Thank you for making this video. Also I agree 100% with your statement of “religious doesn’t mean he/she is a good person”. I’ve seen this one too many times unfortunately.
Same, it’s so unfortunate but it’s reality. Sometimes we let the “religious side” of someone overshadow their character.
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This is 2000% true . ppl overlook this too many times. I've struggled to even call these people religious BC having good character is a religious duty . but I guess they have to be separate categories since these types of people are soo common that they need to be differentiated somehow.
My ex husband (over 60), prays diligently and go to the mosque regularly. He treats other people nicely, with manners.. he's charming. But with me (2nd wife, I'm in my 50s) and his first wife, he treated us like dirt. So you can't tell people by their character outside. They can pretend. I just found out 3 years ago that he's a narcissist. He cheats and lies towards his partners. Other people think he's a good person, but it's all a fake. Narcissist wears a mask.
Yes, this happens quite often. That's why it's important to get close with those who are intimately connected with him in some ways or those who depend on him to get to know them.
Omg this is random but I've been going through this with family members since I was 4 years old! Up until now 32 years old it's still happening. There are are hand full of family members who are so narcissistic and annoying toward me without any change but are so continuesly charming everywhere else and are actually popular and paint me as the bad person when I don't even do anything to them! It's a never ending cycle lol.
Thank you for this video. I think it's really important for muslim women to talk more about divorce. Unfortunately some women are scared to get a divorce even though they are treated horribly. We have to have these conversations. Yes, divorce isn't a good thing but staying in an unhealthy relationship is worse.
I think it’s the old age stigma of being divorced but what we need to have in mind is that a divorce isn’t a light decision and sometimes Allah plans for these too. You’re married to someone who treats you badly and then when you move on with Allah(swt) guidance In Sha Allah you meet someone who treats you way better and gives respect- basically go through a bad time before you discover a good time 🙏
I went through a lot of financial crisis during my divorce, I had to raise my two kids alone, Currently I'm living smart and frugal with my money. Bought my second house already. Saving and investing lifestyle made it possible for me; even till now I earn monthly through passive income. I'm planning on retiring when my kids finish college.
I'm a single dad. Not quite long I started investing. I'm very curious and need help on how to enhance and increase my returns. Any good investment tips would be appreciated
@@eadad4371 Generally, investing requires higher knowledge. For this reason, It's important to have a solid support structure (financial consultant) to guide you through especially in asset picking. I operate with (Regina Louise Collaro) an investment advisor who partners with a licensed wealth management firm. For the record, the experience has been the best for my finance.She is quite popular for her services so you might have heard of her. She made me financially stable investing through her help, now I earn on a monthly basis through her passive income strategy... So I’ll advise you do get a good Investment advisor for yourself.
@@stephaniefythm That’s great , your investment advisor must be really good,I have seen testimonies of people using the help of investment advisors in making them more financial stable. Do you mind sharing more info on this person?
@@eadad4371 look her up on the internet and leave her a message she's quite popular for her services as she was recently featured on cnn. She can work with anyone irrespective of where their located
@@stephaniefythm< Just got out my marriage, I have had intentions of starting investing. But I always thought it was late and I think I need to stop procrastinating. I will definitely 🔍 Regina Louise Collaro and see what she can advise .Thanks a lot . This was of so much help to me .
Thank you for making this video ❤️ I got married because the guy was religious and hafez of the Quran but man was it a nightmare and the deen was not a part of his life at all behind closed doors 😔 been divorced for two years now
I’m so sorry. I’ve heard this happen to so many people. Memorizing the Quran doesn’t mean anything unless it’s acted upon. I wish you the very best in your future!!
Awww I’m so sorry you experienced that as well. :( May Allah bless us both in ways we could never imagine in this life and the next inshallah!
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My family always glorified such persons to me about how if he is a hafez n that would automatically translate in him being pious, kind man. Ppl still stick to this idea that it causes one to be an amazing Godly husband. It never fails to shake me to the core every time I see someone was fooled by someone's false cloak of piety. Very disappointing. Rarely ppl talk about this issue n instead love to focus on a woman's exterior as the cause of everything and nitpicking a woman's sins left right and center.
SubhanAllah, everything you mentioned I learned recently and I am newly divorced. I felt like you summarized my marriage and pointed out every single red flag. 😞
I really needed this video, shukraan ❤️ My engagement was called off 3 weeks before my Wedding. Today would of been my Big day 💔 My faith is so shaken and I don’t know how to move forward.
I’m so sorry 😞 but in a way, Allah saved you from perhaps a troubling marriage and a difficult divorce. Right now it might not make sense but please have faith in Allahs plans, he has the best plans for you!! 💗💗
I’m so sorry! But remember: Allah is the best of planners. Better to have a called off engagement than a bad marriage and divorce later! Who knows what Allah was saving you from? Abuse, cheating, or something else equally bad. Allow yourself to feel sad but remember that there is always good in what He does. InshaAllah you will find someone who is better for you!
Get your head down and restrategise on how to get the man you want. He is probably talking to three other women and does not miss you. Do not waste your beauty or your power. Yoh can guide your own ship. You decide your value.
Asalaamu alaikum sister...when i hit rock bottom , i remind myself of the story of saudah r.a...after the demise of her husband...only to be reassured by Allah Himself and receiving a proposal from rasoolullah s.a.w...and having the title " mother of the believers"...Allah has great things planned for u sister❤🌸
I’m learning that the hard way, when we first started my husband was obsessed with me, I couldn’t even be at work without him being there throughout the day, he pray 5 times a day. Respectful to his friends and very helpful to everyone. At first I thought it was cute until I start losing myself. He completely wants to shut me out of the world, control my every move and disrespect me, it’s all about him being right and me following by his rules. Idk what to do, at this point I’m thinking about divorce. Communication don’t work for us cause it’s either his way or no way.
A lot of Muslim men are like that, especially in different cultures. They think they are superior and better than us women. Do I sound bitter? I am. I hate the narcissistic character, entitled attitude and bossiness that is bred into a lot of boys from their birth...whereas girls are made to feel less than, and are given fewer opportunities in education, hoping out, etc.
Great video. You should not be looking for a relationship or marriage when you’re not in a good place yourself or have not learnt to love yourself. If you love yourself and are sure of yourself you will not make excuses for wrong behaviour and will have conviction in your decision making.
