and congratulations for having your finger on the pulse of out times.
It seems to be more like a challenge for the narcissists, they want to change you into one of them. That will validate their pathetic lives.
Can’t wait for this series. Can definitely use some empath self defense.
As you say, I keep asking myself why and how I got into that situation, how I was so naïve. I realized I enabled it, I gave the benefit of the doubt many, many times, I rationalized and justified the red flags, I believed with great conviction and defended the good in the person. I just tell myself I am human, did not know better, and that I am not alone, many others go through this as well, sadly. This is a great community and I am very grateful for your support, knowledge, and the support of the community❤
I love this lady, she is such a natural when it comes to knowing narcissists
I wanna suggest creating some questions to ask on first dates so we can be more sure they are a narcissist or not!!! Love you, Dr 💞💞💞
Giovanna great idea and also try trusting your gut instincts - too many times I pushed away that gnawing feeling in my stomach that something wasn’t quite right - every time it happened the person turned out to be some form of narc 😻
Ask them what would you consider some of your weaknesses? The answer to that should send you on to three next candidate in no time!😆😆😆😆😆
@@ronesss33 that's so true. They have an unsettling nature to them. The space is always heavy... It's always like that. I should have followed it too, but in the end, it was better like this so I found out what he is so makes not second guess much!
@@alethiamillner5603 that's great, actually. Like pretend is a job interview and see what they say about themselves... I will apply that once I have the chance to be evaluating someone!
@@gioovannabp totally because they don't feel like they have any weaknesses because their soooo perfect! Another test is to tell them No just once it could be about the tiniest thing and they will either give v you the bone chilling narc stare, rage at you or give you the silent treatment, big babies I tell yah!😆😆😆
At age 65 I only heard the word narcissism for the first time just over a year ago and I've noticed that I have repeatedly handed myself over to the Narcissistic lowest bidder. Now that I am aware of this I'm going to ruthlessly clean house. **** the bastards.
Because they're flipping evetywhere?
Like the workplace.
True
Thank You for these series. I am an empath born to narcissists and I attract them! You are an amazing therapist 🌸
They need to teach narcissists personalities in high school as an required credit
Thank you so much. I really need to hear this. I just left my narcissistic husband today. I am afraid and I am trying to get my head straight.
Thanks Dr. Ramani
Studying narcissist is more intriguing than doing the heavy lifting of looking within oneself.
I don't romantically get involved with them but at church, school or social group they want to destroy me.
I attract narcissists because I don't stand up for myself and I don't have boundaries. But even when I stand up for myself and put up boundaries I still attract narcissists. I guess I'm just vulnerable to narcissists.
I understand what your saying. Grew up having both parents narcissistic and I was the one victimised by them. My siblings all treat me like crap. And I'm 'friends' with one of my sister-in-law, really don't know why - it's all about her, she's bullied me from day one - can't understand I'm 59 and can't get out of it.
@@jennyp4934 My parents and siblings all treat me like crap too. Everybody treats me like crap. I don't know how to stop people from picking on me. I'll always be bullied. I'm considering suicide. I can't live like this. It sucks being bullied all the time. I don't know why out of all the easy targets they pick me. It's always me.
Can they get close to your magnetic force.
Is there at least one that stands out from the rest?
@@pandoraw259 same lol I just embrace it
This is very important series.Many people need this.I am looking forward to see other videos in this series.I always wondered why was I magnet to bad people. Few years ago when I came across narcissism and dark triad ,my eyes opened.Thanks Dr Ramani.You are wonderful always.❤
Many times people who are magnets were abused in childhood.
You have been conditioned to tolerate the abuse.
Work on boundaries and respecting yourself.
Stop people-pleasing!
Master the Greyrock.
Make people earn your trust over time.
Never ignore your gut feeling.
Recognize red flags of gaslighting.
Once you are on to them, you will spot them quickly and dispatch them from your life.
Remember, they are out for supply.
Any sign of head games should be a deal breaker!