Havent finished listening yet but how accurate. The point that someone can appear religious but doesn't have true fear of Allah! Especially the "religious" type. Learnt from my marriage/divorce experience too.
Agree when you mentioned what to seek in a partner is to see their lifestyle and upbringing. My friend who has different lifestyle with her husband also suffers and ends up feeling lonely. Upbringing also defines the way he treats us because his parents/culture will influence his attitude, character and behavior. And yes, if you wanna marry someone, you should act like an HR Department 🤣 ask as much as possible to find out whether he is the right one or not. 😘
Everyone is rushing me to get married ASAP. But how the things are going on nowadays with the married people I am so much reluctant. I want to perform this important sunnah but at the same time I am afraid of failing into relationship. Pray of everyone thinking to get married and already married. May Allah protect us from getting into wrong relationship.
Salaam All, I know it is hard , sometime it's a blessing , Divorce is not actually a bad thing as lots of Scholars are saying . The way we are doing is bad , when you cannot live together then separation is the solution. Actually I had the same issues and the Imam told my wife we are not compatible , I just then changed the city we are happier now alhamdulillah , I think the Culture crap is mixing up with islamic values which in turn create lots of confusion. The quran outlines in the most explicit terms how to divorce , there is no such things 3 talacs , it is a process , humans are stubborn and sometimes we say things we don't meant , you can say 1000 talacs if you want , it does not mean you have divorce your wife , most scholars has driven us out of track , it is about time to kick the imam's butt and start reading the Quran. You are courageous Sister , god bless.
Very Good talk, Mashallah, been through a similar experience and I could relate to each of the points that you said. Alhamdulillah I worked my way through that phase of life. Definately remembering Allah and relying on him is the way out.
Not so spot on sister. Even god fearing men think it is ok to break a woman's heart as Allah gave them permission to marry more than one woman. They think its their right to cheat with woman and break their heart as they can marry more than one. Life is not very easy.
@@notsomuchhere1387, I am not so tough sister. Religious guys now a days always threaten to marry another woman. Being in a polygamous marriage is not for everyone. It breaks your heart and self esteem.
My spouse still thinks it shouldn't happen..we can still sleep in seperate bedroom there is no intimacy involve last 3 years..there was cheating on his part,alcohol and all..now he promised (lost the count how many times same promise) won't happen, but I am totally broken ..my friends my families are totally with me if I leave him ...still confused as children involves.he is good father but being woman and wife i have zero need meet by him
Girl stay strong 💪 and there is nothing wrong with choosing yourself first at the end of the day man they freakin change that’s why right now I’m in a stable relationship for now 😂 but I’m not gonna like put all my hopes up cause you never know you don’t wanna be surprised in the future , they love changing no matter what and me personally I just never trusted a man in general 30 percent 😭 never 100 percent .
One of the best videos I’ve ever seen. I am going to a very similar situation to this. The best part of your video was exhausting all your options. It’s still new for me. And it’s giving me a lot to think about. The best part of your whole video is Allah enough for me. Thank you for this great video
It takes alot of courage and Mental Strength to make this kind of a Video and I want to say we really appreciate it and we learn alot from this as thier are very few videos about this topic Thank You 🌟
Dear. These people will die one day. Fast forward to where you are on your death bed and you go through your life decisions. Dont make one of your greatest regret the fear of what people wouldve thought about you.
youre soooo right im going through a divorce right now all of the advice is so so true. I really wish people would discuss marriage like that rather than focus on the basics, the wedding, and the big things
Loved how eloquent you have kept this topic!! Such an awesome wholesome advice that everyone getting married should be aware of especially coming from our community ❤️
What I learnt from my experience is that.... Just because a person treats his mother well and does alot for his friends in bad times... Doesn't mean he will do the same for you in the marriage. Some people show off doing these acts and get a ego boost when people praise them.
Plz plZ plz do a part 2 as I’m currently going through it I wish it was my decision so u can be content but I can’t but all I can say حسبي الله ونعم الوكيل
How to avoid divorce : Try learning the islamic rights of the husband and wife. The answer is in the Quran and sunnah yet many muslims are out here chatting about love languages. They sought islamic advice last and then separated. Islamic guidance advises with separation of the bed NOT the home. If only muslim couples would be guided by their Lord and stop trying to use their own flawed wisdom to figure this thing out... These days many couples do exactly that, separate from the home and find emotional support in the opposite sex. This does not lead one to make the correct decision. It leads them to think that their options are endless if they leave. Nice pep talk at the end however some sisters are divorced and after a decade they aren't able to find someone. Some won't make it out on "the other side". Some wrecked their homes and would give anything to go back and change it.
Being religious doesn’t mean he/she is a good person! Indeed! I thought otherwise, I thought because he’s religious he’s a good man and will be a good husband. I am really having hard time to understand his way of thinking, and character. He’s jumping from a wife to another, I mean he doesn’t know what loyalty is. He kept using the Sunnah as his pathetic excuse why he keeps on marrying and divorcing. In the end, I learned to value and protect my sanity. Letting go is the best decision I’ve done. In Shaa Allah
AssalamuAlaykum. I'm sorry sister you went through all of that. Sounds like a narcisist who took advantage of his religion. InshaAllah you are healthy and Allah gives you something better
@@ColonelFluffles Why is Geert wilders your pfp ? Are you exmusliim ?
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I used to think just bc someone was raised a Muslim, that itself would suffice n translate automatically in them having the same values. I didnt think culture was a problem bc islanically that shouldnt matter but i guess it does to many ppl like those who mix culture and religion n pick n choose what part of religion to follow. I thought if u were raised muslim regardless of the culture, it shouldnt clash. However , u need to research someone's culture n see how seriously they take it. Do they enforce culture as much as religion. How strict are they with religion. Are they more focused on appearing religious than actually having good character. Watch out if "islamic values" are just something they only vocalize n preach but don't practice or apply them to themselves yet expect other ppl to have them.
So important to discuss these things. I’m probably a decade older than you, and I’m so proud of young women like you. I wasn’t nearly as mature in my mid 20s.
You are a beautiful person inside and out masha’Allah ❤️ The thing I found the most difficult after divorce (even with it being a short marriage!), was the feeling of being lost and that you have to start life all over. Getting closer to Allah SWT and also working on yourself like you said does truly help - see it as a positive opportunity to focus on developing a better you to help you get out of the mindset I had! Take chances, take new opportunities, take risks. I pray that Allah brings you a wonderful man, when you feel the time is right, who treats you like a queen.
I’m engaged and I’m afraid because we fight a lot right now because he moved away and it’s long distance but it’s added tension it’s not the same I love him though but I’ve been stalling I’ll continue to pray Allah knows best
Once you are engaged it doesn't mean you can't change your mind. Trust your gut. Fights can happen in the beginning of any relationship but you need to look at what type of fight you're having. Is it based on silly things or about serious matters. Is it to do with differences in your mindsets. You need to ask yourself if this is something you could tolerate longer term. Some men become controlling, aggressive, take your independence away. These are serious matters and shouldn't be taken lightly. Be open and honest about the future and the type of life you invision together. I know you're probably in the honeymoon phase right now, but don't let those emotions override your better judgement of a person's character. In the end, it's the person's character you have to live with.
Counselling/therapy is expensive ☹️ is there anything we could do which will help us to express our depression to someone who cares to hear for free? Besides family/ friends
I love your outfit, where did you get your top and necklaces from they are the perfect length. MashaAllah. Also, I have a 2 year old, still going to watch but I feel like this is a whole different world when you have kids involved.
You know you’re situation best. What I shared was my personal experience and it will not fit all, hence my disclaimers at the beginning of this video. Please take what benefits you and leave the rest, and best of luck!!!! 💗
my 1 n only overseas wife in PK is seeking D for no reason becaus she is scared of leaving family. Wasted 2 yrs of my life, i waited n waited n visa came, she said not coming i cant, i cant... I feel played with n its hurts so much... I am in NYC, anyone know where i can find a religous one. My parents refuse to help me find anyone cuz they r socially inept (desis) I have no choice left to approach hijabi aunties in streets, n im scared to..they may feel i am a bad person to be doing this..so helpless, hopeless.. these videos r great, so it tells me i am not ALONE. :-)
I am sorry about that, but the problem in guys is they look for “ religious one”, but they don’t work on themselves. I am not a Muslim but I would suggest to find someone that you will be compatible with you not a “ religious one”. That’s literally what the lovely lady just said in this video:To watch out for characters instead of looking for “ religious one”. I would suggest participating in masjid events( if they have one). You can( I hope am not mistaken) also straight up ask the leaders in the masjid to introduce you to someone. If you are genuine and good person, I think they will help you out.
I was born in the states and raised in Saudi and I'm more opened minded and "American minded" than many American Muslims.. I guess it different from one person to another .. and everything in your life plays a role from your family down to your friends and especially your level education.. " a mind open to the word can never go back to what it once was"
Well, sweetie, it can go back but you just haven't tried it I guess. It is true that foreign-raised Muslims are way too Americanized. I've had discussions with FR Muslims and they'd get so offended for America even if you criticize certain aspects of the American culture/systems that they don't even know anything about. It's so funny to watch their deep admiration but it is super embarrassing because even my fellow Americans wouldn't even get offended about such discussions. I had plenty of conversations like that with Americanized Saudis to the point where I forgot which one of us was the American hahaha. The good thing is, Muslims here understand we're our own community and the importance of acknowledging cultural and religious differences. We also understand how that will impact us in the grand scheme of things. Foreign-raised on the other hand are oblivious to how the world works and never had to go through what Muslims who were born and raised here had to so that's probably why you're more open because you don't understand what you're even open to. Foreign-raised are also mesmerized by American/western cultures because it hasn't ruined their societal structures yet... Anyway, those who open themselves to everything are bound to become nothing.
@@-glitch-8195 what's wrong with being open in a way that you tolerate others? open does not mean you go around and sleep with everyone.. open simply means you respect others choices even if you don't agree with them, you don't think that you're better than everyone else just because you practice a certian religion. Open to gender equality, accepting gays/lesbians etc.
@@ivysdiary1248 That’s your opinion and you should be open to mine based on your logic then. Anyway, I can respectfully have a discussion with others but I have every right to disagree. If you assume whatever from that then that’s your opinion. Respect is also an earned thing. You think it’s a given thing because we’re all humans and blah blah blah. I get it but that’s not how humans evolved to the point we are at now. People were selective on who they respected before but now y’ll respect everyone who isn’t even deserving of it. Pressuring people to be opening to all the liberal things you listed is just a testament to how un-open you are. Your logic boils down to, tolerate these things or else you're intolerant. What kind of tolerance is that? You see I didn't' label myself as being the "tolerant" one I understand and already know you're intolerant because of human nature but you've convinced yourself the latter. So if their choices are bad and influence others into doing bad, I should respect that? You live in upside-down world sweetie. I’d respect you but you’re not ideologically sound. No need in arguing. Have a wonderful day sweetie.
@@ivysdiary1248 would you respect the choice of someone that wants to commit mass murder? this idea of lets all be tolerate is complete BS also regarding accepting gays, that does not make you open minded. if ur core values dont align with gays then youre a hypocrite and a person who tolerates everything wouldn't stand for anything.
Beautiful advice everything well said and expressed. May Allah bless you abundantly. In Shaa Allah you will find someone when your ready us women are amazing ❤️🤲🙏
I’ve never been married but my ex married somebody else behind my back … his married now and tried to cheat with me 😒 also he had a handful of friends all married men who seemed “wholesome “ but knew very well this man was engaged . Yes they’re all religious and pay tithe . But yes they were lots of red flags 🚩 some I would ask about and get reassurance and some I would let slide
I Handel the most until I get my end even girl or friendship . When it end I drag that person out from my live without anyone know it . To not anyone knowing that I had bad frined only thing is salam . They say I’m glasses or dark soul but I hundel if it friendship the most but when my close from that person I kick him out . If it work I’m very happy and successful with my frined there because I’m out of emotional and know when to put limits or be hard or even fight . It just work not relashion . Marriage is huge thing wish u pray before get married to Allah to chose for u .
I think when speaking of divorce. they are 2 side of every story.. and Only Allah knows is wrong. big problem is most couple dont know why they get married.. Live your life with purpose and eveything else fall in place insha Allah whatever you do... Dont marry your cousin!
I just watched this video after that read all comments you know I am also facing some problems by unhealthy relationship we had more fights and arguments all over the day he always hurt my heart by his words lots of time I thought need to leave from him I don't know what will I do
I think one of the biggest challenges is the conflict between their Muslim country and western culture.. Muslims in the west tend to pick and chose a certain culture's perspective depending on what works for them.. This creates so much issues, the real question what are you, you can't be Americanized and living a Islamic lifestyle at the same time, not vouching for one or the other but smthg will suffer.