The question is, how do I forgive myself for allowing my narcissistic ex to always come back into my life and do so much damage? I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt as he continued to be emotionally abusive. I’ve lost so much because of him, and I keep getting angry at myself for not listening to my instincts. I figured out he was a narcissist years ago, but for some reason, I didn’t want to believe it. Now, I’m dealing with so much pain and anger, it’s overwhelming. It’s awful.
Forget about forgiving yourself right now. Take action. Are you gone, no contact? First things first 💪🏼💐
Just drop the fantasy youre still keeping alive about him
read “why does he do that” by lundy bancroft
They love naïve, forgiving big hearted ppl
Good morning sunshine ☀️ 👸🏻🌷☕️ thank you so much 😊 you made my day 🙋🏼♀️😁 God bless you 🙌🏻 have a beautiful weekend 💗
I’m only giving and forgiving in romantic relationships. Everyone else I can have boundaries with 🤦🏽♀️
I was asking myself this question this morning. I seem to be a magnet. In fact, I broke no contact yesterday. I feel so conflicted when it concerns "him." I'm looking forward to this series.
You can do it DeAnna! Forgive yourself and try the no contact again. I've been out of a toxic relationship with a narc 15 years and now have a wonderful life partner who deserves my kindness.
There are some beautiful people out there who can love you like you deserve to be loved.
The narcs flock to me like flies on sh*t. Getting tired of it.
Oh Doctor Ramani, I love you so much and what you're doing to educate us. Thank you so much! And bless your heart. My every ritual when I wake up is sipping my coffee, I paint something while I listen and watch your latest video. Please keep blessing us with your knowledge and wisdom everyday. More love and power to you, you wonderful woman! ♥️✨💪🏾
I keep attracting manipulative ppl and covet narcs.. even my friend noticed it. I guess it’s cause when I was a kid I never got the complete love I got from my parents. Only my granny cared for me, I only had my granny loving me. So growing up I subconsciously long for attention and anyone who can offer me so called love and attention. It all stems from childhood but I don’t wish for it to ruin my chances of meeting ppl who genuinely love and care for me.
Perfect timing for this series for me! Thank you ❤
I think they equate goodness with gullibility.
Dr. Ramani, Don't you look nice in your green sweater with the backdrop. Look lovely doc. ;)
I think it's bc of the confusion they cause in general, especially in children, the victims feel, constantly, in youth, with concepts we couldn't understand or address. Narcs are really good, to me, not as much as a magnets, but they come to make us feel that we stay because of the "comfortable chaos" of their world. Normalizing what is not normal. I think it's wonderful that psychology is caught up/catching up to real dynamics in relationships, putting a label on it (thus validating the victims feelings), it has lead me to a much greater UNDERSTANDING; and on the path to telling the #narc good riddance. ;) Thank you for your videos. You're a real influencer/educator/life changer.You are appreciated Dr. Ramani!
Hi Dr Ramani, Can I please request you when you refer to the narcissist please use a he or she pronoun not just ‘he’ it seems you only seems to be referring to narcissists as being ‘he’. There are too many of us men have suffered and suffering at the hands of female narcissists.
Beautiful! This video is amazing. Thank you Dr. Ramani, you are helping a lot of people out here with your kindness and your wealth of knowledge and experience. This one is a great video and I have learned to keep my eyes wide open and be so careful and choose wisely about who I want to share myself with. Just mainly be aware and step away if need be. I know this has caused me much trouble in my past because I have always been too nice or too friendly to the wrong types. I just didn't understand about narcissism and now I can be more selective when I see the signs. I always loved most about myself how kind I would want to be to all people and it has taken me a long time to realize that I must not share everything with everyone. Yes, I can still be kind, but now I can see some signs or patterns that I never looked at before in myself and in others. Thank you so much! Hugs to you for all that you do to be so kind in helping many people. Blessings to you.