I'm looking for a good Muslim woman, who's trustworthy honest and loyal to do NIKAH. I don't smoke neither do I Drink, I have a good sense of humor and fear ALLAH SWT. I'm a US citizen, she should also be a US citizen. I live between NYC and Virginia..
I want u talk honestly about the concept of marriage in this era and how almost nobody understands that it takes some type of sacrifice and patience to make it progress.......I'am happy to collaborate but I do wanna hear ur views
To what extent one should sacrifice and be patient to make it works? Which one should do those things? Wife? Husband? Or both? The failure in marriage usually because one of them keeps on suffering and the other being disrespectful. If we can fly, why we should crawl, no?
I agree. The problem is too many people think marriage=happiness but few people are content or ever will be. So many people overlook that and assume they're the ones being mistreated as to not have to make sacrifices or be patient. Truth is, some marriages are not as simple as one mistreating the other but It taking two to break a marriage.
@@-glitch-8195 if you are not happy in your marriage why keep on being married? of course there'll be good and bad times but if you can't rely in your partner, there's no love, no trust, no nothing then why stay? for what? to look like a happy family for OTHERS?
@@ivysdiary1248 Please reread my comment. Idk what your comprehension level is but I’m talking about another scenario that exists. You can go right ahead leave your marriage if you’re not happy but me personally, it’s not about the happiness I feel at a given moment. I hold myself accountable just as much as I hold the other person accountable and, try to be practical. It's impractical to assume an unequivocal amount of happiness being owed to you. Second, to say every marriage is simply a story of one person not being “happy” is untrue. Sometimes issues are coming from both sides. And anyway, if you’re marrying to be happy, you’re not marrying for the right reason. Sometimes it’s not because the person is being mistreated but had a misunderstanding of what’s required in marriage beforehand. But of course, some of y'll just assume it'll be a fun endeavor. Then all of a sudden when the truth comes to light, you're the one who is holy and rose up against cultural pressures of staying married and rebelled against your family because you truly want to be happy and love yourself (whatever that means). That's cute but that's a good way to cover up immaturity so you'll keep doing the same thing never taking the time to realize it might be YOU who is the common denomintor.
Question from someone who will get married soon. Do you think the woman should also have the right to divorce in her marriage contract with her husband?
אני מ' ברזילאית אבל אני אהבת ישראל את ארבית ארץ !! אתא מדבר אנגלית רא, כתבים עברית שאול , אני חביב נשים יותר יאודת תורה יהודית הנצרת ישוע ֻ !! Brazilian people !! guys God bless you Masha"Allah
Never married to person from different culture even religion same ...culture interferes with religion practice. My spouse take religious as least priority ..flashforward 16 years 3 kids,still regret it..might get out but definitely please people dont do it..just look for chracter...
Sister it's better not to get in to Shar3i discussions if you don't have the knowledge. When husband and wife are in iddah, they are supposed to stay together under the same roof. This is the correct way of going through a divorce. There is no such thing as seperation period.
Thank you for making this video. Also I agree 100% with your statement of “religious doesn’t mean he/she is a good person”. I’ve seen this one too many times unfortunately.
Same, it’s so unfortunate but it’s reality. Sometimes we let the “religious side” of someone overshadow their character.
This is 2000% true . ppl overlook this too many times. I've struggled to even call these people religious BC having good character is a religious duty . but I guess they have to be separate categories since these types of people are soo common that they need to be differentiated somehow.
I'm so glad someone is pointing this out!it is so true.I would even say these days it's the rule not the exception which is really sad
This is true as our character and religion will be judged separately on Qiyamah. SubhanAllah
@@Blossom-ne4bk how is judged separately?i don t understand
My ex husband (over 60), prays diligently and go to the mosque regularly. He treats other people nicely, with manners.. he's charming. But with me (2nd wife, I'm in my 50s) and his first wife, he treated us like dirt. So you can't tell people by their character outside. They can pretend. I just found out 3 years ago that he's a narcissist. He cheats and lies towards his partners. Other people think he's a good person, but it's all a fake. Narcissist wears a mask.
I’m so sorry to hear this, it’s unfortunate that people mistreat their significant others in such ways. Wishing you the best!
Narcissist do polygamy marriages!
Yes, this happens quite often. That's why it's important to get close with those who are intimately connected with him in some ways or those who depend on him to get to know them.
@@JahannamHellfire He can't afford to be in a polygamy marriage, in our marriage I'm the breadwinner. He can't keep his jobs.
Omg this is random but I've been going through this with family members since I was 4 years old! Up until now 32 years old it's still happening. There are are hand full of family members who are so narcissistic and annoying toward me without any change but are so continuesly charming everywhere else and are actually popular and paint me as the bad person when I don't even do anything to them! It's a never ending cycle lol.
Thank you for this video. I think it's really important for muslim women to talk more about divorce. Unfortunately some women are scared to get a divorce even though they are treated horribly. We have to have these conversations. Yes, divorce isn't a good thing but staying in an unhealthy relationship is worse.
I think it’s the old age stigma of being divorced but what we need to have in mind is that a divorce isn’t a light decision and sometimes Allah plans for these too. You’re married to someone who treats you badly and then when you move on with Allah(swt) guidance In Sha Allah you meet someone who treats you way better and gives respect- basically go through a bad time before you discover a good time 🙏
@@sosunshine95 Needed this comment JazakAllah Khair
I went through a lot of financial crisis during my divorce, I had to raise my two kids alone, Currently I'm living smart and frugal with my money. Bought my second house already. Saving and investing lifestyle made it possible for me; even till now I earn monthly through passive income. I'm planning on retiring when my kids finish college.
I'm a single dad. Not quite long I started investing. I'm very curious and need help on how to enhance and increase my returns. Any good investment tips would be appreciated
@@eadad4371 Generally, investing requires higher knowledge. For this reason, It's important to have a solid support structure (financial consultant) to guide you through especially in asset picking. I operate with (Regina Louise Collaro) an investment advisor who partners with a licensed wealth management firm. For the record, the experience has been the best for my finance.She is quite popular for her services so you might have heard of her.
She made me financially stable investing through her help, now I earn on a monthly basis through her passive income strategy... So I’ll advise you do get a good Investment advisor for yourself.
@@stephaniefythm That’s great , your investment advisor must be really good,I have seen testimonies of people using the help of investment advisors in making them more financial stable. Do you mind sharing more info on this person?
@@eadad4371 look her up on the internet and leave her a message she's quite popular for her services as she was recently featured on cnn. She can work with anyone irrespective of where their located
@@stephaniefythm< Just got out my marriage, I have had intentions of starting investing. But I always thought it was late and I think I need to stop procrastinating. I will definitely 🔍 Regina Louise Collaro and see what she can advise .Thanks a lot . This was of so much help to me .
Thank you for making this video ❤️ I got married because the guy was religious and hafez of the Quran but man was it a nightmare and the deen was not a part of his life at all behind closed doors 😔 been divorced for two years now
I’m so sorry. I’ve heard this happen to so many people. Memorizing the Quran doesn’t mean anything unless it’s acted upon. I wish you the very best in your future!!
Omg same here. The guy didn't even pray let alone be as religious as he claimed and being a hafiz
Awww I’m so sorry you experienced that as well. :( May Allah bless us both in ways we could never imagine in this life and the next inshallah!
My family always glorified such persons to me about how if he is a hafez n that would automatically translate in him being pious, kind man. Ppl still stick to this idea that it causes one to be an amazing Godly husband. It never fails to shake me to the core every time I see someone was fooled by someone's false cloak of piety. Very disappointing. Rarely ppl talk about this issue n instead love to focus on a woman's exterior as the cause of everything and nitpicking a woman's sins left right and center.
SubhanAllah, everything you mentioned I learned recently and I am newly divorced. I felt like you summarized my marriage and pointed out every single red flag. 😞
I’m so sorry love, rmbr Allah is the best of planners! 💗
same
I really needed this video, shukraan ❤️ My engagement was called off 3 weeks before my Wedding. Today would of been my Big day 💔 My faith is so shaken and I don’t know how to move forward.
I’m so sorry 😞 but in a way, Allah saved you from perhaps a troubling marriage and a difficult divorce. Right now it might not make sense but please have faith in Allahs plans, he has the best plans for you!! 💗💗
I’m so sorry! But remember: Allah is the best of planners. Better to have a called off engagement than a bad marriage and divorce later! Who knows what Allah was saving you from? Abuse, cheating, or something else equally bad. Allow yourself to feel sad but remember that there is always good in what He does. InshaAllah you will find someone who is better for you!
Just pray if you’re a believer ok
Get your head down and restrategise on how to get the man you want. He is probably talking to three other women and does not miss you. Do not waste your beauty or your power. Yoh can guide your own ship. You decide your value.
Asalaamu alaikum sister...when i hit rock bottom , i remind myself of the story of saudah r.a...after the demise of her husband...only to be reassured by Allah Himself and receiving a proposal from rasoolullah s.a.w...and having the title " mother of the believers"...Allah has great things planned for u sister❤🌸
Love that part “someone has to have the fear of Allah for them to treat you right” never thought of it like that but now makes so much sense
This is 💯 true 👍
I am not married but I found this beneficial. Jazakallah kheyr, sis♥️
I’m so happy to read this!!
I’m learning that the hard way, when we first started my husband was obsessed with me, I couldn’t even be at work without him being there throughout the day, he pray 5 times a day. Respectful to his friends and very helpful to everyone. At first I thought it was cute until I start losing myself. He completely wants to shut me out of the world, control my every move and disrespect me, it’s all about him being right and me following by his rules. Idk what to do, at this point I’m thinking about divorce. Communication don’t work for us cause it’s either his way or no way.
A lot of Muslim men are like that, especially in different cultures. They think they are superior and better than us women. Do I sound bitter? I am. I hate the narcissistic character, entitled attitude and bossiness that is bred into a lot of boys from their birth...whereas girls are made to feel less than, and are given fewer opportunities in education, hoping out, etc.
I believe trying couple's therapy might help
These are typical traits if a narcissistic person. I learned everything about it on UA-cam.
Narcissist
Thank you Jaserah, I am not married yet but I will consider things you have said. Having similar mindset similar interests must be really important.
You are the sweetest person, I am sure this wasn't an easy video to put out, thank you i am sure you have helped a lot of people.
Thank you so much!!
Great video. You should not be looking for a relationship or marriage when you’re not in a good place yourself or have not learnt to love yourself. If you love yourself and are sure of yourself you will not make excuses for wrong behaviour and will have conviction in your decision making.
Havent finished listening yet but how accurate. The point that someone can appear religious but doesn't have true fear of Allah! Especially the "religious" type. Learnt from my marriage/divorce experience too.
Agree when you mentioned what to seek in a partner is to see their lifestyle and upbringing. My friend who has different lifestyle with her husband also suffers and ends up feeling lonely. Upbringing also defines the way he treats us because his parents/culture will influence his attitude, character and behavior. And yes, if you wanna marry someone, you should act like an HR Department 🤣 ask as much as possible to find out whether he is the right one or not. 😘
Everyone is rushing me to get married ASAP. But how the things are going on nowadays with the married people I am so much reluctant. I want to perform this important sunnah but at the same time I am afraid of failing into relationship. Pray of everyone thinking to get married and already married. May Allah protect us from getting into wrong relationship.
Don’t be scared!! I know there’s a ton of horror stories online but at the same time marriage is so beautiful and so fun!
@@simplyjaserah yes there are that I know. Even the divorced people get better chances. May Allah SWT open doors for everyone. Ameen.
Salaam All,
I know it is hard , sometime it's a blessing , Divorce is not actually a bad thing as lots of Scholars are saying . The way we are doing is bad , when you cannot live together then separation is the solution.
Actually I had the same issues and the Imam told my wife we are not compatible , I just then changed the city we are happier now alhamdulillah , I think the Culture crap is mixing up with islamic values which in turn create lots of confusion.
The quran outlines in the most explicit terms how to divorce , there is no such things 3 talacs , it is a process , humans are stubborn and sometimes we say things we don't meant , you can say 1000 talacs if you want , it does not mean you have divorce your wife , most scholars has driven us out of track , it is about time to kick the imam's butt and start reading the Quran.
You are courageous Sister , god bless.
The upbringings is so true. That’s what led to my parents divorce.
It’s so important to keep that in mind!