You’re so smart about this!! Yes I’m a magnet for narcissistic people! I keep trying boundaries and videos but it’s like I always fall for it. I wish I knew what I’m doing wrong. This totally sucks friends and people I’m dating. Wow the world must be made of mostly selfish narcissistic people! It’s like I’ll never understand.😥
Thank you, Dr. Ramani for guiding me through a traumatic narcissist breakup. Your videos were so helpful in navigating such a hurtful separation. Now my focus is on healing, don't even know where to start. I have am so grateful that you share so much wisdom about narcissism on this platform.
Joan, I found a piece I believe was intentionally put in my path at around your stage.
NO REMORSE
NO IF-ONLYS
JUST THE ALERTNESS OF BEING
After going through it with a few you learn a lot, when it’s friends there’s an easy solution you just quietly let them go. But what about when it’s your father? Someone you respect to a fault. That’s where it gets tough.
You are awesome Dr Ramani... The way you teach and the fact that you are telling your audience that the magnetic qualities that attract narcissists into our lives are sometimes the best qualities we possess. We just need to be mindful that they can become weaknesses when we are in a relationship with a narcissistic person. Thanks so much.
When you are around a normal person you can usually feel their energy and who they are that they are not malevolent,
But when around a narcissist i feel like your cant sense that. You cant sense their malevolence either because we cant fathom it. Instead we sense an unknown… perhaps this unknown reflect what we subconciously crave as being the ‘missing puzzle piece’ as its unknown.
Maybe no one particularily is attracted to narcs, but some have just learnt to open their awareness to that energy and decide conciously to avoid that unknown malevolent energy.
U can usually feel when something is not right with someone
Its that black hole or void. It just ends in chaos in relationships because they need you to compensate for what they feel they dont have. It never ends well
Good morning Dr, Ramani, Please have a relaxing weekend, many blessings.
Narcissistic traits may not be hereditary but it can be generational how the parents treated their children in the family or how the father treated their wives. My Kids notices how the way their dad treats me and it affects them. An attractive person is more likely to magnet narcs if he/she experienced a childhood trauma like me ( I was molested when I was 5 yrs old by a cousin) An attractive people magnet a lot of men and choose a narc because of their love bombing
The lighting and background darken the mood in this video . It seems irrelevant but it is distracting and takes away from the message which is more important.
I’m not trolling. I’m a former film student.
Thanks you for your time and work!😊
I am a magnet for them. I have been all my life. I think its because my nature is open,trusting, giving,and empathetic. I have to force myself to be the opposite. where on the other hand, narcissists are naturally mean,dark,selfish, they have to force themselves to be kind to people,if they know how.
Thank you for this series, I really needed this.
I feel hopeless, I'm always super attracted to narcissistic men and try to win they're approval. I'm starting to spot the pattern, I'm just worried I'll never feel that chemistry with a healthy man
This one is really eye opening. I've been raised by parents that were both narcissistic, my father was a cruel, bullying, malignant narcissist and my my mother was a covert, malignant narcissist. They trained me to think I had mental problems and to feel that I was stupid and because of that I was incredibly needy emotionally. Now in my 50s i have 1 sister in law that bullies me and I wish I could get rid of her, but she thinks she loves me - but she's super confident and bullies me constantly - she's really religious, so maybe she thinks her form of love is what she needs to do. It's all about her, I'm not important at all. Just need the strength to get away from her.
Have you tried the Grey Rock method - Dr Ramani has videos on it. Also worth looking at HG Tudor on UA-cam for other tips for getting the narc to lose interest in you. Good Luck
@@somethinginteresting2202 I am basically grey rock and they live in another town so I hardly see them. If I said no don't come there would be an all out explosion that would be unbearable for me. So when I see them I am grey rock, I couldn't be more If I tried. Being grey rock doesn't mean there aren't times of hurt. And bullies, bully.
I'm too nice,I've had two bosses that were narcissists and my husband is also ,they all come to me as needy until Im dependent on them for a paycheck or help with bills .