Very Good talk, Mashallah, been through a similar experience and I could relate to each of the points that you said. Alhamdulillah I worked my way through that phase of life. Definately remembering Allah and relying on him is the way out.
the part about being with someone who fears god is so spot on...a lot of ppl just fear other ppl
Not so spot on sister. Even god fearing men think it is ok to break a woman's heart as Allah gave them permission to marry more than one woman. They think its their right to cheat with woman and break their heart as they can marry more than one. Life is not very easy.
@@mariamuntahin1100 a god fearing man will not cheat, he'll be upfront and honest and tell you he wants to marry someone else
@@notsomuchhere1387, I am not so tough sister. Religious guys now a days always threaten to marry another woman. Being in a polygamous marriage is not for everyone. It breaks your heart and self esteem.
Exactly
My spouse still thinks it shouldn't happen..we can still sleep in seperate bedroom there is no intimacy involve last 3 years..there was cheating on his part,alcohol and all..now he promised (lost the count how many times same promise) won't happen, but I am totally broken ..my friends my families are totally with me if I leave him ...still confused as children involves.he is good father but being woman and wife i have zero need meet by him
Girl stay strong 💪 and there is nothing wrong with choosing yourself first at the end of the day man they freakin change that’s why right now I’m in a stable relationship for now 😂 but I’m not gonna like put all my hopes up cause you never know you don’t wanna be surprised in the future , they love changing no matter what and me personally I just never trusted a man in general 30 percent 😭 never 100 percent .
I hope you got a divorce. You only have one life, your time is limited. Spend it with people you enjoy
One of the best videos I’ve ever seen. I am going to a very similar situation to this. The best part of your video was exhausting all your options. It’s still new for me. And it’s giving me a lot to think about. The best part of your whole video is Allah enough for me. Thank you for this great video
Religious and virtuous are 2 separate character traits. People can be religious without being virtuous.
It takes alot of courage and Mental Strength to make this kind of a Video and I want to say we really appreciate it and we learn alot from this as thier are very few videos about this topic
Thank You 🌟
I am not afraid being alone just what people think about me.
Me too! This has been bugging me for so long. Peoples words and perceptions hurt
Dear. These people will die one day. Fast forward to where you are on your death bed and you go through your life decisions. Dont make one of your greatest regret the fear of what people wouldve thought about you.
The reason why you're afraid of what people think about you is exactly because you're afraid of being alone.
youre soooo right im going through a divorce right now all of the advice is so so true. I really wish people would discuss marriage like that rather than focus on the basics, the wedding, and the big things
This is what I sincerely wish too. Thanks you sister.
Such a great video! In’sha’Allah you’ll help many women through this and may Allah swt reward you greatly for being brave enough to share! ♥️
Love your name
Loved how eloquent you have kept this topic!! Such an awesome wholesome advice that everyone getting married should be aware of especially coming from our community ❤️
Thank you so much for your kind words!!
I’m divorced and agree with every single point you’ve made we have a lot better coming to both of us one day inshallah x
THIS VIDEO IS AMAZING! And EXACTLY what the community needs! Thank you for this Jas!
you're dropping gems, sis
😭💗
This is useful information and beneficial to know for an unmarried male like me, how to learn about the female's perspective
What I learnt from my experience is that.... Just because a person treats his mother well and does alot for his friends in bad times... Doesn't mean he will do the same for you in the marriage. Some people show off doing these acts and get a ego boost when people praise them.
Amazing! So pleased you addressed this topic, really grateful. Will keep you in my duas. Thank you for sharing, so brave of you xxx
Plz plZ plz do a part 2 as I’m currently going through it I wish it was my decision so u can be content but I can’t but all I can say
حسبي الله ونعم الوكيل
Religious does translate to good person. Praying doesn't make you religious. Ethics and character are the things religion shapes.
It's possible you married someone with narcissistic traits, it's very common on a societal level for people that come from "Back home" countries.
This video is awesome. Mature, insightful, eloquent. Thank you for valuable content and representing hijabi/Muslim women so well.
Please, please do a part 2 Q & A ❤️
Jazakallah Khair for reminding me about the dua!
You are most welcome 💗
May Allah help us all 💕
How to avoid divorce : Try learning the islamic rights of the husband and wife.
The answer is in the Quran and sunnah yet many muslims are out here chatting about love languages.
They sought islamic advice last and then separated. Islamic guidance advises with separation of the bed NOT the home. If only muslim couples would be guided by their Lord and stop trying to use their own flawed wisdom to figure this thing out...
These days many couples do exactly that, separate from the home and find emotional support in the opposite sex. This does not lead one to make the correct decision. It leads them to think that their options are endless if they leave.
Nice pep talk at the end however some sisters are divorced and after a decade they aren't able to find someone. Some won't make it out on "the other side". Some wrecked their homes and would give anything to go back and change it.
This was a great video - I’m so happy I’m out of my marriage it’s the best decision I’ve ever made
Asalama aliakum sister Please sister make dua for me am really trying to keep my marriage together and I really have no hope left .
This is really good advice Mashallah wish I read or heard this before my marriage. Hamdula for everything🤲🏻
We live and we learn! I’m so glad it was good advice and best of luck love!
I really love your fashion sense, the colours and themes are so beautiful and a new inspiration to my style!
Being religious doesn’t mean he/she is a good person! Indeed! I thought otherwise, I thought because he’s religious he’s a good man and will be a good husband. I am really having hard time to understand his way of thinking, and character. He’s jumping from a wife to another, I mean he doesn’t know what loyalty is. He kept using the Sunnah as his pathetic excuse why he keeps on marrying and divorcing. In the end, I learned to value and protect my sanity. Letting go is the best decision I’ve done. In Shaa Allah
AssalamuAlaykum. I'm sorry sister you went through all of that. Sounds like a narcisist who took advantage of his religion. InshaAllah you are healthy and Allah gives you something better
@@user-fg6uu2fu9x In Shaa Allah 🤲 Jazaak Allahu Khair
The prophet never adviced to look for a man with Deen. No. He advised women to look for a man with deen AND khuluq. Faith AND character.
@@ColonelFluffles
Why is Geert wilders your pfp ? Are you exmusliim ?
I used to think just bc someone was raised a Muslim, that itself would suffice n translate automatically in them having the same values. I didnt think culture was a problem bc islanically that shouldnt matter but i guess it does to many ppl like those who mix culture and religion n pick n choose what part of religion to follow. I thought if u were raised muslim regardless of the culture, it shouldnt clash. However , u need to research someone's culture n see how seriously they take it. Do they enforce culture as much as religion. How strict are they with religion. Are they more focused on appearing religious than actually having good character. Watch out if "islamic values" are just something they only vocalize n preach but don't practice or apply them to themselves yet expect other ppl to have them.
Agree!!
Sister live is a lesson no regret divorce its not new some for both gender it happened 2-3 or even 4 times still not give up Alaah knows the best
So important to discuss these things. I’m probably a decade older than you, and I’m so proud of young women like you. I wasn’t nearly as mature in my mid 20s.
You are a beautiful person inside and out masha’Allah ❤️
The thing I found the most difficult after divorce (even with it being a short marriage!), was the feeling of being lost and that you have to start life all over. Getting closer to Allah SWT and also working on yourself like you said does truly help - see it as a positive opportunity to focus on developing a better you to help you get out of the mindset I had! Take chances, take new opportunities, take risks.
I pray that Allah brings you a wonderful man, when you feel the time is right, who treats you like a queen.
Hope your next divorce is better than the previous one B
I’m engaged and I’m afraid because we fight a lot right now because he moved away and it’s long distance but it’s added tension it’s not the same I love him though but I’ve been stalling
I’ll continue to pray Allah knows best
If u have been fighting then u should end it now bc it will b worst when ur married
Once you are engaged it doesn't mean you can't change your mind. Trust your gut. Fights can happen in the beginning of any relationship but you need to look at what type of fight you're having. Is it based on silly things or about serious matters. Is it to do with differences in your mindsets. You need to ask yourself if this is something you could tolerate longer term. Some men become controlling, aggressive, take your independence away. These are serious matters and shouldn't be taken lightly. Be open and honest about the future and the type of life you invision together. I know you're probably in the honeymoon phase right now, but don't let those emotions override your better judgement of a person's character. In the end, it's the person's character you have to live with.
Counselling/therapy is expensive ☹️ is there anything we could do which will help us to express our depression to someone who cares to hear for free? Besides family/ friends
5 years without kids😆😆😆😆🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 you are my woman
I love your outfit, where did you get your top and necklaces from they are the perfect length. MashaAllah. Also, I have a 2 year old, still going to watch but I feel like this is a whole different world when you have kids involved.
Sweater is from amazon and necklace is from H&M, I just linked both in the description!
If this person physically repulses me, no, I don't need to go to counselling. Seriously
You know you’re situation best. What I shared was my personal experience and it will not fit all, hence my disclaimers at the beginning of this video. Please take what benefits you and leave the rest, and best of luck!!!! 💗
Alhumdullilah this is a great video. May Allah reward you sister
This is a great video with great and wise advices. I can really relate to everything you said. Thank you so much for sharing ❤️
Thank you so much...honesty you helped me soooo much. Crying watching this
Great Advice Jaserah! Thank you for sharing
Mashallah sis, I stumbled across your channel, I really appreciate the content you are sharing :)
sorry to hear that you had to go through a divorce..... the right man will come in your life , soon...
Beautifully said
my 1 n only overseas wife in PK is seeking D for no reason becaus she is scared of leaving family. Wasted 2 yrs of my life, i waited n waited n visa came, she said not coming i cant, i cant... I feel played with n its hurts so much... I am in NYC, anyone know where i can find a religous one. My parents refuse to help me find anyone cuz they r socially inept (desis) I have no choice left to approach hijabi aunties in streets, n im scared to..they may feel i am a bad person to be doing this..so helpless, hopeless.. these videos r great, so it tells me i am not ALONE. :-)
I am sorry about that, but the problem in guys is they look for “ religious one”, but they don’t work on themselves. I am not a Muslim but I would suggest to find someone that you will be compatible with you not a “ religious one”. That’s literally what the lovely lady just said in this video:To watch out for characters instead of looking for “ religious one”. I would suggest participating in masjid events( if they have one). You can( I hope am not mistaken) also straight up ask the leaders in the masjid to introduce you to someone. If you are genuine and good person, I think they will help you out.
I’m single but it’s very helpful video jasakallahu Khayr sida❤️💞
I was born in the states and raised in Saudi and I'm more opened minded and "American minded" than many American Muslims.. I guess it different from one person to another .. and everything in your life plays a role from your family down to your friends and especially your level education.. " a mind open to the word can never go back to what it once was"
Well, sweetie, it can go back but you just haven't tried it I guess. It is true that foreign-raised Muslims are way too Americanized. I've had discussions with FR Muslims and they'd get so offended for America even if you criticize certain aspects of the American culture/systems that they don't even know anything about. It's so funny to watch their deep admiration but it is super embarrassing because even my fellow Americans wouldn't even get offended about such discussions. I had plenty of conversations like that with Americanized Saudis to the point where I forgot which one of us was the American hahaha.
The good thing is, Muslims here understand we're our own community and the importance of acknowledging cultural and religious differences. We also understand how that will impact us in the grand scheme of things.
Foreign-raised on the other hand are oblivious to how the world works and never had to go through what Muslims who were born and raised here had to so that's probably why you're more open because you don't understand what you're even open to. Foreign-raised are also mesmerized by American/western cultures because it hasn't ruined their societal structures yet...
Anyway, those who open themselves to everything are bound to become nothing.
@@-glitch-8195 what's wrong with being open in a way that you tolerate others? open does not mean you go around and sleep with everyone.. open simply means you respect others choices even if you don't agree with them, you don't think that you're better than everyone else just because you practice a certian religion. Open to gender equality, accepting gays/lesbians etc.
@@ivysdiary1248 That’s your opinion and you should be open to mine based on your logic then. Anyway, I can respectfully have a discussion with others but I have every right to disagree. If you assume whatever from that then that’s your opinion.
Respect is also an earned thing. You think it’s a given thing because we’re all humans and blah blah blah. I get it but that’s not how humans evolved to the point we are at now. People were selective on who they respected before but now y’ll respect everyone who isn’t even deserving of it.
Pressuring people to be opening to all the liberal things you listed is just a testament to how un-open you are. Your logic boils down to, tolerate these things or else you're intolerant. What kind of tolerance is that? You see I didn't' label myself as being the "tolerant" one I understand and already know you're intolerant because of human nature but you've convinced yourself the latter. So if their choices are bad and influence others into doing bad, I should respect that? You live in upside-down world sweetie.