Cancerians will mostly attract narcissists. I should know, I'm one ...
They prey on the good hearted that are not aware of their tricks.
Learn their tactics.. because they all do the same type of crap to their victims.
Be aware of gaslighting and blame-shifting.
Watch out for a stony face and dead looking eyes.
Trust your gut...they will make you uneasy because they are heartless and fake!
Boundaries and more boundaries!
Stop people-pleasing!
Respect yourself and others and walk away quickly from anyone who doesn't respect you.
Master the Greyrock so you can starve them out of getting supply from you.
If you are emotionally reactive, they literally eat it up and it leaves you drained.
Greyrock them!
But Dr. Ramani there are so many narcissists I'm disgusted by and want nothing to do with but they are on me like white on rice what can I do or be aware of?
Magnet 🧲 here, hope to keep learning.
🙏
Being a people pleaser and conditioned not to say no
I love your content doc! Thank you❤️
If you walk around with your eyes closed you'll bump into thing's, if you try to climb a mountain blind you'll fall and perish, keep your eyes wide open, but mostly get what you deserve your worth it 👌
I learned that I had to "read a disclosure statement" the small print of a person's
personality. I tell them who I am and state up front that I like myself and I'm
unwilling to change myself for someone. That goes both ways. Saves time.
Stated like a challenge......there are some who like challenges! Be careful.
CH, that sounds somewhat narcissistic in itself. At the least rather cold and sterile. First date must be a riot
As long as I thought that I'm all clear and that my poor partner is narcisist, I did not leave the relationship. Instead I thought that I will save them.
The moment I realised that I want to rescue him because I see it as easier path to making family, I left to upgrade myself to some helthier thinking...
Thankyou so much for taking the time to do these videos for us, i watch every single one and love your posts on Instagram. You have helped me so much and still do with every. Single. Video. Thankyou and bless you! X
Reasons why I attract narcissist that I am working on changing in therapy:
1. Growing up with two emotionally unavailable and toxic parents
2. Having low-self esteem and poor boundaries
3. Being codependent, overly forgiving
4. Attachment trauma and issues (anxious and avoidant)
5. My own narcissistic traits
6. Dating from ego (lowering my standards and tolerating push-pull dynamics to be with the “hot” and “popular” girl)
7. Series of failed relationships
8. Unhealed core wounds of abandonment, neglect, and rejection
Path to healing:
- Weekly therapy
- Daily reading or educational podcast
- Hiatus from dating (until 2023)
- Deleting social media
- Practicing spiritual growth (prayer or meditation)
I notice I have a magnetic pull towards extremely selfish and narcissistic people. It was subconsciously happening my entire life. I’m waking up to it. I have so many unhealed and toxic traits within myself I need to heal.
I’m scared about the amount of work I have ahead of me to get to a place where I can have a healthy and loving relationship, but I am committed to the journey even if it takes me the next 5 years. I need to learn to love myself and have better boundaries and stop getting involved with people from my ego.
Wow, that's very insightful.
Thank you for educating us. I just walked away from a narcissistic relationship an hour ago and I’m feeling at peace
I have background in nursing , psychology and currently a business major. I keep on blaming myself and realized it’s not my fault!,but definitely a magnet because I am a human trafficking and Foster care survivor. I didn’t know I was an empath until I left that relationship and started talking about what I went through. I just pray that I find justice because now I’m permanently disabled because of him. I try to tell people all the time please get out of these relationships. Unfortunately I will never be the same person ever again due physical abuse that I suffered. He tried to kill me on numerous occasions and I am just thankful to God that I’m alive. I am great full for your videos it’s helps me find clarity.
I think my narcissistic got obsessed with me because I rejected him initially. I feel like the entire marriage was a love bombing process. A year in and he keeps saying that I’m not opening myself up to him despite everything he’s done lol. He practically wants me to idolize him. When he found out I knew what’s up he asked for a divorce saying he doesn’t want to be in a loveless marriage simply because I don’t make excuses for him.