I’d respect you but you’re not ideologically sound. No need in arguing. Have a wonderful day sweetie.
@@-glitch-8195 Why did you call her "sweetie"?
@@ivysdiary1248 would you respect the choice of someone that wants to commit mass murder? this idea of lets all be tolerate is complete BS also regarding accepting gays, that does not make you open minded. if ur core values dont align with gays then youre a hypocrite and a person who tolerates everything wouldn't stand for anything.
Beautiful advice everything well said and expressed. May Allah bless you abundantly. In Shaa Allah you will find someone when your ready us women are amazing ❤️🤲🙏
Thank You so much for making this video! I didn't know from where to start, now you gave directions. You are wonderful ❤❤❤
Jazakallah Khair for sharing your experience. It is very helpful.
Ur unbelievable..... this is amazing
Thank you!!! 💗
I’ve never been married but my ex married somebody else behind my back … his married now and tried to cheat with me 😒 also he had a handful of friends all married men who seemed “wholesome “ but knew very well this man was engaged . Yes they’re all religious and pay tithe . But yes they were lots of red flags 🚩 some I would ask about and get reassurance and some I would let slide
Thank you for sharing your story.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
What doesn't kills you makes you different.
@@Dee-tz8uv This is more correct. It could make you stronger, but it could also make you handicapped for life.
Sure - 😂
Why am I watching this I’m not even married lol I might need it in the future 😂😂
I want everyone to see this video and learn from your exercises 💕
This was very helpful!
Thanks for sharing this beneficial knowledge.
I Handel the most until I get my end even girl or friendship . When it end I drag that person out from my live without anyone know it . To not anyone knowing that I had bad frined only thing is salam . They say I’m glasses or dark soul but I hundel if it friendship the most but when my close from that person I kick him out . If it work I’m very happy and successful with my frined there because I’m out of emotional and know when to put limits or be hard or even fight . It just work not relashion .
Marriage is huge thing wish u pray before get married to Allah to chose for u .
I think when speaking of divorce. they are 2 side of every story.. and Only Allah knows is wrong.
big problem is most couple dont know why they get married..
Live your life with purpose and eveything else fall in place insha Allah
whatever you do... Dont marry your cousin!
I just watched this video after that read all comments you know I am also facing some problems by unhealthy relationship we had more fights and arguments all over the day he always hurt my heart by his words lots of time I thought need to leave from him I don't know what will I do
I think one of the biggest challenges is the conflict between their Muslim country and western culture.. Muslims in the west tend to pick and chose a certain culture's perspective depending on what works for them.. This creates so much issues, the real question what are you, you can't be Americanized and living a Islamic lifestyle at the same time, not vouching for one or the other but smthg will suffer.
I'm looking for a good Muslim woman, who's trustworthy honest and loyal to do NIKAH. I don't smoke neither do I Drink, I have a good sense of humor and fear ALLAH SWT. I'm a US citizen, she should also be a US citizen. I live between NYC and Virginia..
Thank you for the help!
Great points! Thanks for sharing
I wish u find real thing ,,, and if u r not hurt from him don’t forget the good it like forgiveness to move in and11 month to move one .
I'm watching this after four years of being single and after some heartbreaks due to incessant courtships.
I want u talk honestly about the concept of marriage in this era and how almost nobody understands that it takes some type of sacrifice and patience to make it progress.......I'am happy to collaborate but I do wanna hear ur views
To what extent one should sacrifice and be patient to make it works? Which one should do those things? Wife? Husband? Or both? The failure in marriage usually because one of them keeps on suffering and the other being disrespectful. If we can fly, why we should crawl, no?
I agree. The problem is too many people think marriage=happiness but few people are content or ever will be. So many people overlook that and assume they're the ones being mistreated as to not have to make sacrifices or be patient. Truth is, some marriages are not as simple as one mistreating the other but It taking two to break a marriage.
@@-glitch-8195 if you are not happy in your marriage why keep on being married? of course there'll be good and bad times but if you can't rely in your partner, there's no love, no trust, no nothing then why stay? for what? to look like a happy family for OTHERS?
@@ivysdiary1248 Please reread my comment. Idk what your comprehension level is but I’m talking about another scenario that exists. You can go right ahead leave your marriage if you’re not happy but me personally, it’s not about the happiness I feel at a given moment. I hold myself accountable just as much as I hold the other person accountable and, try to be practical. It's impractical to assume an unequivocal amount of happiness being owed to you.
Second, to say every marriage is simply a story of one person not being “happy” is untrue. Sometimes issues are coming from both sides. And anyway, if you’re marrying to be happy, you’re not marrying for the right reason. Sometimes it’s not because the person is being mistreated but had a misunderstanding of what’s required in marriage beforehand. But of course, some of y'll just assume it'll be a fun endeavor. Then all of a sudden when the truth comes to light, you're the one who is holy and rose up against cultural pressures of staying married and rebelled against your family because you truly want to be happy and love yourself (whatever that means). That's cute but that's a good way to cover up immaturity so you'll keep doing the same thing never taking the time to realize it might be YOU who is the common denomintor.
thanks for the comments ladies, but is she ever gona give her opinion on this :/
Question from someone who will get married soon. Do you think the woman should also have the right to divorce in her marriage contract with her husband?
I love this video! Shukran for this
You are most welcome!
אני מ' ברזילאית אבל אני אהבת ישראל את ארבית ארץ !! אתא מדבר אנגלית רא,
כתבים עברית שאול , אני חביב נשים יותר יאודת תורה יהודית הנצרת ישוע ֻ
!! Brazilian people !! guys God bless you Masha"Allah
Jazzakallahu khair sister.
Never married to person from different culture even religion same ...culture interferes with religion practice. My spouse take religious as least priority ..flashforward 16 years 3 kids,still regret it..might get out but definitely please people dont do it..just look for chracter...
Nice video with lots of tips
Thank you for sharing this 👍
Thanks
You’re so beautiful inside and out MashaAllah
Where you buy knit tunics? 😍
I love your jijab❤❤please do a room tour
Room tour will be up in a month or so once I get everything in!
Please do a hijab tutorial!!
Ok!!
Sister it's better not to get in to Shar3i discussions if you don't have the knowledge. When husband and wife are in iddah, they are supposed to stay together under the same roof. This is the correct way of going through a divorce. There is no such thing as seperation period.
No,they don't!